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Unconscious body language originates in the oldest part of the brain called
the limbic system. The limbic system is primarily responsible for our emotional life
and has a lot to do with regulating hunger, thirst, aggressive behavior, and sexual
needs. (For some people, sex is highest on the list!)
The parts of the brain shown in red make up the limbic system. It is deep within the
brain and is highly interconnected with the outer layer. That means it is highly
influential on the "new brain" areas and our
everyday behaviors, including body
language.
This limbic system part of the brain is referred to
as the "old brain" since it formed eons ago in our
ancestors as they figured out how to survive and
find a mate. These deep layers appear to be
the brain's pleasure center, which plays a
role in our need for pleasure and sexual
arousal. (You are going to be amazed at how
much body language is about sex!)
We still have some ancient animal behaviors and needs stored in our "old brain".
Fortunately our training and experience stored in the "new brain" areas normally
keeps these animal behaviors under control. However, those ancient animal desires
often still show up in our body language today! Much of our unconscious body
language display often reveals we are seeking pleasure and sexual arousal.
We truly unknowingly advertise our desires in our body language!
Later in our evolutionary development the human brain added more layers on top of
the old brain for processing higher level thought
processes like language, creativity and reasoning.
This "new brain" is called the cerebral cortex and
at the right it is indicated in green. The cerebral
cortex receives and processes the sensory
information from the many different sensory
organs such as the eyes, ears, taste buds, nose
and touch sensors. Here is where we learn
how to function in our modern world as
kind, caring, socialized citizens in our
particular culture. (However, sometimes the controlling part goes to sleep with
alcohol and in some people their "old brain" goes wild.)
his conscious behavior that keeps him operating somewhat normal and not
approaching the hostess for sex - at least not right now.
However, his sexual interest in the hostess will show up unconsciously in his body
language. For example, his eyes will not miss a centimeter of her soft bare skin down
her collar when she leans over to serve him. His every move will be
unconsciously affected by his old brain limbic system trying to signal her
that he desires her and is waiting for her to respond. When he sits, he will sit
in the open-leg position displaying his "goodies" in her direction. His arms will be
wide open and in her direction much of the time. He will watch her every move with
great pleasure watching for a positive body language reply to his own body
language. And this is all done unconsciously!
The fascinating and wonderful part of this scene is that her body language
may be unconsciously responding to his body language with affirmative
responses to his every move - if not for a real encounter, at least for the fun
of seeing how much she is desired! It will be no accident when she repeatedly
leans over to offer him more to eat and exposes a clear view down her blouse. She is
not just being a good hostess interested in feeding him! In the mean time the
discussion may drone on about what a wonderful meal it was and how the duck was
prepared with orange sauce and etc. That is the socialized new brain talking
and doing what it learned to do in this modern world. At the same time the
old brain wants to have a "quickie" with her in the kitchen!
Her thoughts are probably on how much he desires her. In her "old brain" and DNA is
the strong programing to seek a mate who considers her valuable. This will help
insure she will be protected by him and have a better chance for survival of her and
the offspring - at least that is the way it worked for millions of ancestors. She is
going to be watching his body language and actions for how much he is willing to
care for her well being. She wants first a caring and protective relationship before
she lets a guy have her for dessert.
Notice how he is leaning toward her and his left arm is under the table. He has
desires for her body and wants to get physically and emotionally closer to her as
soon as possible. His left hand and arm are under the table "hiding his intentions".
She is no dummy! Look at her right arm pushing him away. Also she is sitting up
straight and not leaning toward him, all very proper. Additionally, she has her left
arm across and close to her body in a very protective position.
She is smiling at him and being socially correct but her body language says, "Hey
buddy, slow down and keep your distance. I'm not letting you get to me right now."
She needs to find out more about how valuable she is to this guy and how caring and
protective he will be for her and the offspring. Much of her information about him will
come from his body language which she will pickup mostly unconsciously. (By now
she probably knows this guy is anxious to jump on her bones as soon as she opens
up and lets him in!)
more accurate and truthful than words.When two people are relating to each
other, their body language messages reveal more about how they feel about
each other than their words do.
Most unconscious body language deals with survival and passing-on our
genes to future generations (i.e. getting sex). Habitual body language that
worked for survival and mating has been perfected and repeated for millions of
generations. Women and men today are still using much of the same body
language to attract a mate that their ancient ancestors
used. Background Discover More . . .
Both women and men have inherited very strong desires to survive and passon their genes to their offspring by having sex. Without this strong drive we
would have become extinct long ago. Life and survival were really tough in
ancient times.
Men and women can't do it alone so they must come together. (Pun intended!)
A woman must expend great time and energy to give birth and raise a child.
To do this best she needs to attract a man to help her get pregnant and
afterward to help raise the offspring. (Recently in our history, the importance
of the man has been diminished in some societies where women can function
independently. Even the act of impregnation can be done in the lab by a
woman doctor, but the sperm must still come from a man. Men are not totally
obsolete, yet!)
Women want to have a lot of choices in men today so they can get the best
one. "Best" means the man who can help her make the healthiest babies then
protect and support her and the children for long survival.
Women want to have choices today in men for a mate, so flirting and dating
provides that opportunity. Women have inherited proven successful body
language flirting techniques in their DNA to attract many men for more and
better choices. (And this game is all about sex!)
Men must compete with other men for a woman's acceptance. Therefore men
must "court" a woman in order to get accepted as her mate. (There is a huge
amount of research data on men and sperm competition -- but that is another
story.)
In nearly all the species the ultimate decision for which male is accepted to be
the offspring's father is the decision of the female.
Unconscious female body language to attract males primarily displays this
message: "I am a healthy female and you may approach me to make babies."
Female beauty (with all the makeup and techniques to make it happen) is all
about looking young and healthy in order to make the best babies.
The male's body language is one of the primary factors guiding the female's
choice of mate in most species. Females in species that bond, mostly look for
strength, protection, and caring behaviors in the male. Human females who
find a man with these desired characteristics call this "a good relationship".
Some researchers have claimed that human survival in the past simply worked this
way:
good to her, maybe he will be rewarded in a very special way. She knows what he
likes and knows how to make him squirm. At this point he will usually uncross his
legs, open them, and point his crotch toward her. When he does this he is sending a
body language signal to her saying that she can have
his "goodies" anytime she is ready.
Women's flirting body language is generally
movements of opening clothing and exposing bare
skin or touching their hair. Women's flirting body
language to attract men is nearly always sexual because
women know what men want! The message in women's
flirting body language is this: "I am a healthy, sexual,
woman open to you coming closer. I won't resist you!"
Her smile says, "I like you and I won't hurt you. Come
closer."
Researchers have identified that both men and women use five steps for
finding a mate.
Women know what men want. Women looking for a mate devote a lot of time,
energy, and money making sure they look young, healthy, and sexy.
Women's millions of ancestors with these traits of good health and good looks appealed the most
to men and ended up producing the most babies. Therefore this wisdom of looking good for men's
desires is engrained in most women's DNA today. (Lucky men!)
Unconsciously men are looking for the best women to make healthy babies with both of their
healthy genes. It is all about survival of the species. Without this persistent ancient strong
sex drive our species would have gone extinct long ago.
biological purpose in life was to find a mate to help pass on the parents' genes in
their children. Most humans and animals have a powerful drive to find a mate for sex
because it feels super-fantastic! Unconscious body language often reveals a person
hunting for a mate and sex.Background Discover More . . .
Over the past 10,000 years, we "modern humans" have learned to live together in
social groups and communities. Rules and codes of conduct for finding a mate and
producing offspring were developed to minimize overt sexual competition. Violation
of the mating rules -- and even minor deviations from the rules in some cultures -often brings severe criticism and consequences. Violators soon learn there is a price
to pay for deviation from the local rules about revealing their natural sexual drives
and seeking a mate in unconventional ways. In spite of all the social pressure to
hide and suppress our natural sexual urges, our sexual desires are still
often revealed in our unconscious body language.
Many people will argue that we humans today have a higher purpose than getting
sex. However, research has found that much of our body language still reveals an
unconscious desire to get naked and have some sexual fun. There is abundant
research indicating that body language is still unconsciously geared to
finding a mate and getting sex. Interestingly, this drive to get sex and reproduce
is handled differently in men and women. Generally, single men are looking for
immediate sex. Single women are more often looking for a relationship first (for
protection and survival with help of a man) and then sex may happen afterwards.
Here is one example of a man's posture emphasizing his sexuality. When casually
standing like this, he will usually directly face the woman who appeals to him. Notice
that the fingers all point to "you-know-what-is-important" to this guy: Sex! Of
course, guys claim that this is just a comfortable
way to stand.
Yah, sure it is -- NOT!
Here at the right is one way women call attention
to their sexuality with their body language. It is
quite obvious that this woman is unconsciously
advertising to the world that she is a healthy
woman. This woman's body language could not
be more clear and simple! She is unconsciously
saying, "My womb is empty and available." This is
very deep, old brain limbic system-driven body
language programmed by the DNA from our
ancient ancestors. This ancient part of the brain functions in very basic ways, driving
Nearly every sperm-producing animal and human male must expend much time and
effort in convincing the female to accept him and his sperm. This has forced most
males, both animals and humans, to initiate a process called "courtship".Animal and
human courtship is done in many different ways. Some male birds, whales and
gibbons "sing". Some birds dance or build special nests to attract a female. Human
males have been very innovative in countless ways to
attract a mate through courting.
