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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

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ALLWRITEFICTIONADVICE
A D V I CEONCR EA TI V EWR I TI NG

SAT URDAY,27APRIL2013

TeasingtheReaderPart2
Continuingthethemeofteasingthereader,welllook
atacouplemoreofthoseelementswhichareata
writersdisposal.Thelasttwocommonessentialsto
lookatareforeshadowinganddialogue.
Foreshadowingisareallyeffectivetoolifused
correctly.Whileitisverysimilartotheinformationand
revelationhintsthatwevealreadytouchedupon,there
aresubtledifferencesbetweenthetwoandtheyshould
betreatedseparately.
Theactofforeshadowingisadeliberatepaththatthe
writertakesinordertofulfillanintegralpartoftheplot.
Itforeseeseventsthatwillhappen,ratherthanwhat
mighthappen,whichswhatinformationhintsmight
do.Foreshadowingisusuallyinterpretedassomething
forebodingyettohappenwithinthestory.
Cleverforeshadowingisachievedbyusingmetaphor
ratherthantheobviousinfodumporbythiswill
happeninchapter30kindofthing.
Foreshowingcanberepresentedbyanything,aslong
asthemetaphorworkswithinthenarrativeandis
generallyunderstoodbyyourreader.Metaphorscan
bespoiltbyovercomplication,sosimplicityworks.
Theexamplebelowusesaphysicalmetaphorto
foreshadowanincidentthatwilltakeplacelaterina
story.
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

A LL WR IT E FICT ION
A DVICE

IsBackstoryNecessary?
CreatingLastingImages
TrustYourMemories
ReadingYourMSSOutLoud
SortingFactfromFiction

WE LCOME T O A LL WR IT E

Soyou'veembarkedonyour
fictionwritingjourney.
It'soneofthehardestthingsto
docreateawhole,believable
worldforotherpeopletoenjoy,
especiallyifyou'renewto
writing.It'salsooneofthe
loneliestjobs,especiallywhen
thereisnohelporadviceor
support...sorightheretherewill
behandyarticles,examplesand
simplestepbystepguidesto
helpmakethecreativeprocess
thatmucheasier.

FE BR UA R Y FE MME S
FA T A LE S

Thisnewdeliciouslydark
anthologyisoutnow,witha
rangeofstunningfemalewriters
toscareanddelightinequal
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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

Johnlookedupandnoticedtherollingcloudsinthe
distance,heavingwithastrangekindofdread.They
billowedforward,asthoughtosmother.Lightflashed
throughitsunderbellyastormofadifferentkindwas
approaching,onethathecouldntavoidorprevent.

measure.Iamprivilegedto
haveeightshortstories/poems
publishedinthisbook,soifyou
likeyourdamesalittledarkand
dangerous,thisisthebookfor
you.

Youcanseehowthemetaphoractsasasignpostto
thefutureevent:
Heavingwithastrangekindofdreadthissetsthe
toneofthefutureevent.

NOW A VA ILA BLE ON


A MA Z ON

Theybillowedforward,asthoughtosmotherthis
couldhintatthemanneroflikelyevents.
Astormofadifferentkindthisclearlytellsthereader
thatthingswillnotgowellforJohn.Somethingbadwill
happen.Thereaderwillhavetocontinuereadingto
findoutwhatthatitis.
Dialogue,ontheotherhand,isalsoaperfectwayto
hintatthings.Characterslovetotalkaboutstuffthey
canthelpthemselves,justaspeopledoinreallife.
Andjustaspeoplegossipinreallifeawayofteasing
informationfromeachothercharacterswillofferclues
onfutureevents.
Youcanlurethereaderbyhavingyourcharacters
discussthingsthatmightoccurfurtherintoastory.The
followingsimpleexampleusesdialoguebetweentwo
characterstoplantinformationhintsforthereaderso
thattheywillbecomeawareofeventsthatwilloccur
furtherintothestory.

