Conflict Resolution

in personal
&
working relationships

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 How This Conflict Resolution
Presentation Should Be Used (1)
Most adults consider ourselves to be very rational
and intelligent.
intelligent. However although many of us
may have good IQ (Intelligence Quotient),
Quotient), a vast
majority have poor EQ (Emotional Quotient) and
are unable to express ourselves and handle
relationships with other people satisfactorily the
moment we are under emotional tension or stress
stress..
Then we become a liability to all who are
unfortunate enough to be near us
us..
.. Is there hope?

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 How This Conflict Resolution
Presentation Should Be Used (2)
One primary reason for this is that we *fail to
realize* that once emotions overcome us us,, it
is then very, very hard for us to think and
act rationally
rationally.. Therefore, when we first
read these guidelines, we’ll probably think
them to be too simple or just common
sense..
sense But wait a moment! “Common
Sense Ain’t So Common When We’re
Upset!” And it’s not a licence to hurt
others, physically or emotionally either!
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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 How This Conflict Resolution
Presentation Should Be Used (3)

But in order to discover their true

worth, we strongly suggest that
you go through the entire
slideshow when you next find
yourself in the midst of anxiety,
or pain etc.
etc. born of some conflict
conflict..

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 How This Conflict Resolution
Presentation Should Be Used (4)

It is only then that you will fully appreciate

how useful this presentation is in making
us introspect and to lift ourselves out of
‘the dumps’ and all negative thoughts and
actions, and bring us back to a sound,
rational state of mind
mind..

SO, PLEASE DO USE THIS WHILE

ACTUALLY GOING THRU’ A CONFLICT
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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 We must be introspective
1. Admit/Acknowledge that the problem does
indeed exist.
exist.

Ignoring it will make things worse
worse.. So will
pretending that it’s not there
there..

If you suspect there is a problem, do consider
your ‘sixth sense’.
sense’. However
However,, don’t take any
action based upon it until you have
confirmation.. i.e. Prepare yourself for it –
confirmation
hope for the be`st but expect the worst
worst.. If
need be, enquire [privately] from the other
party if there is any thing wrong.
wrong.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 We must be introspective
2. Identify ALL the elements involved
involved::

Circumstances

Parties / People & Relationships

Accurate Sequence of developments –
this is where many misunderstandings
originate, making us misjudge the
intentions of the other party, and in the
end, we fight over nothing
nothing..
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 We must be introspective
3. Isolate the relationships involved

Is there a relationship?
Working Personal
Both?
Relationship? Relationship?

Is it mutual?

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question

Is it mutual?
A relationship DOES exist
ONLY IF it is Mutual
Mutual..
Not otherwise!!

So, how do we decide upon

the answer to
this All
All--Important Question?
`

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question

Is it mutual?

This concept is the heart of this Conflict Resolution

system – please deliberate upon it deeply
deeply..

The answer can be derived

by deliberating upon
TWO Questions:
Questions:
Question A and Question B

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question: Is it mutual
mutual?
?
This concept is the heart of this Conflict Resolution system – please deliberate upon it deeply
deeply..

Question A
(A1) Do I really respect that person?

(A2) Do I truly care for that person?

i.e. does his/her happiness or welfare
mean anything at all to me?

(A3) Do I truly want a/the

relationship with that person?

Do I want to begin a relationship
with that person?
OR
OR
Do I want to terminate my
Do I want to continue/modify a
relationship with that
relationship with that person
person?

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question: Is it mutual
mutual?
?
This concept is the heart of this Conflict Resolution system – please deliberate upon it deeply
deeply..

Question B
(B1) Does that person really respect me?

(B2) Does that person truly care for me?

i.e. does my happiness or welfare
mean anything at all to him/her?

(B3) Does that person truly want

the same relationship with me?
OR OR
Does that person want to begin Does that person want to continue/modify Does that person want to terminate
a relationship with me? the relationship with me the relationship with me?

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question: Is it mutual
mutual?
?

This concept is the heart of this Conflict Resolution system – please deliberate upon it deeply
deeply..

Only if the answer to

BOTH Questions A & B
is YES / YES / YES
does any relationship
exist.
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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question: Is it mutual
mutual?
?

If a MUTUAL relationship
is thus established,
then only does the question
of Conflict Resolution arise.
Only then should any action
be carefully taken…
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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question: Is it mutual
mutual?
?

to maintain the relationship,

transform it, terminate it,
or re-
re-establish it,
as the case may be.

