VOLUME 46

ISSUE No. 4
OCTOBER 16, 2015
Editors
Ramzi Haddad 16
Tripp Miller 16
George Ahlering 16
Layout Editor
Ian McClellan 16
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Mr. Woodcock
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HOMECOMING

The Love Doctors

Dr. Andrew Rund L.o.V. 16 with

Dr. Holden Caulfield Ph.L 17
Hey guys, its Brum Brum here,
Ive been a fan for some time now.
I have a Dr. Rund and Dr. Holden
poster hung up in my room.
Anyway, I have a problem in my
love life. As Im sure you know,
Homecoming is tomorrow. One
small problem I havent asked
anyone yet. Dont get me wrong,
I have plenty of lady friends to
choose from. I just couldnt figure
out who to ask and now its almost
too late. So Im in some serious
need of Love Doctor advice,
thanks guys!
- BrumBrum5

Another return of the critically acclaimed relationship advice,

and emotional guidance professionals, The Love Doctors.

night long, and remember pulling

a quad is always a no-no. Then go
up to that babe that was staring
at you while you were stretching
in the corner and start twerking,
cat daddying, doing the dougie,
or whatever is in your arsenal
of dance moves. Dancing is the
key to success on homecoming
if you like it or not. In my recent
studies of love a dancer is 5 times
more likely to have success then
a non dancer. But, If the girl is
not feeling you go up to the next
girl. I guarantee at least 5 girls
all over you by the end of the
dance. My main advice is go up
to LeCraeChriss girl, rumor is
she's not too happy with him. This
Doctor Holden: Glad you came
should help BrumBrum5, take
to us BrumBrum5, its not too late
yet! So youve just gotta call up
all your lady friends and find one
thing out: whos willing to pay for
your pre-dance dinner. Everyone
loves dancing but whats even
better is a first class meal for
free. And let the ladies know that
you plan on going somewhere
fancy. If theyre paying for you,
it from a two time lovers choice
Mcdonalds is not on the menu.
award winner.
Another added bonus is when
your parents give you a little extra
Esteemed Doctors,
money to pay for you and your
I want to keep this on the DL
dates meal, you get to pocket that
but I have a problem that only you
to pad your wallet a little bit. Its
two can help with. I had a date to
a win-win for both parties: you
Homecoming, however, things
get a nice free dinner and money,
didnt quite work out. Anyways,
and the lady friend gets to go to
to make a long story short, I
homecoming with BrumBrum5.
decided to un-invite her (power
But time is ticking; I say you start
move, I know). Now Im stuck
calling all your ladies at X period.
going stag, and I am really scared
Good luck!
that people will make fun of me
for not having a date. How do I
Doctor Rund: Wow Brum Brum
pull this off? Also, what do I do at
lets be honest here, you're afraid to
the non-existent after party? I feel
talk to girls . . . So there is only one
like I want to try to flirt it up with
solution: You must go stag. When
a lady, but dont want to offend
you go stag you gotta look fly.
anyone. Help me out.
Look good = feel good = ladies.
-Jorge A
Simple equation and it works
every time. So now you walk in, Doctor Rund: Thanks for
you get that nod from Mr. Finan contacting us about this sensitive
and its go time. First stretch a bit topic, Im sure it was hard for you
cause your gonna be dancing all to do. Let me be the first to tell
you that going stag is just about

Words that Rhyme With Orange:

the coolest thing you can do. First,

let me ask you....what is a stag?
Sure, a stag is a male deer, but lets
look deeper into this meaning. A
male deer is often hunted and is
seen as a beautiful creature. Once
you touch the dance floor this
Saturday night you too will be
hunted by all the ladies....because,
by going stag you are showing all
the beautiful ladies that you are
confident and that no woman can
hold you down. The goal is the
play hard to get. And everyone
knows the ladies want what they
cant get. So once word spreads
that you uninvited your original
date lets just say every lady
will be looking your way when
the slow music starts to play.
But, because you are drawing so
much attention from the ladies it
is likely one of your fellow Priory
students will try to make fun of
you. If this happens I want you to
look his date right in the eyes and
say, if a fat man puts you in a bag
at night, dont worry I told Santa
I wanted you for Christmas then
give her a slight wink. Shell wish
she would have gone to the dance
with you instead, thus humiliating
that chump.
Now with regards to the after
party: everyone can agree that the
best part about going stag is that
every lady could be your lady. But
I want to make one thing clear....
when it comes to getting that
beautiful girl you have no friends,
only enemies. A stag is like a lone
wolf, he either lives or dies alone,
there is no other wolf in his pack.
So if you see a girl checking you
out but shes with your friend
Tony Kraus (hint hint) then its
time to ask yourself....wait who
is Tony?! But this tactic is only
effective if you are bigger than the
girls date. Not even a wolf goes
messing around with a lion aim
for the kitty cats. But no matter
what you do keep it safe and have
fun.
continued on page 4.

