"I'll be perfectly honest with you.

Think about sitting through a very loud, very long piano recital"
a candle
a man seated, uncomfortably
linear, bright white

Emily announced "this is sobering"

and yet everyone kept smiling
perhaps they were ignoring her
or merely immune to idle warnings
but this was no occasion for prevention
they didnt want to lose their reservations
arrangements for the presidential suite
were made discreet and fast
and Henry on the escalator was heard to laugh "this wasn't meant to last"
"Stop. Next."
One image at a time
I was at home, eating a bowl of
mushroom soup. I ran my tongue over
my top left wisdom tooth, very lightly.
With that, it cracked in half, all the way
up the middle, splitting off at my gums.
The half of my tooth that I spit out into
my hand was all grey and black. The
pain was searing, I couldnt stop
sweating, and my panic produced saliva
that pooled around the exposed innards
and felt like 100 low voltage electric
shocks. I knew I had to move quickly, so
I went to the kitchen, grabbed a
toothpick, and in three or four deft, quick
thrusts, speared and fished out the pulp,
thus deadening the horrible aching. The
next night, I called an oral surgeon.
While waiting to book my appointment,
a hunk of my top right wisdom tooth fell
out so quickly I nearly choked on it.
(Whilst warming up his lunch in the kitchen area microwave, Peter was approached for his thoughts.)
Ive done prison ministry, campaigned against corporate influence in the media, and I try to be environmentally
conscious
I feel like Im being written out of the story

(Oliver, whose eyes could barely be seen, as he was seated behind a bowl spilling over with candied figstook a moment but still eventually coughed...)

Youve already taken your share. I dont know why I cant have this.

One image at a time

ONE IMAGE
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SUPERVISOR:
See, I misunderstood you. I thought when
you said chop, you meant vertical cuts.
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SPECIALIST: No,
man. Its more like horizontal slices, if
youre thinking of it visually like that.
AT A TIME
Hold the fish by the head and scrape
the scales from the tail toward the gills
with a small knife.
Pay particular attention around the fins,
since they can prick your skin.
Remove all of the scales from both
sides. Remember the scales around the
pectoral and dorsal fins.
Wash the fish. Avoid blasting the water,
just enough pressure to remove loose
scales from the body.

Another of our herd has died

What to do, I cant decide
I'll make some calls, finalize the time
and we'll perform the burial rites
but this moment needs some quiet
please don't play the piano tonight
Now she's deeply under the leaves
where poachers wont harvest her ivory
We walk forward filled with memories
but her secrets are still bound tightly
drop the keys, it doesn't seem right
please dont practice the piano tonight
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
White van, I don't want to see you following me
please, let's agree we don't owe each other anything
And allow one to dissolve into the fog this evening

The journalist was confounded. There was far more to this castle than her
research had indicated. As the caretaker guided the team down a winding
stone staircase into a hitherto unseen second basement, the journalist tried
to imagine actually living in such a place. A massive Mahogany door barely
on its hinges was moved aside. The caretaker reminded the team that other
than family, nobody else had been allowed to see what was left in these
depths. The journalist noted however, that there was little of interesta
dingy gold three legged sofa, various certificates in frames hung on the
walls, and a small trampoline with what appeared to be dirt or sand caked
all over it. Upon entering the final room, the journalist paused for a second
in disbelief, but then instinctively motioned to the photographer. There it
was before them. This meant that even the vilest rumors could be true, the
old bastard autocrat had actually built a glass coffin.

The meeting had been its usual interminable self. As ever, the agenda was
carried through without variation. The upper management all sat at the
head of the table, and would decree a policy change. The employees who
formed the next tier of power all clustered together at the opposite end, and
judging by their eye rolling, body language, and wordless tut-tutting, you
could tell which regulations would stick, and which would be forgotten. And
while the form of this meeting was the exact same as every other, the tone
could not have been more different. And as the second level sailed along
on their steady stream of hushed bantering, the department head muttered
an aside that they would be lucky to even make payroll this month.
Camilles head spun around in cold shock. She looked to the insiders, and
then even the outliers for any type of confirmation that someone out of this
large group also just heard what she had.

They booked their time together on the top floor,

after hours. They still made sure it went
unmentioned on any shared calendars. Their
passive aggressive argument about answers created
a din that raged even as they individually left the
room, and faint echoes of which could be heard by
the overnight cleaning crew.

