There is a television reality show currently enjoying high ratings in India, cal

led “Emotional Atyachar (Suicide)”. It’s not a talent contest; and the participa
nts are everyday people. The premise of the show is this. Applications are invit
ed from young couples who are supposedly in a committed relationship, running fr
om a couple of months to a few years. It’s supposed to be a sort of loyalty test
, where one partner suspects the fidelity of the other – usually the male. The t
elevision crew sets up an encounter with an attractive young woman planted by th
em; and then secretly records their interaction with hidden cameras, over the ne
xt few days. The recorded footage is then shown to the partner who has doubts. I
believe that, so far, not a single guy has passed the test.
The sequence of events usually follows a similar pattern. There is an obvious an
d instant physical attraction towards the “undercover agent”; and the man makes
every attempt to get close to her, emotionally and physically. The female plant
deliberately asks him if he is currently in a relationship. He either denies it
outright, or admits he was in one but it’s all over now because he was never rea
lly into her. And in a transparent attempt at physical intimacy, he declares his
love for the plant, or invites her to be his steady girlfriend. Naturally, his
committed partner is appalled to watch all this; and the television crew obligin
gly escorts her to ‘catch them in the act’. The ensuing drama can be guessed.
The show blatantly exploits the secret voyeuristic tendency in many of us to gra
b its audience. But that is not the point here. What grabs my attention is how c
asually one partner denies the other; just grab a few kisses and cuddles. The co
uples featured on the show have, so far, all been in their twenties, so I’m not
sure if this recent phenomenon is restricted to that demographic; but I don’t th
ink it is. Commitment seems to be treated with increasing casualness these days.
This is partly borne out by the statistic that almost half of all marriages in
the United States end in divorce. The wedding vows still contain the phrase “for
better or worse”, but it seems that few couples take the “for worse” part serio
usly. In India, the generation in their 40s and above generally stays “committed
” in a sense – usually out of a sense of duty or obligation – but the young ones
seem to ape the Western desire for instant gratification.
So what accounts for this change in attitude? It’s hard to pinpoint one cause, b
ut I think sex is a major factor. Most relationships, especially among the young
generation are initiated on the basis of physical attraction. Not really surpri
sing, since we are living in a decade which places disproportionate emphasis on
physical appearance; and ‘looking good’ is everything – not just romantically, b
ut even career-wise. Upto around 50 years ago, the only way a man could get phys
ically intimate with a “decent” woman was to marry her. That was also a motivati
on to stay with her and, over time, this developed into caring and commitment. T
hese days, the sexual motive has become largely irrelevant and, to some extent,
so has marriage. You cohabit with your partner almost on a trial and error basis
. If things don’t work out, or he/she doesn’t give you what you want, you simply
move on. No big deal.
So is this a healthy trend? It depends on one’s attitude, I suppose. The last fe
w decades have really spawned a new world, although whether it is brave or not i
s debatable. The music is loud and hard, same sex unions are celebrated, getting
pleasure any which way is almost a fundamental right; and old-fashioned romance
is for wussies. So I guess commitment is a concept whose time has come and gone
. Personally, I miss the old days.