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The Old Brain and the New Brain

Unconscious body language originates in the oldest part of the brain called
the limbic system. The limbic system is primarily responsible for our emotional life
and has a lot to do with regulating hunger, thirst, aggressive behavior, and sexual
needs. (For some people, sex is highest on the list!)
The parts of the brain shown in red make up the limbic system. It is deep within the
brain and is highly interconnected with the outer layer. That means it is highly
influential on the "new brain" areas and our
everyday behaviors, including body
This limbic system part of the brain is referred to
as the "old brain" since it formed eons ago in our
ancestors as they figured out how to survive and
find a mate. These deep layers appear to be
the brain's pleasure center, which plays a
role in our need for pleasure and sexual
arousal. (You are going to be amazed at how
much body language is about sex!)
We still have some ancient animal behaviors and needs stored in our "old brain".
Fortunately our training and experience stored in the "new brain" areas normally
keeps these animal behaviors under control. However, those ancient animal desires
often still show up in our body language today! Much of our unconscious body
language display often reveals we are seeking pleasure and sexual arousal.
We truly unknowingly advertise our desires in our body language!
Later in our evolutionary development the human brain added more layers on top of
the old brain for processing higher level thought
processes like language, creativity and reasoning.
This "new brain" is called the cerebral cortex and
at the right it is indicated in green. The cerebral
cortex receives and processes the sensory
information from the many different sensory
organs such as the eyes, ears, taste buds, nose
and touch sensors. Here is where we learn
how to function in our modern world as
kind, caring, socialized citizens in our
particular culture. (However, sometimes the controlling part goes to sleep with
alcohol and in some people their "old brain" goes wild.)

We Use Both Our Old and New Brain

It is important to understand that we operate from both the old and new
brain at the same time. For example, a healthy young man may be using his new
brain for selecting the correct fork to eat his salad at a dinner table while at the
same time his old brain is primarily interested in surviving and getting some
As he eats his salad and talks politely with others, his old brain is constantly on the
lookout for any woman who might be open to doing a "quickie" so he can spread his
genes to more offspring. It is his new brain with its powerful ability to control

his conscious behavior that keeps him operating somewhat normal and not
approaching the hostess for sex - at least not right now.
However, his sexual interest in the hostess will show up unconsciously in his body
language. For example, his eyes will not miss a centimeter of her soft bare skin down
her collar when she leans over to serve him. His every move will be
unconsciously affected by his old brain limbic system trying to signal her
that he desires her and is waiting for her to respond. When he sits, he will sit
in the open-leg position displaying his "goodies" in her direction. His arms will be
wide open and in her direction much of the time. He will watch her every move with
great pleasure watching for a positive body language reply to his own body
language. And this is all done unconsciously!
The fascinating and wonderful part of this scene is that her body language
may be unconsciously responding to his body language with affirmative
responses to his every move - if not for a real encounter, at least for the fun
of seeing how much she is desired! It will be no accident when she repeatedly
leans over to offer him more to eat and exposes a clear view down her blouse. She is
not just being a good hostess interested in feeding him! In the mean time the
discussion may drone on about what a wonderful meal it was and how the duck was
prepared with orange sauce and etc. That is the socialized new brain talking
and doing what it learned to do in this modern world. At the same time the
old brain wants to have a "quickie" with her in the kitchen!

Use Your New Brain to Understand Your Old Brain

The point here is that there are conflicting messages we must deal with in
this flirting, dating and mating process, especially concerning all the body
language happening. It helps to understand that at all times everyone's body
language is accurately and honestly reflecting
how they are feeling from moment to moment.
If you learn to observe and understand
body language you will better understand
how others are feeling about you.
Hopefully you will greatly improve all your
relationships. The goal is to respond
consciously with your own most appropriate
body language that will facilitate your
relationships. You may want to curb your own
inappropriate body language and therefore
present a much better image. Even if others are not consciously aware of reading
body language, their unconscious old brain will still understand your nonverbal cues
that you send.
[For a body language analysis of the couple eating above, Click here.]
Clearly the two are very friendly as indicated by physical closeness and smiles. (A
smile indicates, "I won't hurt you.") Her hair is well back, displaying her soft neck
skin and ears, plus some frontal area. This is "guy bait" and he is liking it! He is
probably thinking about how gooooood she is going to feel, smell, and taste! Nibbling
on those cute ears will be the perfect dessert!

Her thoughts are probably on how much he desires her. In her "old brain" and DNA is
the strong programing to seek a mate who considers her valuable. This will help
insure she will be protected by him and have a better chance for survival of her and
the offspring - at least that is the way it worked for millions of ancestors. She is
going to be watching his body language and actions for how much he is willing to
care for her well being. She wants first a caring and protective relationship before
she lets a guy have her for dessert.
Notice how he is leaning toward her and his left arm is under the table. He has
desires for her body and wants to get physically and emotionally closer to her as
soon as possible. His left hand and arm are under the table "hiding his intentions".
She is no dummy! Look at her right arm pushing him away. Also she is sitting up
straight and not leaning toward him, all very proper. Additionally, she has her left
arm across and close to her body in a very protective position.
She is smiling at him and being socially correct but her body language says, "Hey
buddy, slow down and keep your distance. I'm not letting you get to me right now."
She needs to find out more about how valuable she is to this guy and how caring and
protective he will be for her and the offspring. Much of her information about him will
come from his body language which she will pickup mostly unconsciously. (By now
she probably knows this guy is anxious to jump on her bones as soon as she opens
up and lets him in!)

If you want to really understand people in your daily relationships, study

their ongoing body language.

Body Language Broadcasts Intentions

Body language messages are sent automatically and mostly unconsciously. Women
send approximately five times more body language messages and gestures
than men in the same time period. Women read body language much better than
men. This is a survival skill engrained in women's DNA from millions of female
ancestors dealing with men. Men make a lot of mistakes in displaying their own body
language and make it easy for women to read their intentions - and men are not
always good and honorable!
Men are not as good as women in reading all body language cues. Men mostly only
use body language cues to evaluate other men for signs of dominance and
competitive advantage. In order for men to get along there has to be an
understanding of each man's ranking in the group. Peace and harmony in the group
lasts as long as each man accepts his hierarchical position and does not compete for
a higher level - at least too openly and strongly.
Men's ability to read subtle body language cues remain undeveloped, compared to
women. It doesn't seem to matter if a man's "friends" really like him, as long as they
don't try to take his food or woman!
For millions of generations, body language has been one of our best tools
for successful survival and mating. Since humans learned to speak, we have
switched to paying more attention to verbal messages rather than body language
messages. This is unfortunate because unconscious body language messages are

more accurate and truthful than words.When two people are relating to each
other, their body language messages reveal more about how they feel about
each other than their words do.
Most unconscious body language deals with survival and passing-on our
genes to future generations (i.e. getting sex). Habitual body language that
worked for survival and mating has been perfected and repeated for millions of
generations. Women and men today are still using much of the same body
language to attract a mate that their ancient ancestors
used. Background Discover More . . .

The Facts About Mate Selection

By Lawrence Rodrigues

Both women and men have inherited very strong desires to survive and passon their genes to their offspring by having sex. Without this strong drive we
would have become extinct long ago. Life and survival were really tough in
ancient times.
Men and women can't do it alone so they must come together. (Pun intended!)
A woman must expend great time and energy to give birth and raise a child.
To do this best she needs to attract a man to help her get pregnant and
afterward to help raise the offspring. (Recently in our history, the importance
of the man has been diminished in some societies where women can function
independently. Even the act of impregnation can be done in the lab by a
woman doctor, but the sperm must still come from a man. Men are not totally
obsolete, yet!)
Women want to have a lot of choices in men today so they can get the best
one. "Best" means the man who can help her make the healthiest babies then
protect and support her and the children for long survival.
Women want to have choices today in men for a mate, so flirting and dating
provides that opportunity. Women have inherited proven successful body
language flirting techniques in their DNA to attract many men for more and
better choices. (And this game is all about sex!)
Men must compete with other men for a woman's acceptance. Therefore men
must "court" a woman in order to get accepted as her mate. (There is a huge
amount of research data on men and sperm competition -- but that is another
In nearly all the species the ultimate decision for which male is accepted to be
the offspring's father is the decision of the female.
Unconscious female body language to attract males primarily displays this
message: "I am a healthy female and you may approach me to make babies."
Female beauty (with all the makeup and techniques to make it happen) is all
about looking young and healthy in order to make the best babies.
The male's body language is one of the primary factors guiding the female's
choice of mate in most species. Females in species that bond, mostly look for
strength, protection, and caring behaviors in the male. Human females who
find a man with these desired characteristics call this "a good relationship".
Some researchers have claimed that human survival in the past simply worked this

Men traded food for sex.

Women traded sex for food.

Women's Flirting Body Language Revealed!

The most common way women flirt to attract a man's attention is
preening. Tossing their hair around, stroking and combing it, and generally moving
it away from face and shoulders to expose soft bare skin are strong signals that
women use to get men's attention.
Another great preening move men enjoy watching is for a woman to do things calling
attention to her mouth. Licking her lips, putting on lipstick, or eating
something slowly with obvious great pleasure is stimulating to men. Just
watching her mouth makes men hungry for the smell and taste of all of her
stimulating and delicious pheromones.
Entwining her legs draws attention to
being a woman. Men can't do this
because their hips are too narrow.
However, in this case it indicates not only
that she is a woman but also she is closed
to sexual advances from men. Her tight
leg muscles indicate she is very protective
of her private area. However, to most men her tight leg muscles
are appealing and they are his challenge to untangle.
Slowly crossing or uncrossing her legs while gently
stroking her thigh is unmistakable female flirting body
language. This move generally means, "Look at this wonderful
female body!" Another great move is for her to adjust clothing
with loosening, opening or exposing movements to call attention
to her body. If she is clever, she exposes some bare skin in the
process. This is where the guy accidentally misses his mouth and
pours his drink in his lap while trying "not to look".
When sitting with legs crossed, bouncing her foot back and forth
rhythmically while dangling one shoe off her toe, signals much more than, "My foot is
tired and I want to go to bed!"
When a woman rubs her neck or head with one hand,
while talking to a man, it raises her breast toward his
face and makes him fail to hear most of her words. If
she is really a vixen, she will expose her armpit (which,
may be even shaved and "nude"). This may blast her
pheromones out to him and make his brain "scramble".
The woman can forget about getting any intelligent
conversation from him after this move!
While chatting with a man, if she slowly strokes a
smooth, round, (and preferably wet) object (such
as her drink glass) she will be indirectly and
strongly teasing and stimulating him. She is sending him a message that if he is

good to her, maybe he will be rewarded in a very special way. She knows what he
likes and knows how to make him squirm. At this point he will usually uncross his
legs, open them, and point his crotch toward her. When he does this he is sending a
body language signal to her saying that she can have
his "goodies" anytime she is ready.
Women's flirting body language is generally
movements of opening clothing and exposing bare
skin or touching their hair. Women's flirting body
language to attract men is nearly always sexual because
women know what men want! The message in women's
flirting body language is this: "I am a healthy, sexual,
woman open to you coming closer. I won't resist you!"
Her smile says, "I like you and I won't hurt you. Come
Researchers have identified that both men and women use five steps for
finding a mate.
Women know what men want. Women looking for a mate devote a lot of time,
energy, and money making sure they look young, healthy, and sexy.
Women's millions of ancestors with these traits of good health and good looks appealed the most
to men and ended up producing the most babies. Therefore this wisdom of looking good for men's
desires is engrained in most women's DNA today. (Lucky men!)

Unconsciously men are looking for the best women to make healthy babies with both of their
healthy genes. It is all about survival of the species. Without this persistent ancient strong
sex drive our species would have gone extinct long ago.

Secret #1: Body Language is Frequently About Sex

The first secret about body language is that much of our body language is about
getting sex -- or defending against it. In the ancient past, the most important

biological purpose in life was to find a mate to help pass on the parents' genes in
their children. Most humans and animals have a powerful drive to find a mate for sex
because it feels super-fantastic! Unconscious body language often reveals a person
hunting for a mate and sex.Background Discover More . . .

About Our Sex Drive

By Lawrence Rodrigues

Over the past 10,000 years, we "modern humans" have learned to live together in
social groups and communities. Rules and codes of conduct for finding a mate and
producing offspring were developed to minimize overt sexual competition. Violation
of the mating rules -- and even minor deviations from the rules in some cultures -often brings severe criticism and consequences. Violators soon learn there is a price
to pay for deviation from the local rules about revealing their natural sexual drives
and seeking a mate in unconventional ways. In spite of all the social pressure to
hide and suppress our natural sexual urges, our sexual desires are still
often revealed in our unconscious body language.
Many people will argue that we humans today have a higher purpose than getting
sex. However, research has found that much of our body language still reveals an
unconscious desire to get naked and have some sexual fun. There is abundant
research indicating that body language is still unconsciously geared to
finding a mate and getting sex. Interestingly, this drive to get sex and reproduce
is handled differently in men and women. Generally, single men are looking for
immediate sex. Single women are more often looking for a relationship first (for
protection and survival with help of a man) and then sex may happen afterwards.

Here is one example of a man's posture emphasizing his sexuality. When casually
standing like this, he will usually directly face the woman who appeals to him. Notice
that the fingers all point to "you-know-what-is-important" to this guy: Sex! Of
course, guys claim that this is just a comfortable
way to stand.
Yah, sure it is -- NOT!
Here at the right is one way women call attention
to their sexuality with their body language. It is
quite obvious that this woman is unconsciously
advertising to the world that she is a healthy
woman. This woman's body language could not
be more clear and simple! She is unconsciously
saying, "My womb is empty and available." This is
very deep, old brain limbic system-driven body
language programmed by the DNA from our
ancient ancestors. This ancient part of the brain functions in very basic ways, driving

us to find a mate. This drive is handled differently in men and

women. Background Discover More . . .
All vertebrates, from reptiles to primates and even humans,
reproduce by the male internally fertilizing the female. It takes a
relatively short time for a male to actually pass on his genes to
the female. Male monkeys get the job done with just a few
thrusts in as little as 8 seconds, and seldom longer than 20
seconds. Thankfully, during the approximately 5 million years
since humans split off from the chimpanzees, male humans have
learned to take more time than their primate ancestors.
At least some guys have learned to take more time to get the job
done. A study of 1,500 couples in the U.S in 2005 found the
median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes, with a range of 3 to 13
minutes. It depends mostly on the age of the man. For older guys it is about their
endurance and for younger fast guys it is about their degree of excitement and
anticipation. Some young eager guys will still rank right there with the monkeys!
Here is some depressing news for older men and women: Male monkeys and apes
have a bone that clicks into place to hold a perfectly erect working tool. Humans
share 98.5 per cent of the same DNA with chimps, but regrettably men do not still
have that particular bone gene!

Nearly every sperm-producing animal and human male must expend much time and
effort in convincing the female to accept him and his sperm. This has forced most
males, both animals and humans, to initiate a process called "courtship".Animal and
human courtship is done in many different ways. Some male birds, whales and
gibbons "sing". Some birds dance or build special nests to attract a female. Human
males have been very innovative in countless ways to
attract a mate through courting.

Men Must Court So Women Can Select

Human courtship usually starts as flirting and dating. This
courting ritual normally involves joint activities to close the
physical and emotional distance, so two people can
become one loving couple. How this courting is done varies
widely throughout cultures and in
individuals. Background Learn More . . .
The drive to find a mate is very powerful in nearly every species. (Some
plants and plantlike organisms are examples of asexual reproduction that do
not need two parents.) The natural and strong drive in all species is to have
sex to reproduce offspring with one's own DNA.

At puberty, many young men and women start experimenting and practicing
how to attract prospective mates. Each looks to others in their culture to learn
what is acceptable behavior. Movies and TV offer examples of behavior, but
they might not be acceptable in all cultures. The learning process for young
people has many disappointments as well as exhilarating surprises.
Women learn at an early age that men are attracted to signs of youthfulness,
good health, and sexual fertility (read "sexy"). Men learn to attract women by
displaying their strength (ability to protect family) and potential to provide
resources for a family.
Generally, women want the experience of courting several men before getting
married so they can pick the best one. In nearly every species the female's
best choice male has the characteristics that will produce the strongest and
healthiest offspring as well as protect her and the offspring to ensure their
survival. In many species, the male's physical condition, body language, and
behavior are primary factors the female uses to pick her mate for breeding.
In one experiment, some peahens (female peacocks) were given the choice of
two males. One had a perfect tail and the other had some of the feathers
purposely slightly damaged. The peahens nearly always accepted the peacock
with the more perfect tail. It appears physical perfection is important to
peahens. This implies good health is a priority when seeking a breeding mate.
Surveys of women in most western cultures reveal their preferences in men to
be mostly for protectiveness and an abundance of resources. It appears that
the basic unconscious drive in most women is to find a mate to protect and
help raise the children with a good life.

Why Men And Women Are Different (Surprise!)

Women generally have a drive to get the same good physical sexual feelings that
men want. However, before birth control methods, women had to prepare more than
men for sex because of the huge job of possible pregnancy and raising the offspring.
Therefore, historically women have handled getting sex differently than men.
For eons, women had the most success in raising healthy and intelligent offspring by
selecting a good mate who helped protect and raise the family. In the long run,
women's careful selection process has been good for our species. A woman's wise
choice of a mate who sticks around and helps raise the babies gives the best chance
to produce healthy offspring that survive.
On the other hand, single men generally have little investment and risk in
spontaneous sex. Men can come and go without further commitments. This is very
different from the woman's standpoint! Men are driven by millions of years of their
ancestors' genes compelling them to breed frequently and with numerous
women in order to have the best chance for offspring bearing their genes.

Secret #2: Men and Women Handle Sex Differently

Women have a strong drive for seeking a QUALITY RELATIONSHIP with one
man who will stick around and take care of her and the kids after sex. This

comes from ancient female ancestors' most successful strategy for producing
Men want QUANTITY: Lots of sex and with lots of women! Men's ancient
ancestors developed endurance and went for high amounts of sex as their most
successful strategy for producing offspring. (If guys are stuck with one woman,
guaranteed they are looking, dreaming, and fantasizing about others! That is in
their genes!)

In spite of all the social, cultural, and religious obstacles for humans to get sex in
only an approved way today, couples are somehow joining and making babies.
Fortunately, powerful hormones evolved in humans to drive men and women
together for you know what! Even if they have to go through difficult obstacles,
somehow they come together and produce offspring -- often even in unapproved
ways. That natural drive is what keeps the human species thriving on this planet.

ll Men Are Part Caveman

Men's needs and tactics for mate selection are programmed in their DNA. Today's
men's behavior is still affected by evolutionary selection choices made by ancestors
over the past millions of years. Our ancestors lived in a world that was dangerous
and very different from our world today. Humans survived as a species because of
wise choices and practices of ancient ancestors. Many of the ancient male tactics for
mate selection are still used today by many men.What worked best for our male
ancestors to get a mate and produce offspring still shows in the behavior
and body language of most men today!
Research on men's behavior and body language in mate selection indicates
that men seek a mate with characteristics that can produce the healthiest
offspring. It is also interesting that these mate hunting practices in men are evident
most of their life, even when elderly and not making babies!

Men Know What They Want

Men's most desired characteristics in women are primarily physical. Below is what
most men are attracted to in a woman:

Young and healthy. A young, healthy female has the best
probability of conceiving and producing healthy offspring. Therefore for
best success in passing on their genes in offspring, men have a
preference for young healthy women. Characteristics associated with
youth and health are these:

Breasts full, firm and not sagging.

Rounded hips and slim waist. (70% ratio is most desired.)

Long legs. (Adolescent's legs grow faster than their body so

long legs implies youth.)

Small lower part of face with full lips, high cheek bones and
long neck.

