A HAPPY FAMILY

MY PERSONAL PERCEPTION

INTRODUCTION

1.

The importance of a happy family, especially in close knit family system of our

social set- up, cannot be over -emphasized. The effects of a happy domestic life are
clearly visible on each member of that family in almost all walks of life, be it social or
official. A happy family yields a happy and contended person who is efficient, has a lot of
vitality and gives 100 percent to the society.
2.

Aim. The aim of the paper is to depict the effects and influence of a happy life in

our social conduct and living style.

HAPPINESS AND FAMILY

What is happiness?
3.

The Lexicon Webster dictionary defines happiness as "the state or quality of being

content". Happiness is man's eternal golden hued dream; and search after it is his
constant endeavor. In every age in human history, the rich and the poor, the high and the
low, the king and the peasant have yearned for peace of mind and contentment that
comes of a triumph over strife and agony that follow it. Every man has his own
conception of happiness, the paths to happiness differ as widely as the men that follow
them but the end is the same, it is happiness or contentment.
4.

Most men in the world believe that contentment or happiness lies in the expansion

of power and influence in the external world. They follow the smash and grab policy of
1

Hitler or Mussolini and seek contentment in the satisfaction of lust for temporal power.
Ordinary men and women also often make the mistake of thinking that happiness
consists in external power and influence. In real life, we often come across men women
who believe that happiness consist in the possession of wealth or material prosperity. But
disease, pain and death cannot be controlled by mounting bank balances any more than
the hills and rivers can be made to follow man's bidding and move a few inches to the left
or the right. If wealth, indeed, were the only source of happiness, then Buddha would not
have left the palace and with it, the luxuries of courts and retired to the forest, lost in
divine contemplation.
5.

In the twentieth century, there has arisen a conception of happiness, based on a

fundamentally new outlook on life. This may be called the Russian conception of life and
happiness; its political phase is known as Soviet republicanism while its philosophical
aspect is best described as historical materialism. According to Russian historical
materialism, it is matter or nature that has been controlling and will forever control the
destiny of man and civilization throughout history. Therefore, happiness or contentment,
as a modern Russian conceives it, lies in total and communal enjoyment of the world of
nature and whatever conveniences and amenities it has to offer to man. As Lenin and
Stalin argue, better food and clothing for all and equal opportunities for all and sundry
will bring eternal contentment to the human race. Abstract things of the spirit, according
to this philosophy of life, simply do not exist, and the dogmas of religion are misleading.
But this philosophy of life, however appealing to the average man and woman of the
present day, gives poor consolation to the mother who loses the only son or to the child
that loses his father or mother or both, the state cannot fill up the blanks in life caused by
disease and death, in spite of the best care and solicitude it might bestow.

What is a family?
6.

The Lexicon Webster dictionary defines family as "The group of persons who live

in one house hold and under one head" or "The unit consisting of parents and their
children, the children, as distinguished from the parents; persons related by blood or
marriage, those who are descendants of a common progenitor." Almost all human
beings have grown up in some kind of "family" but families have varied considerably in
form not only from one era to another and from one culture to another but also within
2

eras, within culture. In a culture the form of the family changes or disappears, giving
ways to others. All these many aspects of the family constitute an important part of social
change. The first way to look at the family is as a group or household.
7.

Type of Family.

There is no accepted method of classifying a family.

The various types are.

(a)

Corporate Family.

It is organized around a number of

important activities, such as hunting in its territory, cultivating its land,

trading its products, performing important rituals and rites and rearing its
children.
(b)

Extended Family.

It includes not only the parents and

unwed children but also married children and their wires or husbands and
off springs. Among the wealthy, people generally lives longer, and extended
families of good economic standing may include as many as four
generations, at least for a short period of time. Strictly speaking, a small
extended family is no longer extended when one of the parents in the older
generation dies. An extended family should thus be seen as a stage in the
family cycle and as an ideal form that is difficult to attain in poor countries.
(c)

Conjugal Family.

In this a husband and a wife almost

always come from different families, therefore their bond is not blood
related. But the children in the conjugal family have blood relation with their
parents.
(d)

Nuclear Family. It consists only of parents and their children.