Homecoming
By Matt Braddock 16
Staff Writer & Social Savant
Homecoming is tomorrow, and
if you dont have a date yet, I
would talk to Connor Wright. He
probably has a social connection
to any girl, from 7th grader to
juniors in college, meaning the
options are far and wide. Some
of us planned ahead and texted
our dates an invitation. Connor
Wright made a mural of his dates
grandpa. Texting is acceptable,
too. Ive never asked a girl to
a dance outside the friendly
confines of my own telephone. I
think one time I called a girl. It
was weird. Im never going to do
it again.
Hey.
Hey!

So homecoming?
What?

Oh never mind

Wait Matt what?

Its not meant to
be.
OK.

OK. Bye
Bye
I actually didnt take that girl
to homecoming. I havent ever
talked to her again. I dont want
to. She probably feels the same
way about me. As they say, que
sera sera. (That was a good
reference).

So youve texted your
date. Congrats. Wheres the preparty? A house? A country club?
Brio? Dont have your pre-party
at Brio. Theres no good place to
take pictures and theyll charge
you a 85% gratuity if your party
is over 5 people. Pre-parties are
actually the worst thing. This
leads into some good points to
touch on.

Homecoming can be
divided into three parts: pre-

HOMECOMING
party, dance, and afterparty.
The dance and afterparty are
fairly straightforward. You can
be as awkward or as suave as
you please. Patrick Charles,
God bless his soul, can dance. I
cannot. Theres no way for me to
look better than him at the actual
dance. My genetics dont allow
it. The same goes for afterparties.
You can have a knack for social
situations and be really good at
pool and ping pong, or you can
stand awkwardly in the corner
and pray for your mom to come
pick you up ASAP.
You can only change your preparty awkwardness levels by
your actions. Something about
the event disregards all genetic
predestination for awkwardness
in your soul and allows you to
attempt seem normal for an
hour. You can be the guy with the
perfect corsage that matches her
shoes or the guy that spills his
spaghetti on her dress. That one
is up to you guys. On that note,
welcome to my second social
instruction manual of the year,
How to not be the worst date ever
(at the pre-party. Because nothing
else is controllable. Except
the pre-party. The pre-party is
controllable.).
1. Buying a corsage is tough. Let
your mom do it. Moving on.
2. Guys need to pay for the meal.
Its simply the polite thing to do.
That being said, make sure you
have enough money, and more
importantly, ALWAYS order
second to your date. I was at
Cardwells with $50 and got a
$32 dollar steak because my date
said she was only going to get a
$13 salad. I comfortably handed
the waiter my menu and watched
my date order some shrimp dish.
The dish was $28 and I was $10
in the red, so I made her change
her order. It was awkward. Dont
make these mistakes guys. Also,

if they have a salad course,

youre going to have to step up
and eat the salad. I hate salad,
but I also hate being the weird
guy on the end of the table who
doesnt touch the salad.I ordered
a chicken strawberry salad from
Brio once and it was the worst
thing ever. I ate it though, because
I owed it to my date.
3. Pictures could happen either
before or after the meal. First, try
not to look super awkward while
putting your dates corsage on,
and smile into a camera while
your date inevitably pierces
through your skin when applying
your boutonniere. As for group
photos, all one has to do is not
be the worst looking person in
the group at the time the picture
is taken. One mom is going to
propose a silly picture at the end,
so be silly. Youre supposed to be
having the time of your life. Act
like it.
4. Parents are tough. You need
to impress your dates parents,
but not so much that you seem
perfect and fake. I usually lean
towards the unimpressive side of
the scale. For example, a mom
asked me at a dance just last
weekend, How did you pick
out that blazer, with that tie, and
with that shirt? I didnt have
an answer. My mom was out
of town so I took my clothing
liberties and wore a ScoobyDoo tie. It did not impress. The
sad thing about that story is that
moms arent usually hard to
wow. You actually only have to
say one sort-of-funny joke that
gets a chuckle and theyll give
you their best wishes. Dads are a
whole different story. Ive never
seen one wield a shotgun and tell
me to have his daughter home by
11, but I have been called not
smart enough to get into SLUH
and a silly looking guy by
some slightly rude fathers. I dont