At puberty, many young men and women start experimenting and practicing
how to attract prospective mates. Each looks to others in their culture to learn
what is acceptable behavior. Movies and TV offer examples of behavior, but
they might not be acceptable in all cultures. The learning process for young
people has many disappointments as well as exhilarating surprises.
Women learn at an early age that men are attracted to signs of youthfulness,
good health, and sexual fertility (read "sexy"). Men learn to attract women by
displaying their strength (ability to protect family) and potential to provide
resources for a family.
Generally, women want the experience of courting several men before getting
married so they can pick the best one. In nearly every species the female's
best choice male has the characteristics that will produce the strongest and
healthiest offspring as well as protect her and the offspring to ensure their
survival. In many species, the male's physical condition, body language, and
behavior are primary factors the female uses to pick her mate for breeding.
In one experiment, some peahens (female peacocks) were given the choice of
two males. One had a perfect tail and the other had some of the feathers
purposely slightly damaged. The peahens nearly always accepted the peacock
with the more perfect tail. It appears physical perfection is important to
peahens. This implies good health is a priority when seeking a breeding mate.
Surveys of women in most western cultures reveal their preferences in men to
be mostly for protectiveness and an abundance of resources. It appears that
the basic unconscious drive in most women is to find a mate to protect and
help raise the children with a good life.
comes from ancient female ancestors' most successful strategy for producing
offspring.
Men want QUANTITY: Lots of sex and with lots of women! Men's ancient
ancestors developed endurance and went for high amounts of sex as their most
successful strategy for producing offspring. (If guys are stuck with one woman,
guaranteed they are looking, dreaming, and fantasizing about others! That is in
their genes!)
In spite of all the social, cultural, and religious obstacles for humans to get sex in
only an approved way today, couples are somehow joining and making babies.
Fortunately, powerful hormones evolved in humans to drive men and women
together for you know what! Even if they have to go through difficult obstacles,
somehow they come together and produce offspring -- often even in unapproved
ways. That natural drive is what keeps the human species thriving on this planet.
1.
Young and healthy. A young, healthy female has the best
probability of conceiving and producing healthy offspring. Therefore for
best success in passing on their genes in offspring, men have a
preference for young healthy women. Characteristics associated with
youth and health are these:
o
Small lower part of face with full lips, high cheek bones and
long neck.
o
2.
Men of all ages show a preference for symmetrical and
proportional young women.
Symmetrical and well proportioned physical features are
what we call "good looking". "Good looking" implies good health
and therefore healthier offspring.
o
3.
Even after our child-bearing years are over, we look for a mate with the same
characteristics for producing offspring. That DNA inherited need to pass on our genes
in offspring is a strong drive that is always within us. Most women always seek a
man who is strong and caring with a lot of resources to make a good home for the
family -- and "good looking" is not important. Most men at any age are always
attracted to a healthy, young, fertile woman who could make healthy babies -- even
when he doesn't want any children. It seems that the software that drives our
internal unconscious mental "computer" for mate
selection does not come with software upgrades for
after menopause!
The mate selection criteria remains the same for most
males and females at all ages even though sex drive
changes. Recent research on long-term sexual motivation in
both men and women reveals these differences:
where you are going. Don't copy the others exactly but do wear the same type of
clothing that is the established norm for that occasion. It is important to not be so
different that you stand out as being ignorant about the unwritten rules. Your goal
(and the goal of every other woman there) is to stand out as special (men
like trophies). You also want to appear desirable (good possibility for future
sex) and available (not already attached to a guy).
That brings us to the second rule: Choose your attire to display your true or
desired persona. It is not only important to attract the men but, even more
important, that you attract the right type of men. Men are very visual because of
their ancestors' hunting background. When they go hunting they have a picture
already in their mind of what they want and use their eyes to search for it. From
their ancient past, their brain is geared to be keenly watchful for flying things if they
are bird hunting. If hunting for ground animals they are especially alert to critters
scurrying around on the ground. Where you will be going the men will be
hunting for women. So dress feminine!
It Pays to Advertise
You need to subtly display that you are a sexually alive woman who is
approachable.Colors are especially important to men. You want to appear
approachable so DO NOT wear deep burgundy or plum. That makes you look too
strong and scares most men. Pink is flattering to nearly all skin tones and is inviting
to men. A little red in accessories is sexy. Avoid sickly looking yellow-green. A wise
investment for every woman is a consultation with a color and makeup consultant.
Wearing clothes and makeup that are your best colors will dramatically enhance how
you feel and how people relate to you. It is money well spent at least once.
One study at University of Rochester discovered that men spent more money on
dates with women wearing red. The researcher's believe this attraction to red could
be in men's genes. It may be linked to ovulation signaling in primates, where the
females of the species' rumps become engorged with blood when ready for breeding.
Wow! Better get a red skirt!
bare skin area on a woman's body. Flipping hair, wiggling butt, bouncing boob
images will stay with a man for the next few days and nights and provide some
relief.This voyeur characteristic is not so much in women.
Find somewhere to sit where you can see all the men -- and where they can see you.
Spend the first few moments getting organized, or so it seems. What you are really
doing is insuring that the men notice you. You do this by MOVING with your special
female flirting body language! Flirting Step 1 is all about getting attention with
body language in order to attract men closer for your evaluation. Every man's
DNA is programmed as an ancient hunter, and he is especially alert to movement.
So keep active, moving with quiet confidence and pride that you are a woman.
Your female flirting body language movements are most effective when they are
smooth, graceful, and feminine. Move slowly and confidently, like the place and the
guys are all there just to watch you. Arrange your possessions, straighten your
clothes, swish or stroke your hair to get it just right. Keep active, look good, appear
available, and let all the guys know you are there.
Each move signals that you are a healthy woman who is alive, active, and
very proud to be feminine. That is what will immediately get the attention of all
the guys there! They will all be watching your body language -- even if they are with
another woman. Guys can't help looking because their ancestors were hunters and
those ancient hunting instincts are still in men today. Background Discover More . . .
Men are much more visual than women and get a hormonal surge just by looking at
a healthy woman -- either alive or in a photo. That is why pornography prospers as
men's target market. So smart women use many visual body language cues to
attract attention with their bodies. And the things that get the guys' immediate
attention deal with sexuality!
Women send five times as many sexual body language signals as men do in the
same time period. This does not mean women are more interested in the subject
than men. Smart women just know what gets a man's attention fastest!
Hair flipping, swishing, combing and general preening, plus a smile, are the main
flirting feminine body language cues women use to get men's attention. Other very
effective feminine body language tactics are: walking with exaggerated roll of hips,
relaxed swinging arms, chest out, and head held high with soft smile. To make men
get whiplash, a woman also can tilt her head coyly, revealing her soft neck. Also she
can lick lips, wear sexy clothes and jewelry, plus expose her soft skin on shoulders,
upper arms, and back (and anywhere else socially acceptable).
Men love to see a woman's skin! Clean, clear, and smooth skin is a sign of good
health and that is high on men's desired traits in a mate to produce healthy
offspring. So let the men know you are a healthy woman and proud of it!Women
have used body language to attract men for millions of past generations. These
women's body language tools are all "man magnets" that can be used for flirting -or to keep the present man fascinated with you!
Discretely watch for the guys who appeal to you most. You are going to select the
man you want! When you find him, do these steps as if you are the world's
greatest actress. This is extremely important! Here is what you must do:
1. Catch his attention as he looks around the room and look directly into his
eyes. When your eyes meet, smile and hold the connection a little longer than
normally done. Do it noticeably longer than when looking at other men and
friends. This is definitely a very special gaze and it packs a powerful body
language message.
2. While looking at him, think these thoughts so your face will be most inviting
to him and it will help you time your gaze: "Come here big man, I am the special
woman you want and I am all yours! All you have to do is come to me." (He
might even read your mind!)
3. If the guy maintains eye contact with you, then smile and drop your
gaze DOWN to your lap or table.
4. In a few seconds glance back to see if he is paying close enough attention to
look back to meet your eyes again for a even more friendly eye contact. Gaze
into his eyes again for a slightly longer time, then smile and look down.
You have done this ancient mating dance correctly so far. Now wait for him to
approach you. This eye contact and looking down tactic has been well studied by
sociologist researchers.Research Learn More . . .
Sociologists have studied this ancient mating process and identified these two
behaviors for making initial contact:
unconsciously and yet very accurately everywhere in the world. This longer eye
contact is an ancient body language signal indicating interest.
quick decisions to stick around or escape! The first and deepest instincts are to
watch for signs of danger and possible sexual attack from every man approaching.
The decision-making wisdom is in women's genes and they can detect
danger far away by the man's body language. So in this case, you instinctively
watch his body language as he walks toward you. You watch to see how relaxed,
confident and comfortable he is in this social situation. You are unconsciously
watching to see if he moves and behaves like the well socialized man is expected to
be doing in your culture and society.
Normally, the speaker looks briefly at the listener (usually about a second)
then looks away repeatedly. Eyes are not normally focused on any object, they
are just taking a break to let the mind focus on making conversation.
When looking away to his left, he is retrieving memories from the past.
When his eyes glance to his right, he is creating or fabricating future "facts". He
may be lying, but this is not always true. He just may be very creative and the
information is not from past history.
When finished speaking, he will alway looks back at you and drop his voice
on the last words. This signals that you can now speak. The ratio of speaker-tolistener time provides another clue for evaluating him. The time should be about
equal, unless one of you is shy, secretive, or a poor conversationalist.