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question Is it mutual
mutual?
?

ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

It’s worth taking the

trouble to resolve,
because the fruit of that
effort will be a stronger,
healthier relationship.
ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

Another way of saying this is

is::
“Never fight with strangers
(i.e. people with whom we
have no mutual relationship –
better save your energy to
fight with someone who is
a meaningful part of our lives).
Also, cultivate detachment from
the illusory ‘mass opinon’.”
ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

< Sub-
Sub-Point > Illusory ‘mass
‘mass opinon’
opinon’ ?
ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

Well-known Nigerian
Well-
Car Bumper Sticker:

LET TH
THEM SAY!
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question Is it mutual
mutual?
?

ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

Furthermore, you would not be

wrong to EXPECT from the
other party the commitment
and effort which it is going to
take in order to go the
distance in working out the
problem. This is love!
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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Ж Is it mutual
Ж ЖQuestion mutual?
?

Love inevitably brings with it,

expectation.. After all how
expectation
would you feel if you met a
loved one at a party and
they pretended not to see
you, or treated you as a
stranger...
stranger ...
ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question Is it mutual
mutual?
?

ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

Yet we must be careful to

never never expect respect
or honour from those with
whom we have no mutual
relationship.. A very common
relationship
mistake..
mistake
ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 The Billion Dollar Question Is it mutual
mutual?
?

ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

trnäd api sunicena

taror iva sahiñëuna
amänina mänadena
kértanéyaù sadä hariù
ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

As a matter of interest….
(According to ancient Vaishnava
philosophy, all loving relationships
must always have Krishna (God)
in the centre of the relationship.
Then the relationships will always be
pure and will even continue life after
life.)
ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

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 The Billion Dollar Question Is it mutual
mutual?
?

And if there’s
no (mutual) relationship
then there’s absolutely
no problem!
problem! >>>
What does that mean?

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 If the answer is NO to Either
Question (A) or Question (B),
then no relationship exists.
What do I do in that case?

There’s NOTHING to do, so far as
Resolving the conflict goes – there is
NO relationship existing! Under NO
circumstances should you confront the
other party about this issue, nor behave
badly towards them
them..
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 If the answer is NO to Either Question (a) or
Question (b), then no relationship exists.
What do I do in that case?

Confronting them or treating them

badly is the most common mistake
we make which brings misery and
unnecessary complications
complications!!!
!!!

Remember: Don’t fight with
Remember:
strangers and make a fool of
yourself !! Save it for those who
truly matter in your life!
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 If the answer is NO to Either Question (a) or
Question (b), then no relationship exists.

What do I do in that case?

So just go and work on getting the pain
out of your heart,
heart, blame yourself for
allowing yourself to build false
expectations (without which you could
not have gotten hurt in the first
place…
place…) and reorganize your feelings
and conduct towards that person
person…
….
“LET THEM SAY”
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 If the answer is NO to Either Question (a) or
Question (b), then no relationship exists.

What do I do in that case?

Never give in to anger, nastiness or
hatred – you’ll only destroy yourself
yourself..
Go let off steam with a good friend, or
shout at some trees
trees…
…. or even punch a
wall (or a pillow – its softer!!)… or write
a NASTY letter (see below)

Anger’s not a problem,
problem, unless you use
it as an excuse to hurt someone else
else……
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 ReLaTiOnShIpS
(in a lighter vein)

Did you know that

“Success Is Relative?”

O Yes Indeed it is! –

More Success
Success……………
…………… /…
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 …… =

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 …More
Relatives!!
Relatives
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 If you have two relationships
with the same person, do
remember to deal with
each relationship
SEPARATELY –

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 – you may have to help the
other party to become
mature enough to do this.
Otherwise one of the two
relationships must be
terminated.
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 ReLaTiOnShIpS
How DO they happen?

Establishing Bonds (Commitment)

Cultivating The Relationship (Ground
Rules)

Maintaining It (Quality
time/communication + Conflict
Management). Some useful skills to
think about:

Good Communication Skills & Principles

Giving up gossip
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 ReLaTiOnShIpS
How DO they happen?

