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The Anachrobat
By Mordechai
Schiller

Wednesday, October 7, 2015 | " "

Im older than I am.

I dont mean senior moments turning into days. Actually, my memory is improving. These days, I forget things much
faster.
I mean like when Avraham Rosenblum (Diaspora Band) laughed because I asked when hes coming out with a new
album. Hey, I still call them records!

Vocabulary.com has a concise definition of record:

Record started off meaning to register, with a record being something written down. With the invention of the
phonograph, record came to mean to capture sound and a record was something that stored that sound.
To explain, they give a paragraph using different senses of the word:
Bands record songs. If you record (re-CORD) your thoughts in a diary, you are making a record (REC-urd) of your
life. If you get caught stealing, youll find yourself with a criminal record, but if youre under eighteen, the theft will not
appear on your permanent record. We look to the historical record to learn what happened in the past.
The explanation reminds me of a 1950s humor magazine. (Dont ask me how I remember. I wish I remembered the
Gemara so well!)
Some letters to the editor included a series of questions about expressions that often appeared in the magazine:
What does fershlugginer mean?
What does blintzes mean?
What does halvah mean?
What does potrzebie mean?
The editors answered all the questions with one sentence:
Who stuffed the fershlugginer blintzes with halvah?! They taste like potrzebie!
No one today knows what albums are. No one but retro guys like me.
Back in the day, records were shellac or vinyl discs with sound etched into grooves. They were recorded at 78
revolutions per minute (RPM). The early technology limited 78 RPM records to about three minutes, with another
three minutes on the flip side. But for classical music or collections that needed more time, companies put out
record sets in sleeves, bound and packaged like photo albums.
When technology improved to where they could get good sound at slower speeds, the 33 1/3 RPM Long Playing (LP)
record was born. They crammed all the music onto one record. But they were still called albums.
The main producer was RCA Victor. They also manufactured a record player or phonograph that became standard
equipment in American homes. They called it a Victrola.
Why am I older than I am? Because I am the youngest of three brothers. I grew up with my parents culture. My Dad,
zl, was a songwriter and music aficionado. He used to call my stereo a Victrola.
Later, I blended in my brothers cultures, along with gobs from my own generation. I am the original multiculturalist.
On a form asking what languages I speak, I listed English, Hebrew, Yiddish and Brooklyn. To that list, I add
Retro. Ralph Keyes, in I Love it When You Talk Retro, wrote about cultural references that might puzzle students.
You sound like a broken record, [repeating your-self] for example doesnt make much sense to a generation that
grew up with iPod buds in their ears. Terms like stuck in a groove [in a rut] and ip side [different aspect] could also
be puzzling.
I still remember RCA Victors Nipper the dog staring into the speaker of a crank-up phonograph, listening to his
masters voice.

I also remember one Chanukah my son Meir bought me a camera. He knew the last thing I needed was another
reason to have to sit at the computer. So he thoughtfully bought me a non-digital Konica 35mm film camera. I called it
a Konica present.
But my delight was short-lived. A few years later, a cashier at my supermarket asked, Whats film?
Online Etymological Dictionary traces the origin of anachronism to the 1640s: An error in computing time or finding
dates wrong time, from ana against + khronos time. And another sense: Meaning something out of
harmony with the present; 1816.
An anachronism is when your school puts on a play of Yosef and His Brothers, and one actor asks, How many hours
until we reach Shechem? Then, before answering, another actor looks at his watch.
When someone asks me, What time is it? Im tempted to reply, What is it, time? I have an excellent sense of
timelessness.
Like Elie Wiesel who still writes with a fountain pen I am a throwback to an earlier age. But Im also
multicultural: both monochronic (time-driven) and polychronic (fuzzy-timed). Im non-linear, but I dont multi-task well.
I like books on paper. But I write on a computer. Im a geeky Luddite (technophobe).
When my daughter lent me her cellphone in Israel, I asked her, Where are the buttons?
There are no buttons. You have to swipe it.
I cant swipe it. You gave it to me!
Im an anachrobat. I juggle the old and the new, while balancing myself on a narrow bridge.
Please send smiles, sticks and stones to language@hamodia.com.