An essay on Punjabi Kinship

Based on Masks and Faces: an essay on Punjabi

kinship by Veena Das.

About the author

Veena Das was born in 1945. She studied at the Indraprastha
College for Women and Delhi School of Economics at Delhi
University. She completed her PhD in 1970 at the University of
Delhi under M.N.Srinivas. She was Professor of Anthropology at
the New School for Social Research from 1997-2000. Later, she
moved to the Department of Anthropology at John Hopkins
University. She is an established figure within Indian
anthropology.
She has published extensively as ethnographer of India. Her
research has broad appeal within the anthropology of violence,
suffering, and the State.
Her research interests include: feminist movements, gender
studies, sectarian violence, medical anthropology, post-colonial
and post- structural theory.
Her works: Life and Words, Social Suffering, Anthropology
in the Margins of the State, Handbook of Indian
Sociology, Mirrors of Violence among many others.
Her achievements: She received the Anders Retzius Gold Medal
from the Swedish Society for Anthropology and Geography in
1995, and an honorary doctorate from the University of
Chicago in 2000.She is a foreign honorary member of the
American Academy of Arts and Sciences and a fellow of
the Third World Academy of Sciences. In 2007, Das delivered
the Lewis Henry Morgan Lecture at the University of Rochester,
considered by many to be the most important annual lecture
series in the field of Anthropology.

In the essay Veena Das deals with the Kinship system of the Punjabi
Community with special reference to the concept of Biradari. It also
defines the Biological Kinship and Social Kinship, describing the contrast
between the natural rights of Kinship and the moral rules attached to
them. It basically, indicates towards nature culture divide that exists in
society, providing references from Punjabi kinship system. It provides
instances when it functions separately or sometimes when the two
concepts have a relation between them. Also the idea of Honour, the
most valued ideals among the Punjabis, and which is acquired by
transcending natural forces rather than succumbing to them. We will
come across these points as we progress on the essay.

The keywords of the title of the essay:

Kinship - it refers to the patterns of social relationships between people
related by descent and/or by marriage.
Masks and Faces it refers to the social appearance of an individual and
his true identity.

Veena Dass idea of kinship in the Punjabi Community is based on her

extensive study and interaction with different informants of Punjabi
culture.
The essay begins with the statement The character of Punjabi kinship is
best described as a dialectic between the rules deriving from nature and
the rules deriving from culture. This is the basic foundation of the essay.
Human conduct is derived from a dialectic between the biological
substratum and the socially constructed nomos.
Veena Das states that in the Punjabi theory of kinship, the biological facts
of procreation and copulation are said to create certain primordial ties
between individuals, which are strong and immutable, and which belong
to the realm of Human Nature.
Let us discuss the relationship of procreation and copulation and the rules
of nature and culture binding it to every human being.

I.

The Mother Child Relationship:

The Punjabi theory of procreation is that the woman provides the field and
the man provides the seed. The act of the man depositing seed is seen as
garbhadana, the gift of conception given by the man to the woman. The
quality of the offspring is determined by the quality of the seed. Also, the
field should be able to bear the seed. If the seed is very powerful, it will
burn the field. Thus, the qualities of the genitor and genetrix must be
evenly matched.
The mother keeps the child in the womb for nine months which is
conceptualized as an act of sacrifice. As it is believed that the behaviour
of the mother in these period has a vital impact on the health and
character of the baby, the mother strictly observes a number of dietary
taboos, eats special foods, keep ritual observances and is also required to
keep her thoughts pure. Again, during the period of nursing the baby, the
mother has to observe dietary taboos; she is given some kinds of hot
foods and spices to help the milk flow but restricted excessively hot foods
as it makes the milk so hot that it causes diarrhoea in the baby. The
quality of the mothers milk is important for the physical health of the
baby and also for the building of his character.
The mutual love of the mother and child is considered pre-social, it
comes spontaneously and flows from natural, unlearned behaviour. The
biological process of shaping the baby in the womb and nursing him are
said to create unalienable affection between mother and child. People say
that a mother is irreplaceable. They argue, when ones defences are
down, as in sickness or pain or trouble, all the masks of social obligation
lay aside and one turns for comfort to the mother.
Women remind their children of this bond and the sacrifice made by her in
giving birth and in rearing them. They expect filial piety in return. But as
the bond is unbreakable the women do not have to ask for it, she should
be sure that she will be looked after by her children. But in reality, the
children tend to forget the sacrifice of their mother. The Punjabis states
that the strength of the bond is stronger for the mother than for the child.
A son may be a bad son (kuputra) but a mother can never be a bad
mother (kumata). A woman devoid of any love for her children is
considered sinister. It is believed a mothers love can be disguised or even
sacrificed but can never be destroyed.
It is believed that the father and the child are attracted by pull of blood
(khoon da khinchao). The full siblings have a natural solidarity because
they are children of a single womb and because they have sucked the

