TAHNEE DVD

ROBBINS MADANES FILM

10/1/04
TR
CM
T
MN

Tony Robbins
Cloe Madanes
Tahnee
Male Narrator
Tahnee

CM

Our emotions are the driving force that determines the quality of our lives. Everyone is
capable of experiencing the whole range of human emotions, yet many people allow
themselves to experience only a narrow range. One person may go from feeling sad to
angry to sad again, while another may go from feeling love to joy, and someone else may
regularly experience fear, anxiety, and pain. It is characteristic of western culture to
believe that our emotions are outside of our control. Most people believe that the
depressed person is simply depressed, does nothing to deliberately bring on that state,
and therefore cannot do anything to change it. Similarly, the happy person simply has a
happy disposition and is also not responsible for bringing on that state.
We seem to believe that our emotions are determined by a mysterious predisposition. The
truth is emotions do not come to us. We go to them. If you regularly experience anger,
sadness, guilt, or fear, instead of joy, gratitude, compassion, and excitement, this is
because these emotions meet certain needs within you. Fortunately it is possible to make
a conscious choice about your emotions. In this film Anthony Robbins will demonstrate
how to understand your emotional patterns, the needs they meet within you, and how to
make a conscious choice about the emotions you want to experience.
We begin our story with Anthon Robbins speaking at a conference before 3,000 people.
In order to show how quickly people can change their emotions, he asks for a show of
hands from those who are experiencing depression. Tahnee is an attractive intelligent
young woman who uses depression to get sympathy and love. However, she gets caught
up in the idea of being depressed and ends up feeling unhappy and alienating those
around her.
Using human needs psychology, Robbins will illusidate how Tahnees emotional patterns
function to bring on suffering. By clarifying these core emotional patterns, Tahnee is able
to find the self-awareness necessary to avoid using depression and instead to make bold
new decisions.
Robbins will first demonstrate the principal of the triad.

CAPTION: Principle of the Triad

All behaviors, including emotions, consist of three parts working together.

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GRAPHICS: At the top of the page is Principle of the Triad and below is a large
triangle. The top of the triangle are the words Physiology and Posture. To the right
bottom angle of the triangle are the words Mental Focus and to the left bottom
angle of the triangle is the word Language.
CM

All behaviors, including emotions, consist of three parts working together: patterns of
physiology and posture, patterns of mental focus, and language patterns. In order to be
depressed, a person must assume a certain posture, focus on certain specific things, and
use certain specific language patterns that lead to depression. Robbins will ask Tahnee
to deliberately put herself into a state of depression so that the audience can see what
patterns of physiology, focus, and language are necessary for her to feel depressed.

TR

Okay, wheres the lady right here who just raised her hand? I just saw you. Yes, maam.
Would you stand up for a moment? [Applause] Whats your name? Im sorry. Tahnee
could we get a microphone for Tahnee. Now Tahnee, now you dont look very depressed
right now. Are you really depressed right now?

Yes.

TR

You are. I see. How depressed are you on a zero to ten scale? Ten is totally depressed,
want to kill yourself, zero is not depressed at all.

About an eight.

TR

About an eight. Interesting.

About an eight.

TR

And um, youre feeling that right now?

Actually Im doing pretty good since Ive been here.

TR

Yeah, youre doing better right now. How many saw she was not depressed just now?
Let met see a show of hands if you saw it. [Applause] Okay, but you could get there if
you, if you wanted to, right?

Yeah.

TR

Right now youre not actually depressed. What are you feeling right now?

Hopeful.

TR

Hopeful. By the way, how many saw that in her body? [Applause] Right?

CM

When talking to Robbins, Tahnee is momentarily hopeful. Robbins points out that when
Tahnee feels emotional states, these states are linked to physiological patterns in her
body.

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TR

Now I want you to noticeI want you to notice Tahnees physiology right now when
shes hopeful. If you notice, shes got one arm here, but the other one is loose. And shes
smiling, and if you notice, her headher shoulders are back a little bitnot all the way,
but a little bitand her head is kind bouncing like this. Thats called hopeful for her. You
can see now its even more than hopeful right now. Theres a different feeling she just had
as I point this out. Okay? Now, thats not depressed. And she smiled. How many of you
felt when she took the microphone she was not depressed? Let me see a show of hands.
Now how come 3,000 people all knew that? Because youre all natural psychologists, and
you know that is not depression.
Now you can fake somewhat, but if youre totally depressed, you couldnt have smiled as
big as she did, and she would have been not in the same position. Now what Id like you
to do for me is Id like you to get depressed because you were depressed earlier tonight I
assume, or earlier today. Is that right?

Mm hmm.

TR

Okay, can you get depressed for me?

Its pretty easy.

TR

Okay, show me how to do it because Im not very successful at this. Really get depressed
right now. I mean it for, for real. Get really depressed. Do what you do with your body
when youre really depressed. There you go.
And now I want you to double the depressionwhatever you got to do. Do what you do
with your body when youre twice as depressed. Focus on what you focus on when
youre twice as depressed. Say to yourself what you saythere you gowhen youre
really depressed. Say it in the tone of voice you use when youre really depressed. How
depressed are you right now, zero to ten? Stay in that state, and just tell me how
depressed, zero to ten?

Pretty depressed.

TR

Where are you? Ten is want to kill yourself. Zero is not depressed at all. Where are you?

About a nine.

