Meet and Date Asian Women

Foundations1
by Socrates

Copyright 2013 Socrates

All Rights Reserved

Dedicated to Tattoo on the Korea Lair for getting me started

in pickup, and everyone from the A-Team for helping me
along the way--you guys are top drawer.

Table of Contents

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Forward
My Story
RedpoleQ
What is This?
Value and Social Skills, Not Lines
Your Journey
The Joy of Asian Women
An Introduction to Asian Culture
Head Spinning First Dates
Culture Shock
Masking Reality
Interracial Dating and You
The Quest for Value
Laying the Groundwork
Frames, and the People Who Use Them
Is Your Girl a Dirty Slut?
Deny Deny Deny
Logistically Clueless
Location, location, location.
Next Steps
Post Script
About the Author

Forward
Its been years now since I started the process of becoming
better with women. Looking back, its hard to believe
where I started out. I was a pudgy, balding, 20 something
with a serious lack of social skills and essentially no luck
with women. On top of that, I had a crippling lack of
confidence and self esteem. When I see other guys begin
the process of improvement, I have to admit that Im
jealous of where theyre usually starting.
The people who approach us about learning how to better
their love lives come from all walks of life and have all sorts
of defining characteristics: students, filthy rich trust fund
babies, businessmen, IT professionals, teachers, tall and
thin, short and fat, incredibly good looking, incredibly
socially awkward, chill, normal, cool guys... The one thing
that they all have in common, though, is that they dont
think theyre getting the type of girls they should be getting
and theyve finally found the courage to change that.
Good for them.
This book is the jumping off point for a much more in-
depth and thorough developmental process, a process that
will take you from where you are right now, today, to
wherever you want to be. That sounds very salesy, but its
absolutely true - achieving the success that you want to
achieve comes down to how much work youre willing to
put in. You can take this as far as you want to take it. Im

still on the path of self-improvement and I likely always

will be.
To get the most out of this book, take the time to read it
through once, and then come back to it to reference
sections that you need clarification on. If you want some
quick advice on what you can do to maximize your chances
as quickly as possible, turn to the end section titled Next
Steps. You can take critical action now, today, by pushing
forward with the suggestions I make in this section but
make no mistake about it - Asia is a different world and you
need the background in these pages to have real success
with these women.

My Story
Early one sweltering summer evening, I made my way
down a long stretch of sidewalk towards Sinchon station, in
Seoul. As my shoes reached across slabs of warm concrete,
I could just barely make out a figure standing next to the
subway entrance, head down, looking at her phone. She
had long brown chestnut hair that reached towards the
small of her back, and her tall hourglass figure had been
perfectly tucked into a seductively simple sea foam dress. It
hugged her body closely, curving around two perfectly
sized breasts, cutting in tightly around her waist, then
flaring out at her hips, as if she were a 1950 varsity girl.
When I got closer, she looked up with two large brown
eyes and a smile spanned across her face. Stepping towards
her, I began to feel the youthful radiance of her perfect
almond skin. Was she really waiting for me?
Hi!
She was.
Somewhere on the Seoul subway a week before, I tugged
open a door connecting my train car to the next, and then
stepped through the threshold. The car was packed. People
were planted down in every seat, and hanging off of every
available handgrip. She stood leaning up against a car door
on the far side of the train, just past a group of Koreans
nattering loudly at each other. Her glittery nails were
busily punching away at the keys on her iPhone. From the

far side of the car I could make out a pair of pouty red lips
planted perfectly between two softly curving cheeks. She
was alone, but completely absorbed by the text message
conversation she was having. I advanced.
When she looked up from her iPhone, my hormones leaped.
In two and a half years of living in South Korea, a country
home to some of the most exceptionally beautiful women
in the world, I had never seen anything like her. She was
truly stunning.
Im a model, she would later tell me with that innocent
look only someone with a playfully naughty side can give. I
teased her for a bit, asking if she was a hand model, if she
spent her summer farming, or, after feeling her muscles, if
she was a taekwondo champion. Somehow, at the end of it,
I walked out of the train car with her number and plans to
meet her the following week. Now she was standing on the
sidewalk in front of me, on a pair of tall red heels, with an
excited, expectant look. I couldnt believe just how
gorgeous this girl was, and that I was actually going to
spend time with her. I couldnt believe that she was
actually here for me.
I smiled and waved, telling her it was great to see her. Then,
quickly my expression changed to shock, and I pointed
behind her. Whats that?!
As she turned to look, I went in and scooped her up,
twirling her in the air. She shrieked loudly and her long red

umbrella twisted behind her, smacking people as she spun.

I let her feet land on the ground with a thump seconds later.
Hey! She yelled at me with embarrassment, noticeably
annoyed, but also a bit amazed. It was exactly what I
wanted. She bowed and apologized to the woman next to
us, then punched me hard in the arm. I doubled over with
laughter, then slid my arm around her waist and guided
her down a tree-lined street towards our restaurant.
It never used to be this easy for me. Growing up I had no
self-esteem. In high school I would walk though the halls
with my head down, looking at the ground, so I wouldnt
draw attention to myself. I was terrified of running into one
of the bigger guys - hair shaved into mohawks, death metal
tattoos running up their forearms, guys who would have a
sinister smile whenever they saw me. I would walk the less
frequented halls and stay far away from the cafeteria but
somehow I would always make a wrong turn. I was
constantly picked on and barely had any friends, never
mind a date.
My self esteem was so low that I couldnt even talk to a girl
normally, not that any of them would actually have given
me the time of day. When it came to women in my school,
their words were just as caustic as the guys who bullied me.
I would walk into a classroom, past a few blond girls
checking their makeup in tiny silver mirrors, then hear
...faggot... hes so gay, in passing. On the outside, my
expression would stay intact but on the inside their words

10

sliced through me like the serrated edges of a sword. I

would find my seat, sit down, then, with a dry numbness,
drift off while my teacher spoke.
During university I watched as the friends I had made
outside of school moved away one by one. On Saturday
nights, I would come out of my room after studying, climb
down the stairs, and then take my place on our familys
aging tweed three-person couch. My mother would smile at
me, then click on the TV and turn to a documentary about
the life of bats, or Alaskan glacial systems. My social life
was dreadful. On the rare weekend that I had to miss
documentary night, my parents were always disappointed.
While my self-esteem was starting to improve, it was still
supernaturally low; it still took a tremendous amount of
courage to spend time with a girl. Of course, I never had
control over which girl I could spend time with. She always
had to choose me and, while she was never decent looking,
she could always out eat me.
Sex, unfortunately, was never her biggest concern. By the
end of university I was beginning to think I would die a
virgin and the anxiety and desperation I felt because of that
grew steadily. One by one I would watch pages slip from
the calendar, first January would pass, then February, and
before I knew it Christmas had arrived again.
My break came one Monday afternoon when I heard that
my friends girlfriends highly sexual sister was interested
in me. I put on my finest khaki pants and striped button

11

down shirt and got set to meet her. With my hair flopping
down to one side, I looked like a nerdier version of Doug
McKenzie. My friends truck pulled up at her house. We
hopped out and made our way single file up to the front
door. My legs were trembling beneath me and my chest
was beginning to tighten. Moments later the door opened
and through the threshold I could just make out a dark
silhouette on the far side of the room. My heart skipped a
beat... then another... and then stopped altogether. She
leaned back on an old wooden computer chair and smiled,
her rippled stomach hanging out from under a shirt 3 sizes
too small like a large cellulite donut. Sitting there, in the
corner of the downstairs living room, was a woman that
reminded me of a younger version of Jabba the Hutt -
beastly, with an odor that punched through walls. I was so
desperate and down, however, that a few months later I
went for it anyways.
In 2009 everything changed. Sick of my dim job prospects
in the West, I headed to Asia with thousands of other
migrant workers. It was there that I met an intrepid little
Canadian girl as wide as she was tall, but with a decent
sarcastic wit. As the gods of love would have it, her
apartment was only two doors down from mine. We spent
nearly every day together; I really pushed myself to open
up, and we grew incredibly close. One day, while I was
lying on her couch, she leaned over and whispered to me
that she was going to go back to Canada. Just for a couple
months, she said. I was reassured that she was coming
back to Korea for at least another year, but the thought of

12

her leaving for months when we had spent nearly every

single day together was troubling. I just didnt want her to
go. I told her that all she really needed was a couple weeks
back home to see friends again and eat Canadian food, but
she was steadfast. When she left I felt hollow. To my horror,
weeks later I found out that she was seeing another guy
back home and that she didnt plan to stop no matter how
broken I was because of it. It was the final blow. Deep in
the icy clutches of depression that winter, I knew I had to
act.
I pulled a book down off my shelf, a book that was written
years before by a guy named Neil Strauss, and started to
read. I had been skeptical when my friend originally
handed it off to me on my way to live in Asia, mentioning
that every guy looking for a hot Asian woman should read
it. I saw a twiggy figure on the front cover and had my
doubts. Neil was a skinny little man with a face that looked
like a mole. He was also hopeless when it came to women.
As I flipped through the pages of the book I began to see
the slow transformation he was making. I saw how he
willed himself to change from an awkward, weak guy, to
something else altogether. I saw him slowly gain
confidence, slowly improve the way he dressed, slowly
improve the way he stood and spoke - I watched as he
slowly became an attractive, socially gifted guy. It was
exactly what I wanted. I knew that getting there would take
just as much work or more, though, so I had to dive deeper
into the subculture to really understand what was going on

13

and to find out if I actually had a chance of improving with

women.
What I found was terrifying. Scanning through book after
book of advice, strategies, and tactics, it began to dawn on
me that if I was to get better, I would have to tackle a lot of
the self-esteem issues that had crippled me growing up. I
would have to put myself on the line, open up, and make
myself vulnerable. Worst of all, though, I would actually
have to go up to women and talk to them.
Even now, I remember my first week clearly. When I look
back, though, it seems like it had happened in a film I saw
once - none of it feels real now. I remember leaving my
house, walking the long stretch of sidewalk past little
Korean shops and venders selling cotton candy or little toy
dogs. I remember making the right hand turn into the little
side street and then climbing the tall stairs down into the
basement bar. Taking a seat on a stool at the bar counter, I
could feel my heart try to escape my chest. Two seats over
sat a petite Korean girl making eyes at her drink. After ten
excruciating minutes I tossed my head over my shoulder
then let out a loud, What are you drinking? The words
crackled out. My ing sounded more l like a weak screech
than anything found in the English language. My legs
nervously shook underneath me. As I paused, I saw her
look up a bit coyly and smile.
These initial first interactions would become routine but
faking confidence was always vital, seeing as I didnt have

14

any of my own. I would compensate by sticking my chest

way out, holding my head up high, and putting on a cocky
smile that said, I know you want me - you just better play
your cards right. To my surprise it worked. Within a
couple of weeks girls started to pay more attention to me. I
began to get smiles as I walked past women, and a few
even started conversations with me. A month later I had
gotten my first phone number. Soon the dates started to
trickle in - a girl in May, two more girls in August. I was
starting to get better.
A year later, my confidence had improved dramatically. I
was able to talk to women almost whenever I wanted to,
and I could have a fun conversation with them nearly every
single time. I was starting to get dates, as well, but more
often than not a girl who had given me her phone number
would end up canceling on me, or not returning my texts.
One month I had spent nearly every single day talking to
women, some of the interactions were shaky at best, but I
felt pretty good about myself. I had collected nearly 20
numbers, and set up dates with 14 of them. At the end of
the month, though, every single girl had flaked on me. None
of them showed up to our scheduled date and a few of
them wouldnt even respond to my texts. I felt sick. I curled
up on my couch thinking about all the work I had put in
without getting anything out of it. I had modeled my
behavior on the advice of many of the top western pickup
artists and it just wasnt working.

