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ATTRACTING AND DATING A PARTNER FOR

MARRIAGE
By
Pastor ISAAC ABAYOMI OSHIN
Pastor In Charge, Foursquare Gospel Church, Fatolu, Ipaja, Lagos.
I.
MARRIAGE IS A NEED
Marriage is a need for both men and women. Every woman desires
to love and be loved because it is the pronouncement of God on her
life Gen. 3:16 says " ... thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he
shall rule over thee" If you are a mature lady i.e. thirty-something
and yet single the society is likely to torment you beyond
imagination. If you are outgoing, you may be tagged a loose person
without any proof except you are single. If cool headed and
reserved, you could be deemed to be proud or under a curse. The
social discrimination you suffer in this position may include loss of
respect of younger ladies who have gotten married. You could often
be expected to respect a younger lady who is married with children
regardless of the age difference. There are those who would ask of
your husband pretending not to know that you are single only to
give you mental torture.
In the workplace, social discrimination against single ladies exists.
You are expected to stay back and work late without prior notice
while the married ones are considered for leaving because they
have not notified their husbands. . The married men in some offices
would often make sexual advances to you as if you are employed to
satisfy their sexual urge during office hours. Many qualified single
ladies are still expected to offer their bodies before they could get
promoted. Some indecent bosses in the private offices could also
physically abuse you as a single lady at work. You are touched
carelessly unless you are very firm and strict.
At home, if you live with your parents and siblings, theie would be
time they would crack such jokes as "you too should be in your
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husband's house by now". To them it is harmless joke, but it is


piercing to you as a sharp knife. There are also those who try to
match you with men of inadequacies. If you reject such matchmaking, you are considered to be unserious.
Above all, you long for love. If you have mistakenly lost your
virginity, there would be moments when you long for a man. I have
heard a lady told me that she used to masturbate. Out of frustration
some ladies in this situation have chosen to become single parents
but that never solved their problem of loneliness.
A single parent is treated like a leper in our society except by other
single parents like her and this in turn make the society to tag them
a "bunch of prostitutes". Men who approach them for love hardly
meant genuine love but lust. After sometime, a lady who had been
sex starved in this situation may give in to such men to her regret
because the men would not respect her in bed. Her principles are
never respected. A single parent that lives in a shared
accommodation cannot afford to be involved in an argument
because she would be tagged quarrelsome. To Africans, that is why
she could not get married. Single parenthood is not desirable in our
society and I pray that God will not make you one. For as many as
are single parents and reading my book, God will give you your own
husband in Jesus name.
Marriage is not meant for women alone. You may be adjusting to
being a life-bachelor or resolved not to bother yourself again with
marriage as a man before now, but I want to tell you here that an
unmarried man is an incomplete man. Yes! It is recorded in Gen. 2:
21 & 22 that " ... the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the
man, and while he slept took one his ribs and closed up its place
with flesh; and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man
he made into a woman and brought her to the man" In effect from
your original being that God created you, He had taken one rib out
to make a woman. As such you are not complete until you locate

