$2,425917.

20

VOLUME FOUR

I S S U E 34

"I don't like holidays. And I don't like crowds of people. I don't like noise."

Roz Chast

0 8 . 2 0 .15

Fewer Phones, More Noise | Back to School with Ed | Colby on 'Merica

P L U S : 7 D AY N E W B R A U N F E L S L I V E M U S I C G U I D E

oo

LINECRUSHERS returns SEPT 9 @

table

830.358.2493

of

contents

1st Word

New noise ordinance

backfires on homeowners
that pushed for it.

On Occasion

Ed remembers school. Bitterly.

All original content is copyright

TX Citizen. TX Citizen is published
every Thursday.

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1 WORD
ST

Crowdfunding
Update

WITH

In

recent

ban

on

using

study,

at the University of
MIKE researcher
Colorado Boulder found no
REYNOLDS evidence that a California

Last week, we launched a

crowdfunding
project
in
support of our new, weekly
podcast, The Texas News
Grinder. Initially, we were going
to run it through Kickstarter, but after
we went to press, we decided against that
route as we didnt want to risk losing the
pledges we generated if we fell short of
the $3,500 goal. If youre not familiar with
Kickstarter, its pretty cool, but if you dont
get ALL the money youre trying to raise, you
dont get ANY money. At all. So we brought
the crowdfunding in house.
As of press time were nearly half way
to our goal! Thank you New Braunfels! If
you tried to get in on this via Kickstarter,
only to discover The Texas News Grinder
was missing, please send us an email at
grindme@txcitizen.com, and well get you
the details and set you up, local style! Now,
on to the news.

Cell Phone Ban

Sometimes, laws are made because they
make people feel good, even if the laws
themselves, which always trigger unintended
consequences, come without true benefit.
The Citys new ban on cell-phone use while
driving falls into that category. Weve been
through the relevant facts before in this
column, but if you missed them, or didnt feel
like committing them to long-term memory,
heres a sample:
According to the New Braunfels Police
Departments 2013 stats, less than onepercent of the approximately 1,300 local
traffic accidents were attributed to cell-phone
use. That leaves 1,292 accidents caused by
other factors.
Then theres the science. This article
summarizing a University of Colorado
study appears on the universitys website at
colorado.edu:
TXCITIZEN.COM

cellphones

hand-held

while

driving

decreased the number of traffic

accidents in the state in the first six
months following the ban.
The

findings,

published

in

the

journal Transportation Research Part A:

Policy and Practice, are surprising given
prior research that suggests driving while
using a cellphone is risky. For example,
past laboratory studies have shown that
people who talk on a cellphone while
using driving simulators are as impaired
as people who are intoxicated.
If its really that dangerous, and if even
just a fraction of people stop using their phones,

Thanks to alL the wonderful people who donated

their time, energy, and hard earned cash this
past Saturday night at the Cajun Casino Night! It
went ofF without a hitch and raised a lot of
dolLars for the Children's Advocacy Center of
Comal County. Who would have thought that
drinking and gambling could do so much goOd
for the comMunity? To answer that, we just
neEd to loOk to the Germans. I ran acrosS a
medieval German proverb recently. "Drink
wine, and you wilL sleEp. SleEp, and you
wilL not sin. Abstain from sin, and you
wilL be saved. Ergo, drink wine, and you
wilL be saved." Do yourself and your
eternal soul a favor, folks. Stop by
Longshot this weEk, and drink some wine!
- Josh McFarling

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we would expect to find some decrease in

accidents, said Daniel Kaffine, an associate
professor of economics at CU-Boulder and an
author of the study. But we didnt find any
statistical evidence of a reduction.
The study was not designed to determine
why accidents did not decrease, but there

Daniel E. Allen, DDS

are several possible reasons, Kaffine said.

One is that people switched from using handheld devices to hands-free devices, such as
ones with Bluetooth technology. Prior studies

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in the lab have suggested that both types of

devices may be equally distracting.
Its also possible that people were not
complying with the new law, though past
studies suggest that cellphone use dropped
in other states when bans were enacted.
The reason could also be that the
type of people who would drive recklessly
using a cellphone are generally prone to
distracted driving and would potentially
cause accidents by fiddling with things, such
as CD players or GPS devices, if they werent
using their cellphones.
Continued on page 5.

