Communication Skills:

Speaking and Listening

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult
words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
Winnie-the-Pooh

Effective spoken communication requires being able to express

your ideas and views clearly, confidently and concisely in speech,
tailoring your content and style to the audience and promoting
free-flowing communication.
Be clear and concise. Vary your tone, pace and volume to
enhance the communication and encourage questions

 Persuading and Negotiating Arriving at an agreement

that is agreeable to both sides: a win:win situation. Back up
your points with logic. Show tact to those you disagree with.
Making a speech in front of an audience: presenting
your message in an interesting way, structuring your
presentation, using audio-visual aids effectively and building
a rapport with your audience.
Communicating effectively in a team
Ask for help when you need it. Research suggests that
asking for help with something (within reason) makes you
more liked by the person you ask!

Listening
Good listening has an enormous quality of nowness. Helpful
listening is a form of meditation.
David Brandon
Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the
problem.
Winnie the Pooh
Make effective use of body language and speech. Be
sensitive to the other person's body language as well as
what they say: eye contact, gestures, appropriate humour
and analogies.
Use appropriate body language yourself: face the
person with an open, attentive posture and maintain good
eye contact (look at the speaker a lot, but don't stare all
the time), smiling and nod your head from time to time.

 Listen attentively. Express

interest in what people are
saying and don't interrupt
them.
Listen More Than You Talk Richard Branson
Be aware of any prejudices
or misconceptions you or
the speaker may have.
Good listening builds a
rapport and understanding
with the speaker and allows
them to freely express their
views. It motivates them to
say more.

The Top Ten

% of
Skills
employers
shortages
surveyed
among
graduates
1

Commercial
Awareness

67%

Communication
Skills

64%

3 Leadership
4

33%

Ability to work in a
33%
team

5 Problem solving

32%

6 Conceptual ability 21%

7

Subject Knowledge
19%
& competence

Foreign
languages

19%

9 Numeracy

19%

Good general
Poor listening makes
10
15%
education
assumptions, creates
Source: Association of Graduate
resistance and hostility,
Recruiters Skills for Graduates
demotivates the speaker,
inhibits their development and in the 21st
Century www.agr.org.uk
creates dependence on the
listener.

Use ACTIVE LISTENING.

These reflect back what the speaker is saying in
other words to clarify understanding: you paraphrase
and repeat back key points.
They may summarise and bring new
interpretations to the speakers words.
They show you're listening carefully and checks
you are understanding correctly what they are
saying allowing the speaker to confirm or correct your
feedback.
They encourage the speaker to elaborate and to
define their problems.

 It is often the most useful way of giving positive

feedback to someone: "I hear what you're saying
and take it seriously". You
can't keep saying "uh-huh" People with a musical
or "yes" for too long without quality to their speech (a
big variation in pitch and
it sounding false.
rhythm called prosody)
tend to be more
empathic. Lisa AzizEmpathy
Zadeh of the University
of S. California found
Empathy means being open to that people whose
the ideas of others
speech is most
and sensitive to their values
intonated, lilted or "singand feelings: trying to see
song" have more ability
things from the other person's
to empathise with others
perspective.
and to convey emotion.
It is about demonstrating that you understand, that you
can listen from other person's point of view and reflect their
meaning
Each individual has a unique perspectivewhich should
be valued. We each occupy our own private world and never
completely know what's going on inside other people's
minds.
Be prepared to disclose your own feelingsand beliefs to
encourage others to do the same: be open with other
people.

Questioning and gathering information

Question types to try to

avoid

EXAMPLES

Closed Questions

"Couldn't you have

resigned?"

Demand simple yes or no

answers with no chance to

elaborate.
Limit the gathering of
information, fail to explore
possibilities and get overly simple
answers.
They typically start
with: Could ..? Couldn't ...?
Should ...? Would ...? Have ...?
Are ..? Is ...? Will ...?

"Are you poor at

exams?"

They can sometimes be useful

for quick checking of facts or to
show that you have been listening
carefully to the other
person: "Now if I understood you
correctly you meant that ...."
Leading questions
These are similar to closed
questions.