think theres a way to actually

impress your dates father, but its
important that you be somewhat
likable so he doesnt publicly
roast you. Of course, this leads
into the unwritten rules of how to
not look like an idiot in front of a
grown man.

Firstly, dont screw up
the handshake. Handshakes are
all about being an alpha male.
Dads expect to be the alpha
males and need your respect. In
most cases, just let him be the
top dog, but if you are the one
Priory guy who has such prowess
that their dates father deems
himself inferior and immediately
lets his guard down (looking
at you Rund), do whatever you
want. However, if youre not
a 6 5 stud muffin QB youll
need to practice handshaking.
Find a buddy to work with, or
try a doorknob. You can even go
crazy in church and experiment
with new grips and pressures.
The goal is to have an incredibly
average handshake- no one likes
a guy with a flimsy handshake,
but dont give her father a super
overdone
handshake
where
you grip his hand too hard and
pump more than twice (Andrew
Stange). Dont pretend to be more
mature than him, he probably has
more kids than you. Dont grab
his elbow, and dont compliment
his wife (probably Andrew
Stange). Maybe fit a Cardinals
reference into the conversation.
Everyone in St. Louis seems to
like the Cardinals, so if he doesnt
socially open up to baseball
statistics grab your white flag and
call the conversation a failure.
If you are in dire need of help,
practice with Mr. Heuls. I think
hes the only faculty member
who is invested in my articles
enough to devote his time to
the cause. Furthermore, if my
memory doesnt fail me, he has a
daughter or two, so hes been in
this position before.

HOMECOMING

Homecoming
continued.
5. OK, so youve talked to your
dates mom and dad, taken
some pictures, and had a nice
meal. Heres a transition from
HC part I to part II: the drive.
This is broken up into two
subsections for non-drivers
and drivers. Starting with the
freshmen and sophomores who
cant drive, heres my advice:
figure out way before the dance
what friends parent will drive
you. You dont want your own
parent driving you. If your
parent requires that he or she
is the chauffeur, find a friend
and his date so more people

The Love Doctors

continued.
Doctor Holden: Wow. I
couldnt agree more with my
fellow love doctor. However,
I want to expand on the
subject about going stag to a
dance. Going stag means one
thing in my eyes... freedom.
You go where the night takes
you. Theres no need to deal
with fancy pictures, awkward
moments at dinner, and making
sure your hair is perfect. Its

will be in the car. This way,

you can sit in the front seat on
your phone, the girls can talk,
and your friend can sit in the
backseat on his phone. Ideally,
you will get a ride in a friends
car, so you can make fun of
the fact that your friends
mom or dad is driving. The
girls will get a kick out of that
because youre teenagers who
dont need parents. For the
upperclassmen, its your call. If
you think you do better driving
alone with your date singing
Matchbox Twenty songs then
do that. If you would rather
sit in the backseat and make
sarcastic comments about how
bad your friend is at driving, do
that. Just make sure you dont
overdo either of these. Dont

sing a song out of your range,

itll look stupid. You may think
itll be like Liam Hemsworth
singing She Will Be Loved to
Miley Cyrus in The Last Song,
but it probably wont be as cute.
Hes hard to compete with. (If
anyone knows what scene Im
referencing please tell me at
school. I dont want to be the
only person who remembers
that movie.) Similarly, dont
make too many loud comments
from the backseat because
youll look silly.
Although Im sure youve all
caught on by now, the main
goal of homecoming is to not
look silly. Your actions at the
preparty set the tone for the
whole night. Play to your
social strengths, dont slow

dance with anyone unless

youre
overflowing
with
self confidence, cut down
on the Pokmon references,
and try to get home without
feeling sad. If all goes right,
youll meet the love of your
life at homecoming. Or you
can meet a girl who tells all
of St. Josephs or Villa or
Visitation or Nerinx or Cor
Jesu or Rosati or Incarnate
Word or Barat or MICDS or
Burroughs that youre weird
and they shouldnt talk to you,
which is okay too. There are a
lot of public schools in Saint
Louis too. Homecoming: The
love of your life is out there
somewhere, but most likely not
here, unless youre Will Dohr.
That kid has it figured out.

