Disn eys Alice in Wond erland Mono logu es

Alice/Small Alice Monologue #1

(Alice followed the White Rabbit to the edge of the Rabbit Hole)
Should I or shouldnt I? You know what they say: If you dont explore, youll
never discover. But my sister Mathilda always says, Look before you leap. Well,
Im looking and it looks pretty deep and dark and I cant see the bottom and maybe
it goes all the way to the center of the earth and Ill be burnt to a crisp in the
molten core like the bad marshmallow weve all heard so much about!
(Pause)
Or not.
(Pause)
Ok, I looked. Now its time to leap!
Alice/Small Alice Monologue #2
(Holding a small bottle with the label Drink Me. Talking to herself)
Remember, Alice: Look before you leap. I really don't know what's in this bottle,
but it looks so pretty. But it could be poison, or mayonnaise, or floor polish, or a
frothy combination of all three! But I have to find the White Rabbit. Oh well, if you
don't explore, you'll never discover. Bottom's up!
Alice/Small Alice Monologue #3
Who am I? Well, I'm not a silly pair of Tweedles who get all bent out of shape and
tied up in knots if you don't know the proper way to say hello! And I'm certainly
not a bunch of snooty flower girls who act like they're better than everybody else
and whose only ambition in life is to look pretty. And I'm not some party animal
Mad Hatter who likes to cheat at games and break other peoples things just
because he thinks it's funny. Im also not a crazy white rabbit who never has time
to visit and play and get to know me, when all I wanted to do was be his friend.
And Im absolutely, positively, categorically, NOT a big old nasty Queen of Hearts
who bosses people around.
QUIET!
Ill tell you who I am. Im Alice.
Cheshire Cat Monologue #1
Alice is about to discover that Wonderland is nothing like she expected! Its a land
filled with racing Lobsters, singing Flowers, painting Cards, and even a Cheshire
Cat, thats me! First, Alice meets a pallid, long eared, carrot munching quadruped
known only asThe White Rabbit!
(Gesture offstage, setting up a big entrance. Nothing. Smile at the audience)
Ahem, I saiiid, first she meets... The White Rabbit!!
(Nothing)
Oh, hes always late.
(Yelling off stage)
Yo, White Rabbit, youre on!

Cheshire Cat Monologue #2

Alice left the Tweedles to sort out their late-onset identity crisis and acute codependency, and chased after the White Rabbit. She trailed him through the woods
to his house(like a real-estate agent)
A comfy little velveteen 2-up, 3-down, one-man-on-third, A-frame,
watership-down hideaway warren just perfect for such an
innnnteresting rabbit!
Cheshire Cat Monologue #3
Alice grew back to a more medium size, but she was still confused.until she meets
me. Us. We! Aloha, Alice. I We are the Cheshire Cat. What? You have a cat
just like us? Hmmm. Can your cat roll on the ground like this? Yes? Can your cat
play with a ball of yarn like this? Oh, she can! But can your cat do..THIS???
(does an amazing magic trick)
I didnt think so. Whats wrong? Somebody having a bad day? Cant find
something? You might ask the Mad Hatter for help. He knows where everything is.
Trouble is, he keeps it all under his hat.
White Rabbit Monologue #1
Oh Dear! Oh dear, dear, dear! (speaking to ALICE) Mary Anne, Mary Anne, hurry, I
cant find my gloves! What? Oh, Mary Anne, Ginger, Gilligan, I dont care what
your name is, dont argue with me, youre making me later than I already am.
Hurry, hurry, my gloves, somewhere in my house, Im late!!!
White Rabbit Monologue #2
Attention, attention, inhabitants and subjects and all other direct or indirect objects
of Wonderland: fall to your knees and tremble before her majestic majesty, her
royal regality, yes, folks, your favorite monarch of mean and mine, The One, The
Only, Queen of Hearts!!!
(King of Hearts pokes around the curtain. And, umm, well, lets not forget the King
of Hearts.)
Oh yeah, him too.
Mathilda Monologue
..and during the American Revolution, King George the Third, or Old Mad George,
as some have so called him, was so angry at General George Washington, that he
made all his own royal soldiers dress in bright red uniforms. Of course, these
bright red uniforms made them look just like giant walking lobsters that went
(looking up into Alices huge face in the magnifying glass)
Eeeeeek!!!
(taking the magnifying glass away from Alice)

