5

Ways
to
Lead
with
Emotional
Intelligence -- and Boost Productivity
Employees today are much more aware of
whether or not they are a good fit in their
workplace culture and they want their leaders
to be more mindful of their needs. In general,
employees have become more sensitive about
how to best co-exist in a workplace
environment that allows them to be who they
naturally are. Employees are tired of playing
games and just want to be themselves. As
such, they are managing their careers and
looking to advance by searching for jobs that
truly fuel their passion, fulfill their desires, and
ignite their real talent.
For most, todays
economic landscape has made the career
management journey extra challenging. And
beyond career advancement opportunities,
people want their supervisors and leaders to be
more in touch with who they are as people (not
just as their colleagues) to assure that their
career track is in proper alignment with and
supports their personal and professional goals.
Leaders are so focused on remaining relevant
for their own personal gain that they have
forgotten to be more sensitive about how to
best serve their employees (the people who
help give them relevancy). In the end, leaders
become more valuable when they can prove to
increase productivity, employee engagement
and
results
by
creating
a
teamwork
environment that gets the best performance
from everyone.
This requires leaders to be
strong mentors as well as sponsors who can
help their colleagues better navigate workplace
opportunities and catapult their careers.
Beyond the traditional leadership roles and
responsibilities, todays workplace uncertainty
requires leaders to be much more sensitive
about what matters most to their employees.
Too many leaders assume that their colleagues
have the same drive to succeed and
willingness to sacrifice in order to advance as
they do.
Everyone is different and leaders
must be more mindful to embrace those
differences and strategically leverage them to
create and sustain unique opportunities within
their departments and for the business.
The bottom line is that leaders must be more
emotionally intelligent to be more effective and
efficient at maximizing outcomes and desired
results.
Here are 5 ways to get started.

1.

Care About People

Caring is a simple thing to do, but not always

expressed or genuine in its delivery or tone.
Leaders need to balance the head and the
heart. This means that leaders cant always be
so intense about what is required from their
employees. Intensity requires proper timing
and focus to build and keep momentum. As
leaders, we need to show maturity along with
our passion, and be more compassionate in
order to balance what the job requires with the
human spirit. Employees dont want to feel like
a herd of cattle but as people who are being
appreciated for their hard work and effort.
For the most part, employees dont need a
boss that holds their hand; they just need to be
reminded of what is expected of them. If this is
done with proper tact and good heartedness,
people will perform.
Make the extra effort to say thank you and be
consistent about it. Take the time to mentor
and / or sponsor employees who have earned
the opportunity.
Show that you care about
people. This gesture is more powerful than you
might think in enabling you to achieve your
leadership goals and objectives.
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The recognized man appeals to the head where
things are easily forgotten. The respected man
captivates the heart and the heart doesnt
forget.
2.
Embrace Differences to Make a Big
Difference
We live in a world were differences in people
are more apparent than ever before. People
want to be authentic and appreciate those who
embrace their differences.
Todays leaders
must be more sensitive about how to manage
and leverage differences in people to assemble

great teams and assign unique talents and

abilities to certain situations. Be smart and
look for common ground within the differences
between people.
Dont view differences as a melting pot, but
rather as a mosaic of opportunities.
Our differences fuel our unique perspectives
and cultivate innovation and opportunity.
Some might call this diversity but that word
has become associated with advocacy. I am
not suggesting that you must advocate for
ones differences but rather, learn how to
embrace and leverage those differences when
people bring their unique ideas and ideals to
the table.
The more inclusive you are, the
wider the breadth and depth of opportunities
around you.
3.

Help Employees Experience Significance

Leaders should not get caught up in converting

their employees to be more like them but
rather in motivating employees with how the
job can benefit their life, not just the bottom
line. Allow your employees to appreciate and
experience the human side of what success
can bring to their families and life outside of
work.
Today people want to feel as if they are
creating an impact, that they can make a mark
for themselves and those around them. Lead
your employees in ways that allow them to be
both successful and significant at work.
Significance is the force that changes people
lives and perspectives on what matters most.
4.

