Sex tips for men from a

bisexual woman
Hello, straight men. I like you. Youre fun to hang out with
and play pool with and talk to. Hell, Ive even had sex with
some of you and enjoyed it quite a bit. Also? We share a
common interest in having sex with ladies.
As someone who has been on both sides of the lady sexing
equation, I feel like I am remarkably positioned to do you a
solid. A solid that may boomerang agreeably in my favor one
day, true, but mostly a solid that will help you and women
and the spreading of joy in general.
So without further ado, heres what I would tell you if I knew
you really well and we were hanging out as friends and we
were also maybe a drink or two in.

1. There is no Konami code for getting

women off.
know that sucks: Id love a set of clear and infallible
instructions leading to guaranteed ladygasms too. We all
would. But those instructions just dont exist.
I

The facts are that every womans body is different and every
womans mind is different. While there are certainly
intersections, what turns a woman on and/or what gets her
off can be very different than what worked for the last
woman you were with. So that means youre going to have to

do two things: Talk to her about what she likes and pay
attention to her reactions when you try something.
If that sounds like its going to take some time and patience,
youre correct. You know why queer women have sex once
and then end up dating for three to seventy-five years? Its
because theyre spending that time learning to make each
other climax like Beethovens ninth.

2. Watch all the porn you want, but

please dont learn your sex moves
from porn.
Sex and porn actually have a tiny but key difference in their
goals. The purpose of actual sex is to produce pleasure (and,
presumably, orgasms) for you and the nice lady youre
having sex with. The purpose of porn, however, is not to
produce orgasms for the people who are having sex. The
purpose of porn is to produce orgasms for you, the viewer.
See how important that difference is? Porn is about what
looks good to you, not about what actually feels good to a
woman. And those, alas, are often different things. For
example, most porn keeps a womans breasts visible at all
times because they are marvelous to look at. However, a
woman whose breasts are in full view is a woman whos
missing out on the pleasure of having them touched.
And while it is true that no sex advice works for every
woman, I can tell you that most women are not crazy about
such beloved signature porn moves as mechanically

jackhammering a woman with your cock while paying zero

attention to her clitoris. Same deal with bending her into
spine-endangering positions in order to get her ladybits up in
the air while her face is jammed into the bedding.
Also, never, ever, ever ejaculate in a womans face unless
she has specifically asked you to do so. Even then, you
should probably ask a few clarifying follow-up questions just
to make sure.

3. Level up your relationship with

boobs.
Boobs are the best. Can we agree on that? The best. They are
fun to look at, fun to hold, and just fun to be around in
general. If there is one gift I could give you, my straight
dude pal, it would be getting to experiencing the magic of
being one half of a lady-lady makeout, in which fourFour!
boobs are involved.
Heres the thing to keep in mind, though: Boobs are not
merely magically soft objects for you to touch; they are
concentrated pleasure delivery devices. Which means that
its not just that you touch them, its how you touch them.
First off, watch the mashing. I know that once youre given
the go-ahead, its tempting to give boobs a big ol squeeze
(like they show in porn!), but as the owner of a fairly
sensitive pair, please dont do that. Its for roughly the same
reason that I wouldnt greet you by giving your balls a kungfu grip.

Its not really your fault if youve been oversqueezing the

funbags in your lifeweve had vastly different media
training. Through the magic of movie comedies and Worlds
Funniest Home Videos, women have been taught to treat
balls like nuclear warheads that have been encased in
Faberg eggs, only more delicate. Whereas men have been
taught that women love nothing more than a good
honksqueeze. (Dont say honk. Dont ever say honk.
Dont say the word, and dont make the noise.)
The wonderful flipside of the please-dont-squeeze-thecharmings rule, however, is that breasts can be exquisitely
sensitive. And variably sensitive. Which means that tiny
amounts of stimulus can reap you big rewards, and that as
your ladyfriend gets more turned on, she can handle more
stimulation, which then gets her even more turned on.
Everybody wins.
Her nipples are more sensitive than the rest of her breasts,
and her breasts are more sensitive than the surrounding
skin, so use that to your advantage too. Tease her a little bit,
spiral inward from least sensitive to most sensitive areas,
and let the sensations build. The more wound up she is, the
more fun youll both have, and the more likely she is to think
of novel and interesting things to do to you in return.

4. Your dick is your general, not your

only soldier.

