ALL YOU ALWAYS

WANTED TO KNOW

ABOUT

FLIRTING
 Why do we flirt ?
Basic Instinct

If we do not initiate
contact and show
Interest in the
Opposite Sex, our
species would
become extinct.
The problem
FLIRTING IS
• Governed by a complex
set of unwritten laws

• Sometimes inappropriate
• Many men experience
difficulties in interpreting

women’s body-language
Where to flirt ?
• At parties, social occa-
sions and celebrations

• In pubs, bars, discos, …

• In schools, colleges,
universities ,…

• At work

• In sports- and leisure

clubs and groups
Different sorts
of flirting
• Light hearted flirting:
= flirting for fun
= harmless, enjoyable

• Flirting with intent:

= essential element of
the mate-selection
process
Who to flirt with ?
• More or less anyone
• Be cautious with
people who are
married or attached
• Know that men have
a tendency to mistake

friendly behaviour for

sexual flirting
• Avoid sending
ambiguous signals
Who to pick ?
1. People with roughly
the same level of attrac-
tiveness as yourself
• Men are inclined to
overestimate their
attractiveness.

• Women are often more

attractive than they
think.
2. Flirt with people
who are likely to
return your interest
3. Women favour men
that are taller and
older than them, with
higher status and
earning potential
4. Men favour younger
and prettier women.
5. Self-confidence and
charm are important
 HOW
TO
FLIRT
• Show liking, interest and
admiration – smile !
• Compliment – smile !!
• Ask for advice – smile !!!
• Do not try to impress or
show off; be yourself
• Make her/him laugh !
• Tease, but with care
• Never lie
• Make her/him feel
good
• Be attentive
• Offer a good time
• Keep her/him happy
• Be real
• Make her/him talk
• Listen more,
speak less
• Make her/him laugh !!
• Don’t be boring
• Surprise positively
• Don’t be over serious
• Don’t communicate
too directly
• Plan. If you fail to
plan, then you are
planning to fail
• Know what to say
and dare to say it
• Compliment her/him
• Don’t look desperate
• Keep things playful
 PRACTISE PRACTISE
Flirting is both an
art and a skill

You have to
experience it in
order to become
good at it
Mind your body
language
In the initial stages,
how you say things is
more important than
what you say.

Pay attention to:

Appearance, tone of
voice, energy, joyful
behaviour …
Eyes are very powerful !
If, after making eye contact and briefly holding
someones gaze, the other looks away and then
looks back, you know (s)he is interested !
---- DO NOT OVERDO EYECONTACT ----
Basic rules for
eye contact
1. 1st short contact
2. Look away, then
look back
3. Make contact again
to start conversation
4. Look while listening
5. Look away while
talking
Interpersonal distance
At 1m (4’) you are at the borderline between
the social zone and the personal zone
• Move closer only
if you receive a
positive signal

• Moving into the

intimate zone
0m50 (2’6”) may
cause discomfort
Sometimes a reduced
dinstance is tolerated
• When you
are side by
side with
someone
• In crowdy
places
• With people
you know
and trust
Negative body signs
• Body turned away
• Feet turned away
• Leaning backward
• Folded arms or legs
• Looking around
• Looking bored
Positive body signs
• Body oriented towards you
• Leaning forward
• Open posture
• Head tilted to one side
• Mirroring your posture
• Smiling
• Looking happy
• Looking at mouth
+++ Gestures
• Give good face
• Nod in agreement
• Open palm hand
movements
• Synchronisation
• Hair flipping
• Head tossing
• Eyebrow flashing
• Parting lips
• Preening (touching
clothes, face or hair)
+++ Female
• Enhance feminity
• Draw knees towards
body when seated
(looking smaller)
• Arch back (breasts !)
• Cross and recross legs
• Display body
• Stroke neck, thigh, face,
arms, hair, …
• Whisper
• Lick lips
 +++ Male
• Enhancing masculine
appearance
• Hands in pockets with
elbows out (enlarging
chest)
• Leaning against wall
with one hand placed
above sholder height
(appearing taller)
• Stand tall
• Move hands to belt
--- Gestures

• Palm rubbing
• Display of anxie-
ty or nervosity
• Blank, unexpres-
sive face
• Closed, near-to-
body movements
DO WE TOUCH ?
YES,
DO TOUCH