Large eyes and small nose. (That child-like look.)

Long healthy hair.

Flat belly. (Not pregnant by some other guy!)

Hemispherical buttocks and arched back.

Men of all ages show a preference for symmetrical and
proportional young women.
Symmetrical and well proportioned physical features are
what we call "good looking". "Good looking" implies good health
and therefore healthier offspring.

Youth also ensures less chromosome damage. The older the

mother, the greater the probability of producing offspring with
genetic problems.


A waist that is 70% of her hip measurement.

Research in many cultures worldwide
revealed men prefer the woman whose waist is
70% of her hip measurement. This 70% ratio was
men's first choice no matter what her total weight

This 70% ratio implies youthful high fertility

and is pretty good assurance that she is not already pregnant by
another man.

Men Hunt With Their Eyes

Man, the hunter, has a mental image of the desired ideal woman and he is always
using his eyes to search for her. That is why men enjoy pictures of women so
much. Women know that men prefer young, good looking, healthy females,
so women use makeup to conceal signs of aging and poor health. A youthful
healthy body is emphasized in every way possible. The 26 billion dollar beauty
aids industry relies on women's needs for products to make them appear to be
young, healthy and fertile. Clothes, makeup, hair, high heel shoes, facial gestures,
and body movements are used in ways to emphasize femaleness, healthiness and
sexual maturity to get the attention of men. Add to that some outright flirting and
males of all ages will follow them to get some action!

The Game is the Same at Any Age

Even after our child-bearing years are over, we look for a mate with the same
characteristics for producing offspring. That DNA inherited need to pass on our genes
in offspring is a strong drive that is always within us. Most women always seek a
man who is strong and caring with a lot of resources to make a good home for the
family -- and "good looking" is not important. Most men at any age are always
attracted to a healthy, young, fertile woman who could make healthy babies -- even
when he doesn't want any children. It seems that the software that drives our
internal unconscious mental "computer" for mate
selection does not come with software upgrades for
after menopause!
The mate selection criteria remains the same for most
males and females at all ages even though sex drive
changes. Recent research on long-term sexual motivation in
both men and women reveals these differences:

Most men's sex drives remain relatively constant

as they age. Even when the male machinery breaks
down and no longer stands up to the task, the desire
remains strong until the brain functions decline. (Sex
really is all in the head!)

Most women's sex drive increases with age up to

age 30. After that, there is usually a steady decline in
desire. The research showed only 20 percent of women
age 50 were interested in as much sexual activity as they had in their thirties.

Clothes Say Much About Who You Are

Consider what persona you wish to convey when you go out flirting to meet a new
man. Your displayed persona (how you dress and behave) will determine to
a large degree which type men approach you. If you dress like either a slut or a
sweet virgin, people immediately assume that is really you and treat you accordingly.
Unfortunately in environments like night clubs and bars, competition to attract men
is so intense that many women feel obliged to exhibit excessive sexuality. This does
not allow each woman much leeway to express her real persona.
Every social space has an unwritten code of conduct and acceptable dress
code. To violate these codes labels you as being an amateur and therefore at the
bottom of the pecking order. Group standards and peer pressure are heartless when
it comes to who is accepted and who is rejected. Don't forget that you are
competing with every other woman there to capture the attention of the
best man possible. The woman who never gets a man to help send her genes on to
future generations knows that a part of her dies. This flirting and dating game is
deadly serious. It is important to understand the
rules and put all your energy into getting what
you want.

Two Main Considerations For Dressing

The first rule for selecting your attire is to wear
an appropriate outfit for the occasion. Check
before you go on how the other women usually dress

where you are going. Don't copy the others exactly but do wear the same type of
clothing that is the established norm for that occasion. It is important to not be so
different that you stand out as being ignorant about the unwritten rules. Your goal
(and the goal of every other woman there) is to stand out as special (men
like trophies). You also want to appear desirable (good possibility for future
sex) and available (not already attached to a guy).
That brings us to the second rule: Choose your attire to display your true or
desired persona. It is not only important to attract the men but, even more
important, that you attract the right type of men. Men are very visual because of
their ancestors' hunting background. When they go hunting they have a picture
already in their mind of what they want and use their eyes to search for it. From
their ancient past, their brain is geared to be keenly watchful for flying things if they
are bird hunting. If hunting for ground animals they are especially alert to critters
scurrying around on the ground. Where you will be going the men will be
hunting for women. So dress feminine!

It Pays to Advertise
You need to subtly display that you are a sexually alive woman who is
approachable.Colors are especially important to men. You want to appear
approachable so DO NOT wear deep burgundy or plum. That makes you look too
strong and scares most men. Pink is flattering to nearly all skin tones and is inviting
to men. A little red in accessories is sexy. Avoid sickly looking yellow-green. A wise
investment for every woman is a consultation with a color and makeup consultant.
Wearing clothes and makeup that are your best colors will dramatically enhance how
you feel and how people relate to you. It is money well spent at least once.
One study at University of Rochester discovered that men spent more money on
dates with women wearing red. The researcher's believe this attraction to red could
be in men's genes. It may be linked to ovulation signaling in primates, where the
females of the species' rumps become engorged with blood when ready for breeding.
Wow! Better get a red skirt!

You Know What Most Men Are Looking For

Fortunately for all women, men don't have high standards and expectations
when it comes to picking up a woman. Men are driven more by their hormones
than their brain and logic. Their body is making 200 million sperm a day and that
clouds over any artistic appreciation for your best creative attire. One extra square
inch of your bare skin is far more noticeable and
important to most men than your $300 pair of
Perhaps nature has been forgiving and
generous to men by making them
voyeurs.Men get a lot of satisfaction just from
looking at a female moving and doing her
preening. Men get some relief by looking at
either live women or even pictures of women.
Many men just stand on the sidelines and watch
women dance because there is no chance for rejection (a huge fear). They get some
degree of sexual pleasure from running their eyes over every appealing curve and

bare skin area on a woman's body. Flipping hair, wiggling butt, bouncing boob
images will stay with a man for the next few days and nights and provide some
relief.This voyeur characteristic is not so much in women.

Looking Casual Requires Lots of Planning

Achieving your first goal to look like a sexually alive woman should be easy with
proper colorful clothes, shiny jewelry, medium to heavy makeup, and especially
prepared "casual" look of your hair. Be sure to show your bare neck and ears.
That signals "available". Your goal is to attract the attention of men but not invite
sexual attack. The difference between too little and too much skin is narrow, so
adjustable clothing is best. In some environments jeans are great for either pulling
up to cover skin or letting "accidentally" slide down to show your thong bikini in
back. Even when pulled up they will still reveal all your great feminine curves. Guys
love to look at those female curves!
(At right: Borgo degli Ulivi Lilac Lizard-embossed Leather Ankle-Wrap Sandal Shoes.
$312. Made in Italy 2005)
In the appropriate environment, high-heel shoes make a woman look very
sexy. Even though high-heels restrict foot movement on the dance floor, make
walking appear awkward and uncomfortable, and even cause women to trip in some
cases, they are worth their usual high price. High-heeled shoes signify sexuality and
desirability. The most effective fetish both constricts, up-lifts, binds and raises the
woman's body parts. High-heeled shoes and bras are favorites. High-heels represent
heightened sexuality. Shackles of a sort, they place the feminine wearer in a position
of greater vulnerability and desirability. So if appropriate in the place where you
are going to find a man, wear sexy high-heel shoes and reveal plenty of
bare skin.
If you bring together your best makeup and colorcoordinated clothes that shout to the world, "I am a
sexually alive woman! I am here! You can approach
me!" you will have the men lined up trying to get to
you. Guaranteed! But also remember this: When you
fish with shark bait, guess what you catch?
Keep in mind that men understand that they must court a
woman and please her in order to be selected by her for a
mate (or a brief roll in the bed). It has been this way for millions of generations in all
species. Females have the power to reject or accept the male of her choice. Good
choices produce good relationships. Understanding and reading men's body language
can help women make good choices.

How to Use Your Body Language to Get What You Want

This is the first step for using your flirting body language to capture the attention of
the manYOU want. There are 5 steps that will give you the advantage over all your
competition for getting the best man available. Even if you are not presently
interested in attracting a man -- because you already have one -- better
read this anyway. Learn what the other women may be doing to steal your

How to Get Noticed by the Men

Find somewhere to sit where you can see all the men -- and where they can see you.
Spend the first few moments getting organized, or so it seems. What you are really
doing is insuring that the men notice you. You do this by MOVING with your special
female flirting body language! Flirting Step 1 is all about getting attention with
body language in order to attract men closer for your evaluation. Every man's
DNA is programmed as an ancient hunter, and he is especially alert to movement.
So keep active, moving with quiet confidence and pride that you are a woman.
Your female flirting body language movements are most effective when they are
smooth, graceful, and feminine. Move slowly and confidently, like the place and the
guys are all there just to watch you. Arrange your possessions, straighten your
clothes, swish or stroke your hair to get it just right. Keep active, look good, appear
available, and let all the guys know you are there.
Each move signals that you are a healthy woman who is alive, active, and
very proud to be feminine. That is what will immediately get the attention of all
the guys there! They will all be watching your body language -- even if they are with
another woman. Guys can't help looking because their ancestors were hunters and
those ancient hunting instincts are still in men today. Background Discover More . . .
Men are much more visual than women and get a hormonal surge just by looking at
a healthy woman -- either alive or in a photo. That is why pornography prospers as
men's target market. So smart women use many visual body language cues to
attract attention with their bodies. And the things that get the guys' immediate
attention deal with sexuality!
Women send five times as many sexual body language signals as men do in the
same time period. This does not mean women are more interested in the subject
than men. Smart women just know what gets a man's attention fastest!
Hair flipping, swishing, combing and general preening, plus a smile, are the main
flirting feminine body language cues women use to get men's attention. Other very
effective feminine body language tactics are: walking with exaggerated roll of hips,
relaxed swinging arms, chest out, and head held high with soft smile. To make men
get whiplash, a woman also can tilt her head coyly, revealing her soft neck. Also she
can lick lips, wear sexy clothes and jewelry, plus expose her soft skin on shoulders,
upper arms, and back (and anywhere else socially acceptable).
Men love to see a woman's skin! Clean, clear, and smooth skin is a sign of good
health and that is high on men's desired traits in a mate to produce healthy
offspring. So let the men know you are a healthy woman and proud of it!Women
have used body language to attract men for millions of past generations. These
women's body language tools are all "man magnets" that can be used for flirting -or to keep the present man fascinated with you!

How to Select the Man You Want

Watch for guys who have placed themselves where they can see all the women.
Definitely these guys are hunters in search of a mate. They are going to be watching
for any appealing woman with body language indicating it is OK to approach her.
Every man holds great fear of being rejected in front of other men, so he must be
careful in picking the right woman who appears available and safe to approach.

Discretely watch for the guys who appeal to you most. You are going to select the
man you want! When you find him, do these steps as if you are the world's
greatest actress. This is extremely important! Here is what you must do:

1. Catch his attention as he looks around the room and look directly into his
eyes. When your eyes meet, smile and hold the connection a little longer than
normally done. Do it noticeably longer than when looking at other men and
friends. This is definitely a very special gaze and it packs a powerful body
language message.
2. While looking at him, think these thoughts so your face will be most inviting
to him and it will help you time your gaze: "Come here big man, I am the special
woman you want and I am all yours! All you have to do is come to me." (He
might even read your mind!)
3. If the guy maintains eye contact with you, then smile and drop your
gaze DOWN to your lap or table.
4. In a few seconds glance back to see if he is paying close enough attention to
look back to meet your eyes again for a even more friendly eye contact. Gaze
into his eyes again for a slightly longer time, then smile and look down.
You have done this ancient mating dance correctly so far. Now wait for him to
approach you. This eye contact and looking down tactic has been well studied by
sociologist researchers.Research Learn More . . .
Sociologists have studied this ancient mating process and identified these two
behaviors for making initial contact:

1: Making Eye Contact Shows Interest

Looking directly into the eyes of another person can send a powerful message
indicating either a desire for closer contact or a challenge to fight. The length of eye
contact and the body language, with facial expression, reveals if the contact is to be
inviting or threatening. So be sure to smile when you are trying to make a friendly
connection with this long eye contact.
Observing the eye movements of acquaintances can be very revealing. For example,
when meeting a new person if they make only very brief eye contact, then their
interest in you is minimal. They will remain emotionally distant from you until
something changes their attitude. This weak personal connection toward you may
not necessarily have anything to do with you. He or she may feel intimidated,
inferior, frightened, or shy.
Watch for these eye patterns when you are using your flirting eye contact:
If he or she looks away quickly while you are holding your gaze, then there is
little interest in you -- or they have interest but are afraid of intimacy or are
(For women)If he holds his eye contact until you break it off to look down,
then he has interest in you. If he is there to meet your gaze when you look
back up, or he repeatedly glances in that direction, then he has great
interest in you.
The measured length of time for the average casual eye contact is about one-tenth
second. The flirting eye contact lasts at least 150 milliseconds. This is all done

unconsciously and yet very accurately everywhere in the world. This longer eye
contact is an ancient body language signal indicating interest.

2: Looking Down Indicates Passiveness

It is important to understand the strong message you send when you hold your gaze
for longer than normal, then break eye contact and look DOWN. This is body
language from our ancestors that is programmed into our DNA. This is what the
message is:
A Smile and Long Eye Contact = "I am friendly and happy to see you. I am
interested in you."
Looking Down = "I will not resist you! You may come closer." The receiver of
this message should read it as, "I want you to approach me! I am waiting for
I wonder how many men have fallen for that women's trick over the past million

How to Draw Him to You

While you wait for him to approach you, immediately re-adjust your body to sit up
straight and more directly face him with your arms not crossed in front of
you. Actually what you are doing is ancient female behavior that is effective
feminine flirting body language even today. What you will do is subtly aim your
breasts at him and not hide them. This is ancient behavior programmed in women's
DNA for displaying that they are women. The opposite movement, which is
frequently seen, is for women to cover their breasts and turn away from undesirable
men or strangers. This is inherited behavior in women coming from their ancestors
and uncountable numbers of encounters with men.
If he has not come over to you in 10 - 15 seconds, coyly look back to see if he is still
interested. He probably is working up his courage. This time your "actress look" and
your mental thoughts are going to be saying, "I don't understand why you are not
coming to approach me. I want to meet you!" Thinking these words will help to
automatically form the correct look on your face.
You have sent him an ancient body language invitation-to-approach message that
has worked uncountable times with your ancestors. If he gets up his courage to
approach you, then you are ready to click Step 2 below for your next
exciting move.

How to Use Your Body Language to Get Him Closer

Step 2 is to close the physical and emotional distance between you both so you can
evaluate him. This is done by getting him to come physically closer to talk with you.
Your long eye contact, smile, and looking down was an ancient body language cue
that invited him to come talk to you. If he is the strong and brave type guy most
women want, he will get your body language message and decide to approach you
with his opening line.

How to Make it Easy for Him to Approach You

When you see that he is going to come over to you, look him in the eyes and give
him a gentle welcoming smile. That will greatly relieve his fear of possible rejection.
As he approaches, you will unconsciously read his body language as he walks toward
you. A woman's DNA is finely tuned to watch every man's body language as
he approaches.Women have had to do this for millions of generations and make

quick decisions to stick around or escape! The first and deepest instincts are to
watch for signs of danger and possible sexual attack from every man approaching.
The decision-making wisdom is in women's genes and they can detect
danger far away by the man's body language. So in this case, you instinctively
watch his body language as he walks toward you. You watch to see how relaxed,
confident and comfortable he is in this social situation. You are unconsciously
watching to see if he moves and behaves like the well socialized man is expected to
be doing in your culture and society.

How to Welcome Him to Talk

When he is close enough to talk to you, face him directly, look at him with a gentle
welcoming smile and wait for his "opening line". If he is doing his body language
right, he will approach you and look into your eyes, and with a pleasant gentle smile,
he will speak to you. Hopefully, he should essentially only say who he is (his
name) and ask if he can talk with you.Background Discover More . . .

How to Start Your Evaluation of Him Up Close

Look for confidence and cool power as an Alpha Male.
Good posture and smooth movements are a good sign. Head up, chest out
and gut sucked in. It is good if he does NOT have a weird personalized
strut or walk with arms flailing about as he looks around to see who is
watching him. What you want to see is him calmly (not in high stress),
comfortably and confidently (Alpha Male type) walking up to you with eye
contact and a smile.

Look for good health, alertness, and aliveness.

His physical appearance and voice will reveal a lot. Should you two
eventually mate, fifty percent of your offspring's chromosomes are going
to be his. So his health and strength are very important to your
unconscious evaluation of him as a suitable mate for a long time. A deep
voice is a sign of testosterone and you will notice that subconsciously right
away. It will make your hormones kick in!

Watch for signs of being a good protector and provider.

Physical strength plus good clothes and possessions may give a clue. What
you are unconsciously (Maybe consciously!) looking for is someone who is
capable of providing well for you and the offspring when you need support.
You will be on the lookout for how generous and resourceful he is over the
long run. Rich is nice, but seldom happens, so stop dreaming. You will be
on the lookout for how much he values you. You will watch for how
nurturing and attentive he is to your needs and desires.

Notice if he is socialized and functions confidently out in public.

He should be comfortable and confident in this social setting. Watch to see
if he is truly focused on you and not looking around at other women or
only your breasts.

Notice if he keeps his social distance or if he invades your personal

intimate space and makes you feel invaded. This check of his body
language will be important for your analysis of what type of guy he is.

Controlling, pushy and manipulative guys move uninvited into your

personal space right away. Use caution with these guys and escape as
soon as you can.

About Women Shaking Hands

Whether to extend your hand for a handshake depends on the culture and
environment. It is sometimes the polite thing to do, and it can provide a lot of extra
hidden information about the other person. Background Discover More . . .

How to Start Gathering Data

Hopefully by now you have read enough of his body language to feel safe enough to
continue talking. So now you want to find out how interesting he is and if he has
interests similar to yours. The talk should now center around data gathering
and finding common interests. What you are really interested in, is how you
each live your life in order to determine if you two have a good chance for
long term compatibility -- or at least some fun together for a short
time. That is your main interest at this step in finding a mate. However, maybe all
he is interested in is how you look naked and how soon he can "climb on your
bones". (Guys are wired differently than women, in case you haven't noticed!)
This data gathering communication process is more difficult than it appears, and it is
the point where the connection between you both can abruptly break off. This may
not be news to you: men don't think like women. Therefore to make the best
impression on him (and maybe to even "get through to him") you need to talk
differently to him than you do to your women friends. Research Learn More . . .

Summary So Far in Step 2:

How to Bring Him Closer for Evaluation
You have gotten his attention, given him a signal that it is safe to approach
you, and welcomed him into your space. Now you two must do some data
gathering and find common ground on which to build a continuing relationship. Your
evaluation of him will be based a lot on his body language. He will also be watching
your body language, so use it to your advantage in the next steps.
OK, if he has not turned out to be a Neanderthal you are ready to move on
to Step 3.

What To Do Now That He is Here

A relationship is starting! Your feminine flirting is getting results. You know it
took courage for him to approach you because at any moment you could reject and
embarrass him. You like his courage and confidence to take a risk and come talk to
you. You especially like that he selected you to approach over all the other women
there! Good for you and good for him!

