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Redemption in Love

Rudewaan Arendse

Copyright 2013 Rudewaan Arendse

All rights reserved.

This is a collection of poems written by a warrior poet who falls in love with a
noble woman. They are forbidden for each other and can only meet during
stolen moments. He travels to various worlds and explores different inner and
outer terrains as his feelings for her gets stronger and he laments the fact that he
cannot be with her. Inspired and frustrated, he writes to her a series of poems
expressing his love and desire for her, reflecting on his past, life, wandering and
wondering - seeking answers.

My Pain
The quest of a lifetime
Seeking the sun in the cold
To find what my heart yearns for
To look into her eyes
See what cannot be described
Be moved by her
And know she can never be mine
In the shadows of the trees
Our words swayed. Waltzing - the dance that will never be
Hoping she moved because she was moved.
There by the trees
Having to
Slay the doves of enchantment
Reign in the currents of emotion
Hold back the tides of passion
Dowse the flames of desire
Wanting to stoke the imaginings of what could have been
On the edge - abyss or communion
The pain
Of life in the wake of a dream

My Redemption
In the place between dream and reality
The Lady Keeper and he Wandering Spirit take rest
Oasis of my life
There is so much I need to share with you
The words of this language are limited
I want to talk with you in the language with no words
Where the language of prayer and the language of the body is one
We will pray in the language of the body
I must go on a journey
From the shores where the two oceans meet
To the Gates of Damascus and the Plains of Arafat
Follow caravans across deserts to the Cedars in the land of Gibran
Across the sea is the Holy Land
By the waters of Aqaba I shall wait for you
It is rumoured that there I shall find an ancient Order of Holy Warriors
Who live in the shade of the sword
This is where I want to be
A warrior guided spiritually
To guide a Lady Keeper
Hear my voice in the wind
Feel me in the rain
See me with the clouds
Find me by the sea
Witness my prints where you strive
Smile at the moon

At night I stroll the streets of Amman

Jasmine air
I breathe you
Oasis of my life
I marvel at your airs and graces
Captivated by your womanly whims
I bubble with joy in your presence
Butterflies flutter in my heart
The boy in me misses the girl in you
You tease and entice me
The woman in you arouses the man in me
With the scarf I touch you
Give me your heart
You have mine
Wear my ring

Pearls of Remembrance
Lady Keeper of the Sacred Script
Asleep in the bed that I yearn to share
In your dreams I shall find you
There we shall commune
Gaze into my past
Ive sat at the tables of the underworld
Plotted with the underground
Walked ganglands
Fought for my life
Defended family and friends, and a few strangers too
Sealed the fate of people and progenies
Met spiritual leaders and resistance movements
Seen parcels of dead babies stacked like groceries
Been threatened with torture and execution in foreign lands
Surrounded by commandos hell-bent on killing me
Infiltrated vigilantes and strategised with those tasked to stop or kill them
Shot in the chest
Felled by the bullets of my oppressors
Battered by the consequences of my decisions
In the arena of life, I was on my knees
I stood up
Clawed my way through the morass
I took off
Ive planned in war rooms
Postured in boardrooms
Discussed in meeting rooms

Cut and thrust in business, intellectualised in the halls of academia

Reflected and meditated on matters of life and death
Survived encounters with beasts and forces of nature
Drifted in open oceans
Attacked by guard dogs
Surprised by a cobra
Visited by its like
Alone in the sea
Face to face with the jaws and the black eyes of a shark
Entered waters of death with bloodied and tenderized hands
Lady Keeper of the Sacred Script
Please believe me
Dont deny me the pain I am going through
On a leaf
Two crystals of light in a dewdrop
Sparkling brilliance
Basking in the warmth of the morning light
Opening up
Cultivating the soil of our hearts - private gardens of remembrance
You and I fertilising a bed
Sowing seeds for the future - impregnating
A nursery of plant lings
Oh mother of our pearls
I was hailed by the councils of war
Embraced the creed of the warrior - brothers in arms
Ive made bombs, handled weaponry
Had knives on my throat, guns in my back