TR

About an eight?

A nine.

TR

Nine. Okay, now stay there in that state so we can learn something. How many saw her
change her physiology radically to go in depression? Raise your hand. What did she
specifically do to go from hopeful to depressed? By the way, how fast did she go from
hopeful to depressed? How fast? In a heartbeat. Whatd she change? Someone tell me.
Posturewhat part? What happened? Where did her head go? Heads down. What else
changed? Stay in thatoh, stay depressed. Youre going to screw this up. Stay

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depressed. I dont want you getting happy on me. [Laughter] Don't you get happy on
me. You stay depressed, damn it.
CM

Robbins has demonstrated how quickly Tahnee can take herself from hopeful to
depressed, and then to laughter. He pretends to be angry and disappointed that she
cannot maintain her depression, and he will use strong language to emphasize this
pretend.

TR

Dont you start smiling and st. Thatll fk the whole thing up. [Laughter] Laughing
is the worst thing you can do to beyou stop laughing, bitch. [Laughter] Don't you
smile. Go back to depression. Come on. Give me a little help here. Thats it. Thats it.
Good. Get that hand back up. Good. Thats good. That helps. How many noticed that
hands are really important to the depression thing? So she dropped her head. What
happened to her breathing? Full or shallow? Started to get shallow. Heads down. What
happened to her shoulders? Down. Gostay there. Stay there. Down, right? So
shallow breathing, head downwhat else did you notice? Come on, what else did you
notice? She started squeezing her hand on that microphone tight. Did you notice that?
Tensiontapping the microphonethat tension. What else did she do to get into that
state? Whatd she finally do? Thats right. She kind leaned down, crouched down, and
brought her hand up to her head.

CM

Now that Robbins has pointed out the physiological pattern in Tahnees depression, he
will ask her what she focuses on in order to feel depressed.

TR

Now thats just the physical side. Now as you stay in this state, tell me what are you
focusing on to be depressed at level nine?

My lack of happiness.

TR

Your lack of happiness.

Mm, hmm.

TR

And when you say youre focused on your lack of happiness, what do you picture it?
What do you think about?

My not being able to stop crying a lot lately.

TR

Not being able to stop crying. And what do you think about that makes you remember
that youre not able to stop crying? Could you get to crying for us? Could you get that
depressed? Oh, come on. You could do it. If youre able to get to the place of not being
able to stop, lets go there. Thats a much better example.

Not, uh, not being able to put my past behind me.

TR

Not be able to put your pat behind you. What do you focus on in your past in order to be
depressed? Just say it.

My ah, my lack of trust in people.

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TR

Your lack of trust in people, or in men?

Men.

TR

Bet youre glad you volunteered for this, arent you? [Laughter] By the way, Im a man.
[Laughter]

CM

Tahnee put herself again in a depressed state through her physical posture, her
breathing, and her thought process. Robbins will now humorously provoke her into
another emotional state to continue to show how easy it is to go from one emotional state
to another.

TR

What does that microphone remind you of? [Laughter] Youre not looking too
depressed now. [Laughter] What are you feeling? [Laughter] Thats a new state. What
are you feeling right now?

I feel a little pissed.

TR

Yeah, thats what I thought. [Laughter] By the way, pissed is much better than
depressed. Notice what happens when you get pissed. Whatd she do? She brought her
head back up and her shoulders back up. Shes still tense, but shes like, Don't fk with
me. [Laughter] Which is a lot different than, Im helpless and I might not be able to
put my past behind me. So pissed might be a more useful state. Its certainly not the end
all and be all, but she can get out of depression and go pissed real quickly. In fact, I bet
youve done this plenty of times. When she gets tired of being sad she gets pissed. Am I
right?

Yeah.

TR

I call this a crazy-eight. She gets really depressed inside and feels helpless. Then she gets
tired of feeling that feeling. Ill explain why later. And then she gets pissed, which makes
her feel strong for short time. And then shes tired of being pissed, so she goes back to
connecting with herself and feeling sad again. Then she gets tired of that and she gets
pissed. True or false? So this is a very simple pattern, and its not unique. And shes
good at it because shes practiced it for years. True?

Im a master.

TR

Yes, I can see that. And shes proud of it. Im a fking master.

CM

For Tahnee, depression is way for her to connect and commiserate with herself.

GRAPHICS: At the top of the screen are the words The Crazy Eight.
Below the heading The Crazy Eight is an eight turned on its side with the words
Depression & Connection located at the top left side of the sideways eight and the
words Anger & Significant located at the top right side of the sideways eight.

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CM

However, when this depression begins to make her feel too weak, she snaps out of it with
anger. This emotional pattern of alternating between sadness and anger is called a
crazy-eight. Many people live most of their lives alternating between these two emotions.

TR

Especially when some guy gives me st. Oh, yes. I see. Lets go back to depressed,
though, because its so much more fun. Go back to depresseddepressed. Notice she
knows exactly where to go. Does she know what to do to get depressed, yes or no? She
would have you believe it happens to her, when all I do is tell her to do it and she goes,
Okay, I know exactly. Go ahead, get depressed. Get back to nine level of depression
again. Don't go to ten.

Thanks.

TR

You nod your head when youre back to nine. Focus on what you focus on.

Is this the Freudian thing?

TR

Whats that?

Is this the Freudian thing?

