Kelsey Rochelle

12311 Relativity Way

Orlando, FL 32826
(865)603-101
krochelle@knights.UCF.edu

Approximate Word Count: 800

A******
living the life of a 7 letter dirty word
by Kelsey Rochelle

Rochelle / A****** / 2

Preface
I was on a church mission trip to Canada when I accepted my loss of faith. During the trip, I
both lead prayer and played the role of Satan in a drama. It occurred to me thatto the outside
world, if they knewthe latter would be a better example of my character. It was on this
mission tripa trip to find God as much as to show Him to othersthat I began to recognize
that I am an atheist.
One night, after leading a church full of my close friends, my church family, and strangers in
a heartfelt prayer, I began to understand that I had just committed fraud. Each person who
greeted me afterwards to praise me for my prayer hurt like a punch to the gut. Being regularly
active in the church community, this mission trip opened my eyes to the fact that I had to open up
about my stance on religion.
My loving parents wept for my soul as well as my sanity when I eventually broke the news.
My father questioned my motives and my morality. This was a time of dissent in the family.
Having only the harsh rhetoric of Dawkins, Hitchens, and Harris as my main experience with
atheist, I had a hard time of finding the middle ground of expressing my beliefs without resenting
my family for their reaction.
Although these prominent atheist figures are people I look up to and generally agree with,
their anti-religious rhetoric was no way to help my parents understand what I was going through
and why my beliefs had changed. A couple of years after coming out of the atheist closet, it
became clear to me that if I wanted to be understood, I had to be willing to work towards coming

Rochelle / A****** / 3
to an understanding. This meant that arguing with my parents about Gods existence or what is
or is not in the Bible and how that should be interpreted were not the topics that would restore
some common ground. We were at place where would never identify with one another
religiously. The debate was useless for coming to an understanding, because we each had our
minds made up.
The way for us to understand each other wouldnt come from debating theology. An
understanding between us wouldnt come from me trying to open their minds to my ideology or
them trying to open my mind to theirs. Instead, we had to open our hearts, defeat the debate, and
find he means to coexist with equal levels of freedom.
I give this anecdote because this is how I hope you will frame my storynot as a story of
why Im right, but a story of what I have experienced in my religious upbringing followed by my
denial of God. When I speak of religious principles I found harmful, it is to show my side of the
story rather than to make anyone toss their faith. I recognize that every religion has a variety of
meanings to its followers. I recognize that one persons Christianity isnt always anothers. One
persons Buddhism isnt always anothers. One persons Islam isnt always anothers. One
persons Judaism isnt always anothers. One persons atheism isnt always anothers. Our
religious title arent terms that can truly attest to our personalities or our characters.
Atheists are a minority in Americaan often hated and misunderstood minority. Living a
life guided by religious principles can lead someone to not understand where a Godless person
finds their moral compass. When someones life is led by a deity, it can be harder to understand
someone without a deity at all than just someone with a different one. Without a set of rules, a
dogmatic criterion, a standard doctrine, how could someone conduct themselves in a moral way?

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Apart from the stereotype that atheists lack morals and general kindness is the stereotype that
atheists are aggressive assholes. I admit to meeting a few atheist comfortable in confronting
Christians on why they are stupid, delusional, or uneducated. I have also met Christians who
feel comfortable confronting students on university campuses to shout out to them that they are
damned to Hell because of their sin and unworthiness. This angry, hateful attitude is not
something religious statusit is something of human nature. Wherever there are people there
will be anger, hate, betrayal, greed, and so on. These are art of the human experience. They
require no religion or lack thereof. The same is to be said of love, compassion, kindness,
companionship, and gentleness.
All of this being said, I will speak out against religious principles that I find to be those born
of the harmful aspects of human nature. I will speak out against principles that restrict personal
freedoms, perpetuate hate, and cause undeserved guilt and shame. I will speak out against these
principles, but I am not speaking out against religious people. We all have our own sides of the
story. I only want to share mine.