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If we believe the marriage is bad and we are unhappy, then we can easily
remember the evidence that supports that. So write things down and keep a
record. Use a checklist and track both the positives and the negatives.
Please feel free to read the whole blog at http://www.familytlc.ca/how-do-idecide-to-split-or-stay/
Divorces
Attaining your divorce is the last step in the process, and it will give you closure,
freedom and open the door to new opportunities. The cost of an uncontested
divorce is $1,350.00 so long as one of you lives within Simcoe County. This cost
includes your filing fees at court (about $500.00), our staff and lawyer time and
HST. Its a small fee to pay to attain closure and to open up new beginnings.
Retainers
Retainers are deposits toward future legal fees. This form of payment is common
practice among lawyers because it helps clients avoid liabilities they may find
difficult to pay later.
Standard retainer payments are:
You will receive a monthly statement from us, so you are always aware of the
services received and your costs to that point. Each month, you are asked to
replenish your retainer.
Getting Started
To learn about your options, rights and obligations, you can schedule a meeting
with one of our lawyers. The cost of this initial meeting is $190 and it lasts about
an hour. Do not be shy during this meeting. We are happy to answer any
questions you have, including questions about fees.
2. Book a Consultation
Making the first call to our office is often the hardest step. As you dial, you might
be asking yourself: Do I really want to go through with this? Will this lawyer really
care about what I need? Can I trust him or her? You'll be pleasantly surprised to
find that a real person answers the phone one that truly cares about your
needs. When you meet your lawyer, you will discover that our whole staff is
drawn to family law because we truly love helping people through a difficult time.
3. Pre-meeting Preparation
There are a number of important things to consider when separating from your
spouse, such as custody, access, child support, spousal support, division of
property and equalization of assets. Before attending your first meeting, review
our website so you have some understanding of the issues. Start thinking about
creative ways of resolving the issues that will be acceptable to both you and your
spouse, but try to remain open to other perspectives and solutions. Dont become
entrenched in your solution. We can help you find a solution that works for your
family.
4. The Consultation
When you come to our office for your consultation, you will have to complete
some paperwork, so come a little earlier. Your lawyer will listen to your story and
answer your questions. We want to ensure you know exactly what is involved in
the process, and what your legal rights and obligations are before you make any
decisions.
As the meeting progresses, you will be asked to describe what you want from life
and from your agreement. You might not have all the answers, but it helps if you
6. Disclosure
To ensure your agreement is legally binding, we need to ensure there is full
disclosure exchanged between you and your spouse. By that we mean you have
to exchange documentary proof of all assets and debts you owned or jointlyowned on the date of marriage and date of separation. We also need to
exchange proof of your income (tax returns for the last three years and a recent
pay stub). The legal document we use to summarize the disclosure is called a
Financial Statement. To keep your costs to a minimum, our law clerks will work
with you to accumulate the proper disclosure and completion of the Financial
Statement. Sometimes clients waive the necessity of disclosure but we
recommend you dont do this.
7. Negotiation
Negotiations can take various forms. We have articles on this website about each
method outlining the pros and cons of each.
To summarize, your choices are:
a) Kitchen Table: you and your spouse negotiate around the kitchen table on
your own. Once resolved, you meet with your lawyer who will offer advice and
then create a separation agreement.
b) Mediation: you and your spouse work with a neutral person who assists you
to discuss the issues but cannot offer legal advice or make the decisions. Once
resolved, you will meet with your lawyer for advice and then your lawyer will
create a separation agreement.
c) Collaborative Process: you and your spouse work together with specially
trained lawyers and other professionals to create a win-win resolution of the
issues, without going to court. In fact, if one of you decides to go to court, you
both have to get new lawyers and start over. Once resolved, your lawyers will
create a separation agreement. We strongly believe this is the best process.
d) Cooperative Process: your lawyer will send emails or letters to the other
lawyer attempting to negotiate a settlement. Sometimes, four-way meetings are
conducted to negotiate agreements. Failing agreement, you often end up in court
or arbitration. If resolved by negotiations, your lawyer will create a separation
agreement. If not resolved, you will end up in court, which is not desirable.
e) Court: The court process is slow and costly and the results are uncertain.
You are giving the decision-making powers to the judges. This is a last resort.
We do our best to keep your case out of the court system.