Listening Skills

Anger Management

Solving All Problems Immediately

How to Find Peace

The Nasty Letter + 3 Days

Handling Our Negative Emotions
Objectively

Terminating It (Resume civil cordiality)
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 ReLaTiOnShIpS
How DO they happen?
To build on a relationship
and resolve conflicts, there must be
GOOD COMMUNICATION based on:
1. Trust
2. Honesty

3. Expression of Feelings

4. Being Sensitive - Understanding

the other parties’ feelings

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 ESTABLISHING A RELATIONSHIP 01

All personal relationships which grow to

become more than mere acquaintanceships
should be properly entered into into,, and not
allowed to evolve by chance, unguided
unguided.. This
is a sure formula for getting too close to
someone, then getting hurt. hurt. If one
irresponsibly allows such relations to develop,
one is bound to get hurt
hurt,, and usually the first
problem you face will be your last – i.e. the
relationship will die an ugly death
death..
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 ESTABLISHING A RELATIONSHIP 02

In the case of working relationships,
relationships, as early
as possible, consensus must be sought on
reporting orders and demarcation of duties –
no one should have more than one ‘boss’ to
report to, and no duty should remain
ambiguous..
ambiguous

We are always vulnerable to those with whom
we have relationships,
relationships, therefore, we should
take care to choose which ones we want and
terminate those which we don’t want.
want.
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 ESTABLISHING A RELATIONSHIP 03

Therefore it is advised that, at a

suitable time, when we realize a
personal relationship is beginning to
develop,, we should meet the other
develop
party to specifically have a heart
heart--to-
to-
heart discussion about the future of
the friendship and to seek
commitment (see below) from each
other to certain Ground Rules
Rules..
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 ESTABLISHING A RELATIONSHIP 04

Channels for communication

through regular ‘quality time’ must
be established for both personal &
working relationships. If not,
not,
minor misunderstandings will build
up and force dis
dis--honesty and
superficiality. (If a relationship is
not growing, it’s dying.)

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 ESTABLISHING A RELATIONSHIP 05

Terminate all unnecessary relationships –
life is too short for unnecessary
conflicts. Don’t expect everyone to be a
dear friend. Treat them as acquaintances.
Give all respect and honour but don’t
expect any in return. You’ll be happy if
they do recognize you, but don’t live for
that! If by the end of our life we may
have even 5 intimate friends, we are
fortunate. Enter & Cultivate relationships
with care! H__o__
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 H__o__
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 ESTABLISHING A RELATIONSHIP 06

Very Important Rule Rule:: Never

speak about the relationship
itself in front of 3rd parties –
hide it – or else it will be prone
to being exploited or
manipulated by others.
others. This also
causes hurt & embarrassment
unnecessarily..
unnecessarily Do not speak
sensitive issues publicly.
publicly.
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 BEGINNING TO SOLVE IT: 1
Some Preliminaries/Fundamentals
Sometimes we may feel insecurity like ‘It is
not so easy for me to be understood
understood.. The
other party may not take the trouble to
understand me nor go the distance to
solve it
it..’ However, this is not relevant if
the other party loves us or is committed to
the relationship
relationship.. It is BECAUSE they care
for us or because they want the
relationship to exist that they will joyfully
take the trouble to understand us
us..
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 BEGINNING TO SOLVE IT: 2
Some Preliminaries/Fundamentals
This is the main reason why we must first
establish if a relationship is MUTUAL
before we begin trying to solve any
problem.. If we don’t we are bound to
problem
waste our time and energy getting hurt
trying to ‘resolve’ a problem with a
stranger..
stranger We make the problem
worse, and tend to involve other
parties unnecessarily
unnecessarily..
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 BEGINNING TO SOLVE IT: 3
Some Preliminaries/Fundamentals
ЖЖЖЖЖЖЖЖ

Therefore it is VITAL that we help the other

party be mature by helping them to also
endeavour to keep the relationship itself
separate from the details of the
problem.. Help him to first re
problem re--commit to
the relationship before entering dialogue to
resolve the details of the problem
problem.. Once the
fundamentals are in place, the insecurities
are removed & resolution becomes very easy
easy..
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
Ground Rules
(confidentiality & trust 01
01))

At the beginning of trying to solve the

problem, when the first suitable
opportunity for communication
arises, agree with each other on
these principles of confidentiality
and trust:
trust:
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
Ground Rules
(confidentiality & trust 02
02))
a. “No matter what we may agree or
disagree upon, our relationship WILL
survive this minor obstacle and we shall
both see it as a mountain to cross
together, bringing our relationship to a
higher plateau.
plateau.” (EVERY problem, no
matter how big, can be considered as
MINOR once there is mutual commitment
to the relationship
relationship..)
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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
Ground Rules
(confidentiality & trust 03
03))

b. Such Commitment and mutual

respect & trust MUST remain even if
we have to agree to disagree on
certain issues
issues..

