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It is I who am/is to blame.
Should I use 'am' or 'is'?
It is I who is to blame is correct.
Personally, my view is that if you like applying Latin rules to English
grammar you would prefer the following, which is correct English:
It is I who am at fault.
If you disagree with that, you would prefer
It is me who is at fault.
Or if you wished to be annoying, you could mix them, but at least be
aware of the difference and where it comes from.
It has nothing to do with correct. Before you can decide that MsTan,
you've gotta the register you want.
More formal:
A: Who is to blame?
B: It is I/me who is to blame.
More colloquial:
A: Who's to blame?
B: It's me who is/who's to blame.
I keep having trouble with "cleft sentences" and those kinds of things.
It's you who is /are...Emotion: tongue tied Here are my guesses:
It's me who is, needs, wants, goes, does...
It's you who is, needs, wants, goes, does... (this is the singular you)
It's him who is, needs, wants, goes, does...
It's us who are, need, want, go, do...
It's you who are, need, want, go, do... (this is the plural you)
It's them who are, need, want, go, do...
You've made some very respectable guesses! (I'm convinced that there
are no right answers to this question, by the way! )

The It's or It is or It was and the who are invariable in all versions of
this formula.
The controversy revolves around two other factors.
Should the pronoun before who be in the nominative (I, you, he, she,
we, they) or in the objective (me, you, him, her, us, them) case?
Should the verb after who agree only in number or in number and
person with the antecedent pronoun? (This factor is important only in
the cases of I am and You are.)
Taking I am tired as the base sentence, the four cleft versions which
are possible are:
It is I who am tired. (Nominative, number, person)
It is I who is tired. (Nominative, number)
It is me who am tired. (Objective, number, person)
It is me who is tired. (Objective, number)
With You are tired, you singular. (Cases conflated.)
It is you who are tired. (Nom/Obj, number, person)
It is you who is tired. (Nom/Obj, number)
With You are tired, you plural, only one version is possible. (Cases
conflated and number and person conflated)
It is you who are tired. (Nom/Obj, number/person)
Two versions are possible with each of the remaining pronouns.
(Number and person conflated)
It is [he / she] who is tired. (Nominative, number)
It is [him / her] who is tired. (Objective, number)
It is [we / they] who are tired. (Nominative, number)
It is [us / them] who are tired. (Objective, number)
My understanding, right or wrong, is that the most formal and
academic usage requires the It is I who am pattern, i.e., nominative
case and both number and person agreement. Some people argue that
I who is is fine. I don't think anyone argues in favor of me who am. My

impression is that, informally in conversation, me who is might be

Following the idea that the maximum of agreement is needed for
formal, academic use, ... you who are ... is the version to use, whether
you is singular or plural. Likewise, ... [he / she / we / they] who [is / is /
are / are]... are the more formal forms.
Where I live, hardly anybody uses the forms shown above very much.
We prefer to express the same meaning with the following paradigm:
I'm the one who's tired.
You're the one who's tired.
He's/She's the one who's tired.
We're the ones who are tired.
You're the ones who are tired.
They're the ones who are tired.
This topic is very controversial, and others are sure to have their own
opinions on it.
Well, you are right!
I have been looking for examples on the Net, the guesses you've read
are what seems to be more usual (dammit, what seem/seemsagain! ).
By the way, in formal writing I guess the best thing to do is to avoid
those kinds of constructions completely. You know, I just asked two
American friends this thing. Well, they don't know! And they don't
know the question of"what seem/seems" either! I've read posts in
forums, I found teachers'opinions, native speakers'opinions, online
grammar tips, and it turned out to be a great mess since they often
disagree with each other. But what it is important is that often people
don't seem to notice these "little mistakes". That is, nobody knows
what is correct between "My friend are what makes me happy" and
"...are what make me happy", but people accept or use both of them.
My goal is to know idiomatic english, not to know a lot of rules that
probably I'll never remember and nobody uses. So I think I'll use the
sentences I wrote as guesses (in informal contexts of course), and
make or makes in sentences like "My friends are what makes me feel
better". I feel this choices are idiomatic, though they might be not
grammatically correct. Obviously, structures like "we are the ones..."

often are what sounds fine. (aargh, again that damn what )
I just don't know why the thread I start are always about controversial
subjects. Maybe I'm silmply a troublemaker.
I found out something on the Net about this issue, and they disagree
with each other:
It is you who are leaving ---- http://www.zianet.com/jkline/u3pnagr.htm
"it is you who is responsible for this" - not "are." ---- http://www.stagedoor.org/stampact/traps.html
the "who" refers to the "you," so we want "have." ---http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/grammarlogs3/grammarlog
As you can see, they all say different things. But what I did then was
this: again, I tryed to find what is more usual. I've checked a lot of
websites, even song databases and American blogs. So:
It's you who/that is trying to understand.
It's you who/that needs an answer.
It's you who/that doesn't understand this at all.
But notice the plural verb here:
It's you guys who/that are trying to understand.
It's you learners who/that need an answer.
It's you who/that don't understand this at all. (plural you, you
readers, you guys)
I believe the tenses used in those sentences are the most idiomatic
and most accepted, even if they might be grammatically wrong.
If anyone has some different opinions or want to tell us what they use
in everyday's speech, they are free to post in this thread.