Be Accountable Like Everyone Else

Just because you are in-charge doesnt mean

that you cant be an equal. This means that
as a leader you must hold yourself equally
accountable and enforce the same rules of
engagement that you expect from your
employees. The best leaders always do but
in todays workplace this behavior must be
more deliberate.
Employees appreciate
leaders who share their perks and privileges..
They want their leaders to be a more
integrated part of the team; more available
and less mysterious.
Admit when you are wrong and be transparent
in how you lead others.
Employees want to
know that you can be trusted; revealing the

areas where you can improve makes you more

real and genuine.
Leaders have historically
played the game of authority and allowed their
titles to influence the conversation and their
attitudes. Be accountable, be an equal, and be
trustworthy.
Employees follow and support
leaders who are approachable and relatable;
those who will roll-up their sleeves and fight
the battles with them.
Business and personal success is all about
making the right connections--new colleagues,
employees, customers, friends, and partners-and finding the people who will lead you to new
opportunities. But for many, it's more about
volume than true connection.
We live in a world that is increasingly focused
on making and managing connections, and
most of us have bought into this notion hook,
line, and sinker. As a result, we race to the next
networking event where we hand out as many
business cards as we can, work overtime to
add to our LinkedIn contacts, and create semiremarkable Twitter feeds in the hope of gaining
a massive following.
But according to author and business
consultant Alan Gregerman, most of us are
going about connecting in the wrong way,
based on the wrong model. In his new book
"The Necessity of Strangers" he suggests that
our real objective should be to connect with,
learn from, and build real relationships with
people who are very different than us and
could challenge us to stretch our thinking.
"We don't need or benefit from having a lot of
superficial relationships," Gregerman says.
"And most, if not all of our closest connections
are people who are a lot like us. Of course
friends, relatives, and acquaintances are
important, but in business they can only get us
so far. To reach our full potential we need to
create meaningful connections with a much
broader palette of folks who see things
differently than we do, ask very different
questions, imagine very different possibilities,
and challenge us to rethink the way we do the
things that matter most."
Here are Gregerman's suggestions for making
connections to challenge your status quo:
1. Acknowledge that you need to continually
deliver greater value to customers. Also
recognize that you don't have all the answers.
In fact, you probably have a relatively limited

view of your business, its key challenges, and

its real potential.
2. Be honest about your biggest challenges and
create a culture of curiosity and openness.
Encourage your team to ask questions and to
regularly go beyond their own walls and
knowledge for new and better answers.
3. Make time to search for new ideas and
inspiration. Ask your employees and colleagues
to leave the office periodically to visit
organizations in different industries and are
remarkable in some important way. Then seek
to build new and meaningful connections with
people in those organizations who know
something important that you don't know.
4. The world is filled with genius that can be
leveraged to improve your business. Visit
science and history museums to discover
important breakthroughs; go to art galleries
and connect with artists to understand how
they approach problems and opportunities;
participate in the life of bustling neighborhoods
to explore what it takes to create energy and
enthusiasm; attend lectures on topics far afield
from your work; and even go to performances
to gain new insights on collaboration and
innovation.
5. Make a deliberate effort to connect with
strangers from different walks of life and invite
them to visit your company and share their
ideas. Then challenge yourself and your
colleagues to imagine how their thinking and
perspectives might provide a new framework
for looking at your world.

7. Make sure that all of your colleagues take

the time to hang out with and build closer
personal and working relationships with each
other. In the process you'll create a powerful
culture of conversation in which you inspire
everyone to be more innovative together.
"We've all been taught to believe that it is who
we know that matters," says Gregerman.
"That's simply too narrow a worldview. It's who
we could know that matters more. The future
belongs to the most curious people on the
planet--those who are willing to connect with,
learn from, and collaborate with strangers."
5 Gifts of Being Highly Sensitive By Therese J.
Borchard
Associate Editor
~ 3 min read
Douglas Eby.jpg
Today I have the pleasure of interviewing
Douglas Eby,
M.A./Psychology, who is a writer and researcher
on the psychology of creative
expression, high ability and personal growth.
He is creator of the Talent
Development Resources series of sites
(including HighlySensitive.org)
at http://talentdevelop.com. I know many of
you are highly sensitive and enjoy articles on
that topic, so I am excited to pique his highlysensitive brain today!
Question: If you had to name the top five gifts
of being highly sensitive, what would they be?