(Emily was stopped in hallway and asked a short series of

questions. Her answers appear verbatim below.)
I was just trying to think of activities that could be enjoyed by
the whole group.
A decision was made that it is unfair to constantly discipline
just one or two people, so we made rules that would apply to
everybody.
I have absolutely no opinion about that.
We had absolutely no qualms about sending her around the
floor to look at what people were doing on their
computersand nor should we have.

Turning away from the table, and looking out

the floor-to-ceiling windows at the excellent view
From this perspective, its a radiant day
The sky is cloudless, except for that
Charming small cluster over on the right
The sun resplendent in its noon time posture
The trees wave lazily in the wind
A woman walks her dog
The high school track team jogs by
Deer in the forest preserve
Nibble at the cabbage and lettuce left for them
And a worker pulls up and
Takes out a shovel from his trunk

"Did you hear that? Did you hear that? Camille grabbed my arm
and shout whispered as I was walking by the ladies room. Emily
made that comment about not making payrollhow come nobody
even noticed that? This is bad, this is bad news, Matthew
I saw Camille again three hours later and she handed me a crumpled
note. I nicked into a supply room and opened it up, smoothing out
the paper against a cold, tall cabinet. She had written This reminds
me of when youre a kid, and youre sick, and your mother is driving
you the doctors office. Youre miserable, and every turn of the car
makes you nauseous. Youre out of school, but youre not having any
fun, and youre looking at people walking down the sidewalk and
having a normal day, and you wish that you could be just like them
because it feels like you wont have a normal day again.

Silver/Mercury amalgam mix in his mouth

Puss poisoning he cant spit out
He can choose cadaver bones in an allograft
Or just leave a giant gash

White van, I know that Im not supposed to, but I looked at the driver through the glass
I couldnt identify him, but I noticed he didn't return the glance

Pure

well, not pure

Anna closed the door as she entered.

Before her, she saw the person
she had mockingly named
the model of efficiency
these are the moments
Where I find this relationship
Impossible and exhausting
Im utterly untrusting of its dynamics
And when Im in the grips
Of supervised loneliness
I find myself fearless about
The future, for any
Renovation would be an
Improvement over this
Pact of politesse, and
Impacted guarded emptiness
I'm afraid of being alone
in a room with you
apprehensive about
your sources and associations
and it confirms
my worst suspicions
when I overhear each
separate set of secrets
through the wall in your
alleged private conversations
Empty halls
Empty chairs
Empty closets
Empty cubicles
Half of the lights silent
Henry: So, let me get this straight. We won. We were faster, smarter, stronger. We had better infrastructure. And you want us to
apologize for that?
Yes, we found timing disturbances that were caused by the presence of random distractions
Henry: It was fun. So much fun
Yes, as we tried to observe more diligently, we found it only vanished more quickly
Henry: "Oh, I bet that was something said by Mr. Ego"
Yes, we started having every light on the floor turned on by 6:30 a.m.

Henry: "I like music that has piano in it. Not sad piano, but you know, more upbeat type piano"
Yes, we insisted that everybody have a clean work station free of clutter and personal decorations
Henry: "Quotes are dumb"
Yes, we considered that they were only trying to please us
Henry: "I just don't think it's realistic to have a separation between church and state. How can your faith not inform how you vote?"
Yes, we spoke with each worker individually, giving both minor critiques and positive re-assurances
Empty aisles
Empty desks
Empty rooms
Empty elevators
Half of the lights humming

He walks the hallways

Smiling so widely
That you only see the
Whites of his eyes
While nodding his head
All the way up and slowly
Down until his chin is
Against his chest
Noiselessly, awkwardly
Repeating this motion
Until he disappears
Behind his desk
they think Im simply scanning
Perhaps as a protective measure
Or to find something to
Use against them later
But what they cant
Comprehend, is that I store
information entirely for its own end
He sits alone overnight
In what he calls the war room
Typing codes
That only he knows
A near imperceptible
presence, nourished by
radio gags, sugar packets,
false flags, and hyper attention

I throw myself on your mercy

White van, the next day I saw it driving away
getting more distant in the rearview
Only for one to rematerialize next to me
One in the oncoming turn lane, and one pulled off
With the hazard lights blinking
I kept wondering, how is this possible, how is this happening?