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O

We often hear people wax sentimental

about school. About those friendships we
made that have lasted a lifetime, or about
those special teachers who inspired us to
strive toward greatness.
While these may be true, we no one
likes to mention the reverse side, which is
that school is also where we met the biggest
####### in our lives.
If honest, many of us would have to
admit that some (if not most) of our worst
childhood memories concern school: horrible
sadistic bullies, vicious teachers who hate
children and the administrators who could
care less (the kind who would try to make
you feel sorry for your tormentors).
Schools are actually a strange institution,
a contradiction that borders on the paradox.
They are necessary institutions, because we
need to be an educated society. They are
there to encourage children to strive toward
greatness, whether academically, socially
or physically. However, schools have to
enforce order so that chaos doesnt reign
and an environment can be provided in
which children can succeed. Thus, everyone
is forced into the collective. Step out of the
collective, and you find trouble (especially
among those evil educators who cant stand
children behaving like, well, children).
This was true in my time, and its true
today.
Of course, the problem with following
the collective is that it is never very collective.
This is a hard lesson for young children, many
of whom learn for the first time that:
1. There are those who are better off
(such as the children with the box of 64
Crayons with the sharpener rich brats).
2. There are those more attractive
(stuck ups).
3. There are those who are more
physically endowed (stupid jocks).
4. There are those who are smarter (dorks).
You see, while school works to bring
out and enhance our talents, this has the
simultaneous effect of developing long-lasting
self-esteem issues and bitterness.

I dont know if they still do this today,

but when I was in elementary school we had
music on Thursdays. The teacher would hand
out various percussion instruments, which we
would bang to the time of Ive Been Working
on the Railroad and Woody Guthries This
Land is Your Land.
I developed a theory that there were
three kinds of kids based upon the type of
instruments they received. There were the
favorites, who received the tambourines,
cymbals and triangles. There were the
rest, who got the sticks to bang together.
Then there were the outcasts, who got the
sandpaper blocks to rub together.
The problem, you see, isnt that every
teacher is bad. Theyre not. Most are
decent people trying to do a hard, often
unappreciated job. No, the problem is that
when a teacher is vile, he/she can wreak
havoc on a persons life at a very vulnerable
stage. Such teachers are former bullies who
got jobs in education so they could return
to their psychological slaughterhouse. This
is only made worse when there is damn
little that can be done about such people,
whether at the elementary, secondary or
even collegiate level.
I had a first-grade teacher, Mrs. Davis
(her real name, by the way), who once
berated me in front of the class, screaming in
my face that I was stupid and worthless.
My parents complained to the principal about
Mrs. Davis, but the principal only extolled the
teachers great virtues, and that she was an
institution who has been with the school for
30 years, et-freaking-cetera. I found out later
that there had been many complaints about
the Institutional Mrs. Davis, each ending the
same way. When my thoughts turn to her
even today, I always hope, deep within my
heart, that she is roasting in Hell.
My advice to students, then, is to be
yourselves. If that doesnt work, be rebellious,
but pick your battles wisely. Do your work,
make good grades and go to college. Then,
get a good job, rise to top and make them
pay. Make them all pay

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The fact is, its not as dangerous as our

