THE HINDU SACRAMENT

OF MARRIAGE

By

Pandit Sri Rama Ramanuja Achari

Simha publications
srimatham.com

CONTENTS
Introduction
The purpose of Marriage
Importance of children
Types of Marriage
Arranged Marriages & Compatibility
Choosing a Partner
Guardianship in marriage
Betrothal Engagement
Dowry
Prohibited Relationships
The Arrangement of Gotra
Choosing a Date for your Wedding
Tokens of Marriage Magal-stra & Wedding rings
Marriage Ceremonies
Finality of Marriage
Menstruation During the Wedding
Peculiar ceremonies relating to marriage
Parivedana
The Vedic Marriage Ceremony introduction
THE VEDIC SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE
South Indian Version
North Indian Version
Examples of variant wedding ceremonies
South Indian Non-Brahmin wedding
Vra Saiva Wedding
Post Nuptial Rites
Some Significant Symbols
Canon Laws of Marriage from the Dharma stras
Giving away of the Bride
Annulment & Divorce:
Rape
Adultery
Abandoning A Wife
Polygamy and Polyandry
Same-sex Marriage
Duties of Husband and Wife
Paca Mah Yajas The Five Great Sacrifices
Marriage and Sex
Conjugal Rights

4
5
5
6
7
8
9
10
10
12
12
13
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15
21
21
22
22
24
25
25
41
55
58
60
63
65
65
65
67
67
68
68
69
72
73
77
79

Abbreviations used
R.V. Rig Veda
A.V. Atharva Veda
S.Y.V. Sukla Yajur Veda
Tait. Sam. Taittiriya Samhita
Av. gr. Avalyana Grhya Stra
Kau. Br. Kautaki Brahmaa
Yaj. Yjavlkya Grhya Stra
p.gr. pastamba Grhya Stra
Ap.MB. pastamba Mantra Brahmaa
Hir. gr. Hirayakein Grhya stra
Par. Gr Paraskara Grhya stra

THE HINDU SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION

arriage transforms ones entire life-style and creates a whole new realm
of duties, obligations, privileges and joys. Firstly it is important to bear
in mind that a Hindu marriage is not merely a particular contractile
arrangement between two consenting adults. It is the union of two
entire families and many of the rites in the wedding ceremony stress this
important fact. This publication is intended to give the reader a complete
background to all the major events and considerations in an orthodox Hindu
Marriage. Like everything to do with India its terribly complex! I shall
endeavour to make it as simple as possible.
Marriage is not a social contract temporarily entered into under the influence of
romance or dissolved at ones pleasure. It is the most important religious
sacrament, necessary for every individual to realize fully ones potential and to
fulfil the responsibilities which ones owes to ones self, ones family, ones
ancestors and to society at large. Marriage, therefore, is to every Hindu, not
merely institutionalised pleasure, or primarily a source of gratification of
sentimental longings or romantic loves, but an act of duty, a matter of moral and
religious obligation, incumbent on everyone in all normal circumstances.
There are many Sanskrit words for marriage all of which have different shades of
meaning:
Pigrahana holding hands
Kalya auspicious occasion.
Udvha bearing up, supporting, taking a girl from her fathers home.
Vivha taking on the special responsibilities and duties associated with
the life of a householder (grihastha).
pariaya or pariayana walking around the sacred fire,
upayama (to bring near and make one's own)
Though these words express only one component element of the rite of marriage
they are all used in the stras (Scriptures) to indicate the totality of the several
acts that go to make up the ceremony of marriage.

The purpose of Marriage

According to the Rig Veda, marriage was to enable a man, by becoming a
householder, to perform sacrifices to the gods and to procreate sons.1 The
Satapatha Brahmaa. V.2.1.10 says:
The wife is indeed half of one's self; therefore as long as a man does not secure a
wife so long he does not beget a son and so he is till then not complete (or whole);
but when he secures a wife he gets progeny and then he becomes complete.

There are four purposes in Hindu marriage 2:

1. Progeny (praj);
2. Sexual pleasure (rati);
3. Happiness (nandam);
4. Companionship in the performance of Dharma (sahatvam or dharmasampatti).

Importance of children
Hindus have always been very focussed on children which were seen as the
greatest givers of happiness. In pre-modern times they were also essential for
ones security in old age. Ones future depended upon sons; but above all, the
future of ones ancestors hinged upon the male descendants who would make the
funeral offerings. Sons were a source of labour, strength and power to people in
those pre-industrial days.
The final blessing given to a bride is:
O bounteous Indra, make this bride blest in her sons and fortunate. Grant to
her ten sons and make her husband the eleventh one. (Rig. 10: 45.)

The verse in Rig Veda X.85.36 shows that the husband took a woman as a wife for 'grhapatya'. Rig
Veda V.3.2, V.28.3 speak of the co-operation of husband and wife in the worship of gods. Rig Veda
3.53.4 contains the emphatic assertion the wife herself is the home (jyed-astam). A wife was called
jya, because the husband was born in the wife as a son (Ait. Br. 33.1).
2
Manu 9.28, Kau. Br. U. II, 15, Sabha. 5, 116; M. 9: 96; Br. U. I, 4, 17

T
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he sources of Hindu Canon Law are the Dharma stras and Grihya
Stras. There are 8 classical types of Marriages mentioned in the Law
Books. The three important ones that are currently practiced are:

1. Prajpatya rite
In this form of marriage, the parents of a young, eligible and healthy Vedic
student of high ethical standards and educational qualifications approach the
parents of a girl with similar characteristics with an offer of marriage. This is the
classical arranged marriage which is initiated by the boy's parents.

2. Brahma rite
In this type of marriage arrangement it is the bride's parents who approach the
parents of a prospective groom who has studied the Veda and is of good conduct
and a suitable match for their daughter. This is the classical arranged marriage
initiated by the girl's parents.

3. Gndharva rite
This is a cohabitation by mutual arrangement between two consenting adults who
are in love. This is the de facto form of marriage and is not necessarily
accompanied by any formal religious nuptial rites. Although for legal purposes
this form of marriage is recognised, the canon law recommends that the couple
undergo a proper Vedic marriage ceremony at some stage.

The 4th rite is still practiced among some disadvantaged communities

4. Arsha rite
In this case the parents of the bridegroom will offer the bride's parents a bride
price (ulka) in ancient times it was a pair of cattle. This usually occurs when
the bridegroom has no special qualities or has a few negative ones. This type of
marriage while being canonically permissible is discouraged by the injunction
never to sell one's offspring, although the bride price is a form of compensation
rather than a purchase. Therefore in order to comply with the spirit of the Sacred
Law the bride must be completely willing. If she agrees then the bride price can
be considered as a gift, If she is forced against her will then she is effectively
being sold and this is unequivocally condemned by the Scriptures.

A
AR
RR
RA
AN
NG
GE
ED
DM
MA
AR
RR
RIIA
AG
GE
ESS &
&C
CO
OM
MPPA
AT
TIIB
BIIL
LIIT
TY
Y

he Sacred Texts affirm that it is the duty of the parents to arrange the
marriage of their daughter when she reaches puberty. Marriages used to be
arranged at a very early age (even before puberty) and child marriages are
still done in some parts of India today, the bride going to live with her in-laws
after she attains puberty. Manu (IX.90-91) requires a girl to wait for three years
after she becomes of marriageable age3 if her parents have not arranged her
marriage she should choose her husband herself.
According to the traditional world-view the fulfilment of life was to marry and
procreate. In the pre-industrial age the begetting of children was essential to the
development of the village economy by supplying the labour force. Children were
also the only social security in old age, sickness and disability. From a religious
point of view a son was essential for the performance of the memorial rites
(rddha) after death. Every Hindu was in dread of dying without a son to
perform the cremation and post death rites. Thus it was that parents became
obsessed with the marriages of their offspring.
There are certainly some advantages to arranged marriages even in this day and
age of individual freedom. One of the greatest problems facing modern youth is
meeting suitable partners. Partners who would be compatible socially, spiritually,
mentally, sexually and economically. People are so busy nowadays with working
longer hours, commuting and having so many other distractions that it is
increasingly difficult to meet a large variety of potential mates, hence the
booming industry of on-line dating sites. Most partnerships in modern society are
based on sexual attraction first, with other considerations entering the equation
later on. In contemporary society one is conditioned with romantic ideas of a
marriage based on love. Love is such a transient factor that anything based on
love cannot be guaranteed to succeed, and indeed, the divorce rate is soaring to
about 50% people are talking of the demise of the institute of marriage in the
west. But to be objective, many arranged marriages have also not been successful
in terms of the general wellbeing and happiness of the couple. But Hinduism, as a
complete science of spirituality has provided the objective means whereby the
optimum compatibility can be ascertained and that is through astrology.
In a traditionally arranged Hindu marriage the horoscopes of potential mates are
obtained and are matched by a competent astrologer. The couple are then
introduced to each other and nature is allowed to take its course!

In Australia the legal marriageable age is 18 but after the age of 16 one can apply for a court order to
marry.

Checking Compatibility
A Hindu marriage arrangement is intended to be permanent and although divorce
is still a social stigma, there are certain conditions sanctioned by the canon law
which make provision for divorce or remarriage (see appendix). So when entering
into a marriage arrangement it is with the understanding that you will be together
for the rest of your lives come what may. One should not take it lightly,
thinking - "O well, if this doesn't work out we can always get divorced and try
again!" Therefore ideally marriages should only be contracted when there is the
highest degree of compatibility between the couple. So the first step in getting
married is to find out your compatibility rating.
A word of warning if you have already set your mind on marrying the one
you have already chosen, then checking compatibility is a waste of time and may
introduce an element of anxiety or apprehension. If you are shown to be
incompatible you will not cancel the marriage and it will only plague you for the
rest of your married life. So only consider this step if you are prepared to take the
results seriously and act on them.

C
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A PPA
AR
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TN
NE
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Qualities of the Groom
The first consideration is: how to choose a bridegroom and what qualifications
make a person a very desirable bridegroom?
The legislator Yama offers the following helpful suggestions:
'One should seek for seven qualities in a bridegroom viz. good family, good
character, physical appearance, reputation, learning, wealth and [track record of]
support [of relatives and friends]; the other matters need not be considered'.

Qualities of the Bride

Av. gr. I.5.3 says:
'One should marry a girl who is endowed with intelligence, beauty, a good character
and auspicious characteristics and who is healthy'.

p.gr. (III.21) states a commonsense rule:

'A girl on whom his mind and eyes are riveted will bring him happiness (or
prosperity), he should pay no heed to other things; this is the view of some.

The Kma-stra quotes the view of Ghotakamukha:

He should proceed to marry a girl on taking whom as his wife he would regard
himself as blessed and would not be blamed by his friends (or persons in a similar
station in life)'.

Manu II.238, however, allows one to marry a girl even from an inferior or
dysfunctional family provided she is a jewel among women.

G
GU
UA
AR
RD
DIIA
AN
NSSH
HIIPP IIN
NM
MA
AR
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RIIA
AG
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E

he question of guardianship as regards marriage arises only in connection

with girls. Men are generally free to contract marriages for themselves; but
if they are minors, the consent of parents or guardians is necessary as is a
Court Order in Australia.
Even for an adult son it is a matter of duty, though not one of legal obligation, to
marry with the permission of his parents or elders.
It is a matter of formality for a man to ask the parents of the woman for her hand.
Very often in polite Hindu society it is the parents of the groom that approach the
parents of the bride after the couple have agreed to marry each other.
Although the matter of guardianship is no longer applicable to girls who reach the
age of 18, yet it plays a part in the kanya-dna (giving away of the bride). To
give away a girl in marriage was not only a right and a privilege but is also
productive of great merit (punya) so much so, that often if a couple have more
than one daughter they may delegate the privilege of giving away of their second
daughter to a daughterless couple related to them.
Persons who are authorised to give away a damsel are mentioned in the sacred
law.
The father, parental-grandfather, brother, kinsmen, and mother, being of sound
mind, are the persons to give away a damsel, the latter respectively on failure of the
preceding. (Yaj. I. 63.)

The Viu Dharma Stra (24.38-39) specifies the order of persons who are
entitled to exercise this right of guardianship in marriage:
The father, the paternal grand-father, a brother, a kinsman, a maternal grand-father
and the mother are the persons, by whom the girl may be given away in marriage. In
the absence of the preceding one (the right) devolves upon the next in order, in case
he is able.

The mother has been put low in the order of guardians probably because of the
dependent status assigned to women and because of the fact that in the ceremony
of kanya-dna she cannot engage in it alone but has to get it done through some
married couple. The courts in modern India, however, have legislated that after
the father the mother is the prime guardian.
The Dharma-sindhu states the important proposition that when the girl performs
svayamvara (a love marriage of her own choice) or when the mother is to give
away the girl in marriage, the girl or mother should perform the Nnd-rddha
(ememorial ceremony to the ancestors) and the principal sakalpa (statement of

10

intent) is to be pronounced by her and the rest of the rite is to be performed

through the family priest.

B
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OT
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EN
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GA
AG
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EM
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T

indus have a custom of betrothal, according to which the parents meet

and publically affirm their agreement to the marriage. A verbal promise
is exchanged between the two parties as regards the future wedding. But
the betrothal ceremony or engagement called Vgdnam does not create a
positive obligation to marry. The legislator Yjavalkya (I. 65.) thinks that if a
better more suitable husband is found before the wedding then the betrothal is
void. It is important, therefore, to note that mere verbal or written agreement
cannot be the basis of a legal marriage. During the betrothal ceremony the caveat
is applied to the groom by the guardian of the damsel.
As long as your son remains whole in body and mind; does not become impotent;
commit a crime, fall into vice or debt; I shall bestow my daughter in marriage, at
the auspicious time that has been agreed upon.

No conditions are applied to the bride.

Devala says that marriage ceremony (vivha saskra) is necessary for every
Hindu even when the marriage has been consummated previously by the
Gndharva form.4
In some northern communities the engagement ceremony is done in two stages:
1. The brides family visiting the grooms family to request the hand of the
groom commonly called tilak,
2. The grooms family visiting the brides family to request her hand in
marriage commonly called sagai.

D
DO
OW
WR
RY
Y
ulkam, Yautaka, Stridhanam

he issue of Dowry is one of the major vices of Hindu society. A Dowry

nowadays is not what the bride voluntarily brings to the marriage but what
is demanded or extorted from her and her family by the grooms family.
The demand for Dowry has been so severe in some places that it has contributed
directly to female infanticide and the aborting of female foetuses! There are also
many reported cases in India of newly wedded brides being abused and even
physically injured because of Dowry issues.

4 Quoted

by Kulluka M. 8:226.) Nrada also takes the same view. (Nrada. 12:2-3.)

11

The Sacred Law is quite clear on the subject. Demanding money or goods from a
prospective daughter-in-law parents as a precondition of marriage is tantamount
to the sale of a child, and the selling of children is strictly prohibited! The
scriptures do mention the ulka (tax) which is the giving of a certain amount of
cash and kind to a poor brides parents for the hand of their daughter but there is
no mention of a cash amount to be paid to the groom!
This is what Manu has to say on the subject.
A womans property (strdhanam) is defined as being of six types: what
was given to her at her marriage in front of the fire, during the bridal
procession, as a token of affection, what was obtained from her brother,
mother or father. In addition any subsequent gift and whatever her
affectionate husband gives her should be inherited by her children when
she dies, even during the lifetime of her husband. (Manu 9;194-195)
Those deluded relatives who live off a womans property her
carriages, her clothes, and so on are evil and go to hell. (Manu 3:52)
The government should protect the estate and inherited property of
women who are barren or have no sons, who have no families, who are
faithful wives, widows or ill. But if, while these women are alive their
own relatives should take these away, a just government should punish
them with the punishment for theft. (Manu 8:28-29)
The previous Jagatguru akarcrya says:
According to our scriptures money has nothing to do with these samskras. That
today it has come to be so, is a tragedy and it is a tragedy that is of our own
making. In none of the eight forms of marriage does the groom have to be given
any money. Even in the asura type it is the groom that pays money, that is in
exchange for the bride. If such a transaction is considered demoniac, what would
the rishis who authored our Sastras have thought of the prevailing custom of
dowry, of the groom's parents telling the bride's people: "Give us your daughter
in marriage and also cash." They could not have even imagined that such a
custom would ever crop up. There obtained the custom of "Kanya-sulka" - money
offered to the bride or "bride price" - which has some support in the canons. But
you cannot find an iota of justification in our scriptures for the present dowry
system. (Sankaracharya Chandrasekharendra Saraswati Swami quoted in
Hindu Dharma.)
The whole community should reject this practice of coerced Dowry and Priests
and elders should severely discourage it. The quicker it is stamped out the better
for everyone.