Normally, the listener watches the speakers face, at least most of the time,
looking for facial cues about emotional content. By watching the speaker's face
the listener shows interest and searches for how the speaker feels about the
topic. Voice changes and facial expressions provide valuable information for
evaluating the speaker, discussion content, and status of the relationship at that
moment.
In spite of these normal rules of conversation, compared to women, some men tend
to dominate the conversation, interrupt more, speak half as many words a day, make
less eye contact, do teasing to show interest, and are more sarcastic and
argumentative. This just provides a clue to how un-educated and un-socialized such
guys are.
The thing for you to watch for, and not do, is to stare continuously at him while he
talks. This implies you are so fascinated with him that you can't take your eyes off
him. That may make you appear desperate to get a man.
In normal conversation the listener watches the face of the speaker more than the
speaker watches the listener. So it is normal for the guy to glance away from your
gaze periodically but hopefully not always at other women and not at your breasts.
However, because men have a lot of natural hunter instincts still in their DNA, their
eyes are quick to glance at any woman moving in their line of sight. (And if your
breast cleavage goes nearly to your navel, he is never going to look at your face!)
Men define themselves and their personal worth in the world mostly by their job or
career. That is coming from their old-brain and is their ego (i.e. hunter-superiority)
being expressed. So let him brag about his job and imagined importance. It may
reveal how inferior and insecure he really feels. And besides, he will think he is
impressing you with his importance. Just listen, nod, and learn a lot about his true
value to you as a possible mate. But don't believe much of what he says. He is just
telling "hunting stories" and strutting like a peacock doing his mating dance. This is
just common male ancient behavior coming from male DNA. The more educated and
socialized a man is, the less this type behavior occurs.
Women are more interested in how a man understands and treats them. Deep in
women's limbic system part of their old brain there are always some questions about
every new man. Even in young women not interested in making a family, the DNA
programming carries these questions about survival:
"Is he willing and capable of taking care of me and the kids when we need
him?"
"Does he have the skill and resources to make a good life for us?"
Therefore the actual mating experience from this point on is highly influenced by
each person's background, family training, education, religion and street lessons.
Generally, in most western cultures, at this point in this beginning relationship the
two people just agree that they want to explore each other more.
The process that humans have evolved for further exploration is called "dating" or
"courting". That means more outings together and further exchange of talk and
general enjoyment of being close and compatible. Whether or not the two participate
in sex is normally the woman's choice. The general rule is this:
"Men must court and women will select."
Below are some snapshots taken from a video of two people rehearsing for a theater
play. Although they are actors, their bodies were sending real body language
messages when they assumed the roles of the characters in the play.
[NOTE: Click image for a larger view to study.]
Scene 1:
Young man observes unknown woman looking at him with interest so he walks to her
table, smiles and requests to join her.
She answers, "OK" and nods at the empty chair.
He sits down at her table with his drink and says, "Hi, my name is Chris. Thanks for
letting me join you. What is your name?"
She replies, "Samantha" and stares at her
drink.
He says, "I noticed you when you came in.
Do you come here often?"
She replies, "No, this is my first time here.
I just came in to get a drink."
Analysis of his body language, Scene
1:
(1) He is leaning slightly forward with feet
flat on the floor.
Approaching a strange woman in a public
place is a very tense situation for a man because he feels everyone is watching to
see if he is going to fail or succeed in his 'hunting'. If she rejects him he feels every
woman there will see him as a "loser" and a "reject" that no woman will want to be
seen with later. This is very ancient DNA programming and "male stuff" going on in
him. All men have this. So as he sits down he is not fully relaxed in the chair and is
ready to either stay or to get up and leave immediately. If he does not look too
intent on approaching her, then in case she rejects him the rejection and
embarrassment won't be so devastating. He must tread easy and not appear too
anxious to come closer unless invited by her body language.
(2)His face is looking directly at her face but the rest of his body is turned away.
He is uncertain how welcome he is in her personal space so he is looking for clues on
how he has been accepted -- or rejected. Only his face is directly facing her so it
shows he is not very connected to her yet and has not fully come in to her personal
space. She is not looking at him so he is
aware that he must not approach her any
closer for now.
(3) His right hand is on his right knee and
below the table.
His hand on knee provides a feeling of
supporting self at an awkward time.
(4) Left arm is on table, folded in across
belly with hand below table out of her
sight.
His elbow is holding partial weight of upper body at a time he feels awkward and
everything may collapse. Left arm across belly gives a little feeling of protection.
Hands are below the table indicating he is
not revealing his full intentions.
Analysis of her body language, Scene
1:
(1) She is not looking him in the face or
eyes and instead she is focused on her
glass.
Her short answer to his question was not
honest and she can't look him in the eye.
She lied about why she came in here and
she lied about her name.
(2) She is not leaning toward him and is leaning back as far as the chair allows.
She is not going to be forward and immediately open to his advances, even though
she previously gave him a long eye contact that attracted his attention enough for
him to approach her. For now she is being reserved and is not going to show much
interest until she finds out more about him. Both know the flirting game requires
that the male be the pursuer and that he take the lead and "court" the female. She
will decide how far the relationship will proceed based on how well he does his role in
courting her. At any time she has the power to accept him emotionally and physically
closer into a continuing relationship, or totally reject him. And he knows this, too!
(3) Her feet are pulled back under her
chair.
She is leaning back as far as the chair
allows in order to keep her distance from
him.
(4) Her left hand is slightly closed and on
her lap below the table.
Her slightly closed palm placed strategically
there in her lap gives her a little feeling of
sexual defense. Her hand below the table
gives her a feeling of less exposure
because she is not revealing her full intentions. From an old saying in card games:
"She doesn't have all her cards showing" or "She is not showing her hand".
Also much like cards, our hands have a back and a front (the palm). We are
unconsciously aware that hiding our palms hides our secrets. Only when we feel
really safe and willing to expose ourselves to others do we unconsciously show our
palms freely.
the "hunters" and women are the desired "game". A key word is "desired" and that
means she has to use all her feminine tricks to appear desirable to him. Ever so
subtly she will use her voice, gestures and body language to keep him trying hard to
get ever closer emotionally and physically - yet, she must not appear to be too
forward and aggressive. This flirting game is exciting, stimulating and at the same
time scary but great fun!
Analysis of his body language, Scene
3:
(1) He straightened and crossed his legs at
the ankles.
He has expanded his territory, but not in
her direction. He literally "is gaining
ground" in her personal territory but it is
off to the side and not directly toward her.
That would be too bold and invasive at this
point.
(2) He has placed his hands on the table in
plain sight.
By bringing his hands on top of the table
he is not so hidden and is willing to expose
himself a little more to her. He is "above board" and 'laying his hand on the table', as
they say in card games - and flirting is a game!
(3) Only his face is still toward her but he is not fully facing her.
He is not approaching her directly in a
'frontal attack' but is creeping in to her
personal territory from the side.
(4) His arms are forming a gate like barrier
across his front.
He is staying in a safe protected area
behind his 'arms barrier' and has not
opened up to her yet as he knows she can
'attack and reject' him at any moment if
she finds anything about him that
displeases her. He still does not know what
pleases or displeases her.
(1) Analysis of her body language,
Scene 3:
(1) She has brought both hands on top of
the table.
She has placed her "hand on the table", as
they say in card games. She too is not so
hidden and is allowing more exposure and
committing a little more of herself to this
brief relationship.
(2) Her right hand is on top of her left. This forms a closure in front of her body.
Although she is opening up a little in some ways, she needs to feel safe behind the
barrier her arms and hands form in front of her body. She knows that he can find
something disagreeable about her and reject her just as she can do to him. Both are
proceeding slowly.
(3) Her face is up, facing him directly with eye contact and she has a nice smile but
her body is not directed toward him.
She is slowly opening up even more to him and is willing to look him in the eyes but
her off-set body shows she is still not
feeling safe enough to be completely open
and direct with him.
(4) Her legs are now out from under her
and are out in front with the right leg
crossed. Her lower body is not directly
facing him. Only their faces are aimed
directly at each other.
She too has expanded her territory a little
but the crossed leg is acting like a definite
barrier in his direction.
Discussion
He knows he must be gentle and go slowly
to gain her trust. He knows she has what
he wants.
She knows she must keep him interested in her to evaluate him more. She knows
what he wants!
"Males must do the courting and females will do the selecting."
reveals about himself plus he feels a little safer that she is not going to attack and
reject him. No need for a strong barrier - but a little defence feels safe.
(3) He is sitting a little more upright with feet pulled back in but not flat on the floor;
they are on his toes.
No need to make a flank attack as it appears it is OK to approach directly. However,
he must approach cautiously so he is literally on his toes!
(4) His legs are wide apart.
This open legs position is a common thing men do. It is an ancient, old brain limbic
system program that is used to send warning messages for intimidating and
dominating other males nearby. It is as much in men as is the peeing that male dogs
do to send warning messages to others in the area to stay away. He is definitely
interested in getting closer to her emotionally and physically. This open posture also
sends a message to her that he is the 'dominate male' here ready to defend his
territory and that for her the 'goodies' are
hers for the asking.
Analysis of her body language, Scene
4:
(1) She is faced a little more toward him,
smiling and laughing with him. She shows
she is enjoying his company and having a
good time.
She has approved of all his verbal
discussion and his body language. She has
discovered that he is a nice guy and she
feels safe with him. He has worked hard to
please her and she recognizes his efforts.
Her smiles and laughs are intended to
signal him that she likes how he is treating
her and she enjoys his companionship so far in this brief relationship. She knows
intuitively that now it is time for her to send him a message that she is going to let
him come a little closer emotionally and physically. She does this with a very
casual touch.