How to Take a Closer Look at Him

Now that he is closer, you can read his body language much better and even watch
his eyes and facial expressions change for important clues. These subtle body
language cues will give you a lot more information about him. How honest and open
you are with each other will determine how fast you close the emotional and physical
space between you both. But before you open up to him too much, you will want to
evaluate him more.Research Learn More . . .
Let's assume that the friendly talk continues in a well socialized way between you
two. The discussion now needs to be on data gathering to determine

compatibility of interests.The question needing answered is this: Is there enough

common ground in interests for a high quality, long-lasting
relationship? Background Discover More . . .
While you two talk, watch his eyes to see if his eye pupils (the center dark clear
area) change size. Eye pupils will dilate (open larger) when people are very
interested and like you. The pupils constrict (close more) when looking at someone
uninteresting or at someone disliked. Much enlarged pupils unconsciously signal
sexual interest! Watch his eye pupils. If they are
large like these, you are doing great! Keep up the good
While you and he are talking, watch his eye movement
pattern. Normal eye movement pattern is a way of
governing whose turn it is to talk, and it establishes who is dominate or equal status.
Watch for these patterns in the guy -- and your other friends:

Normally, the speaker looks briefly at the listener (usually about a second)
then looks away repeatedly. Eyes are not normally focused on any object, they
are just taking a break to let the mind focus on making conversation.

When looking away to his left, he is retrieving memories from the past.
When his eyes glance to his right, he is creating or fabricating future "facts". He
may be lying, but this is not always true. He just may be very creative and the
information is not from past history.

When finished speaking, he will alway looks back at you and drop his voice
on the last words. This signals that you can now speak. The ratio of speaker-tolistener time provides another clue for evaluating him. The time should be about
equal, unless one of you is shy, secretive, or a poor conversationalist.

Normally, the listener watches the speakers face, at least most of the time,
looking for facial cues about emotional content. By watching the speaker's face
the listener shows interest and searches for how the speaker feels about the
topic. Voice changes and facial expressions provide valuable information for
evaluating the speaker, discussion content, and status of the relationship at that
In spite of these normal rules of conversation, compared to women, some men tend
to dominate the conversation, interrupt more, speak half as many words a day, make
less eye contact, do teasing to show interest, and are more sarcastic and
argumentative. This just provides a clue to how un-educated and un-socialized such
guys are.
The thing for you to watch for, and not do, is to stare continuously at him while he
talks. This implies you are so fascinated with him that you can't take your eyes off
him. That may make you appear desperate to get a man.
In normal conversation the listener watches the face of the speaker more than the
speaker watches the listener. So it is normal for the guy to glance away from your
gaze periodically but hopefully not always at other women and not at your breasts.
However, because men have a lot of natural hunter instincts still in their DNA, their
eyes are quick to glance at any woman moving in their line of sight. (And if your
breast cleavage goes nearly to your navel, he is never going to look at your face!)
Men define themselves and their personal worth in the world mostly by their job or
career. That is coming from their old-brain and is their ego (i.e. hunter-superiority)
being expressed. So let him brag about his job and imagined importance. It may
reveal how inferior and insecure he really feels. And besides, he will think he is

impressing you with his importance. Just listen, nod, and learn a lot about his true
value to you as a possible mate. But don't believe much of what he says. He is just
telling "hunting stories" and strutting like a peacock doing his mating dance. This is
just common male ancient behavior coming from male DNA. The more educated and
socialized a man is, the less this type behavior occurs.
Women are more interested in how a man understands and treats them. Deep in
women's limbic system part of their old brain there are always some questions about
every new man. Even in young women not interested in making a family, the DNA
programming carries these questions about survival:

"Is he willing and capable of taking care of me and the kids when we need

"Does he have the skill and resources to make a good life for us?"

"Will he be safe and comfortable to live with?"

"Will he hang around after he gets what he wants?"

These questions will never be asked openly, but they are there in the woman's
subconscious mind every minute of the relationship because survival is at
stake. Therefore, in women's DNA there is a high priority placed on the
quality of all relationships.

How to Check If He is "In Tune" With You

When two people are disinterested or not well attuned to each other, their
bodies sit or stand at angles to each other. At the right, notice that the man is
facing her directly, slightly leaning toward her and has uncrossed legs. On the other
hand, she is turned slightly away, legs are crossed and she is sitting back as far as
the chair allows.
When two people are feeling comfortable
with each other, interested and well
attuned, they will unconsciously reorganize how they are sitting to more
directly face and mirror each other. Notice
how these two at the right are mirroring each
other. If truly attentive to each other, when one
changes position the other will do like wise and
unconsciously match the other's body position.
This action is called "mirroring".
In this scene with the guy who approached
you, check to see if the two of you are
doing mirroring.Change your body position
and see if he follows. Take a drink or touch your
food to see if he follows your moves
approximately. If he does not relatively closely
match your body position and movements, then
he is not comfortable with you, yet. Give him
some more time to get comfortable and feel safe
with you. Once you see him begin to mirror your position and movements,
then you are ready to move on to Step 4.

Even More Fun Is Ahead

Assume you both have gotten emotionally and physically closer. Most women's goal
at this point is to seek some sort of commitment from him to get together even more
closely. Normally it is the man's role to invite the woman to some future activity. The
type of activities you two might engage in is endless, so the choices are what has to
be sorted out in the data gathering process.

When Does Kissing Start?

There is a time when you should kiss as a way of establishing a very close
relationship and personal bond. (A kiss is just another way of touching. A really
nice way!) Some people have screwed up the flirting game with guidance and rules
that are all useless, impractical and mostly unworkable concerning the right time and
place for the first kiss - or not to kiss.
Most likely he will kiss you when he feels safe and he thinks that you will accept it.
He knows that a kiss is "upper level persuasion for a lower level invasion." A kiss is
his way of stimulating you for even more action. And of course it stimulates his body,
too! This type of stimulation releases a flood of fantastic great-feeling hormones into
all areas of both yours and his body.Background Learn More . . .
His first kiss planted on your lips (if his aim is good) is truly one of the best free
thrills in nature. A surge of hormones will blast out of his brain (maybe yours too) to
all parts of his body, gearing him up for more action. If it is one of those deep kisses,
then he is going to receive some of your hormones that will make him dizzy and
something in his belly will turn flips. His limbic system, which controls bodily
functions like breathing, pulse, perspiration, etc., will kick in to overdrive. You will
even look, taste, smell, sound and feel better to him, because some of his brain
chemicals have changed his perception of reality. That is called "love" by most people
- and "lust" by others.
Physiological changes take place all over the body from kissing. Sensitivity and
pleasure feelings increase throughout the body. Even the feeling of pain is
suppressed everywhere in the body. There is some justification for when you were
young and your mom "kissed" your injury that was hurting to make the pain go
Kissing with a lover makes wonderful tensions increase and there is an overpowering
craving for release and satisfaction. This wonderful, (add your own descriptive words
here) pleasure and relief from the mating act is the powerful drive that has kept the
species from dying off. Without this extremely pleasurable experience of mating we
probably would not go through the effort and trouble of producing, protecting, and
providing for offspring.
Kissing has become a major part of the flirting, dating, and mating process in most
cultures. Wise men know that kissing is the fastest way to get a woman stimulated
for further action. Research shows most women complain of not getting enough
kissing before, during, and after sex.

Where You Go From Here

Humans (primarily men) in leadership positions throughout history have
complicated the final mating process. Different cultures and religions have tried
to control how the mating is done for the maximum benefit to the whole tribe,
community, or culture. Often the man-made rules violate all natural inclinations and
destroy the ultimate beauty of the natural mating process.

Therefore the actual mating experience from this point on is highly influenced by
each person's background, family training, education, religion and street lessons.
Generally, in most western cultures, at this point in this beginning relationship the
two people just agree that they want to explore each other more.
The process that humans have evolved for further exploration is called "dating" or
"courting". That means more outings together and further exchange of talk and
general enjoyment of being close and compatible. Whether or not the two participate
in sex is normally the woman's choice. The general rule is this:
"Men must court and women will select."

When Reality Becomes Evident

Usually the real-life decision for continuing the relationship is based on the "bottom
line": Costs versus Rewards. Are both partners contributing equally to the
relationship and life together? Are the rewards equal and fair for both? If the costs
versus rewards ratio is unfair, over the long run the stress and resentment will
destroy the relationship. In a marriage it can cause daily emotional discomfort and
possibly eventual disease and an early death.Research Learn More . . .
If both partners get what they want from each other, life can be fantastic
together!That extraordinary appreciation and satisfaction with each other in making
life work is generally called "love". Most people are seeking a mate to make that
happen and it can start with Step 1 of the 5 steps in flirting, dating, and mating.
After two people have lived together for a time, the cost/reward ratio becomes very
important for the relationship to continue to be satisfying, and even continuing. It
must be fair and equal for both people to feel good.
The question is this: Are the costs in time, energy, and commitment worth the
rewards in the relationship? Both partners must put much of themselves and their
resources into the relationship. That is the "cost" of the relationship. The "rewards"
are all the things that make the relationship enjoyable and satisfying. If the ratio
between the costs and rewards are not equal for both partners, one partner
eventually is going to feel ripped-off and feel used. It is going to be an unequal and
unfair relationship. Continuation of the relationship will not be satisfying and will not
be a wise investment for the one on the short end.
If the costs versus rewards ratio is unfair, stress and resentment will cause daily
emotional discomfort and eventually disease and an early death. The correlation
between happy marriages and good health is high. Likewise, the correlation between
unhappy marriages and poor health is also high.
A survey of 127,545 people in 1999-2002 conducted by the U.S. National Center for
Health Statistics, a part of the U.S. federal Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention, reports that married people are healthier than other adults. The
association between marital status and health persists in all socio-economic and
education levels. Married people also reported less low back pain, fewer headaches
and less psychological stress.
A happy and loving relationship is priceless for insuring longevity and good health. It
is well worth working hard to create and continue the best relationship possible.

This Takes Much Courage

Below are some snapshots taken from a video of two people rehearsing for a theater
play. Although they are actors, their bodies were sending real body language
messages when they assumed the roles of the characters in the play.
[NOTE: Click image for a larger view to study.]

Scene 1:
Young man observes unknown woman looking at him with interest so he walks to her
table, smiles and requests to join her.
She answers, "OK" and nods at the empty chair.
He sits down at her table with his drink and says, "Hi, my name is Chris. Thanks for
letting me join you. What is your name?"
She replies, "Samantha" and stares at her
He says, "I noticed you when you came in.
Do you come here often?"
She replies, "No, this is my first time here.
I just came in to get a drink."
Analysis of his body language, Scene
(1) He is leaning slightly forward with feet
flat on the floor.
Approaching a strange woman in a public
place is a very tense situation for a man because he feels everyone is watching to
see if he is going to fail or succeed in his 'hunting'. If she rejects him he feels every
woman there will see him as a "loser" and a "reject" that no woman will want to be
seen with later. This is very ancient DNA programming and "male stuff" going on in
him. All men have this. So as he sits down he is not fully relaxed in the chair and is
ready to either stay or to get up and leave immediately. If he does not look too
intent on approaching her, then in case she rejects him the rejection and
embarrassment won't be so devastating. He must tread easy and not appear too
anxious to come closer unless invited by her body language.
(2)His face is looking directly at her face but the rest of his body is turned away.
He is uncertain how welcome he is in her personal space so he is looking for clues on
how he has been accepted -- or rejected. Only his face is directly facing her so it
shows he is not very connected to her yet and has not fully come in to her personal
space. She is not looking at him so he is
aware that he must not approach her any
closer for now.
(3) His right hand is on his right knee and
below the table.
His hand on knee provides a feeling of
supporting self at an awkward time.
(4) Left arm is on table, folded in across
belly with hand below table out of her

His elbow is holding partial weight of upper body at a time he feels awkward and
everything may collapse. Left arm across belly gives a little feeling of protection.
Hands are below the table indicating he is
not revealing his full intentions.
Analysis of her body language, Scene
(1) She is not looking him in the face or
eyes and instead she is focused on her
Her short answer to his question was not
honest and she can't look him in the eye.
She lied about why she came in here and
she lied about her name.
(2) She is not leaning toward him and is leaning back as far as the chair allows.
She is not going to be forward and immediately open to his advances, even though
she previously gave him a long eye contact that attracted his attention enough for
him to approach her. For now she is being reserved and is not going to show much
interest until she finds out more about him. Both know the flirting game requires
that the male be the pursuer and that he take the lead and "court" the female. She
will decide how far the relationship will proceed based on how well he does his role in
courting her. At any time she has the power to accept him emotionally and physically
closer into a continuing relationship, or totally reject him. And he knows this, too!
(3) Her feet are pulled back under her
She is leaning back as far as the chair
allows in order to keep her distance from
(4) Her left hand is slightly closed and on
her lap below the table.
Her slightly closed palm placed strategically
there in her lap gives her a little feeling of
sexual defense. Her hand below the table
gives her a feeling of less exposure
because she is not revealing her full intentions. From an old saying in card games:
"She doesn't have all her cards showing" or "She is not showing her hand".
Also much like cards, our hands have a back and a front (the palm). We are
unconsciously aware that hiding our palms hides our secrets. Only when we feel
really safe and willing to expose ourselves to others do we unconsciously show our
palms freely.

Him: "Is She Gonna Give Me What I Want?"

Her: "Will He Be Safe and Value Me?"
There has been enough discussion for them to find they have some common
interests. Both are interested in a new relationship so are willing to explore each
other more. The key to long term relationships is common interests both can share.
He is also watching for what pleases her and is working hard to be accepted by her.
He understands that she can reject him at any moment. She understands men are

the "hunters" and women are the desired "game". A key word is "desired" and that
means she has to use all her feminine tricks to appear desirable to him. Ever so
subtly she will use her voice, gestures and body language to keep him trying hard to
get ever closer emotionally and physically - yet, she must not appear to be too
forward and aggressive. This flirting game is exciting, stimulating and at the same
time scary but great fun!
Analysis of his body language, Scene
(1) He straightened and crossed his legs at
the ankles.
He has expanded his territory, but not in
her direction. He literally "is gaining
ground" in her personal territory but it is
off to the side and not directly toward her.
That would be too bold and invasive at this
(2) He has placed his hands on the table in
plain sight.
By bringing his hands on top of the table
he is not so hidden and is willing to expose
himself a little more to her. He is "above board" and 'laying his hand on the table', as
they say in card games - and flirting is a game!
(3) Only his face is still toward her but he is not fully facing her.
He is not approaching her directly in a
'frontal attack' but is creeping in to her
personal territory from the side.
(4) His arms are forming a gate like barrier
across his front.
He is staying in a safe protected area
behind his 'arms barrier' and has not
opened up to her yet as he knows she can
'attack and reject' him at any moment if
she finds anything about him that
displeases her. He still does not know what
pleases or displeases her.
(1) Analysis of her body language,
Scene 3:
(1) She has brought both hands on top of
the table.
She has placed her "hand on the table", as
they say in card games. She too is not so
hidden and is allowing more exposure and
committing a little more of herself to this
brief relationship.

(2) Her right hand is on top of her left. This forms a closure in front of her body.
Although she is opening up a little in some ways, she needs to feel safe behind the
barrier her arms and hands form in front of her body. She knows that he can find
something disagreeable about her and reject her just as she can do to him. Both are
proceeding slowly.
(3) Her face is up, facing him directly with eye contact and she has a nice smile but
her body is not directed toward him.
She is slowly opening up even more to him and is willing to look him in the eyes but
her off-set body shows she is still not
feeling safe enough to be completely open
and direct with him.
(4) Her legs are now out from under her
and are out in front with the right leg
crossed. Her lower body is not directly
facing him. Only their faces are aimed
directly at each other.
She too has expanded her territory a little
but the crossed leg is acting like a definite
barrier in his direction.
He knows he must be gentle and go slowly
to gain her trust. He knows she has what
he wants.
She knows she must keep him interested in her to evaluate him more. She knows
what he wants!
"Males must do the courting and females will do the selecting."

The Power of Touch Is Awesome Here

By now there has been considerable discussion, many laughs, and a couple of drinks.
Both are feeling safer with each other. They both have gathered enough data to get
an understanding of what pleases and displeases the other. That reduces the threat
of being 'attacked and rejected' without warning. She knows she has a powerful tool
to speed things up in this relationship now that she has decided not to reject him. So
at some point she makes the bold move to touch him. This is a very important part
of her body language used to signal him. All women have used it for millions of
generations. It may be done unconsciously or consciously and it will appear to be
ever so casual and innocent. But in fact it is a very important step. [NOTE: Read
more in our other articles about this important female body language and how the
male should respond to her "touch".]
Analysis of his body language, Scene
(1) He is smiling and laughing as he
converses with her.
His smiling and laughing are showing his
pleasure being with her and that he is not
threatening to her.
(2) He has opened his arms and is holding
his glass.
He is being more open now with what he

reveals about himself plus he feels a little safer that she is not going to attack and
reject him. No need for a strong barrier - but a little defence feels safe.
(3) He is sitting a little more upright with feet pulled back in but not flat on the floor;
they are on his toes.
No need to make a flank attack as it appears it is OK to approach directly. However,
he must approach cautiously so he is literally on his toes!
(4) His legs are wide apart.
This open legs position is a common thing men do. It is an ancient, old brain limbic
system program that is used to send warning messages for intimidating and
dominating other males nearby. It is as much in men as is the peeing that male dogs
do to send warning messages to others in the area to stay away. He is definitely
interested in getting closer to her emotionally and physically. This open posture also
sends a message to her that he is the 'dominate male' here ready to defend his
territory and that for her the 'goodies' are
hers for the asking.
Analysis of her body language, Scene
(1) She is faced a little more toward him,
smiling and laughing with him. She shows
she is enjoying his company and having a
good time.
She has approved of all his verbal
discussion and his body language. She has
discovered that he is a nice guy and she
feels safe with him. He has worked hard to
please her and she recognizes his efforts.
Her smiles and laughs are intended to
signal him that she likes how he is treating
her and she enjoys his companionship so far in this brief relationship. She knows
intuitively that now it is time for her to send him a message that she is going to let
him come a little closer emotionally and physically. She does this with a very
casual touch.
(2) She reaches out and touches him, as if
it is part of a funny comment.
Her first touch is a signal to him that he is
accepted and may come a little closer
emotionally and physically. Her touch is
gentle, reassuring, and nurturing, and
appears ever so casual. Actually it is very
definitely specific body language that is
programmed in women at the old brain
limbic system level. If not done consciously
it will be done unconsciously. It is done at
this point in every flirting game when she

wants the male to come emotionally and

physically closer.
(3) She opens her barriers. Her arm is
extended and body is not so protected. Her
neck is open and exposed to him. Focus is
on him fully.
She is showing him that she is opening
herself to him and will not harm him. She
is well aware of his open-leg body
language and knows what he wants. As she
touches him she shows him her bared neck
with its soft delicate skin rich with female
pheromones. That makes his limbic system
kick into overdrive! The biological
chemistry of each of them is increased by
their old brain limbic system now. Some of the many chemicals released by the brain
at this point make them feel really good. Research shows that some of the brain
chemicals released affect perception and
actually make the other person look more
handsome and beautiful.
At this point both people are being strongly
driven by their limbic system to get
physically closer. This is a drive we
inherited from our ancient ancestors,
possibly to bring us closer in order to smell
the other's pheromones. Research shows
that women seek a male with an immune
system as different as possible from her
own. She can determine this by the man's
smell. This gives her offspring the best
chance for lasting good health and survival.
This flirting and dating game is all driven
by our inherited DNA programmed to ensure we don't let the human species become
extinct. This is very serious work that the body must prepare to do. Heart rate
increases and numerous hormones are circulating in the blood preparing all areas of
the body for the important action about to take place, hopefully.

Body Language Seldom Lies

NOTE: In shooting this scene something fascinating and unplanned happened. He
should have returned her touch with an equal touch also in a casual manner,
but he couldn't get it right. Interestingly, this is where men often go wrong in real
life and it went wrong here! She is looking for a return touch from him that says,
"OK, I am also going to come closer physically and I will be kind, gentle and
nurturing and will not go farther than you allow and indicate" - or something similar.
Basically she is showing him by her touch that she wants to be physically closer in a
very gentle way. She wants him to return a similar gentle touch.