This type of family is universal, it forms the nucleus of the corporate as well
as of the extended family and of course, constitute the first stage in both. It
is probably the oldest type of family, going back to the earliest ancestors of
man.

Concept of Joint Family System

8.

The concept of a joint family system is no different but what has earlier been

defined as the "Extended family". In our social set-up, in a single house the entire
children both married and single live together with their parents. The house is generally
compartmentalized for the married and the singles resort to community living. Generally
the kitchen is shared by all family members. The decision making is generally done by
the eldest male member, for the entire family.
9.

Merits.
(a)

The merits of a joint family are:-

Psychological/Physical Security.

An important

function of the joint family is the provision of emotional or psychic security.

These are especially associated with intimacy and emotional
interdependence. In addition, every individual feels a sense of physical
security because of the family's willingness or duty to protect one another,
to care for the sick or injured, to provide one another with shelter, warmth,
food, and clothes.
(b)

Child Socialization and Education.

A good joint family

ensures to educate or socialize their children in traditional fashion, teach

them proper manners. Manners do not mean mere outward behaviour, as it
does now, but what we should call good conduct or morality. It is good
moral conduct based on sound moral principles that makes a man. The
only thing that really matters in life is character. Good joint families provide
conducive atmosphere for the formation of character on right lines. Their
object is to bring children up in such a way that they will grow up to be truth
loving, honest, brave, pure-minded and unselfish men and women.
(c)

Contribution to Social and Economic Life. A joint family

by virtue of being the common economic unit faces fewer problems. The
entire resources are pooled to meet basic requirements like food and
clothing etc. it also enables greater social interaction. It never lacks in
company and good companionship, love and compassion is in plenty.
10.

Demerits. The demerits of a joint family are:4

(a)

Lack of Privacy. The worst problem faced in joint family system

is the lack of privacy, due to the number of people. This is a very basic
necessity and, if not available, becomes quite irritating.
(b)

Joint Resource management.

In some joint families where

the number of earning members is less, extra pressure is imposed on the

bread winners to cater for all members of the family.

Influence of Culture on Living-style

11.

Culture must not be confused with education. To be cultured a man must be

educated. Culture is a certain refinement of taste, enlargement of mind and mellowing of

the whole personality. Culture directly affects the living style. These effects are:(a)

Security in Society and Family. Modern societies try to

protect their citizens against violence, distress, ignorance and

maladjustment. People are so anxious for this protection that they find it
difficult to believe that exploitation, extermination, hunger or vice on a
grand scale need persist in their own society. In our set up the difficulty
seems to be that one's own individual process of growing up, in the
overwhelming majority of cases, took place in a family and that one
consciously or unconsciously tries to rebuild or recover the same
constellation as that in which one advanced from the role of child to the role
of adult.
(b)

The Effects of Technology. Technology and society interact in

a very complicated manner. Society eagerly accepts some technological

innovations and completely disregards others, which often are just as
useful. The technology of television, home freezers, washing machines and
family cars etc do provide a much needed respite, reducing physical labour
but at the same time some of these invention have given rise to new social
and moral evils. For example, television provides good update on national
and international issues but it has also resulted in more crimes, increased
5

violence and immorality. In some families the advancements in technology

lead to a better and posh living-style yet in some others it results in
unemployment and rough times.
(c)

The Drive for Female Equality.

The democratic ideology,

even in the West, is hesitant to grant women equal civil and political rights.
Although they now generally have educational opportunities as good as do
the men and access to a number of professions. They generally receive,
however, somewhat lower incomes and have smaller chances of
promotion. In our society the primary job for the women is household and
all else is secondary. The dilemma for the workingwomen is that they have
a lot of housework to do when they get home and that they will have to stay
at home on the days that their husband or one of the children is ill in bed. A
working woman is under extreme pressure to strike a equilibrium in both
her roles, as neglect in any one will have drastic results for her.

My Idea of a Happy Family

12.

Every creature seeks happiness and man plans for it, consciously. But few very

few indeed, can claim that they have gained happiness. In the first place, we do not
know what precisely happiness is. To seek a thing is better to have it. This is the law, of
human mind. " To travel hopefully is better than to arrive " said Stevenson, and he was
right. Happiness is also a thing whose pursuit inspires us with hope, but not its
possession. Secondly, there is no common, universal standard of happiness. It varies
with the culture and temperament of people. Indeed, it is well known how one man's
happiness may well turn out to be another man's worry. Yet it is a fact that all men seek
this unknown thing, because they hope to get it sometime, somewhere. A life without
hope is a living death. We live by hope, effort and expectation.
13.