Alice, honestly, when are you ever going to grow up? You are not a lion. You are
just a silly little girl pretending to be a lion. Remember what the Immortal Bard
said: To thine own self be true. Oh, let me find that book and Ill show you.
Caterpillar Monologue
(Talking to Small Alice) Oh, don't let those dried out little annuals get you down,
kid. Sweetiepie, lambchop, honeydew they're just gonna wind up sitting around
in somebody's imitation cut glass vase for three days 'til they wither and die, then
it's "thanks a lot" and out with the garbage! But enough about them. Whooooo,
pray tell, are youuuuuuu? Who am I? Why, I am whoever you want me to be, if I,
in fact, am indeed whoever I say I am or someday hope to be. You dig?
(snapping his/her fingers)
I'm the Caterpillar, kiddo, your wonder of wonders, your miracle of miracles, your
happy, happy day! And Alice, Im going to share two magical, hyphenated little
words with you that are guaranteed to make even your very worst day simply
absolutely fabulous! Ready? Repeat after me. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah..Zip-a-deeay!
Flower Monologue
We know were pretty! Everybody loves us because we're The Girls of the Golden
Afternoon! That's the name of our very exclusive garden club. If you want to be
cool, you have to be one of us! But no one gets in unless we say. And we don't let
in just anyone. Why, were positively swarmed by wanna-bees. And all the weeds
that weve excluded are the ones we love to tease Thistle, Hedgerow, Poison Ivy!
Eeuuuuuu!
You say you wanna be one of us? Keep dreaming, crabgrass! You're just a silly
little uncool weed. What? Hey Violet, she says she's a little girl!
Eeeeeuuuuuuuuuu! Whatever! You're way too uncool to become a Girl of the
Golden Afternoon. Beat it slug, before you wind up on the bottom of somebody's
shoe. Look girls, I think she has bugs! Eeeeeeeeeeuuuuuu!
Doorknob Monologue
Yeeooowwww! Leggo my schnazzola already! Who taught you to go around pulling
on people's proboscises ....essess....ss.
(ALICE says: You're not a person, you're a piece of housing material.)
Well, doorknobs have feelings too. Anyway, you're far too big to enter Wonderland.
(ALICE starts to cry.)
Don't cry, please don't cry. Maybe if you drank some of the magic
potion in that convenient, floating-nearby bottle, you might fit in.
(ALICE shrinks)
Happy now? Hmmmm. I believe someone forgot about the key waaaaaay up there
on that shelf.
(ALICE starts to cry again.)
Please try to suppress your emotional outbursts. Have a cookie.
(ALICE grows to 14 feet tall)
Sorry kid, you'll never fit in Wonderland now. Try Pittsburgh.

(ALICE starts to cry again.)

Please, stop crying. Seriously, STOP CRYING! Were all going to drown in your
tears! Hurry, take another drink from the bottle. It's our only hope!
Mad Hatter/March Hare Monologue
Did you say you were late? Well, your watch is slow, silly. Here, let me fix it for
you. (Puts the watch on a table and operates on it)
Scalpel!!
Forceps!!
Axel Grease!!
Peanut butter!!
Hurry, we're losing him!!
Bring me the liverwurst!
(like a mad scientist)
Live, live, I command you to liiiive!!!!!
(The CHESHIRE CAT makes the flatline sound: dead!)
Oooops. You might want to get a new watch. I sorta broke this one. Wasn't it fun?
Let's do it again!!
Queen of Hearts Monologue
Oh, I loathe that song! Stop singing, before my ears explode! (holding her ears)
My anvils! My stirrups! Did you hear me? I said stop that singing! Royal
Cardsmen, drag her away!!!!
You may have won the match, but youve just lost your head! Royal Cardsmen, Off
with her.what? A Trial? Well, all right, but make it fast. I want to see her head
rolling around like a bowling ball. (weeping like a distraught witness) Becauseshe
beat me. She ADMITS she beat me! Do you hear? She confesses, she beat me,
she beat me.(suddenly happy again) So lets hurry and get to the good part
where we cut off her head!
King of Hearts Monologue
The prisoner is charged with enticing her majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a
game of Simon Says, and thereby willfully and with Alice of forethought, didst put a
bee in her royal bonnet and cause our beloved Queen to lose her royal temper!
Please call to the stand The Girls of the Golden Afternoon.
Now, girls, did you observe any incredibly suspicious behavior on part of the
incredibly guilty party? I see, I see...and do you have anything else to add to the
already rock solid evidence against the soon-to-be-decapitated usurper?