However, men with their heavy load of genes for hunting and breeding often read the
woman's touch as the invitation, "Come on over! I'm ready for you now!" In most
cases studied, including this theater exercise, the man returns the woman's touch
with his own that is much stronger and even invasive in a way that makes her a bit
fearful and resistant to any further physical closeness.
Very interestingly, in this case the woman immediately felt the man's touch was
much too strong compared to what she gave him. She knew intuitively what the
correct male return touch should be like. So in this theater rehearsal, she let him
practice returning different types of touch, but none was acceptable according to her
"female intuition", the secret skill women seem to have. She knew what kind of
touch she wanted returned but he could not do it right in the first few tries.
They had fun experimenting with different types of touch and she seemed to enjoy
seeing him try to meet her needs and fail. Here are some of the failed attempts and
her comments:

"No, don't hang on!"

"No, that is too much!"

"No, still too strong!"

"Now you feel like you are

wiping boogers on me!"

"Watch it, pervert!"

In this theater rehearsal, just as happens in real life, the woman was
looking for an EQUAL reply touch to hers but did not receive it. She knew
intuitively the kind of touch she wanted back from the man. All women seem to know
this without any training! In this exercise she did not receive the return touch she
intuitively wanted. His too strong and "wrong touch" alerted her that he was "on a

different page" as they say in theater. For her it stopped the progress of the body
language exchange going on at a deep unconscious level between the two bodies.
On the surface this was a flirting game being acted out but their bodies were really
sending serious body language messages every moment. In this case the actors
were acting out a scene of two people flirting. However, their bodies were
unconsciously having a real body language discussion. Just as happens in real life,
something went wrong for her that said, "Caution! Something is not right." When she
did not receive the "correct" and desired return touch, that stopped the flow of the
flirting process and chances of getting closer immediately.
At this point in a real flirting situation, the female, having not received the desired
response, is going to have to figure out what is really going on with the guy. If she
did not receive the desired return touch, it is usually because of one of two things
that went wrong:

1. The man may not have returned the touch in a few minutes. Missing her
important cue could indicate he did not have a clue to reading body language,
consciously or unconsciously. Or not returning her touch could mean that he
was not interested in her now that he has known her for a brief time. Both
cases are bad news for her.
2. Alternatively, it could be that his touch was much stronger than hers. His
strong touch indicates he wants to be very "physical" and take control of her.
This makes her put up her defenses as it shows he is operating on his own
agenda and not really aware of her needs. Bad news for her.
In either case it seems the relationship is not going to go far or smoothly without
some major new way to clarify what each desires.
So what do we make of this? Hopefully this information along with the research
results on the other pages in this site will give you some valuable insights for flirting
and dating. It is most useful to look at how both men and women are programmed
by their DNA and old brain limbic system. When you understand what the old brain
limbic system is saying through the body language, then you can deal better with
what is happening from moment to moment in a relationship. Body language is
much more revealing in a relationship than the words said to each other.

Everyone Can Use Voice Lessons

You may be unaware that you have speech habits which not only fail to inspire
confidence and admiration in your listeners, but actually leave a bad
impression. People form strong opinions about others based on how their voice
sounds and on their speech patterns.For example, a high squeaky voice can indicate
anxiety and does not inspire confidence. A low voice indicates low stress and
confidence. Something you should always watch for is how people react when you
are speaking to them. Are they intent on what you say or do their eyes get "glassy"
and do they yawn?

Valuable Communication Hints

A low and slow voice commands attention and respect more than a fast
squeaky voice. An evening of low and slow talk is an aphrodisiac.

Fast speech with sloppy pronunciation implies poor education and "low

Good pronunciation requires slightly slower speech but implies intelligence,

education and "high class". It attracts people you will love being around.

Self-negating statements (Like: "I can never remember things like that.")
cause the listener to lose confidence in you. People don't want to be around a

A good vocabulary implies intelligence, education, and high class. Make them
carry a dictionary!

Voice Flirting Hints

When you agree with what he/she says, give a little head nod and a verbal
"uh huh". He/she will sense your interest and really appreciate that.

Watch the speaker's head movements. When speakers expect you to reply,
they will unconsciously move their head slightly to indicate that it is your turn to
speak. Also there will be a rise in the speaker's voice pitch. A similar rise also
comes at the end of questions. You will show respect, and be appreciated, when
you watch for a head movement and slight rise in pitch before you respond.
Don't start talking before you get the signal he or she is done speaking!

When you speak, let your voice roll out under control, confident and relaxed.
This attracts people who will admire you.

When replying to another speaker, respond with a positive and supportive

statement to what they just said. "Yes, I like bananas, too!" This attracts people
who will appreciate and admire you.

Validate them and their ideas - even if you don't agree. If you strongly
disagree, move on to another subject. You can't change them and no need to
lose a friend here.

When another speaker drops his or her voice at the end of a statement they
are pretty well satisfied with what they said and ready to let it go. Don't you
keep harping on that subject.

If a speaker holds their voice constant pitch at the end of a statement (eyes
and hands stay as they are) they have more to say on that subject. Stand by,
listen, and wait for more! Don't jump in on top of their words with your own
comments until they are done speaking.

When you do speak, talk slowly and confidently. This will give you a little
more time to form better responses and to say each word more precisely. This
will improve your image as an educated, intelligent, and confident person. (You
really are a masterwork in progress.)

MEN: Pay Attention to This

A deep voice is indicative of high testosterone. The male voice is normally 130 to 145
Hz (cycles/second). The female's is 230 to 255 Hz. Try to relax and let your voice be
naturally deep so your testosterone is evident. Her DNA programming will

unconsciously make her more attracted to you with your deep voice! Talking to her
all evening in a deep voice is a real "turn-on."

Good Hints For Everyone

Keep your statements short. Give the other person a chance to reply and
you won't be a bore.

Minimize "I" and "you". Use "we", "our", and "us" abundantly in your
discussions. Form a team right away.

Don't use a lot of these "fillers" in your statements such as, "You know?" or
"You know what I mean?". They don't know what you mean until you say it

Speak loud enough to be heard, especially in noisy environments and to

older people. (It is OK to flirt with older people. Charity work is good karma.)

You may use laughter as punctuation to your statements but use it by itself
and not when you are still saying the words. That is, don't mix the two so that
the words are lost. Every word is a jewel so don't hide or lose any.

Do let your sense of humor shine and make it fun for people to be with you.
Life is short so make it fun for them and yourself.


How to Use Body Language to Get What You Want

Here are the secrets for using your masculine flirting body language to
capture the attention of the woman YOU want. In these 5 webpages we will
give you the 5 steps to gain the advantage over all your competition for getting the
best woman available. So study this Step 1 carefully for what you should do first.
Then proceed to Step 2 to learn your next important step. (Click button at bottom of
this page.)

How to Make Your Entrance and Claim Your Space

You enter walking slow and tall, with good posture and no extra movements. The
more extra movements you make when entering, the more your body
language signals you are nervous, unsure of yourself, and not in control. So
walk in slowly, confidently, and with no extraneous arm and head movements. Don't
strut or bounce your body like you are some kind of hot stud doing a mating dance!
Find somewhere to comfortably sit or stand. If standing, don't cross your arms
across your chest. Instead, hook your thumbs in your front pockets with your
shoulders back, head held erect and feet a little less than shoulder width apart. If
seated, place some personal objects near you to claim and mark your territory with
keys, drink, food, coins, cigarettes, lighter, or whatever you have to put on the
table. These personal possessions say, "I am here and this is my territory."
The main thing you have to do first is to find your space, look cool and send

the message, "I am here. I am a man. This is my space. I am comfortable

here." Background Learn More . . .

How to Let Your Body Language Make a Statement

You can display a lot of your Alpha Maleness by body language. Stand or sit
erect with chest out, head up, gut sucked in and arms relaxed and not flailing about.
Take up extra space with your body language and territory. Don't look scared or like
you are trying to be small and hide. Show with a relaxed face and body that you are
comfortable and confident. Move only when necessary and move slowly and
From your territory, check-out all the women. Do it casually by looking around
slowly. Don't be picky as you hunt for a woman. That only narrows down your
choices for meeting someone surprisingly special. (Being picky gives you an excuse
to not approach her because you fear being rejected.)

How to Check-out the Women's Body Language

Slowly, confidently and casually scan across all the women's faces and
watch for a return eye contact a little longer than usual. DO NOT break eye
contact before she does. Make sure she is the one to break eye contact
before you. And don't worry about the women seeing you look at them. The women
are there to be seen and they enjoy you looking at them, even if they are
unavailable. Collectively, women spend $26 billion USD on makeup every year to
make sure men do look at them! Don't waste their money. Look with pleasure! They
love it!
In most cases the women may only very briefly make eye contact, then
disconnect by looking off to the RIGHT or LEFT. They may even shift in their
chair so their body is facing more away from you. That indicates "no
interest" right now. Don't take their disinterest personally. They may not need a
man, so forget them. Keep searching for a woman who looks back at you
slightly longer than usual, then disconnects by looking DOWN. A lingering
look sends a powerful message of more than casual interest. Looking down is a
natural flirting body language sign of submissiveness. She will also probably do one
or all of these preening moves while looking down:

Fluff her hair, to call attention to her femaleness.

Touch her lips or face, to make sure you see how pretty she is.

Straighten her clothing, to make sure you see that she has a great body.

Straighten up in her chair and point her breasts directly at you, to show that
she is a healthy woman ready to feed all your babies! (Very deep unconscious
DNA programmed message!)

In her DNA is a strong unconscious need for a man to help her complete her
biological destiny: that is, to pass-on her DNA to offspring. Her looking
down is DNA programming asking for your help! However, consciously she may
think all she is looking for is a new friend to spend some time with.
And those women who just give you a blank stare most likely are not wearing their
glasses and don't even see you, so forget them. Most guys who feel the pain of
countless rejections are usually going after women who have clearly signaled that
they are not interested by their quick eye disconnect left or right. Don't be stupid

and go charging after the good-looking woman who doesn't look you in the
eye! You will only be setting yourself up for rejection and a big
disappointment. Man, that stings!

How to Take Action When You See Her Body Language Cue!
When you get a lingering eye contact, give a little smile and a very slight
head nod and maintain the eye contact. Your strong and pleasant eye contact
held on her shows her three things instantly:


You are definitely interested in her. She will like that!

2. You are confident in yourself and you are not afraid of her. This will show
your alpha-maleness! She will like that too!
3. Your gentle smile shows that you are not threatening and you won't hurt her.
She will be grateful for that!
OK, it is time for you to take action if you have found a woman who ...

1. has responded to your eye contact with a lingering return eye contact,
2. did the ancient looking-down signal,
3. made some preening moves.
Forget the rest of the people there and get ready to approach her. She is waiting
for you!Now it is time to move on to Step 2 in meeting the perfect mate for a long
term relationship, or maybe a new friend for a one-night adventure.

How to Start Your Approach

Your next move is to leave your safe space and go to her with good body language
and your "opening line" so you can talk with her. Verbal communication will greatly
close the physical and emotional space between you both. She wants you to
approach her and she is waiting, so get moving!
But be aware that as you walk toward her, she will learn a lot about you from your
body language. Women are wired with this ability to read approaching men's body
language. By the time you reach her, she will have decided to either receive you as a
possible friend or reject you as a problem guy.
So use your best body language and walk slowly and straight, with as little
extraneous body movements as possible. Walk confidently and casually directly
to her. Your body language should say, "I am a live, healthy and strong man. I am
confident of myself. I am interested in you. I won't hurt you." Think these words
as you approach her and they will help produce the right body language. She
knows it takes courage to approach her because at any moment she could reject and
embarrass you. She will admire, appreciate and reward your courage and confidence
to be brave and take a risk! You will be demonstrating your Alpha Maleness and she
will like that!
As you walk toward her, don't look around the room! Look continuously at her eyes.
(And don't check out her breasts. You may do that later.) Imagine that there are only
you two in the room and imagine that you are saying and meaning: "I like you and I
am eager to talk with you. Thank you for inviting me to meet you." As you approach
her, give her a soft friendly smile that says, "I am happy to meet you." (That should
be easy because you really are happy to meet her!) Keep in mind that she came

there to meet someone and here you are! She probably is really pleased that
you have selected her above all the other women there.You are her hero! Walk
up to her confidently and proudly!

How to Approach With Strong Body Language

As you approach her, don't blast into her personal space like you are
attacking. Go slowly and gently. Stand tall and move slowly and
confidently. She is watching you like a hawk to see if you are going to try to go
where you are not invited. That is what men are frequently trying to do with women,
so women are very alert to it and defensive on the subject. Let her see that you only
go as far as she invites you. Stand or sit erect with your gut sucked in,
shoulders back, chest out and head held erect. You are the Alpha Male here,
so look like it! She will really like that. When she feels she can trust you, she will
send body language cues for you to come closer.

How to Use Your "Opening Line"

Don't worry about creating a clever opening line. She knows that you want
to talk to her so just say, "Hi! My name is (real name). May I talk with
you?" (Notice it is "with you" not "to you", like she must only listen.) Most likely her
answer will be, "Yes" because you made it easy for her to respond in a positive way.
Your opening line is also very direct and honest so that early-on it tells her you are
mature and well socialized. You have no games going on. That greatly reduces the
stress at this moment for both of you. Besides, she is too busy reading your
nonverbal body language to deal with any opening-line complex statements or
questions from you. Just be honest and say that you would like to get to know her
and for her to get to know you. She may extend her hand to shake your
hand.Background Learn More . . .

How to Settle Into Her Space Confidently

When standing or sitting in front of her, be sure to face her squarely. This
means your face, chest and hips are facing her directly. This facilitates a feeling of
trust and friendliness. And one more precaution: Never ever touch her unless she
invites you, such as her extending her hand for a handshake. Be very respectful of
her space and time. Keep in mind that she has the power here to reject you publicly
and make you look like a predatory sleaze-ball, scumbag, scourge-of-the-earth. Be
grateful if she doesn't! Background Learn More . . .

How to Start a Friendly Conversation

Your next step is to talk with her to gather data and determine if you both
have some common ground that you can share. Stay away from discussions of
weather, news, politics and impersonal stuff. What you are really interested in, is if
you two have a good chance for long term compatibility -- or at least some fun
together for a short time. Finding and sharing common personal interests will
bring you both closer together fast. But this verbal communication process is more
difficult than it appears. This is the point at which the connection between you both
can abruptly break off. This may not be news to you: Women don't think like
men! Therefore, to make the best impression on her, you need to talk differently to
her than you do to your men friends. Research Learn More . . .

As you search for common interests, keep your attention focused on her, keep the
conversation lively and humorous. Humor is important and will establish your
intention to have a meaningful, fun, on-going relationship with her.

Now Start Gathering Data

Now you can talk with her and determine if there are areas of common interests you
two share. Don't try to impress her with lies! Women can tell 85% of the time when
men are lying. Men can tell only 25% of the time when women are lying. Those are
bad odds to play by, so be honest to yourself and to her. Skip the meaningless brags.
Anyway, all your words are pretty meaningless at this point. She is mostly reading
your body language and nonverbal cues about how you feel about yourself and about
her.Background Learn More . . .
Your main goal now is to forget about how she looks naked, do data gathering, and
to form a "relationship". Women are strongly driven to always form a good
relationship with people. That is in their DNA and is related to survival needs. That is
deep stuff guys don't have or understand.
The way you work at exploring her, and her interests, determines how physically and
emotionally close she is going to let you get to her. As you explore her, strive to
build a supportive relationship where she feels safe, respected, valued, and
protected. Don't be judgmental or critical of anything. How accepting and open you
are will affect, to a large extent, how much she shares about herself. So be honest
and open. But don't be stupid and reveal your weaknesses, like the fact that you
haven't slept with anyone for 2 years and hope she does charity sex!

Women Communicate Differently Than Men

Women use an average of 20,000 communication words, sounds and gestures a day.
Men only use about 7,000. It may seem like she is a "chatterbox" but that is normal,
especially if she is having a good time. Be aware that women talk about their
problems as a way of relieving stress. She wants to be heard, not fixed by being
offered advice and solutions. Men like to fix things, but don't you try to fix her if she
expresses her problems. Women like to express feelings. When she says she feels
depressed (or whatever), listen and let her talk about it.DON'T try to fix her! That
implies that there is something wrong with her but not with you. Just listen, show
sincere concern and respect for what she has gone through. (Could you have done as
As she speaks, look into her eyes but don't stare without blinking. Blink
normally and never ever let your eyes go looking around the area at other
women while talking with her. As she speaks, casually look at her individual
features: hair, eye brows, eyelashes, cheeks, nose, lips, etc. That will keep you from
going "glassy eyed". Stay with her face and forget her cleavage. She will notice that
you really see her and are interested in exploring her. Women want to be seen. Her
hormones will start flowing faster as she feels your eyes penetrating deep into her!

She is Watching You More Than Listening

Also be aware that women can read what is going on with you by your eye pupils
(the center dark clear area that changes size). Women are wired unconsciously to
use this cue to evaluate a man's response to them. Research proves that women's
bodies respond to men's eye pupil tiny cues with blood flow decreasing or increasing
in their sensitive feminine body areas. Everyone's eye pupils dilate (open larger)
when they are talking to someone they really like. When looking at someone

uninteresting or disliked makes the pupils get smaller. Much enlarged pupils can
signal sexual interest! Watch her eye pupils. If they are large like these, you are
doing great! Keep up the good work.

What is Most Important to Women

In general, men define themselves and their
personal worth in the world mostly by their
jobs or careers. On the other hand, women are more interested in
establishing and understanding relationships. She wants to know three main
things about you in order to form a good relationship with you:

Do you have enough common interests with her to have an
engaging and rewarding relationship?
What are your bad habits and are you dangerous? (This question
comes from past bad relationship experiences. She is not going to make
the same mistakes twice with men.)
Are you anything close to the Alpha Male type she needs
unconsciously to produce healthy offspring and protect her and the kids
This is all old brain DNA programming and may not have anything to do with the
reality of her life right now! But don't neglect these needs of hers for a minute. If
you can appeal to her unconscious instinctual needs, her hormones will drive her to
you, and she man not even know why. Background Learn More . . .

Watch to See If She is "In Tune" With You

Researchers have discovered the human brain is strongly wired to observe if other
people are different or the same as we are. It is a protective tool. When we see
similarities we unconsciously behave more like them in order to form a closer
friendship for reasons related to survival and
mating. This skill to detect the slightest
difference or similarity is more pronounced in
women than in men.
A related trait that evolved with this detection
skill is a habit of synchronizing movements,
gestures, and body position with those we
accept as safe and worthy of our attention.
Personal space gets closer or more distant,
depending on what the defensive tool detects.
Two people who are disinterested in each other
show it with their bodies. They usually sit or stand at angles to each other. See how
the man is facing her directly, slightly leaning toward her, with his legs uncrossed.
His body language shows how he wants to get more connected with her. However,
she is not that interested in him, so she has turned slightly away and crossed her
legs. Additionally, she is sitting back as far as her chair allows.

These two people are feeling close and comfortable together. They have
unconsciously positioned how they are sitting in order to more directly face
each other. Researchers say they are "mirroring each other". When this mirroring
takes place unconsciously, as one person changes position the other follows to the
same position. This mirroring indicates a strong
emotional connection has formed.
We have been doing this flirting and dating
game for millions of generations and it is
well perfected to most effectively get us a
mate and make babies to perpetuate our
species. If you try to change the game you
will be alone a lot! The best you can do is try
to enjoy the game.