FebruaryFemmesFatalesThe
Book

WIS E WOR DS ...

Writingislikebeingmarried
youhavetoworkhardat
maintaininghappinessand
equilibrium,butinvariablyone
alwaysendsupinthedog
house.

A BOUT ME

Areyouclearonwhatyouneedtodo?Johnasked.

A J HUM PA GE
UNIT E DK INGDO M

Danlookedathim.Yeah.Howlongagainbeforethe
securitygoesdown?
Eightminutes,Johnreplied.Thatsallwegot.So
youneedtomakesureyoureinplacewhenitdoes,
gotit?NoonewillhearanythingabovetheNewYear
celebrations.
Notaproblem.
Good,cosweonlygotthreemonthstoplanthis
thing
Itisclearfromthedialoguebetweenthecharacters
thatsomethingisintheoffing,andbecausetheyare
discussingit,theyarealsoallowingthereadertobe
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

I'vebeenwritingfor
over25yearsand
startedoutinthe
publishingindustry.I've
publishedarticles,studyguides,
poems,flashfiction,short
storiesandanovel.Ialsowork
fulltimesoI'mALWAYS
working.
V IEW MY CO MPL ETE PR O F IL E

BLOOD OF T HE FA T HE R

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

privytoit.Thereaderisanobserverinanystory.
Dialogueisntjusttheretoshowcharactersspeaking,
either.Itservesmanypurposes,suchasmovingthe
storyforwardorintroducingvitalinformation.And,of
course,teasingthereaderisjustoneoftheways
dialogueisimportant.
Howeveryoudoit,whatevermethodyouchoose,a
writershoulddangleasmanycarrotsaspossible
whenevertheopportunityarises.Theunforeseen
withinastoryisagreatluretothereader.
Curiosityservesagreatpurposeitishumannatureto
wanttoknowaboutsomething.Thisneedtoknow
basisiswhatpropelsourinterestinanystory,andthe
writersabilitytocontinuallyteasewill,hopefully,keep
yourreaderhooked.

NowavailableonAmazonKindle
UKandUS

BLOOD A ND GUT S
A NT HOLOGY

Nextweek:Waystoavoidwoodencharacters
PO S TED B Y A J H UMPA G E A T S A TUR D A Y, A PR IL 27, 2013
N O CO MMEN TS :

L IN K S TO TH IS PO S T

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SAT URDAY,20APRIL2013

TeasingtheReaderPart1
Thegreatthingaboutwritingisthatishasavarietyof
toolsavailabletothewriterinordertorenderthebest
storypossible.

YOUASCAREDYCAT?Now
availableatAmazon

FE BR UA R Y FE MME S
FA T A LE S S T OR IE S

Weknowabouttherightkindofcharacterisation,the
rightbalanceofbasicelementssuchasdescription,
narrativeanddialogue,theamountofemotionand
pacetouse.Weknowaboutplotsandsubplots,
atmosphereandtension,andwereawareofmore
complicatedelementssuchassymbolism,metaphor
andassonanceandsoon.
Buttheonethingthatreadersseemtothriveonisthe
writersabilitytoteasethisisoneofthereasonswhy
theykeepturningthepage.Readingastoryisbased
onaneedtoknowbasisthereaderconstantly
needstoknow.
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

Thedeliberateteasehasbeenusedbystorytellersfor
thousandsofyears.Itisdesignedtolurethereader,to
keepthemguessing,wrongfootthemdeliberately,orit
allowsthemtomakecorrectorincorrectassumptions.
Theopportunitytoteasecanoccurthroughoutanovel
andthereforeshouldntbeignoredbywriters,because
byconstantlyandsubtlyteasingthemyoucanalso
keepthemreading.
Sometimestheseopportunitiesoccurnaturallyasthe
storyprogresses,whileotherteasersareprecisely
plottedandplannedbywritersandthenstrategically
placedwithinthenarrative.
Thehookistheveryfirstchanceawriterhastograb
thereadersattentionrightattheopeningofthestory
somethingthatholdstheirattentionandkeepsitsothat
theykeepreading.Thiscanbeachievedbyhintingat
thingstocomeinthefirstchapter,tolaycluesabout
whatmighthappenintherestofthenovel.