(2) She reaches out and touches him, as if
it is part of a funny comment.
Her first touch is a signal to him that he is
accepted and may come a little closer
emotionally and physically. Her touch is
gentle, reassuring, and nurturing, and
appears ever so casual. Actually it is very
definitely specific body language that is
programmed in women at the old brain
limbic system level. If not done consciously
it will be done unconsciously. It is done at
this point in every flirting game when she
However, men with their heavy load of genes for hunting and breeding often read the
woman's touch as the invitation, "Come on over! I'm ready for you now!" In most
cases studied, including this theater exercise, the man returns the woman's touch
with his own that is much stronger and even invasive in a way that makes her a bit
fearful and resistant to any further physical closeness.
Very interestingly, in this case the woman immediately felt the man's touch was
much too strong compared to what she gave him. She knew intuitively what the
correct male return touch should be like. So in this theater rehearsal, she let him
practice returning different types of touch, but none was acceptable according to her
"female intuition", the secret skill women seem to have. She knew what kind of
touch she wanted returned but he could not do it right in the first few tries.
They had fun experimenting with different types of touch and she seemed to enjoy
seeing him try to meet her needs and fail. Here are some of the failed attempts and
her comments:
Discussion
In this theater rehearsal, just as happens in real life, the woman was
looking for an EQUAL reply touch to hers but did not receive it. She knew
intuitively the kind of touch she wanted back from the man. All women seem to know
this without any training! In this exercise she did not receive the return touch she
intuitively wanted. His too strong and "wrong touch" alerted her that he was "on a
different page" as they say in theater. For her it stopped the progress of the body
language exchange going on at a deep unconscious level between the two bodies.
On the surface this was a flirting game being acted out but their bodies were really
sending serious body language messages every moment. In this case the actors
were acting out a scene of two people flirting. However, their bodies were
unconsciously having a real body language discussion. Just as happens in real life,
something went wrong for her that said, "Caution! Something is not right." When she
did not receive the "correct" and desired return touch, that stopped the flow of the
flirting process and chances of getting closer immediately.
At this point in a real flirting situation, the female, having not received the desired
response, is going to have to figure out what is really going on with the guy. If she
did not receive the desired return touch, it is usually because of one of two things
that went wrong:
1. The man may not have returned the touch in a few minutes. Missing her
important cue could indicate he did not have a clue to reading body language,
consciously or unconsciously. Or not returning her touch could mean that he
was not interested in her now that he has known her for a brief time. Both
cases are bad news for her.
2. Alternatively, it could be that his touch was much stronger than hers. His
strong touch indicates he wants to be very "physical" and take control of her.
This makes her put up her defenses as it shows he is operating on his own
agenda and not really aware of her needs. Bad news for her.
In either case it seems the relationship is not going to go far or smoothly without
some major new way to clarify what each desires.
So what do we make of this? Hopefully this information along with the research
results on the other pages in this site will give you some valuable insights for flirting
and dating. It is most useful to look at how both men and women are programmed
by their DNA and old brain limbic system. When you understand what the old brain
limbic system is saying through the body language, then you can deal better with
what is happening from moment to moment in a relationship. Body language is
much more revealing in a relationship than the words said to each other.
Fast speech with sloppy pronunciation implies poor education and "low
class".
Self-negating statements (Like: "I can never remember things like that.")
cause the listener to lose confidence in you. People don't want to be around a
loser.
A good vocabulary implies intelligence, education, and high class. Make them
carry a dictionary!
Watch the speaker's head movements. When speakers expect you to reply,
they will unconsciously move their head slightly to indicate that it is your turn to
speak. Also there will be a rise in the speaker's voice pitch. A similar rise also
comes at the end of questions. You will show respect, and be appreciated, when
you watch for a head movement and slight rise in pitch before you respond.
Don't start talking before you get the signal he or she is done speaking!
When you speak, let your voice roll out under control, confident and relaxed.
This attracts people who will admire you.
Validate them and their ideas - even if you don't agree. If you strongly
disagree, move on to another subject. You can't change them and no need to
lose a friend here.
When another speaker drops his or her voice at the end of a statement they
are pretty well satisfied with what they said and ready to let it go. Don't you
keep harping on that subject.
If a speaker holds their voice constant pitch at the end of a statement (eyes
and hands stay as they are) they have more to say on that subject. Stand by,
listen, and wait for more! Don't jump in on top of their words with your own
comments until they are done speaking.
When you do speak, talk slowly and confidently. This will give you a little
more time to form better responses and to say each word more precisely. This
will improve your image as an educated, intelligent, and confident person. (You
really are a masterwork in progress.)
unconsciously make her more attracted to you with your deep voice! Talking to her
all evening in a deep voice is a real "turn-on."
Minimize "I" and "you". Use "we", "our", and "us" abundantly in your
discussions. Form a team right away.
Don't use a lot of these "fillers" in your statements such as, "You know?" or
"You know what I mean?". They don't know what you mean until you say it
clearly!
You may use laughter as punctuation to your statements but use it by itself
and not when you are still saying the words. That is, don't mix the two so that
the words are lost. Every word is a jewel so don't hide or lose any.
Do let your sense of humor shine and make it fun for people to be with you.
Life is short so make it fun for them and yourself.
MAN
Touch her lips or face, to make sure you see how pretty she is.
Straighten her clothing, to make sure you see that she has a great body.
Straighten up in her chair and point her breasts directly at you, to show that
she is a healthy woman ready to feed all your babies! (Very deep unconscious
DNA programmed message!)
In her DNA is a strong unconscious need for a man to help her complete her
biological destiny: that is, to pass-on her DNA to offspring. Her looking
down is DNA programming asking for your help! However, consciously she may
think all she is looking for is a new friend to spend some time with.
And those women who just give you a blank stare most likely are not wearing their
glasses and don't even see you, so forget them. Most guys who feel the pain of
countless rejections are usually going after women who have clearly signaled that
they are not interested by their quick eye disconnect left or right. Don't be stupid
and go charging after the good-looking woman who doesn't look you in the
eye! You will only be setting yourself up for rejection and a big
disappointment. Man, that stings!
How to Take Action When You See Her Body Language Cue!
When you get a lingering eye contact, give a little smile and a very slight
head nod and maintain the eye contact. Your strong and pleasant eye contact
held on her shows her three things instantly:
1.
2. You are confident in yourself and you are not afraid of her. This will show
your alpha-maleness! She will like that too!
3. Your gentle smile shows that you are not threatening and you won't hurt her.
She will be grateful for that!
OK, it is time for you to take action if you have found a woman who ...
1. has responded to your eye contact with a lingering return eye contact,
2. did the ancient looking-down signal,
3. made some preening moves.
Forget the rest of the people there and get ready to approach her. She is waiting
for you!Now it is time to move on to Step 2 in meeting the perfect mate for a long
term relationship, or maybe a new friend for a one-night adventure.
there to meet someone and here you are! She probably is really pleased that
you have selected her above all the other women there.You are her hero! Walk
up to her confidently and proudly!
As you search for common interests, keep your attention focused on her, keep the
conversation lively and humorous. Humor is important and will establish your
intention to have a meaningful, fun, on-going relationship with her.
uninteresting or disliked makes the pupils get smaller. Much enlarged pupils can
signal sexual interest! Watch her eye pupils. If they are large like these, you are
doing great! Keep up the good work.
1.
Do you have enough common interests with her to have an
engaging and rewarding relationship?
2.
What are your bad habits and are you dangerous? (This question
comes from past bad relationship experiences. She is not going to make
the same mistakes twice with men.)
3.
Are you anything close to the Alpha Male type she needs
unconsciously to produce healthy offspring and protect her and the kids
later?
This is all old brain DNA programming and may not have anything to do with the
reality of her life right now! But don't neglect these needs of hers for a minute. If
you can appeal to her unconscious instinctual needs, her hormones will drive her to
you, and she man not even know why. Background Learn More . . .
These two people are feeling close and comfortable together. They have
unconsciously positioned how they are sitting in order to more directly face
each other. Researchers say they are "mirroring each other". When this mirroring
takes place unconsciously, as one person changes position the other follows to the
same position. This mirroring indicates a strong
emotional connection has formed.
We have been doing this flirting and dating
game for millions of generations and it is
well perfected to most effectively get us a
mate and make babies to perpetuate our
species. If you try to change the game you
will be alone a lot! The best you can do is try
to enjoy the game.
Don't Miss Her Body Language Signal For You to Come Closer!
At this point in the connection she wants you to emotionally and physically
come closer, so she is going to do a very important thing. Don't miss it
because it is very subtle body language:
She is going to touch you.
It will appear casual, unpremeditated and "accidental" rather than "serious". It may
be a touch on the arm as she laughs at something you said, or it may be a pat on
the back as a symbolic gesture of "good job" as you tell a story. In any case, it is
not accidental! Her strong DNA programming is saying in body language, "I feel
safe with you. You may come closer." And she will be looking and waiting for a
reply to her daring flirting feminine body language message, so be prepared
to give the right response!
(never more than a few minutes) with an equally casual touch, never stronger
than hers. This nonverbal flirting body language implies an equality of interest and
safety feeling. Your return touch, as gentle as hers, assures her that you are not
going to attack now that she has let down her defenses.
Remember: Don't get more physical than her. When you both do this casual
touching right, your bodies will be carrying on a powerful conversation that
says, "I like and trust you. I am willing to come closer. I am willing to let
you come closer." This touching is often done all unconsciously because it is
instinctual behavior carried in our DNA.Background Discover More . . .