and marry a woman over whom you have control as part of your
body.
Some men think of marriage as responsibility that could be avoided,
well let me ask you, is your hand not a responsibility that you have
to wash it and cut its nails? But can you afford not to be with your
hands or your legs or any part of your body for that matter which
you look after, especially your ribs holding your heart; your life
support machine. From the time you were a little boy you
experienced a form of excitement at the sight of a beautiful girl or
hearing a lovely female voice. You may have a lot of
accomplishments and achievements to be proud of, you may have
lots of friends, male and female but if you are not married you will
still feel lonely. The Yoruba people say that there is no honour for a
single king. And the Bible says in 1 Cor 11:7 " ... woman is the glory
of man". You desire to love and be loved your masculine nature notwithstanding.
It is innate for every man to desire the company of a woman though
we are all brought up to suppress the desire to maintain a moral
standard. When you have suppressed the desire to the extent of
resenting the moral or Christian teaching of such discipline, then
you have gone overboard. For long life and prosperity, marriage is
desirable for a man. The scripture says in Proverbs 18: 22 "He who
finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord".
Favour from the Lord means long life and prosperity in this context.
In practical terms, the man is more favoured in marriage than the
wife. Let me explain. As a bachelor, you go to work and return home
to cook your meal, wash the dishes, clean the house and wash your
clothes either daily or at weekends. Though you may pay someone
to do some of these things for you but you will still be involved to
some extent. A spinster of equal academic background and
occupation does the same thing. Now let's assume both of you got
married to one another, the routine must change. In Africa, as it
holds even for many other races too, the home maintenance seizes
to be your responsibility. You need not wash your clothes, make
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your bed or even cook your meals again, though you may help with
these things if you love your wife. But as for the wife, she takes on
additional domestic responsibility of washing your clothes, cooking
your meals etc in addition to her care for herself and her job. These
domestic assignments are expected of her role as wife, at least in
Africa and it is biblical (Proverbs 31: 10-31).
The wife may not have been too particular about what she cooked
for herself as a single lady but after marriage she cares about your
satisfaction with her cooking which is another stress for her. She
supplements your income with hers and makes achievements
easier for you even when it is hardly as recognised. Just as she
looks after you materially she gives her body to you to meet your
physical needs and her counsel to your spirit man.
In view of all these and many more reasons, my brother and my
sister you need to be married. Don't listen to the devil. let me also
tell you that there is a partner for you. God is a perfect planner and
for every man he created there is a woman and vice versa. In the
history of life, we are told in Genesis Chapter 1 verse 27 that "...
God created man in his own image, .... Male and female He created
them". You may say that this is an obvious statement and argue
that it does not guarantee that every man has a woman created for
him and vice - versa. let's go a little further to Genesis Chapter 2:21
& 22, "50 the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man,
and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with
flesh; and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he
made into a woman and brought her to the man". But you may
wonder why you are still single?
II
WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?
I maintain that for every man there is a woman and vice versa.
However there are factors militating against the marriage of many.
Broadly speaking, these factors are spiritual, psychological/mental
or physical. But they can be inter-twined. In all cases the devil is at
work because marriage is an institution of God for the benefit of
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mankind and the devil is vehemently against every good plan of


God for man.
1. Lack of knowledge/ false knowledge
The fact that it is not the will of God for you to be miserable and
lonely is the first truth you have to grasp. Here is the message of
God to you and I in the book of Jeremiah 29:11-12 "For I know the
thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace
and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"(NIV). You need to
know this so that you can resolve to claim your own spouse in
prayer. The Bible says in Hosea 4:6 "My people are destroyed for
lack of knowledge." And in the book of Proverbs 11:9
" ... But through knowledge the righteous will be delivered'. Most
people are single because they do not have the right knowledge
about themselves and marriage.
Some have been mislead to hate the opposite sex. .

There are those who have absorbed false doctrine that


adornment is evil for women and made the young ladies to dress in
sorrowful manner at the expense of their marriage. Some people
thinks it does not matter how they dress because they are
Christians, young men and women alike. Knowledge is what will
liberate you, the knowledge that you gain and apply.

There is also the shocking revelation that most of the youth of


our days are single in pursuance of money. In a survey that I carried
out before my first book on this subject, I asked young ones who
believe that they are late for marriage to reflect on their lives and
give the reason they think is responsible for their late marriage. The
analysis of their response is given below.
Education
37%
Finance 33%
Spouse availability 14%
Paren~
8%
Others
8%
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This is Greek wisdom that is a divine foolishness. The Bible


says in Eccl 3:1 "To everything there is a season, a time for every
purpose under heaven:".

Parental manipulation. Many people have pleased their parents


to the detriment of their future. There are many parents trying to
live their lives through their children. They are practising witchcraft
without knowing. So many young ones are pursuing study courses
that are not meant for them simply because they want to please
their parents and thus wasting their youthful life.
These causes that I have identified are some of the issues to be
dealt with here today. I intend to share with you, by the leading of
the Holy Spirit, such knowledge as will liberate you from the
bondage of loneliness and break the yoke of ungodly marital delay
in your life.
But before we continue let us say the following prayers with every
seriousness in Jesus name.
Prayer points
i.
Lord I thank you for this moment in Jesus name. Thank
you for not
forsaking me in Jesus name
ii. Every satanic veil covering my vision that has thus far
prevented me from seeing myself and the purpose of God for
my life, burn off by the fire of God in Jesus name.
iii. Every satanic plug in my ears preventing me from
hearing from God,
be pulled out by the hand of God in Jesus name.
iv. Oh Lord! Let your word locate me in this seminar and heal
my
singleness and loneliness in Jesus name. Amen.
III PRINCIPLES OF ATTRACTION