She Is Going to Surprise You Soon

So far you have given her all the right nonverbal body language cues to show that
you are interested in her and you are safe to be with. You also proved you are
socialized and can carry on a decent conversation and you share some common
interests with her. Hopefully also you have displayed enough alpha maleness body
language to trigger off her old brain limbic system needs for protection and survival.
She probably sees you as a really nice guy, who also fits her deep DNA programming
You have also showed interest in what she had to say and valued her opinions. That
appeals to her new brain cerebral cortex and makes you appealing as a daily friend
to have around. So now she wants to expand on that, share more personal interests
with you, and to let you get closer emotionally and physically.

Don't Miss Her Body Language Signal For You to Come Closer!
At this point in the connection she wants you to emotionally and physically
come closer, so she is going to do a very important thing. Don't miss it
because it is very subtle body language:
She is going to touch you.
It will appear casual, unpremeditated and "accidental" rather than "serious". It may
be a touch on the arm as she laughs at something you said, or it may be a pat on
the back as a symbolic gesture of "good job" as you tell a story. In any case, it is
not accidental! Her strong DNA programming is saying in body language, "I feel
safe with you. You may come closer." And she will be looking and waiting for a
reply to her daring flirting feminine body language message, so be prepared
to give the right response!

How to Do Your Part Correctly Now

Your body language response should be to accept the touch and not move
away as if you are afraid of her. Moving away or not replying with a touch
(ignoring it) would indicate to her that she had gone too far into your space and you
don't want her that close. You don't want to send her that message!
Your positive body language response should be to return the touch with an
EQUAL touch. Your response must be precise and appear ever so casual. To
increase the emotional connection with her you must reply in a very short time

(never more than a few minutes) with an equally casual touch, never stronger
than hers. This nonverbal flirting body language implies an equality of interest and
safety feeling. Your return touch, as gentle as hers, assures her that you are not
going to attack now that she has let down her defenses.
Remember: Don't get more physical than her. When you both do this casual
touching right, your bodies will be carrying on a powerful conversation that
says, "I like and trust you. I am willing to come closer. I am willing to let
you come closer." This touching is often done all unconsciously because it is
instinctual behavior carried in our DNA.Background Discover More . . .
She knows exactly what you are after. If she is not ready, she will be displaying
body language like moving back, crossing her arms and changing the subject. So as
you explore her more, keep the conversation light with as much humor as you can
muster up. In one research study, women said a sense of humor was the
trait they appreciated and enjoyed the most in a man on a first date.

Now the Real Fun Begins

Now it is time to connect more emotionally and physically. You are both growing
emotionally and physically closer. You are constantly watching her body language to
give you clues on how close you may approach. You have learned in the past that
whenever you advance too fast into a woman's personal space, this results in making
her more closed and resistive to your advances. Above all, you don't want to do that
here and make her think that you are needy.
At this point it is appropriate for the man to establish an intent to further the
budding relationship. He does this normally by inviting the woman to an activity in
the future and at another place. The type of activities you two might engage in is
endless, so the choices are what has to be sorted out in the data gathering process.

When Does Kissing Start?

There is a time when you should kiss as a way of establishing a very close
relationship and personal bond. (A kiss is just another way of touching. A really
nice way!) Some people have screwed up the flirting game with guidance and rules
that are all useless, impractical and mostly unworkable concerning the right time and
place for the first kiss - or not to kiss.
When you (the man) see that she is open to you coming completely into her personal
space and you want to send her a signal that you desire her - then take the risk and
kiss her. If your timing, her mood and the environment are all right (they are all very
important to a woman's brain at this point), then your kiss will make her feel
That first kiss is truly a thrill because both of you will have a surge of
hormones blasting out of the brain to all parts of your body. Both of your
bodies will speed-up the limbic system that controls bodily functions like breathing,
pulse, perspiration and mating. She will even look, taste, smell and feel better to you
because some of the brain chemicals will change your perception of reality. That is
called "love" by most people - and "lust" by others. (Isn't it interesting how bad a
past lover sometimes looks after a breakup and you return to normal
reality!) Background Learn More . . .

Where You Go From Here

Humans (primarily men) in leadership positions throughout history have

complicated the final mating process with numerous different rules about
how two people may form a pair bond and raise a family, which is really the
purpose of all this flirting and dating. Different cultures and religions have tried
to control how the mating is done for the maximum benefit to the whole tribe,
community, or culture. Often, the cultural "rules" violate all natural inclinations and
destroy the ultimate beauty of the natural mating process.
Therefore the actual mating experience from this point on is highly influenced by
each person's background, family training, education, religion and street lessons.
Generally, in most western cultures, at this early point in this beginning relationship
the two people just agree that they want to explore each other more.
The process that humans have evolved for further exploration is called "dating" or
"courting". That means more outings together and further exchange of talk and
general enjoyment of being close and compatible. Whether or not the two participate
in sex is the woman's choice. That is her right to decide to let you in. Men must
court and women will select a mate based on their personal criteria.

When Reality Becomes Evident

Usually the real-life decision for continuing the relationship is based on the "bottom
line": costs versus rewards. Are both partners contributing equally to the relationship
and life together? Are the rewards equal and fair for both? If the costs versus
rewards ratio is unfair, over the long run the stress and resentment will destroy the
relationship. In a marriage it can cause daily emotional discomfort and possibly
eventual disease and an early death.Research Learn More . . .
If both partners get what they want from each other, life can be fantastic
together!That extraordinary appreciation and satisfaction with each other in making
life work is generally called "love". Most people are seeking a mate to make that
happen and it can start with Step 1 of the 5 steps in flirting, dating, and mating.

Learn How to Flirt as an Alpha Male

When the term Alpha Male is applied to a man, it refers to a type of man who is
strong, smart and a leader. Other males naturally respect his decisions and don't
challenge him. An Alpha Male looks and behaves in ways that make it evident that he
is the leader and not to be challenged. He moves and stands in ways that show he
expects to get what he wants without being questioned. The Alpha Male looks in all
ways a little better than the rest of the males. He stands out as cleaner, neater,
stronger, healthier, smarter and more aggressive than the other
males.Background Discover More . . .
A man's Alpha Male body language says it all. He is strong butstrong doesn't mean a
lot of muscles. It means a male who gets around in the
world by himself and gets what he wants through
confidence, courage, intellect and high determination. He
moves slowly and deliberately with no wasted motions. He
stands proudly erect, relaxed -- but alert -- in all situations.
An Alpha Male is generous, outgoing and cheerful with
everyone, for he has no worries. The Alpha Male has
confidence that he will get everything he wants and can

overcome any resistance or opposition.Petty problems and inconveniences are

ignored and accepted without outbursts of anger or emotion because he is
emotionally stable and strong. Research Learn More . . .
An Alpha Male establishes his territory and holds it as long as he wants it. His
relaxed and confident body language says he is comfortable there and plans to hold
his territory, even if he has to fight for it. He does this for three reasons:


To scare off other males who might be competition.


To show the females that he is strong and is an Alpha Male.

3. To show the women that since he is an Alpha Male, he is their best choice for
Instinctually for survival reasons, females seek an Alpha Male who can protect them
and who will help them raise strong healthy offspring.

Alpha Male Body Language and Behavior

Alpha Males Display The Following Behavior Patterns:
1. Good Body Posture
They stand or sit erect with chest out, head up, gut sucked in and body relaxed.
These postures are signs of dominance. Also, moving deliberately -- only when
necessary -- indicates great self-confidence, control, pride, and determination.
2. Courage
The Alpha Male is ready and willing to confidently tackle every problem and see
it resolved without complaints, emotional disturbance, or drama. He is a cool guy
who doesn't get rattled over the slightest disturbing things. Alpha Males don't
whine and complain about life's challenges. They tackle life's problems and solve
them without complaining.
3. Persistence
They keep focused on goals and apply all resources until goals are achieved.
Alpha Males don't give up easily.
4. Assertiveness
They communicate clearly and confidently about what is expected from others
and what is provided in exchange. Alpha Males are ready to defend their desires
and opinions. They ask for what they want clearly and directly.
5. Aggression
This does not mean be argumentative, belligerent and ready to fight! It means
be dynamic and do what needs to be done in a mature, well-socialized way.
Alpha Males don't wait for others to start the action.
6. Strong, Clean and in Good Health
Good health and survival of babies requires both parents be healthy. A man's
health is something that can turn a woman on - or off - without her thinking
about it. Women unconsciously use their eyes and nose to evaluate a lot about a
man's health and chances of making good healthy babies. Alpha Males are smart
and take good care of their health.

Guys, if you aren't naturally the top Alpha Male in the room, don't give up.
Now you have some new valuable information that you can apply. Study
these things above that you can do to gain a few more points with the
women. Make some changes and you may see a greatly improved success
rate with women.

How Our Ancestors Made Us This Way

On the evolutionary time scale 250,000 years is not very long ago. That is when our ancestors
were living in extended family groups of 20 to 30 men and women. These ancestors of ours
could walk erect on two legs, make tools, and use language. Survival was the "work of the day"
for everyone. Times were very tough and dangerous then! Our ancestors who had the successful
traits for surviving and breeding passed those genes on to their offspring and eventually to us
alive today. (Yes, we still have a lot of caveman and cavewoman in us!)
The men who were the strongest and smartest - and "hornest" - lived another day and, if they
were lucky, found a woman to have some quick sex with. It undoubtedly was not the men's plan
but this sexual process, done for the fun of it, did pass on their genes to offspring. For the
men, some sex and a full belly was about as good as it could get. (That is a pretty good day
even today!)
The next most entertaining thing for men to do back then was probably to sat around the camp
fire and scratch, fart, burp, and tell lies about the big game that got away on the day's hunting
trip. All this is based on observation of men today using the genes inherited from their male

About Women, Relationships, and Sex

The daily activity for many of today's women's ancestors was for the women back then to tend
the children and gather berries, nuts, seeds, roots or
whatever they could find to feed the family.
The women were smaller and weaker than men so
survival usually depended on getting some protection
and help to survive each day. For safety and protection
they worked in groups of women. These activities
resulted in women developing a high skill for doing
several activities while at the same time talking to
everyone in the group.
Their talking to each other while working improved
their relationships within the group of women. Friendly
talking was very important in order to be accepted by the other women in the group for
continued protection and survival. This friendly talking process actually was relationship
building, and it evolved in women as a highly developed skill passed on to women today.

So men and women today are different because of how their ancestors lived daily. Woman are
good at multi-tasking, communication, and relationship skills. Women cooperate rather than
compete like men do. Women today place a high priority on maintaining good relationships,
even though it is not necessary to insure their survival.

How Women Build Relationships

For women, generally a part of every activity is relationship-building with everyone. They build
relationships by talking freely about their daily trivia and troubles. "I'll tell you about my day
and troubles, and I will listen to yours so that we can be really close." This sharing process
reassures women that they have a good relationship, are protected, safe, and will survive. This
relationship building habit is still in women's genes!
Here is the problem in our world today between men and women: When a woman tries to build
a relationship with a man by talking about her personal life and problems, the man dosen't
understand she is doing "relationship building". When a man hears a woman talking about her
problems he thinks it is a request for help! So instinctually the man responds with solutions to
the woman's problems -- because that is a man's job: to fix things!
However, this just frustrates the woman because she feels he is trying to diminish her problem
or cut her off. The woman doesn't see a relationship developing with this guy who can't even
hear or understand her!Men don't understand how women build relationships with daily trivia.
And women don't understand how men build status by fixing things. Women don't want to be
fixed! They want to form a close relationship by being heard and understood!

FACT 1: About Men, Women, and Relationships

Women (and all living creatures!) have a strong need to survive and to pass
on their genes to their offspring. However, women have always needed help,
protection and support from other women and most importantly from a man.
Therefore, women place a high priority on finding a man who will stick around
to protect and help her and her children to survive.

Women's selection of a mate is done by building a relationship with strong

trust and deep understanding before producing offspring. Only in the past few
centuries has this mate selection process been more than sex and survival.
The term "being in love" is a relatively recent invention. (Do you think a man
or a woman invented it? ;-)

Usually, women want a good sound relationship going before giving sex to a
man. This need for a sound relationship is even in women who are just dating
for fun and not interested in having children because it is in their genes.

So guys your first goal for dealing with a woman you desire, is to work on
establishing a good sound "relationship" with her. (We'll tell you later what is
expected from you by her.)

Men Must Do Dating and Courting

Most men find a good mate by dating and courting. This dating game is not easy and
involves a lot of experimenting and sometimes is filled with uncomfortable mistakes.

Wise men study the rules of the dating and courting game and get the best women.
Guys, for the next important fact about women you should first understand some
terminology used here in this mate hunting game.


Dating is the process of two people joining in activities in order to get to know
each other better and to get closer physically and emotionally.

Courting is frequent dating by the man to persuade the woman to be his

mate. (Both are on their best behavior during this time and there is no
guarantee that "what you see is what you get later!")

Mating is the mutually agreeable act of a male and female becoming mates.
Mating may be just a way of having some fun or surviving better. This
arrangement is also often called "marriage" or a "relationship", as well as many
other terms. These arrangements often involve having sex for pleasure and
bonding, but not to produce offspring.

How We Do Dating and Courting to Find a Mate

Men today usually seek a woman for a mate by dating and courting. Frequent dates lets her
know that he is interested in her as a possible mate and/or a sexual partner. The mate-seeking
process varies by culture and religion, and there are traditional rules for mating that may or
may not be written down. That makes the task very difficult. (Some guys become hermits
rather than face the overwhelming challenges in dating and courting!)
In most western cultures, courting is done in ways that demonstrates a man's best
characteristics so the woman will accept him closer emotionally and physically over time. The
courting man's general pattern is to request frequent dates. During this time he will appeal
most positively to his selected woman so she will invite him closer emotionally and physically.
This generally includes lots of touching and maybe even you-knowwhat.
In order for him to be accepted by her, he has to take his time and
let her see his many good characteristics. The woman makes the
ultimate decision to let him get closer, and maybe even let him do
that really good-feeling stuff with her.
Most women unconsciously or consciously seek a man who
has these characteristics:
He listens to her and understands her needs
and desires. This indicates there is a good
relationship established. A good relationship means
safety, security and survival, which is the primary
need programed in women's ancient DNA.

He values her and is dedicated to protecting her and her

offspring. This implies a good chance for survival of her and her children.
He has the resources and capacity to provide a safe and good life for
her and her offspring. Seems like the best deal she can get for a future
good life for her and her children.
Notice that these characteristics are coming mostly from the DNA of
women's prehistoric ancestors who lived in very dangerous
conditions. Today's women and men may talk about "love", but only in the past few
hundred years have the concepts of "love" and "fidelity" become part of the process
of mating. As a species we really are not very advanced in these "love" and "fidelity"
concepts. They vary widely throughout the various cultures in the world and are not
the real basis of mate selection for most women.
Most religions, societies, governments, and cultures have invented rules for insuring
the mating process is controlled to suit the needs of those in power. This greatly
complicates the mating process for many couples throughout the world!

Courting Allows the Woman Time to Evaluate the Men and

Select the Best One
Women are unconsciously watching for signs of how good of a protector and provider the man
is. Most women want to know if the man will make a good provider mate, and will stick around
to take care of her and the offspring after the initial fun is over. Most woman need reassurance
that the man really likes and values her, and that he is not going to just use her for his own
pleasure then abandon her. (GUYS: She is looking for you to demonstrate being stimulating,
attentive, protecting, and caring in all matters. Lots of luck meeting her expectations!)

Fact 2: How the Mating Game Really Works

Men must court women to find a mate.

If a man does his courting well, he may be able to get his desired woman into a
relationship that satisfies her deep needs. She makes the final decision to let him in, or
not, to her life and bed.

Women look for the best man available.

Dating and courting gives a woman the opportunity and time to evaluate the men. The
woman normally has the chance to select the best one who will help insure the survival
of her and her offspring in the future.

Here is the real evolution secret:

Every woman is looking for the ONE man to satisfy ALL her needs.
Every man is looking for ALL women to satisfy his ONE need!

Men and Women Want Different Things From Each Other

Even though women and men may act and dress in modern acceptable ways, they are all still
strongly influenced by their ancient ancestors' desires. Based on the way our ancestors
succeeded in mating over eons, here is what still remains in many women's and men's DNA

Women's DNA programming makes them look for a strong mate who will stick around
to protect her and help raise the children.

Most women want a monogamous relationship and long term commitment before
turning on the passion hormones. This scheme is what worked best for women to make
babies and survive during the past several million years.
This need is even in women not consciously thinking about
marrying and raising children!
Nature has even built into women a natural means of
helping her select the man who sticks around. Women are
only fertile approximately 24 hours a month. The guy who
is there knocking on her door regularly has the best chance
of making her pregnant. Incidentally, men's sperm are
pretty smart: they will lay and wait for her egg for up to 72

Men's ancient DNA strategy for producing the most

offspring was to have frequent sex with as many women
as possible.
Men's DNA programing is for frequent sex with
any willing healthy female, and with no
commitments. That is what worked best for
millions of men's male ancestors to pass on
their DNA genes.

Fact 3: What Women Want in a


Most women pay close attention to how men accumulate power and resources,

and how generous they are. Woman want a mate who dedicates himself and his
resources totally to insuring survival and a good life for her and her children.
Women want EMOTIONAL intimacy. (That means she is watching you to see how loyal
and devoted you are to only her.)
Men want PHYSICAL intimacy. (Healthy young men make 200 to 300 millon sperm a
day! That is a powerful drive to get intimate with a woman!)
Guys, that means you need to forget about jumping on her bones tonight. First you
have to prove your loyalty to her, and secondly, you have to show how good of a
protector and provider you are for her and her children. (This is true even if she isn't
consciously thinking of making babies!)

Guys, Understand What She Really Wants

At the top of women's unconscious needs list is safety, security, and survival. These are
relatively insured if the woman has high value to her man mate so he will protect and keep her
for the long term. Her cherished value to him is her key to survival. So guys, understand that
women have a high need to feel like they are valuable. Their DNA tells them it is their key
to survival.

A woman's value to a man can be in many forms such as beauty, sexually satisfying, or good
services provider in making a home comfortable. Smart women look for what the man's needs
and desires are. Her trick is to give him what he wants so she can be valued and therefore
retained for the long term and get what she wants and needs.
Women learn at an early age that a good looking woman gets attention from the guys and
therefore a wider choice of mate and better survival chances for her and her children. A
woman's good looks are undeniably very valuable. So most women spend considerable time
and money trying to appear young, healthy, and sexy in order to appeal to men and be the
most valued woman. (This is how women compete with each other
but on the outside act as friends.)
So Guys be aware of how women will determine if you value them.
Women looking for a mate will be keenly tuned to your actions
that indicate if you value her more, compared to all the other

Women unconsciously analyze and evaluate each man's action

from moment to moment to see how he treats her. Women have
an extraordinary ability to evaluate the body language, tone of
voice, and words used by men. Women watch carefully how
sincere, honest, and close
their relationship really is with each man. (Guys,
beware! She starts keeping score right after you say,

Guys, your challenge is to be attentive and meet her

expectations in proving how valuable she is to you.
(This is where some guys decide to leave and become
a hermit!)

Practical Ways to Make Her Want You

Show your interest and dedication to her well-being and her high
value to you. Most women want to feel they are important and valuable so the
men will protect and care for them. If you satisfy her survival needs, her
body chemistry will rev up and you will be more attractive to her.