collective gut tells us it is. The rational path
is to not ban cell-phone use. Naturally, some
people are going to read this article and think
that I am advocating the use of cell-phones
while driving, so let me make this clear - If
a driver is found to have caused an accident
because they were distracted for any reason,
be it a box of chicken fingers, a screaming
baby, or a cell-phone, let that be a factor in
the liability determination. Thats why we
have red lights and stop signs and speed
limits and whatnot, so we can assign liability
in the event of a collision. But every last
argument made by those in favor of this law
has been rooted in prevention of accidents
caused by cell-phone use, and prevention of
eight out of 1,300 accidents is fantasy. Some
unwise acts cant be stopped by ordinance.
Im going to propose a law that requires 500
hours of political science, economics, and
critical thinking education for everyone that
runs for office. Maybe thatll help. (It wont.)
Sure, its an incredibly bad idea to text
while driving. Its a bad idea to take your
eyes off the road for any reason, which
we all do every day, hundreds of times. As
I was told by my driving instructor before
cell phones were a thing, youre a danger if
you drive angry, and youre a danger if you
drive happy. Driving is a dangerous activity
that somehow most of us pull off every day
without incident, and when collisions occur,
most of them are non-fatal/non-injury. Were
made to think that all traffic accidents are
catastrophic. They are not.
TXCITIZEN.COM

Noise Ordinance
If you were exposed to any San Antonio/Austin
coverage of the rewritten noise ordinance, you
were probably shown a photo of Gruene Hall,
as if it were subject to the ordinance. Naturally,
those newsrooms screwed up. Gruene Hall
isnt affected by the new ordinance, because
the revision was written to placate a few
disgruntled homeowners who dont dig on the
Pour Haus, which is downtown.
We could go on for another twothousand words here, but in the end it comes
down to this:
If a music venue is not located within 100
feet of a residential district, sound equipment may
be operated at up to 85 decibels at all times.
If a music venue is located within
100 feet of a residential district, sound
equipment may be operated at up to 85
decibels between 10am and 10pm, and up
to 80 decibels at all other times.
Wait a minute. According to that,
nobody is affected by the new ordinance,
because nobody plays their music that loud
(when measured from the street/sidewalk
as police are directed to in the ordinance).
Months ago, we went out and took Saturday
night decibel readings all over over town,
and everybody came in at under 80 dB.
So what this really means is that the couple
people that tried to smite the Pour Haus with
their complaints, in fact gave the Haus the

right to crank it up another 5+dBs. Well done,

neighbors. I guess that photo of Gruene Hall
was relevant after all.
Granted, the Pour Haus hasnt always
been the Pour Haus, and there hasnt always
been live music in that part of downtown, so
the nearby homeowners werent expecting
nightly alt-country music when they bought
there. But Union-Pacific has had its tracks six
feet from the Pour Haus footprint since godsknow-when, and the locals didnt mind moving
in next to that 100+ decibel wake-you-upscreaming-in-the-middle-of-the-night-because-itfeels-like-your-house-is-collapsing terror show.
If you can tolerate freight trains you can sure
as heck put up with the live music the hipsters
and the gays enjoy. I mean really.

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Continued from page 3.

And finally, its possible that past studies
of the risk of using cellphones while driving
overestimate the danger. Since many of these
studies were done in the lab, it could be that
people perform differently using a driving
simulator than they do on a real road.
Lets go over the good part again: If
its really that dangerous, and if even just a
fraction of people stop using their phones,
we would expect to find some decrease in
accidents, said Daniel Kaffine, an associate
professor of economics at CU-Boulder and an
author of the study. But we didnt find any
statistical evidence of a reduction.

People that make laws like this dont

understand what purpose non-regulatory laws
serve. Laws exist not to change behavior, but to
allow for a codified punishment for whatever
the illegal act is. Laws against murder arent
expected to stop murderers, but they do provide
for a response once one happens. A murderer
actually has to kill somebody before they can
be punished for it. A driving cell-phone user
is now subject to punishment before they hurt
anybody. Thats the difference. And its bad
precedent. #minorityreport
Note: if you get caught violating the
ordinance prior to November 1, youll get off
with a warning for that, but are still subject
to arrest for possession of any contraband
the officer who pulled you over might notice.
Same with the body in the back seat. So
throw a towel over it.

Union St
Union St
Station

283 S Union St
512.757.7846
foreverdancenb.com

\m/
Mike Reynolds
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Chase Cochran contributed to this column, and should

be named as a co-defendant in any litigation filed as a
result of its publication.