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Youreteasingthereaderfromtheoutset.
Howdoesteasingwork?

S T YLIS H BLOGGE R A WA R D

Thereisavarietyofwaysawritercanteasethe
reader.Themostcommonwaysareasfollows:
1.Informationhints
2.Revelationhints
3.Endofsceneorchaptercliffhanger
4.Narrativeallusionandsuggestion
5.Foreshadowing
6.Dialogue
Informationhintsareselfexplanatory.Theideaisthat
thewriterplantscluesforthereadertopickupon,so
laterinthestorytheywill,literally,puttwoandtwo
togetherandcometotheirownconclusion(whether
they'rerightornot).
Thehintsdonthavetobeobvioustheycanbeas
subtleasyouwantthemtobedontunderestimate
yourreaderbecausetheywillbeastuteenoughto
noticethem.Andtheinformationyouarehintingatis
andshouldberelevanttothestory/plotsomethingthat
mightbereferencedtohappenfurtherinthenovel,or
theinformationisrelevanttosomethingthatmight
happenspecificallytoacharacteretc.
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

Forinstance,yourmaincharacterisafraidofwater,so
youmightreferencethisacoupleoftimesearlierinthe
storyaninformationhintthatthereaderwillnotice.
Theywillthinkthatbecauseithasbeenmentioneda
fewtimes,somethingmusthappenfurtherintothe
story.Thisisanindirect,gentletease.
Then,laterinthestory,severalcharactersareboating
onalake,butanaccidentoccursandthemain
charactermustjumpintoalaketosaveanother
character.Butsheisfrozenbytheirrationalfearof
waterthesamefearshintedatearlier.Canshejump
inandsavetheday?
Revelationhintsworkthesameway,butinsteadof
lettingthereaderinonsnippetsofinformation,the
writerlayscluestoasurprisingrevelationorimportant
disclosurefurtherinthestoryaplottwistperhaps,
whichmightwrongfootthereader.
Forexample,whatifyourmaincharacterbecomes
attractedtoanothercharacterinthestoryitlooksas
thoughhemightbefallingforher,andtheirrelationship
hotsup.Thissubplotwillteasethereaderaboutwhat
happensnextwiththem.
Then,whenthereaderleastexpectsit,thewriter
unveilsthebombshell:ittranspiresthatsheisoneof
thebadguys,andtheherofindsthathehasbeen
trappedbyherdeceitandfacesimminentdanger
Inotherwords,revelationsandplotleaksactasalure
forthereadertocontinuereading.

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T WIT T E R

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Humpage

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Anendofsceneorchaptercliffhangerisoneofthe
oldestploysforwriterstouse.Whenwrittencorrectly,it
practicallyguaranteesthereaderwillkeepreading.
Theideaissimpletheendofascene,and
particularlytheendofchaptersshouldhintat
somethingabouttohappen,orsomethinginevitable
inthenextsceneorchapter,sothatthereaderhasto
readoninordertofindoutwhathappens.
Forinstance,inthefirstexampleofthecharacterafraid
ofwater,thewriteristeasingthereaderwithawhatif
situation.Whatifthecharacterdoesntjumpintothe
water?Theothercharacterwilldrown.Butifshedid
jump,shecouldsavetheothercharacter,and
overcomeherfearofwater.
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