BUT
BE VERY
CAREFUL
 TOUCH
Touching is a subtle,
Powerful and complex
Form of communication.
Just a light, brief touch on the arm during a
short social encounter may have immediate
and lasting positive effects.
Correct touching helps to advance the relation-
ship. But inappropriate use of touching could
ruin your chances for ever!
 ARM TOUCH
If a light touch on the
arm to draw attention
or express support
produces a negative
reaction, you might
as well give up now !
Some degree of
intimacy is required
before proceeding to
a brief hand touch
ASK PERMISSION
Do not proceed without prior
positive reaction !
Perform each touch at least
twice before progressing to
the next level :
This tells your companion the
touch was not accidental and
is a non verbal way for
asking for permission.
 THE NEXT
STAGES
Repeat each kind of
touch before moving
on to a next stage :

• Hand squeeze
• Holding hands
• Brief knee touch
• Arm over shoulder
Yeah, o.k.
she’s looking
my way.
Now: WHAT
DO I SAY
TO HER ?
 ma tter
WH AT you sa y
It ’s HO W yo u say
it
that is
imp ort ant !
An y f rie ndly in vi tatio n
An y f rie ndly in vi tatio n
to a conve rsa tio n is
The thing is: your opening lines are
not about starting a flirtation, but
about starting a conversation !
Just make a
general comment
on some aspect of
the event or sur-
roundings, with a
rising intonation
or 'isn't it?' type of
ending
GOOD OPENING LINES
• Nice day, isn’t it ?
• Bit crowded, isn’t it ?
• Not very lively here
tonight, isn’t it ?
COMPLIMENTS ARE O.K.
• That’s a nice jacket !
• Wow, You look lovely !
 80% of women think
that they are too fat.
“You’ve lost
weight!” is a
compliment that
is likely to
please almost
any woman that
you have known
for some time.
 GOOD
CONVERSATION

The essence of a good conversation,

is reciprocity: give-and-take, sharing,
exchange, with both parties contribut-
ing equally as talkers and as listeners.
PERSONAL & QUESTIONING RES-
PONSES ARE THE BEST WAY TO
ACHIEVING A GOOD CONVERSATION
GOOD CONVERSATION
USE OPEN QUESTIONS
What, when, when, why,
how, …

PARAPHRASE:
“So you were stranded at
the station … How did
you get home?”
 TURN OFFS
• OVER-SERIOUSNESS
• NEGATIVITY
• PASSIVITY
• SELF-PREOCCUPATION
• BANALITY
• LACK OF ENTHUSIASM
• OVER-EXCITEMENT
• RUDE BEHAVIOUR
 ACTIVE
LISTENING
good listening is not
just about shutting up
and letting the other
person talk.
Good listening is about
giving good 'feedback‘.
This involves giving
both verbal and non-
verbal signals to show
that you are paying
attention, and that you
are interested.
IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BECOME JUST ANOTHER GOOD FRIEND

CALL HER SEXY. LET THERE BE NO DOUBT ABOUT YOUR INTENSIONS

++NON-VERBAL FEEDBACK
Effective signals :
nodding, smiling,
responsive facial
expressions, leaning
forwards, …
and general positive
body language such
as 'open' posture
and posture/gesture
echo..
 ++ VERBAL
FEEDBACK
Good signals :
Use expressions
like "mm-hmm",
"yeah", "mmm",
"ah", “great”, …

They show interest

or agreement and
encourage the other
to continue
 HUMOUR
Humour is
necessary for
succesful flirting.
But inappropriate
use can kill a
promising
Fact :
flirtation stone
BOTH TRUST AND dead in a matter of
ATTRACTION INCREASE seconds.
WHEN A LIGHTHEARTED
APPROACH IS USED.
RECIPROCAL
DISCLOSURE
Disclosure of almost
any personal infor-
mation is a move
towards intimacy.
The key to succesful
flirting is to escalate
the level of intimacy
gradually and in a
balanced way.
PLAYFUL TEASING

playful teasing allows

to increase the perso-
nal content of the ex-
change, while keeping
the tone light-hearted
and non-serious, thus
escalating the level of
disclosure and
intimacy in a non-
threatening manner.
 PARTING
Your approach to leave-
taking will determine
your future relationship!
If you want to meet the
other person again, YOU
WILL HAVE TO ASK !
E.G.: “Would you like to
meet me some time next
week for a drink?”
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guide to succesful
flirting
 Thank you for reading the
presentation. May it bring you
many happy hours !
You may think she’s too beautiful for you, but unless you try,
How will you ever know how she thinks about you ?

YOU CAN ONLY WIN BY TRYING

Don’t forget :
Practise
Practise
Practise
You will meet with failure:
It’s impossible to “click”
with everybody

But from every failure

You will learn

And every time you go

for it, your confidence
and skill will grow.