Its arriving tomorrow

its arriving tomorrow

Its arriving tomorrow

Theyll whisper tributes to his candor or sincerity

Theyll whisper that humility was his most pronounced virtue
Theyll whisper he understood the decency of holding a secret
Theyll whisper that his hands were somehow kept clean
Theyll whisper that his story was a perfect parallel
Theyll whisper about the shrewdness behind his benevolence
Theyll whisper about his dignity being demeaned
Theyll whisper that he was resigned to another time
Theyll whisper that rectitude is something youre born into
Anna approached Daniel in the parking lot. They had not seen each other since she had been laid off 15 months
previous. She had missed his advice about how to deal with her son being bullied in high school, his support when
she did not want to participate in writing new procedures, and she knew through the grape vine that he was one of
the few who did not participate in the cruel in-jokes at her expense when shed call in late. Daniel slipped and
mentioned his latest deadline, forgetting that it had been a project that Anna had initiated. He stammered to a
disjointed conclusion and tried smiling optimistically. She herself talked hurriedly, making a concerted effort not to
express any bitterness at her circumstances or treatment. But while it was nice to see him, and he was very polite,
she soon excused herself and walked back to her car. She could not help but feel they were strangers. Strangers,
just like every member of this artificial family that she had invested so much of her identity in. She had given
Daniel her meticulously kept files on her last day, and all she could hope was that at least hed recycled them. Her
projects abandoned, her accomplishments forgotten. All her efforts, passions, panic attacks and migraines reduced
to a staff picture on the wall, hanging above a trophy. And even thatll get tossed when they have their next
mandated cleaning day, she muttered to herself, while throwing her car into reverse.
The signs had been there for months. No company picnic. No fresh coffee in the executive suite. A moratorium on off-site meetings and catering. Thomas
walked out of the parking lot, knelt down, plucked one of the few remaining flowers along the walkway, and pinned it to his lapel. He looked past the
barren patch, and swore he saw Annas car turning right at the exit up ahead.
Found in a small clearing/not far down the trail/
it appeared to be a shrine/without idols/statues/altars/nails

Pearl grey day

Black old Cadillac
hadn't seen one like that
since 1993
and even then
it was an anomaly
back bumper read "Don't Tread On Me"

Were leaving it vacant

Well leave it vacant

Leave Vacant

ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SPECIALIST: You said, you said it was basically a competition
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SUPERVISOR: It was, you knowand it shouldnt have been.
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SPECIALIST: Because nobodys gonna win?
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SUPERVISOR: Yeah, theres that, but there arent even losers. They just keep it all the same. Its just another coat of paint.
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SPECIALIST: Is it like bacteria in a petri dish?
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SUPERVISOR: Thats a better way to put it. Bacteria doesnt care. One evening I actually overheard one them say "I don't think nothin".
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SPECIALIST: Oh my God. Wow. What else do you think played a part?
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SUPERVISOR: Jealousy. Its jealousy that fed into their need to gossip, and that kept them from thinking, and kept their minds so small.
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SPECIALIST: But couldnt jealousy have been a positive? Like, it could have banded them together?
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SUPERVISOR: No, because jealousy is shallow. And that shallowness was expressed in all these different ways. And that was encouraged.
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SPECIALIST: But wouldnt that
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SUPERVISOR: Yeah, and that was their folly, right? They were determined to play pre-determined roles they had no part in determining.

A simple phone call/Another issue averted/Another afternoonand then it was time for lunch. They couldnt hear when Emily
repeated herself the first time. And again. And then again. They took the somber disbelief out of the moment. Compressed
insecurity into a nuisance. They performed their programmed function. Wandering vacant spaces, staring past outer edges,
interrupting themselves under exit signs, gawkily hovering at oblique angles. Without divesting themselves of possessions,
surviving on the offerings of passersby, or ridding themselves of family.

name in a circle. Repeat. Name. name in circle. Repeat. name in a circle. Repeat. Name. name in
circle. Repeat. name in a circle. Repeat. Name. name in circle. Repeat. Pronounce the word. Break the
word into syllables. First syllable. Second syllable. Repeat each egressive sound so carefully as to be a pin
prick. Repeat. First syllable. Second syllable. Third syllable. Fourth syllable. Repeat. Repeat each
egressive sound so carefully as to be a pin prick. Repeat. Pronounce the word. Break the word into
syllables. First syllable. Second syllable. Repeat each egressive sound so carefully as to be a pin prick.
Repeat. Renounce distraction, resist corruption. Resist distraction, renounce corruption. Repeat.
Renounce distraction, resist corruption. Resist distraction, renounce corruption.
(Four Years Later)

I was on a camping trip, sleeping in a tent. It had been so cold overnight, that when I woke up,
there was a small pile of snow next to my mouth that had formed from my breath. And as funny
as this might sound, it made me feel like spring would be soon.