12

PPR
RO
OH
HIIB
BIIT
TE
ED
DR
RE
EL
LA
AT
TIIO
ON
NSSH
HIIPPSS.
Prohibited relations according to English Law are as follows:
A man cannot marry:

A woman cannot marry:

Mother
Daughter or adopted daughter
Fathers mother
Mothers mother
Sons daughter
Daughters daughter
Sister, half-sister or adopted sister
Fathers sister
Mothers sister
Brothers daughter
Sisters daughter

Father
Son or adopted son
Fathers father
Mothers father
Sons son
Daughters son
Brother, half brother or adopted brother
Fathers brother
Mothers brother
Brothers son
Sisters son

Daughter of former wife

Former wife of father
Former wife of fathers father
Former wife of mothers father
Daughter of son of former wife
Daughter of daughter of former wife

Son of former husband

Former husband of mother
Former husband of fathers mother
Former husband of mothers mother
Son of son of former husband
Son of daughter of former husband

These prohibited relationships are applicable under Australian Law as well,

except it is permissible for a person to marry their uncle or aunt and also first
cousins.
Under Hindu Sacred Law all the above categories apply as well except that uncles
and aunts as well as their wives and husbands are equal to parents and their
children equal to siblings and hence marriage with them is forbidden.

T
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OFF G
GO
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our priest might ask you what your Gotra is. The general conception
about gotra or Clan is that it denotes all persons who trace descent in
an unbroken male line from a common male ancestor thousands of years
removed. Traditionally it was forbidden for anyone to marry within their own
Gotra. These Gotras or Clans have largely died out and now they are used in the
wedding ceremony as a formality only.
A woman takes on her husbands Gotra after marriage. Because a bride changes
her gotra, she and her children are of a different gotra to her siblings and therefore
according to South Indian tradition one may marry ones maternal cousin
(because he or she belongs to a different gotra) but not a paternal cousin who
would be of the same gotra. In North India marriage of cousins is strictly
prohibited!

13

C
CH
HO
OO
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GA
AD
DA
AT
TE
E FFO
OR
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YO
OU
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DD
DIIN
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G

ime is the universal force of movement and change. According to the

seasons produce is obtained, according to Time we rise, work, sleep. All
the events in our lives are determined by Time. Everything good and bad
happens in Time. So Hindus like to harmonize major events in their lives like
marriage, planning a pregnancy, moving house etc. with the forces of Time
indicated by the planets. Calculations of inauspicious and auspicious dates are
very complex and require a lot of time. So there are 3 ways in which to choose a
date for your wedding.
1. Make an astrological consultation with a competent astrologer in which
both your horoscopes will be drawn up. Your life periods are then analyzed
to find out the best window of opportunity in which both of your charts are
in perfect harmony with the forces of Time. This involves drawing up charts
for each day of the year, and then fine tuning the Time slot to harmonize
with both your astrological energies in order to maximize the good effects of
the marriage outcomes. This window may be sooner or later and may also be
at 2am on a Wednesday morning for example! In other words it will
probably be the most unlikely opportunity which would be highly
inconvenient to you, your families and guests. The pandit may take about 2
to 3 hours to calculate the exact time and date.
2. Look in the Hindu almanac and choose a "generally" auspicious day a
generically good day which is non-specific and is convenient usually on a
weekend.
3. Take a chance choose a day, any day and hope for the best! Let your
intuition be your guide and hard work your path!

T
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OK
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EN
NSS O
OFF M
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RIIA
AG
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Magal-stra & Wedding rings.

okens of marriage are as varied as the Hindu communities. Some use a

gold ornament called a magal stra (auspicious thread), some use
bangles of ivory, glass (plastic nowadays) and even iron. And nowadays
wedding rings have become more common.
In South India much emphasis and intense emotion is attached to the magalstra and as far as the majority of South Indians are concerned the marriage
ceremony is equated entirely with the tying of this sacred ornament known in
Tamil as tl. The Tli has such a profound social impact that even Christians use
a form of it.
In spite of these common perceptions the sacred texts make absolutely no
reference to tokens of marriage at all! It is entirely left to the community to

14

decide what symbols they want to use as the accepted indication of a married
man or woman.
Once worn at the wedding ceremony the magal stra should never be removed
but most modern Hindu brides remove it after the wedding and only use it on
special occasions, opting for the universally accepted wedding ring for day to day
use.
South Indian Magal-stra designs

North Indian Magal-stra designs.

Vaiava and aiva Magal-stras

15

M A R R IA G E C E R E M O N IE S

Wedding Rituals Common to all the Ghya Stras and their sequence
ankhyana

valyana

Praskara

pastamba

Hiranyakein

Jaimini

Khdira

Homam

Homam

Homam

Pigahaam

Homam

Homam

Homam

Pigrahaam

Pigrahaam

Lj Homa

Sapta-padi

Am-rohaa

Pigrahaam

Amarohanam

Amarohanam

Pradakia

Pgrahaam

Homam

Pi-grahaam

Amarohanam

Lj Homa

Pradakia

Amarohanam

Amarohanam

Amarohaam

Lja-homa

Pradakia

Sapta-padi

Lj Homa

Lj Homa

Pradakia

Lj-homam

Pradakina

Lj Homa

Pradakia

Sapta-padi

Sapta-padi

Sapta-padi

Pradakia

Sapta-padi

Sapta-padi

Pigrahaam

he prescription for the actual wedding ceremony is detailed in the various

procedural manuals (grihya stras) of the different Vedic schools found in
the different parts of India. Some of the procedures are similar but there
are also many differences accounting for the modern day variations among
the Hindu communities.
The ceremonies described here are culled from several manuals. In this
description of the wedding sacrament (vivha saskra) there are three parts:
1. There are certain rites that are preliminary leading up to the wedding day,
2. there are then a few rites that are of the essence of the saskra viz.
holding hands (pi-grahaa), fire-oblations (homa), going round the fire
(pradakia) standing on a mill-stone (amarohaa), offering puffed-rice
into the fire (lja-homa) and the taking of seven steps (sapta-pad).
3. Then there are certain practices like the seeing of the Pole star, entering the
home etc., that are subsequent to the central rites.
The essential rites are mentioned by all legislators (strakras), but as to the
preceding and subsequent rites there is a great divergence in the details. Even as
regards the essential rites the sequence in which they take place differs. For
example, Avalyana (I.7.7) describes going round the fire before saptapad,
while pastamba describes saptapad (IV.16) before the act of going round the
fire (V.I). Gobhila (II, 2.16), Khadira (1.3.31), and Baudhyana (I.4.10) describe

16

holding hands (pi-grahaa) after the seven steps (saptapad) while many other
strakaras describe it before saptapad. Then again there are many acts reference
to which is altogether omitted. Avalyana makes no reference to madhuparka
(which is mentioned by Apastamba III.8, Baudhyana I.2.1, Manava I.9) nor to
kanyadna (which is referred to by Praskara I.4 and described in detail in
Mnava gr. I.8.6-9).

The following is a fairly exhaustive list of the different matters described in the
sacrament of marriage. A few notes are added against those that are deemed
important.5
1. Vadhuvara-gua-parka: (examining the suitability of a girl or a bridegroom). This has been dealt with already above.
2. Vara-preana: (sending persons to negotiate for the hand of the girl). The
ancient custom seems to have been to send some person or persons (Rig Veda
X.85.8-9) to the father of the girl for asking her hand in marriage. The same was
the practice in the stras.6 Even in medieval times, particularly among katriyas,
the bride-groom was the first to seek for the hand of a girl. In modern times some
communities send for the bride and some for the groom this ceremony is
known by many names such as Vara-vti karma, ika, Phaldna etc.
3. Vgdna or Va-nicaya; betrothal or engagement ceremony. Most
communities no longer perform this as a religious rite but rather have a secular
engagement party.
4. Maapa-karaa Erecting a paal/maapa (canopy) where the
ceremonies are to be performed. Most sacraments are meant to be performed
outside the house in a canopy. The wedding is supposed to be performed in the
coutyard of the brides ancestral home. Some communities still perform this
canopy erection symbolically known colloquially as mvo (Gujerati) or
mnapa sthapanam, mika stambha sthpanam.
6. Vadhu-ghgamana: (bride-groom's going to the bride's house). Still
performed by some communities and commonly called sagai.
5. Nndi-rddha and Puyha-vcana: Nndi-rddha is a memorial
ceremony done to invoke the blessings of the ancestors and the Puyha-vcana

5

Among the principal ceremonies in marriage described by Klidsa in the Raghuvaa VII are madhuparka, homa, going
round the fire, pnigrahana, lja-homa and rdrkata-ropana.
6
Vide San, gr. I.6.1-4 (where Rig Veda X.85.23 is the mantra recited when sending them), Baud. gr. I.1.14-15, Ap gr. II.16 and
IV.1-2 and 7

17

is a purification ceremony. Both these ceremonies are referred to by Baudhyana

but most of the other ghyastras are silent about these.
32. Gauri-Hara-puja: (worship of Siva and his consort Gaur). Either pictures
or images of Gaur and iva are used or they are drawn on a piece of cloth and
worshipped by the bride some time before kanydna. This is still done by many
communities, some do it a day or two before the wedding and some on the
wedding day in the morning.
34. Taila-haridr-lepanam: Anointing the couple with turmeric paste. In some
communities this applying turmeric powder to the groom's body is done from
what is left after the bride's body has been so treated. Most communities still
perform this ceremony in some form or the other colloquially known as haldi
ceremony or Mehndi in the north and nalangu in the South. The groom and
the bride are separately smeared with turmeric (haldi) by their female relatives
and bathed.
7. Madhu-parka: (reception of the bride-groom at the bride's house). This is still
performed at the canopy after the groom arrives at the hall. On their wedding day
the groom is considered as the embodiment of Vishnu the Preserver and the bride
is Lakshmi the Goddess of prosperity. The groom is received by his father in
law his feet are washed, water is given to sip and a honey-yoghurt drink called
madhuparka is offered. According to the ancient manuals a cow is supposed to be
killed to feed the grooms party. Nowadays this is done symbolically by offering
a coconut which the groom rolls away saying: I say to those who understand
dont kill this cow for me release her, let her drink water and eat grass!
8. Paridhpana and Sanahana: (making the bride put on new clothes and
girding her with a string or rope of darbha.) Praskara refers only to the putting
on of two garments, Gobhila refers to bathing and putting on a garment, Manava
gr. refers to paridhpana and samnahana. Strangely enough Gobhila (II.1.10)
speaks of the sprinkling of the girl's head with the best of sura (wine).
9. Pratisara-bandha: (tying an amulet string on the bride's hand). A protective
amulet is tied to the grooms right hand and the brides left hand before the
wedding ceremonies commence. This is kept on till the 3rd or 4th day when it is
untied. Nowadays it is usually tied on the day of the wedding or at the maapa.
The purpose is to exempt the couple from any considerations of impurity which
may arise due to a sudden death in the family. If such a tragedy should occur the
ceremonies would proceed as planned regardless.
10. Paraspara-samkana: (looking at each other). The couple dont see each
other on the day of the wedding. The first meeting is accompanied by a prayer.
valyana says that first of all a cloth is held between the bride-groom and bride
and that at the proper astrological moment it is removed and then the two see

18

each other. This practice is observed even now by some communities

Gujertis, Maharhis, Telegus and Kaaigas. When the interposed cloth is held
between the bride and bride-groom verses called mangalaakas are repeated by
brhmaas, the last of which verses is 'tad-eva lagnam sudinam tad-eva ' etc.
11. Kany-dna: (giving away the damsel). valyana sets out the procedure of
kany-dna which is the same even now. A statement of intent is made
mentioning the time, date, place and the astrological parameters marking the day
and the purpose of marriage is declared to be begetting of offspring, prosperity,
and companionship in the performance of religious and social duties. Afterwards
the couple vow never to prove false to the each other in dharma (religious duties),
artha (mutual financial arrangements) and kma (intimacy and recreation) with
the words: I shall not do so' (nticarmi). This is done even now.
12. rdrkataropaa: (mutual showering of wet unbroken rice grains by the
bride and bride-groom). In a metal vessel a little milk is poured and clarified
butter is sprinkled over it and unbroken wet rice grains are poured therein. The
bridegroom applies milk and ghee to the joined hands of the bride twice and
thrice places rice grains in the joined hands of the bride so that her cupped palms
(ajali) becomes filled up and twice sprinkles ghee over her joined hands. Some
other person does the same to the joined hands of the bride-groom and the bride's
father places a golden piece on the joined hands of both. Then the bride-groom
places his joined hands on those of the bride whose father then repeats a mantra
and raises her up; she then pours the rice over the head of the bridegroom who
follows her in the same way. This is done thrice by each and then lastly by the
bride (i.e. seven times in all). Then the priest sprinkles on their heads water with
an udumbara twig together with durva grass after reciting verses 'Apo hi ha etc..
(Rig Veda X, 9.1-3)'. Then the couple make a tilaka mark on each other's
forehead, garland each other and tie a thread with a turmeric piece on each other's
hand (which is variously called 'kankana-bandhana' or kautuka-bandhana').7
Nowadays this ceremony is only done by Telegus in an abbreviated form
simply pouring dry rice over each others heads.
13. Magala-stra-dhraam: (tying the token of marriage a golden
ornament and black beads on it around the neck of the bride). This is now
regarded in the South as the most important ornament which no woman will part
with as long as her husband is alive. But the stras are entirely silent about it.
Among the earliest references is one from aunaka smrti. The Laghu-valyana
smrti 15.33 also prescribes it and the mantra to be employed when doing so.
Gaddhara on Praskara Gr.1.8 says that mangala-stra should be worn and
garlands be placed round their necks by the bride and bride-groom, though the

7 Vide

Sam. Pr. pp.828-829, S. R. M. p.556. Kalidasa in Raghuvamsa VII describes rdrkataropana as the last of the rites of marriage and in VIII.1 speaks of the kautuka.

19

stra of Praskara is silent on the point. The Baudhyana Gr. ea sutra V.5 in
describing arka-vivaha ' speaks of magala stra to be tied to the plant. It is not
clear whether it means the same as the magala-stra now tied by married
women, round their necks.
14. Uttariya-prnta-bandhana: (Tying turmeric pieces and betel nut on to the
end of the upper garments of both and making a knot of their two garments
together). This is still done in most North Indian marriages.
15. Agnsthpana & homa: (establishing the fire and offering of ghee oblations
into fire). Here there is great divergence by the various authorities about the
number of oblations and the mantras to be recited.
16. P-grahaa: (Taking hold of the bride's hand).
17. Lja-homa: (Offering of puffed grain into fire by the bride). valyana
says that the bride makes three offerings of puffed rice when mantras are repeated
by the bridegroom and a fourth is made of the remaining rice by the bride silently.
Some others speak of only three offerings by the bride. Some authorities have the
bride offering the oblations with her hands supported by the groom. Others have
the bride place the grains in the grooms hands and he offers them.
In this act she is usually assisted by a brother or brother substitute (cousin or best
friend). The person who assists the bride in offering the grains is her support
person or one to whom she can turn in the event of bullying or domestic violence
in her new home. In some communities the brother twists the grooms ear to warn
him of his duty to behave himself with the sister!
18. Agn-pariayana: (walking around the fire). The couple walk around the fire
three or four times. Some authorities have the groom going in front for all the
rounds while others have the bride walking in front for 3 rounds and the groom in
front for the last round.
There is no mention in the Scriptures of the seven rounds (sapta phera) which has
become so popular in North Indian marriages due to the influence of Bollywood!
There seems to have been a confusion between the 7 steps and the 7 rounds.
19. Amarohana: (treading on a mill-stone). The grinding-stone represents
conflicts and hurdles. The couple are asked to be as firm as the stone in their
commitment to their marriage and determination to overcome all conflict and
challenges. These three are done thrice viz. ljahoma, then Agnparinayana and
amrohaa, one after another.

