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Sadie Hawkins Day was originally a plot device in the hillbillie comic strip L’il Abner. It is now a tradition at many high schools and colleges.
• Picture from Wikipedia
february 2010 valentine’s day the stentorian | ncssm
Chris Maynor (left) enjoys a romantic lunch with Christian Johnson (right) one Tuesday. (This is not actually Watts Grocery.) •Photo by Dustin Burleson
German Korean
Ich liebe Dich 사랑해
Saranghe
French
Je t’aime Tamil
Naan unnai
kaadhalikkiren
Italian
Ti amo
Tagalog
Spanish Mahal Kita
Te quiero
Swahili
Turkish Ninakupenda
Seni seviyorum
Hebrew
Igbo אני אוהב אותך
A hurum gi nanya Ani ohev otakh
Esperanto
Mi amas vin
february 2010 valentine’s day the stentorian | ncssm
Dr. Wilson smells the flowers and remembers falling in love. •Photo courtesy of Dustin Burleson
By Jennifer Zhu
Do you believe in true love and a soulmate? What is your get married. He asked my parents’ permission in December of the
philosophy on love? second year. We were holding hands, and I felt like he was killing
my hand and my wrist was dying, he was so nervous.
Yes, I believe in true love. I think that love isn’t just infatuation:
love is something that is built on a deep friendship and an ability How do you know it’s the right person?
to communicate with each other, to go through the thick and thin
of life, knowing that you’re going to have some bumpy roads and I don’t know how you know; it’s just a feeling. When you’re dating
everything isn’t going to be perfect. You have to look out a window somebody, you know them but you don’t know them. In that way,
and see the world pretty much the same just in the big world view, not love is always a chance, but we’ve been married for forty six years
the little things, and see the same big picture as in the same outlook this June. Love has to be something that will stick. You have to go
on life [not necessarily same political and religious beliefs]. into marriage thinking that this is forever. That’s something that
people don’t really do now, but you have to go into it really thinking
What was your most interesting date? that I’m going to find a person that I can spend the rest of my life
with. You have to go in thinking this is for life.
I think it’s the night I met my husband! I can tell you where my
husband was standing and my first impression of him. I remember, What about changing yourself for the person you love?
I don’t remember for anybody else I dated. I had gone on the date
because my roommate had fixed me up, and she was dating a friend There’s always compromise with anybody, whether it’s just a friend.
of my husband, I mean, I don’t go on blind dates! But she told me, You have to know that you’re going to have to compromise, but if
“Okay we’re going to study and then at 10 o’ clock, we’ll go have somebody wants you to change in major ways, then it’s probably
a beer.” And later, my husband and I discovered that we both didn’t not the right person. You always want to improve yourself, and you
like beer, that we both had just ordered one to be polite. This was need to give each other space, space to grow. When you grow with
the month after I graduated from college—I was back on campus that space, there’s also that mutual love that holds the two of you
to start my master’s. This was all at Duke. together while you’re growing. You can’t say I want my husband
to be this, this, this. I think you have to know yourself well enough
How did you meet your husband? First impressions? that when you meet somebody, he may look different or be different
than what you pictured.
You know it’s kind of interesting because another friend of mine told
me, “Ginger, I just met somebody who is perfect for you!” I told What about listing out characteristics and criteria you want
her to forget it—I don’t go on blind dates. And it was Gerald [my that significant other to have? Is it good to have an idea of what
husband]. She couldn’t believe it when I told her who I was dating you’re looking for or is that making you too inflexible?
later—she said, “That was the guy I wanted to fix you up with!” Very
soon, I realized we [Gerald and I] had a lot of common interests. I When they [characteristics/criteria] are broad, it’s okay. You want
was a history major, he was a history major. He was very interested somebody who is smart, and they don’t need to be clown funny but
in politics, I was very interested in politics. We liked the same kind they need to have a sense of humor because things will happen that
of architecture and furniture and basically, neither one of us really if you can’t laugh, you’re going to be crying a lot in life.
enjoyed just dating for dating. We really wanted to date somebody
who was interesting, who sort of looked out of the window and saw Any advice on love for the readers, especially for us
the picture that I did, who was a possibility for marriage. teenagers?
