Running Head: BDSM THEORY

Dominant, Submissive, or Both? Why Different Individuals Identify With and Benefit from the
Different BDSM Roles
Kylie Lipa
Johns Hopkins University

BDSM Theory 2

Introduction
BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission,
and sadism and masochism. While the amount of research done on the practice of BDSM is
minimal relative to the amount of research done on other topics of human sexuality, some
research has been done, and theories as to why couples engage in the practice and how it
affects those who engage in it have been proposed. The theory behind why people practice
BDSM (though the focus is mainly on the practice of masochism) that I would like to explore is
Roy Baumeisters theory that masochism (submission)* is used as an escape from the self. He
proposes that submission is an intense means of losing higher-level self-awareness, and this is
desirable because it takes the submissive away from all the stress and pressure he or she may
be under and allows the submissive to relinquish control. This explains why people who have a
lot of stress in their lives and/or jobs or have leadership positions in their jobs may tend to
identify with submissive roles such as bottom, sub, or slave. However, Baumeisters
theory fails to discuss why some people prefer the opposite: why some people take a more
dominant role such as top, dom, or master/mistress. I would like to propose the
hypothesis that people who take a dominant role in BDSM tend to be the opposite of those
who identify with a more submissive role: they tend to be people who are more out of control
and who do not deal with a great deal of stress and pressure in their jobs and lives. To test this
hypothesis, fifteen active members of the Maryland/Virginia/Washington D.C. area BDSM

* In this paper, I will replace Baumeisters terms masochist and masochism with the terms submissive and
submission, respectively, because people who identify with any of the numerous submissive roles are being
discussed here (while masochist technically only refers mainly to those who enjoy receiving pain).

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community were interviewed about their BDSM roles, their BDSM practices, and their personal
and professional lives.
What BDSM Is
As stated before, BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission,
and sadism and masochism. It is a very complex concept to define, but it is usually recognized
as having several components: the appearance of dominance and submission, role playing,
mutual (voluntary) consent to participate, mutual definition (a shared understanding of
activities), [and] a sexual (or erotic) context (Williams, 2012). It includes a very wide range of
activities, includingbut not limited tospanking, whipping/flogging, rope bondage, use of
cuffs, verbal humiliation, hair pulling, hot candle wax, biting, scratching, breath play, fisting,
needle play, electrotorture, CBT (cock and ball torture), using ball gags, pinching, slapping
(breasts, face, etc.), and much, much more.
Essentially, in sadomasochism there is a psychological imbalance of power between
partners, in which one is submissive and the other dominant (Gross, 2006). Masochist (along
with slave, sub, and bottom) is a submissive role, while sadist (along with master/mistress,
dom, and top) is a dominant role. There is also a third role: the switch. People who identify as
switches literally switch roles at times; sometimes they play the dominant one and sometimes
they act as the submissive one during BDSM play. Sadomasochism can be played out in a
scene. This is some type of fantasy scenario that incorporates certain BDSM practices that
can be played out by the dominant partner and the submissive partner. These scenes are
devised and agreed upon by both partners ahead of time (before they begin), and limits are set
as well.

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Submission as an Escape from Self

Psychologist Roy Baumeister presents a theory in an effort to explain why people
choose to practice BDSM in a submissive role: people actually practice the masochistic
(submissive) aspect of BDSM as an attempt to escape from self, in the sense of achieving a loss
of high-level self-awareness. (Baumeister, 1988). He theorizes that submission is like physical
exercise, meditation, and drunkenness, because these things all help a person to escape from
normal self-awareness. The difference is that masochism is a much more intense means of
escape. Why would anyone want to get away from the self? Because of any number of
stresses and pressures that people are under. Making important and difficult decisions, dealing
with disappointments, pressure from a job, having to overcome tough situations, having to take
responsibility for ones actions, maintaining ones image, or any number of stressors could
cause a person to want to escape from high-level self-awareness.
Baumeister looks at each of the three main forms of submissionpain, bondage, and
humiliationand explains how each contributes to escape from the self. Pain (spanking,
whipping, paddling, caning, electrocution, nipple clamps, face-slapping, and dripping hot wax
on the body, among many other things), blots out broader self-awareness, focusing the person
narrowly on the here and now, meaning that pain focuses the person completely on only what
is happening to him or her in that very moment. Bondage (being restrained with rope,
handcuffs, gags, blindfolds, scarves, etc.), takes away a persons freedom to take initiative or
exert any control, and the person is left helpless and takes a completely passive role.
Humiliation (this can include a massive number of things, from name-calling to being ordered