She knows exactly what you are after. If she is not ready, she will be displaying
body language like moving back, crossing her arms and changing the subject. So as
you explore her more, keep the conversation light with as much humor as you can
muster up. In one research study, women said a sense of humor was the
trait they appreciated and enjoyed the most in a man on a first date.
1.
2.
3. To show the women that since he is an Alpha Male, he is their best choice for
sex.
Instinctually for survival reasons, females seek an Alpha Male who can protect them
and who will help them raise strong healthy offspring.
Guys, if you aren't naturally the top Alpha Male in the room, don't give up.
Now you have some new valuable information that you can apply. Study
these things above that you can do to gain a few more points with the
women. Make some changes and you may see a greatly improved success
rate with women.
So men and women today are different because of how their ancestors lived daily. Woman are
good at multi-tasking, communication, and relationship skills. Women cooperate rather than
compete like men do. Women today place a high priority on maintaining good relationships,
even though it is not necessary to insure their survival.
Women (and all living creatures!) have a strong need to survive and to pass
on their genes to their offspring. However, women have always needed help,
protection and support from other women and most importantly from a man.
Therefore, women place a high priority on finding a man who will stick around
to protect and help her and her children to survive.
Usually, women want a good sound relationship going before giving sex to a
man. This need for a sound relationship is even in women who are just dating
for fun and not interested in having children because it is in their genes.
So guys your first goal for dealing with a woman you desire, is to work on
establishing a good sound "relationship" with her. (We'll tell you later what is
expected from you by her.)
Most men find a good mate by dating and courting. This dating game is not easy and
involves a lot of experimenting and sometimes is filled with uncomfortable mistakes.
Wise men study the rules of the dating and courting game and get the best women.
Guys, for the next important fact about women you should first understand some
terminology used here in this mate hunting game.
Dating is the process of two people joining in activities in order to get to know
each other better and to get closer physically and emotionally.
Mating is the mutually agreeable act of a male and female becoming mates.
Mating may be just a way of having some fun or surviving better. This
arrangement is also often called "marriage" or a "relationship", as well as many
other terms. These arrangements often involve having sex for pleasure and
bonding, but not to produce offspring.
Women's DNA programming makes them look for a strong mate who will stick around
to protect her and help raise the children.
Most women want a monogamous relationship and long term commitment before
turning on the passion hormones. This scheme is what worked best for women to make
babies and survive during the past several million years.
This need is even in women not consciously thinking about
marrying and raising children!
Nature has even built into women a natural means of
helping her select the man who sticks around. Women are
only fertile approximately 24 hours a month. The guy who
is there knocking on her door regularly has the best chance
of making her pregnant. Incidentally, men's sperm are
pretty smart: they will lay and wait for her egg for up to 72
hours!
Most women pay close attention to how men accumulate power and resources,
and how generous they are. Woman want a mate who dedicates himself and his
resources totally to insuring survival and a good life for her and her children.
Women want EMOTIONAL intimacy. (That means she is watching you to see how loyal
and devoted you are to only her.)
Men want PHYSICAL intimacy. (Healthy young men make 200 to 300 millon sperm a
day! That is a powerful drive to get intimate with a woman!)
Guys, that means you need to forget about jumping on her bones tonight. First you
have to prove your loyalty to her, and secondly, you have to show how good of a
protector and provider you are for her and her children. (This is true even if she isn't
consciously thinking of making babies!)
A woman's value to a man can be in many forms such as beauty, sexually satisfying, or good
services provider in making a home comfortable. Smart women look for what the man's needs
and desires are. Her trick is to give him what he wants so she can be valued and therefore
retained for the long term and get what she wants and needs.
Women learn at an early age that a good looking woman gets attention from the guys and
therefore a wider choice of mate and better survival chances for her and her children. A
woman's good looks are undeniably very valuable. So most women spend considerable time
and money trying to appear young, healthy, and sexy in order to appeal to men and be the
most valued woman. (This is how women compete with each other
but on the outside act as friends.)
So Guys be aware of how women will determine if you value them.
Women looking for a mate will be keenly tuned to your actions
that indicate if you value her more, compared to all the other
women.
Prove to her that you really value her and are interested in what she
thinks.When you are doing something and she talks to you, do this:
1. Stop what you are doing, look in her eyes and listen with interest.
(Try to not go glassy-eyed!)
2. Really listen to what she has to say. She will know if you are
interested by the size of your eye pupils! (Small pupils mean you aren't
interested!)
3. Encourage her to say more. Let her talk and never jump-in on top of
her words. Let her finish, then validate what she said. (Example: "Yes! I
agree with what you said. I like that idea.") And most importantly: Don't
try to change her view of things to your opinion. Just try to see her world
the way she sees it, even if you "know she is wrong".
4. Notice if her voice drops at the end of her statement. If her voice
does not drop, she has more to say! Keep listening. Only after she is
finished should you go back to what you were doing.
(Guys, get this: She is talking to establish a RELATIONSHIP. And she is watching you
to see how interested you are in doing that. If you screw up this connection you
will be replaced by the first guy who can do a better job of relating!)
When she has a problem or concern that she shares with you, don't
try to change her or "fix her". That implies there is something wrong with
her, but not with you. The DNA programming here is this: Women need to
express emotions and how they feel about their personal problems.
They want to be heard. That is how they build personal, trusted
relationships: They share their problems. To the guy it may sound like
complaining or a cry for rescue. It is not a request to get fixed!
When women express feelings or a problem, this often comes across to men as something
that needs to be fixed. So naturally, men want to jump in and fix everything. Guys, don't
try to fix her! Mostly just listen and accept her the way she is. She just wants to be
heard and to express her feelings. That is what woman do to build a relationship! Just
offer your support and help only if she requests it.
Guys, don't try to be anything you aren't! Save the status bragging for
your buddies. Men have a strong DNA need to raise their status, so they
compete, brag, or lie to try to show they are "the best hunter in the tribe". Just
be real and let her see that you are an honest and caring guy -- just like every
woman wants but has a hard time finding.
Don't try to disguise your feelings from a woman. Woman can naturally
read body language and facial micro-movements without even trying. If you try
to hide your real feelings, she will see you as a big fake and not trust anything
you say or do. She will not feel safe and secure with you. Her true passion will
never be released with you!
Historically, both male animals and men have had to be aggressive in seeking a
mate. One of the primary male hormones that helps in mating is testosterone. It
makes males both "horny" and aggressive but
men don't have to butt heads like some male
animals do to get a mate. (I'm glad for that!!!)
However, men still need to show their courage and
aggression in ACCEPTABLE ways to impress
women. The man who can do his acceptable
aggressive tactics best, has a better opportunity at
getting accepted by the woman he desires.
Evolutionarily speaking, "civilized behavior" became
fashionable only in very recent times, and men's
aggressive acts for getting a woman's attention have
become greatly restricted. Today, an acceptable
aggressive act that gets a woman's attention is
simply walking up to her with an "opening line." In most western countries this is acceptable
aggressive behavior for men in public places like a bar, club, or dance hall. This action is
usually not acceptable for women to do. That is just one of the many "unwritten rules" on
flirting and dating.
The third thing going on is that if she rejects you in front of the other
women there, you will be seen as a looser and unacceptable to all the
other women, too.At your deepest level is the fear that you will never
find a mate to produce your offspring and pass-on your DNA. At the
conscious level this is ridiculous, but at the DNA level it is a terrifyingly real
fear. That fear comes from your old brain that is still wired from millions of
years ago!
The old brain (i.e. the limbic system) is what controls our bodily systems such as heart
rate, perspiration and breathing. As you approach the new woman, your limbic system
will be running wild because of your ancient ancestors' experiences! Be brave and don't
panic! Go ahead and confidently approach her walking tall, with gut sucked in, head
held high, chest out, and with a slight smile. Incidentally, the smile is a natural body
language signal saying, "I won't hurt you." So don't forget to smile, even during your
panic attack.
If you use the approach techniques I will describe later, she is probably going to
eagerly accept you into her personal space. So if you did read her signals correctly,
forget about rejection. She is probably waiting for you! (Of course, don't act, dress, and
look like a Neanderthal!)
While she is looking down, and waiting for you to approach, she very likely
will do some preening motions. She will usually fluff her hair, check her nails,
or fuss with her clothes. This means she wants to look good for you. That is
good news for you!
Remember: Her slightly longer eye contact, plus her looking DOWN while
you look at her, means she will accept you approaching her. She will not
resist or hurt you. She will be waiting for you to approach her. This signal is
in her DNA from all ancestors who mated successfully using it. It worked for
them and it will probably work for you!
Women who do not want a man's advances, and who do not
want him to approach her, will quickly break eye contact and look to
their LEFT or RIGHT. Quickly looking left or right means they
are not interested and definitely are not going to be passive if
approached. They often also turn their upper body away. At their
deep unconscious level they are hiding their breasts from view and
saying, "You can't see that I am a woman. Do not approach me." Any
clueless guy approaching a woman sending these negative body
language cues is setting himself up for a harsh and painful rejection!
o
Remember guys: Stay away from the women who break eye contact with
you by quickly looking away to their left or right! Also, only do this eyecontact "test" a couple of times an evening on each of the women who weren't
too negative the first time. Forget those who quickly looked away left or
right!
Also be realistic in your expectations. If you do not find any "down-lookers",
there may not be any woman there who wants or needs a man for the time
being. Also it may be possible that you look like a dangerous or unsatisfactory
future mate meeting her needs. ("If there are no fish in this pond, go
somewhere else to fish!")