8. Separation Agreement
Once you and your spouse have agreed to the terms, the details are drawn up in
a Separation Agreement. This is a legally binding document, but it does not get
filed at court unless you or your spouse does not live up to the terms of the
agreement. A separation agreement can be changed if both of you decide the
original document no longer meets your needs.
Of course, both parties must agree to the changes, or undergo further
negotiations to arrive at a mutually agreeable solution. The new terms are then
drawn up in an amending agreement. Usually, agreements regarding the division
of property and equalization payments are never changed. Changes regarding
custody, access and child support may be necessary, as the children grow older.
If circumstances change and the agreement allows for it, spousal support can
also be changed.
9. Divorce
Divorce is the final step in the process. Once approved by the court, the Divorce
Order formally ends the legal marriage. Obtaining the Divorce Order is a
relatively simple process. It is usually ordered on the basis of having been
separated for one year. One person completes the documentation requesting the
divorce and the other person is served with a copy. They dont need to do
anything but accept service. Eventually, documentation is filed at court and it is
sent for the judges approval. Divorces take about 5 to 8 months to process.
Our law firm focuses on supporting clients through the divorce process. We can
help you through this transition in a cost-effective, efficient manner minimizing
the cost and pain.
each of you. Discuss your ideas with one of our lawyers before you
discuss it with your spouse. We can share our insight from having helped
hundreds of families in the same situation.
If you and your spouse are on reasonably good terms, we recommend you
attempt to negotiate an agreement regarding the children before one of
you moves out. You will then be able to tell the children together about the
separation and explain in detail when they will see each of you. This gives
your children a sense of security about their future.
7. Household Contents: Make a list of everything in the house, including
furniture, vehicles and personal items. Create a video of your home
contents. List separately any gifts that were given to you or to your spouse
by a third party. If that third party gift was to you, it's yours and outside of
the equalization process. If it was a gift to both of you, then the value of
the item should be divided in half. If you brought something into the
marriage, it is yours to keep. Everything else should be divided equally. If
you and your spouse are on speaking terms, talk about your proposal
regarding the division of the household contents. If you have questions,
ask one of our lawyers at the initial consultation or follow-up appointment.
They can help you approach this sometimes-thorny issue and give you a
different perspective.
8. Don't Fight and Dont Seek Revenge: Separation is an emotional time.
Tempers often flare. Be careful. Don't get into an argument that could lead
to someone getting physically hurt. Nobody wants a criminal record. If you
have children, it is especially important not to argue in their presence as it
can sometimes cause long-term psychological and emotional trauma. If
the separation is due to an affair, resist the urge to tell the children. This
has also been proven to cause psychological distress, even in adult
children. Do not use your children for emotional support.
9. Seek Employment: If you are not working and you are physically able to do
so, then you need to start making plans for your future. One of our lawyers
can speak to you about the possibility of getting spousal support (a
monthly payment of money for you) from your spouse, but you must still
try to become economically self-sufficient if possible. Consider whether
you need to go back to school, seek employment or start your own
business. You need a plan. Share your ideas with one of our lawyers and
they will give you feedback.
7. If you get stuck in the negotiations, you can resolve the issue by arbitration
and continue with the negotiation process. Your team will help you overcome
impasse.
CTP just makes sense. You get the help you need rather than spending your
time, money and energy on fighting. In other words, you are getting a team of
experts working to find the best solution for the whole family rather than each of
you assembling a band of warriors focused on waging war against your spouse.
In addition to saving you money, CTP will result in a better settlement: a win-win
solution.
As a result, you and your spouse may be able to preserve your relationship with
one another, creating a healthier emotional environment for everyones sake.
Hard to believe, but its true.
At Galbraith Family Law, we feel the Collaborative Process is an excellent way of
resolving issues between separating couples. We believe it is a much better
alternative to court and strongly encourage you to consider using this option.
Please don't hesitate to ask any of the lawyers at Galbraith Family Law about the
process and how it can help you.
BRIEF
Keep your response brief. This will reduce the chances of a prolonged and angry
back and forth. The more you write, the more material the other person has to
criticize. Keeping it brief signals that you dont wish to get into a dialogue. Just
make your response and end your letter. Dont take their statements personally
and dont respond with a personal attack. Avoid focusing on comments about the
persons character, such as saying he or she is rude, insensitive, or stupid. It just
escalates the conflict and keeps it going. You dont have to defend yourself to
someone you disagree with. If your friends still like you, you dont have to prove
anything to those who dont.