same milk. Conflict between brothers are said to be sharika and this
hostility is never legitimized.
Again, there are social norms attached to this relationship between the
parents and the children. The parents do not fondle or play with their
young children in the presence of others.
This code of conduct is derived from the fact that the children were the
fruits of their parents sexuality and hence parents felt shame in fondling
them. Another equally important explanation to such behaviour is that to
respond to the children demands immediately is to doubt on the ability of
the other members of the family to love them or look after them. By
disguising their love for their children they are at the same time asserting
their faith in their parents or siblings to love the child equally. This is
against the biological fact of kinship, of the natural bonds which draws the
parents to the children. But this is an act of faith in the moral rules of
kinship. Its denial often leads to fights within the joint family.
Veena Das provided an example of a household where the child of the
family was slapped by one of his uncles. The childs mother declared that
the uncle did not consider the child as his own as otherwise he wouldnt
have slapped him over such a small offence. Her mother in - law retorted
that the mother of the child crossed her limits by implying that the uncle
did not consider the child to be his own and that the uncle had no right to
slap the child, that the uncle is a stranger. The uncle said that he had
slapped the child because he considered it his own. The other family
members agreed with the uncle and claimed that the mother of the child
was trying to divide people who shared the same blood. Thus, deindividualizing the mother child relationship often leads to tension
similar to this case.
Again, once the child grows up and gets married, the bonds created by his
sexuality come in direct conflict with the bonds created by procreation. To
understand this, let us look into the second biological act, in which some
common bonds between two people are created from sexual relation.

II.

The Husband - Wife relationship:

The act of coitus is the second biological act. It is believed that shared
sexuality creates strong natural bonds which are extremely difficult to
resist.

Sexual needs are associated to both men and women and are directly
linked to the physical manifestations of puberty. A young girl who is ready
for sexual love is described as a pot of freshly made yogurt ready to be
churned.
Women are often described as slaves of their sexuality. A sexually
unfulfilled woman is believed to have a thirsty body. They are required to
be controlled by strict moral rules. Parents of young girls consider it
unwise to leave a girl unmarried for a very long time as unfulfilled
sexuality lead a girl to form unfortunate liaisons.
One of the strongest arguments put forward by the advocates of child
widow re-marriage in the thirties is that, these women whose natural
sexuality was not satisfied, were attracted towards prostitution or became
a threat to stable marriages within the family.
Every effort is made to protect the sexuality of women. Growth of passion
in young girls is controlled by allowing them only simple food and simple
clothes which is believed to keep sexual urges dormant, along with other
practices.
Sexuality is not denied, it is relegated to the backstage.
For instance, after the marriage, the brides parents are anxious to know
whether her husband is sexually virile and whether their marriage has
been properly consummated. This information can be accessed only by
her sister in law (the brides brothers wife as she a women of the
outside and share a joking relationship with her.) The parents cannot
communicate such details due to the taboo on sexual discussions between
the parents and the child. The ambiguity of joking relationship is used to
break the dividing line between the backstage and front stage
On the other hand, the grooms parents are worried about sexual
compatibility of the new couple. If the groom is not satisfied by his bride
he will not consummate the marriage; the grooms mother is blamed to
have sold the happiness of her son for a large dowry. Once the marriage
is known to have been consummated, considerable anxiety is relieved.
However, in case of childlessness, both the man and woman are rebuked.
The childless woman is accused of sterility by her conjugal family whereas
her own natal family or the Biradari may blame the husband to be a
weakling.
Sexual relation between the husband and wife: The act of Coitus results in
loss of semen for a man which is deposited in the woman. Semen is
considered to be concentrated blood which when deposited in a women
makes her powerful, if she is not menstruating. Whereas the man

becomes weak and ill if the woman makes too many demands on the
man.
There is a interesting contrast in this situation where in one hand, the
sexual act is seen to weaken the man, and on the other hand, sexual
virility is highly prized among the Punjabis.
Social conduct by the husband and wife: The married couple is expected
to begin their new lives in a joined household. They need to follow a
typical pattern of interaction in this phase of their life. Veena Das
describes this interaction in vivid details. The rules of kinship morality
demand a complete suppression of every expression of the relation of
sexuality between the husband and wife. Love making is required to be
discreet. The couple would try to avoid any such conduct which will be
seen as shameful in the society. A husbands loyalty to his wife maybe
disguised but people know it to be real. Often, the young women are
accused of doing jadu-tona (magical acts) to their husbands.
Here, we find the contrast between the pressure by both the conjugal and
natal family on the couple to consummate their marriage and on the other
hand, affection of a man to his wife is seen as suspicious. All expressions
of bonds of sexuality are required to be curbed.
III.

