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WHENTHIEFMEETSTHIEF
CHAPTERI
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YOUNGLOVEANDASKULL
MYnameisJerryHammond.J.Hammond,yeggmaninthevernacularof
gangsterdomandtheunderworld,safecrackerineverydayEnglish.Alsogentleman
andtakethatlastorleaveit!SonowImplacedinthegeneralschemeofthings.
Yeggman,boxman,peterman,ironworker,blastertherearemorenamesfortheracket
thathaskeptwrinklesoutoftheliningofmyinteriorforagoodeightyearsthanthereare
fleasonacatsearwhenhesbeingdippedtohiswhiskersininsecticide.Iknowhowto
cookdynamiteinapailofhotwateroveraoneholegasburner,andtakeofffromthe
bottomahalfounceofpurenitroglycerine,knownamongususersofthestuffassoup.
Orhowtocrumblethedynamiteintowoodalcoholandbringthenitroglycerineout
andstraighttothetop!withcolddistilledwater.Iknowhowtodrillintoanordinary
fireproofsafeandlaymynitroglycerine,fusedandtimed,allreadyforthetouchoff
thatwillbringthedooraway.Iknowhowtogettotheinsideofachilledsteelreceptacle
withnomorenoisethanacockroach,drunkafteremergingfromanuncorkedginbottle
inagarbagecan,wouldmakeashesneakedbacktoMrs.C.,waitinguptobiffhimon
thebeezerforleavinghertomindtheyoungsterswhilehewentskyhooting.Icansaw
pasttheboltsofanycastironcontraption,usingtwosawsatthesametime,oneineach
mitt.OrIcanblowpipeanentrytoanarmourplatedvault,andleaveanydriller,whos
hadnomoresensethantotryandblowitopen,toscuttleofffasterthanaholdupmanat
thewheelofasportsDusenberg,whenhehearstheradiooutfitonitsquawking
Callingallcars!
Alonewolf,meforIhaveneverworkedwithagang,thoughIcouldhavebeen
topdoginmorethanonecrowdwherebrainscount.Also,Ihaveneverbeencaughtatthe
game,andconsequentlyhaveneverbeenupbeforeanyhardheartedHoratioonthe
bench.Theresnotalineofpedigree,asthecrookscallpolicerecord,againstmein
anydetectivebureauinAmerica.Furthertothat,inallthejobsIhavepulledoffIhave
nevercarriedagun,exceptforawoodenonewithwhichtoputfearintoanychance
onlookeratmyoperations.Infact,afamousoldsafecrackerwhoknewmewellusedto
callmeWoodenGun.Mypointofviewwasthatifthewoodenguncouldntgetmeout
ofajam,Idsoonerputupmyhandsandtakeasentencethanrobsomewomanofher
man,andapackofkidsoftheirliving.
But,asIsaid,Ihaveneverhadtoputupmyhands,andthatformanyreasons.
Theoldwoodengunpulledmeoutofafewscrapes,butthemainreason,nowIcometo
weighthingsup,IputdownasimportedFrenchrubbergloves,thinandsuppleastheskin
ofanewbornchild,yetyoucouldntchopthefingeroffonewithanordinaryaxe,nor
rubthefingertipthroughonapadofsandpaper.Yes,IthinkImustputthatdownasthe
mainreason,foritonlytakesonelittlefingerprintonapieceofnitrosmokedmetalto
sendthesafecrackerupforalongstretchinthepenitentiary.Andtheotherreasonfor
myimmunityIhavealwaysplayedalonehand.Foritonlyneedsoneally,seeingthe

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jobthroughwithyou,andthen,wellheeledwithawadofnotesandfulltothebackteeth,
braggingbetweenhiccupsinasaloonwithinhearingofaPinkertondetective,toputthe
minionsofthelawonthetrailofOldManBackOfTheJob.Andthereisstillonemore
reason,whichIwillexplainfullybeforeIstartmytale,andwhichpreventedmefrom
everyearningforadaintydamseltosoothetheoldfeveredbrowandthengopassing
outallsheknowstothenearestdistrictattorney,sothatshecanbefreetofreezeontoa
newmanwhocanbuyherabetterfurcoat.ImwhereIamtoday,free,white,and
thirtyfive,becauseofthesethings,andbecauseIhavealwaysplannedandsurveyed
everyjobfromthreetosixmonthsinadvanceandthen,ifIsomuchassuspecteda
possibleletdownoverit,Iveditcheditandgoneonforsomethingeasier.Iveleftthe
bigandtoughchancesalone:betteramerethousanddollarsoutofaneasyjob,anda
chancetolieupsomewhereforahalfyearincomfort,thantenthousandoutofatough
project,andthewholetopayawaytosomegangsterslawyerforsavingalongspellin
Jolietorsomeotherstateinstitutionforallofuswhobuckagainstsociety.
Iam,asmayhaveappeared,strongonthegangsterdialect,thelanguageof
crookdom,butithappensthatIamjustasstrongongoodEnglishperfectEnglish,in
fact,atneed.Mygrandmother,whobroughtmeup,wasalady,oneofthefinestladiesI
haveeverknown,infact.Shehadmewelleducatedbyherownefforts,putallher
earningsintoassuringthatIshouldbefittedtofacetheworldandtakeanhonourable
placeinit,and,bymeansofapaltryinheritancewhichfelltoher,sheputmepartway
throughcollege,intendingthatIshouldgraduateasadentalsurgeon.Butthemoneygave
outayearandahalfbeforeIwasduetotakemydiploma:grandmotherdied,too,inthe
summerof29,andIsqueezedonemoretermoutofthesaleofhereffects.Thencame
thegreatfinancialpanic,withtheworldgoingdizzybutthereisnoneedformeto
recapitulateallthatancienthistory.WhatIamtryingtoputoveristhatwhenallwas
over,JerryHammond,D.D.S.,withwhitestarchedcoatanddrillscomplete,became,as
youmightsay,auserofotherkindsofdrills.
AndnowIhavetoexplainhowitwasthat,inadditiontobeingalonewolfinmy
vocation,neveroncedidIlookatthedamselswhomighthaveplayedhavocwithmy
affectionsandprobablyhelpedtosendmeupforoneofthelongtermsthatoftencome
offriendshipsorallianceswiththem.Forallthatbelongstomycollegedays.
Gooddaystheywere,too.Myespecialchumwasalanky,solemnlooking
divinitystudentnamedPhilDottworth,whousedtobealeadingfigureinalltheatricals
thatweregotup,andoneofthebesthandsatmakeupwhoevermistookhisprofession
though,forthatmatter,hemayhavebecomequiteagoodparsonafterhisordination.It
wasPhilwhomanagedtogetagaudypairofpyjamatrousershauleduptheflagstaffon
theparadegroundandbrokenouttoflyinthebreezeinplaceofOldGloryonacertain
importantoccasion,andhe,too,whomanagedtosmuggleaprairieowlintothe
professorialdeskjustbeforeoldProfessorHoytewasduetobeginhislecture.Theowl
broketheprofessorsspectacleswhenheopenedthedesk,andwegotnolecturefrom
himthatmorning.ThesearetwoinstanceswhichgotoprovethatPhilwasnotassolemn
ashelooked,byalongway.
PhilandIandanotherhalfdozenstudentsmadeaclique,intowhichcamesome
sixorsevengirls,includingoldProfessorHoytesdaughterElsie,whomnobodyknewby

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thatname,sinceshewasalwayscalledPrincess.Theragsweorganizedwouldfilla
book,and,asfarasthegirlswereconcerned,Princesswaseasilytheleader,andeasily
themostadmired.Justlyso,forshewasthesweetestandloveliestandwell,Ithinkwe
alllovedher.Healthy,happyboysandgirlswewere,oldenoughtorealizeloveas
somethingbigandserious,andyoungenoughtobealittlereverentoverit.Hardup,
everyoneofus,butnotlesscheeryforthat,andIcanlookbackonthetimesPhilandI
andthePrincessspenttogetherassomeofthehappiestIhaveeverknown,andthe
happiestandproudestdayofthemallwastheoneinwhichPrincessownedthatshecared
formeasmuchasIcaredforher.
WhatcouldcomeofouryounglovewedidnotknowIdoubtifwethought
muchaboutit,beingjusthappytogether.IfIthoughtofit,probablymymindranona
decentpracticesomewhereafterIhadgotmydiploma,andalittlehomewithmy
Princessbesideme,butIthinkweweremoreconcernedwithpresenthappinessthan
futurepossibilities.SheandIpairedinallthepartiesandragsthatourlittleclique
organized,andallwentwelluntilmylasttermwashalfwaythrough,whenIrealized
that,stillayearandahalfshortofgettingthediplomaandturningoutasafullyfledged
dentalsurgeon,Ihadtogiveitallupandtrusttoavagueandmostunpromisingfutureto
bringmeandmyPrincesstogetheragain.
OurproblemwasbadlycomplicatedbythePrincesssmother,asemiinvalidwith
socialaspirations,whodidallshecouldtoseparateustwoandthrowmyPrincessata
youngsterwhomIwillcalljustWally,sonandheirofabigmanufactureroutwest,and
fartoosuperiortobelongtoourcliqueofmerrymakers.Hedressedperfectly,rana
splendidsportsStutz,anddidallthathecouldtoingratiatehimselfwiththePrincess,
mainlythroughMrs.Hoyte,whilehesneeredatmeandmypretensions.Onedayhe
sneeredtooloudlyinPhilDottworthshearing,andPhilhammeredhelloutofhimandso
farspoilthislooksthatneitherMrs.HoytenorthePrincesssawanythingofhimfor
anothermonth.Hewasbigandconsequential,butPhilhadspeedandskillandwasone
ofthebestboxerswhoeverkeptoutoftheprofessionalring,andWallysoonfoundthat
hehadmetmorethanhismatch.Thiswasinmylastterm,whenthePrincessandIknew
thatalongpartingwasnotfaraheadofus,andforthatreasonwemadethemostofour
timetogether.
Thencamemylastdayofall,andtocelebrateitwehadapartyinPhilsrooms,to
which,mostsurprisinglytome,Wallywasinvited.Whatwasmoresurprisingstill,he
acceptedtheinvitation,and,sofarascouldbeseenwithregardtothescraptheyhadhad,
itwasacaseofforgiveandforgetonbothsides.ButIfeltsurethatPhilhadsomething
uphissleeveingivingsuchaninvitation:hewasnotthesorttoputhimselftotroublefor
nothing.Thepartywashisfarewelltocollege,too,forhewasdueforordinationatthe
termsend.
Wewereallverymerry,althoughitwasanoccasionoffarewells,anddownin
myheartIfeltfarfrommerry,sinceIknewthatitmightbeaverylongtimebeforeI
shouldseemyPrincessagain.Shetoo,Iknew,feltit,thoughwebothplayedupandkept
theothersfromseeingwhatthepartingmeanttousboth.FromtimetotimeWallyeyed
herinawaythatmademeitchtorepeatthetreatmentPhilhadhandedouttohim,buthe
gavemenochance,keepingwellawayfromme.

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MischieforconcertedplanningIamnotsurewhichitwassetSlimCornish,
oneofourclique,toguyingPhiloverhisordination.
Afineclericyoullmake,youoldbeanpole,Slimtoldhim.Ibetyoucouldnt
buryamanwithoutgivinghimhalfthemarriageservicebeforeyougotthecoffinoutof
sight.
Theresnosubjecthandytoworkon,Philsaid,andIcouldntpossiblywork
withoutalayfigure.ThatishelookedacrossatWallymaybetheresasubjectI
wouldntmindreadingthefuneralserviceover,buthegivesnosignofturninghistoes
up.
Well,letstestyououtonthemarriageservice,Slimsuggested.Betyou
couldntgothroughitonacouplewithoutlosingyourself.
Thatsawhiz,Philsaidpromptly.Getthatthirdbookfromtheendofthetop
shelfthereandturnupthemarriageserviceinit,andifyoucheckmeasIgothroughit
frommemoryIllbetyoufivedollarsIdontmakefivemistakes.
Betson,saidSlim,andreacheddownthebook.Heturnedupthemarriage
serviceinit.Goahead,hebade.Illcheckyouonit.
Yeah,butIgottohavelayfigures,Philobjected.Cantdoitonnothing,old
hoss.Iknow!You,Jerry,andthePrincessspotofrehearsalforyouforwhenyou
celebratetherealthing.Comealonghereandstandupbeforemegettherightsideof
her,Jerry.
Wecomplied,andasIsawWallysblacklookatmeIwonderedifthewhole
thingwerebeingworkedforhisbenefit,andif,infact,hehadbeeninvitedtotheparty
forthisverypurpose,forallofusknewhowhetriedtoforcehisattentionsonthegirl,
andhowhermotherbackedhimupbecausehisfatherhadmoremoneythanhecould
count.WetwostoodupbeforePhil,whileSlimCornishheldthebookandfollowedthe
wordsoftheservice,andwemadetheappropriateresponses,bothinourheartswishing
thatitwerenomererehearsal.RighttotheendPhiltookit,andheputapunchintothe
finalbenedictionthatmarkedhimascutoutforaparson,for,asIhavesaid,hewasa
bornactor.
Thatsthat,hesaidafterhehadfinished.Howcome,Slim?
Twoerrorsonly,soyouwin,Slimanswered.Thatis,ifyouknowhowtofill
inacertificateofmarriage.
Here,gimmeasheetofpaper,Philordered,andreachedforhisfountainpen.
Illwinthatfivedollarsorbust.Andhemadeoutthecertificate,whichhehandedto
thePrincess.
Lookitover,hebade,andletSlimgazeatitandweep.Itsallinorder,sound
asyoudgetanywherefivedollars,please,Slim.
Hepocketedthemoneyandgrinnedatme.Wally,Isaw,wasfuminginthe
background,andtherestofthepartylookedamused.
Pitymyordinationhasntcomethroughyet,Philsaidtome.Ifithad,youtwo
wouldbesowelltiedupthatonlyRenocouldseparateyouunlessthemoviestarshave
foundaplacewheredivorcegoesthroughslickerthanunderColoradolaw.Anyhow
boysandgirls,letusdrinktothehappypair,andgivethemadrink,too,forstandingitso
well.Yousuremadetheresponsesringtrue,Jerry.

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Iwishtheyhadbeen,Isaid.
Butyouveonemoretricktotakeyet,hepointedout.Itsyourbusinesstokiss
thebrideattheendofthejob.Hoptoit.
Ineedednosecondinvitation,andmyPrincessslipsmetmyownwithjustas
muchfervourasiftheceremonyhadbeenrealAnd,Inoticed,shefoldedthecertificate
Philhadgivenherandputitawayinherhandbagasamemento,Iguessed.But,forme,
themementothatcountedwasherkiss.Icanfeelitonmylipsyet.
AndtheonlyonethatdidnotdrinktousrightheartilywasWally,whoscowled
apartfromtherest.IgrewmoreandmoreconvincedthatPhilhadinvitedhimsolelyto
witnessthislittleplay,andhadarrangedthedialoguethatleduptoitbeforehand,with
Slimashiscoadjutor.AndIknewthatinWallysplaceImyselfwouldhavefeltpretty
sickoverit,ashelookedfortherestoftheevening.
Whenitwasallover,ItookthePrincessasfarasthegatewayofherhome.Itwas
ourparting,wedidnotknowforhowlong,andsheputherarmsaboutmyneckwithno
restraintandlookedupatme.
Ishallalwaysremember,shetoldme.
Darling,ifonlythattonighthadbeenreal!Isaid.
Ourdaymaycome,shesaidhopefully.Iknowyouregoingoffinbitter
disappointmentatthisbreakinyourcareer,butIfeelsurethatsomeday,somehow,
youllwinthrough,andthenIshallbewaiting.Whateverhappens,myJerry,Ishallnot
forget.
Andasforme,Princess,Isaid,noothergirlorwomanshalltakeyourplaceas
longaswebothlive.Whatevercomestome,thatholdsgood.Ivegivenyouallmylove,
andtheresnoneleftforanyother.Ifyouwait,IllcomebackwhenIvewonthrough.
Oldsentiment,Iknow,butwewerebothsoyoung,then,thatitdidnotseemold
tous.AndIlefthertherebythegateunderthestarsandwentmyway,thelongwaythat
tookmeintomanystrangeplacesandstrangeradventures,butneveroncedidIforget
thatpromisetoher,norlookatanyotherwomantoloveher.Fewmencansaythatof
themselves,Iknow:fewaremadethatway,butofthefewIamone.
Now,tomakethestorycomplete,ImusttellwhathappenedtoherafterIhad
gone,thoughitdidnotcometomyknowledgetillalongwhileaftertillIgotto
KamehamehaParkinHonolulu,tobeexact.
Foralittlewhileherletterscamethroughtome,ratherpitifulletterstowardsthe
end,forsheneverreceivedoneofmine.Hermothersawtothat:fromthatsweetladys
pointofview,JerryHammondwasanundesirable,andshewantedtocutherdaughter
offfromhim.Shesucceeded,too,bythehelpofcircumstance.
ProfessorHoyte,myPrincesssfather,wasaborngambler,thoughnobody
guessedit.Toallappearanceshewastheusualcollegedon,uprightandstiff,butwiththe
verydevilsowntemperattimes,andagiftforsarcasmthatcouldmakeanyunlucky
studentwhomhemadeatargetsquirmhelplesslyunderthelashofhistongue.Allto
himself,andunknowneventohiswifeanddaughter,hehadatasteforplottingcurveson
squaredpaper,thesaidcurvesrepresentingtheriseandfallofvariousstocks,including
quiteafewwildcatpropositions.Ifhehadbeensatisfiedwiththesquaredpaperandthe
curves,allwouldhavebeenwell,buthetooktomakinginvestmentsonthestrengthof

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hiscurves.Heappearstohavewonabitatfirst,and,encouragedbytheluck,tohave
increasedhisspeculationsmoreandmore.
That,Isuppose,isastorythathasbeentoldathousandtimesandmore.Itled
ProfessorHoytedownthehillthatsomanygamblershavedescended,andended,for
him,withabulletthroughhisbraininhisstudyonewintermorning,andthesquared
papersshowinghisfatalcurvesonthedeskbesidewhichhisbodyhadfallen.Hehad
gambledawayeverypenny,andevengonetoamoneylenderonthestrengthof
forthcomingsalary.Mrs.HoyteandthePrincesswereleftpracticallydestitute,six
monthsorabitmoreaftermycollegecareerhadterminated.IhavealreadysaidthatMrs.
Hoytewasasemiinvalid.Undertheshockofherhusbandssuicideshewentallto
piecesforawhile,andthensofarrecoveredthatthePrincesswasabletolookafterher.
Allthatwhile,Wallyhadneverceasedhisattentionstothegirl:hewasonthespotin
theirtrouble,andasfarashecouldhesmoothedthewayforthestrickenwidowandher
daughter,neverlettinghimselfgetfarfromthatdaughterssight.Shehadwrittentome
timeandagainandwonnoreply,and,naturally,thoughtIhadforgottenmypromiseand
hertoo.But,loyalsoulthatshewas,shewaitedandwaited,hopingagainsthopeforsome
wordfromme,though,sinceasshallbetoldIlandedinaSouthAmericanjail,myletters
ceased.ShewentonhopinguntilonedayWallytooktoheracuttingfromaSan
Franciscopaper,inwhichwasannouncedmymarriagetoanheiressofthePacificslope,
aquartercolumnslipwhichenumeratedthecelebritiesatthewedding,andgaveme
beyondquestionasastudentofthecollegeatwhichIhadgonethroughmyunfinished
training.Itwasnootherthanmyself,unmistakably,andthePrincesshadtobelieveit.
Ihavethatcuttingtoday.Itwasneverprintedintheordinaryway,nordidit
appearinanynewspaper.Somelinotypersettheslugs,andthenthequartercolumnwas
pulledasaproofandcarefullytrimmedtolooklikeagenuinecuttingfromapaper
thereisevenarulebetweenitandthesupposedadjoiningcolumndownoneside.Ihave
saidthatWallywasarichyouth:hewasouttogetthePrincess,anddidnotcarewhat
meansheusedtothatend.
Andsohewon.Hismoneymeantcomfortfortheailingmother,andher
persuasionswereaddedtohis.MyPrincessmarriedhim,rathermorethantwoyearsafter
sheandIhadsaidgoodbyeatthegateunderthestars,thatnightofourmarriageby
PhilDottworth.Icouldnotblameheroverit:asfarassheknew,Ihadforgottenallabout
her;shewasnexttopenniless,andhermotherasufferingwomanwhoneededthecare
andluxurythatonlymoneycanprovide.Shedidwhatshethoughtbest,butIknowthat
inherheartsheneverforgot.
NowmarkhowoldladyFatetakesahandinthingssometimes,andmaybehands
outwhatpeopledeservefortheirtrickery.WallyandthePrincessweremarried,
gorgeously,andsetoffontheirweddingtrip.Theywentfromtheceremonystraight
throughtoSanFranciscobycar,theretoboardacruisingsteamerduetomakethetrip
throughthePanamaCanalandrunaroundamongtheWestIndies.Goingupthe
gangplanktothesteamer,Wallyslipped,missedhisfootingandholdaltogether,and
madeadropofaboutthirtyfeetontothehardconcreteofthequayside,forthetidewas
atthefullandtheshipridinghigh.Hewaspickedupandtakentohospital,andthenceto
aswellnursinghome,withadamagedspinetheweddingtripwasoff,andforgood,as

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itturnedout.Heleftthatnursinghome,ninemonthslater,onawheeledcarriage,a
helpless,querulouslogofamantowhomthePrincesswastiedforlife;nohusband,buta
subjectfornursing,fromthenontothedayofhisdeath.I,knowingall,donotpityhim.
Sheplayedupnobly,keptpatiencewithhim,nursedandtendedhim,andeven
tookchargeofbusinessaffairsforhimatneed.Havingmadeherbed,shelayonit
uncomplainingly,and,afterhermothersdeath,gaveupherselftocaringforhim.
Womendothesethingsfarmoreoftenthanmen:theaverageman,insuchaposition,
wouldlosepatienceafterafewmonthsandrunoffwithsomeotherwoman,butawoman
seizessuchachancetoprovetheangelinherself,asdidthePrincessmyPrincess,asI
stillthoughther,forIknewnothingofthesethingsthen.Fatewassototwistthingsasto
givemetheknowledge,longlater,butallIknewthenwasthatherlettershadceased.
Beingbeyondreachofnewspapersthatwouldgivelocalaffairsofherhometown,Idid
notevenknowoftheprofessorssuicideorofhermarriageforalongwhile,thoughnews
ofthelattereventreachedmebeforeIhadfinishedwiththeseriesofadventuresthat
befellmeinCentralandSouthAmerica,inthoselittlerepublicsthatsitlikefliesona
ceilingbetweenMexicoandColumbiatherepublicofColumbia,thatis.
Well,thatisthestoryofthePrincess,thestoryofmyfirstandonlyloveaffair,
whichkeptmelonewolfallthroughtheyearsbetweenthatmockmarriagebyPhil
DottworthandtheendofmycampaignagainstTillarySteevensbutWhoa!Imgetting
aheadofmyself.Thereismuchtotell,includingthewhyandhowofmygoingto
Honoluluinacuriousway,andonacuriouserrand.ThewaywasonebywhichIcould
saveatleasthalfofacertainhundredandfiftydollarsroundtrippassagemoney
entrustedtomebyamaninChicago,sinceIwasflatbrokeandneededit.Andtheerrand
beingaconfidentialoneforthedonorofthismagnificentlargess.Noless,infact,than
TillarySteevens,recognizedforyearsasoneoftheforemostmysterystorywritersin
Americaifnottheforemost.For,tobesure,IknowTillarySteevens.Iknewhim,
moreover,eversinceIwasthirteen,andheaboutthesameagethoughImustputin
herethatouracquaintancelanguishedduringmycollegedays,andinfactuntilIreturned
fromPuebloSanDiegoandbadefarewellforevertomestizostatesmen,thebreedof
fleastheydisseminate,thepossibilityofbecomingHisExcellencythePresident,and
SenoritaCarmendeAlvarado.AlltheseIbadegoodbyewithoutatear,andreturnedto
embarkonthatremarkableaffairinwhichTillarySteevensfigured,togetherwithaskull
andjawbone!WhereforeIwenttoHonolulu.
HelivedinahousethatIknowwell,sinceIhavevisiteditmorethanonce,and
studieditwithadiscerningandinterestedeye.363,FullertonParkway,wastheaddress,
andthereSteevenslivedwithonemanofallworkhaslived,tilllately.Itisagrand
oldtimemansionwithcurvedwindowpanes,andcurvingstonebalustradesdownhigh
frontstepsofblackmarble.Thereisapoolandbilliardroomonthetopfloor,a
chandelierwithamillionpendentcrystalsinthehighceilingedmainreceptionroom,and
adirtflooredbasementdevotedtoSteevensparticularfoolhobbymushroomgrowing!
AndSteevenshimselfwhohasnotseenhisportraitinthenewspapers?Pointedbrown
beardinfact,hetoldmeonceinconversationthathewasemulatingacertainD.H.
Lawrence,andIknewthat,likeLawrence,hewascoveringupapitifullyweakchinthat
hadmarkedhimasanabnormality,evenasLawrencesmarkedhim,fromboyhood

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onward.Hismoustachewasofthesamecolourasthebeard,andheworearedframed
monocleinhiseye,withablackribbonnearlyafootwidependantfromit.Addtothese
personalpossessionsavelvetjacket,flowingblacktie,and,whenheappearedamonghis
fellowmen,awidebrimmedgreyvelourhatandacanebigenoughforuseinstunning
anelephant,bythelookofit.
MyerrandforTillarySteevensinHonolulutheerrandwhicheventuallymade
thebigchangeinmylifewasconfidentialdamnedconfidential,infact.Foritwasto
getholdofandbringbackaskull.Rather,askullpluslowerjaw,tostatethecasefully.It
was,moreover,asconcewithastrangehistory,forithadbeenownedworn,Ioughtto
saysomethirtyorfortyyearsagobyanEnglishShakespeareanactor,whodiedinsane
andalsopennilesswiththedelusionthathehimselfwasHamlet.Psychiatrists,Ibelieve,
canexplainadelusionofthissort.Themanhadplayedthepartsomanytimesthathe
hadlivedhimselfintoit,andthewoesandeccentricitiesofthePrinceofDenmark,sofar
ashismentalitywasconcerned,becamehisown.Andpastquestionhewasinsaneonthis
pointlongbeforethefactwasrecognized;itwas,inmostways,aperfectlyharmless
delusion,andthebusinessofcertifyingamanasinsaneiscomplicatedanddifficult,
while,sinceacertaindecisioninthecourts,doctorsareveryreluctanttobecomeparties
totheprocedure,forfearofdamagesbeingsubsequentlyclaimedbyrelativesofthe
supposedlyinsanebutpossiblysaneman.Beyonddoubtthisactor,SylvanusAxtonby
name,wasinsanelongbeforehewascertified,and,tohimself,wasHamletandnoother.
Hiswillhadbeendrawnupandsignedbyhimingoodlegalformbeforehewas
certified,andthereforeitwasnotcontested,althoughitcontainedanumberof,tosaythe
leastofthem,doubtfulpropositions.Oneclausedemandedthathisheartshouldbe
removedfromhisbodyafterhisdeath,enclosedinasilvercasket,andburiedwithfitting
ceremoniesatElsinore,butIbelievetheexecutorsruledthisoutonthegroundthatit
wouldinvolvedifficultieswithaforeignstate.Anotherclausedeclaredthattheskullof
myself,Hamlet,PrinceofDenmarkshallbringgreatlucktoeachandeveryoneofits
succeedingpossessorsandcalledforimmediatepreparationinaLondonmedical
college,inthenaturalformasitwouldhavebeenuncoveredbythetwogravediggers,
anditsshipmentthentotheTheatreLeagueofChicagoforincorporationintheirnew
MuseumofDrama.Chicago,itseems,hadalwayslikedAxtontremendouslymoreso,
even,thanhishomecityLondonhad;andhadalwaysturnedoutforhim.Andso,inthe
dayswhenAxtonsmindwasbreakingup,itwastoChicagothatitturnedasarecipient
ofhisownskullorHamletsskullwhicheverwayonewantstoputit!Anyway,the
sconceandjawweresentinduecoursetotheTheatreLeagueofChicagotheTheatre
Leaguefinallyblewupallthethingsinitsmuseumweresoldthesconceandjaw
reachedacurioagentandthen,inturn,becamethepropertyofamanonTillary
Steevenssownstreet,whosubsequentlytreasuredthemlikehellbecausetheyreallydid
seemtobringhimgoodluck.AndTillarylovedluck;infacthelovedanythingtreasured
byanybodyelse;andtherecamenotlongagothedaywhenTillarynotonlycovetedthe
skullrather,skullandjawbonebutneededthem.Butofthat,moreanonasthe
scribblerssay.
Aqueerproposition,JerryHammonddoingaconfidentialerrandforthefamous
TillarySteevens!

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ForJerryHammondisathief.
Butastraightfromtheshoulderthiefwhotakeshislibertyandhislifein
hishandsonanykindofathievingjob.
WhileTillarySteevensisalsoathief!Athiefwhohasstoleneveryoneofthe
twentysixsuccessfulmysterynovelsthathavebeenpublishedunderhisnameinthelast
elevenyearstodate.Stolenthembagandbaggagefromamanwhohasbeendeadnow
forthirtyyears.AmanwhomIkneworatleastknewalotabout.Andbecauseevery
novelTillarySteevenshashadpublishedhasbeenstolenthenalltherichperquisites
thathavecomeoutofeachbookarethereforestolentoo:thescreensalesthedozen
differentforeigntranslationrightstheBritishsalestheradiobroadcastrightsthe
newspapersyndicationsallthehugesidemoneythatgoesintothepurseofasmug,
respectable,socallednovelistlivingonasmug,respectableboulevardinasmug,
wouldberespectedcity.
AndthecuriousthingaboutTillarySteevensandhisgreattheftthegreatest
theftofitskind,probably,inallthehistoryoflarceny!isthatthemanwhopennedall
thosefinebooksSteevensispublishingtoday,veryslightlydoctoredtofitpresentday
conditions,leftmeinthelong,longagohisentireestate.Anestatewhich,
unfortunately,amountedtobut$8cashandaBible!
SoitseemsthatTillaryisrobbingme!Ishouldbeproud,perhaps,tobeableto
saythatTillarySteevens,withsuchliterarycarpentryshiptalentsasheevidentlyhas,is
myfriend.Whereas,strangely,theonlymanafterwhosenameIcantackthewordsReal
Friendisdescribableonlybythewordsignorant,uncouth,illiterateNegro.Inshort,
oneLaughingSamfromAlabam!ThoughLaughingSamknewlittleofAlabama,
sincehewasbroughtfromthere,byhismammy,toGeorgiaorsomesuchplacewhenhe
wasonlyfive.
AndIcallLaughingSamfriendsupremebecausehesavedmefromaSouth
Americangallows.Byadoubleriskingofhislifeandnotasinglerisking.Hesavedme
fromstranglingtodeath,ontheendofahempenrope,inadarkexecutionchamber
belowwaterlevel.AndforanoffencethatInevercommittedandwhichthosewho
hopedtohangmeknow,eventoday,thatInevercommitted.
AndsoitwastoLaughingSamthatIwentwhenthedaycameonwhichIdesired
togetthegoodsonTillarySteevens.Andshowhimupbeforetheworldasthewhited
sepulchre,thehypocriticalbuzzard,thecontemptiblethief,thatheis.Andshowthe
worldexactlyhowhestoleallhisbutperhapsIshouldfirststatehowandwhereImet
LaughingSamfromAlabambeforeIpresentthecase,andcitetheproofs,that
TillarySteevensistheworldsworstLiteraryFraudbarnone.
AndsoIllbeginwithLaughingSam!
CHAPTERII
LAUGHINGSAMFROMALABAM!
WHENIfirstmetLaughingSamfromAlabamhewasntanyLaughingSam!

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Hewasacrying,moaning,sobbingSam.Bawling,actuallyscreaminginpain.
AndIwasaprisoner.Beinglockedupincommunicado.Incommunicadoplus!
Anddestined,thoughheavenknowsIdidntevenguessitatthemomenttohang.
Andtolive,beforethathanging,formanywearymonths,inastonecellsome20
feetsquare,partlybelowthesurfaceofadeepriverflowingoutside,inaSouthAmerican
calaboose.MyonlycompanionsanAmericanNegrofromElPasoandpartsabout.Anda
safeblowerthecleverest,Ivesinceheard,whoeverpliedthetradefromSouth
Africa.WhereaboutsinSouthAmericathistookplacedoesntmatter.Itcouldhaveno
bearingonmysituationheretonight,tenlongyearsafter.AndImnotforgetting,either,
thatthosehumantigers,evenafterthesetenlongyears,probablyhavesomeoftheir
phoneydevilishpapersbywhichtoextraditeme:toshutmymouth;and,iftheyshould
extraditeme,ImighthavetopayoutmoneywhichIhaventgot!tofightit;and,ifI
lost,Iwouldhavetotakethesamenoosethat,tenyearsago,Islippedoutfromunder.
Anditallhasnothingtodotodaywithanyoftodayshappeningsoutsideofbutthe
simplefactthatthereImetthebestandfinestandtruestfriendawhitemaneverhad
LaughingSam.Whowastobecome,induecourse,myrightboweringettingthegoods
onTillarySteevens!
Andsoasthebigirongrilldoorofthatdamnedundergroundlockupclanged
behindmethatfatefulday,andIstood,illatease,gazingaboutthehighstonewallsof
thatcelldrippinghereandthere,onthesidewheretheriverflowednotastickof
furnitureinitexceptthethreestrawstuffedpalletsofcoarseburlapthehighbarred18
inchsquarewindowthroughwhichashaftofsunlightfellinasquareuponthecement
floor,IdidntseeCapeTownSlimatfirst.ForSlimsatasheeversat,armsfolded,knees
drawnup,againsttherighthandwallandeverthatsupercilious,scornfullookonhis
lips.IsawonlySam.Cladinfadedcastoffoveralls,frayedatthecuffs,tatteredat
trouserends.Abouttwentyoneyearsorsoinage.Rockingbackandforthuponhisown
strawstuffedpallet.
OhGod,mahteef,hewaswailing;AhdyinbyinchesGod,please,deah
goodkinGod,hepmetodieAhjescaintstanddepainiteatinoutmahbrains,
datwhutitis.Please,deahGodstrikemedaidAhcaintstandit.Ahcaint,Ah
caint!
ThenonlydidIseeSlim.Handsome.Wellbuilt,Greyeyes.Cosmopolitanand
gentlemanifevertherewasone.Lookedfortythree.Andwearingaoncefinetweed
Englishloungesuitnowgoinghereandthereintotatters.
Welcome,stranger,hesaidinadryvoice.ForifIknowthisgoddamnjoint
anyyoullbeherealongtime.Weveallbeen!SlimsmynameCapeTownSlim
safecrackerIgiveyouthelowdownsincetheyvegotthegoodsonme.Thedinge
yonderisanAmericandingeLaughingSamfromAlabam.Whatsyourname,
buddy?
AndItoldhim.Truthfully.JerryHammond.FromU.S.A.Manyplaces.Wanderer
withmanyneartradesbutalllegitimate.Astheywerethem.
Sitdown,hebademe.AndforGodssake,Dinge,pipedown.Yougottastand
it.YouormellgobarmyandIllhavetosloughyououtinanotherminute.Mynerves
arecracking.

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IwasseatedonthefloorclosetoSlimwithinafewminutes.
Illjollywellwager,heinquired,thatyoudontevenknowwhatyoureinfor?
Yes?No?
God,no!Isaid.Ionlycametothiscityacoupleofdaysago.Thismorninga
packofthesedagopolicecametothedoorofmyhotelroommadealotofaccusations
inpoorEnglishthatIdforgedachequeandthenrequestedthatIwritemynamefor
emonthebottomofasheetofblankpaper;partofemthenwentawayandtherestup
andluggedmeoffhere.
Whatfor,buddy,didyoucometosuchagodamnedbananarepublicasthis?
Well,Itoldhim,Imeverythingbutafullfledgeddentalsurgeon.Dentist,you
know.And
Whaddyemean,buddyeverythingbutadentist?Howcanablokebe
everythingbut?
Just,Iexplained,thatInevergraduated,grandmotherhadatoughtimetoget
methroughsuchschoolsasIdidgetthrough.HerearningsandthemoneyIvealways
earnedinthesummersgotmeupasfarascollege,andasmallinheritanceshegotfrom
asisterputmeincollege!GrandmotherandthemoneybothpeteredoutwhenIwasthree
andahalfyearsthroughthefiveyearcourse.Thoughinthatthreeandahalfyearsin
thefreeclinic,youknowIvedoneeverykindoftechnicaldentalworkthatsdoneon
theoutsidereceivedgraduationpointsforitbutneveryethavedoneaprofessional
job.Reason:nevergraduatedhencenolicence!ForGrandmothersdeathinthesummer
oftwentyninealltheavailabletuitionmoneygivingoutinmidfallofnineteen
twentyninethenthebeginningoftheBigPanicthatsevengoingonrightnowup
Northwell,thatputmeblottoastofinishing.ThoughevenifIcouldpractisetoday,
thedamnedpanicupNorthisstarvingeventhemthathavealicence.Knockedaroundthe
Statesliketheglassballinapinballgame.FinallytriedCanada.Montreal.Gottwo
hoursadaynailingboxes.Thatpeteredout.Soupqueuesthen.AndsoIfinallycame
downhere.Stowaway,yes.Thinkingthathere,wheretherearentanylicencelawsatall,
ImightdigupachancetohelpsomeSouthAmericandentistwhohadtoomuchtradeto
handleorelseneededmorefreetimetorunwithwomenormaybewantedallhistime
tobedrunk.Eitherafewpesosearnedthatwayatmyrightfulprofessionorelse
spendtherestofmylifenailingboxes,asItoldyouIwasdoinginMontrealwhenIleft
theNorth.
AndthatwasthefirsttimethatLaughingSamspokeup.Hiseyes,inhishigh
cheekedblackface,hadbeenopenaswideassaucers.
GoodGod,bossisyouaadaintist?
Yes,Isaid.
God,bosstekalook,willyu,atmahpoteefAhclah,deyisslowkillinme
daidwidpain.
AndsowhileSlimwaited,eversittingstoicallyinhisplace,hishandslinked
aroundhisknees,IturnedSamaround,andletthesunfromthathighupbarredwindow
pourstraightintohismouthandthroat.ThenIshookmyheadslowly.
God,blackboy,Itoldhim,butyouvesomebadlyexposednerves.Yousure
couldstandplentyofcleaningoutofbonecavities,andsomethingtocoverthosenerve

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endings.Yourmouth,blackboy,isaclassicalexampleofnumberthreeofDr.Spencer
AlbrightsstudiesofNegrooralconditionsfoundonlyinlargeSoutherncities.Chewing
negrotaffy,richinsyntheticesters,asakid;thenfiveorsixyearsofdentalneglect
withyourfolksinthemeanwhileusingtheoldcarbolicacidbottleonyouwheneveryou
hadtoothacheandyoulearningtodothesame.Whydontyouapplytothewarden
hereforcare?
Slim,overacrosstheroom,laughedgrimly.
Whenyoureinthisplaceofforgottenmen,hesaid,youreburiedalivehead
deep!
Iwasfumblinginmypockets.AndIfoundthelonepillofzirconiumcitrate.Id
broughtitdownwithmetoshowsomeSouthAmericandentistthelatestinquicklocal
oralanesthetics.Themanufacturersclaimedthatzirconiumcitrate,reactingwithsaliva,
madeaperfectlocalanesthetic.ItoldthefactstoSam.Nowthen,colouredboy,
dissolvethisinyourspitdontdareswallowititsallwevegotshakeitaroundin
yourmouthandyoullfeelbetteroh,forahalfday,anyway.
Hedidso.Evenbeforeitmusthavedissolved,onecouldabsolutelyseetherelief
spreadoverSamsblackface.ThoughIknewitcouldbebutatemporaryreliefatbest.
Now,Sam,Slimwassaying,catchupalittleonyoursleepwhilethatstuffs
working.Youhaventsleptforfourdaysandnights.Andyou,buddy,tome,sitdown
hereagain.Foryouregoingtobehereawhile!
Idid.Sam,hispilldissolved,hisbodycompletelywornout,wasasgoodas
asleepalready.
HowlonghaveyoubeenhereCapeTownSlimifImayask?
Twomonths.
Whatareyouchargedwith?Iasked.Ifyoudontmind?
Notatall,buddy.Illegalentrypluscompleteoutfitofcribcrackingtoolsfound
inmyroom.IllundoubtedlycatchAlloftheBookdownhere.OnlyIllneverreadit!
CatchtheBook?Isaid,forIwasgreeninthosedays.
Catchthefulllimitofthesentence,youlug,hesaidfriendlily.Life!OnlyIll
neverreadalltheBookiftheydohandittome.
Why?Iasked,bewilderedgreatly.
Theoldtickerhere,heexplainedsimply,puttinghishandonhisheart.Forty
eightbuddyandavalveleakingbadly.Theywontlockthisbabyupforlong.He
changedthesubject.Iseethedingeispeacefullysleeping.Chestmovingasregularlyas
ababys.
Ipausedhelplessly.Andthenasked:AndwhatishetheNegrolockedup
for?
Suspicionsofhavingbeensentdownherespeciallytostealvaluablemilitary
secretsbecausehegotacquaintedrightoffthebatwithsomeAmericanNegresswhos
knowndownheretobethedarlingmistressofsomehighupdignitarywhosatsome
Austriansparightnowgettinghisownhearttreated.
Well,Iresponded,illegalentryistheonlychargetheyhaveagainstme.Since
Ididsneakinmyself,withouthidenorhairofapassport.CouldIdoanythingforyou
ontheoutside?Britishconsuloranyoneelse?ForIllsurebegettingoutofheresoon

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thoughwithmaybesixtydaysofjailsentenceattached.
Ohyeah?Slimsaidsarcastically.ImbettingallIvegotinCapeTown
whichhappenstobeaonepoundnoteowingtomebythekeeperofthepubintheMount
NelsonHotel!againstapluggedshillin,thatyouwouldnthavebeenstuckinthis
particulardungeoniftheywerentplottingtosockyouandhow!Imsayingyoullbe
heregoodandlongandplenty!
Ilookedaboutthosegrimstonewallsonewalldripping.Atoughplaceto
amuseoneselfin.
Amuseoneself?Helaughedgleefully.Why,thereisntagoddamnedthing
todointhisholebutchewtherag.AndnowthatIveawhitemantotalktoforSam,
poundinghisearoveryonder,hasntenoughbrainstobeworthtalkingto!Imayeven
startatechnicalschool.Cribcrackingallbranches!Idsaythatinninetytheoretical
lessons,ofonehoureachmaybeonlyseventyfiveIcouldturnabirdwhohadthe
mechanicalandchemicaltrainingofaDentalSurgeonintoabirdwhopossessedthe
practicalquintessenceoftheaccumulatedknowledgeofallthesafecrackersinhistory!
Andthatishow,where,andfromwhomIlearnedtheentiretechniqueandartof
crackingacrib!
CHAPTERIII
KANGAROOCOURT

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FORIdidnotgetoutasIhadblithelysupposed!Ineverevenleftthatcursedcell
tillonecertaindaywhenIwaswhiskeddownsomestonecorridorsandupanddown
somewindingstairways.Andintoahugeroomstuddedwithdrippingstonepillars.Itwas
fullofmen,someinbrilliantuniforms,allspeakingalanguagewhichIcouldnt
understand.Improvisedplanksandbarrels,andamakeshiftjudgesbench,showedthatit
wasatemporarycourtroom.TheyheldsomekindofatrialWithajuryofthehardest
lookingmenIdeverseen.Iattemptedtoexpostulate.Agreasylookingmanwithhuge
moustachessaid:Kipqueeit.MeIamyourattturnee.Itakegoodcareforyou.
Induecoursethejurywentout.Andcamebackinthreeminutes.
Alotoftalkingfollowed.
AndIwasbroughtbacktoCapeTownSlimandLaughingSam.AndthatnightI
learnedfromaturnkeywhospokealittleEnglishthebitterfact.Ihadbeencondemnedto
deathforthemurderofaSpanishgirlfoundstabbedtodeathintheparkITheyhadthe
signeddepositionofthreepolicewitnesseswhosworetheyhadfoundthedagger,
cleansedcarefullyoffingerprints,hiddenintheclosetofmyhotelroom.Alsothe
depositionoftwomenwhohadseenmeonthelonelyparkbench,thenightbeforethe
killing,quarrellingbitterlywiththegirl.Theyevenhadatypewrittenconfession,
signedbyme,inwhichIhadthrownmyselfuponthemercyofthecourt.Andbecauseof
thatconfessionthejudge,hypocriticalviper,hadorderedclemencyoftherope,instead
ofthetortureofthespikestuddedgarrotte,incasethejuryfoundmeguilty.Damned
farce!Allofit.Forseveralofthejurymenwerefastasleepwhilethecasewasgoingon

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butthewholetwelveproclaimedmeguilty.Andmercifullygavemetheropeinstead
ofthesteelgarrotte!
ThatwasallIknew.AndIlivedinastateofshellshockforfortyeighthours.
Andfinally,afewdayslater,theytookSlimout.Tookhimsomewhereintheoldcabildo.
Hewasgoneabouttwohours.Thentheybroughthimback.Andwhenthedoorclanged,
hemotionedmeover.Ipickedupthewholelowdownonyourcase,buddy,hetoldme
gravely.Andalittleonmine.Iwasjustupformoreinterrogation,infrontofsomekind
ofmilitarybigwigaroundhere,thatsall.Aboutmyself,Imtobetriedafterafter
youreknockedoff.SoitllhavetomeanlifeformeinsomedungeonsosIdontget
wordoutaboutyou.Butaboutyouwellyousee,Iveneveryetletontoanyofyou
orthemthatIspeakthislingo.Ivekeptthatonelittlefactback.Sotheyletmesitina
sideroom,whilstacoupleoftheirplainclothescopperstalkednearme.Buddy,they
jobbedyouallright.Thiswhitesenoritawas,itseems,themistressofeverypoliceand
politicalhigherupinthistown.Sheplayedthemall.Thelittlefool!Andwhentheyall
finallycommencedcomparingnotesandfoundsheddonejustthattheydecided
shedhavetotakearide,alaAmerican.Soacoupleoftheirlocalhoods,armedwith
rubbergloves,squeezedhergolddigginghandaboutadaggertogetherf.p.sonit,
slippedthedaggerbetweenherribslatethatnightandrightinherquartersandlugged
heracrossalaneandsetherupinthepark,onabench,withaphoneysuicidenotetobe
foundwithher.Theythemselvesgotbumpedoffbythepowersthatbeonehourafter
theycoppedtheirpayoff.Foritseemstheydbungledthecase.Andabirdanexdick,
andamemberofthepoliticomilitarygangwhoinspectedit,foundthebungle.Forshe
waslefthandedandthedaggerholewasonthewrongside;moreover,itwasabittoo
farbackforherhandtoreach.Herknockoffthenhadtobe,obviously,abumpoff.The
dickusedhisbrains,drewoutthedaggerandcoppedthephoneysuicidenote.Now,since
ithadtobeabumpoff,thispoliticomilitaryganghadtohaveascapegoatbeforea
certainbrightmouthpiecefortheminorityparty,suspectingthetruth,triedtoputtheheat
onthem.ThescapegoatmighteasilyhavebeenmeonlyIwasalreadyapparentlyin
limbo.Theypickedonyou:newcomerundersurveillanceeversinceyougothere
andnopassport.Thatnameyouwroteonthebottomofthatsheetwasthesignatureto
yourconfessiontypedinlateraboveit.Everymanjackonthatjurywasapoliceor
militaryhenchman.ThejudgewasthelousiestbastardofhiskindinallSouthAmerica.
Theyheldthetrialdownheresothatnobodybuttheirowngangcouldbepresent.Nota
wordsbeeninthepapers;sotheconsulsknownothing.Themorningafteryourehung,
yourconfession,whichabsolutelyclinchesthefaketestimony,istobepublished.And
this,buddy,isthelowdown.
Igulped.Iwasyoungandsoft.Andonlytwentyfiveyearsold.
Butwhywhywhy,Slim,aretheywaiting?
Because,Slimtoldme,itseemsthatinallthesebananarepublicsanexecution,
anentryorderintostirforalifeterm,oranextradition,isnoughtpercent.legalorone
hundredpercent.illegal!unlesstheBigBugandyouknownow,ofcourse,whoheis
isinsidetheboundarylinesand.technically,appealableto.Thoughjusttrytoappeal.
Eh?Andthisdevilhasbeen,allthistime,inEurope.Ataspa.Treatinghisgoddamn
preciousheartwhilstCapeTownSlimsitshereinpainwithhisownheart.Thisfellows

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inwithemallbuthesgottobethissideoftheboundaryline,elsetheminorityparty
here,whichcontrolstheonebenchthatadministersbreachesofoffice,cancasteveryone
involvedwiththatexecutionoutofoffice:thatis,ofcourse,aftertheylearnofit.So,in
themeantime,thebuzzardsthatareinarewaiting,waiting,ontheheadBuzzardsreturn.
Soyouresafeforawhile.
Andthenthenwhat?Iaskedhelplessly.
Thenwhat?CapeTownSlimsaid.Heshruggedhisshoulders.Nevercrossa
bridge,lad,tillyoureachit.Theresmorethingshappeninthisoldworldthanyouever
dreamedof.FromwhatIhear,itsalongtimeoffyet.Andsomethingmayhappen.All
right,sitdown,heordered,andtakeyourtodayslesson.Fornowthattheyvegiven
usthissoapboxtoeatourstinkinghorsemeatstewoffof,andwegotasortofmodelofa
safe,weremovingahellofasightfaster.AndtheGrandOldIronWorkerisgoingto
makeanexpertcribmanoutofyouontheonechanceinamillionthatyoumightgetout
ofthiscountrythough,frankly,Imdoingitreallytokeepmyselffromgoingbarmy;
Soletsseewherearewe?YesterdaywasLessonFortyfour:HowtheVdooris
wedgedopen,fortheseepageofthesoup,incaseyouhaventgotwedge,norknife,nor
evensafetyrazorblade.Boy,thatlessonwasworthatwentypoundnoteinitself.Andto
daywellgointosomethingnew:torching.Andifyoullconsideroursoapboxachlled
steelcannonballsafe,whichcantbeblown,Illshowyouexactlyhowtofindthelittle
oldpointAchillesHeelhimselfwheretheacetylenejetcaneatthroughinhalfthe
time.Readynow?
Imightaswell,Ireturneddesperately.Eitherthatorgocrazy.
Crazy?moanedSamforthiswasoneofhisbad,baddays.Itsme
LaughinSamwhosgoincrazy.Ahclahstohellangone,SlimanJehhy,Ahgonna
diedisnightforAhsuffensodatAhdesgonnakillmahsefwidmahownhands.Ah
will!Ahwill.Ahwill!
CHAPTERIV

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NEGOTIATIONS

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ILOOKEDatSam.Hissufferingswerebadallright,fortheywerepullinghim
continuouslydown.Hewasthinasarail.Hiseyeswerelikebloodshotblackwalnuts
sunkendeepinhishead.Allnighthewouldmoan.Hardlyeverslept.IlookedatSlim.
Listen,Slimyouvebeenbadlyshakenbyknowingyouregoingtocatchthe
Bookinthiscountrybutyouvekeptyourselffromgoingcrazybyteachingmesafe
crackingwhichIllneverbeabletouseandwouldntuse,Iguess,evenifIcould.But
Ivegottodosomethingtokeepmyselffromgoingcrazy.AndfromkeepingSamover
therefromgoingcrazytoo.
What?heasked.
WillyoutranslatesomewordsintoSpanishformetotheguardwhositsjust
upthecorridorthere?Itmeans,ofcourse,givingawaythefactthatyouknowthelingo.
Helookedatme.WellImightaswell.Butthatllendallchanceofpickingup

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anymorenews.Okay.
Hemotionedtheguardover.Atallmanwithfacethecolourofanolive.
AndItoldSlim,sentencebysentence,whattosayandhetranslatedtome,the
sameway,theanswers,thoughgivingthematypicalSouthAmericanaccent,grim
humoristthatSlimeverwas.
Thisyoungman,hebegan,isadentist.Heevenreceived,inNorthAmerica,
thehighestdegreeknownindentistry:thatofDoctorintheIntegrityCalculationisof
AccountCollecting.Icanttranslatethatlastexactly,butthedegreewouldalsobeknown
asP.D.Q.PhooeytoYou,Brother.
Eesdanteest,eh?Well,canhestoptheezblackmanfromowling?Weguards,
evenintheguardroomupyonflightofstairs,nocansleep.Sogrreatlyareour
senseebeelitiesdisturbed.
Yoursensibilities,yougoddamnedblackeyedsonofabitchwithaWoolworth
Kresgemilitarycoat.Whatdoyousupposeourfeelingsare?
IknownotwatzatwordbeetchmeansohowIknowwatsonofsameis?
Howeverwatyouwan?
Listen,youwontletadentistbebroughtherebecausethisblackbirdisliable
tosliphimapieceofinfothatyoudontwanttoleakoutofthiscalaboose.
Well,Iknownotheengaboutthat.Iamhiredbuttobeaguard.Fromsixinthe
morningtilleightatnight.Iknownotheeng.
Well,sobeit.Butthisfellowatmyelbowheresaysifhecouldonlygetsome
dentalapparatusandalittlematerialtoworkwithhedbegladtoworkontheblack
mansteethjusttokeepfromgoingcrazyhimself.
Eewould,eh?Well,wait.
Thefellowwasgone.WhileSlimandIwaited.
Presentlyhereturned.
Myfranooworkonuppercorridor,Slimtranslatedquizzicallytome,hada
brotheroowasdanteestinanadjoiningcontree.Eesbrothereesdead.Soeeasafoot
dreel.Andadrawerfullofofnutpeecks.
Ahfine.Thatswhattheladhererequires.Ohyestheladhereasksmetoask
you:hasyourfrananygoldorsilverpaste?Ormercury?
Nogold.No.Hesoldeet.Buteesayeehasthesilverdust.Andthemercuree.
Good.Bringtheapparatushereandhellmanagesomehowtofixtheblack
mansteethsothepoordevilwonthowlallnight.
Butowweknowyouwondreelyourwayoutthatweendow?
Youass!Dontyousitalldaywhereyoucanlookrightinthiscell?Goand
examinethatonewindoweachnightandifyouseeevidencesofdrillingcall
everythingoff.
Hokay!Iweelbreengtheappratus.Slimshruggedhisshoulders.Ahellofa
chancewedhavetodrillourwayout,hecommented.Andifwedidonlyadeep
rivertoplungeintowithplentyofmaneatinggators.Buttostopthatdingeshowlingis
thenextbestthing,saysI.Nowcomeonwhiletheapparatuscomes.Foryouhavent
recitedyouryesterdayslessonyet,letaloneseentodaysdemonstration.