Attraction means 'the pull' that is, what pulls or draws something or
someone to the other, it is synonymous with magnetism. We need
to know that it is the makeup of magnet that makes it to attract iron
just as the sweetness of sugar makes it to attract ants. In the same
vein it is your makeup that determines whether you will attract
partner for marriage or not. This make-up is not limited to biological
or physical features but mental as well as spiritual.
Secondly, no matter your makeup you cannot attract everybody, at
least not for marriage. You can only attract a type of people, the
type that are meant to be your spouse will be attracted as such and
other in other capacities
In bid to attract ladies some men have become wasteful spender
and they are termed Father Christmas by the ladies instead of being
attracted to them.
Every attempt to be attractive to everyone for marriage is an
attempt to get frustrated in marriage because anyone can just end
up to be your partner, not necessarily your God-given spouse.
Elements of Attraction
Before you can attract a partner for marriage certain conditions
must be met. I am not here to impose but to suggest, but I will
strongly advise that you appraise every of my suggestion as
objectively as possible before you make your mind up as to whether
to accept or reject them. Now let us look at these elements
together keenly.
Availability of the one to be attracted.
Magnetic personality. You must have an attraction.
Following from the above, if you desire to attract a partner for
marriage you must improve on the availability of those qualified to
be your future spouse and boost your attractiveness to them. But
how can these be? Are you to create more men/women or are you
to go for plastic surgery?

IV. INCREASING THE AVAILABLE


As mentioned in the earlier chapter, there is the need to have more
of the qualified before you start talking of attracting your God-given
spouse. But where are the good girls and guys?
They are everywhere but you need to discover them and get closer
for them to discover you too. Where are they? You seem to ask
again. Before you can see them in your life, these are the prerequisites.
Mind your company.

Socialise more. It is not enough that you mind your company


but you must also socialise.

Check these places out. Let me jog your memory of such


places that you may love to be but which you hardly visit either as
oversight or because you never think your partner could be found
there. In my opinion these places will include church, college (parttime courses, evening/weekends), work, stores, beach or evening
strolls. You must come in contact with people. A magnet cannot pull
an iron unless it comes in contact with iron. To attract a wife or
husband you need to socialise with those that are available and be
available as well.
There are also places where you find yourself at times though you
may be neither for nor against such places. For example in my
survey, I found a couples who first met in the telephone boot, on
the phone. Some other places where couple first met include
school, NYSC Camp, Church, at friend's place, at work, at the lady's
mummy shop while she was helping her mum to look after the
shop, at family's get-together, at a single's fellowship, at friend's
working place, at a party, at wedding reception, gym and so on. The
list is endless; you can find your God-given spouse in any place that
you can find yourself.
V.
1.

DEVELOPING MAGNETIC PERSONALITY:


What The Ladies Are Looking For In A man

Our personality is what distinguishes us from other people. Though


hereditary but it can be adjusted consciously. You may be a very
nice man but if you don't attract ladies to yourself, no one may
know that you are as good. You need to attract your God-given wife
to yourself for her discover you as her God-given husband.
In my survey I found that ladies are mostly attracted to outgoing,
friendly, hardworking, neat and caring men. Other features admired
in men include understanding, honesty, and confidence/boldness.
Though some mentioned height and handsomeness but these
qualities were mostly rated below the non-physical features of the
man.
A common but faulty notion is that ladies are attracted to
successful men but I discover that they are attracted to elements of
success in the man rather than the actual financial success except
for few who have poverty culture. It is therefore erroneous to try to
impress with money, in actual fact it can be counter-productive at
times as the lady may tell you that her love is not for sale.
Let me discuss the dominant four traits most sort for by ladies in
men in greater details.