The Conjugal household and the Affinal relationship:

A man faces a conflict between the biological ties created by sexuality and
the existing biological ties with his mother. The wife is said to be a
stranger for a man, whereas his own mother and sister are his own blood.
The relation of sexuality can never claim the sanctity of the mother child
relation as it is believed that the wife is replaceable as the demands of
sexuality can be satisfied by any women. But a mother is irreplaceable.
The bride receivers are always in a state of preparedness to protect their
daughters or sisters in her husbands house. If a girl dies due to an
accident or illness in the first few years of marriage, it is alleged to be a
murder. People assume the girl to be treated callously as she is so easily
replaceable and the husband can get another wife with more dowry. Thus,
great care is taken of the bride in the husbands house. She is not even
directly disciplined by the in laws in fear of various kinds of allegations.
Word is sent to her parents to take her away or discipline her.
The mother in law and the daughter in law, as often seen in popular
media, share an interesting relationship in reality too. When an argument
takes place on a petty issue, it rarely remains to that particular one. All
the important events of the past pertaining to the relationship are
examined and rights and obligations are reviewed. The behaviour of

daughter in law is under continuous scrutiny. She is also reprimanded

by the mother in law, by it is basically an indirect attack. The husband
is required to assert his loyalty to his sister against his wife. But, he also
makes it clear that his behaviour is only an empty conformity to the rules
of social kinship. He may convey his real state of affairs to his wife in the
backstage while enacting a performance obeying all the rules.
IV.

The Brother Sister relationship:

The daughter has a special place in Punjabi families. They are seen as a
repository of family honour. Dishonourable conduct on the part of the
daughter can ruin the honour of the family forever. It is often said that it is
the duty of the father or brother to kill an errant daughter so that she do
not smear the good name of the family.
A brother (bhai) is entrusted with the care and protection of the sister. He
needs to avenge any attacks on her honour. After marriage, the husband
is seen as the protector of honour of the girl but it stems from moral rules.
It is the brother who protects the woman against her husband.
The brothers role is basically limited to that of a gift- giver. However, in
case of a dispute in the girls conjugal household, the brothers must
protect her person and her interest by fighting against her husband and
his families or by giving support to her husband against the husbands
brothers.
According to Veena Das, the moment it becomes necessary to lift the
mask, as the gift- giver, the brother emerges as the main protector of his
sister, revealing the face behind the mask THIS IS IN STARK
CONTRADICTION TO THE NATURAL LOVE OF THE FATHER AND BROTHER
FOR HIS DAUGHTER.

Conclusion
The kinship system of urban Punjabis is difficult to describe in
terms of standardized modes of behaviour. The life histories of
urban Punjabis do not follow any variation on the basis of sex or
age. The Punjabis attach a great deal of importance to kinship
behaviour. In the essay we came across the various rules of
nature and rules of society that are followed by a Punjabi in

their life time, from cradle to grave. Each behaviour, custom

and kinship relation holds a significant meaning among the
Punjabis.
Veena Das has portrayed the overall working of the Punjabi
community in her essay Faces and Masks published on
January
1,
1976.
Veena Das has provided insight into the relationships
developed by procreation and copulation. The essay reflected
on the position of a mother, a sister, a daughter and a daughter
in law in a Punjabi family. Veena Das has also discussed the
contrast between natural kinship and social kinship with proper
instances from her area of study. Her essay also dealt with two
essential concepts of Punjabi kinship: Honour and Biradari.
Honour is of utmost importance to the Punjabis. They can even
kill their own daughters to save their face with which they
relate to the community.
She described the social appearance and different behaviours
related to it, the usage of the term Bhai, the role of a Bhai,
how certain rituals and ceremonies require the inclusion of a
close and distant relative of that category, etc.
The essay also reflects on the choice of biological or social
kinship, made by a person, to legitimize his conduct.
Lastly, the essay provides instances of the dialectics between
nature and culture through reference to the Punjabi kinship.
Modernity, however, has brought about various changes in the
Punjabi
kinship
system.