20

20. Saptapadi: (taking seven steps together). This is done to the north of the fire;
there are seven small heaps of rice and the couple step on each of these seven
with their right foot beginning from the west.
21. Mrdhbhieka: (sprinkling holy water on the head of the bride and of the
bride-groom according to some and on the head of the bride only according to
others).
22. Sryodkana: (looking towards the sun). Praskara speaks of this and
employs the mantra: 'tac-cakur' (Rig Veda VII.65.16 = Vaj. S.36.24). Most of
the other legislators are silent about this.
23. Hrdaya-spara: (touching each others hearts with a mantra).
24. Dakindna: (gifts to the officiating priest). Praskara I.8,
Sankhyana.1.14.13-17 both prescribe a cow as the fee in the case of the priestly
community, a village in marriages of kings and nobles, a horse in marriages of
businessmen etc..). Gobhila II.3.23 and Baudhyana I.4.38 mention a cow or
its price for everyone.
25. Grha-pravea: (entering the bride-groom's house.) This ceremony is now
seldom performed formally but rather some traditional customs and games are
observed.
26. Dhruvrundhat-darana: (pointing out the Pole star and Arundhat to the
bride at night on the day of marriage). Dhruva is the Pole star which because of
its steady nature is used by mariners for navigation and Arundhati was the wife
of sage Gautama and is the paragon of chastity. (These stars are not visible from
the southern hemisphere.)
Some declare that the groom and bride should remain silent until sunset.
27. Tri-rtra-vrata: (After marriage keeping certain observances8 for three
nights) Apastamba. gr. 8:8-10, Baudhyana. gr. I.5.16-17 contain the interesting
injunction that the newly married pair should sleep on the ground or on the same
bed for three nights, but should interpose between them a staff of bamboo or
udumbara wood anointed with perfumes and wrapped round with a garment or a
thread. On the fourth night it should be removed with the verses Rig Veda
X.85.21-22 and thrown into water, thereafter the marriage may be consummated.

8 Vide

Avalyana for the observances which are enumerated by almost all strakaras principle
among these is the necessity to maintain chastity for 3 nights and to consummate the marriage on the 4th
night.

21

28. Caturth-karma: (rite on the 4th night after marriage). In the medieval
digests certain other ceremonies are mentioned and they are observed in modern
times also by some orthodox families. Here again the order is not the same in all
works and differs from community to community.
29. Devata-utthpana & Maap-udvsana (taking leave of the deities that had
been invoked before the ceremonies began and dismantling of the paal).

FFIIN
NA
AL
LIIT
TY
YO
OFF M
MA
AR
RR
RIIA
AG
GE
E
Manu (8.227) says:
The Vedic mantras recited in the marriage rite are a sure indication of wife-hood;
but their completion should be understood by the wise as occurring on taking the
seventh step.

So it follows that the marriage becomes complete and irrevocable the moment the
saptapad rite is performed, but before that rite is gone through there is a locus
paenitentice or a right to revoke the commitment. Some cryas are of the
opinion that the pigrahana (taking of the hand) is the moment of no return.9
Manu (IX.47) declares
'Once is the partition of inheritance made, once is a maiden given in marriage.

This rule really means that once the ceremony of marriage is completed by
saptapadi, the marriage is irrevocable and the girl cannot thereafter be given to
any one else. Thus in the case of a divorcee remarrying there can be no kanydna.

M
ME
EN
NSST
TR
RU
UA
AT
TIIO
ON
ND
DU
UR
RIIN
NG
GT
TH
HE
EW
WE
ED
DD
DIIN
NG
G

ome of the Law Books (smrtis) and digests are very much exercised over
the question of the bride menstruating while the marriage ceremonies are in
progress and homa is about to be performed. Seeing that so much time,
effort and expense goes into wedding ceremonies it is not feasible to cancel or
postpone the proceedings. Atr very sensibly prescribes simply offering an
oblation of clarified butter with the verse 'Yujate manah' (Rig V.81.1) and
proceeding with the ceremonies as planned.

According to Australian Law a marriage is finalised once the bride takes her vows (I call upon the
persons here present to witness that I take you to be my legally wedded husband. after the groom. Even
though no papers may be signed and authorised immediately, still the marriage is valid and needs a
court order to dissolve it.

22

PPE
EC
CU
UL
LIIA
AR
RC
CE
ER
RE
EM
MO
ON
NIIE
ESS R
RE
EL
LA
AT
TIIN
NG
GT
TO
OM
MA
AR
RR
RIIA
AG
GE
E

ertain peculiar ceremonies relating to marriage may now be described

very briefly. In order to avert early widowhood (which was judged from
her horoscope) for the girl to be married, a ceremony called kumbhavivaha was performed. It is described in Sam. Pr. (p.868), Nirnaya-sindhu p.310,
Sam. K. (p, 746), S. R. M. (p.528) and other works. On the day previous to the
marriage a jar of water in which a golden image of Viu is dipped is decked with
flowers etc, and the girl is surrounded in a network of threads, Varuna and Viu
are worshipped and prayed to give long life to the intended bride-groom. Then the
jar is taken out and broken in a pool of water and then water is sprinkled over the
girl with five twigs and to the accompaniment of Rig. VII.49 and then Brhmaas
are fed.
The Sam.Pr. (pp.868-869) speaks of Avattha-vivaha which is like kumbhavivaha and performed for good luck to the bride and averting widowhood. Here
the Avattha tree is substituted for the jar and a golden image of Viu is
worshipped. The image is then given to a Brhmaa.

Arka-vivaha
When a man either has indications in his horoscope of losing a wife or has the
misfortune to lose by death two wives one after another, before marrying a third
wife he goes through a ceremony of marriage with the arka plant. This is
described in Sam. Pr. pp.876-889, Sam. K. p.819, Nirnaya-sindhu, p.328. It is
described in Baud. gr. Sesa-sutra V.5 also.

PPA
AR
RIIV
VE
ED
DA
AN
NA
A

nother question which takes up much space in ancient works but which is
now of scant consideration is parivedana. When a lad married before his
elder brother or where a person married a younger girl before her elder
sister was married, this act was called parivedana and was severely condemned
as a serious encroachment on the rights of seniority and as a sin10.
Legal nomenclature
1. The younger brother who marries before the elder brother is called
parivetta or parivindaka (Yaj. I.223).
2. The elder brother before whom the younger brother marries is called
parivitta or parivinna or parivitti (Manu III.171).
3. The younger sister who marries before the elder sister is called agredidhisu

10 Gaut.15.18

and Ap. Dh, S, (II.5.12.22) Vas. Dh. S.1.18, Viu Dh, S.37.15-17

23

4.
5.
6.
7.

(Gaut.15.15, Vas.1.18) or parivedini.

The elder sister before whom her younger sister marries is called didhisu.
The husbands of these two last respectively bear the appellations agredidhisu-pati and didhisu-pati.
The father or other guardian who gives away the girl in any of these cases
of parivedana is called pariday or paridta.
The younger brother who kindles the sacred fire before the elder is styled
panjadhtr' and the elder brother who is so treated is called paryahita
(Gaut.15.18).

Manu III.17211 says that the parivetta, the parivitta, the girl whom the younger
brother marries before the elder, the man who gives away the girl in marriage and
the officiating priest these five all fall into hell.
Gaut. (18.18-19) prescribes that if an elder brother has gone to a foreign country
his younger brother must wait twelve years before he takes a wife or kindles
sacred fires or six years according to some. Medhatithi on Manu III.171 quotes a
verse:
'One need not wait where the elder brother is a lunatic, or is a sinner, or
leprous, impotent, or suffering from tuberculosis'
and remarks that this is only illustrative (i.e. one need not wait where the elder
brother has no qualification adhikra for marriage or for kindling fires).
Another verse of Atr (v.106) says that there is no fault in marrying before the
elder brother, if the latter is impotent (or gay) or gone abroad, has committed a
crime or has become a recluse or is devoted to Yoga.

11 which

is almost the same as Baud. Dh. S. II.1.30 and Viu Dh. S.54.16

24

T H E V E D IC M A R R IA G E C E R E M O N Y
INTRODUCTION

he grhya sutras are the Vedic manuals which deal with the performance of
the domestic ritual. Each of the four Vedas developed several schools and
each of these schools produced its own manual based on the original Vedic
texts. In each part of India different schools prevailed, and thus gave rise to the
regional variations which are found today.
In the Puranic age the relatively simple ceremony was greatly elaborated upon,
and the nuptial ceremony became transformed into the complicated five day
celebration which has retained its usage from the middle ages up to the modern
times.
The original Vedic ceremony was meant only for the members of the three
initiated castes, and commendable tolerance was shown towards family and social
customs being associated with the marriage ceremony. Each caste, sect, clan,
tribe and family developed peculiarities of their own which were always
tolerated, and it is stated in the sacred texts that the women of the family should
be consulted in matters of marriage rituals and customs apart from the orthodox
Vedic ceremony.
Whatever the differences may be, there are five essential features of the Vedic
Marriage that are the irreducible minimum, and must be included if the ceremony
is to be considered bona-fide and valid. Whatever customs and rituals the people
wish to adhere to must be done in addition to the five essentials. According to the
stras folk customs regarding marriage must always be respected by learned
brahmins.
The five essential features of a Vedic Marriage are;
vagdnam ca pradnam ca varaam pi-panam |
sapta-padi iti pacgo vivha prakrti ||
1. The engagement ceremony involving the consenting of the parents.
2. Formal bestowal of the bride on the groom.
3. Ceremonial honouring of the groom by the bestower.
4. Taking of the bride's hand by the groom.
5. The rite of the seven steps.

25

T H E S A C R A M E N T O F M A R R IA G E

SOUTH INDIAN VERSION

According to pastamba Stra
11.. V
Vaarraa PPrreeaaaam
m
(Invitation of the Bride)
Firstly permission is requested from the elders to being the ceremonies.
I offer obeisance to the assembly, homage to the Lord of the assembly,
salutations to the friends who go before, homage to Heaven and to
Earth. (T. S. 3;2;4)
May this august assembly afford me its protection, all those who are
present here. May they protect my faculties, I offer my lifelong
obeisance. (TB. 1.1.10.3.5)
After offering worship to Ganea for the removal of obstacles, betel leaves and
areca nuts along with some monetary offering is given to 2 brahmins who are
requested to go and ask for the hand of the bride.
May the pair go quickly to bring the one upon whom I contemplate,
benevolent, with gifts exchanged with gifts. May Indra graciously
accept the Soma offering, and bestow joy and prosperity upon both of
us. (R.V. 10.32.1)
Thornless and straight be the paths whereby our fellows travel to the
house of the bride. May God (Bhaga) endue us with prosperity, respect
for the learned and majesty. (A.V. 14.1.34)

22..V
Vaarraa V
Vaarraaaam
m
(Invitation of the Groom)
The bestower formally welcomes the groom and after washing his feet and
honouring him, invites him to accept the hand of the bride and to become his sonin-law.

26

The bride is then brought to the canopy and is seated to the right of the groom.

33.. K
Kaannyyaaddnnaa

(Giving away of the bride)

After reciting the Sakalpa or Statement of Intent the hands of the couple are
joined. The brides father places a coconut in their hands and after the clan
(gotra) and the names of the illustrious ancestors (pravara) have been
proclaimed, water is poured from a conch-shell over the coconut by the
bestowers wife while the priests recite the following verses.
This maiden is well adorned and bedecked with gold. I, desirous of
attaining the realm of Vishnu, give her to you O [embodiment of]
Vishnu.
The Supreme Being who resides in the hearts of all beings, and all the
gods are witnesses. I bestow my daughter upon you so that you may
fulfil your mutual obligations to your forefathers [through the begetting
of offspring].
For the performance of Dharma, for the begetting of offspring, and for
companionship in your daily duties are you formally joined in marriage.
The groom then recites:
This woman will be before me, she will be beside me, she will
encompass me on every side, may you be Liberated through your gift.

A
Acccceeppttaannccee B
Byy T
Thhee G
Grroooom
m..
The groom recites:
Impelled by God I receive you, with the two arms of Right Knowledge
& Right Action, and with the hands of the Enricher I receive you.
(Tait. Sam. 1.8.7.2)
May King Varuna lead you, O Goddess to a partner for the sake of
progeny. By that may you attain to immortality as well as material
enjoyment & well-being. (Tait. Aran. 3.10.1)
Who is giving what and to whom? Love is the Giver and Love the
Receiver. Love has entered into the Ocean of Being. Through Love I
receive you. O Love all this is for you. (TA. 3.10.1.4 A.V. 3.29.7)

V
Voow
wss bbyy tthhee ccoouuppllee
The couple now recite the vows. They promise that in the three areas of life that
they live together; in the field of Dharma the religious/moral/spiritual field,

27

Artha prosperity, mutual financial arrangements and Kma pleasure,

recreation and procreation; they will never do the wrong thing by each other.
Traditionally the groom alone recites the vow. But nowdays it is fitting that both
should make the vow equally.
Admonition In righteousness, in prosperity, in recreation; nurture
her at all times, and never offend this tender woman in any way.
Groom; I will not offend her in any way.

44..V
Vaarraappjj //M
Maaddhhuuppaarrkkaam
m
Madhu-parkam
Madhu-parka: (offering of honey by way of honour to a distinguished guest).
The word literally means 'a ceremony in which honey is shed or poured' (on
the hand of a person).
In all grhya sutras it is described at length. Most of the details are the same, the
principal difference being that often different mantras are prescribed, though
some (like the verse mt rudrn') are the same.
The madhu-parka is offered to six persons who happen to visit ones home:
1. tviks (priests officiating at sacrifices) when they are chosen for a
sacrifice,
2. A sntaka (a Vedic graduate),
3. The king or a government official,
4. One's crya (spiritual teacher)
5. A bride-groom
6. Ones father-in-law, paternal and maternal uncles or any other person who
is dear to one and whom one wishes to honour.12
It is laid down that if these persons come to one's house within a year after
madhu-parka has been once offered, then it need not be offered again (in the
same year), but when a marriage is being celebrated in one's house or a yaja is
being performed, then madhu-parka must be offered to those persons (even if one
year has not elapsed since the madhu-parka was previously offered).13
The procedure of madhu-parka is set out from the Av. gr. (I.24.5-26):
"He mixes honey with curds or clarified butter if no honey can be had. A

12 Vide

Gaut. V.25, Ap. gr.13.19-20, Ap. Dh. S. II.3.8.5-6, Baud. Dh. S. II.3.63-64, Manu III.119, Sabha-parva
36.23-24
13 Vide Gaut. V.26-27, Ap. Dh. S. II.3.8.6, Yaj. I.110, Khadira gr. IV.4.26, Gobhila gr. IV.10.26.

28

seat14, water for washing the feet, aryhya water (i.e. water perfumed with
flowers etc.)15, water for camana (ceremonial sipping 3 times), honey
mixture, a cow; every one of these they announce three times (to the
person who has arrived). The person (to be honoured) should sit down on
the seat made of northward pointed darbha grass with the verse:
'I am the highest one among my kindred, as the sun among lights. Here I
tread on whomsoever bears enmity to me.' Or he should repeat this verse
after he has trodden on it.
The host washes his feet; the right foot first. When his feet have been
washed, he receives the arghya water in his joined hands and then he
performs camana with the water for sipping with the formula: thou
art the seat (or first layer) of ambrosia'.
He should look at the madhu-parka, when it is offered to him, with the
mantra: I look at thee with the eye of Mitra. He accepts it (the
madhu-parka) in the joined hands with the formula: by the command
(urging) of god Savitr, by the arms of Asvins and the hands of Pusan, I
accept thee' (Vaj S. I.24).
He looks at it with the three rk verses 1862 the winds blow honey to the
righteous man (Rig. I.90.6-8). He (takes it into his left hand), stirs it
about thrice from left to right with the thumb and the finger next to the
smallest and wipes (his fingers) towards the east with the formula:
may the Vasus eat thee with the Gyatr metre'; with the formula:
may the Rudras eat thee with the Tristubh metre', (he wipes fingers)
towards the south; with the formula: may the Adityas eat thee with
the Jagat metre, towards the west; with the formula: may Visve
Devas eat thee with the Anustubh metre, towards the north; with the
formula: to the bhutas (beings) thee, he three times takes (some of
the madhu-parka materials) from out of the middle of it (and throws it
up).
He should partake of it for the first time with the formula: the milk of
Viraj art thou', for the second time with: may I obtain the milk of
Viraj', the third time with: 'in me may the milk of Pady Viraj dwell'.
He should not eat the whole madhu-parka and should not eat to satiety.
He should give the remainder (out of the madhu-parka materials) to a
Brhmaa towards the north; but if no Brhmaa is available he should

14 A

vitara is a seat with 25 blades of darbha grass.

15 Arghya

up.

is water for washing the hands in which flowers and perfume (like sandal-wood paste) have been mixed

29

throw it into water; or he may eat the whole.