TR

I don't know. [Laughter] you tell me. All I know is you keep twisting that thing real
tight. [Laughter] Youre rubbing it off now? Is that what youre doing here?
[Laughter] Okay, get back to that depression thing. Come on, get back to that
depression thingto level eight. Nod when youre there. Okay?
Tell me what youre focusing on right now to be depressed at level eight. What are you
picturing? What are you, what are you focusing on? What are you remembering
specifically to be depressed at level eight or nine?

I don't know.

TR

Pardon me.

I dont know.

TR

Youre not there? What are you focused on, the men you can't trust from your past? Now
by the way, keep staying in that state. How many noticed the pattern thats different with
her head when shes hopeful than when shes depressed, a very simple pattern? Raise your
hand if youve seen it. What does she do with her head continuously when shes depressed
and frustrated? When she was hopeful, what was she doing with her head? How many
saw that pattern? Thats universal, by the way. What do you say to yourself to be
depressed like this? Just say out loud what youre saying your head when youre really
depressed.

CM

When people experience emotions, they are actually saying things to themselves silently.
Although not spoken out loud, these language patterns have a powerful influence on our
emotions. While asking her to intensify her depression, Robbins asks Tahnee to say out
loud what shes thinking.

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I am so pathetic.

TR

I am so pathetic. Say it in the tone of voice you say it when you stay depressed though.

Im so fking pathetic.

TR

Youre so fking pathetic. So fk is a word you know how to use.

Oh yeah.

TR

Yes. Good. What else do you say besides youre so fking pathetic? To really be
depressed, what do you got to say to yourselfreally depressed, nine? Say it in the tone
of voice you say it when youre that depressed.

And I dont want to live my life this way.

TR

What else do you say? Youre so pathetic. I don't want to live my life this way. Is there a
tone of voice here, ladies and gentlemen? Yes or no? Loud or quiet? Up tone, or down?
Cry in the voice or not? What else do you say to stay depressed at level nine? Do you
ever get depressed at ten, like where you want to kill yourself? No?

No.

TR

St. I thought we had a good suicide we could deal with here.

Sorry to disappoint you.

TR

What the fk are you doing smiling again? [Laughter] What are you feeling right now?

I want to kick your ass. [Laughter]

TR

Come on baby. Notice, how fast can we take her from depression? How fast can we take
her out of depression? How fast? Two seconds. If you fk with her depression, shes
pissed off at you. [Laughter] Im sitting here being depressed, and you take me out of it.
You bastard. Ill take you out. Ill come out of my depression when Im ready.
[Laughter] Everybody repeat after me. Mmm, something to think about.

CM

Tahnee resents it when Robbins interferes with her depression because she has been using
depression to satisfy an emotional need. Now that she sees the way that she uses
depression, she can think of new ways to snap out of it other than anger.

TR

So we now know what she does when shes pissed and we know what she does when
shes depressed, and she seems to snap back. Lets go back to hopeful for a second.
[Laughter]

You got me.

TR

Youre, youre good. [Laughter] Youre good.

This is why you get paid the big bucks.

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TR

Thats right, honey. [Laughter] Now notice, how many, how many recognize the
physiology of hopeful when she went there? Raise your hand if you recognized it. What
did she do? She started doing what? Nodding her head, shoulders came back, head came
up. What else did she do? Started to smile. So can she go from depressed to hopeful
instead of depressed to pissed if she choose to? Okay, lets get that.
These are wimpy ass states. Have you ever had a state of pure ecstasy?

Oh, yeah.

TR

Or is that what youre pissed about? [Laughter]

No. Thats not my problem.

TR

Thats not a problem. Look at this big smile. Thats not a problem. [Laughter] Good.
What are you feeling now? No, don't change. What were you feeling when you were
smiling like that? There you go. What are you feeling right there?

Excited.

TR

Excited. Thats nice. Id like you to think of a specific peak experience. I want you to
experience a peak of ecstasy. Im talking screaming ecstasy. Can you think of
[Laughter] Can you remember a particular moment?

Oh, yeah.

TR

Id like you to go right before the peak of that moment. I want you to remember right
near the peak of that experience sincerely. Can you actually put yourself there and
remember it? And as you do that, I want you to step into that image as if you were really
there, and breathe the way you were breathing right near the peak. [Laughter] Okay?
Right?

[Music: Love to love you, baby]

T

I might get thrown in jail. [Laughter]

TR

And as youre doing that, I want you to focus on what you were focusing on right near the
peak. And uh, breathe the way you were breathing. See what you were seeing. Hear what
you were hearing. Were you making sounds at this point? Were you seriously.

Probably.

TR

Okay, make that sound. Make that sound now. [Laughter] Come on, give her a hand,
ladies and gentlemen. [Applause] Don't put the microphone down. Give yourself the
gift. My point is really simple. Instead of getting the point intellectually, get in the point
in your cause intellectually, you go, Yeah, yeah, I know this. Do it in your body.
Actually put yourself there and feel it sincerely, and make the sound. It can be playful. I
dont think theres anybody here who hasnt made any sounds. Make some noises of your
own, ladies and gentlemen. Help her out. [Audience makes noise] Okay, see what you
saw. Breathe the way you were breathing near the peak. Move the way you were

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moving. [Laughter] In your body, feel like youre moving that way. Now make the
sounds at the peak that you were making, some of the sounds on the count of three. But
really sincerely do it with your voice the way it really would be. One, two, threego.
[Laughter] Thats how loud you were, huh? Make the sounds. Go for it.
T

Im modest.