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Last Saturday we spent the

morning at the Commemorative
Air Force hangar out the San
Marcos airport, in celebration of
the 70th anniversary of the end
of WWII. After a day of cars
and aircraft, we headed back to
town for Longshot Wine Bar's
Cajun Casino Night at the
McKenna Center to benefit the
Children's Advocacy Center of
Comal County! We expect to be
fully recovered from last
weekend by this weekend.

AD SALES 830.358.2493

Dodgeball has a long and intriguing history.

a kids game, have fun and not worry about

The sport stems from the days when life, Marsha said.
combatants would hurl stones at one another
across battlements.
During

the

middle

ages,

Scottish

The tournament was the idea of Alpha

The winning team was made up of young

Chris and Lauren wanted to give

athletes from New Braunfels High School. back to the community in the best way
The team called itself M4L, Mudge for Life.

CrossFit owners Chris and Lauren Cavanaugh.

We all played football for her husband

It was so much fun, Chris said. We

in high school and weve been all helping her

they could, and Marsha is a great

person to do something for, said Alpha
CrossFit

member

Michele

Broderick.

Highlanders turned rock dodging into a sport

wanted to do something different, and we out during this hard time, so its great to be They didnt want it to necessarily be just

because thats the kind of thing they did back

thought of dodge ball.

then, when viciously maiming one another

was considered a bonding experience.

Even though there had already been

a couple of fundraisers, we wanted to do

here for her, said Jericho Gomez, one of the a CrossFit event, but something everyone
teams members.

Marsha certainly enjoyed their winning participating had never even met Marsha

What we now recognize as dodgeball something new and exciting, get everybody performance.
took form in America during the 1930s when

together and be active, Lauren agreed.

a school basketball coach noticed that some

The game played at Alpha CrossFit was

of those trying out for the team didnt catch

brutal, in all of its Medieval Scottish Highland

could participate in. Most of the people

Its hilarious to watch these guys, Marsha

said of M4L. These guys played for my husband,
so its just awesome that they came out.

before today.
And Marsha was more than touched by
everyones efforts.
I want to thank Alpha CrossFit so much

so well and, after being smacked with the glory. Teams of muscular people hurled red

Marsha certainly has a long way to go,

and thank all of the people who came out in

basketball, had to sit down for a while to

rubber balls at one another as hard as they

with many more treatments and surgeries

support, she said. I just couldnt fight the

regain their composure.

could at very close range, making an audible ahead. But she remains positive because, fight without everyone here.

Dodgeball reached its zenith recently and painful smack when the balls hit home.

in her view, what else can you do? She

at Alpha CrossFit in New Braunfels as the The echoes from the hits were audible for

expressed these sentiments when I pointed

came together just to support me, its just

fitness institute held a Dodge for a Cause miles, frightening livestock: chickens stopped

out that she had a big smile.

overwhelming

tournament in order to raise funds for local laying eggs, cows stopped giving milk and
resident Marsha Mudge.
Marsha has advanced-stage breast

monkeys forgot how to read.

cant

believe
and

all

these

amazing,

people
Marsha

I do, I do! Its the only way to live life, added. This just fills my heart and makes me
she said. No matter what happens, you

There was a wooden barricade around the always have a smile. Cancer can take a lot,

cancer, which has spread to other parts perimeter to mark off the play area and offer but it cant take my smile away.

want to fight harder.

The event raised $845. If you would
like to contribute to help Marshas fight, you

of her body. She lost her husband, John protection for the audience, at which it failed.

The genesis of the tournament came

can do so through her Go Fund Me website,

Mudge, a New Braunfels High School Those watching the tournament had to keep a

from the Cavanaughs desire to do something

Fighting for Marsha Mudge at gofundme.

very sharp eye on the games lest they become

for the community. A couple of members

com/tp88x2j. You can also go to her

football coach, a year ago. The couple have

two young sons, Jackson, age three, and collateral damage, thus making the audience of Alpha CrossFit who had worked with Facebook page, MudgeStrong.
Marsha when was the school nurse at Carl

Alpha CrossFit is located at 1153

This is great to just watch everyone to greatly enjoy. By the end of the tournament, Schurz Elementary and recommended the

N. Academy Ave. Their phone number is

five-year-old Tanner.
run around, throw balls at each other, play
TXCITIZEN.COM

feel like part of the action, which they appeared

the wooden barricade was in tatters.

fundraising tournament be on her behalf.