"You're bad at maths

aren't you?"

They predict a particular

answer and should be avoided
Negative questions
These can sometimes be good for
analysis but maydemotivate the
interviewee from talking.

"What went wrong?"

"Whose fault was it?"

Good question types

EXAMPLES

Open ended questions

"Tell me what you

think about this?"

 These are prompts to get the

other person to talk about a
topic
They require longer, more
detailed detailed answers,
produce more, better quality
information and open up
possibilities.
They help the person crystallise
their thoughts and help you to
understand their views, feelings
and attitudes.
They may start with: How ... ?
When ....? Where ....? What ....?
Which ....? Why ....? Who ..? What
...? If ....?
Probing questions
"Tell me exactly what
These delve more deeply into
your duties were at
the interviewee's answers, and
Bloggs & Co."
allow you to dig down to reach the
important information.
What if questions
These are hypothetical
questions These questions are
used precisely because it's
impossible to work out your
answer beforehand, thus it tests
your ability to think quickly, and
reason logically.
Clarifying questions

"How would you deal

with a staff member
caught stealing a
packet of biscuits from
the shop?"
"How would you deal
with an irate
customer?"
If I heard you
correctly, you felt very

 These reflect back what the

speaker is saying in other
words to clarify understanding:
you paraphrase and repeat back
key points.

angry about the way

you had been treated?

They may summarise and bring

new interpretations to the
speakers words.
They show you're listening
carefully and checks you are
understanding correctly what
they are saying allowing the
speaker to confirm or correct your
feedback.
They encourage the speaker to
elaborate and to define their
problems.
The Devil's Advocate
These questions are provocative.
Often, theyreflect the opposite
view to the real view of the
questioner and can lure out any
hidden prejudices you may have.

"I think that the

Government has made
some really stupid
decisions recently:
don't you agree?"

If you have a difficult or complex question, introduce it

first with "I know this will be tough to answer so please take
your time". This is more likely to elicit a considered response
and doesn't put the other person on the defensive. Ask your
question and try to stay silent until you get an answer: the
longer it takes to get answer, the more powerful the answer
is likely to be.

Jargon Oscars

The university of
the present is
hypermodernised and
characterised as
diversified, liquefied,
globalised, edgeless,
marketised and
technologised. Source
THES

A statistically
risible exercise in
neoliberal populism.
(University of
Brighton)

While I am open
to the initial nature of
an assignment, I am
decidedly disposed
that it be so oriented
as to at least partially
incorporate the
experience enjoyed
heretofore and that it
be configured so as to
ultimately lead to the
application of more
rarefied facets of
financial management
as the major sphere
of responsibility.

See our page on interview

skills for more examples of
interview questions

Confirm and clarify

Ask yourself exactly what you
want to gain from the
conversation: a lack of clarity
can lead to confusion and poor
decisions.
Asking clarifying questions:
"How?", "Why?", "When?",
"Who?", "What?", "Where?", will
help the other person crystallise
their thoughts.
Summarise the main points in
simple language.
Get the other person's
agreement that your summary
is accurate.
Define the problem and then
move the focus to the solution:
separate the points that relate to
the problem and those that relate
to the solution.

Agree on the action you will both take: even if this is

that there will be no action. `

Jargon free language

A survey of managers by the Institute of Leadership found that
the most most irritating jargon/management speak phrases
were "thinking outside the box", "going forward" and "let's touch
base", so try to avoid such phrases when applying for jobs.