clear to me that going stag has

a sort of confidence that every
girl wants in a man. However,
as confidence is key in going
stag I suggest you map out
some prospects at the Bonfire
the night before the dance. A
simple approach is to go up
to the girl and say, "Are you
religious? Because you're the
answer to all my prayers." if
this doesnt work than I dont
know what does. Now your all
set for the big dance! In a recent

lab I did with Mr. Orlando we

found that 99.9% of women
want a guy that dances. This is
where you channel your inner
Justin Beiber and go off for the
best 2 and a half hours of your
life at the dance. When all the
girls start dancing with you tell
the DJ to turn on a slow dance
song. This will make it clear
that you can only dance with
one girl and that girl that wants
to dance with you is clearly
the one. Then you figure out

where this girl is going after

the dance, Its all on you from
here, but make sure to get her
number just in case you get
lost. A way to do this is to say,
"I seem to have lost my phone
number. Can I have yours?"

haven't been
awoken
to
the dangers
of shampoo
and embraced the NoPoo
life, that is), and you're
brimming with anticipation
for the night to come. Your
hands tremble as you clumsily
crush the flower's cute little
box, but your confidence is
able to override the general
distaste Priory guys have for
dances. This is the mark of
a man who has mastered the

How to be a Master of Uncomfortable

Homecoming Conversation
By Tripp Miller 16
Editor &
Resident Cringe Authority

The winds of autumn
blow softly as you step out of
your beige '99 Honda Accord,
taking those daunting first
steps from the comfort of your
car to the monolith of your
date's door. Your jacket looks
sharp, you hair is washed (if you

uncomfortable Homecoming
conversation. Your date will
swoon when you open your
braces-filled mouth to sound
out, in a sweet, decedent
baritone,
those
immortal
syllables: "Hey! So you're the
girl I DM-ed on Instagram."
Look, talking to girls was
never your strong suite, and
tonight isn't going to be some
great departure from all those
late night "pls respond" texts
you sent in middle school.
Its not about learning how to

Have a great Homecoming!

And always contact the doctors
if you need help!

converse like a functioning

adult man, its about embracing
the fact that you'll never really
be able to speak to the fairer
sex. Courage. You are the heir
to the same American spirit
that stormed the beaches at
Normandy.
So drop those lame lines. Laugh
at your own jokes. Talk to her
parents dog. You've got that.

HOMECOMING

5
5 Ways to Impress
Your Date
By George Ahlering 16
Editoroof Ways to Impre
1. Flowers
You have to buy sick flowers.
Now, I know you actually
dont buy them, but you need
take the credit for them. Tell
your mom what her dress color
is and shell take care of the
rest. This is honestly crucial
to impressing your date and
making it a great night. Ever
heard of happy wife, happy
life? Yeah, well my motto
for Homecoming is happy
date, youll be late (because
your getting a goodnight hug)
aka your date is happy and
therefore you are happy. The
last thing you want is a grumpy
date, no one wants a grumpy
date and it all hinges on your
ability to kill the flower game.
2. Killer Playlist
Now, honestly, Im not a music
guy. Apparently, my music
choices are that of a 12-yearold girl (-Tripp Miller). This
is why you, again, take credit
for someone elses work.
Download Spotify, pay the $5
fee, and follow one of your
musically-inclined
friends

playlists. But, this is where

your preparation comes in. You
HAVE to prepare. Stalk her
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter,
Tumblr, whatever she has, you
stalk it. You need to find out
everything about your date,
what music she likes, who her
friends are, where she lives,
etc. You use this information
you gathered to make your
best judgtment on what music
she likes. For example, if
she follows Taylor Swift and
Selena Gomez on Twitter,
dont choose a rap playlist.
In this situation, you would
chose a pop playlist, not a rap
playlist. Do not choose a rap
playlist, no one actually likes
rap, especially not girls. If you
get the playlist down and shes
vibing and singing along to
T-Swizzle or what have you,
youre right on target for a
successful night.
3. Dont Be Awkward
This seems SO straightforward,
but as a socially awkward
person myself, I know how hard
it can be. You have to focus.
All of these steps play into this
essential step of the process.
End goal: a goodnight kiss