15

RedpoleQ
That all changed when I met RedpoleQ.
Stuck in Asia for the last 9 years, RedpoleQ developed a
keen ability to navigate Asian cultures and relationships.
His knowledge and coaching helped me understand why so
many girls would talk to me, giggle a bit, and then never
talk to me again. Using his advice, I started to make
fundamental changes to how I talked to Asian women, and
the goals I had when talking to them. With a lot of work,
dates started flooding in and the quality of the girls who
would actually show up grew rapidly.
This past summer has been one of the most satisfying
summers of my life. When I look back two or three years
ago, I never would have thought that I could talk to, never
mind attract and date, the kind of girls Ive dated this
summer. Where I used to look at women with confusion
and fear, I now see them as unique opportunities to
discover the person behind the initial icy glance. I see a
chance to warm her up, and allow her to discover that, if
she plays her cards just right, she may have the chance to
be with me.
What is This?
Good question. I wondered that myself when I just began to
learn how to be successful with women. To be honest with
you, I didnt know that a person could learn how to be

16

successful with women until one of my friends handed me

Neil Strauss classic book. I thought that some guys had it,
and some guys didnt. I thought that if I didnt have it,
there was nothing I could do about it - if I wasnt successful
with women, then there was no way I would be successful
with women in the future, either. I was completely wrong.
A lot of guys might not realize it but a mans ability to
succeed with women is just a set of skills that he uses to
achieve the outcomes he wants. They are skills, just like
shooting baskets from the three-point line or being able to
type 70 words per minute are skills, and they either come
naturally or through special study and gradual
improvement. In other words, if you dont currently have
the ability to be successful with women, you can definitely
learn the skills you need to bring about successful
relationships with high quality women. This is one huge
advantage that men have over women when it comes to
dating - while most of the value men ascribe to a woman is
based on her physical characteristics, the value women
ascribe to us is based on things that we can massively
improve on through steady effort.
Of course, even guys who realize this can spend a lot of
time making their way down the wrong path. When I first
started learning how to interact with women, I just
assumed that memorizing a few lines would be enough to
wow a girl, and get her interested with me. I remember
combing over Neils book, and jotting the few lines on offer
there down on paper. I would look over the paper nightly,

17

memorizing each word before heading to the bar on the

weekend to put them into practice. It never worked as well
as I thought it should.
Value and Social Skills, Not Lines
Apparently a lot of other guys have this same mindset.
They discover that they can actually improve with women,
they fumble through a few books, and then they spew out
lines hoping that a few will hit their mark, and women will
fall head-over-heels for them. Women just arent that
dumb, though - if it really worked like that, then every guy
would be having sex with hot women. While it is really
important to know what to say, you cant get there by
rattling off a few advanced pickup lines.
Part of what were learning is the ability to read and
understand social situations, and then knowing how to
capitalize on them. During the great divide between boys
and girls that exists throughout elementary school, girls
begin to become educated in a way that most boys are
totally oblivious to. They begin to notice, discuss, and learn
how people act towards each other, what likely causes
their behaviors, and what their actions and behaviors mean.
They begin to observe and understand subtle changes in
body language and voice tonality to an acute degree. In
other words, girls become educated in the dynamics of
human interactions, and this education continues long past
elementary school. By the time guys start chasing girls,

18

girls have become experts in relationships and sexually

charged interactions to a degree that guys just cant match.
Well, most guys, anyways. Learning how to be skilled with
women, in part, means righting this imbalance. It means
catching up to women in terms of knowledge and
understanding of relationship-dynamics. It means
uncovering the roles that both sexes must play for optimal
courtship. It means becoming skilled at bringing about
situations that allow you to use your skills to begin and
manage relationships with the women you chose. Once you
get there, this knowledge and ability is no less than a super
power.
But during the process of building skills and understanding,
you also have to face fears and hang-ups that you
otherwise wouldnt have addressed. Any guy can learn a
set of tactics and strategies then improve his love life
within a short amount of time. Not only have I experienced
this in my own life, Ive seen it day in and day out as my
friends, and their friends, struggle to do the same until they
finally succeed... and keep succeeding. But this kind of
development can only take you so far. By only learning
what to say in certain situations to develop relationships
with women, you really come at this area of your life with a
single set of skills. You essentially become similar to an
advancing army that only has foot soldiers. Your ability to
adapt and change with shifting circumstances is limited
and, in most dynamic personal interactions, this limitation
will be your downfall. What if a novel new situation arises?

19

To really hone your skills, to really develop the ability to

begin relationships with some of the highest quality
women available, takes something more. It takes a slow
and steady transformation of your character as you
progress towards being a higher value guy, someone who
possesses the intrinsic qualities that would attract those
kinds of women in the first place. It also takes a deeper
understanding of the processes at work, the psychological
principles at play. When I look back at myself just a few
years ago and compare the person who I was to the person
I see in the mirror today, the change is striking. Reaching
this point of personal development and growth means
reaching a new level of being.
Your Journey
Looking back to where I have come from, and comparing
that guy to who I am today, the difference is striking. I was
definitely a hard case. I had a lot to learn, and mountains to
move to get better with women. From my inability to read
any social situation to my anemic self-esteem, I really had
my work cut out for me.
Everyone comes into this with their own natural skill-set
and abilities - different physical features, different
strengths, and different weaknesses. Some guys have
absolutely no fear when approaching women they dont
know, but always say the wrong thing when they start a
conversation. Watching them approach a group of women
is like watching an eager, fast moving freight train plow

20

into the side of a mountain. Some of the most attractive

guys cant walk up to a single girl, and always feel that they
failed no matter how weak in the knees the girl felt.
Watching girls throw themselves at these guys only to
receive baffled looks from who they hoped was their new
man is incredibly frustrating. Some guys just look sloppily
put together and have bad habits that turn women right off.
While style can be dramatically improved in a short
amount of time, adjusting habits that have been cultivated
over years can be much harder.
The process of becoming skilled with women is the process
of understanding what you want, identifying who you are,
learning the social role you have to play, and then
developing your character so it becomes easy to get what
you want. Successfully achieving a goal always begins with
an understanding of what that goal is. When it comes to
dating, this means knowing yourself well enough to
understand what kind of life you want and what kind of
woman would fit into that life. This partly requires
understanding who you are, and then making choices
about who you want to be. Through understanding
yourself, you also identify the issues that you have to work
on. This is absolutely key when it comes to achieving great
results - problems that you have often act as bottlenecks to
achieving the kinds of results that you want. But, to get to
those results, you also have to perform actions that propel
you towards your goal. This means having a good
understanding of the social roles that both the guy and the
girl play when developing a dating relationship -

21

understanding what has to happen, and then how to make

those things happen, is the essence of strong social
intelligence. Oddly, learning the social role each person is
expected to play within their given culture is probably the
easiest thing to do, but being able to play out these social
roles with skill takes longer. While many guys see good
results after making only a couple key changes, starting
relationships with really high quality women requires a
more complete overhaul. In the end, this means becoming
the type of guy that woman want to be with, and
presenting the best parts of you to her.
Of course, how far you decide to go is completely up to you.
Many guys find that they can get much better results after
only a month of study, reflection, and then practice on the
weekends. I could, even though I was still miles away from
where I wanted to be. Some guys take that initial success
and capitalize on it, locking a girl down into a long-term
relationship that lasts for years. Other guys want to be able
to develop the skills and character needed to approach,
attract, and date the best looking girls possible. That
requires a much deeper commitment to improving. This is
a path Ive been on for a long time, and let me tell you that
its well worth the effort.
Thats not to say that I havent been very frustrated along
the way. At times, its easy to look at guys who are having
more success than you are, and feel jealous, frustrated,
insecure, or depressed about it. Ive definitely felt all of
these things but, as I have grown and developed, Ive

22

realized that its rarely useful to compare your own

competency with the competency of those around you. You
obtain the best results by focusing inwardly and making an
honest assessment of what you need to improve, then
spending time, day after day, trying to improve those
things.
A mentor is invaluable during this process. By meeting
someone who is much more skilled with women than you
are, you can improve at a much quicker rate than you
otherwise would. A mentor can help you correctly address
issues in months that would otherwise have taken you
years of introspection to see and change. This was
definitely the case for me. While I was developing at a
steady rate when I initially began, meeting RedpoleQ
rapidly increased my personal growth and allowed me to
have the success I have today.
The Joy of Asian Women
When I look back Im surprised about just how long it took
me to recognize how great Asian women are. What a shame.
During my teenaged years, and much of my twenties, I was
always attracted to White women. I always saw Asians as
unattractive, and unfamiliar maybe even strange. I wish I
could have those years back. Things would have been
different.
When it comes down to it, Asian women are spectacular.
They can be strikingly beautiful. South Korea has some of

23

the best looking women in the world, and countries like

Taiwan and Japan are home to some exceptionally
beautiful women, as well. Theres just something about
that lightly tanned skin, that dark brown hair, those deep
dark eyes. It all comes together so well.
They have great bodies, too. While western women have
been described as large and in charge, East Asian women
spend a lot of time taking care of their bodies and
obsessing over how they look. As a result, theyre
physically fantastic. While many Asian women are in great
shape, the younger generation is beginning to add the
curves characteristic of western women, yet is still
retaining a fit physique. It really is the best possible
combination.
Its not just about those superficial characteristics, either -
East Asians also have great personalities. In the West,
many women have become far too masculine to be sexy:
theyre too loud, too domineering, too mouthy, and lack a
lot of class. East Asian woman can be like that as well, but
most of the time theyre highly feminine, conforming to
some of the better social roles inherent in the West 50 or
60 years ago.
In relationships, Asian women are fantastic. It doesnt
matter if you date a Korean, Taiwanese, or Thai girl - they
all seem to have that tender attentiveness reminiscent of
the mother from Leave it to Beaver. They all want to please,
and work hard to have smooth and happy relationships.

24

They allow their guy to carry out his role as man, by letting
him lead the interaction and love all those chivalrous
actions women in the West seem to have shunned.
Amazing.

People being people, not all women in the East or in the
West are as I have described them above. Spend enough
time in Asia, though, and youll quickly notice the striking
cultural trends above.
An Introduction to Asian Culture
When I first came to Asia I heard that Asian women totally
loved White guys, and that getting a hot Asian girl was
inevitable. That seems to be the perception of a lot of
westerners, and I was no different. Coming to South Korea
and seeing Starbucks, KFC, Quiznos, McDonalds, and
Gucci, not to mention the world-class transit system, night
clubs, and massive buildings towering over Seoul, I just
assumed that things were pretty much the same here as
they were back home. I thought it was obvious that if
things were this much alike then dating would be pretty
much the same as well. Since, I assumed, Asian women
were so into foreigners, being successful with Korean
women would be a cinch.
I still remember my first day trip with coworkers from my
very first English language school. One Wednesday
afternoon in late fall we headed to a large mountain that

25

was supposed to have a spectacular view of our city, Suwon.

At 12:30 in the afternoon, nearly 30 teachers packed into a
large, red, chartered bus and sat patiently on plush velvet
seats as the bus made its way through traffic to the gravel
road that lead to the foot of the mountain.
I hopped out of the bus with a small middle-aged woman I
worked closely with on a daily basis and stood there with
her waiting for the rest of the teachers to file out of the bus.
It seemed to take forever for the next few teachers to exit.
My coworker just stood there patiently with an eager smile
on her face. A few more minutes passed and a few more
teachers made their way out of the buss front door and
onto the gravel to join the rest of us. Seeing the bags slung
around their shoulders, it dawned on me that everyone
must be sorting through luggage and changing their shoes
in anticipation of the hike.
It was taking far longer to change shoes than I would have
expected, though, and I was getting impatient. I just wanted
to hit the trail and make it up to the peak to take in the 360
degree panorama of Suwon.
Lets both run up the mountain, and be first to the top, I
suggested to my coworker with a bit of tongue and cheek
humor.
Her brow furrowed, and she looked over at me puzzled. A
second later her face straightened out and I could see a
flash of understanding and compassion.

26

No, we should climb the mountain with everyone else. In

Korea, we do things together.
It took a while for me to understand what this meant. I
mean, I heard and understood the words, but I never would
have guessed just how deep this mindset ran, or how it
would affect my dating life in Asia. To me on that day, she
was just a teacher expressing her opinion about how to act
on a school trip.
Head Spinning First Dates
Its unfortunate just how long it took this concept to sink in.
Shortly after our trip I went on one of my first dates in
Korea. The weekend before, I met her at that little
basement expat bar that would soon begin to occupy a lot
of my time. She was a cute little firecracker but didnt
speak much English at all. I guess I had just the right
amount of charm that night because, for whatever reason,
she agreed to meet me for a drink at a local hof, a Korean
styled drinking bar, at the end of the week.
That Wednesday I got a text message from her asking if it
would be okay if her friend came with us. In the West, we
usually find it pretty uncomfortable if a third person joins
us on a date. We prefer to spend time alone so we can get
to know each other, to get that authentic interaction that
can only come when people meet one-on-one. To me,

27

asking if she could bring a friend was strange, but I said

okay anyways.
On Friday night at 8pm, the two of them stood waiting for
me at the subway station entrance near the hof. She was
even better looking than I had remembered: short with
tight black pants, dark hair bouncing around her shoulders,
and a jacket that pulled tightly around her body. Her friend,
by contrast, was a giant. She towered over my date, as if
she were parental figure guarding a small child.
We made our way up a dirty walking street, passed cotton
candy vendors and chicken restaurants, to a large hof that
was nearly deserted. Once inside, a middle aged Korean
man took us to a table and sat us down with the two girls
across from me. For the next 45 minutes, the girls began
hammering me with questions about family and blood type
- all sorts of odd details I would never have encountered
back home. In the end, I left the hof dazed and confused
over how bizarrely the two had scrutinized me.
This was nothing compared to how I felt after meeting the
girl from my gym, however. I had been going to the gym
across from my apartment for about 4 months where a
lovely Korean woman only a couple of years older than me
had scanned my gym card and given me a locker key nearly
every single day. Eventually, though, I got too lazy to
bother crossing the street so I quit going.

