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Are you having problems getting a date (or getting laid!

) because you:
a)
b)
c)
d)

Are not-so-good-looking
Only have P5 in your savings
Have a dry sense of humor
All of the above

If your answer is D, then chances are you're still a virgin eagerly waiting for #ThatDay (here's a
digital pat on the back, brother).
While economics and natural selection may have screwed you up when it comes to attracting the
opposite sex, we're here to tell you that a little smarts and a little help from science may just fix
your dilemmas. Below are five science-approved techniques.

1) KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR OVULATING FEMALES

In the five- to seven-day window that fertile women are fast approaching or actually laying their
eggs, female pheromone receptivity/responses change from negative to neutral, her libido
spikes, and your once funky-smelling private radius becomes biologically okay.
Real-world application: Maneuver dates and engagements when shes ovulating. How to tell: Shes
bloated, flushed, and literally hotter than usual (rise in body temp). Or by decidedly developing a
semi-stink, then invading her private space and asking, Mabaho ba ako? If she says no, then she
might be.
Will it work? A by-and-large hit-and-miss affair that youre welcome to self-experiment on with
women who havent menopaused. No harm in living dangerously.

2) TAKE MATING CUES FROM DARWIN

Never mind if you did or didnt buy the idea that we were descended from fishes, saging, and apes
it was after all, the same Charles who pointed out that deliberate mate selection meant its the
female species who are charged to pick which member of the opposite (or same) sex they screw, not
the other way around. That bit could be true.
To grossly summarize the English naturalists sexual selection theory, there are two ways the male
species gets laid: 1) By killing off competing males, or emerging as the winner in a scuffle between
rivals,2) By parading or exaggerating natural-born or world-acquired assets, aka peacocking it.
Real-world application: But because killing people for a screw isnt on top of your agenda, and
neither are looks nor flashy thingsthe smart route is to straddle safely in the middle: pick a skill
youre barely or really good at, like fastest beer-and-burger downing time (covers peacocking), then
find a doubtlesslybano rival, or pretend-bano wingman to challenge to a throw down (covers the
combat bit).
Make sure women are watching and make sure you win.

3) SWEAT CALCULATINGLY

To settle the amoy-lalake-is-good-because-it-turns-her-on debate: androstenol, a hormone in fresh


male sweat does spike female libido and makes you attractive to females. But androstenone,
produced after pawis is oxidized, creates B.O. and repels her.
Additionally, research group Social Issues Research Center headquartered in the UK says
androstenol (the likable part of sweat) can only be whiffed at a distance of 18 inches.
Real-world application: Run up and down a flight of stairs or do jumping jacks until the first sign of
a treacle, then position pawisan body part (ideally arms or batok) less than two feet away from
target. Alternately, accidentally purchase any of the creepy, dosed beta-androstenol spray brands
that promise instant sexual charisma, peddled on Ebay.
Will it work? If biochemistry and biology are to be believedyes. However, you might look a bit
goofy doing so.

4) FORECAST HER ASTROLOGICAL CLIMATE

"Humanap ka ng panget, iha"


More than finding out what her moon and sun signs are, and how this mystically affects your game
standings, lets not forget that the movement of mammoth living chunks of rocks, plus gassy spheres
of hydrogen and heliumand its relation with every atom in your made-up human bodyis at its
basic, quantum physics (we are all made of stars). So lets try to keep an open mind and not give
QP Professor Madam Auring the stink eye.
Real-world application: A quick cheat sheet to outer-earth body movements:
The Sun: Pagbibilad positively affects your sexual organs, the scientific rationale being it boosts
your testosterone levels.
The Moon: Affects various species libido when new or full, the rationale being it affects large bodies
of water evident in tidal pulls, and humans are biologically composed of roughly 78 percent water.
The Planets:

Will it work? No one knows for sure. But if it doesnt, its still a handy conversation starter. Who isnt
the least bit intrigued by the unexplained?

5) SEEK OUT GENETIC OPPOSITE SEX


While anyone can argue that husbands and wives, or long-time girlfriends and boyfriends, have a
tendency to look progressively like each other as the relationship stretches, geneticists say females
at their core are biologically wired to seek out partners who are their genetic opposite.
Based on looks, she's probably our genetic opposite (we wish):

Real-world application: Direct your advances towards women who have less and less physical
similarities to you. The lesser theyre like you, the higher your biochemical chances. And dont even
think its going to happen with your cousin.
Will it work? They always did say opposites attract. But the way shes bio-engineered is a clever
little way of self-preservation: Our major histocompatibility complex (MHC)the group of genes that
thwart viruses and disease-causing bacteriawork better when the pairing isnt the same. Meaning
shes choosing her genetic opposite to produce healthy babies. On a side note: She can find males
with dissimilar MHC at a whiff. See, its all connected!