Theendofthatscene,orchapter,wouldendona
cliffhanger.Forexample:
Chriswatchedthelittlegirlstrugglinginthewater,head
barelyabletokeepabovethesurface,curdledcries
skimmingacrossthewater.
Adrenalineragedthroughherbodyheartbeatloudin
herears.Legsspasmedwiththefearasthereflections
dancedfromthewaterssurface,butallChriscould
thinkaboutwasthecolddarknessbeneath,the
shadowsthatlurkedthere.
Shetookinabreath,madeadecision.
Thereaderisleftguessingwhatthatdecisionis.They
havetocontinuethestoryinordertofindout,sothey
have.Ineffect,theyhavebeenteasedbythewriter.
Writersshouldaimtodothiswithmostoftheirchapter
endings.Alwayskeepthereaderontheirtoes.
Narrativeallusionorsuggestionisaploywritersusein
ordertotoywiththereader.Theydothisbyalludingto
somethingorplantingideastoswaythereadersmind,
whichisdonethroughsubtlesuggestion.Theideais
thatthereaderwillreadanddigestthis,andtheywill
unconsciouslyrememberit,untilatsuchtimeinthe
novelthattheydiscovertheyvebeendupedbythe
writer.
Ofcourse,knowthesebyanothername:redherrings.
Theseareparticularlyprevalentincrimenovelsand
thrillersandtheyworktogreateffect.
Theyaremoredifficulttoconstructbecauseoftheir
complexityinrelationtothestory,charactersand
subplots,andthereforetheyneedalotofthoughtand
planninginordertoinitiatethemandmakethemwork.
Theeasiestexampleofthisisthewritersdouble
cross.Inacrimenovel,forinstance,thewritersetsup
thecharactersandthestorylineinsuchawayasto
makethereaderbelievethatoneparticularcharacteris
thekiller.Thewriterplantsclues,alludestothe
charactersguilt,evengoingasfarasusingthepower
ofsuggestiontocementtheideainthereadersmind.
Thewriterdanglesacarrottoteasethereaderinthis
way,untilsuchatimeasitsrevealedinaplottwistthat
itwasinfactanothercharacterwhodidthecrimeand
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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WOR K S OF A J HUMPA GE

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nottheonethereaderassumed.
Thereaderhasbeendoublecrossedbythewriter
throughawellwrittenandwellconstructedtease.
Ofcourse,thesenarrativeallusionsarenotconfinedto
crimeorthrillernovels.Incontext,theycanbeusedin
manygenrestoillicitthesameeffect.

PA GE VIE WS LA S T MONT H

21,557

14

Inthenextarticlewellcontinuethethemebylookingat
howforeshadowinganddialoguecanteasethereader.
GOOGLE + BA DGE

Nextweek:TeasingthereaderPart2
PO S TED B Y A J H UMPA G E A T S A TUR D A Y, A PR IL 20, 2013
N O CO MMEN TS :

L IN K S TO TH IS PO S T

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SAT URDAY,13APRIL2013

BreathingLifeintoDescription
Descriptionisdescription,right?

AJ Humpage
Author and artist

Follow

Thatdependsonawritersperspectiveandhowmuch
thewriterwantstoinvestinit.
Previousarticleshavelookedathowimportant
descriptionisinanystory,andwhyitsneeded,but
whatseparatesordinarydescriptionfromthekindthat
leapsfromthepageandgetswritersnoticedbyeditors
andagents?
Theanswertothatdependshowawriterbreatheslife
intodescription.Withoutdoubt,descriptionisoneofthe
mostimportantaspectsrequiredinfictionwriting,and
howawriterhandlesitmakesallthedifferencetohow
goodthatdescriptionis.
Thethingwithdescriptionisthatsometimesitcanbe
flatanuninspiring,notbecausesomethingis
particularlybadlywritten,butbecauseinsteadthe
authorhasntreallybotheredwithit.Thiscanmake
readingalaboriousaffair.
Andifitisboringandunexciting,thenthisisindicative
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