BDSM Theory 5

around to being forced to perform sex acts in front of an audience) makes it impossible to
sustain ones dignity and self-esteem and even ones social identity. This is because the
activities engaged in are usually incompatible with ones identity outside of BDSM play. Lets
use a successful business owner as an example. Being led around on a leash, spanked, referred
to as slave, and ordered to lick a dominant partners boots is not compatible with ones
identity as a professional and successful business owner, and participating in these activities
temporarily removes that identity.
Baumeister also considers how all of this might contribute to sexual arousal. He
theorizes that self-awareness can be detrimental to sexual excitement and pleasure. He
discusses Masters and Johnsons work. They proposed that fear of sexual inadequacy has the
strongest negative impact on effective sexual functioning. Baumeister interprets this to mean
that evaluative self-attention impairs sexual functioning. Therefore, he reasons that
removing self-awareness through the practice of submission can enhance sexual arousal.
Baumiesters theory explains why people who experience a great deal of stress and
pressure in their lives or who have power or leadership in their careers, (and this doesnt just
include people in exceptionally high positions of power, like politicians and business executives)
would want to practice submission. It is a chance to get away from the pressure of being in
control and not have to take responsibility and deal with the stress one faces. It is a temporary
escape from ones own identity and responsibilities.

Hypothesis

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While Baumeister proposes an excellent theory to explain why people engage in

submission, he does not offer an explanation as to why some people engage in dominance. His
theory suggests that people who have a lot of stress and responsibility and who are under a lot
of pressure tend to engage in submission in order to lose control and escape from the pressure.
It is my hypothesis that people who engage in sadism are just the opposite: people without a
lot of control and with less stress and pressure in their jobs and lives.

Method
Participants
Research participants were fifteen active members of the MD/VA/DC area BDSM
community (seven males and eight females) between the ages of twenty and seventy. Most
participants (twelve out of fifteen) identified their sexual orientation as being something other
than heterosexual (such as queer, bisexual, pansexual, etc). All participants had been active in
the BDSM community for at least six months.
Apparatus
All interviews were recorded on an Olympus WS-802 digital voice recorder (with a voice
distorting feature), and all recordings were transcribed to Microsoft Word documents.
Procedure
Participants were randomly approached at semi-public BDSM community events in the
MD/VA/DC area and asked if they would be willing to participate in a research project on the
local BDSM community. Once oral consent was obtained, participants were moved to a quiet
area of the event venue and interviewed. All interviews were recorded on a digital voice

BDSM Theory 7

recorder. Participants names were not collected; instead, participants were catalogued by age,
gender, and sexual orientation. During the interviews, participants were asked: (a) what BDSM
role they identify with, (b) whether they enjoyed (depending on their role) giving and/or
receiving humiliation, bondage, and pain, and, if so, why they thought they enjoyed each one,
(c) how stressful their work environment and home environment is using a scale of 1 to 10
(they were also asked to elaborate on their assessments), (d) whether they would describe
their position at work as one of leadership, and (e) how much pressure they work under at their
job using the same scale of 1-10 (they were also asked to elaborate on this assessment).
Completed interviews were then transcribed and saved as Microsoft Word documents.
Here, stress and pressure mean whatever participants interpreted them to mean. For
example, a 26-year-old female interpreted stress at work as having a boss who makes her feel
terrible even though she works extremely hard, and a 30-year-old male interpreted stress and
pressure at work it as being called on to do a lot of things that are not in his job description,
leading to more and more work (and more and more stress and pressure). A 23-year-old
female interpreted stress at home as living with a very dysfunctional family that argues
constantly, and a 37-year-old male interpreted it as struggling financially and being on the verge
of bankruptcy. Leadership at work generally means supervising or being in charge of other
people or being the owner of a business.