Smile
The Bible says in Psalm 16:11 "You will show me the path of life; In
Your presence is fullness of joy;
... ". The book of Isaiah puts it this way "I will greatly rejoice in .the
LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with
the garments of salvation" (Isaiah 61: 1 0).
Joy is a major character of a true Christian. In no other religion and
in no other literature is joy so conspicuous as in Christianity and the
Bible. Put in the simplest form, it means having invited Jesus into
your life at a point in time and thereafter being led by the Holy
Spirit of God. It is not observing certain rules but becoming a new
spirit being.
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Jesus is joy to the believer. John 17:13 says " ... these things I speak
in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves".
My brother, the girls like men who can smile, men who truly have
Jesus in their lives. I am not telling you this as manipulation, I am
telling you because I know it is the truth. Invite Jesus into your life
today, begin to smile in the joy of salvation and see the good girls
being attracted to you.

Neatness
Many guys have missed their God-given wives (would-have-been
wives) due to shabby dressing and un-cleanliness. It does not
matter how expensive the shirt or shoes are but is the shirt ironed
and the shoes polished? We all have body odour naturally but it
becomes offensive when we allow bacteria to breed on our sweat. A
man should always wear deodorant to suppress his body odour
particularly in the armpit.
Your haircut is part of your neatness. It changes in style with taste
and fashion, you don't need to follow the trend but you must cut
your hair regularly. The same apply to your finger nails. Neglect of
these things can also be a pointer to the fact that you are stressed.
When you allow the problem of life to weigh you down, you can't
smile and you lose your sense of dressing almost simultaneously.
Still talking about neatness, beard makes you look aggressive but if
you choose to keep beard then trim it regularly as well. Most ladies
like clean shave.
Shaving is challenging to most men, try enough methods until you
discover the most suitable for your skin. I am not preaching vanity
but if you must get along with girls, learn to be clean.

Caring
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Almost all the girls included in our sample mentioned caring as a


point of attraction. They all seem to like a man who is capable of
listening to them and understanding their situation. Caring means
being sensitive to other people's needs and situations. It means
putting on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness
and patience according to Colossians 3:12.

Hardworking
As a man, the Bible describes you as the head of the woman. Eph
5:23 "For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of
the church; and He is the Saviour of the body". We look up to Christ
Jesus to meet our needs, so does the woman in Christ to her
husband. By nature women are drawn to men who appear to be
better than them. I think this has to do with the pronouncement of
God over the woman that her husband will rule over her. It therefore
makes the woman to desire someone better than her to rule over
her.
Physique
You may be disappointed that most women are not really concerned
about your physical look. Your muscle is not really an attraction to
an average young lady. However, I discover that many ladies dislike
young men with protruding belly. To that extent, I will suggest that
as a young man you should watch your eating habit. If your tummy
keeps growing, decide against breakfast and avoid eating too much
at a goal. Better still, regular fasting will help to keep your tummy in
shape.
2.
What The Men Are Looking For In A Lady
When we talk about attracting men, there is only one attraction of
the lady; her beauty, her character comes to play after the man had
been attracted. It is your beauty that gets you noticed.
However the concept of beauty varies from man to man as it is
said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

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Abraham was attracted to Sarah because she was beautiful
(Genesis 12:11).

Rebecca was chosen for Isaac because she was very beautiful
(Genesis 24:16). Isaac confirmed that by himself in Genesis 26:7.

Leah's eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form


and appearance (Genesis 29:17&18) and that was why Jacob
laboured for her for fourteen years to have her as wife.

Abigail was described as a woman of understanding and


beautiful appearance (1 Samuel 25:3), no wonder David married
her when she became a widow.

King David married Uriah's widow because she was very


beautiful (2 Samuel 11:2).

