Stupid Hoe

the only real misstep here is "i am the female weezy"- as if lil wayne could eve
r mount a performance this bizarre, this unhinged, this visceral, this hilarious
, this intimidating, this monstrously and bizarrely sexual, this utterly fucking
liberating. as if lil wayne would know what to do with a production this fluid
and detailed (listen to how the drums build themselves up and dissipate as the c
horus slips in and out of place! those cut-up "whoop"s sound like neon-purple wh
istles slamming against the hull of my consciousness until the motherfucker sink
s into an ocean of blood and nail polish and re-emerges a jet-propelled cruise l
iner staffed by docile leopards!), this punchy and confrontational and ludicrous
ly fun. this is chaos and ecstasy. this is filth and rebirth. this is the death
of western civilization. this is fucking in the streets and dancing amidst the r
ubble. I'M GONNA STAB DICK CHENEY IN THE FUCKING THROAT OH MY FUCK THIS IS SO MU
CH OF EVERYTHING EVER

Defenders of this song seem prone to attacking any critics. 'Trying to look smar
t' or 'close-minded' seem to be useful fall-backs. In trying to describe why thi
s song has any merit, arguments have been... less than convincing.
Everything about this is so cringe-inducingly ugly, so ritalin-addled, and, hide
ously soulless: without any emotional connection or deeper meaning. 'Ping-pongin
g, cosmic explosion' wouldn't be a description out of place in hipster-approved
Pitchfork magazines, and they've been part-and-parcel of the positive reviews I'
ve been reading here.
Ultimately this a vapid piece of trash; a meaningless mess that won't be remembe
red 10 years from now, because beneath its surface novelty it's simply the same
ugly, repetitive, dance-rap song that dresses up shallow surface elements as som
ething laudable. In a way it sets off alarm bells in my head the same way postmo
dern artwork does -- torsos smeared in excrement with the reasoning behind it as
something clever.
No beauty. No potency. Nothing to say and no reason to exist.
Truly misunderstood. It's a chaotically chaotic piece of pop... with production
values that match and clash with Minaj's vocals like a pinball machine. The heig
hts and lows that this chick brings in this song is quite hypnotic. People need
to re-evaluate this one, methinks, and I'm not even much of a Minaj fan.

I literally deleted about five different reviews of this before I gave up. No wo
rds can do this song true justice. None.
are you kidding me THIS TOTALLY RULES
big ups to the dude planking on the hood of a car for about half a second in the
video

this is the best song forever. please don't ask me why.

when my family comes, please tell them i'm sorry,

The chipmunk has incredible bass. Jeezus.

Maybe because I don't like rap at all, Stupid Hoe is the best hip-hop track I've h
eard just about ever. Seriously. The video is brilliant. Till today the only rap
track I ever liked was "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot. This is better.

Takes one to know one.

Errgh this sounds nothing like Led Zepplin!!

(And thank God for that because it's probably the best pop song of the 2010's so
far)

Amazing things in this song to listen for that I bet no one who panned this song
bothered to notice: the underlying WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP beat slowly be
coming more and more intense, complex, almost tribal as the song goes on, the wa
y her voice changes inflection about three hundred times per syllable on "one tw
o three do the Nicki Minaj blink", the bass suddenly consuming everything in a m
assive wall of sound during the singing part, the hilarious awkward silence afte
r "who's gassing this hoe? BP?" like she realized that was a terrible joke and c
ouldn't find a way to follow it, Nicki cutely having trouble deciding whether to
pronounce it as "hoe" and "how", that fleeting moment of interplay between the
chipmunk noises and the whistles, the juxtaposition of the deadpan backing vocal
s and Nicki going nuts in the foreground, the shocking operatic section worthy o
f Florence Foster Jenkins herself, and of course, that "wooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllllllllldddddddddddddd", which is surely the m
ost ridiculous musical moment of the 2010s so far. I could go on.
People dismissing this song probably think that doing so makes them look intelli
gent. Instead, it makes them look like sticks in the mud who can't handle the ma
ssive screwball insanity of this masterpiece.
This is the real human experience.

A short list of things I enjoy Stupid Hoe more than:

Led Zeppelin's entire discography
AC/DC's entire discography
Almost everything by Animal Collective
The Queen is Dead
Everything I've heard by The Velvet Underground
Metallica's entire discography
Everything by The Beatles until around Rubber Soul
Muse's entire discography
Loveless

I dunno, it's a fun song. I don't really know the point of this review, other th
an to show everyone how bad my music tastes are.

Retarded is now a legitimate genre of music, not just an adjective to describe i

t.

This song is Roman Zolanski's Chinatown. No relation to Roman Polanski's Chinato

wn.