28

Seven months later, I was near Suwon Station in line

waiting for a bus that would take me to Seoul when I heard
a gasp behind me, and then someone call my name. I
looked over, surprised, and saw a tall thin Korean woman
with a big smile on her face. I had no idea who it was, but
she obviously knew me. She followed me onto the bus and
we made light conversation for 10 to 20 minutes before I
finally clued in that I should make plans with her to go for
drinks.
A week later were walking out of a local hookah bar late at
night, after a fairly boring date and a failed kiss attempt by
yours truly. She seemed really interested in me, despite her
absolute refusal to kiss me, take the lead conversationally
(never mind putting any effort into it), or give me any input
into what she wanted to do that night. She had made sure
she got on the bus with me days before and showed up that
night with a hop in her step and a bright smile. She had
even insisted on paying for everything but then,
awkwardly, had refused to sit next to me at the hookah
place.
Stepping out of the bar, I said goodbye and took a few steps
in the direction of my apartment building. She followed. I
was confused. Oh, are you going this way, too? She took a
few more steps with me and then slid her arm under mine.
I walked her back to my apartment in silence.
She came right into my place and sat on my bed. I took my
shoes off and sat down close beside her. She was sitting

29

upright. A patterned flower dress clung loosely to her

shoulders. She seemed flushed with anticipation. I ran my
finger from the small of her back to the tip of her shoulder
then went in to give her two soft pecks on the cheek.
A second later she brought her hands up chest-high, and
shoved me hard across the bed. Its not going to happen!!
I was in shock. The girl had followed me all the way back to
my apartment after an evening of drinking and placed
herself on my bed with a look of anticipation. Now she was
obviously telling me to fuck off. I really had no idea what
was going on, so I did the only thing I could think of. I
kissed her on the cheek again. This time she was a lot more
receptive.
We woke up the next morning and made plans to spend
next Friday night together at a local bar. Stepping out of my
apartment door, she looked terrified that someone would
see her. As the elevator doors opened on the bottom floor,
she peered out, checking to see if the coast was clear. When
she was satisfied, she made a sharp right hand turn out of
my building, and I headed up the street towards work. I
never heard from her again. She never responded to any of
my texts, and never answered any of my phone calls.
Culture Shock
Its easy for foreigners to make the mistake, after seeing so
many western amenities, that Korea is the same as the

30

West but the truth is that Korea, and Asia generally, is a

different world. While, superficially, everything seems
similar, the real differences are found as you dig beneath
the surface. These differences can have a huge impact on
the decisions you make in relationships, and can help
explain what would otherwise be some very nasty
surprises. If you want to succeed in Asia, learning about
Asian culture is absolutely key.
Of course, there are many different cultures in Asia. Asia is
one of the largest continents in the world, and can be
generally split into major regions - East Asia, Central Asia,
South Asia, etc - but there are certain cultural trends that
you will see in most East Asian cultures. These cultural
trends are so pervasive throughout East Asia that we can
look at nearly the entire region as having the same
overarching cultural features, with smaller variations in
these general characteristics from country to country. Im
not saying that there are not huge and striking differences
between East Asian cultures, or that East Asian countries
are not more different than similar in nature - Im just
saying that, when it comes to dating, we can make a broad
set of generalizations about East Asian cultures, and these
generalizations have been very useful. When reading below,
remember that, unless its specified otherwise, these
cultural features apply all over East Asia.
The largest thread stitching East Asia together is
Confucianism. In the West, our culture is shaped largely by
Christian beliefs and traditions, mixed with a strong

31

capitalist ethos, and the strong focus on the individualism

that capitalism encourages. Confucianism, by contrast,
promotes order and structure to society, a togetherness
and a degree of respect rarely seen in the West. Its
pervasive, too. While some countries, such as Japan, have
been separated politically and ideologically from the rest of
Asia for hundreds, or perhaps thousands, of years, even
these countries have been strongly influenced by the
writings of Confucius and the Confucian scholars that
followed him.
In Confucianism, structure and order to society are all-
important. These principles dominate everything from
public holidays to daily interactions between strangers.
The general idea that Confucianism promotes is the idea of
respect towards elders and those who have higher status in
society, such as the CEO of Sony or even ones late
ancestors. Elders and those of higher status are in term
supposed to provide fatherly guidance to those of lower
status, and be protectors and guides to those who look up
to them.
The consequence this has for family dynamics is fairly
obvious - while its true that fathers have historically
supposedly been the head of the household in the West,
this is a very real feature of Asian culture, and the typical
degree of respect that is commanded by them far exceeds
anything seen in the West. In Asia, parents are so respected
that they often even decide which university program their

32

children study, and ultimately what kind of job they get, or

whom they socialize with.
It also means that where you place in the social hierarchy
determines how much respect you get, how much respect
you have to give to those of higher social rank, and who is
taken care of before you are. This principle saturates every
aspect of Asian culture and is ever present in everyday
interactions. A group of Koreans attending a birthday party
who dont know each other can find themselves in a very
awkward situation if there is no obvious distinction in rank,
for example. Since nobody is sure of the level of respect
they need to give nobody talks out of fear of mis-stepping
socially.
The degree that social rank influences interpersonal
relationships is something that a lot of guys misunderstand.
In Asia, its common for girls to just not show up for a date.
Often this is because the girls time was co-opted by
someone of higher status. While other Asians may
understand these dynamics, Westerners often dont and
can feel badly when it happens to them. Ultimately, except
for maybe Hong Kong and South East Asia, foreigners are
low status, and its a mistake to look at not showing up to a
date or canceling plans the same way you would in the
West.
Confucianism is very conservative, so it should be no
surprise that Asian cultures tend to be very conservative,
as well, compared to the West. Sure there are clubs and

33

bars and girls who wear leather jackets and smoke, theres
casual sex and highly sexual music videos, but social
traditions are well guarded and theres huge pressure from
most of society to keep them alive. Places like Hong Kong
and Singapore might be more open to new ideas and
methods due to their strong capitalist ethos but, on the
whole, Asian culture is substantially more conservative
than cultures that make up Western Civilization.
Take marriage for instance. Marriages throughout East
Asia used to be arranged, just like they were hundreds of
years ago in the West and still are in India. In East Asia,
though, arranged marriage in a few countries, such as
Korea, has only been recently overturned in favor of
modern marriage based on love. Despite that, families still
exercise a lot of control over a daughters choice of
marriage partner, and the consequences that can result
from ignoring parental expectations can be large. A lot of
parents are flatly against dating outside of the race, or even
dating someone of lower social status. While in the West
this is usually no big deal, in East Asia dating serves one
purpose, and that purpose is not to have fun - its to find
someone to marry.

Like most other conservative countries that have strict
controls - whether social or legal - over marriage, women
in Korea and China are not supposed to have premarital
sex. Sexual permissibility differs from country to country,
throughout Asia, however. In Korea, grown women still

34

have curfews set by their fathers and its not uncommon

for women even over the age of 30 to be expected home
before midnight. Ive been out with countless girls who
have had to scurry off before 10:30 to make it home before
their 11:30 curfew. This is just one tactic that elders can
use to control their daughters sexual activity.
Traditionally, in East Asia, women were expected to marry
before the age of 25 (international years, if your interest is
Korean women) but residue from this cultural practice still
saturates East Asian cultures today. Awkwardly, if youre
single in Korea above the age of 25, its common for people
to look at you with uncertainty and ask you why youre not
married yet or when youll get married. Specifically,
Japanese, Koreans, and Chinese in their mid-20s are still
under a tremendous amount of pressure to get married
and start good families.
A good family doesnt just require marriage into a good
bloodline or high status family, either - it also requires a
certain amount of education. In East Asia, as you probably
expect, education is highly prized. Beyond the stereotypes
that exist in the West, though, Asians generally work
substantially harder than you can imagine. Korean parents,
for example, push their children so hard to study that the
country was officially told by the United Nations to take
pressure off its kids. Korean kids typically not only attend
regular school, but also private after school centers where
they learn subjects such as math, music, or English. The
focus on education is fanatical, and competition to get into

35

a good university is fierce. High school in South Korea is

widely regarded to be the worst period of a persons life
because of the amount of work and pressure put on
students. All of this can be said about China, Japan, and
other parts of Asia, as well. Work is stacked upon work and
it all adds up making for some very late nights. If students
are studying until midnight 6 nights of the week there is
very little time for dating.
Most dating really starts once students have finally entered
university and can take some much needed time off. When
it comes to dating, though, traditional ways of meeting still
dominate. In the West, its common for two people to meet
in a nightclub, church, or a community/school group and
then start dating. While this does happen in the East,
people still mostly meet through other people on blind
dates, where each person brings along 2 or 3 friends for
drinking, food, and karaoke. Sometimes people even elicit
the services of a matchmaker to find them a marriage
partner. While a lot of people want the freedom to date in
more modern ways, its still rare for two people to meet
randomly in public and then start dating.
Asians endure another daunting work schedule when they
enter the labor force after university. Its very common for
Koreans, for example, to work 10-hour days, 6 days a week,
and this trend is true right across most of Asia, with the
possible exception of Southeast Asia. While the family is
expected to show a socially acceptable amount of
reverence for the father figure, the same is true of the

36

father towards his employers. Often times, actual work

hours far exceed hours an employee is officially expected
to work, but there is little in the way of overtime pay or
banked holidays. This is especially true in Hong Kong,
Japan, and South Korea. In East Asian workplaces generally,
an employees job is to work diligently, listen and obey all
instructions, and shut up when it comes to personal
opinion. Male employees are also required to spend time
drinking with management after hours, which can put a
huge strain on families. These outings may even include
spending time with young women or visiting prostitutes if
the boss is into that sort of thing. Today, South Korea has
the 13th highest rate of alcohol consumption in the world.

Since Asian culture is highly paternalistic, men have
traditionally assumed the role of breadwinner, while
women were expected to play a good supporting role in the
family. Essentially, this meant that a womans entire
survival depended on the men in her life - either her father
when she was younger or her husband after she married. If
a woman wanted to survive and thrive in society, her
husband was her only vehicle to do so. Of course, women
were far from helpless, but their position in society was
largely determined by the guy they netted.
While this is changing somewhat recently, women still
suffer a huge disadvantage when it comes to earnings and
job advancement - theyre at a much larger disadvantage
than women in the West. The social condition of women

37

has, in turn, shaped the way women select mates in Asia,

which is something that a lot of guys just dont understand.
Since their positions are tenuous, since women have to rely
on their husbands for their lifestyle and social status,
women put much more emphasis on security than western
women do. That means that, when looking for a partner,
women in Asia tend to focus much more on the degree to
which a guy likes them for non-transient reasons, reasons
that go beyond a pretty face or nice pair of breasts. Of
course, western women look for this as well, but the extent
to which Asian women value just how much a man likes
them is far greater than in the West. A woman has to be
sure, after all, that youre not going to leave her for a more
beautiful girl if you have the opportunity to, since the
ramifications of this could be devastating. This also means
that Asian women dont value risk-taking to the same
degree as western women do. Asian women dont see guys
who have been adventurous enough to try bungee jumping
or skydiving as particularly worthwhile, for example. What
if the rope snapped?
Along with security, women also screen for the highest
status guy they can securely sink their emotional hooks
into. Bloodline, job, wealth and family history matters far
more in Asia than in the West. By selecting a guy, a woman
is essentially placing all of her eggs in his basket and
hoping that he wont run away with them. If the guy leaves
her, or fails to excel economically or socially, her and her
family will suffer. High status guys are not plentiful, so
there is a lot of competition for them. To find the best

38

possible mate, East Asian women dress really well and

often resort to plastic surgery. Spend a summer in pretty
much any moderately wealthy Asian country and youll see
just how hot Asian women can look when they want to.
Date one, on the other hand, and youll experience a world
of difference between East Asian women and Western
women. While Western women can definitely be sweet and
caring, in East Asia this is a dominant trend. Little gifts,
sweet messages, dinners cooked, apartments cleaned, East
Asian women take on all the great characteristics June
Cleaver had in old episodes of Leave it to Beaver. If youve
never dated a woman like that, trust me when I say you
want to. Whether consciously recognized or not, all of this
is aimed at forming a great, loving, close relationship. Of
course, they have some pretty large expectations from guys
when it comes to dating, as well.
Ultimately, when it comes to mate selection, East Asian
women approach the topic pragmatically. Dating is not fun
but a means to find a life partner. Emphasis is on how
much the two would match up as a married couple, how
wealthy, or high status the guy is, and how much shes
sunk her emotional hooks into him. In the end, this is all
geared towards producing a happy, fruitful, harmonious
home.
Masking Reality

39

While Confucian ideology shapes a lot of East Asian culture,

another piece of East Asian culture that differs
substantially from the West is the concept of face. Face
basically refers to how someone looks in front of others,
and losing face means looking badly in front of others. It
took a while for this concept to really become a part of how
I conceptualized and dealt with situations in South Korea.
I have a really sore memory of a situation that took place in
my first workplace in South Korea. I was having difficulties
with a lady that I worked with daily named Rina, so I
confided in a Korean male coworker who I thought was a
fairly good work-friend. I told him that things were not
great between Rina and me, and that she spent a lot of time
harshly criticizing me and my teaching without giving me
any advice when I asked for it. A day later, Rina walked into
my classroom and started ripping me apart for saying bad
things about her. She was furious about how I made her
look in front of other people, and she let me know it with
loud shrieks of anger. That lunch hour I went up to the
cafeteria like I normally did and sat down to eat lunch in
my normal spot. When the other male teacher arrived, I
told him how difficult he had made things for me by
opening his mouth about my problems with Rina. I told
him that he shouldnt have done that, and that I trusted
him when I told him those things. I was raging inside, but
doing a fairly good job of keeping that rage inside.