Prove to her that you really value her and are interested in what she
thinks.When you are doing something and she talks to you, do this:

1. Stop what you are doing, look in her eyes and listen with interest.
(Try to not go glassy-eyed!)
2. Really listen to what she has to say. She will know if you are
interested by the size of your eye pupils! (Small pupils mean you aren't

3. Encourage her to say more. Let her talk and never jump-in on top of
her words. Let her finish, then validate what she said. (Example: "Yes! I
agree with what you said. I like that idea.") And most importantly: Don't
try to change her view of things to your opinion. Just try to see her world
the way she sees it, even if you "know she is wrong".
4. Notice if her voice drops at the end of her statement. If her voice
does not drop, she has more to say! Keep listening. Only after she is
finished should you go back to what you were doing.
(Guys, get this: She is talking to establish a RELATIONSHIP. And she is watching you
to see how interested you are in doing that. If you screw up this connection you
will be replaced by the first guy who can do a better job of relating!)
When she has a problem or concern that she shares with you, don't
try to change her or "fix her". That implies there is something wrong with
her, but not with you. The DNA programming here is this: Women need to
express emotions and how they feel about their personal problems.
They want to be heard. That is how they build personal, trusted
relationships: They share their problems. To the guy it may sound like
complaining or a cry for rescue. It is not a request to get fixed!

When women express feelings or a problem, this often comes across to men as something
that needs to be fixed. So naturally, men want to jump in and fix everything. Guys, don't
try to fix her! Mostly just listen and accept her the way she is. She just wants to be
heard and to express her feelings. That is what woman do to build a relationship! Just
offer your support and help only if she requests it.
Guys, don't try to be anything you aren't! Save the status bragging for
your buddies. Men have a strong DNA need to raise their status, so they
compete, brag, or lie to try to show they are "the best hunter in the tribe". Just
be real and let her see that you are an honest and caring guy -- just like every
woman wants but has a hard time finding.

Don't try to disguise your feelings from a woman. Woman can naturally
read body language and facial micro-movements without even trying. If you try
to hide your real feelings, she will see you as a big fake and not trust anything
you say or do. She will not feel safe and secure with you. Her true passion will
never be released with you!

Fact 4: How to Make Her Want YOU!

Make her want you by displaying your traits that show how much you value her. A woman wants
to find the man who places high value on her. This implies safety and security for her and her
children. Only after a woman's survival needs are satisfied will she be ready to let her passion
run freely.

Dating Aggressive Men

Historically, both male animals and men have had to be aggressive in seeking a
mate. One of the primary male hormones that helps in mating is testosterone. It
makes males both "horny" and aggressive but
men don't have to butt heads like some male
animals do to get a mate. (I'm glad for that!!!)
However, men still need to show their courage and
aggression in ACCEPTABLE ways to impress
women. The man who can do his acceptable
aggressive tactics best, has a better opportunity at
getting accepted by the woman he desires.
Evolutionarily speaking, "civilized behavior" became
fashionable only in very recent times, and men's
aggressive acts for getting a woman's attention have
become greatly restricted. Today, an acceptable
aggressive act that gets a woman's attention is
simply walking up to her with an "opening line." In most western countries this is acceptable
aggressive behavior for men in public places like a bar, club, or dance hall. This action is
usually not acceptable for women to do. That is just one of the many "unwritten rules" on
flirting and dating.

It takes a lot of aggressive courage for a man to approach a

new woman in a public place!
Three emotionally powerful things are going on during this simple aggressive act men are
suppose to do bravely when approaching a strange woman. Men, here is some of what is
going on that makes your knees weak and shaky:

First, she can reject you in front of everyone there.

In this approach situation, you give a woman stranger the power to publicly judge you
as looking "acceptable" or as being the worst sleezeball, scumbag, and bag-of-crap in
the Universe! And everyone there will see her decision of what you are. That is a scary
and powerless feeling! Many men won't even play that game and just get drunk instead
and don't try an opening line.

The second thing that makes this approaching-a-woman action scary,

is that all the other men are watching. If she rejects you, then all the
guys will see you as a "failed hunter" and chuckle. That is instinctual hostility
in men's DNA and comes along with a lot of aggression of their own, plus a
desire to see you fail! This comes in men's DNA from millions of years of
competing for breeding rights with the females.This attitude is stupid in
today's world, but these instincts are ingrained deeply in the male old brain
and come along with the DNA and testosterone.

The third thing going on is that if she rejects you in front of the other
women there, you will be seen as a looser and unacceptable to all the
other women, too.At your deepest level is the fear that you will never
find a mate to produce your offspring and pass-on your DNA. At the
conscious level this is ridiculous, but at the DNA level it is a terrifyingly real
fear. That fear comes from your old brain that is still wired from millions of
years ago!

The old brain (i.e. the limbic system) is what controls our bodily systems such as heart
rate, perspiration and breathing. As you approach the new woman, your limbic system
will be running wild because of your ancient ancestors' experiences! Be brave and don't
panic! Go ahead and confidently approach her walking tall, with gut sucked in, head
held high, chest out, and with a slight smile. Incidentally, the smile is a natural body
language signal saying, "I won't hurt you." So don't forget to smile, even during your
panic attack.
If you use the approach techniques I will describe later, she is probably going to
eagerly accept you into her personal space. So if you did read her signals correctly,
forget about rejection. She is probably waiting for you! (Of course, don't act, dress, and
look like a Neanderthal!)

Fact 5: Women Want Some of This in Men

Most women seek a man who is powerful, yet safe, caring, and protective. But women like
to seecivilized and socialized aggressive behavior in a man. This implies she will be protected
in today's world.
In most western countries it is acceptable civilized and socialized aggressive behavior for a man
to approach a woman politely and start a conversation with her using an "opening line". This
demonstrates aggressive courage and good socialization skills that please women seeking a
strong mate.

Step 1. Watch for the Right Eye Contact

[NOTE: Do this only in a place where it is appropriate to meet a woman.]

Casually look at each woman's face. Watch each woman's eyes to see how she returns
your eye contact. You should not break eye contact before she does.
Your goal is to look at her politely and interestingly, and wait to see how SHE breaks
eye contact with you. How she breaks eye contact is a very important signal for
you! She will break eye contact with you in one of two ways: quickly or delayed.
What you are looking for is a delayed eye contact from the woman lasting slightly
longer than usual. You will soon learn the difference in timing between the women
who disconnect instantly and those who hold eye contact longer than normal. Research
has measured this timing difference in milliseconds (thousandths of a second) but men's
brains can detect this difference because it is highly developed DNA programing. Here
are the rules for this "eye contact mating signal":
If she likes and accepts your interest in her, she will hold eye
contact with you slightly longer than normal, then drop her
eyes DOWN to the table, to her drink, or to her hands. Dropping
her eyes down is in her DNA as an ancient body language cue
saying that she will be passive and accept you approaching
her. She will do this unconsciously if she wants to meet you!

While she is looking down, and waiting for you to approach, she very likely
will do some preening motions. She will usually fluff her hair, check her nails,

or fuss with her clothes. This means she wants to look good for you. That is
good news for you!
Remember: Her slightly longer eye contact, plus her looking DOWN while
you look at her, means she will accept you approaching her. She will not
resist or hurt you. She will be waiting for you to approach her. This signal is
in her DNA from all ancestors who mated successfully using it. It worked for
them and it will probably work for you!
Women who do not want a man's advances, and who do not
want him to approach her, will quickly break eye contact and look to
their LEFT or RIGHT. Quickly looking left or right means they
are not interested and definitely are not going to be passive if
approached. They often also turn their upper body away. At their
deep unconscious level they are hiding their breasts from view and
saying, "You can't see that I am a woman. Do not approach me." Any
clueless guy approaching a woman sending these negative body
language cues is setting himself up for a harsh and painful rejection!

Remember guys: Stay away from the women who break eye contact with
you by quickly looking away to their left or right! Also, only do this eyecontact "test" a couple of times an evening on each of the women who weren't
too negative the first time. Forget those who quickly looked away left or
Also be realistic in your expectations. If you do not find any "down-lookers",
there may not be any woman there who wants or needs a man for the time
being. Also it may be possible that you look like a dangerous or unsatisfactory
future mate meeting her needs. ("If there are no fish in this pond, go
somewhere else to fish!")

Step 2. If you receive her "looking down" signal, the next step
is to approach her.
Your confident approach to talk to her will show her that you are a selfconfident and aggressive "Alpha Male". She likes that and is waiting for you.
Don't delay, as that signals insecurity and not a true Alpha Male.
As you walk toward her she will be observing your body language and forming an
opinion about you in only seconds! Most women watch the body language and face of
every man approaching them to determine if the man is dangerous. This ability to
read men is in women's DNA and is a valuable instinct for survival. This habit comes
from women's ancestors and over a million years of experience around men!
If you approach her with a smile and self-confident relaxed walk, it is the body
language signal that reassures her that you are not dangerous. Women, and many
animals, can read body language very well even from a distance, so the way you
approach her is important.
The trick is to minimize the movement of every body part not necessary for
walking, and to be standing as tall and straight as possible. Excess movements of
head, arms, or pelvis and butt reveals nervousness. Slouching over indicates trying to

hide and a need for protection. If you approach her with your walk perfected, her
hormones will kick in by the time you get to her because it is part of her DNA

Step 3. You Should Start the Conversation With an "Opening

When you get close to her, stop, stand still and erect, greet her, say your
name, and ask some simple question like this: "Hello! My name is (real
name). May I join you?" An elaborate or tricky "opening line" just reveals
insecurity or stupidity, and it is an immediate turn-off for most women. Just
stating your name and a request to join her are sufficient. Your simple request
is honest and makes it easy for her to respond in a positive way. She knows
why you approached her! She told you with her eye signals that you
could approach her and that she would not resist you. She has been
waiting for you and is very pleased that you selected her from among
all the other women there!
Also try to keep your chest out and breathing relaxed. (That is hard to do -- and to keep
your gut sucked in at the same time!) This will help your voice to be low. A high voice
indicates nervousness and fear. A low voice indicates lots of testosterone, and that will
unconsciously trigger off nice tingles in her as her hormones start surging.

Step 4. Now Both of You Do "Data Gathering"

The purpose of data gathering is to determine if there is enough common
interests for the two of you to spend more time together and maybe become
mates. During the data gathering step the two of you may move physically
and emotionally closer. How this progresses is best left for the woman to
establish. She will provide you with the body language signals you need to
understand how close you may get both emotionally and physically.
You probably already know most of the negative "do-not-get-close" cues such as crossed
arms and legs, leaning back in the chair, and body turned away from you. However, if
you don't push into her personal space, and she accepts you and wants you to get
closer both physically and emotionally, she will let you know by a powerful body
language cue. Here is how this "you-may-get-closer" cue works. Watch for it!

Step 5. She Will Signal You to Come Closer With a Touch

When she wants you to come physically and emotionally closer to her, she will
TOUCH YOU. It will appear to happen very casually or even accidentally. Her touch will
usually be on your arm or back, as these are the least sexual places on the body. It will
be a pat or soft momentary touch for only a few seconds and then she will pull back
and carry on the conversation as if nothing is different. However, something BIG is
She is now waiting for you to touch her back EXACTLY LIKE SHE TOUCHED YOU. Same
pressure. Same length of time. Same casual way. And you should do that return touch in
the next minute or two after her touch. If you wait too long it says to her that you are
either afraid to get closer, don't like her, or that you are too dense to read her body
language cues.

If you do your part correctly by "casually" returning her touch with the same type of
touch, that sends her a very powerful signal that you are willing to meet her on her
terms. She is looking for a guy who is not going to control her and run all over her, and
your return touch will tell her what type of guy you are. Some guys wrongly take her
touch signal as meaning that her doors are wide open now and they can climb all over
her body with their hands. That is a very wrong and stupid thing to do because she will
instantly close her personal space forever to the guy for being unpredictable,
overpowering, unsafe, and stupid.
After the first equal touches are exchanged, watch for more of her touching signals
and return them similarly. When she feels safe with you she will be all over you and
let you discover all her nice places where she really likes to be touched!

Fact 6: How to Find a Woman

In most western cultures it is acceptable aggressive behavior for a man to approach a
strange woman with an "opening line" and a request to join her.
There are subtle eye cues used by both men and women to facilitate this ritual. There are
many other subtle rituals used in forming a connection between two people. It is valuable for
men and women to learn these rituals outlined above.

The differences between men's and women's bodies is

primarily due to their different sexual needs.
Female breasts have evolved to do much more than feed the children. Women's breast have
two well-defined purposes:
(1) To nurse offspring.
(2) To signal she is a woman.
An eight hundred pound gorilla and other large mammals have much smaller breasts than
human females, yet, the animals feed their young very satisfactorily. All primate females,
except humans, are flat-chested until the female is producing milk for her new-born
baby. Moreover, the human female breasts remain protuberant and change little in overall size
after the child stops nursing because the breasts contain approximately 4% of the body's fat.
Although the primary purpose of breasts is for feeding the offspring, human female breasts do
not need to be as large as they are generally. The
reason for being unnecessarily large comes from their
second purpose.
A secondary purpose for women's breasts appears to
be sexual. Large breasts are generally more sexually
appealing to men, and also served as a species and
gender identifier for the past several million
generations. Women's larger than necessary breasts
can most likely be blamed on men's ancestors'
consistent preference for that hemispherical shape in

numerous places on women's body, such as the buttocks, shoulders, and cheeks. This rounded
shape was prized and selected for through natural selection by most ancient men as well as
modern men. Women throughout history with these malepreferred characteristics were in higher demand and undoubtedly
had more offspring.
It is obvious that women today recognize the value of breasts as
signals of femininity. A multimillion dollar breast enhancement
industry is thriving. Since 1963, silicon gel implants have been
used to provide women with perfectly shaped hemispherical
breasts. This fact says much about how many women feel
inadequate because of their small breast size or shape.
Furthermore, in recent times it has become fashionable to
surgically enhance even lips, checks, and buttocks to make them
appear more rounded.
One of the reasons men may be so attracted to women's breasts is chemical. There are
apocrine glands around the breast nipple, as well as under the arms and in the pubic area, that
secrete erotic odors. These feminine odors cause men's brains to release an avalanche of male
sex hormones that make men feel strong, pain-free,
and excited. (Is it coincidence that women have two
breasts and men have two hands?)
If two breasts are good, are more better? About one
in every 200 women has a third breast, and even
more rarely: four. The most in medical records were
5-pairs on a French woman in 1886. These extras are
seldom more than a small nipple or a fat mound,
much like a young girl's breasts just developing. Extra
breasts are evidence of DNA still hanging around from our animal ancestors who gave birth to

Fact 7: Delightful Facts About Women's Bodies!

Our bodies are a design approximately 30,000 years old and still have many sexual identifiers
useful back then. Breasts are one main part of women's bodies used to convey sex
Ingrained in women's DNA is a drive to show they are female and good candidates for producing
children. They unconsciously want to appeal sexually to men and are competing with all other
women for men's sperm. Without this powerful drive the human species probably would not
have lasted this long.
Guys, don't hide your maleness and sexuality. Women are looking for that -- although it is
usually unconscious and well hidden. What appeals physically to women in search of a sexual

male mate is mostly strength, health, and cleanliness. Good clothes and good grooming are
very important investments for finding a good female mate -- as is also good physical condition.
(That includes lack of a "beer gut" and flabby muscles!)

Women Want a Man With the Right Chemistry

Recent research reveals women are more influenced by how a man smells than how he looks. It
is all done unconsciously and is based on the subtle chemical odors related to men's immune
system. Women instinctively are attracted to men with an immune system most different to
their own.Evolutionarily, this has proven to be the best combination for strong health and best
survival of offspring. This also explains why young women are so
turned-off by their brothers because everyone in the family has a
similar immune system!
Scientists have identified a range of subtle chemicals and odors
associated with men's immune system. These odors, called
pheromones, are secreted by men's skin. In tests, women were
able to use these pheromones to sort men with similar immune
systems from men with very different immune systems. They did
this even when the chemical odors were not detectable
consciously. Men could not do the same test and scored the same
as if flipping a coin.
The evolutionary wisdom in women's heightened smelling ability is
evident. Historically, women who selected men with the most
different immune system produced children with an immune system that had the most defenses
against the hazards to good health and survival.
Recent research also revels that women's sexual attraction to their selected man is
modulated by his odors. This means women's chemistry is therefore controlled and
stimulated -- or not -- by how the man smells! Research also revealed that women married -or in long term relationships with men who had immune systems similar to their own -- actually
did have, or at least thought about having, sex with other men than their mate. The high
degree of satisfaction with a marriage or long term relationship correlated with big difference
in immune systems. The most dissatisfied couples had the most similar immune systems. The
statistical evidence was only in women.

Women's Selection Criteria is in Their Genes

The ability to detect a male with a very different immune system by his odor
is unique to females. This difference between men and women lies in a strip of
genes, called Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC), that control cells making
proteins used in recognizing virus, bacteria, pollen and dangerous substances. It
appears women, and many female animals, can unconsciously detect the amount
and strength of these proteins in males. These proteins detected in males stimulated
the females' sexual attraction and drive. Researchers warn that this is not the only
criteria females use to select a male for a mate but it appears to be one important
decider that has been strengthened in female's evolutionary process.

Advice For Men

Understand that if that perfect woman you just met is turned off by you, maybe you
just don't have an immune system different enough from hers! If that is the case,
there is still something you can do to be more appealing. Most women find a man
appealing who uses a light spray or deodorant such as ocean breeze, kiwi, or a
combination of baby powder and chocolate. The smell of a man's clean skin with a
little fresh sweat, combined with fresh fruity scents, is a strong sexual stimulant for
most women. (Guys, maybe you can get away with the chocolate smell for a while,
but eventually you will need to shower!)

Fact 8: Mate Selection Chemistry

Women have a keen sense of smell and use it unconsciously to help select their best mate.
Smelling each man is an important part of women's tools in search of a mate.
Guys, your appeal to your desired woman's olfactory senses is not easy to control, but here is a

Be aware that women's sensitivity to smells is about 1000 times stronger than
men's. So dousing your body with strong after-shave, underarm, foot, and
crotch chemicals will probably kill her desire for you when she first comes to
within 10 feet of you. Be SPARING on any added fragrances, which if used at
all should be very light and be the oder of flowers or food. (Chocolate is a
favorite smell for many women.)

A turn-on for most women is a man's clean skin with a slight hint of fresh
sweat, especially during her ovulation date.

When not ovulating, many women dislike any smell of men. The best you guys
can do during this time is to shower often and use a little fragrance of food or
flowers to hide your male smell. (Don't forget, her smelling senses are 1000
times better than yours! That means 2 drops for you is equal to about a full
fluid ounce to her.)

here Are Many Chemicals Related to "Love"

What we call "love" is really a chemical cocktail of neurotransmitters, hormones, and
pheromones released by the brain. The brain is our biggest sex organ! (OK Guys,
now you have something else to brag about!)
"Falling in love" is a whole body experience and it feels fantastic! Recent research with the
latest powerful tools, such as fMRI machines and spectrometers, has uncovered new insights
into one of life's greatest pleasures: "falling in love". ("Falling in lust" might be more accurate!)
The sequence of events when "falling in love" is a well established chemically-driven
behavior designed to perpetuate our DNA in offspring. Our human bodies are primarily
designed to make more copies of our DNA in our children. Our ancestors probably did not call
the process "love" but they still had a lot of fun making babies -- or else we would have gone
extinct long ago.
The first "falling in love" body chemical activated is dopamine. The first sensations when
love strikes are triggered in the brain where there are an abundance of neurotransmitters
sensitive to dopamine. These dopamine sensitive areas in the brain are associated with
pleasurable expectations and rewards. The "falling in love" sequence of events is this:

1. Attention is focused on the desired mate because of pleasurable high

expectations and rewards. In most women the unconscious reward is
about making healthy babies and getting long term help from the man to
protect and raise them to maturity. Women in this first stage of "falling in
love" are discovering the right man who will help her reach her biological
purpose of making babies.
2. The perceptions of the desired man are often distorted because of the
chemicals now circulating in the woman's brain and body. The man is
perceived in highly positive and desirable ways that possibly are not true. A
woman in love may truly see her object of love more perfect than everyone
else in the world! Often it has been noted that common sense and good
judgement seem to be lacking in people in love. Risk taking and poor
judgments are common behavior for people in love. (This is nature's trick to
make more babies!)
3. As the bond grows with the lovers, other body chemicals start flowing
to facilitate nature's plan for making more bundles of DNA (i.e.
babies).Testosterone increases in the blood of both partners as does a
battery of chemicals in the skin that stimulate olfactory centers in the brain.
Sexual desire increases!
4. The goal of both chemically-driven bodies is to build the sexual
tension to the breaking point then release everything! If all is going
well, the two bodies will simultaneously release all the tension and then relax.
At that fantastic moment the body chemistry suddenly changes. A new
hormone called oxytocin is released in both men and women, but women have
seven times more receptors for oxytocin than men have.
There is a difference in men and women right after orgasm in how the two bodies
return to normal functioning. Men's body functions return to the resting state in just a
couple of minutes. However, women have a much more complicated body that takes 15
to 30 minutes to return to the normal resting state. This difference can be a problem as
many women want to cuddle during this time but generally men want to go to sleep.
Oxytocin is a mammalian hormone that produces a strong satisfying feeling of
connectedness between lovers and also for their offspring. Through evolutionary selection,
oxytocin has been programmed to kick-in when it is needed most for the couple to stick
together in order to raise and protect their offspring
-- who inevitably show up after the period of
dopamine and testosterone saturated passion.