How did he win you over? First of all, I think you need to know yourself, and know yourself
well and what kind of things make you happy and what kind of things
I think he has a beautiful speaking voice. Not only did I like his make you sad. And I think that if you know yourself well, then you
voice but I liked what he said. He had and has a very good sense of can look at other people and see if they’re going to complement
humor: he’s an optimist. He sees the world in positive terms. you. And I think that love is the most important thing in the world,
whether it is between husband/wife, siblings, parent and child, love
When did you know that he was the right one? between any two people or love between a person and an animal. It
makes your life to know that other people care about you and you
I think after the first summer, by September of that year, I knew that care about other people.
I really liked him in a way that was different from other guys.
Don’t ever get desperate and just take anyone just to say you have
How did he propose? someone! If you know yourself and you feel good about yourself,
I don’t think you would do that.
After the first year, it was sort of a given that we were going to
the stentorian | ncssm valentine’s day february 2010
Love Legends:
Mr. & Mrs. Gann
By Kirby Varnadoe-Russ
What was your most interesting date? that was the first time I had ever seen his parents. Also, later
that day Chris and I were driving in the car with his dad, who
Mrs. Gann: On our first real date, we went to a Chinese restaurant, and was talking about how appalling he thought tattoos were. I
Chris got something that was really, really spicy. had gotten a tattoo about a year before, and Chris new about
Mr. Gann: Yeah, it was, like, the spiciest thing I’ve ever eaten. I didn’t it of course, so we just kept our mouths shut… until later that
get it to be impressive or anything, I love spicy food, but it day when I bent down to pick something up and his mom saw
was hot it and asked me about it. His dad was really embarrassed,
Mrs. Gann: I didn’t actually notice anything, I found out when we were especially because we got along really well.
talking about it a couple of weeks ago, so he must have pulled
it off really well. I think he might have been a little sweaty. What was the proposal like?
Mr. Gann: Yeah, I definitely didn’t finish the dish.
Mr. Gann: It was shortly after we had returned to school from Christmas
How did you meet each other? First impression? break. I had gone ring shopping with my dad over break, and
so I took Cheryl to this spot on campus…
Mrs. Gann: We met in college freshman year – we both went to Berry Mrs. Gann: I think we had gone on a date there before…
College in northwest Georgia. We had seen each other around Mr. Gann: It had a little pond and a little lamppost and a walkway.
campus, and we had some mutual friends. Mrs. Gann: It was actually in sight of the chapel we got married in, Frost
Mr. Gann: The first time I saw [her], we were at a pool hall and… Chapel. Anyway, it was really cold outside and so I was like ‘I
Mrs. Gann: (laughing) One of the people in the group I was with broke a don’t want to get out of the car!’ but Chris said ‘No, no, come
light in the pool hall! It wasn’t me, it someone else. Definitely on!’
not me. Mr. Gann: It was dark outside, and so we stood under the lamppost in the
Mr. Gann: We really met 2nd semester freshman year, we were in a class freezing cold.
together called “Authority, Freedom, and Postmodernism”; it Mrs. Gann: He just said very sweet things about how much he loved me
was an honors class. and things like that, and then he asked me to marry him. We
Mrs. Gann: I thought, ‘Who’s that cute guy with the eyebrow ring and the immediately started making plans for the wedding… we
sweet smile?’ definitely wanted to wait until we were out of college. We got
Mr. Gann: I used to have an eyebrow ring. I remember telling my friend, married on July 6, 2002… it was the hottest day of the year.
‘that girl Cheryl in our class, she’s pretty cute. I think I’ll talk
to her after class.’ During class I think we had been having When did you know that he/she was the right one?
some kind of debate, so that was an opening to talk to her. I
think she happened to be tying her shoe and so I was able to Mr. Gann: Almost right away when we started dating we spent a ton of
catch up to her. time with each other. I think we realized that we were really
Mrs. Gann: He asked me to hang out later and so we hung out in his dorm serious when the school year was coming to a close and we
room. I think we talked, and maybe strummed the guitar a had to decide what to do about the summer… it would be a
little. long time to spend away from each other. So I spent most of
the summer in Georgia living with her and her parents… it
Talk about the time you dated. Any enlightening or funny stories? was a lot of fun, we both had jobs a temp agency, which was
interesting…
Mrs. Gann: There was one time when I convinced my parents to let me
spend spring break with him in Pennsylvania, and I went to What do you think about changing yourself for the person you love?