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
Ground Rules (confidentiality & trust 04
04))
Guiding words
words::
‘I am not put in this world
to please you,
and you are not put in this world
to please me.
I am Me
Me;; and you are You
You;;
and if, by CHOICE [not by chance],
we find each other, then it is beautiful.’
– Author not known.
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
Ground Rules
(confidentiality & trust 05
05))
c. Assure the each other of privacy and of not
discussing this issue with any third party.
party.

d. In the case of working relationships, if the problem

has to be escalated up the admin hierarchy, it
should not be done behind the back – that is
politicking!! (“Where there is no
tantamount to politicking
love, there is politics
politics..” – Srila Prabhupada.
Prabhupada.)

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
Ground Rules
(confidentiality & trust 06
06))
e. Agree to never use harsh tones or hurting words and to be
silent when overcome by anger
anger.. (But don’t give in to using
silence as a weapon!! Constantly check ourselves – don’t
give in to darker forces

f. Promise to inform other party immediately and in a

respectful and gentle manner if ever there is a change in
one’s sense of commitment to the relationship – either if
one decides he no longer wants it, or if he needs a break
from the other party
party..

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 TERMINATING THE RELATIONSHIP
(confidentiality & trust 07
07))
g. Finally, even if, in the worst-
worst-case scenario, the
relationship has to be ended
ended,, that both parties
WILL make efforts to resolve it entirely &
amicably,, leaving no loose ends whatsoever
amicably whatsoever..
The test of such an end will be that no ill ill--will
nor pain should remain at all on either part,
and if in future, circumstances happen to bring
both in contact, there should be no ‘jumping
feelings’ in the heart,

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 TERMINATING THE RELATIONSHIP
(confidentiality & trust 08
08))
g. but rather natural, spontaneous and genuinely
cordial exchange of greetings, as we do with
all our other acquaintances
acquaintances.. Another way of
saying this is
is:: When a friendship is ended, it
must lovingly be downgraded to the status of
a pleasant acquaintanceship,
acquaintanceship, and definitely not
to ENEMY status
status.. If some ex- ex-friend is an
enemy now, this indicates gross immaturity on
either or both parts, or that the relationship
was never fully mutual in the first place
place..
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
(confidentiality & trust 09
09))
THE {UGLY} GOSSIP FACTOR
h. Most people in this morbid material world ARE
gossip.. However, they tend to be
GUILTY of gossip
able to identify it for what it is (as gossip)
ONLY when they happen to find themselves
the wretched victim of it! Otherwise, they
think it’s just interesting news and freely
propagate it, not knowing if it’s true nor how
damaging it may be.
be.

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
(confidentiality & trust 10
10))
THE {UGLY} GOSSIP FACTOR
h. Therefore, in keeping with the gospel of “Do
unto others as you would like others to do
unto you”, please discipline your tongue with
the following broad DEFINITION OF
GOSSIP and never, never indulge in such
ugliness..
ugliness Always uphold justice and
righteousness and you will not bring suffering
to yourself or to others
others.. The world will be a
better place!
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Dina -Anukampana Das
 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
(confidentiality & trust 11
11))
GOSSIP DEFINED
“Neither hear
hear,, contemplate nor repeat
any piece of information
about any other person (especially if that person
is a friend of yours),
REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT
THAT INFORMATION
IS SUPPOSED TO BE VERIFIED,
if it is about a subject or issue that
does not involve you directly.”

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 CULTIVATING THE RELATIONSHIP
(confidentiality & trust 12
12))
GOSSIP DEFINED
Cut the informant off and ask, “Excuse me, but
how does this concern you or me?
If we are not involved, then
kindly let me not be party to this gossip
gossip..
If you feel concerned about it,
please go and reveal your mind directly
to the persons concerned and lay the matter to rest.”
{ This is a 100%-
100%-Guaranteed party-
party-pooper
– kills ALL gossip instantly. }

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Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 SKILLS HOW TO ATTAIN PEACE (1)
Learn how to find PEACE.
PEACE. Without finding peace internally,
one cannot resolve any conflict with others. others. (For those
familiar with the Bhagavad Gita, it’s ‘Peace Slokas’ - 5.29 29,,
2.66
66,, 2.70
70--71
71,, 4.39
39,, 5.12
12,, 6.15,
15, 9.31
31,, 12
12..12 & 18
18..62
62)):

1ST Cut out sense stimuli – the body then becomes still,
peaceful

2nd How to then still the mind? – recite mantra [manasa
trayate iti mantra – short repititve spiritual prayer which
frees the mind from all thoughts and material influence]

3rd Deflect mind to God [His Names, Forms, Qualities,
Pastimes, Entourage etc.
etc.] & to the higher principles
operating behind the scenes under His direction

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 SKILLS HOW TO ATTAIN PEACE (2)

4th Ego should be contemplated and

recognized as the source of all the problems
we face
face.. It is born of ignorance, mis-mis-
identifying with the body
body.. Real ego:
ego: “I am
nothing but an insignificant instrument of the
Lord if I will but allow Him to guide me.
me.”

