True Love Waits!

This Week's Scripture: Songs of Solomon 2:7, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the
gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (NIV)

Many of us have heard or even spoken the phrase, "true love waits." I have a purity
ring that says that very thing. But what does it really mean? Some of you might say it
means exactly what it says. Yes it does; however, let's examine each word closely.
True. In the dictionary* true is defined this way: 1. real; genuine; 2. faithful; loyal; 3.
right; proper; correct; exact; accurate; 4. rightful; lawful. If you say "true love waits" by
replacing true with one or all of the words above, does the phrase take on a new
meaning for you?
Love. Love is defined like this: 1. warm and tender liking; deep feeling of fondness and
friendship; great affection or devotion; 2. have such a warm liking or deep feeling for; 3.
a strong liking; 4. like very much; take great pleasure in.
Waits. Wait or Waits is defined as follows: 1. stay or stop doing something until
someone comes or something happens; 2. look forward; be expecting or ready; 3. delay
or put off. In other words, do not progress forward until you know it is God's will and
timing for you.
Putting this all together may make it sound somewhat as follows: [True]Genuine,
faithful, and proper [Love] deep fondness, affection, or devotion to others [Waits] is
expectant, ready, and looking forward to what God has planned for their life. In other
words, to truly love someone, you must wait for God's "yes" to move forward in that
loving relationship. A good way to do this is to listen to what the Bible says in Songs of
Solomon 2:7b, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Or you could say it
this way, do not allow love to wake up in you until God says it is the right time!
In the first part of that same verse Beloved (aka the girl in this book of the Bible) is
charging (or placing under oath) the other women of Jerusalem to do this very thing. In
the same way we should not artificially stimulate love before God's perfect timing.
Flirting and the dating game are just a couple examples of "fake love" that many people
participate in which really hinder their following God's path and plan for their future.

Introduction

It took more than a decade since this term was coined. As far as I remember, though,
the song entitled This Promise I Made (subtitled True Love Waits) by CSM
popularized it:
I will not break this promise I made
I will not take this treasure and throw it away
I will not break my future dreams for pleasures made of clay
For roses fade but love, but love is true
True Love Waits
TLW actually started as an international Christian group that promotes sexual
abstinence outside of marriage for teenagers and college students. TLW was created in
April, 1993 by the Southern Baptists, and is sponsored by LifeWay Christian Resources.
It is based on conservative Christian views of human sexuality that require one to be
faithful to one's husband or wife, even before marriage. [1] Thats how it began.
Nevertheless, my main agenda here is not historical but biblical. Where do we find
True Love Waits in the Bible? Thats what this essay is all about.
Definition of TLW
But first thing first. What do we mean by True Love Waits? Lets start this with a
negative definition.
1. TLW does not just mean waiting for the right time to have sexual
intercourse.

Let me clarify this. The original TLW group has a pledge that goes this way: "Believing
that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my
future mate and my future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day
I enter a biblical marriage relationship." [2].
In other words, the classic TLW simply means No to premarital sex. But dont get me
wrong. That principle is absolutely biblical:
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own
wife and each woman her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2)
This verse implies that sex outside of marriage is sexually immoral. And we have
several verses condemning sexual immorality: Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,
18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1
Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7.[3]
So TLW certainly encompasses refraining from sex until marriage. However, we will
argue that the biblical TLW is more than just waiting for marital sex. TLW involves
refraining from all premature romanticizing thoughts, emotions and actions until the
right time. The rationale behind the wider definition is because the waiting part in
biblical romance is not just sexual, although that certainly is included. Coz if its just
waiting for sex, this gives a license to the playboys out there who enjoy winning the
hearts of girls out of self-satisfaction.
2.

TLW does not mean you should always wait for a specific person.

1 Corinthians 13 says that true love is patient and that it rejoices with the truth.
True Love is not presumptuous. It seeks the will of God. Christ Himself taught us to
pray Thy will be done. David said Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on
your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) It is therefore too presumptuous to say that it
is Gods will for you to wait for the day that you will court or marry a certain person.
More often than not, God wants us to live by faith in our love life, entrusting unto Him
the uncertain. As Jaci Velasquez says, Waiting for the day when I hear you say, heres
the one I have created just for you. [4]
3.