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CHAPTERV
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J.HAMMOND,D.D.S.,
HOURS10.05A.M.TO11.20A.M.DAILY!
ATlast,outsideofourmutualterriblepredicaments,thingsweremuchhappierin
ourcell.
Theoldfootdrillthattheguardbroughtwasafairenoughone.Notliketheones
IdhadinthedifferentdentalcollegesIdattended.Butitdidthework.Thenutpicks,
astheguardcalledthemdrills,burrs,andsoforthwereallthere.Silverandmercury
foramalgam.Evencement.AllIneeded.
EachdayLaughingSamwasinlessandlesspain,asIcleanedoutthoseterribly
rottencavities;Threeextractions,infact,Ihadtomake.TwiceIhadtotakeoutahalf
deadnerve,Wehadnoanesthetic.Samstooditmanfully,sweatinggreatbeadsofsweat.
Theonlymouthwashingapparatusvouchsafedtouswasanoldstinkingscrubpailhalf
filledwithfilthywaterwhichmorethanonceactuallyheldtheremainsofscrubwaterin
it.Afteradrilling,Samwouldwallopsomeoftheblackmuddycontentsofthepail
aroundhismouth,yodellingwithpain,expectorateitallout,andwedstartdrillingagain.
Lucky,luckyforhimthatIfoundasmallbottlehalffilledwithSterilinemadeinmy
owncountrytosterilizethosecavitiesjustbeforeworkingtheamalgamin.
Asforachairtoputthepatientin,theywouldnotgiveushidenorhairofone.
AndIhadtoworkonSam,heseatedonthecoldcementfloor,hisbackagainstSlims
backforaprop.HisheadlyingbackonSlimsshoulderforaheadrest.Itwasinthose
daysthatIrealizedthatCapeTownSlimwasoneofGodsowngentlemen.Ihadtosquat
lowonmyheelsbutcouldworkthedrillpedalwithonefootjustthesame.Onlyfrom
aboutfiveminutesafter.teneachmorning,toaboutfiveminutesaftereleven,though,
couldIworkbynaturallight,whilethatisthesunfromthehighwindowpoured
straightdownintoSamsmouthandthroat.Afurtherfifteenminutescouldoftenbegot
onsunnydaysbySlimholdingoutthehandmirrorabovehisandSamshead,and
actuallyreflectingthesunlightintoSamsmouth.ThosefifteenminutesIalways
reservedforthedifficulttechnique,fortheconcavemirroractuallyfocusedtherayson
thesiteofthework.Butwhenthesuncompletelypassedtheworkwasupfortheday.
And,workingswiftlyasIdidoftentobeatthesunIhadtoputinstrangeshaped
fillingssquaretriangularGodknowswhatotherformswhich,thoughthey
protectedtheunderlyingcavitytoopercent.,wouldhaveactuallydemotedmebackto
freshmanyearinadentalcollegeclinic!
EachdaySlimtaughtmemoreandmoreofhistrade.
Downinhissoul,assuredly,hehadthecriminalshunchgainedfromlotsof
strangeexperiencesthatalwaystheremightbealastminutecrushout,ashetermed
it.
Eachlearnedlessonhemademeactuallydemonstrate,overandoveragain,onthe
soapbox.Butsoonhecommencedtolookbluerandbluer.
ForwehadheardthattheBigBughadleftAustriaandwouldsoonlandonthe

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coastofSouthAmerica.WhichmeantthatSlimstrialwouldtakeplaceverysoonand,in
allprobability,beratifiedthesameday.Whilemine,alreadyheld,wouldberatified,and
probablycarriedoutthedaybeforeSlimwouldgotoprison.
AndthedayafterthatwasthedaywhenthemilitarybigwigoftheBastilleruled
thatwehadnorightstohaveadentaldrill.Eventhoughtheguardwasrigorously
inspectingthelonesquarewindoweverymorningandevening.Butluckily!Ihad
fixedSamupcompletely.Bytheeveningbefore.Ithadtakenthirtymorningsworking
swiftlytodoit.ThefirstoutofcollegejobIdeverdone.Professional,byGod,
becauseitwaspaidfor!BecauseSamsubsequentlypaidforit,infact,athousandtimes
over.Bygettingmeoutofthere.Andbybutthatsgettingaheadofmystory.
WhatinhellamIgoingtodo,Slim?Iasked.Formynervewasslipping.God
ifIcouldonlyreachtheAmericanconsul.
Hethoughthard.
Thetroubleis,Jerry,hesaid,thatwerebeingkepthereforjustthatreason:so
thatwecantnotifyourconsuls.Wereincommunicadothatandplus!Buttellyouwhat
Illdo,oldchap.TonightImgoingtolieawake.Allnight.Themoonsfull.AndI
alwaysthinkwellbrilliantlywhenthemoonisfull!Igetideasgalore.Andwhen
morningcomes,Jerry,IswearIllhavesomesortofanidea.Bywhichoneofus,atleast,
mayescape.And,notifyingtheconsuls,gettherestout!
Thatnight,Slim,onhisstrawstuffedpallet,wasveryquiet.Iknewhewas
thinkingasneverinhislifehehadthoughtbefore.Iwonderedwhatdesperateideaswere
surgingthroughhishead.Icaughtalookathimonce,whenthepenumbraofthemoving
moonlightcreptacrossandbeyondhim.Hiseyeswerestaringthoughtfullyatthefarther
ceilingedge,andhewasactuallysmiling.SmilingsointentlythatIknewhedfoundat
lastthesolutiontooutwitthesedevilswhoheldus.
Thesolutionbywhichoneofus,atleast,mightescapeandthussavetheother
two.
Andwhenmorningcame,myconjectureofthenightwasconfirmedforSlim
had,indeed,foundawayinwhichoneandoneonlyofusmightmakeanescape.
Anescapemoreperfectthananythingwhichwehadevermutuallydiscussedand
tossedasideashopelesslyimpractical.
Moreover,Slimhadachievedit!
Forhelayonhisburlappalletdead!

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CHAPTERVI
TWOLEFT
40

NOWthatSlimsdefectivehearthadprovedticketofleaveforhim,therewere
butthetwoofusleftinthatcell,myselfandLaughingSam.Hetriedfearfullytocheer
meup.Jokedwithmejiggedandbuckdancedformesungformetoldmestoriesof
strangeadventureshedhadintheBlackBeltsofmanySouthernandNortherncitiesof
theU.S.A.,includingparticularlyElPaso.Itrieddesperately,frantically,to,keepfrom

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thinkingofwhatwastohappentome.Andsoon.ForIhadseenhugedrilledbeamsbeing
carriedpastthedoor.AndIknewagallowswasbeingboltedtogetherinsomecellin
somefartherpartofthatBastilleofHell.
Sam,Isaid,Isupposeassoonasastheygetridofmetheyllbelettingyou
out.Afterall,theydontclaimanythingonyouandyouvenothingonthem.
God,bossbutAhhatestoheahyoutalklakdat.FoAhsurelubsyou,boss.
YoudonedidpullmeoutobHell.Mahmoufdonacheanmahhaidanfacean
evathingupdahdontachenoma,AhwishtoGod,boss,Ahcoulddosomepnfoyou.
Oh,MistJehhy,isdeyevahannbodyyouwanfometototonotifywhendeydat
is,ifndeydeydeygibsyouderope?
No,Sam,Isaid,andtruthfully.TheonlyrelativeIeverhadmygrandmother
hasbeendeadthreeyearsnow.
Nokidfriens,MistJehhy?
No,Sam.SheandIgypsiedaboutsomuchwhenIwasakidthatIdidnthave
timetomakepermanentfriends.
Weweresilent.Whatcouldbesaid,anyway?Andstillsittingthere,weboth
heardarappingagainstthebarsofourcelldoor.Webothjumpedup.
Thegovernoroftheprisoninredcoatandepaulettesstoodthere.Scowling.
Youblackman,hesaid,infairEnglish,getreadytogetoutofhereinfive
minutes.Putyourstinkingsockson.Yourflappingshoes,also.Getyourfewrags
together.
WhahwhahAhgoin?quaveredSam.Youregoingtobeputaboarda
nativefruitfreighterthatleavestonight.AndwhenyougetbacktotheU.S.A.dontever
showyourselfbackhere.Oryoullgetexactlywhatthisfellowisgoingtoget.
WhatwhatamIgoingtoget?Iasked.
Youaretobehangedtomorrowsometime.Forhewhosepresenceisrequired
toratifyyourexecutionorderandwho,myfinemurdererofinnocentgirls,hasalready
statedbywirethathewillratifytheorderattheborderifmettherewithitisnow
withinlessthantwelvehoursoftheborder.
Andheturnedfromthecell.Andhismilitaryshodfeetwereclickingrapidlyup
thecorridor.
Samturnedtome.Wewerequitealone.Evenourguardwasgone,bowingand
scrapingalongbehindthegovernor.
MistJehhy,Samburstout,gibmeyosocksyesdonaxnoquestions
andputmahsocksoninstid.
ButSamwhywhy,Sam,inGodsname,why?Theyregoingtohangme.So
why?
OhGod,MistJehhydonax.Incaseititdonwuhk.Butquick,now.Dis
sock.Yes.Anddisun.Gimeyournquick.Ahcainttellyou.Itmebbeisouahony
chance.Quicknow.FodesedebillsllinspeckmesurewenAhgoesout.
Iputhisstinkingsocksonmyfeet.Andgavehimmineequallystinkinginthat
placeofnosoapandlittlewater.
Andtheywerebackforhimwithintwominutesnotfive.
AndasecondlaterIwasleftalone.

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Upanddown,upanddown,Ipacedthatevening.Forthefirsttime,Iwouldhave
relishedacorridorguard.Butguardthereneverwasatnight.Notinthatsection,
anyway.
ThatnightIlayonmylonepalletinthemoonlight.Slimgonetoahappierland
forgoodandforallandSamnowfar,faroutatsea.Ithoughtofmanythings.Thought
thoughtthought
Aboutthensomethingwrappedinpaperhitthebarsofthehighsquarewindow.
Fellbackintotheriver.ForIheardthedistinctplashofitsimpactwiththewater,
Again,withinaminute,thestrangemanoeuvrewasrepeated.Thistimethewrapped
stone,asobviouslyitwas,camecleanthroughthebars.Iclamberedovertoit.
Unwrappeditinthebrightmoonlight.Itsaid:
SAIDNOATONLYNUMMER2
Unrabbledesock,andletunrabblmentdownquik.Wukfasfordecuhrrantindis
ribberisswifandifimcotchedahllgitlifecentense.
Sam!Howhowhadhedoneit?
Andthenitcommenceddawningonmethereasonforhisstrangelastminute
demand.Thesockshedgivenmewereknitsocks.Knitforhim,asIrememberednow
hishavingtoldme,bysomecolouredgirlinthelastplacehedbeenbeforehecame
south.Ipeeledoneoffpulledatoneofitswornthroughspots.Andthethinbuttough
cottonyarnunravelled!OnceortwiceIhadtostartagainatanewwornspotandtiethe
twobrokenendstogether.AtlastIhada25footpieceofyarn.Itiedtoitthepieceof
rockthathadcomeinthenote,andtossedthelatteroverthewindowsill.Letitdown.
Down.Down.Feltanansweringtugonit.Pulleditslowlyback.Muchheavierthistime.
Ametalhacksawwasontheend!Abeautifulsaw.Threeextrabladestiedtoit,
too!
Iworkedasneverinmylife.Bystandingontheupendedbox,Icouldreachthe
lowercementedincrossbarwhichheldalltheverticalrodsofthewindow.That
beautifulsawalmostsilentliterallyatethroughthatancientsoftmetal.Theupper
crossbarwasharderharder,thatis,toreach.Bystrainingontiptoesandstrainingmy
veryshoulderIsaweditthrough.Ontherightside.Andhalfwaythroughontheleft.
ThenupontothesillIdrewmyself.
Muscledthenearlyfreedwebofironrodstowardsme,feetonsill,bodybent
double,strainingfuriously.Thewebofrods,heldtothestoneframenowonlybyasingle
bitofiron,bentbeautifullyinward.Isidesteppedaroundit.Thenpresseditcleararound
intowardsthewall.Forcingmybodythroughthenearly18inchsquareopening,Icaught
aglimpseofbrackishbutswiftflowingwater,perhapssevenfeetbelow.Andaboat
bobbingaboutsixfeetaway,tetheredtosomespikeinthewall.Ablackmaninit.And
oneendoftheboatstandingdangerouslyinfullmoonlight.Imadeacleancutheadfirst
dive.Probablysoundless.Inaminutestrongarmswereaboutme,pullingmein.Atonce
mysaviourSam,ofcoursewasrowingfuriouslydownriver.Ahalfmilefarther,Sam
wastellingmeall.Hedbeenliberatedandmaderoomorderlytothecaptainofthefruit
freightertheverysecondtheshipweighedanchorandpulledout.Whichwassundown.
Hednoticedtheshipwasnotprovidedwithwiahlesswiahsnowhah.Hedivedoverthe
railwhenitwasoutoftheharbour,andinthesea.And,despitethesharksknownto

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infestthatnationscoast,hedsucceededinmakingtheshoreoftheouterharbour.But
beforediving,hedtaken1,000AmericandollarsthatwereinaHoustonTexasbank
bookonthecaptainsdressingtable.Onceonshore,hedboughtasailorswholeoutfit
ofclothesfor$20American,andthen,spottingthecaptainoftheveryfreighterwhohad
smuggledhiminmanymonthsbeforeandwholikedhimhehadmadeadickerwith
thelattertotakehimselfandoneotherpersononboard.Thiscaptainevidentlyrealized
thatthiswashot,hotstuffforhimtobeplayinginwith;especiallywithgunboatsinthe
harbourtofind,maybe,onhisshipsomemissingwhitepoliticalconvictorwhatnot.
Thenzip!hislicencetocomeintoportatthatcountrygoneforever.ButhetoldSam
hedplayin.Price:$500.AsfortherowboatSambought,ithadcosthim$200.Thesaw
hadcosthim$75.PricescanjumpskyhighonaSouthernAmericawaterfrontwhenthe
goodsaremanifestlyforsmugglingorforrevolutionaries.
SamandImadethefreighter,faroutintheharbour,twohoursbeforedawn.And
itsailedatdawn.Before,indeed,myownabsenceprobablywasdiscovered.Saminsisted
absolutelyonsplittingtheremainingnear$200betweenus.
CHAPTERVII

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RETURNTOPURGATORY
THUSwewentseaward,hopefulofseeingthecoastofUncleSamscountryrise
ontheskylineonefinemorning.ItwasalittleafterdawnwhenSamandIleanedonthe
rail,watchingthecoastofthatinfernalcountrygrowgreybehindus,andgladofevery
yardofdistancebetweenitandourselves,afterallwehadenduredthere.
Ifeveramanpulledanotheroutofhell,Sam,Isaid,itwasyouwhenyou
threwthatstonethroughthewindow.Yousavedmylife.
Ah,bossJehhy,didntyoudojesso.muchfome?Saminquiredearnestly.In
datstinkinrottenplace,whahyougotnonuffintomakedejobproper,youmademede
goodtoofsagin.Idsurebeendaidindah,ifitwasntfoyodoctorin.
Thenthevoiceofthecaptainbrokeinonourmutualthankstoeachother,and
causedmetoturnroundtofacehim.
Mr.HammondIbelieveitisMr.Hammond,hesaid,Ivejusthadawireless
fromtheportweveleft,and
Boss,youpromisedtotakeusfodefivehunderddollars!Sambrokein,seeing
themansintentioninhisface.Yopromised!
Totakeyouawayfromthereyes,andIvedoneit,thecaptainsaid.ButIve
morethanfivehundreddollarstothinkabout.ThewirelessmessageIvejustreceived
andmywirelessoperatoracknowledgeditistotheeffectthataboatwasseentocome
alongsidemyshiplastnightwithtwomenaboard,andwaslaterfounddrifting,emptyof
anymanatall.Also,twoprisonershaveescaped.Andtheywantmetosubmittosearch,
incasethetwoprisonersareaboard.
Thereisnorightofsearchonthehighseas,Iobjected.
Quiteso,heagreedsmoothly,andIsawhewasofthesortthatwillarguea

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wayroundanything,smoothlyanddetestably.Butthereisthequestionofmylicenceto
tradeintheportsofthisrepublic,andifIrefusetobesearched,Ilosethelicence.Since
theboatbelongstoacompany,Ilosemyjobifthelicenceisrevoked,andwell,toput
itplainly,forthesakeoffivehundreddollarsIcannotaffordtotakethatrisk.Nomanin
hissenseswoulddoit.
Butyouhavealreadytakentherisk,Ipointedout.
Heshruggedhisshoulders,andIhatedhim,badly.
Acceptedthefivehundreddollarstotakeyouaboard,hepointedoutinturn.
YoumaythinkitimpliesthatIamtotakeyoutomydestination,butthatwasnotstated
whenyourcolouredfriendmadethecontract.Itwassimplytotakehimandoneother
aboard,andItookthatrisk.ButIhavetosubmittosearch,andifyouarefound
Heendeditwithanothershrug,andIhatedhimstillmore.Butheheldthewhip
handacaptainonhisownshipisagodofsorts.
Thenwhatdoyouproposetodowithus?Iasked.
Imgoingupparallelwiththecoast,heanswered,withtheairofonewhohas
alreadymadeuphismindandwillnotbemovedfromhisintent,andputtinginoff
PuebloSanDiegotheresnoharbour,andIshallhavetolieoff.Itsaroadstead,and
PuebloSanDiegoistheirnorthernfrontiertown.Ivehadatalkbywirelesswiththem,
andagreedtolieoffthereforsearchateleventonightandyoucanbetyourbackteeth
thesearchwillbethorough.Icanthideyoutwo.
Then?Iasked.Areyouthrowingustothesharks?
Notquitesobad,heansweredwithasmile.Frankly,Mr.Hammond,Idont
wantyouaboardIdbehappierwithoutyou,fortheymayfindoutifIlandyouatNew
OrleanswhenIgetthere,andIdlosemylicencetotradeintheirportsjustthesameasif
theydfoundyouatPuebloSanDiego.Therefore,Iproposetohandyoubackthree
hundredoutofthefivehundreddollarsyoupaidforyourpassage,anddropyouoverside
intooneoftheshipsboatsandpraytoGoditscloudytillyouretoofarawayfromthe
shiptobeconnectedwithit.Illseethatallidentifyingmarksarescrapedofftheboat
beforeyouboardit.
YouknowthatmeansdeathformeifImcaught?Iasked.
Icanthelpit,Mr.Hammond,heanswered.
Ifwerefusethis,whatisthealternative?Idemanded.
WellhelookedoverthesideIdsaytheresquitealotofsharksinthese
waters,ifyougoinwithoutaboat.
Youmeanyouareabsolutelydeterminedtogetridofusinthisway,andto
giveusnochanceofevadingthesearch?
Ivegotmylicenceandmyjobtothinkabout,herepliedsullenly.
Right!Isaid.Handoverthethreehundreddollars,andwelltakeyouroffer.
Butputinacoupleofgoodautomaticpistolswithit.YousayPuebloSanDiegoisa
bordertownwemaybeabletoshootourwayacrosstheborder,andgetclearinspiteof
you.
ForIfeltthat,havingescapedahanging,Ihadnoneedtofearwhatmighthappen
inthisbordertown,givenmoneyandsufficientarmamentforselfprotection.Moreover,
IputadifferentvalueonlifefromthatwhichIhadentertainedbeforethatspellinthe

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dungeon:Iwasfarmorewilling,now,totakerisks,andSam,Iknew,wouldfollowmeto
hellandthroughit,sofullywashedevotedtome.
Thempistolsllcostyoutwentyfivedollarsapiece,andIllthrowinfive
hundredroundsofammunitionforem,thecaptainstated.
Wewillagreetothathandovertheremainingtwohundredandfiftydollars
rightnow,Ibade.Andthengoawaytillitstimeforustogettogetheroverfinal
arrangements.IdontlikeyourfaceIdontlikeanyofyouforlettingtwoAmerican
citizensdownlikethis.
Heproducedthemoneyinsilence.Possiblyhisconductweighedonhis
consciencealittlehewasthrowingustothewolves,andknewit.But,overthatand
everything,hislicenceandhisjobruledhimsomemenarelikethat,Iknow.Probably
hewouldhavebeengladtoknowthatwehadbeencaughtandkilledbythemestizo
politiciansofthatinfernalstate,forthenhewouldhavebeenabsolvedofallcomplicityin
ourattemptatescape.Iknowthatinhisplaceinanyplace,forthatmatterIwould
neverhaveplayeditlowdownonafellowcountrymanashedidonustwo,Buthiswasa
yellownature,obviously.
Atabouttenoclockthatnight,inblackdarknesssincethemoonwaspastthe
fullandnotduetorisetilllaterSamandIwentoverthesideofthefreighteranddown
intoaboattowingalongside,withfouroarslaidinitforouruse.Theshipwasthenabout
threemilesshortoftheroadsteadofPuebloSanDiego,andlaywithherenginesstopped
forourdescent,afterwhichshewouldgoontoheranchorage,Wehadthetwo
automaticsforwhichIhadasked,andthetwohundredandfiftydollarsofpassage
money,which,althoughitbelongedtoSam,heinsistedondividing,sothatwewere
possessedofovertwohundredgoodAmericandollarsapiece.AsIshovedwithanoar
againstthevesselssideafterwehadsettledourselvesintheboat,Iheardthetelegraph
onthebridgegiveanengineroomsignal,andthentherumbleofthepropeller.The
freighterdrewawayfromus,andpresentlywewererockinginthewashofher
movement,whileflakesoftheloveliestphosphorescenceIhaveeverseenlightenedthe
darknessofthewatersandshowedmeSamseyesasheturnedhisblackfacetowards
me.
Whatwegonnadonow,bossJehhy?heasked.
Itlookstomeasifwevegottogobacktopurgatory,Itoldhim.ItsnotasifI
knewanythingaboutthelieofthiscountry,butwecantgetanywhereinthisboat,while
wemaybyland.
Yeah,boss,butifwegottagobackin,howwegointogitbackout?he
persisted,Mebbewelanbackindatarprison.
Wemustchanceit,Isaid.Headfortheshore,now.
Itseemedtometheonlypossibility.Atmyrequest,thecaptainhadletmestudy
hischarts,buttheygaveonlythecoastline,showingPuebloSanDiegoasaboutten
kilometresinsidetheactualfrontier,andthenearesttowntonorthward,beyondthe
frontier,agoodsixtykilometresawayfromit.WhatlaybetweenthetwoIhadnoidea:
myplanthen,asfarasIhadany,wastogetashore,buyprovisionsfortheboat,andthen
attempttorowupthecoasttolandagainoutsidethisinfernalRepublic.Theships
captain,forsomereasonthatIcouldnotfathom,hadrefusedtoprovisionus:Ithinkhe

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wantedtodriveusashore,andhopedwewouldbecaughttoavertsuspicionfrom
himself.Thereseemednootherreasonforhisrefusal.
Welaidtotheoars.Icouldseethefreighterslightsdistanttonorthofus,and,on
shore,sundrytwinklesoflightthatrevealedtheexistenceofPuebloSanDiego,whichthe
volumeofsailingdirectionsgaveasatownofsixthousandinhabitants.Itslights,likethe
steamers,weretonorthofus,andweroweddirectlyforthecoast,myintentionbeingto
landoutsidethetownandthenreconnoitre.Eachdipofouroarsraisedripplesof
phosphorescentlight,andthewakeweleftwasapathofluminousglory.Sostillwasthe
hot,starlitnightthatIheardtherattleofthefreightersanchorcablewhenshereached
herstationintheroadstead:soundcarriesfartheracrosswaterthanoverland;Iknow,but
itwasstrangetohearthatsoundcomeoutofthedistance,andIremembercursingthe
captainagainasIheardit.
Wedroveup,afteraboutanhoursrowing,ontoabeachoffinewhitesand,
beyondwhichshowedtheblacknessofalineoffoliageofsomesort,and,risingoutfrom
it,thetopsoffivepalmtreesinalineparallelwiththecoastcutthesky.Theywouldgive
usourdirection,Iknew,whenwecamebacktotheboatifwehadtoreturnindarkness.
Thetidehadbeenthreequartersofanhourshortoffullwhenweleftthefreighter,asI
hadascertainedbeforegoingdownintotheboat,sothatitwasnowslackwateroffull
tide,andsincewepulledourcraftupontothesand,takingtheaidofeachbigrollerthat
cameinandbrokeontheshore,Ihadlittlefearofitsgettingafloatagainbeforeour
returntoitwiththeprovisionsImeanttosecure.Allthesame,IpaidouttheropeIfound
inthebowstoitslimitwhileSamwentupoverthesandwiththeotherend,and,by
draggingtheboatanotherCoupleofyardsupfromthewatersedge,wehadenoughline
tomakefasttoastuntedshrubupattheinneredgeofthebeach.
Sothatwasthat.Weburiedtheoarsinthesandclosebytheshrub,incaseanyone
shouldtakealikingtotheboatinourabsence,andwentoffnorthwardalongtheinner
edgeofthebeachtowardsPuebloSanDiego.Weleftnothingintheboat,fortheall
sufficientreasonthat,apartfromourautomaticsandmoney,whichwewanted,wehad
nothingtoleave.Moonrisetoldmethatitmustbenearonmidnightwhenwestrucka
sandytrackandenteredonit,headinginlandandstilltowardsthetown.Wepassedone
silent,unlightedhut,andanotherwhereadogbarkedfuriouslyatournearlysilent
footfalls.Thetrackgaveplacetoapotholed,badlykepthighway;totheleftIsawabig
whitemansionwithlightsshowingthroughvenetiansoftwowindowsontheground
floor;itwassetbackfromtheroadinashrubspottedgarden,dividedfromtheroadbya
fivefootwhitewall,andinthegatewayIsawasentrywithariflelounging.Hetookno
noticewhateverofus,andwepassedon.Midnightstruckfromaclocksomewhereahead
ofus.
AbendinthewayrevealedtouswhatIconjecturedrightly,toowasthemain
streetofPuebloSanDiego,thoughtheycallittheavenida.Therewereelectriclightson
standardsatinfrequentintervals,stillalight,andgivingusviewofthefrontagesofsome
wellbuiltstonebuildings,interspersedwithadobeandwoodenstructures,mostlyclosed
andsilentatthishour.Butnotallthetownwasasleep,byanymeans.Wesawloungers
indoorways,andpassedtwosandthreesoflittlebrowndevilsontheirwayhomeorto
mischief;someofthemstaredatusas,shabbyandbythistimeweary,wetrampedon,

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butmostofthemtooknonoticeofus.Twodrinkingdens,Isaw,werewellpatronized,
andthelittletablesonthesidewalkwereoccupiedbygroupsoftheselittlebrowndevils,
ofthesamebreedasthosewhohadguardedusintheprisonfromwhichwehadescaped.
Then,amileormorebeyondthesentryguardedmansionwhichstoodjustoutsidethe
town,wecametoabrightlylightedestablishmentwithmorelittletablessetoutonthe
sidewalk,andthemurmurofmanyvoicesfromitspatrons.Alinenslippinnedalongthe
frontageannounceditinscarletlettersasthePosadadeSandoval,andadvertised
drinksofprobablylocalbrands,togetherwithangosturaandcognac,Itwasofsuperior
typetothetwodrinkingdenswehadpassed,and,ontheoppositesideoftheavenida
fromit,Ipausedtolookacross.
Sam,Isaid,ifweknewthisinfernallanguagewecouldgetallwewantforthe
boatinsidethere.Theysellgrubaswellasdrink.
Surewecould,bossJehhy,heassented.Datsthewustobpuggatohy,ezyo
saiddisplacewuz.Dahsalwuzacatchinit.
Then,aswestoodgazing,avoicecametousacrosstheavenida,andtomy
amazementanddelightitwasanEnglishvoice,whilethewordsIheardseemedto
indicatethatProvidencehaddirectedushere.
Hellsbells!itsaid.Ofallthegodforsakenholesonearth,thissureisthe
worst.Then,inashoutofwrathAdentist!Adentist!Mykingdomforadentist!
English,itwas,notAmerican,asIknewonhearingit.BesidemeSamdrewa
sharp,audiblebreath,andwhisperedDegoodLawd!inanawedway.Asforme,I
madeonesteptowardsthevoice,drawnbyalmostirresistiblecuriosity,butthenhalted.
MydentistryonSammightbeknownherebythistimetheselittlebrowndevilsmight
havetalkedaboutwhathadgoneonamongthetwoescapeesfromthathellofaprison
wherewehadbeenheld,and,ifIbetrayedmyselfasadentisthere,probablyitwouldbe
allupwithmeandwithSamtoo.Suchweremyfirstthoughts,butontopofthemcamea
realizationoftheamazingcoincidencethatmadeamanshoutinEnglishforadentistin
suchaplaceasthis,exactlyatthetimethatIhappenedtobepassing.Somehowitseemed
morethanmerecoincidenceadirectionbyProvidence,fate,orwhateveryouchooseto
callit,whichImustfollow.
Itooktwomorestepstocrosstheavenidatowherethatvoicehadsounded,and
thenSamhadmebythearmandstoppedme.
BossJehhy,hesaid.Efweunsgodah,wegonnagitcotched,fosure.Dat
placenogoodtowetoomuchfolksesdah.
Wevegottogetourgrubsomewhere,Sam,Itoldhim,anditlookstomethat
shoutisourguidepostmine,anyhow.Comealong.
Hefollowedmethen.Thelightsoftheposadashonedownonthemenatthelittle
tables,andshowedmeatoncethemanwhohadshouted.HewascladindecentEnglish
clothes,andhisfacewaswhite,notchocolatecolouredasweremostoftheothers.He
hadwithhimabrownfacedlittlemaninauniformthatfairlyglitteredwithgoldbraid,
finishedoffwithaSamBrownebeltfromwhichdependedaholsteredpistol.Thetwoof
themsatneartheouteredgeoftherowsoftables,andIwentstraighttohimandlooked
downashelookedup.Isawalean,aristocraticlookingface,andapairofsteadyblue
eyes:hehad,Icouldsee,thequietdignityofawellbredEnglishman,andforamoment,

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gazingdownathim,IquestionedinwardlywhetherIhadnotbeenmistakenafterall;he
didnotlookthesortofmanwhowouldshoutlikethat,butappearedaltogethertoowell
bredandquiet.Still,Iriskedit,whilehiscompanionstaredupatmecuriously.
Whatdoyouwantwithadentist?Iasked.
Heleanedbackinhischair,andafaint,satiricsmilegrewabouthislips.Those
blueeyesofhistookinallofme,travelleddowntomywatersodden,dingytrouserlegs,
andupagain,dwellingforaninstantonthebulgeofmycoatpocketwheremyautomatic
restedreadyloaded,too!andcameuptomyface.Thenhespoke.
Andwhatthehellhasthattodowithyou?heinquiredcalmly.
Oh,nothing,maybe,Isaid,aseasilyasIcould,whileSampeeredpastmy
shoulderandthisEnglishmantookinallofhim,too.Ihappenedtohearyouscreechfor
one,thatsall.
Doyouknowwheretofindone?heinquired,withslightlymoreinterest.
Becausewell,Imstumpedonit,here.
Iamone,Itoldhim,andriskedtheconsequencesofthestatement.Amanof
myowncolourandrace,Ireasoned,wasnotlikelytobetrayme,evenifheknewIwas
theescapedprisoner.
Well,byJove!heremarked,withfaint,satiricamusement.Ishouldneverhave
guessedit.Sitdown,wontyou?Notthatyoulooklikeoneorlikeanything,infact.
Butdositdown.
CHAPTERVIII

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THEHANGOFIT
THEREweretwovacantchairsatthetableatwhichtheEnglishmanandhis
companionsat,andIdrewoutoneandwasabouttoseatmyselfwhenIglancedatSam,
standingtallandratherconspicuousatmyelbow.TheEnglishmanobservedmylook,
anddivinedmydifficulty.
Iforget,hesaid.Yourerservant,Ipresume.
No,Idissented.Myfriend.
Isawthefaintlysatiricexpressionintheblueeyesgiveplacetooneofapproval,
andhenoddedgravelyatSam,who,asIthusacknowledgedhim,gavemeaglance
whichsaidhewasmorethanrepaidforanythinghemayhavedoneforme.Buthehad
savedmylife,andIwasnotgoingbackonhim,whatevertheconsequencesmightbe.
Inthatcase,saidtheEnglishman,hehadbettersitdownwithustoo,whileI
explaingiveyouthehangofit,asImightsay.
Infact,thelowdown,Isuggested.Ihadbeentoonearthehangofitrecentlyto
relishtheexpression.
Eryes,heagreed.IbelievethatistheexpressionintheStates,andgather
thatyouhailfromthere.Andnow,perhaps,wemayintroduceourselves.Myfriendthere
isGeneralJuarezGeneralMiguelJuarez,hisexcellencyschiefofstaff,andIam
Montythatis,MontgomeryAlden,privatesecretarytohisexcellency.

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ThegeneralhalfroseandbowedtomeasIseatedmyselfandgesturedtoSamto
taketheotherchair.ButInoticedthathepulledhisownchairslightlyawayasSam
obeyedmygestureandseatedhimselftoo.
GladtomeetyouIhopeMr.Alden,Isaid.MynameisHammond,Jerry
Hammond,andthisisSamLaffanitwasasnearasIfeltmyselfabletogetto
LaughingSamwhohasrenderedmeservicesthatmakemeregardhimasafriend.
NowIthinkweallknoweachother,thoughIdontknowwhomyoumeanbyhis
excellency.
Why,thepresident,ofcourse,Aldeninterposed.
Hemusthaveseenmyjawdrop.Wehadwalkedintoahornetsnest,ifevermen
did.Thepresidentwhohadsignedthewarrantformyexecutionassoonashecrossed
theborder!Irecoveredmyself.
Ohyes,thepresident,Isaid,ascalmlyasIcould.And
AndIvebeenlookingforadentist,Aldenpursued,frowningslightly.Thereis
oneinthisgodforsakentown,ofcourse,buthehappenedtolookwitheyesofloveona
ladypatient,apparently,andherhusbandstuckaknifeinhim,Itseemsthathewillbe
abletoresumeworkinaweekorthereabouts,buthisexcellencywantsadentistatonce,
orsooner.Andthereisonlythatone,outofaction,
Ihadamomentarygleamofjoyoverthepossibilityofputtingadrillontothe
presidentsmolarsandhittinganervewithoutanyanesthetic.ButAldenwentonwithhis
story,andextinguishedthehope.
Yousee,hesaid,wevejustcomebackfromEurope,allofus.Thatis,the
presidentandhisdaughter,thesenoritaCarmendeAlvarado,GeneralJuarezhere,myself
thesecretary,andsomedozenothermembersofthestaff.Andthesenoritahasgone
downwithtoothacheitbeganyesterday,justafterwegothere.Idjustgothis
excellencytosignanexecutionwarrantonsomepoordeviltheywereholdinginthe
capital,andcameoutfromhisroomtofindthesenoritawithtearsrunningdownher
cheeksandoneofthembumpedoutandspoilingherface.Shesinrealagony,andI
turnedouttonighttoseeifIcouldfindanythingresemblingadentistbeforewestartfor
thecapitaltomorrow,soifyouknowanythingaboutthatsortofthingwellerHe
brokeoffandgazedatmequestioningly.Butyouvenotools,headded,unlessthat
bulgeinyourpocketisatravellingcase.
Itisnt,Iassuredhim,butprobablyIcouldgetallthetoolsIneedfromthis
woundedtoothyankeryouvetoldmeabout,ifwecangetintohissurgerywithouthis
tryingtoknifeus.
Asrepresentativeofthepresident,Icangetanywhere,Aldenassuredme.And
theuniformofGeneralJuarezthegeneralbowedatmeashisnamewasspokenisa
perfectpassport,eventoadentistssurgery.Infact,wearethegoods,asyouYankees
say.
Ilikedhim.Ilikedthathalfhumorous,allcarelesswayofhis,andhisacceptance
ofallthatcamewithperfect,easycalm.Heevenacceptedmeasadentist,withnomore
thanmymerewordforit,andtoldhisstorywithutterbeliefthatProvidencehadraineda
genuinedentistonhiminresponsetohiscall.ButthenIrememberedhisoffer,shouted
asithadbeen,andremembered,too,thewarrantthatthepresidenthadsigned.Itwas

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timetobargain.
Youwereshoutingmykingdomforadentistalittlewhileago,Ipointed
out.Asforme,nopay,nowork,senoritaornosenorita.Illputupapropositiontoyou
forthisjob.
Stateit,hebadehadhebeenAmerican,hewouldhavesaidAshow?Buthe
wasasEnglishasanymanIhaveevermet.
Simple,Ianswered,and,glancingatthegeneral,decidedthathedidnot
understandEnglish.AllIaskisanescorttothefrontierformyselfandmyfriendhere,
andsafeconducttillwereacross.
ThenyouretheOh,hell!hebreathedsoftly.
Iam,IagreedIhaddecidedthatthiswasamanworthtrusting.Say,boy,
howdidyoucometogettobesecretary,anyhow?
Ifyoumustknow,Iwasoneofsixhundredapplicantsforthepostwhilehis
excellencywasinEngland,onhiswaybackfromhishearttreatment,heanswered.I
beattherestofthemthroughmyknowledgeofSouthAmericanSpanish,whichisrather
differentfromtheEuropeanvariety.Butyourethewell,Imdamned!
No,yourenot,Icontradicted.Thatis,notyet.Imputtingmycardsdown
becauseyourewhite,likemyself.Allthatbusinessthatplantedmeinjailwasaframe
updoIlooklikeaguythatwouldknifeadame?Youdontknowthisdirtycountryyet,
oryoudknowthatstrangethingsgetdoneinitandImoneofthestrangethings.My
cardsaredown,andIcancurethesenoritastoothache.Nowwhataboutit?Doyoupay
mypriceforthejob?Ordomyfriendandmyselfshootourwayoutofhere?
Helaughedsoftly.Dontshoot,heanswered.Haveadrink.
Suitsme,Iagreed,andmyfriendheretoo.
Hesignalledawaiteritwasanallnightjointwehadstruck,apparentlyand
presentlySamandIwerefurnishedwithsomesortofnativewine,sweetish,headystuff,
inwhichwedrankAldenshealth,andthatofthegeneraltoo,who,thoughheobviously
understoodnoEnglish,bowedandsmiledtotheuniversallanguageoftheliftedglass.
Youreanervysortofcuss,Aldensaidtome.Elseyoudneverhaveowned
tomethatyoureadentistwhatsmore,youdneverhavecomenearthegenerals
uniform.Personally,Imallforpayingyourpriceforprofessionalservices,butasyou
mayrealize,Imnottopdoginthiskennel.Ifyoucanstopthesenoritasmoansitwillgo
alongwaytowardsprocuringyourpricefromtheonewhoistopdogherfather,thatis
butwhetheritwillgoalltheway,Idontknow.
Butyoufeellikebeingonmyside?Iasked.
Iamonyourside,heanswered,Mygoldlacedfriendherehappenedtoknow
therealstoryofhowyouwereduetoswing,andsoIknewbeforeyoutoldmethatitwas
whatyoucallaframeupbutIdidntknowituntilafterthewarrantforexecutionhad
beensentoff.Andtotellyouthetruth,Mr.Hammond,Imnotsomuchinlovewithmy
jobasIwasonthevoyageacross.Itseems,asyousaid,adirtycountry.
Itsureis,Isaid,andmychiefanxietyisgettingoutofit,withSam,here
thoughhesfarlesstofearfromitthanIhave,beingsetatlibertyandmerelytoldtoget
out,whileImwell,duetogetthehangofit,asyousaidawhileago,Butnowwhat
aboutthisdentaljob?WheredoIgettoolsforit,andwhendoIoperate?

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Ithinkyouoperateassoonaswegetback,heansweredthoughtfully.Asfor
tools,Iunderstanditsabacktooth,soifIwereyouIdyankitout,makeitasudden
operationratherthanalingeringjob.Andyoullgetyourtoolsattheregular
practitionersplace,abitalongtheroadthatway.Henoddedinthedirectionfrom
whichwehadcome.Youllknowwhatyououghttotake,ofcourse.
Soundslikeafewpairsofforcepsandnomore,Isaid.
Exactly,heagreed.ThepresidentspeaksEnglish,andsodoesthedaughter,so
youllhavenotroubleoverthat.Buthowtogetyououtafterthejobisdone.Thats
whatspuzzlingme.
Ilethimthinkawhile.Itwasgrowingverylate,andeventhecitizensofthis
bananarepublichadnearlyallsoughttheirhaybags.Includingusfour,therewerenot
morethanadozenpatronsofthisposadaleftatthetables,andthetwodrinkingshops
fartherdownhadbothclosed.Withasuddensortofsnap,alltheelectriclightsalongthe
avenidawentout,leavingmoonlightandblackpoolsofshadow.
Letsgo,Aldensaid,androsetohisfeet.
SamandIandthegeneralrosetoo,andmadeourwayback,aswetwohadcome,
untilwewereneartheedgeofthetown.ThereAldenenteredasortofcompoundin
whichstoodaneatlittleonestoreyedwhitehouse,andbeckonedtome.Tools,he
explainedlaconically.
Ifollowedhimtothefrontdoor,andwithalittlecanethathecarriedhebeata
tattooonthedoorpanelthatsetadogbarkingfiercelyinside,untilsoftsounding
footfallsreplacedthedogsalarm,andIwonderedwhathadbeendonetosilencehim.
Thedooropened,andinthedarknessthatitframedshowedthedimoutlineofafigure,
butwhetherofmanorwomanIcouldnottell.
AldenspokeinSpanish,andwonareply.Thenhespokeagaintheexchanges
wentonforaminuteortwo,andthenwewereleftonthedoorstep,whileSamandthe
generalwaitedinthestreet.
Gonetogetalight,Aldenexplained.Shesgoingtoshowusintohissurgery,
andthenyoucantakewhatyouchoose.
Thesheappearedagain,abulkynegresscarryingaparaffinlamp:althoughthey
hadelectricityforstreetlighting,thishousewasnotfurnishedwithcurrent,apparently.
Sheledustoadentalsurgeryatthebackofthehousesurgery,Icallit,butpigsty
wouldbeabetterterm,andIwonderedhowmuchsepsisthemanwhoranthisplace
turnedlooseinthecourseofayear.Therewasaglasswallcaseofinstrumentswhich,
althoughnotactuallyrusty,lookedunclean.Itsgoingtobeastraightextraction
whateveriswrong,orelseIdontoperate,Isaid.Icansterilizeapairofforceps.
HeavensendIneverhavetocomehere!Aldenejaculatedpiously.
Iwenttothewallcase,andfromoneoftheglassshelvestookahalfdozenpairs
offorceps,forcertaintyofhavingtherighttype.Amoderatelycleantowelservedfor
wrapping,andwithmybundleIwentout,Aldenfollowingme,andthenegresslighting
ustothedoor.Beforewerejoinedtheothertwo,Istopped.
ItsunderstoodthatthismeansacleangetawayformeandformyfriendSam
aswell?Iaskedhim,ashetoopaused.
Heshookhishead.Tobefrankwithyou,oldchap,Icantpromiseasfaras

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that,hesaid,Illdomydamnedesttogetyouclear,andIcandoagooddeal,butI
cantpromiseabsolutely.
FornearlyaminuteIstoodthinkingoverit,andhewaited.AsnearlyasIcould
see,hewasunarmed,andatawordfrommeSamwoulddownthelittlegeneralbeforehe
couldgethispistolout.Impulse,andthatamazingcoincidenceofamanshoutingfora
dentistjustasIcameintohearing,haddrivenmetoacceptthissituationasmadeforme,
sofarIdhadahunchthatthiswasourwayout,butnowIdoubted.Ifwetwogot
Aldenandthegeneraldown,andgotawaytowhereourboatwaited,weshouldbeno
worseoffthanwhenwehadcomeashore,andmightgetthegrubwewantedforour
coastaltripfromsomeothersourcenearby.IthinkAldenguessedthecauseofmy
hesitation.Hesmiled.
Pleaseyourself,ofcourse,hesaidcoolly.Thewordsdecidedme,andIwenton
towardsthegate.
Illseeitthrough,Isaid.Itsachance,anyhow.
And,byJove,Illseeyouthrough,somehow,hepromised.Thepresidentisnt
abadsort,foroneofhisbreedhesbetterthanmostofthem,atleast,andthinksallthe
worldofhisdaughter.
Wewenton,Samandthegeneralfollowing.Whenwehadgotroundthebend
thatmarkedtheendoftheavenidaatleast,ofitslightedpartthemoonwashigh
enoughtoletusevadethepotholesintheroaduntilwecametothesentryguardedgate
thatIremembered.Herealittlebrowndevilwhohadbeendozingasheleanedagainst
thewallstartedandcametoattentionafterafashionwhenheheardus,andAlden,
enteringthroughthegateway,ledontowardsthestilllightedfrontageofthebigwhite
mansion.

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CHAPTERIX
THEPATIENT
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ABIG,highceilingedroom,gaudilyfurnished.Loopedbackfromthehigh
windowbyredandgoldcordswerecrimsoncurtains,andthefurniturewasallgiltand
redplushupholstery,whiletheuncarpetedfloorwasofsomedark,highlypolishedwood,
slipperytothefootandthatfloorwastoplayapartinourdestinies,thoughIdidnot
knowitwhenAldenleftSamandmealoneintheroom.Iputmytowelloadofforceps
downononeoftheplushseatedchairsandwenttothebigwindow,but,thoughthe
curtainswereloopedback,thevenetianshuttersoutsideconcealedeverythingfrommy
sight.
Whutyoutinkhappennext,bossJehhy?Samaskedafterapause.
Idontknow,Isaid.Only,IthinkIvebeenafool.
Whutyoumean?Saminquireduneasily.
Followingmyhunch.Ioughttohaveletthissecretaryguyalone,notwalkedinto
itasIdid.Hemaygetusout,but
Thenoneofthetwofoldingdoorsattheendoftheroomopened,andAlden

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reappeared,togetherwithasmall,middleagedman,andagirl.Themanwassimply
dressedinwhitedrill,andhisfacelookednodarkerthanthatofanywhiteman
condemnedtoliveinabananarepubliclikethis:thegirl,wearingasortofloose,
wrapperyrobe,lookedtomeratheradoll,atfirst,forshewasgoldenhairedandblue
eyed,notovertall,butverygracefulandwellbuilt.Isawthemansgazetraveloverme
andSam,nonetoofriendlily.
ThedentistIfound,yourexcellency,AldensaidinEnglish.Smithhe
addressedme,thisishisexcellencythepresident,SenorDonFelipedeAlvarado,and
thisisyourpatient,thesenoritaCarmendeAlvarado
Whoneedsyourservicesatonce,Smith,thepresidentinterrupted,layinga
peculiarandunpleasantemphasisonthename.HespokeperfectEnglish,Inoted,with
onlyaveryslightaccenttobetraythatitwasnothisnativetongue,andasone
accustomedtocommand.
Then,Isaid,ifthesenoritawillbesogoodastositdown,Iwillmakean
examinationandseewhatiswrong.
Icouldseealready,toacertainextent,forherleftcheekwasslightlyswollen.
Withoutspeakingshewenttooneofthechairsandseatedherself,whilethepresident
placedhimselfbesideherasifonguard,andAldenstoodback.Sam,atadistanceand
withhishandinhispocket,wasapassivespectatorIknewthefingersofthathand
werewrappedroundtheautomaticpistolfromthefreighterscaptain,and,ashewatched,
hewasnotevenSmilingSam.
YouspeakEnglish,senorita?Iaskedher.
Fairlywell,sheanswered,andprovedthatshespokeitquitewell.And,gazing
upatme,sheachievedasmile.
Good.Now,allowme.And,takingherheadinmytwohands,Iturnedit
upwardstogetthelightonherface.Nowopenyourmouthaswidelyasyoucan,please.
Alittlemoretotheright
Igotthelight,nearlyoverherheadasshesat,ontotheleftsideofheropened
mouth,andsawatoncewhatwaswrong.Twomolarshadprobablybeendecaying
internallyforsometime,andnowthecrownsoftheteethhadbrokendown:theteeth
themselveswerenotworthsaving,evenifIhadhadstoppingsandallothernecessities.I
releasedmyholdonherheadandstoodback.
Extractionistheonlything,Isaid.Twoextractions.
Impossible!thepresidentsaidsharply.Withnodoctoravailableinthetown,
noanestheticsCarmen,itmustwaittillwereachthecapitalyou,Smith,cangiveher
somethingtoalleviatethepain.
Iwillnothaveit,father,thegirlsaid.Hemustdotheextractionswithout
anesthetic.Iwillbearit,somehow.
Irevisedmyoriginalestimateofher.Shewasconsiderablymorethanadoll,
evidentlyifsheknewwhatshewasproposing.Twomolarsdonotcomeouteasily.But
thatmanbesideher,herfather,hadsignedmydeathwarrantnotlongbefore,andatthat
pointIhadnoloveforanyofhisfamily,norwishtosparethem.
Itcouldbedone,senorita,Isaid.Painful,butnotforlong.
NotmorepainfulthanallIhaveenduredforthepasttwodays,sheanswered.I

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havenotsleptitachesandaches.
Tearscametoherblueeyesasshespoke,butdidnotfall.
Sobeit,mychild,ifitisyourwish,thepresidentsaid.Ihaveseenyouragony
andbeendistressedbyit.Andyou,Smithheturnedtome,andagainInotedthe
mocking,peculiaremphasisonthenamecanyoudoyourworkhere,andwhatdoyou
wantforitinthewayofappliances?Youappeartohavenothingwithyou.
Iwantacanofhotwaterandaspiritstoveorsomethingtobringittotheboil,I
toldhim,andalsoacanofcoldwaterandaglassandspittoon.Thatcouchtherewill
havetodoforanoperatingchair,andthesenoritacanrestonitaftertheextractionstill
shefeelsfittoretire.IhavealltheinstrumentsIneed.
Youhear,Alden?Thepresidentturnedtohissecretary.Seethatthesethings
areprovided.Thesenoritaandmyselfwillretireuntilyourdentistisreadytooperate.
Come,Carmen,
Aldenopenedthedoorforthem,andIsawhimbeckon,evidentlytosomeservant
outside.HespoketowhoeveritwasinSpanishaftertheothertwohadgoneout,andthe
onlywordIcouldrecognizewasagua,whichshowedthathewasorderingmy
requirements.ThenheclosedthedoorandcamebacktowardsmeandSam,looking
thoughtful.
Ibelieveheknows,hesaid.Thewayhespokethatname.
Sammurmured,Oh,degoodLawd!whileIthoughtaboutit.
Thenwhathappensnext?Iasked,afteralongintervalforthoughtuseless,
ratherhopelessthought,itwas.
Hesmiled,afriendly,encouragingsortofsmile.
Imnotquitesure,hesaid.ByJove,oldchap,Ilikeyournerve,andifitrests
withmeyoullgetout.Itseemstomethatwehavegottofollowournoses,ifyou
understandthat.Imean,takeourchancesastheycome.Andsinceyouvebeensogood
astobuttintothistrouble,IllseeyouthroughifIpossiblycan.
Twomen,entering,brokeinonourtalk.Theybrought,eachofthem,anordinary
petrolcanwiththetopsawedoffandawirehandlethatmadeabucketofit,whileone
alsobroughtaglassandasortoftripodarrangement,andtheothercarriedaprimus
stove.Itwasaroughandreadysortofsterilizingoutfit,Isaw,andtheonewhocarried
theprimusputitdownonthepolishedfloorandlightedit,whiletheotherfixedthe
tripodoveritafterputtingdownhiscanofcoldwaterandtheglasssothattheyshouldbe
handywelltrained,theseservants,evidently,Iwentandunrolledthetowel,and
selectedthepairofforcepsIjudgedwouldfitmycase.Bythetimethemenhadgoneout
andIhadgotitready,thewaterwasalreadybubblinginthecan,nearingboilingpoint:it
musthavebeenveryhotwhenthepairhadenteredandfixedupthesterilizerforme.
Youcanfetchherin,ItoldAlden.
Thewaterboileduptothehandlesoftheforcepsashewenttothedoor.This
time,thegirlcameinalone,forwhichIwasnotsorry.Ifeltuneasilyconsciousthatthe
presidenthadsomesortofbedofhotcoalsreadyforme,andpossiblyforSamtoo,and
wantedtoseeaslittleofhimaspossible,Hisdaughterlookedupatme.
WhatdoIdo?sheasked,bravelyenough.
Justliedownthere,andopenyourmouthwide,Isaid.