He then takes camana with the water intended for it with the
formula: them art the cover of ambrosia,' He sips water a second time
with the formula: truth ! fame! fortune! may Fortune resort to me.
When he has sipped water, they announce to him the cow. Having said
the words: destroyed is my sin, my sin is destroyed he says: om, do
it if he desires to have the cow slaughtered; if he is desirous letting her
go, he says: the mother of Rudras and daughter of Vasus. (Rig.
VIII.101, 15) and says let her go'. Let the madhu-parka not be without
flesh."
A few small matters may be noted. Several grhya-sutras (such as the Manava)
describe madhu-parka as a part of the marriage rite, while others like Avalyana
describe it independently. Others like Hir, gr. (I.12-13) describe it as part of the
graduation ceremony (Samvartana).
There is divergence about the substances mixed in offering madhu-parka. Av.
gr, and Ap. gr. (13.10) prescribe a mixture of honey and curds or clarified butter
and curds. Others like Par. gr. I.3 prescribe a mixture of three (curds, honey and
butter). Ap. gr. (13.11-12) states the view of some that those three may be mixed
or five (those three with fried yava grain and barley). Hir. gr. I.12.10-12 gives the
option of mixing three or five (curds, honey, ghee, water and ground grain). The
Kausika sutra (92) speaks of nine kinds of mixtures viz. Brahma (honey and
curds), Aindra (of payas), Saumya (curds and ghee), Pauna (ghee and mantha),
Srasvata (milk and ghee), Mausala (wine and ghee, this being used only in
Sautraman and Rajasuya sacrifices), Vrua (water and ghee), rvana (sesame
oil and ghee), Privrjaka (sesame oil and oil cake).
The Manava gr. I, 9.22 says that the Veda declares that the madhu-parka must not
be without flesh and so it recommends that if the cow is let loose, goat's meat or
payas (rice cooked in milk) may be offered; the Hir. gr. I.13.14 says that other
meat should be offered; Baud. gr. says (I.2.51-54) that when the cow is let off, the
flesh of a goat or ram may be offered or some forest flesh (of a deer etc.) may be
offered, as there can be no madhu-parka without flesh or if one is unable to offer
flesh one may cook ground grains. As the cow became sacred, it became
unthinkable to kill her and so other flesh was offered. When even flesh-eating
came to be abhorred, then only payas and such other things were recommended.
In modern times there is generally no madhu-parka except in marriage and then
too it is a simple matter and the elaborate procedure prescribed in some of the
grhya sutras is hardly ever followed. Meat is never offered.

30

55.. SSaam
mkkaaaam
m
(Setting face to face)
The couple sit and face each other;
Om. To us, O God Varuna, bring her, kind to her brothers; bring her,
O Lord of the Universe Brihaspati, kind to her husband and her children
O Indra. O Creator of the Universe Savita bring her with prosperity.
(Atharva Veda 14.1.62)
Om. Gaze gently upon each other, never be hostile to each other, be
tender to animals, of cheerful mind, beautiful in your glory, the parents
of heroes, be devoted to the gods, be the bestower of happiness, be
good and kind to us, and to all creatures. (RV.10.85.44)

66.. K
Kaannyyaa SSaa
sskkrraam
m
(Sanctification of the Bride)
Previously both women and men undertook the vow of brahmacrya
(studentship) and studied the Vedas. Gradually women were excluded from the
privilege of Vedic study and consigned to home duties. The wedding ceremony
therefore became the equivalent of the brides initiation ceremony (upanayana)
that the boys underwent. The groom is the guru and through the vivha
samskram she is initiated into her domestic duties, and living with the husband
is the equivalent of living with the guru and his family (guru-kula-vsa)
The bride sits on a chair facing the east. The groom takes a blade of sacred grass
(darbha) and wipes the forehead of the bride and then casts it to the west.

31

I remove from you all that is negative and inauspicious.

Two Brahmins bring holy water.
O Brahmins bring pure water with which to bathe this maiden,
removing from her all sin, detriments and faults. (A.V. 14.1.39)
The groom places a crown of sacred grass on her head.
May this bride be surrounded by the blessings of all your mutual
relatives. (A.V.14.1.39)
He holds a miniature yoke above her head.
O talented groom, sanctify your highly competent wife through these
three devices; through the yoke which symbolises her union with you,
through the gold which represents the Ultimate Truth, and through the
water which represents the Cosmic Principles. May she be radiant like
the sun and attain the goal of life. (A.V. 14.1.41)
Some gold or the magala stra is placed over the hole of the yoke.
Blest be your gold ornaments, and blest be your progeny, blest be the
mutual exchange of ideas, blest be your dwelling, blest be the waters,
the purifiers of hundreds, and blest be your devotion and loyalty to your
husband.
The priests perform the holy bath (magala snnam) by sprinkling holy water on
the bride.
May the Golden-hued, the Bright, the splendid Cosmic Principles that
produced the Sun and Fire. Those that contain the Supreme Wisdom, the
golden Ones bring joy to you and bless you. (A.V. 1.33.1 Tait. Sam.
5.6.1.1.)
May the subtle ether in the midst of which the Resplendent Lord
pervades, watching men's pious and impious deeds, which acts as a
medium for lightning, beautiful in appearance, bring joy to you and bless
you. (A.V. 1.33.2 Tait. Sam. 5.6.1.1)
May the subtle ether which supports the manifold beautiful objects in
the sky, which acts as a medium for lightning, beautiful in appearance,
bring joy to you and bless you. (A.V. 1.33.3 Tait. Sam. 5.6.1.1)
May the Cosmic Principles behold you with auspicious eye, touch you
with their auspicious hands. May they bright and pure, shedding
loveliness and brilliance, bring joy to you and bless you. (A.V. 1.33.4
Tait. Sam. 5.6.1.2)

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77.. V
Vaassttrraa D
Dnnaam
m
(Presentation of clothing)
The groom presents the bride with a new set of clothes as a token of his intention
to take care of all her material needs for the rest of her life.
O lover of song, may these our chants encompass you on every side;
strengthening you with long life, may they bring delight to you.
(S.Y.V. 5.29)
The bride retires to don the new sari. This may take another half hour so this
should be taken into account when planning the schedule for the wedding day.

88.. M
Mggaallyyaa--D
Dhhrraaaam
m
(Bestowing the Tokens of Marriage)
The brahmins bless the magala-stra and the tray is carried around for all the
congregation to bless
The bride returns to the maapa and sits on her father's lap, according to some
traditions she sits on a bag of rice symbolising abundance and fecundity.
The groom holds the cord of the magala stra around her neck and ties the first
knot while his sister ties the other two knots.
The following verse is chanted by the groom and the brahmins;

33

Om I tie this sacred thread [I place this sacred ornament] around your
neck, so that we may live long together, and remain together enjoying
prosperity for an hundred autumns.
A present is given to the sister of the groom by the bride's party.
The couple exchange garlands three times to confirm their intimate bond with
each other. According to Hindu culture, food, garlands and clothing can only be
shared with those who are most intimate.

99.. Y
Yookkttrraa B
Baannddhhaannaam
m
(Binding of the girdle)
The groom ties the yoktram or girdle made of sacred grass around the waist of
the bride.
We pray with a pure mind that we may obtain the blessing of good
children, fortunate and of sound health. O Agni be propitious to us in
this matter. I bind this girdle for happiness and the performance of
righteous deed. (A.V. 14.1.42 Tait. Sam. 1.1.10.1)
The groom takes the bride by the hand and leads her to the fire while the priests
chant the following verse:
Let the Lord who Nourishes take your hand and hence conduct you;
may Right Action & Right Knowledge transport you. Go to the house
of your husband to be the mistress of his household and speak as a
Lady to the gathered people. (R.V. 10.85.26)

1100.. A
Aggnniisstthhppaannaam
m
(Kindling the Sacred fire)
A new grass mat is spread to the west of the fire. The couple take their seats with
the bride to the right of the groom. The groom performs the preliminary rites &
then recites the following two verses:
O Woman, equanimity is your first guardian, observance of the Vedic
law is your second, knowledge and strength of character are your third
guardians. One born of woman is your fourth guardian. (A.V.14.2.3.)
Tranquillity develops in the girl the sentiment of following the Vedic
law; which in turn brings her knowledge and strength of character;
which bestows upon me prosperity and progeny. (A.V. 14.2.4)

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1111.. PPiiggrraahhaaaam
m
(Holding hands)
The groom takes the bride's right hand and recites the following mantras.
I take your hand for wellbeing so that together we may attain to old
age in happiness. The Sovereign Cosmic Principles; Enjoyment
[Bhaga], Aspiration [Aryaman], Creativity [Savitar] and Completeness
[Purandhri] have united us for the performance of our duties as
householders. (RV 10.85.36)
This institute of Householders was previously established by these
Cosmic Principles, may we attain their benediction. (Ap.MB.1.3.4)
O Sarasvati! Personification of learning and eloquence, the source of
well-being, O Gracious One, You whom I praise are the source of all
creation. (Ap.MB 1.3.5)
May the out-stretched golden hands of the purifying life force which
pervades all directions unite our minds as one.

35

1122.. SSaappttaappaaddii
(Taking of seven steps)
The couple now take the first seven steps in their journey of life together. These
steps represent the seven areas of life that they need to work on together in order
to have a perfect marriage. There are a number of ways of doing this. Either the
groom can take hold of the brides big toe of the right foot and moves it onto
seven piles of rice, or the couple can take steps together placing their right toe
on seven blades of sacred grass or seven piles of rice. The verses recited are as
follows:
1. May Lord Vishnu guide you to nourishment.
(Good eating habits and nutrition is the basis of a healthy relationship)
2. May Lord Vishnu guide you to health.
(Not only should we eat healthy food and timely meals but we should
also live a healthy life-style which includes exercise and avoidance of
bad habits like smoking, binging and gambling)
3. May Lord Vishnu guide you to prosperity & security.
(When we are healthy and fit we can work hard and achieve success,
prosperity and security.)
4. May Lord Vishnu guide you to consummate bliss
(The central element and one of utmost importance is a health sex life.)
5. May Lord Vishnu guide you to the welfare of the domestic animals.

36

(Domestic animals cows, goats, sheep were the original form of

investment! So nowadays one should aspire to nurture a good investment
portfolio!)
6. May Lord Vishnu guide you to enjoyments according to the seasons.
(Playing together, taking vacations together and generally enjoying the
good things of life together is also an essential element in a happy
marriage.16)
7. May Lord Vishnu guide you in the actualisation of your seven-fold
Spiritual Energies.
(Realising that the ultimate purpose of life is spiritual evolution and
unfoldment of the potentialities of body, life-force, mind, intellect, will,
essential being and transcendental bliss.)
You are my friend in life through these seven steps; may I attain your
friendship, may our friendship bind us together; may we never cease
being friends, may our intentions be of one accord, may our radiance be
one, and our minds united. We are united in harmony and affection,
radiant with kind thoughts, enveloped in enjoyment and strength, united
are our minds, our vows and our hearts.
You are Primal Nature I am all-pervading Spirit17 You are
Nature. I am the Sky You are the Earth.
I am the seed You are the bearer.
I am mind You are Speech.
I am the melody You are the words.
Come O Bounteous One. Let us dwell together in happiness and may
our progeny attain glory. (Ap.MB. 1.3.14 Brhad. Up.)

1133.. V
Vaaiivvhhiikkaa H
Hoom
maam
m
(The wedding sacrifice)
The priests now make oblations of ghee into the sacred with the following vedic
verses. If the groom has been initiated and wears the sacred thread he may be
encouraged to make the oblations himself. If not, the priests do it on his behalf.

16 According to Indian poetics the simple seasonal enjoyments are as follows: In the cool

season a warm body to sleep with. In mid-winter heating. In spring hiking in the
forests and fields; In summer water sports, swimming etc. In the rainy season a well
appointed place of shelter; In autumn various preparations made with cows milk.
17

This refers to the Philosophical concept of the natural duality of the world which
comprises of both the male (purusha) and female (prakriti) principals.

37

To Soma, the One who possessed the maiden, I make this offering. Hail!
To the Gandharva, the one who possessed the maiden, I make this
offering. Hail!
To Agni, the one who possessed the maiden, I make this offering. Hail!
This maiden going from her parents' home to that of her husband's has
without formal initiation performed all her duties. Hail! (ApMB. 1.4.4)
I release you from your father's protection and give you over to your
husband. I bind you gently there. O bounteous Indra, may she live
blessed in her fortune and her children. Hail! (A.V. 14.1.58
O Bounteous Indra, make this bride blessed in her fortune and her
children, Confer upon her ten children, and may her husband be like
unto the eleventh. Hail! (R.V. 10.85.45)
May Agni come hither, the First among the gods. May he protect this
woman's children from untimely death. May this King Varuna grant; that
this woman may never weep in distress through her childrens deeds.
Hail! (Ap.MB. 1.4.7)
May Agni Garhapatya protect this woman. May he lead her offspring to
old-age. May her womb be fertile and let her be the mother of living
children in whom she will always delight. Hail! (Ap.MB. 1.4.8)
May no cry of distress ever arise in your home. May no evil ever trouble
you, and may your husband live long. May you shine in your husband's
life, beholding your congenial offspring. Hail! (Ap.MB. 1.4.9)
May Heaven protect your back, the Wind your thighs, and the Principles
of Right Knowledge and Right Action your breasts. May the Lord who is
the impeller protect your children until they are weaned and may the
Lord of Wisdom then guard them, and afterwards may all the Cosmic
Principles guide them. Hail!
(Ap.MB. 1.4.10)
Infertility, infant mortality, evil and distress I remove from you, like a
wreath from your head and place it upon the heads of them that hate
you. Hail! (Ap.MB. 1.4.11)

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1144.. A
Am
maarroohhaannaam
m
(Treading upon the mill-stone)
The couple retire to the north of the fire where a millstone has been placed. The
bride stands upon it facing the east. The stone represents difficulties and hurdles
in married life. Conflict is inevitable and the success of a marriage depends on
how effectively the couple learn to apply their conflict-resolution skills.
Tread upon this stone, be you firm and steadfast as this stone, in all your
tribulations, pressing underfoot all negativity and grief. (Ap.MB. 1.5.1)

1155.. L
Ljjaa H
Hoom
maam
m
(Offering of puffed-grains)
The brides cupped palms are filled with puffed-rice by her brother, then
supported by her husband she offers the grains into the fire with the following
mantras.
This woman thus prays to God as she offers oblations of grains; long
live my husband! Yea, a hundred autumns let him live! (A.V. 14.2.63)
May this maiden sacrificing here in the fire be completely united to her
husband, O Aryaman grant you this, that they may never be parted.
(Ap.MB. 1.5.7)
Aryaman, you are the personification of
Spiritual Aspiration,
mysterious are you. O Self-sustainer, as a kind friend, with streams of
milk they anoint you, when you makes wife and husband one-minded.
(R.V. 5.3.2)

39

The person who helps the bride in this ritual is the nominated protector or
sponsor of the bride. If she encountered any domestic difficulties in her new
home she could then summon her sponsor to come to her aid and to mediate on
her behalf.

1166.. PPrraaddaakkiinnaam
m
(Circumambulation)
The couple then circumambulate the fire altar three times with the groom
leading.
O Agni, in obedience to your command, we have brought the bride
along with the marriage procession, unite her now with the husband
along with future progeny. (R.V. 10.85.38)
O Agni, give long life and energy to this couple, May they both live
for a hundred autumns. (A.V. 14.2.1 R.V. 10.85.39)
Guide them through all tribulations as easily as one passes through
rivulets of water. (R.V. 2.7.3)

1177.. Y
Yookkttrraa V
Viim
mooccaannaam
m
(Releasing of the Girdle)
The groom releases the grass-girdle (yoktram) that was tied around the bride's
waist. This act is symbolic of transferring the duty of protection from the father to
the husband.
O Bride! I free you from the restrictions of your parents, wherewith
your blessed father has bound you. Into the Seat of the Sacred Law, to
the world of virtuous actions, I give you up uninjured with your consort.
(R.V. 10.85.24)
Thus I release you from the noose of Varuna, wherewith the Impeller,
the Giver of Success hath bound you. I establish you in the realm of

40

spirituality, in the world of virtuous actions,

husband. (Tait. Sam. 1.1.10.2)

together with your

Final Oblation
O Mystic Fire, giver of refuge are you, irreproachable, in truth the
refuge of the devotees. We meditate upon you in our minds, O Bearerof-oblations, grant unto us healing remedies. (Ap.MB. 1.5.18)

1188.. B
Blleessssiinngg
It is of a hundred measures, man has a hundred years of life, a hundred
powers; verily on life and power he rests. (T.S.3;2;6)
Highly auspicious is this bride, come congratulate her; wish her a
married life filled with her husband's love, and then repair to your
respective dwellings. (R.V.10.85.33)

1199.. D
Deeppaarrttuurree
O Bride, radiant as the Sun, mount this all-hued, golden-tinted, strongwheeled, highly brilliant car, gently rolling, bound for the world of life
immortal. Make for your husband a happy bridal procession. (R.V.
10.85.20
Rise over conflicts and calamities, exceed your husband, and your
children in dignity and pride and be you famous. (Ap.MB. 1.6.5)
Be an empress over your father-in-law, an empress over your motherin-law, be an empress over your husband's sisters, and an empress over
his brothers too. (R.V. 10.85.46
May you radiate over the daughters-in-law in your new home, over all
the children and the property, over your husband and his brothers and
over all the community. (Ap.MB. 1.6.7)
Those who are at cross purposes and opposed to the wedded couple
may they not succeed. May the hard path of life be crossed by pleasant
journey. May all the forces of evil shrink away. (R.V. 10.85.32)

41

T H E S A C R A M E N T O F M A R R IA G E

N O R T H IN D IA N V E R S IO N
According to Praskara Stra
11.. D
Dvvrraa PPjj
(Reception of the Grooms party).
The wedding venue is technically the Home of the bride, so the grooms party
is welcomed at the gate with customary ceremonies done by the women of the
family. What is done varies from community to community but the intention is to
create auspiciousness and to avert negative influences.