I kept the company of freedom fighters, defenders of democracy,

Gangsters, killers, upholders of the law -- fighters
Who was once my foe is now my friend
Who was once my comrade, now seeks my demise
Covert operations,
Clandestine activities, subterfuge
Ive done them all
Iron fist in the velvet glove
Ive dined with kings, presidents and ambassadors, movie stars, business
moguls, religious leader
Ive visited the annals of power from the West to the East
Impressive mansions to humble abodes amidst flowing streams from snowy
foothills of the Alborz
North and South
Palaces, Union Buildings, Whites House, Parliament
Shrines to its prophets and disciples
In gathering clouds Ive set out to ride the swells of that which I must confront
Ive come close to death many times
I am no longer scared of dying
I am concerned about dying, as I should - a true servant of our LORD
I have wings, Im flying Im soaring
Honourable lady
These are the paraphernalia of my past that will haunt me into my future
I cannot do what I do today had I not done what I did in my past

I know now that I had to go into the lair of the beast

How can I fight an enemy I do not know?
I had to go through these trials knowing I may loose my soul
Lady Keeper of the Sacred Script
In a life of howling cold you are the muse of my soul
In our secret world I sit - bewitched by your charms
Your hips sway, I loose myself
Secret societies, think tanks and brain trusts
A Brave of the Sioux, Brother Bear of the Navaho, Warrior of the Court of Isilo
- King of the Zulu
Security to a mufti from a foreign land on a dark and windy night
Hosted as benefactor of the people by tribal chiefs
Prized bulls have been slaughtered in my honour
Bare feet, sore and bleeding feet
I grew up on the mean streets of the Cape Flats
Don Quixote of Le Plain
Digging for gold in the backyard
Building rafts that will take me to faraway lands
Spaceships to cross the galaxies
Vacations of working with steel
In factories, the dockyards, in boats under the water
There is dignity in work
This fabric of mine
The fibre of my being was stretched
This is my past, I swear by our LORD
Ive corresponded with Special Forces
They taught me that if all look hopeless

You wait
The situation will change
Dont move or make your move
Be patient
Lady Keeper I am waiting for you
I am fighting in the arena of my life
Through all this, I am a man of peace
A man of hope
A man in awe of beauty
I am a man
I do not remember the words of the Sacred Script
In all my journeys, wherever I find myself
I see the clouds submit to the will of our LORD
The moon - my constant travelling companion
I greet them
Peace Be Upon You
You are doing the bidding of our LORD
Trees, flowers and butterflies by the pool
Below a crystal clear waterfall play the children
The honey of my life
A newborn baby
Life so fragile, yet so strong
Ive celebrated with angels
The nectar of my soul

To those out there

You greed after a hamlet, I give you a mansion
You sell your soul for a horse, I give you a chariot
You barter your honour and dignity for money
I give you mountains of diamonds and gold
I walk away
The more I can afford, the more I will deny myself
The Lady keeper of the Sacred Script
She I need to possess
Lady Keeper of the Sacred Script
When I miss you, I shall travel to the land of our rapsody
There I shall sit by the lamp of our treasured memories
In an alcove of light, shrouded by the warmth between us - around us
Your eyes, brown coals in a face of ancient Persian beauty
Framed by floating hair, your smile illuminates your essence
With our threads of disclosures and words we weave a carpet of silk
The pride of the masters of Qom and Kashan
Outshining the magnificence of Zollanvari
A tapestry for a life together
By the trees
A house in a meadow with a stream
Time stand still, space collapses, reality fracture
Your presence resonates around me - in me
Ensconced in each other


I dont know what the garb of the spiritual one is. I do not wear the cloak of the
These words our from the deepest recesses of my heart
My body, my limbs, my senses cannot understand, translate, articulate or
express that which is inside of me
Lady of honour
Oh face who ignited a thousand wars
You unleashed something in me
You ask me that which can only be answered through being with you
Bonded in body and in prayer
Oh nightingale from the land of the gilded cage
Thou wings have been clipped
Let me caress you with the balm of my touch
Let me hold you
Come fly with me
Through the calling of our LORD
Ive walked where prophets walked
Prayed in Al Aqsa
Shoulder to shoulder in the Ebrahimi mosque in Al Khalil
Looked down the well of Yusuf
Stood at the tombs of Abraham and Shuaib
Raged silently on the square of Salahudeen
I pray that my LORD forgives me
The two sacred cities are safe
I cannot find peace
Al Aqsa is in need
She is crying