meet his parents. Chris didn’t have a car, and I didn’t want to Is it a good thing or should you never change yourself for somebody
put a lot of miles on mine, so we decided to take the bus all the else?
way there. It was a horrible adventure. It took 20 hours. We
had to wait in all of these dirty bus stations at 2 in the morning Mrs. Gann: I think that the motivation for changing should be motivated
with all of these shady people around. by your desire to. You shouldn’t do it just for someone else but
Mr. Gann: At one point on the trip, the only two seats that were together it’s okay if it’s partly a factor.
were right in front of the bathroom, and so they didn’t recline. Mr. Gann: People change because people are dynamic, but in a good
So the whole time we sat bolt upright with people practically relationship, people talk about their self goals and if they’re
in our laps. It wasn’t exactly comfortable. in accord, people can keep each other accountable for the
Mrs. Gann: And then when we got to his house we were disgusting, and changes they want to see in themselves.
The Ganns work at NCSSM together, and both are instructors in the math Swan Lake, near where Mr. Gann proposed to Mrs. Gann, has a view of Frost
department. •Photo courtesy of Dustin Burleson Chapel from some of its walkways. •Photo courtesy of www.berry.edu/vtour
february 2010 valentine’s day the stentorian | ncssm
Love Legends:
How did you court her?
: Dr. Miller
active duty and where that would lead nobody knew and we decided one for Friday night! I never had much confidence that I was in the
at that time that we would get married. choosing game, I just hoped somebody would choose me. I was
always very grateful.
And she joined me sometime later in Fort Knox, and we had a child,
and then I went to Korea for a year. And then she had to stay here, I remember a young woman who went to school here. She was
so then we kind of repeated what we did when we were in different very pretty, and the guys on campus loved her, and to this day, I’ve
colleges: we wrote letters almost every day just as we had done in had her schoolmates with their wives and two babies in arms come
college. When there were no such things as cell phones, there was a by, and I can almost watch him [the old schoolmate] get a faraway
pay phone in the dorm lobby which everybody wanted and nobody misty look in his eyes and he will ask, “have you heard from ___?”
could use for long. It was easier and better to write letters. She had Clearly, she was special to him then and the memory of her remains
majored in French, I think, to rebel against her very medical family special. This was because she said yes to any guy who asked her
and went into schoolteaching and taught only one French class for for a date. Even the nerdiest guy on campus would get the next
one year out of 30 years, and taught English the rest of the 30 years. date available, and when they went out she would make him feel
She was a very good teacher. like the most special guy in the world! She would give him 100%
of her attention for the 30 minutes it might take to get a bagel! She
How did you propose? made everybody she was with feel like a million dollars.
It was kind of mutual: “well why don’t we…well we could…let’s!” I asked her about it once when she was an adult, “You still go out
and we came to “let’s” about the same time. with anybody who asks?” And she said yes. “Why is that?” I said.
And she responded, “My mother told me that it was very special to
How do you know it’s the right person? be asked, and I believed that; and I’m very appreciative to all the
people who have asked.” I’ve always thought what a wonderful,
I think if you don’t know, then it might not be.
wonderful person she is who made a lot of young men feel better
A young woman called me ten years ago, she was a former student. about themselves.
She had a couple of guys who were interested in marrying her and
She could have married hundreds of guys who would have asked
asked what she should do. Well, answering that question is a fool’s
her in a heartbeat! Males and females need to keep that in mind: to
game. I asked what about this guy, what about that one. Then I told
recognize that other people are special, that your partner whether
her: the very fact that you’re asking this question suggests to me
it be for two dates or one or for a forever relationship needs to be
that you aren’t sure of the answer, and if you aren’t sure, then you
recognized and acknowledged for being special —whoever the
probably shouldn’t. I think this confirmed what she felt and she
person and whatever the relationship is. That’s just good manners,
ended up not marrying either of them.
and lovers can’t forget that. The fact that you’ve been married for a
Shakespeare Sonnet 116 says, “Love is not love, Which alters when hundred years does not free you from the obligations from turning
it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is around and saying, “You know you look nice tonight, that’s pretty,
an ever-fixed mark.” This makes love a forever kind of thing and why don’t we..?” something like that. You have to recognize that
when we’re 22 or 30, we don’t know anything about being 50 or 60. that person shares the universe, the planet with you.