830.643.1811.
7

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The Pour Haus

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Monty Guitar Tyler Band

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Sat 8.22

Alpine Haus Restaurant

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9pm

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w/ Sam Harriss
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Anthony Wright Band

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SOUND TOWN
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Fri 8.21
Cheatham Street Warehouse
Bill Chambers & Jessica Belle
w/ HalleyAnna
9pm

The Continental Club

The Blues Specialists
6:30pm
Dale Watson & His Lone Stars
10pm, $10
Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm
Perdue & Friends, 10:30pm, $5

Floores Country Store

Chris Knight
w/ Jonny Burke
7pm, $15-$20

Luckenbach Dance Hall

Hayden Whittington
1pm
West Creek
4pm
Dale Watson
w/ The Merles
8pm, $15

Sams Burger Joint

Shinyribs
w/ Eagle Eye Williamson
8pm, $15-$60

Stubbs BBQ

Sat 8.22
Cheatham Street Warehouse
Parker McCollum
9pm

The Continental Club

Cornell Hurd, 3:30pm
The Bellfuries, King James
10pm, $10
Hillary York, 8:30pm

w/ Jonathan Garcia
7pm, $10

Luckenbach Dance Hall

Pearl & the Polka Dots
1pm
John Evans Band
8pm, $10

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Ruben V
w/ John Cortez Band
8pm, $10-$45

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MOS T WAN T ED Freeman

COMAL COUNTYS
BECCERA,
THOMAS

Male 507 155 lbs

DOB: 03/12/1973
CHARGE: Failure to
appear for driving
while intoxicated 3rd
or more.

RIOS,
MARK JR

Male 510 140 lbs

DOB: 02/26/1993
CHARGE: Failure to
appear for theft property
>$1500<$20k CT I and
failure to appear for
tamper fabricate
physical evidence CT II

RUDEL,
GOURLEY-METCALF
MEDELLIN, JESSE,
RODRIGUEZ
BRANDON
NOLAN
QUINNLIN
Male 507
200
lbslbs
Female
507
200
DOB: 01/01/1976
DOB:
11/05/1993
CHARGE:
Possession
CHARGE:
Violation
of a controlled
substance
pg of
1 under
of
conditions
bond
1 gram
and theft
of or
for
evading
arrest
property
under
$1500
detention with
with 2 or more
vehicle
previous convictions

JOHNSON,
JESSE RAY
Male 602 155 lbs
DOB: 04/14/1989
CHARGE: Motion to
revoke probation for
injury to child

NAVARRO,
JUSTIN
Male 510 160 lbs
DOB: 12/17/1983
CHARGE: Failure to
appear for sexual
assault of a child

Male 601 220 lbs

DOB: 10/08/1984
CHARGE: Motion to
proceed with
adudication for theft
>$1500<$20k from the
elderly

STEWART,
MICHAEL
JOSEPH-LES
Male 505 146 lbs
DOB: 11/22/1988
CHARGE: Motion to
revoke probation for
delivery marijuana
>1/4oz<5lbs

VIDAURRE,
BENITO
Male 508 165 lbs
DOB: 09/23/1987
CHARGE: Retaliation

PEACOCK,
CODY RYAN

ZAMORA,
JESSE ANTHONY

Male 601 155 lbs

DOB: 05/22/1991
CHARGE: Driving
while intoxicated with
child under 15 yoa

Male 509 185 lbs

DOB: 01/03/1971
CHARGE: 2 counts
bail jumping and failure
to appear

$300
REWARD

FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL

COUNTYS MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous.