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Therewasthecouch,andwithmyhandonherarmshelaydownobediently
enough.Iguessedthatthoseuncoverednervesmusthavetorturedheruntilshewasready
tofaceanything.WithAldenandSamwatchingIsatoverheranddidmywork.
Imnotgoingtodescribeit.Shestoodthedoublewrenchsplendidly,thoughthe
wisdomtoothhadtwistedfangsandtookallmystrengthtopullandImnoweakling.
Aquarterofanhourlaterherfatherwalkedinonus,andbythattimeshewassittingup
onthecouch.
Youdbetterseethesenoritatobed,Itoldhim,withnostatementofhisrankor
anythingofthesort.Helookedhardatme.
Mydaughteriscapableofgoingtobedwithoutmyhelp,hesaid.
Sheprovedit,too.Shegotupoffthecouchand,comingtowardme,heldouther
hand.Itookitandheldit.
Iamverygratefultoyou,SenorSmith,shesaid.Aldenopenedthedoorforher,
andcloseditonher.He,likeherfather,tookthefactofhergoingoffaloneasamatterof
course:Iwonderedwhethershewouldgettoherroom,whereveritmightbe,ordropina
faintontheway.Thepresidentstillgazedatme.
Youarearashman,SenorHammond,hesaidslowly.
Soheknew.Isupposemydescriptionmusthavebeensentalongherefrom
Oceida,thecapitalwhereSamandIandCapeTownSlimhadbeenprisonedperhaps
withsomeaccountofmydentistryonSam.IsawAldenshrugasiftosaythattheplay
wasuptome.
Ashow?Iasked,andmadethequestionascoolanduninterestedasIcould.
Sam,backtowardsthewindow,listenedapprehensively.
Yourdescription,andthatofyourcompanion,precededyouhere,thepresident
toldme.Aldenheturnedtohissecretaryremindmetoseethatthelicencetotrade
inourportsisrevokedforthatfreighter.Itbroughtthemhere,beyonddoubt.
Aldeninclinedhisheadinsilentassent,andIfeltgladthatthecaptainwhohad
playeditlowdownonuswouldgethisrewardforhisdirtiness.Feltgladforamoment
Ihadmyselftothinkabout.
Thatmaybe,Isaid,buttheresthefactthatyoursecretaryheresetoutto
relieveyourdaughterssufferingandbelieveme,ifhehadntfoundmeorsomebody,
thoseteethwouldhavemadeanervouswreckofherinanothertwentyfourhours.He
toldmewhatwaswanted,andIriskedeverythingforanerrandofmercy.
Itwasnotexactlytrue,butIcouldntaffordtobescrupulous.Thepresident
frownedthoughtfully,andlookedatme.
YouadmityouarethemanwhoescapedfromjailatOceida?heasked,witha
sideglancefrommetoSaminthebackground.
Notmuchusedenyingit,isthere?Iretorted.Now,senor,youstandasthebig
noisehere,andwhatyousaygoes.YoumustknowaswellasIdoorbetterthatIwas
thevictimofaframeupdownatOceida.Yourhenchmendowntherewantedascapegoat
forabitofparticularlydirtywork,andtheyhappenedonme.Itsuptoyoutoputthat
straight.Allwewantisgrubforfortyeighthours,andthechancetogooffwithitwell
findourownwayofgoing.
Heshookhisheadgravely,andforawhiledidnotanswer.Suddenlyheturned

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towardsthedoor.Wait,hesaid,andwenttowardsit.
Aldenwouldhavefollowed,butthepresidentmadeasignforhimtoremain.His
footfallswentclickingtowardsthefoldingdoors,andonceheslippedontheglassily
polishedflooringandseemedabouttofall,butrecoveredhimselfandwentout,closing
thedoorafterhim.
Andthatmeanswhat?IaskedAlden,afterthedoorhadclosed.
Juarezrecognizedyou,fromthedescription,heanswered.
Well,wewereconspicuousenough,Iknew.AgainIrealizedwhatafoolIhad
beentoanswerthatshoutfromtheposada.
Andwhatsyourpresidentgoingtodo?Iasked.Asfarasthatgoes,whatsto
preventustwofromwalkingout,now?Areyougoingtomakeashotatpreventingus,if
wetryit?
Iwouldnt,hesaid,butyouwouldntgetasfarasthegate.Juarezwillhave
seentothat.Ithinkthepresidentwillletyougo,ifhecan.Itsbesttowait,ashesaid
helldowhathecan.
Buthespresident,Ipointedout.Dowhathecan,yousay?
Justthat,hesaid,anddidnotexplainit.Ashesaid.
Wait.
Wewaited.
Samseatedhimselfononeoftheplushcoveredchairs,andIwatchedthose
closeddoors,anxiously.Itmustbeverylate,Iknew,gettingonforthreeoclock.I
thoughtagainofthegirl.
Goldenhairandwhitefacestheyvebothgotwhitefaces,IsaidtoAldenafter
alongwhile.Howcome?
HismotherwasEnglish,heexplained,Also,heclaimsdescentfromthe
AlvaradowhowaswithCortes,ifthatmeansanythingtoyou.
Iknewwhatitmeant.CorteslieutenanthadbeenagoldenhairedSpaniardthe
AztecshadcalledhimTonatiuh,whichmeanssonofthesun,orsomethingofthat
sort.And,bythegirlscolouring,itlookedasifthereweresomethingintheirclaimto
descentfromhim.
Looklaktome,bossJehhy,Samcontributedabruptly,dewedesjump
straightoutobdelionsmoufinterdefiah.
BeforeeitherAldenorIcouldreply,oneofthefoldingdoorsopenedtoadmit,not
thepresident,butthelittleGeneralJuarez,stillinhisgorgeousgoldlacedoutfit
possiblyhesleptinit.HeandAldenembarkedonalongconversation,andIcouldseehe
wasbadlyexcitedaboutsomething,ifnotactuallyfrightened.Itendedatlastwithsome
questionfromJuarezthatAldendidnotanswer.
Heturnedtome.TroubleatOceida,heexplained.Thepresidentknewthe
troublewasbrewing,whichwaswhyhebrokeoffhishearttreatmentinEuropeand
hurriedback.Thenewshasjustcomethroughtheresaminoritypartythereundera
politiciannamedGonzalesbutIexpectthelocalpoliticswouldbebeyondyou.
Oh,no!Isaid.Iknowallaboutthatminorityparty,
Well,Gonzalesisaimingtounseatthepresident,anditappearsthatyourescape
isgivinghimhishandleyouvebecomeapersonofsomeimportance.Hesplayingon

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thepossibilityofinternationalcomplicationswreckingthepresidentifyougetachance
toopenyourmouthoverwhatwasdonetoyouthere,anditlooksasif
Thepresidenthimselfbrokeinonusandinterruptedtheexplanation.Juarez
lookedatmeasifhedhavelikedtomurdermehimself.IlookedatAlvarado,andsaw
thathisfacewasasortofgreyishcolour,unnatural,deathly,andheseemedtostaggera
littleashewalked.
SenorHammond,hesaid,andhisvoicewasaltered,croaky,Iamsorry,
becauseoftheserviceyourenderedtomydaughter,butIamnotaltogetherafreeagent.
YouandyourcompanionmuststartforOceidaunderescortwithinthehour.Iam
compelledtogiveyouup.
Thehellyouare!Iexclaimed.Alden,areyougoingtostandforthis?Icamein
heretodoaservice,andnow
AldendidnotreplyIdontsee,now,whathecouldhavesaid.
Itisthatordestructionforusall,thepresidentsaidtome.
Itwasthecaptainofthefreighteroveragain:hewasgoingtosacrificemetosave
himself.AndIcouldseehisfixquiteclearly.Topreventthemselvesfrombeingaccused
ofhavingahandintryingtomakeawaywithme,ifIgotlooseandtoldthetruthtoan
Americanconsul,theleadersofhispartyinOceidawouldgoovertoGonzales,whoever
hemightbejointheminoritypartytosavetheirskins.ButifAlvaradocouldhandme
over,assurethatmymouthwasclosedforever,theywouldnotratonhim.
Yet,surely,itwasalastminutechance.AlvaradohadhurriedbackfromEurope
topreservehisplacehere,butbywhatAldenhadtoldmethetroublehadalreadybroken
outitmustbeserious,ornewswouldnothavecomethroughlikethisinthemiddleof
thenight.Mychancenowlayinplayingfortimethatminorityparty,inthenextfew
hours,mighthavegotsuchagriponthingsastoensuremyfreedom,ifIcouldkeep
myselffrombeingsentbackforhanginginthemeantime.Thesepoliticaldisturbances
revolutions,iftheywereworthcallingthatwereusuallyonlymattersofhours,Iknew.
Buthowtomaketime!Icouldseenoway,forthemoment.
Therewerethreeofthem,andonlytwoofus.Juarezstillhadhispistolinits
holster,buttheothertwowereunarmed,andAldenwasundecidedoverwhattodo,asI
couldsee.Iwasdogtiredafterallthehappeningsofthenight,butfeltthatitoughttobe
possibletoholdthemallheretilldawnandafter,ifIcouldkeepawake.Makeaholdup
ofit,andtiethemallwiththecurtaincords,withSamshelp,atworst.Imovedtowhere
Samwassitting,andhegotup,butthenJuarezbarkedacommand,andthedoors,
opening,showedusfourlittlebrowndevilsstandingtherewithriflesanescorttotake
mebacktoOceidaforhanging,Iguessed.Thepresidenthadhaditallshaped,forhow
longIcouldnottell.EitherheorJuarezmusthavefetchedthemenandpostedthem
outsidethere,readyforthatcommand.
Iamsorry,SenorHammond,thepresidentbegansmoothly.
Butthatwasall.Heseemedtobechoking,andputahandtohisthroat.Thenhe
begantowalktowardsthedoors,and,ifthatfloorhadnotbeensoglassilyslippery,
mighthavegottowhereverhemeanttogo.Butheskidded,threwuphisarmsasifto
helphimbalance,andfell,facedownward.BothAldenandJuarezhalfskatedtohishelp,
andAldenkneltbesidehimandturnedhimover.

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Buthemadenomovetohelphimself.Iknew,beforeAldenspoke,thatwhathad
alreadyhappenedtoCapeTownSlimhadhappened,now,tohim.Aldenputahandtohis
heart,insidehisclothing,andlookedupatme,whileJuarezrosetohisfeetfrombeside
thebody.
Dead,Aldensaid.Heoughttohavecompletedhiscure.
Beyondtheopendoors,thefourmenwaitedpassivelyuninterestedly,itseemed
tome.Maybetheydidnotrealizewhathadhappened.Juarezspoke,andoneofthem
closedthedoors,shuttingthemoutfromoursightagain.Acoupleofrifleshotscrashed
onthestillness,somewhereoutsidethehouse,andthenapatteroffiringbrokeout,and
stopped,beganagainandceasedagain.lheardshouts,andthenmorefiring,whileAlden
stoodbesidethepresidentsbody,perplexed,silentashethoughtoverthisnewturnin
thesituation.
Itseemsthatwecango,now,Isaid.Hedidnotanswer.Juarezwenttothe
window,andfrombehindoneofthecurtainspulledoutahinged,foldingshutterthat
movedslowly,asifitwereveryheavy.Hepulleditfullyacrossthewindowandlatched
ittostaplesinthewall,andIcouldseethatitsfourpanelsweremadeofhalfinchironor
steelitmadethewindowbulletproof.ThenJuarezcamebacktowherethelate
presidentlay,andonthatsecondmovementAldenlookedupatme.
Eh?Whatwasthatyousaid?heasked.
Isaid,wecangonow,Irepeated.Heshookhishead.Tryit,ifyoulike,he
said,butyouresaferhere,forthepresent.ThatshootingmeansGonzalesmenmust
havegothere,andyoudstandnomorechanceofgettingawaythan
Hedidnotendit.IbeckonedSamtorise,readyforgoing.
Wellriskit,Isaid.Thisgamehasgoneonlongenough.
Dontriskit,yet,headvised.Idontknowwhatsgoingtohappen,butIdo
knowthishouseisbulletproof.Theownerhaditbuiltwhentimeswereevenmore
troubledherethantheyarenow,andthepresidentchosetostayhereincaseofany
happeningsbeforehecouldtakeoverpoweragain.YourproblemissolvedGonzales
willbepresident,andwecanmaketermswithhiminthemorning.
Againtherewasaspatterofriflefiringoutside.Iheardtwobulletsgoplunkon
thebulletproofshutter,andtheclinkandclatterofbrokenglassfalling.Aldennoddedat
theshutter.
Closedjustintime,hesaid.Yousee?Ifyouoranyoneelsewentoutfromhere
now,theydbeshotdowntheplaceisalmostcertainlysurrounded,andyoudontknow
yourwayabouthere.
Iheardafewmoreshots,andthenadistantshouting.Aldensmiledashelooked
atme,andshookhishead.
Toolate,hesaid.TheyreshoutingDeathtothetyrant.ButIdontthinkhe
wassomuchatyrantasafool,andwishIdnevertakenhisjob,now.Lookhere,old
chap,stayandseeitthroughwithme!
Itsawhiz,Isaid.Fortheremightbedeathoutside,ashehadstated,evenmore
surelythaninhereandIlikedhim.

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CHAPTERX
GONZALESTERMS
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DAWNfoundthefourofusAlden,Juarez,Sam,andmyselfmakinga
campaigningbreakfastinasmallroomadjoiningtheentrancehallofthehouse.Thatisto
say,usthreeofEnglishandAmericanbreedmadeacampaigningbreakfast,whilethe
littlegeneral,whohadbecomereconciledtoourpresenceasfreemenafterAldenhad
explainedthingstohim,madeoutonchocolateandaroll.Ihadbeentheroundofthe
housewithAlden,andfounditaveritablefort.Strongstonewalls,twotothreefeetthick,
andeverywindowfittedwithoneofthosebulletprooffoldingshutters.Themanwho
builtitmusthavebeenanervoussort,butmaybehehadcauseforit.
Now,afterstuffingmyselffullwithfriedchicken,tortillas,andafewotherthings,
sinceIdeterminedtomakeagoodmealwhileIhadthechance,Ilightedacigaretteand
preparedtogetthefulllowdownonourposition,for,sofar,Aldenhadtoldmelittle.
Halfacompanythatis,sixtymenforgarrison,hetoldme.Provisionsto
lastaweekifweneedthem,andplentyofammunition.Idontbelievetheresanything
biggerthanarifleinthecountry,anddontseehowtheycanforcetheposition.
Sureofyourmen?Iasked.
Henodded.Juarezhereis,hesaid,andthelittlegeneralbowedatusashe
heardhisname.YouvegottorememberthatGonzalespartyisandalwayshasbeena
minority,andtheironlychanceatgettingontopisthroughfrighteningtheothersideover
you.Therearenotopdogsheretotellthesemenwhatarisktheyrerunningbysiding
withthepartythatwillgetintotroubleoveryou,anduntiltheyretoldthat,wecan
dependonthem,becausetheyllbelievethatGonzalescantwin.Juarezisdependable
theownerofthenamebowedagainashehearditforthesakeofthepresidents
daughter.Hesgotastreakofchivalryinhim,andmeanstodefendher.
Andifyoudoholdoutaweek,whatthen?Iasked.
Heshrugged.Gonzalesmaygetlicked,hesaid,andsmiled.
SupposingIwentandsurrenderedtohimtoldhimwhoIam?Isuggested.
Ivenoloveforbeingmixedupinthingsbystayinghere.
Ifyoudidthat,heanswered,hedobliterateyouandhidethebody,tomake
thelatepresidentspartybelieveyoudgotawayandhadstartedtoraisetrouble.
Because,iftheyknowyourealiveandstillinthecountry,theyllhangtogetheragainst
him.Hescountingonfrighteningthemovertohissidebybeliefinyourfreedom
elsewhere.
Andeventually,ifGonzalesdoesnotgetlicked?Ipersisted.Againhe
shrugged.Illmeetthattroubleifitcomes,hesaid.Idontbelievehecanlastaweek,
unlesstheressomesignoftroubleonaccountofyouoneofUncleSamswarships
nosinground,orsomethingofthatsort.Withthat,theydallgoovertohimandswear
themselvesblackinthefacethattheyhadnothingtodowithjailingyouandaccusing
youofadirtymurder.Withoutit,theyllholdtothepresidentssidesuchofthemas
haventgoneoveralready.
But,damnit,man,thereisntanypresident!Iexpostulated.Whatareyou

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holdingoutagainstGonzalesfor,anyhow?
ButthenIgotonmyfeet,for,facingmeinthedoorwayoftheroom,stood
CarmendeAlvarado,verypale,andwithtracesoftearsaroundhereyes.Iknewbyher
expressionthatshehadheardwhatIhadsaid.Theotherthreegottotheirfeettoo.
No,senor,shesaidquietly,thereisnotanypresident,itistrue,butIthinkIam
theanswertoyourquestion.
Ihadafewmomentspauseofembarrassmentassheenteredtheroom.Noneof
theothersspoke,andshelookedatmeasifsheexpectedmetocontinuemyargument.
Shewasverybeautiful,Irealized.
Doyouthink,senorita,thatthisrepublicwillacceptyouasitspresident,now
thatthepostisvacant?Iaskedabittactlessly,perhaps,butitseemedtomethatshe
didexpectjustthat.
Sheshookherheadeversoslightlyasshegazedatme.
No,senor,shesaid.Iexpectonlythatthemenwhoremainloyaltomyfather
willprotectmefromGonzales.
Protectyouagirl?Itwasincrediblethatsheshouldneedanythingofthesort,
Ifelt.Butsheshookherheadagain.
Myfatherleaveswealththathecannottouchexceptthroughme,shesaid.
Hewillnotresttillhehasme,orisdead.
Which,asEuclidsays,isabsurd,Aldenputindryly.
Andthenthefiring,whichhaddieddownhoursbefore,brokeoutagainand
stoppedourtalk.IguessthepartydetailedtoattackthehousehadWaitedforfull
daylight,ormaybe,likeus,theyhadbeenseeingaboutbreakfast.Butnowtherifles
patteredagain.
Theresalookoutpostontheroof,Aldensaidabruptly.Imgoinguptosee
howmanythereare,andwhattheyredoing.
Hewentupbyastairwayatthesideoftheentrancehallthehousewastwotall
storeyshighandIfollowedhim.Therewasahighparapetroundtheflatroof,withslits
initforrifleusers:halfadozenslitsoneachsidetwodozeninallhadmenatthem,
buttheywerenotfiring,althoughshootingwasstillgoingonoutside.
Aldenwenttoaslitandlookedout,andItookanother.Therewasarowofmen
ontheoutsideofthefivefootwallinfrontofthehouse,asIcouldseebythetopsof
headgearandriflemuzzles,butthefiringwasnotcomingfromthem.Infrontofthe
gatewaystoodabigmotorlorryallcasedinsheetironorsheetsteel,theengineaswellas
therestofitbeingprotected.Itstoodsidewaysontothehouse,andinthesidewere
loopholesthroughwhichmenwerefiring.
Merelywastingammunition,Aldensaidbesideme.Idontknowwhatthey
thinktheyregoingtodo,likethat,exceptfrightenus.
Orkeeptheirowncourageup,Isaid,watchingthelorry.Thebackendofit,I
couldsee,wasfittedwithacoupleofdoorsinplaceofatailboard,andthesewereswung
wideopen,andwereaboutfivefeetinheight,aswerethemetalsheathedfrontandsides,
butthetopwasuncovered.Therewasacanvascoveringfitted,butithadbeenrolled
forwardtothefront,andIcouldjustseetheheadsofthemeninsidethethingnowand
againastheyliftedthemincautiously.IdrewbackandturnedtoAlden.

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Whydontyourmenreturnthatfire?Iaskedhim.
Whywasteammunition?heaskedinreply.Theyrenotmarksmen.
Ilookedoutagainandcountedheads,asnearlyasIcould.Theredidnotappearto
befiftymenaltogether,but,Iknew,theremayhavebeenahundred,foralmostcertainly
morethanIcouldseewouldbeundercoverofthewall.Awayuptheroadtowardsthe
townIcouldseethenoseofanotherbigmotorlorry.Idrewbackagain.
Twolorryloadsofthem,andnomore,ItoldAlden.Ibettheycameherefrom
Oceida,andtheresthaventgothereyet.WhydoesntyourgeneralJuarezgetoutwith
hishalfcompanyandattack?
Itwouldbesuddendeathtoattackthatwallacrosstheopengarden,he
answered;Juarezsmenwouldntfaceit.
Isntthereabackdoor?Iasked.
Why,yes,hesaid,suddenlythoughtful.Isupposehehasntthoughtofthat,
though,orelsehedoesntthinkitworthrisking.
Meanwhile,Isaid,thathundredorsoofadvanceguardisgoingtobefollowed
upbyafewmorehundredsbeforethedayisout,andtonighttheyllbatterawayin,
beforemoonrise,unlesstheyrefools.
Youmayberight,headmittedinameditativeway.
Well,whatthehell!IbrokeoutIcouldnothelpit.Arentyougoingtodo
anything?Beforethesituationgetsworse?
But,whilehestaredatmyoutburst,abuglesoundedfromsomewhereouttherein
frontofthewall.ThespatterofriflefiringceasedtothisdayIdontknowwhatthe
foolswereaimingatandfromnearthefrontendofthelorryawhiteragwentupona
stick.Aldenlookedthroughaloophole,andwithaquickpatteroffootstepsthelittle
generalcameoutontheroof.Hetookanenormouswhitepockethandkerchieffromhis
tunicpocket,andwithitinhishandclimbedtostandontheparapet.Avoicehailedhim,
andheanswered.Then,distinctintheearlymorningstillness,thevoicespokeagain.
ByJove!Aldenbesidememuttered.Gonzaleshimself!
Forawhilethetwotalked,andthenJuarezlookeddownandspoketoAlden,who
answered,andspoketomewhileJuareztransmittedthereply.
Heoffersfreedomtoalltherestofusifwegiveupthepresidentandhis
daughter,Aldentoldme.Itoldhimtosayhecouldhavesafeconductforhimselfand
fourmentocomeandfetchthepresident,butwewillnotgiveupthesenoritatohim.
AgainJuarezspokedownatus,volublyandlong.Aldenansweredagain,andthe
generalshoutedthereplyacrossandthensteppeddownundercoveronlyjustintime,
forariflespatfromthelorryandachipofstoneflewupfromtheparapetedge,just
besidehim.
Dirtydevils!Aldensaiddisgustedly.
HeconferredwithJuarezforawhile,andreportedtomeagain.
Fivehundredmoreofthemcomingupbynoon,Gonzalesthreatens,hesaid.If
hehadntbeenafool,hewouldnthavegivenawayhispresentweaknessbyowningthat
heswaitingforreinforcementsbeforemakinganyattack.Hespurtedheretocapturethe
president,bythelookofit,withjustthosetwolorryloadsofmen,andnomore.
AsIthought,Isaid.Somehowthisfoolfightwasbeginningtocapturemy

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imagination.Theyseemedsuchpoorscrappers,thewholelotofthem,thatIdecideda
manwithbrainsthatis,myselfoughttobeabletodosomethingbeforetheotherfive
hundredgothere.Gonzales,obviously,wasinthatarmouredlorry,takingcareofhisown
skinbehindtheplatingoftheside,andtwolorryloads!Eightymen,atthemost,and
Juarezhadsixty.Also,therewasabackdoortothehouse,andalltheattackwasinfront.
Iwenttothebackwallandlookedthroughaloopholethere.Asunkenpath,literally
madefortheplanthathadcomeintomyhead,ranawayfromthebackofthehouseand
curvedroundtoanirongateinthewallJustinsidethatgate,whichwasjustajar,laytwo
figurestwoofGonzalesmenwhohadthoughttheymightsneakinbythebackway,
onlytobedroppedbytheserifementheroof.Therewasnobodylivingnearthegate.It
lookedallsodarnedsimple,ifIcouldgetAldentoagreeandJuarezandhismentoco
operatewithme.Iwasabouttoputittohimwhenthesenoritaappearedontheroof,and
cametousasIrejoinedtheothertwo.Ifshefeltafraid,shedidnotshowit.
Ihearditall,SenorAlden,shesaid,andIthankyou.Thensheturnedto
thankthegeneral,whobowedoverherhandandkissedit.
Meanwhile,Icutinonthecompliments,wearewastingtime.Ithinktheresa
waytosinkthoseguysoutthere,ifwegetbusy.
Thegirlstaredatme.Butyouitisnotyourquarrel,senor?shehalfasked.
Besides,youareadentist,areyounot?
Forthepresent,senorita,Ianswered,alittlenettledatthetitle,Iamascrapper,
atyourservice,unlessyoudespisemetoomuch.Ifyoullletmeunfoldmyschemeto
Mr.Aldenhere.
Shestoodback,then,butlistenedwhileItalked,andoutofthecornerofmyeyeI
couldseeherexpressionchangeasshegazedatme.And,attheendofmyspiel,Alden
wasgrinning.
Nowtranslateittothegeneral,Itoldhim,andletshearwhathethinks.You
needntleavemorethansixuphere.
InturnAldenbegantoexpound,whilethegenerallistened,thoughwithmore
thanonepuzzled,almostsuspiciousglanceatme.Briefly,theschemewassimple
enoughtoleaveonlysixmenuphereontheroof,musteralltherest,andletallbutsix
gooutunderJuarezattheback,takethesunkenpath,andchargeoutfromtheirongateto
enfiladethepartyundercoverofthegardenwall.Then,assoonasthefiringbeganthere,
SamandIandthechosensixwouldchargeoutfromthefrontandcapturethelorryas
nearlyasIcouldtell,therewerenotmorethanhalfadozenmeninitbutGonzales
himselfwasoneofthem1Andnotonlywashetheheadoftheminorityparty,buthe
wassomuchthepartyitself,thebrainsofit,thatitwouldgotopieceswithouthim.Our
chiefrisk,ofcourse,wasincrossingtheopenspacebetweenthefrontdoorwayandthe
wall,butIcountedontheattackingpartyfromtheirongategivingGonzalesmenso
muchtothinkaboutthattheywouldnotseeusintime.Ourhalfdozenontheroofwere
tobeginfiringwhiletherestofusarrangedourselvestomasktheattackfromtheiron
gate,buttoceasefireassoonasmypartychargedoutfromthefrontdoortoseizethe
lorryandGonzalestoo,Ihoped.
Isawthelittlegeneralsleatherybrownfacewrinkletoasmileastheplanwas
unfoldedtohim,andguessedthatsomeofthesmilewasduetothefactthathewasto

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leadthemainbody,andhadnottotaketheriskofscutteringacrosstheopentoattackthe
lorry.Whetherthatweresoorno,hebowedtomeafterAldenhadlefttalking,andI
knewheapprovedmyidea.
Hesaysyoureagoodstrategist,Hammond,Aldentoldme.
Morethesenoritafacedmetospeakyouareaverygallantman,Senor
Hammond,andIoweyoumyeternalgratitude.
Aftertheshow,senoritanotyet,Itoldher.Andthegeneralhadbettercollect
hismenandgetbusy.Also,Alden,tellhimtoinstructthehalfdozenhessendingwith
meastowhattheyhavetodo,becauseIcantspeakthelingo,excepttotellempronto.
Halfanhourlater,Juarezandhismenhadassembledfortheirflankingattack
alongthewallbywayoftheirongate,whileSam,myself,fiveofthesoldiers,andAlden,
waitedjustinsidethefrontdoortoheartherattleofriflefirebreakoutandgiveusour
signalforchargingonthelorry.Aldenrefusedtobeleftoutofit.Ithinkthesheer
adventureofithadcapturedhimasithadme.Wewaited,andSenoritaCarmencameto
usandtookbothmyhands.
Maytheholyvirginwatchoveryou,senor,andrewardyouforthisserviceto
me,shesaid.AndyourfriendshegaveahandtoSam,whofortheonlytimeinmy
knowledgeofhimlookedembarrassedmayshewatchoverhimtoo.Foritisagreat
thingthatyou,strangers,plantodoforme,whomyouhadnotseenyesterday.
Ihadnotimetoanswer,forasuddenpatterofshotssounded,andAldenflungthe
doorwide.Wechargedout,sprintingforthewall,andgaineditunobserved.For,asIhad
hoped,theunexpectedattackbywayoftheirongatewastakingalltheattentionof
Gonzalesparty,andtheydidnotthinktokeepwatchonthefrontofthehouse.Sam
madeaback,andIwasfirsttoleaponitandgooverthewall,comingdownalmost
behindthelorry,butbetweenitsopenbackdoorandthewallitself.Theothersdropped
downbesidemeonebyoneAldenwasthirdover,Irememberand,whenallhad
comeacross,hestoppedtogiveSamaliftover,fortostopontheothersidewouldhave
beenmurderouslydangerous.Then,asoneman,theeightofusgotbehindthelorry,to
facethemostconsternatedhalfdozenrebelsthateverlookedintogunmuzzles.Nobody
fired,forbothAldenandIwantedGonzalesalive,and,sincesixpairsofhandswentup
intheairatourorder,wegothim.Adark,evillookingdevilhewas,too.
Ittooklessthanaminutetotiethemall,whilebulletsfromJuarezspartypattered
ontheplatingofthefront.But,atAldensorder,threeofourmengottotheloopholes
behindthedrivingseatandbeganshooting,and,knowingtheywerecaughtbetweentwo
fires,andapparentlybeingfiredonbytheirownmen,sincetheyhadseennothingofthe
captureofthelorry,Gonzalestroopersboltedforthecoverofthescrubonthefarsideof
theroad,manyofthemdroppingtheirriflesintheirhurry.ThenAldenshovedup
Gonzalesownwhiterag,intovisibilityforJuarezwehadagreedonthatasasignal
andthefiringstopped.Ifound,afterward,thatJuarezhadlostthreemenkilledoutright
andonlyonewounded,whilenoneofmypartyhadascratch.
Wehadraisedtheseige.Istartedtheengine,andbackedthelorryintothegarden
Ihadanideaitmightbeusefultome,later,ifJuarezandAldenwouldletmehaveit.
Thesunwashigh,bythistime,andwewereallthirsty.WebundledGonzalesandhis
menoutofthelorryandintothehouse,andhewaslockedupbyhimself

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incommuncado,asIhadbeennotmuchmorethanadaybefore.
CHAPTERXI
5
REFUSINGAPRESIDENCY

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THEthreeofus,Juarez,Alden,andmyself,hadalongargumentastowhatwe
shoulddowithGonzales,nowwehadgothim.Juarezwasforputtinghimagainstawall
andshootinghim,butIreckonedhewouldbemoreusefulalivewemightusehimfor
bargaining.Isaywe,becauseafterthatcaptureofthelorryJuarezcountedmeinwith
hisside,thoughallmyanxietywasovergettingaway.Andtheargumentwasalongone
becauseAldenhadtotranslateeverythingJuarezsaidformybenefit,andtranslateme
intoSpanishforthegeneral.AsforAlden,hewasagoodguyinhisway,darneduseful
asasecretary,Iguess,butwhenitcametomakingplanshehadnopep.Hehadgrit,too,
asthewayheinsistedinsharingourchargeacrossthegardenproved,buthewanteda
leader,allthetime.Andsomehowheseemedtolooktomeasthatleader,maybe
becauseIwasnearerinbloodtohimthanJuarez.
Iwonthatargument,convincedJuarezthattherebelleaderwasmoreusefultous
alivethanhewouldbedead,andthenAldenandIwentupontheroofforabreathing
spellitwasgloomyandlikeaprisoninsidethehouse,withallthosebulletproof
shuttersdrawnoverthewindows.Juarezwenttotalktothesenorita,andofthat,asthe
stingmensay,moreanon,forhistalkconcernedmeamongotherthings.
Thetroublehere,Aldensaidtome,isthatweresoinfernallycutofffrom
everything.AndfivehundredofGonzalesmenontheway.
Itookalookround.Talltreespreventedusfromseeinganythingofthetownwe
seemedtobeinthemiddleofaforest,thoughIcouldgetasightoftheseaoverthetree
topsonthesidetowardsthebeachwhereSamandIhadlandedandleftourboatthenight
before.TherewerebodiesofGonzalesmenlyingoutintheroadbeyondthewall,and
wecouldlookdownintothelorryinthegarden,thathadbeenGonzalesheadquarters.
DownundermeSamwashavingasleepafterourbusynight,andIwouldnothavebeen
sorrytofollowhisexample.
Whosleadingthosefivehundred?Iasked.
AldenshruggedIwasgettingalittleirritatedbythathabitofhis,forheseemed
topushallresponsibilityasidewithit.
Oh,theylllooktohimtolead,whentheygethere,hesaid.
Itsureisabananarepublic,Isaid,andmeantitAnditsnearoneleven
oclocklookhere,ifIfinallybustupthisrevolutionforyou,willyouhelpmeandSam
togetaway?
Why,certainlyIwill,heanswered.Buthowwhatdoyoumeantodo?We
cantfightfivehundredwhentheygethere.
Comealongdown,andtranslatesomethingforme,Isaid.Ivegotahunch
itsacomicoperacountry,iftheyhadntgotahabitoftryingtohangstrangers.Howdo
thatfivehundredgethere?

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Why,march,ofcourse,hetoldme,asifthequestionsurprisedhim.If
Gonzaleshadhadlorriesforthembuthehadnt,obviously!
Thentheyllbeawearylotwhentheygethere,Isaid.Comealongdownand
dosometranslatingforme.Whatdotheycallthisplacethishouseifitsgotaname
atall.
CasaSanDiego,headmitted.Butwhy?
Nevermind.Paperandafountainpenorapencil.
Hecamedownwithmetotheroominwhichwehadhadourbreakfast,andgot
measheetofpaperandapen.But,ingettingthem,hemusthavedisturbedthesenorita
andJuarez,fortheycameintoseewhatwasgoingon.Iwasbusywritingbythetime
theyarrived,anddidnotstopmyworkforcourtesies.AndthisiswhatIwrote
HeadQuartersOfHisExcellencyPresidentAlvaradoCasaSanDiego,PuebloSan
Diego
APROCLAMATIONTotheRebelForcesFollowingMartinGonzales
ThebattleofCasaSanDiegohasendedincompletevictoryforourgallanttroops,
andthetraitorMartinGonzalesisnowaprisonerinourhands.Allrebelswhocometo
theCasaSanDiegobeforesunsettodayandsurrendertheirarmswillreceive
unconditionalpardon.Anywhochoosetoremainunderarmswillbeshotwithouttrial
whencaptured.Wemarchonthecapital,Oceida,atdawntomorrow,andourranksare
opentoanywhowilltakeoathtoserveunderus,andwho,attheendofhostilities,will
bewellrewardedfortheirloyalty.
FelipeDeAlvarado
President.Juarez,GeneralcommandingtheLoyalArmy.
IheardAldenchucklesoftlybehindmeasIfinished,andthenadaintylittlehand
reachedoverandtookthepenfromme.CarmendeAlvaradopulledthepaperasideand,
bendingoverthetable,crossedoutJuarezsnameandwrotemineinitsplace.Igotup
andfacedher.
No,senorita,Isaid.Itcantbe.
Itmustbe,sheinsisted.Yourplansavedus,forthetime,andputGonzalesin
ourhands.JuarezandIhavetalkedaboutyou.Yetno!Iwillalteritagain.Seelike
this!
Againshewroteatthefootofthepaper,and,whenshehadfinished,therestood
mynameaspresident,whileJuarezwasunderit.
Oh,no,senorita,Itoldher.Ourwholestrengthliesinconcealingyourfathers
death,forthetime.Thisisbluff,ifyouunderstandthatword.Yourfathersnamecarries
weighthere,andtheydontknowmine,evenifIwouldtakehisplace.Noletitstandas
Iwroteit,gooutasIwroteit.Wevelessthansixtymentobackit,andIknowImright.
Andwevegottohurry,too.
TheSenorHammondisright,senorita,Aldentoldher,Buthowhowareyou
goingtogetthisdistributed,Hammond?
Getacoupleofbigsheetsofpaperpackingpaperanythingandpaintitbig
ontheminSpanish,Itoldhim.Wellgouptowninthearmouredlorryandpostem,if
wecangettherebeforethesefivehundredheroesarrive,andIbetyoutheyllwalkalong
hereinheapsandsurrenderwhentheyresureGonzalesiscaught,sinceyousayhesthe

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brainsandthemoneyoftherebellion,Buthurry.
HestoppedtotranslatetheproclamationtoJuarez,whonoddeddelightedlyand
shookhandswithmeasifIdbeenhislonglostbrother.Thenthepairofthemgotto
work,andintenminuteswehadtwobigpostersfairlywellsplashedwiththestatement
nobodycouldmissthematsixyards.ThenIhadanotheridea.
Alden,youstophereandgetoutanothertwocopies,Isaid,andthegeneral
cancomealonguptownwithmeinthelorryandshowmewheretoplantthesetwoto
thebestadvantage.Whenyouvegotyourcopiesdone,turnloosetwoofthemenwe
caughtwithGonzalesandgiveemeachacopy.Tellemtogoroundamongtheirfriends
andcirculatethegoodnews.Butwevegottohurry.
IroutedoutSam,whowasstilltoosleepytodomorethangruntwhenItoldhim
ourbusiness,butIguessedtheshakingofthelorryoverthepotholesofthatroadwould
wakehimupbythetimewegottotown.Juarez,withthetwoproclamationsunderhis
arm,gotfiveofhisriflemenandpackedthemintothelorryforescort,andabitshortof
noonwewentoffthroughthegardengateway,withmedriving.Ihadtoslewnearlyinto
thebushestododgethecorpsesourattackofthemorninghadleftoutintheroadthe
liverebels,withGonzalescaptured,werenowhereinsightorhearing.Webangedand
clatteredpasttheotherlorry,anordinaryfivetonSpeedier,withnoironplatingaboutit,
andstandingdesertedalongsidetheroad.Itsurehadbeenacompletevictoryforus,just
asmyproclamationsaid.
Thetownwasasdeadasaflayedhogwhenwewentwiththeplatingonthelorry
bangingandthunderingalongthemainstreetIbelievetheyalwaysshutupshopsin
theserepublicsforaninsurrection.WestoppedoutsidethePosadadeSandoval,and
Juarezgotdownwithfourofhismenforescortwhilehetackedoneofthepostersonthe
frontdooroftheestablishmentwhere,Irejected,allthisadventurehadbegunlessthan
twentyfourhoursbefore.Thenwewentontoabigbuildingtownhall,Isupposeitwas
andagainJuarezandhisescortgotdown.Therewasabignoticeboardinfrontofthe
building,andJuarezrippedoffallthenoticestherewereonitandtackedthesecondcopy
ofoursoninplaceofthem.Justtherethestreetwidenedoutintoasortof.marketplace,
whichgavemeroomtoturnthelorryand,justasIturnedit,theheadofacolumnof
dustylittlebrowndevils,withriflescarriedanyhowandpacksontheirbacks,came
stragglinginfromacrossstreet.Idrewoffdowntotheendnearestourfortress,andthere
stoppedtolookback.
Theywerecrowdingroundtheproclamation,andthereseemedtobea
considerableamountofexcitementamongthem,whilemoreandmoreoftheirsortkept
pouringinfromthecrossstreetuntiltherewasquiteacrowdmillingroundthenotice
board.ThenSam,whowassharingthedrivingseatwithme,joggedmyarm,andI
stoppedlookingroundalongthesideofthelorrytostraightenupandgazeahead.
Isdezeourfolks,ordeirfolks,boss?Samasked.Deylooklakdeydonegone
loseebberyting,dewaydeywalk.
Theyretheheraldsofvictory,Sam,Itoldhim.Buttheyreunlucky,allthe
same,becauseitainttheirvictory.
TheywerethepairofGonzalesmenfromthelorrywhomAldenhadturned
looseasIhadinstructed,andwithwhattheyhadtotell,Ifeltprettysure,thatcrowdup

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thestreetwouldcavein,sincenoneofthemcouldtellthattherewerenothundredsofus
attheCasaSanDiego.Itwasabigbluff,butIwaswillingtolayathousanddollarstoa
centthatwedpulleditoff,andtheywouldcomeinandsurrender.
SoIdroveon,butstoppedalongsidetheotherdesertedlorry,todropSam,telling
himtodriveitintothegardenafterus.Ihadseenboxesofammunitioninsideit,andwas
notgoingtoleavethemfortherebelstouseagainstus.Withthatdone,Iwenton,and
took.theignitionkeyoffmylorrybeforegettingoutinfrontofthecasa.
Well?Aldengreetedme,aswewentin.
Sittinglovely,bythelookofthings,Itoldhim.Theyshouldbealonghereto
pilearmsinfrontofthedoorinanhourortwo.Ifso,youandJuarezcantakeoverforthe
timeImgoingtopoundmyear.ItsquitealongwhilesinceIhitthehay.
Itwasso,too.Ifelttiredout,andfoundmeacouchinoneoftheroomswhereI
droppeddown,alldressedasIwas,anddirtyandunshaved,butpastcaringaboutit.Id
bustedtheinsurrectionforthem,andguessedIdearnedafewhoursrest.
ItwasaboutanhourshortofsunsetwhenIwakenedandAldengotmeabathand
lentmeshavingkit.Allhadworkedoutaccordingtoplan,hetoldme.Therelookedto
havebeenaconsiderablediscussionamongthefivehundredminoritypatriotswhenthey
firstreadmyproclamation.Somehadvotedforsurrender,andothershadbeenfor
carryingonthewar.
Theystartedshootingamongthemselves,anddideachothersomedamage,when
thetwomenweturnedloosecamealongandexplainedthatnotonlyhadwecaptured
Gonzales,butthearmouredlorryaswell.Thatbrokeuptheopposition,forGonzales,
sureofwinning,hadparkedhiswarchestunderthedrivingseatofthatlorryIhadbeen
sittingonasmallfortune,andnotsosmallatthatexceptthatitwasinthecurrencyofthe
country,whileIdrovethelorry,allwithoutknowingwhatwasunderme.
Theycaved,whentheyknewthepresidentialpartyhadalltheberries,andcame
alongtosurrendermeeklyenough.Morethanthat,everymanjackofthemvolunteered
forserviceonourside,andsoJuarezhadaprettylittlearmyofturncoatstoguardthe
casaforhim.NewshadcomethroughfromthecapitalthatthecaptureofGonzaleswas
alreadyknowntheresomeoneinPuebloSanDiegohadtelephoneditthroughand
thoughfightingwasstillgoingontheretheAlvaradistslookedtobethewinningside.So
allwaswellforthepresidentexceptthattherewasntanypresident,onlyadeadbody
onacouchinthecasa.
AllthisAldentoldme,andendedwithaquestion.
Andnow,whatarewetodowithGonzales?
Ididntknowtheanswer.Iftheyjailedhim,somebodywouldlethimoutsooner
orlater,andthentroublewouldstartalloveragain.Ihardlylikedtosuggestshooting
him,forIrememberedthatitwasnothisminoritypartythathadwantedtohangme.I
couldsee,though,thatAldenwasbeginningtolooktomefordecisions,andthoughtitas
welltoputhimoffthattackatonce.Youcansearchme,Isaid.Moreover,sinceIm
fortheroadnowallissereneforyouandthesenorita,itsyourpidgin.
Butbutyoucantgo,heejaculated,alarmed.
Guessagain,Iinvited.Iveseenquiteenoughofthisparadise,anditsmefor
thelongtrail.Backtowheremenaremenandgunsdonotgooffwithoutjustcauseor

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impediment.Thehometrail,me.
Oh,butwerecountingonyou,heurged.
Imnotoutedenoughtotakethecount,Isaid.Hegotonhisfeetandstarted
walkingabouttheroom,allperturbed.Quitesuddenlyhewalkedout,andleftmealonein
there,andImadeonlyoneguessoverwherehehadgone.Ifollowedhimout,andinthe
corridorcameonSam,whogrinnedlargelyatme.
Deysallpeacefulaginnow,aintdey,bossJehhy?heaskedme.
Snugasfleasinapillowcase,Sam,Itoldhim.
Denletmenyogitgoin,boss,hepleaded.Else,shoasyoisborned,deyll
tuckusindatjailagin,orelseawussndatone.Ahdoanlakdisplace,bossJehhy.Itgib
medecreeps.
Dontworry,Sam,Ibade.Wereforhome,justassoonasIcanfixthings.To
night,maybe.Soon,anyhow.
Datsgood,boss.WeunsOh,look,bossJehhy!Lookdah!
Iturnedtolook.Wetwostoodinpartshadowinthelongcorridorthatwentoff
fromtheentrancehallandthroughtothebackofthehousecasa,astheycalledit.
AlongtowardsuscameJuarezandAlden,andbehindthemafiguresneakedcatlikeI
knewitforGonzalesasSampointeditouttome.Later,welearnedthatthemanwhohad
takenhimhisfoodhadbeenfoolenoughtountiehishandsbothofthemIforhimto
eat,andthedevilhadstrangledthemanandgotloose.Iyelledawarning,buttoolate.
Gonzalesarmwentupandcamedownagaintheknifeinhishand,invisibletome
becauseofthehalfdarknessofthecorridor,wentdownwardthroughAldensshoulder,
andasAldenfell,withoutapauseGonzaleschargedonme,theknifeupraisedand
drippingfromthefirstthrust.
ItwasallsosuddenthatIwashalfparalysedforamoment.Ihadnotimetodo
anything,andthatbrownfaceddevilwithglaring,hatingeyeswasalmostonme,the
liftedknifereadytodealmesuchablowashehaddealtAlden,wholaynowonthestone
floor,whileJuarez,toolatetohelpmeinanyway,leapedforward.Thenashotcrashed
androaredintheconfinedspaceofthecorridor,andGonzalesspunhalfwayroundand
dropped,hisheadbangingagainstthewall,andhisshouldersmashedbythesoftnosed
bulletfromSamsautomaticpistol.aOh,tankthegoodLawd,bossJehhy!Samsaid
piously.
ButIwasdownbesideAlden,then,Thebloodwaspouringoutfromthewound
Gonzaleshaddealthim,andIknewhewaspasthumanaidassoonasIlookedathim.I
gotanarmroundhimandliftedhim,andhelookedupatme.HeknewIcouldseethat
heknewitwastheend.
Toughluck,oldchap,hesaidweakly,yetnotnotso...verytough.I...I
didntlikethejob.See...seeitthrough...shetoldme,justnow.Needsyou...president
PresidentHammond.
Hejustwhisperedthoselastwordswithasmile,andthenhisheadfellbackandI
laidhimdown,drawinghisbodyalittleawayfromthepoolofbloodthathadformedon
thefloor.Ilookedup:menhadcomerunningatthesoundoftheshot.Juarezstood
pointingtowardsthefrontentrance,andhismendraggedGonzalestowardsit,takingno
noticeofthepainofhissmashedshoulder.IsawJuarezgripSamshand,asifinthatway

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hewouldacknowledgewhatSamhaddone,sincehecouldnotputitintowordsthat
eitherofuswouldunderstand.Hebarkedanorder,andthreeofhismengotround
Aldenscorpseandliftedit,carryingitaway.ThenJuarezandtheotherswentout,andI
heardthefrontdooropenandclose.
Datsurewassudden,boss,Samsaidtomeinanawestruckway.
Hewasright.Ithadbeendazinglysuddenfromstarttofinish.Atonemoment,it
seemed,JuarezandAldenhadbeencomingalongthecorridortowardsme:thenext,or
thereabouts,IstoodalonetherewithSam,whoonceagainhadsavedmylife,andAlden
wasdead.
PresidentHammond!Weretheyplanningthatbehindmyback?
Gosh,Sam,youmustbemygoodangel,Itoldhim.Twiceintwodaysyouve
savedmylife,doyourealize?
Oh,dataintnuffintowhatAhwoulddo,boss,hesaid.IfIwuzoneob
deseyerangelslakyosay,Iwouldntbeheahnotifdewingshabenoughliftinem.
Boss,disisonehellobaplace.Wegottago,whilederesanygointobeseen.
Ithink.youvesaidit,Iagreed.But,withAldendead,whosgoingtotranslate
tosayweregoing?WecanttalkSpanish.
Wedesgo,Samurged.Itdontneednotalk.
Irejected.Howtogo.Wasourboatstillthere?HowcouldIlayhandsonenough
provisionstoensurethatwewouldnotstarve,ifwetooktotheboat?Therewasplentyof
foodandstuffinthisplace,butwhere?Iwasstillcogitatingwhenarattleofmusketry
soundedfromoutside,oneirregularvolley,andthennomore.Juarezhadgoneoutthere
withhismendraggingGonzalesIguessedthattheproblemthathadworriedAlden,
whattodowithGonzales,nolongerexisted.Andtenminutesbeforelessthanten
minutesAldenhadbeenalive!
PresidentHammond!
IwentalongtotheroomIknew,andSamfollowedmeasfarasthedoorway,but
stoppedthere.Hewasonedgetobegone,Icouldsee.
Doyouknowwheretheykeepthegrub,Sam?Iaskedhim.
Ahsuredo,boss,heansweredwithawidegrin.
Thengoandrequisitionastockforusstealit,ifyouhaveto,butgetit.Illwait
here.Eggs,hamanything.Eatsfortwodays,andthenwecanstarveforanotherifwe
haveto.Hurryit.
Forthesunhadset,now,andanideahadcometome.Wewouldnottrytofind
thatboatagain,withafivetonSpeedlerlorryoutthereinfronttotakeustotheborder
andbeyond.Iwouldseethatthelorryhadafullfueltanktherewereadozenormore
cansstrappedonit,asIhadseenandrunitallnighttonorthward,oratleastrunitas
farasitsfuellasted.Thatwouldtakeuswelloutfromthiscursedcountry,andthen,with
twohundreddollarsapiece,wecouldtrusttolucktoseeustherestofourway.Ditchthe
lorry.Taketoourfeettillwestruckanorthwardrunningrailway,whichwouldgiveeach
ofusafreerideifIknewanythingaboutjumpingafreight,andIbelievedIdid.Isawus
comingoutontheTexanborderatthefinish,usingboatsandtrainsaschanceservedus
Ilookedup.ThereinthedoorwayoftheroomstoodCarmendeAlvarado,
dressedallinblack,now,andlovelierthaneverwithherlittlegoldenheadandsadblue

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eyes.Shecameintotheroom.
Deathstrikesagain,senor,shesaidsadly.Juarezhastoldme.Ihaveonlyyou
left,nowyouandhim.
Senorita,Isaid,Idontwishyoutocountonme.AllIhavedonewastowards
givingmyselfthechancetogetfreeofthis
Senor!shebrokein,inascaredway,Youcannotleaveme!
Ibothcanandmust,Iinsisted.Itsthisway,senorita.Imayhavemadethings
easierforyouhere,butdonotforgetthatthemenofyourfatherspartysentencedmeto
hanging,andyourfathersignedthewarrantformydeathbeforehedied.Andiftheyget
holdofmeagain,fortheirownsakestheydarenotletmegototalktoanAmerican
consulofwhattheydidtome
Senor,sheinterruptedagain,IhaveJuarezbesideme,amanloyaltomeashe
wastomyfather.Atmywordhewillprotectyouuntilthereisnomoreneedfor
protectionanditwillnotbelong.Wehaveonlytotellhowyourplanning,yourwitand
skillandcourage,savedustoday,andyouwillbeanationalhero.Butforyourplanand
yourbraveryincarryingitout,Gonzaleswouldstillbesiegethisplaceifhehadnot
alreadyforcedustosurrender.YourthoughtoftheproclamationgaveJuarezanarmyof
fivehundredmen,andruinedGonzalescause.Wehavebuttotellthis,andJuarezhas
buttospeakashehastoldmehewillspeak,andyoutakemyfathersplace.Forwehave
greatneedofamantoleadus,senor.PresidentHammond!
Thereitwas.InthatspeechsheofferedittomeIdonotknowtothisdayifshe
couldhavemadegoodontheoffer,butstillIliketothinkthat,once,Imighthavebeena
president,thoughonlyofacomicoperarepubliclikethat.NotthatIdreamedof
acceptingit.
No,senorita,Isaid.Iamnotcutoutforapresident.
Youareabraveman,andacleverman,shepleaded.Wehaveneedofsucha
man,Itellyou.Withoutyou,IdonotknowifIcanmakegoodmycause,forJuarez
woulddoforamaninwhomhebelievesmorethanhewoulddoforme,awoman,
thoughIammyfathersdaughter.See,senor,awomancannotbepresidenthecannot
putmeuptorule,andhewouldnotdreamoftakingtheplacehimself.Thereremainsto
meonlyyou.Theothers,whatarethey?Fliesonawall!
Iknewthoseothers.Dirtylittlemenwhohadjailedme,triedtohangmeforthe
murdertheythemselveshadinstigated.IownthatthenIhesitated,justforasecondor
two.TogobacktoOceidabesidethesenoritaandJuarez,attheheadofhislittlearmy,
and,perhaps,winthesupremepowertherebyjustsuchacoupasIhadbroughtoffhere!
ItmighthavebeenpossibleIdonotknowifitwouldhavebeen.But,justthen,Iwas
tempted,forthesakeofrevengeonthosedevils.
Shecameastepnearer,laidherhandonmyarm,andlookedupintomyeyes.
Therewasnomorethanahalflightintheroom,andshewasverylovely.
Donotrefuse.Shealmostwhisperedit,andtherewasacaressinhervoice.I,
Carmen,askyou.Andinreturn,allyouwouldaskofmeisyoursallyouchoosetoask
Iwillgive.
Imighthaveforeseenthatthistemptationwouldbeaddedtotherest.Butitdid
nottempt.IfIhadknownthenallthatIlearnedlater,thingsmighthavebeendifferentfor