Step 2. If you receive her "looking down" signal, the next step
is to approach her.
Your confident approach to talk to her will show her that you are a selfconfident and aggressive "Alpha Male". She likes that and is waiting for you.
Don't delay, as that signals insecurity and not a true Alpha Male.
As you walk toward her she will be observing your body language and forming an
opinion about you in only seconds! Most women watch the body language and face of
every man approaching them to determine if the man is dangerous. This ability to
read men is in women's DNA and is a valuable instinct for survival. This habit comes
from women's ancestors and over a million years of experience around men!
If you approach her with a smile and self-confident relaxed walk, it is the body
language signal that reassures her that you are not dangerous. Women, and many
animals, can read body language very well even from a distance, so the way you
approach her is important.
The trick is to minimize the movement of every body part not necessary for
walking, and to be standing as tall and straight as possible. Excess movements of
head, arms, or pelvis and butt reveals nervousness. Slouching over indicates trying to
hide and a need for protection. If you approach her with your walk perfected, her
hormones will kick in by the time you get to her because it is part of her DNA
programing!
If you do your part correctly by "casually" returning her touch with the same type of
touch, that sends her a very powerful signal that you are willing to meet her on her
terms. She is looking for a guy who is not going to control her and run all over her, and
your return touch will tell her what type of guy you are. Some guys wrongly take her
touch signal as meaning that her doors are wide open now and they can climb all over
her body with their hands. That is a very wrong and stupid thing to do because she will
instantly close her personal space forever to the guy for being unpredictable,
overpowering, unsafe, and stupid.
After the first equal touches are exchanged, watch for more of her touching signals
and return them similarly. When she feels safe with you she will be all over you and
let you discover all her nice places where she really likes to be touched!
numerous places on women's body, such as the buttocks, shoulders, and cheeks. This rounded
shape was prized and selected for through natural selection by most ancient men as well as
modern men. Women throughout history with these malepreferred characteristics were in higher demand and undoubtedly
had more offspring.
It is obvious that women today recognize the value of breasts as
signals of femininity. A multimillion dollar breast enhancement
industry is thriving. Since 1963, silicon gel implants have been
used to provide women with perfectly shaped hemispherical
breasts. This fact says much about how many women feel
inadequate because of their small breast size or shape.
Furthermore, in recent times it has become fashionable to
surgically enhance even lips, checks, and buttocks to make them
appear more rounded.
One of the reasons men may be so attracted to women's breasts is chemical. There are
apocrine glands around the breast nipple, as well as under the arms and in the pubic area, that
secrete erotic odors. These feminine odors cause men's brains to release an avalanche of male
sex hormones that make men feel strong, pain-free,
and excited. (Is it coincidence that women have two
breasts and men have two hands?)
If two breasts are good, are more better? About one
in every 200 women has a third breast, and even
more rarely: four. The most in medical records were
5-pairs on a French woman in 1886. These extras are
seldom more than a small nipple or a fat mound,
much like a young girl's breasts just developing. Extra
breasts are evidence of DNA still hanging around from our animal ancestors who gave birth to
litters.
male mate is mostly strength, health, and cleanliness. Good clothes and good grooming are
very important investments for finding a good female mate -- as is also good physical condition.
(That includes lack of a "beer gut" and flabby muscles!)
Understand that if that perfect woman you just met is turned off by you, maybe you
just don't have an immune system different enough from hers! If that is the case,
there is still something you can do to be more appealing. Most women find a man
appealing who uses a light spray or deodorant such as ocean breeze, kiwi, or a
combination of baby powder and chocolate. The smell of a man's clean skin with a
little fresh sweat, combined with fresh fruity scents, is a strong sexual stimulant for
most women. (Guys, maybe you can get away with the chocolate smell for a while,
but eventually you will need to shower!)
Be aware that women's sensitivity to smells is about 1000 times stronger than
men's. So dousing your body with strong after-shave, underarm, foot, and
crotch chemicals will probably kill her desire for you when she first comes to
within 10 feet of you. Be SPARING on any added fragrances, which if used at
all should be very light and be the oder of flowers or food. (Chocolate is a
favorite smell for many women.)
A turn-on for most women is a man's clean skin with a slight hint of fresh
sweat, especially during her ovulation date.
When not ovulating, many women dislike any smell of men. The best you guys
can do during this time is to shower often and use a little fragrance of food or
flowers to hide your male smell. (Don't forget, her smelling senses are 1000
times better than yours! That means 2 drops for you is equal to about a full
fluid ounce to her.)
If "good sex" is judged by how long it takes, here are some research findings
gathered for over a decade by Penn State University researchers on how long some
people take to complete their sex play: (i.e. Time from penetration to ejaculation.)
1 to 2 minutes: Too short time for enjoyment by most women. Many men
are OK with this short time.
3 to 7 minutes: Adequate for many men and some women. Three out of four
women fake their orgasm.
7 to 13 minutes: Most desirable length of time for both men and women.
13 to 30 minutes was too long for many people but some enjoyed the
marathon sessions lasting an hour or more.
Average number of times a week: 3
Median length of time in act: 7.3 minutes
ADVICE: Find out what your partner likes and stay within his/her comfort
and enjoyment limits. That requires some discussion and negotiation to clarify
expectations. If you don't get these details clarified early, the relationship is likely to
end abruptly and you won't even know why.
Man's lie: "It's not just the sex I want, it's being close to you."
What he means: "It is the sex I want, so I want you to be close so I can get
more whenever I want it."
The list could go on and on! In most cases, men lie to raise their status or to get sex. Of course
some women lie to men to get more of what they want, too! In most cases, women lie to
strengthen a relationship or to make a person feel good. Below are some of women's lies to
men:
"I'm not very experienced, you'll have to teach me how."
"That was really good. The best I ever had."
"It doesn't matter that I never reached mine."
"I'm OK, I just want you to feel good."
"I really like doing that to you."
"That was awesome, I never had better."
"You're all the man I'll ever need."
"I'll never want anyone else."
"You're so big!"
Are his opening lines only about him, his job, and his high status?
Guys, take notes! Modern women are much smarter than men about relationships and
interpersonal communications. They can read your body language ahead of your words. Your
every breath, movement, and sound will give her information about what is going on inside
you.
Women have built-in computers with thousands of years of data from their ancestors about
what men want and how they operate. So in the first four minutes of your talking to her, she
will collect enough data to accurately categorize you forever. From here on, she is amusingly
watching you do your "act" and "mating dance". This is one of women's most satisfying sports!
When you see women together in a corner laughing, they are probably comparing stories about
the goofy things guys did to try to impress them. (If they look at you and all laugh -- leave
immediately!)
look for, and place a high value on, men who are intelligent, ambitious,
and who work hard for advancement and high goals. Men have a hard
time faking this one because it is revealed by habitual body language, speech,
and interactions with others. Smart guys practice improving these.
Dependability and Stability. These two important characteristics imply
that the man will share his resources and continue reliably protecting and caring
for the family in all future unforeseen circumstances. Men fail this category
often. It only takes one time to screw-up and miss a date or to "go off in a rant
and rage out of control" to be written off by the woman as a looser. Smart
guys work to make sure they demonstrate dependability and stability
so they can survive in rough times.
Size, Strength, and Age. A large and strong male body can provide
protection for the family from dangerous predators. This is not so important as
it was 30,000 years ago, but don't forget, women and men are still programmed
with old DNA from the past experiences of their ancestors.
Height is an often stated characteristic women desire in a male. In surveys, most women
stated the desired height of their mate should be six feet (182.88 cm). Interestingly, the
average US male height is 5 feet 9 inches (175.26 cm). If you are a guy who is "height
challenged" (i.e. 'short') go after short women. Improved body posture can increase height
slightly but most importantly it signals self-confidence. (Guys, suck in your gut, too.)
In most cases today, older men have more material resources, personal power, and
are more stable and reliable than younger men. Most women of all ages find older
men to be a better risk than with a younger man for a good life with abundance of
resources. Since men of all ages have a DNA built-in preference for young women, this
means young men are competing against both younger and older men for the young
women. That means the lucky young women have a wide range of ages they can
choose a mate from.
Health, Cleanliness, and Overall 'Upkeep' of Body. Good health is
essential for producing healthy offspring and for a trouble-free, long term
relationship with her and the offspring. A man who cannot maintain his own
peak health is likely to be a burden to his family in the future. Many men fail
this one in the first 10 minutes with a new woman because women use their
nose a great deal in unconsciously selecting a mate. A healthy body smells good
and is an unconscious "turn-on" for women. A bad smelling man can
indicate poor health and make a woman leave immediately.
When a woman says that "love" is important, what she is implying is that she wants to
insure that his support in the future will continue. His infidelity, and loss of love, could
The intellectual capacity to learn how to do problem resolution, plus kindness and
sensitivity in relating to others, goes a long way in maintaining a stable family and raising
healthy offspring. However, the high divorce rate and number of unhappy people still in
marriages indicates that the human brain has not evolved sufficiently to cope well in
today's world. Professional help to solve family relationship problems can be priceless.
Guys mostly avoid outside help because they think it indicates they are poor hunters and
providers. Too bad.Men usually need help more than women because men usually don't
have a close support group like most women have.
Even after the childbearing years are over, men and women don't change their preferences
much for a mate. Women's preferences for a man stay relatively the same at any age. At the
top of men's list of preferences for a woman is usually that she be young, good looking, and
sexy - no matter what his age is. That is what worked in ancient times for men to make the
most healthy DNA packages (i.e. his offspring).It seems that the software that drives the
internal unconscious mental "computer" for mate selection does not come with software
upgrades for after the reproductive years!
