12/7/2015

MyTEDTalk:UnderstandingtheComplexitiesofGender

MyTEDTalk:Understandingthe
ComplexitiesofGender

IhadthehonorofbeingaskedtogiveanotherTEDxtalk,andtheyletmedoitallaboutgender.
Youcanwatchthevideobelow,andseeasItrytocondensehundredsofpagesofmybookinto16
minutesofcomprehensible,enjoyable,andsometimesrhymingwords.
Whatsyourfavoritepart?Anyfeedback?Letmeknowinthecommentsonthispage!

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MyTEDTalk:UnderstandingtheComplexitiesofGender

Understanding the Complexities of Gender: Sam Killermann at TED...

Heresatranscript(kindaIjustcopy/pastedfrommy
notes):
Imnotgay.Imnot.ButIfindmyselfsayingthatalot.Infact,youcouldgosofarastosaythatIm
professionallynotgay.MyliferevolvesaroundasocialjusticecomedyshowIperformcalledIts
PronouncedMetrosexual.Heresthefunnything:whatledtomeperformingthatshow,andwhat
constantlyleadspeopletoassumeImgay,reallyhasnothingtodowithmysexuality.Instead,ithas
everythingtodowiththewaythatIexpressmygender.
Genderandsexualityaretwodifferentconcepts.Itslikecomparingapplesandgayoranges.Thats
nottosaythatthereisntanyrelationshipbetweenthetwothereis,butitsimportanttorealize
theydevelopindependentofoneanother.Andtoday,Imgoingtotalktoyouaboutgender,not
sexuality.Wealllearnaboutgenderaskids,butwhatwelearnisanextremelylimitedconceptofa
conceptthatstrulyunlimited.
GenderasWereTaughtit
Whatweretaughtaskids,wellitsjustincomplete.Itspiecesofthepicture,butitsnotthewhole
sceneIncaseyoumisseditasakid,ordidntgrowupinthestates,letmegiveyouaquickrundown
ongenderasitstaughthere.Maybeyoullrelate.
Takeallpeopleanddividethemintotwo.Boyslineupontheleft.Girlslineupontheright.Boys,lets
startwithyou.
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MyTEDTalk:UnderstandingtheComplexitiesofGender

Boysareaggressive,impetuous,goodatmath,lovethecolorblue.Theygetdirty,roughhouse,play
sports,nothouse.Trucksandsoldiersandlegosaretheirtoys,buttheybreakthemall,cuzboyswill
beboys.Boyscangrowupandbewhatevertheywant.Theworldistheiroyster,andwhetherornot
theyrealizeitstheirchoicetocapitalizeonthisprivilegethatslimitedjusttoguys,itsthereforthem,
theychromosomeprize.Thereisnobartoohigh,orgoaltoofaraway,unlesstheywanttobea
nurse,cuzthatsjustgay.
Girlsarepassive,docile,naturalcaretakers,lovethecolorpink,borntobegoodbakers.Theyhate
bugs,lovehugs,andarebetteratvacuumingrugs.Dollsandpursesandmakeupmaketheirday,
whereboysplaywithvideogamesgirlswouldratherplaywithhairspray.Girlsgrowuptobemoms,
leavetheotherjobstodads.Unlesstheywanttobeateacher,anurse,areceptionist,oraclerk.
NowwhatIjustdescribedcertainlyappliestoafewofyou.Yeahtherearepeopleforwhichthese
descriptionsendupbeingtrue.Theproblemhereisoptions,andifyoucountedwehaveonlytwo.
Twooptionstodescribeeverypersoninthisroom,eachandeveryoneofyou
Twooptionstodescribeeverypersoninthisworld,7billionindividualidentities,simplifiedintotwo.
RealGender
Asyouveprobablyguessed,genderreallyisntthatsimple.Itstrue.Infact,theresasmanyversions
ofgenderastherearenumberofyou.
WhatImtalkingaboutisalottowrapyourmindaround.Butdontpanic,Imheretobreakitdown.
Yourgenderisnotadecision.Inmostcasesitsnotevenanobservation.Itslikehavingeyes.Ifyou
haveeyes,youknowyouhaveeyes.Youlikelycantpinpointthespecificmomentyourealized.If
asked,youmightsayyouvealwaysknownyouhadeyes,butthatdbealie.Youdontoftenthink
aboutyoureyes,buttheyarealwaysthere,makingahugeimpactonyourdays.Itsthroughyour
eyesthatyouseetheworld,and,inmanyways,youreyesaffecthowtheworldseesyou.Blueeyes
aretrue.Browneyesareplain.Greeneyesarespecial.Butwedismissthatassilly.Thatbecause
someonehappenstohavebeenbornwithblueeyes,theyllbehonest.Andthatswherethisanalogy
breaksdown.Becauseweassignagenderbasedonafewtraitssomeoneisbornwith.Andbased
onthatassignedidentity,weexpectsomeonetogrowuptobehaveacertainway,tobeacertain
typeofperson.
Genderismuchmoreaboutwhatsbetweenyourearsthanwhatsbetweenyourthighs.Itsmore
aboutwhatsoutsideofourbodiesandthewaythatwevebeensocialized.Genderisasocial
constructionthatsbeendisguisedasabiologicalimperative,ageneticlawweliveby.Themorewe
learnaboutgender,themorewelearnthatsalietothinkthatbecausethispersonsbornwitha
penis,hellgrowupandactlikeaguy.