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me.Imight,today,bepresidentofthattoyrepublic,withCarmenasMrs.President,or
mighthavebeenstoodagainstawallandshot,longbeforethis,accordingtotheway
localpoliticshappenedtogo.ButbetweenmeandthisgirlstoodmyPrincessbyhergate
underthestars,tellingmeWhateverhappens,myJerry,Ishallnotforget.
ButhereIwas,facedwiththatofferofherself,andapresidentialchairtoboot.I
donotdoubt,onthinkingitover,thatwithherandJuareztobackmeIcouldhavegotto
thetopastheywanted,butasIdidnotwant.Yettotellawoman,whensheoffers
herself,thatyouaregoingtorefusetheofferisadangerousthing,andIcouldseenoway
outoftellingherthat.Ithoughtandthought,whileshestoodwaitingformetotakeherin
myarmsandkissherandthenSamsavedme.Savingmewasgettingquiteahabitof
his.
Hecameinwithasackoverhisshoulder.Hehadputaheavyfineonthelarderof
thecasa,andwasallfullofjoyattheideaofgettingawayatlast,sohecameblundering
in,andpulledupshortwhenhesawCarmeninthatloverlikepostureandmefacingher.
Itgavememycue,andIjusttookherhandsandlookedather.
Letmethink,Isaid.Itisabigthing.Thisisnotmycountry,andIdonteven
knowthelanguage.Givemetillmorningyoushallknowthen.Ihavetothink,fora
thinglikethis.
Shedrewherhandsaway,disappointed,Ithink,thatIhadnotjumpedatthe
chancesheoffered.Sambackedoutoftheroom.
Sobeit,shesaid,rathercoldly.Youshalltelloneinthemorning.Butagain
hervoicegrewsoftIneedyou,remember.
Ishallremember,Isaid.Youshallknowinthemorning.
Shewentout,then,andIbreatheddeeplyasSamcameinagain.
Phew,butthatwasacloseshave!Isaid.
BossJehhy,Idonegotenoughfoaweek,Samsaid,andputdownhissack.
Doweunsgobacktodeboatnow?
Wedonot,Sam,Idecided.Anybodycanhavethatboat,forme.
Alltheironshuttershadbeenopenedagain,andIcouldseethroughthewindow
oftheroomthatastormwasbankingup,whilenowandagainaluridflashoflightning
showeditwasgoingtobenosmallstorm.Ilookedout,andsawaclearwaytothefront
door.
Fetchthesack,Sam,Isaid,andfollowme.
Wegotoutwithoutanytrouble.Therewasasentryonthefrontdoor,andanother
onthegatewaytotheroad,buttheywereJuarezsownmen,andknewmeafterwhatI
haddonethatday,anythingIchosetodowentwiththem.Juarezhimselfwasinthe
garden,walkingupanddown.ItookSamssackandheaveditintotheunarmouredlorry.
Switchonandgetthatenginestarted,Sam,Ibade.
Juarez,whohadseemedinasortofabstractionofthinking,cameuptomeasthe
enginestarted,andlookedhardatme.Ipointedtowardsthetown.Hewantedsomesort
ofexplanation,evidently,andIlefthimtomakewhathelikedofmypointing,sincewe
couldnottalktoeachother.Thestormwasnearonbreakingnow,andthundermuttered
andgrowled,whilethelightningflashedalmostcontinuously.
Pronunciamento,senor?Juarezasked,thoughwhatthehellhemeantbyitis

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morethanIcantell.Maybehethoughtweweregoinguptowninthelorrytopostsome
moreplacards.
Si,senor,pronounciamento,Iagreed.Hesmiledandbowed,andIclimbedinto
thecaboftheSpeedlerandtookthewheel.Thenwithavastcrashofthunderandablaze
oflightthestormbrokeoverus.Icouldheartheraincomingwithahissacrossthetrees
roundus,andJuarezranforshelterandtosavehisnicegoldbraideduniformfrom
gettingwet.Iputintheclutch,andwithSambesidemewentoffjustasthedrenching
stormbegan,
WerockeduptoandthroughPuebloSanDiegowithlittleriversrunningdown
theemptystreet.Wherethatroadended,Ididnotknow,butitwentnorthward,towards
thefrontier.There,Iknew,wemightfindcomplications,butaslongaswegotawayIfelt
wewouldmakegoodsomehowditchthelorryandmakeitonfoot,iftherewereguards
tostopusatafrontierpost.
Itwasacrazyroad,andallIcoulddotopreventusfromdoingsomersaultswith
thelorry.Theraincamedowninsolidsheets,butfortunatelythecabwasenclosedand
hadawindscreenwiperitwasoneofthelatestmodelSpeedlerfivetonners,andthere
wasagaugethattoldmethetankwasmorethanhalffull.Onwewent,missingtreesby
thewaysidebymereshaveswhenweskidded,twistingandturningasthetrackbent,the
headlightsshowingtwolanesofrainstraightbeforeus,whileSamkeptcallingonde
goodLawdbetweeneverypairofthunderclaps.Juarezhadhadtheammunitionboxes
takenout,andthelongbodyofthelorrywasemptybehindus,whichmadethingsworse,
sincetherewasnoweighttogivethebackwheelsagripandpreventskidding.Still,we
gotonsomehow,andtheworstofthestormwentover.Itwasstillraining,butnotso
hard,whenwewentflyingpastasortofhutandthroughanopengatewaywhichIknew,
fromthedistancewehadcome,mustbethefrontierpost.Therewasnotasoulinsightas
theheadlampslitupthehut,and,sincethewaywasstraightthroughthegateway,I
jammeddowntheacceleratorpedalandrushedit.Aswewentby,Isawmentumbling
outofthehutandheardashout,buttheyweretoolatewewereaway.
Andthatwasthat.WhenIlookbackonit,itseemsamad,impossibleadventure,
prospectofhangingoneday,andofbeingpresidentofarepublicalmostthenext.But
thereitwas,andwehadwonclear.Also,Ihadkeptmypromisetothesenorita,forshe
knewevenbeforemorningwhatwasmyanswertoheroffer.
Ilearned,afterward,thatthingsdidnotgowellwithherandJuarez.Theyhada
stormymonth,andhewaspresidentforacoupleofdays,butthenthepartytowhich
Gonzaleshadbelongedgottheupperhandagain,forwithAlvaradodeadtherewasno
leaderwithbrainsonthesidehehadheaded.Juarezwasshot,andthesenoritagotaway
toEuropesomehowmaybesheisthereyet.But,Iheard,theypinnedAlvaradosdeath
onme,saidIhadassassinatedhimwhetherthesenoritahadanypartinthatIdonot
know.Sincetheygotmynamewrongandhadneitherphotonorfingerprints,itisofno
greatimportance,fortheynevergottrackofme.
ItwouldtakefartoolongtotellalltheadventuresSamandIhadbeforewegot
aboardanorthwardboundtrampsteamerforthelaststageofourhomewardtrip.The
onlythingaboutitthatmattersisthatImanagedtosellthelorryforfiftydollarstoa
storekeeperofmyownnationalityinaplacecalledCerrodeViejashewasashiftysort

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ofcrookwhoriskedthebargainwithoutanycredentialsfromme,andamightygood
bargainitwas,too,sinceitwasnearlyanewlorry.AsnearlyasIremember,SamandI
hadstillahundredandfiftydollarsapieceleftwhenweboardedthattrampsteamershe
wascarryinghides,andstanklikeallpossessedonthelastlegoftherun.
AndthuswecamebacktoAmerica.Sam,afterlanding,headedtowardsElPaso,
wherehelikedtohangaroundthenegrodistrict.MyselfheadedtowardsMontrealwith,
deepdowninme,thefeelingthatIwouldwringenoughoutofthisoldworld,somehow,
togetbacktomyPrincess.
Life,asIdhadtoliveit,hadnotweakenedthatambition,butithadhardenedme.
Ihadnoscrupleswhatever.Idnothadafairdeal,itseemedtome,andnowhadnta
profession,hadnothingbutmywitsandthefewdollarsIhadbroughtback,butIwas
determinedtowinout,andprettycarelessastohowIdidit.
SoIbeganagain.TheroadIhadtravelledsofarhadbroughtmeupagainst
LaughingSam,ablackman,butarealfriend,andwhiterthanmostmenIveknown.It
wasnowtobringmeupagainstTillarySteevens,whiteman,butadarnedsightblacker
thanSaminallbuthisskin.Famousmysterystorywriter,thief
Thetaleofmyadventureshastostop,hereandnow,whileItelljusthowand
whyTillarySteevenswasinrealitynomorethanafraud,amonumentalfraud.Andthat
tellingtakesbackagain,foraminuteortwo,tothebeginningsofmylife,whenmy
grandmotherwasstillaliveandhopingtoputmeinthewayofagoodandprosperous
career.Forshekeptthathoperightuptoherdeath,workedforit,livedforit,butnotlong
enoughtoseeherhoperealized.
LaughingSamblackman.
TillarySteevens,whiteman!
Yettheblackmanwhite,andthewhitemanblack.
Which,beforeIgoon,hasgottobeexplained.
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ASasmallboyandalargerone,too!grandmotherandItravelledabout.Here,
there,everywhere.Practicallygypsies.Grandmotherwasanexpertseamstressand,
exceptforthehandicapofherage,couldalwaysgetwork.Itwasshe,Godblesshersoul,
whoearnedenoughwithhertalentedneedlethatJerryHammond,hergrandson,could
enterthisschoolthatschool;andherlittleinheritancethatenabledhimtogointothis
collegeandthatcollege,takingpartofhisdentalcourseherepartofitthereonly,
alas,tobecomewhenallwasdoneandsaidasafecracker!
Butgrandmother,thanksperhapstothekindlyfates,sleepstodaypeacefully,
unknowing.InCrownHillCemetery,Indianapolis,withnotevenaheadpieceoverher
grave.Butwithalivingmonumentofasort,yet,thoughnottheunluckygrandson,
carryingthebrandofprofessionalcriminal,wholivesontodaynobutthethousandsof
lovingmemoriesconcerningherself,whichsheleft,everywhereshewent,everywhere

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thatshemetpeople.
AnditwasduringacertainfewmonthsthatwelivedinColumbus,Ohiomyself
agedthirteenthatImetTillarySteevens.Himselfonlythirteenorsosincewewerein
thesamegradeatschoolIevenremembertherentedhousegrandmotherandIlivedin.A
ricketywoodenaffaironDakotaAvenue,withanattic.Itcostus$9amonth.Tillary
livedinamuchfinerhouse,abeautifulgreyBedfordstoneaffair,withgreenblinds,on
TerraceDrive.AndIrecall,evenafteralltheyears,itsnumbershownbythebigornate
bronzenumerals237atthesideofitsentrance.
Abullyhewas,eventhen,ofthesmallerboys.Notme,ofcourse,forIcould
standupformyself.Sohebecamefriendswithme,whenhesawhecouldntbluffnor
lickme.
ItwasTillary,infact,whofirstgavemetheambitiontobeadentist.Dentists,
saidTillary,weregrandmentheyhadlotsoffundrillingintopeoplesnervesand
makingthebeggarssqueal.Naturallycruel,Tillary,asadistdoubtlessly,butheawokein
methesameambitionthoughnot,atleast,withthemotiveofmakingpeoplesqueal.
Minewasmerelythedesiretostop,inpeople,someofthetoothachessuchasImyself
hadhad.
Since,becauseofTillarysinabilitytobullyme,wehadbecomefriends,weoften
wentupintomyattictoread.While,ofcourse,grandmotherwasoutsewingbytheday.
HeandIwouldtaketurnsatreadingonetotheother.Andwhatweusedtoreadwere
nolessthansometwoscoreoffascinatingmanuscriptsthatgrandfatherhadleftinanold
brassboundtrunk.Forgrandfatherhadbeenaprofessionalmiscarriageofsomesort.A
Presbyterianministerbytraining,hehadhadaninsatiableurgeforwritingstories.
Mysterystories,theywouldbecalledtoday.Dimenovels,hehadshamefacedly
confessedtograndmothertheywerethingsunbefittingaPresbyterianclergyman
storieswhich,didhisparishionersknowthathewrotethemwouldactuallybarhim
fromthecloth.But,ashetoldgrandmother,theygavehimgreatenjoymentdischarged
sometensionwithinhimself;and,solongasheburiedeachoneinthetrunkafteritwas
written,theyalldid,hesaid,noharm.
Dimenovelstheymayhavebeenallright,buttheywerewonderfully,ingeniously
puttogether.Theytickedwhichisasnearasalaymanlikemyselfcanputit.
Everythinghungwitheverythingelse,withthemathematicalprecisionofastructural
ironbridge.Gearsrolledwithingearsandatopgearsatthesametime,too!andlevers,
unseenatthemoment,workedpowerfullyandquietlywithotherleversinviewofthe
readersothatsurprisefollowedsurpriseandeverythingcameoutattheendwitha
grandbangofsurprise,andlovetriumphant,andvillainsgettingtheirjustdeserts.Allthis
inspiteofthefactthatthecharactersinthosescriptslittheirhouseswithkerosenelamps
heroeschasedvillainsinhorsedrawnhacksandtheclosestapproachtoatelephone
callwasamessengerboy.
Eachscriptwastiedupbeautifullywithablackribbon.Grandfatherssenseof
contrition,Iguess,forhavingpennedwhatheconsideredsuchmelodramaticbalderdash.
EachwaswritteninahandsoperfectthoughnotatallSpencerianthataboyof
thirteencouldreadoneeasilytoanotherboyofthirteen.Itwasonlyduringoursojournin
Columbusthatgrandmotherhadfirstshownmegrandfathersfortyscriptsintheold

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trunkanditwastherethateachday,afterschool,IinductedTillaryintothethrillsof
grandfathersmagnificentimaginationandTillary,inturn,wouldreadtome.Till,I
guess,wehadatleasttwothirdsofthemreadcompletelythrough.
Iwastalkingtograndmotheronedaywhileshesewedathomeonanoutsidejob.
Whatkindofamanwasgrandfather,Grandmother?
Ohafineman,sonnyboy,shesaid.Youwereonlyalittlemorethanfour
yearsoldwhenhedied,HeandIhadtakenyoufromyourparentswhobothdiedwhen
youwerebuttwo.Youweretheappleofyourgrandfatherseyebecausehedwanteda
sonandhegotadaughteryourmother.
Didhemakemuchmoney,Grandmother?
Yourgrandfatherwastoobrightaman,sonnyboytobelongtotheclergy.So
poorlypaid!No,weweredesperatelypoor.Infact,sonnyboy,grandmotherhas
alwaysbeenpoor.Youcanjudgeforyourselfhowpoorgrandfatherwasfromthefact
thatheleftyouonlyeightdollarsandhisBible.
Butbuthowwasthat,Grandmother?Wouldntanythingheownedhavetogo
toyouhiswife?
Yes,sonnyboy.Butoncegrandmotherwellthedoctorswereabsolutely
certainshewasgoingtodie.Yourgrandfatherwasfearfullydowncast.Andbeingill
himself,heatoncemadeawill.Leavingyoueverythinghehad.Butgrandmotherfooled
thedoctors,andgotwell.Grandfather,too,incidentally.Anditwasgrandfatherwho,
longlater,died.Ifoundhiswill.Ididntevenprobateit,poorlad.Forgrandfatheronly
hadeightdollarsandthattrunkfulofdimenovels.Whenyouregrownupgrandmother
willgooutandearnyoutheeightdollarsandgiveyouyourcorrectlegacy.
WhenIgrowup,Grandmother,youregoingtodriveinoneoftheseRoyce
Rollsautymobeels.Butlisten,Grandmother,wouldntmaybesomedimenovelpublisher
giveusmaybefiftydollarsapieceforthosenovels?
Shethrewupherthimbleencasedhandsinhorror.Heavens,no,child!Theyre
themostbloodcurdlingthingseverpennedwhy,thepolicewouldbarthemoffthe
bookstandsascriminalliterature,andarrestthepublishers,ifanyfirmevendaredto
bringthemout.Why,child,theyhaveinthemcorpses,andbloodandmurders,andthe
mosthorriblecunningvillains.No,child,theyrejustthebubblingsoverofsomequeer
partofyourgrandfathersnature.AndtheyhoweverwhilewereonthissubjectI
dowanttogiveyougrandfatherswill.
Andshegotup,andfumblingdowninsomegreatcrackedteapotlargeenoughto
havemadeteaforthewholeJapanesearmy,shebroughtmeupthatdocumentof
grandfathers.Iwasoldenoughtoreadit.Itlefteverythingtome.Everything!Poor
grandfather.Hehaddreams,allright,Iguess,ofHooverianCornersbeforetheworld
everheardofpromoterHerbertHoover.
Anditwasthenextday,afterthatconversationwithgrandmother,that
grandfathersmanuscriptswerestolenbagandbaggageoutofourattic.
TillarySteevens,ofcourseasIfoundoutlong,longyearsafter!
CHAPTERXIII

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THEMOVIEPOSTER!
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THEpillagingofourhousetookplacewhilegrandmotherwasdoingsomesewing
somewhereandIwasfishing.
Theintrudergotinbyacellarwindow.Hetook,oddlyenough,threejarsofjams
allofthemanuscriptsand$3thatgrandmotherhadinherhugecrackedteapot.
IweptbitterlywhenIdiscoveredthetheft.ForIdwantedatleasttoreadthelast
fifteenorsoofthosenovels.
Well,child,saidgrandmotherphilosophically,thinkingthatIwasweepingover
the$3thatwasstolenfromus,thiswillatleastteachyouavaluablelesson,inthe
wisdomofyourWelshprogenitors.Aboutburyingthekeytoahouse!Yes.Foryouve
seenme,timeandagain,whenweleftmetosew,andyoutogotoschoolpressour
keyunderthesodnearthestoop.AndifIdonlydonethattoday,child,insteadoftaking
italongandhavingyoucallforitwhereIwassewing,nobodywouldhavenorcould
havebrokenin,fortissaid,child,asIvesooftentoldyou,bytheancientWelsh,that
ifoneburiesthekeytothehouseoneleavesneithermannorbeastnorghostwillbreak
induringonesabsence.ButIstillcontinuedtoweep,andshortlygrandmotherfound
thatitwasthelostnovelsIwasweepingabout!
Tut,tut,child,shereprovedme.Andsothatsit?Well,youllbethebetteroff
ifyouneverreadthosenovels.Ineverhadthehearttodestroythem,becauseyourpoor
grandfatherwrotethembut,thankGod,theirfatehasbeendecreedforme.Though,
alack,somebodyelsesmindwillbepollutednow.Poorthief!
IdidntintheleastsuspectTillary.Forhehadfullaccess,throughme,tothe
manuscripts.Andallhecaredfor,presumably,wastoreadthem.Ifeltthathewouldnt
evenbothertostealsuchstuff.Moreover,heproposedrightafterthetheftthatwebe
detectiveshehadtwomagnifyingglassesalsotwo10centstoreburglarlampsand
togetherweworkedonthecaseforanentireweek.Tillaryseemeddreadfullysorry.So
sorrythatgrandmothersaid:Tillary,laditsablessingforyou,too,thatthosescripts
werestolen.YouandJerry,Iplumbdeclare,havegonedetectivecrazy!
Andnotlongafter,gypsylike,grandmotherandIdriftedawayfromColumbus,
nevertoreturn.
ItwaswhenIcamebacktoAmericathesecondtime,howeverafterescaping
fromthatSouthAmericanjailandapresidency,thatIreceivedtheshockofmylife.On
myfirstreturn,IhadgotonSamsmoney,ofcourseuptoMontreal,Canada,picked
upawrappedandsealedpacketcontainingacoupleofmerelysentimentalthingsoneof
thembeingnolessthangrandfatherswill,theotherwell,Illcometothatindue
course!thatIdleftincareofthemanwhodkeptmefromstarvationafullhalfyearor
morebeforebyhiringmetonailboxestwohoursadayinhisplantwhichwaspractically
goingbustallthetime.Onedamnfinechapifevertherewasone!Andneitherneednor
use,Illassume,togivehisnamehere.Forheenteredmylifeelevenyearsagoand
wentoutofitfiveyearsago,viatheBigBlackTurnstilethatturnsonewayonly.
Allright.Togetbacktothestory.ThestoryofhowJ.Hammond,Esquire,gotthe
bigshockofhislifeonalittleoldstreetcalledBroadway!Completewithfactsahead

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andallfactsafter!
ForafterIdpickedupthosemementoesIreferredtoawhileback,andhad
trekkedfartheroninthedirectionIwasmoving!Ihadhookedupwithatrapper
headingforthefarloneCanadiannorth.AndthereintheNorthIhadstayedthreeyears
forthefellowpaidmeareallydecentcommissiononthepeltswetook.ButIhadtogive
itup,finally,becauseIcouldntstandthesufferingofthepoorbeastswecaughtinthose
goddamnedtraps.
Andsobacktocivilizationagainand,asbefore,throughMontreal.$580in
myjeans!Butthescreamsofthosesmallanimalssoundinginmyearsateveryrevolution
ofthetrainwheelscomingdownfromthelowertipofHudsonBay.Andthesameafter
IdtransferredtothetransContinental.Finally,Montrealagain.Andthistimemyex
employerpoordevilwasdying.Amalignanttumouratasitethatpracticallycouldnt
begotatwiththeknife.Oh,therewasahighpricedsurgeonwhodhadsomeluckatthat
particularoperation,whowaswillingtooperatepricefivehundredbucks.Allright,I
saidtomyself.Youvecreatedplentyofsufferingwiththosenickelsteeltrapsyou
helpedsetupintheNorth.Now,youJerry,paybackandpaytothelimit.AndIpaid
the$500fee.And,byGod,the$500,savedthepoordevilIvespokenof.Reachedthe
cancer.Gotitoutclean.Andwhenhediddiewhichwastwoyearslaterhedied
peacefullywithheartdisease.Whichwas,Isay,pullingaswiftoneontheold
Scythester.
Andnow,steppingbackfromthepointfallofI937wheremyexbossreally
didentertheBlackValley,tothepointsummerof1935whenIpulledhimoffa
mightytoughbusheadingthatway,IwentontoNewYorkwithjustmyremaining
eightybucks.Travellingdeluxeonthecushions.Butnothearinganymore,inthe
revolutionsofthecarwheels,thescreamsofthosethousandsoftrappedanimals.Iwas
freed!Anddamncheapattheprice,atthat.Neveragain,Itoldmyself;Fromnowona
mangyratcoulddinewithme,rightatmyplate,ifheweresatisfiedwithmyvitamin
layout.
Andsoitwasthere,inlittleoldNewYawk,asIstartedtoimply,thatIgotthe
shockofmylife.AnditwaswhenorslightlyafterIstrolledintoamovieshow.The
firstIdbeeninfornearlyfouryears.ThetitleofthefilmwasTheFranklineSquare
Enigma.AndIdgotin,themanonmyrightgenerouslytoldme,justastheactual
drammeropened,soIwouldnthavetoseenothingover!Iwatchedthedrammer
unfold.Byorderofsomeinspiredmoviemagnatewhohaddoubtlesstriedtomakethe
plotfeasibleforreuseasaromancetobecalledTwoButtonholesinLove,allits
innardshadbeenrecordedinreversedirection,theendhadevidentlybeenmadethe
beginningsothatitcouldbetoldwellinfraretrospectively,Isupposetheprocess
wouldbetermedoh,ithadhadonegrandscramblingofsomesortinthefryingpanof
Hollywood.Notlessthansixteenscenarioists,twentyfourplotbuilders,andthirtytwo
dialoguewritersmusthavepunchedeachothersnosesinfixingitup.Thecensorsall
overthecountryhaddonetheirworkwell,also,forimmensechunksofthestorywere
missinghereandthere,beingsubstitutedwithdeadblackstretcheswherewordscameto
theaudienceoutofthepureether;while,inotherplaces,characters,movingsilentlipsall
thewhile,hadeightcoursedinnerswitheachother,wenttothetheatre,andretiredtobed

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allwithoutasinglenightynight,however.Yet,inspiteofallthismayhemplusmajor
andminorsurgery,therewassomethingprofoundly,distinctly,familiaraboutthestory.It
wasplainthattheHollywoodplotartistswhoworkedonithadbeenunable,tryasthey
might,togetridofitshighspotsthethingsthatreallymadeitsbasicstructure.I
couldntputmyfingeronwhyorhowthatstorywasfamiliar.Itsplotappearedsingularly
likesomethingIdreadonce.Andyet,IknewIpositivelyneverhadnorcouldhave.
So,goingoutofthetheatreasthefilmcametoitsend,Ipuzzledlystudiedatdose
handoneofthelargerfoyerposters.AndahIwhatdiditsayinthecornerbut
AdaptedfromtheSuccessfulMurderMysteryNovel,TheStolenPlaylet,byTillary
Steevens.
TillarySteevens!Anovelist.Tillarywhohadintendedtodevotehislifeto
hurtingpeoplewithadentistsdrill!
IwentstraightintoabookstoreandboughtmeacopyofTillarysnovel,The
Stolen,Playlet.Andinmycheaproom,inacheaphotel,Iopeneditscoverswith
considerableinterest.AndtheveryfirstthingthatIopenedto,oddlyenough,wasthe
playlet,whosetheftinthestorywasthemotiveofthemurdertherein!Andsincethe
actualplayletitselfhadneitherbeenshownnorsuggestedinthescreenversion,I
proceededtoreadit.
Forgoodandsalientreasonswhichwereknowntomyselfalone!

20
CHAPTERXIV
TILLARYSTEEVENSSOUTPUT
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IREAD,asIsay,andwithinlessthanadozenpageshadrealizedthetruth.That
playletwasgrandfathersownwork,inessence.Thestoryofitwasoneofthoseflashes
ofinspirationlikeRiderHaggardsShe,andLyttonsuseoftheblindgirlintheLast
DaysofPompeiiasaguidetotheloverswhennobodyelsecouldfindawayaboutthe
doomedcitythatcanonlybeusedonce,becauseoftheiroriginality.Itwasasoriginal
andstrikingasVictorHugosJeanValjeanintheParissewers,asuncopyable,toquotea
laterwriter,asH.G.WellssMartiansintheWaroftheWorlds.Grandfatherswork,asI
hadreaditinoneofthescriptsSteevenshadstolenfromtheattic,inthefarbackdaysof
mychildhood.
Nomistakewaspossibletherewastheidea,asgrandfatherhadcoineditfrom
hisbrain.Steevenshadhadtoadaptforthenewinventionsoflife,ofcourse.Poor
grandfatherhadknownnothingaboutalongdistancetelephonewireonwhichhishero
mighttalktotheaudience,andhadhadtohavethatheroreadaloudaletterhehad
written,buthaddecidednottosend.Acuriousformofsoliloquy,asitwere.Andhis
hero,likewise,whoescapedahorribledeaththroughtheinterventionoftheheroine,had
intendedtogoalongrailwayjourneyinwhichthetrainfellintoariver,insteadoftaking
thepassengerplanethatgotwreckedandburntwitheverysoulaboard,asSteevens
madeithappen.Buttheessentialsouloftheoriginalstorywasthere,thetwistofaction
whichmadeitunique,and,inmyopinion,oneofthebestcurtainraisersIhaveeverread

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orseen,ifnotactuallythebestofthemall.Itwasbroughtuptodate,butotherwisewas
thestoryasIhadreaditintheattic.
NowIreadtherestofthebook,ofwhichthetheftofthisplaylet,orcurtainraiser,
wasthemotive.SteevenscalledhisTheStolenPlaylet.Grandfather,takingoneofthe
longer,clumsiertitlesthathadbeentheruleinhisday,hadnamedhisscriptThe
DestructionoftheCorpusDelicti,andhereIhadSteevensprovedasthiefof
grandfatherswork,pastanyquestion,asabriefoutlineoftheplotwillshow.
Grandfather,itseems,hadoncestudiedwiththeaimofbecomingachemist,andhadput
allhisknowledgeofacertainsideofchemistryintothiswork,whichknowledge
Steevenshadcopiedalmostverbatim.
Inwritingthescript,grandfatherhadgiventheentirechemistryofthecasehe
presented.Itwasthestoryofadoctorwhohadkilledamaninordertostealhisliterary
workcuriouscoincidencethatthisparticularstoryshouldleadmetoknowledgeof
Steevenssowntheftofliterarywork!andhadburiedthebodyoftherealauthorinhis
cellar.Thestolenplayletgrandfatherhadgivenasanexampleofwhatthedoctorhad
stolen.Then,withthechaseforthemurderergrowinghot,andsuspicionpointingfaintly
tothedoctor,theactualmurderer,hehaddugupthebodyofhisvictimandhad
accomplishedafeatthateventoday,Iunderstand,isextremelydifficult.Namely,the
featofdissolvingallthefleshoffthebonesofacorpsebychemicalaction,insuchaway
astoleavenotraceoftheworkontheboneitself.Briefly,thedoctorhadtreatedthebody
ofthemanhehadmurderedinsuchawaythathehadbeenabletorunallitsdissolved
fleshdeadrainpipe,anditsskeleton,wiredasananatomicalspecimenbyacoupleof
nightswork,stoodinhissurgeryinplaceofanormalspecimen.And,whenthepolice
cametointerviewhimandquestionhimonvariousphasesofthecase,theyactuallyused
toviewthebonystructureofthemanwhosedisappearancetheyweretryingtosolve.
Here,asintheplayletitself,wasinternalevidenceoftherealauthorship,andthetwo
quiteoriginalideas,takentogether,formedabsoluteproofofhowSteevensgottheplots
ofhisstories.
OutIwent,fullofthethoughtofhowthosemanuscriptshaddisappearedand
Steevenshadpretendedtohelpmesearchforthethief,andboughtnotone,butfivemore
booksbyTillaryallhehadhadpublished,sofar,bythedataonthetitlepagesandthe
publisherslistonthebacks.Studyingthelist,Ifoundthatthebookshadbeenappearing
attherateoftwoayear,whichmeantthatitwasonlythreeyearssinceTillaryhadmade
hisfirstbidforfameandfortune.ItwasnomatterforwonderthatIhadseennothing,
heardnothing,ofwhathehaddone,forIhadbeeninSouthAmerica,andthenintothe
farnorthofCanadaoverthreeyearsawayfromcivilization,almost,forthatrepublic
whenceIhadescapedcouldhardlybecalledcivilized,andthefurtrappershunting
groundsarenotexactlycrowdedwithbookstores.ButnowIwasbackin,andseeing
whatIhadmissed.
Ireadthoseotherfivestories,onebyone.AgainIfoundreplicasofgrandfathers
manuscripts,broughtuptodatemerelybythesubstitutionofelectriclightforparaffin
lamps,taxicabsforhorsedrawnvehicles,anddialtelephonesformessengerboys,with
hereandtherethewirelessthrownintomakethemquitemodern.Theslangof
grandfathersdaywas,ofcourse,adapted;sneakthievesbecamegangsters,andSteevens

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hadscoredheavilybyputtingtheimportationofhootchinplaceofrunningjewellery
acrosstheborder.Butalltheessentialswerethere:whatImightcallthegeniusofthe
storieswasgrandfatherswork,andSteevenshaddonenomorethangoodcarpentryon
it.
Irememberedthewillinwhichgrandfatherhadlefteverythingtome,and
consideredthewholesituation.And,nomatterhowitmightbeargued,Iknewthatthose
scriptsweremine,bothlegallyandmorally.TillarySteevenshadriddentofortune,and
wasstillridingtoevengreaterfortune,onworkthatbelongedtome.Furthertothat,he
hadthieveditfrommeorfromgrandmother,whichamountedtoexactlythesamething
meanlyanddirtily,hadtrickedmeasaboyjustas,now,hewasrobbingmeasaman.
Hemightexplain,ifItackledhim,andmightevenmakesomesortofreparation.
FromwhatIrememberedofhim,Ithoughtitfarmorelikelythathewouldholdontohis
illgottenprosperityandletmefeedorstarveasluckmightsend,butstill,itseemed
worthtrying.Ifeltlikegettingmyhandsonhisthroatjustthen.
Iwentstraighttothepubliclibrary,andintheWhosWhofoundthecityin
whichTillarywasnowliving.Icopieddowntheaddress,forIhaddecidedtohearifhe
hadanyexplanationtooffertothemanhehadsomeanlydefrauded.
Butthen,howtogettohim.ForIhadonelonedollarleftinmypocketwhenI
cameoutofthatpubliclibrary,andSteevens,asIhadfoundout,waslivinginChicago,
manytimesmorethanadollarsworthoftravel,tosaynothingoffeedingmyselftillI
couldtacklehimand,perhaps,getsomewaytowardsamealticket.
IwentbackfromthatpubliclibrarytowardsthecheaproominwhichIhadfixed
myself.Agoodthreemilewalk,andIhadalreadywalkedthreetogettothelibrary.With
mysmallcapitalIcouldnotaffordtoeattoooften,andIwasbothhungryandtired,but,
morethanbothofthese,determinedtogetatSteevenssomehow.WiththatinmymindI
wentonandcametoanarrow,meansortofstreetImnotgoingtoparticularizeitmore
thanthatwhere,thinkingandtryingtoplanasIwas,Istoppedoutsidethewindowofa
small,shabbylookingsecondhandclothesstore.Ididntwantanysecondhandclothes,
andcouldnthavepaidfortheminanycase.Itwasthatsortofaimlesspauseaman
makeswhenheisthinking,asIwasthen.
Thestorewasonthegroundfloorofanoldtenementbuilding,andhadaseparate
doorfromtheoneleadingtothestairs.Thatdoorwasrecessedatanangletothe
frontage,Isaw,and,whenIstoppedthere,itstoodopen.WhileIwaslookingintothe
window,amaninhisshirtsleeves,abitolderthanmyself,emergedfromthestore,
carryingawhitekittenbyitstail.Standingonthetopmostofthethreestepsleadingboth
tohisdoorandthetenemententrance,hetossedthekittenupintheairand,asitfell,
kickeditwithallhisstrength,justasafootballermightkick.Thepoorlittlethingwent
flyingacrossthestreet,strucktheoppositewall,andfellonthepavement.
Ifeltliterallysickwithrageandhorror.Thefiendwhohaddonethisstood
grinningonhisstepwhileIcrossedthestreetandpickedupthekitten.AsItookitup,as
gentlyasIcould,itopeneditsmouthandtriedtomew,justonce,andthenstiffenedand
died.Iputitdownagainand,bleakwithfury,turnedtolookatitsmurderer.
Hestoodthere,grinningandwithhislipspursedupforwhistling,forasecondor
twolonger,andthenturnedbackintohisstore.Icrossedthestreetandfollowedhimin.

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Hehadacounterattheback,withbehinditanopendoorleadingtoasoftofcubbyhole
office,andinthereIsawanoldfashionedsafe,open,withanopendrawershowingsome
tendollarbillstwoorthree,Icouldsee,astopofapileofcurrency.Theswinewho
haddonethatthinglookedatmefrombackofhiscounter,quiteunconcernedly.
Wannabuyasuit?heasked.
Ijustwanttotellyouthathellainthotenoughforyoursort,Itoldhim.More
thanthat,foreverysecondthatkittensuffered,youvegottopay.Getthat,anddont
forgetit.
Helookedmeupanddown.Wewereaboutthesamebuild,andIdhaveliked
nothingbetterthanforhimtocomeoutfrombehindthecounterandgivemethechance
ofhandinghimaninstalmentofwhatImeantshouldcometohim.Buthestayedwhere
hewas.
Here,yougetout,beforeIcallaflattie,hegrowled.
Thatsallright,Isaid.Ivejustdroppedintotellyou,andyouregoingtoget
yoursforwhatyoudidtothatanimal.
Getoutermystore!hegrowledagain,withthecounterprotectinghimforthe
time.And,withoutknowingit,hehadgivensomethingawaywiththefourwords.Itwas
hisstore,evidently,andbythelookofthingshewasrunningitonhisown.Goodenough
forme.
Ilefthimwiththatlastwordand,comingoutfromthestore,wentintothemain
doorwayofthetenement.Goingalongthepassage,Isawanotherdoorwaywhichpierced
thewallmaybesixorsevenfeetbehindthebackwallofhiscubbyholeofanoffice.I
mountedthestairstothefirstfloor,andthereagainweretwodoorsonthatsideofthe
building,onenearthefront,openingintoaroomthatwouldcorrespondwiththestore
andbedirectlyoverit,andanother,notfarfromtheturnofthestairs,leadingtoaback
room.Goodenoughthreeroomstoeachfloor,onthatsideofthebuilding,andI
reckoneditalmostcertainthatmyassassinsleptinthebackroomofhisthree.
Icamedownagain,gavethestoredoorwaytheonceoverasIpassedit,andwent
outtothestreet.Theanimaltorturerwasinhisdoorway,buthedrewbackintohisplace
asIcamedownandpassedout.Ihadeverydetailofthatdoorwayinmymindthen:a
passingcopmightspotamanatitafterclosingtime,buthewouldhavetobequitedose,
fortheneareststreetlampwasangledinrelationtotherecessinsuchawaythatthedoor
wouldbeinshadow,anditwasameanthoroughfare,nonetoowelllit,asIcouldtell.
ThecorpseofthewhitekittenstilllayontheothersideofthestreetasIwentaway.
Iwentbacktomyroomand,sittingonthebed,tookupandopenedmybag,
whichhadafalsebottomtoit.FromunderthatfalsebottomItookoutmykit.Therewas
everythingIwanted,includingaCourfeyracsilentcutter,aFrenchtoolwhichmusthave
beendesignedbyageniusforjobslikemine.Itwasmeantforgettingawayinto
escritoires,librarydesks,andthelike,andwouldbiteanysizedpiecerequiredoutof
inchthickhardwoodwithnomoresoundthanamousewouldmakeinnibblingahardbit
ofcheese,soIhadlittledoubtofwhatitwoulddoonthedoorofthatheartlessdevils
store.Ilaidouttherestofmykit,andchosewhatIknewIshouldneed:notmuch,for
withthelessonsCapeTownSlimhadgivenmethatsafeinthecubbyholeofficewasno
morethanoldpie,Iknew.

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Nothingnowbuttowaitfornight,andIwentoutanduseduphalfmylastdollar
onagoodfeed,afterwhichIhadasleep,anddreamedthatagainIheldthepoorlittle
whitekitteninmyhandswhileitdiedfromthekickthatswinehadgivenit.Butthekiller
wasgoingtopay.Iwasdeterminedonthat,andsawmywaytoChicagooutofit,too.
ItwaspastmidnightwhenIreachedthetenementdoorwayagain,kitallhandy,
and,asnearlyasIcouldtell,notasoulmoving.Ihadpassedonlyonecopatthecorner
ofthestreet,andheseemedtobestandingthereinabluedazeandtooklittleornonotice
ofme.Upthesteps,andItookouttheCourfeyracandgottowork.Ittooknearlya
squarefootoutofthepanelofthatdoornearestthelockjustlikeapairofscissors
clippingtissuepaperawonderfultoolitwas,anddifficulttoget,fornotmanyofthem
weremade,Ibelieve.
ThepieceIhadcutoutdroppedsilentlyintomyhand,andIputitdownandfelt
throughthehole.AsIhadguessedwouldbethecase,thekeywasinthelock.Feeling
around,Ifoundthatthetopbolthadbeenshot,butitwentbackeasilyenough,andthenI
turnedthekeyandwasinsidewiththedoorclosedagain,andmypiecefromthepanel
fittedbackinitsplaceincaseacopshouldcomealongandshinehislittleglimontothe
door,Andthere,behindtheclearedcounter,stoodanotherhalfglazedlockeddoor
betweenmeandthatoldsafe.
Theframingofthatdoorwasagoodtwoinchesthick,butIbroughtthe
Courfeyracintoplayagain,anditdidthetrick.Myglimshowedmethekeyhole,andI
cutthelock,whichwasmortisedintothethicknessofthedoor,cleanaway,takinga
squarewhichgaveamplemarginbeyondtheedgesofthelock.Thedoorwouldnot
move,soIcutasquareoutatthetop,guessingaboltthere.Stillthedoorwouldnotgive,
soagainIsettoworkonthebottomcornerandtookoutaliberalsquareandthenmy
wayinwasclear,withnotenoughsoundtodisturbagirlwaitingforherloveronapark
bench.And,asthedoorswung,Isawbeforemethesafe,andbesideitanotherdoor
givingaccesstothebackroomofthethree.Whethertheswinewhokilledkittenswith
hisfootwerealoneinthereornoIdidnotknowforsure,butIguessedhewas,ifhewere
thereatall.
Ashow?Well,whenIhadfacedhimacrosshiscounterIdnoticedabutton
missingoffhisshirt,andtherehadbeenaplatewithsomescrapsofdelicatessenstuffon
itatoneendofthecounter.Ifhedhadawifeoranywomanlivingtherewithhim,I
reasoned,Ishouldhaveseenneitherofthosethings,andhedhadnoassistant,Itmay
havebeenthinreasoning,butIguessedhimaloneintheplace.
GuesseditwithsomuchfaiththatIwasright,thatIputmyCourfeyracdownon
thetopofthatoldsafewithnoaimatsilence,andheardtheironclankoniron.Then,on
theothersideofthedoorfromthesafe,Iwaited,andpresentlysawaglimmeroflight
showundertheedgeofthedooranddisappearagain.Mymanhadwakenedtoseewhat
wasamiss,andhadputhislightonandswitcheditoffagain.
Iwentonwaiting,inblackdarkness,aneatjemmygrippedinmyhand.Aftera
longwhileIheardaboardcreakfaintly,andthenthenoiseofthatthirddooropening.A
thinbeamoflightfromanelectrictorchwasturnedtowardsthesafefirst,andthen
towardsthedoorfromwhichIhadcarvedthreeneatsquares.But,beforetheholderof
thattorchcouldgetagoodviewofthedoor,morethantoseeitopenafterhehadclosed

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andlockedit,Istruckwiththejemmy,upwardandsidewaysasIstood.Ittookhimunder
thethroat,andashewentstaggeringbackwardtherewasapoplikeachampagnecork
flyingoutofitsbottleneckandaclatteronthebareboardsofthebackroom.Hehadhad
asilencedpistolinhishand,andithadgoneoffandthenfallenfromhisgraspbut
beforehecouldgropeforitordoanythingIwasonhim,andknewafternomorethan
secondsofstrugglethathewasaloneinthere,asIhadguessed.
Itwasnosortofstruggleatall,forthatblowonthethroathadhalfstunnedhim.
WithalengthofcordfrommypocketIgothishandstiedbehindhisback.Hetriedto
shout,butonlycroaked,forthejemmyhaddamagedhisvocalcords,whetherforthetime
orpermanentlyIneitherknewnorcared:hewaspayingforhiscrueltytothekitten,that
wasall.Still,Itoreuponeofthesheetsfromhisbedandgaggedhimaswellasfinishing
thetyingupprocess,tillIhadhimhelplessthereonthefloorofhisdingy,dirtybedroom.
Allthiswithoutawordfromme,thoughafterthegaggingwasfinishedhemadeodd
noisesinhisthroat.IdraggedhimintohisofficetokeepaneyeonhimwhileIfinished
mybusinesswithhim.
ThesafeprovedtougherthanIhadanticipated.Withonlymysmallglimlaidto
throwitsbeamonthedoorIworked,andintheendgotitopen.Awrenchofthejemmy,
andhiscashdrawerflewopen.Igrabbedthecontentswithoutcountingthemandstuffed
theminmypocket.Theotherdrawersgavemenothing.Exceptforthegetaway,thejob
wasfinished,andatleast,Iknew,IhadmyfaretoChicago.
Yetitwasnotquitefinished,forstillIcouldseethatpoorlittlekittenflying
throughtheair,strikingthewallandfallingwhilethisdevilstoodgrinningathisown
crueltytoadumbthing.Ihadhimdumbnow,andIdpromisedhimfullpayment.Atthe
endofhiscounterIdnoticedarowoftrouserbeltshanging,andnowIwentthereand
selectedone,aleatherbeltwithachromiumplatedbuckle.Iwentbacktowheremyman
layhelpless.Oneminute,Icalculated,hadpassedbetweenthekickhehadgiventhe
kittenandthemomentwhenitdiedasIheldit.Sixtyseconds,attheveryleast,andId
promisedhimheshouldpayforeverysecond.Istoodoverhimand,raisedthebelt,
buckleendswinging.Therewasonlythedirtypyjamabackbetweenhisbackandthat
buckle.
Icounted,mygliminmyfreehandanddirectedontohisface.Igavehim
twentyfivewiththebuckleendofthatbeltashelayatmyfeet,andtothisdayIdont
regretoneofthem,But,withthelastofthem,heceasedtosquirm,andIknewhehad
gonesenseless.Ahandathisheartprovedthatitwasbeatingallright,andIlefthimand
collectedmytools,Hewouldgetoverhispunishmentintime.
SoIwent,andlefthisfrontdoorajarforacoptoinvestigateifhefeltlikeit,or
forsomebodytoopennextmorning.ThestreetwasquiteemptywhenIwentaway,well
satisfiedwiththejob.Ihadmyhatwelldownovermyeyesandmyshouldershunched
whenIpassedthesamedreamycoponthecorner,andwhistledatuneasIwentbyhim.I
think,onlookingback,thattheremusthavebeensomethingwrongwiththatcop,foras
nearlyasIcouldtellhehadnotmovedayardsinceIhadfirstpassedhim,andhetookno
morenoticeofmethissecondtimethanhehadbefore.Goofy,maybeorwasheplanted
theretowatchforsomethingorsomeonenotintheleastresemblingme?
Myjobnevermadethepapers,asnearlyasIcouldtell.Possiblythecopwho

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foundmyvictimalsofoundthesilencedpistol,andknewthemanforacrook,forno
honestguywouldownthatsortofgun.Possiblyhegothimselfloosesomehow,andfelt
hecouldntaffordtobringhimselftothenoticeofthepolicebysquealingoverhissore
backandwhathehadlost.Overthat,Ineitherknownorcare:themanwhocouldilltreat
animalsthewayhediddeservedallIgavehim,ifnotmore,andIhavenoregretsover
anyofwhatIdidonthatjob.
Itgaveme,IfoundwhenIdgotbackandcountedup,enoughtopayuptodate
formyroomIdgotalittlebehindoverthattogetherwithmyfaretoChicagoandless
thantendollarsover.Ihadnofearofbeingtraced,andplanned,now,toheadstraightfor
TillarySteevensandSomerecompenseforhistheftfromme.AndIwassosureIdmake
goodonthequestthatIwasatriflecarelessovermylasttendollars.Boughtmeanew
hatandsomeunderclothing,cheapthings,butIfeltIneededthemandhadmoremoney
comingtome.
Iremember,thatnight,reckoningupmycareerasfarasithadgone,andgetting
mightylittlecomfortoutofthereckoning.AsnearlyasIcouldsee,Iwasasfarasever
frommyPrincess,asfaraseverfromsomesortofopeningthatmightmakemehonestly
prosperous.Idseenanddonequiteafewthings,evenhadthejobofpresidentofastate
staringmeinthefacebutthegirlwhowentwiththatjob,attractivethoughshemight
be,wasnotmyPrincess,andsoIhadhadtopassitup.Now,asIsawit,nothingshowed
inthefutureexceptTillarySteevensandtheonethingIknewwellsafecracking.
Steevensfirst,andwiththaterrandinmymindIwenttostashthekitthathad
servedmesowellwiththeanimaltorturer,fortherewasenoughinthatkittosendmeup
forastretchofsorts,ifIwerecaughttravellingwithit,andIhadnointentionofusing
anyofitscontentsoverSteevens.SoIwenttoputittoroosthereinliloldNewYork
whileIhiedmetothemightyLondonofthewest,Chicago.
Ashow,youdask.TowhichIdreplyCapeTownSlimsteaching.For,back
thereinthatrottenjail,hehadnotonlygivenmemythoroughtraininginthetradeI
knew,buthadalsotaughtmewheretoplantthestuffthatcomesoutofsafes.Hehad
mademememorizenolessthanadozennamesandaddressesatdifferentpointsbetween
NewYorkandFrisco,ChicagoandNewOrleans,andeachoneofthosenameswasthat
ofafencewhocouldbetrustedtogivecloseonfiftypercent.ofthevalueofany
sparklersorothergoodshandedovertohim,andwho,aboveall,wasastraightguyto
whomonecouldgowithnofearovertheresultsofadeal.Thisonecallhimjust
Rosenberg,forhewasoneofthechosen,andthatnameservesaswellasanyother.Iam
notgoingtoparticularizehimanymorefullythanthat,fortothebestofmyknowledge
heisstillcarryingonhisbusiness,andIdhatetocrabit.SoRosenberglethimbe
named,andtohimIwentwiththekit,forstoragetillIhadfinishedwithSteevensor
perhapsforgoodandall.Iknewtherewasenoughvalueinthatkitforhimtotakecareof
it.
Slimsname,togetherwiththesetofpasswordshehadmademememorize,got
methroughtoRosenbergsbackparlour,averycomfortableapartmentwhichgaveno
morehintthananythingelseofhowitsownermaintainedhimself.Heproducedabottle
andacoupleofglasses,andbademeseatmyselfashepouredthetotsforus.
AndSlim,wheredyouleavehim,andhow?heinquired.

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Ididnt,Isaid.Heleftme,andeveryoneelsetoo,Histickergaveoutonhim,
andyoullseenomoreofSliminthislife.
Anfordernext,Itakesmychance,hehalfsoliloquized.Well,well!Agood
guylosttodergame.Butyou,mistervotyougot?
NomorethanakitIwanttoparkwhileIgoonajobwhereIdontneedit,I
toldhim.Amonth,ormaybeless.
Dotcostyoutenbucks,hesaid.
RightbutwhenIcomeforthekit,notnow.Thispresent,itdhurtmetopass
overonebuck,letaloneten.
Imakesitfifteen,ifyoudontcoughupnow,heobserved.
Suitsme,Iagreed.Fifteenitis.
Anfirstwelampsvotyougotindotkit,hesuggested.
Inoddedandtookaswigatmyglass,andheopenedupthekittoinspectits
contents.Isawhiseyeswidenashegazedatthatperfectlittlecollection,andhealmost
caressedtheCourfeyraccutter.
Dermostbeautiful,dermostcomplete,hesaid.
Ja,minefriend,Istashitatfifteenamonthuptosixmonth.DenIsell,ifstill
youdonotcomebacktoclaimit,Selltocovermineexpenseonderlastdayofdersixt
monthfromdisdaywetalk,
Suitsme,Iagreedagain,SlimsaidIcouldbankonyou.
Ah,Slim!Therewasregretintheexclamation.Dotvasafinecraftsman,Slim.
Undyouknewhimwell?
Hetaughtmehowtousethese,Isaid,noddingatthekit.
Ach,zo!saidRosenberg,andsatthoughtfulwhileIfinishedmydrink.Thenhe
putdownhisemptyglassonthetablebetweenus.
Mister,Ivantyoutomeetamanfhere,hesaid.
Ishookmyhead.Imdueoutromthisburg,Idissented.
Eveniftostaymeantfivegrandincash?heoffered.
Onthat,Iweakened.Spillit,then,Ibade.
Inturnheshookhishead.Derman,hedoderspillin,hesaid.HighArtyou
knowdotnameifyouknewSlim.
Ididknowit.ArthurBone,knownintheunderworldasHighArtformorethan
onereason,wasonewhomevenSlimhadregardedasamaster,Obviously,though,that
offeroffivegrandmeantthatImustabandonmyruleofplayinglonewolf,ifItookon
whateverwasinvolved.ButIwantedtoseetheman,hearwhathehadtosay,
Illmeethim,Isaid.Where,andwhen,though?
Shuststayparked,saidRosenberg.
Heleftmethereintheroom,andfromoutsideIheardhistelephonebelltinkle
andtheindistinctmurmurofhisvoice.Hecameback.
Fivetenminute,hesaid.Wehafonemoredrink.
Herefilledtheglasses,andwesatsilentoverthedrinksuntilArthurBonewalked
inonus,unannounced.Sixfeetfourinheightandmagnificentlybuiltashewas,Icould
seeonereasonforhisnicknamewithmyfirstglanceathim.Rosenbergnoddedatmeas
HighArtsgazewentmomentarilytomykit,stilllyingopenedonthetable.