Perhaps my soul knows that she is the gateway to where it belongs

Til the end of my time on earth shall I strive for Al Aqsa
So shall my progeny
Our progeny
Oh lady who teases, lady who flirts
Oh lady who have the sight of the unseen
Who sees through me
Who senses that which is not spoken
My spirit soared far and wide, but Ive soared alone
I am yearning for a partner
New voyages of discovery. To journey there and in distant lands
Seeking treasures of life along the path of our LORD to the Court of Books
The contents of thy bosom is forever sealed in the heart of the wandering spirit
Soaring amongst the stars, on the edge of the universe
Ive stood in the rows with those of blue light
Glimpsed the beasts of the bottomless pit
Battled with demons of smokeless fire
Ive been banished by the curse of a mother
A drifting father
Fighting a brother
Poison-laced comments of a sister
Feuding families
My roots bludgeoned and ripped from the soil of its nurturance by these
It chips at my soul
In defence of those near and dear to me Ive erupted in violence

Never proud
Certain things in life need to be done
I love and defend those close to me
Heaven help the other one who hurts or threaten them
They shall unleash a force ruthless in executing
Trained an hone to[perfection in its craft
Tempered with mercy
I am afraid of me
There are things in life that make good men cry
Tears on the cheeks, Tears in the heart
Woman who hold the Sacred Spirit
Lady of noble lineage
I am but an ordinary man, borne of common folk
Soaring over the fields, beyond the fate of the peasant
Eclipsing merchants and feudal lords
Oh spirited woman
The path to who I am - what I am - is a dangerous path
Scented with the bittersweet fragrance of loneliness
True spirit of a woman
I know not the uncharted waters of what lies ahead
Blizzards, gales, torrents, there will be
I see with the eye of my heart a rainbow
On the horizon, a dawning
Through the storm we must go
St Elmos fire is burning in me
Be my companion
Lady Keeper of the Sacred Script
Soar with me, on the wings of our dreams
Oh flower on the tree by the bridge of Esfahan

Thy fragrance enchants the butterflies

We stroll over the bridges connecting hearts
In souks, avenues and alleys.
Through the Sacred Gate of Shiraz
Wade in the meadows on the foot of the Zagros
Explore the tombs of Darius and kings of old
Dwell in the halls, between the pillars of ancient Persepolis
See the true Aryan
As we gaze over the plains of Yazd
On the grass of Zand we delight in the flavours of saffron
We will fill our chest with the treasures we found in the land of Persia
As we make our way to our next destination
Along the path to the Holy Courts of Accounts
By the trees
I shall build you a sanctuary
Where you can impart that which you are keeper of
Let me dwell with you and I shall be your keeper till the end of our time
Lady Keeper of the Sacred Script
I am but a mere wandering spirit - at war with myself - at war with the world
I experience the tranquillity of the prayer mat
I feel the solidarity of the mosque
I hover with the recitation of the Sacred Script
I find my LORD in the struggle of life
On the frontlines of battles, in the trenches of war - in the cause of our LORD
I come alive
Come fight by my side


Thy hold the Sacred Scripture inside thee

You are the keeper, I am your defender
Together we blaze a trail into eternity
In the balmy breeze I hear the whisperings of the bristling leaves
There by the trees
Oh fragrant warmth that kindles my being
You are with me when we are apart
You consume me when we are together
Without the key
The wandering spirit cannot enter the Lady Keeper of the Sacred Script
Ive waited a lifetime to find the lady
I shall wait a lifetime for the ladys hand
Lady Keeper
Be true to thy calling
In the early hours of the morning
Thy teach, thy touch the future
Through the night Ive journeyed with my words
I seek what I found in you
Rain Queen
Come dwell by the trees in my heart
Lady Keeper of the Scared Script
When the dream ended, the heavens cried
Marry Me


