Paranoia

Is it only just me, or these happenings that are just happened are real? Cause I
always get that feeling when youre alone, youre not alone. Do you know what I
mean? It seems confusing, but youll know this feeling IF you are in a situation like
what Im in now. By sensing of something odd, youre probably wondering why I am
in front of this laptop typing and describing what I have experience this night even I
sensed something ominous that I shouldnt be in front of this and I should run the
hell out of here, am I right? Well, Im starting to get used to these things. I just want
to express my condition to everybody, somebody, or anybody; because I cant bear
these unspoken things I have inside me. They demand to be told. Believe me or
not, this story is not a tale.
Earlier, several hours ago, after my cousin had left me alone to work night-shift, I
felt a bizarre unknown feeling that kept me being aware. It was like this house was
inside the force of darkness. I get sudden goose bumps, cold, and vigilant towards
something that I dont know what I was going to face. Paranoia accrued to me, the
reason why I sensed intangible monstrous things around me. I know what I felt was
just my imagination caused by my anxiety, and its not real, until something
happened to me unlikely.
I was in my room I turned the light on first before I entered when the twilight in
the sky was fading and it was getting dark, I lay down in my bed and calmed myself
down from being paranoid and kept telling myself in my thought repeatedly that,
Calm down, youre just home alone. After a while, the light in my room was
suddenly went out and left me here in total darkness; it was a black-out. But no, it
was not a black-out; there were still lights and electricity in the neighbors houses.
Also, the lights of the living room were still on. I suspected that the fluorescent bulb
has worn out. I tried to flick the switch to check if its really worn out. But, the switch
was turned off. I didnt wonder about that though; instead, I turned the switch on
and cleared my thoughts.
I, then, heard a chuckle.
I heard a chuckle behind my back. A sound of a chuckle like from a typical clown.
That is, I got shivers, the paranoia corrupting my sanity, thinking what I should not
to think, and terror occurred with a pain in my chest. I didnt know what to do.
Should I seek whats behind my back, or should I leave this freaking house directly?
If I turned my back, death might be my consequence. If I leave this house, where
else should I go? Out of curiosity, I decided and courage myself to turn my back
but I see no one.
I was going to the bathroom to wash my face to clear up my mind from these
absurdities. As I reached the switch, instead of touching something plastic, I
touched a hand of someone or something which it was already placed. I jumped out

in intense fear and quickly find the flashlight in my room to light the bathroom to
see who was inside. I held the flashlight in my left hand lighting the bathroom door
in distance approximately 10 meters away from there and wielded a long wooden
stick which I found it underneath my bed in my right hand for self-defense.
I stuttered, Wh-whos whos in th-there?
There was no response.
WHO IS IN TH-THERE? I repeated and shouted like I was brave enough to say this
out loud.
Still, there was no response. I slowly went inside the bathroom then lit the switch
with my flashlight. Theres no hand. No evidence of someone. I flicked the switch to
turn the light on and began to wash my face.
I went back to my room and lay down on my bed and created questions about
myself but had no idea where to find the answers.

What on earth was wrong with me?

Do I have mental disorder?
Am I running out of sanity?
Should I go see a psychologist?

These questions kept bugging my mind. I couldnt manage to think clearly. Minutes
had passed, I was very exhausted, and so I slept.
I suddenly woke up around 12AM. Someone rang a doorbell. I happily get up to open
the gate for my aunt or/and my cousin. As I was in the living room going outside, I
sighed in relief, then I took a peek through the window to see them, but they were
not there. I opened the gate and went out in the roadway and seek who rang the
bell. Perhaps it was just some kids; I couldnt make it to see them because they ran
so swiftly, I supposed. I headed inside but before that, theres something that
caught by my glance in the farthest part of the road and found a silhouette figure
under the light of the streetlight waving at someone in the direction towards me. I
was alone in the road; the neighbors were already asleep; no one else was behind
me. So, he wasnt waving at someone else, but me.
I was frozen in a minute as I watched him walked slowly towards me. I couldnt
make myself move inside the house. My heart rate beat fast; I was full of sweat; my
body was shaking; I almost passed out in fear. Nevertheless, I forced myself to
snapped out and went inside and closed and locked the gate, and went inside the
house and locked every single door and closed all the windows and went back to my
room, light is off, and I sat behind the door and kept pinching myself to send a
signal of pain to my brain to wake me up from this hellish nightmare. Unfortunately,
this is not a realistic nightmare, but a nightmarish reality.

However, I was up until now; imprisoned in my room and made this paper to calm
myself.
My fear is perishing gradually. Acceptance of having some kind of schizophrenic
illness is all what I need to elevate my stoicism; to restrict of having fear. But
tonight, I am a survivor. I survived, so far. I cant go out and escape. Im trapped in
this house and lest I endanger myself if I would go out, because the silhouette figure
is waiting outside, and hes not alone. There are few others like him and somewhat
really alike, theyre waving at me whenever I peek through the window of my room.
I accept the fact that this nightmare I have is my reality. Because of that, the insane
idea that appeared in my head told me that I should befriend them the truth is, I
dont know why and maybe because of my desperation , so, I waved back at them.
I cant see their faces, though I can see their distorted smiles.
Funny is, just a few seconds ago, I heard a knock on the door. I didnt open it.
Afterwards, just right now, I hear a bloody chuckle behind me. Unlike earlier, I can
feel its breathing on my shoulder. I didnt let my fear to corrupt me again. But this
time, I know if Ill ignore it, it would go awa-