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Derman,Art.Rosenbergintroducedus.
Andtheoutfit,too,Artremarked.Myfriendheturnedtomewithasmile
buteventhenIsawhiseyesasthoseofamanhauntedbysomememoryhehadbeen
betterwithoutIcongratulateyou.
Andmakealimitoffivethousandbucks,Iunderstand,Isaid.
Henodded.RosenbergtellsmeyoutrainedwithCapeTownSlim,heobserved,
andIwantnomoreguaranteethanthatofwhatyoucando.Uptonow,letmetellyou,
Ivepulledoffallmygamesalone,andthisisgoingtobetheoneandonlyoccasionin
mylifeofbreakingthatrule.Forthisisagamethattwomustplay,andIofferfivegrand
totheonewhostandsinwithme.Fivegrandflat,whateverImakeoutofit!
Stateit,then,Ibade.HemadeagestureatRosenberg,whowentoutfromthe
parlouranddosedthedoor.ThenHighArtleanedacrossthetabletome.
HemadeagestureatRosenberg,whowentoutfromtheparlourandclosedthe
door.ThenHighArtleanedacrossthetabletome.
Hessafeenough,Iknow,hesaid,butIhatetospreadthings.Twoofuswill
know,whenIvetoldyou,andthatsenough.
Soundpolicy,Iagreed.Onetoomany,ifIdontlikeit.
Heponderedthatfornearlyaminute,andthensmiledagain.
Why,yes,hesaid,itwouldbe,ofcourse.Now,feller,everheardofaguythey
callGianZaccone?
GianZaccone!Anodwasanswerenoughtothatquestion.Theviceracketking
hereintheeast,withsomuchpoliticalpullthathehadgoneunquestioned,letalone
untouched,forthebetterpartoftwoyears.Aspidersittingatthecentreofthefoulest,
ugliestwebthatflungthreadsovereveryquarterofthisgreatcity,anamethathonest
menspokewithloathinganddecentwomenneverspokeatall.
Ithoughtyouhad,saidHighArt,verysoftly.
Ifitsanygameofhis,youcangettohelloutofhere,Isaid.
DontgotillIvetoldyou,Artcounselled.GianZacconewillbeatacertain
placetomorrownight,andnotlessthantwentythousandbuckswillpassintohishands.I
intendthatlottopassfromhishandsintomine,andifyoutakeontheeasyendofthe
stickup,onefourthofthetotalcomesontoyou.Fourfivehourswork,attheoutside.
Callitathousandbucksanhour.
Iwanttoknowasightmorebeforetakingiton,Isaid.
Wevethirtysixhourstogobeforebeginningoperations,heremarked.Come
roundtomyplacetoheartherest.Rosenbergsonthelevel,buthemightbuttinonusif
wetalkhere.Youcanleavethatjewelofakitifyoulikeyouwontneeditonthisjob.
Iwent,withoutdemur.OutsideRosenbergsdoor,whichwasthatofaperfectly
legitimatebusinessestablishment,stoodasportsDuesenbergwithaliveriedchauffeurat
thewheel.IstayedonlytoaskRosenbergtoparkmykit,andthenseatedmyselfbeside
HighArt,whilethechauffeurwenttotheback.Artdroveusouttoasmall,wellkept
brownstoneresidenceinanotunfashionablequarter,andthenhandedoverthewheelto
thechauffeuragain.Ifollowedhimintothehouse,toapanelledlibrarywhereheturned
tomequestioningly.
Drinks?heasked,withthesmileIwasbeginningtoknowjustsuchasmileas

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Luciferhimselfmighthavesummonedupwhenheknewhimselfcastdownoutof
heavenforevermore.
Notfornow,Idissented.
Thensquat,andheproducedacoupleoffineHavanas.
Idhavethought,withaplacelikethis,youdnotneedtoworryaboutlittle
thingslikeGianZacconeandhistwentythousandbucks,Iremarkedafterbitingtheend
offthecigar.
Possiblyhegavemealightthelittleplaceistheresultofworryingabout
thingslikethat.PossiblyforamomenthisfacehardenedIhaveotherreasonsfor
interestingmyselfinthisGianandhislittlepacket.Iguessyouknowmebyrepute,but
itssafetosayyoudneverhaveknownmeforHighArt,butforRosenberg!
Why,thatsonlynatural,Ipointedout.
Youdontquitegetme,hesaid,andagainsmiledhisstrangesmile.I,the
occupantofthishouse,andtheownerofthatcaryourodeherein,havemyownname
andpresumableoccupation.Ihavetoowntobeingratherdistinctiveinappearanceyou
couldntmistakeme,onceyoudseenme.Nowdoesitstrikeyou,myfriend,thatifHigh
Artwereseenathisprofessiononceonlyonceitwouldmeantheendofhiscareer?
WhatImightcalltheSingSingend?
Iguessthatholdswithallofusonourgame,Isaid.
Itholdswithme,heassertedgravely,tosuchanextentthat,exceptfor
Rosenberg,youaretheonlylivingmanwhocouldidentifymeasHighArtandifyou
triedtopinthatidentityonme,beforewepullthisstuntonZaccone,youdmerelyraisea
laugh.
Ithoughthardoverthat.Theonlyman,apartfromRosenbergwhomhecould
trustwhowouldbecapableofidentifyinghimasthecracksmansupreme.Whowould
beinapositiontoblackmailhim,whomhewouldhavecausetofear,andmightputout
ofthewaytoeliminatethatfear.IbegantofeelthatIhadtumbledintodangerouswaters,
buthereadmythoughtsandsmiledagain.
Dontthinkit,myfriend,hesaid.Ifyouturndownthispropositionofmine
rightnowandwalkoutofhere,yougofreelyandinnofearofwhatImightdo.
Similarly,yougowhereyouwillafterwepullthisstunttogether,ifyourestandinginon
it.IveknownRosenberglongenoughtobesurethemanheputsontomeisastraight
guy.Elseyouwouldntbesittinghereinmyhome.
Ifwetakethatasread,then,youmightstatetheproposition,Isuggested.Im
allforfivegrand,ifitsaseasyasyousay.
Heresthecase,then,hetoldme.GianZaccone,batteneronhumansouls,hell
takehim!GianZacconeisbittenwiththeideaofgettingoutofhisracketaltogether
andbecomingadecentmemberofsociety.Idontthinkthatspossible,forhisrecordis
toodamnable,andyetIvegottoownmoneywilltakeevenafoulhoundlikehimalong
waymoney,thatis,insuchawadashecanputup.Hisreasonforthechangeofheart,a
woman,asyoumayhaveguessed.
SinceitsGianZaccone,IdontseewhyIshould,Iputin.
Well,everywomanhasherprice,HighArtremarkedcynically,andallthis
cityknowsZacconesbeenabigbuyer.Thepriceofthisone,though,ismarriage,andhe

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darentofferanyother.WhethershewouldaccepthimornoismorethanIcantellyou,
butifsheshould,hemeanstolayoffracketeeringaltogether,forthatspartofherprice
aswell.AndyoullunderstandthatwhenItellyouImtalkingaboutoldJohn
MortonhaughsonlydaughterMarguerite.
Meansnothingtome,sinceIdontknowNewYork,Isaid.
JohnMortonhaugh,HighArtexplained,ranksupinthesamealleywith
RockefellerandHenryFord.Hesnotmerelybig,butcolossal.Why,theMortonhaugh
steamshiplinealonenevermind,though.AllIwantyoutorealizeisthatMortonhaugh
isapowerthatevenGianZacconedarentbuckagainst,andifhewantsthatgirl,hesgot
totakeherhonourablythoughGodforgivemefortalkingofhonourandZacconeinthe
samebreath!Thereitis,though.
Andyoucomeinhow?Iasked.
MargueriteMortonhaugh,hewenton,hasalwaysbeenalittlewild.Ivemet
heragloriouscreature,apassionflowerwiththesuninhereyes,andasmodernassin.
SherunsastudioonthethirtiethfloorthatsthetopflooroftheDuikerbuilding,
whichyoumayormaynotknow,sinceyoudontknowNewYork,yousay.
No,Idontknowthebuildingeither,Isaid.
Ifallgoeswell,youwill,hetoldme.Margueritethrowspartiesinthatstudio
Ivebeentooneofthem.Furthertothat,shesagreedtograntGianZacconeaninterview
thereathalfanhourshortofmidnighttomorrow.DontaskmehowIknowthat,forI
havemyownwaysoffindingoutthethingsIwanttoknowbeforebringingoffastunt.I
know,furthertothat,GianwillcontactPierretheChouan,hisheadmanforall
Manhattan,beforegoingontotheDuikerbuildingtomorrownight.HepicksoffPierre
notlessthantwentygrand,whichhellhaveonhimwhenhegoestothatinterviewwith
Marguerite.
Withabodyguardofnotlessthansix,allfittedoutwithsubmachineguns,I
pointedout.TacklinghimsoundsaseasyaformofsuddendeathaseverIveheard
andIknowafew.
Rightso,myfriend,untilhereachesthethirtiethflooroftheDuikerbuilding,
Artagreedanddisagreed.For,yousee,hedarentappearinherpresencewithan
armedguard.ThevestibuleoftheDuikerwillbeadeathtrap,forsureuntilGianis
found,gaggedandtied,inMargueritesstudioandIregrettosaythefairMarguerite
mustalsobeboundandgagged.Butyouonlyappearinthatvestibulesomehoursbefore
Giansbodyguardgetsthere,andIdonotappearatall.Furthertothat,wearebothwell
awaybeforeanysuspicionisraised.Itstheaudacityofthethingthatbringsitoff,dont
yousee?NomaninallNewYorkwoulddarelayafingeronthegreatGianZaccone
andsowelaywholehandsonhimandpullitoff!
Dowe?Iasked,thoughthesheerdevilmaycareishnessofsuchaventurewas
beginningtoattractme.Ashow?
LampthisaplanoftheDuikeranditssurroundingsthatIdrewmyself,he
said,andthrustalargesheetofpaperintomyhands.ElevationoftheDuikerbuilding
andtheVandenHoystbuildingnextit,Observethatlittlelinerunningdownintothe
welloftheDuikerbuilding,comingtothedividingwallbetweenthecourtyardsofthe
DuikerandtheVandenHoyst.ThenlookattheVandenHoyst,andobserveasimilar

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linerunningupfromitscourtyard.Fireescapes,myfriend.Ivedrawninonlythe
essentials,andyoullnotethatthelineontheVandenHoystbuilding,asIvedrawnit,
endsatthetenthfloor.
Carryon,Ibade.Idontgetit,yet.
Endsatthetenthfloor,hepursued,becausethereyoucometoanopen
window.Youstepthroughit,andyouareinaflatwhichIhaverentedandnever
enteredyet.Whenyoustepthroughthewindow,mychauffeurwillgreetyougiveyou
adrink,ifyoufeellikeit.Heistheapparenttenantofthatflat,andaftertomorrownight
hewillneverbeseeninitagain.Hehasbeeninit,sofar,justtwice,tomakesureofthe
ground.HeisamanItrustasItrustyouinoutliningthisplanofminetoyouhereand
now.
AndIhaventgraspedtheplanyet,Isaid.
No,naturally,heagreed.Butleavethatelevationalone,sinceyougettheidea
ofusingthefireescapes,andhavealookatthisplanofpartofthethirtiethfloorofthe
Duikerbuilding.Here,Margueritesstudio.Thatis,studio,bedroomleadingoff,kitchen
andofficesherebuttheydontconcernus.Margueritekeepsamaidtherewhoistoact
aschaperoneforthisinterviewwithZaccone,butIknowthemaidwillnotbethereto
morrownight.ShewilldisappearasZacconeenters,andprobablyMargueritewillnot
knowituntilsheringsfordrinksorZacconeshat,oranythingshemaywantthemaidto
bring.Then,shellunderstandthatshesallalonewithZaccone,andthatmayhavesome
weightininfluencingherreplytohisproposals.Mayormaynot,thoughlongbeforehe
getstothoseproposals,tomakethisathoroughlyIrishstatementofthecase,weshallbe
onhim,andhellbetiedandhelplessandshortoftwentythousandbucks,atleast.Itmay
beabiggerwad,even,butitwontbesmaller.
AndyoucountongettingupanddownthosefireescapesafterZacconestartshis
interviewwiththisfrail,andbuttinginthroughherwindow?Iasked,reckoninghima
simpletonforthinkinghecouldevergetawaywithsuchanobviousplan.Why,before
youcould
Holdyourhosses,heinterrupted.HighArtgoesinforhighart,notchildish
foolery.ThatstudioofMargueriteswaspartofaneightroomedapartment,originally,
andapartitionwallwasputuptodivideherroomsfromtherestathercost.Ihiredthe
otherrooms,ontheothersideofthepartition,lastweek,onamonthlyagreement.Its
fromthoserooms,throughthatdividingwall,welloperate.
Oh,wewalkthroughawall,dowe?Iaskedsarcastically.
Wedo,heanswered.IveallbutcutthatwallwiththatkitofyoursIsawat
Rosenbergs,youllknowthatcuttingitisnomorethanchildsplay.Imarkedtheplace
tocut,behindafulllengthmirrorshesgotonthestudiosideofthewall,andnow,one
push,anddowngoesthemirrorandletsusthrough.Itsafterthegameisplayedwego
forthefireescapes,downtothewelloftheDuikerbuilding,upthebackoftheVanden
Hoyst,andoutlikeordinarycitizensbeforetheresahintleakedoutofanythingwrong
witheitherGianorMarguerite.Bythetimetheyrediscovered,Ishallhavechangedback
totheselfyouseenow,andyouwell,youpleaseyourself.
SupposeZacconehasntgotthetwentygrandonhim?Iasked.
Hewillhaveit,Artsaidconfidently.EveryweekhecontactshisManhattan

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chiefthesamenight,andhesgoingstraightontoMargueritefromthatcontact,Itsgood
enoughformetoplanit,soitoughttobegoodenoughforyou.Yourenotoutofpocket
onplans.
Hiringtwoflats,runningthatcarandajointlikethis,Irejected.Hullygee!All
yougetistwentygrandlessmyfive.
Inourgame,myfriend,youvegottogivetoget,heansweredcoolly.A
certaincoupIpulledoffcostmemorethanfifteengrandbeforeIdlaidallmyplans,but
RosenbergcountedmeoutonehundredgrandinstraightnoteswhenItookthestuffto
him.WhenIplay,Iplaybig.Now,areyouinonthiswithme,orno?
Whydidyoupickme?Icountered.
Rosenbergssayso,heansweredpromptly.Imworthtoomuchtohimforany
chanceofhislettingmedown.Addtothat,CapeTownSlimtrainedyouatthegame,
Rosenbergsaid,andIvenofearofamanthatSlimturnedout,eitheroverhisskillatthe
gameoranythingelse.
Uhhuh!ButZacconeitsadangerousgame,ifhegetswisetoeitherofus
afterwevemadeourplay.
Hewontgetwisetome,Artsaid.Youllhardlyknowmelookfora
hunchback;agoodthreeinchesshorterthanyouseemenow,withahorriblelividscarto
disfigurehisrightcheek,andthecornerofhismouthdrawnupontheleftside.You
makeyourownarrangements,overthatpartofit,andIdsay,getoutofNewYork
quick,aftertomorrownight.Thatsuptoyou,though.Myresponsibilityforyouends
whenIhandoverthefivethousandbucks,andwesaygoodbyeonthat.
Isatthoughtful.Hemightpullitoffwemightpullitoffbut,intheeventof
failure,Ididnotliketothinkwhatwouldhappentome.Yet,fivegrandIhadnodoubt
ofHighArtskeepinghispromisetopay,ifallwentashehadplanned.
Well,takeit,orleaveit?heinterruptedmythoughts.
Takeit,Ianswered.Imin,thoughwerebuckingZaccone.
Goodman,Artsaidquietly.Now,Ivegivenyouonlytheveryvaguestoutline
Illgetmymantobringusinsomesandwichesanddrinks,andwellgooverthewhole
thingpointbypointtillitsabsolutelywatertight,andtheresnotadotoracommayou
dontknowaswellasIdo.Itsgottobeperfectteamwork.
Onesecond,Isaid.Whydoyouwantmeatall?Whynotmakeitaoneman
stand,sincehellbealonewithMarguerite,yousay?
Becauseofher,hetoldme.Iwantyoutotackleher,tieandgagherwhileI
attendtohim.Else,theresachanceshemightsquealandspoilthewholeshowforme.
Handlehergently,butmakedeadsureshesbothhelplessandsilentthatsyourpartin
theact.Cando?
Cando,Iassented.Nowfetchinthatgrubwevetalkedmehungryand
thirstytoo,andwhilewepackitawayyoucanputmewisetoeverything,asyousaid.
Ivegottobewordperfectinmypartfromthemomentthecurtaingoesup.Wedontget
asecondbiteatthischerryifourteethfailtoclickfirstgo,sospillit,brother.
Hefrownedalittleatthatformofaddress,butmadenoverbalprotest.Instead,he
rangthebell,andthemanwhohadactedaschauffeurintheDuesenberganswereditand
tookHighArtsordersasaperfectlytrainedservantshould.InotedthatArtdidnotspeak

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themansname,nordidhespeakmineinhishearing.
Ourmeal,daintilyservedandplentiful,appeared,andafterthechauffeurvalet
hadclosedthedooronhimselfArtbeganonthedetailsofhisplan.WhenIcametothink
itover,later,Iwonderedatthebrainoftheman:hehadmissedoutnothing,hadeven
workedoutalternativestofitvaryingcircumstances,andhecoachedmeinallthathehad
workedoutforhimselfuntilItoocouldgooverthewholeplanandfindnoflawinit.He
surewasanartistathiswork,and,ashehadsaid,hewentinforhighart,andfineartat
that.Ifthingshadfallendifferently,andifhehadwishedit,Imighthaveabandonedmy
determinationtoplaylonewolf,andgoneinwithhim.Littleenoughhetoldmeabouthis
exploits,buttherewasnodoubtthatheplayedbig,allthetime.Andnotoncehadhe
beensighted,letalonecaught.
Asupercracksman,pastquestion.Whatelsehewas,whatlifethebrownstone
houserepresented,Ineverlearnedinfull.Iknowmainlythat,lookingbackonour
adventureandseeinghimashewasforthelittletimeIknewhim,Ilikedhim,farmore
thananywhitemanIhadevermet.ForhehadjustthequalitythatIhadfoundin
LaughingSam,anindescribablequality,yet,whenyoufinditinaman,beheblackor
white,yourecognizeitatonceandaredrawntohim.
Thatbytheway.Forthreefullhourshetalkedoverouremptyplates,andI
listened,throwinginaquestioneverytimeIwantedapointmadequiteclear.Atlasthe
wassatisfied,andsowasI.
Now,hesaid,doIsendyoubacktowhereveritisintheDuesenberg?Ifso,
youveonlytosaytheword.
Ishookmyhead.Idbelessconspicuousafoot,anddidnotknow,then,whether
myanimaltorturerwaslookingforsomebodylikeme.
Thanksallthesame,Isaid,butIllmakeitonthehoof.
Suityourself,headvised,withthatoddsmileofhis.Andatninetomorrow
nightyouletyourselfintotheflatnextMargueriteswiththiskeyImhandingyou,and
waitforme.
Thatistheplan,Iassented.Countonfindingmethere.
AndwiththatIlefthim,togoandthinkoverthisunsoughtadventurethathad
comemyway,andwhatfivethousandbucksmightmeanifIgotthemtomyattempt
atbringingTillarySteevenstobook.
CHAPTERXV
ZACCONEPAYS

40

IGUESStheDuikerandVandenHoystbuildingsbothrankedasskyscrapers
whentheywerebuilt,butmodernstructureshavedwarfedthemsothattheyarequite
inconspicuous,now.ItwasjustonnineoclockthenightaftermyinterviewwithHigh
ArtIhadneitherseennorheardanythingofhimintheintervalwhenIwalkedinto
thevestibuleoftheDuikerbuildingand,togetherwithsevenoreightotherpeople,was
swungupinoneoftheelevators.Igotoutatthethirtiethandmademywayalonga

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marblepanelledcorridortothedoorIwanted(ArthadmadesurethatIshouldknowmy
way,fromthemomentIenteredthebuilding)andenteredthevacantflatbymeansof
thekeyhehadentrustedtome.
ItirkedmealittletoreflectthatIwastheonlypassengerinthatliftwhohadgone
allthewayuptothethirtieth,butIconsoledmyselfwiththethoughtthat,ifallwent
well,Ishouldnotbereturningbythatroute,and,asnearlyasIcouldtell,noneof
Zacconesbodyguardhadyetturneduptomakesureofaclearwayinandoutofthe
buildingforhim.Thiswasonlynatural:hewouldhavenosuspicionthathisamorouscall
mightformanoccasionfortrouble,thoughIhadnodoubtthattheDuikervestibule
wouldbeaveryhotspotindeedwhenoncehehadenteredthebuilding,anduntilheleft
it.Thebigshotsofgangdomnevertravelwithoutbodyguards,but,beingbigshots,they
donotanticipateplannedtroublecomingtothemfromoutsiderslikeHighArt,orme.
Zacconehadnocausetosuspectanything.
ItookoutacoupleofthinrubberpadswithwhichIhadcomeprovided,and
slippedthemovermyshoesoles,topreventnoiseonthebareboards.ThenIwentover
alltheroomsoftheflatwiththeelectrictorchIhadbrought,andfoundtheminnocentof
humanpresence.Arthadtoldmewheretolookforthepartitioningwallinwhichhehad
cuthismeansofentrytoMargueritesstudio,andIfounditwithnodifficulty.Thecut
madeasortofdoor,securedatthetopbytwobitsofuncutstuff,eachnotmorethanhalf
aninchinwidth.Hesurehadmadeanartistsjobofthatcut,andmusthavetakenspecial
painstogettheexactpositionofthemirrorbackedontoit,forifhehadcutthreeorfour
incheswrongoneitherside,hisworkwouldhaveshownonthestudiosideandspoiltall
hisplanning.
Yes,asoundjob.AsIstoodwiththetorchrayedontoit,Iheardawoman
crooningtoherselfbeyondthemirror,inthestudio,andatthatIswitchedthetorchoff
hastilyandwentoutfromthatroom.IhadseenallIwanted,untilArtshouldturnup,and
itseemedtomeindecenttolistentowhatthatwomanmightsingorsay.Itmighthave
beenonlythemaid,orMargueriteherself:Icouldnottellwhich.
Iwenttoabackwindowandlookedout,topassthetime.TotherightIcouldsee
thelittlefireescapeplatformitgaveontothewindownexttoMargueritesstudio,not
tothiswindow,andextendedsothatonecouldgainaccesstoitfromherwindowtoo.
That,Iknew,wasmywayout,afterthisgamehadbeenplayed.ThenIsawthattherear
walloftheVandenHoystbuildingwasangledsoastogivemeaviewofthefireescape
there,andIcountedtenfloorsupandsawtheopenwindowwhereArtschauffeurvalet
wouldbewaitingfromhalfpastelevenonward,totakemeoffintheDuesenbergand
landmewellclearofthisdistrictofthecity.BeforeZacconewasdiscovered,Ihoped.
Andthatwasalltherewastodoorsee.Thetimelengthenedoutendlessly:I
heardclocksstriketen,chimethequarters,strikeeleven,andeachquarterhourwasfar
longerthantheonethathadgonebeforeit.Aquarterpastelevencameatlast,and,
minuteslater,alowPst!toldmethatHighArtwasintheflatwithme.
Howhegotthere,Idonotknowtothisday.Hehadtoldmethathewouldnot
enterbythevestibuleoftheDuiker,andIamdeadcertainthathedidnotcomebywayof
thefireescape,asIamthathewasnotintheplacewhenIarrivedatnineoclock.I
repliedtohissignal,andhecamebesidemeintothefaintlightthatrayedintothe

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windowfromopposite.Usedtothedarknessasmyeyeshadbecome,Iwasabletosee
himfairlywelleveninthatdimlight,and,ashehadtoldmewouldbethecase,hewas
changedbeyondrecognition.HisfacethatIhadseenashandsomewashorriblenow,
withthelongscarappearingtodistortonecheekandthelipsdrawnupandpartedonthe
othersidetoshowawolfishsortofgrin.HeappearedbutlittletallerthanIammyself,
withmonkeyishlyroundedshouldersmakinghisarmsappearabnormallylong,anda
hump,anuglylookingdeformity,marringthelineofhisback.
Hedidnotspeak,nordidI,forallthatweneededtosayhadbeensaidatour
interviewthedaybefore.Only,afteraminuteortwoofstandingthus,hereachedoutand
pluckedatmysleeve,andwiththatIpaddedsilentlyalongwithhimtotheroomofthe
partitionwall.Herewewaited:Icouldhearsoundsthattoldmeametaltrayofsomesort
withglassesonitwasbeingputdownsomewhere,andavoicesaidPutthedecanter
there,Susie.Anotherperiodofwaiting.Thenadoorbellringingfaintly,amurmured
exchangeofsentences,andasecondwomansvoicespeakingclearly
Mr.Zaccone,miss,itsaid.
Aclosingdoor,andamansvoice,oililysoft,hateful,Ithought.
IhavedreamedofthismomentsinceIsawyoulast,Marguerite.
Oh,haveyou?Shesoundedquitenonchalantoverit.
Asthebeginningofabetter,sweeterdreamthatshalllastmeallmylife,he
said,evenmoresmoothlyanddetestablythanbefore.Marguerite,haveyounowordfor
meofwhatIlongtohear,ofallthatyouknowIwouldasktohearfromyou.
Dohaveadrink,Mr.Zaccone,sheinterruptedhim,withatingeofamusement
inhertone.Whisky,orwillyouunwirethechampagneinthebucketthere?
Idrinkonlyifyoudrinkwithme,hesaid,withahintofsulkinessoverbeing
interruptedinhisdeclamation.
Thenyouhadbetterunwirethebottle,shetoldhim,forIcertainlyamnot
goingtodrinkwhisky,whateveryouprefer.
Wecouldhearitallasplainlyasifwewereintheroomwiththem,thanksto
HighArtscutinthewall.Ifelthishandonmyarmagainasasignal.Weheardafaint
scuffingsoundandaplop!asZacconetookthebottlefromtheicebuckettounwireit,
andwiththat,knowingbothhishandswouldbeoccupied,Artchosehismoment.He
chargedforward:lightshoneonus,softshadedlight,asthemirrorandsectionofwall
wentdown,andasMargueriteMortonhaughstartedupfromthedivanonwhichshehad
beenseated,starkfearinherlovelyeyes,ArtsfistcrashedhomeonZacconessolar
plexus,andtheDagowentdownsenseless.Itwasallover,almostsoundlessly,inten
seconds.
Takethegoil,Mike,Artadjuredme,inchoicestBowery,ashedroppedonone
kneebesideZacconesstillfigure.
Ah,sureanOilltakeherself,thin,Ianswered.
Movingquickly,shewasreachingforthetelephonereceiveratthefarsideofthe
studiowhenmyhandfellonherwrist.Sheopenedhermouthtoscream,butmyother
handwentacrossherlips.
Avyezllkapequite,yezllnotbehurrt,Itoldher.Wansquealfromyez,
though,anOillbecompelledtoblackjackyez.

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Whatdoyouwant?shedemanded,staringatme.
Ah,sure,wewantnuthinfrmyerswatesilf,Ianswered.Onlytokapeyez
quitetillmesoidekicksfinishedwidthegintlemanontheflure.Nowcomealongwid
me,honey,frOivegottomakesureavyez,antistheotherroomwellbeseekin
intoirely.
WhethermyIrishbroguewereconvincingenoughorno,Ihavenomeansof
telling.IsawHighArttrussinghisvictimwithfinecordaswiththegirlsarmgripped
tightlyIimpelledhertowardsthebedroomand,onceinsideArthadgivenmethe
layoutofthisstudioaswellasallelsegotoutthecordIhadbroughtandbegantying
her.Shemadenoattemptatresistance,andItrussedher,wristsandelbowsandankles,
andthengotoutthegagIhadbrought.Shegavemealookofuttercontemptasshesaw
itanddivineditspurpose.
Isthatnecessary?sheasked.
Ah,sure,anyezmoightsqueal,Irejoined,Openyezpurtymouth,frOid
hatetohurrtsoswateabroadasyersilf.
Thegagfitted.Ihatemostofalltothinkofthatpartofthenightsdoings.Itcame
tome,evenasIworkedonher,thatsomeonemighttreatmyPrincessjustthisway,and
whatwouldIthinkofthatsomeone?Justwhatthisgirlobviouslythoughtofme.
IhadclosedthebedroomdoorArthadbiddenthat.Now,withthegirltiedand
gaggedsecurely,Ireflected:thisbusiness,likeallproperlyplannedaffairs,hadbeenas
easyasfallingoffalog:wehadgottheinvincibleZaccone,gothimoutedanddown,and
nowtherewasnothingbutforHighArttogetthattwentygrandoffourvictim,giveme
thesignalhehadplanned,andawaywedbe,whilethesetwomightwaitfortherescue
thatwouldinevitablycometothemwhenZacconeshenchmenrealizedthathisvisitto
thestudiohadlastedfartoolong,andtheymustfindoutwhatwasdelayinghim.Hours
hence,thatwouldbe,andweshouldbewellawaybythen.
ButthenIheardHighArtsvoice.Hard,terribleIhaveneverheardanyvoice
soundmoreawfulthandidhisthen.Allthathesaidcameclearlytomeandthegirl
throughtheclosedbedroomdoor.
Awakeatlast,Gian.Eh?Howdyoufeel?Dontknowme,doyou?No.Idont
thinkyouevermetme,socially.Well,welllImsosorryyoucantanswerme,Gian.
Waggleaneyelidforyes,andshakeyourshinyheadforno,ifyoufeellikeit.Idont
carewhatyoudo.
Listen,Gianlistenhard.Oncetherewasawomantheyreyourstockin
trade,Iknow,Awoman.Thewoman,tosomeman.Yourhellhoundsgotholdofher.
Twoyearslater,Ifoundher,dyingyoudontneedmytellingoftherestofthatstory,
Gian,foryouknowit,manytimesover.Butthatwomanhappenedtobethewomanto
me,dyousee?AndsoIsworetogetyou,andIvegotyou,Gian!Aye,wriggle,tryto
screamtryanythingyoulike.Ivegotyou,Gian!
IsawMargueriteMortonhaughseyeswidenwithterroratthesoundofthat
measured,awfulvoice,andknewIhadcoldshiversmyself.Welistened,anditwenton
Becauseofwhatyoudidtothatwoman,mywoman,Gian,Imgoingtodo
thingstoyou.No,youdontknowme,cantrecognizeme,butIhappentobeasurgeon,
andIbroughtmytoolswithme!Imnotgoingtokillyou,Gian.Imgoingtoleaveyou

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oneeyetoseewith,novoicetospeakwith,noeardrumstohearwith,andImgoingto
makesureyeneverwalkagain,neverusethoselegsofyours.AndImgoingtomake
yousuchahorriblethingtoseethatmenwilllookasideandwomenscreamatsightof
youImgoingtoturnyouintosomethingthatwillwanttohideitselffromthesightof
men,andleaveyoutoLive.Theresee?Lancets,scalpels,everythingevenincluding
antiseptics.ItoldyouIdbroughtmytools.Now,Gian,ifyouwanttodie,wrigglewhen
theagonyofcuttingbegins.Youvegottogothroughitasshewentthroughitwriggle
ifyouwanttodie,keepstillifyouthinkitworthwhiletolive.
Thehorrible,inarticulatemoanofagaggedmanfollowed,andthenHighArt
laughed.IfhissmilehadbeenthatofLucifer,thelaughIheardthenwasthatofthedevil
whokeepsthedoorwayofthelowesthellofall.AndthenMargueriteMortonhaugh
moanedatme.
Ishookmyheadather.Thatdevilhasearneditall,whateverisdonetohim
now,Isaid,entirelyforgettingmybrogue.
Forabeginning,GianitwasHighArtsvoiceagainyouvegottositup.
Youcanhearmetellyouthat,justasyouveheardmetellyoutherest,butitsthelast
thingonearthyoulleverhear.Situpso!Thiswonthurtyoumuch.
Therefollowedthesoundofaheavy,flathandedblow,andafterabriefinterval
thesoundwasrepeated.Iknewwhatitmeant.HighArthadstruckZacconefirstoverone
earandthenovertheothernomorethanboxedhisears,infact.But,forthoseblows,
hehadstruckwithslightlyhollowedpalm,andstruckwithallhisgreatstrength,too
andeachblowhadbrokenaneardrum.HewasrightZacconewouldneverhearanother
soundaslongashelived.
Down,youdevil,flatagainno,Iknowyoucanthearme.Theeye,nextIm
takingallmyvengeanceonyou.
Silence.Thenahorrible,stranglingmoan,andachucklefromArt.Ithadgonefar
enough,Ifelt,butthenMargueritemoanedatme.
Allright,Isaid,IllgoandseeifIcanstophim.
Butsheshookherheadandmoanedagain,animperativesortofsoundthat
puzzledme.IstaredatheragainweheardanoisefromgaggedZacconethatmarked
thelimitofagony,andagainMargueritemadethatnoiseofhersatmeandshookher
headwhenIwouldhaveopenedthedoorbetweenthetworooms.
Lookhere,Isaid,canIputyouonyourhonournottospeakaboveawhisper,
ifItakethatgagout?
Shenoddedwithasortofappealingenergy,asiftotellmetomakehasteoverit.I
tooktheriskanduntiedthecordthatheldthegaginplace,andthesoundsthatcametous
fromtheotherroomweresuchasmighthavebeenmadebyasoulinhell,withArts
chucklesasthoseofadevilattheworkoftorture.
Quicktellhim!Margueritewhispered.FifteenminutesafterZacconeentered
thestudio,oneofhismencomestomakesureallissafeforhim.Youknowwhatthat
meanstellhim.
ShehadnotfinishedbeforeIhadmyhandstretchedouttothedoorhandlebutI
droppeditatanewsound,anoathfromHighArtthattoldofsavagerageoverbeing
interrupted.Margueritewhisperedagainfromwhereshestoodboundandhelpless

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Toolatelockthatdoor!Lockit,Itellyou!They
TherattleofasubmachinegundrownedtherestofwhatshewouldhavesaidasI
turnedthekeyinthelock.Therewasasoftthudofabodyfallingonthecarpet,agasping
moan,andanewvoice
Hell,chief!Oh,hellfrsure!
TheyhadgotHighArt,Iknew.Ilookedatthegirl,andabruptlytookouta
penknifeandcutthecordsthathadboundher.
Youonedeadoverhimisenough,shesaid.Thatwaygo!Shepointedat
thewindow.Therewasnofearinhergazeatme,onlyhorror.Inthestudiosoundeda
fearstruck,incredulousjabbering,andamiditthehalfchoked,breathlesssobsofaman
Zaccone,ungaggednow,evidently.Theyweretryingtoquestionhim,buthecouldnot
hear,Iknew.
Whydidyoueverlethimcomehere?Iasked.Oh,becauseIwasamadfool,
sheansweredbitterly.Andsoareyouwhydontyougo,beforetheycomelooking.
Saveyourselfgoatonce!Inanotherminuteless,perhaps
Imadethewindow.Itslidupsilently,andIlookedout.Itssillwaswide,and
continuouswiththatofthestudiowindow.Icouldreachthefireescapeplatform.I
climbedout,withnotanotherlook,even,atthegirl.Thestudiowindowcurtainswere
drawn,sothatthemenintheredidnotseemepassandgaintheplatform.Thenaway
downthealmostendlessrungsofthatspideryway,down,down.down,intothewellof
theDuikerbuildingatlast.Abigemptypackingcaseservedtogetmetothetopofthe
wallandoverintothewelloftheVandenHoyststructure,andthenIfoundthat
fireescapeandwentuptothetenth,toseeaheadthrustoutthroughanopen,unlighted
windowasArthadtoldmeIshouldfinditwhenwehadplayedourgame.Thechauffeur
helpedmeinthroughthatwindowwithoutaword,nordidIspeak.Wepaddedoutfrom
theemptyflat,andIwasfortakingthestairs,buthestoppedme.
Whyaskforsuspicionthatway?hesaidcalmly,andpressedtheliftbutton.
Besides,thisisquicker.
Ithoughthemighthavequestionedhowhismasterhadfaredontheadventure
mighthaveheardtheshotsuponthethirtiethflooroftheDuikerbuthedisplayedno
curiosityatall.Westeppedintoaliftanddroppedtothegroundfloor,towalkout
unhurriedlytotheDuesenberg,parkednearby.Nobodyquestionedeitherofus,or
appearedtoobserveuscloselyachauffeurhadcalledforhisrathershabbilydressed
master,andwasabouttotakehimhome,itappeared.But,asheheldthedoorforme,the
chauffeurlookedalongtowardstheDuikerentrance,wheretwolowslung,powerful
salooncarsstoodbythekerbindefianceoftheregulations,governingordinaryprivate
motors.
TheyllbetwoofZacconesmachines,saidthechauffeur,asifitwerejusta
matterofinterest.Wonderwhathesdoingthere?
Igavehimnoanswer,butgotintotheDuesenberg.Hetookthewheelanddrove
off,andallatonceitcametomethatIwasnotacentbetteroffthanwhenIhadfirst
contactedHighArtatRosenbergsplace,letalonefivethousanddollarstothegoodasI
hadhoped.ThereandthenIrenewedmyresolvetoplaylonewolf,andtomakenomore
exceptionstothatrule,nomatterhowtemptinganypartnershippropositionmightappear.

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Whether,supposingthathehadlived,HighArtwouldhavepaidthefivethousandover,I
dontknow,butfromthelittleIsawofhimIguesshewouldhavedoneit,nomatter
whatsumZacconemightormightnothavehadonhim.
ThatZacconesmengotArtwasnewsinnextmorningspapers,andtherestofit
filteredthroughtomebydegrees.Zacconeisnolongerheadoftheviceracket,norishe
everseeninpublic.Forheisastonedeaf,oneeyedbeingwithapairofuselesslegs,and
afaceslashedandscarredalmostbeyondbelief.Brokennerved,tooArtcompletedhis
revengebeforethebulletswipedhimout.
Sothatwasthat,andherewasIjustwhereIhadbeenwhenImethimforthe
chauffeurdroppedmeoutsideRosenbergssilentfrontage,thusendingtheadventure
exactlywhereithadbegun.Iwentbacktomyroom,andgotawayintheparlourcarof
thenextmorningsflyer,headedforTillarySteevensandsomerecompenseforhistheft
fromme,andthinkingquitealotaboutthegirlMarguerite,wonderinghowshewould
comeoutofthisandwhatherfatherwouldsaytoherifandwhenhelearnedthatGian
Zacconehadbeenfoundinherstudio.
Theymusthavefoundsomemeansofkeepinghispresenceoutofthepapers,
though,forthenewspaperaccountsmadeitthatArt,anunidentifiedcrook,hadbeen
fleeingfromsomeothercrookswhenhesoughtrefugeinherstudio,wherehisenemies
brokeinandshothimdownbeforehereyes.Sincethestorygaveherasutterlyignorant
ofthecrooksexistenceuntilhesuddenlyappearedthere,itdidhernoharm,and,abouta
yearlater,shemarriedamanofherownclass.Curedofherthirstforthebizarre,Iguess.
ThattooIlearnedlater.Iknewnothingofit,onlywonderedandreadthestoryin
thepapersasIwenttoChicago,athieflookingforathief.

25
CHAPTERXVI
TILLARYSTEEVENS
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ATjourneysendandwithcapitalconsistingofonlyninetycents,andaticket
formycheckedbagIwasvomitedoutintoastreetcalledRandolphStreet,fromsome
hugeandbrandnewfiftystoryrailroadstationthatChicagopoliticians,asIlaterlearned,
hadjuststuckuponherLakeFronttokeepherpeoplefromthinkingaboutmodern
tractionsubways;thewhichthepresentpeoplesfathersandmothershadcommenced
petitioningforonlysomefiftyyearsbefore.
Andshortly,afteratwentyminutebusridenorthwardfromthestationonsome
hugetripledeckerbus,IfoundTillarysresidence.Notfar,infact,fromabiggreenpark.
Itwasonastreetofancientanddignifiedmansions,allwellkeptup.AndIrangthebell.
Tillaryhimself,aschancewouldhaveit,answeredthedoor.Isawatonce,even
afterfifteenyears,thathewasaposeurandacharlatan.Hispointedbrownbeardhis
moustachehisscarletframedmonoclewithbroadblackribbonhisvelvetjacketand
blackwindsortie,nottomentionthewidebrimmedgreyvelourhatandhugecaneonthe
hallrackbehindhim,alltoldthestory.
Heknewme,too,afteralltheyears.Andaflashofwhitesweptacrosshisface.

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ButIdidnotdivulgethereasonformyerrand.
ItoldhimjustthatIdbeeninthefarCanadianNorthforafewyears,whenceId
gonepracticallydirectfromSouthAmericawhereIdbeenpreviously.Andnow,passing
throughChicago,whereIdhappenedtofindhisnameinthetelephonebook,Iddecided
todropinonhim.
Hetookmethroughhisgreathouse.Wherehelived,itseems,withjustasingle
manservant,nowonaseveralmonthsleaveofabsence.Fromthebilliardroomonthe
topfloor,tothebeautifulmechanicallydisappearingbarinthebackparlour,repletewith
rarewhiskiesandcordials.Thence,afteradrink,tothecellar,withdankdirtfloor,and
repletewithmushroombeds.Hishobby,asitlikewiseappeared.
Thereatlastwesat,onupendedboxesofcarefullypackedimportedmushroom
spores,underasinglelightedelectricbulbwhosetintwassuchthatitwouldntmakethe
littlemushroomsaboutthecellarrestive.
Tillary,Isaidcuriously,howcomeyounevertookupthestudyofdentistry?
Oh,helaughed.Idid.Forjustoneyear.ItookitatNorthwesternUhere.But
switchedtogeneralarts.
Andwhy,Tillary,ifImayask,Isaidnext,doyouwearbeardandmoustache?
Foryoureonlymyage.Andmonocoletoo?Forjustawhileback,whenyoulaiditdown
foramomentintheupstairshalltotalkonthephonetosomebody,Iobserved,intrying
yourmonocoleoutagainstthewall,thatithasnorefractivepowerwhatsoever.
Oh,Jerry,hesaid,dontyourealizethataclientelesuchasmineis,expects
metohaveaverypicturesqueappearance?Nowandtheninathousandbluemoons
likeforinstancewhenIgoonalonghuntingtriporsomethingIshaveitalloffand
growitonagainonlyafterIgethome.ButforthemostpartlivinghereinChicago,Igive
myclienteletheappearancetheyexpect;inotherwords,Icapitalizemyself.
Weellahwhatclientelewouldthatbe?NowIhadhim!
Oh,hesaidairily,Iwritealittle.AndIsawthathefiguredIknewquite
nothingofhisthievings.
AndthenIputmycardsonthetable.
Tillary,Isaid,Ihavereadallyouhavehadpublishedtodate.And,Tillary,
thosebooksyouveallegedlywrittenaremanuscriptswhichwereinmygrandfathers
trunk.Youstolethemfromusgrandmotherandme.Andyoumustmakerestitution.
No,hesaidcoldly,Iwont.ForthesimplereasonthatIboughtthemfromRed
yourememberRed?afteryouandyourgrandmotherleftColumbus,Ohio.Itwas
Red,asisevidenttoday,whopillagedyourhouse.Ineverheardagainwhereyouwere.
AndtheStatuteofLimitationsoftheStateofOhiopreventsprosecutingmeonan
innocentpurchaseofstolengoodsthatfarback.Muchlessevenregisteringachargeof
such.Onadirecttheftfromyouofstolengoodsyes,ofcourse.Butnotasaninnocent
buyer,whichisexactlywhatIaminthiscase.
ButgoodGod,Tillary,Iexpostulated,decencyisdecency.Youevidently
knew,whenyoufirstdecidedtorevampthemandpublishthem,thatIcouldneverprove
theyweregrandfathersscriptssinceyouhadpossessionofthemall.Buthowabout
fairness?Nowlookhere.Grandmother,ofcourse,isdead.Ihavemygrandfatherswill.
HereAndIshowedittohim,foritwasfortunatelyinmybreastpocketatthemoment.

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Hereallylookedasthoughhewouldliketohavefledwithitandburneditup.Butof
course,craventhathewas,hedarednot.Ishouldhavetheincomeoh,asubstantial
partofitanywayfromthosescriptswhich,itappears,aredamnedfinemysterynovels
andnotdimenovelsatall.
No,hesaid,graniteinmien,youshouldnot.Iam,afterall,Jerry,arareartist.
Andbutformetheycouldneverhavereachedprint.ItisIwhohavetouchedthemwith
themagicgildingbrushthathastransformedthemfromdimenovelsintoliterature.
Toshandtwaddle.Iretortedcurtly.Ireadtheprintedbooks.AndIremember
wellthehandwrittenoriginals.TheonlydifferencebetweewellIcouldhireany
Broadwayhackwriterattwentyfivedollarsascriptif,ofcourse,Ihadthescripts!to
makethesubstitutionsthatwouldchangetheeighteenseventysintothenineteen
thirtyfivesandrevisethelingoasyouvedone.Youarenomoreanartist,atthe
literarygame,thanIammyself.Youreyourejustapirate.
Sezyou,hesaidairily.
Iought,Isaidbitterly,knowinghehadtheupperhand,tokillyouhereand
now.Andsinceyourloneservanthasjustgoneawayandforafewmonths,yousayI
shouldbecomeasitwere,yournewservantandliveonhereforafewmonths.Infact,
killingyouisexactlywhatImnowgoingtodo.
Andwhatwouldyoudowithmybody,pray,meanwhile?
Buryyourighthereunderthisrolleddirtfloorandhavefewermushrooms.
Hethrewbackhisheadandlaughed.Actuallychuckled.
Mydearfellow,hesaid,doyouremembermyshowingyouthatbig
necromancerscrystalglobeinmysafe?Whilewewentthroughmystudy?
Yes.Abeautifulcrystalglobeandadamnedfinesafe.Burglarproofifyou
dontobjecttoamerecomment.
SoIaminformed.Well,Ihandedyouthatcrystalwithmyfisttightlyclutching
thesmallroundslatebasesothatyouhadtotakeitbytheballitself.Butthatcrystal
waswipedmeticulouslycleanofallfingerprintswhenlastputinthevault.Andyou,
therefore,leftyourentirefivefingerprintssmackonitssurface!Afteryoutookitbyits
baseinyourotherhand,andlookedthroughit,youhandeditbacktome.OnlyItookit
byoneexposededgeofthebase.Andsliditintothevault.Where,whileyoudbeen
gazingthroughtheballatobjectsabouttheroom,Idbeenwritingyournameand
description,thedateandthehour,onapinkslipofpaper.Whichalsowentintothevault.
Rememberthatpinkslip?Ithoughtso.Well,sonnyboy,itsgotallthehighlightsthat
cancaptureyouandidentifyyoutheworldover.Infact,thewholethingisan
arrangementIvehadalongtimewithmylawyersdowntown.Allsuspiciouspersons
whoenterhereandIwasdamnedsuspiciousofyourightoff!Imakefingerprint
themselvesandIbookthemuponapinkslipjustasIdidyou.WereInottoreportto
byphonetomylawyerandincode!withinletsseeheglancedathiswristwatch
threehoursandfortysevenminutes,now,sinceIreportedtwentyhoursandthirteen
minutesagoeverytwentyfourhours,see?hedbeherewithtwoprivatedetectives,
andduplicatekeyandcombination,andwouldopenthatvaultandyou,beforeyoud
evencrossedtheMississippiwouldbenabbedand,thankstothereturnofthegood
oldropeinCookCounty,andthespeedingupofcriminaljustice,wouldbehangedin

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exactlythirtydays.
Ilaughedbitterly.ForIrecalledindeedhowmysterioushehadbeenabouthis
foolcrystalballandhisfillingoutnotesorsomethingonapinkslip.Andall.Yes,I
commented,stillbitterly,youreright,Iguess,onallofthat.Allthiscriminologyin
yournoodlecomesfromworkingovergrandfathersmysterynovels.Yourlastmurderer
catchingstuntmustbesomethingfromonecertainnovelwhichI,atleast,nevergotto
readTheFingerprintsontheCrystalBall.
Itis,Tillarysaidgloatingly.ItwassuchadamnedslickideaIadopteditinmy
ownreallife.Yourgrandfatherhadideas,allright.
And,Isaid,youwontgivememymonetaryshareofthoseideas?
Letsgoupstairstotheparlour,hesaid,wheretherellbelesschillintheair
thanherenearthedampdirtfloor,Youcankillmeuptherejustaswell,anddragmy
bodydownstairsandplantmeundermymushrooms.Supremeconfidencehehadall
right.AndwewereshortlysittinginhishighceilingedparlournearahighVictorian
desk.
Aboutyourlastquestion,heresumed,Iwontgiveyouanyshareofthose
ideas.Foryouvelegallyforfeited,Itellyou,anyshareyouveeverhad.Iboughtthose
ancientscriptsforsixdollarsfromRed.Whichfact,however,consideringmypresent
hugewritingreputationtoday,Iwouldnotnowopenlyadmittoanyonebutyou.And
Red,incidentally,diedsomesevenyearsago.Hecametomehere,forhelp.Practically
dyingthen.T.B.ImanagedtogethimintotheCountyFreeHospital,wherehepassed
awayinthebestofcomfort.But,speakingagainofthepurelymoralangleofthisalleged
theftfromyouandyourgrandmother,Ikeptthosescriptssolelyforyou.Andformany
years.ButyoupeopleneverwrotebacktoColumbus,Ohio.Andso,asIsay,theOhio
CriminalLimitationStatutesoutlawscompletelyyourbringinganyclaimunderthe
circumstancesIvecited.Moreover,asareallitryartist,Imadethosenovels.Andlast
butnotleast,headdedtriumphantly,youhavenothingtoproveyourwildstorysince
Ihaveallthescriptsandnotinthishouse,either.
Allyouvesaidistrue,Iadmitted.AndparticularlytheonepointthatimpliesI
wouldmakeadamnedassofmyselftotryandbringchargesagainstthefamousTillary
Steevens!
Allright,hesaidgenially.Wereagreed.Onmoral,andlegal,and
miscellaneousaspectsofthesituation.But,Jerry,tellyouwhatIlldobeforeyougo.
Illmakeyoualucrativeproposition.ForIcanread,withhalfaneye,thatyoureflat
broke.Hepaused.Yourdearanddepartedgrandther,Jerry,wasntatalluponcrook
lingohavingbeenaclergyman!AndIvenotedanumberofgenuinecrookexpressions
inyourtalksuchasacertainpoliceexpertwhorecentlywentoverthecrooktalkin
eachofmynovels,atonehundreddollarspernovel,usedtoinsert.Thisfellow,however,
wasbumpedofflastweekbygangsters.Nowyou,Jerry,aredoubtlesslyacrookallright,
allright,Andforafullglossaryofallcrookexpressionsthoseusedamongyeggmen
andwhateverelsenotIllpayyouonedollaraword.
Thiswasalmostamusing,underthecircumstances.ForIwasnocrookatall
exceptfortheonejobonthecatkillerandthoughIhadallthatTillaryneeded,Ihadit
simplybecauseCapeTownSlim,inthoselongmonthsinthatSouthAmericandungeon,

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hadmademelearntheentirelingoofhistrade,teachingmeasthoughitwereanother
language;andbecausetoday,whennowordorexpressionquitefittedasituation,Ioften
inadvertentlysnatchedoneoranotherofCapeTownSlimsspecializedexpressions
whichdidfit.
Good,IsaidquicklytoTillary.Butwillyouplayanolimitgame?Hundreds
ofwords,perhaps?
Tillarynoddedeageraffirmation.
Thengiveme,Itoldhim,apadofsheets,abigpad!
AndinthenexthalfhourIearned$350.ForRootingagainsttheOliver
cracksmantalkmeaningtoworkbythemoonlightonlybroughtme$4.Fullof
larcenyopenforbribery!$3.Runtheroadsdownlookoverallpossibleescapes
withacar$4.Marketforstiffsbankerwhobuysstolenbonds$3.Andthemany
namesforagangleader:Bigshot,redhot,bigrod,mokker,heavyguyfetched$9.
AFourthofJulygunbattleafteragetaway$4.Thesynonymsformiladyof
crookdomalone:Broad,dame,floozie,skirt,chippy,roach,moll,frail$8in8seconds.
Icashedinandwithavengeanceonallthelinguisticpartofwhatthatpoordevilback
inthatdungeoncellhadtaughtmeafewyearsback.Cashedintothetuneof$350.
WhichTillarypaid.
AndIhadareasonforgivinghimallthatlingo;IwantedTillarynowtobe
entirelyuponhisprofessiontobeabletowaxmoresuccessfulthanever,asitwere,
WhenIrosetogo,Iwastheheightofgeniality.AndIsaid:Well,Tillaryoldtop,
sinceyoudidbuythescriptsfromRedIcantverywellclaimem.Since,afterall,it
wasuptograndmotherandmetocomeback.Ortowriteback.Neitherofwhichthings
weeverdid.However,Tillary,yousayyouregoingtobewithoutamanservanttill
yoursgetsback?Andfromafewcracksyoumadeawhileback,Iimagineyouwishyou
couldtellhimnevertocomeback.EvertryaSouthernNegro,Tillary?Youjustknow
nothingofservantstillyouhave.AndaSouthernNegrodidmeagreatfavourinSouth
America.AchapcalledjustLaughingSam.OrSamDavisinfull.Faithful.Industrious.
Intelligent.Loyal.IcouldrouthimupforyouinElPaso,towardswhereIhappentobe
headingnow.AndyouwouldhaveamanwhodknockallyourwhiteNorthernservants
intoacockedhat.Andatthesametimehelpmepaybackmydebttohim.Willyoudo
thatmuchforme?
Yes,Iwill,hesaid.Sendonyourcoon.IvealwaysfanciedIdlikeacoon
servant.ASouthernone,Imean.ForIveheardtheynevertalkbackandwilleventake
araponthesnootandactuallylikeit!Sendhimon.Illgetatemporarymanfromthe
bureauaroundthecornertillyourmangetshere.AndIhopetohellIcantellthatcocky
devilwhoworkshereregularlytostaywhereheis.Yes,sendyourparagonon.
Andwiththis,Ileft.Andwithmorethanasmileonmylips.
ForTillaryhadslipped.Slippedbadly.ForRed,asIrememberedmorethanwell,
hadbeenintheStateReformschoolwhenthattrunkwasstolen.Hadalreadybeenthere
severalmonths.Couldnthavestolenthestuff;henceTillarycouldnthaveboughtitfrom
him.Tillaryhadconvictedhimselfasaliar.
Andso,withthemoneyhehadpaidmeforthecriminallingo,IwenttoElPaso.
TofindLaughingSam.ForitwouldhavetobethroughLaughingSamonlythatIwould

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beabletogetjustice.
CHAPTERXVII
5
THELUGUBRIOUSONE

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IFOUNDSam,faceamilelong,standingonastreetcornersomewhereinthe
NegroDistrict.Nolaughinggoingonnow!Heworeacheckedsuit,seedyaswellas
shiny;hisshoeshadbadlyrundownattheheels,andhisheadcarriedabatteredbowler
hatwithabrightredfeatherinthebandandoh,whatalongface!
Heturned,asIdrewupsuddenlyrightinfrontofhim.
FodegoodGodamighty,heejaculated.MistJehhy!
Yes,Sam.Jerryhimself!BeeninNorthernCanadaeversinceyouandIthanks
alltoyoucamebackfromSouthAmerica.
IsoonhadhiminsideaNegrosaloonwithsawdustcoveredfloor.Atalonely
cornertable.
Sam,Ibegan,IvehadasortofabadbreakinMontreal.Anywaysuchas
itwasmyrollwentforaride.Iintended,Sam,tobringyousomedough.Astis,Ive
threehundredbucksonme.AndIintend
MistJehhy,hesaid,plaintively,toseeyouaginiswuthalldomonehinde
wuld.Anbsides,Ahcouldntuseanymonehraghtnow.Wouldntbeofnogood
nohow.
Isquintedathiminpuzzlement.Thenwentontotellhimexactlywhathemustdo
forme.Whichwas,inshort,togoNorthtoworkforTillarytowatchhisrecords
wheneversuchwerestrewnabouttolistentoTillarytalkingonthephonetofindout,
byallofthis,thetitlesofTillarysprojectednovelsasmuchaspossibleand
particularlytheexactdateswhenTillaryspublishersproposedtopublishthem.And,I
added,ifIgetthisinformation,youllneverdieinthepoorhouse,Sam!
Gladtogitit,MistJehhy.Moughtygladtododatfoyou.Speciallysencedat
nogoodswindlahtekkindemoneydatlongtoyoucountyougrandaddywritinall
dernwunnerfulstoies,ButasfoyousayinAhwondieinnopohouse,Ahain
keehinnonewhahAhdies.ButAhllgitdatinfo.FoAhkinreadmuchbetterdanAh
kinwrite.AnsidesAhAhjeshastogitawayfromdisheahwholeTexaskentry,
anyway.Ahsvehysad,MistJehhy.Helookedreadytoweepblacktears.
Why,Sam,whatsthematter?
Oh,agalwhutAhlubbedno,notheahinElPbutinanothertowninTexas
Ahonycomebackheahmahsefaweekago,totryanfogitwell,agalwhutAh
lubbedindattown,anpowfulbad,donethowedmedown.Foanothahman.Obcose,
totellyoudetruf,shewannogood.ShewasondestreetwenAhguthuh.Andshe
gonnabeondestreetagin,Ahguess,whendatmanthowhuhdown.Butdatllmebbe
beyeahsyet.Anindemeanwhile,Ahllallus,alluslubdatgal.Ony,yousee,shedont
norneveraingointolubme!
Well,Sam,Icommented,Iwonttrytopumpyouofwhathurtsyousobad,