Right, so. I've listened to all the cliche shit, you know, stuff like Brokencyde
, Millionaires, Rebecca Black, Dot Dot Curve, and Blog 27. I'm also well familia
r with "lulz this is worse than Brokencyde" hyperbole and its completely inappro
priate use to denigrate things that are bad but, really, aren't that bad. It's a
rare day when I describe something as being worse than Brokencyde, because that
is a statement that really shouldn't be used lightly. Usually those rare days a
re when I've suffered some Dot Dot Curve, who takes crunkcore to a new low. Nick
i Minaj has released some bad songs before, but nothing I've heard has been quit
e down on that level.
So I hope you will take me seriously when I say this song is worse than anything
- ANYTHING - Brokencyde have ever released.
It's tuneless. Absolutely fucking tuneless. That backing track is just the defin
ition of obnoxious, like a car alarm that goes off at 4am because a drunk stagge
red into it. There are just no excuses for even contemplating the use of that. S
he can't bloody sing, as demonstrated by her desperate attempt late in the song
to sound like Rihanna and sing high, with hilarious results. And the lyrics? Oh
sweet jesus. Besides the tone deaf chorus chanting of "you a stupid ho", the ver
ses are littered with desperate leaps of logic and statements that just don't ma
ke sense on any planet, like the bizarre Roman Polanski reference.
Oh, and the title? Unfortunately (but obviously), this song is not in fact about
a dumb gardening implement, and is directed at some woman who is, for no readil
y discernible reason, considered to be a whore. Apparently record labels don't e
ven bother to employ copy editors to avoid spelling abortions making it onto the
cover any more.
This is just an obnoxious migraine wrapped up in the guise of a song, and in exc
hange for the ringing head you receive, you don't even get the pleasure of a few
laughs. At least Brokencyde are usually decent enough to make you laugh in horr
or.

very subtle
i love how nicki minaj so harshly divides people who view music from different a
ngles and people who have no fucking clue how to approach music outside of their
myopic comfort zones

you a stupid ho you you you a stupid ho. how can u not love it?

I wish I could do the Nicki Minaj blink. Unfortunately, I have neither the woman
's presence nor talent, so I'll just start another marathon viewing of Barbie: L
ife in the Dreamhouse, where pink is a flavor and the characters are far more in
telligent than some would have you believe.
The difference is, this glee is much less of a surprise than that of a bubbly we
b series.

I've fantasized about slow-dancing and ballerina-whirling to this, because it ha

s its own sort of grace, in a "pummels everything for the fucking fun of it" sor
t of way. Pounds pop into (undeserving) submission then pulls it back up more l
iberated and ecstatic than ever, and thereby proves two things: 1) Pop has no li
mits anymore, and 2) Nicki is the literal capacity of the moon to control the ti
des. If she pushes you out of a window, shout back "thank you" while you fall.

Avant garde Hip Hop masterpiece.

Anaconda

times were better, when you did not have to ironically appreciate garbage like t
his in order to appear brilliant.
Why I cry when I hear "Anaconda" (seriously)
This isn't me getting older and looking at things in a more sentimental lightI do
nt think that would have anything to do with the way Nicki Minaj twerks. No, as Iv
e looked deeper and deeper into films and music, dissecting themes and narrative
and whatever, its reallysoftened me? Im every bit as capable of hating a movie or
album and tearing it apart, but now, I swear to God, every time I experience a f
ilm or a piece of music that works on every levelI start to cry. Not because I co
nnect with it on an emotional level, but just because Im floored that somebodys ha
rd work and attention to detail and themes created a piece of art that works on
so many levels. I dont know why, but I get so emotional experiencing something so
multifaceted and layered these days.
Thats why I fucking cried after the third viewing of Nicki Minajs music video for A
naconda.
Somethings wrong with me. Thats for sure.
Or, maybe, Im not bullshitting myself and there is actually a deep, profound, fem
inist message and structure in Anaconda that doesnt have a place in todays world, wh
ich would rather see Beyonces candid endorsement of feminism in Pretty Hurts becaus
e it appeals to any little girl whos ever felt pressured to look pretty (you know,
every little girl everywhere).

I think the root of my Nicki cry-fest rests, simply, in the simplest definition
of art: Content meets form. I think you could read Nickis lyrics and think, Did th
is bitch just rhyme rifle with NyQuil? Or you could hear the sampling of Baby Got Back