Milini
Milini is the meeting of the relatives of the two sides. Usually done by
Punjabis. The respective male members of the two families meet, greet, garland
and hug each other. Fathers, brothers, uncles etc.
The mantras chanted by the priests are from the final hymn of the Rig Veda:
Meet together, talk together, let your minds comprehend in
harmony; In like manner as the ancient gods concurring, accepted
their portion of the sacrifices.
May you pray together in harmony, may you strive for common
goals with a common purpose, may you have associated desires. I
repeat for you a common prayer, I offer for you a common
oblation.
United be your intention, united be your hearts, united your
thoughts, so that there may be a thorough harmony among you.
The father of the bride then welcomes the groom. He anoints his forehead with
sandalwood paste and rice grains and places a garland around his neck.
O noble son, with this tilak may you have longevity, health,
excellence, radiance, and blazing intellect!
The women perform rati which is the waving of a tray with auspicious objects
and a light in front of the groom. The exact method of doing this varies from
family to family. There are traditional songs which are sung by the women at this
time.

42

The grooms party is led to the pandal and the groom takes his seat.
The priest assists the groom to perform a Ganesha puja for the removal of all
hindrances.

Kankana Dhraam
A sacred protective thread is tied to the grooms right wrist.

22.. V
Vaarraa PPjj
(Reception of the Groom)
On the day of their wedding the couple are regarded as the embodiments of
Vishnu and Lakshmi. Vishnu being the Preserver of the trinity the couple as
householders will be participating in His work of maintaining the society and the
world. As the embodiment of Vishnu the groom is invited and worshipped by the
bestower of the bride.

Madhu parkam (See page 27 for a full description of this ceremony)

33.. K
Kaannyy
ggaam
maannaa
(Arrival of the Bride)
The bride now makes her entrance accompanied by her bridal party. How the
bride approaches the canopy is an individual matter nowadays. Sometimes she is
accompanied by her uncles, and sometimes by her friends or brides maids.
Sometimes she is carried in a palanquin.
She approaches the pandal and meets the groom outside and the couple stand
facing each other and then when the priest recites the following mantra they
garland each other :
May all the Directive Energies of the Cosmos unite our hearts, may the
Universal Principles, the Life Force and the heavens keep us two
together. (RV.10.85.47)

44.. V
Vaassttrraa D
Dnnaam
m
(Presentation of Clothing)
The groom now presents the bride with a set of clothing. According to some
Grihya Sutras the clothes are given by the grooms side and some say that 4 items
of clothing are given by the brides father one for the groom and one for the
bride.

43

The groom takes 2 for himself and presents the bride with her set. The following
mantras are recited:
Wear this garment and may you have fame and longevity, and may we
live together until old age. With your grace may we live together for an
hundred autumns, enjoying well-being, prosperity and ever increasing
our knowledge.
O lover of song, may these our chants encompass you on every side;
strengthening you with long life, may they bring delight to you. (V.S.
5.29)

55.. K
Kaannyyaa--ddnnaa
( Bestowal of the Bride)
In most cultures the bride is traditionally given away by her father. In Hindu
society marriages were usually contracted at a young age when the bride was still
under the guardianship of her parents, hence giving away was appropriate.
Nowadays most woman are independent and already on a career path when they
get married. And most marriages are love marriages and so it is not unusual for
a modern woman to have some reservation about being given away. This needs
to be discussed with all the participants and stake-holders to ensure that no one is
offended.
If there is an objection to Giving the bride away then perhaps an acceptable
option would be to call this part of the ceremony Uniting in Matrimony one
can then either have both sets of parents involved or the priest can simply do it on
their behalf.
The father of the bride or the authorised person is called upon by the priest to
recite the following statement of intent or recites it on the bestowers behalf.
The statement of intent or Sakalpa is recited before every ritual act and
comprises the recitation of the astrological parameters governing the day, the
place and the reason for the act.
Harih om tatsat. Govinda, Govinda, Govinda, with the permission of the
Supreme Being Lord Vishnu, in this period during the second half of the
life-span of the demiurge Brahma, during the aeon of the White Boar,
during the universal rule of Vaivasvata Manu in the 28th period, during
the first quarter of the age of Kali, on the planet Earth in land south of
mount Meru, in the Golden Land, in the country of . in the
metropolis of .., in the year .................... of the 60 year Jovian
cycle, in the .................. solstice, during the .................. season, in the
month of ...................... in the .................. fortnight, on the ..................

44

lunar day, on a .............. day under the constellation of .................... with

auspicious conjunctions, and all the planets being benevolently disposed;
The bride is of the clan, of ................. the great grand daughter of
................................. the grand daughter of .............................. the
daughter of .............................. by the name of ............................... ; she
is the embodiment of Lakshmi the preserving Energy of the Lord; she
is free of faults, healthy & long-lived and desirous of a husband, She is
well adorned and honoured and has with her Prajapati the lord of
creation and progeny. This woman is bestowed upon you for the
performance of your mutual social and religious duties as householders,
for raising offspring and for companionship. May the devas, Sacred
Fire, Teachers and Brahmins bear witness to this union.
A coconut etc is placed in the brides hand by the father. The brides hand and
coconut is then placed in the grooms right hand. The brides mother pours water
over the coconut while the following verses are recited ;
This daughter is well adorned and bedecked with gold. I, desirous of
attaining the realm of Vishnu, give her to you O [embodiment of ]
Vishnu.
The Supreme Being who resides in the hearts of all beings, and all the
gods are witnesses. My daughter is entrusted to you so that you may
fulfil your mutual obligations to your forefathers [by begetting
offspring].
This daughter well-dressed, righteous, well-mannered and intelligent
is united with you in matrimony so that you may fulfil your social and
religious duties, for prosperity and fulfilment of desires.
The couple then recite the kma-stuti or hymn in praise of Love together:

Kma Stuti
Who is giving what and to whom? Love is the Giver and Love the
Receiver. Love has entered into the Ocean of Being. Through Love I
receive you. O Love all this is for you. (TA. 3.10.1.4 A.V. 3.29.7)

45

55.. A
Aggnnii--sstthhppaannaam
m
(Establishing the sacred fire)
The sacred fire which is to be the witness to the vows is now kindled. Nowadays
in Australia it is becoming increasingly difficult to find function venues that are
agreeable to having an open fire. Insurance company pressures and fear of
litigation are the dominant reasons. A substitute would be an ornate lamp of some
description.

77.. PPrraattiijjaa
(Vows by the couple)
Groom dharme ca arthe ca, kme ca, im nticarmi ||
Bride dharme ca arthe ca, kme ca, im nticarmi ||
In our mutual pursuit of spiritual development, in our mutual financial
arrangements and in our mutual pursuit of pleasure and intimacy I shall never do
the wrong thing by you.

88.. uubbhhaa ddii

(Auspicious gazing)
The couple are requested to look at each other without breaking their gaze as the
following verse is recited;
Om. Gaze gently upon each other, never be hostile to each other, be
tender to birds and animals, of cheerful mind, beautiful in your glory, the
parents of heroes, be devoted to the gods, be the bestowers of happiness,
be good and kind to us, and to all creatures. (RV.10.85.44)
Om. To us, O God, bring her, kind to her brothers; bring her, O Lord of
the Universe, kind to her husband and her children. O Creator of the
Universe bring her along with prosperity. (AV.14.1.62)
O Woman, Soma knew you first, and then the Gandharva, thirdly Agni
knew you, your fourth husband is one born of woman. (AV. 14.2.3.)
Soma gave you to the Gandharva, the Gandharva gave you to Agni, O
Agni transfer her now to me along with prosperity and progeny. (AV.
14.2.4)

46

Swami Dayananda Sarasvati translates these verses as follows:

O Woman, equanimity (Soma) is your first guardian, observance of the
Vedic law (gandharva) is your second, knowledge and strength of
character (Agni) are your third guardians. One born of woman is your
fourth guardian.
Tranquillity develops in the girl the sentiment of following the Vedic
law; which in turn brings her knowledge and strength of character;
which bestows upon me prosperity and progeny.
Soma being the moon has control over the growth of the young girl, thereafter as
her body begins to mature the Gandharva who governs beauty, music, art takes
control of her and directs her maturation, finally when she reaches puberty Agni
fire, takes over and creates an impulse towards sexuality and the desire for
procreation. So these 3 are said to be a womans first companions, the husband
then is her fourth.

99.. PPrraaddhhnnaa H
Hoom
maam
m
A fire sacrifice is then done. The mantras vary among the various procedure
manuals. These are the most common mantras that are recited.
O Lord Varuna listen now to my invocation. Be gracious even now. I
approach you seeking your protection.
O Varuna! Praised by Vedic hymns, may I reach your refuge for which
I long, through these oblations. I offer you abundant praise, withhold
your anger now and enlighten us. Hail! (RV. 4.1.5 TS. 2.5.12.3
O Agni! Mollify the anger of the gods and Lord Varuna. The Most
Worshipful, the Best-Conveyer, the Most-Resplendent as you are,
With these oblations we express our gratitude; turn away from us all
them that hate us. Hail! (RV. 4.1.4 TS. 2.5.12.3)
O Agni! Foremost amongst the gods, protect us at dawn and during the
day and night. May we never be hindered, grant us ever expanding
happiness, O you who are easily invoked. Hail! This is an offering to
Agni and Varuna.
O Agni! You are our refuge and mental solace. O Bearer-of-oblations,
vouchsafe to us healing remedies. Hail! This is an offering to Agni.
(TB.2.4.1.9)

47

1100.. PPii ggrraahhaaaam

m
(Holding Hands)
The groom takes the bride's right hand and recites the following mantras:
I take your hand for wellbeing so that together we may attain to old age
in happiness. The Sovereign Cosmic Principles; Enjoyment [Bhaga],
Aspiration [Aryaman], Creativity [Savitar] and
Completeness
[Purandhri] have united us for the performance of our duties as
householders. (RV 10.85.36)
You are Primal Nature I am all-pervading Spirit You are Nature.
I am the Sky You are the Earth. I am the seed You are the bearer. I
am mind You are Speech. I am the melody You are the words.
May we remain together until old age, loving each other, delighting in
each other, with our minds in harmony with each other, appreciating
each others ideas, views and feelings. May we discover life together for
an hundred autumns, may we live together for an hundred autumns, and
may we listen to each other attentively for an hundred autumns.

1111.. G
Grraanntthhii B
Baannddhhaannaam
m
(tying the knot )
An appointed member of the family then ties the hems of the couples garments
together.
With the bonds of the food that you eat together, with the many-colored
thread of life; with the knot of truth I bind together your minds and
your hearts.

1122.. L
Ljjaa H
Hoom
maa ## 11
(Offering of Puffed-rice)
The brides brother or a substitute places puffed rice in the brides cupped palms
the groom places his palms below hers.
This woman thus prays to God as she offers oblations of grains; long
live my husband! Yea, a hundred autumns let him live! (AV 14.2.63)
The couple circumambulate the fire with the bride in front while the priests chant
the following mantra:

48

Primordial God, in obedience to your command, we have brought the

bride along with the marriage procession, Give her now to her husband
along with future progeny. (RV. 10.85.38)

1133.. A
Am
maarroohhaannaam
m
(Treading upon the mill-stone)
The couple stop to the north of the fire where a millstone has been placed. They
stand opposite each other touching the stone with their right feet. They can either
hold hands of the bride places her hands upon the grooms shoulders.
Tread upon this stone, be you firm and steadfast as this stone, in all
your tribulations, pressing underfoot all negativity and sorrow.

1144.. L
Ljjaa H
Hoom
maa ## 22
The brides brother places puffed rice in the brides cupped palms for a second
time the groom places his palms below hers.
May this maiden sacrificing here in the fire be completely united to

her husband, O Aryaman grant you this, that they may never be parted.
The couple circumambulate the fire for a second time with the bride in front
while the priests chant the following mantra:
O Agni, give long life and energy to this couple, May they both live
for an hundred autumns. (AV. 14.2.1 RV.10.85.39)

1155.. L
Ljjaa H
Hoom
maa ## 33
The brides brother places puffed rice in the brides cupped palms for a third time
the groom places his palms below hers.
Aryaman, you are the personification of Spiritual Aspiration,

mysterious are you. O Self-sustainer, as a kind friend, with streams of

milk they anoint you, when you makes wife and husband one-minded.
(RV.5.3.2.)
The couple circumambulate the fire for a third time with the bride in front:
Guide them through tribulations
rivulets of water. (RV 2.7.3)

As easily as one passes through

The couple sit down and the groom recites the following sloka in praise of
Sarasvati. Sarasvati is the consort of the creator Brahma and is the

49

personification of creative energy or akti. Creation or rather emanation

according to Hindu philosophy proceeds by means of vibration or sound. The
process of emanation and transformation is cyclical evolution and
involution is the form of a pulsating universe. Thus Sarasvati is also the
goddess of speech and information (learning). The bride is the means of
procreation and is identified with Sarasvati and praised as such.

1166.. G
Gtthh G
Gnnaam
m
O Sarasvati Goddess of learning and eloquence, the source of wellbeing, O Gracious One, You whom I praise are the source of all
creation. (ApMB 1.3.5)
It is in you the whole creation arose and in whom it is sustained and
into whom it is ultimately diolved. Today I shall sing that song which
is the highest glory of women.

1177.. FFiinnaall ooffffeerriinngg

Together holding the winnowing basket the couple offer all the rest of the puffed
rice.
To the Lord of Bliss all Hail!
They then circumambulate the fire for the fourth time this time the groom leads.
The significance of this rite is the affirmation of roles within the family. The first
three rounds represents the three goals of human aspiration Dharma =
religious, spiritual, moral and ethical duties and obligations; Artha = domestic
financial management and mutual prosperity; Kma = pleasure, recreation, sex
and procreation, all these three aspirations are controlled by the wife, hence she
leads for the first three rounds. The fourth round indicates Moka =
emancipation on a material level freedom from poverty, danger the
husbands duty is to provide for the material needs of the family, to protect from
dangers and to afford status in society. On a spiritual level it is the duty of the
husband to pursue the higher spiritual knowledge and enlightenment in order to
teach, guide and benefit the family.

50

1188.. V
Vee m
mooccaannaam
m
(Releasing a lock of hair)
The groom releases a few locks of the brides hair to symbolically liberate the
bride from her parental control.
O Bride! I now free you from the restrictions of your parents,
wherewith your blessed father had bound you. I now establish you with
your consort in the practice of Dharma, in the realm of virtuous
actions. (Rik Veda 10.85.24)

1199.. SSaappttaappaaddii
(The rite of the Seven Steps)
The couple take seven steps together either towards the east or the west. These
are the first seven steps in the journey of life together and each one represents an
area of life that needs to be worked upon in order to achieve a perfect marriage.
According to Hindu canon law the marriage is finalised after the seventh step.
1. Take the first step with me for nourishment. May Lord Vishnu guide
us.
(Good eating habits and nutrition is the basis of a healthy relationship)
2. Take the first step with me for health. May Lord Vishnu guide us.
(Not only should we eat healthy food and timely meals but we should also live a
healthy life-style which includes exercise and avoidance of bad habits like
smoking, binging and gambling)
3. Take the third step with me for prosperity & security.
(When we are healthy and fit we can work hard and achieve success,
prosperity and security.)
4. Take the fourth step with me for consummate bliss
(The central element and one of utmost importance is a health sex life.)
5. Take the fifth step with me for worthy offspring.
(The hope is for children that will be wanted, desired, cherished and raised
with great affection and skill in order to produce worthy citizens and Dharma
practitioners!)