40

Unfortunately there were other teachers eating next to us

who were taking this all in, as well. After that lunch hour he
never even looked at me again. He was incredibly insulted
that I had brought the problem up in front of the other
teachers at our school.
Causing someone to lose face is a serious breach of
etiquette in East Asia. Basically, anything that causes a
woman to look badly in front of others means she will lose
face. This has serious ramifications for interactions in East
Asia. For one, while teasing is okay, teasing has to be fun.
Even still, teasing can sometimes backfire and should be
used with caution. Relationship indiscretions and
misconducts need to be handled tactfully, such as when a
friend mentions something to someone else that he
shouldnt have, with a sharp eye on the ramifications that
any response will have. Remember how I handled the
situation with my Korean coworker? There were much
better ways to deal with that situation - unfortunately I
didnt recognize the importance of saving face back then.
While the big principles dictated by Confucianism are easy
enough to understand, foreign guys who are successful
with East Asian women have found best practices that help
tremendously when trying to navigate specific situations in
much different cultures.
On the flip side, East Asian cultures view foreigners with
just as much perplexity at times, maybe even to a larger
degree. In East Asia, people value and think in terms of
group and community. In dating life, this is mostly seen

41

with a girls love for bringing friends along on your date -

which unfortunately makes it much more difficult to have
sex with her later that night. Community also means that
outsiders are mistrusted. For every in group there has to
be an out group, people who are not part of the Japanese,
or Chinese, or South Korean club. Depending on the
country in question, foreigners can be viewed with more or
less suspicion or hatred. While Hong Kong has been open
to outsiders, many of whom settle there with new ideas
and technologies that businesses can exploit, South Korea
generally sees foreigners as invaders, and anti-foreigner
groups have been mobilized at times to stalk and harass
foreign workers. Paranoia about foreigners might be just as
strong in China, while Japanese people more just see
outsiders as an interesting spectacle aside from the far
rightwing political parties who drive around in black vans
yelling at non-Japanese people, that is. Still, no matter
which country you are in, foreigners are never really
accepted as part of society, at least not to the degree they
are in the West. Even in Hong Kong, a city made up of many
different ethnic groups, sharp divisions still exist - a
blending of cultures just hasnt taken place.
Interaction between races and cultures does happen,
however. Despite the generally negative attitude South
Koreans can have towards foreigners, South Koreans are
still keenly interested in the advantages that interaction
with foreigners can give business and technological
development. A good example of this is how the country
hired Japanese firms to build Seouls first subway line, and

42

then dissected and copied Japanese expertise to construct

the rest of the massive subway system. While there is a
general mistrust and unease, many South Koreans are still
very interested in outsiders and want to spend time getting
to know them, or make foreign friends. Due to the
hierarchal structure of society, however, its not easy for
them to just walk up to a stranger and start a conversation.
At times, though, some Korean will feel brave enough (or
drunk enough) to wander up to a foreigner and say hi.
While Ive singled out Korea in this instance, much of the
same can be said about China, which shares a similar
culture. In general, while Asia can be closed to new ideas
and methods, there is still a portion of the population that
wants to meet and experience something outside of their
own culture.
Interracial Dating and You
So what does all this mean for interracial dating? In the
West, interracial dating has really just recently become
acceptable, even if there are some factions of Western
society that still hate it. In some Asian countries, on the
other hand, the situation is flipped - while a large portion
of the population is stubbornly against interracial dating,
there are pockets of the population that are fine with it.
This characterization best fits China and South Korea; the
population of other East Asian countries tends to see things
differently. One of the most common fantasies Japanese
girls have, for example, is dating a foreigner... before

43

settling down with a Japanese man. In Hong Kong,

foreigners are seen as desirable long-term partners since
many of the foreigners who visit Hong Kong are highly
career focused, higher-level financial professionals who are
rightly seen as real go-getters. In much of South East Asia
landing a foreigner is like winning the lotto - it dramatically
improves a womans well being - so many people embrace
interracial dating. Compare that to South Korea, where a
woman can be labeled a whore for having dated a foreigner.
With this kind of social pressure, only a small pocket of the
population is willing to step out of the South Korean gene
pool. In fact, its a mistake to think that South Korean or
Chinese women who date foreigners are always looking for
a safe, secure, loving relationship. Often, women will just
be looking for a break from their own culture, want to
improve their English, want to have fun, or just want a
taste of something exotic.
Of course, by foreigner Im mostly talking about White
men. In East Asia, there is a racial hierarchy in terms of
status, with Asian Americans (or Canadians, or British, or
Europeans, etc.) being at the top, White men being next in
line, followed by Black Americans (Canadians, etc.) and
South Asians, and then Black Africans near the bottom. Its
a sad fact, but one that has to be acknowledged if youre
going to succeed here. All of this should point to some fairly
obvious barriers to relationships in Asia, but these are
barriers that have been successfully navigated before. Ill
show you how.

44

The Quest for Value

If there is one thing that is true about all relationships its
that they are all held together through an exchange of value.
While people might not recognize this openly, we all form
relationships with other people because those other people
are able to offer us value that we feel we would be better
off having. When meeting someone new, we
subconsciously assess what kind of benefits they can offer
us, for example an ability to provide financial or emotional
benefits, and then decide to spend time with that person as
a result of that assessment.
If you think back to your own life, its easy to see this in
action. Who was the last friend you met? Why did you
become friends with him or her? Was it that he could
expand your group of friends, was good at fixing computers,
or made you feel good about yourself? Could he keep you
company while you were engaged in a hobby? Think of
your last girlfriend. Did you get together with her because
she made you laugh, was sexy, or you felt like it would be a
good opportunity to have regular sex? Any of those reasons
are fine, but its important to recognize that all of those
reasons are assessments of value you made.
Women are no different. When it comes to relationships,
women seek out people who can provide them with value.
When it comes to a sexual relationship, however, women
look for a specific kind of value - they look for a guy who

45

can give them and their children the best chance at

surviving and thriving in our world.
This is the general theme, but a couple of adjustments have
to be made to this model in order to get it to work well for
you. First of all, its important to recognize that a lot of the
preferred characteristics of the opposite sex have been
shaped over millions of years of human evolution. Our
modern industrially advanced society has only been
around for a couple of hundred years, while for tens of
thousands of years previous to it we spent our time in
small tribes, and, for millions of years before that, our
ancestors spent time roaming around the fields of Africa or
swinging from trees. During all of this time, evolution was
hard at work shaping our brainstem, a very primal area of
our brain that marketing wizard Seth Godin calls the
lizard brain.
While we like to think that we are rational beings who
think through problems, the reality is that a lot of the time
the lizard brain makes decisions for us, which we then
work to rationalize. The lizard brain is primarily in charge
of our fight or flight response, but its also responsible for
things like reproduction; and, part of its role in
reproduction is helping to select the best possible mate. As
guys, its fairly obvious what we are looking for in a
woman: we primarily want someone who is beautiful,
which signals fertility. For women, mate selection means
finding a man who would be best able to care for her and
her children. Since our preferences have been formed over

46

the past tens of thousands, or perhaps millions, of years,

female mate selection doesnt necessarily correspond to
the characteristics or traits that would best allow a man to
survive in todays world. Instead, what women typically
seek when deciding who to pair up with is the Neolithic
tribal leader: strong, confident, socially astute, intelligent,
rugged, able to deal successfully with dangerous situations
through violence and courage if needed with the goal of
protecting those he cares about.
Take a moment and think about it. When you consider back
to your high school experience, a time that closely mirrors
Stone Age tribal society, which guys were always the most
popular with women? If your school was anything like
mine, it was always the guys who played sports, and were
popular with other guys. They were the guys who took a
casual approach to a lot of things but still excelled. They
were the tall guys, the muscular guys, the guys who were
dripping with confidence. They always seemed calm, cool,
and collected. It never really mattered how good their
grades were. If there was ever a group decision to be made,
members of that group would automatically turn to them
to see what they wanted to do, to see which way they
wanted to lead. For the life of me, I cant remember a
member of the finance club who even had a date, never
mind one who was popular with girls. This trend of the
dominant Neolithic tribal leader being the most sought
after by women is just as true thousands of years ago, as it
is in high school, Hollywood, or even your local shopping
mall.

47

Hold on, wait just a minute, you say. What about rich
guys? Those finance nerds will grow up and get great jobs
and become really wealthy... and be able to get a lot of
women because of that, right? Sure. When you look
around you can probably see a lot of examples of ugly guys,
weak guys, nerdy guys who have a lot of money and dont
seem to have any problem attracting some great looking
women. This is especially true in South East Asia. When I
travel throughout South East Asia, it is very easy to spot a
hot 20-something Asian woman with a skinny looking
white man that is clearly past his mid-life point and who
likely doesnt have a bank account flush with cash.
Beautiful women date skinny, ugly, weak, or nerdy guys
and that is just a fact of life. In those situations, though, you
have to ask whether the woman is really attracted to the
man, his money, or the lifestyle he can provide. My bet is
that she is not attracted to him, like she is attracted to
other guys who conform to the ideal of the Neolithic Man.
My bet is that she got with him because of his wealth, or
the lifestyle he can provide her with.
Those two things are important to distinguish. In the case
of the high school hunk, the girls are attracted to his innate
potential to become an influential guy who can provide her
and her offspring with the best chance of survival in the
future. The traits he possesses are innate to him, they dont
come from any other place, and she is attracted to him
because for tens of thousands of years before the industrial

48

revolution the traits he possessed were key to thriving in

the world. Essentially, her lizard brain is telling her that he
is high value because of these traits and that she should get
with him to ensure her survival and the survival of her
offspring. In the past, his genetic endowment essentially
skewed the odds in his favor - guys like that had a greater
chance of rising to the top of the pack, surviving a crisis,
and providing a great life for their loved ones.
Wealth, on the other hand, is different. While good looks
and innate ability strongly suggest the ability to thrive in
various situations in the future, wealth allows for survival
and the obtainment of a good lifestyle now. In both
situations the woman is attracted, but in the case of the
nerdy finance guy she is attracted to the situation more
than she is to him. She does not see in him the character
that would allow him to fend off a band of Vikings, or bring
in a good hunt.
To put it another way, if the finance guy suddenly lost his
fortune then the woman would be far less attracted than
before, and could possibly leave him, while if the same
thing happened to a guy who possesses the traits of a
Neolithic tribal leader, she would still be attracted to him
for his potential. He would still possess the characteristics
needed to bring in enough food to prepare and store for the
winter so the family could survive.

49

If you want to date the most beautiful women imaginable,

an alternative to constant self-improvement is obtaining a
vast amount of wealth. Not that wealth is a guaranteed way
to attract women, though. My friend RedpoleQ has spent
many hours coaching wealthy guys who had a lot of trouble
finding women who were into them. When it comes to
attraction, it seems, money is not always the solution.
But value alone is not enough, either. For a guys value to
be of any use to a woman, the woman also has to have
continuing access to that value. Continuing access is key. In
the age of the dinosaurs, if a woman had a kid with a high
value male but the high value male had no interest in
taking care of her or the child then the woman and her
child had a good chance of dying. With nobody there to
take care of them, their chances of getting eaten by a T-Rex
or just starving would be substantially higher. Because of
these dangers, over millions of years, women have
developed the preference for males who will provide them
continuing access to value. Essentially, if the man will not
provide the women continuing access to his value then the
woman just wont want to be with him. This becomes truer
as you travel further away from the West and you discover
that a womans survival still does, in a very real way,
depend on the men in her life.
Laying the Groundwork

50

Probably the easiest thing to learn is the social script

behind forming new sexual relationships. We deal with
social scripts every day. When we go to the super market
we have a certain understanding of how things should
unfold: we collect our basket or buggy, load it with beer
and chips, then head to the checkout, unload it all onto the
conveyer belt, whip out our parents credit card, and
eventually head out of the store with our typical Monday
night supplies. Within this larger social script are smaller
scripts, such as what to do when we arrive at the checkout.
We understand that we have to stand in line, at the back,
and wait for the people in front of us to finish before were
helped. We understand how to use those little square sticks
to separate our haul from the haul the person in front of us,
so we dont end up buying what were supposed to be his
adult diapers. We understand what role we have to play in
the interaction with the checkout girl: we must say hello
when greeted, we must take out our parents credit card in
anticipation of paying, we must fumble through our
pockets to find our 2 for 1 beer coupons, and finally we
must tell the bagger to use re-usable bags so our tree-
hugger girlfriend wont raise her voice when we get back
to our parents basement with the goods. For this
interaction to run smoothly, both the cashier and the
customer have to play their respective roles adequately.
Just like shopping, dating consists of certain scripts. These
scripts can vary depending on the situation, but weve
found one script to be far more common both in Asia and

51

throughout the rest of the world. Its a script that leads an

interaction from a few simple words all the way to a deeper
dating relationship. When developing your skills with
women, remembering this script is absolutely key. It will
govern most things that you do when you start talking to a
woman that youre interested in. While some relationships
begin despite it, the script is pervasive enough to make it a
sort of social law. Typically, weve found that for any
romantic relationship to start, a woman must feel three key
things: she must feel attraction for you, that she has
qualified for your love, and that she is comfortable enough
to engage in a deeper, sexual, relationship with you.
You can look at these three things as objectives that you
need to achieve if you are to reach your goal of dating her.
When you meet a woman, for instance, she must be
attracted to you and what you can provide her or she wont
want to be in a romantic relationship with you. Without
being attracted to you, a woman will place you on a shelf
with a lot of other nice guys who she considers friends. If
you approached her randomly, as a stranger, then shes
likely to just disappear after your interaction, never to
been heard from again. Failing to attract a woman youre
interested in means walking down a dead-end path and
ultimately failing to spark a relationship. This is also true if
you fail to show a woman that she is good enough to be
with you, that she possesses qualities that you like and
would be a great fit in your life. Once she is interested in

52

you, shell start to worry about whether you actually like

her... or if shes just another girl to you.
Allowing her to feel comfortable with you is also
monumentally important. If a woman is not comfortable
with you, then she probably wont even want to be left
alone in a room with you, never mind trust her heart to you
in a special relationship. When it comes to dating, all of
these objectives are vital if you are to have a chance of
beginning a relationship with her.
Dont care for a girlfriend right now? Just want to have sex
with women you meet? Those same key factors must still
be in place, granted some to a greater or lesser degree. A
woman might not have to feel as strongly that she has
qualified for your love, for example, if shes just going to
have sex with you... but she still has to feel that you see
something special about her that makes you want to
pursue her.
All of these objectives have their own set of strategies and
tactics, their own social scripts that you should understand
if you want to become skilled with the opposite sex, and
they all should fit into the interaction in a general order.