TR

Oh, you werent making any sounds?

No, I was making sounds.

Were you really spiritual, like, Oh, God. Oh God, or were you more like, Do me.
More. There we go. [Applause] So it was the do me more kind of thing.
[Laughter] Now notice the head is moving faster now. What are you feeling right now?
Stay in that state. What are you feeling right now?

[laughs]

TR

Shes feeling so much she cant talk. [Laughter] Now go back to depression.

This is better.

TR

No. Go back to depression. Come on. Youve been there for years. Go to depression.
Come on. You can't put your past behind you. Keep your past right there in front of you
so you can stare at it. Maybe you don't want to put your past behind you. Maybe this
past you want to put right in front of you. Because if you can't put your past behind you,
in this case I think thats a very good thing because if this was constantly in front of you
imagine the smile that would be on your face all day.

TR

Right

Maybe youve been selective about which past to put in front of you or behind you.

Yeah. I know thats true.

TR

Now, does she have the ability to go from depressed to pissed to hopeful or to ecstatic in a
matter of seconds, yes or no? [Yes] Does she have the ability, yes or no? [Yes.] Has she
proven to you that she can do em quickly and immediately, yes or no? [Yes.] Then why
in the past has she gone to depression when she has all these other choices? Shhhh.
Because shes been rewarded for it.

Yeah, thats for sure.

TR

Is that fair to say?

Mm hmm.

TR

Thats why she didnt like me very much when I was showing that its all a game that shes
been playing for years. Now she doesn't just do it consciously. I know youre not a
manipulating bitch whos just doing this to get something. You may have moments in

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which you act that way, but I know thats not who you are. I mean that sincerely. But
most of the time youre not even doing it consciously. True?
T

Thats true.

TR

There are times when youre doing it consciously. True?

Thats also true.

TR

I appreciate your honesty first of all. Would you give her a big hand for that honesty?
Thats fantastic. [Applause] Thats absolutely fantastic. I mean it. Thank you. Thank
you. So I, I really honor you. First of all, I appreciate your courage to even stand up. I
appreciate you playing with me because its not a comfortable thing. Um, but I appreciate
most and honor most your honesty because with that honesty you can change anything.
Most people can never get to that level of honesty, so they have no power. And the reason
theyre most dishonest is with themselves because it doesn't feel good to say, Yeah, Ive
used this st at times. But you know you have and youre honest about it. That means
you can change it.

CM

Now Tahnee understands her crazy-eight pattern of being depressed in the hope that she
would be loved and taken care of, and then being angry because of the feeling of
helplessness brought on by depression. This pattern was an unhappy way of meeting her
need for love and connection. Understanding this, she is ready to make a conscious
choice.

TR

But you got to set up a new rewarded system for yourself. The other thing is youve
gotten in the habit of doing it, that sometimes you just do it unconsciously now because
youve gotten in what I call this crazy-eight, this loop. And you like the pissed part
because it makes you feel powerful, because you feel really non-powerful in the other
state, which you also like because you live in a world where women are no longer honored
for their feminine. Theyre all supposed to be men now. So your one way to get feminine
is to get broken. And feminine isnt about broken. Feminine is about feeling. But its not
okay for you to feel. So you go there and you got enough reason to be depressed and you
can feel that, and maybe actually have some people step up and take care of you and
honor you, a masculine energy instead of you always being in control. But you also
youre addicted to that control. And you call pissed off as your way of mobilizing.
Now you mobilize that pissed off, and its a useful skill. I know how to do it too. But its
not very feminine. And that doesn't mean you have to be feminine every minute. Im no
any woman in this room can kick any mans ass at just about anything business-wise at this
stage, as any man can do with any woman. Theres, theres no, theres no gender bias
anymore. And a woman can do anything with a man can do, and do things a man can't do.
Like she can have a kid without a man today. And a woman can make any man come, but
a man can't make a woman come if she really doesn't want to. So shes got a different
kind of power, so theres different elements here, oh yeah see. Something to think about,
huh? [Laughter]
But if you don't come, then who youve really cheated is yourself. [Laughter]

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I know that one.

TR

So I want you to notice how youre feeling right now. I just saw a really beautiful smile,
and it wasnt a forced smile of hopefulness, and it wasnt a smile of you just did something
cool. What was that smile that I just saw? Do you remember a momentjust a second
ago?

Comfort.

TR

Comfort. It was very natural. How did that feel?

Yeah, it feels good.

TR

How would you compare that feeling to depression?

Theres no comparison.

TR

Hmm, how would you compare it to pissed?

[Sounds like: It doesn't measure.]

TR

What you just saw in her if you saw her, washow many saw that relaxation, smile?
How many saw that? Im just curious? What happened is she went home for a few
moments when I described what her real nature is like. Youre a very feminine woman,
but you have trained yourself to kick ass. And out of all the pain youve had, youve
gotten really tough. And the tougher youve got, the more youve lost your soulnot
your soul. Thats not fair to saythe feeling of being connected to your soul because
youve covered it all up. Thats really whats depressed you. But youve got addicted to
the feeling of getting tough, and then feeling sad because the sad is the one time you allow
yourself to be feminine because in the feminine you don't have to control. You just allow
it to be. And if you allow it to belong, and its going to change anyway if you do nothing.
Men think they got to control it and make it happen and do all those things. A woman
doesn't have to do that if shes in her natural feminine state.
And Im saying this because youre the only person in this room Im talking to right now.
There are no other men and woman that this relates to in this room of 3,000 people.
[Laughter] But if they were listening to me right now, they might discover that the
greatest happiness in life comes when you get back to your true nature. Your depression
has nothing to do with your past. Your depression has to do with the fact that you don't
know how you can ever have a great relationship and still be yourself and not be hurt. Am
I right or wrong about that?