King Ahasuerus married Esther because she was beautiful. In


fact that was the main quality in searching for a qualified virgin for
the king beauty (Esther 2:2&3).
My sister, even the single pastor that tells you that beauty is not
the issue cannot propose to you if he doesn't consider you
beautiful. But let me repeat for emphasis, beauty is in the eye of
the beholder. Some men find slim girls attractive, others like ladies
that are plump and chubby. No matter your stature you are
beautiful to someone. The Bible says in Genesis 1 :31 that lIThen
God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very
good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day'. You are
part of God's creation fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm
139:14).
If you have not been attracting men then something has happened
to your beauty. It may be physical or spiritual. When you neglect
your self, your beauty may be covered. But spiritually speaking your
beauty can also be covered either satanically or by sin Isaiah 54:6
says lIFor the LORD has called you, like a woman forsaken and
grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused, "

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What physically turns a man on varies from one person to another


but generally the following have been identified as the common
physical turn-ons. Legs, Buttocks, Breasts, Waist, Shoulders, Lips,
Body Shape and the Eyes.
Let me say here that your beauty does not make you promiscuous
but the spirit that is in you which is manifested in your personal
carriage and presentation. In actual fact, men lust after certain
ladies not because they are beautiful but because they are
debauched and lascivious.
Legs and Feet
When I was still very much into photography, I remember learning
about glamour and human body. I learnt then that glamour pictures
are those pictures that make you wonder how the body would be. It
does not reveal everything, but leaves much to one's imagination.
Long legs are often said to powerfully attract men but smooth and
well-shaped ones are more powerful. If you don't have long legs,
you can emphasize the ones you have by wearing more of highheeled shoes.
Also you can make your legs noticeable by attempting to cover
them but still allowing part of it to be seen. Such free flowing skirts,
long enough to cover your knees gets your legs noticed. On the
contrary when your skirt is too revealing, it could make people
regard you as loose and put responsible men off. Your feet are
extension of your legs and so you should be able to flaunt them if
properly maintained. I will urge that your feet should be pedicured
once a week. Treat them as you treat your hands and nails. Avoid
wearing too tight shoes to prevent corns or bunions.

Buttocks
Buttocks usually send powerful erotic signals to men, especially
Africans. If you have your weight on your hips and tummy than your
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buttocks, then I will suggest you visit a gym and exercise so that
your tummy and hips are trimmed down to give emphasis to your
buttocks. But you may not be endowed with pronounced buttocks. If
that be the case then you should put on more of body-hug to bring
out your body shape than loose skirts that would drastically distort
your shape. But if endowed with heavy buttocks, you are better off
wearing free dresses that de-emphasise your buttocks and make
you more attractive.

Breast
Your breasts are perhaps the most prominent feature of your
womanhood. It is the most captivating feature of a young lady and
that is why the Bible warns the young men about it in Proverbs
5:18-20 "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of
your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts
satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. For
why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and
be embraced in the arms of a seductress?"
Men may stare at your breasts and draw some conclusions about
the type of lady you are. Sometimes they could be wrong though.
Generally a lady whose breasts are pendulous is regarded by men
as having previously had a child or morally loose and as such may
have committed several abortions.
By and large breasts are often source of concern for most ladies
who are rarely satisfied with the size and shape. As explained
earlier, you are God's creation and everything that God made is
good, including you. Always drum it in your mind that you are
special because you are not like the other lady. I will make
suggestion about how to maintain firm and attractive breasts but
bear in mind that there is limit to how much you can increase or
decrease the size.

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There are no muscles in your breast but just below them are
pectoral muscles which provide base for the breasts. To maintain
firm breasts you must exercise pectoral muscles regularly such that
it pushes and hold the breasts up.
If you have dropping breasts you can make them firmer by raising
your arms to your shoulder - level and grasp each arm above the
wrist. Then, without moving your grasp, jerk your hands forward as
though pushing up your sleeves. Relax and repeat, then relax again.
Do this every day as many times as possible and you will notice an
improvement in the firmness of your breasts. To prevent drooping
breasts a lady must start wearing bra as early as there is obvious
shaking of the breast if she runs.
If you think your breasts are too small then try the following
exercise. Get a ball or any other object that will not break easily
when you press it. Sit on the floor, stretching your legs straight
forward, then put the ball or the object between your palm with
your fingers pointing upwards and your elbow at shoulder level.
Press the palms together slowly but firmly, then relax - but don't
drop the ball. Repeat ten times each exercise period and do the
exercise at least once a day. Your breast is most likely to increase
naturally. I know there is a pump in the market for breast increase
as well as other technological methods but I can only recommend
the natural method which I strongly believe will not have any
serious after effects.
Lips
"Your lips are like a strand of scarlet, and your mouth is lovely ... "
(Song 4:3). Fleshy lips (not dropping lips) are said to be erotic and
attractive to men. This is one of the reasons why the lip stick was
invented to accentuate the lips of the white ladies which are
commonly thin. Personally, I don't subscribe to the use of lipstick