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6. Take the sixth step with me for

seasons.18

enjoyments according to the

(Playing together, taking vacations together and generally enjoying the good
things of life together is also an essential element in a happy marriage.)
7. Take the seventh step with me for friendship.
(The culmination of the journey of marriage is a perfection of friendship.)
Romantic love is not mentioned in the context of marriage because it is fickle
short-lived and unsustainable. What does sustain a married couple through all the
tribulations and turmoil of marriage is an abiding friendship.
Bride now sits to the grooms left close to his heart and the couple recite
together:
You are my friend in life through these seven steps; may I attain your
friendship, may our friendship bind us together; may we never cease
being friends, may our intentions be of one accord, may our radiance be
one, and our minds united. We are united in harmony and affection,
radiant with kind thoughts, enveloped in enjoyment and strength, united
are our minds, our vows and our hearts.
The Indications of Friendship
Friendship is said to possess six indications; firstly friends delight in the
prosperity of friends, and secondly, are distressed at their adversity. If any one
asks for anything which is dear to his heart, but which should not be asked for, a
true friend surely gives away even that. Fourthly, a true friend who is of a
righteous disposition, when asked, can give away his very prosperity, his beloved
sons, and even his own spouse. Fifthly, a friend does not dwell in the house of a
friend, on whom he may have bestowed everything, but should enjoy what he
earns himself (in other words friends should always maintain an independence).
Sixth a friend does not hesitate to sacrifice his own good for his friend.
(Mahbhrata Udyoga Parva chapter 45 verse 12)

18 According to Indian poetics the simple seasonal enjoyments are as follows: In the cool

season a warm body to sleep with. In mid-winter heating. In spring hiking in the
forests and fields; In summer water sports, swimming etc. In the rainy season a well
appointed place of shelter; In autumn various preparations made with cows milk.

52

2200.. A
Abbhhyyuukkaaaam
m
(Sprinkling with Holy Water)
The priests now sprinkle the couple with holy water while chanting the
following:
O Waters! you are beneficent, so grant to us nourishment that we may
behold great delight. Grant us a share in that great bliss that you
possess, like Mothers in their tender solicitous love. To you we come
gladly for Him, to whose abode you lead us on. Make us pure through
wisdom and grant us to be reborn with splendour.

2211.. SSrryyaa D
Daarraannaam
m
(The Prayer to the Sun)
The couple then either go outside to look at the Sun or stay where they are and
pretend to see the sun:
May we continue to see for an hundred autumns, may we discover life
together, may we live together, may we listen to beneficial advice, may
we communicate well, may we never be defeated for an hundred
autumns, thus may we forever continue to pursue the path to
enlightenment.

2222.. H
Hddaayyaa SSppaarraam
m
(Touching the hearts)
The couple touch each others hearts:
May our hearts be united in love, may our thoughts be in harmony, may
we respond to each others requests, may we walk together and be
helpful to each other.

2233.. M
Mggaallyyaa D
Dhhrraaaam
m
(Donning the tokens of marriage.)
The sacred necklace is then placed around the brides neck
Om I tie this sacred thread [I place this sacred ornament] around your
neck, so that we may live long together, and remain together enjoying
prosperity for an hundred autumns.
OR Rings are exchanged

53

I place this ring which is a symbol of my love upon your finger may
we live together for a hundred autumns.

2244.. SSiinnddrr D
Dnnaam
m
A red dot is placed on the forehead of the bride by the groom and a little
vermilion paste is also placed in the parting of her hair.
Highly auspicious is this bride, come congratulate her; wish her a
married life filled with her Husband's love, and then repair to your
respective dwellings. (RV.10.85.33)
Fair wealth O Savitar, today, tomorrow, fair wealth produce for us each
day that passes. May we through this our song, O God, be happy
gainers of a fair and spacious habitation. (Y.V. 8:6)

2255..
rrvvddaam
m
(Blessing)
Be an empress over your father-in-law, an empress over your motherin-law, be an empress over your husband's sisters, and an empress over
his brothers too. (RV.10.85.46)
Those who are at cross purposes and opposed to the wedded couple
may they not succeed. May the hard path of life be croed by pleasant
journey. May all the forces of evil shrink away. (RV.10.85.32)
O Bounteous Indra, make this bride blessed in her fortune and her
children, confer upon her ten children, and may her husband be like
unto the eleventh. (R.V.10.85.45)

2266.. ccrryyaa ssaam

mbbhhvvaannaam
m
(Giving Honorarium to the priests)
A formal presentation of honorarium is given to the officiating priests. A tray is
prepared with some fruit, flowers, betel leaves and nuts along with a coconut
which is a substitute for the cow which should be give as the wedding fee.
Usually the price of the cow is substituted.

54

2277.. M
Maaaapp U
Uddvvssaannaam
m&
& PPrraasstthhnnaam
m
(Dismantling of the canopy and departure)
The priest then calls 4 women and performs the maapa udvsanam. After
some valedictory prayers the women being dismantling the maap.
The couple make their way to the car and as the bride gets in the priests chant the
following mantra:
Bride, radiant as the Sun, mount this all-hued, golden-tinted, strongwheeled, highly brilliant car, gently rolling, bound for the world of
Rita.
Make for your husband a happy bridal procession.
(RV.10.85.20)
The mother of the bride or another sumangali (married woman) goes to the
vehicle and anoints the driver with tilak.
She pours holy water over the right wheel of the car and anoints it with sandalwood paste, red-powder and some rice grains.
A coconut is then placed under the wheel and the car is slowly driven over the
coconut to break it.

55

E X A M P L E S O F V A R IA N T
W E D D IN G C E R E M O N IE S

T h e S o u th In d ia n N o n -B ra h m in W e d d in g .

n addition to the principle Vedic rites described previously, a typical South

Indian non-brahmin wedding will consist of a series of auxiliary rites in the
following general sequence. (Many of these rites are also common to North
Indian marriages with variations.)
1. The best man (mapillai tozhan) usually the brides brother leads the
bridegroom to the wedding dais. After circumambulating the dais once, in a
clockwise direction, the groom takes a seat.
2. The best man garlands the bridegroom with a rather simple garland.
3. The liturgy begins with the worship of Gaea for the removal of all obstacles
to the nuptial rites and to the marriage in general. The Sanctification Rite
known as the Puyha-vcanam is performed for physical, mental, and
spiritual purification and absolution of all previously committed sins.
Sometimes a Navagraha Pj and a Navagraha Homa are conducted as a
preliminary in order to propitiate the nine planets, who are the Lords of
Karma, and to obtain their blessings. (This ceremony is sometimes done one
day before, at the home of the groom).
4. The Nalungu (haridra-lepanam) ritual that was performed the day before
the marriage is repeated with the anointing of sandal paste, rather than
turmeric, to the cheeks, hands and feet of the groom by three or five married
women. The dish of red water is again waved in a clockwise manner around
his head to remove the evil-eye and any bad luck. He usually gives a
present of some betel leaves and nuts with some money to each woman.
5. The same women perform the ankur-arpaam ceremony in which nine
different types of cereals are sown in five clay vessels filled with earth. This
is to invoke the blessings of the Aa Dik Plakas the celestial guardians
of the eight directions of the universe for a successful married life and for
health, prosperity and fertility. The same women will now plant the Ara-sani
(Avattha) branch in a pot. This branch symbolizes the residence of the
gods. A bamboo pole is washed and decorated and stood in the canopy.

56

6. The officiating priest ties a yellow protective thread (kankanam in Tamil,

Raka-Stra in Sanskrit) around the wrist of the bridegroom. While the
thread is being tied, the bridegroom holds a coconut (representing fullness of
being) in the palms of both his hands.
7. the bride now arrives, led by the bridesmaid, usually the bridegrooms sister.
After circumambulating the wedding dais once, the bride takes a seat on the
dais.
8. The officiating priest anoints the foreheads of both the bride and bridesmaid
with sandal-paste and the bridesmaid garlands the bride with the simple
garland.
9. Another Gaea Pj is conducted on behalf of the bride, followed by the
Magala Gaur Pj to invoke the blessings of the Divine Mother Parvat
for a long and happy married life.
10. Three of five married women are invited to perform the Nalungu for the
bride. Thereafter the yellow protective thread is tied around the left wrist of
the bride.
11. The parents of the bridegroom and bride formally greet each other and seal
the alliance by the exchange of Tamblam (ie. 2 bananas placed upon 2
betel leaves with some betel nuts).
12. The best-man places the right foot of the bridegroom on a grinding stone,
washes it with milk, and decorates it with sandal-paste and kumkum. He
then places a toe-ring known as metti around the second toe. The same is
done on the left foot.
13. The Vivha (wedding proper) commences with the ceremony of madhuparkam in which a mixture of honey, yoghurt and ghee is offered to the
groom as a welcoming rite.
14. The Kany-Dnam (bestowal of the bride) is now done. The brides
parents or guardians make the Sakalpam (Resolve) to give their daughter in
marriage to the groom who is named along with his clan and the names of
his father, grandfather and great-grand-father. The father of the bride then
place the hand of the bride in that of the groom along with a coconut and the
mother of the bride pours water over their joined hands.
15. The bride is presented with her wedding sari and ornaments and she then
retires to change.
16. The Mgalya Pj or the consecration of the tokens of marriage (Tali in
Tamil) is done. The bride returns to the dais and sits on the grooms right.
17. The consecrated Magala Stra (Tli) which is wound around the coconut,
is now taken by a male relative (preferably an uncle) around the wedding

57

hall to be blessed by the guests. This is done by each person touching the
Tli with both hands.
18. The officiating priest hands the Tli to the bridegroom. The groom ties the
first knot and his sister ties the other two. This is done to the sounds of the
ketti melam (a traditional tune) played by the Nadhaswaram musicians.
During this ritual the bridegrooms sister should stand behind the bride
holding a lighted oil lamp. The bridegroom applies sandal-paste and
kumkum on the three knots in the Tli.
19. The bridegroom puts his right arm around the brides neck and applies a red
dot (pottu/tilak) on her forehead.
20. The bride and groom exchange garlands three times to the accompaniment
of blessings.
21. The Pi-grahaam (hand holding) ritual is now performed in which the
groom takes hold of the brides hand and recites the prescribed verses.
22. The Sapta Padi ceremony is now performed by taking seven steps
together each accompanied by a benediction.
23. The couple return to their seats and perform a fire sacrifice (Homa) together
or it is done by the officiating priests on their behalf.
24. The couple rise and circumambulate the sacred fire. To the north of the fire
the bride stands upon the millstone (ma-rohaam) and the bridegroom
places a toe-ring (metti) around the second toe of both feet of the bride.
Thereafter the best-man places some puffed rice (Lja) into the cupped
hands of the bride who, joining hands with her husband offers it into the fire.
25. The bridegroom offers a gift (Dakin) to his best-man.
26. The bridal couple return to the wedding dais. Now the bride sits on the
bridegrooms left.
27. The officiating priest valedicts all the Devas who were invoked at the
commencement of nuptial rites, and blesses the couple.
28. Designated relatives or sisters of the groom tie the pattam a golden
ornament around the forehead of the bride to ward off negative influences on
their journey to their new home.
29. Relatives and elders bless the couple and three married women perform the
rati ceremony (waving of a camphor flame around the heads of the couple
to ward off any evil-eye).

58

T H E V R A A IV A W E D D IN G

he Vra-aivas are a community living in Karnataka State in South India.

Their wedding ceremony differs from both northern and Southern format.
The major peculiarity is the absence of fire. The sequence of rites that are
performed over three days is as follows: 1. Varapj the ceremonial reception of the groom.
2. Vg-dnam engagement ceremony in which the parents pledge their
agreement to the aliance.
3. Magala-snnam The anointing of turmeric ceremony, accompanied by
the ceremonial bathing of the couple.
4. Gaea Pj Invocation and offerings are made to Gaea for the
removal of all obstacles.
5. Nandi Pj The bull Nandi who is the vehicle of Lord iva and 23 others
of the retinue of Lord iva are invoked and worshipped and presents are
given to 24 worthy relatives and friends.
6. Maapa Pratiha The consecration of the canopy erected for the
ceremony is now done.
7. Akur-arpanam The sowing of the grains in five pots by five married
women for fertility and health.
8. Kakana-bandhanam Tying of the protective thread to the wrists of both
bride and groom.
9. Gaga Pj Seven pots of water are filled by the women and placed in
front of the canopy. These represent the seven sacred rivers.
10. Kalaa Sthpanam Five pots of water are established with their mouths
covered by 5 mango leaves and a coconut. These pots symbolise the five
aspects of Lord iva. The creative, preservative, transformative,
obscurative and gracious aspects. These five kalaas are the substitute for
the sacred fire used in other forms of Hindu weddings.
11. K Ytr The groom pretends to go on a pilgrimage to benares and is
brought back by the brides father with a pledge to give his daughter to him
in marriage.
12. Madhu-parkam The parents of the bride honour the groom by washing
his feet and offering him a drink of yoghurt, ghee and honey.

59

13. Gaur Pj The bride offers her worship to the Goddess Parvat for a
long and happy married life.
14. Nirkaam The bride and groom sit on opposite sides of a curtain held
between them. Each holds a handful of a paste made of cumin seed and
jaggery. At the auspicious moment the curtain is removed and each one
tries to put the paste on the head of the other first. It is said that the one
who succeeds gains the upper hand in the marriage! The cumin seed
represents fame and the jaggery sweetness of disposition.
15. Kanydnam The bride is formally given away by her guadians.
16. Akataropaam The couple sit facing each other and take handfulls of
rice and pour it over each others head three times.
17. Ml-dhraam The couple now garland each other.
18. Magalya-dhraam The golden token of marriage is tied around the
brides neck accompanied by the recitation of the appropriate mantras.
19. Brahma-granthi-bandhanam A knot is tied in the clothing of the couple.
20. Um-Mahevara Pj Worship is now offered by the couple to Lord
iva and His consort Parvati. This takes the place of the fire worship with
oblations that is conducted in the Vedic marriage.
21. Pi-grahanam The groom takes the brides hand and recites the
appropriate mantras.
22. Sapta-padi - The couple rise and take the seven steps together. Each time
the groom moves the brides foot from one pile of rice to the next by
holding her big toe of the right foot with his right hand.
23. Nagole On the wedding dias, an 8 petalled lotus is drawn using rice
flour. This is surrounded by a square. An elephant is drawn on each side
one in rice flour and the other with salt. A consecrated pot is placed in the
center. The couple stand facing each other one on the salt elephant and
the other on the rice elephant. They are then asked to exchange places. This
rite is symbolic of cultivating the two ingredients required for a happy
marriage substance represented by the rice and flavour represented by the
salt.

60

P O S T N U P T IA L R IT E S
D
Dhhrruuvvaa--A
Arruunnddhhaattii D
Daarraannaam
m
Viewing of the Polar Star
In the evening the husband takes his wife out into the night and points out the
polar star known as Dhruva which is supposed to be the fixed nexus around
which our galaxy revolves. He recites the following verse:
Firm dwelling, firm origin. The Firm One are you, standing on the side of
firmness. You are the nexus of the stars; thus protect us from adversity.
(Ap.MB.1:9:6)

The husband then points out the star called Alcor belonging to the constellation of
the Great Bear. This star is the personified as Arundhati which literally means
fidelity. She was the wife of the Rishi Vasiha and became renowned for her
unshakeable fidelity to her husband.
The seven Rishis (ursa major) have achieved security for Arundhati,
she whol stands first among the six Pleiads: may she, the first among
the stars shone upon us. (Ap.MB.1:9:7)

G
Grriihhaa PPrraavveeaa
Entrance into the New Home
According to Vedic custom, the fire that was lit at the wedding is taken to the
new home to be established in the domestic hearth so that the daily sacrificial
duties of offering morning and evening oblations into the fire could start.
Nowadays this is only done by the ultra-orthodox.
The formal ceremonies for entering the home also differ widely between
communities, but all of them include some sort of reception by the women of the
household, the kicking over of a pot full of rice representing the wish for
abundance in the new home and a ceremony of worship at the household altar.
As they arrive at the home the following mantras are recited.
1. We pay our obeisance to Asvins the physicians of the gods [who represent
Right Thoughts and Right Actions], may good thoughts come to us from them. And
may they protect us and fulfil the desires which we cherish in our hearts. O twin
Lords of auspiciousness, be favourable to us as we enter this home. (R.V.10:40:12)
2. May the Impeller, The Universal Preceptor, the Mystic Fire, the Cosmic Mind,
the Principle of Friendship and the Cosmic Witness, the Divine Shaper and the Allpervading Supreme Lord grant us wellbeing! May we rejoice with our children; we
have so many desires to you we surrender them all.