Yeah.

TR

And the good news is that you can, but you can't do it in that pissed state that youve used
to protect yourself. Now I found it fun because youre like a guy. Youre going to
challenge me back and forth. And it can be playful, and it can even be sexy or fun. Just
all, you can play with the energy back and forth for a while. But when you live there
because youre fearful that youre not enough and you won't be loved, or if I really love

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and open up someone will just hurt me because they always have, then that protection will
cause you to attract the very kind of man you don't want which is a man who wants to
take advantage of you, and then youll really be miserable. And youll talk to all your
other girlfriends who have all the same problems and itll reinforce for you that this can
never be solved because theyve not solved it. Thats what your girlfriends tell you, isnt
it? So then together you can be miserable, but at least you guys can connect. [Laughter]
First of all, I really want to thank you sincerely and honor you. Afterwards Im going to
ask you to diagnose yourself with what Im about to share, which is the specific reason
why youve really done this, why anyone does anything. And then Id like you to diagnose
it. But I really truly want to honor youand hope everyone else willfor your total
sincerity and honesty in all that youve shared with us. Give her a big hand.
CM

Robbins asked Tahnee to show him what she does to get depressed. He then noticed her
physiological posture, her pattern of focus, and the language patterns that came together
for Tahnee as the experience of depression. While she was depressed he provoke her, and
she snapped out of her depression with anger. This was Tahnees predominant pattern, a
crazy-eight.

CAPTION: Diagram of Crazy 8

CM

She would become depressed in the hope that she would be loved and taken care of, but
when she felt weak and helpless, she would get angry to snap out of the depression. In
fact, Tahnee even got angry to protect her right to be depressed. This shows that at some
level she held onto her depression because it satisfied a need for her. Realizing this,
Tahnee became ready to make a more conscious choice about to satisfy her needs for
connection and significance. For instance, instead of depression, she could choose to
feel hopefulness or even ecstasy to meet her needs. As Tahnee sits down, Robbins will
make a presentation on the six human needs specifically gearing his talk to help her
understand more deeply how she used depression to meet her needs.

TR

We only do things because at some level consciously or subconsciously we believe that by

doing this, by feeling this, by experiencing this, by believing this, by acting in this way, we
will meet one or more of what I call our six human needs. Remember I said to you earlier,
all human beings are raised differently. They have different backgrounds, education, rules
that you were brought up with, language patterns, languages, religions. But I am here to
tell you, having been with 3 million people from all over this planet that while were all
completely diverse in our physiologies, the way we look, think, act, behave, one thing I
can tell you for sure, were hardwired with the same needs. And most people keep their
problems because they meet their needs.
Most people keep their problems cause it meets their needs, and it meets their needs
without risking their greatest fear. Most ways to meet your needs, youd have to take a
risk, like start to get in a relationship, and that brings up a big risk because people could
say they love you one day, and the next day they screw youor they dont. In fact the
primary fear that we wont, are not enough and wont be lovedguess where it shows up
more than any other place. In intimate relationship, because look, thats why most people
spend more time at work or with their kids, because with their kids they think, I got this

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love forever. Because its in the blood, right? My kids will always love me. Not all
parents experience that, by the way. But thats what most people believe. On the other
hand, workyou can control it by your effort, by your focus, by your commitment to do
well in work. You have control of that, but no control in a relationshipinfluence at best,
thats what you have. So its scary as hell for people. Thats why most people, thats the
area of life thats most painful.
I dont care what the situation is. If you don't get your relationship where you want it to
be, youre going to be in pain. And you can tell yourself all day long that the business will
do it, or youre success will do it, or even your kids will do it. But theres a part of you
thatll be empty until that part of you gets healed.
CAPTION: The first human need:
Certainty
TR

The first of the six human needs, I believe, is the need for certainty, certainty that you can
at least be comfortable. We all want comfort. Another word for certainty isthink of
certainty as the ability to avoid pain, and the ability to have pleasureat least to avoid
pain because avoiding pain is a survival instinct. See, we want certainty that were not
going to continuously have pain because to be in continuous pain means damage.
Continuous damage equals death. Its hardwired into us to have some level of certainty
just to survive. We need certainty. Everybody needs it. The only question is how much of
it you think you got to have. Ill tell you this. The quality of your life is in direct
proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with. The more
uncertainty you can live with, the more youll try, the more youll learn, the more alive
youll be. The more you got to be certain about everything, the less youll have.
So in this young ladys case, she really wants certainty that this next relationship wont
hurt her. Thats her biggest limitation. And yet, she needs certainty. So how is she going
to get it? well she can do it by being incredibly intense about the men shes with and really
screening the hell out of them, but if she screens the hell out of them, men are either going
to feel judged and think, Why would I want to be around this bitch? Because theyll feel
judged. Thats not going to attract to her what she wants.
So theres many ways to get certainty. You can get certainty by eating because when you
overeat, all the blood rushes to your stomach and you start breathing again. You can do it
by smoking. Deep diaphramic breath happens. You can do it by drugs. You can do it by
just looking at your history and saying, You know what? I have always found a way.
Isnt that amazing? And I will again. Just trust it. Based on your history youve always
found a way. You can do it through a spiritual belief. You can do it in positive ways,
neutral ways or destructive ways cause everybody finds a way to meet their need for
certaintyeveryone, even crazy people. Everybody finds a way. The only question is are
you going to find a way thats, a way thats obtainable or sustainable. Everybody obtains
certainty. The question is can you sustain it and can you do it in a way that sustains you
long term? Theres a lot of things you can get, but you can't sustain them.
By the way, if you manage to organization your life where you were certain about
everythingyou knew what was going to happen, when it was going to happen, how it