Key to starting an interaction with the intended purpose of
a sexual relationship is attraction. Attraction itself is based
on the value proposition that you offer her, the same value
that we covered earlier. While value proposition might

53

be a good way to characterize it, make no mistake about it:

the value has to be felt rather than stated.
Value assessment works on a much more subtle, or implicit,
level. Essentially she has to feel that you are a guy who
possesses a lot of value. She has to feel that you are a guy
that women want to be with.
Achieving this is both simpler and more difficult than it
sounds. A guy can make tremendous improvements by just
changing a few key things. A mans style is critical here - it
communicates a lot about who the man is inside, how
socially savvy the guy is, and can go a long way to making
up for any less-than-attractive physical features he might
have been blessed with. In other words, a guy who is ugly
can improve his attractiveness tremendously by dressing
well. Thats why we took on a style consultant at
AsianDatingMonthly.com. Another key change can be made
in how he interacts with other people. While the cool,
suave, quiet guy may get a lot of girls in movies, in real life
there are far better ways to be an attractive guy. For one,
girls are attracted to fun social guys, guys who are not
afraid to talk to people - anybody - they dont know. Being
social and starting fun conversations with the drycleaner,
the old lady on the train next to you, or the little kid playing
with a toy jeep is a great way to be an attractive person in
the eyes of women, and random conversations like this do
a lot for your ability to interact with women generally.
These are just two factors that can improve your

54

attractiveness to women, and help you look like a guy

whom a lot of women want to be with. There is, of course, a
lot more to it and developing this part of your personality
is critical to becoming very successful with women.
So is qualifying women during an interaction. Allowing a
woman to feel that she qualifies for our love and affection
is the second objective that we have to achieve to move an
interaction towards a dating relationship.
In fact, qualifying a woman is absolutely critical to
developing the type of relationship you want to have with
her. This is especially true in Asia. In Asia, women are far
more interested in the security they can have in a
relationship with you than they are in anything else. To
most women in Asia, the value you possess and are offering
means very little if you are not offering continuing access
to that value - if youre not guaranteeing that they have a
lock on that value. Generally, a woman just wont feel that
she has a lock on the value you are offering if she doesnt
feel that you yourself find value in her intrinsic qualities, as
well. By valuing the qualities that she possesses, you
essentially tell her that she has what you are looking for in
a long-term partner, that she somehow fits a standard that
you have when it comes to women, and that she has traits
that you just cant find in other women, which make her a
much better option for you. Alongside this is the need to let
her see how she fits into your life, how she can become an
integral part of your existence and the plans that you have

55

for your life going forward. At the end, a woman should feel
that she occupies a very special place when it comes to how
you assess the women you have come across in your life.
If a woman feels that she occupies a special place in your
life then she is more likely to meet you again. To develop a
special relationship with her and move the interaction
towards sex, however, she must feel comfortable with you.
With comfort, you really have to focus on achieving a few
different things. One of those things is allowing her to trust
you more and more. If a woman doesnt trust you, she may
not allow you to take the interaction any further, or she
might not even want to spend any time alone with you. A
woman must trust you in multiple ways. She must feel that
you are not a danger to her physical safety, of course, but
also that youre not a danger to her psychological safety or
reputation. It is vitally important that a woman does not
feel that you are some sort of manipulator - and you
shouldnt be - that will just leave her after she becomes
fully invested emotionally. Qualification partly helps
achieve this, but so does framing the interaction in a way
that makes her see the two of you together in a close
relationship in the future. She has to trust that youre going
to be there to protect her and to help her when she needs it.
As a man and potential partner, being her protector when
times get tough is exactly what shes looking for, at least on
a level below conscious awareness.
Key to this is developing a proper emotional connection. An

56

emotional connection is very important in providing the

woman a sense of security in a relationship because its
emotions that convince a partner to stay in a relationship
and motivate people to act to protect those they care about.
If a woman feels you are emotionally connected to her, if
she feels that you have become attached to her on an
emotional level, then she will feel that you will be there in
the future to share life together - if she so choses - and
provide her with the value that you have on offer.
While there are a number of ways that you can build an
emotional connection with a woman, probably the best
way is to engineer shared emotional experiences. On a
typical 3rd or 4th date, youve already gotten past the
boring get to know you chit chat and have begun talking
about fun things that happened to you, or sad stories that
have had a major impact on your life. You have likely
shared some laughs, perhaps about people you have seen
when out together or about an odd situation that the two of
you found yourselves in together. This is all part of what it
means to have a shared emotional experience. While a lot
of this happens naturally as you start dating, its possible to
bring these type of experiences around faster, and to make
them more emotionally compelling, in order to build a
better relationship with her, sooner.
One way is to poke fun of other people while you are on
one of your first dates with her. Once I was sitting with a
date at a second story coffee shop window, which looked

57

down at the street below. Down there, a guy was leaning up

against a pile of boxes, smoking. I turned to her and said,
Look at him. He must be bored out of his mind. Haha
maybe hes there just to be seen - leaning back all cool like.
My date was howling with laughter. Another time, in the
same coffee shop with a different girl, I saw a guy picking
his ear. I told my girl how sexy he looked, jokingly, and
teased her about being attracted to guys with a lot of
earwax. She had an enormous grin on her face.
Once I attacked random strangers with my umbrella. Ok, it
wasnt quite that bad, but it was definitely fun. I picked my
date up from the subway station and let her step under my
umbrella then wrapped my arm around her. On the way to
the coffee shop I mentioned something about Battle
Umbrellas and then pointed at some middle-aged guy. The
sidewalk was crowded so when I walked by I gave his
umbrella a hard knock with my own and then we scurried
away quickly. Shock flashed across her face but a sly smile
soon slipped out of the corner of her mouth. I did this two
or three more times and she started slapping my arm,
laughing, telling me to stop.
At first these may look like horrible things to do on a date,
but its important to remember that what were going for
is shared emotions, and that sharing a range of emotions is
better than sharing one happy positive emotion. By sharing
a range of emotions you build an emotional rollercoaster
for her, and women find this intoxicating.

58

Positive emotions are much easier to initiate, assuming

that youre a normal person and not an asshole. To this end,
stories and humor work well. Stories are great for
conveying things about yourself that you otherwise
wouldnt be able to convey through a typical interaction. A
story about how you used to be picked on a lot in school,
which pushed you to study martial arts, and lead you to
stand up for a lady who was about to be attacked by three
men, allows your girl to experience a wider range of
emotions that she just wouldnt have had the chance to
experience on a typical date. How many times are you on
your way to meet a girl only to find that shes around the
corner getting mugged?
Unless you live in Trenton, New Jersey, it probably happens
very rarely. By using stories, however, you are able to give
her these types of emotional experiences and share a much
broader range of emotions than she would otherwise have
on a typical date.
But emotions alone are not enough. To feel comfortable
with you, she also has to have an understanding that
spending time with you has secured her a central place in
your life going forward. She has to feel that she has become
a large part of your existence. She has to feel that you want
her to occupy that spot, and that the two of you teaming up
to conquer the world together is inevitable. Once a woman
feels this on a fundamental level, then she tends to open up

59

and behave in ways that are characteristic of how women

act in couple relationships. Ultimately, since you want this
type of relationship with a high quality girl, it is critical that
she sees a large amount of value in you and assesses it as
value that she will have continuing access to if she wants it.
One of the ways to do this is to talk about the things the
two of you will do together at some point in the future. Ask
yourself what it is that you want to do with the girl youre
with, and then tell her that the two of you will do it in the
future. Its really that simple. By doing so, you frame the
interaction as the beginning steps of a long close romantic
interaction. You frame her as being yours and you as being
hers, and the relationship as continuing long into the future.
You dont have to be Mr. Serious when doing this either.
Using humor is a great way to frame the interaction this
way. During a conversation about social roles in marriage
for instance, tell her that she better not expect to stay at
home watching TV all day and eating chocolate. So long as
you make it silly enough a woman in East Asia will usually
find it hysterical, and using humor in this way is great for
getting her thinking about the two of you being together in
the future.
All of this is key for getting her to say yes to having sex
with you, and thats really what all of it is about. A dating
relationship is a special type of sexual relationship, a
relationship that most healthy human beings crave.

60

Of course, before you can do any of this you need to be able

to start an interaction with a woman. You need to go up
and talk to a woman you dont know, or one you dont
know very well. Ive always found it amazing just how
terrified most men are when it comes to talking to a
strange woman. When looking at everything else a guy can
be afraid of - going off to war, standing up to a large bully,
jumping out of an airplane - walking up to a woman to start
a conversation seems like a big nothing.
Still, even among the most confident guys, approaching a
woman is terrifying. Whenever I see someone new to the
sport, their number one concern is always how to approach
a woman, what to say to her initially. What drives this
obsession is the fear of approaching her in the first place.
In fact, women are so intimidating to talk to for many guys
that even guys who are socially gifted, guys who are very
skilled with women, can freeze up when they see a girl they
like.
Unfortunately, talking to a woman you may barely know is
also a necessary step in meeting an attractive women and
having chance to date one. An interaction with a woman
has to start for there to be any chance of taking the next
step, allowing her to see you as an attractive person, and
progressing down the path towards Sexville. Nothing can
move forward without first starting an interaction. In order
to begin down this path, you have to learn to master your
fear of approaching women you dont know, and develop

61

the techniques that will allow you to have the best possible
results every time you walk up to talk to a woman. While a
detailed discussion of how to first talk to a woman is
beyond the scope of this book, it will be a main point of
focus in future volumes. I assure you that talking to women
you dont know is both easier and more difficult than you
think.
Frames, and the People Who Use Them
Notice how each of these elements sits within a more
general context. Stop reading at the end of this sentence,
then go back to the beginning of the last section and try to
figure out what the overall context is.
What we have are three different parts that fit into a whole.
We have the initial few words, the stage where the woman
becomes attracted to us, the part where she realizes that
we like her as well because she fits into our life, and finally
the stage where enough comfort is built to develop a sexual
relationship. All of this fits into the general context, or
frame, of serendipitously starting a romantic relationship.
Thats the frame in which it all takes place.
Frames are very important. We use them every day.
Frames are the overall context in which something
happens, and the context always gives meaning to specific
actions. Think about the shopping scene above. In the
example, I joked about the man picking up his regular

62

Monday night supplies. This scene was funny because we

assume that the guy as a bit of a loser, someone who drinks
beer and eats chips in his parents basement, a guy who
pays for his beer and chips with his parents money, despite
being old enough to buy beer himself. We look at the
situation and shake our head because of how the guy looks.
What if I were to provide you with more details about the
guys Monday night, though? What if I were to tell you that
his father, a fire chief for a crew of volunteer firefighters,
asked him to step out of the house for a few minutes to pick
up some beer and chips for his crew, guys coming back
from a week of fighting bushfires up north? Think about
the guys actions within that context - suddenly he doesnt
seem like such a loser, but looks like a great guy who is
helping out his dad and giving the fire crew a well deserved
thank you.
Context is just as relevant in this situation as it is in all
other parts of life. It informs how we view interactions,
how we interpret comments, or even how we read the
body language of others. By controlling the frame, we can
effectively control how the entire interaction is seen by
others and, more importantly, those within it.
Girls impose frames on guys all the time. Just try asking
decently young women for directions and see how many
times you get ignored. In these situations, she has a frame
stuck in her head that any guy who tries to talk to her just
wants to start a relationship with her or wants to sleep

63

with her. If you approach her, the context that she places
you in is the one that says, Guys who approach me want to
sleep with me... and since this is a guy who is approaching
me he must want to sleep with me. Because she interprets
the actions of guys in this way, she adjusts her behavior to
effectively deal with the situation. A girl can only get asked
out so many times in one day without losing her mind, after
all.