oftellingratherthanshowing,whichisoneofthe
mostcommonattributestodreary,lacklustre
description.Intruth,weveallbeenguiltyofwritingflat
descriptionatsomepointoranother.
Aswegrowinconfidencewithourwriting,however,so
tooshouldourabilitytovisualisethestoryforthe
readerinacompletelyunique,expressiveandexciting
way.
Everywriterhasadistinctivewritingvoicetherefore
eachwriterwillconveydescriptionquitedifferently,but
itishowvisualandrichthatdescriptionisthatcould
notonlyhelpawriterschancesofpublication,butalso
helptotransportthereaderrightintotheheartofthe
story.
TellingversusShowing
Oneofthemainproblemswithdescriptionistheway
writersdealwithexposition.Moreoftenthannotthey
tellratherthanshowthereader.Thisisfineforthe
lessimportantscenes,butwithkeyscenesthe
dramatic,emotionalandactiontypescenes,itsvitalto
showthereader,toallowthemtosharethestoryand
theemotionsandreactionsratherthanjustreadabout
it.Descriptionforthesekeyscenesshouldbe
animatedenoughtostimulatethereader,ratherthan
borethem.
Therearesomewriterswhostilldontunderstandthe
conceptofshow,donttellandcontinuetowrite
unexciting,simplisticdescription.Thatsfineifthey
wanttowritethemundane.Butforwriterswhowantto
setthebarhigher,showingthereaderthrough
evocative,visualdescriptionreapsitsownrewards.
Howisitdone?
Thereareseveralelementstothis.Thewriterneedsto
beawareofandunderstandtheseelementscloselyto
createthekindofdescriptionthatbringsastorytolife
thekindthatliftsitfromthepageandtransportsthe
readerintothefictionalworld.
Description,andhowwritersconveyit,isaveryunique
thingwealldoitdifferently,butthatdoesntmeanthe
importantelementsthatmakeupgooddescription
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

shouldbeignored.
Thinkofitthiswayyourreadercannotsee,taste,
touch,smellorhearanything.Asthewriter,youhave
todescribethingssothattheycansee,taste,touch,
smellandheareverythinghappeninginyourstory.
Youneedtobeawareof:
Sensorydetails
Visualdetails
Emotionaldetails
Sensorydetailsarewoefullyignoredbymanywriters,
buttheycanplayamajorpartindescription.Thefive
sensesofferadistinctiveinsightforthereader.They
maynotbeabletophysicallysmellsomething,or
actuallysee,touchortasteorhearanything,butby
givingthemrichlylayeredhints,theywillusetheir
imaginationquiteeffectively.
Awritercanmakethereaderimaginethesmellsand
thetastes,theywillvisualisedetails,theywillfeelthe
touchofthebreeze,orahandontheskin,orthe
textureofsomething,andtheywillhearthesounds
described.
Forexample,thefollowingexcerptsaretakenfrommy
shortstoryAStainontheHeart(2012,anthology
OneHour,publishedbyStaticMovement).
Abreezeprowledacrossthemuddyforest,lefttainted
byamiserable,dolefuldownpour,andnowitsmelled
stagnantbeneaththelingeringscentofburntwoodand
flesh.
Prowled,miserable,doleful,stagnantandburntumber
arethekeywordshere.Theyarekeywordsforagood
reason.Imaginethesentencewithoutthem.
Visualdetail,whileverysimilartothesenses,covers
thewaythereaderperceivesthedescriptionofsetting
andplaceandobjects,andhowthewriterhas
visualisedthenecessarydetailstomakethestory
believable,forinstance:
Asasliverofdawnlightinkedacrosstheskyand
reflectedfromthesnowcappedforestoftheArdennes,
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