61

A sacred fire is kindled and the following prayers are recited while ghee is being
offered.
1. My wife comes to this home along with investments (cattle and horses), may she
live long with her children, and attain heavenly worlds. May she bear many
children and may her prosperity increase. May we worship this fire for a hundred
years. Hail!
2. O Agni lord of the hearth, amiable one, together with Bhaga grant ever
increasing happiness to this couple. Grant them wealth, health and progeny. Hail!
3. To these two, with their children, grant happiness, O Lord of Beings, O Indra
and Agni. Let there children not die before them. Hail!
4. Be pleased again with this oblation offered by them from their very being. May
this wife increase with the ambrosia of immortality. Hail!
5. With milk may she increase, may her territory grow and expand, may her
prosperity increase a thousandth fold, without expectation. Hail!
6. May they both dwell here in happiness, enjoying the full span of human life.
May Indra be propitious to them. Hail!
7. O wife grow and unfold with your husband, be steady. The great Lord of
Wisdom has ordained you to be a wife. Be fruitful and live together for a hundred
autumns. Hail!
8. The Divine Craftsman has created wives, for this maiden has He created you as
the husband, may He grant you both long life. Hail!

The couple sit upon a red bull-hide with the neck turned towards the east.
Here may the cows sit down, here the horses, here the men. With a thousand gifts,
with prosperity and health be seated here.

A child is placed in the bride's lap and is fed a fruit;

May this woman bring forth progeny into this world.

The bride is then blessed with the following mantra:

May you be happy here and prosper with your children; be vigilant and rule this
household. Closely unite your body with this man, your Lord; so shall you full of
years address the assembly.

A decorated bamboo pole is placed in the bed between the couple so that they
dont consummate the marriage for 3 days. On the fourth day the pole is
removed and after a fire-ceremony the couple are free to do as they please
after offerings are made with the following:
O Agni! you are the agent of expiation, among the gods you are the agent of
expiation. I the Brahmana entreat you, desirous of protection. Whatever misfortune
is upon this woman that would affect her husband, her offspring, her domestic
animals, her prosperity, and her lover drive that away from her! Hail

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SSaam
maavveesshhaannaa ((G
Gaarrbbhhaa--ddaannaam
m))
Rite of Consummation.
This ceremony is the sanctification of the consummation. It is a sacred act in
which it is hoped worthy, intelligent and spiritual children will be conceived. In
ancient agrarian society it was important for economic reasons for the majority of
the children to be boys, and this sentiment is reflected in the ancient hymns that
are recited prior to coitus.
May this maiden attain a son like Vishnu; of beauty radiant like the
sun and accomplished in prosperity.
May you bring forth in the tenth month; a son who will be a god
amongst gods.
May Vishnu (The Preserver) make your womb ready; may the celestial
craftsman design the shape (of the embryo). May the Lord of Beings
activate (the sperm) and may the Creator grant conception.
(A.V.5;25;5)
May you conceive, O Moon-faced one, may you conceive, O Energy of
Creation. May the two Ashvins wreathed with lotuses, grant conception
to you. (A.V.5;25;3)
That spark which the Ashvins produce with their golden kindling
sticks; that spark of life we invoke into your womb, that you may give
birth after 10 months.
O Lord Vishnu! grant to this woman a child of superlative beauty, that
may be born safety in the tenth month.
Together we participate in the act of procreation, may you conceive,
may a child be born without deficiency, with all its limbs, not blind, not
lame, not afflicted by demons. (R.V.10;184,1-3)

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S O M E S IG N IF IC A N T S Y M B O L S
The Planting of the Peepul Branch (Ara-sani)
Among some communities it is customary to plant a green branch of the Asvattha
or Ficus religiosa tree (Ara-sani in Tamil) in the middle of the Canopy. The
Peepul tree is considered sacred since it is a particular manifestation of Lord
Vishnu (vide Gita chapter 10:26). Lord Vishnu is the Preserver of the Hindu
Trinity and the married couple are said to be embodiments of Vishnu and
Lakshmi since they, as householders, assist the Supreme Lord in the work of
preserving the society and environment. The tree is considered to be the most
appropriate symbol of the ideal householder. The tree offers shade, fuel and food
to all beings regardless of who or what they are, totally beneficent and nonjudgemental this is the ideal to be striven for by the newly wed couple.
Planting of a tree is also considered to be an act of great merit.

The Sacred Fire

Lord Agni the god of fire is invited to all Hindu weddings to witness the taking of
vows by the bridal couple. Agni is the lord of the domestic hearth and is
worshipped every day by the orthodox. Agni is also worshipped at every major
sacrament and ceremony and when we die the ultimate offering to Agni is our
own bodies.

Banana Trees
Tradition requires us to decorate our homes, halls and others places where
auspicious events such as religious festivals, weddings etc. are held. The
decoration is not complete without two banana trees with fruit on either side of
the entrance. There are three main reasons for using the banana tree:
1. The first is based on the name of the tree itself. Its Tamil name is "Vazhai
Maram". The word "vazhai" in Tamil apart from banana also means to "lookafter" or to take care of" and thus signifies the virtue of protection and nurturing.
2. The second reason is that once a banana tree takes root, it will continue to
multiply from the root, and soon there will be a "family" of banana trees, thus
these plants are the symbol of the continuity of the family.
3. The third reason is that every part of the banana tree is useful and the fruits are
produced only for the benefit of others as they dont play a part in reproduction.
The leaves are used for plates and for thatching roofs, the fruit, trunk and flower
can be eaten. The outer stem is used for making ropes. Thus complete utility

64

expresses the highest moral practice of Hinduism which is the pursuit of the
welfare of all beings. We should live for the sake of others in everything that we
do.

Prostrating to the Parents

Touching the feet of a person is the sign of our respect towards them. Hindus
prostrate at the feet of their Gurus, Saints, Sages and any other person who is
worthy of such respect. Our parents are of course are eminently worthy of such
honour. Therefore, when we get married we show our respect and gratitude
towards them by prostrating before them. At the same time we obtain the
blessings of the two most important persons in our lives.

The significance of Number Seven

Seven is a sacred number which has many esoteric associations primarily as a
division of time (seven days of the week). The number seven is comprised of 3 +
4. Three being the triad of cosmic forces Creation, Sustentation and
Transformation. Three is also the number which signifies: Time present, past
and future. And four is the number symbolic of space or the earth with its four
cardinal directions, four social orders, four stages of life, four states of
consciousness, four Vedas, four aims of human life Dharma (duty), Artha
(material prosperity) Kma (love, recreation and sex) and Moksha (liberation).
Some communities place 7 brass pots full of water in front of the wedding canopy
symbolising the seven sacred rivers, or the seven Mother Godesses. During the
wedding ceremony the couple take seven steps together holding hands this is
symbolic of their first seven steps in life together as a couple and the seven areas
of life upon which they need to focus in order to perfect their marriage.
Some communities in north India also walk seven times around the sacred fire.
On attaining puberty, a girl undergoes a seven day purification period after which
she joins the family as a fully fledged adult.
The foetus in the womb is fully formed in the seventh month and the stump of the
umbilical cord of a baby falls off within seven days after the birth. The teeth will
first begin to appear in the seventh month of a child's life.

65

C
CA
AN
NO
ON
NL
LA
AW
WSS O
OFF M
MA
AR
RR
RIIA
AG
GE
E
FFR
RO
OM
MT
TH
HE
ED
DH
HA
AR
RM
MA
A
SST
TR
RA
ASS

Giving away of the Bride

He who gives a damsel in marriage having first openly declared her blemishes,
whether she be insane, or afflicted with leprosy, or have lost her virginity, is not
liable to punishment. (Manu 8;205)
A wife is not freed from her husband by sale or rejection; we recognize this as the
law formulated by the Lord of Creatures Prajapati long ago. (Manu 9;46)
Once is the division (of the inheritance made), once is a maiden given in
marriage, A man says "I will give" once, each of these three acts is done once
only by the good people. (Manu 9;47)
Let no intelligent man, after having given his daughter to one man, give her again
to another; for he who gives and then gives is guilty of deceit. (Manu 9;71)

Annulment & Divorce

In the present social conditions in Hindu Society divorce is considered an
anathema and most Hindu pandits and indeed most orthodox Hindus do not
realize that provision has been made in the sacred law for annulment, divorce
and remarriage. Although in medieval and up to recent times the laws were
seldom implemented and subsequently untold suffering resulted from couples
being forced by social pressure to stay together.
1. A marriage contracted under false pretences can be annulled.
Though a man may have accepted a damsel in due form, he may
abandon her if she be blemished, diseased, or deflowered, and if she
have been given with fraud. (Manu 9;72)
If anybody gives away a maiden possessing blemishes without
declaring them, the bridegroom may annul that contract with the evilminded giver. (Manu 9;73.)
When a faultless maiden has been married to a man who has a blemish
unknown before the marriage, and does not take to another man after
discovering it, shall be enjoined to do so by her relatives. If she has no
relations living she may go to live with another man of her own
accord. (Narada 12;96)

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2. The bound of marriage can be dissolved if subsequent to the marriage either

party is found to be blemished. The blemishes are;
In both parties;
1. Affliction with a chronic or disgusting disease
2. deformity
3. madness
4. inability to have sexual relations
and in a girl;
5. loss of virginity [that was not previously declared]
and in a man;
6. committing of a crime for which loss of caste is the penalty.
7. if the groom has forsaken his family.
Manu 9;72.
3. Disappearance or prolonged absence of the husband is justification for
remarriage.
If the husband went abroad for some sacred duty, the wife should wait
for him eight years, if he went for acquiring learning or fame six years
and if he went for pleasure three years. [Thereafter she may remarry
with incurring any sin or guilt.] (Manu 9;76)
4. Inability to dwell harmoniously is justification for remarriage.
For one year let a husband bear with a wife who hates him; but after
that let him deprive her of her [share] of the property and cease to live
with her. [But he should still make arrangements for her clothing and
food.] (Manu 9;77.)
5. Alcoholism in either party is a grounds for divorce.
She who drinks spiritous liquor, is of bad conduct, rebellious,
diseased (with leprosy), violent, or wasteful of money, may at any
time be superseded by another wife. (Manu 9;80)
6. Inability to have sexual relations is a ground for divorce.
If a man is unable to have sexual relations with his wife, then she may
divorce him and take another husband. (Narada 12;18.)

Legitimate Reasons for Divorce (Nrada 12;93,97,98)

The five cases of legal remarriage for women are;
a. death of the husband [while the wife is still young, with very small
children]

67

b. the husband disappears.

c. husband becomes a monk.
d. the husband becomes impotent [while the wife is still young].
e. the husband commits a crime deserving of loss of caste.
If the husband is untraceable, dead, renounced the world, impotent or
degraded - in these cases of emergency a woman can remarry.
(Parashara 28)
The five legal reasons for divorce by men;
a. If the wife squanders his property.
b. If she procures an abortion.
c. If the wife makes an attempt on the husband's life.
d. If the wife continually shows him malice.
e. If the wife slanders her husband.

Rape
A man who rapes an unwilling maiden should by executed, but a man
who spoils a willing maiden who is his [social] equal, should not
undergo capital punishment. (Manu 8.364)
Where a damsel is taken by force, but is not solemnly married
according to religious rites, she may be given in marriage to another,
for she is considered as a virgin. (Vasishtha 17;73)

Adultery
Men who commit adultery with the wives of others, should be
severely punished by the courts of law and afterwards banished.
(Manu 8;352)

Acts of Adultery: [samgrahana Manu 8;352-361]

The following acts are all considered accessory to adultery and should be
avoided;
1. Addressing [in a personal manner] a married woman at [a lonely spot
such as] a tirtha, outside the village, in a forest, at a confluence of rivers.
2. Offering presents to a [married] woman.
3. Romping with her and touching her ornaments or dress.
4. Sitting upon the same seat as a married woman.
Exemption from the rule;
The following persons are permitted to converse freely with married women;

68

1. Artisans [and merchants]

2. Monks
3. Entertainers
4. Ordained priests

Abandoning A Wife
If a man forsakes an undefiled, honourable wife in the prime of her youth he shall
be born as a woman in seven successive births and suffer widowhood each time.
(Parashara 24.)
If a man leaves a wife who is obedient, well-spoken, skilful, virtuous and the
mother of sons, he should be reminded of his duty and [if unrelenting] should be
severely punished by the king. (Narada 12;95.)

Polygamy & Polyandry

Polygamy
Although monogamy seems to have been the ancient ideal and has been the rule
down to modern times, the Vedic literature is full of references to polygamy,19
Rig. X.145 (same as Atharva Veda III.18) is a hymn meant as a charm for
weaning the husband's affections from a co-wife.
Hariscandra is said to have had a hundred wives (Ait. Br.33.1). It is not to be
supposed that polygamy was confined only to kings and nobles. The great
philosopher Yajavalkya had two wives, Ktyyan who was worldly-minded and
Maitrey who thirsted for the knowledge of Brahman and immortality (Br. Up.
IV.5.1-2 and II.4.1).
In the times of the stras, some sages wanted to hold up a high ideal.20 pastamba
(Dh.S.II.5.11.12-13) declares that when a man has a wife who is endowed with
dharma and progeny, he shall not marry another wife; but if any one of the two
(dharma and progeny) is wanting (in the case of the wife), he may marry another.
Though pastamba and others held up the ideal of monogamy and Nrada and
others prescribed a fine for marrying a second wife without sufficient cause, it is
extremely doubtful whether a man was ever punished by the king for so doing.

19

The word dampati (which occurs very frequently in the Rig.) conveys in several places the idea of a
monogamous marriage. Vide Rig. V.3.2, VIII.31.5, X.68.2, 1272.
20 A

man should unite with a single wife. If he unites with a second, he is infatuated with lust. If he
takes a third or a fourth wife he is the meanest wretch. This is the convention ordained by Me for the
guidance of all the people. (Varaha Purana 142.35.)

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The legislator Devala says that a dra may have only one wife, a vaiya two, a
katriya three and a brhmaa four, but a king may have as many as he desires.
This only reflected the prevailing practice of kings of that age.
We find in the Imperial Gazetteer of India, vol. I (ed. of 1907) p.482:
Although in theory polygamy is allowed, in practice a second wife is rarely taken
while the first is alive and in India as a whole there are only 1011 wives to every
1000 husbands so that even if no husbands have more than two wives all but 11 per
thousand must be monogamous.

Polyandry
Not a single Vedic passage can be cited which clearly refers to the practice of
polyandry. The most glaring example of polyandry in Sanskrit literature is that of
Draupad as the wife of the five Pavas. Probably the tradition was too firmly
rooted to allow the author to ignore it. The Mahbhrata also reports that all were
shocked by the resolve of Yudhihira to make Draupad the wife of the five
brothers.
There are two types of polyandry, one matriarchal (where a woman forms
simultaneous alliances with two or more men who are not necessarily relations of
each other and therefore succession is traced through the female) and the other
fraternal, where a woman becomes the wife of several brothers. The former
practice prevailed among the Nairs of Kerala, but is now becoming increasingly
rare. The latter form of polyandry is still to some extent found in Kumaon,
Garhwal, Nepal and among peoples in the Himalayan area up to Assam.

Same-sex marriage
The question regarding Same Sex Marriage from a expatriate Hindu point of
view involves 2 separate issues
1. Legal definition of marriage and application of secular laws.
2. A religious Sacrament known as Vivha Saskra
In most western countries and in Australia there is a separation of Church and
State. Marriage as defined under secular law, is about property rights, privileges
and protection under the law which is afforded automatically to heterosexual
couples the question is: should these same right be extended to same sex
couples. It is a matter of EQUALITY and CIVIL RIGHTS. I think every one of
us would appreciate these social values and therefore the answer should be an
emphatic YES to all citizens in the state enjoying complete equality under the law
regardless of gender, age, religion, sexual orientation, colour, creed, ability or
disability.

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The problem is that we confuse the 2 definitions of marriage and tend to judge the
matter from a specific HINDU position. Our religious values and Dharma are
matters for ourselves, we cannot and should not impose our value system upon
the majority of our host country. We should do what is good for the larger society
in which we live. Any law which gives stability to social relationships and grants
happiness and security to others must surely be a good and a positive thing. The
essence of dharma is summed up as:
Adroho samasta bhteu karma manas gir |
Anugrahaca dnam ca tm dharma santana ||
Santana dharma is: non-prejudice to any living being, by word,
deed or thought, compassion for all and a charitable disposition.