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was going to happen before it happenedday after day after day you knew what was
going to happen before it happened, exactly as its going to happen. Youd enjoy that for
a while, wouldnt you? But after a while what would you start to feel? Bored out of your
minds.
CAPTION: The second human need:
Variety
TR

We have a need for uncertainty. We have a need for uncertainty. We have a need for
variety. We have a need for surprise. How many of you in this roomtell me honestly.
How many of you love surprises? If you do, say, "Aye." Bullst. [Laughter] You like
the surprises you want. The surprises you dont want, you call problems, and you dont
want those, but you need them because theyre the things that make you grow. Whats the
term? Variety is the what of life? Spice. You go, Yeah, but I like to choose my variety.
Life doesn't work that way. See, what we need is for variety to be alive. We need
stimulation. We need the unknown or we feel dead inside.
You can get variety by doing drugs because variety is just a change in state. You can get
variety by eating. Thats why people get addicted to food because they can get comfort
and variety. Drugscomfort and variety. Youre all bored or frustrated, go smoke and it
changes your statevarietyand youre comfortable. Ah, it meets two of my needs.
Interesting. You can also get variety in positive ways like taking on a new challenge,
setting a new goal. You can get variety in a conversation. You can get varietyif
someone says, Life is so boring, man. I go, No. Life isnt boring. Youre boring.
Could you sit in a room with nothing else there and have unlimited variety if you just used
your brain, yes or no? [Yes] See, variety is available at any moment. Most people value
certainty more. Thats why their life is so boring. We tend to pickof these six, we tend
to pick one or two that we value more, and it shapes the direction of our life. People that
are certainty driven end up with a very different life than people that are variety driven.

CAPTION: Third human need:

Significance
TR

Third human need: the need for significance. We all have a need to feel significant, to feel
important, to feel special, to feel unique. The word significance has many different
connotationsuniqueness, special. We all have the feeling of wanting to be needed, to
feel important. These are all code words for significance. Who has this need? Every
human being youre ever going to meet in your life. All of us have it. The only difference
is how we go about it. Some people try to be significant by achieving everything. Some
people try to be significant by breaking through big problems. Some people try to be
significant by having more money than someone else or toys. Some people try to be
significant. They dont want money. Theyre into spirituality. Im not into significance.
Im just a Christian. But they make it very clear that their relationship is more significant
than any other in the world. Right? So theyre all playing the same game. Some people
get significance by having more earrings in more locations than youd want to ever
describe. Some do it by being unique in their tattoos, some by having a unique hairstyle,
some people by their style of how they walk or how they talk or their humor.

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Everybody finds a way to be unique or special, or to feel needed, or to feel important. Its
a human need that everyone has, even those who deny it. They just get it in a different
way. You can get significance in a positive way, a neutral way, or a negative way. One of
the fastest ways to significance with strangers is violence. If you go up here to the hood
not far from here, and I come up and put a gun to your head, guess what. I am instantly
significant. I dont need a college education. I dont need to work at it. I don't do
anything, and I am certain youre going to respond to me. Ive met two of my needs. And
theres variety because who knows whats going to happen next. Its different every time.
By the way, any time something you do or believe, you associate to that meeting at least
three of your needs, you become addicted to itpositive or negative doesn't matter. so if
you got a big enough problembecause theres two ways to get significance: take a huge
risk, potentially fail, and look like youre unworthy and worthless, and not worthy of love,
and face your deepest fear on earth, or have a really big problem you can share with
everybody, a significant problem thats so bad that you can tell everybody about it, and
now you dont ever have to face your fears and you can feel significant, which is the
choice most people make. The majority of people in the world try to find big enough
problems so that they never have to beat themselves up for not being enough or so at least
so they can defend themselves against themselves or other people when they want to
know why they havent done it. Its not that youre gutless. Its not that youre worthless
and youre not loved. Its just this horrible thing that happened to you. Funny thing
other people have had much more horrible things, and theyve managed to succeed. But
that would require a level of truth that very few people have. This young lady in the front
row here, or in the middle row here, certainly does thats it. And the minutes you have
that level of honesty, you have the power to change it.
If we want to be significance, we can do it in negative ways, positive ways. You can be a
trouble-maker and be significant. You can be a contributor and be significant. The only
question is, is it an obtainable way or a sustainable way? Is it a way that serves you short
term or long term? Does it serve others and you? Because if it only serves you, its not
sustainable. How do you get significance? Do you do it through business, achievement?
Do you do it by being the best parent? Do you do it by the way you dress? Do you do it
by being tough, and you can handle anybody no matter what they do with you? Do you
do it by having a really big problem that you can demonstrate at will? How do you do it?
Now heres the problem. To be totally significant, you got to be totally unique and
different. To be totally unique and different violates your fourth human need, and one of
the deepest ones: the need for connection and love. Because the more different you have
to be, the less connect you can be.
CAPTION: The fourth human need:
Connection/Love
TR

So love or connection? Most people settle for connection, not love, by the way. There is
a difference, isnt there? Most people settle for connection because its a lot less scary.
They dont have to put as much out there, can't be hurt as bad. So they settle for
connection instead of love because oh, love, thats a very scary thing. So well just keep it
to a certain level of depth, but never get too deep because then I wont be hurt too much.