on the cheek. You CANNOT

be awkward, look awkward,
sound
awkward,
smell
awkward, or even say the word
awkward. REFER TO MATT
BRADDOCKS
ARTICLE
ON AVOIDING PRE-PARTY
AWKWARDNESS. At the
dance though, the stakes are
even higher. We all know
you want to mosh with your
boys and bask in the sweaty
goodness that is your friends.
However, dont leave your
date stranded. Your ratio of
bro-chill to lady-pulling needs
to be 4:1. For every 4 minutes
of moshing with the dudes, one
minute paid to your date. This
will ensure that she knows
youre there and it makes them
think you actually care about
the experience they have.
Dont be awkward.
4. Have An Afterparty
This piece of the puzzle really
shows your date that you
actually do have friends, a fact
that she has most likely doubted
since you first met. Apparently,
the entire senior class has no
friends. Because only true
friendships yield afterparties.
HINT HINT: someone from the

Priory community step up and

host a soiree of sorts. Heck,
at this point if the Monastery
hosted a gathering, my date
and I would be in attendance.
Now we all understand, parties
are difficult because you have
to find a happy medium and be
able to control the party. You
definitely dont want a party
that wrecks your house and
breaks a piece of your moms
fine china. Anyways, an after
party is essential because, lets
be honest, the actual dance
isnt that fun. The fun part is
getting to stay out late and
hang out with your friends in
formal attire.
5. End It Well
Gentleman (and I use that term
loosely), please end the night
well. If you follow these steps
youre sure to get a hug and
maybe, just maybe, a goodnight
kiss on the cheek. Get your
date home safe and in time
for her curfew. Dont make
the ride home awkward, again
utilize your killer playlist so
you dont have to sit in silence,
and youre golden.

ancient riddle. Every piece

of wood in the bonfire was
taken from a tree that fell
in the woods when no one
was looking or listening. As
a part of President Obamas
new initiative, No Tree Left
Behind, all of these fallen
heroes are being salvaged and
used for better purposes. They
speak in various ways through
their recycled assignments.
In tonights fire they will be
crackling with witty one-liners
and ashy views on foreign
policy. It has also been reported
that they will be giving a

smokey Halloween story to the

crowd.

The No Tree Left
Behind initiative is stemming
off of the previous initiative,
Branching Out: Americas
Limbs Repaired. In this
project, old tree limbs that fell
off of trees were duct taped
back onto their old trees. The
repaired trees asked to be
treated just like every other
tree stating, Its the rings on
the inside that count, not the
scars on the outside.

This year be mindful
of our Bonfire and the

second chance it has been

provided. This should serve as
inspiration for you to go out
on a limb and branch out to a
fellow classmate. I pine for the
opportunity to say something
sappy to a fellow oak tree, but
just keep in mind the nuttier
the better, pinecone.

BONFIRE
By Ramzi Haddad 16
Editor & Licensed Pyro-Technician

The Bonfire is coming
up tonight and it will be the
social event of the summer (not
even joking around). There
will be live music, fun tailgate
games, snacks, and of course, a
big hulking fire.

This years fire tells
a special tail. Have you ever
heard the saying, If a tree
falls in an empty forest and no
one can hear it hit the ground,
did it actually make a noise?
This years bonfire solves this

ATHLETICS

Cross Country Continues Record of Success

By Jake Drysdale 16
XC Co-Captain

For the second straight
year, Priory XC won the
team championship and Jake
Drysdale finished 1st overall
@ the Priory Invitational Cross
Country meet on October 3rd
supported by so many parents,
teachers, family, friends, and,
yes, fans. Special thanks to Fr.
Paul, Fr. Benedict, Fr. Francis,
and all from Priory XC.

On a cool and windy
Saturday, Priory XC finished
with a near-perfect score of 18
points. Jake Drysdale won the
race in a time of 17:36, Thomas
Lowell took 2nd in 17:43,
Luke Lissner finished 4th in
18:13, George OSullivan
placed 5th in 18:37, Kyle
Flores claimed 6th with 18:42,
Anthony OSullivan finished
8th in 18:57, and Greg Rolwes
rounded out the Varsity to take

11th with 19:13.