The second issue is can the sacrament of marriage known as Vivha

Saskra be performed for same-sex couples? The answer is there is
absolutely no provision in Hindu Sacred law for such an event to take place, as all
the sacraments are domestic, heterosexual based processes involving progeny.
One may then question whether a heterosexual couple who have absolutely no
intention or ability to have children are also authorised to have a Vivha
Saskra the major purpose of which is to have children. This is indeed a vexed
point as there are many older couples getting married who are past child-bearing
age or who are infertile. This is a question for individual couples to discuss with
their priest or guru.
It must be remembered that Hindu Sacred Law is extremely elastic and there are
many communities in India who have Marriage ceremonies which incorporate
only a few or even none of the Vedic usages and practices. In Kerala for example
the only element of the Vivha ceremony (which lasts for 15 minutes!) which
has any connection with the orthodox ceremony is the exchanging of garlands!
So for a gay couple there is no question of them having a Canonical Hindu
Wedding ceremony but there is the option of a commitment ceremony based on
some of the common usages. Regarding Commitment Ceremonies or Civil
Unions in which two people make formal vows of friendship and support
sanctioned by a priest we already have a precedent in the Ramayana in which
Rma and Sugrva have a commitment ceremony in front of the sacred fire
presided over by Hanumn.
It is clearly stated that they hold hands (pigrahana) and make vows and then
walk around the sacred fire (mangala pheras) into which Hanuman has already
offered oblations. (these are the limbs of a traditional marriage ceremony!)
This ceremony is described in Vlmiki Kishkindha Ka 4:5: 11 18.
Mentioned in Adhytma Rmyana 1:31 And in the Tulasi Rmyana:
Taba hanumanta ubhaya disi k saba kath suni
Pvaka sakh dei kari jor prti drhi.

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Then Hanumn related all the circumstances of both the sides, and having
installed the sacred fire as a witness he concluded a firm alliance of friendship
(between Rma and Sugrva).

T h e F a m ily A lta r
Every Hindu home is expected to have a shrine room or at least an altar. At the
time of marriage the mother of the bride usually presents the couple with a lamp
similar to the one depicted here. The lamp symbolises knowledge and wisdom
which lead to enlightenment
and is kindled every evening
at sunset by the lady of the
house (Grha-Lakshmi).
Usually there is a small
vessel of water kept nearthe
lamp this symbolises life.
The altar forms the focal
point of the family devotions.
It
is
sometimes
accompanied by an icon of
the favourite family deity.
The daily ritual consists of
lighting
some
incense,
making an offering of fresh
fruit, or dried fruit such as
raisins and nuts, and reciting
some prayers. The
greatest of all prayers is the
Gyatri mantra which is as
follows:
om bhur bhuvas-suvah. Tat savitur varenyam bhargo devasya
dhimahi, dhiyo yo nah prachodayat.

Meaning
We meditate upon the Adorable Light (i.e. the Sun) of the Supreme Being who
has projected this entire universe into being. May That One impel our minds
towards enlightenment.
Variant readings:
May That One enlighten our intellects.
May That One guide our mind, speech and actions.

72

D U T IE S O F H U S B A N D A N D W IF E
Here we present some selections from the Canon Law Books (Dharma Shastras)
illustrating your general obligations as a married couple.
A man alone is nothing he is incomplete. The perfect man is one who is
completely united in harmony with his wife and children. These three are ONE.
(Manu 9;45.)
The husband receives his wife from the gods, he does not wed her according to his
own will; in order to please the gods he must always support her as long as she is
faithful to him. (Manu 9;95.)

Commentary: Support means that he must keep her well supplied with anna
(food) vastra (clothing) and abhushana (ornaments).
The married couple should try as hard as possible until death to maintain their
marriage fidelity to each other. They should not do any act of dharma (religious
and social duty), artha (mutual financial arrangements and business), or Kma
(love and recreation) apart from each other. (Manu 9;101 & 102.)

Commentary: According to the sacred Law there are four legitimate goals in
life: Dharma social and religious duties, Artha everything that is done for
material prosperity and social advancement, Kma love and recreation and all
those activities which bring pleasure. The fourth and ultimate goal is Moksha or
Liberation from suffering and ultimately the cycle of births and deaths. All these
goals should be pursued in harmony and none of them should be neglected by the
householder.
The wife must be given the responsibility by the husband of collecting and
spending his wealth, of supervising hygiene and purity, of maintaining the
household, of fulfilling the religious obligations and of preparing the food. (Manu
9;11.)

Commentary: according to Vedic law the woman is responsible for the bank
account and for running the household economy.
Women and men were created for being parents; therefore the Veda has ordained
that religious rites & rituals be performed by the husband and wife together. (Manu
9;96.)

Commentary: The purpose of marriage is procreation. And as a married

couple all religious rites have to performed together after marriage neither of
the couple is permitted to perform a ritual act or ceremony alone.
Since members of the other three stages (students, retirees and monks) are
supported every day by the knowledge and food of the householder, therefore the
householder stage of life is the best. (Manu 3;78.)

73

Commentary: The whole of society is an inter-dependant organism and the

welfare of one group affects the welfare of the entire organism. It is the duty of
the householders to use their surplus wealth to support the other three orders
by:
contributing to the support and encouragement of students and educational
institutes and projects.
contributing to the maintenance of retirement centres and facilities for the
frail and the aged
contributing to the support of the monks and the monastic institutes where
the Dharma is being practiced and taught.
These three orders are dependant upon the householders and therefore can only
continue to survive and develop with the financial and moral support of the
householders.

PPA
A
C
CA
AM
MA
AH
H
Y
YA
AJJ
A
ASS
The Five Great Sacrifices
The principle framework for the duties and obligations of householders are the
Paca-mah-yaja literally The Five Great Sacrifices.
The term yaja which is loosely translated as sacrifice is associate with 3
roots;
Yaj to offer, to give
Yc to request, to receive, to obtain
Yuj to balance, harmonize, equalize.
In a yaja an offering is given, a blessing is received or a request is made, or a
previously obtained gift or favour is acknowledged, and then through mutual
reciprocation balance and harmony are achieved.
The two dynamic factors of Yaja are:
1. A sincere feeling of gratitude and
2. The demonstration of that heartfelt gratitude in the making of offerings
and performing of service.
Yaja in its narrow primary sense refers to the ancient Vedic Sacrifices that are
now redundant.
In its secondary and applied sense it refers to the Five Great Sacrifices which
requite the Five Great Debts with which each one of us is born.
The fact of our birth in human embodiment incurs 5 debts (ruas) it is our duty
therefore to discharge these debts for the rest of our lives. These are:

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Pitru rua debt to

the parents and the
ancestors.

PitruYaja The fact of our birth, and the loving

care, protection and nurturing of our parents obligates
us to them and to our grandparents and all the other
members of our family. This debt is discharged by
procreation to continue the line, by honoring our
parents, seeking their guidance, supporting them,
caring for them in their old age and by venerating
them and our ancestors after they have died.
Thereafter the performance of the rddha ceremonies
to honour their memory.

Rishi Runa debt to

the sages

Brahma Yaja Our sages (Rishis) have dedicated

themselves to the path of enlightenment for the
welfare of all beings. These magnanimous sages have
performed intense austerities to realize the truth and
have passed down their wisdom through their
disciples in order that we too may spiritually develop,
unfold and progress towards enlightenment. The debt
that we owe them is called brahma which means
immense. It is discharged by taking the trouble to
study their teachings daily, and to teach them to
others. Pursuit of a religious education or at the very
least making the attempt at being culturally informed
frees one from this intellectual debt.

Deva Runa debt to Deva Yaja The Devas are the cosmic forces which
the gods
administer and govern the universe under the direction
of the Supreme Lord. All these forces of nature and
cosmic principles are rewarded by making daily
offerings to them to show our gratitude and to help us
cultivate an awareness of the underlying cosmic
consciousness behind all phenomenal appearances. In
the Gta Ka says that the one who enjoys the bounty
of the gods without offering them anything in return is
verily a thief!
Manuya Runa
debt to society

Manuya yaja We are by nature social animals

and cannot live in isolation. Everything that we enjoy
comes to us through the agency of other people. We are
therefore indebted to our fellow humans and have the
duty to ensure that they are at least clothed, fed and
sheltered. By welcoming and offering hospitality to
strangers and by caring for the poor and the needy
whenever the occasion arises, we discharge this social
debt. An orthodox Hindu should try to feed a stranger

75

every day. There are three minimal requirements which

must be offered to a guest; a seat, water to drink, and
kind words. (See next section on Hospitality)
Bhta Runa debts Bhta yaja And lastly we are part of an
to the elements
environment which is made up of the five elements and
consists of plant and animal life (bhtas = elementals).
This ecosystem is vital to our survival and thus it is our
duty to continually protect it. This is done through tree
planting programs, correct farming methods and
protection of wildlife, decreasing our consumption of
valuable resources. In our homes we can take the effort
to limit the amount of water, gas and electricity
consumed, by recycling and avoiding the use of plastic
bags etc.
These five sacrifices form the basis of Hindu practice. Its the discharging of
these debts that form the core of our ritual and social duties. These yajas unite
all Hindus in common practice whereas theological and philosophical beliefs and
convictions may differ widely and serve to divide one group from another.

Hospitality
The primary social duty of the householder is hospitality. In Hindu society great
emphasis is placed upon the obligation of being hospitable. The three aspects of
hospitality are:
1. Feeding guests and strangers and whoever happens to visit. No visitor
should ever remain without food and drink.
2. Accommodation or at least offering a place for a guest to rest.
3. Pleasant and comforting words.
The following are some teachings from the Vishnu Purana on the subject:
The householder is then (after performing ones daily religious duties)
to remain in his courtyard to await a stranger (atithi), for as long as it
takes to milk a cow (about 12 minutes) or longer if he chooses. If a
stranger comes he must be worshiped and welcomed with all due
hospitality. He must be offered a seat, and his feet are to be washed.
Food should be respectfully served and he should be engaged in
pleasant conversation. When he departs, he should be lovingly farewelled the host accompanying him (for a short distance). The
householder should always welcome and venerate with great care as a
guest that stranger who comes from another country and whose name

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and family are not known. A fellow villager is never considered a

guest (atithi). He who eats, neglecting an unknown stranger, who is
poor and friendless, and who is desirous of eating, goes to hell. VP
3:11:56 - 60
The stranger, who being disappointed, leaves a house and goes
elsewhere, transfers his own demerit to the owner of the house and
takes away the house-holder's merit.
Brahma, Prajapati, Indra, Agni, the Vasus and Aryama are ever
present in the person of a stranger/guest share the food that is offered
to him. Therefore O best of men! One should assiduously discharge
the duties of hospitality; for one, who eats without giving any to a
stranger/guest, feeds upon sin. Thereupon the householder must
satisfy with well-prepared meals the young married woman (suvasini),
the unwell (duhkhi), the pregnant woman (garbhini), the aged
(vrddha) and the children (balaka) of the house and then only he
himself should eat. The householder, who eats without first feeding
these, feeds upon his own iniquity and after his death is condemned to
hell to feed upon phlegm. He, who eats, without performing ablutions,
feeds upon filth; he, who eats without doing japa, feeds upon pus and
blood; one who eats unblessed food, drinks urine; and he, who eats
before the infants and the others (mentioned previously) is doomed in
hell to live on excrement. (V.P. 3:11:67 71)
In the evening, the householder, should again, according to his means
show hospitality to any stranger/guest who may come, receiving him
with the salutation of evening and offering him water to wash his feet,
a seat, supper and a bed. The sin, consequent upon not receiving
hospitably the stranger who comes after sunset, is eight times greater
than that of neglecting one who comes during the day, A person
should therefore show particular respect to one who seeks refuge after
sunset, for by venerating him all the gods are venerated. The
householder should therefore according to his means, give a
stranger/guest rice, vegetables, water, a bed, a mat, or if he cannot
give any thing more, a space on the ground upon which to lie. (V.P.
3:11:103 - 107)

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M A R R IA G E A N D S E X

indus are usually thought of as being rather puritanical about sex and
indeed most of our policy makers, elders, and religious leaders are. But
this puritanism is more a product of Victorian values imposed upon
Indian society than a reflection of the Dharma itself. In fact there are some
astounding liberal affirmations made in the Dharma Shastra regarding sexual
relations. And it must be remembered that all religious teachings are conditioned
by the disposition, the level of spiritual development and the capacity of each
individual to practice the teachings.
Celibacy is indeed considered to be the ideal state during studentship, in
retirement and off course in renunciation. The ideal spiritual householder should
also restrain his/her sexual appetites, but if this ideal cannot be met, then one
should indulge oneself within the constraints of Dharma so as not to cause the
accumulation of more karma. Many Hindus do not realise that sex is permitted by
the Dharma as enjoyment in itself and does not have to be only for procreation.
The following verses are given as examples of some other views that the
Scriptures have about sexuality to give a more balanced social perspective.

Rules for Sexual Activity Vishnu Pura. 3:11:

111. In proper time, under the influence of an auspicious planet and in
an auspicious moment or on even nights (tithis) one should have sex
with his own wife.
112 113. One should not approach a woman who is unbathed, sick,
menstruating, unwilling, angry, un-recommended, pregnant, unskilled
(adaksinam), in love with another (anya-kamam), lacking in libido
(akamam) nor committed to another (anya-yoshitam), nor if she is
hungry or over-fed. He too should also be free from all these
imperfections.
114. When engaging in sexual intercourse (vyavayam) one should have
taken a bath, be adorned with a garland and perfumes, and be in an
aroused and affectionate mood, not disturbed by anxiety.
115. The special days on which the use of body-oils, meat and sex is
prohibited is the eighth and fourteenth lunar days, new moon and fullmoon and the entrance of the sun into a new zodiac sign (sankranti).
116 - 117. On these occasions according to the Scriptures the wise
should control their appetites and engage in the worship of the gods, in
sacrifice, meditation and japa (recitation of mantras). And he, who acts

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otherwise, will be doomed to a hell where he will be constrained to live

upon faeces and urine.
118 119. Intercourse should not take place in any orifice other than a
vagina (anya-yonau), nor with other species (avayonau), nor should one
use accessories (upayukta) or aphrodisiacs (aushadhi). Intercourse
should not be done in a temple, at cross-roads, in cow sheds, in a
cremation ground, in a garden or in water.
120. On the occasions (parvas) mentioned previously, as well as at the
times of sun-set and sun-rise (sandhya) the wise should not engage in
sexual activities.
122. A man should not have sex with the wife of another, and not even
think adulterous thoughts, nor should even discuss it with her.

After having fully enjoyed the union, my (Krishnas) devotee should

bathe himself and put on fresh garments. (Varaha Purana 142.33)
A woman is not defiled by a lover nor a brahmin by Vedic rites, nor
water by urine and excrement, nor fire by consuming impure
substances. (Vasistha 28;1)
Though tainted by sin, whether she be quarrelsome, or have left the
house, or have been raped, or kidnapped, a wife should never be
abandoned; to forsake her is not prescribed by the sacred law. Let him
wait for the time of her courses, by her temporary uncleanness she
becomes pure. (Vasistha 28 2-3)
A man who avoids women on the (six) disapproved nights21 and on the
other nights is regarded as chaste, no matter which of the four stages of
life he is in. (Manu 3:50)

21 New

Moon, Full Moon, 8th and the 14th day of each fortnight. The first 4 nights of the menstrual
cycle, the 11th, and the 13th nights. (Vishnu Smrti 69:1)

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C
CO
ON
NJJU
UG
GA
AL
LR
RIIG
GH
HT
TSS

ccording to Hindu Law only women have conjugal rights known as the
Ritu. The Ritu which means season are the 12 nights after the
commencement of the menstrual cycle, excluding the first 3 or 4. It is
laid down in many sacred texts that it is the duty of the husband to have sex with
his wife during this period. This is known as Ritu-gamana. After the menstrual
blood has ceased to flow, the woman is advised to purify herself by bathing and
wearing clean clothes she should approach her husband and say: tum dehi
give me my conjugal rights the husband has no right to refuse such a request.
(Mbh 13:162.41). In fact a refusal to oblige is considered a heinous sin leading to
hell! (Parasara 4:12). In fact it is taught that having sex in the Ritu is one of the
virtues that lead to heaven. (Mbh. 8:144.13-14) The Sacred Law goes even further
and declares that the married couple who only have sex during the Ritu are to be
considered as celibate. (Mbh. 12:221.11)
This is an interesting law for those who insist on sex only for procreation.
Immediately after menstruation it is almost impossible to fall pregnant, the all
knowing sages and law-givers must have known this before they formulated such
a law and this would support the argument that the Dharma Shastra does sanction
having sex for pleasure alone.