The above case is a case of mistaken framing. After all, if
you seriously want directions and you walk up to ask her
for directions then her assuming you want to sleep with
her is an inaccurate assessment of the situation. At other
times, though, women use frames to control a situation to
achieve a certain outcome. If she started talking to a guy
who was initially cool and she spent a good amount of time
with him but has started losing interest then she might
purposefully misinterpret his words so she can get angry at
him and leave. In other words, she might just adopt the
this guy is being a jerk frame so that she can take the
steps needed to leave the situation.
If she hasnt made up her mind about the guy yet, but has
her suspicions that hes not all he presents himself to be,
then she might use this frame to goad the guy into saying
the wrong thing, showing too much interest, being
defensive, or any number of other things that might expose
his true character. Women are sneaky when it comes to
setting up tests and structure them in such as way as to
screen out a large number of guys. Girls might not even be

64

testing you on purpose - it might be just something they do

without being aware of it.
Often, guys who are inexperienced with female tests wont
know how to react to these situations - no matter how they
answer they seem to fail. Heres a great example: you have
been talking to a woman for 5 or 10 minutes when she
responds to one of your comments with, Are you calling
me fat?! You obviously cant answer yes, or youll be
labeled an asshole, but you cant get defensive and say no
either or you will be letting yourself get tossed around by
the games shes playing. Youll look weak. What should you
do?
Women will also try to frame the interaction by assuming
that you are a weak, supplicating man. How many times
have you been at a bar and heard a girl ask some guy to buy
her a drink? Have you ever had to hold or watch a womans
purse for an extended period of time? Of course, these
requests all seem reasonable under certain conditions, and
they are, but show too much compliance too quickly and
there is a definite shift in perceived value. A guy who is
willing to buy a girl a drink if he just met her might think of
himself as a nice guy, but the girl might think that hes just
another loser who will spend his money on just anyone if
he thinks that will get him laid. Other women will try to
goad the guy into buying them a drink, just for the free
drink and the ego-boost that comes with having a sense of
power over guys. Unfortunately for lonely guys, this

65

happens far too often. Cases where women you are not
close to ask you to do things for them are usually cases
where a woman is trying to frame you as weak or someone
willing to supplicate to gain favor.
Thats not the type of guy a girl wants to be with, but
making him grovel or try to impress, will boost her self-
esteem. What would you do in these situations to keep
from looking like a tool and to be able to date these girls
later? Mastering an awareness of when women are testing
you, and what to do about it when they are, is a key social
skill and vital for becoming an attractive guy.
As guys we can control the overall frame as well. In fact, we
need to control the understood context in which our
actions take place to have the desired results from
interactions like these. In the test above, the right answer is
to re-frame her test. Instead of responding to Are you
calling me fat?! with No! ...I just said I like how you dont
wear.... you could respond with, You better behave
yourself, Kiddo, then shake your finger at her with playful
patronization. In one line you have taken her test and
flipped it on its head, making her look like someone who is
playing games and trying to goad you into saying
something you shouldnt. You frame her as someone who
is a troublemaker, yourself as someone who is socially
savvy, and your value as being higher than hers. Not bad,
eh?

66

Another useful tactic is to just ignore the question

altogether and move on to the next thing we want to say.
While not quite as good, it does show that you dont
consider her challenge very seriously so are not going to
play by her rules. It also communicates the fact that you
consider yourself higher value than her, which is both
confident and displays indifference towards any specific
outcome.
Notice how these specific actions assume a specific frame?
While you should definitely adopt a useful frame, it is the
actions you take within the frame that influence how
others see the situation. In the end, the person who is able
to make the best case for their desired frame through their
actions will be the one who controls the interaction and
engineers the desired result.
We can do this on large and small scales, as well. In the
critical social scripts laid out above, we are using the frame
of serendipity to allow other actions to take place, and we
are using these actions to move the entire interaction along
the road to Sexville. When you meet the girl, its best if it
seems incidental and unplanned. When you talk to the girl
initially, working through proper qualification, it should
feel like you are randomly finding out that she actually has
a lot more in common with you than you initially thought
and, coincidentally, that she would fit really well into your
life. This is how a lot of women feel relationships should
start. I blame Disney and romance novels but, whatever the

67

case is, the best results will be achieved if we play along

with the social script women expect.
Is your girl a dirty slut?
Before I really knew what I was doing, I had somehow
managed to meet a strikingly beautiful Korean woman. She
was tall and thin with a smile so warm that I was sure it
was the actual reason the polar ice caps were melting. She
loved to laugh, as well. I spent as much time as I could with
her, which ended up being about twice a week.
One afternoon I flipped open my phone and started
punching in her numbers. She picked up with a cheery
voice, and was excited about making plans with me that
night. I told her that we should meet at Suwon station, so
she could come over and watch a movie in my apartment
with me. After I had finished the sentence, I could only hear
background noise on her end of the phone. I could feel the
awkwardness start to rise. Seconds later, she managed to
push out a couple words, trying to mask over the initial
awkwardness. Uh, lets do something else.
This struck me as odd - we had been dating for around a
month, and Id seen her 8 to 10 times, but she was
obviously really uncomfortable watching a movie with me
at my place.

68

A few months later I was on a date with a different girl. We

were at a local bar, sucking back some of Koreas finest
mass-produced beer, when I mentioned that I wanted to
show her some travel photos that Id taken. She didnt
seem at all comfortable with this idea. Just like I
experienced a few months before, she pretty much put the
brakes on the conversation. We sat in silence for a moment
or two and just stared at our drinks.
When the conversation got going again I started talking
about my trip to South East Asia, and about the jungle Id
trekked through with one of my friends. She seemed really
engaged and interested. As the conversation carried on, I
started to talk about the amazing photos that Id somehow
been able to snap, and she finally told me that she wanted
to see them. I told her that wed stop by my place after the
bar because they were on my computer. She seemed
hesitantly interested, and smiled awkwardly.
We finished our beers, and walked down the block to my
apartment complex. We passed through the large tiled
lobby then shot up one of the elevators on our way to the
7th floor. When the doors popped open, she could see that
all of the complexes were residential. The ease in which
shes carried herself when we left the bar began to melt
away, and I could feel an edginess creep over her again. I
punched in my door lock code then clunked open the large
steel door which beeping happily. I slid my shoes off, and
stepped through the entranceway then rounded a corner

69

and stepped into the kitchen. I heard the door close with a
series of beeps, then some ruffled sounds, and boots falling
to the floor. She was definitely taking her sweet time.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see her peek her head
around the corner, just enough to get a glimpse of my
apartment. She stood on the far side of the room, back
pressed up against the wall, inching her way along into the
room as if she were pressed against the face of a
terrifyingly high rock ledge.
I smiled, telling her that it wasnt a huge apartment, but it
had a great view of the river; then, I swung open an egg-
white cabinet door and pulled down two wine glasses.
Before planting them down on the counter and going for
the wine I heard a clunk, and then another series of beeps. I
paused.
The girl wasnt inching along the wall anymore. I laid the
glasses on the counter and took a few steps towards the
entranceway. It was empty. The door to the bathroom was
halfway open and the lights were off. I looked over at
where she had left her boots and only saw my pair of red
converse sitting there. Could she have just taken off? Just
left?
I hurried to the big bay windows of my apartment, which
overlooked the river. Along the river ran the small street
that we had walked down after the bar, and the entrance to

70

my building. In the amber light of the lamps hanging over

the building entrance, I could see a small figure with long
black hair step out of the building then shuffle hurriedly
down the sidewalk towards the subway station.
One of the major frames that most East Asian girls try very
hard to avoid is the one that frames them as seeking sex.
Instead of being able to express themselves freely as sexual
beings, women have to conform to ridged socially accepted
sexual roles, and this is true even in the West.
A lot of guys get confused. Since women are often
standoffish about sex, since they often present themselves
as sexually pure, or since women are often such a challenge
to slip into bed, guys seem to think that women dont want
sex, or at least that women dont want sex as much as guys
do. Living in Korea, where the culture is far more sexually
repressive than in the West, women appear to like sex even
less and often wont even take the smallest action to bring
it about. Some girls wont even say the word sex. With this
insanity, is it any wonder then that guys think women
dont like sex as much, if at all?
Of course, women are mammals and, just like all other
mammals, they crave sex. But, due to the cultural restraints
they face, they cant just go out and get it. They have to
have sex under socially acceptable conditions or risk being
labeled a slut. This is the reason why just walking up to a
woman and asking her to have sex with you rarely works.

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Its no secret that women have casual sex in the West, wear
sexually suggestive clothing, strip, or even become porn
actresses; but, even in the most permissive liberal
democracies women are confined to acceptable roles when
it comes to sexuality. Wearing sexually suggestive clothing
might be the least taboo but even women who dress this
way can be labeled dirty, or sluts, by a large portion of
western society.
Labeling only gets worse for women who chose to be more
open with their sexuality. Women who have casual sex or
become strippers suffer a greater stigma by a larger
proportion of society, while porn actresses are nearly
untouchable due to the extent to which they step outside of
socially acceptable sexual roles.
For women, being labeled a slut may be a fate worse than
death. Its a tag that all women try very hard to avoid - the
sooner that you realize this, the better off you will be. A
good number of the tactics guys skilled with women use to
sleep with women aim to keep the girl from feeling like a
slut, or feeling that she could be labeled a slut. While
women try hard to keep other people from seeing them as
a slut, sometimes just feeling like they are acting slutty is
enough to keep a woman from fulfilling her own sexual
needs. I think this is really interesting - a woman will
actually internalize her own repression and self-monitor
her own behavior so that it conforms to social expectations
even when there is no risk of getting caught. Your chance at

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having sex with a woman, a lot of the time, means

understanding when a woman could feel that she is acting
badly in the eyes of society or her own social circle, and
then navigating around those landmines. Basically, the
extent to which a culture represses a womans sexual
freedom will largely determine the size of each landmine
and how many are placed along the path youre taking her
down.
Ultimately, a woman will be less likely to feel like a slut, or
to be labeled a slut, if she conforms to acceptable standards
of sexual behavior. Two of the most common ways for a
woman to have sex within the confines of acceptable social
roles is to have sex with her committed partner or
someone who she is truly in love with. In most
industrialized countries, nowadays, it is considered
standard for a young couple to have premarital sex. In fact,
its so common that, unless the couple is very young,
outsiders consider a couple strange or dysfunctional if
theyre not having sex. This is as true in the West as it is in
East Asia, and this might be one of the reasons guys are
always so eager to jump into committed relationships right
away.
But, often just the promise of a committed relationship is
enough to have a woman spread her legs. Society views sex
between exclusive couples as the goal, but society also lets
it slide when its fairly clear that an exclusive relationship
is inevitable. After a few dates that have gone really well,

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where each person is clearly interested and the two are

beginning to spend more time together or make plans
together in these situations, even though an exclusive
relationship has not officially been established, society
generally finds it acceptable for a woman to have sex.
Contrast this to a one-night stand where a man picks up a
woman from a bar. In this situation there is little hope that
the two will form an exclusive relationship, so society
judges the womans choice to have sex with him much
more harshly.
Thats not to say that you have to wait a specific length of
time, or make your intentions to nail her down into an
exclusive relationship clear, to have sex. Women can also
have sex, without feeling the wrath of their family and
friends, if they are truly in love. When two people fall head-
over-heels for each other, even if they met only that night,
people find it much more acceptable for the woman to have
sex with the guy. Maybe this is because of our Disney-esque
view of the world, where true love conquers all, or maybe it
has something to do with the inevitability of a future
relationship, but, whatever the case, anytime two people
are in love it seems like sex is more or less okay.
On the other hand, while some situations do not go as far as
to make it permissible to have sex, they can significantly
lower the social repercussions a woman might face if she
does have sex. Being drunk at a bar is a great example.
Since the girl is drunk, she is not in a sound state of mind so

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cannot make good decisions, and is highly susceptible to

being lead by an unscrupulous male into the bedroom. How
could sex possibly be her fault in that situation? She was
drinking, after all, and couldnt possibly take a firm,
clearheaded stance against sex with a guy she just met. Of
course, this is what women will claim. The truth is a little
messier, since women will often get drunk to make it
much easier for her to have sex. This is great news for guys
who love the bar - while alcohol is great for making other
people look a lot more attractive its also great for
eliminating their inhibitions to have sex. Could this be
where ugly babies come from?
Alcohol works because it lowers the amount of
responsibility women can take for choosing to have sex if
they couldnt think about it rationally, if they were not in
the right state of mind to make the right decision, they
couldnt possibly be held morally responsible. Serendipity
works in a similar way. If a woman can claim that she had
no knowledge that sex was going to take place, but that one
thing just kind of led to another, then she will be much less
likely to be labeled a slut. Conversely, if a woman knows
that she is putting herself in a situation where sex is likely
to happen then she will feel more like a slut, and others will
see her behavior as questionable.
Imagine two situations: in the first situation a man and a
woman meet on a train on the way home from work. They
hit it off instantly, and agree to meet after work the

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following day then to take the train to another station to

have some drinks. After the night finishes off, both have
had a great time, so the man asks the woman if she wants
to come back to his place for a little fun and excitement.
The woman says no, they have an awkward goodbye, and
part ways. In the second situation, a man and a woman
meet on a train on the way home from work. They hit it off
instantly, and agree to meet after work the following day
then take the train to another station to have some drinks.
After meeting at the train station, however, the man
suddenly realizes that he forgot to feed his cat. He asks if
she wouldnt mind if they stopped off to feed his cat before
continuing to the bar. She says sure, and they make their
way to his place. Inside his apartment, they talk a bit and
he shows her some photos and souvenirs he had from
various trips. At one point, he puts on a Steely Dan album
he just bought and they start dancing in his kitchen. He
moves in for her neck, and she moans 2 hours later
theyre slipping their clothes back on so they can take the
train to the bar.
These are two very different situations, one that ended
negatively, and one that ended positively. For the pair that
went straight to the bar, the problem was that the man
made it obvious that the two of them were going to have
sex. He didnt even try to cover it up. It came across as pre-
planned, something he was shooting for, something
engineered.

