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Acta Retractor, 2010 1(1)-1-2

Homeopathy Cures teh Canser: FACT!!!!1!!

DR M.Nalik, A.Dullman
Centre for really good resurch,
(near) A hospital,

Canser is a bad dis-ease that makes peepul ded. Sum scientists, funded by big pharma
think that canser is caused by jeans, but I knew a bloke who always wore chords: he dyed of
teh canser. This prooves science dusen't noes everything. Therefore Homeopathy is right.

Evil allopathic big pharma nhs-conmed so-called doctors treet teh canser wiv nasty
invasif sururgy, or with NASTY CHEMICULZ or with radeayshun. Lots of people still dye
from canser, so the allopaths are dead wrong. Therefore Homeopathy works.

In this paper, we show homeopathy can easily cure cancer, with no side effects.

We took 100 so-called "terminal" canser patients. All patients had been told by an
allopath that they had less than 6 months to live. We took these patients, asked them lots of
questiuns about how they were feelings, and then looked up the suitable remedeez on our
sooper speshul Organon textbook. We told the payshunt to take our pills and come back in
6 months time. After six months, we would do a speshul homeopathic check to see if they
were still alive.

100% of the patients who returned were alive (fig1) This totally proves homeopathy
works and is the best. Fact.

Status of patients
Alive Dead Don't Know

Fig1: Status of patients who came back. Patients were asked to fill in a self-assessment questionnaire,
containing 1 question: are you alive? Yes/No/Don't know
The patient who returned, had no sign of canser at all. She had a full head of hair,
eyebrows, and even a little moustache. She didn't have any obvious lumps or bumps. This
miraculous recovery was obviously due to the homeopathic remedy.

However, we noted that the patient showed signs of mental confusion, and she had
possibly changed sex. She kept saying "you've got the wrong man" and "I'm here to read the
gas meter." These horrendous side effects are clearly due to the evil allopathy big farmer
nhs-conmed radeayshun and CHEMICULZ she was taking at the same time.

We have totally shown that homeopathy can cure teh canser. And is loads better than
evil nhs-conmed. And anyone who thinks otherwise is a denayalist and clearly in the
pockets of big pharma. Our work also prooves that the British royal faMily is totally rite to
use homeopathy (did we mention that?).

The nhs shud totally fund homeopathy. And every1 shud go to a homeopath when
they are ill. We R totally ace and can absolutly cure anythink. Even homosexualists 1 and
AIDS peepul 2. Edzard Ernst and that Goldacre chap can stick this up their sacral chakras
and swivel on it. And that so-called Dr Evan Harris so-called MP.

We would like to thank Tate & Lyle for providing funding, and Boiron for the

Conflicts of interest
None. even though we are homeopaths, we would certanly not benifit from
homeopathy being taken seriusly.