If 2 souls meet in this manner to discuss an
issue, any type of problem, however serious,
can soon be resolved peacefully
peacefully..

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 SKILLS
HOW TO ATTAIN PEACE (3)
An Exercise in Self Realization

Where does peace lie?

Is it in Cameron Highlands?

Can you imagine feeling very disturbed
even in a serene place like Camerons?

How many here have ever experienced
feeling very lonely while in the midst of
a crowd?

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 SKILLS
HOW TO ATTAIN PEACE (3)
An Exercise in Self Realization

How many of us here have ever
experienced feeling deep peace in a noisy
place?

What does all this prove?

Where then does peace lie?

And what about happiness? Who can
define that? [4 platforms of consciousness
– 4 levels of reality – 4 corresponding types
of pleasure]

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Dina -Anukampana Das
 HOW OBJECTIVELY HANDLE –ve EMOTIONS
Learn how to open up, how to find PEACE
within yourself.
yourself. Learn to air your
feelings in privacy, at the right time and
place.. (You must select a qualified
place
‘Sounding Board’ [see next slide] or
else…
else … trouble
trouble……!)
!)..
After calming your feelings, learn how to
analyze your own conduct without
blaming or hating yourself.
yourself. Separate
your thoughts from your feelings.
feelings.
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 SKILLS
HOW OBJECTIVELY HANDLE –ve EMOTIONS

In other words, ‘Keep your THOUGHTS and your

FEELINGS (good or bad or ugly) separate !’
separate!’
Don’t judge yourself if you acknowledge
harbouring ugly or nasty feelings
feelings.. Admit these
feelings exist, then work on them later
later.. (Use the
“ALL ‘PROBLEMS’ CAN BE SOLVED IMMEDIATELY
IMMEDIATELY!!”
formula)..
formula)
Remember:: You Have A Right To Feel Anything
Remember
But You Don’t Have A Right To Hurt Others (In
Body Or Mind) Or To Do Wrong Just Because You
Think Your Feelings have been hurt
hurt..
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
[cf: BG You have a right to perform your duty
duty,,
but you are not entitled to the fruits thereof.”]
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 SKILLS LISTENING SKILLS
How To Be A Good Sounding Board
“Judge not, lest ye be judged!”

Select
a neutral party, who’s strong enough
not to take sides

He must not judge any party involved

He must not form any conclusions

He must not treat any party differently

subsequently because of what he’s heard nor
should he believe any of it
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 SKILLS LISTENING SKILLS
How To Be A Good Sounding Board
“Judge not, lest ye be judged!”

He
must be sworn to confidentiality

He must not give any advice while you are
trying to come to terms with your own
feelings – it can be given later, if or when
asked for. i.e. he must know that the speaker
himself is the only important listener, and that
he, the ‘sounding board’ is merely a catalyst.
Any word spoken prematurely could cause
great pain or further damage.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 Interim Measure:
SKILLS
THE NASTY LETTER + 3 DAYS
= SOUND MENTAL HEALTH
&

SPEEDY CONFLICT RESOLUTION

First draw a mind map of all issues and facts
involved..
involved
1. Then write all your jumbled thoughts and
feelings freely in a personal letter to the
person concerned
concerned..
2. Keep it safely in a locked drawer for 3-4
days and don’t think about it (on the
principle of ‘Solve All Problems
Immediately’)
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 Interim Measure:
SKILLS
THE NASTY LETTER + 3 DAYS
= SOUND MENTAL HEALTH
&

SPEEDY CONFLICT RESOLUTION

3. Then read it again, and tone it down or re
cast it
it.. Then leave it again
again.. Repeat if
necessary..
necessary
4. When you can finally read it without your
heart skipping a beat, and no traces of
anger or confusion etc remain, you’re
ready to take the next step

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 ANGER MANAGEMENT
IF YOU ARE ANGRY
ANGRY:: PLEASE BE INTELLIGENT! SKILLS
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

DECIDE (NOW) THAT WHEN IT HAPPENS, YOU’LL SHUT UP!