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butIcantellinthewinkofagnatseyethatthiswasacaseofyounothavinganycoin
andsomeotherguyhavingsome.NowyougoonupNorthIveawholehundreddollar
billthatsgoingtodeckyououtfromheadtotoe,nomatterwhat,andsendyouupthere
onthecushions.Ifyoucangetbyforthewhileonyoursalaryfineanddandy:And
whenyoudothisjobformeandwhenIspringwhatImgoingtodofromyourinfo
well,BlackBoy,youllhaveenoughoutofmycouptobuyallthegoodlookingcoloured
galsinanycityinTexas.
Well,AhsposeAhkinusedemoney,aright,hesaidlifelessly,buttwillbe
onytofinddatticklergalanwinhuhback.
Anditwasthus,therefore,thatSam,deckedoutwithnewclothesfromheadto
footandbackagain,trainedinascoreofinstructionsIgavehim,andwithaticketto
ChicagoandaletterfrommetoTillarystartedforChicago.Totakeaserving.mans
job.Andtopleasehismasteratanycost.
IheardfromSamexactlythreeweekslater,incareofmyfriendinMontrealwho
forwardedSamsletterontomeinDenver,whereIwastryinglikehelltogetajoband
onlywastingmyroll.ForYeOldePanicwasntoveryetbyanymeans.Samsletterwas
anilliterate,badlyspelledepistle.Inithesaidhewasholinghisjoballrightbecause
hedidntgetuponhisearatallatnoneofMistSteevensonreasanbullness.Hesaid
thatSteevenswasallrightfordaysatatime,butwouldthenflyintohugetempers,
particularlyafterasolitarydrunk,andwouldtakeaswingathim;once,Samsaid,Tillary
actuallychasedhimwithanaxeandflungitathimwouldhavekilledhimifhehadnt
dodgedandhedhavequitthatday,hesaid,ifithadntbeenforhisloyaltytome.
Aweeklater,Iheardfromhimagain.
Samwashavingaslightlymoredifficulttimeofit.Though,fortunately,gettinga
leverofhisown,tokeepTillaryoutofgoingtoofar.Whichwasgoodformyplan.For
thistimehewrote:
MistSteevenswhosacollectahoboddtingsspeciallyifdeyajonahsojinxeshes
donegothisgreedyeyesondescrollofsomepoactahmanwhutwentcraizyandtinked
hisskollwashamandeggsandlefittosomebody,andoneofMistSteevensnaybors
donefinlygittoownit.And[hewenton]dismandohabmecomein,onmahoff
houahs,anbyMistSteevenspuhmission,anwuhkeachdayfoahouhorso.Anywayshe
wontselldeskolltoMistSteevens.andnowMistSteevenswantmetosteelit.Datis,he
wanmetocrackasidewinderlockindenayborshousekwietanfromdeinside,smoggle
deskolloutdatnightwidmahcleaninclose,andenhimanmelatedatnightwegoan
pokedewinderupinadahkcotealongsideit,widalongpole,lakasifitwasaoutside
robberypuffomed.
Sameoldstuff!Tillarysbrightideasfromboyhooddays.
But[Samsletterwenton]Ahwuddntbenotief,ahtellhim,MistJehhy.Norlay
noplotsaginhisarbors.Hekindauglyaboutit,buthecaintsaynuffenlestAhsqueelon
him.
And[Samwenton]hasAhhadoffuhsfromMistSteevensgennelmenfrends!
Deyallknowsme,MistJehhy,andeycallsmeSam,YouRaskalYou,andeytriesan
triestogitmetowuhkfodernonyAhisstayinraghtheahtitewidMistSteevenswich
makeshimpullhispunchesnowcaizehegitabigkickoutofitdatdesefalsfrendsashe

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calldemcaintonticemeaway.Butifnheevahdidfahme,Ahdhabadozinplacesinone
houahfromdevaryusgennelmenswhatwansme.ThoughnoneofdemjobwuhAhtek,
MistJehhy,senceAhmabithomesockfoElP.AnddahszacklywhahAhdgo.
Also,inSamsletter,camesomethingIwasmightygladtohave.Acarefulcopy,
madeinhishandwriting,ofastatementfromTillarysliteraryagentSamforgottocopy
thatpartofthelettershowingtheprobableearningsonhisnextbook,averagedfrom
hislastthree.Itreadbriefly:
American$2.00bookroyaltiesviaHilton
MacHarcourtandCo........................$20,000
English7shilling6pencebookroyalties,
viaHarden,LockenandCo.,London..........$6,000
BritishcheapereditionsviaHarden,
LockenandCo.,London......................$2,500
American75centreprinteditionroyalties
viaGrossernandBurren,NewYorkCity....$12,000
Allforeigntranslationrights..............$5,000
Syndication,100newspapersat$100.Our
share,at1/2..............................$5,000
Broadcastrights,Columbiachain............$2,000
Screenrights,alreadycontractedforin
advance(asalways)via
MetricGildingMeier,Inc.................$25,000
10yearoptiononpossiblefutureusein
televisionperformances........................$5
$77,505
FriendTillarywasinthebigmoneynowallright.Makingwellover$50,000
fromeachbook!
TwoweekslaterthistimeIwasinSeattle,andmyremainingmoneymighty
lowcameanotherletterfromSam,viamyfriendinMontreal,whowasallrecoveredby
now,fromthatoperationIdboughtforhim.AndIgotthatlettergotitimmediatelyit
came,thatisbyaratherqueerhunch,forIwaspassingacheapcoalandwoodoffice,
withlonewindowonalonelyalley,andasmallironsafeinside,andlettersonthe
windowreading:
SAMHeLaughsatWinterLetHimHelpYoutoLaughatitToo!
Samlaughing!LaughingSam.Lethimhelpyou.Iwentstraighttothepost
office;andtherewasSamsletter,justarrivedbywayofMontreal.Andthishadnews
indeed,bignews!
ForSam,itseems,hadcomeuponasheetofpaper.Somethingcarefullyworked
outbyTillaryfromthelistofhissecretstockofgrandfathersscripts.Rather,
grandfathersscriptsallretitled!Itshowedthegeneralplanorprospectivescheduleof
appearanceofcertainnovels,whichTillaryhadworkedoutsothattheirpublication
wouldtallyexactlywithvariousconditions;inonecase,thissmallBalkanwarwereall
expectingabout1945;and,inanothercase,withtheconstructionofahugedam
scheduledfor1944.Allthis,asitappeared,becausetheirplotsinvolvedsuchfeatures,

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andtheappearanceofthebooksinconjunctionwiththeactualevents,wouldmake,as
fiction,timely!Sam,thankstohisemployerhavingbeencalledoutofthehousefora
coupleofhours,hadmadeacarefulcopyofthisentiresheet,Plusanyorallnotations
aftercertaintitles,suchasThismustprecede,butnotfollow,suchandso;etc.
Anyway,oneofthetitlestocomeoutlaterwas,itappears,tobeknownasTheStateof
MarylandversuswilliamLucullus!AndafterthistitleTillaryhadwritten:
Mustpositivelyberedatedsothatitsactionappearstotakeplaceineither1943or
1946,asthefigures1943and1946possessthedigitswhich,addedup,give17or20,and
whichnumbers,inconjunctionwiththestrangenumerologyofthisabsolutelyperfect
titleforthestory,willindubitablyinsureitanunusuallylargesale,Thatfact,therefore,in
turn,determinespublicationofthisbookforeither1943or1946,becauseofHiffton
MacHarcourtsfoolinsistencethatthetimeschemeofallnovelspublishedbythembe
datedtoconformwiththeyearofpublication,because(sotheyclaimI)bookswithpost
datedactionbecomefalselyclassifiedinthebookstoresasfantastic,andbookswith
antedatedactionarecompletelyoutofdatebythetimetheyreachtheresalepublishers.
Publicationdate,therefore,forTheStaleofMarylandversus,etc.,becomesautomatically
setforeither1943or1946.Whichyearcanbedecidedlater.
ThatwasallIwantedtoknow!ThanktheLordthatTillaryhadgone
numerological.IdidntcarenowwhetherSamstuckwithhisjobornot.ForIhadwhatI
wanted.
Indeed,IhadTillarydeadtorights!ForonthedaythatheshouldpublishThe
StateofMarylandversusWilliamLucullus,everybitofthepossibleearningsofthat
bookwouldbemine.$50,000$70,000whatevertheywouldprovetobe.Butinthe
meantimeImustwait.Sincemyplanrequiredthebooktobeactuallyinprint,andin
transittothebooksellers.
And,waiting,andjobless,inthemeantime,Imusteatandpayrent.
ThatnightIprofitedyetagainonmylongtutelageunderCapeTownSlim.In
short,Icrackedmysecondsafe.Theirongopherinthatcoaloffice.Andgot$89.17!

30
CHAPTERXVIII
THETREASUREDSCRIPT
35

40

THEreasonIhadTillarydeadtorightswasbecauseIhadoneofgrandfathers
manuscripts.Onewhichdidntgetstolen!Forthereasonthatitwasntintheoldtrunkat
thetimethattrunkwaspillaged.Butandthiswasimportantformeitwasaperfect
duplicateofonethathadbeeninthetrunk.Moreoveralegalduplicate!
For,asgrandmotherhadexplained,grandfatherhadoncedecidedtosubmitoneof
hismanuscriptstoaNewYorkdimenovelpublisher.Hehadcopieditcarefullyby
hand,thereforeforhewastoopoortoownevensuchapoormachineasexistedinthat
day,oreventohavecarbonpaperandthen,unknowingofjustwhathadtobedonein
thosecasestoprotecteitherauthororpublisher,hadhadaffixedonthebottomofthefirst
sheetanaffidavitthathewastheauthor,acrosswhich,andhissignature,hehadhada

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notarypublicimpresshisdieseal,filledinwithdatesandall.Thekindlynotaryhadeven
runtheedgeofthisdiesealallthroughthescript,ontheleftmarginofeverysheet.And
thenalasgrandfatherhadmarriedgrandmothertakentheclothandhadwithheld
hismanuscript.
Thismanuscriptshealwayskeptinherbighandbagofpersonalthings.Your
grandfather,shetoldme,madewhathethoughtwasagreatsacrificeinwithholding
thisfrompossibleprint.Eventhough,tobesure,itwouldneverhavebeenseen
elsewherethanonahorriblestreetinNewYorkcalledtheBowery.Butbecauseofhis
sacrifice,sonnyboy,Ivealwaystreasuredthescriptitself.
Ihad,withTillary,readthecopyofitthathadbeeninthetrunk.Whereinithad
beencalledbygrandfathermerelyAstronomicalMurder.AndnowIhadtheexact
duplicateofthatcopy,ingrandfathersownwritingascouldbeprovedbyhisown
legallycertifiedwillandotherrecordsthatcouldbeduguptodayandtheoldnotarized
affirmationonthetitlepage,datedanddiestampedmorethanahalfcenturybefore
andeverysucceedingsheet,moreover,bearinganimpressededgeofthatidenticaldie
stamp.
AndthereasonIknewthatIhadTillary,onceSamhadfoundoutformethat
Tillaryhadlinedup,asamongsthisfuturetitles,onetobecalledTheStateofMaryland
versusWilliamLuculluswasbecausethemurdereringrandfatherscertifiedscript,
AstronomicalMurder,wasnamedWilliamLucullusandtheentireplotwaslaidin
Maryland.Itwasaningeniousthing,tooandonlygrandfather,withhisfineeducation,
couldhavewrittenit.Foritwasthestoryofamurdererwhoknewhowtostrikehis
victimdeadthroughprojectinguponathinpartitionwallthemovementofacomet!
Rather,theinverseofthatmovementthemovementoftheeyepieceendofatelescope
inasmallroomontheothersideofthepartition.
Themanthefellowintendedtomurderwasinterestedinthatcomet.Andthe
murdererhadatelescopeinthatsmallroom,pointingskyward.Whenonesatatthe
eyepiece,onesheadhadtoleanagainstthatthinpartitionwall.Andthisscientific
murdererhadfiguredoutexactlywherethevictimsheadwouldlie,duringthewhole
courseofthecometsvisibility.Thatis,itstransitacrossthewidewindowspaceopento
thesky.AndwhilehisguestandvictimIwasinthelittleobservatoryroom,watching
thatcomet,WilliamLuculluswasinthelargerroomadjoiningshowingabuildersome
changeshewantedmadeinthehouse.Hepickedupapick.Toshowhowthinthe
differentwallswere,withrespecttotearingthemdown.Andonthewalljustthenunder
discussion,hedrovehispickclearthrough.Andstraightintothebackoftheheadofthe
victim,seatedonasmallstool.
TheStateofMarylandarrestedWilliamLucullus.Forhehadprofitedbythe
insuranceoftheotherman.Amere$3,000.Thedetectives,whoworkedfortheStateof
Maryland,couldprovenothing.
AndthenayoungmathematicaldetectiveaidedtheStatebyshowingthata
certainpencillineonthatdriventhroughpartitionwallwastheexactprojection,ona
verticalplane,ofthepathofthecometmadebyitsownmotionplustheearthsmotion.
And,moreover,thattheheightofthatprojectionwastheequaloftheheightofthe
eyepieceforthatcalendardate!Andthatlittlecrosslinesonthequeercurve

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correspondedtotenminuteperiodsonaclockinthelargerroom.
Andonlygrandfather,asIsay,withhisstupendouseruditionandhistremendous
knowledge,couldhavepennedsuchastory.TillarySteevensdidnothaveatenthofthe
brainswithwhichtodoit.
Andnow,asIveexplained,becauseTillaryhaddecidedtoinnovatethebook
withalittlemodernshotofnumerology,itspublicationwoulddefinitelyhavetobe1943
or1946!
So,Ihadplentyoftime.JustasTillaryhadplentyofscriptstoplaycheckerswith
foryearstocome.Butoncethatparticularscript,TheStateofMarylandversusWilliam
Lucullus,wasoutfromTillaryspublishershandsandintothebooksellersshopsI
couldmarchforwardwithgrandfatherswill,hisoriginalscript,and,forgoodmeasure,
Samstestimonyalso,andprovethatthatbookhadbeenwrittenbeforeevenTillarywas
born.And,throughmylawyers,Icouldseizenotonlyalltheroyaltiesonthenovel,but
alltheotherrichperquisitesithadsuchasscreenrights,rightsoncheapereditions,and
soforth.IcouldprobablyevenseizeTillarysFullertonParkwaymansionaswell!But
soIrealizedifeverIgaveTillarytheslightestinklingofwhathungoverhishead,he
wouldneverpublishthatparticularscripthewouldevenrecallitfromhispublishersif
theyhadalreadystartedtosetithewoulddestroyitfor,oncemyscriptwasshown
up,Tillarywasdestroyedallovertheworldasanovelist.Sotherewasnothingtodobut
bidemytimeandwait,wait,wait.
InolongerneededSamshelp.And,fromthatlastletterhesentme,Irealized
thatherealizedhehaddeliveredmeexactlywhatIneededandthatnowhomesickness
wasmorethaneveratwork.ItwasthereportonmyChristmastelegramtoSam,of
December25th,thatyear,inwhichIsentonlythemessageMerryXmas,Sam,thattold
mewhattheendoftheTillarySamaffiliationhadbeen.Forthereportran:Party
removedtoTexas;whereaboutsunknown.
AnditwasTillaryhimself,infact,whoultimatelywrotemethefullerdetails
whichthereportonthattelegramhadsoscantilysetforth.Namely,howandwhySam
hadlefthim.TogobacktoTexasandpointsabout.
ButwithTillaryIwasnotjustnowcorresponding.Especiallysinceanewservant
hadSamsplace.IwasbusycatchingupontheprofessionofcracksmanwhichId
begunsolate!ItwasadamnedshorttimebeforeIwasafullfledgedsafeblaster,living
bythepreciousknowledgeIdgotfromSlim.Itwasntlong,infact,before,thankstoa
fewunderworldcontactsIdidmake,Icouldhavebeenleadingmanforsomeofthebest
mobsintheU.S.A.ButIcontinued,instead,knockingoutafairishlivingonthelone
andplayingalwaysthehypersupercarefulgame.Monthsslidintoyears.MyMontreal
frienddiedin1937.Atleast,sosomenursewhoreturnedmylastlettertohimwroteme.
IwenttogetaMontrealpaperinapubliclibraryandatleastlookuphisobituaryand
lo,inthesameweeklyfile,wasthewriteupofthekickoffofthesurgeonwhodpulled
himbackoutoftheBlackGatesonmydoughtwoyearsbefore.Strangeworld!
Ayearlater,ItooktimeoffonedaytowriteTillary.OfcourseIaskedhimfirst
howSamwasdoingsoastolethimthinkIdneverheardof,norfrom,myblack
protegesincehelandedwithTillary;andthenIaskedthat,incaseSamwasntworking
forhimanymore,wouldheletmeknowwhereIcouldcontacthim.As,forinstance,

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whomighthavewrittentoTillarytochecksuchreferencesashemighthavegivento
Sam,andsoforth,andTillaryansweredimmediately,careofaP.O.boxIthenhad.From
hisletteritappearedthatSamwasnolongerofthemileageSteevens,andthatsuch
referencesasweregiventoSamwerezeroinnumberforthesuccinctreasonthatMr.
SamhadwalkedrightoutonTillaryinDecemberof1936,justasTillarywasgivinga
grandbachelorparty.TillaryblameditallonSam,andsaidthatifSamhadkepthisfilthy
temper,he,Tillary,couldhavegotnotlessthanadozenjobsforhim,fromhisown
friends.Ofcourse,tomyselfIsaidrightthereandthenthatTillarywasnttellingatall
howprobablydamnedinsultinganddownrightbulldozinghehadprobablybeentoSam
tobringonSamswalkoutinthemiddleofaparty.AndIwascurioustoknowtheinside
ofthatincident.
Andstilltheyearspassed.MoneyknowninthatworldwhereInowplayedmy
lonegameasdough,scratch,kale,bullets,mazuma,jack,thebucks,thesugar,theberries
wasmine,throughcarefulboxjobs.ItriedonceortwicetoreachSamwithsomeofit,
bylettersaddressedSamDavis(formerlyofSouthAmerica),careGeneralDelivery,El
Paso,Texasbuttheyalwayscamebacktome,EitherSamjustdidntbothertogoto
postoffices,asIfigureditoutorhadgone,maybe,elsewhereinthatbigstate.Butno
matter.IcouldeventuallylocatesomeoneintheNegroDistrictofElPasowhowouldbe
suretoknowthewhereaboutsofLaughingSamofAlabama.Againandagain,Ieven
madeplanstogotoElPandgetalineonhimdirect.ButIneverdid.ForIkeptputtingit
offandoffandoff.Andso,aboutsixweeksorsoago,livinginthePuebloChicancingo
thereinFrisco,IwrotetoTillaryoneday,enclosingaletteraddressedtoSam.Ihadto
writebothofmylettersmoreorlessbyasenseoffeel,foradamneddrugclerk,
somewhereonSutterStreet,hadgivenme,ontheverydayIstartedlivingtherein
Frisco,asmallbottleofatropinesulphatesolutioninsteadofthefivepercent.argyrolI
hadorderedforaninflammationofmyeyelids.AfterIdputafewdropsofhismixture
ineacheyeforabouttwentyfourhoursanddiscoveredthatIcouldntseeanything
closeupanymoreIwentbacktohimlicketysplit.Hetookonelookathismedicine
andwasmuchputoutathisownmistakeforitappearedIdgotasmallbottleputup
foracustomerwhoseoculisthadwantedtoparalysehisocularaccommodationmuscles
foracoupleofweeks.Theclerkobliginglytoldmethatinafewweeks,moreorless,
dependingonhowmuchofthestuffIdalreadyused,myaccommodationwouldreturn.
Andverysuddenlyallinabouttwentyfourhours!Butinthemeantime,heblandly
assuredme,Iwouldntbeabletoreadprintoranythinglikethat,exceptatadistancetoo
farprobablytoseeit.
IwouldhavetakenapunchathimacrossthecounterexceptthatIcouldnt
affordtoanswerquestionstothepoliceastowhoIwasandwhatIwasdoingin
Frisco.SobackIdgonetomyroom,andtriedreadingthedailynewspaperpinnedto
thewallmyselfstandingfiveorsixfeetaway.WiththeresultthatjustasIwouldget
farenoughawaythattheprintwouldshowsignsofbeingvisibleIwouldfindIwastoo
farawaytoreadit.Itdidntmakeanydifference,tobesure,mynotbeingabletoread,so
farastheworkIwasdoingthereinFriscobutitmademedamnedlonelyattimes;and
that,morethananythingelse,Iguess,iswhyIwrotebothTillaryandSam,careof
TillaryafterIdbeenthereforacoupleofweeksorso.Followingtheblurryoutlinesof

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mywritingbyextendingmyhandandthepaperasfarfrommyeyesasIpossiblycould.I
toldTillarythatIwasthinkingofgoingovertoHonoluluinaweekorsoonbrief
business,thoughmyfinancesweresodamnedlowthatveryprobablyandmuch
maybe!Iwasnt.HonoluluwasntbyanymeansnewtomeIdbeeninitbeforeonce,
afewyearsbackthoughonlyforaboutfivedays,andtheresultsofthatparticularvisit
hadbeenthatthelocalCharlieChanshadbeenleftscratchingtheirheads.Overasmall
incidentingeometryandphysicsinwhichthesideofacertainthreedimensional
rectangularhollowparallelopidhadsuddenlydepartedfromtheotherfivesides,shearing
strengthofsteelnotwithstandingIAndnowIhadinmindtoinspectanewjobthere
oneonWaialuaStreetthatIdbeentippedoffon,and,ifshelookedright,toputthe
localCharlieChansbacktopuzzlingontheirgeometryandtheirphysics.Inthisletterto
Tillary,Iaskedhim,incaseSameverdidwritehim,askingspecificallyaboutme,to
pleaseforwardtheenclosedletter.AndallIaskedofSam,ofcourse,sinceTillarymight
takeanotiontosteammyletteropen,waswhetherSamhadeverfoundhisgalheloved
somuchandthatIdbelookinghimupinElPwithinahalfyearorso.
Tillarywrotemebackatonce,andbyairmail,too,reenclosingmylettertoSam,
butenclosinganilliteratenoteatthesametime.
Luckyformetheilliteratenoteheenclosedhadbeentypedoutincapitalletters,
ontheunusedredsectionofaredandblacktypewriterribbon;andbypinningitonthe
wallandstandingwelloff,Iwasabletoreadit.Andluckyforme,also,sincenewsprint
wasaltogetheroutformeyet,thatTillarysribbonmadeagoodblackimprint,forIwas
abletoreadhisletterinexactlythesameway.
Imgladyouwrotejustwhenyoudid[hesaid]forthisenclosednotefromSam
hasbeenwaitinghereacoupleofmonths.Hewroteaskingmeifhecouldcomebackto
workherewhich,ofcourse,hecantandaskedmetoforwardthisnotetoyouifever
youwroteme.Hereitis,butunfortunatelytheblackgoddamnedhalfwittedmorongave
menocluebywhichtowritehim,ortoforwardyourletter.
Thenote,asIhavesaid,wasalltypedoutinredcapitallettersonatypewriter,
andran:
DEERMISTERJEHHYIISFINEANDHOPESYOUISDESAME.IAINT
MARRIEDYETTHOUGHMEBBEYOUIS,HEH?NEXTIMEYOUCOMES
SOWTHIWISHYOUWUDLOOKMEUPANYOUKINALWIZFINEMEROUND
THEELPASOCOLOREDDISTRICK.JESAXANYBODYFORSAMWHUT
LAFFS.IDONKNOWWHERETOREECHYOUSOIISPUTTINGTHISINA
LETTERTOMISTERSTEEVENSWERINIISASKINGMYOLDJOBBACK.SAM.
IsmiledwhenIreadthenote.PicturingpoorSamwaitingpatientlyforaletter
fromTillarywhichnevercamebecausehedfailedtoincludetheaddresshepresumedhe
had!AnddecidingthenthatMistSteevensdidntwanthim.Which,itappeared,Tillary
verymuchdidnotIAndallofwhichmiscarriageofintentionswasverymuchforthe
best,Ifigured,sinceTillarydoubtlesscouldpenamostblisteringreplytoanyoneso
recklessastocrawlonhishunkerstoT.Steevens.AndIwondered,also,atthesame
time,inwhatElPasobusinessoffice,scrubbedprobablyseveraltimesaweekbySam,he
hadpainfullytappedouthisepistle.
ButSamsgreatdaywouldcomesoon,Itoldmyselfgrimly,whereheshouldsee

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moremoneythanhedeverseeninhisentirelife.AndwhereIcouldpulldownmore
thananyscoreofboxjobshadevergivenme.
ButTillaryslettercontainedsomethingexceedinglyinteresting.Threethings,in
fact.First,threecrisp$50bills!Second,athinkey.Andthird,aparagraphwhichran;
SolongasyouwanttogettoHonoluluandareworryingyourgoddamnedfool
headoffastohowtogetthemoneytogetthere,Imstakingyouyourwholefarethere
andback,justforpickingupsomethingformeinHonolulu;andwhenyougetbackon
theWestCoastwhichIunderstandfromyourletterwouldbeverysoonafteryour
arrivalIwillfurthermorepayyou$250additionalbonusforthearticleyoupickup,to
obtainwhichtwohundredandfiftyplunksallyouneedtodoistoshipittomefromthe
WestCoast,viaexpress,examinationpermitted,C.O.D.$250!
Andhethentoldmethefacts.
Factswhich,withwhatIhadsecretlylearnedfromSamlongago,showedthat
Tillaryhadgothimselfintoanicejamwithregardtotheskullofone,Mr.Sylvanus
Axton,exShakespeareanactor!
Andthefactswerethus:
AcelebratedadvertisingartistofHonoluluwhodidamazinglybeautifulstilllife
canvasesoneofthemostimportantmeninthebusinesshisname,forpurposesofthis
record,beingBirchCadwalladerhadpassedthroughChicagosometimeduringthe
coupleofmonthsprevioustoTillaryswritingme.CadwalladerhadbeencleartoNew
York,renewingcontractswithvariousadvertisingagenciesandsoforth.Andonhis
waybacktoHawaii,hehadsteppedoffatChicagoandcalledonTillary,attherequestof
Hiffton,MacHarcourtandCompany,Tillaryspublishers.Fortheyintendedtoplacein
HearstmopolitanMagazineafullpagead.infullcoloursforTillarysfirst1943book,
intheformofahugedramaticstilllifecomposition.Justwhatparticularscriptthescript
shouldbe,ofthosevariousoneshewasworkingon,Tillaryquitecalmlytoldme,had
beenleftentirelytohimbyhispublishers,whoknewthathealwayshadseveralunder
construction,Anditsidentitywastobekeptanabsolutesecretfromthepublicandthe
booksellerssomekindofatryoutastothesellingvalueofanauthorsnameasagainst
authorsnameplustitleandthebookwouldbeannounced,rightuptothedateof
publication,onlyasTillarySteevenssnewnovel.Andonlyaweekafterpublication
wasittobeadvertisedunderitstitleandthen,asafurtherexperiment,onlyinthishuge
allcolourad.inHearstmopolitanMagazine.Atanyrate,TillaryandCadwalladerhad,
Tillarysaid,agreedonaneffectivelayout,consistentwithTillarysoutlinetothe
Honoluluartistofthegeneralplotofthescripthehadselectedforfirst1943booka
layoutthecentremostfeatureofwhichwastobeandhad,furthermore,tobeaskull.
Andso,Tillarywentontosay,hehadfoolishlyentrustedCadwalladerforuseinthe
compositionwithaskullwhichhadbroughthimacertainamountofgoodluckinhis
sentimentalaffairs.Askullbelongingonce,hetoldmenaively,toanEnglish
Shakespeareanactor,whichhehadoncepurchased.Rightatthatpoint,ofcourse,Isaw
thathedidnotdreamhowmuchIknewaboutthetruthofSylvanusAxtonsskull,howit
hadreallybelongedtooneofTillarysownneighbourswhodflatlyrefusedtosellit,and
howTillaryhadtriedtoinduceSamtostealit.Itwasallplain,ofcourse,thatafterSam
hadlefthim,Tillaryhadmanagedsomehowtostealtheskullafterall.Therestofthe

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storyconfirmedtheforegoing,andillustratedjusthowTillarywasnowinajam
becauseofdoingso.
ForTillarystaleofwoeranasfollows:BirchCadwalladerhadtoldTillary
confidentiallythathepossessedasecretstudioinHonoluluaregularhideawayplace,
knowntonobody,notevenhisownwifewhichheusedoffandon;itwas,hetold
TillaryandfortunatelyTillary,throughhavingmemorizedthenumberwiththestreet,
hadtiedthembothfastinhismindatnumber273MakawaoStreet,Honolulu.Itwasa
place,Cadwalladerhadexplained,whereheduginwhenhewantedtobeabsolutely
alonetodrinkasandwhenhefeltlikeit,andnotbenaggedbyhiswifenorbe
botheredwithhismanywomenandothersatellitessearchinghimoutinhisregular
studio,inthedowntownHonolulu.But,Tillarywentontotellme,Cadwalladerhadup
anddiedbutafewweeksbeforeTillarysletter,andapparentlybutadayorsoafter
havingwrittenTillarytotheeffectthathehadlaidoutthecompositionallcompletein
thehideawaystudiocanvas,oils,andeverything,allinposition,tooandhewouldbe
readyintwodaystostarttheactualpainting.
And,Tillaryexplainedtomedesperately,nothingwassaidinthenewspapers,at
thetimeofCadwalladersdeath,aboutCadwalladerssecrethideawaystudio.Which,
beingahighlydramaticnewspaperstory,wouldhavebeensuretomakethepressthe
momentitwasdiscoveredandidentifiedasCadwalladers.For,Tillaryaverred,hehad
beenfaithfullyfollowingtheHonolulupapersdayafterdayandstillthestudiohadnt
beenunearthed.But,asheblubberedonmybrotherlyshoulder,oncethatstudiowas
unearthed,hisskull,hisdeardarlingluckyfetishandrightontheeveofanaffairofhis
heart,toowouldinallprobabilitybetiedupintheHawaiianprobatecourtforawhole
year.SincehehadnotaskedCadwalladerforanyreceiptforit,andhadnoevidenceeven
thathehadloanedittoCadwallader;hadevendestroyedtheoriginalbillofsaleto
himselfandtheJewwhohadsoldtheskulltohimwasdead.
Besides,sohewroteasIfoundbywringinghissalttearsoutofthepagesevery
fewminuteshispreciousskullmightevenbeswitched.Inwhichcase,deusavertatas
heputit!itsluckwouldbegone.OrMrs.Cadwallader,whohadinheritedallof
Cadwalladersproperty,mightevenrefusetogiveitup.IcouldnthelpbutgrinasIsaw
thejamourfineChicagomysterynovelistwasin!ForIcouldseewithhalfaneyemyself
that,ifthatsecretstudioeverwereunearthed,itsurewouldmakeanewsstory;sincethe
skullandcompositioninitidentifiedbythelettersroughlyblockedinonthecanvasin
charcoal,foradvertisingTillarysbookwouldtieuptwoworldfamousmen;theskull
andcompositionwould,inshort,bethebigpictorialfeatureofthestory;and,whenthat
storywaspublishedallaroundtheU.S.A.itwouldmeanthatTillarysneighbouron
FullertonParkwaywhohadlostthatskullandwhoperhapsallthroughtheyearshad
halfsuspectedTillarywoulddoubtlesssendforenlargednewsphotographsofit,
identifyitashisstolenonefordoubtlessheknewhisowncuriowell,sinceallskulls
areindividual,tosaytheleastandsoMr.TillarySteevenswouldbeinahotspoton
FullertonParkway,Chicago,tryingtoexplainwherehedgotastolenskull.
Fortunately,asTillarywentontoexplain,Cadwallader,indiscussingkeyswith
himspecifically,whethertouseakeyinthecompositionhaddetachedfromacurious
ringonethere,thusandthus,anddecidedinthenegative.Buttheupshotwasthat

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Cadwalladerhadrushedoffultimatelywithoutthekey,thoughstillpossessingits
duplicate.
Andso,suggestedfriendTillarygenerously,sincethehideawaystudiohadnt
beenlocatedyetandverylikelymightnotbeformonthswouldntIjuststepintoit,
whileinHonolulu,withtheenclosedkey,sequesterhisluckyskull,andbringitbackas
soonasIcamebacktotheU.S.A.whichheunderstoodwastobesoon.Indeed,he
assuredmegraciously,hewasactuallyslippingmeinadvancethat$150thatIcouldbe
assuredofgettingtoHonoluluonmypersonalbusiness.And$250morewasminewhen
IgotbackandshippedhisluckyfetishtohimC.O.D.
Poorass!HethoughthewastalkingtoJohnG.Suckerhimself,whereasthereal
factswere,asdeducedfromhisstorytome,andSamsmuchearlierone,thatTillarywas
indangerofbeingbrandedasacommonthiefandthat$400wasacheappricetohop
offsuchaspot!
Attheendofhisletter,incidentally,TillaryrequestedthatIreturnhisepistleto
him,ashewouldnotwishtobeknownasonewithsuchchildishsuperstitions.
AndreturnhisletterIdid,sinceIdidntneedthatletterformypurpose.Forit
lookedlikemylongawaitedhourwasathand,tostrike!Maybe,thatisandif!
Forgrandfather,unfortunatelyformyplan,hadalsowrittenaningeniousmystery
novelcalledTheLuckySkullofSancheztheBandit.Andif,forsomereason,Tillaryhad
dopedoutbyhisfoolnumerologyorsomethingthathislouseinfestednobodyinMexico,
ofwhomIdseenacoupleofbriefandscantmentionsinoneortwoCaliforniapapers,
priortomycomingtoFriscoandlosingmyaccommodation,totheextentthathadsay
thespringofnextyeartosetallMexicointoaturmoil,Tillarywouldbemorethan
certaintospringthatnovelnextsothatitsappearancewouldbehotstuffandthe
worldwouldasusualsay:HowdoestheGreatSteevensdoit?Aworldeventoccurs
andhehasanovelaboutit.HailSteevens!Again,hisnumerologymightinformhim
thatthelouseinfestedgentlemandidnthaveaChinamanschanceataHodcarriersBall
inBrooklyn.Inshort,ifIweretofindonthatstilllifedaisinthathideawaystudioin
Honoluluaskullcomposition,withaMexsombreroatoptheskullandvariousother
localcolourtouchesIwouldknowdefinitelythenthatgrandfathersTheLuckySkull
ofSancheztheBanditthoughunderprobablysomeothertitlecookedupbyTillary
wasnext,andthatTheStateofMarylandversusWilliamLucullushadbeensetoverto
thefallmaybeeventothealternatepossibleyear,threeyearslater,But,ifthepropson
thatdaisweresetupsoastoconformindisputablywiththestoryofoneMr.William
Lucullus,whoistriedformurderinMarylandforatleast40,000wordsinthe75,000
wordscriptconcerninghim!Icouldswiftlybegintodrawtogetherthethreadsofmy
webforsmashingTillarySteevensandputtingatleast$50,000to$70,000ofhisstolen
moneyintomyownpocket.IntomypocketandSams,tobeexact.
SoIwenttoHonolulu.Tohavealookatthathideawaystudio!

40
CHAPTERXIX
AUSSIEUNBELIEVER!

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BUTIdidntspendTillarys$150togettoHonolulu.Moneywasscarcewithme
justthen.Imerelyensconcedmyself,withagripsackcontainingallofmypossessions,a
bundleofconcentratedgrubandplentyofpintflasksofwater,downinthelowerholdof
theMalola.HowIdiditwell,simpleenough.CapeTownSlimhadtaughtmeallthe
tricksthataboxmanmighteverneed,inthatoldcellinSouthAmerica.Ievenhad
companyacross!AchapnamedAussie.Thatis,hewasanAustraliantryingtoget
backtoAustraliaandafterwesizedeachotherupbyourmutualelectricpockettorches
andsawthatwewereinthesameboatinmorewaysthanone,wemadefirstandfinal
agreementonwhatournamesweregoingtobe,andthosenameswereJerryand
Aussie.
Andourintroductionthere,intheblacklowerholdoftheMalola,wasmyfirst
intimationthatwhatthatdamneddrugclerkonSutterStreetassuredmewouldhappen
hadhappened!Mysightaccommodationhadreturned!For,standingofffromAussie
onlyacoupleoffeet,andbymyelectricpockettorchonly,Icouldseeeveryfreckle
eventhetiniestinhisface.
But!byGod!beforewegotafulldayout,ifIdidntfindoutthatthefellow
wasarabidSteevensfan.ThoughtSteevensthegreatestwriterintheworld.Hadreadall
hisbooks,eithertheAustralianorAmericaneditions,andfurthermoreravedoverthem,
actuallysloppedoverthem.IstooditsilentlyaslongasIcould,butonthedaybefore
welanded,afteralongspielbyhimastowhatabrainSteevensmusthave,Ifinallyhad
toburst.
Listen,bo,Ibitout,thisguyyouraveabouthappenstobeadamnedstinking
sneakthiefsolowthathedhavetouseatelescopetoviewtheundersideofabedbug.
Andeveryoneofthesenovelsyouvebeenravingabouthestolefrommygrandfather.
AndAussieshowedforthefirsttimethathehadabitofatemper.
YoulyingAmericanswine,hecameback.Youreeitherasneaking,filthy
mudslingerorelseyoureheadingstraightforanuthouseinHonolulu.Steevensis
toodamnedbrillianttohavetostealalousynovel.
Iwastemptedthenandtheretoswingonhimeventhoughhewassixandahalf
feethighandabout200poundsinbuildbutIknewthatwedbothbeheardfightingand
wouldbeshippedbacktotheStatesinironsonthenextboat.
Ohyeah?wasallIsaid,myfingersclenched.Listen.Lampthis.Andbythe
lightofthelastnewdrybatteriesIdjustputinmypockettorch,IshowedAussie
grandfathersmanuscriptfromoutmygripsack.Lethim,infact,readinfullnotonlythe
titlepage,butthewholefirstthreepagesofthestoryitself,Wweell?hesaid,looking
up,andabitbewildered.ByGodbutthatdoesstartoutjustjustexactlylikea
Steevensnovel.
Iputthelightout.Forwedidntwastepocketbatteriesdownthere.
Dontit?Isaidsarcastically.Andyetyousawthatitwasnotarizedfiftyyears
ago?However,Aussie,dontwrinkleyourtiredBritishbrainoverthisdeeppuzzle.Just
watchthenewspapersbackindearoldAustraliaaboutFebruary,moreorless,next
year.AtwhichtimeyourTillarySteevensasanovelistwillbelongtotheages.In
fact,hellbepartofthegreathistoryoffraud.

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Allright,matey,hesaid,andIcouldhearhimstillscratchinghisheadinthe
dark.Illdoallthat.Andadded,abitdisgruntedly:Infact,acceptmyapologyin
advance,mateyifyouretellingthetruth;butifyourejustcastingdirtagainstthat
wonderfulbrainwhatwritesthosestoriesthenyoureadogwhoeatsotherdogs
heels.
Imnot,Isaid,controllingmyself.Justwatchandwait.Forcertainevidence
thatsbeinggatheredhere,there,andeverywhere,thisyear,willmakeanewsstorythat
willreachevenyourBush.
Atwhich,wepromptlyforgotourquarrelandbecamefriendsagain.
AtHonoluluwemanagedtosneakofftheboatwithoutanytrouble.Welooked
likesecondclasspassengers.Ahugeconvention,itseems,wasopeninginHonolulu,and
theboat,filledtoburstingwithpeople,wastryingtovomitthemforthbeforedarkfell.I
partedfromAussiesomewhereupandbeyondthedocks,shookhandsandwishedhim
goodluck.
NighthaddefinitelyfallenbeforeIgotintothebusinesssection.AndwhenI
stokedmyselfinalittleholeinthewallcafewiththefirstdecentmealIdhadforfour
days,IstartedouttomakeMakawaoStreet.Itsoundedplentynewtomeasnew,even,
assomeKamahamehaParkthatIsawpicturedonacivicposterstuckuponthewallof
theeatingjoint.Nolessthananativecoppershowedmewhatstreetcartotake,andhow
longtostayonit,togetneartowhereIwantedtogo.AndNumber273MakawaoStreet,
asIwastofindout,laynotonlyoutinhellandgonebutalittlefartherIForIhadto
ridethatToonervilletrolleycleartotheendgetoff,walkalongapracticallyunbuilt
street,andfinallyfindahugedesolateflatcarryingthreelonelylookingbungalows,all
practicallythesameinappearance,oneateachendoftheflatandoneinthemiddle.
Queerlookingbungalowstheywere,too;thesecondstoryofeachonebeingonlyabout
onelargeroominsize,setwaybackfromthefrontofthehouse,andhavingthreehuge
tallwindowsfacingnorth.ThatsuresmelledartistallrightIThebungalowshadgreen
shutters,allofthem,atleastonthelowerfrontwindows,andacupolaovereach
threshold.Asignonthenearcornerofthefiatcaughttheneareststreetlight,andread
HonoluluHeights.And,judging{romthenumberonthenearbungalow,Number273
wasgoingtobetheoneontheotherend!
Itrudgedon.Alonganarrowsidewalk.Walkeduponthestepsofthatfar
bungalow.Theplacewasalldark.Irangandrangforsafetyssake.Tookacarefullook
behindmethenearesthousewasontheoppositesideofthenextstreetnorthopen
countryallaround.it,too.SoItriedmykey.Thedooropened,andinIwent.Iclosedthe
door,gropedforthepushbutton,andsnappedonthelights.
Thewholefirstfloorwasemptyanddeserted,butacuriouslycurvingstairwayto
therightofthehallledstraightuptothatsetbacksecondstory.QuicklyIsnappedoffthe
lightsagain.Afraid,abit,ofthatlonehousefacingthisone,ablockaway.Icreakedmy
wayupthestairway,foundapushbuttonjustasIroundeditstop,andsnappedthelights
oninthisupstairsplace.
AndIknew,asthelightswenton,thatIhadTillarySteevens!
Forthehugeroom,paintedroughlyinsofttonedvioletpaint,andcarpetedwith
onlyathickstrawrug,wasanartistsstudio.Atleastanimprovisedstudio.Thethreebig

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highwindowswhich,onthissetbacksecondstory,facedthenorthandopencountry
fromthefrontofthehousewerenow,thankstotheturningofthestaircase,justbehind
me.Andonaraiseddais,noteightfeetfromwhereIstoodinthatstairwayegress,wasa
completestilllifecompositionforgrandfathersAstronomicalMurder.Toitsleftstooda
hugecanvasonaheavyverticaleasel,withtubesofpaint,andbrushes,alongtherackin
frontofit;thoughnotalineofthepicturehadyetbeendoneonthecanvas.Itcarried,at
most,justafewexperimentaldaubsalongthebottom,representingapparentlytrialsfor
colourcombinations.
Thosethreehugewindowspracticallybehindmyleftshoulderhaddrawnshades,
Inotedinaninstant.EvenasIalsonotedthatasingleotherwindow,smallandhighup
onthewallontheoppositesideoftheroom,wascoveredtightlywithsomekindofblack
cheesecloth,tackedcloselyaboutallfouredgesoftheframe,forthereasonnodoubtthat
thesmallbitofsouthernlightwhichmightcomeinfromitshouldnotinterferewiththe
vastamountofnorthernlightfromthethreebigwindowsopposite,But,coveringorno
covering,andshadesornoshades,Ihadnointentionwhateverofkeepingthoselightson.
Fortheoccupantsofthatlonehouse,farnorth,mightgettowonderingwhythisplace
waslightedupafterlongdarkness.Evenastheoccupantsofsomecottage,somewhere
perhapstothesouth,mightalsoseesignsoflifethroughtheblackcheeseclothcovering
upthatsmallhighupsouthernwindow.ButevenstandingthereasIdid,withmyhand
drawingeverclosertothatpushbutton,Icould,asIhavesaid,seethatthecomposition,
onthedaiswas,plainly,torepresentacourtsexhibit.Againstone,WilliamLucullus.
Foritscentremostfeaturewasaskull,withitsbacktowardstheviewerwhich
includedmyself!andsittingapparentlyonaloosejawbonetowhichitwastiedwith
flamingcrimsoncord.Ajaggedholewasbashedinitsbrainpan,and,abovethehole,on
theskullsroundedsurface,thelettersMvsLstoodstronglyoutinjetblack.Thatmeant
MarylandversusLucullus.Aviciouspick,withouthandle,layclosetotheleftofthe
skull,whiletoitsrightastackofapparentpapermoneystood.Theinsurancemotive!
Indeed,thewholestoryofgrandfathersscriptlayrightinthatpicture!Adamned
goodlayout,too.AndthenandthereandatonceIsnappedoutthoselights.Usingthe
glowthroughtheshadeswithwhichtheroomwasdimlylighted,Irealizedforthefirst
timethatthefullmoonmustbecominguponthehorizonfacingthosewindows.So
alongthatwallofendowsIslid,drawingtheshadesup,onebyone,totheirfullestextent.
Andtheroomwaslightedandbecomingevermoreso!bythehugestHawaiianmoon
Ieversawcomingupoverahorizon.
Andbythelightofthatrapidlyrisingmoonalone,Iproceededtodothemost
importantthingIwastherefortosequesterasTillaryhadsoaptlyputitthatskull
andjawbone!Ifoundtwosheetsofheavywrappingpaperinacorneroftheroom;and,
gropingonashelflookingdownontheeasel,foundaballofheavycord.Withouteven
loosingthecordthatboundskulltojawboneinthecompositionandworkingsolelyon
thelightedareaofthefloorImadeacompactandstoutsquarishpackage,tiedthisway
andthatway,knottedatallthejunctions,andwithahandlooptoboot,bywhichitcould
havebeencarriedacrossSiberiaifneedsbe.BythetimeIfinishedmypackage,the
moonlightwassostrongthatonecouldhaveplayedsolitairewithamidgetdeckonthe
floor.Strongenough,infact,formetofindoutthatthemoneythathadstoodtotheright

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oftheskullwasallstagemoneyexceptthetopbill.Whichasthemooncontinued
swiftlytorise,sothattwopeoplecouldhaveplayeddominoesintheroomwasa$50
bill!IneednotsaythatIleftthatpreciousnotetoencumberthealreadyprobatedestate
ofBirchCadwallader.
Noreven,infact,didIleavetheplaceatall.Fornow,plentifulwithmoonlightas
itwas,Isawthatitwasasfineaplacetokipinovernightascouldeverbefound.ForI
wasdogtiredandhadntyetforgottenthatToonervilletrolleythatonehadtoreturnto
downtownHonoluluon.Andbesidesonthefirstnightabiglinerdocked,thelocal
CharlieChanswouldbesmellingaroundallthedowntownflophousesandhotels,while
tomorrowtheheatwouldbeoff.
NowthatIhadallmylightfromtheoutside,Itookarealgoodlookoverthe
place.Asoftleathercouchstoodagainstthesouthwallwhichwasthething,infact,
whichfirstcausedmetodecidetoremainthere.ApairofbrightIndianblankets
probablyusedonceasbackgroundsforsomepaintinglayfoldedupatitshead.Alone
calendartackedonthewalljustbelowthatsmallhighupsouthernfacingwindow
showedthatCadwallader,defunct,hadntbeeninhisstudioatleastsinceAugust.The
topleafofthatcalendar,moreoveratleastitsbottommarginshowedtwointeresting
things:First,thatBirchCadwalladermighthavehadmorethanafaintpremonitionofhis
deathfromheartdisease;andsecond,thatanyfearsTillarymighthaveexpressedtome
thathecouldnotlegallyclaimhispropertywerequiteunfounded.Forthatbottommargin
borewordsscrawledacrossitinjetblackgreasepencil.WordsonwhichIfocused,for
thefewsecondsrequired,thebeamofmydyingflashlampsoastosupplementthe
moonlightonthemandgetthemcorrectly.Andtheyran:
Incaseofdeathoraccidenttome,skullandjawboneinthisstudiowereentrusted
tomebyTillarySteevens,Chicago,andarehisproperty.BIRCHCADWALLADER.
OfcourseIleftthecalendarsheetexactlyasitwas.Foritwouldbearoutthatthis
skullandjawbonewhichIwastakingawayhadactuallybeenthere.AndIwenton
lookingabout.Ifoundaclosetfullofartistsprops,somehelmets,lances,drapes,edena
pieceIbelieveofbrightnewmachinery.Threecleanwhiteshirtsmysize,too
hungonaracknailedtotheinsideoftheclosetdoor.TheshelfoverwhichIhadgroped
forthestringprovidednothingbutapacketofcigarettes,astackofblanksheetsof
stationery,engravedBirchCadwallader,HawaiianTrustBuilding,Honolulu,Hawaii,
andtwoblankAmericangovernmentstampedenvelopes.Iappropriatedtwoofthe
sheetsonwhichtowriteTillarycertainthingsandbothoftheenvelopes.Inonecorner
oftheroom,nearasmallwashbasinwhichhadrunningwater,wasasinglegasringwith
coffeepotandacanofcoffee,onethirdfull,satbackofthering.Itlookednowa
millionpercent.certainthatJ.Hammondhadahotelroomallmadetoorderforhim.
Isleptthesleepofthedeadthatnight.Androseatthegreyofdawn.AndasI
rose,oneofthemanyWelshsuperstitionswithwhichgrandmotherhadimpregnatedmy
soulinthelongagodescendedonmewithfullforceandenvelopedmecompletely.
Nolessaone,infact,thantheoneshehadproclaimedmoreoverproved!thedaythat
Tillaryhadbrokenintoourhouse.Ifoneburiesthekeytothehouseoneleavesneither
mannorbeastnorghostwillbreakinduringonesabsence.Andsoburythekeyof
Cadwalladersbungalow,inexactaccordancewithgrandmothersoccultandgenerally

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alwaysprovedtheorieswasjustwhatInowintendedtodo!For,superstitionornot,
therewasnouseinhavingTillaryreadingreportsofmymissioninnewspapersbeforehe
shouldreceivefrommebymailaveryspecialreport.Andso,withashortbitofstring,I
tiedthekeyoftheplacetothatironpickfor,onthewaytothisthirdbungalowlast
night,Ihadseenmorethanonepuddleholehalffilledwithbrackishwater,whosemud,I
figured,couldcloseoverthisbitofnotchedsteelforgoodandforall,andsatisfyevery
termofgrandmothersandherancestorsequation!And,withthisdone,Iwashedup
shavedwiththesafetyrazorfrommybagputononeofBirchscleanshirts,madea
potfulofcoffee,andwiththeemergencyboxofthegrahamcrackersinmygripsack,
breakfastedlikeJohnD.Rockefeller.Andbythetimethesunwascomingup,Islipped
outintothelonelystreet,gripsackinonehandwrappedupandtiedupskullunderthat
armandironpickintheother.
Whattodonow,Iaskedmyself,asItossedtheheavypickintooneparticularly
generouslysizedmudholenotfarfromthesidewalk,andhearditgurgledownward,clear
toChinaapparently.Whattodo?Ihadabout$200cashnowinmyhippocket.$202.32,
tobeexact.And,undermyleftarm,stillfurtherevidencethatwouldturnouttobealink
inthewebthatwouldproveTillarySteevenstobeastealerofadeadmansbrainsand
genius.ForIhadnointention,ofcourse,ofsendingtheskullbacktohim.Muchlessof
evenlettinghimknowithadbeenthereintheMakawaoStreetartistshideout.
So,afterjouncingbackdowntown,Imadeaninquiryortwo,andwithmystreet
cartransferrodeontillIgottothenewparkIdseenblazonedonthatrestaurant
placardKamehamehaPark.Where,knew,Iwouldbefreetositonabenchwhilethe
localCharlieChanslookedoverdowntownHonolulufordips,heistersandlemonmen
freshfromtheU.S.A.andplanmyplansexactlywhatfakealootohandTillaryand
allinsolitudeandsafety.
Andthere,ironicallyenough,ImetthegirlIhadalwayslovedmostinlife,whom
Ialwayswilllove!
CHAPTERXX
THETHREADSOFTHEPAST

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FROMthenightwhenIhadsaidgoodbyetomyPrincessunderthestars,upto
thatdaywhenIwalkedintoKamehamehaPark,romanceandlovehadplayednopartin
mylife.ThenearestIcametoitwaswhenCarmendeAlvaradohadofferedmeherself
andapresidency,thoughIhadmetwithmanyotherchancesforforgetfulnessofthat
youthfullove.ButIcouldnotforget,for,asIsaidoncebefore,Iamoneofthefewmen
whoaremadethatway.AttimesIhadbeenprosperousinmycareerascracksman,and
hadeverychancewithwomenofeverysortthoughIfound,asiscommonlystated,that
thatsortofmoneyneverstays,andmyperiodsofprosperityhadoftenbeenfollowedby
nearstarvation.And,becauseIwaswhatIwas,onewholivedinfearofdiscoverybythe
policetimeandagainthoughIwasneverevensuspectedforatimeIgaveuptheidea
ofevergoingbacktoseeifthePrincesshadremembered.Then,withthischanceof

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beatingSteevensandmakinganhonestcompetencybyexposinghim,thethoughthad
cometomeagainthat,withatleast$50,000ofcleanmoneyinmyhands,Imightgo
backtofindherandwinherformyown.
Andthere,sittingonabenchthatIwasabouttopassinKamehamehaPark,was
thegirlofmydreams,justasbeautifulaswhenIhadknownherinthelongago,justas
muchtomeatsightofher,Iknew,evenmoretomethanshehadbeeninourearly
youth.Istoodlookingdownather,amazedandincredulous,andshegazedupatme.
Jerry!shesaidatlast.Imaginemeetingyouhere!
Andyoutoo,Princess,Isaid,anddroppeddownontheseatbesideher,putting
downmybaggageontheotherside.Hawaii,Iadded,surelyisthefairylandthetravel
agenciessayitis,sinceonefindsdreamscometrueinit.Butbutwhatareyoudoing
here?
ForIdcaughtsightoftheringonherlefthandthattoldmeIhadfoundheragain
toolate.And,withthat,thesunshinepaledforme,andIknewhowdeeplysetthedream
ofendingherfreeandwinningherformyownhadbeen.Thesightofthatringchanged
lifeforme,andIcouldseebyhereyesasshegazedatmethatsheknewIhadseenit.
Somethinginherlook,toothegladnessatmeetingme,Ithinkitwassaidthatshehad
remembered,inspiteoftheringandwhatitmeant.Foralongwhileitseemedalong
whiletomeshesatsilent.
Idbettertellyouallofit,Jerry,shesaidatlast.
Theresnoneed,mydear,Itoldherratherbitterly.Thefactisplainenough
whystatethedetailsofhowithappened.
Oh,Jerry,youusednottobebitter!shepleaded.ListenyoumarriedbeforeI
didIdhavewaitedallmylife,if
Stopthere!Iinterruptedher.Marriedbeforeyoudid?Whatfoolstaleisthis,
whenIvenevermarriedatallneverthoughtoforlookedatanotherwomantoloveher
sinceyouandIsaidgoodbye.
Jerry!sheexclaimed.Isthattrue?DidntyoubutIsawthenewspaper
clipping,anditwasyou.Theygaveparticulars
Nowwait,Iinterruptedheragain,nolongerwillingthatsheshouldholdback
anyofthedetailsofthismixup.Justbeginatthebeginning,thenightIsaidgoodbyeto
youifyourememberit
Rememberit?sheinterruptedinturn.Iveneverforgotten!IveneverbutIll
tellyouallofit,sinceyouask.
And,pausingonlytocollectthefactsinhermind,shetoldmeallthathad
happenedaftermycollegecareerwasbrokenandIhadtogoawayfromherandallthe
otherprospectsIhadseentillthatday.Ofherfathersdeath,hermothersincreasing
illness,andofhowWallyhadcometoherandshownherthenewspaperaccountofmy
marriage
Haveyougotthataccountanywhere?Istoppedhertoaskthen.
Why,yes.Sheopenedherbagandtookoutanelasticbandedpackageofold
lettersandthelike.Ibroughtthesewithme,becauseIdidntfeelitwouldbesafeto
leavethemonlyoldthingsthatonetreasuresbecauseofthetimestheyrepresent.She
choseoutabadlywornslip,crackingatitsfolds,andhandedittome,andfirstIreadit,

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sawmyownfictitiouswedding,andthensawhowithadbeendoneneverprintedona
machineatall,buthandpulledinaproofpressandthentrimmedofftolooklikeareal
newsitem,withthenameofthesupposednewspaper,aSanFranciscosheet,andthe
supposeddateoftheeventwritteninatthetop.
Didntitstrikeyou,Iasked,thatifthishadbeenarealcuttingfromapaper,it
wasabitoddthatmyincompletecollegecourseshouldhavebeenmentionedinit?
Thatshardlythesortofthingthebridespeoplewouldbelikelytoadvertise,isit?
IIneverthoughtofthat,sheconfessedafterapause.Iithurtmesomuch,
Jerry,sosoonafteryouhadpromised,andIdpromised,too.No,Ineverthoughtto
questionit.
Wallysownwork,beyonddoubt,Isaid.Lookherefartoomuchwidthon
thissideforanothercolumntorundownbesideitinanynewspaper.Toomuchspaceleft
atthetopandbottomforittofitintoanynewscolumn,andIturneditoverif
newspaperswereprintedlikethis,theydneverbewholesheets.Seethewaytheletters
arepressedthroughthepaperand,mosttellingofall,youseethereisnoprintofany
kindonthebackofthecutting,Nonewspaperrunssheetsblankononeside,dontyou
see?
Shelookedatthepaper,andthenagainatme,withtroubleinhereyes.
Butgoon,Ibadeher.IsupposeWallydidthisinordertogetyouforhimself
andintheendhedidgetyou,eh?
Shewentonwithherstory,toldmehowWallyhad,beenallchivalryand
consideratenessbothtoherandherinvalidmother.Howintheendshehadconsentedto
marryhim,believingthatIhadmarriedandforgottenher,andhow,ontheirwedding
day,Wallyhadbeenturnedfromahealthy,athleticyoungstertoahelplesscripple,
condemnedtolieonhisbackfortherestofhislife,andsincethatdayshehadbeenno
morethannursetoaninvalidwhosebrainwastheonlypartofhisanatomythatcould
functionactivelyasbeforetheaccident.
Then,inthefullsense,yourenothiswife?Iaskedher.
Noreverhavebeen,shetoldme.Justjustasyouleftme,Jerry.Andsoit
mustbetotheendhisend,whichmaycomeanyday,andagainmaynotcometillIm
quiteold.
Buttheresahope,atleast,Ireflected.
Sheputherhandonmine.No,Jerryitwouldbewrongtohopeitwouldbe
hopingforhisdeath.Andthatsutterlywrong.
Butitsameremockeryoflifeforyou,tiedtoamanlikethat,Iurged.You
cantwasteallyourlifelikethat.Andifheknewyoustillcaredformedoyoustillcare
forme,Princess?
HereyesansweredmebeforeshesaidYouknow,withoutasking.
Thenifheknewifyouwenttohimandtoldhim
Youdontknowhim,shebrokein,oryouwouldnotsaythat.Hehastoldme
notforanythingonearthwouldhedivorceme,andyoumustseeitsimpossibleforme
todivorcehim.Nocourtwouldgrantit,especiallysinceIvebeenapparentlycontent
withmylifeforsolong.Ihavenocausenooutwardcause,thatis.
Howdoyoumeanthat,nooutwardcause?Iasked.