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MyTEDTalk:UnderstandingtheComplexitiesofGender

Theeasiestwaytounderstandgenderistodissectitintothreedistinctpieces:
1,Genderidentity,whichishowyou,inyourhead,defineyourgender,moreonthisinaminute.
2,Genderexpression,whichisthewaysthatyoupresentgender,throughyouractions,dress,and
demeanor.
And3,Andbiologicalsex,whichisthephysicalsexcharacteristicsthatmakeupyourbody.I
promise,thiswillallgetclearer.
BiologicalSex(PenisesandVaginas)
Letsstartwithbiologicalsex,thephysicalcharacteristicswerebornwithanddevelop,that,inmany
peopleseyes,equalgender.
Alotofthingsmakeupwhatweunderstandasbiologicalsex:Chromosomes,hormones,Bodyhair,
hiptoshoulderratio,breastsize,voicepitch,justtonameafew.Butthemainthingwethinkabout:
reproductiveorgans.AKApenisesandvaginas.Weequategendertopenisesandvaginas.
Butheresthething.
Genderisnotuniversal.Genderisnotcrosscultural.Genderchangesovertime.
Youknowwhatisuniversal?Penisesandvaginas.
Youknowwhatiscrosscultural?Penisesandvaginas.
Youknowwhathasntchangedovertime?Wellactually,evolutionbutforthepastfewthousand
yearspenisesandvaginas!
Whilebiologicalsexissomethingthatexistsinauniformandpredictableway,somethingthatcanbe
measuredobjectivelyinhumansaroundtheworld,withoutmuchdebate,youcantsaythesame
thingaboutgender.
Genderisrelative.Genderiscultural.Andwhatgendermeans,andhowitsexpressed,doeschange
overtime.
Ifsomeoneisbornwithapenisandtesticles,hesamale,hesahe,andwellraisehimtobeahim.
Ifsomeoneisbornwithavagina,shesafemale,shesashe,andwellraisehertobeaher.
Andwhenwerenotsure,whensomeoneisbornintersex,bornwithambiguousgenitalia,weguessif
hesaheorshesashe,andbasedonthatguessraisehimtobeahimorhertobeaher.
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MyTEDTalk:UnderstandingtheComplexitiesofGender