830.620.3400 - 24-Hour
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The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true
and accurate account as of Monday, August 18, 2015 at 10:03 a.m. and may not be current by the time it
is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County
Sheriffs Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant
prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

TXCITIZEN.COM

on Sports WITH BRANT FREEMAN

Its Closer

FOOTBALL

Life for a sports fan is finally getting a little

more interesting these days as everything is
closer: football season (high school, college
and pro), the MLB playoffs and homework
(just kidding kids! Except, not really. Enjoy
those book reports on the work of Emily
Dickinson and science fair projects. Anything
involving a potato or a volcano are grounds
for a D-). With this time of the year upon us,
Ill be using this space (next to New Braunfels
most upstanding citizens) to look at both the
week past and the week ahead.

WEEK IN REVIEW: Well, we finally got to

see the Cowboys and Texans in action. Dont
get me wrong, its great that football is back,
something Ive been pining for in this column
like a fanboy awaiting the next Marvel movie
(dont worry Milton, they release about six a
month). But preseason football is BRUTAL. In
their game against San Diego, the Cowboys
started 53-year-old Brandon Weeden
who completed 4 of 5 passes without an
interception, a feat that probably ranks in the
Top 10 of his NFL career. Phillip Rivers threw
two passes for the Chargers, both Tony Romo
and Dez Bryant sat out for the Cowboys.
The game, like most preseason games,
was more of a glorified tryout for the fringeroster players and I dont know which is more
appalling: that average ticket price for these
preseason games is $184 or that people
actually buy them.
The Texans beat San Francisco in their
preseason opener 23-10 but theres still no
definitive answer to the question of who will
be Houstons starting quarterback come Week
One. Maybe itll be whoever gets cussed out
the least by Bill OBrien in Hard Knocks.
WEEK AHEAD: The Texans host the
Broncos and the Cowboys play in California
again, against San Francisco. Ill watch each
for about 15 minutes and then its back to
the DVR for more Bar Rescue. We also get
our first look at local high school football
this Friday with New Braunfels scrimmaging
against Dripping Springs, Canyon against
Killeen Harker Heights, and Smithson Valley
scrimmages against Brandeis with all area
teams scrimmaging at their home stadiums.
The real fun starts next week with the regular
season openers. College football kicks off
the first week of September which Ill start
covering here as well. BE READY.
Until next week

BASEBALL
WEEK IN REVIEW: The Houston Astros have
been one of the best stories in baseball this
season but the Stros grip on the AL West is
slipping. As of this writing, the Angels are just
2.5 games back of Houston and in-state rival
Texas has climbed to within three games of
the Astros division lead. The records of the
current two AL Wild Card teams, Toronto (6554) and Baltimore (61-56) are better and just
slightly behind Houston respectively, meaning
that the Astros arent the postseason lock they
appeared to be about six weeks ago.
On July 3, Houston was 48-34, good for
the best record in the American League and
second in all of MLB only to the Cardinals.
Since then the Astros are 16-21 and have just
the fourth best record in the AL (8 games back
of 1st place Kansas City). The problem? Road
games. Houston is 4-17 on the road since
July 3 and just 24-35 all season compared to
its 40-20 record at home. The Astros home/
road split is like the Season 1/Season 2 split
of True Detective (RUST COHLE FOR LIFE).
WEEK AHEAD: The Astros are at home
for the rest of the week so thats a relief,
although they close their home stand against
the NL West leading LA Dodgers before
heading on the road for six games against the
Yankees and Twins. The Rangers are at Detroit
for a four-game series against the Tigers but
then host red-hot Toronto and Baltimore next
week. Theres still seven more games left
between Houston and Texas coming next
month throw in the Angels, and the race for
the AL West crown is going to be good.

Brant Freeman is a seasoned local sportscaster,

serving as the radio voice of Texas State University,
hosting television coverage of Texas State Athletics and
delivering the goods as a reporter for major pro and
collegiate sporting events in the greater San Antonio
area for over a decade.
11

ASK A MEXICAN!