Black old Cadillac, Shelly read the sticker

And laughed incredulously is that really what you have to say?
Sue said I suppose it depends on the context
Shelly shot back I think we can easily assume what they mean by that
Sue flatly asked can we?
As the Black Cadillac ambled along
Shelly turned her attention to the jagged piles of cement
abandoned in the wake of the construction,
the rusted silos stubbornly pinned to the horizon
She turned to Sue and said, sometimes I guess you have to consider your own protection
Then looked at the weeks of car exhaust clinging to the clumps of snow
the vestiges of old money, streets bleached with salt
early morning on a pearl grey day

"Honestly, by this point I just cannot believe that there is any ambiguity around this."
I could debate with my own thinking
I could edit my dreams to better illustrate my desires
I could watch myself acting out daily rituals
We were well within
Our limitations to wonder if you
Were ghosts, and Later ponder
Can the sun touch the arms of an organism
That evades capture both in the corporeal cells
And the interred image
A few depleted souls whose supposed sins
were outliving their age and not possessing
the ability to arrange safety for the coming days

"Stop. Next."
"I'm sorry"
This boil or sore or whatever the hell it was had
developed on my upper inner thigh. And this was in
the horrible heat of summer, and where I was seated
they kept the windows open all day. I was forced to
face West. Every afternoon, I had no choice but to get
assaulted by the sun. The one day I tried closing the
window, or at least lowering the blinds, it started a
fight. To try and resolve the argument, it was put to a
vote, which I of course lost. So, I had this thing
preventing me from walking normally, exacerbated by
grime, sweat, and, constant friction. It was like this
sore was the center point, and there was a nerve
connecting it to the apprehension in my mind and then
out the other side into the musky, thick pressure that
made this room constantly stink. So I spent these
seemingly time stopped weeks, roasting in my own
resentments and bodily fluids. The puss in my leg kept
accumulating, the sore growing ever largeruntil one
early eveningI all of a sudden felt this wetness on
my crotch. It was more than the normal late in the day
humidity, and I first thought I know I didnt piss
myself, what the fuck is going on? The walk to the
bathroom was awfulI dragged along at an almost
elderly crawlI locked myself in a stall lowered my
trousersand this thing had burstand looked like a
bullet holeblood soaking my legs and clinging to the
material of my clothesthe raw wound hurting and
throbbing as I forced myself against my will to squeeze
out the collected, calcified chunks of pussand with
each pinch of my fingers, another half second of
exaggerated wincing irritationanother spurt of
blood shooting acrosslanding on my other leg, on
the toilet seat, on the wall. I cleaned myself as best I
could, and hobbled out of there to grab some band aids
from the nurses station. After that, I had no choice
but to wait out the next few hours, exasperated and
trying to figure out what the purpose of all of this was.

(Whilst walking quickly through the lobby, heading out the door, Jack was approached for his thoughts)
I dont really think in terms of legacy. You know me, I am focused on the here and now. But theres no harm in
restoration. Itll stay clean this way.
Why am I leaving precisely right now? Hmm, well I'm not paid to stay

(Sean, barely able to conceal his resentments, and ready to rip the paintings from the walls chortled a retort that pushed
through his nasal passages and out his mouth.)
You must be mad. Absolutely. And right now your face looks like the worlds cheapest costume jewelry.

"I'm sorry"
ONE IMAGE
With your hand wet, shape the shari rice
into a long, oval from.
Cut a slice of fish, about 1 cm thick, 5 cm
long, and 3 cm wide.
Take a pea-sized portion of wasabi, and
smear it along the middle of the fish.
Place the slice of fish, with the wasabi side
facing down, on the rice.

AT A TIME
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SUPERVISOR: Or,
it could mean you know, like a chop
shop, taking out each individual element.
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE SPECIALIST: No
doubt, thats where that term probably got
its start.
we sit huddled together in the attic
sharing a maroon blanket
watching the wax
drip down the candles
the raucous holiday party sounds
seeping through the floorboards
we're so tired of the darkness
in our lives
but there's no distractions
on this side
listening to the majestic, but muted
piano playing in the parlor

__________________________________________________________________________________________________
White van, I pointed one out to her
And then she started noticing them, too
Seemed like logic had stopped working
We uneasily joked that we should wake each other from our dreams
Or, I said under my breath is this a new part of our reality

"they were planning on buying an island"