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No, you just hurt for a lifetime by never experiencing your true self, always wondering
where it could have been, what it would have been like.
You can get connection. The fastest way to get connection have a problem. See, go out
and do extremely well, and see how many people are thrilled for you and for how long.
There are some people thatll always be thrilled for you, but most people as you start
doing things very successfully, most people when they see you succeed, they look and
evaluate themselves, and even though you may think theyre phenomenal, they dont think
theyre phenomenal, and so what they begin to do is feel insignificant because of your
achievements. Now they have one of two choices: get out there and face their risks and
kick ass and do something, which takes enormous fearovercoming enormous fearor
tear you down. Which one do you think is faster and easier and more predictable? Tear
you down. You can get connection by loving someone. You can get connection by
making love. You can get connection by prayer. You can get connection by walking
through nature. You can get connection by getting really sick, and people come and want
to take care of you. You can get connection by having a big problem. Anybody can get
connection or love, but very few people get it at the level they want. You can measure it
on a zero to ten, most people get at three, four, or fivelike enough connection that its
okay, but theyre not really happy, but theyre not unhappy enough to do anything about it.
Thats no mans land.
Now, every one of us meets these first four needs because theyre the fundamental needs
of all human beings. Even if you got to make st up, youll do it to meet these needs.
But the last two needs are the needs that make you fulfilled, and very few people are
fulfilled. I believe success without fulfillment is failure. If you succeed and youre not
fulfilled, youre a failure. And you can only be fulfilled by the final two needs because
these needs are the needs of the spirit I believe. The first four needs are the needs of your
personality. Everybody meets them even if you got to lie to yourself. The final two you
can only meet by really doing something.
And the final two is number five is you must grow. In fact, if you don't grow, you what?
You know the answer. You what? You die. And number six, you must contribute beyond
yourself.
CAPTION: The fifth and sixth human needs:
Growth
And
Contribution
TR

You must contribute beyond yourself because if life is just about you, I got news for you.
You can make yourself feel pleasure for a moment because somebody complimented you
or because you made a certain idea come through you or because, you know, some
situation you did really well, but thats a temporary pleasure. Fulfillment stays with you.
Fulfillment only comes when you know youve grown and when you know youve
contributed beyond yourself because life is not just about us, or yourself. And all of us
know there were times when you did something just cause it was right and it felt so
incredible inside. And you didnt have to tell anybody. Nobody had to put stars on your
chart. You felt it. Now these are not my laws. These are the laws of the universe.

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Everything in the universe either grows or dieseverything. And everything in the

universe either contributes or is eliminated by evolution. These are the primary needs of
all human beings, and very few human beings meet these on a regular basis. Most are
busy making up stories so they can meet the first four needs in ways that don't require any
risk, or as little risk as possible.
So if youd like to transform your life, I can tell you, youre all meeting these needs. The
question is how? Are you meeting them in ways that empower you or disempower you, in
ways that are neutral, ways that support you and other people, ways that are obtainable or
sustainable? Remember, any time you meet at least three needs in your mind by some
behavior, some belief, youll get addicted to it. Thats true of something positive or
negative.
Now, I took a lot of time to do this because I dont want you to be passive with me. I
want you to be active. So when somebody stands up, I want you to become the practical
psychologist, the natural psychologist who starts to say, Why are they doing this? Oh,
theyre meeting this need, this, this need. Interesting. How are they doing this? Oh, look
what theyre doing with their body? Look at what theyre doing with their language.
Notice what theyre focusing on. Ahh. And why? Look, theres the fear showing up.
And then notice how we change it, so that when you leave here youll have a greater
appreciation for every human being you meet, whether it be your child, or whether it be
the person you can't stand. And youll understand why.
Now Tahnee, would you stand back up. [Applause] Now, did you check out that last
[Sounds like: su] move she was making there? Now Tahnee, youre not feeling too
depressed right now. What are you feeling right now?
T

Elated.

TR

Elated, ladies and gentlemen. [Applause] And you look it. Now notice her smile. Does
she have a different quality of smile there, yes or no? Yes. Now I want to ask you a
question. Id like now to diagnose the old patternbecause it wasnt youthat you ran.
And Id like you to tell me the truth. Which of these six needs did you meet by getting
depressed, and which of these needs, by the way, did you meet, by getting pissed off?
Start with depressed.

Love, I would assume.

TR

Say again.

Love.

TR

Love. How did you get love by being depressed? Tell the truthwhich is accurate, by
the way.

Well, attention from other people. So thats love.

TR

Connection.

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And then also, um you know, trying to caress myself out of it, so giving myself the love
too.

TR

Thats right. On a scale from zero to ten, how much love were you getting by being
depressed truthfully? Tell the truth. Or at least connection from yourself and others.