By Gustavo Arellano a lot. No time for museums, libraries, or

tutoring. But trying to turn your son into the

thursday & saturday

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Dear Mexican: I live in the Bronx,

in a heavily immigrant area. We have
many West African, Dominican,
Mexican, Central American, Guyanese,
and Bengali newcomers. Ive noticed
that Mexican men seem to spend
lots of time with their wives and kids.
Every weekend in the park, you see
Mexican man after Mexican man
playing soccer with his kids or doing
some other activity with his family. I
know that most of these men work six
days a week, and am amazed that in
their free time, they dont just want
to be left alone. Not that you dont
see other nationalities men playing
with their kids, but more often you
see the African and Dominican men
hanging out with other men, and
the wives are with the kids. This is,
of course, a vast generalization, but
Ive noticed it a lot. I also often see
Mexican men helping their wives at
the Laundromat. I thought Mexicans
were supposed to be machos. But Im
thinking that maybe I need to find
myself a Mexican man!
Randy in Riverdale

next Fernando Valenzuela or Chicharito?

Of course!

Dear Mexican: Im a gabacho, but

Ive been loving menudo for about 45
years. What are your thoughts on why
menudo is the Food of the Gods?
I Aint Mexican but Mi Estmago
Damn Well Is
Dear No Soy Mexicano But My
Stomach S Es: You are one smart gabacho!
Most of your ilk only think of the tripe soup
as an edible donkey show: a horrific,
disgusting artifact of a horrific, disgusting
people. But menudo is so much more than
boiled cow guts or something to soak up
the booze that fueled your previous night.
Menudo is a socio-historical lesson in a
bowl: the fat, pale kernels of pozole have
nourished

Mesoamericans

since

time

immemorial; the use of tripe and not the

better parts of a cow a testament to its
status as a poor persons meal. Menudo is
delicious, the trinity of firm pozole, chewy
tripe and fiery, blood-red broth producing
a comforting, fatty flavor. More important,
menudo is amor. Its the soup Mexican

Dear Gabacha: You should definitely women slave over for their hungry families
get yourself an hombre, but not for taking on weekend mornings, the dish over
care of kids. The Quality of Time Spent with which families unite and teens fall in love
Children among Mexican Immigrants, a as they pitch woo along with the wicker
paper written by Purdue University professor of tortillas. Menudo nowadays exists in
Andres J. Vargas and Daniel Kidane of Ohio

can form, but thats heresy. True menudo

Wesleyan University, found that Mexican is a difficult feat, taking hours to create,
fathers spent less time with their kiddies but it comes with a payoff that transcends
than gabachos, Mexican-Americans, and

taste buds and strives for the sublime. Will

rate menudo cure a hangover? No doubt. But

improved the more time the papis lived in if thats all you eat it for, then you truly
the U.S. We interpret this as evidence that dont know love.
African-Americans,

although

the

duration of residence is associated with an

improvement of the childcare behaviors of
Mexican immigrants, the two wrote. They
didnt give a reason as to why Mexican
fathers spend less time with their kids, but
you alluded to the answer: our dads work
12

Ask the Mexican at

themexican@askamexican.net,
be his fan on Facebook, follow him on
Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him
on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!
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Last Word
With Kelly Colby

Merica!

noise. In any case, the scenery was nice and

perhaps in anticipation of a Big Mac from the and dangerously firing a weapon in the air,

The guided tour of the area around the Black

the ride was pleasant.

fast food bag at his side. I suspect everyone I see a man enthusiastically exercising his