Research Learn More . . .

Large amounts of oxytocin are also produced in
women's bodies when giving birth to children and also
during breast feeding. It is also in many animals and
birds who mate for life. Oxytocin is a natural body
chemical that drives people to be more nurturing,
giving, and protective. Women have approximately seven times more oxytocin receptors in
their body than men. This may explain why women especially like chocolate: chocolate
contains a small amount of oxytocin.

If "good sex" is judged by how long it takes, here are some research findings
gathered for over a decade by Penn State University researchers on how long some
people take to complete their sex play: (i.e. Time from penetration to ejaculation.)

1 to 2 minutes: Too short time for enjoyment by most women. Many men
are OK with this short time.

3 to 7 minutes: Adequate for many men and some women. Three out of four
women fake their orgasm.

7 to 13 minutes: Most desirable length of time for both men and women.

13 to 30 minutes was too long for many people but some enjoyed the
marathon sessions lasting an hour or more.
Average number of times a week: 3
Median length of time in act: 7.3 minutes
ADVICE: Find out what your partner likes and stay within his/her comfort
and enjoyment limits. That requires some discussion and negotiation to clarify
expectations. If you don't get these details clarified early, the relationship is likely to
end abruptly and you won't even know why.

Fact 9: "Love" Chemistry Facts

There are many brain chemicals and pheromones that make "love" such a delightful ride -and often irrational. Love is Nature's grand drug trip!
Like most drugs, the affects diminish with use over time and love often fades. However, both
men and women can use their "new brain" (frontal lobes where logic and critical thinking take
place) to communicate and form a satisfying relationship that lasts longer than the lust. (Lots
of luck!)

Some Women Have Changed Since Ancient Times

Approximately 10,000 years ago humans started living in communities of mixed
families. Men were in control from the top ruler down to the family unit. Women have
been always subservient to the men, except in extremely rare cases. Men liked it this
way and have resisted and fought hard to not change the system.

Smart Modern Women Recognize Men's Lies

Most men learn early what women want to hear, so men repeat the well-selected phrases at
the most appropriate times. Women throughout history probably have always known when men
were lying, but to insure continued protection the women acted like they believed the men.
However, the independent modern woman does not have to play that game anymore.
Below are timeless examples of men's lies to women:

Man's lie: "You are very beautiful."

What he means: "You stimulate me and I want to have sex with you."

Man's lie: "I love you."

What he means: "I lust you. I want you to drop your guard and let me have
all your "sweet treats."

Man's lie: "I really want to settle down."

What he means: "I'm tired of chasing after women to get sex. I want you to
be there waiting for me anytime I want it."

Man's lie: "I really want to be close to you."

What he means: "I really want to be close to you so I can get sex whenever I
want it."

Man's lie: "I'll call you."

What he means: "I'll call you when I want your "goodies" again."

Man's lie: "You are the only one."

What he means: "You are the only one at this minute."

Man's lie: "I've been celibate since we broke up."

What he means: "I can't find a woman to give me sex."

Man's lie: "It's not just the sex I want, it's being close to you."
What he means: "It is the sex I want, so I want you to be close so I can get
more whenever I want it."

The list could go on and on! In most cases, men lie to raise their status or to get sex. Of course
some women lie to men to get more of what they want, too! In most cases, women lie to
strengthen a relationship or to make a person feel good. Below are some of women's lies to
"I'm not very experienced, you'll have to teach me how."
"That was really good. The best I ever had."
"It doesn't matter that I never reached mine."
"I'm OK, I just want you to feel good."
"I really like doing that to you."
"That was awesome, I never had better."
"You're all the man I'll ever need."
"I'll never want anyone else."
"You're so big!"

Modern Women Can Read Men Like Books

Here are things the modern woman will watch for in a guy when he is talking to her.

Are his opening lines only about him, his job, and his high status?

Is he offering "bait" that probably he can't deliver?

Is he trying to compete and show dominance?

Is his flattery overdone or outrageous?

Is he consistent with his story?

What type "picture" is he drawing of himself?

How much of his real feelings is he willing to reveal?

How hard does he try to hide his weaknesses and vulnerabilities?

Guys, take notes! Modern women are much smarter than men about relationships and
interpersonal communications. They can read your body language ahead of your words. Your
every breath, movement, and sound will give her information about what is going on inside
Women have built-in computers with thousands of years of data from their ancestors about
what men want and how they operate. So in the first four minutes of your talking to her, she
will collect enough data to accurately categorize you forever. From here on, she is amusingly

watching you do your "act" and "mating dance". This is one of women's most satisfying sports!
When you see women together in a corner laughing, they are probably comparing stories about
the goofy things guys did to try to impress them. (If they look at you and all laugh -- leave

Is There Hope for Men Today?

The main point here is that the dating and mating game involves a lot of manipulation by
both partners to get what they want. The modern woman is a new player who has come on
the recent scene in our culture. She is educated and uses her "new brain" frontal lobes to think
logically and will not be easily fooled by the "ancient male hunter" lies.
The most useful information for both men and women is to understand how many of our desires
and needs come from our ancient ancestors' experiences. It is important to recognize that we
can use our "new brain" to control and change our behavior to fit present day situations to
more effectively produce positive results.

Fact 10: Dating Modern Women

Modern liberated women have rejected many of the ancient dating and mating rituals and
live by new rules. Modern men should be more direct and clear about their desire for sex and
what type of a relationship is desired. Communication and negotiation are modern tools
modern women and men can both use to get what they each want without getting involved in
all the ancient indirect and devious "games".

Women Search for the Best Man They Can Get

Women in research studies reported that a man's looks (i.e his handsome characteristics) are
low on their list of desired traits. There are many other male characteristics more important to
women. Today's women are driven by BOTH their old brain DNA primal instincts PLUS their
educated and logical thinking in their "new brain" frontal lobes. (It doesn't take much of a
woman's brain power to choose between a good looking guy riding a bike and a dork driving a
Mercedes. The guy with the Mercedes usually wins!)
Educated and "street wise" women today who can take care of themselves can afford to be very
picky in selecting a mate. In most western countries men must work really hard at courting a
woman to be considered seriously as a possible mate. Here are some things that really turn
on a woman's unconscious and conscious drives for a man in today's world:
(Below results are from a long term, cross-cultural, international study of women's desires in
men for a mate.)
Current Resources and Economic Capacity.
Women look for how much territory, tools, and resources a man commands and
how willingly he is to share them with her and her offspring. He must
demonstrate that he will provide a good life for his family. At her deepest
level, the man wins who has the most resources to best help protect
and care for her and the offspring.

Social Status, Self-confidence, and Ability to Take Care of Himself

and His Family. Women are attracted to power and high status in men.
Women shun men who are easily dominated by other men and who have
difficulty surviving in today's materialistic world. Research reveals women

look for, and place a high value on, men who are intelligent, ambitious,
and who work hard for advancement and high goals. Men have a hard
time faking this one because it is revealed by habitual body language, speech,
and interactions with others. Smart guys practice improving these.
Dependability and Stability. These two important characteristics imply
that the man will share his resources and continue reliably protecting and caring
for the family in all future unforeseen circumstances. Men fail this category
often. It only takes one time to screw-up and miss a date or to "go off in a rant
and rage out of control" to be written off by the woman as a looser. Smart
guys work to make sure they demonstrate dependability and stability
so they can survive in rough times.

Size, Strength, and Age. A large and strong male body can provide
protection for the family from dangerous predators. This is not so important as
it was 30,000 years ago, but don't forget, women and men are still programmed
with old DNA from the past experiences of their ancestors.

Height is an often stated characteristic women desire in a male. In surveys, most women
stated the desired height of their mate should be six feet (182.88 cm). Interestingly, the
average US male height is 5 feet 9 inches (175.26 cm). If you are a guy who is "height
challenged" (i.e. 'short') go after short women. Improved body posture can increase height
slightly but most importantly it signals self-confidence. (Guys, suck in your gut, too.)
In most cases today, older men have more material resources, personal power, and
are more stable and reliable than younger men. Most women of all ages find older
men to be a better risk than with a younger man for a good life with abundance of
resources. Since men of all ages have a DNA built-in preference for young women, this
means young men are competing against both younger and older men for the young
women. That means the lucky young women have a wide range of ages they can
choose a mate from.
Health, Cleanliness, and Overall 'Upkeep' of Body. Good health is
essential for producing healthy offspring and for a trouble-free, long term
relationship with her and the offspring. A man who cannot maintain his own
peak health is likely to be a burden to his family in the future. Many men fail
this one in the first 10 minutes with a new woman because women use their
nose a great deal in unconsciously selecting a mate. A healthy body smells good
and is an unconscious "turn-on" for women. A bad smelling man can
indicate poor health and make a woman leave immediately.

Love and Commitment. These two words have different meanings in

different cultures. When a man in western culture says, "I love you" they
usually imply that he is willing to give his full attention and all his resources
unselfishly to his mate and offspring. Also implied is the man's promise of future
fidelity and continued protection and shared resources. However, sometimes
a man will lie to a woman thinking that this will open the door for what
he really only wants (sex). Most women know this happens and don't
trust any man.

When a woman says that "love" is important, what she is implying is that she wants to
insure that his support in the future will continue. His infidelity, and loss of love, could

mean redistribution of his resources. A continuing on-going "love connection" is

reassuring to the woman for future protection and survival.
Sense of Humor. Research also shows that a man's good sense of humor is
favored highly by women. This develops camaraderie and enlivens the
relationship better than any other single characteristic. Good humor also signals
good intelligence.

Intelligence, Kindness, and Sensitivity. It takes considerable experience

and education to resolve family problems in today's complex world. There are
few men or women who are equipped to succeed without outside help from
family, teachers, or counsellors. Quarrels and increasing domestic problems
between men and women who were once "in love", appear more often than
not. Intelligence, kindness, and sensitivity are especially important to
help one survive in today's world filled with obstacles.

The intellectual capacity to learn how to do problem resolution, plus kindness and
sensitivity in relating to others, goes a long way in maintaining a stable family and raising
healthy offspring. However, the high divorce rate and number of unhappy people still in
marriages indicates that the human brain has not evolved sufficiently to cope well in
today's world. Professional help to solve family relationship problems can be priceless.
Guys mostly avoid outside help because they think it indicates they are poor hunters and
providers. Too bad.Men usually need help more than women because men usually don't
have a close support group like most women have.
Even after the childbearing years are over, men and women don't change their preferences
much for a mate. Women's preferences for a man stay relatively the same at any age. At the
top of men's list of preferences for a woman is usually that she be young, good looking, and
sexy - no matter what his age is. That is what worked in ancient times for men to make the
most healthy DNA packages (i.e. his offspring).It seems that the software that drives the
internal unconscious mental "computer" for mate selection does not come with software
upgrades for after the reproductive years!
Guys, you know what you want but you are competing with all the other guys to get it.
Remember that the woman is ultimately the one who decides who she gives herself to. The
rule for mating in western cultures is this:
Men must court and women will select. That means the guys who work hardest and smartest
at courting will win!

Fact 11: What Modern Women Want From Modern Men

Men dating today's modern women must follow new rules. The ancient programming in men's
DNA does not work well today with smart modern women. Both men and women need to use
their logical and rational mind to make decisions about dating and mating. Honest
communication is priceless when discussing what each desires and expects from the other as a

Relationships Begin With an Attraction Between Two People

Men and women both say physical appearance is important, but for different reasons!

Men are unconsciously attracted to

women who exhibit these

Healthy skin, hair, teeth, and

eyes. These are appealing
because they imply the woman
can produce healthy children.

A waist and hip ratio with the

waist approximately 70%
narrower than the hips.Men in
nearly all cultures admire this
because it indicates high fertility.

Symmetrical face and

body. This is considered "good
looking" and indicates good health
and low chromosome damage.

Youthful. This implies low

chromosome damage for
healthiest children. The older the
woman, the more chance for birth

Flashy and classy. A "trophy"

woman demonstrates to all the
other guys that the man is a
"great hunter" -- or so his
unconscious ego hopes.

Women are unconsciously attracted

to men who exhibit these

Strong, healthy, and agile. In

women's DNA is a need for
protection and help during
pregnancy and child rearing for
many years.

Sees his mate as

valuable. More likely that he will
protect and support her. "Value"
to men comes in many forms.

Acquires and controls

abundant resources.Again,
women's primary unconscious
drive is to raise children and they
historically relied on men to help
make a home for them and the

Tall. Six feet (1.83 m) is most

frequent height desired, as
indicated on surveys. A tall mate
would provide good protection.
Interestingly, women's desire for a "good
looking" man is quite low on the list of
desired traits on surveys. Other
characteristics for insuring a long term
protective relationship were the highest
desired traits on surveys in all cultures

Future Mates Look for Similarities in Each Other

If there are enough similarities, the two people may agree to spend time together in an
ongoing relationship. There are a huge number of possible areas where the two may have
common interests. Here are some of the most frequently listed similar areas desired in

Similar interests and goals. Sharing time together involved in a mutually

interesting project is one of the better aspects of a long term relationship.
However, periodically doing different things with people other than the partner
is also important to prevent "burn out" in a relationship. Don't expect your
partner to satisfy all your needs.

Similar sexual appetites. Unfortunately, sex drive in men and women has
evolved differently. Most men's interest in sex remains strong from puberty up
to senility. Not so with women!

Costs Versus Rewards Must Be Fair

After two people have lived together for a time, the cost/reward ratio must be fair
and equal for a continued happy relationship.

Are the costs in time, energy, and commitment worth the rewards in
the relationship? Both partners must put much of themselves and their
resources into a relationship. That is the "cost" of the relationship. The
"rewards" are all the things that make the relationship enjoyable and
satisfying. If the ratio between the costs and rewards are not equal for
both partners, one partner is going to feel ripped-off and feel used. It
is going to be an unequal and unfair relationship. Continuation of the
relationship will not be satisfying and will not be a wise investment for the one
on the short end.
After the "love" wears thin, the real-life decision for continuing the relationship is
based on the "bottom line": costs versus rewards. Are both partners contributing equally
to the relationship and life together? If the costs versus rewards ratio is unfair, stress
and resentment will cause daily emotional discomfort and eventually disease and an
early death.

Fact 12: In selecting a lifetime mate it is wise to use

logic, rational, and well researched information.

Men and women are attracted to different characteristics in a mate. Studying

these differences in both you and your partner can greatly improve your
relationship and prevent misunderstandings. Honest communication of what is
expected from the other and what each has to give the other is a priceless
and difficult skill that can enrich a relationship.

Asking your mate what they would like from you will go along way toward
preventing disappointments. Negotiation may be necessary.

Establishing and agreeing on personal boundaries and freedoms are important

to clarify to prevent problems. (For example, are you each going to get a
night out with your friends?)

Coming to an understanding and agreement on sexual activity time, place,

method, and how often is essential for a happy longterm relationship.
(Therapists are kept in business by couples who never touch this subject at

Pheromones Are Nature's Secret Weapons

A subtle way of getting the attention of the opposite sex person is through
his or her nose. While you are trying to figure out how, let me explain some
background. The olfactory bulb at the top (inside) of the nose feeds directly into the
old brain limbic system, which is the most primitive part of the brain. This is where
the emotions, sexual responses and body language are initiated. That is why odors
can evoke powerful basic instinctual emotions.
About one percent of human genes (and that is a lot!) encode our ability to detect
approximately 10,000 scents. Smell accounts for the largest gene family yet
discovered in mammals. Aroma cues are taken very seriously by the brain.
Odors guide one to eating, mating and avoiding danger.
Pheromones are chemical molecules produced by insects, animals and
humans. These molecules are so strong they affect the behavior of those who inhale
or ingest them. For the most part, these chemical pheromones are used to
stimulate sexual interest in the opposite sex mate. Some insects and animals
will not mate without first getting a whiff of their prospective partner. After a good
sniff of the right chemicals signaling good health and a more than receptive attitude,
there is nothing stopping the insects and animals from mating. For example,
pheromones produced by male cockroaches attract female cockroaches. Not only
that, it causes them to get into the correct mating position!

"Results May Vary"

Some commercially-available substances claim that they
contain sex pheromones and can act as an
aphrodisiac. These claims generally are greatly
exaggerated and scientific proof of effectiveness in
human sexual stimulation is weak. A few well-controlled
scientific studies have been published demonstrating that
humans may be affected by pheromones in some
circumstances. One study involves the synchronization of
menstrual cycles among women living together. The
evidence indicates the synchronization is done
unconsciously by their pheromones.
Other studies have suggested that women can use odor cues to select men who will
increase chances for a healthy offspring. In 1995, Claus Wedekind of the University
of Bern in Switzerland asked a group of women to smell some unwashed t-shirts
worn by different men. The women were able to sniff the shirts and reject (said they
were "offensive") those shirts worn by men closely related to themselves. The
women were attracted to clothing that was worn by men with a very
different immune system than their own. Presumably, this difference in
immune systems allows the men and women to combine their defenses and
give their offspring the best chances for survival. This research was repeated in
the U.S. and Brazil with similar results.
More recently this same research was expanded with gene testing by evolutionary
psychologist Steven Gangestad at University of New Mexico. He identified the genes
involved in selecting a mate with a different immune system for best offspring. He
found that women could detect the difference in men's genes and select her

best choice of sexual mate for healthiest offspring. However, men could not
detect any differences in women's genes concerning similar or dissimilar immune
system. (My conclusion is that men are not choosy about who they will have sex
with!) Gangestad also found that women who had ignored their "instincts" to not
select a mate with a similar immune system (as indicated by the gene similarity in
partners) were less satisfied with their relationship and the women had greater
interest in outside sex (at least during their fertile days).