thedevastationslowlyemergedandsoakedFreddies
mindwithsoundsandimageshewouldratherforget.
Thedulllightgrazedacrossthescene.Hesaw
upturnedmoundsofearth,fallentreesanddarkscars
carvedthroughsulliedsnow.Butitwasthefrosty,
soullesslandscapelitteredwithhelmetsandboots,
fragmentsofuniformsandbitsofmenthatmadehis
stomachdroptohisfeet.
Oneotherthingthatdescriptiondoeswhichisquite
importantistorelayemotion.Emotionandtheability
tomoveyourreader,isadrivingforcewithinfiction.
ThefollowingexcerptisfromVoices(2012
anthology,LastNight,publishedbyStatic
Movement).Thefirstexampleistellingthereader.
Whathadbeguntowardstheeveninghadcontinuedas
thesunlightsankbehindthetrees,leavingsunlight
gleamingbetweenthebranches,whichseemedlost
withintheconfinesofthecamp,andjustaslostonthe
confusedandhungrypeoplethatfiledfromthecattle
trains.
Hethoughtaboutthebodiesfromtheshowers,lives
stolen,theireyeslifelessandhandsfrozen.
Thisisfairlyflatanduninspiring.Itdoesntsaymuchto
thereaderanditcertainlydoesntdoanythingother
thantellthereader.Anditcertainlydoesntshow
anything.Nowtheoriginalexcerpt,whichshowsthe
reader:
Whathadbeguninearnesttowardstheeveninghad
continuedasthesunlightsankbehindthethicklineof
pinesthatveiledthem,leavingbeautifulsaffrontinted
rivuletsgleamingbetweenthebranches.Suchbeauty
seemedlostwithinthecold,barrenconfinesofthe
camp,andjustaslostonthedeathlygreyfacesthat
filedfromthecattletrainsconfused,hungryand
riddledwithexhaustion.
Hethoughtaboutthefreshmoundsoffleshdragged
fromtheshowers,livesstolen,theireyeslifelessand
yetbrimmingwithrivenreflectionsoftheirlastterrible
moments,theirhandsfrozenintognarledclaws.
Thisshowsratherthantells.Itusesvisualandsensory
stimulus,itreferencescolourasametaphor,itstands
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

outanditmakesthereaderthinkbecauseitfocuseson
theemotionalimpact.Itcontainsmanyoftheelements
neededtomakedescriptioncomealive.
Descriptionisdescription,butitsnothingunlessa
writerbreatheslifeintoit.

Nextweek:Howtoteasethereader.
PO S TED B Y A J H UMPA G E A T S A TUR D A Y, A PR IL 13, 2013
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SUNDA Y, 7 A PR IL 2013

ConstructingScenesPart2
Continuingourlookathowtoconstructkeyscenes,
welltakealookatTransitionalscenesandFlashback
scenes,whicharequitecommoninfictionandvery
usefulelementsforthewriter.
Writersusetransitionalscenestocrossaspecifictime
span,i.e.hours,days,monthsorevenyears,without
theneedtodescribeeverythingindetail.Usuallythey
arenothingmorethanafewsentences,buttheytell
thereaderthattimehaspassed,withoutthewriter
havingtoborethereaderbydescribingthedetailsof
thetimespanwithlongwindedpassages.
Example:
Fourweekslater,Johndrovethecartothehighstreet
andparkedupnearthebank,justasDanhad
instructed.Hewaited.
Itsaysconciselywhatthereaderneedstoknowfour
weekshavepassedsinceDansconversationwith
John(inPart1)andthenarrativehasmovedforwardto
thedayoftherobbery.Twosentencescoverwhat
mighthavetakenthewriterapageortwopagesto
describe.
Wellwrittentransitionalscenesshouldbeseamless
andunobtrusivesothatthereaderwillbarelynotice.
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