and think, Oh great, shes cashing in club song that samples the most famous song a
bout black girls booties. That is, to me, reductive thinking because it doesnt take
into account everything the art has to offer. Again: Content meets form. They a
re not independent of one another.
The moment I started crying was when I realized why Nicki samples Sir Mix-a-Lot.
With somebody like Beyonce, its much more about politics and social issuesthe mac
ro. Beyonce is quoting famous feminists, speaking directly to young girls, telli
ng them theyre beautiful. Thats great, but I wouldnt call itsophisticated? I think B
eyonce separates men and women into two camps, has a very us-vs.-them mentality.
Which is fair, because everybody with a functioning brain cell should know wome
n are regularly objectified and denigrated in pop culture. But. Beyonces message
is very blunt, possibly self-aggrandizing.
Nicki is sophisticated with her message. For Nicki, its not about the outer influ
ence, but the inner womanthe micro. Maybe its just me, but Im much more interested
in art with a micro focus. And, to me, sampling Baby Got Back isnt some grand state
ment against men, but a celebration of womanhood and an attack against a certain
section of the hip-hop and R&B world.
Thats why Baby Got Back is so present, opening and closing the song. Does a more ca
ndidly misogynistic mega-hit exist? Nicki did something amazing with her song an
d video for Lookin Ass Nigga in how she criticized the male gaze (those blank, lu
stful, wandering eyes in the video!):
Look at y all sharin one bottle in the club
One bottle full of bub ass niggas
Look at y all not havin game ass niggas
Y all niggas share a chain ass niggas
Same cup in the hand ass nigga
In the club with a credit card scam ass nigga
No dick in the pants ass nigga
I be damned if I fuck a non-man ass nigga
And so on, and so forth. She uses nigga so much that it cant be a fucking accident.
Shes definitely critiquing (maybe satirizing?) the way some hip hop artists and
black men use the word like frat guys use the word bro. It s a term used from one
man to anotherwomen are excluded, especially in the hip hop world. Its an angry so
ng that ends with Nicki, after being kicked to the curb when a dude moves grams
and split it with his mans, pulling out a machine gun and going to town. Its a blat
ant, emotionally driven song that has depth in its theme of alienation (and the
subsequent emotional reaction) and the motif of hip hop language.
Anaconda goes much deeper. As opposed to being angry and lighting up these niggas
with some bullets, Nicki seems to be re-appropriating Baby Got Back while criticiz
ing it at the same time. People and groups re-appropriate derogatory terms all t
he time: geek, nerd, guido, redneck. And, of course: nigga. Thats why I started c
ryingas much as Nicki is remixing Baby Got Back for a sick club beat, shes also cele
brating her big black ass with infectious, liberating execution. She s transcend
ed the political and social arena surrounding gender politicsshe s just celebrati
ng herself and black women everywhere while spitting in the face of the men who
lust after.
Nicki has sex, takes drugs, has her salad tossed, never once flinching at being
unequivocally open about her sex life. And then what does she follow up all the
sex talk with?
By the way, what he say?
He can tell I ain t missing no meals
Come through and fuck him in my automobile

Let him eat it with his grills, he keep telling me to chill

He keep telling me it s real, that he love my sex appeal
Say he don t like em boney, he want something he can grab
So I pulled up in the Jag, Mayweather with the jab like
Dun duh dun dun dun dun dun
At this point, she launches into an insane remixing of Baby Got Back, and I hear c
ontent meeting form. Its like a bunch of voices floating in Nickis head, of either
men mythologizing her big booty or white women gawking at it. And then (I know
Im reviewing the music video here a bit, sorry) Drake, viewed by many as one of t
he hip hop genres biggest misogynists, is sitting in a chair, getting a lap dance
.
Yeah he loooooove this fat assssss HAHAHAHA
I nearly lost my shit when I saw Drake. Thats incredible. Thats so meta to insert
Drake into a song that has a dude lusting over big butts sampling in the backgroun
d throughout. And, at this point in the song and video, after Nicki has shaken h
er ass for four minutes and then sliced a metaphorical banana in half, Sir Mix-a
-Lot is gone and its just the beat with Nicki taking over, asking, Where my fat as
s bitches in the club? which will undoubtedly trigger an 8.0 on the Richter scale
in clubs throughout the nation when black women start twerking what the good Lo
rd gave em. And then, those final moments:
I got a big fat ass
COME ON
And the beat just loses itself and goes into a frenzy, all while Drake reaches o
ut and tries to grab that ass, only to be denied because "I ve decided to take o
ne of the most callous, vacuously empty pieces of misogynistic hip hop music of
all time and turn it in a national fucking anthem for my assthis ain t for you, t
his is for ME and my fat ass bitches in the club."
Which leaves poor Drake, left soaked in a puddle of semen.
And me, in a puddle of tears.

Nicki Minaj s newest song is an ode to the natural, female body. Nicki Minaj s n
atural ass implants wrote it.

Is This Music?

here nicki minaj decontextualizes and repurposes arguably the most well-known so
ng about blatant male sexual objectification of women into a sex-positive banger
for curvy girls, so it s bold and badass as usual

with songs like this, roman holiday, come on a cone, and stupid hoe, nicki minaj
has pretty much shown herself to be the most important punk musician of our gen
eration. she does not care in the best way imaginable.