Its difficult to explain the scenic has seen something of the sort by now and I

Second Amendment rights. Where some

rail line, the Crazy Horse Monument,

roadways in the Black Hills and hope have long suggested that the meme offers a

see jingoism, I see patriotism. Where some

and some of the scenic highways, all the

to do them any real justice. One that we

good way of determining how much someone

see corporate greed, I see a free market

really loves this country: The amount of irony

while traveling through various towns went on during the tour is simply a scenic
with which you say Merica tells you just how
and offering a local history. It really was tour carefully designed to force travel to
a person feels about America.
fascinating. Overall, the trip just whet my a crawl by twisting the road into almost
Conservatives have long been patriotic
impossible contortions, and every twist,
appetite for more.
and people like Sarah Palin quickly
The tour spent an hour at Mount turn and concern over falling over the side
grabbed the contracted meme and made
Rushmore, which was nowhere near of a mountain to your death was worth it.
it her own as did several others. I dont
enough time to take in the historical Another went through Custer State Park.
always consider myself conservative, but I
content available. We opted out of the This is billed as a wildlife loop, but during
am right on board with this particular idea.
trip closer to the monument because our tour we saw very little. Somehow the
We (Sarah Palin, myself, and those who
I had no real interest in walking so far buffalo had managed to hide, and we
love this country just as it is) say Merica
to look up George Washingtons nose. didnt see even one. We returned another
proudly and without any irony at all.
We also missed an exhibition of Native day and saw more than had ever imagined,
Liberals and self-described deep thinker
American dancing, and really had to rush but thats another story completely.
of all types in this country say Merica in a
The tour took almost the whole day, and
through some of the exhibits. Still, Mount
completely ironic way. The phrase is meant
Rushmore was, by far, my favorite portion all of us were wiped out by the end of it. We
to denigrate the country and the larger
immediately began talking about the things
of the tour.
portion of its people. Most are so blinded
Even more time was allotted for the we saw and what we would like to see
by this way of thinking that they dont even
Crazy Horse Monument, and even more more of, knowing full well that what we saw
understand how someone could adopt the
was missed. The Crazy Horse Monument during the day was only a sliver of what was
meme Merica, as it is, and see it as a
is a private project in response to Mount in the area. Rock hunting, museums, fossils, badge of honor, a clear depiction of what
Rushmore. I encourage people to research it local flavor, and Deadwood remained makes America great.
and to go see it. Because they have refused completely unexplored. What intrigued me
Let me help.

(or at least a freer market) that has brought

Hills took us to Mount Rushmore, a restored

any government money or control and the

most, though, was something I saw in Mount

project includes both a college and museum Rushmore and the way it was presented. It
it is not yet completed an may not be for

seemed to me that it might be the perfect

some time, but it is already possible to see metaphor for our country and how different
how the monument will turn out and it houses
the largest museum dedicated to Native
Americans in the U.S.

people see it.

more people out of poverty than with all

the social programs ever devised. In short,
where some see everything thats bad about
America in the meme, I see everything
thats great about it. I recognize that the
intent of the artist is just the opposite, but I
also recognize just how wrong-minded the
argument behind the intent is.
You will find exactly this type of
dichotomy at Mount Rushmore as well. The
first thing I noticed was that Mount Rushmore

was an attraction as much as it was a

monument. It had a subtle Disney feel to it.
Is this part of the over commercialization
of America, or just another example of
Americas dedication to the free market?
The workers in many cases are Ukrainian.
Why you ask? Well, because they are
willing to work and are part of a program
that allows college students from Ukraine
to work and travel abroad. Does this say

bad things about America and its work

In the meme, where some see an obese ethic, or does it say good things about
man, a man with no self-control or pride in the way the rest of the world sees us. The
his appearance, I see a man blessed with monument itself raises questions. Are we
abundance. Certainly this is true of his size,

memorializing old white men, or are we

memorializing the history of our country

Have you ever seen one of the Merica! by have access to all they need and more. and the Presidents who were instrumental in
Cartoons (memes) online? The one that Where some find the scooter silly and a creating it? Is this patriotic symbol carved
but the way someone gets to that size is

The rail tour was a little dull. Essentially, immediately comes to mind for me is the symbol of laziness (along with the weight), I into a sacred mountain on stolen Indian
it was just a train ride from one town to

drawing of an obese man driving one of those

see a country where invention and innovation land evidence of our greatness or our sins?

another. There was a sound track that geriatric scooters while firing a machine gun

are prized, where were always looking for I suppose each of us has to decide.

offered a good deal of the history of the

in the air. The scooter is generally festooned

a better way. In this case a scooter offers

line, which was developed for the mines in

with patriotic regalia. The mans mouth is

mobility to people who might have none

the area, but it was drown out by the train open either shouting Merica! himself or

otherwise. Where some see a man blindly

TXCITIZEN.COM

You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.

blogspot.com.
15

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