Since now two persons share the same vision of happiness. It is obvious that we

all have our own special brand of happiness to pursue. We have our own ideas and
ideals of happiness. It all depends on what we are, how we are placed and trained in life.
It is our culture and temperaments, as we said, that determine our ideas of happiness. A
beggar, for example, dying for want of bread will deem it heavenly if he procures a crumb
6

of food while, by the same token, heaps of richly-cooked food will let a rich man be
indifferent to it.
14.

Our idea of heaven is our happiness. To the hungry heaven is land flowing with

milk and honey. To the childless, heaven is a home full of children; to the blind, it is
vision; to the bachelors, it is married life; to the dull and stupid, it is matter of intelligence
and knowledge, and so on, In short, we are happy to have that what we have not.
15.

I would be happy if I were able to live a simple life. I have dreamed of doing away

with these things which people generally seek, namely, wealth, fame, honour and
applause. My happiness, I have felt, does not consist in the possession of things that are
uncertain. The things of this world are of this kind. Money goes away as it comes, leaving
one worried about getting more fame is fickle; it too, comes to some and leaves them
after a while. It is the lot of many to live a fameless life. The world, in the words of
Wordsworth, is really too much with us. Getting and spending and yet again getting, this
is what we all prize and thus do we all lay waste our powers. Man was not created to
earn money and do nothing else. This is why we are not happy in the pursuit of worldly
things.
16.

I have thought over this and come to the conviction that I will be happy only when

I possess something which does not lessen, get lost or destroyed. Such a thing is
contentment. To be contential is to possess inner wealth. It is not lost; it cannot be stolen;
it increases with the years; it enriches our soul. So my idea of a happy family is a
spiritual one. In order to possess this inner wealth, it is necessary that I should live a
simple life. Simple living encourages high thinking; it is the best guarantee of
contentment. It leaves one time and energy enough to seek after better things. These are
the things of the mind. They are truth, beauty, love, goodness, kindness and charity. It is
in the pursuit and cultivation of these that I can be truly happy.
17.

I do not mean that I will be an ascetic. No, I will live in the midst of life with all its

interests and responsibilities. I will discharge my responsibilities to my parents, my

dependents, my home, my country and my fellow beings at large. I will function as son, a
husband, father and a citizen. But I will do this in the spirit of self service. I will not
demand, nor expect, any worldly returns for this service. I shall be happy only when I am
7

free to pursue and cherish my dream of happiness. I shall not be truly free to do this till I
have faithfully discharged my obligations to my home and to my country.
18.

My idea of happiness is a dream. It is a life of simple living and high thinking. It is

to live a richly spiritual life. I will be happy in this way. Let me quote a few lines of an
unknown poet who describes a way of life which is also mine. He says:"My walls outside must have some flowers,
My walls within must have some books;
A home that's small; a garden large
Add in it leafy nooks."
19.

This is what I imagine is a happy life. I must have a life devoted to nature and

learning. I must have a loving wife and little children to play with. I must have a contented
mind. So the poet and I entirely agree. I shall be happy if I get an opportunity to do social
service in time. I cannot be happy if I do not live this kind of life, even though fortune
might smile and give me heaps of money. I share the idea of an unknown poet who
says:" With this small house, this garden large,
This little gold, this lovely mate,
With health in body, peace at heart
Show me a man more great."
This idea of greatness is also my idea of a happy family.

CONCLUSION

20.

To, conclude, a Greek philosopher said: " No man should be called happy till he is

dead and buried." Happiness is the end of human life; its pursuit is almost universal. It is
possible that happiness may tantalize us, elude our grasp because it is not all matter or
flesh; it is spirit too. Therefore, true happiness lies within, it consists in tranquility of mind,
in the cultivation of that elusive something called perpetual serenity. The secret of
happiness lies in cutting down our wants to the barest minimum, in having as few of
them as possible. A family which has the qualities enumerated above is a happy family.