My Angst
I am waiting for words
For word from her
On a moonlit night
By the pond of my memories
She strokes my spirit
In her neck I soar
By her throat I throb
Her scent lifts my being
Her fragrance lingers
A potion in the vessel of my heart
Seeking a word by her
Silently gasping at a word about her
These are my words inspired by her
For her
My body denied where my spirit has fused
Through time and space I hope these words reach her
Touch her
Dear Lady
These tender words are from my heart
Of my heart
They are my heart
These words are for you
The tide of life will carry me along
In the oceans of my future I shall look for you


On a lonely beach
I wander
I wait
I am soaring into the sunset
I feel so alone sometimes
Are you thinking of me?
My chest wants to burst
That which is inside me overflows
Tears in the eyes of my heart
I miss you
Our moments in the present are the memories of our future
Your absence in the now makes the history of me incomplete
A void in my future
I want to make every moment with you last forever
Virgin Spirit
A voyager I am
Exploring your body
In your valley I meander
Taste your stream
Slake from the fountain of your essence
Revel in your moist warmth
Rapturous abandonment
A lifetime together
One in body and spirit
Different voyages
A wounded soul running wild
Respite I seek

After we pray
I lay my head on your bosom
Thy honour I shall defend
No shame shall I bring upon you
Your neck, the Lilliputian plains of your bosom
The seat of the Holy Script I approached
What I experienced there cannot be described in words
I took a breathe of your spirit
Mixed with the scent of the woman you
Perhaps one day I can share with you in the language without words
Many a path have I travelled
I know the journey to your heart is along a path that I must find
When I find that path I must travel it
Once Ive travelled it, at the door of your heart I must have the key
The key to unlock the treasures of your heart
Virgin heart
Quest of a lifetime
Ill do over. Many lifetimes
When I lose my way, your face shall be my beacon
Should I falter, the thought of possessing you spurs me on
When I doubt, prayer shall remind me
When I tire, a lifetime of your scent invigorates me
Hoping there is a rainbow for me
I am in the studio
On the Gabbe I miss you

The torment of living amidst the ruins of a life that was meant to be
A life that could have been
I bear in silence
A word from you
Mist in my eyes, a soul in mourning
A lonely man pursuing a dream
My quest for your heart
Recitation of the Holy Book brings me near to you
In the Holy Script I find you
Here and in faraway lands
Through the music of the world you travel with me
The pain of my life is nothing like the pain of knowing that you may not be with
You asked me once if I see the pain in your eyes
Can you see the pain in my words?
In the dark of the night
When the world is asleep
I miss you the most
Ache for you
The chant of the Holy Script
Soothes my pain with distant echoes of your voice
During the day I am pulled to the places and spaces weve been
At night I lay awake, thinking of you
Wondering what is in your heart and mind
Bring for me from your journey of reflection
Words to stoke the hearth of my heart
Whatever you decide, be true to yourself

The Lady is with child

Words engraved on my soul
My lady is with child
Seed of the unwanted planted in the soil of my desire
A child whose destiny is written in the stars - the sign of the father
To be borne of a union of the spirit of the Lady Keeper and a Warrior
A Spirit Child
Conceived in the sanctuary of a dream
Where the mother glides in the arms of the father
Destiny has overtaken a dream
Elation day and night
I long to stroke the child in the sanctuary of your womb
A sanctuary I must build
The lady I must protect
She is now the Keeper of the Holy Script and the bearer of a child
My Child
I cling to the dreams of a great spiritual leader
The dreams of yesterday are the realities of today and the dreams of today are
the realities of tomorrow
Keeper of the Sacred Script
Lady who carries the Spirit Child
Rhythm of my heart
Should I receive my calling before you decide
Tell our story
With words of mystery
These lines from the pages of my heart
Through the annals of time
For generations to celebrate

I love you
Words you have spoken
I heard the words you have not spoken
Your scent I shall bury
I read the lines from the Chapter of Light
Thank you for allowing me a brief spell on your bosom
I am sorry
Please forgive me
Pray for me