I don’t know how I’m going to be like and I don’t know how you’re
Shouldn’t you be selective when it comes to love?
going to be like 50 and 60, so whatever comes, you have to work
through it and with it. And in many ways, my wife has betrayed Most of us want to be exclusive and want to make a choice, but the
me horribly—when we married, she had very dark hair, now she problem is selective for what? Do you have to be selective about
has white hair! Sometimes, the changes are inevitable, sometimes your thirty minutes trip to go and get a bagel? It’s an honor to be
people change, they can be nicer or meaner—we don’t know how the asked, that was her [the former student’s] feeling, and she always
changes are going to be and how they’re going to play out, so you’ve took it as if it were an honor, she felt privileged to be asked. It’s a
got to be willing to confront these things and deal with them. wonderful way to think. That’s why so many people think so fondly
and mistily of her.
You never know your lovers. Shakespeare says that we can tell
how tall they are and what they look like, but one never knows the Any advice on love for the readers?
other person completely. Indeed, that person doesn’t know himself
or herself completely just as we don’t fully know ourselves. This Remember: I was just thankful that somebody was happy to put
means we are constantly surprised, appreciative, and horrified by up with me! If you are always thankful that somebody’s putting up
our partners and have to deal with these feelings. with you, you tend to be respectful of them and thankful for them,
which I think helps the relationship. My goodness, she is willing to
What about changing yourself for the person you love? Is it a put up with me, she must be a woman of much charity and kindness.
good thing or should you never change yourself for somebody Be honored.
else?
*in a growl* Never, ever, be maliciously hurtful. I think sometimes
You know, it always worried me! Ann Landers, who wrote the we have to be hurtful in relationships, but you never want to be
Lonely Hearts column, would get this letter a lot, “I’ve dated my maliciously so. There was a very popular song when I was in school,
boyfriend for four years, and he owes me a lot of money and he your age, and the name of the song was, “Love hurts” and it does.
beats me, but I think if we got married, I could really change him” If we sit down and think of the folk we know and the number one
and Ann Landers always said: if you want to change your lover, cause of the worst pain is relationships that have run amuck.You
you don’t really like your lover—you want to kill your lover and can get over failing an English test, but it’s a lot harder to get over
reconstruct him in your own image. So, you have to very careful being dumped. Sometimes separating is necessary because two
when you talk about changing your lover. people discover that they really don’t like each other very much.
The fact that we’ve been going out does not mean that we have to
You can change yourself, you have autonomy over that, and
spend rest of life together. When the time comes, you never want to
sometimes when you change yourself, it affects your lover, you
do it maliciously or deliberately hurtfully. Always do it in a way that
know: “I liked you the way you were!” That’s the problem with
is as gentle, generous, and kind as possible, realizing nonetheless
any relationship, there are changes in life, and people change, and
that you are still doing a hurtful thing. At the same time, you should
if the relationship is going to work, the nature of the loving has to
never feel obligated to sacrifice yourself to your lover.
grow and change with the changes of the lovers.
Any additional comments, Dr. Miller?
What about listing out characteristics and criteria you want
that significant other to have? Is it good to have an idea of what Well, I’m just sitting there, thinking this article needs to get burned.
you’re looking for or is that making you too inflexible? I’ve been making up stuff as I go! It’s all a mystery, all a wonder.
I was just very interested in finding a girl who would go out with
me! Specific criteria beyond that was always negotiable! If I called
her up Friday night and she said she would go, she was the right
10 february 2010 news the stentorian | ncssm
Stentorian Staff
Editors-in-Chief: Jennifer Zhu, Alex Lew, Kirby Varnadoe-Russ
Junior Editors: Seon Kang, Nathaly Lemoine
News Editor: Avani Uppalapati
Opinions Editor: Emma Hawkins
Sports Editor: Vlad Krokhmal
Lifestyles Editor: Erica Venning, Ade Ilesanmi
Photography Editor: Dustin Burleson
Advisor: John Kirk
Thoughts? Comments? Want to write for us? Send an email to
stentorian@ncssm.edu!
the stentorian | ncssm
opinion february 2010 15