Straight people (and plenty of gay men) usually learn that

sex is when the penis goes in. And, hey, the penis going in is
really fun. The problem, sadly, is that most people learn that
sex is only what happens when the penis goes in. Most dudes
assume that lesbians and bi women think the same thing,
partly because so much porn shows lesbians strapping on.
Your dick is key to sex for you, and its easy to assume that a
dick of some sort is key to all sex, so Im sorry if this next
sentence blows your mind a little bit:
I have had entire relationships with women in which we
never used a strap-on or penetrative toy of any kind.
No penises, no penis substitutes. To be clear, this wasnt any
sort of a Rawr! We hate men! thing. We just... never
missed having a penis involved.
Ladies who like the D tend to like it a whole bunch. Im just
saying that you can open up your repertoire and take some
pressure off your best pal by looking at what else you can
use to make your ladyfriend lose her damn mind.
For one thing, if sex doesnt start when you put your dick in,
it can start anywhere. If I know its going to happen, sex can
last all day for me. I think about it when Im showering,
when Im putting on lotion to make my skin soft for her, and
when Im choosing what underwear shell be tearing off me.
Ill send her a text thats the right amount of filthy at work,
and, while the conversation and mental connection are
important, Ill also let her catch me checking out how hot she
is at dinner. It influences the way I put my hand on the small
of her back as we get back to her place and the way I kiss
her for the first time when were finally alone.

Its not dateforeplaysex. Its all sex, on one big

continuum. Take the whole concept of foreplay as a
separate thing out back and shoot it. Putting your dick in is
the top layer of the cake, not the cake itself.

5. Be vocal about how much you love

her body.
ou know how youre sitting there watching a perfectly good
low-investment movie or show and suddenly goddamned
Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling or Taye Diggs has his shirt off
and now there are perfect pecs and abs all over the place
and youre re-thinking every Cheeto that has ever passed
your lips? That slice of suck has been happening every two to
thirty minutes for your girl every single day since she was
about eight years old. There is almost nothing that is sold to
women that isnt also selling the side message that shed
better be stepping it up in the looks department.
Also happening to her since she was eight? People winning
arguments with her by telling her shes
fat/ugly/tall/short/flat-chested/top-heavy/widehipped/lacking an ass/generally undateable. And rest
assured, it is still happening. When they arent being
threatened with punitive rape, women who dare to express
political opinions online are routinely called ugly or
unfuckable by the guys theyre arguing with. And in between
eight and adult, your ladyfriend got to live through those
glorious adolescent years when guys either made fun of her
for having tits or made fun of her for not having them. Good
times, eh?

By the time she gets to your bed, your ladyfriend has been
told that she is not inherently lovable just as she is and that
there is something humiliatingly wrong with her looks, at a
conservative estimate, 14,683 times. Try to feel alluring and
sensual under those conditions. Even if she is an amazing
woman full of confidence and moxie, the sheer volume may
have worn down on her.
So this is not just a sex tip but a life tip. Its the one that will,
no matter what else happens, make a woman smile
whenever she thinks of you. Shell walk a little straighter,
her cheeks will flush, shell have an inner glow that makes
her feel like she can do just about anything. And her new
boyfriend, should she ever even need one, will absolutely
fucking hate you.
And all you have to do is mention it when you notice
something gorgeous about her. Im not saying flatter her or
make things up. Just tell her sincerely when you see one of
those little things that make you crazy for her.
Its not hard to come up with those thingsYoure with her
because youre attracted to her, right?but it may be scary
to say them. It puts you in a faintly vulnerable position,
telling her you love that little spot behind her ear or that
dimple at her knee, telling her that her tits make you feel like
an 18-year-old on a Viagra binge or that you love the curve
of her hip when youre lying next to her.
No matter what else happens, she will always have a place in
her heart for you. And no matter what else happens, you will
have helped a happier, more confident sexual being take her
place in the world.

Im pretty sure you get bonus points in Sex Heaven for that.
Use them well.

Its amazing how so many women still

feel completely clueless about sex.
There are tons of magazines, online
articles, video guides and sex gurus
out there who are willing to share free
information, and yet some women still
feel perpetually stuck with enduring
jackhammer sex.
It shouldnt be in our nature to just
endure bad sex. But we cant pin the
blame solely on the men. Some of
them can be just as clueless as we
once were when it comes to the
female body. Some of them may not
even be able to find the clitoris or the
g-spot with both hands and a map.
10 steamy sex tips you need in your

life
For all those women out there who
feel like sex is just another messy
experience, here are some things you
can do that might dramatically
improve your sex life. And no, these
tips dont involve positions that only
contortionists will be able to pull off!
#1 Practice pleasuring yourself. How
can you expect your man to pleasure
you if you dont even know how to
pleasure yourself? Women
masturbate. Its a fact. It may not be
a widely known fact, but women like
to go solo from time to time, too.
Clear an hour off your day and try to
explore your body. Your goal isnt to
orgasm. On the contrary, your goal is
to find out where you would like to be
touched and how you would like to be

touched.
You probably wont be able to figure
everything out the first time. But after
a couple of solo sessions, youll find
your body slowly opening up to the
sensations. You can even tell your
man about your explorations, as it
just might turn him on too.
#2 Learn how to say no, stop or
slow down. If you dont like what
hes doing, why should you just lie
there and take it? Even if he seems
like hes having the time of his life,
you have to realize that sex should be
enjoyed by both of you. Learning to
say these words can do wonders for
your sex life. Merely speaking up is
enough to tell your man that youre
actually not having fun, and that
maybe you could try something else.