Guys, you know what you want but you are competing with all the other guys to get it.
Remember that the woman is ultimately the one who decides who she gives herself to. The
rule for mating in western cultures is this:
Men must court and women will select. That means the guys who work hardest and smartest
at courting will win!
Similar sexual appetites. Unfortunately, sex drive in men and women has
evolved differently. Most men's interest in sex remains strong from puberty up
to senility. Not so with women!
Are the costs in time, energy, and commitment worth the rewards in
the relationship? Both partners must put much of themselves and their
resources into a relationship. That is the "cost" of the relationship. The
"rewards" are all the things that make the relationship enjoyable and
satisfying. If the ratio between the costs and rewards are not equal for
both partners, one partner is going to feel ripped-off and feel used. It
is going to be an unequal and unfair relationship. Continuation of the
relationship will not be satisfying and will not be a wise investment for the one
on the short end.
After the "love" wears thin, the real-life decision for continuing the relationship is
based on the "bottom line": costs versus rewards. Are both partners contributing equally
to the relationship and life together? If the costs versus rewards ratio is unfair, stress
and resentment will cause daily emotional discomfort and eventually disease and an
early death.
Asking your mate what they would like from you will go along way toward
preventing disappointments. Negotiation may be necessary.
A subtle way of getting the attention of the opposite sex person is through
his or her nose. While you are trying to figure out how, let me explain some
background. The olfactory bulb at the top (inside) of the nose feeds directly into the
old brain limbic system, which is the most primitive part of the brain. This is where
the emotions, sexual responses and body language are initiated. That is why odors
can evoke powerful basic instinctual emotions.
About one percent of human genes (and that is a lot!) encode our ability to detect
approximately 10,000 scents. Smell accounts for the largest gene family yet
discovered in mammals. Aroma cues are taken very seriously by the brain.
Odors guide one to eating, mating and avoiding danger.
Pheromones are chemical molecules produced by insects, animals and
humans. These molecules are so strong they affect the behavior of those who inhale
or ingest them. For the most part, these chemical pheromones are used to
stimulate sexual interest in the opposite sex mate. Some insects and animals
will not mate without first getting a whiff of their prospective partner. After a good
sniff of the right chemicals signaling good health and a more than receptive attitude,
there is nothing stopping the insects and animals from mating. For example,
pheromones produced by male cockroaches attract female cockroaches. Not only
that, it causes them to get into the correct mating position!
best choice of sexual mate for healthiest offspring. However, men could not
detect any differences in women's genes concerning similar or dissimilar immune
system. (My conclusion is that men are not choosy about who they will have sex
with!) Gangestad also found that women who had ignored their "instincts" to not
select a mate with a similar immune system (as indicated by the gene similarity in
partners) were less satisfied with their relationship and the women had greater
interest in outside sex (at least during their fertile days).
discreetly remove their apple (and its secret chemical load) to give to the man to
smell and eat. It was called a 'love apple' and came with an unwritten guarantee to
produce its own rewards for both the woman and man.
In one research project, men preferred women's clean sweat odor over the
most expensive perfumes, even when the sweat odor was
imperceptible. Over 200 chemical compounds are secreted by the human body in
sweat, saliva and genitals. Recent research identified that the arm pit and crotch
secretions of men and women differ significantly. Not surprisingly, men and women
each prefer the odor of the opposite sex. Very important factors that have great
influence on the effectiveness of the sweat as an attractant are a person's
cleanliness, diet and overall health.
Interestingly, some research unexpectedly found that women who live closely with a
man (sleep with him and have frequent sex) have better balanced physiology.
Menstrual cycles are more regular and overall health is better than women who live
more isolated from men. The main factor appeared to be how much olfactory
exposure (i.e smells) each woman had with the man and his body odors.
fresh baked apple pie with lots of cinnamon. For women it may be the right soiled Tshirt. Oh well, whatever turns you on, go for it!
Listening is more important than actually speaking. You will learn more! Practice being a good
attentive listener and people will say you are a brilliant conversationalist.
Women play this man-hunting game very seriously because they are all trying to capture the best
man available. Their future lifestyle and children depend on their good choice.
However, women know that good relations with the other women are important for women's
survival in general. That means each woman's real (desperate) mating efforts are generally
disguised and hidden from the other women. (And men!)
A woman may act like she is just going out for a good time to meet guys and have some fun. But
for sure she is using her best assets to attract the most and best guys available. She wants to have
lots of choices in order to get the best guy who will help create the healthiest, smartest children
and best, safe, abundant life possible. (Where do the Princes hang out?)
The mate-hunting game is complicated by numerous unwritten rules of family,
culture, and religion.
Young people seeking a mate learn mostly from their peers what works best. Trial and error is
how many young dating people bumble through finding a mate.
Women soon learn that many men are mostly just seeking sex with no commitment or
responsibilities. ("I'll call you tomorrow" - and tomorrow never comes.) Women's often heard
complaint about men is: "All they want is sex from me!)
Men complain often that women tease with sexual talk and actions but don't carry through with
the real thing. This is a maddening situation for many men that often leads to misunderstanding,
fights, and even abuse of the woman.
The dating and courting process is one of life's most difficult and confusing experiences. Also it
can be one of the most rewarding experiences; that is, if the man and woman work hard at
maintaining the relationship on a daily basis.
It takes plenty of communication to make a relationship work, and sometimes that isn't enough.
There are no guarantees in life. Benjamin Franklin reportedly said, "In this world nothing is
certain but death and taxes." Nothing is guaranteed anywhere about finding the right mate.
Smart women start a conversation with strangers simply by eye contact.
Men especially are alert to eye contact from women. A lingering eye contact with a slight smile is
an invitation for a closer connection.
Smart guys watch for such eye connections and understand that the woman's invitation is open
for him to approach her with an "opening line".
She will quickly decide to keep him around or run him off after the first 4 minutes. Her decision
depends a lot on his body language and his opening conversation with her. (Neanderthals need
not apply!)
Women''s Intuition is Excellent
Women start at a young age learning to evaluate each man for their own safety with him and his
potential as a future mate. Women do this mostly unconsciously because it is in their DNA
programming from their millions of female ancestors.
Throughout human evolution, the women who made the best evaluations and choices in mates
produced the most children who survived best.
Our female ancestors' best choice for a mate was the healthy and strong guy with some caregiving
skills who provided for and protected his mate and offspring. Today's women still look for that in
potential mates.
Most men have in their DNA programming from their male ancestors the tendency to evaluate
every woman's potential as a sex partner to make babies.
Men unconsciously watch for a woman's willingness to give him sex, if she appeals to him. Most
women are appealing to men if they are healthy. To a man, a woman's good health is indicated by
what we call "beauty". Body symmetry, hair, teeth, and skin condition tell the story most
obviously.
Her body language is one of the most revealing ways for him to determine if she is incline to jump
in the bed for a quickie - which is all what most men want. This game is all done unconsciously
because healthy young men make 200 million to 300 million sperm a day! That is quite a load to
carry around!
Our male ancient ancestors were quite good at spreading their seed around, as evidenced by the
overpopulation of the planet in a relatively short time. Few other species have been so successful
at breeding.
Women Are So Complex!
Some women think that most men are basically just meat and bones machines with very simple
ancient software! That is almost true, it appears. Recent research with fMRI scans of both men's
and women's brains reveal that men operate mentally with much simpler thought processes.
Women's brain scans reveal that they are much more complex and sensitive to the world and
people around them. Women's bodies are also much more complex than men's bodies.
Above is a comical model showing the possible difference between a man (top box with only
ON/OFF switch) and a woman (bottom box).
A common complaint of many women is that men don't take long enough in love-making for the
woman to get warmed up and ready to reach that marvelous peak - to use a mountain climbing
metaphor. There is a good biological reason why this is so.
Women have a lot of mothering machinery to get warmed up and running in order to do that
miraculous process of making a baby. That takes much more time than most men are aware of or
even care about. (Shame on you guys!)
The Eyes Say Everything
A woman's lingering eye contact indicates interest and acceptance of the man looking at
her.
Her lingering eye contact is the guy's body language cue that he is invited to approach her - for
further examination and evaluation of him by her. Don't get over-confident guys! Play her game
her way!
Good health is also appealing subconsciously to men because that is important for survival of the
mothers and the men's genes to be passed on in offspring.
Likes Attract Likes: Dress like a Princess and Attract a Prince.
Women who can choose their mate like to have lots of possibilities to pick from. That pool of
choices is made up mostly of the men she attracts in her own way. How she dresses has much to
do with the type of men she will attract.
If there are guys coming around who she doesn't want to mess with, it may indicate that she
should change her clothes style to attract different type men.
East to read body language indicating how emotionally close these people are to each other.
1.
Understand that most guys just don't talk. Guys do not normally discuss feelings and
are rarely emotionally open unless they are extremely comfortable with you; men are inherently
closed in their feelings to maintain their belief of control.
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2.
2
Be prepared for a little territorial behavior. Guys tend to be territorial and jealous; this is not to
be confused with being suspicious of their partners. The feelings tend to be so deep that if their
partner shows any attention to another guy, they get slight uneasy feelings; this is a biological
instinct. If you are involved with him and you start talking to another guy and in any way say nice
things, or touch him or he touches you anywhere, the instinct will kick in; he may not punch the
guy, but he will no longer be in a good mood; he will go from "I love her so much" to "I wish I were
home watching TV and not dealing with this".