The Priory JV team also took
first as a team, with Joseph
Pollnow (19:28) finishing
1st overall and Jacob Conard
(19:45) 2nd overall in the JV
race.

Priory XC followed
up their wins @ the Priory
Invitational by road-tripping
early the next Saturday morning
to the highly competitive 41st
Potosi Invitational. For the
first time in almost a decade,
5 Priory runners broke the 18
minute mark with Jake Drysdale
finishing in 17:11 (14th out of
123), Thomas Lowell running a
17:21 PR (17th), Luke Lissner
crossing the line in 17:31 for a
PR (25th), Alex Lowell running
a PR of 17:55 (34th), and Drew
Sewall finishing strong in
17:59 for a PR and 40th place.
George OSullivan ran a PR of
18:03 to take 42nd place.

The JV also ran strong:
Anthony OSullivan was 8th
(out of 60) in 18:47, Joseph

seconds separated our JV 1st

and 6th runners, a remarkable
achievement.

Pollnow 9th in 18:50, Andrew

Latuda was 10th in 18:51, Greg
Rolwes 12th in 18:56, Jacob
Conard 14th in 19:01, Brian
Koch 15th in 19:04, and Robbie
Frei 36th in 19:51. Only 17

With the Metro League
and District Championships
ahead, Priory XC continues to
work hard, run fast, and finish
strong!

had sensational seasons and

will not disappoint in this one.
The difference in the game
could very easily be who is
more motivated and there is no
better means of motivation than
fan support! This is a must win
match for the Rebels who look
to enter the post-season flying
high. To mirror the fiery words
of Will Ferrell in Kicking &
Screaming: All right, Rebels.
Lets get ready to play, huh? I
don't want to see any laziness
here. If we win this, we're going
to Hooters. If we get a big lead,
we gotta pummel these guys,
pummel them at all costs.
Dominate, and hammer them. I
want you to play dirty, if you
have to, but don't get caught.

Mike Donovan, that's easy for

you. Just chop-block 'em in
the back of the knee. That will
work well. George Ahlering,
you're big. Don't be afraid to
throw the elbow. If you break
someone's collarbone, that's
a good thing, that's what the
medic's for. Otherwise he's just
sittin' around. All right! You
hear me!

Please come out and
be loud this Tuesday, October
20 at Priory for what will be,
to this point, the most exciting
game of the season. In the
wise words of Andrew Stange,
get rowdy and be prepared
to
Jumpman,
Jumpman,
Jumpman, because the Rebels
are up to somethin .

Ftbol Update
By Mark Ciapciak 17 &
Chris Holland 16
Ftbol Aficionados

GET HYPED! The
Rebels have a fantastic
opportunity to take down
their perennial rival, John
Burroughs,
this
coming
Tuesday. The last time the
Rebels squared off against the
Bombers, Priory students were
still wiping the dust off their
calculators and adjusting to
waking up five hours earlier
than usual.

It was a day to
forget. To the Rebels dismay,
Burroughs took an early 1-0
lead and finished the game
with a 2-0 victory. Perhaps

the lapse in focus was a result

of changing sleep schedules.
Driven by their burning desire
for revenge, the Rebels will
be well-adjusted, fired up, and
ready to go on Tuesday.

The Rebels match up
well with the Bombers and it
will be a hard-fought, close
match. With exciting attacking
seniors such as Chris Holland,
Will
Dohr,
and
George
Ahlering playing in what could
be their last home soccer game
in a Priory uniform, there will
surely be no disappointment.
You also cant forget about
our key defensive seniors
like Adam Ezzlegot, Michael
Donovan, George OSullivan,
and Drew Sewall who have all

ODDS & ENDS

Depression Cherry Album Review

By Jake Tottleben
Staff Writer & Survivor

Beach House is at it
again. For years the infamous
indie group, composed of
Victoria Legrand and Alex
Scally, has been supplying the
musical community with their
fix of dream pop. Releasing
their first album in 2006,
Beach House quickly earned
praise from die hard music fans
and the music review website
Pitchfork. Since their initial
release Beach House has given
us four more albums, including
Bloom, commonly thought as
their best album. Depression
Cherry,
the
fifth
studio

album, brings us the Beach

House sound we all know
and love. As far as continuity,
Depression Cherry isnt all
that different from the other
Beach House albums. This of
course isnt a bad thing. I must
say, I would be a little upset
if they dramatically switched
up their music writing style.
You listen to Beach House for
the chilled synth and Victoria
Legrands outstanding voice.
That is what they give you on
Depression Cherry. Victoria
is as good as ever and Alex
delivers the signature Beach
House synth sound that we are
used to, several simple layered
loops over a drum track. Beach