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Since the woman knew he intended to have sex after the

first date, she had to say no or she would look like and
probably feel like a slut. In the second interaction, though,
coming back to the mans house was just a coincidence, not
something that seemed pre-planned. The incidental,
innocent, nature of the situation provided the woman with
enough reason to think that nothing was going to happen
between them at his house. Because of this, she probably
felt comfortable enough to visit for a while since she just
didnt assume sex was going to happen. As soon as Steeley
Dan hit the sax and the mans lips hit her neck, though, it
was a done deal. One thing just kind of lead to another
Deny Deny Deny
One of the key ideas with these two stories is plausible
deniability, the ability for a woman to plausibly claim that
she didnt know sex was going to take place and that she
had no intention of having sex. This principle is so
important that some people have said that game for men is
essentially finding ways to provide women with enough
plausible deniability to make sex okay. While this might be
a stretch, plausible deniability is a fundamentally
important aspect of dealing with women. In some East
Asian countries, plausible deniability is much more
important since it takes much less for a woman to feel like
a slut. For example, its perfectly acceptable for a western
woman to go back to a guys house but in some cultures in
Asia that would imply that the woman is willing to have sex.

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Asking her to come over to watch a movie, than, is nearly

the same as asking her to have sex with you. This can make
a guys dating life really difficult, so its important to know
how to keep her resistance from flaring up by maintaining
plausible deniability. Luckily, guys have found very useful
ways to help give the women plausible deniability.
Women can take an active part in keeping her own
resistance from acting up by allowing herself to maintain
plausible deniability. If a woman thinks that sex is a serious
possibility, for example, she might come right out and tell
you that she wont have sex with you. This used to throw
me off. Most guys take this as a sign that they screwed up
or that shes not interested in them. More experienced
guys recognize this for what it is, however, a necessary
action that allows a woman to protect her own reputation.
After all, if she didnt think that sex was a real possibility,
why would she say something like that? Does your
grandmother tell you that she wont have sex with you?
When I hear those words now, I feel all warm inside. When
I hear those words I know that the girl is thinking about sex
with me, and that she knows shes putting herself into a
situation where sex could take place. In her eyes, she might
want to have sex with you very much, but she cant admit
that openly - she has to maintain the mask of prudishness
and purity.

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It is much more problematic when this kind of token

resistance happens in the bedroom. Here, the line between
no, stop, dont and no, stop, dont gets blurred. While
women like a sexually aggressive man, someone who will
push the situation to the desired outcome, women will still
say no much of the time to save face. In countries such as
Korea, many women expect the man to push much harder
than a guy would in the West so she can save face. This can
be uncomfortable for many guys who are used to escalating
sexually on western women, and this discomfort often
causes them to stop pushing the situation, only to
disappoint the girl. When one of my friends was pushing to
have sex with a girl who had lived in America for 6 years
she said that whenever she told American guys to stop they
would stop, but whenever she told a Korean guy to stop he
would just push harder so her conclusion was that my
white American friend must have been Korean. That same
friend was pushing hard another evening on a first date
and ended up carrying the girl, fully clothed, into the
shower. They ended up having sex that night largely
because of the shower incident and now shes head over
heels for him.
But sometimes no really does mean no, and here the best
course of action is obviously to stop. It can be very difficult
for guys who are inexperienced in this area to determine
whether the girls resistance is token resistance or real
resistance. Some clues that she doesnt actually want to
have sex might come from a flash of fear on her face or a
completely rigid body; while, if she is making excuses to

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stay put in the situation, or saying no verbally but yes

physically (saying no but sitting there expectantly, moaning
with pleasure, not trying to stop you physically, etc) then
its pretty likely that shes only giving token resistance. No
matter what happens in the bedroom, remember that rape
charges suck and that even the allegation of rape can ruin a
mans life. At all times, stay well back from that line and err
on the side of caution!
Logistically Clueless
I used to live in a fairly small neighborhood in Korea. I had
a nice, new apartment in a high-rise building, and spent a
lot of my time traveling throughout Seoul meeting and
talking to women. I would take the yellow subway line up
from my neighborhood and into Seoul, practicing my
conversational skills and working on my body posture.
Over a few months, I began to get really good at talking to
women. I would approach a sexy single lady sitting on one
of the subway seats, engage her with a few witty remarks
then engage her in conversation. The conversation would
always go smoothly, and I would usually leave with her
phone number. Later at home, I would text the girls I was
interested in, and they would usually text back eagerly.
After a little while, though, when the day came that we
were supposed to meet, they would always seem to get sick,
or to have something suddenly come up. They would
almost always cancel on me.

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I had no idea why. I assessed what I was wearing with a

sharp, critical eye. A lot of my clothes were a bit dated, and
in definite need of refreshment. I did have dress shirts,
though, so I decided to use those more than I had
previously. I was sure that change would be enough to fix
the problem girls dont like dating a slob, after all.
I went out the next night and women seemed to be a lot
more interested in talking to me. I had a few girls actually
approach me a rarity in Asia and the girls that I made a
point of talking to were a lot more receptive to my
advances. I was certain this meant victory.
I spent the next month meeting and talking to women,
carrying on our conversations over text messages, and then
being flaked on again and again and again. While dressing
better definitely helped my advances, women still refused
to meet me. I was beginning to get frustrated really
frustrated.
I thought back to my time living in Suwon, and how the
girls there seemed a lot more interested in talking to me. I
thought back to the year that I spent there and about the
successes I had. The girls I managed to meet were all cute
and showed up to meet me most of the time. I began to
scrutinize my behavior, and compare it to how I was
currently acting when talking to women. I remembered
having an air of confidence in Suwon, a striking air of

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confidence, and that women found that very attractive. My

current level of confidence, though, was exactly the same.
I never felt afraid to talk to a woman anymore, at least not
in the way that I felt when I first started out. I even had a
slightly cocky, king of the world, attitude that women
seemed drawn to. I was doing everything I needed to
attract the type of women I wanted to attract, and I was
getting that attraction in spades but they rarely came to
meet me.
One thing I wasnt doing, however, was qualifying women.
I wasnt spending enough time letting the girls know that I
liked them, and why. I would move in to talk to a girl who
was obviously attracted to me, and then keep tactfully
talking to her about myself and how great I was. I was
using this to carry the conversation before making plans to
meet up. Obviously this wasnt working.
When I hit the train the following month, I decided to
spend a lot more time screening women and letting them
know just what it was that I liked about them. My rationale
was that women were already attracted to me enough, so I
really needed to focus on giving them a reason to invest in
me. There are factors bigger than attraction that come into
play when an East Asian woman decides to meet a guy.
Showing that you like them for who they are, for reasons
other than their looks, is one of these factors.

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On the train and in coffee shops, women who were

attracted to me would be flattered when I told them just
how I felt about them and why. It seemed to be working
really well. They seemed a lot more engaged, a lot more
interested than the girls I had met previously. A few girls
even decided to make the trek to my sleepy little suburb to
meet me, and even more were interested in meeting me, so
long as it was in Seoul.
This was progress. While my skills with women had
definitely developed at the start of the year, they had
gotten that much better since then and began to become
acclimatized to Korean culture. Still, I was putting in a hell
of a lot of work for the number of women I was able to
meet and date. Compared to the number who had initially
shown interest, dates were only tickling in.
My job ended that spring and, by chance, I found an
apartment in one of Seouls most popular college areas. My
place was right by the subway station but much smaller
and older than the one I had lived in that spring. After I
finished moving my things into my new place, I gradually
started meeting and talking to women again. To my
surprise, pretty much every woman who gave me her
number also ended up meeting me.
While I had spent all that time and effort improving how I
looked and communicated with women, all it took to

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release a flood of women was simply changing the location

of my apartment.
Location, location, location.
When it comes to women, you can dramatically increase
your success rate by moving to a popular part of town. I
cant emphasize this enough. Logistics is one of the most
looked over parts of successful dating but, ironically, one
that offers the highest reward for the effort made. Building
better communication skills, improving who you are inside,
and developing a better appearance are all worthwhile, but
the sheer volume of numbers that flood your little black
book after just changing apartments can be staggering.
When looking to become better with women, guys often
target the right areas but neglect to improve the area that
will get them the biggest results with the least amount of
effort.
Maybe the reason is that improving logistics is not as sexy
as improving conversational skills, or being able to elicit an
intense amount of attraction in a woman youve just met.
Whatever the case, if youre just starting out and youre
looking to dramatically improve your success with women,
the first step you should take is moving to a better part of
town.
For me, I didnt even live in town, so meeting women was
hard. To get to my place in the suburbs, women would have

84

to trek from their house to a bus stop, wait for the bus, and
then take the bus for up to an hour to see me. You can
imagine how appealing this was. My new place, though,
added to the skills that I had already been able to develop
by planting me down in a location women would actually
want to visit.
Location, location, location. In business, the ability of a
little shop whether coffee shop or corner store - to
survive often comes down to where the shop is located. If
the shop is located in a busy intersection, the shop can
thrive even if it lacks the quality, prices, or service that
better shops have. Take that same shop and tuck it a mile
down the road next to a Wal-Mart, however, and youll
have an entirely new scenario. Dating works the same way.
Finding a location that women frequently visit will ensure
that you maximize your own offerings and increase the
number of dates you get.
So what is the best location? Obviously, that really comes
down to your own city, but it also comes down to the type
of women you want to date.
First, decide on the type of women you like, and that will
help inform the locations you should be looking at. If
youre into business women, the type of woman at home in
a power-suit, then you should be looking at finding an
apartment in yuppy, or ritzy, areas, places in your city that
have classy bars serving high priced cocktails. If college

85

girls are more your thing, then you should be looking at

college areas that have a lot of bars and coffee shops,
maybe next to a college campus. The common trend here is
identifying those places where the type of girls youre into
would visit anyways, even if they werent supposed to
meet you for a date.
The closer you can get to this ideal the better off you will be.
If your ideal spot is at Gangnam subway station exit 10 in
Seoul, Korea, for instance, then living across a busy
highway at exit 11 would be less ideal. Far less ideal still
would be living one stop down in a less popular area. The
further you get from that ideal spot, ultimately, the less
women will be willing to meet you and the more skilled
with women youll have to be to actually get them to meet
you.
After you have your area picked out, start shopping for
apartments. You should be looking for places that are clean
and conveniently located within your area. Like many
things when it comes to dating, size isnt a make or break
factor, but cleanliness is - it is much better to have a small
clean place than it is to have a big old dirty place. Repeat
this five times: the ideal place is a clean, new apartment -
size doesnt really matter.
A convenient location does, however. Imagine that your
ideal area consists of a subway station that leads directly
into a walking street full of bars and shops, which itself

86

leads to rows of apartment buildings stacking away from

the walking street. The best location in this scenario is any
place within half a block of the walking street. Being next to
the subway station really doesnt matter that much while
you will meet your date there most likely, the two of you
will be spending your time along the walking street during
your date. The further you get from the walking street,
however, the further youll fall away from your ideal. If you
took an apartment in a complex just behind the walking
street then you would be doing okay, for example. If you
moved further away to the second or third row of
apartments then you would be rapidly stepping away from
your ideal spot. At apartment row #10, you could find it
extremely hard to walk the girl back from the walking
street to your building. So much for your sex-life.
Another way to look at it is eyeing apartments and their
locations based on the emotional reaction they are likely to
give the girl. An apartment located hundreds of miles away
in the suburbs would give the woman a negative feeling
since it takes a big effort to even get there. The same
principle works for other factors you have to consider
when choosing an apartment. An apartment next to a
garbage dump, or needle exchange center, would probably
fill your girl with feelings of disgust, or thoroughly creep
her out. A row of sex shops below your apartment might do
the same, depending on the girl. These are all factors that
you should be aware of when choosing a place to live.