Which,asyoucanguess,isoftenproblematic.Butassigningagendertoapersonbasedonsexisnt
onlyproblematicwhensomeoneisbornintersex.Letmetellyouaboutgenderidentity,andthiswill
allstarttomakesense.
GenderIdentity
Illsaythisagaintosaysomethingthatneedstobesaid:genderisntthepartsthatmakeupyour
body,itswhatsinyourhead.Tounderstandgenderidentity,andhowitdifferersfromexpression
andsex,weneedtofirstmakesenseofwhatsinourheads.
Alltheworldsastage,andallthemenandwomenmerelyplayers.Shakespearesaidthis200years
beforewehadawordforsociologybutWillknewhisstuff,ineverywayhewasaprodigy,andwhat
hesaidhereitringstrueinmyearsalltheseyearslaterasImthinkingaboutnormsandfolkways
andwhatDurkheimcalledmores,andthescriptedrolesweplayinourdaytodaywithouteven
realizingitbuthey!Imgettingaheadofmyself.Thistalkisaboutgender.WhatamItryingtosay?
WhatShakespearesaidaboutthestage?Hehitthenailonthehead.Atbirthyourecastinarole,
givenascript,andtoldtoplaythatparttilyourdead.Thedirectorofyourplayfollowsyouaround
everydayofyourlife.Thedirectorisyourparents,yourteachers,yourpeers,yourpreachers,your
newsbroadcasters,bookwriters,TVproducers,firefighterseverypersoninyourlifewhohasan
impactonyou,knowsthescriptyouvebeengiven,andknowswhenyouremissingyourcues.
Aswegrowupwebecomedirectorsinotherpeoplesplays.Wenoticewhenboysarentplayingthe
boypartright,orwhengirlsarerunningastray.
Nowallofthatssociology,butitsimportanttohaveagrasponitifyouregoingtograspgender
identity.Becausegenderidentityisrootedinsociology.Itsrootedingenderrolesandnorms,and
thewayweperpetuateandreinforcethoseideasinsociety.
Genderidentityiswhoyou,inyourhead,knowyouare,basedonhowmuchyoualignordontalign
withwhatyouunderstandtobetheoptionsforgender.Thoseoptions,andyourunderstandingof
whattheyare,arebasedonhowyouweresocializedtounderstandwhatgenderis.Nowthatllbe
differentfromcontinenttocontinent,countrytocountry,statetostate,evenpersontoperson,butfor
themostpart,membersofasocietyhaveasharedideaofwhatitmeanstobeman,woman,or
other.
Genderidentityis,atitsroot,awayofclassifyingpersonality.Butweknowthatwehavemorethan
twooptionsforpersonalities,sowhydowesettleforgenderoptionsthatarebinary?Well,wedont.
Someofusdont,anyway.LetmegiveyouarundownonthegenderidentitiesIknowof,andIlldo
italphabetically:
Agender,Bigender,Genderfluid,Genderless,Genderqueer,Man,NonBinary,NonGendered,Third
Gender,Trans,TransMan,TransWoman,Transgender,Transsexual,Transvestite,TwoSpirit,
Woman
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MyTEDTalk:UnderstandingtheComplexitiesofGender