I can walk freely
and eschew contempt
I can walk freely
and choose silence
I can walk freely
and excuse secrets
its a fact that people need to dream
its a fact that people need to dream
peace will come
peace will come
I walk a path
I walk a path
That circles around
I walk a path
Across the pattern
I walk a path
I walk a path
That I didnt build
I add where I can
I walk a path
I walk a path
That I keep clear
I walk a path
That reconstitutes
Once it disappears
My question is, what in the hell was he still doing going to Trader Vic's? Why? Think about being 64 years old and still trying to keep Rome afloat.
Madness, right? Very far out. (laughs)
I can only hate the cold morning for so long
I can say Im staying sorry
but youre not a fool
and will recognize the pantomime
while I'm not made for fiction
it seems impossible to ask the question

White van, I asked the priest

If I paid my penance, then why dont I have any peace?
He explained that its not just the devil that can assume other forms

Oddly and yet tellingly, the real sign of their closeness and friendship was that together they had planned this elaborate ruse. I know that at first glance it seems
almost totally counter-intuitive, but theres a well-established pattern of behavior that it touches on.

I walk with God

I walk with God
I walk with God
Through all my changes
During my happiness
And throughout my challenges
I walk with God
I walk with God
Close to my memories
Through my mistakes
Past all my actions
I walk with God
I walk with God
I walk with God
For forgiveness
For resolution
To see the stages I play a role in
I walk with God
I walk with God
Because I know its easy to
Fall into false humility
Or declare your own authority
I walk with God
I walk with God
I walk with God
To try and understand
As much as I can
About the expanse of creation
I walk with God
I walk with God
Because of the moments
When I see serendipity
And grace expressed so sublimely

Im only here
To accept my responsibility
I walk through a world I don't like
I walk through a world I don't like
And as time went on
I felt more and more disconnection
I walk through a world I don't like
I walk through a world I don't like
until I had almost complete
Separation of my selves
I walk through a world I don't like
I walk through a world I don't like
and this wasnt troubling
I thought it would help
I walk through a world I don't like
I walk through a world I don't like
And that I could make
A true observation
And learn and improve
I walk through a world I don't like
I walk through a world I don't like
But I found that the obverse was true
I walk through a world I don't like
I walk through a world I don't like
And that the more I remained detached
And considering the reflection
I walk through a world I don't like
I walk through a world I don't like
The more I became unnatural
And obsessed with my own protection
I walk through a world I don't like
I walk through a world I don't like
Good? Good is neutral. Good is not a force. Good is just being normal. You do one act of good, theres always
more good to get done. Evil has tentacles and just tries to get in everywhere and upset the order.

"and it had been a great time, but as the evening wore on, they eventually ran out of things to say to each other. Each knew every story and one-liner the
other had. I couldnt help but think how conjoined they must have been in their early years."

White van, one year to the day

I saw the same make and model in the exact same place
The front wheel wobbled, the dent I must have left
The same silver ladder barely bolted to the back
I got frantic, turned carefully, slowed down, let it pass

Brother Richard, can I ask you a question?

yeah Pastor, of course
Brother Richard, Im hearing trouble in your voice, I have a service in about half an hour. Is there anything you want
me to offer up for you in prayer?
Pastor, there isand I greatly appreciate it, but Im in kind of an open forum here, and Im not really comfortable
Brother Richard, Richard, I understand. I understand completely. God knows whats in your heart, and God hears all,
so say it silently and Ill take that and offer it up to God on the altar this afternoon, and Ill remember you by name
today.

Silent low light night

staring down the hall
the tension hasn't lessened
from the hell of the day
and I keep thinking things
can't continue this way
She's in bed, been
pretending to sleep for hours
I don't know what she's concealing,
we haven't been speaking
and I'm out of ways to guess
what tomorrow might bring
My mind against my heart
I feel them tear each other apart
I need healing
to calm this anxiety inside of me
Constantly waking up before dawn
looking for the ghost
Circles in the carpet
wondering when I'm alone
or when I'll hear the voice
For months, I've been
locked and closed
looking for consolation
I need healing
to stop my isolation
I need healing
to change my feelings
I need healing
for me to trust and to give
I need healing
to find strength and change how I live
My mind against my heart
I can feel them tear each other apart
I need healing
to stop this uncertainty inside of me
I need healing
to change my feelings

Other titles in this series:

Radar/Grain- Tracing The Dim Signal- Water b/w Fingernail In My Salad- Scatter- Scatter/Mild Life/T. & W.- Life Isn't Hard b/w Mild Life- The
Aluminum Farm- The Zen Transference Manual- It Went Red- The First Four Years- Splish!- The Splish! Supplement- Splish Reconsidered- Swim To
The Center- Oranges- Present- Communism Is Grand- The Sampler- Statements Anti Statements- Sunrise On The Caina Islands- Remember b/w
Thank You- Your Future Your Freedom- This Is What Freedom Looks Like