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OnlythatwhenImalonewithhimhesometimesremindsmeofallhesdone
formehowhemadetheendofmymotherslifeeasyforherandgivesmeallIwant
aslongasIdoallheasks.
Andwhatdoesheask?Iquestioned,inwardlydamningamanwhocould
remindherofherobligations,whileheheldhertiedfromanyrealhappiness,as
obviouslyhedid,byherstory.
Justthatyousee,whenhisfatherdied,heinheritedallthebusiness,anditsa
bigandfiourishingone,too,sheexplained.Ipracticallyrunitforhimunderhis
instructions,ofcourse.ThatswhyImhere,Jerry,exceptthatIstayedafewdayslonger
thanIneeded,asarestfromtheperpetualpeevishnessIhavetoendurewhileImwith
him.Youyoucanneverknowwhatmylifehasbeen.
Ipickedupmybelongings,andshegavemeafearfullook.
Oh,Jerry,yourenotrunningawayfromme,areyou?shebegged.Yourenot
angrywithmeforallIvetoldyou,sorely?
Notthatatall,Princess,Isaid,andsawthecolourcomebackintoherdear,
lovelyfaceassheheardme.No,butwereineverybodysviewhereonthisseat,and
someonemightcomealongandrecognizeyoutalkingtome,orevenrecognizeme
talkingtoyou.Letsgoandfindsomeplacealittlemoreoutoftheworldseye.
WemovedtooneofthelittlesemienclosedbowersthatdotKamehamehaPark.
Alittlenook,coveredwithvines,andasinglerusticbenchinsidewhichgaveroomfor
thetwoofusplentyofroom,frommypointofview,sinceshewastheonewithme.
Andherewetalkedandtalkedandtalked,untilitwastimeforhertogotoherhotel.Of
myself,now,sinceshehadtoldmeallherstory.IhadtomakemineasItoldit,fornot
fortheworldwouldIhaveletherknowallthatmylifehadbeensincemyincomplete
trainingindentistryhadbrokenoffandIhadhadtosaygoodbyetoheraftertheparty
andthemockmarriagebetweenusthatPhilDottworthhadconducted.
ItoldherallthetaleofmySouthAmericanadventuresexcept,ofcourse,thatI
missedoutmytraininginsafecrackingbyCapeTownSlim.Therewasnowordofsafes
inallthestory,infact.HereyessparkledasItoldofthecaptureofGonzalesand
Carmensofferofherfathersplaceandherself,andIsawthemgrowsoftandhappy
whenItoldherthatthethoughtofherhadkeptmefromacceptingtheoffer,whileher
handstoleouttofindmineandstayedthere.Shehadnomoreforgottennorceasedto
carethanIhad,Iknewnow.
Iwentontotellherofmytrappingdays,spinningthestoryouttokeepherwith
me.Allthatcouldberevealedofmylifetoanyoneshelearnedthatday,and,toaccount
formypresencetherewithher,Iexplainedmyselfasasalesmantravellingforfirms
dealinginstructuralsteel.InthatcapacityIhadcomeovertoHonolulu,withnomore
baggagethanshesawtherebesideme,tocloseadeal.But,Iwascarefultoadd,lhad
beendissatisfiedwithmyemploymentandhadwiredmyresignation,whileIintendedto
gobacktotheStatesbythenextMatsonlinertoleaveonthefollowingdayandsee
aboutanewandbetterpostthathadbeenofferedmebeforeIleft.Inthefictionofmylife
asitwashereandnow,Iwasasfertileofinventionasmygrandfatherhadbeenwhenhe
wrotethosestoriesthatbroughtwealthtoTillarySteevensandnotonewordofTillary
wasthereinmytale.

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Thenyourenotcompelledtogotomorrow,sheasked,afterIhadendedmy
storyandshehadthoughtitoverforabriefwhile.
No,Ianswered.Itisntreallycompulsory,thoughbutwhydoyouask,
Princess?WhatcouldIgainbystaying.
Itsitsselfishofme,shesaidhesitatingly,butIwasntthinkingofwhatyou
wouldgain.Iwasthinkingofmyself,Jerryhowyoukeptyourloyaltytoourpromise,
andhowterriblyIwishIdkeptmine,nowIseeyouagain.Andadayortwooutofall
theyears
Youmean?Iaskedwithmyarmroundhernow,forthearbourshelteredus,
andtherewasnobodytosee.
Tomeet,andtalktoseeyou,Jerryshesaid.
Itookherquiteclosetome,andshedidnotresist.Somepartofthedreamof
yearshadcometrueforus,thoughweknewwecouldnotrealizeitall,andthereinthe
littlevinecoveredsolitudesheclungtomeasIheldher,andsowakenedallthelonging
therewasinusboth.Then,breathless,shedisengagedherselffrommyhold.
Imustgo,Jerrydear,shesaid.TherearestillthingstobedonethethingsI
cameheretodo.Butjustadayortwo?
Tomorrow,inanycase,Isaid.Therewereplentyofboats,Iknew,andone
moredaywithhershedidnotwantitmorethanIdid.
Iwentoutfromtheparkwithher,and,later,foundmeacheaproomforthenight.
There,sleepinglittle,IquestionedwhyIhadaccededtoherrequest.Tomeetagainlike
thatwouldonlyaddtotheemptinessofthefutureafterwehadparted.Andyetshewas
stillissodearthatrefusalwasimpossible,thoughIknewitwouldhavebeenbetterfor
usbothifIhadrefused.Loveislikethat,unreasoning,unescapeable,andIhadthe
repressionandwaitingofyearsbehindme.
Wemetquiteearlythatnextday,andtalkedandtalkedagainofwhatisitthat
loverstalk,whentheyareasneartoeachotherinthoughtandwishaswerewetwo?
Somepartofthetimewemanagedtoforgeteverythingbutourtwoselves,andshewas
herold,laughing,happyself,thegirlofmydreamsbackherewithme.Againwewould
rememberthatallthiswasjustonelittlemomentofhappinessinanotherwiseempty
eternityofseparatenessfromeachother.
Oh,mydear,theterriblemistakeImade!shesaid.ThatIdidntmarryyou,or
atleastengagemyselftoyou,inthetimewhenwekneweachother,andwaitforyou.
Notthat,darling,Itoldher.Itsnotyourmistakethatcondemnsustosay
goodbyeagainandgoourways,butWallysdeceitintellingyouIwasmarried.Wecan
blamehimforitall.
AndthenIlostallrestraint,tookherinmyarmsandbeggedhertoforgethimand
risklifewithme,Butshewouldnot.
No,shesaid.Icant,Jerryitwouldbeaspoilthappiness,thoughasyousay
heistoblame.Buthishelplessness,hisdependenceonmeforevery.thing,evento
managinghisbusinessforhimasIdoDontyouseeImustgoon?Oh,itisntthatI
mustbetruetohim,buttomyself!Itsmypath,andImustfollowit.
Shewasright,ofcourse,andonlyamomentofreturningsanitywasenoughto
showmethatthecourseIhadproposedwasimpossible.UntilIshouldhavebeaten

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TillarySteevensandforcedwhatIwantedfromhim,therecouldbenorealfutureforus,
evenifshehadaccededtomyplea.Myhandtomouthlife,withitscribcracking
necessities,wasnotonethatIhadanyrighttoaskhertoshare.
Butwehavethesehours,shesaid,havethemforalways.Nothingcanever
spoilthememoryofthemforme,mydear.
Fewalltoofew,Isaid.Justtodayperhapstomorrow,andthentohave
nothingbutthememory.Princess,lifeowesusmorethanthat!Wallyhascheatedusis
alllifetocheatusofeachother?
Shejustgavemethequaint,adorablesmilethatsheknewhowtosummonup,
andshelvedthequestioninherownway.
Jerry,IdgivehalfaworldtosayitshouldntyouknowIwould.Butjustfor
nowwevebeenherehours,andImgettingterriblyhungry.Iknowitspracticaland
notabitromantic,butarentyoujustalittlebithungry,too?Dosayyouare.
Ihadnotthoughtofit,butIfoundthatIwas.Wewentoutfromthepark,and
foundalittlerestaurantwherewehadareallysumptuouslunch,thoughIforgetallofit
now,andknowonlythatshefacedmewhileIate.Thenwewentbacktothepark,found
ourarbouremptyaswehadleftit,sinceitwasinoneoftheleastfrequentedparts,and
allthewhilearesolvewasgrowinginmymind.Ifeltthat,sincewehadactuallymet
again,fateandWallybetweenthemshouldnotcheatusofeachotheraltogether.There
was,Ifeltsure,awayoutofthat.
Princess,Iaskedher,whendoyougobacktotheStates?
WhenIlike,sheanswered.ThatwaswhyIdaredtosuggestyourmissingthe
boattoday,andgivingthetimetome.Icangotomorrowifyouarenotherenext
week,anytime.AslongasIgoback.IfIgetbacktoWallyinamonthfromnow,itwill
betimeenough.ButImustgointheendunderstandthat,Jerry.Itsnouseyourtrying
topersuademeImustgobacktohimintheend,becauseheiswhatheis,ahelpless
crippledependentonmeandknowingIwontfailhim.
Youwont,forallthathecanaskofyou,Isaid.ButPrincesswevegot
onechance,andoneonly,probablyforaslongaswebothshalllive,tohavejustan
interludeofthatparadisefateandWallyhavetriedtorobfromusentirely.Justone
chance.
Whatdoyoumean,Jerry?sheasked.
Well,Isaidslowly,IvegottogobacktotheStates,andsohaveyou.Im
goingalmostatonce,andtherefore,soareyou.
Shedidnotanswer.Shelookedatme,andIknewthatsheunderstood.Knew,too,
thatshehadntitinherhearttorefuse.
Insuchacaseasours,Iurged,doconventionscountforsomuch?Itsrobbing
nobody,harmingnobody.Princess,thisisourchance,justforthelittletimethatremains
beforewesaygoodbyeagainnothereinHawaii,butwhenwelandattheendofour
journeytotheStates.Nodontsayitsimpossible,becauseitisnt.
Youmeanyoullshehesitatedquitealongtimeyoullgobackbackto
SanFranciscowithmeasasShecouldnotendit,exceptwithhereyes,whichlooked
herunderstandingatme.
Imeanjustthatforustwotogotogether,andgraspthelittlebitofhappiness

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lifeoffers,Isaid.For,mydear,itwontbeofferedusagainlikethis,Ifeelsure.We
maynevermeetagain,butweshallhavehadthatunforgettablebitoutoflife,ifyou
will.
Yes,Iwillgolikethat,Jerry,shepromisedgravely.Likeyou,Ifeelitsdueto
us,andImgoingbacktowhatIthinkistheplaceIoughttokeep,afterward,justthe
same.But,mydear,howcanitbedone?Idontknowperhapsitmakesnodifference
asfarasyouareconcerned,butifanyonewhoknewmeweretoknow,recognizeme
whileIamtravellingwithyoulikethatdontyousee?ItwouldgivehimWally
suchaholdovermethatmylifewouldbeimpossiblefromthedaythathelearned.I
darentriskthat.
Darling,Iwasntsuggestinggoingbackwithyouonalinerthatwouldbe
impossible,Iknow,forsomeoneinthepassengerlistorsomebodyamongthecrewmight
recognizeyouinfact,fatearrangesthesethingssothatoneisrecognized,invariably.I
thinkitwasMarkTwainwhosaidthatifJonahhadarrangedtomeethisbestgirlinside
thewhale,hedhavefoundascoreofhisfriendsleaningagainsttheribsofthethingwith
bullseyelanternstowatchtheshow.No,notaliner,Princess.Imthinkingforyouover
thatpartofit,forIwouldntcarewhoknewwhatIdid.Whichwasnotstrictlytrue,
sinceagoodmanyofmyenterpriseswouldnotstanddaylight.Still,itwastrueasfaras
thisparticularprojectwasconcerned.
Thenwhatwillyoudo,Jerry?sheasked.
ImgoingtonoseroundafterIleaveyoutoday,Isaid,andfindsomeobscure
littlefreighter,suchasarealwayscomingtoHonolulu.One,forpreference,thatcould
turnitscaptainscabinintoaccommodationfortwoatneed,whilethecaptainturnsin
somewhereelsebecausehespocketingthepassagemoneyandnotbookinghis
passengersordisclosingthathesgotanyaboard.Itcanbedone,Iknow.
Shesatsilentalongwhile,weighingitfromallsides,Iknew,andjustalittle
fearfulIwouldnothavehadherotherwiseoverit.Thenshenestledclosetomeand
smiledasshelookedup.
Mychancemylittlechanceforhappiness,shesaidwistfully.Alittle
intervalwhileIbelongwhereIwanttobe,andthenIshallbestrongenoughtogoback.
Butbutthatfirstyes!
Itwasmidafternoonwhenatlastweparted,shetogoandattendtothefinal
detailsofthebusinessthathadbroughthertoHawaii,andtopackinreadinessfor
departure,andItoarrangethepassageorrather,tofindthesortoffreighteronwhichit
wouldbepossibletoarrangesuchapassageasIwantedforthetwoofus.IknowIwas
likeaschoolboyletloose,andfeltthattheverytopoftheworldwasjustinfrontofme
thatday.Aweekofparadiseatleastwasbeforeme,seaandskyandsunandmy
Princessmineatlast.Theimpermanenceofit,thefactthatitcouldnotlastmuchlonger
thanaweek,andthatthedesolationoflosingherforgoodwasattheendofit,didnot
spoilmyhappinessthen.Iputitaside,outofmythoughts,andsawonlytheimmediate
future,thedayswithher.
ButtherewassomethingtowhichIhadtoattendbeforebeginningtolookforthe
boatthatshouldtakeusbacktogether.Iwentintothelobbyofanobscurehotel,after
seeingthroughtheopendoorwaythattherewassuchathingasawritingdeskinside,and

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onBirchCadwalladersstationerythoughIusedonlyoneofthetwosheetsIhadtaken
fromthestudiobungalow,andonlyoneofthetwogovernmentstampedtwocent
envelopesIinscribedanepistletoTillarySteevens,afteragooddealofthoughtasto
thebeststorytohandtohim.Andthisishowtheletterpannedout:
DearTillary,
ImadetheplaceokaylastnightasyoucanseefromthispieceofstationeryI
pickedupinit.But,Tillary,therewasnarysignofskullanywhereabouttheshebang.He
undoubtedlyloanedittosomeotherartist,andthelatterisholdingontoitasauseful
propertyandkeepinghismouthtightshutnowthatCadwalladerisdead.Imdamned
sorry,Illtelltheworld,forIsuredoneedyour$250bonusbadlyinfact,farmorethan
youreallyneedthisskull,sinceitsonlybecauseyouwanttopushpastahoodoothatyou
wantitatall.ReturninginacoupleofdaysviaMatsonline.Willlookyouupifmyway
takesmethroughChicago,asitwillsoonerorlater.
Jerry.
AfterIhadsealedandpostedthatcommunication,Iwentoutagainand,fora
start,boughtmeacheapbutnewoutfitofclothes,throwingawaymostofthoseIdhad
on,sincethetripsubrosawithmyAustralianpalontheMalolahadgotthemtothestate
whena,garbageheapwouldthinktwicebeforegivingthemareallyheartyreception.In
fact,whenIcametogivewhatIhadtakenofftheonceover,Iwonderedhowit
happenedthatmyPrincesshadletherselfrecognizemeinsuchanoutfit,exceptthatI
knewshehadlookedatthemanandnotatwhathewaswearing.ThenIwentoffinmy
newrigout,foundexactlytheboatIwanted,tofind,andmanagedtoarrangethepassage
forthetwoofus.Inotherwords,Isquaredthe,captainofthatboat,andtherewereno
questionsaboutnames,orwhytwoofuswantedtotravellikethatwhenlinersgalore
wereathand,or,infact,anyquestionsatall.Moneytalked,asitalwaysdoesandthe
captainwentdumb.
BysixoclockthateveningIwasbackinKamehamehaPark,whereIhad
arrangedtomeetmyPrincessandtellherwhatnewsImighthave.Shelistened,grave
eyed,whileIexplainedwhatIhaddone,andthengaveahappylittlelaughasshe
realizedallthatwasbeforeus.
Andyoullcallformeatmyhotel?sheaskedwhichprovedhowchildishly
ignorantshewasofallthatmightbeinvolvedinsuchanadventureasthiswhichnowlay
beforeustwo.
Iwillnot,darling,Itoldher.Justsupposeanoldfriendofyourschooldays
oranyothersortoffriendoracquaintancewhoknewyoublewintothefardistanceas
wewentawaytogether,andthenlookedinatthehoteltofindoutwhenyouwouldbe
back,anddiscoveredyouwerenotcomingbackatall?Andthenthatsameoldschool
friendoranyothersortoffriendwentoffandburbledtoWallythatyoudobviously
leftHonoluluthebestpartofafortnightbeforeyoulandedinFrisco,andhadlastbeen
seenwithastrangemanatthat?Howdoesasituationofthatsortstrikeyou?
Ofcourse,itwassillyofmetothinkofsuchathing,sheansweredwitha
thoughtfulfrown.ThenwhatwhatdoIdo?Youdowantmetomakethistripwith
you,dontyou?
Iheldherclosetoanswer.Thatignoranceoftheworldsways,thatnaiveteI

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foundinherjustasmuchnowasinthefarbackdayswhenwehadbeenboyandgirl
together,madeherverydeartome.
Darling,Itellyouitsallplanned,passagesbookedno,arranged,though,not
bookedforthetwoofus,andnotachanceofasoulevergettingtoknowhowwewent
backfromhere,orthatweeverdidgetback,letalonemadethetriptogether.No,allI
wantyoutodoistogetaporterorsomeoneofthesorttototeyourbaggage,andmeetme
justonehundredyardsonthefarsideofthecustomshousefromyourhotel.Illbe
waitingtheretillyouturnup,andseetoalltherest,darling.Youllhavenothingmoreto
worryabout.
Exceptshegavemeapoutandthenasmilewiththereminderyouhavent
toldmewhattimetheporterandIaretobethere.
Oh,thatsallset,Isaid,andlaughed.Justhaveyourdinneratthehotel,and
youllfindmewaitingathalfpasteightwaitingveryanxiously,too,incasesomething
shouldhappenatthelastminutetospoilthingsforus.NotthatIcanthinkofanything
thatcan.
Forafewminutesmorewetalkedtogetherthingsthatconcernedonlyourtwo
selves,andhavenoplacehere.Irememberherasabitgravejustthen,asifthe
magnitudeofallthatwecontemplated,allthatitmightmeanifsomechanceshouldbring
ittotheknowledgeofothers,wereinherthoughts,behindthethingsshesaid.Andatthe
lastsheputherarmaboutmyshouldersaswesatandlookedstraightintomyeyesalook
thatlivesinmymemory.
Mydear,shesaid,Imtrustingmyselftoyouforthistimebeforeus,becauseI
feelthatsomehowlifehascheatedustwocheatedusofeachotherinthewaywe
wanted.Soweregoingtocheatinourturn,makethislittleinterludeoutoflifetolastus
alltherestoftimeasweshallknowit,Quiteoutoflifesomethingaparttokeepasour
secret,becausebecauseIloveyouso,mydear.
Wordscouldnotanswerthat,nordidthey,butIknowmyreplycontentedher.
Thenwewentback,outfromthelittlearbourIhaveneverseenitsinceshetogotoher
hotelandItowaitforthetimeofmeetinginasortofdesperateanxietythatIhadnever
knowninlifebefore.Supposingsupposingthatatthisverylastsomethingshouldgo
wrong,robusofallthatwehadplanned?
Eightoclock,letalonehalfpast,foundmewaitingattheappointedplace.The
customhousecutofftheviewofmyPrincessshotel,andIdidnotwanttomakemyself
conspicuousbygettingtoapointofvantagetowaitforthefirstsightofher.Instead,I
lurkedintheshadowsitwasnotyetmoonriseandthusattheverylastminute,almost,
thethingIfearednearlyhappened.YetnotthethingIfeared,formyfearshadhadno
shape,andwhatdidhappenwastotallyunexpected:allmythoughtswereconcentrated
onmyPrincessandhercomingtome,notonthingsnearathand.
Someonecameatmefrombehind,outofthedeepershadows,andwasonme
beforeIhadanywarningofanimpendingattack.IsensedabigblackmanasIwent
downunderhisweight,andmanagedtoturnovertograpplewithhim,halfdazedthough
Iwaswiththesuddennessofit.Ismelthim,anevilsmell,ashetriedtogetagriponmy
throat,andIthoughttogoforhiseyes,atwhichhegotmebythewrists.Werolledover
andoverinthedustthereIthink,atfirstsightofme,hejudgedthatthedifference

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betweenhisweightandminewouldgivehimaneasyvictory,buthedidnotknowwhatI
hadatstake,orwhatitwouldmeanifheoutedmeandmyPrincessdidnotfindme
waiting.
IfoughthimasIhaveneverfoughtbeforeorsince,withteethandfeetandknees
aswellasfistsandarms.Yetitwasaverynearthing,forsurprisehadgivenhimthe
advantageovermeattheoutset.Fiveminutesorlessofbreathless,silent,desperate
struggle,andthenhegotagriponmythroatandgruntedavicioussatisfaction.AtthatI
relaxed,foxing,forIknewthatifhekepthisholdonlyforhalfaminutemyPrincess
wouldneverfindme,andhehalfliftedhimself,stillkeepingthestranglehold,tokneel
besideme.Thencamemychance.Mykneetookhiminthestomach,andheloosedhis
holdandrolledayardawayfromme,windedandbeaten.
Iwasonhimatonce,poundinghiminthestomachhismusclestheremusthave
beenundeveloped,thoughhehadmightyshouldersandarms.Lessthantenminutesfrom
hisattackonme,Istoodoverhimashelayprostrate,andwaitedforhimtogetbreath
enoughtospeak.
Now,youhound,whatwastheidea?Idemanded.
Boss,hewheezedoutweakly,Isestarvin,starvinindemidstobplenty,an
IguessedhappenIdgitadollar.
Whythehellcouldntyouaskforthedollar?Iqueried,halfinclinedtolaughat
suchafool,nowthathewasnolongerdangerous.
Iastanast,boss,annobuddygibmeacent.AnIsedesfamished,boss,
desprit.Idoanmeannoharm,Idoan.
No,itfeltasifyoudidntwhenyoujumpedonme.Ifishedupadollar,inspite
ofbeingattackedlikethat.HereIdroppeditonhischestgooffandgetafeed,
whereandhowyoulike,andcountyourselfluckyIdontlandyouonacourseoffree
boardandlodgingatgovernmentexpense.Getupandgettohelloutofhere.
BosshesatupandgrabbedthedollaryoshoisdewhitestwhitemanI
ebbertriedtoslug,anIshopraysferyoatmeetinnexSunday,efitsdelasact.
Yassuh,anIgoesonaprayinferyoarterdat,too,anhopesImeetsyosomeudder
timewhenIgotadollartogibbacktoyo.KaseIsehonest,Iis.
ThenIllhopethenextniggerImeetisnt,Itoldhim,ifthisisthewayhonest
onesactintheseislands.Nowhoofit,quick.
Iwatchedhimscrambletohisfeetwatchedcarefully,lesthishonestyshould
prompthimtohaveanothergoatmeinthehopeofaseconddollar.Buthemerelysaid
DegoodLawdblessyo,boss,andshambledoff,stillbentalittleaseffectofthe
terrificpoundinginthestomachIhadgivenhim.Whenhewasclearaway,Ilookedat
thecustomhouseclock,visiblefromwhereIstood,andsawwithmyheartinmyboots
thatitalreadymarkedaquarterofnineoclock!
SomethinghadgonewrongatmyPrincesssend,then.Idustedoffmyclothes
withmyhandsasbestIcouldafterthatscufflewiththebigblack,andpreparedtogo
alongtothehotel,fortimewasgettingshort.Fortunately,mysuitwasnottorn,only
soiledbythedry,sandydust,whichwouldeasilybrushout.Istartedforthehotel,onlyto
seethePrincesscomingintosightfrombeyondthecustombouse,and,followingher,the
portercarryingherbaggage.

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Icouldntgetamantocarrythethingsforeversolong,shegreetedme.Iwas
beginningtobeafraidIshouldhavetocomealongwithnothingatallorelsemissthe
boatandyou.
Aslongasyourehere,nothingelsematters,Ianswered.
Butbutwhathashappenedtoyou?sheasked,notingmydishevelledstate,
andascratchdownmycheekofwhichIwasunawaremyself.
Itllkeeptillwegetaboard,Isaid.Somethingwhichwell,adollarsworth
oftrouble,callit.Letsgo,andIlltellyoulater.Ifthatboatshouldsailwithoutus
Sheaskednomore,butfollowedmealongthequaysideuntilIwentaboard,and,
followingher,theporterdumpedherbelongingsjustbeyondtheshipendofthe
gangplankandwenthisway.Andtherewewere,embarkedatlastonthegreatadventure
wehadplanned.
And,justasthebigHawaiianmoonroseabovethepeacefulwatersofthePacific,
twopersons,aPrincessandacracksman,sailedfortheStatestogether,theonlytwo
whitepeopleaboardtheChinesefreighter,NingWha.
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LOVEUNDERAPACIFICMOON
THENingWhahadquartersforbuttwocouplesifnecessary.Though,of
course,weweretheonlycouplesailingonher.TheCaptain,oneTsungFok,whospoke
fairishEnglish,hadprovedfinallywillingtotakethe$150remaininginmyclothes.The
fareonthatancientsnailofaboatshouldntactuallyhavebeenover$50forthepairofus
IButitcostmeasmuchasfirstclasspassageonanyoftheMatsonliners.Thereason?
well,allIcouldfigurewasthatTsungPokwascertainthathewastransportingsome
couple,oneorbothofwhomwasinsomeseriouslegaltroubleandsofixedhisprice
accordingly.Infact,hehadntbeenatfirstevenwillingtolistenatall.Buthefinally
capitulatedwhenheandIgotaboveahundreddollarsinourbargaining.ForChinese
captains,afterall,havemortgagesontheirboatsandtheirhomes,andhavesailorstopay.
AndsoherethePrincessandIwere.Theonlypassengersinaspotlesslyclean
littlecabinamidstahalfdozenChineseandMalaysailors.Notabitofawirelss
transmittingoutfittobringhelpifwesank;nothingtodo,inthatcase,buttogetdown
andpraytoBuddhawiththerest.Andnothingbutanancientsixvalveradioreceiving
setonboardwhichthankGod,bythetimetheboatwasoutwasfoundtohavea
coupleofburstedvalvesandhence,fortheentirebalanceofthejourneythereafter,
broughtinnotanoteofjazzorawordofwearisomenewsofthewearyoutsideworld.
TwelvedaysofidyllicpleasureinfrontofuslForwedbeengivenbyFoktounderstand
thatittooktheNingWhaordinarilyfromeleventothirteendaystomaketheHonoluluto
Friscopassage.Asamatteroffact,ittooknineteen.Theengineswentalltothedevil
halfadozentimes;oncewewerebecalmedthreefullclays.Again,thescrewpropeller
lostabladeandanewbladehadtobeactuallyhammeredoutataforgebyaChinkwho
didntknowhowtoworkmalleablemetal.Never,moreover,wouldTsungFoksummon,

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byflags,anypassingsteamerformachineshophelporengineparts.TodayIknowwhy:
hehadacoupleofsmuggledChinksstowedawaydownintheengineroomitself.Andso
whatarunitwasIButnineteendaysofunalloyedhappinessforthePrincessandme.
CleanmealsmostChinesy,tobesurebutsheandI,whenwehadbeeninour
sweetheartdays,hadoftenfrequentedChineserestaurants.Wehadaspotlesslyclean
deckendtositon,allbyourselves;andevenanawningoverit.Andwehadeachother.
AndIllsaythatbecauseofthosenineteenwonderfuldaysandnightsIllnevercare
againwhetherschoolkeepsornot.Thehighspotofwrylifewasthatlittleintervaloutof
theeverydayworld.
ForIlovedthatgirllovedthepuredecentsoul,ofherandtoceasebeingJerry
Hammond,cracksmanoverthosenineteendays,andtobeherotosomeonewell,it
wasbalmtomysoul.Andthatshelovedme,Iwasnowabsolutelycertain.Forinthat
oneviolationshemadeofalltheconventionsofherworldsheupsettraditionsreligion
allthethingsthathadbeeningrainedinhersincebabyhood.AllthatIknow!
Andso,atlastonOctober20thwewerewithinfifteenminutesoftyingupat
thewharfinFrisco.Completeclarkhadfallen.Ahalfhourbeforecreepinguptothe
wharf,Ihadseenaskiffslideawayfromtheoffsideoftheship,andhead,withoutlights,
somewheredowntheharbour.Andinthatskiff,moreover,weretwoChinamen,skulking
flatonthebottom.Aprobabletenminutesbeforelanding,thePrincessandIwereput
intoasimilarskiffagainontheoffsideoftheshipandourChinesesailorguide,a
cheerful,smilingfellow,rowedusandourluggagequietlythroughtheblackharbourto
someopendarkpointonlandwheredoubtlesstheotherskiffhadalreadylandedits
Chinkswhoevennowwereprobablybeingrushedintothecityinaclosedmotorcar.All
thishadbeenatTsungFoksinsistenceandonlytoogladthePrincessandIwereto
comply,sothatwewouldnthavetomeetcustomandshippinginspectorsonthemain
wharf.Whenoursailorguidereachedhisobjective,hetieduptheskiff,andguidedus
totingallourluggage,includingthePrincessshugeportmanteauthroughadarkyard
withtortuousrailroadtracksandweeds,andouttocivilizationsemicivilization,at
least,forwhereweemergedwasaregionofdarkweedgrownlots,butwithstreetlamps
inevidenceandastreetcartrack.Andthenourguidevanisheddiscreetlybehindus
intoblacknothingness.
Nowwestoodaloneunderalonelystreetlamp.streetcarwasbawlingalong
towardsus,withthewordCITYonitslightedfrontplatformtransom.Wewereevidently
ontheoutskirtsofFrisco.
ThePrincessputherarmsaroundmyneck.Iloveyou,Jerry,shesaid,And
alwayswill.ButnowweseparateforIknowpeopleinFrisco,eventhoughIdontlive
hereandmight,youknow,meetoneofthem.Igodirectlyfromheretotherailroad
stationtoreturnhome.Youtakethenextstreetcarfollowing,Jerryandforgetboth
meandallthathappened,wontyou,dearest?
Ourlipsmet.TherewasabsolutelynothingIcouldsay.Knowing,asIdid,allthe
circumstancesthatmustwedgeusapartforalltimetocome.Ihelpedherquickly,with
herfewthings,onthecarthathaddrawnup.Andastheconductorpulledhisbellcord,
shewentoutofmylifeforever!SoItoldmyselfasIsawthestreetcargrowsmalland
vanish.

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CHAPTERXXII
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WANTED,ONEDRIVER
WELL,hereIwas,backinAmerica.ReadytospringmytraponTillary.Ihadthe
skullrepresentingthecentremostfeatureoftheproposedad.forhisforthcomingbook.I
hadgrandfathersduplicatecertifiedmanuscriptofthatverybook,andgrandfatherswill,
andallofSamsletterstome,ofcourse.AndallIneedednowwasLaughingSamto
backupsomeofthepointsinmystoryandagoodfirmoflawyers.
ThatandtogettoElPaso!Formymoneywasgone.PassageforthePrincess
andmyselfontheNingWhahadtakenallbutaboutafivedollarbill.
ButevenwhileIwaswatchingthelightsofthatstreetcarvanishinginthefar
distance,abatteredBuickcoupedrewuptothestreetlampunderwhichIstood.Aman
withacap,thepeaklowoverhiseyes,wasdrivingitclumsilywithhislefthand,forhis
righthandwasbandaged.
Canyoutellme,heasked,ifthisroadgoestothemainhighwaythatleadsto
NewOrleans?
No,Ireplied.IwishIcouldandwishtoheaven,furthermore,thatIwason
it.
Why?YougoingtoNewOrleans?heasked.
No.ElPaso.Whichisontheway,Itakeit.
Heregardedmeshrewdly.Thetiltingupwardofhisheadashedidsoshowedthat
hewasinearlymiddleage,withpenetratinggreyeyesandafirmchin.Saycanyou
drive?
IllsayIcan.
WanttodrivemeasfarasElPaso?Thismittofmineisonthebum,anditshell
forme.TwomaybethreedaysrestforitandIcandomyowndriving.
God,yes!Iwanttogetholdofachapthereandthenstartalawsuit.Illdrive
yougladly.
Ilike,hewarnedme,tocampoutonights.Ihatepeople.Hotels.Tourist
camps.Ifthatsallokaywithyouthencomealong.
Itwas.Ihoppedinwithmytwopiecesofluggage,andthusbeganatriptoEl
Pasoonly1,200milesthatwastolastfourfulldays.Thatthefellowwasplainlyon
therunIknewwithinthirtyminutesandthatitwasamurderrapatthatIasgoodas
knewafterwedbeentogethertwentyfourhours.Asforthefourdaysthetripwastotake
us,themachinehadabadfrontaxlethatsloweditup;anditlookedandworkedlike
somethingheddesperatelybeenprovidedwithjustasJohnLawhadtriedtocloseinon
him.Henever,however,atanytimeduringthecourseofthattriptoldmewhohewas
orwhatitwasallabout,eventhoughhecouldseeplainlythatImyselfwasintheracket.
Hewasjustafraidoftheolddoublecross,thatsallandkeptthetightestofmouths.We
playedtheroadsonlyaboutsixhoursaday,bowlingrightthroughtownsofeverysize
andkind.Athisorders,wepassedupallhitchhikersevensuchaspooroldwomen

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walkingwithcrutches.Wenevereventurnedthefrontwheelsinatatouristcamp.When
wewerentontheroad,wecampedindeepwoodsandthickets.Hehadmorethanplenty
ofgrubpackedintheoldcar,anditbecameequallyplainwithinafewhoursthathehad
beenlyinglowinsomehideoutforatleastafullsixtydaysorsoforhedidntknowthe
leastbitofnews.Infact,hewasexactlylikemyselfwhodbeennearlyfourweekson
water,andseveralweeksbeforethatwitheyemusclesthatcouldntreadprint.Wewere
likeacoupleofRipVanWinkles,andhadtotalkancientmotheatennewsonly.Wed
beentwodaysonthewaywhentheonlyincidentaroseinwhichheevergotabit
suspiciousofmygoodintentions.Wewere,infact,somewhereinArizona,sittingacross
acampfirewedbuiltfaroutonalonelymesa,andthehungercameonmetowritea
lettertothegirlIdlastpartedwithneartheFriscowharfs,incareofacertainpostalbox
inhercitywhere,soshedtoldme,shecouldreceivemailIhadthatsparesheetofBirch
CadwalladersstationeryandthatAmericantwocentstampedenvelope.WhenIdgot
donewritingtheletterandaddressingtheenvelopeatopaflatrockproppedonmy
knee,Ireadtheletteroverbythefire.Itran:
MyDarlingGIRL,
Itrustthatyourehomeandsafenow,andthatsometimeswhenyouthinkour
adventureinlovewasjustadreamyoullremembermeastherealpartofthatdream.I
neednotsay,Princess,thatitsbeenhardtoforgetyou.Infact,itsbeenquite
impossible!ImheadingforNewYork,thoughnotdirectly.Butwritemesomeday,my
verydearestdearsay,threemonthsfromthedateofourdebarkationdatecareof
GeneralDelivery,N.Y.C.,whereIllpickituporarrangetohaveitpickedup.
AllmylovetotheprettiestPrincesswhoeverfailedtogetintoGrimmsFairy
Tales.
JERRY
P.S.Ihopeyourenotstillfeelingabithurtaboutthatmysterioussquarishlytiedup
packagethatIhadamongstmyluggageontheNingWha.Thereason,mydear,thatI
didntshowitscontentstoyounorever,tellyouwhattheywerewasbecauseitheld
somethingthatwouldhavemadeyouabitsqueamish,tosaytheleast.Justaskullanda
jawbonebroughtfromHonolulu.Andtowhichconsiderableofastoryattaches.Now
youllunderstand,Imsure.
Iwasabouttoinserttheletterintheenvelope,whenthebiggreyeyedchap
acrossfrommespoke.
Andwhere,partner,wereyouexpectingtomailthat?
OhatanyUncleSamsmailboxalongtheroadmaybenearsomehotdog
standorsomething.
Well,supposeyouletyoursidekickprotemandtourconductorcensorall
mailgoingoutonthisCooksTour?YouknowdamnwellImtakingitontherun.For
youvebumpedagainstthat.45undermyarmpitenoughtimes.
Heyhey!Iexpostulatedamicably.YouknowdamnwellImnocopper
heartedfinkwillingtoshovearightguyintoagrab.Soreadtoyourheartscontent.
Wanttheenvelope,too?
No,hesaidandfriendlyagainafterhedperusedthecommunication.Ive
beeninlovemyself!Andknowthelanguage!Sealherupthen,brotherandpostherto

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morrow.Andwhatsaywerollupintotheoldblanketsnowforanearlystart?
AndmailtheletterIdidnextday,atoneofUncleSamsroadsidepostboxes
thereinthatstateofArizona.HeavenknowsjustwherebutIestimatedthat,regardless
ofjustwheretheboxwas,itwouldtakejustabouttwodaysforthemissivetoreachits
postallockboxdestinationand,sincethePrincess,soshetoldme,wenttothatlock
boxonSaturdaysonly,itwouldbeinherownprecioushandsbytheendoftheweek.
Andatlast,onOctober24th,about9.30p.m.,ontheundoubtedoutskirtsofEl
Paso,myunknownacquaintanceofthepastfourdaysdrewupshortopenedthedoorof
hiscarandnoddedmeout.
YoureontheedgeofElPnow,oldkid,hesaid.ForIknowthetownsoso.
Andyoudbetterscramoninbyoneoftheshorts.BecauseImgoingroundbythe
Jeffersonbelthighway.Andthanksamillion.ForwiththewayImusingtheoldright
mittnowIllmakewhereImgoingintenhoursorso.Forofcourse,partner,itisnt
andneverwasNewOrleans!Hepaused,genially.Andyoullforget,Itakeit,that
youandIevermet?
Isurewill,OldTimer,Ipromisedwillinglyenough.Mybesttoyou,forIve
beeninafew,hotspotsmyself.Illevendomorethanforgetyou.Illgosofarasto
forgettheregistrationplateonthebackofthecarandthefrontonewithit,atthat.
Hechuckled.Oh,rememberthembyallmeans,ifyoufeellikeit.Sure,theyre
dudsyoudontthinkIdhaveleftthatsortoftrailbehindme,doyou?Solong,and
goodlucktothegirlaswellasyourself.Icantaskyoutoremembermetoherwhen
youmeether.
Anduptheroadhedrove,hishandasgoodasnewbythistime.Sometwo
hundredyardsorsoonahead,Isawhimgetoutofthecarandunfastenthatlicenceplate
atthebackandevidently,thoughIcouldnotseewhathewasdoing,hetookthefront
oneoff,too.Heputbackwhatwereevidentlyanotherpairoffakenumbersortheymay
havebeentheonesbelongingtothecar,forallIcouldtell.Hewavedtomegenially,and
thenthefartherdarknessswallowedhimup.
Ifollowedonwithmysquarishwrappedparcelandmybag,lookingforacarline
totakemeintothetown,andnowIwastobetreatedtoademonstrationofluck,fate,
Providencecallitwhatyouwillthatalteredallmywayofliving.Formylate
companionscarhadscarcelyvanishedroundabendwhenIheardsomesortofcrash,
andthesoundofshots,quiteaseriesofthem.Ipulledupshortatfirst,butthencuriosity
overcameeveryotherimpulse,andIwentonroundthebend,andsawtheendofthecar
lineIhadbeenwanting.
Sawmore.TheBuickwassidewaystotheroad,almostasortofdiagonalwith
itsnosestillpointingthewaymycompanionhadbeengoing,butitsaggeddownonthe
nearside,andIknewthatfaultyfrontaxlehadgoneatlast.Butthatwasnotall,byany
means.AstreetcarstoodjustaheadofthebrokendownBuick,andbetweenthetwo,and
roundtheBuick,werequiteadozenFederalmen,twoofwhomwereliftingabodyout
fromtheBuick.AndstillIwenton,thoughIknewnowwhathadhappened.Wayback
onourroad,somepoliceagentorotherbusybodyhadspottedthecarandrecognizedits
occupantsoneofthem,atleastandhadphonedonaheadthedescriptionofthecarin
whichthewantedmanwouldbefound.Itmusthavebeensomewayback,too,forthese

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Federalmentogetintopositionand,asIfoundout,toplacethewirecableacrossthe
roadfromanelectricpowerstandardononesidetoatreeontheother.Theyhadso
arrangeditthatthecablecouldbeslackedoffforlegitimatetraffic,andtightenedupto
stretchabouttwofeethighacrosstheroadwhenthecartheywantedhoveinsight.And,I
judged,theyhadcaughthim,andhehadshowedfight:hencethebodybeingliftedfrom
thecar.
Ifeltabitsickoveritatfirst,forhehadbeendecenttome.Idknownallalong
hewasinajam,and,mostlikely,thedescriptionofthecarhadgoneaheadofhim,quite
apartfromregistrationplates,andawatchhadbeenout,especiallyonthelastpartofour
run.Anyhow,theyhadgothim.TothisdayIdonotknowwhathehaddone,orwhythey
wantedhim,butalmostcertainlyitwasmurder.Ihadfeltprettysureofthatfromthefirst
day,byhiswayofrunningthecar.
Iwouldhaveturnedback,orhidden,butitwastoolate.Iknewtheyhadseenme,
andhadtogoon.Abigchapstoppedme,justshortofthebrokendownBuick,and
withinadozenyardsofthestreetcarIhadhopedtoboardformyrideintoElPaso.ButI
faceduptoitconfidently,analtogetherdifferentbeingfromtheonewhohadcrept
aboardtheMalolatomaketheruntoHonolulu.ThenIhadbeenapuredownandout,
liabletosuspicionbytheverylookofmyclothes.NowIhadonthenewsuitIhad
boughtforthetripwithmyPrincess,andlookedlikeaprosperousbagman,attheworst
andtherewasnothingincriminatingaboutme.Icarriednogun,andallmysafecracking
outfitwassafelycasedbackinSanFrancisco,includingthatwonderfulCourfeyrac
cutter,for,withthechanceofafreeridehere,Ihadnotstoppedtopickuptheoutfitafter
biddingthePrincessgoodbye.
Hey,whatareyou?theFederalmandemandedsharply.Wheredyecome
from?No,stopwhereyouare.Nobodygoespastheretillwegivethesayso,sodonttry
anytricks.Nowthen,whoareyou?
HenrySharp,salesmaninstructuralsteelworks,Isaid.
Ohyeah?Isthatso?heretortedsarcastically.Wellthen,Mr.HenrySharp,
whatsasalesmaninstructuralsteelworkdoingtrampingalongthisroad,atthistimeof
night,withallhesgotintheworldorsomewhereaboutthatinhistwohands,eh?That
aintthewaysalesmentaketheroad,ifIknowanythingaboutit.
Youdo,Iguess,Isaid,aseasilyasIcould.Anyhow,thatsme,onmywayto
ElPaso.AndImadetopasshimtothestreetcar,which,however,showednosignof
pullingoutonitswayyet,
Ohno,youdont!hebarked,gettinginfrontofme.Iwanttoknowahellofa
lotmoreaboutMisterHenrySharpbeforehegetsawaytotown.Wheredyecomefrom?
Dontstoptothinkanswerup!
FromHawaii,Ianswered,ascalmlyasbefore,ifnotmoreso.Ilandedat
Frisco,andcameonhereandyesterdaymymoneygaveout,allbutenoughtofeedme
foraclayortwo.SoIvehoofedit.
Instructuralsteelwork!hesaid,withheavysarcasm.
Iwas,butIwiredinmyresignationtoPittsburgRustlessIncorporatedbeforeI
leftHawaii,Isaid,usingthefirstnamethatcametomymind.Theyplayeditlow
downonme,andIknewamanofmyabilitiescouldmakemorethanIdeverseeoutof

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them,soItookachanceonit,andnowImheadedforElPasobecausethepresidentof
theLakesStructuralagainIcoinedthename,andhopedisdueheredayafterto
morrow,andImcarryingenoughabouthisrivalstogetmeinwithhim,ifItalktheright
stuffathim.
Huh!Prettythin!hegrunted.Handoverthatbag,andletsseewhatstuffyou
got.Comeon!Hewaggledagunsuggestively.
Iputdownmybag,andheopeneditandtumbleditscontentsoutontheroad.He
wentthrougheveryitem,fromshirttotoothbrush.
Uhhuh!hegruntedagainattheendofhisinspection.Nuthinherethatwould
beusefultothepresidentofanycompany.Hetriedthesidesandbottomofthebag,but
didnotdiscovertheemptyfalsebottom.Whatyougotinthatbundleunderyourarm?
Askull,Isaidfranklybecauseitwasnousebeinganythingbutfrank.Im
sendingitofffromheretoProfessorJ.L.HastmanofChicago.ItsoneIbrought
speciallyforhimfromHawaii,andsaidtobetheskullofoneofKamehamehaswives
herself.Thatwasasidegameofmytripthere,togetthatskull.
Handitoverletssee,hebadeandIcomplied.
Hetookmypackage,untiedandopenedit,andgavetheskulltheonceoverthe
twiceover,infact.Then.hepointedtotheholeinit,andgavemealonglookof
suspicion.
LookslikeKamehamehaswifehadtroubleattheendofhercareer,hesaid.
Howdyeaccountforthisdamage,huh?
Idont,Itoldhim,whileacouplemoreofhissortcameroundustohearthe
dialogue.Iwasnttherewhenithappened.IfIdhadanythingtodowithmakingthat
hole,wouldIbesuchafoolastototetheevidencearoundwithme?DoIlookthatsortof
fathead?
Hetwistedtheskullallways,turneditupsidedownandshookit,butdidnot
unfastenthebitofcordthatheldthejawinplace.IheardoneofhisfellowFederals
chuckleashehandeditbacktome.
Gogentlyontheancientdead,Freddie,thismanremarked.
Ifitwasntsoancient,Freddiegrowled,Idtakethisbirduponsuspicionright
hereandnow
Thengetonwithit!Iinterruptedhim,guessingboldnessmybestandinfactmy
onlycardtoplay.Takemealong,andwhenyouveverified,everywordIvetoldyou,
andeveryotherwordImgoingtotellyou,youllbeasickmanafteransweringto
unjustifiablemolestationofHenrySharp,goingabouthislegitimatebusiness.Imnot
scared,forIvenothingtobescaredabout.Gorightahead!
Hehadnothingonwhichtogoahead,asIknew.Helookedatmerewrappingthe
skull,disappointmentinhiseyes.
Say,feller,hesaid,wegotthewordtherewastwomeninthatcarthere,not
one.Whataboutit,now?
Therewasoneinitwhenitpassedme,Itoldhim.Ihailedhimforaliftinto
town,buthejustdroveon,tooknonotice.
Quitesureyouwasntnumbertwointhecar?heaskedsneeringly.
Ifyouthinkso,proveit,Iretorted.Proveanydamnthingyoucan,andIwont