[Read: Get your guy interested in

more foreplay with these 9 sexy tips!]
#3 Encourage him. As with the above
tip, you have to learn to be a little
more assertive about what you like.
But saying no all the time may just
discourage him from exploring what
would make you feel good. Moaning
softly or whispering words of
encouragement will definitely make an
impression on him. And that could be
enough to let him know what it is you
want him to do.
Another way you can let him know
what to do is by guiding where he
places his hands and his mouth.
Gently guide his hands to where you
want to be touched. Try to control the
speed and how much pressure hes
using. It takes some getting used to,

especially if the guy is already very

confident about his own sexual
prowess. But when he sees just how
good he becomes at turning you on, it
can be a huge stroke for his ego, too.
#4 Dont be afraid to ask. However,
dont just ask outright while youre
already doing the deed! If hes averse
to the idea, it might be enough to
make him lose an erection. Instead,
mention the topic before youve made
it to the bedroom, and say it in the
form of a hypothetical question.
For example, ask him Would you ever
try cuffs and blindfolds in bed? or
Have you ever tried spanking
before? Asking the question is
enough to let him know that youre
thinking about it. But since youre not
in the heat of the moment yet, hes

free to refuse or to at least think it

over for a while. [Read: 20 naughty
questions that can turn your guy on]
#5 Clear your head beforehand. Many
women are guilty of letting their mind
fly off while theyre having sex. Its
nothing to be ashamed of, but its not
exactly good for your sex life, either.
Youre missing the moment when you
could be focusing on the sensations
your man is trying so hard to give
you!
One way you can stay focused on the
moment is by moving your hands all
over his body and really feeling each
sensation. You can also try taking
control of the situation by moving
along to the rhythm of his thrusts.
Sex isnt supposed to be a mechanical
series of movements, your mind has

to be in it as much as your body is.

#6 Kegels are your friend. These little
pelvic floor exercises can be done
anytime, anywhere. It consists of
flexing the muscles you use when
youre trying to hold your urine in. 20
in a row, a couple of times each day
should be enough to get your pelvic
muscles nice and strong.
The main benefit of the Kegels
exercise is that it keeps your muscles
down there toned. The more toned
your muscles are, the more sensitive
you can be to even the slightest
sensations. You also get the added
benefit of having stronger orgasms.
And if youre thinking of doing your
Kegels exercises while having sex,
youre in for a pleasurable surprise!

#7 Lingerie, lights and music can turn

mediocre sex into a mind blowing
experience. Lingerie may not be for
everyone, but just wearing a set that
makes you feel sexy can be enough to
give you some added confidence. And
trust us when we say that nothing is
sexier than confidence. [Read: 13
sexual anxiety hacks you should try
with your guy]
If youre not comfortable with bright
lights, dim lamps or some candles will
help you enhance the sensual
ambiance. But do try to trust your guy
when he says he wants to see you in
your full glory. Despite all the little
insecurities you might have about
your body, your guy may already
think youre a perfect ten. And as for
the music, something light and nondistracting would be ideal. [Read: 14

ways to see if your man thinks youre

smokin hot]
#8 Dont think about your orgasm.
The thing about orgasms is that the
more you think about them, the less
likely theyll happen. Thinking of why
its not yet happening or why its
taking so long might just stress you
out and lead you further away from
your release. Its a clich, but the
journey is actually more fun than the
destination.
Being pressured into achieving
orgasm is just as bad as not having
one at all. So the best thing you can
do is to just feel everything. Its okay
if you suddenly get distracted when
he changes his pace or switches
positions. You can just pick up the
pace again. If what hes doing doesnt

seem to be working for you, you can

try giving him a little help by touching
yourself or taking control. [Read:
Need a little insight into faking
orgasms?]
#9 The first time with someone new is
hardly ever the best. Youre just
getting to know each others bodies,
so youre less likely to know what
works for both of you. But even if
your first time sucked, you can always
learn from the experience and try
again.
For example, if you notice that you
always get cramps when youre doing
missionary, try it from behind on your
next tryst. Is he always eager to get
straight to penetration? Show him the
kind of foreplay youre into. Really,
theres no reason to continue having

lackluster sex when there are so

many things you can do to improve it.
[Read: Should you give in to the
temptation of first date sex?]
#10 Pee right after sex. Cuddling
after sex is fine, but the first thing
you need to do after you catch your
breath is head over to the bathroom
for a leak. This is one of the best
preventative measures for urinary
tract infection out there, and we
seriously dont recommend forgetting
this step. Cuddling will be ten times
more enjoyable when you know
youve reduced your risk of UTI.