3.
3
Know that most guys feel the need to be in charge (even if they aren't in charge). Guys
want to -feel- as though they are in control; not that they always need to get their way, but they
need to feel that things won't happen unless they allow them. No matter how much you feel that
you shouldn't have to get the "OK" from your guy to do something or make decisions, it would be
best to at least talk to him about it and ask him first -- basically, they want to feel that they are
doing things because they want their partner to be happy, not because they have to do it. They
respond better to the "lip" and the big eyes than they do to orders.
4.
4
Let them be a 'man'. Guys want to be "manly" -- make them feel big and strong. They love to be
the "knight in shining armor". You are weak, he is strong. You don't really have to be weak, but
allowing him to feel that he is taking care of you and protecting you will make him happy.
5.
5
Be prepared to be touched. Guys like physical contact. Their hormone levels are very high
(which can make them act like jerks in certain situations), so they may find a number of different
types of physical contact enjoyable. They won't always be able to figure out what's OK, and whats
a no-no. It's important that they are told by their partner what they should and shouldn't do. Their
feelings will not be hurt. If you prefer, tell him where the lines are drawn on your body. It's not
going to ruin the moment for him. If anything, it will be a relief so he knows the boundaries. Don't
think, "He'll figure it out". Don't try and give him signals (although the biting of the lower lip is
universally known as the "kiss me" sign); tell him verbally.
6.
6
Even though it isn't politically correct, guys love girls that can cook. Saying something like
"I want to be single for the rest of my life" will kill it fast. Prove to him that you can be a good wife,
and he will prove he can be a good husband.
7.
7
Guys 'tend' to call girls "hot" if they are thinking of them sexually, and they will call them
"beautiful", "gorgeous", or "pretty" if they have more innocent intentions. This isn't a
universal absolute, however; in fact, this applies very little, but it can be an extra hint.
8.
8
Guys can have obsessions over their partner's eyes, hair, hands, other random body
parts, etc. It's weird, but deal with it. If he likes it when you do something with your hair, do it a
lot. If he gave you a ring or a necklace or something, wear it whenever you're with him - and point
it out in case he doesn't notice, then give him a kiss and remind him how much you like it. He will
then know you appreciate the things he gives.
9.
9
Guys rarely mind feeling like they are owned - many times they like the feeling. A simple
way of displaying this is holding his hand with both your hands, and wrapping your arms around
his. The idea of their partner hanging off them isn't an unpleasant one to guys. There is a
difference between this and being clingy, though. One shows that you are completely devoted to
him, the other is annoying him.
10.
10
Guys like to know that their partner feels grateful to be with him. He'll return the favor a
hundred times over. If you make him feel like he isn't good enough, he will be more jealous of
other guys - he may leave you. Guys don't like feeling inferior any more than girls do.
11.
11
If he had a bad day, give him a neck rub or something. Don't ask if he wants one, just start
doing it, he'll tell you if he doesn't like it. And say something nice. Not necessarily about why he
had a bad day. Just randomly say how much you love and appreciate him. It'll make him feel
better.
12.
12
Guys enjoy the touch of a female; very soft and pleasant. As rule number 5 says, guys don't
mind touching - put your hand on his face. Run your fingers up and down his arm. Hold his hand
against your face or chest.
13.
13
Maintaining the relationship is very important. The first few months will be easy; you are in
the heat of a young relationship. Don't fall under the false impression that you don't have to put
forth anything. He will get bored, or feel unappreciated. Remember what it was like in the
beginning, when you'd both do anything for each other. Keep that mindset. Treat him as someone
who can't be lost.
14.
14
Let him know that you will stick with him through anything - and mean it! Tell him you will
never leave his side. He will like that. Never give him the "thin-ice" feeling to get your way. Like
tell him to deal with it, or make it seem like you'll break up with him over something unless he
complies. Using the relationship as a threat will really make him mad, and he may break up with
you for doing it.
15.
15
When he says that he won't leave you no matter and with assuring you always. He really
means it!
16.
16
Include him in things. Guys like to feel that you want him around, even if it is only little things.
(going for a walk, sitting at your parents, family activities, holidays) It's part of getting closer!
If you want your guy to do something, usually you have enough control to make it happen however, let the guy feel as though he also has control.
Don't be critical, or try and twist him through nagging into something he's not. This will drive
him away. If there is something major about him you want changed before you think you can spend
the rest of your life with him, then there will be a serious problem for both of you when he figures
this out. This includes changing jobs, careers, religions, life goals, politics, etc; don't expect him to
cater to your ideals. Even if he goes along with it, there will be problems later.
If he starts talking about things he enjoys, and you have no idea what he's talking about or
plain don't care, try and just sit through it. He listens to you talk about stuff he doesn't care about or
doesn't understand all the time. Sometimes, if he's good, he'll try and adjust and learn about what
you're interested in and contribute as much as possible. If he doesn't listen to you, then of course
you have a serious problem.
Don't lie! I can't stress to this issue enough. If you want to have a healthy relationship, tell
your man everything! If you keep something from him or lie, that will not remain as such for long;
men are instinctively distrusting and cautious and WILL find out.
Don't date guys you don't like.If you have a track record of having many relationships in a
short amount of time, guys who are looking for a long term relationship will avoid you.
Mystery is always good. Don't be wearing clothes that are too revealing. No matter how
much he likes your curves he hates it when you show them to others, guys tend to be possessive and
they will feel uncomfortable and unhappy the whole time you two are out on the town because he is
making sure nobody else is looking at his property! Stop dressing like you did in high school, you are
now more mature and in a serious relationship and don't have to advertise yourself or compete with
other girls anymore. The prettiest girl is one who dresses "cute" but then again doesn't show off
more than she is comfortable with. The way you dress tells a guy a lot of how seriously your
relationship is to you. Don't take this the wrong way ladies still look cute for your guy and yourself,
but just think twice before your put that same outfit on you wore before he came along.
Don't let the relationship become one-sided. Let him do most things for you and he'll like it.
But you have to do a few things for him too. Give him a present sometime. Setup a date for him.
Cook him a meal or some cookies and surprise him with it. Show him that you care about him more
than anything frequently and you will be surprised of the outcome.
Some guys will come out and tell you yes and no to your questions. Others won't. If you want
them to do something, they may say yes when they don't want to. If you were actually wanting to
know what they want, you'll have to figure out what their answer really is. You should know him well
enough to figure it out. He won't be mad if you don't figure it out (unlike girls) but he may feel
controlled, which guys don't like.
Don't buy presents for guys that involve things YOU are interested in, unless the guy buys
you stuff he's interested in.
If you go on a vacation or trip by yourself, and especially if you do it often, expect your guy to
be very suspicious. We've seen too many movies where the girl meets someone new when shes
away, and runs off with him. There is no amount of assurance you can give, as that's the way it goes
in the movie. Even if it is just a movie, we are paranoid!
Don't throw away stuff he likes, because you don't like it. He won't do that to you. If he does,
there's a problem.
Don't tell your friends (especially if he's there too) that you have him wrapped around your
finger. Don't act like you can make him do anything, or can control him. It may be true, but he needs
to know that he's "the man" and is in control. If he does everything you tell him to do, he's doing it
because he loves you, not because you control him. If you think you control him, he won't be very
happy.
Do nice things for him for no reason at all. Don't tell him you're going to do it - just surprise
him. Cook him something and bring it to his apartment/house. Give him a little present. You'd like
that wouldn't you? So will he.
For his birthday, cook him dinner for just you and him. And give him a present that can
remind him of you, that he can carry with him everywhere (spray it with some of your perfume.
Although he may never admit it, he'll smell it and guys are turned on by smell).
If you're not ready to settle down with a guy who is. DON'T waste his time!! Once a guy is
ready to settle down that's what he strives for, a girl worth giving his all to.
Don't be afraid to spend every waking hour with him. For if he is the one, every waking hour
is a special one with him. And it makes him feel that he's the only guy you need. Which is what every
guy wants in a strong, long term relationship.
EditWarnings
Do not talk a lot about your ex-boyfriends. Avoid talking about how sad you were unless
he wants you to share the secret. But really, this applies to almost all other guys. Don't talk about
how funny someone else is. Don't let other guys be touching you. Most of all DO NOT flirt, this
seems to drive guys over the edge very quick like, do not ever make yourself out to be the flirty
type, he will more than likely be gone in a heartbeat if he finds you flirting with other guys. Don't
compliment other guys. Guys can be very insecure and therefore very jealous. If your best friend
is a guy, expect your boyfriend to hate him. If you work with a guy that you talk to on a daily basis,
He will hate him. He will never admit to it. But he will probably hate him. Any sort of long,
emotional relationship with another man will be unbearable for him.
If you smoke - unless your guy is also a smoker - stop. Non-smokers do not like to kiss
smokers. It's not a nice smell or taste, and will not only detract from any kissing in your future.
Most women plan to have children. If you have no intentions of having kids, let him know
now. If you don't do so, it can be a very bad conversation when he finds out later on in the
relationship.
Women like feeling needed. So do guys. If he feels unneeded and taken for granted,
chances are he'll leave for someone who does need him.
If you want to wait till marriage for sex, make sure he knows this. Also keep in mind men
have 7 times as much testosterone as women, and it can be much harder for him than it will be
for you.
Never try to get him jealous. It won't work the way you want it to. All it'll do is make him
less trusting of you and very angry at the other guy (and even if he's not mad at you, he's mad
nonetheless - it's just not a good "mood setter").