The Bullshit RPG

A role-playing game for 2 to 100 dumb-asses

By perrypolaris (perrypolaris@gmail.com)

How to Play
Okay look basically you start with 2d6 hit points, an attack bonus of
+1d6, and an AC of 3d6. And you get a damage bonus of +1d6, and
all attacks do 1d6 plus whatever your damage bonus is.

Oh, and if you spend a bullshit point, recuperate it through good

explanation, then spend it again, and get it back, then spend it again,
and get it back, and do that one more time, then you can
automatically gain a level. Therefore, characters good at bullshitting
can go up in level really fast. You get +1d6 hit points, and +1 on all
your other shit, when you go up in level. But other characters can
argue against your bullshit, which is really fun if you have a shitty
GM who barely describes anything so you end up arguing if you're
outside or not because all he says is "you're in the dark fighting
monsters, roll for initiative".

Rolling attacks is 2d6 plus your attack bonus, to hit the armor class,
just like D&D except without d20s because they roll around too
Oh yeah, initiative. Fuck that shit, it takes forever and we have to
much. Pisses me off like nothing else when people drop their fucking play fucking musical chairs every time. The GM goes first because I
dice on the floor.
am fucking sick of creating great encounters and having the
characters fucking murder them before the monster even gets to go.
You also get 1 bullshit point. Anyone mentioning the card game
Then it goes clockwise or counter-clockwise, GM chooses /
Bullshit instantly loses his/her bullshit point. If the player protests,
determines randomly. This way people don't fight over sitting next to
he/she must roll again for his/her hit points, and take the lower result. the GM, they fight over sitting at the middle, because it's the safest
Do this for other stats if they continue whining. Fuckheads.
bet. A character can spend a bullshit point to automatically get the
chair, but then he doesn't have bullshit points anymore, and being
You go into dungeons and shoot monsters and shit. If you want to
good at initiative is kind of retarded anyway, so it's a really stupid
cast spells, make up a couple spells, why the fuck do I have to do
strategy.
everything for you?
Also remember to backstab other characters, cause if they die they
Make up whatever class you are based on your stats. Like if you have can't win, can they? Be glad I thought of that for you, or you would
12 hit points, +6 attack and damage because you fucking cheated
have played it like D&D with all that teamwork cooperative shit that
while the GM wasn't looking, then you'd be a fucking great-sword
makes me sick. Fuck off, kill other people, and remember to add tons
fighter. If you got 2 hit points, +1 attack and AC of 2 because you
of sneak attack damage as long as the GM doesn't catch you doing it.
rolled shitty and you're too much of a pussy to ask the GM if you can If he does, he can kick you out, and you lose instantly. Remember, if
reroll, you'd probably be a wizard. That sort of shit. If you want
you haven't lost a friend by the end of the night, you're doing it
sneak attack, just add a d6 to damage when you sneak up on people, wrong.
the GM probably won't notice.
Anyway, this game is great for when that one whiny shithead who
You can have two weapon fighting if your damage bonus is 1 or less; never fucking shows up for games isn't there but he showed up for
who gives a shit if it's unbalanced, That black elf dude with the
once last session and became really important in the story then didn't
scimitars was fucking awesome, and so is dual-wielding. Just make 2 show up again as usual, so now starting without him would fuck
attacks, no damage penalties or shit like that.
things up, and you go on about what a douchebag he is before taking
out fucking Settlers of Catan or something. Fuck no, this is RPG
And if you get boxcars it's a critical hit. If I have to explain what the night, you play a fucking role-playing game. Next time that guy
fuck boxcars are to you then go kill yourself. And snake eyes
screws you over, play the Bullshit RPG, and when he does show up
automatically misses cause otherwise its fucking stupid. There,
again, whoever won at Bullshit RPG gets to tell him he's kicked out
you've got all the good stuff. Critical hits deal x1d6 damage. That's
of the group just as soon as he finishes his diplomacy check to
right. Multiply your damage by the roll of another die. Mindfreak,
seduce the king.
bitches.
Now, when you lose a roll, or when the GM hits, you can call bullshit
by spending your bullshit point. If you missed, you hit, and if the
GM hits, he/she missed. Once you spend your bullshit point, the only
way you can get it back is by explaining the bullshit. Like the sun got
in his eyes, but if you're in a dungeon, you are basically fucked,
because there is no sun in the dungeon, so you lose and you can
never get your bullshit point back. Kind of like your virginity, but
with bullshitting, although I suppose you can say that blowing the fat
truck driver for twenty dollars "doesn't really count," so I guess it's
not that different.

Monsters
Here's some monsters since you're too fucking lazy to make them,
you ungrateful dickhead. Grow a pair and make your own next time,
because I'm not releasing a fucking Monster Manual here. It's like 5
monsters, anyway. You're welcome.
Goblin: 1d6 hp, AC 7, +1 to hit, 1d6 damage
Orc: 1d6+2 hp, AC 8, +2 to hit, 1d6+2 damage
Ogre: 3d6 hp, AC 9, +4 to hit, 1d6+4 damage

A normal monster should have like 3d6 hit points, to make it more
challenging, and everything else as normal. Or just roll some dice
and decide if you hit or not, you're the GM, you're in charge, and
everyone better listen to you if they don't want to be kicked out.

Hill Giant: 5d6 hp, AC 12, +4 to hit, 1d6+6 damage

If you run out of hit points, you either die or go unconscious, 50%
chance of each. Although there isn't any healing, so I guess it's kind
of the same either way.

Dragon: 10d6 HP, AC 15, +7 to hit, 1d6+10 damage

Also firebreathing, hits 1d6 people for 5d6 damage. Also there's no
saving throws, so good luck, bitches.

Giant Spider: 2d6 hp, AC 5, +2 to hit, 1d6+6 damage, plus 1d6 more
poison damage that never heals. Oh wait, nothing heals anyway.