I think it, it was a lot less than I thought it was.

TR

Yeah. Shes seeing it now through a different state. How many follow this? But back
then how much did you associate the ability to get love, zero to ten, with being depressed?
Where would you have put it?

Yeah, like an eight.

TR

Like an eight. Okaywhich means nine. The only reason I saw this is because she smiled
when she said eight at that last moment. Am I correct? What was that smile when you
said eight?

It was probably more.

TR

Yes. So closer to a nine, but lets stay with eight just so we can bullst ourselves. Next.
[Laughter] What other need have you met in the past by being depressed?

Feeling significant.

TR

Feeling significant. There we go. By the way, can you give her a hand for that level of
honesty, first of all. Thats fantastic. [Applause] How, how did you get a feeling of
significance by having this horrible depression?

Well, when I would get attention from other people, it, it, it would signify that they really
cared for me and that they really loved me.

TR

Thats right. So if Ialso, how bad was it? I mean, how significant was this depression?
It wasnt measly ass little depression. Its I cant stop crying depression, right? So how,
how, how difficult, how significant was it zero to ten?

It was like a ten.

TR

A ten. So now weve met her need for love at an eightreally a nine. Weve met our
significance at a ten by having this problem. What other needs were you meeting by being
depressed?

Out of the four? Stabilitystability is a big one.

TR

Certaintyhow certain were you that you could get yourself in that state? How certain,
zero to tenat will, at the drop of a hat?

A seven.

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TR

A seven. Okay. And how certain were you that you could be in that state and stay in that
state if you wanted to be, zero to ten?

A ten.

TR

Ten. So she meets her needs for certainty at a ten, her needs for significance at a ten, and
love at a nine. Any time you associate at least three elements, you become totally addicted
to it. And by the way, she doesn't just meet them. She meets them at nines and tens. If
you met em at fives and sixes, youd get addicted, but nines and tensthats a total
addiction. If we dont go any further, how many can see why, even though she could feel
total ecstasy, joy, happiness, hopefulness, love at will just as quicklyhow many can see
why she was always depressed? Cause it was a way of meeting her [needs] at an
addictive level.
Any other needs you were meeting by getting in this state of depression? You don't have
to have any others, but Im just curious if you met any others. Things are going a certain
way over and over, day after day, a certain waywhat could you do when you got
depressed?

Oh the rush.

TR

Yesthe rush of depression. Did you guys here this? What is that rush? Of feeling all
your feelings, right? Feelings you werent feeling before, which is known as variety,
uncertainty. Oh, my God. Zero to ten, how much of a rush?

Well, I could go to a ten.

TR

Ten. So why would she be happy when shes got this unhappiness thing working so well?
She gets connection and love. She has significance, and she doesnt have to do anything,
doesn't have to take any risks, doesn't have to face anything, doesn't have to create
anything. She can have a total rush in her body. In fact, she can rush herself to the point
she can cry uncontrollably, which means really feel again and feel the feminine side of
herself, which is allow herself to just feel without having a game plan of controlling
something. But then thats not very acceptable to stay in that state long term cause people
get tired of your whining ass all the time. so you need another weapon to show people
that youre not just some wus, and that youre to be reckoned with because after a while
she gets tired of feeling that sad feelings. After a while it feels insignificant, doesn't it, and
weak? So then we snap into significant feelings that come from being pissy and intense.
Ill whip your ass. Or what was the term you gave me earlier?

Something like, Ill kick your ass.

TR

Ill kick your ass. Something like, Ill kick your ass. That wasnt the first time youve
ever used that phrase, was it?

No, I like that one.

TR

No. Yeah, you use it a lot. So now what we do is we whip ourselves into this state, and
which needs do you meet by being in the state of Ill kick your ass?

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Probably all of those too.

TR

Yes. Significance, at zero to tenhow significant? When youre pissed off, how, how
certain do you feel in your body on a zero to ten, everybody? How certain? Ten. When
youre pissed off people tend to respond to you even if they dont like you. How
significant do you feel? Ten. And by the way, you get connection with people. You dont
get love, but you get connection with people. So now you get three of them met
instantaneously. Thats why most people are so angry all the time, because its their
addiction to try to feel significant when they feel insignificant. So one way to battle your
own fear that youre not enough is get pissed off at something or someone or everyone
else. So youve been addicted to these needs. so now the only hope for you as a solution
besides awareness is to humiliate yourself if you go into those places by realizing Im
being a bitch, and what Im doing is stealing from my friends by creating a problem that I
totally could shift this fast. And Im not going to be a whore to my friends. They dont
deserve that, and Im not going to do that to my own spirit. Then its to find some new
ways to do it, like ways, like feeling this hopefulness or this happiness or this elation, by
realizing I am growing and because Im growing, I can pass this onto my sisterhood or my
brotherhood or my children. I can grow and I can contribute, and thats where youll be
euphoric. Because the feelings youre having today are only so good. They only last so
long. Where theyll really last is when it becomes not about you, but when it becomes
outside yourself and youwhen all of its fulfilled. But the place thatll get you backah
is when you get around men because theyre going to do st to be significant thats
going to piss you off because you know youre significant. And youre not going to want
to feel insignificant. Who here can relate to this at some level? Let me see a show of
hands. Very nice. Give her a big hand. Thank you very much. [Applause]

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