(Don’t expect to make that decision after becoming angry!)

1. We are the first person to know when

we are about to get angry…. Nostrils
flare, breathing changes etc.
2. Ugly truth is, we ALLOW ourselves to get
angry because we actually ENJOY it –
once we blow the fuse, no rules apply,
no need to hold back….

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 ANGER MANAGEMENT
IF YOU ARE ANGRY
ANGRY:: PLEASE BE INTELLIGENT! SKILLS
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

DECIDE (NOW) THAT WHEN IT HAPPENS,YOU’LL SHUT UP!

(Don’t expect to make that decision after becoming angry!)

3. Decide now
now,, while cool-
cool-headed: vow to
be sil ent every time we detect anger
beginning to surge in us.
4. Shut up. Excuse ourselves humbly. Go
work on it. Let it out somewhere else if
you have to.
5. Be honest with yourself: acknowledge
anger when it’s there.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 A TIP FOR GOOD
SKILLS
COMMUNICATION
ALL ‘PROBLEMS’ CAN BE SOLVED IMMEDIATELY
IMMEDIATELY!!

A problem is NOT a problem

IF
you acknowledge it exists, identify it, explore all possible
steps/action by both parties, then do all that is within
your power (for the present) towards resolving it . . . . .
THEN WAIT for the other party to act, or TILL IT HITS
YOU AGAIN – meanwhile, get on with your life – the
problem is already solved [for the present] and worrying
about it or thinking endlessly is simply unproductive!
The ball is now in the other person’s court…
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 ANGER MANAGEMENT (2) SKILLS

A PRINCIPLE WORTH REMEMBERING

A problem is not a problem if (a) you acknowledge

it’s there; (b) isolate it and identify all elements
involved; (c) after examining all possible lines of
action available, do whatever you are able to
towards solving the problem under the present
circumstances.

In this way, your weakness can become your

strength. It’s a weak spot only when you don’t
identify it or don’t take remedial measures!

Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 ANGER MANAGEMENT (3) SKILLS
GUIDING WORDS
(if you hold on to them now, they’ll be very helpful to
clear your mind when your deep in some conflict.)
1. “Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve”… or you’ll
hurt yourself… Hide it and open up at the right place
and time with the right person. (& close up again when done.)
2. Don’t ever become a pretender – remember the
saying: “Above All Else, To Thine Ownself Be True.”
3. If you’ve been hurt by a friend, do be honest – you
must let him know in good time.. if not, the
relationship will not grow… problems in a
relationship are like mountains that must be crossed,
to bring us to a higher plateau – it’s natural in the
growth of loving relationships.
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 ANGER MANAGEMENT (4)
SKILLS
more guiding words
4. Sometimes we hurt our beloved ones unknowingly
unknowingly..
Sometimes we do so knowingly or subconsciously.
subconsciously.
Why would we want to do that? Because we need
us:: If they
to test and find out if they still care for us
do care, they will get hurt – not otherwise
otherwise.. It helps
us to trust that person more and to overcome our
insecurities at being exposed to potential
person.. (Take care not
exploitation or hurt by that person
to be manipulative though!!)
5. Love brings with it expectation.
expectation. Expectation of
gentleness, of reciprocation
reciprocation.. Do not expect any
honour or reciprocation where mutual relationship
does not exist
exist…
…
6. {Pure Love exists only with God..
God.. See ‘trnad api
api…
…’ }
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das
 START CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN PERSONAL & WORKING RELATIONSHIPS
HERE
Acknowledge Identify All
Are there any
Introspect & Admit Elements
relationships
Existence of & Incidents
involved?
Problem involved Ask Qn. (a)
As Early As &
Possible If ‘NO’, take Qn. (b)
Go let it out remedial
He must be with a measures
‘a sounding board’ loving friend If ‘YES’
Then
go
around Don’t sweep Deal with
one Anything each one
Don’t judge What type?
more Under separately
yourself Personal
time The carpet!
or your Or Working
Face it each
feelings Or Both?
time it
comes back
1st deal with
Separate your emotions,
Use the ‘Solve Write the your thoughts then ensure
All Problems ‘Nasty Letter’ from your your own
Immediately ’formula then sit tight… feelings objectivity
Dina-
Dina -Anukampana Das R e L a T i O n S h I p S H__o__
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