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worry.Ivetoldyouallaboutme,andImwillingtogiveyouchapterandverseforallof
itwhereIstayedinHawaii,howIlandedinFrisco,andyoucangetacopyofthe
passengerlistoftheboatthatbroughtmethere,andcheckuponthat,ifitllmakeyou
anyhappier.Asforthisskull,ImatlibertytototefortyskullsallovertheStates,aslong
asImnotconnectedwithwearingthescalpsoffofthem,andeveryonecanhaveforty
holesinit,aslongasIdidntmakeem.Oh,brother,Imfootsoreandwantingmyperch
forthenight,andbythelookofthingshereyouvegotallyoucameafterexceptthe
secondmanyousaywasinthatcar.Heleftitbeforeitpassedme,Itellyou,foritheld
onlyoneonhislone,then.
Youredamnedslickwithyourtongue,hesaidsulkily.
Anddamnedslickatbackingupwhatitsays,Ifiredback.Putmeinsidefor
thenight,andIllbesavedthetroubleoffeedingmyself.Iheldoutmyhands.Puta
pairofbraceletson,soIllgivenotroublewhatever,Ioffered,forIvealltomorrowto
waste.ThepresidentofLakesStructuraldoesntgetheretilldayafter.
Theemptystreetcarpulledoutonitsrun,butIsawanotheronecomingalong.
Freddieshookhisheadgloomilythoughobviouslyhealreadyhadthemainobjectof
thisFederalholdup.
Aw,gettohelloutofit!hesaid.Iftherewasonethingonyouhere,what
aboutthisdopeyouregoingtohandthepresidentofyourLakesStructural?Whereisit?
Notinyourbaggage,Icansee.
No,sonny,Itoldhim.Itspackedwhereitssafe,inthatspotwhichinyour
caseisamerevacuummybrain.DontthinkIdtrustfinancialfactslikeIholdto
paper,becauseIwouldnt.
WhatsyourhangouthereinElPaso?heaskednext.
Bythequestionandthemannerofit,Iknew,Ihadhimbeaten.Hewouldhave
likedtoholdme,butdarednottaketheriskand,ifhehadheldme,Idhavewonout,
fornoonceinalltheStateshadanythingagainstme,and,fortunatelyforme,myyegg
manskitwasreposingutterlyincommunicadoinFrisco,insteadofbeinginmybag.
Oh,brother,yousurearedumb,Imockedhim.Thisismyfirstcallonthe
goodcityofElPaso,andIdhavebeenbathingmysorefeetinthebathroomofthe
handiesthotelifyouhadntbeensodamnedofficious.Sinceyouresokind,whichhotel
wouldyourecommend?
Oh,gettohelloutofthis!heshoutedatme.
ButIdidnot,atonce,foranyhurryovergettingawaywouldhaverousedhimto
furthersuspicion,Iknew.Itookallthetimetherewasoverfoldingmyshirtshehad
shakenout,andrepackingmybag,andletthatsecondstreetcargowithoutme.
Meanwhileheandhismenabandonedalltheirinterestinmeandmybelongings,and
tooktogettingthewreckedBuickofftheroad,whileanambulancecamealongtotake
thebodyofmyrecentfriendintotownandtothisdayIdontknowwhyhewas
wanted.Iboardedthethirdcarthatcameupandswitchedovertogoback,andsorode
intoElPaso.
Adifferentman.Takethathowyoulike,butIwasdifferent.Maybethattimeon
theoldNingWhahadsomethingtodowithit.MyPrincesshadshowedmewhatIought
tobe,somehow,hadrestoredmetobeliefinthepossibilityofsaneanddecentliving,not

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preyingonmyfellowmenasIhadbeendoingforyears,now.Furthertothat,theway
myacquaintanceoftheroadhaddecantedmejustintimeseemedtoshowmethat
Providencehadauseforme,andwaswatchingovermeforifIddonethatlasthalf
milewithhim,allthatwasleftofmewouldhavegonetotheElPasomortuaryinthe
ambulancethattookalltherewasleftofhim,while,asitwas,Iwasafreeman,clearof
theseFederalguys,andwithacompetenceormoreduetomefromTillarySteevensas
soonasIhadfoundLaughingSamandclosedupthedebitsideofmyaccountwiththe
socalledmysterystorywriter.Iwasboundtowinout,whateverIdid.SoIfiguredit
afterpartingwiththatFederalgang,andridingafreemanintoElPaso.
And,rightthereinthestreetcar,Ideterminedonachange.Mykit,oneofthebest
evergottogetherforthegameIhadbeenplaying,couldrustwhereitlay,forallme.
EventheCourfeyrac,thatbeautifultool,hadtogowiththerest,forIwouldnever
reclaimthem.Fromthathouronward,safecrackingshouldbeathingofthepast,I
determined.IwouldgetevenwithTillary,showhimupforwhathewas,adittythiefof
othermensbrainsandproperty,andthenrunasjustifiedmyPrincesssbeliefinme,be
themanshethoughtme.AllthatIreasonedoutontheruntoElPaso,andmademyself
thesolemnpromiseofitthoughIdidnotknow,apartfromTillarySteevensandwhat
myplanagainsthimmightmean,howIwastoliveorwhatIwastodo.But,if
Providenceorfateoranythingelseweresofarwatchingovermeastosavemefromthe
deaththathadcometomycompanionoftheroadalmostinstantlyafterhehaddropped
me,Iconcluded,itwouldgoonhandingmeoutmealticketswithoutmyresortingtolaw
breaking.Andthat,asIsay,wastheendofmycareerasayeggman.
ThecarbroughtmeintoElPasoproper.IcouldnothelpbutnotethataNational
GuardEncampmentorsomethingofthesortappearedtobegoingon.Orevenmore
likely,asIfiguredthen,amilitaryconvention.ForInomoretiedupthesignsaboutthe
town,soldiershereandthere,withthatpennyantebanditIdreadmentionsofin
Californiapapers,weeks,evenerasbefore,thanIwouldcredittheChicagoTribunewith
decentnewspapertactics.AlithographsomewhereonabillboardadvertisedtheHouston
Houseasveryreasonable.Ihadonlyaboutfivedollarsleft,andasmystreetcardrewup
infrontofthatveryhostelrytheFatesthemselvesseemedtopromptmygoingthere.
Iwentuptothedesk.Abigsignsaid
WatchOutForSneakThieves.AbsolutelyNotResponsibleForValuablesUnless
LockedUpInThisSafe.
YOUHAVEBEENWARNED.
AndIhadheardplenty,too,inmyownracket,oftheslickgangofsneakthieves
thatcoversallhotelsandboardinghousesinElPaso.
Ahugesafe,apparentlyofmetal,stoodbehindthereceptiondesk.Ithadscoresof
lockdrawerslikeaTurkishbath,lockdrawersofvariousshapesandsizes.IfIdbeen
withinreachingdistanceofthatbeautifulcribinsteadofacrossatenfootmoatofspace
Imighthaveknowninstanterthatthisonewasofwood,cunninglyputtiedupwherethe
woodwasbarked,andpaintedwithtwocoatsofactualmetalpaint.Butnotbeingin
reachingdistance,Ifellfortheglitteronthesurface,andnoddedtowardsawideflat
drawerwhentheclerkpointedhisthumbinterrogativelybehindhim.
HedrewoutthelockboxIwasindicating,and,openingthegripsackatopthe

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counter,Iwithdrewfromit,andplacedinthatlockdrawer,inturn,themanuscriptof
grandfatherswill,andallmylettersfromSamincludingthatlastilliteratenote
typewrittenincapitalswhichTillaryhadsentontome.Forallthesewiththewrapped
skullandjawboneinthestoutpackageatmyelbowconstitutednotthecaseof
Marylandvs.WilliamLucullus,butofJ.Hammondvs.T,Steevens,Hiffton,
MacHarcourtetaliaforsomethinglike$801,000,moreorless!
Andupstairs,tomysmalltwodollarroom,Iwentwithmylockboxkeyandmy
bag.
Irestedatopthebedabriefhalfhour,andthenstartedforthonfootfortheNegro
District.Achaponthestreetsdirectedmehowtogetthere.
Ireacheditfinally.Itwasnowabout10.30p.m.AtallNegrowithshirtmade
solelyofraggedbandanawasshufflingalong.Istoppedhim.
DoyouknowSamDavis?KnownasLaughinSamfromAlabam?
Hescratchedhishead.Pears,suh,lakAhishuhdbouthim.Ony,suh,Ahain
beenheahinElPasoonyacoupledays.
Isee.AndIwenton.InthenextblockIstoppedafatNegrowithacoatcrudely
tailoredfromburlap.Andrepeatedmyquestion.
Dodatman,heaskedeagerly,laffanlaffanlaf?anthowhishaidway
backwhenhelaff?
Yes.Thatshim.Wheredoeshehangout?
Ahdonknow.CaseAhsfumMemphis.ButAhknowedaniggahupdah
fumdownarounheahsomewhahs,datlaffeddataway;onyhecallhesefLaughin
BillfumOberdeHill.
Ileft,withasigh,abitdampenedattheleadsIseemedtobegetting.
Thedistrictwasgettingdreariernow,andtougher.Insomefearfullydownatheel
block,withlowwoodenhousesallleaningawry,andtumbledownstepsleadingtotheir
thresholds,aNegrogirldrewuptomeunderalowricketystreetlight.Shewasabout
twentysevenyearsofage,soIjudged.Reallypretty,assuch,thoughshowingthe
beginningoftheravagesofsomekindoflifeshedbeenliving.Thoughhergreensilk
dresswaspoorandthreadbare,everythingaboutherwasneat.Shewasacomelywench,
regardlessofwhatshewas.Whenshestartedtospeak,Iwascertainshewasgoingto
solicitme.
Insteadshesaid,inatimidvoice:Kinyukinlytellme,suh,whahboutsnowis
NebLeesSaloonanChitterlinsPalacewhutustabeheahsebeneightnineyeahs
ago?
Godnogirl,Isaid.Whatdoyouwantitfor?
CaseamanwhutusedtolubmeustahangoutdahanAhwanstoseehim.
Ohyoubeenoutoftownthen?
Yessuh,Ahdescomeheahtnight.AhsbeeninNAwleansfosebenyeahs.
Wellthatletsmeout!Fortotellyouthetruth,Iwantedtoaskyouabouta
fellowofyourracewhohangsoutinElPaso.
Howlong,suh,hedonehangoutheah?
Ohoffandonforyearsandyears.
DenmebbeAhkintellyousomethin.FoAhlibbedindisheahdistrickyeahs

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ago,anknowedmosevvabodyindecoloahedsectionwhutatdattimewuzngone
Nothonothin.
Yeah,butthatwontdomeanygoodtodayifyouvebeeninNewOrleansfor
sevenyears.Butanyway,thecolouredchapImlookingforisnamedSamDavisandis
knownasLaughinSamfromAlabam.
MahGod!shesaid,herblackeyesstaringoutofherface.Kinkinyubeat
dat?WydatswyAhsheahinElPasomahsef.TofinSam!Antotellhim,aftah
sebenlongyeahs,datAhlubshimandatAhalluswilllubhim!

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CHAPTERXXIII
FOUND:ACLUETOSAMSWHEREABOUTS
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ISTAREDatthecolouredgirlinthesemilightofthericketylamppost.
CouldthisbethegirlwhohadturnedSamslifefromgaietytodeepgloom
whenIhadlookedhimupandsuggestedhistakingthejobwithSteevensrightafter
seeingSteevensinChicago?
Butseehere,girl,Isaid.Letscomparenotes.TheresprobablylotsofSam
DavisesandprobablymorethanafewofthemarecalledLaughingSam.Tellme
aboutyourLaughingSam?
Well,fooneting,shereplied,ratherproudly,deyainmanyLaughinSams
whuthaddesperiencemahLaughinSamhad.FomahSamwuzonceinaSouf
Amuhicanprison!
Ah!Thatseemstocinchit,Though,tobecertain,justwhatdidhetellyouabout
thatepisode?
Des,suh,datdeywastwooddahmenwidhimindecell.Bofofdemwite.One
obdemwasadenticalist,anfillSamsteetanstophimfromgoinplumcrazy,an
Rightonallscores.Onlythemanwasntafullfledgeddenthowever,skipit!
Whatelsedidhetellyou?
DasallAhknow,suh.FoSamnevahwudtalkboutdatsperience.He
skeeredtodeafhegitdrugbackifitevahleakaroun.Ahonyknowdatoneobdemen
whutwuzwidhimdie.Anheheppeddeodahmandedenticalisttogitaway.
Thatsettlesit,then,Iassuredher.WerebothlookingforthesameSam.ForI
happentoknowthatepisodeinSamslifeonlytoowell.SinceIwasoneofthetwomen,
AndSamhelpedmeattheriskofhislife.AndImheretoday,girl,atlasttopaySam
backatleastwithinthenextthreeorfourmonthsand,ifyouandheloveeachother,
tohelpyou,too.ButfirsttellmeaboutyourselfandSam.
Shestaredatmepensively.Well,indefusplace,suh,AhainseedSamsence
heanmelibbedtogeddahinSanAntoneeightlongyeahsagocomenexspring.
Livedtogether?Andlovehimtoday?ThenwhatonearthmadeyougotoNew
Orleans?
CausepahtlyAhiswuthlessannogoodbutpahtly,too,wascounthis
brothah.

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Abrother?Ahnowweregettingsomewhere!Ifamanhasabrotherthatsthe
waytolocatehim.Nowtellmewherehisbrotherlives?
Caintsay,suh,cepningenral.HeliveinSanAntone.Andheownahouse.
Ownstwootreehouses,infack.Angotboutseventeenhundedmillunchillunsan
neciesandnephewsandwhutnot.
Allthebetter!Awholetribe.Butwhyonearth,girl,ifyoulivedwithSamthere,
cantyousaywhohisbrotheris?
Case,suhwell,Ahmgonnatellyou.Butitsmoughtyhahdtoesplain.Itit
wuzdisway.SamhecomespringoninteenthuttyfivetoSanAntonetoseehis
brothah.HecomefumElPasoheah,wheahhelakmostohangout.Anhemeetme
dahinSanAntone.Wefluhtwidoneanoddahondestreet.Moughtyquickwelibbin
widoneanoddahdahinSanAntone.AhcouldnmahhySamcountAhhasahusbum
libbinsomewhatroundNashville.ButSamsayhegonnawinnoughmoneyshootin
dicetogitmeadivoce.Well,onenightSamhedisappeah:Hewuzgoneafullweek.Ah
thoughthewuzgamblinmebbepinched,odrinkin.Fohesometimesdo,derntings.
ButAhdidntcah,foAhwuzplayinfasanlooseondeslywidayallermanfrom
NAwleans.ButfinlySamshowup.
Honey,hesay,Ahsbeenindehorspital.Aautymobiledonestruckmeand
runnedaway.Knockmeflattahdanismypuse!DedoctahsindehorspitaldeytoughtI
hadcamcussionobdebrainscauseAhlaydahdayaftahdaysayinnuffin.Butdey
founmahbrothahsnameinmahclothesAhaintnebbahtolyounuffinbouthim,
honey,caseyoumoughtawanteddenfotomeethim,anifnAhebahtukyoudah,
deydbearuckus,sure,see?anway,deyfounmahbrothahsnameinmahclothes,
anmahbrothahcome.Anluckyhedid,honeycauseAhwasdecauseoblotsob
spense.FodeyhastoAxeRaymyhaiddiswayandatwayananothahway,anfum
detopanfumdebottomanfronwiseanbackwuhdalltoseeifdeywasacrack
disawayordataway,oratumahobmahbrain,whatkeepinmeindat.Anmahroomin
deJimCrowsectionobdehorspitalcosplentahmoney,too.Ahebenhadtohabea
specualnuse.
But,Sam,Ahsay,wuzyoubrainsfracured?andidyouhabatumah?
Naw,honeydeydidnfmnofractionswidalldeyfoolphotographin.Dey
sayitproblywasshockmebbetemrarycongestiumobsomeobdebigbloodvessels
inmahbrain.Oh,AhcomeoutquickonceAhstahttocomeout.Ony,fodeyfinlylet
mego,deywahnme:Nowseeheah,niggahifnebbahyougitssymptomaticslak
dizzinessoseeintingsdoubleoterrblepainindehaidorinabilitytostickyo
tongueoutdon,foGodssake,gotonoreglahdoctah.Comestraightbackheah
weahwehasindefilesyouwholcasehistrywichisdewholstoryobyo
knockdownanalldedozenosoAxeRaypictuahs,anwekinfiggahoutinaminute
whetheryouisgotaaftamathfumdeaxident.
ButSamsbrother,Iputinabitimpatiently,isallIminterestedin.Whatshis
name?
Ahtolyou,suh,Ahdonknow.CaseSam,asAhjessaid,nebbahhadtolme.
Rathah,caseAhnebbahseenSamsencedenighthedontolmehehadabrothah.But
twasdisaway.Raghtwilewewastalkin,comeabigknockondedo.Ahopenit.A

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blackmanwidafatbellyanaduhbyhatstooddah,moughtyrichdressed.Heraat
Sam,lakalion:
Youwuthlessswine,hero,soheahyoislibbinheahwidanogood
wuthlessgaloffdestreetswhileAhisdonepayoutobmahownpocketmona
hundeddollahsfohorspitalbedannussesanmedcenesanAxeRayplatesonyto
finoutfinnlydatyouaintgotenoughbrainsfotohabecamcussionohdem.
AhllAhllpayyoback,brothah,Samtolhim,foevahting.Meandis
galheahwelubseachothah.AnwileAhwasindehorspital,AhmetaPullmanpotah
fumNashville,whoAnSamtuhnedtome.Heknowyohusbumwell,honey.Ony
yohusbum,hesay,isdaid.KilledonLittleScoveyStreet.AnSamtuhntohisbrothah.
Wegonnabemahhiednow.Welubseachothah.
Ho!Youandisgal?Gonnabemahhied?Well,disblackchippieheahgonna
gitoutobtowndamnquickoAhgonnahabyuharrested.Ahsgotinfluence.Ah
controlsplentyblackvoteswhutdewitefolkswants.AnAhgonnabrekupdismatchif
itdelastingAhebahdo.
AndenAhtuhntohim.Youaingonnabrekupnothin,youornerypot
belliedniggah.AhtuhntoSam.PoSam.Sam,Ahsay,askinlikeasAhcan,Ah
donlubyou.AhwaslibbinwidyoucauseAhneededsuppoht.AnAhsgotmeayaller
manwhutlibinNAwleans.Hegotawifesomeereancaintmahhymebuthe
gonnadressmeupanhepromisetomekmedebelleobNAwleansBlacktown.So
Ahsgonnagitwidhim.Anraghtnow.Youfinyosef,Sam,agoodgalanfogitme
andonfightwidyoubrothahwhoyoulubs.
AnAhputsonmyhatanoutdedoAhBouncesgetsaholtobmahyaller
mananofftoNAwleanswego.
Andjustgotback,Icommentedwonderingly.Aftersevenlongyears?
Yassuh.FodatyallermaninNAwleansdidnlaslong.Hewaschasedouta
town,buttukahighyallergalwidhimannotmeIAnsencedatdaydemamenAh
habseeddemowunnerfuldoAhknowdatSamwuz.AndatAhthowedobahde
finesoballmenobmahracewenAhthowedobahSam.Whodamahhiedme.All
deseyeahs,mistah,shewentondesperately,mahlubfoSamhasbengrowin.An
finlydeoddahdayAhthinksdatbefomahbeautyisallgonedatAhgonna
comebackheahtowhahSamismoslakelytobehanginoutiffonoothahreason
dantotellSamebenifhegotawifeansebbenchillunsdatheamoughtyfineman,
andebestobdernall.Anifnbyanychancehemoughtbefreeanstilllubmeto
gitonmahvehykneestohimanaxhimifonyhelltekmebackdatAhllbegood
anfaithfulanloyaltohimfodeentirerestobmahlife.
Poorwretch!Passingjudgmentonlyasawhiteman,IfiguredthatSamtoday
probablywouldntevenlookather,afterthesesevenormoreyears.Andyetpeeringat
herinthesemilightshewascomelyshehadanindubitablecharmaboutherand
withwhatIfeltIknewofSamwell,Iwasntsureofmyownjudgment.AblackPole
Star,Sam,ifeveranybodywas.
Well,Itoldher,youvegivenmeplentyofvaluabledope.Ivemadesome
inquiriesheretonight.Allfruitless.AndIvemorethanahunchthatSamsprobablyin
SanAntonio.Withhisbrotherorhispeople,whoevertheymaybe.Ormaybeeven

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workingupnorthsomewheres,ButImgoingtoworktheproblemoutandreachhim.
Iknewthattheproblemwasnoweasy,forallIneededtodowastosearchthe
hospitalsofSanAntoniowithrespecttotheapproximatetimeofSamsaccidentfind
therecordsofthatparticularaccidentthenameSamDavis,and,bythedetailsofhis
casehistory,findhisbrotheratthattimeknownmoreorlessbecausehewasasthegirl
hadimplied,influentialinBlackpoliticsorthelatterschildrenifheweredeadorhis
niecesandnephews.AndoneoradozenofthewholetribewouldknowwhereSam
couldbereachedinstanter.
UponwhichIdhavemyvaluablewitnessinthecaseofJ.Hammondvs.Tillary
Steevens.And,morethanpossibly,ahusbandforthismuchchastenedNegrogirl.
WherecouldIlocateyou,girl?Iasked.
Ainlocatednowhahyit.IfnAhcaintfinnasuttinolgrannyAhonceknowed
heahabouts,Illhatterlayupinatencentladysflop.
Well,heresadollartillyougetyourselfabitorganizedhereinElPaso.Sorry
itisntmorebutImlowonfundsmyself,bywhichtoreachSam.ThoughreachhimI
shall.Soyouwriteme,Itoldher,inoneweek.Sevendaysfromtoday.JustJerry
Hammond,GeneralDelivery,SanAntoniohere,Illwritetheaddressoutcompletefor
you.AnddidexactlythatonascrapofpaperIlocatedinoneofmypockets.AndIll
haveSamslocationornearlysoforyouthen.Andmaybegoodnews,tooatleastI
hope.
Andwiththat,herblackeyesactuallybeaming,weparted.
IwentbacktotheHoustonHouse.Marvellingatthewaylifeandloveandthe
affairsofmenallfelltogetherintoaperfectweb.HereIwouldget$50,000,atthevery
least,outofthatnextbooksignedTillarySteevens,yetprovedbyamilliondollars
worthofpublicityasbutanotherbookbytherealauthorofallTillarysworksmy
grandfather.AndSamsshareofmywinnings$25,000Ifigureditshouldbeatthe
minimumwouldsendhimandthisgirlofftoagrandnewstartinlife.
ItfeltgoodtoplaySantaClaus.Andtobeable,too,topaybackmyown
stupendousdebttoSam.AndIfoundmyselfanxioustoseethelookonhishonestblack
facewhenIshouldtellhimthatwhathehaddoneformeinthelongagowasnowgoing
toputmoremoneyintohislapthanhehadeverseenorconceivedpossible.
CHAPTERXXIV

35
FIRE!

40

ITwasshortlyaftermidnightwhenIgotbacktotheHoustonHouse,andwent
straightuptomyroom.
AfterIundressedwhichwasabout12.30orsoIlayforawhileinbedinthe
dark,thinkingdeeplyofmyforthcomingsuitagainstTillary;asuitthatwouldbe100per
cent.watertight,basedonallIhad,nowthatthewaywasopentofindSamatonce.
Indeed,justwhatwastherethatTillaryslawyers,whowouldprobablybethebestin
Chicago,coulddo,todiscreditmyevidence?Nothing!Nothing,atmost,thantoclaim

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thatwhenIhadcalledonTillaryyearsago,hehadbeenillinbedandhadallowedmeto
remaininthehouseforaweekorsoduringwhichtimeIhadcopiedoneofhis
unpublishedmanuscripts,andhadlatergotsomeunderworldforgertorecopymycopy
andforgetheoldnotaryauthentication.Itwouldbearickety,ricketydefencebefore
anysanejuryandeventomakeit,tosaveTillaryfromachargeofplagiarism,they
wouldhavetofirstclearhimfromthesmallerchargeofbeingacommonneighbourhood
sneakthief,inrethatstolenskull.
Todothat,theywouldundoubtedlyattackSamsstoryincourttrytomakehim
outaliarinhisswornstatementthathehadevenhimselfoncebeenaskedbyTillary
SteevenstotrytofilchtheskullofSylvanusAxton,theShakespeareanactor.Theywould
morethanlikelyclaimthatSamwasaidingandabettingmeinaconspiracyinwhichI
hadintroducedaspuriousskull.ToattackSamsstory,however,theywouldprobablytry
toclaimthatSamhadneverevenworkedthereonFullertonParkway,Chicago.But
unfortunately,forsuchattack,toomanypeopleaccordingtoSamsoldlettertome
knewheworkedthereandknewhimpersonally.NowindeedIwasdamnedgladthatI
hadleftthatgreasepencilscrawledtopcalendarsheetinBirchCadwalladersstudio,for,
ifthestudiowere.notlocatedbythedateofmysuit,Icouldspringitslocationincourtas
asurpriseandthenotationfoundinitwouldshowthatTillaryactuallygaveand
entrustedCadwalladerwiththeskull.Andthatbombshellwouldknockoutcompletely
anychargestheymighttrytomakeagainstmethatImyselfhadintroducedtheskullinto
thecase.
And,thinkingofBirchCadwallader,Iwasabletoseeevenafurtherpointby
whichthecaseofTillarySteevens,withrespecttodisclaimingthatskull,wouldbebadly
weakened.Andthatwasinthematterofitspreparationfortheadvertisingcomposition.
Not,thatis,astowhetherCadwalladerorTillaryhadbashedintheholewhichwasto
makeitconformtothecrimeofWilliamLucullusfortheholeitselfcouldnottell
whetherCadwalladerorTillaryhadmadeit.Butinthematteroftheblacklettersonthe
brainpanah,thatwasadifferentthing!Forthereis,inDr.HarrySodermansbookon
CriminologyandinmyworkascribmanIreadallsuchbooksfaithfully!aspecific
chapteroninkidentification,withtableswhichprovethatinkwhethergallotannic,
chromic,oranilincanbeidentified100percent.Andif,forinstance,Cadwallader
himselfhadpaintedthoseblacklettersonthebackofthatskull,hewouldhaveusedjet
black,paintandTillarysdisavowalofownershipoftheskullwouldbeaffectedin
neitheronewaynortheother.Butah!ifTillaryhadputthoselettersonexactlyashe
wantedthemwithblackinkthentheinkhecustomarilyboughtandusedcouldbe
traced;andwedhavehimstillanotherwayrunning!
Andtocheckthissmallbutinterestingpoint,Ijumpedoutofbedinmypyjamas,
and,lightingthelights,gotmysquarepackageoutofthecloset.Forinthetopdrawerof
thebureauIhadseen,beforeretiring,abottleofhotelinkandoneofinkeradicator,the
latterleftbehindbysomemoronwhohadtomanufacturealetterbytheputandtake
process.
And,seatedontheedgeofthebed,theinkeradicatorontheedgeofachairdrawn
upnearthebedside,Icuttheknottedjunctionsofthatpackage,thewrappingandtyingof
whichinthesoftmoonlightonafarHonolulustudiofloor,seemednowtohavebeen

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agesago;whichpackageIhadnevermyselfopenedsincethatnightIhadtiedand
knotteditup,first,becauseofthePrincessspresencewithmeacrossthePacificand
second,becauseofmyhecticjourneybyautomobilefromFriscotoElPaso.Thebright
crimsoncordholdingjawbonetoskull,asIfoundwhenthetoughwrappingpaperfinally
fellaway,revealingthe,skull,itsjetblacklettersuppermost,hadnotevenslippedduring
allofitstravels.Iloweredtheobject;blacklettersstilluppermost,toapositionbetween
myknees,and,withacornerofthebedsheetsaturatedwiththeinkeradicator,rubbedat
theleastimportantpartofthatMVsL:thatis,attheletters.Itswabbedoff
completelyandcleanly,asthoughamagicwandhadwaftedoverit.Andonlytheletters
MVLremainedtostareupatme.Ink!Notoilpaint.Oranyotherpigment.Ink!Inmy
favouraltogether.ForTillary,then,hadputonthatlettering.
Well,Sylvanus,Isaidgenially,turningtheskullabout,andsmilingdowninto
theskeletonfacethatseemedtoleerbackatme,youregoingtomakeyourstage
appearancesupremenextspring!Inahugelawsuit.Aposthumousappearance,however,
forSylvanusAxton,Esquire.Pooroldthespian!Thatyouwontbeabletoseeyourself
norreadaboutyourselfonthefrontpagesofallthepapersintheU.S.A.,andbuthere,
Sylvanus,letsuntietheoldjawsothatwecanputthatrightprongmoresecurelyinits
socket.Andhowsaboutyouandme,Sylvanus,repeatingtheoldsoliloquytogether,
eh?And,loosingthetightcrimsoncordanddroppingittothefloor,Irepeated,
facetiously,andhalfaloudTobeornottobeAh,thatisthequestion!workingthat
uncannylowerjawupanddownbyoneofitsprongssothatitsteethcametogetherin
exactsynchronismwithmylabials,anditsmouthopenedconcurrentlyinrhythmwith
bothmyrollingorandmysonorousah,tillitactuallyseemedasthoughwewere
holdingaweirdrehearsalofHamlettogether.
Anditwastwofullminuteslater,moreorless,whileIstillheldtheskulland
jawbone,marvellingatmanythings,thatIheardthecriesofFire.Therunningof
dozensofpairsoffeet.Sirensblaringfromafar.Andsmokeactuallyshotthroughthe
edgesofthe,transom.Andunderthedoor.
Godafiretrap!ASouthernfiretrap!
Iheardsomeoneshout,evidentlyfromtheroomadjoiningandevidently
throughagapbetweenthefloorandthebottomofthelockeddoorbetweenus:Youin
twohundredandseventeenthereFire!Runlikehelldontdressoryourelost.
Solucky,perhaps,thattheskullandjawbonewereliterallyinmyveryhandsas
allthishappenedandthatIsubconsciouslyheldontothemwhileIjerkedthetopsheet
fromthebed,wrappeditaboutmyselfandpluggedforthintothesmokefilledhall.
HowImadethestreetsIllneverknow.Justfoundanarrowstaircasesomewhere.Ran
downit,gasping,choking.Tumbledoutintotheclearfreshairofadarkalleyfilledwith
running,cursingfiremen,anddozensoflanternsbobbingupanddown.Stillhuggingthe
skullundermyleftarm,andunderthatridiculouslookingsheet.Andthefingersofmy
righthandactuallyclencheduponthejawbone.
And,twohourslater,pickingoutanewwardrobeinacharitybazaarupthestreet,
andwrappingintoahugebandanahandkerchieftheonlytwothingsIdsavedthatskull
andjawboneIknewthatIdbeenintheworstconflagrationofyearsforElPaso.A
holocaust.AfirethatmarkedcompletedestructionoftheHoustonHouse.AndIlearned

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alsothateverythingwhichbelongedtomysuitforjustice,withregardtograndfathers
work,wasdestroyedforgood.Forthegreatsafeintheoffice,sotheytoldme,wasof
wood,andhadbeenburnedtoashes,witheverywoodenlockdrawerinit.Gone
grandfathersnotarizedhandwrittenscript,hiswillinmyfavour,theletterstomefrom
Sam.Nothingleftnowbuttheskullandjawbone.Andthatscrawledgreasepencil
notationfaracrossthePacificwhichattestedtotheirhavingcometoCadwalladerfrom
Tillary.Butallquiteuselessformylawsuit.MychancegoneforevertoshowTillary
Steevensuptotheworldasaplagiarist.WhileI,therightfulheirtohishugeliterary
income,wanderedAmericariskingmyfreedomandmylife.
Thoughwhy,itwillbewondered,withmytrulyinvaluablepapersgoneforever
didIstillstartoutnextmorning,byfreighttrain,forSanAntoniotofindthehospital
whereSamhadoncelainforaweek?
Itwasbecauseofavarietyofconsiderations.Foronething,illiteratenotestyped
inredcapitalscan,afterall,beforgedonanytypewritingmachine.Foranotherthing,
certainchemistryadmirablysetforthinoneofgrandfathersnovelsoncepublishedby
Tillaryashisownisasexactasitisadmirable.Buttheprincipalreasonwasthat,onceI
shouldlocatethathospital,withallitsfiledXrayplatesonpastcasesspecifically
SamsIcouldstilldoalittlebit,atleast,towardsshowingTillaryupbeforetheworld.
ForcranialXrayplates,withtheirindividuallyshapedsinusesandtheirdozens
ofotherequallyindividualmeasurementsandstigmata,todayconstitutelegal
identificationofpersonslivingordead.Andbythatskullandjawboneandacertain
gruesomethingwhichIknewlaysomewherebeneaththemushroombedsof363
FullertonParkway,ChicagoIcouldquitedestroyTillarySteevensasAmericas
favouritemysterynovelist.
Morebriefly,Icouldhanghim!
Forinexaminingtheentiremouthofthatskullthenightjustgoneandduring
thetwominutesorsobeforethefireIhaddiscovered,bythequeerlyshapedandoddly
placedfillingsinitsteethnottoomitmentionoftheprecisepositionsofthreecertain
extractionsthatitwasworkwhichImyselfhadonceinstalledinapatient.Intheonly
professionaljobIhadeverdoneinmylife,exceptforextractingCarmenstwobadteeth.
InaSouthAmericandungeon.Inshort,theskullwasthatofLaughingSamhimself!
CHAPTERXXV

35
GETTINGTHERE

40

NOW,youdthink,thewaywasallclearformetogettherestofSamsskeleton
disinterredfromunderTillarySteevenssmushroombedsinthebasementofhishousein
Chicago,andputhimwherehebelongedforthemurderofmyfriend.Butwasitorwas
it?
AsIhavealreadysaid,itwasacharityorganizationthatfittedmeoutwith
clothes.Apartwornsuitandthepartthatwasstilltogo,especiallyonthetrousers,was
amerefinalinstalmentandashortoneatthat.Butthemanwholooksapairofgift

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trousersintheseatisamutt,anyhow,andIcouldfacetheworldinthatsuit,evenifI
werealittlecharyofbackinguptoit.
Theyalsofittedmyinteriorwithagoodsquaremeal,blessthemlIhadatalk
withtheladyalmoner,asshecalledherself,and,afterIhadexplainedthattherewas
urgentneedformetogettoSanAntonio,andthattherewasatleastaprospectofmy
beingabletorepayher,shestakedmemyfareandonedollarover.Andforonce,whichI
believeisararething,shegotsomeacknowledgmentofhercharity,forthedaywasto
comewhenshereceivedachequefor$1,000,whichIcountednottoomuchrecompense
forthereal,Christiancharitysheshowedtome.Ithought,asIwentawayfromthat
place,ofmybeautifulyeggmanskitcachedinFrisco,andknewitwouldneverbeused
againbymeknewitmoresurelythanever.Mywaywasbeingclearedformewithout
workofthatsort.
Itwasntrepentance,andIdontthinktherewasanythingcreditableaboutmy
turnovertohonesty.JustthatIdbeenadamnedfooltoplaythatriskygame,when,with
suchwitsasIhad,Icouldmakeawaywithoutit,andfindthatwayclearedformeat
everystep.No,notrepentance,forwhenIthoughtbackIsawnoreasontoregretanyjob
Idpulledoff,andinonecase,thatofthebruteIdlashedforkillingthewhitekitten,I
pattedmyselfonmyback.Notthatatall,butanewsortofviewoflife,givenmeinthe
firstplacebythePrincessonthatvoyageintheNingWha,andbuttressedsolidlybythis
meetingwithreal,humankindness.
SoIwenttoSanAntonio,foundthehospital,andspeedilyhadmybeliefinthe
kindnessofhumanbeingsreversed,AfterlongdelaysIgottoseeEliHarbord,the
superintendent,afisheyed,buttonedupindividualwhoregardedmefromthestartasif
hewishedhewereevenmorebuttonedup,lestIshouldgetahandinhispocket.I
unwrappedtheskullofpooroldSamand,puttingitdownonhisdesk,explainedmy
errand,howthatIwantedcopiesofhisXrayphotographsandrecordoftheiridentityto
tieupthisskullasthatofSamDavis,
Indeed,Mr.Hammond,hesaid,eyeingmycharitysuitwithdisfavour,and
whoistopaythehospitalforthetroubletowhichyouproposetoputus,andforthe
copiesofphotographsandrecord?
Iam,whenIvemadeuseofthemandgotalltheymeantome,Isaid.Theyre
goingtoprovemurder,againstacertainTillarySteevens,mysterystorywriter,now
livinginChicago.
Mygoodman,dontbeafool!heexpostulated.Suchwildandridiculous
chargesagainstawellknownauthorIhavereadmanyofhisworksmyselfrefute
themselves.And,tomymind,theyseemtoindicatethatyououghttobemedically
examinedastoyoursanity.
Allright,Isaid,keepingmytemperwithdifficulty.Willyoujustgivemefive
minutestotellyouthefacts,andprovetoyou
Iwillgiveyounotanothersecond,heinterrupted,andstuckhisthumbona
bellpushonhisdesk.Iwill,ifyoudaretostayhereanotherminute,giveyouincharge
forslanderagainstonewhoisalmostapublicfigureinournationallife,andwhoOh,
Hendrikson,hebrokeoff,turningtoaddressthebigSwedewhoansweredhisringI
wantyoutoshowthisgentlemanout,andifhemakesanytroubleaboutgoing,throwhim

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out,anddontbetooparticularastohowyoudoit.
IsawatoncethattheSwedewastoobigformetotackleinanycase,itwould
havebeenuselesstacklinghim,foritwouldnothavegotmeanyfarther.So,takingmy
skullorrather,Samsskullwithme,Ifollowedtheportertothemainentranceofthe
hospital,andwentdownthestepswhilehewatchedmeasifregrettingthatIhadnot
givenhimachancetousehismuscles.
Andthatwasthat,IreflectedasItookstationonafreeseatalmostfacingthe
hospitalentrance.WithoutthoseXraypictures,Iwassunk,andknewit.Icould,of
course,gotothepolicewithmystory,andperhapsgetbelievedandperhapsnotIToo
manycrankswalkedintopoliceoffices,asIknew,withfakeconfessions,fake
accusations,andthelike,andquitepossiblyIshouldbetuckedawayinacellfora
medicalexaminationandworstofall,mightlosetheskull.Iwasbothtiredandhungry:
thedollarthatangelinfemaleclothinghadgivenmeinElPasohadgoneonfood,and
thereIwas,attheendofmyresourcesfinancially,andshortofthevitalevidencethat
wouldmakethecaseagainstTillarySteevenscomplete.
SothereIsat,thinkingasgloomilyasamandoeswhenhisstomachisemptyand
heseesnoprospectoffillingit,and,lookingup,Isawoneoftheleanestmenonearth
comedownthosehospitalsteps.Awelldressedman,jauntyandhappy,bythelookof
him,whothrewaglanceoveratme,stopped,andthencameovertothebench.
Dischargedpatient,eh?heaskedgenially.
Nope,Itoldhim.Disgustedapplicant.
Well,bythegreatAEsculapius!heexclaimed.IfitisntJerryHammond
himself!IthoughttherewassomethingIknewaboutthesetofthoseshoulders!Howare
you,Jerry?AndwhatinthunderareyoudoingingoodoldSanAntone,anyhow?How
areyou?Iwasonmyfeetbythistime,recognizinghimas,atonce,hehadrecognized
me.SlimCornish,oneofourgangintheoldstudentdayswhenIhadrunaroundandstill
hopedformydentaldiploma.
Imightaskthesame,Isaid.Damnedgladtoseeyou,Slimaslongasyoure
notashamedtobeseenwithaguydressedasIam.
Oh,dontbeadamnedidiot!heretorted.RememberhowIcheckedthebook
forPhilDottworth,andlostfivedollarstohimoverthatmockweddingbetweenyouand
Princess,waybackatourlastparty?Byheck,thatssomeyearsago,too.Howisthe
littlelady?
MarriedtoWally,Ianswered.Andthatsall,Slim.
SoIYouhaventforgottenher,bythesoundofit.Well,lifesonehellofa
mixture,anyhow.Butwhathowwhy?
Firstofall,Iasked,whatareyoudoinginthathospital?
Me?Oh,Imthebignoiseconsultingphysician.Goodadvertising,youknow
Idoitfree.Ivegotonintheworld,Jerrybrainspecialist,me.Justrunoverhereoncea
weekSanAntoneaintbigenoughformygeniuspeopleneverseemtorealizethata
specialistisonehalfbluffandthreeeightscommonsense,withaneightofmedical
ability.Andhavingthebluffallrightwell,whatwouldyou?Igetthroughonit,andrun
aPackardandkeepfourservants.
Congratulations,Isaidbutitwasntabitsincere,IrealizedthatImighthave

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beeninthesamestreetwithhim,oratleastthenextstreetdown,ifIhadbeenableto
finishmydentalcourseandgothewaymygrandmotherhadhopedImight.
Helaughedalittle.Somethingsbitingyoumightybadly,hesaid,Well,lets
sitdownhereandtalkitout.IfIcanhelp,youcancountonme,forthesakeofoldtimes.
Whatsthetrouble?
WesatdownonthebenchLord,howgladIwastomeetarealfriend,ashe
showedhimself!andItoldhimthewholestorythereandthen.OfTillarySteevensand
theskull,andmyneedoftheXraypicturesofSamsskullfromthehospitalrecords.All
ofit,includinghowEliHarbordhadreceivedme,andpracticallythrownmeout.
Hehearditthroughtotheend,sayingnothing.WhenIhadfinished,hethoughtit
overforawhile,andIwaited.
Thin,Jerryuntilyougetholdofthepicturesandtieupthisskullwiththem.
Thenbyheck!Ifitsproved,youreonthebiggestsensationthatevermadefrontpage
stuffinnewspapers,orthereabouts.AndoldEli,thegoldarnedoldmug,wouldntseeit,
eh?Well,Iknowyou,Jerry,andIrememberthecase.Itcametome.Say,whatabouta
spotofgrubtogetherImonlyherefortheday,andhavetogetawaybacktomy
practice,butIvegotagoodthreehourstospare?WhatsayIvegotanemptinessinmy
inside?
Idvaluecopiesofthosepictures,signedandattested,morethanIwoulda
feed,Itoldhim,thoughIwasontheedgeofstarving.
Oh,thatsallright,hesaid.AsItoldyou,Iknowthecase,andyoushallhave
yourpictures,signedandattestedbyme,HaroldS.Cornish,andawholerowofletters
afterit,Jerry.ButfortheloveofAEsculapiusletusgoandstokeupourlittleinsides.
first,andthenIllcomebackandmakeoldElifeellikeaTexassandstormwiththewind
dropped.Comealong,oldson.
Sowewentalong,thoughIwasbynomeansanxioustogo,inspiteofmyhunger
Iwantedthosepicturestoomuchtocourtdelayingettingthem.Still,itwasgoodto
feeltheoldbelttightening,asitdidafterwehadseatedourselvesinajointwheregood
foodwasplentiful,and,overthemeal,Iamplifiedtheoutlinesofmytale,sinceSlimwas
interestedinallofitandkeptonquestioningme.
Youknow,Jerry,hesaidwhenhehadheardallIcouldtellhim,yououghtto
gostraighttotheFederalpolicewiththis.
AndditchmychanceofmakinggoodonTillarySteevens,Ipointedout.No,
Slim.AgoodlawyerinChicagoforme,withallIvegotthatis,afterIvegottheXray
recordsonSamandthenIstandachanceofmakinggood.IfIgotothepolicewithit
rightoff,thenIsignmyselfoutofit.Tillaryllgetwhatscomingtohim,butIwont.
Andasyoumustsee,hesthievedfromme.
Idoseeit,hesaid,wrinklinghisbrows,andwell,Iminwithyou,Jerry,to
theextentofgettingyouwhatyouwant.Andthenlookhere!Ivegotabrotherin
Chicago,andhesgotnearlyasmuchbrainasIhave,exceptthathetooktothelaw
insteadoffindinganeasywaytobeprosperous,asIdid.AbrahamL.Cornish,andifyou
cantguesswhattheLstandsfor,Imnothelpingyou.Isendhimadollarortwo
sometimes,justtokeephimfromfallinginattheendofasoupkitchenline.Now,ifIfit
yououtwiththosephotographs,willyoupromisemetotakeyourcasetohim?Itllput

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himuponthetopline,withallthepublicitythereistoit,andhellbeoffmyhands.
Getmethosepictures,andIllhandthecaseovertoJohnL.Satanhimselfat
yoursayso,Itoldhim.
No,hesaid,tomybrother.Thatsdifferentfromwhatyousaid!
Wewentbacktothehospital,andintoEliHarbordsoffice.Hisface,whenhe
sawmewalkinwiththeirbrainspecialist,wasacrossbetweenanearthquake,anda
sandwichwithapiecebittenout.
Myfriendhere,Mr.Hammond,wantssomephotographsofacaseIhandled
sometimeago,Mr.Harbord,Slimsaidmagnificently.Ibelievehegaveyouthedetails
whenhecalledonyouafewhoursago.Willyoubesogoodastogethimcopiesofthe
photographs?
Oh,certainly,Mr.Cornish!Eliansweredhumbly.Iwillhavecopiesmadefor
himatonce,iftherearenoneavailable.Wontyousitdown,Mr.Hammond?Againhe
puthisthumbonthebellpushonhisdesk.Weerwehavetolookupoldrecords,
youknow,and
Oh,cutitout!Sliminterruptedhim.Getbusy,man!Ivegotatraintocatch,
andmyfriendhasgottohavewhathewantsbeforeIgo.Producecopiesofeveryoneof
thosepicturesofSamDavisscranium,anddontwastetimeoverit.Iknow.toomuch
aboutourgameforyoutofoolmewiththeworkingsofit.
Eligotbusy.
SlimCornish,brainspecialist,hadbeenlean,andongoodfoodandagood
income,asIknew.AbrahamLincolnCornishwasleanerhewaslittlemorethana
skeleton,whenhavingtravelledonthemoneyhisbrotherhadlentme,Ifacedhiminhis
officeinChicago.Atworoomaffair,thatonce,furnishedascheaplyasitcouldbe,andI
guessedthatthehawklikelookingtypistwhoshowedmeinintheabsenceofanoffice
boywasaparttimeemployeeandtheguesswasagoodone.IhadSlimscardfora
passport,andtoldmystory.IfIdgotnothingelseoutofit,Ihadthesatisfactionof
seeingthislivingskeletonfattenoutattheprospectsitopenedupforhim.
AnderMr.Hammond,youhavetheskullandtheerphotographssigned
andattestedbymybrother?heasked,whenIhadfinished.
Iputtheskulldownonhisbaredesk,and,besideit,theenvelopeinwhichwere
thepicturesthatSlimhadhadattestedbeforeheleftmeinSanAntoniowithmyfareto
Chicagoandagoodbitover.
Hegavethemtheonceover,andlookedatme.
Doyouknow,Mr.Hammond,Ithinkwemightgoouttolunchandhaveatalk
overthisremarkablestoryyouhavetoldme.Iwanttogetthedetailsallfixedinmy
mind,andthenTHEN!Ithinkwehaveanearthshakingphenomenon.Thegreat
TillarySteevens.Yes.Yes.
Ihadnoobjectiontohisbuyingmeafeed,though,atthattime,hecouldprobably
afforditaslittleasIcouldaffordtobuyhimone.Butoutwewent,theparttimetypist
regardingmewithsomedisfavouraswewentthroughtheouterpartofhistworoom
office.Thankstome,sheisnowafulltimeemployeeintheestablishmentofAbrahamL.
Cornish,attorney,andhasaroomtoherselfapartfromtheotherthreewageslaveshe
needs.Itwasagoodlunch,andalongtalk.

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ThegreatSteevens,Abrahamsaidatthefinish.Yes.Yes.Ithink,thenotso
greatSteevens,henceforth.Infact,Mr.Hammond,withallthatyouhaveshownmeMr.
Steevensisduetodisappearfromthesocietyofhisfellowmeninsomeway.Nowletme
handleitgivemecarteblanche,andleaveitalltome.Areyouagreeabletosucha
course?Because,ifso,yourfortuneismade,Iassureyou.
Andyours,Itoldhim,beingsureofit.
Incidentally,Mr.Hammondquiteincidentally,hesaid.But,sosureamIof
whereandhowwestand,thatyouneednotputdownonecenttowards:theexpensesof
thecase.Leaveittomejustleaveittome,butcomebackwithmetomyofficeandlet
usputallthisremarkablestoryofyoursonrecord.Justasaprecaution.
Wewentbacktogether.Hesaidhistypistwaslatebackfromlunchtoday,butI
knewquitewellthatsheonlyworkedmorningswithhimandwouldnotcomebackatall,
butitmadenodifference.Hetookdownmystoryhimself,forthefactthathisbrother
believedinmewasgoodenoughforhim,andhewasgoodatshorthand.
Andthatisthecase,Mr.Hammond,hesaidatthefinish,surveyinghis
pothooks.Ithinkwehaveaawatertightcase,asyoumightcallit.Nowleaveitallto
me.Donothingyourself,untilIgiveyoutheword.Yes,leaveitalltome,andrelyonme
nocharge,nochargewhatever,Iassureyou,atthisstage.Wehavehere,Ithink,a
monumental
Nevermindthesuperlatives,Icutin.Illleaveittoyouforadayortwoand
seewhathappens.IfIdontgetwhatscomingtome,youdontgetwhatscomingto
you,forIvenothing.
Wouldyoulike,say,ahundreddollarsonaccount,Mr.Hammond?
Justtoseeifhecouldmakegoodonit,IsaidIwould.
Heproducedanoldpocketbook,andcountedmeouttentens.Itlefthimjustone
ten,Icouldsee.
Makeitfifty,Isaid.Idontwanttobankruptyou.
Hesmiledandpushedthetennotesatmeacrossthedesk.
MydearMr.Hammond,hesaid,Iseefameandfortuneaheadofmeoverthis
case.Byallmeans,takethelot.
Itookit,badehimgoodday,andwentout.ForIknewthat,ashehadsaid,sucha
caseasthismeantfameandfortuneforhim.And,Ihoped,itmeantfortuneforme,ifhe
playedhispartwell.
NotthatIcaredalotaboutfortune,inreality.Enoughtogivememealsandabed
yes.ButallthetimeIrememberedmyPrincessandourvoyagetogether,and,without
her,allIcouldwinoutofTillarydidnotinterestmeovermuch.
CHAPTERXXVI

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TOLEARNTHEOUTS
COMINGdownthestepsoftheCriminalCourtsBuilding,atChicago,justseven
daysaftermydiscoveryinElPaso,Ifeltsadandelatedboth.Sadbecauseofthemeeting

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IhadjusthadtobeinintheStatesAttorneysoffice.AmeetingwhereTillary,facing
thefactsofwhatwasdugupunderhismushroombeds,hadagreedtotaketwentyyears
inJolietpenitentiarywhichlightsentencehadbeenvouchsafedhimapparentlyonly
becausehehadconsentedtoturnbacktomeallofgrandfathersscripts,andhadsigneda
statementastohowhegotthem.Andturnedthemback,moreover,heactuallyhadall
ofthem.
Harcourt,ofHiffton,MacHarcourtandCompanyhadremainedupthere,totalk
longerwiththeD.A.andhehadinhispocketmysignedcontractforpublicationofall
ofthescripts,modernized,ofcourse,overthecomingyearsandhewasnoweagerly
takingdowndetailsoftheirplotsandtheirtitles.Thusmyelationsuchasitwas!
AndIstoodaloneandfreeevenwealthyonthestepsofthehugebuilding.
Terriblyalone,tosaytheleast.Stood,wonderingwhatnext.Tillsuddenly,comingalong
thesidewalk,Isaw
Yesitwasshe!
MydearPrincess!
Shecameuptome.Thatis,uptowhereIwas!forIhadquicklyleftthosesteps
andhurriedtowardsherandnowItookbothofherhandsinmine.
Princess!Isaid.Whywhyareyouhere?Youread,ofcourse
Yes,Jerry.OfcourseIreadeverylineprintedaboutthecaseinthe
newspapers.AndIhavejustflownallthewayfromthePacificCoasttocatchyoubefore
youleaveChicagototellyousomethingsomethingsovital.Icamestraighthereto
theCriminalCourtsBuildingbecauseIknewtheDistrictAttorneyherecouldsendme
straighttowhereyouwere.
Whatisitsovitalyouwanttotellme,Princess?
Heisdead.
Dead?Yourhusband
Yes,dead,Jerry.Andhiscrueltytomeofyearsisendedforever.Butasforhis
beingmyhusband,Jerrywell,itseemshewasnt.ForIhave,itappears,been
bigamouslymarriedtohimalltheseyears.
MyGod!Igroaned.Ofalltheluck!Apreviousmarriage,Princess?Well,ifit
werentforthat,now,Icould
Jerry,shesaid,speakingofmarriagesmockaswellasrealdoyou
remember,inthelongago,thelankychap,PhilDottworth,whoconductedamock
marriageofyouandmeatthatparty?
SuresureIdo.Hewasagoodonetodoit,forhewasatheologicalstudent
andIthinkwasdueeventuallytobecomeaminister.
Well,Jerry,hecametomeyesterdaythemomenthereadinthepaperthat
myhusbanddied,Andhetoldmehowhehadworriedalltheseyearsbecauseofwhat
healoneknew.Jerrywhatwouldyousayifyouweretobetoldthathewasordained
theverydayoftheeveningonwhichheconductedthatmockceremonyforus?
Buthecouldnthavebeen.Because
Buthewas,Jerry.Anddidntknowithimself.Hisnotificationhadbeendelayed
inthemails.And,Jerry,itseemshetherebyactuallyandlegallymarried,us.Bybell,
bookandcandleasitwere!

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Princess!Isaid,takingbothherhandsinmine.Thenthenallthetimewe
havebeenhusbandandwifeevenonthePacific?
Yes,dearJerry.EvenonthePacific.ExceptthatIalashavebeen,allthe
time,abigamist.
While,I,Isaidgrimly,havebeen,allthetime,aButIcutitoff.
Well,husbandomine,shesaid,halfgailyyethalfsadly,nowthatyoure
comingbackwithmeandremaininseclusionafewdaystillthefuneralisoverfor
Imgoingtotakeyourightbytheearandbringyoustraightbackbyreturnplanewith
mewhatareyougoingtodowithyourlife?Areyougoingtoliveontheserich
royaltiesyoullbegetting?
Goshno,darlingImImgoingtowork.Atsomething.
Well,howabout,Jerrycarryingonthebusinessmyhusbandthatis,alas,my
husbandinmybigamy!wasin?Yousee,itshouldgoefficientlyon,Jerrybecause
mytwounclesandanauntandevenIshareinpracticallyallthestockinit.
Whatisthebusiness?Iasked.YounevertoldmeinHonoluluoraboardthe
NingWhawhatitwas.
No,sheadmitted.IIdidntliketo.Itwassuchsuchaprosaicsortof
business.AndyoualwayscalledmeaPrincess.ButitistheAmericanBurglarProofSafe
Company.Though,Jerry,doyouthinkdoyouthinkyoucouldlearntheinsandouts
ofburglarproofsafes?
Ibentdownandkissedher,rightonthestreet.Yes,darling.Infact,maybeall
Illhavetolearnistheouts.Wellletsgo.
THEEND

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