 Use simple words and clear

unambiguous language.
Be succinct: take time and
effort to distill ideas to an
absolute minimum.
Make simple points that
everyone agrees on.
Use the active not passive
voice. "I will send it to you"
rather than "It will be sent to
you".
Avoid Jargon!
NOT: "We need to incentivize
our best of breed to think
outside the box in focusing our
core competencies on mission
critical key deliverables."
BUT: "We should motivate our
staff to use their skills on
important tasks".
For help with removing jargon
see the Plain English Campaign

Jargon in job
titles
Partnership
Secretary
relationship
manager
Person-centred
Social
transition facilitator worker
Ambient
Shelf
replenishment
stacker
controller
Head of services,
Caretaker
infrastructure &
procurement
Multimedia
Journalist
storyteller &
experience
architect
Talent, employment HR
relations,
manager
outsourcing &
change manager
Transformation &
Probation
re-enablement
officer
project manager
Revenue protection Ticket
officer
inspector
Graduate
Careers
transitions
adviser!
facilitator
For more like this try our job
matching games

Giving feedback
Feedback has also been called constructive criticism.
Only give feedback if the gain will exceed the pain:
only use it for important things.
Praise more than you criticise! Identifying and
developing strengths is more effective than focusing too
much on negatives.
Constructive criticism which shows the person how they
can improve. Not "Debbie was hopeless!", but "Debbie made
some very useful contributions but her voice was a bit quiet.
I couldn't hear her very well, so she needs to raise her voice
a bit in future."

 It's a good idea to ask permission: "Do you mind if I give

you some feedback?". This gives the person time to prepare.
Try to give feedback immediately: on the spot if
possible: it's most effective when fresh in the person's mind.
The more quickly it is given the more relevance and power it
will have.
Be direct and honest. Get quickly to the point, don't have
long and embarrasing introductions, although starting with
some genuine praise based on what the person has actually
done will help (see the praise sandwich below).
Give feedback in private if at all possible, it's insensitive
to do this in front of others.
Focus on the most concrete and recent example
Stick to a single clear issue, don't pack in too much
criticism as this can be disheartening.
Don't repeat the same point over and over: this will just
build up resentment.
Only criticise behaviours that can be changed: "You
need to improve your computing skills" rather than "You're
stupid"!
Give feedback on a person's behaviour not about the
person themselves.Give accurate descriptions of
behaviour not comments about the person's qualities and
worth as an individual: "You have been late for work a lot in
the last month"rather than :"You're lazy"!
Don't compare the person with other people, as this
can build jealousy: "Jane is always punctual"

 Use "I" not "You" statements: "I feel

upset" not "You made me feel upset".
Use specific examples. Don't say "You're
hopeless at this", say "We need to give you
training on how to do this"!
describe the behaviour
describe your reaction
explain why you feel this way
show you understand what's behind their
behaviour
suggest a different way of behaving
Stick to facts: describe behaviour but also what happened
as a result.
The best decisions are those people reach for
themselves. Try not to tell the other person directly what
they should and shouldn't do. Let them explore their
behaviour and say themselves what needs to be done. This
avoids the build up of resentment.
Allow the criticised person to express any concerns
they may have.
Use tentative words such
as "sometimes" and "perhaps" rather
than "always"and "never": these allow the other person to
avoid argument by saying that"always" is not strictly true.
Keep your emotions under control.
At the end, Check understanding: "Does what I've said
make sense to you?" andsummarise what you've agreed.
Talk openly about your own concerns if necessary.

 Include positive comments. The praise sandwich can

be an effective way to give criticism to someone without
alienating them:
1. First make a positive statement to the person: "I
think you are really trying
your best"
Any fool can criticize,
2. Then the criticism "But
you need to structure your
essay more logically".
3. Make another positive
statement to
finish "However it's a very
good first attempt"

condemn, and complain and most fools do.

There are two types of

people who don't say much:
those who are quiet and
those who talk a lot.

You can close more

business in two months by
becoming interested in
If you are recieving
other people than you can
feedback youself, try to accept it in two years by trying to get
people interested in you.
in a positive and non-defensive
Dale Carnegie
manner.

Giving Praise
Tell people something they have done that you like or
what you like about them.
Give them thanks if they have done something for you.
Even a simple thank you can make a big difference.
Give encouragement. If someone is not sure that they are
able to do something, give them encouragement if you think
they can do it.
Describe positive behaviour and it's effect inconcrete
terms "I really appreciate how you took the time to ...."
Respond to praise by thanking the person.