NowIdonthavetimetodefineallofthoseterms,buttheyreeasytolookup,thatswhattheinternet
isfor(inadditiontoporn).Onethingyoudoneedtoknowisthatallofthosetermswerecreatedto
makesenseofgroupswhosegenderidentitiesaresonotmanorwomanthattheyneededa
completelynewlabeltoapplytothem.
Thesearepeoplewho,historically,havebeenlabeledashavingapsychologicalcondition,gender
dysphoriaorGenderIdentityDisorder,theyrecalledconfused,troubled,andsick,dangerousto
themselvesandourmoralfabric.Butinrealityitssocietythatisconfused.Ourunderstandingof
genderasbinaryissick.Andforcingpeopletoconfinetooneoftwooptionswhenintheirmindsthey
knowthatboxisntforthem,takethescriptaway,markitupwithapen,thisisnttheroleIwasborn
toplay,Iknowmyselfbetterthanyoucouldeverknowme,andwhoareyoutosaywhatshealthy
whenyourideaofhealthisdestroyingme.
Abinaryunderstandingofgenderisntjustincomplete,itsdangerous.Inarecentstudy,84%of
trans*peopleintheUKhadconsideredsuicide.Halfofthemattemptedit.
Dontgetmewrong:genderidentity,ornonbinarygenderidentity,isntadarkthing,oratleastit
doesnthavetobe.Wejustneedtoshedsomelightonit.
Ivetalkedaboutbiologicalsex,howitdiffersfromgenderidentity.Nowletstalkaboutgender
expression,adifferentthingentirely.
GenderExpression
Imaman.
Thatsprobablynotasurprisetomostofyoutohearthat.BecauseImsomanly.
WhydopeoplelaughwhenIsaythat?Whennoonedoubtsmymaleidentity.
Theanswertothatquestion,isthedifferencebetweengenderidentityandgenderexpression.
GenderexpressionisthereasonpeoplelaughwhenIcallmyselfmanly,becauseeventhoughthey
dontquestionmanness,theyquestionmymasculinity.Imamanwhowearspantstootight,colors
toobright,voiceistoohigh,hairisjustright,tobeforthrightIcryduringLionKing,andifyoudont
youredeadinside,IcleanupwellandandIsmelldelightful,andIusewordslikecuteand,well,
delightful.
Genderexpressionisallthatandmore.Itsthewayswepresentourselves,andwhatthosethings
standfor.Theinterpretationsofgenderexpressionvaryfromculturetoculture,becausewhat
gendermeansinoursmeanssomethingcompletelydifferentinanother.Weoftenthinkofgender
expressionasbeingonascalefrommasculinetofeminine,butreallyitstwoscales,anda
measurementoneachofthem.
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Ononescalewecanmeasurehowmuchweexpressfemininity.AllthosethingsItoldyouabout
myselfwouldincreasethisexponentially.
Butonaseparatescalewemeasuremasculinity.Doesmehavingabeardmakemysalmonpants
lessgirly?No,notreally,butitdoesincreasemymasculinity.Slightly.
Genderexpressionchangesquitereadily.Insomecases,itchangesfromactivitytoactivity.Thinkof
anaverageday,hereshowonestartsforme.
Iwakeup,hairmattedtotheside,droolonmyface,wearingboxerbriefs,grumblingobscenities.Its
atthispointinthedaythatIexpressmostmasculinely.Butitpassesquickly,becausesteponeinmy
dayisgoingtothebathroomandgettingfullonpretty.Ihopintheshower,shampoomyhair,
awapuhiginger,leaveinconditioner,facialscrub,fullbodywash,hopoutthetub,smelllikeaflower.
ThenIpluckmyeyebrows.Istylemyhair,tryonoutfitsinfrontofmymirror,whichissomethingIm
surealltheguysdoinhere.Amiright,bros?ThenIhoponthebus.Illdophonecallmeetingsformy
nonprofitandworkinbroyphraseslikedudeandbullshitbecauseinthatpartofmylife,andI
hatetoadmitit,expressingmasculinityisaprettybigbenefit.ThenIheadtoacafe,orderablack
coffee,andworkquietly,keepingtomyselfthroughouttheday.
Soasyoucansee,injustafewhoursIexpressbothmasculinityandfemininity.Injustthefew
minutesIvebeenonthisstageIvedonethesamething,anditssomethingyouvebeennoticing,
evenifjustsubconsciously.
Forsomepeople,theirgenderexpressionalignswiththeirgenderidentity.Forsomepeople,their
genderexpressiondoesnotalign,whetheritsforcomfort,pleasure,orpersonalcreativity.Andfor
somepeople,genderexpressionisaperformance,adisplayofhypermasulinorfemininity.Youve
probablyheardofthesepeople,wecallemdragkingsanddragqueens.
Soletsputthisalltogether.
Ivejusttalkedaboutalot,inaveryshortamountoftime.AndItriedtomakeitunderstandable,even
ifitwassupercondensed,andImadeitrhyme.Butgenderisntsomethingyouregoingtogetin
fifteenminutes.IfIweretowriteabookaboutgender,itwouldbeveryhardtodoitineven200
pages.AndIknowthat,becauseIwroteabookaboutgenderanditwasveryhardtodoitineven
200pages.
Butletsdoaquickrecap.
1.Letsallagreethatgenderismorecomplexthanwhatwelearnedaskids.
2.Whilebiologicalsexisacomponentofgender,itisnotadeterminant.Thatis,beingbornwith
certainsexcharacteristics(penisesorvaginas)doesnotbiologicallyhaveanybearingonwhoyoull
growuptobe.Instead,weknowthatpeoplebornwithpenisesaretaughttobeboys.Andpeople
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MyTEDTalk:UnderstandingtheComplexitiesofGender

bornwithvaginasaretaughttobegirls.Notbiology.Sociology.
3.Yourgenderidentityishowyoumakesenseofyourinnerself,andwhatyouunderstandgenderto
be.Sometimesthisalignswithyourbiologicalsex,orfitsintothegenderbinary.Sometimesit
doesnt.
4.Genderexpressionisaseparatethingaltogether.Foralotofpeopleitlinesupwiththeirgender
identityandbiologicalsex.Foralotofpeopleitdoesnt.
5.Letsallagreethatgenderismorecomplexthanwhatwelearnedaskids.Yes,thatwasnumber1.
Butitsalsonumber5.Becauseitsveryimportant.
Socratessaid,theonlytruewisdomisinknowingyouknownothing.Ihopethistalkwillserveasa
catalystinhelpingyourealizehowlittleweallactuallyknowaboutgender,andamotivationtolearn
more.
Eventually,inmydreams,wellhaveasocietythatisntgenderblind,butisgendercreative.Where
peoplewillfeelcomfortablebeingthemselves,andexploringwhatthatmeans,andinthattheyllbe
supported.Wherequestioningonesgenderwontbeshunned,butanexpectation.Andwhere
realizingyoudontfitamoldwontleadtoisolationanddepression,butinsteadcelebration.And,
aboveall,asocietywherepeoplewillbesafe,regardlessoftheirgenderformation.
Inthemeantime,canweatleastgetsomegenderneutralbathroomsupinthispiece.
JointheDiscussion

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