Results
A chart summarizing the results can be found in Figure 1. Of the fifteen participants,
two identified with a completely dominant role, four identified with a completely submissive

BDSM Theory 8

role, and nine identified as switches (with three being more submissive than dominant, one
being more dominant than submissive, and five being either equally submissive and dominant
or having their role depend on the gender of their partner).
When the two completely dominant participants were asked about the stress
experienced at home and the stress and pressure experienced at work, as well as whether or
not they were in a position of leadership at work, two completely different assessments were
obtained. One ranked his level of stress at home as between one and two, ranked his level of
stress and pressure at work as between nine and ten, and stated that he is in a position of
leadership at work. The other ranked his level of stress at home as a five, ranked his level of
stress and pressure at work as a zero, and stated that he is not in a position of leadership.
There was only one participant who identified as a switch who tends to be more dominant than
submissive. He ranked his level of stress at home as between one and two, ranked his level of
stress and pressure at work as six, and stated that he is in a position of leadership at work.
When the four submissive participants were asked about the they stress experienced at
home and the stress and pressure they experienced at work, as well as whether or not they
were in a position of leadership at work, the responses were not quite as dissonant. One
ranked her level of stress at home as between five and six, ranked her stress and pressure level
at work as between seven and eight, and stated that she was not in a position of leadership at
work. Another ranked her stress level at home as ten, ranked her stress and pressure level at
work as between six and seven, and stated that she is not in a position of leadership at work.
The third submissive participant ranked her stress level at home as three, ranked her level of
stress at work as seven, ranked her level of pressure at work as between three and five, and

BDSM Theory 9

stated that she is in a position of leadership at work. The final submissive participant ranked his
level of stress at home as seven, ranked his level of stress at work as between seven and eight,
and stated that he is not in a position of leadership at work.
Next, I looked at the participants who identified as switches, but who stated that they
tend to be more submissive than dominant. The first ranked her stress level at home as eight,
but was unemployed and not a student, so no other ratings were obtained. The second ranked
his level of stress at home as between two and three, ranked his level of stress at work as
between two and three, ranked his level of pressure at work as between five and six, and stated
that he is in a position of leadership at work. Finally, the third ranked his level of stress at home
as three, ranked his level of stress and pressure at work as between seven and eight, and stated
that he is not in a position of leadership at work.
Finally, I looked the participants who identified as switches who are equally dominant
and submissive. The first ranked her level of stress at home as ten, ranked her level of stress
and pressure at work as two, and stated that she is not in a position of leadership at work.
Another ranked her level of stress at home as five, ranked her level of stress and pressure at
work as seven, and stated that she is in a position of leadership at work. Another ranked his
level of stress at home as two, ranked his level of stress and pressure at work as five, and stated
that he is not in a position of leadership at work. The fourth even switch ranked her stress at
home as four, ranked her stress and pressure at work as between one and six, and stated that
she is not in a position of leadership at work. Finally, the last even switch ranked her stress at
home as eight, ranked her stress at work as between six and seven, and stated that she is in a
position of leadership at work.

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Figure 1
Gender

Age

Orientation

Role

F
F
M
F

21
53
21
23

Unsure
Bisexual
Straight
Pansexual

M
M

37
29

Hetero
Queer

56

Straight

70

Straight

25

Polysexual

20

Bisexual

M
M
F

44
30
26

Straight
Bisexual
Heteroflexible

Switch
Switch
Switch
Switch (more
submissive)
Submissive
Switch (more
dominant)
Switch (more
submissive)
Switch (more
submissive)
Submissive
/Slave
Submissive
/Slave
Top
Dominant
Switch

