An engineer and a programmer

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los
Angeles to New York.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window
to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He
explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then
you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you
pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays,
so he agrees to the game.
The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the
moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five
dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.
Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three
legs, and comes down on four?"
The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer
and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches
the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to
no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely
takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a
little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word,
the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get
back to sleep.

Those raccoons are not luggage

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so
they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead
raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

What was the problem before?

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the
gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight
Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

There was a place crash in Poland.

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in
central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

There's a parrot on the plane.

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He
asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky
you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the
coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get
me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another
whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice
for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the
emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and
says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

I deserve a first class seat.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The
stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't
have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and
I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The
blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first
class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at
this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the
blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and
goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement
what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the
front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

Results of damage testing.

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing
the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken
at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.
The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a
real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this
and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.
They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic
chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument
panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned
and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed
chicken."
Trouble with plane engines.
While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the
window.

"Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked
by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order.
Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and
assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor
seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly
walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the
seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.
Each crew member attached the package to their backs.
"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?"
The pilot confirmed that they were.
The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"
"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

There are lawyers on the flight.

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the
passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and
ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around
passing out business cards."