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Once you have your place picked out, and youre all moved
in, think about the feelings that your apartments
atmosphere would give a girl who was visiting for the first
time. Is there harsh lighting? What color is the interior?
Staying away from fluorescent lighting in favor of warmer
lighting can have a big impact on the mood florescent
lighting is a little harsh, and reminiscent of office work,
while warm, soft lighting provides a more sensual
atmosphere. Adding some plants or interesting pieces of
artwork especially if you produced them yourself can
also go a long way to creating an attractive atmosphere.
None of that will matter if your place is not clean, however.
My suburb apartment was spotless, really a joy to look at,
while the apartment I moved into in the college area in
Seoul looked like it hadnt been cleaned for an entire year
before I moved in. I spent 3 days cleaning it, removing the
mold from the bathroom tiles, picking up the needles off
the ground, and patching up holes in the walls. In the end, it
never looked as good as my apartment in the countryside,
but it was phenomenally better than it was when I first
moved in. I knew that if I left it in the state that it was in
when I first arrived, girls would be thoroughly unsettled,
and that could put a huge dent in my sex-life.
Next Steps
If you've read this far you're well on your way to becoming
better with East Asian women - Congrats! A lot of guys

88

never develop the understanding contained within these

pages, and their ability to excel with women suffers for it. A
lot of guys have core beliefs given to them by their well-
meaning mothers, Disney, or female friends, but,
unfortunately, this advice often works against them. The
advice that a lot of people give is well meaning but often
misses the mark - its just not effective.
What we have covered together here will help you develop
into the kind of guy that girls want to be with. Of course,
you're not done yet. There is a reason this book is called
"Foundations". The knowledge that weve covered over
these pages, the knowledge that has provided you with a
more accurate understanding of Asian women and how
relationships start, is just the beginning of a more
meaningful change that allows you to date the type of
women you want to date. Ultimately, while these factors
will help you meet, attract, and keep the kind of women
you want, it's just a base from which you can continue
building your skill set, and developing into the type of guy
that women want to be with. This means developing a
better understanding of the key elements weve covered
here, as well as developing the right habits and attitudes
when it comes to building core skills. Keep up to date with
our site AsianDatingMonthly.com so you can start building
skills that will help you have great interactions with high
quality women, and take advantage of the understanding
you have worked to develop here.

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Until then, it's worth looking back on a few of the concepts

we've covered in this book, and trying to develop a game
plan from them. Weve gone over a lot of concepts and
principles, but two in particular will give you the best
possible results with your current skill set. The first of
these comes down to your living situation.
1. The first step you should take to improve your success
with women is to assess your living situation in detail, and
make the needed adjustments. This is really a lot simpler
than it seems. To start, ask yourself:
Do I live in a busy and fun part of the city? Women will
always seem to be willing to visit an area they enjoy going
to, while youll find it harder to get them to meet you if you
live somewhere boring.
Do I live in a place where a lot of my ideal women choose
to visit? Visiting due to work does not count. Everyone has
their own taste when it comes to fun, but if guys dominate
your area then its probably not lady-friendly, and that will
make it harder to meet women there.
Are there enough venues and pit-stops to make for a great
date? (On that note, do you know what makes for a great
date?) A popular college campus is great, but not if
everyone chooses to go there to visit one single campus
pub. Find something with more venues.

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Do I live close to anything disgusting or creepy? Living

next to a needle exchange center is a great way to kill your
sex-life. So are long, dark, or dirty alleyways.
How much climbing does she have to do? If you're higher
than the 3rd floor and dont have access to an elevator, or
she could conceivably start sweating on the way up, it's
time to move. You might think that its perfectly reasonable
for someone to walk up a couple flights of stairs but, in my
experience, this will be a barrier to Love-Town enough
times to make you thoroughly frustrated.
Who do you live with? A roommate will hurt your chances
if he is not the right kind of roommate, and your mom will
annihilate them. If you live with another guy, it can
dramatically help you since he can introduce you to his
social circle, and vice versa. You guys can also go out
together to meet women and bring them back to the
apartment much more easily. Living with a girl, on the other
hand, could be very problematic. If you live with anybody,
you should live with a neat and clean guy who is really social
and friendly.
Its easy to improve your living situation - just find the best
possible location available to you, then look for a clean
apartment that you can afford. If youre absolutely stuck in
one area, just make sure you have the best possible
location within that area. Spend what you want to spend
but recognize that clean is preferable to big, and that
location matters tremendously.

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A lot of guys say they cant move because they cant afford
it, or because they would have to live too far away from
work or school. While you might not want to, it is possible
to find a few extra shifts at work or even pick up a part
time job that only has you working a few hours a week.
Another alternative is to map out your own spending
habits and cut the waste out of your lifestyle. On the other
hand, if distance is your concern, remember that a lot of the
guys I know in Seoul, guys who are really successful with
women, are willing to travel an hour to work and an hour
back from work each day. This even gives them a great
opportunity to talk to women while in transit. Why not?

Its impossible to overstate just how valuable it is to have a
great living situation. A great living situation can actually
make up for a lot of the shortcomings you might have when
it comes to interacting with women.
2. Think back to the section we covered on frames and
social scripts. You'll recall that I mentioned that girls love
social guys, and that being a social guy is a good way to talk
to just about anybody, including really hot women. In fact,
it's so good that it can even give you plausible deniability
when it comes to talking to attractive women - you're not
"hitting on her, you just like to talk to people.
Developing into this social guy will help you a lot. I've
already mentioned that girls love social guys and that it

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gives guys an out so it doesn't seem like they're hitting on

girls. Another great reason is that it primes your
conversational juices - it allows you to develop better
spontaneous conversation skills. Part of this means being
able to talk to the girls that you want to talk to when you
see them - you are always conversationally ready, and that
momentum from previous conversations carries forward,
allowing you to jump into conversations easily. As you'll
hear plenty of from me and the rest of the Asian Dating
Monthly guys, state of mind is an incredibly important
element when it comes to meeting women.
To improve your luck right now, today, and to start
building the skills that will help you excel tomorrow, you
should:
Set a goal of talking to random strangers throughout the
day.
Set the bar lower or higher depending on how social you
are already. If you are shy and don't have many random
interactions, set the goal of having one or two random
interactions with strangers each day. If you're already
fairly social, pick a higher number. Make sure that you're
setting a goal just above your own comfort level.
Make sure that you're having fun, or funny, conversations
with these people. By fun I'm also including conversations

93

that are enjoyable, or make the other person feel good. This
can be as easy as giving a compliment.
Try different one or two line jokes that you can use on a
wide range of people, and see what gets a laugh. You will be
doing this a lot when you develop your approach skills in
the near future, so it would really help you to start now.
3. Finally, limiting beliefs hold everyone back. A limiting
belief is any belief that you have that says, "no," "I can't," or
"it won't work because..." These types of beliefs are limiting
beliefs because they limit how much effort you put into
achieving a certain outcome, they limit the goals you aim
for, and they limit your ultimate success. Limiting beliefs
are something that I have been fighting against for years
and, while I have killed a lot of them, other ones still creep
into my thoughts on a regular basis. While youll never be
free of them all, you can definitely slay a lot of these beliefs
in specific areas of your life.
Everyone has limiting beliefs - it's just a natural part of
being human. While you shouldn't feel bad about having
them you should also try hard to recognize when you have
them and then eliminate the ones that are holding you back
from reaching your goals. A lot of the time, just hacking
through your limiting beliefs will be enough to push you
towards higher levels of success, and it is always the case
that the degree to which you dissolve your limiting beliefs
will determine just how far you can go.

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I used to think a lot differently. I used to call myself a

realist, and claim to have a realistic, critical, or analytical
eye when looking at problems. I just assumed that what I
was doing was dissecting the truth from the bullshit. In
actuality, I was just adopting a pessimist mindset and
masking it with the words "realism" and "realistic". It took
me far too long to discover what I was doing.
We all take in facts throughout the day and then make
sense of them through interpretation, prejudice,
assumptions, and stories. We have control over all of these
elements, just not the facts themselves. That means that
when we come to a conclusion based on the facts, we
often rely far more on our own biases when reaching that
conclusion than we would like to believe. Those biases
shape the stories we use to explain the facts and, in turn,
influence our behavior.
The more I reflected on the stories that I told myself the
more I realized that the predictions they made rarely
materialized. In other words, the stories that I told myself
based on the facts were often wrong. Since these stories
were often wrong it really made no sense to embrace them
over other more optimistic stories. That, ultimately,
required changing a lot of the underlying assumptions that
I had and lead to a tremendous amount of personal growth.

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How far you want to go really depends on how willing you

are to change those nasty little negative habits you have. To
start, take the time to reflect on your own emotions and the
assumptions, the limiting beliefs, they hint at. To do this:
Sit down in a quiet room and reflect on the feelings you
get when you think about approaching women. Maybe
you're scared to approach - which is even a common issue
for a lot of the guys who are fantastic with women - or
maybe you have a feeling of hopelessness. Jot those
emotions down into a notebook.
Next, reflect on each emotion, and try to identify why you
feel that way. For example, if you feel fear at the thought of
approaching women then you might identify the reason for
that fear as the chance you'll get rejected and be humiliated.
I used to have a lot of fear of approaching women on the
subway. When I dug a little deeper I realized it was because
there were so many people packed into each car, listening
in on the conversation I was having. They knew what I was
doing, they were annoyed that I was hitting on Korean
women, and I would look like a fool if it didn't go the way I
wanted. These were all limiting beliefs, and I had to work
very hard to get rid of them.
Take a piece of paper and write down the limiting beliefs
you have, those beliefs that your emotional reactions are
hinting at. Make sure you are as detailed as you can
possibly be. For example, instead of writing, "I am afraid to

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talk to a woman because I will look like a fool," write down

something more specific like, "I am afraid that, when I talk
to a woman, people will notice what I am trying to do and
see the negative reaction she gives me, such as shoving her
hand in my face and telling me to piss off, when she rejects
me."
After you have written down an exhaustive list of limiting
beliefs for your first negative emotion, try to do the same
for each emotional reaction you have when it comes to
meeting women, dating women, having a relationships
with women, how women value you, or anything else you
might have negative emotions toward. Make sure to focus
initially on the negative emotions you have about
approaching women you dont know, since this is the first
skill you have to develop if you want to get better with
women.
Start working through those limiting beliefs one at a time.
Start with the first one and think of alternative
explanations that could explain the phenomenon. For
example, if your limiting belief is that women wont date
you because youre fat then look around for disconfirming
evidence. Look for cases where fat people are dating
women. When you find a few counter examples then you
have to conclude that some women will date fat guys, so
some women are not bothered enough by your size to be
put off dating you. The question would then be how many
women? You could expand your list by spending more time

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looking for more of those couples. You could even take it a

step further and look for cases where really attractive
women are dating fat guys. Thats not hard to find in Asia.
By now you should have a lot to work on. These big three
action items - finding a better place, having fun
conversations with strangers, and discovering your
limiting beliefs are great first steps to becoming better
with women. Tackle these and you'll be well on your way
to building key skills that will help you be successful with
women.
Post Script
A lot of guys dont even consider it possible to get better
with women. Many guys just accept their current situation
as inevitable - they look at their success and compare it to
the success of more popular guys then assume its the
result of some genetic lottery. As a result, they take
whatever they can get when it comes to dating. I used to be
this way - thank god I got out of that mindset.
This might be the most important sentence youll ever
read: when it comes to success in life, the determination to
succeed often counts for far more than being blessed with
great genes. (How do you like that? The most important
sentence youll ever read wasnt even capitalized.) If
youve taken the time to read this book, then youre one of
the fortunate few who actually realize they can change

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their situation, and are taking the steps to do it. How far
you go totally depends on how far youre willing to push
yourself. While a lot of guys can make drastic
improvements after just changing a few key things, guys
who want to date some of the hottest women East Asia has
to offer need to push themselves further. They have to
dedicate themselves to constant change and growth.
Thats the path that Im currently on. The changes that Ive
made so far have been dramatic, and the results that Ive
had have been worth every sleepless night. This year, Ive
been able to date some exceptionally good looking women.
Given how far Ive come as of now, I can only imagine just
how good the future will be.
You can get here, as well. Trust me when I say that if a hard
case, like me, can achieve the results that Ive gotten then
you can, too. Youve already developed a decent
understanding of the cultural backdrop youll be working
in, as well as the basic foundations you need to build solid
dating skills, and the initial steps have been laid out for you.
Its time to get to work.

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About the Author

Socrates wasnt exactly young when he started his journey
into the dark arts of applied psychology. After studying
academic psychology, business, economics, and analytical
philosophy he decided to turn his attention to solving the
most important problem that any man will ever face how
to live the best possible life.
Love, it seems, is a requirement for that life. Perhaps thats
why he decided to spend so much time transforming into
Asias greatest lover. In the process, Socrates has
developed in ways that he never would have imagined; and,
each and every time he examines his own life, hes
thoroughly satisfied with the changes hes made and the
person hes become.
At the time of writing this book, Socrates was living
somewhere in the great metropolis of Seoul, listening to
the evening rains batter against the windowpanes of his
high-rise apartment. Where he is now is anyones guess.