TLW does not mean we have to wait passively.

We should not just lie in wait and do nothing like when were waiting for the train.
Waiting for the right time to love means actively preparing for it. So were saying that
True Love Waits because there are a lot of things that you should do right now before
you can apply true love in the right context, that is, a marriage-oriented relationship.
As we will see later, the biblical eros love will always be pointing towards marriage.
And when youre already prepared, do not expect God to appear on your dream and say
Do you see the blond woman who walks by the door? Thats your destined partner.
God doesnt act that way. As Dobson says,
I do not believe that God performs a routine matchmaking service for everyone who
worships Him. He has given us judgment, common sense and discretionary powers,
and He expects us to exercise these abilities in matters matrimonial.[5]

So now, if TLW is neither a passive, presumptuous waiting nor being merely sexual
abstinent, what is it?
TLW means actively waiting for the appropriate time to pursue a pure, godly,
marriage-oriented relationship with the opposite sex.
With this definition, marriage is the goal of every romantic step we take. Exclusive
dating, holding each others hands, and the like are therefore part of what we should
wait for. For boys it means not asking the girl out until you both are marriable, that is,
until there is a possibility of marriage. For girls, it means not entertaining any guy who
is trying to woo your heart if he cannot yet marry you or at least until he is near at
possibly marrying you.
Now, since weve properly defined TLW. Lets try to establish its biblical support. It has
been questioned many times and, to be honest, it is not easy to defend. This is because
there is no single explicit verse for it. Again, let me say it: we dont have any verse that
explicitly teaches the principle of TLW. But we can still induce the principle from some
biblical support.
Biblical Support for TLW
1. God has designed romance to be ultimately realized in marriage.
The whole tenor of the Bible speaks of romance (or eros love) as a good thing only
when honored inside marriage. On the other hand, romance outside of marriage is
often (if not always) condemned. Adam and Eve, the first couple, held fast to each
other in marriage (Gen. 2:24, 25). Isaac, through his fathers servant, looked for
Rebekah to be his wife. Jacob actively waited for Rachel to be his wife, not just
girlfriend. The whole love book of the Bible (Songs of Solomon) is written in the context
of marriage (4:8, 9, 10; 5:1). Even God himself often illustrated His love for his people
as a Bridegroom to his bride (Jer. 2:2). Jesus calls us, the Church, his bride (Eph. 5;
Rev. 19:7). Marriage is the sole romantic relationship which the Bible endorses so
obviously.
The only premarital relationship that we see is actually betrothal (like in the case of
Joseph and Mary). This is, however, cultural and is not an imperative pattern for
Christians. We are not commanded to be betrothed. Same goes with dating and
courtship. Proponents of either dating or courtship should acknowledge that their
method will never be found in the Bible. But what I want you to understand is that even
the Jewish betrothal points to marriage. In fact, in the Mosaic covenant, a man who lies
with a betrothed woman is considered an adulterer and is to be put to death. (Deut.
22:23-27) On top of that, so marriage-oriented is the Old Testament that an Israelite
man who violated an unmarried woman ought to marry her! (Deut. 22:28-30; Ex.
22:16)
The point that Im making here is that if ever there is a romance that God wants His
children to pursue, it is the kind of romance that intends to and is able to get married.
If you do not possess both the intent and the ability to get married, its not for you yet.
You wait.

Rick Holland stated it this way,

Premarital relationships should serve one purpose:

to test the relationship for

marriage. Let me say it another way: There is no good reason to have a girlfriend or
boyfriend until a person is ready to get married!

I hope the implications of this

statement are obvious. Readiness involves being old enough and mature enough to
assume the responsibilities of marriage. No romantic relationship should ever begin
unless marriage is the possible - even probable outcome. That said, it is difficult to
justify the romances of junior high and high school. If one is not ready to get married,
he or she is not ready to date or court.