26

Queer

23

Pansexual

Submissive/
Bottom
Switch

Humiliatio
n
No
No
No
No

Bondage

Pain
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes

Stress at
home
10
5
2
8

Stress/Pressure
at work
2
7
5
N/A

Leadership
at work
No
Yes
No
N/A

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes

Yes
Yes (giving
only)
Yes

Yes
Yes

No
Yes

7
1-2

7-8
6

No
Yes

Yes

Yes

2-3

2-3, 5-6

Yes

No

Yes

Yes

Yes

Yes

Yes

Yes

5-6

7-8

No

Yes

Yes

Yes

10

6-7

No

Yes
Yes
Yes (giving
only)
Yes

Yes
Yes
Yes

Yes
Yes
Yes

5
1-2
4

0
9-10
1-6

No
Yes
No

Yes

Yes

7, 3-5

Yes

N/A

Yes

Yes

6-7

Yes

After assessing participants BDSM roles along with their personal and professional lives,
I reviewed the data collected about participants involvement in the three types of BDSM play:
humiliation, bondage, and pain. When asked whether or not they enjoy the practice of
humiliation, nine out of the fifteen participants stated that they do enjoy it. Of the participants
who stated that they do enjoy humiliation, three identify as switches (with one identifying as
more submissive and one identifying as more dominant), three identify with a submissive role,
and two identify with a dominant role. Two of the participants who identify as switches stated
that they only enjoy humiliating a partner and do not like receiving humiliation (i.e. they only
practice humiliation as the dominant partner). There was no common answer when
participants were asked why they enjoy humiliation; each offered a unique reason. For
example, the 37-year-old heterosexual male submissive stated that he enjoys humiliation

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because he enjoys the illusion that you have no choice in whats going on and enjoys flirting
with the arousal created by a situation in which a person has power over you and could
potentially abuse it (even though you know they wont). The 29-year-old bisexual male switch
(mostly dominant) stated that, while he does not enjoy being on the receiving end of
humiliation, he enjoys giving it because he simply enjoys doing what his partner really wants
and getting his partner off when he or she wants to be humiliated. The 26-year-old queer
female submissive/bottom stated that she enjoys humiliation because she often has a high
opinion of herself, and stated that it is nice to be knocked down a peg sometimes. The 20year-old bisexual female submissive/slave enjoys it because she likes being at the mercy of
another person and being forced to be whatever her partner wants her to be. Each reason for
enjoying humiliation was fairly unique.
All fifteen participants stated that they enjoy bondage. When participants were asked
why they enjoy bondage, there were a few common themes in their answers. Four participants
mentioned trust in their responses; they enjoy being able to either give or receive (or both) the
kind of deep trust required to surrender oneself to another person. The large majority of
participants mentioned control or power as a reason for enjoying bondage. They enjoy
either surrendering all control to someone else or being given complete control or power over
another person (or both) and find it extremely gratifying. One participant, a 70-year-old
straight male switch described why he likes being on the receiving end of bondage this way:
Ive been in charge of stuff most of my life, and it feels like Im giving somebody the keys to
the car. A 30-year-old bisexual male dominant stated that, when it comes to bondage, the
power exchange and being given control over another person is like a high for him. So

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essentially, for most participants the enjoyment comes from either giving another person total
control or power or from receiving total control or power over another person (or both). Some
participants enjoyed very different things about bondage; a 21-year-old straight male switch
stated that being able to take someone and make them yours is a very high validation, so for
him the enjoyment comes from validation. Another participant, a 26-year-old heteroflexible
female switch, enjoys the challenges that come with bondage. She enjoys the physical
challenge of being tied in a manner that stresses her body and makes her use her stamina and
flexibility to stay in a certain position, and she enjoys the challenge of immobilizing another
person so that they have to submit to her.
Fourteen of the fifteen participants stated that they enjoy pain. Three participants (two
switches, with one identifying as more submissive, and one submissive/slave) stated that they
enjoy pain because of the endorphin rush it creates. Three participants indicated that they
could not actually explain why they enjoy pain. One of them simply stated that he is sadistic
and that something about giving pain (although he could not say exactly what it is) gets him off.
Other participants provided very different answers. A 23-year-old pansexual female switch
stated that she enjoys the physical and mental challenge and said, Youre mentally not really
wanting it because your body is telling you no, but you still do Its amazing. Another 26year-old queer female submissive/bottom stated that she enjoys pain because she enjoys
testing her limits. She said, I think the point of our existence is to see how far we can go, and I
think that pain is a great gauge of just how far a person can be pushed. The most unique
response came from a 20-year-old bisexual female submissive/slave who was physically abused
by her father as a child. Role play with pain has helped her get over what her father did by

BDSM Theory 13

helping her forget the bad pain and re-categorize what it means to her (for example, she used
to hate spanking, but now she enjoys it because she can look at it and tell herself that it is a
good pain and it is not going to scare her). Again, many unique reasons for enjoying pain play
were given by participants.