INFORMATIVE
The main reason to respond to hostile mail is to correct inaccurate statements
which might be seen by others. Just the facts is a good idea. Focus on the
accurate statements you want to make, not on the inaccurate statements the
other person has made. For example: Just to clear things up, I was out of town
on February 12th, so I would not have been the person who was making loud
noises that day. Avoid negative comments. Avoid sarcasm. Avoid threats. Avoid
personal remarks about the others intelligence, ethics, or moral behavior. If the
other person has a high conflict personality, you will have no success in
reducing the conflict with personal attacks. While most people can ignore
personal attacks or might think harder about what you are saying, high conflict
people feel they have no choice but to respond in anger and keep the conflict
going. Personal attacks rarely lead to insight or positive change.
FRIENDLY
While you may be tempted to write in anger, you are more likely to achieve your
goals by writing in a friendly manner. Consciously thinking about a friendly
response will increase your chances of getting a friendly or neutral response
in return. If your goal is to end the conflict, then being friendly has the greatest
likelihood of success. Dont give the other person a reason to get defensive and
keep responding. This does not mean that you have to be overly friendly. Just
make it sound a little relaxed and non-antagonistic. If appropriate, say you
recognize their concerns. Brief comments that show your empathy and respect
will generally calm the other person down, even if only for a short time.
FIRM
In a non-threatening way, clearly tell the other person your information or position
on an issue. (For example: Thats all Im going to say on this issue.) Be careful
not to make comments that invite more discussion, unless you are negotiating an
issue or want to keep a dialogue going back and forth. Avoid comments that
leave an opening, such as: I hope you will agree with me that This invites the
other person to tell you I dont agree.
Sound confident and dont ask for more information, if you dont want to end the
back-and-forth. A confident-sounding person is less likely to be challenged with
further emails. If you get further emails, you can ignore them, if you have already
sufficiently addressed the inaccurate information. If you need to respond again,
keep it even briefer and do not emotionally engage. In fact, it often helps to just
repeat the key information using the same words.
Example Joes email: Jane, I cant believe you are so stupid as to think that Im
going to let you take the children to your boss birthday party during my parenting
time. Have you no memory of the last six conflicts weve had about my parenting
time? Or are you having an affair with him? I always knew you would do anything
to get ahead! In fact, I remember coming to your office party witnessing you
making a total fool of yourself including flirting with everyone from the CEO
down to the mailroom kid! Are you high on something? Havent you gotten your
finances together enough to support yourself yet, without flinging yourself at
every Tom, Dick, and Harry?...[And on and on and on.]
Jane: Thank you for responding to my request to take the children to my office
party. Just to clarify, the party will be from 3-5 on Friday at the office and there
will be approximately 30 people there including several other parents bringing
school-age children. There will be no alcohol, as it is a family-oriented firm and
there will be family-oriented activities. I think it will be a good experience for them
to see me at my workplace. Since you do not agree, then of course I will respect
that and withdraw my request, as I recognize it is your parenting time. [And that
is the end of her email.] Comment: Jane kept it brief, and did not engage in
defending herself. Since this was just between them, she didnt need to respond.
If he sent this email to friends, co-workers or family members (which high conflict
people often do), then she would need to respond to the larger group with more
information, such as the following:
Jane: Dear friends and family: As you know, Joe and I had a difficult divorce. He
has sent you a private email showing correspondence between us about a
parenting schedule matter. I hope you will see this is a private matter and
understand that you do not need to respond or get involved in any way. Almost
everything he has said is in anger and not at all accurate. If you have any
questions for me personally, please feel free to contact me and I will clarify
anything I can. I appreciate your friendship and support. [And thats it: B.I.F.F.]
Conclusion
Whether you are at work, at home or elsewhere, a B.I.F.F. response can save
you time and emotional anguish. The more people who handle hostile mail in
such a manner, the less hostile mail there will be.
ceremony, whether its a religious or civil ceremony, and you cant become
married without. As a result, a lot of common law couples separate and then
think that they have the same rights and obligations as if they had been married,
and that is just not so. Know the facts. Know your rights.