2. The seasons of life are designed by our sovereign God.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. (Ecc.
3:1) One of the things we ought to remember is that waiting is not an alien idea to us.
Its a human thing. It even appears that every creature is designed with the nature to
wait. We, humans, wait for the time to plant and the time to reap (3:2b) We wait for
a lot of things. By morning we toil and wait for the night to rest. By evening we sleep
and wait for the morning to come. Whether were studying or working, conducting
ministry or just at home, we wait for certain schedules. Same goes with love. In fact,
you dont have to teach a 5-year old kid that true love waits because his nature itself is
waiting to first grow. Why is it then that when it comes to romance, so many young
people cant seem to wait at all? The answers may be several.
One reason is that our generation idolizes romance. We live in a time where all forms of
media sensationalize love for the opposite sex. TVs, radios, books, magazines and the
Internet. All are filled with various, deceitful, worldly perspectives about eros love.
While the bible says that love is a willful commitment to give your life to someone, the
world says love is a feeling that you fall into possibly with just one sight. And,
therefore, the sin within us goes against the seasons that God has designed for us to
enjoy. It defies marriage and it hates waiting. It wants freedom to do whatever it wants
right now.
Another reason is that our generation is accustomed to the instant. Instant foods,
instant transportation, instant information and many automated human systems
enabled through technology. On one hand, this is to our advantage and gives us ease.
On the other hand, weve lost the virtue of waiting and patience. But true love is
patient. (1 Cor. 13:14) We should not treat eros love like an instant noodle that you
could grab any time you want. One good example is Jacobs 14-year waiting for Rachel.
Love is patient, therefore, it waits.
And, thirdly, we hate waiting because we distrust Gods sovereignty. In our unbelief, we
worry whether we might miss out. In our pride, we want to take control and do things
our way. Yet the Bible is plain that God is sovereign over all things.
Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, The power and the glory, The victory and the

majesty; For all that is in heaven and in earth is Yours; Yours is the kingdom, O Lord,
And You are exalted as head over all. (1 Chron 29:11)
The Lord has established His throne in heaven, And His kingdom rules over all. (Ps.
103:19)
For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever.
Amen. (Rom. 11:36)
In reality, every passage of the Bible that declares God is sovereign ought to make us
say that I trust Him, even in my love life. Every verse in the Bible that teaches Gods
sovereignty supports the principle of TLW.
3. Inappropriate romance endangers brotherly love.
Treat... younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Tim. 4:1,2) It was Timothy
who was instructed by Paul in this passage. He was saying that Timothy, the bishop of
Ephesus that time, should treat his members as family. Older men as fathers, older
women as mothers, younger men as brothers and younger women as sisters. We
should note, however, that Paul added with all purity after mentioning the younger
women. The reason is obvious: men who deal with young women has this tendency to
be captivated by lust or by charm. If Timothy is therefore warned, how much more with
us?
This verse is not in any way directly teaching us to wait. However, if not having
absolute purity includes untimely romance, this verse is supporting it.
To put it simply, absolute purity could include these:
absolute purity = {gentleness, no malice, no adultery, no sexual immorality,
honoring marriage, timely romance, no infatuation, no flirting/hinting}
If thats what absolute purity means then the verse could be telling us that we ought to
view each other as brothers and sisters without the infatuating, the flirting and the
untimely romance which are common among young people. Its like saying You are not
treating a woman as a sister if you are developing a romantic relationship with her
while you are not yet ready to get married. Let me say it in another way, If you have
no intention of marrying a Christian man/woman, dont express and expect romance in
your relationship with him/her. Treat him/her as a brother/sister.
Conclusion
True Love Waits is a biblical principle that honors marriage, Gods sovereignty and
brotherly love. Regardless of the method you use in finding the right one, waiting for
Gods perfect time is Gods will for all of us. And, in ways that could differ among us,

When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the
right person under the right circumstances.[6]