Discussion
After examining Baumeisters theory regarding the practice of submission as an escape
from self, which assumes that people who are under a lot of stress or pressure in their
professional and personal lives or who are in positions of leadership at work are more likely to
practice submission, I propose a new hypothesis which completes his theory: that people who
practice dominance are those who are not under a great deal of pressure or stress in their lives
and who are not in positions of leadership. Thus, the goal of dominance is to seize control that
the person feels he or she is lacking in life, because the dominant partner in BDSM play is the
one who has control over the submissive.
The results of this study support Baumeisters original hypothesis, but not my addition
to it. Of the two participants who identified as completely dominant, one fits the type of
person that I hypothesized would practice dominance: only average levels stress at home, no
stress at work, and no leadership at work. The other dominant participant, on the other hand,
has higher levels of stress and pressure at work than any other participant, and he is in a
position of leadership. Also, the participant who identifies as a mostly dominant switch has a
higher-than-average level of stress at work and is in a position of leadership. Therefore, the

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data that I collected does not support my hypothesis that people without a lot of control and
with less stress and pressure in their jobs and lives tend to be the ones who practice
dominance.
On the other hand, Baumeisters original theory that that people who have a lot of
stress and responsibility and who are under a lot of pressure tend to engage in submission is
supported by the results of this study. All four participants who identified as completely
submissive gave a ranking of seven or higher for either the level of stress they experience at
home or the level of stress and pressure they experience at work. Only one stated that she was
in a position of leadership at work, but the three that did not actually gave a ranking of eight or
higher for either the level of stress they experience at home or the level of stress and pressure
they experience at work. Also, two of the three more submissive switches stated that they are
in positions of leadership at work and gave a ranking at least six for the level of stress and
pressure they experience at work. The other is not employed and not a student (so no rankings
could be obtained for level of stress and pressure at work), but she ranked her level of stress at
home as very high (an eight). Therefore, my results do suggest that those who practice
submission in BDSM are those who have a lot of stress in their personal lives and/or jobs or
have leadership positions in their jobs, as Baumeisters theory predicts.
When I questioned participants about Baumeisters three categories of BDSM
humiliation, bondage, and painI found that all participants enjoy bondage, all participants
except one enjoy pain, and nine of the fifteen participants enjoy humiliation. When I asked
participants why they enjoy these activities, I received a wide variety of answers, many of which
are listed in the previous section. Some responses that I received are consistent with

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Baumeisters proposal that BDSM is practiced because it serves as an escape from the self
and with his descriptions of how each of the three categories of play contribute to a loss of selfawareness. For example, the 70-year-old male stated that he enjoyed receiving bondage
because hes been in charge most of his life, and it feels like he is giving somebody the keys to
the car. However, participants gave so many reasons as to why they enjoyed the three
categories of play (some not consistent with Baumeisters theory) that no specific conclusions
can be drawn from the data. What can be concluded is that, while people who experience
greater levels of stress and/or pressure at home and/or work or who are in positions of
leadership at work do appear to be more likely to identify as more submissive, as Baumeister
suggests, their reasons for practicing submission seem to be much more variable than his
theory implies.

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References
Baumeister, R. (1988). Masochism as Escape from Self. The Journal of Sex Research, 25(1), 2859.
Gross, B. (2006). The Pleasure of Pain. The Forensic Examiner, 15(1), 56-61.
Williams, D. J. & Storm, L. E. (2012). Unconventional Leisure and Career: Insights into the Work
of Professional Dominatrices. Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 15.