Helpful feedback

Unhelpful feedback

Is concrete and specific. It says

precisely what the other person is
doing wrong e.g."Your CV is 3
pages long, you need to reduce
this to two pages."

Is vague and
abstract. It makes the
person angry
because the person is
not told how they can
change things.

It talks about actions and says

what people are doing rather
than what they are e.g."You
dance really
artistically" not "You're fantastic."

Labels people: "You're

stupid"

Makes "I" statements instead

of giving blame or praise: "I felt
angry when you spilt the tea" not
"You're a clumsy idiot!"

Just blames or
praises rather than being
specific

Is given immediately: not hours

or days later when neither of you
can remember what happened.

May be delayed: by the

time it is given, the
person may have
forgotten what you are
talking about.

Apologising.
Being able to say sorry if you have done something wrong, but in
an assertive rather than a passive way.

A study at the University of Utah found that if you ask someone

why he is friendly with someone else, hell say it is because he
and his friend share similar attitudes. But if you actually quiz the
two of them on their attitudes, youll find out that what they
actually share is similar activities. Were friends with the people
we do things with, as much as we are with the people we
resemble. We dont seek out friends, in other words. We
associate with the people who occupy the same small, physical
spaces that we do.
Malcolm Gladwell: The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make
a Big Difference

Researchers at the
University of Arizona &
Washington
Universitytracked
conversations of 79
Good conversations
students. They assessed
how many conversations
Should be two way with both
were trivial and how
parties equally involved and
many substantive, based
interested. It is a shared
on whether the
experience. It is a partnership
information exchanged
like a dance: you respond to
each other's movements and are was banal: Hot today
isn't it? or more serious:
both winners.
I'm really worried about
her relationship with
Build them around respect:
him ....
treat other people the way you
want to be treated yourself. The
The happiest subjects
atmosphere should feel
spent 70% longer talking
comfortable: like plants,
conversations need good ground than the unhappiest
ones, which suggests
to take root and flourish.
that the mere time a
Talk about mainly positive
person spends in the
presence of others is a
things. People who talk about
good news tend to cheer people good predictor of the
persons level of
up whereas people who always
talk in negatives tend to depress happiness. The happiest
participants also had
the people they are talking to!
twice as many
Obviously there must be a
balance, as sometimes we must substantive
conversations and only a
talk about unhappy events, but
make sure you don't do this too third as much small talk
much. You wion't go far wrong if as those who were least
content.
you use the old adage: "If you
don't have anything nice to say,
The authors suggest that
don't say anything at all!"
adding five substantive
conversations to your
There should be a willingness
to be open on both sides. Each weekly social calendar
could boost your spirits
person has the opportunity to
dramatically.Just as
express their point of view and
self-disclosure can instill
feelings. Relationships develop
through conversations where we a sense of intimacy in a
open up and exchange details to relationship, deep
conversations may instill
create closeness.
a sense of meaning in
the interaction partners.

 Always address someone by their first name if you know

this. It shows that you are treating them as an individual.
A good conversation makes a difference; something useful
happens and it has a satisfying conclusion.
Nod your head from time to time to encourage the
speaker.
Leave spaces: stay silent for a few seconds. Don't talk for
too long: our attention only lasts a few minutes before we
need a break. Cut your story into bite sized chunks to allow
breathing space.
Make descriptions specific: don't generalise or use
clichs. Be precise and concrete.
Ask the speaker to elaborate on major points.
Regularly summarising can improve the quality and
accuracy of your conversations. Feed brief summaries back
into the conversation.
When starting conversations show that you value the
other person's attention: "I'd really like your opinion
about ....."
Bad conversations
We make guesses and assumptions rather than listening
properly. Assumption is the enemy of good communication;
we assume that the other person is just like us. Avoid
prejudice and presumption. Similarities between people
make communication possible, but differences make it
worthwhile.
We score points off each other and apply pressure.
Our opinions and feelings are denied: we feel under
attack, ignored, patronised, put down and threatened.
Progression of conversations with people you don't
know