Pheromones Are There When You Need Them Most

Pheromone production in humans becomes functional after reaching puberty. This
could explain why most people become attracted to the opposite sex at puberty.
Pheromones could also be the reason why we feel an instant attraction, or dislike,
when we first meet someone. It may be their smell that turns us 'on' or 'off' to them.
Human pheromones are highly individualized and not always noticeable. In 1986 Dr.
Winifred Cutler, a biologist and behavioral endocrinologist, discovered pheromones in
humans' underarms. She found that once any overbearing underarm sweat was
removed, what remained were the odorless materials containing the pheromones.
The dominant chemical scent secreted by humans is a pungent, musky scent, with
men's odor stronger than women's. Much of the chemical scent is produced by dense
concentrations of apocrine glands in the underarms, and by lesser concentrations in
the face, scalp, ears, navel and genital area. This is not just one chemical but
apparently is made up of hundreds of compounds in individualized combinations so
each person has a distinct odor. People of eastern origin (China, Japan, Korea) have
far fewer apocrine glands (and armpit odor) than Europeans and Africans.
Overall, the human sweat smell is a natural, animal-like, musky aroma
which can be emotionally stimulating and sexually attractive. To many men
and women the smell of clean skin and a little fresh sweat is the most powerful turnon. In crowded places this is a subtle odor that gets hidden under the other odors
such as food, smoke and any polluting chemicals in the air. Therefore, some men and
women have resorted to their own chemical warfare with manufactured fragrances in
scented products for skin and hair. These fragrances are
often from flowers or herbs, or they imitate them.
There is historical evidence for the use of sweat to attract a
mate. Once when Napoleon Bonaparte was returning home
from a long period of warring he sent a message ahead to
Josephine: "Home in three days. Don't wash." Old English
folk tales passed down over many generations told young
men how to seduce a young woman with his own sweat.
The 'secret' was to place a clean linen handkerchief under
his clean arm pit while he danced and twirled the young
lady making her dizzy. After the dance, as she recovered, he
was to fan her and dab her perspiring forehead with his
pheromone saturated handkerchief. The results reportedly
were guaranteed to be rewarding.
Desperate women from the Austrian and Swiss Alps also had their own secret
weapon to capture men. They would place a part, or even a whole, peeled apple
under their arm before the dancing started. After a series of dances they would

discreetly remove their apple (and its secret chemical load) to give to the man to
smell and eat. It was called a 'love apple' and came with an unwritten guarantee to
produce its own rewards for both the woman and man.
In one research project, men preferred women's clean sweat odor over the
most expensive perfumes, even when the sweat odor was
imperceptible. Over 200 chemical compounds are secreted by the human body in
sweat, saliva and genitals. Recent research identified that the arm pit and crotch
secretions of men and women differ significantly. Not surprisingly, men and women
each prefer the odor of the opposite sex. Very important factors that have great
influence on the effectiveness of the sweat as an attractant are a person's
cleanliness, diet and overall health.
Interestingly, some research unexpectedly found that women who live closely with a
man (sleep with him and have frequent sex) have better balanced physiology.
Menstrual cycles are more regular and overall health is better than women who live
more isolated from men. The main factor appeared to be how much olfactory
exposure (i.e smells) each woman had with the man and his body odors.

There Are Many Different Pheromones

The pheromone 'androstenone' (a musky odor) has been identified in the
sweat and urine of men and is presumed to be a sexual stimulant to women,
especially during their monthly ovulation. However, the same androstenone
smell has an adverse effect on other men and induces anger in them! Androstenone
reportedly has been synthetically manufactured and is being sold in various solutions
on the Internet for men to use to hopefully attract women.
Recent research has identified a number of chemical compounds in women's
vaginas that greatly affect how men rate women as a desirable partner. The
compounds were named copulins. In an experiment where men were rating the
attractiveness and desirability of numerous women in photos, with and without an
undetectable amount of copulins present in the air the men breathed, they rated the
women very differently. When copulins were present in the air the men were
breathing, they rated all women as desirable! Without the copulins, they were
more choosy and rejected some of the women and did not rate the others as highly.
Incidentally, copulins smells a bit like butter that has gone bad in warm weather. To
our ancient ancestors who never bathed, that copulins smell probably was more
appealing than it is today.
According to Chicago neurologist Alan Hirsch Ph.D., men's cologne usually
causes a decrease in women's vaginal blood flow unless it is a natural fresh
scent. What makes a man appealing to most women are light sprays and deodorants
on him, such as ocean breeze, kiwi, or a combination of baby powder and chocolate.
The smell of his own clean skin with a little fresh sweat, combined with fresh fruity
scents, is the strongest stimulant for a woman, especially during her
ovulation. Hirsch discovered that men's penile blood flow increased up to
40% from the smell of cinnamon buns, roast meat, cheese pizza, chocolate,
vanilla or peppermint.
So what can we make of all this? Maybe it is all very simple. Perhaps a 'turn-on' for
men is either a pheromone from a woman or vanilla and chocolate ice cream on

fresh baked apple pie with lots of cinnamon. For women it may be the right soiled Tshirt. Oh well, whatever turns you on, go for it!
Listening is more important than actually speaking. You will learn more! Practice being a good
attentive listener and people will say you are a brilliant conversationalist.

Use plenty of facial expressions and hand gestures. Show

that you are "alive". Let your "kid" come out and have fun with the discussion.
Most women growing up are taught that their role in life is to be some man's
In most western cultures the women get to choose the man they marry. Therefore they have to
compete with all the other women looking for the best men available. Women therefore compete
in subtle ways: They dress and look their very best, in the way they think will appeal to the man
they want to choose as a life mate.

Women play this man-hunting game very seriously because they are all trying to capture the best
man available. Their future lifestyle and children depend on their good choice.

However, women know that good relations with the other women are important for women's
survival in general. That means each woman's real (desperate) mating efforts are generally
disguised and hidden from the other women. (And men!)
A woman may act like she is just going out for a good time to meet guys and have some fun. But
for sure she is using her best assets to attract the most and best guys available. She wants to have
lots of choices in order to get the best guy who will help create the healthiest, smartest children
and best, safe, abundant life possible. (Where do the Princes hang out?)
The mate-hunting game is complicated by numerous unwritten rules of family,
culture, and religion.
Young people seeking a mate learn mostly from their peers what works best. Trial and error is
how many young dating people bumble through finding a mate.

Women soon learn that many men are mostly just seeking sex with no commitment or
responsibilities. ("I'll call you tomorrow" - and tomorrow never comes.) Women's often heard
complaint about men is: "All they want is sex from me!)
Men complain often that women tease with sexual talk and actions but don't carry through with
the real thing. This is a maddening situation for many men that often leads to misunderstanding,
fights, and even abuse of the woman.
The dating and courting process is one of life's most difficult and confusing experiences. Also it
can be one of the most rewarding experiences; that is, if the man and woman work hard at
maintaining the relationship on a daily basis.
It takes plenty of communication to make a relationship work, and sometimes that isn't enough.
There are no guarantees in life. Benjamin Franklin reportedly said, "In this world nothing is
certain but death and taxes." Nothing is guaranteed anywhere about finding the right mate.
Smart women start a conversation with strangers simply by eye contact.
Men especially are alert to eye contact from women. A lingering eye contact with a slight smile is
an invitation for a closer connection.

Smart guys watch for such eye connections and understand that the woman's invitation is open
for him to approach her with an "opening line".
She will quickly decide to keep him around or run him off after the first 4 minutes. Her decision
depends a lot on his body language and his opening conversation with her. (Neanderthals need
not apply!)
Women''s Intuition is Excellent
Women start at a young age learning to evaluate each man for their own safety with him and his
potential as a future mate. Women do this mostly unconsciously because it is in their DNA
programming from their millions of female ancestors.

Throughout human evolution, the women who made the best evaluations and choices in mates
produced the most children who survived best.
Our female ancestors' best choice for a mate was the healthy and strong guy with some caregiving
skills who provided for and protected his mate and offspring. Today's women still look for that in
potential mates.

Most men have in their DNA programming from their male ancestors the tendency to evaluate
every woman's potential as a sex partner to make babies.
Men unconsciously watch for a woman's willingness to give him sex, if she appeals to him. Most
women are appealing to men if they are healthy. To a man, a woman's good health is indicated by
what we call "beauty". Body symmetry, hair, teeth, and skin condition tell the story most
Her body language is one of the most revealing ways for him to determine if she is incline to jump
in the bed for a quickie - which is all what most men want. This game is all done unconsciously
because healthy young men make 200 million to 300 million sperm a day! That is quite a load to
carry around!
Our male ancient ancestors were quite good at spreading their seed around, as evidenced by the
overpopulation of the planet in a relatively short time. Few other species have been so successful
at breeding.
Women Are So Complex!
Some women think that most men are basically just meat and bones machines with very simple
ancient software! That is almost true, it appears. Recent research with fMRI scans of both men's
and women's brains reveal that men operate mentally with much simpler thought processes.
Women's brain scans reveal that they are much more complex and sensitive to the world and
people around them. Women's bodies are also much more complex than men's bodies.

Above is a comical model showing the possible difference between a man (top box with only
ON/OFF switch) and a woman (bottom box).
A common complaint of many women is that men don't take long enough in love-making for the
woman to get warmed up and ready to reach that marvelous peak - to use a mountain climbing
metaphor. There is a good biological reason why this is so.
Women have a lot of mothering machinery to get warmed up and running in order to do that
miraculous process of making a baby. That takes much more time than most men are aware of or
even care about. (Shame on you guys!)
The Eyes Say Everything

A woman's lingering eye contact indicates interest and acceptance of the man looking at

Her lingering eye contact is the guy's body language cue that he is invited to approach her - for
further examination and evaluation of him by her. Don't get over-confident guys! Play her game
her way!

However, if she looks away, and makes other body

movements of turning and covering her breasts, then forget about her. If you approach her now
there surely will be some painful rejection coming your way. That really stings! Get smart guys
and learn these body language cues shouting messages at you.
Women know what appeals to most men and they spend a lot of time, energy, and money trying
to look their best at being young, healthy, and sexy - the way most men like.

Good health is also appealing subconsciously to men because that is important for survival of the
mothers and the men's genes to be passed on in offspring.
Likes Attract Likes: Dress like a Princess and Attract a Prince.
Women who can choose their mate like to have lots of possibilities to pick from. That pool of
choices is made up mostly of the men she attracts in her own way. How she dresses has much to
do with the type of men she will attract.

If there are guys coming around who she doesn't want to mess with, it may indicate that she
should change her clothes style to attract different type men.

East to read body language indicating how emotionally close these people are to each other.

Their hands are having a touching conversation as well as their voices.

Understand that most guys just don't talk. Guys do not normally discuss feelings and
are rarely emotionally open unless they are extremely comfortable with you; men are inherently
closed in their feelings to maintain their belief of control.
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Be prepared for a little territorial behavior. Guys tend to be territorial and jealous; this is not to
be confused with being suspicious of their partners. The feelings tend to be so deep that if their
partner shows any attention to another guy, they get slight uneasy feelings; this is a biological
instinct. If you are involved with him and you start talking to another guy and in any way say nice
things, or touch him or he touches you anywhere, the instinct will kick in; he may not punch the
guy, but he will no longer be in a good mood; he will go from "I love her so much" to "I wish I were
home watching TV and not dealing with this".
Know that most guys feel the need to be in charge (even if they aren't in charge). Guys
want to -feel- as though they are in control; not that they always need to get their way, but they
need to feel that things won't happen unless they allow them. No matter how much you feel that
you shouldn't have to get the "OK" from your guy to do something or make decisions, it would be
best to at least talk to him about it and ask him first -- basically, they want to feel that they are

doing things because they want their partner to be happy, not because they have to do it. They
respond better to the "lip" and the big eyes than they do to orders.

Let them be a 'man'. Guys want to be "manly" -- make them feel big and strong. They love to be
the "knight in shining armor". You are weak, he is strong. You don't really have to be weak, but
allowing him to feel that he is taking care of you and protecting you will make him happy.
Be prepared to be touched. Guys like physical contact. Their hormone levels are very high
(which can make them act like jerks in certain situations), so they may find a number of different
types of physical contact enjoyable. They won't always be able to figure out what's OK, and whats
a no-no. It's important that they are told by their partner what they should and shouldn't do. Their
feelings will not be hurt. If you prefer, tell him where the lines are drawn on your body. It's not
going to ruin the moment for him. If anything, it will be a relief so he knows the boundaries. Don't
think, "He'll figure it out". Don't try and give him signals (although the biting of the lower lip is
universally known as the "kiss me" sign); tell him verbally.
Even though it isn't politically correct, guys love girls that can cook. Saying something like
"I want to be single for the rest of my life" will kill it fast. Prove to him that you can be a good wife,
and he will prove he can be a good husband.
Guys 'tend' to call girls "hot" if they are thinking of them sexually, and they will call them
"beautiful", "gorgeous", or "pretty" if they have more innocent intentions. This isn't a
universal absolute, however; in fact, this applies very little, but it can be an extra hint.
Guys can have obsessions over their partner's eyes, hair, hands, other random body
parts, etc. It's weird, but deal with it. If he likes it when you do something with your hair, do it a
lot. If he gave you a ring or a necklace or something, wear it whenever you're with him - and point
it out in case he doesn't notice, then give him a kiss and remind him how much you like it. He will
then know you appreciate the things he gives.
Guys rarely mind feeling like they are owned - many times they like the feeling. A simple
way of displaying this is holding his hand with both your hands, and wrapping your arms around
his. The idea of their partner hanging off them isn't an unpleasant one to guys. There is a
difference between this and being clingy, though. One shows that you are completely devoted to
him, the other is annoying him.
Guys like to know that their partner feels grateful to be with him. He'll return the favor a
hundred times over. If you make him feel like he isn't good enough, he will be more jealous of
other guys - he may leave you. Guys don't like feeling inferior any more than girls do.
If he had a bad day, give him a neck rub or something. Don't ask if he wants one, just start
doing it, he'll tell you if he doesn't like it. And say something nice. Not necessarily about why he

had a bad day. Just randomly say how much you love and appreciate him. It'll make him feel

Guys enjoy the touch of a female; very soft and pleasant. As rule number 5 says, guys don't
mind touching - put your hand on his face. Run your fingers up and down his arm. Hold his hand
against your face or chest.
Maintaining the relationship is very important. The first few months will be easy; you are in
the heat of a young relationship. Don't fall under the false impression that you don't have to put
forth anything. He will get bored, or feel unappreciated. Remember what it was like in the
beginning, when you'd both do anything for each other. Keep that mindset. Treat him as someone
who can't be lost.
Let him know that you will stick with him through anything - and mean it! Tell him you will
never leave his side. He will like that. Never give him the "thin-ice" feeling to get your way. Like
tell him to deal with it, or make it seem like you'll break up with him over something unless he
complies. Using the relationship as a threat will really make him mad, and he may break up with
you for doing it.
When he says that he won't leave you no matter and with assuring you always. He really
means it!

Include him in things. Guys like to feel that you want him around, even if it is only little things.
(going for a walk, sitting at your parents, family activities, holidays) It's part of getting closer!
If you want your guy to do something, usually you have enough control to make it happen however, let the guy feel as though he also has control.

Don't be critical, or try and twist him through nagging into something he's not. This will drive
him away. If there is something major about him you want changed before you think you can spend
the rest of your life with him, then there will be a serious problem for both of you when he figures
this out. This includes changing jobs, careers, religions, life goals, politics, etc; don't expect him to
cater to your ideals. Even if he goes along with it, there will be problems later.

If he starts talking about things he enjoys, and you have no idea what he's talking about or
plain don't care, try and just sit through it. He listens to you talk about stuff he doesn't care about or
doesn't understand all the time. Sometimes, if he's good, he'll try and adjust and learn about what
you're interested in and contribute as much as possible. If he doesn't listen to you, then of course
you have a serious problem.

Don't lie! I can't stress to this issue enough. If you want to have a healthy relationship, tell
your man everything! If you keep something from him or lie, that will not remain as such for long;
men are instinctively distrusting and cautious and WILL find out.

Don't date guys you don't like.If you have a track record of having many relationships in a
short amount of time, guys who are looking for a long term relationship will avoid you.

Mystery is always good. Don't be wearing clothes that are too revealing. No matter how
much he likes your curves he hates it when you show them to others, guys tend to be possessive and
they will feel uncomfortable and unhappy the whole time you two are out on the town because he is
making sure nobody else is looking at his property! Stop dressing like you did in high school, you are

now more mature and in a serious relationship and don't have to advertise yourself or compete with
other girls anymore. The prettiest girl is one who dresses "cute" but then again doesn't show off
more than she is comfortable with. The way you dress tells a guy a lot of how seriously your
relationship is to you. Don't take this the wrong way ladies still look cute for your guy and yourself,
but just think twice before your put that same outfit on you wore before he came along.

Don't let the relationship become one-sided. Let him do most things for you and he'll like it.
But you have to do a few things for him too. Give him a present sometime. Setup a date for him.
Cook him a meal or some cookies and surprise him with it. Show him that you care about him more
than anything frequently and you will be surprised of the outcome.

Some guys will come out and tell you yes and no to your questions. Others won't. If you want
them to do something, they may say yes when they don't want to. If you were actually wanting to
know what they want, you'll have to figure out what their answer really is. You should know him well
enough to figure it out. He won't be mad if you don't figure it out (unlike girls) but he may feel
controlled, which guys don't like.

Don't buy presents for guys that involve things YOU are interested in, unless the guy buys
you stuff he's interested in.

If you go on a vacation or trip by yourself, and especially if you do it often, expect your guy to
be very suspicious. We've seen too many movies where the girl meets someone new when shes
away, and runs off with him. There is no amount of assurance you can give, as that's the way it goes
in the movie. Even if it is just a movie, we are paranoid!

Don't throw away stuff he likes, because you don't like it. He won't do that to you. If he does,
there's a problem.

Don't tell your friends (especially if he's there too) that you have him wrapped around your
finger. Don't act like you can make him do anything, or can control him. It may be true, but he needs
to know that he's "the man" and is in control. If he does everything you tell him to do, he's doing it
because he loves you, not because you control him. If you think you control him, he won't be very

Do nice things for him for no reason at all. Don't tell him you're going to do it - just surprise
him. Cook him something and bring it to his apartment/house. Give him a little present. You'd like
that wouldn't you? So will he.

For his birthday, cook him dinner for just you and him. And give him a present that can
remind him of you, that he can carry with him everywhere (spray it with some of your perfume.
Although he may never admit it, he'll smell it and guys are turned on by smell).

If you're not ready to settle down with a guy who is. DON'T waste his time!! Once a guy is
ready to settle down that's what he strives for, a girl worth giving his all to.

Don't be afraid to spend every waking hour with him. For if he is the one, every waking hour
is a special one with him. And it makes him feel that he's the only guy you need. Which is what every
guy wants in a strong, long term relationship.


Do not talk a lot about your ex-boyfriends. Avoid talking about how sad you were unless
he wants you to share the secret. But really, this applies to almost all other guys. Don't talk about
how funny someone else is. Don't let other guys be touching you. Most of all DO NOT flirt, this
seems to drive guys over the edge very quick like, do not ever make yourself out to be the flirty
type, he will more than likely be gone in a heartbeat if he finds you flirting with other guys. Don't
compliment other guys. Guys can be very insecure and therefore very jealous. If your best friend
is a guy, expect your boyfriend to hate him. If you work with a guy that you talk to on a daily basis,
He will hate him. He will never admit to it. But he will probably hate him. Any sort of long,
emotional relationship with another man will be unbearable for him.

If you smoke - unless your guy is also a smoker - stop. Non-smokers do not like to kiss
smokers. It's not a nice smell or taste, and will not only detract from any kissing in your future.

Most women plan to have children. If you have no intentions of having kids, let him know
now. If you don't do so, it can be a very bad conversation when he finds out later on in the

Women like feeling needed. So do guys. If he feels unneeded and taken for granted,
chances are he'll leave for someone who does need him.

If you want to wait till marriage for sex, make sure he knows this. Also keep in mind men
have 7 times as much testosterone as women, and it can be much harder for him than it will be
for you.

Never try to get him jealous. It won't work the way you want it to. All it'll do is make him
less trusting of you and very angry at the other guy (and even if he's not mad at you, he's mad
nonetheless - it's just not a good "mood setter").