Houses only real change with

this album is their message:
they become far more blunt.
The name, Depression Cherry,
gives a good hint to how the
album feels. Alex and Victoria
make you sad, but all right with
it. Space Song and Sparks
conjure images of a lonely
beach house during the winter.
A man sits inside, sips a cup of
coffee and watches snow
fall onto the beach. He
remembers swimming and
playing in the sand over the
summer. Beach House is
the bleakness that was once
something else, something
more hopeful like an empty
summer home. Coming to

terms with sadness is what

Depression Cherry is about and
its done well. Beach House
will never make sadness feel
clichd and thats what makes
them great.

more pride than dominance,

he certainly wins debates
considering his poll numbers.
Not only that, they way he talks
is dominant: he doesn't read
off a teleprompter (like some
presidents), he doesn't have
political advisors or even a real
campaign operation because he
doesn't think he needs any of
that. This being said, the fact
he doesn't have a real campaign
operation will definitely catch
up with him if he actually wins
the Republican nomination and
goes on to a general election.
As for electability, just
about everyone would tell
that there's no way he'll win,
but the analysts always forget
one time honored truth: the
Average Joe votes for the
person that will make his life
better. Donald Trump, for all
his experience in the area,
certainly could help business
in America. With the growth
of business comes jobs and
prosperity, something voters
desperately crave considering
the real unemployment rate
of 10.5 percent (as given by
Bernie Sanders).

Attack ads are the filth of

the political world, but for
some reason they are also by
the far the most effective.
This is because people tend
to think that if youre playing
defense you're losing, which is
generally true. Donald Trump
never plays defense, and thusly
is always winning. Trump is
always attacking someone
or
somethingpractically
everything he says could be an
attack ad. The man is Teflon
Don precisely because he
always attacks and never stops
attacking.
The success of the Donald
is largely down to who he is;
no one should get away with
what he does, but he somehow
is able to. He continues to defy
the laws of political gravity, but
how long before that catches
with him? Hopefully it does
because we could definitely use
something to check the frenzy
around him and allow other,
less dominant and bombastic
candidates a say. As always,
may cooler heads prevail.

Overall it was a great album,

but it was what I expected. 8/10

In Defense of Donald; Re: The Donalds Ticking Time-Bomb

By Ian Newman 19
Engaged Reader

Donald Trump, the
billionaire businessman turned
GOP Presidential candidate, is
arguably the most polarizing
figure in American politics.
Despite this, he continues
to lead the Republican field
while taking personal shots
at practically anyone and
everyone. Just for reference:
he called illegal immigrants
rapists and drug dealers,
insulted
John
McCain's
military service as a prisoner
of war, mocked Jeb Bush for
being "low energy" and made
fun of female candidate Carly
Fiorina's face.
That's just a few of the
many, many things he's said,
but yet he continues to lead in
polls - in no small part because
he believes what he says, and
voters like a sincere political
candidate, rare as they are.
As a former celebrity-turnedpolitical candidate, he was
already a media sensation
well before his presidential
announcement. Even after he

became a candidate the media

continues to cover him like a
celebrity, protecting him from
some of the criticism that an
average candidate is subjected
to. Hopefully the media will
wake up and start to cover
Trump as a candidate, and not
the comedian they would like
him to be.
The other major factor
supporting Trumps campaign
is his status as a political
outsider. This factor goes
along with his sincerity:
people like the fact Trump's
outside of Washington and not
dependent on other people and
their money.The man can't be
bought, and people like that
because it is proof that Trump's
not influenced by special
interest groups like other
politicians.
Another more interesting
reason is his dominance.
Whether or not you agree with
the man and his policies, there
is no denying he knows how to
command a room. The debate
stage is an excellent example:
Trump steps on that stage as if he
owns it. While some may that's

ODDS & ENDS

The Senior Classs Dance Pictures to be Remebered