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because lipstick flakes when fresh one is applied over another that
is stale and there is tendency to lead to dry or cracked lips.
If you allow your lip to crack either through the use of lipstick or due
to dry skin, it will eventually drop and this is not good for you. To
prevent dry lips, it is advisable that you apply lip gloss (wet lips). In
actual fact many men find wet lips attractive and its usage is hardly
opposed by any church but I am opposed to lipstick.
Teeth
A beautiful and attractive lady is one who maintains her teeth. Daily
cleaning of your teeth, preferably morning and night, is very
important. A clean teeth and healthy gum will also contribute
immensely to your self confidence. You'll be able to smile and
converse without inhibition at social gatherings.
Freshen your breath with peppermint or mouth spray whenever
your mouth taste bitter or sour and if you have no immediate
access to your toothbrush. If you are fasting sip water. However,
licking sweet or eating of chewing gums can damage your teeth.
VI. INHIBITIONS TO SOCIALISING
There are some factors that hinder socialising in the life of both
spinsters and bachelors. Prominent among these are anxiety, low
self-esteem and shyness.

Anxiety
Anxiety is the physical inadequacies culminating into emotional
disturbances. Anxiety is often related to a particular fear. It could be
fear of failure or fear of rejection. How do we deal with anxiety? First
you have to identify your areas of true inadequacies, not imaginary
inadequacies resulting from your loneliness. Secondly, you have to
identify every way of improving yourself. But more importantly you
must remind yourself constantly that you are not God and you are
not expected to be perfect. This means that you allow for mistake
and expect people to pardon your mistake. This will be easy for you
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if you don't dwell on other people's mistakes as well. Thirdly and


very important, you must bear in mind Philippians 4:13 that "I can
do all things through Christ which strengthens me".

Self esteem
Self-esteem is your estimate of your worth. I observe that most of
the artisans have very low self-esteem possibly due to the awe with
which they view white collar jobs in our society. Often when you
asked them for their bills, they charge far below what I am willing to
pay. Naturally I don't pay them more than they have asked for. The
same applies to you as a spinster or bachelor. You cannot be
attracted to anyone that you perceived to be far above you. That in
effect reduces the people available because you have discount
yourself. It is equivalent to keeping wrong company. One of the
factors that can affect your selfesteem is your image of your body.
Some guys may feel that they are skinny for a man as some ladies
may think that their breasts ?re too small for men to admire. This is
often a matter of perception but none-the-less I will suggest some
practical ways of enhancing your body image. To improve your
body-image, write a letter to your body briefly outlining, first, the
parts you don't like, then the parts you like. Apologize for any
neglect, abuse or injury and express appreciation for devotion to
duty. Before you sign off, suggest some plans for pleasure, exercise
and coping with stress.
After the letter take the position of your body and reply yourself
covering the following points: "What I need is What I want is
................. Please reduce or stop You don't seem to realize
that.
". After this, enter into covenant with your body to
look
after it. If you are happy with your body as a lady it will be easy to
work on other aspects of your self-esteem. What I am advising you
is not to bleach or attempt to be someone else but to be grateful to
God for the body He has given you. When you treasure something,