Begin with light topics such as the

weather and later move onto more
serious topics.
1. Light conversation/small talk
2. Humour
3. Friendly gossip
4. Affection
5. Support
6. Problem solving
7. Discussing deep subjects
Managing turn-taking when
talking to another person
1. First the speaker makes eye
contact

The fundamentals of
conversation haven't
changed much in 200
years. Even then there
was a progression from
small talk to more
serious topics:
"The hindrance thrown in
the way of a very speedy
intimacy .... prevented
their doing more than
going through the first
rudiments of an
acquaintance, by
informing themselves
how well the other liked
Bath, how much she
admired its buildings and
surrounding country,
whether she drew, or
played, or sang, and
whether she was fond of
riding on horseback."
Northanger Abbey by
Jane Austen

2. The speaker then looks away whilst speaking but makes

eye contact from time to time to see whether listener wants
their turn to speak
3. If the listener doesn't want to speak they will nod or
break eye contact or say something like " uh huh" or "yes"
4. If the listener wants to to take their turn to speak they
will look the speaker in the eye or lean forward or
perhaps raise their finger in the air

Here are answers to the

sort of question you might
get on application forms or
at interview to test your
communication skills.

Research found that what

you say about others
reveals as much about
about you as the person you
are describing. A person's
tendency to describe other
people in positive terms is
an important indicator of the
positivity of the person's
own personality.

Students who rate their

peers positively were
found to be trustworthy,
nice, enthusiastic, happy,
EVIDENCE FOR SPEAKING
kind-hearted, courteous,
SKILLS
capable and emotionally
stable. They reported
greater life satisfaction, less
Joining a campus drama group.
depression, better grades
Getting involved in a debating society. and were more liked by
Seminars
others. They were seen as
Working as a receptionist in a vacation being agreeable and
conscientious. Women
job
tended to rate others more
positively than men.
Can you give me an example of a

time when you have had to argue

your case and convince another
person of its merits?
CONTEXT
I had a lot of trouble managing my
finances during my first year at
University. I ignored the first couple of
letters from the bank manager but
eventually I had to meet her to explain
the situation and persuade her to let
me run quite a large overdraft until
the end of the academic year.
ACTION:
Before I went to see the bank
manager, I drew up a cash flow
forecast to show how I would
economise through the rest of the
year & how much I would still need to
spend on essentials. I also found a job
in a pub for two evenings a week.
RESULT:
The bank manager was very
impressed with my figures and let me

Those with negative

opinions of others were
more apt to be
disagreeable, antisocial
and narcissistic and were
more likely to be depressed
and to have personality
disorders.
You stand to learn a
number of things about a
person from just observing
whether the person
describes others positively
or not. Your words could
reveal a lot about your own
personality traits. said
Dustin Wood, assistant
psychology professor.
Dustin Wood, Journal of
Personality and Social
Psychology, 2010; vol 99:
pp 174-190.

have a larger overdraft than I'd expected! With my part-time job

and another job in the summer vacation I managed to pay off the
overdraft by the start of my second year. I won't say that I've
never been in debt since because its quite hard to manage as a
student, but I've never let my finances get out of control again.
How have you used your communication skills to
persuade others to follow your lead?
CONTEXT
I have been involved with the Parent-Teacher Association at the
local primary school since my elder son first started there. The
PTA organises a number of fund-raising events which have
involved me in persuading people to buy raffle tickets, display
posters in shop windows, donate prizes, etc. Three years ago, the
PTA produced a book to mark the school's 25th anniversary and,
as a member of the editorial committee, I helped to decide on the
content and format of this book.
ACTION
The school governors wanted an "official" history, but I
represented the PTA in arguing that a collection of reminiscences
of past pupils would be more readable and saleable. This was
agreed and we then contacted ex-pupils through mailshots based
on old school registers and features in the local newspaper and
on local radio. The response was excellent and the only problem
was in sifting and editing the letters we were sent.
I then negotiated with local printers to find the best quote and
RESULT