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Theyaredesignedtomoveforward(orbackward)
withoutdisruptingtheflowofnarrative.
Flashbackscenes,asopposedtotransitionalscenes,
areselfexplanatory.Theyjumpbacktoamomentin
thecharacterspastinorderforthewritertoexplain
thingsthatarehappeninginthepresent.
Theyformanintegralpartofanynovel,andalthough
notacompulsoryrequirement,theyaredesiredifthe
writerneedstoexplainspecificincidentsthathappened
tothemaincharacterinthepastthatmayaffecttheir
behaviourasthestoryunfoldsinthepresent.
Flashbacksalsohelppropelthestoryforward,despite
theparadoxofleapingbackward.
Example:
Heremembereditclearly,thememorystillfreshlikean
openwound.Theoriginalfeelingsofeuphoriaand
arrogancehadquicklyturnedtoangstthemomentthe
faroffsoundofsirensbrokethroughthenight.Likethe
others,hedthoughthedgotawaywithit.Theyhad
splitthemoneyandgonetheirseparateways,thinking
thatwouldfoolthepolice,butithadnt,andpanicsetin
atthethoughtofbeingcaught
Thesceneslipsunobtrusivelyintothepast,anduses
pluperfecttensetoshowthereaderthatithappenedin
thepast,ratherthanthepresent.Thisisachievedby
usinghadinthenarrative.
NotethatIvenotincludedFlashforwards,simply
becausetheyfulfilthesamefunctionasflashbacks,
however,unlesswritingscifi/fantasy,oratimetravel
themedstory,flashforwardsdonothaveaplaceina
story,sinceneitherthewriter,northecharacters,can
predictthefuture.
Now,ifwestitchsomeoftheexamplescenesshownin
Part1togetherwiththeseexamplesinPart2,we
shouldhavesomethingthatcontainsthemajorityof
thosesceneelementstomakeanentirescene.
Dontexpectmetohelpyououtofthishole,John
said.
http://allwritefictionadvice.blogspot.in/2013_04_01_archive.html

12/14

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AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2013

Justthisonce,Dansaid.IpromiseIwontaskagain.
Yeah,yousaidthatlasttime,remember?Imstill
paying.Icouldhavegotcaught.Iwasthatclose.
Butyoudidntgetcaught.Wegotawaywithit.
Theresonlysomanytimespeoplecangetawaywith
it.Youreaskingtoomuchthistime,Johnsaid.Its
justtoorisky.
Wegetagoodpayout,hesaid.Donttellmeyou
aintinterestedinthat(Conversational)
Heremembereditclearly,thememorystillfreshlikean
openwound.Theoriginalfeelingsofeuphoriaand
arrogancehadquicklyturnedtoangstthemomentthe
faroffsoundofsirensbrokethroughthenight.Likethe
others,hedthoughthedgotawaywithit.Theyhad
splitthemoneyandgonetheirseparateways,thinking
thatwouldfoolthepolice,butithadnt,andpanicsetin
atthethoughtofbeingcaught(Flashback)
Fourweekslater,Johndrovethecartothehighstreet
andparkedupnearthebank,justasDanhad
instructed.Hewaited.(Transitional)
Johnglancedintherearviewmirror,sawperspiration
onhisbrow,thicklikehoney.Thenhepeeredahead
andcloselywatchedthedoorstothebank.Theengine
hummed,waiting,thesoundalmostsoothingand
soporific,butithadfeltlongerthanfourminutessince
DanwentintothebankthatJohncontemplateddriving
offwithouthim,anythingtogetoutofgrowing
dangeroussituation.Minutestickedlikeanechoing
clockinJohnsfrazzledmind(Descriptive)
Fromthesedifferenttypesofscenesitseasytosee
howtheyworktogethertocreateacohesivewhole
scene,whatweusuallytermakeysceneinthestory.
Notalloftheelementalsceneshavebeenused,of
course,butthisexamplemakesuseofconversational,
flashback,transitionalanddescriptivescenes,and
scenesworkbetterwhentherearemoreofthem.
Writershavemanysceneelementsattheirdisposal,so
theycanuseanynumberofcombinedsceneswithin
thestory,andofcourse,itsuptothestorytodictate
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wherethosescenesneedtobe.
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