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you will keep and maintain it. It is common for ladies in their early
twenties to feel inadequate with their body.
Let me borrow the words of Nancy Sims in her poem A Creed To Live
By "Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special".
Shyness
Shyness is one of the most commonest causes of singleness among
men though the ladies can also be shy but the men help those
ladies in that they have the prerogative of being wooed unlike men.
Generally it is said that man becomes shy when he finds himself in
an unfamiliar situation or company of stranger. As such children
that were moved frequently from one school to another while
growing up make become shy persons. If the changing social
climates require too much of him as a child he may decide to
distant himself from his mates and thus grow up to become a shy
man. The neglect or excessive criticism of the parents could also
affect a child. If he had survived the neglect by accepting that he
was not good enough then he would have grown up to see himself
as a second class citizen. But hear what the Bible says concerning
you in Isaiah 60:15 "Whereas you have been forsaken and hated, so
that no one went through you, I will make you an eternal
excellence, a joy of many generations".
Above all I think most men are shy because they fear rejection. I will
recommend that you master the scriptures concerning you. First is
Ps 139:14 " ... I am fearfully and wonderfully made;" The second
passage is 2 Tim 1:7 " ... God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of
power and of love and of a sound mind." And the third one is Phil
4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
All in all the foundation of social skills is given to us in Romans
12:10 which says "Love one another with brotherly affection; outdo
one another .in showing honour". This passage is expanded by Dale
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Carnegie in his book; How to win friends and influence people, who
says, to make people like you, you should:
*
Become genuinely interested in other people
*
Smile
*
Remember that a person's name is to him the sweetest and
most
important sound in any language. Carnegie advised that you make
effort to pronounce people's names correctly especially if it is a
language different from yours.
*
Be a good listener; encourage others to talk about themselves,
that
way people will always want to be around you.
* Talk in terms of the other person's interest. Many people express
themselves always from their own point of view. To them love
means that the other one should always be pleasing them even if it
inconveniences the other. Such people are likely to be isolated.
* Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. Some
people believe the only way to tell the world that they are having
relationship with someone is to be rude to the person publicly. This
is wrong. Everyone wants to be respected especially in the presence
of others. You must make people feel important
In his book WISDOM FOR WINNING, Mike Murdock listed four ways
to know your enemy. I see these points as the ways you can make
yourself people's enemy rather than their friend.
* If you are more critical than complimentary to others, nobody will
like to be with you. You will be seen as an enemy than a friend.
Rather, you should speak words that encourage their faith and
confidence.
If you belittle and laugh at others' God-given dreams and goals. You
may not be able to see the vision but if a brother or even a sister
has a vision, don't belittle the dream or else people will not like to
associate with you.
*
If you embarrass and humiliate people you would make more
enemy
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than friends. One day my colleague and I noticed the office


assistant had bruises on her face and to express my sympathy I
asked what the matter was with her face. She told me that she
collided with something. My colleague who was in the office at the
time attempted to subject her to cross examination instead of
accepting her story. Sensing this I quickly cut her short and ask the
girl to leave. Thereafter I told my colleague that his action would
have caused the girl more embarrassment than even the bruises.
How many times have you made similar mistakes? Avoid saying or
doing things that would embarrass people. Instead of embarrassing
people get excited about their potential. Remind them of their
special gifts and abilities.
*
The fourth point is idle talk. If you waste people's time talking
about
nothing, you will always be avoided
So far I have given you the foundation of the social skills.
Remember that the true meaning of

JOY lies in putting:

Jesus first Others next, Yourself last in conversation and


relating with others.
b.
Package yourself physically
Men are often attracted by physical appearance of ladies before
they closer to know her. The ladies are often attracted by the
kindness, neatness, caring and diligence at work of men. If you truly
desire to be attractive you must take care of yourself physically.
Dress moderately but neatly.
In drawing my conclusion, let me remind us that you can practise all
that I have said and not be attracted, the reason being spiritual.
There are antimarriage yoke on some people and others have
been covered by veil such that they cannot be noticed. Others have
made covenants to certain people in the past out of ignorance and
thus placed embargo on themselves. There are also wicked elders
who have traded the marriage of their children and grandchildren

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for satanic powers. Let us rise up to deal with some of these that
the lecture may benefit our lives.
Isaiah 60:15 "Whereas you have been forsaken and hated, so that
no one went through you, I will make you an eternal excellence, a
joy of many generations".
Ezek 11 :11 "This city shall not be your caldron, nor shall you be the
meat in its midst. I will judge you at the border of Israel. "
CoI2:13-15
He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all
trespasses, 14having wiped out the handwriting of requirements
that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it
out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. 15Having disarmed
principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them,
triumphing over them in it.

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