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Way

Douglas:
1. Sensory detail

10 Steps to Becoming a Self-Made Millionaire

The Simplest
Salesperson

time, at the airport, waiting in line at the

theatre, or anyplace else. Ask a stranger for
directions or a recommendation. Offer to be
helpful to someone on the street. Say "hello"
and begin a conversation.

to

Become

Better

6. Be open to serendipity and the potential of

random connections. Put yourself in places
where you can meet new people and start
meaningful conversations--in a park at lunch

One of the prominent virtues of high

sensitivity is the richness of sensory detail that
life provides. The subtle shades of texture in
clothing, and foods when cooking, the sounds
of music or even traffic or people talking,
fragrances and colors of nature. All of these
may be more intense for highly sensitive
people.
Of course, people are not simply sensitive or
not sensitive like other qualities and traits,
its a matter of degree.

Years ago, I took a color discrimination test to

work as a photographic technician, making
color prints. The manager said Id scored
better, with more subtle distinctions between
hues in the test charts, than anyone he had
evaluated.

Chances are, if you are a highly sensitive

person, you are no stranger to being told that
you are "too sensitive." For many people, this
comment feels like an insult, but in fact, there
are some considerable advantages that come
along with being a highly sensitive person.

That kind of response to color makes visual

experience rich and exciting, and can help
visual artists and designers be even more
excellent.

When I was a kid, I used to think that everyone

was equally as sensitive as I was. I figured
everyone took everything to heart like I did-they just didn't admit it. I was sure that my
siblings cowered inside like I did when our
parents scolded us. I was certain that all my
friends were as crushed as I was when a
budding romance did not bloom into a fullblown relationship. I thought everyone wanted
to die if they made a mistake or disappointed
someone. It took many years for me to realize
that we are not all the same breed. Some
people are not crushed at the thought of
disappointing another person. Some people are
neutral about conflicts. Some want to lash out
instead of in. (I refer to them as "Outies" as
opposed to the highly sensitive "Innie.")

2. Nuances in meaning
The trait of high sensitivity also includes a
strong tendency to be aware of nuances in
meaning, and to be more cautious about taking
action, and to more carefully consider options
and possible outcomes.
3. Emotional awareness
We also tend to be more aware of our inner
emotional states, which can make for richer
and more profound creative work as writers,
musicians, actors or other artists.
A greater response to pain, discomfort, and
physical experience can mean sensitive people
have the potential, at least, to take better care
of their health.
4. Creativity
Psychologist Elaine Aron, author of The Highly
Sensitive Person, estimates about twenty
percent of people are highly sensitive, and
seventy percent of those are introverted, which
is a trait that can also encourage creativity.
As examples, there are many actors who say
they are shy, and director Kathryn Bigelow,
who recently won an Academy Award, has said,
Im kind of very shy by nature. The star of
her movie The Hurt Locker, Jeremy Renner
(who was reportedly shy as a child), has
commented that in social situations she can
be painfully shy.
5. Greater empathy
High sensitivity to other peoples emotions can
be a powerful asset for teachers, managers,
therapists and others.
Question: And, if you had to name five curses,
what would they be? And how best do we
overcome them or co-exist with them?

Countless times as a kid, I was told, "You are

soooo sensitive." And naturally, being a
sensitive breed, I cowered inside and took the
comment as an insult. I decided that being so
sensitive must have been a fatal flaw. It took
many years before I could respond to the, "Your
so sensitive" comment with a shame- free, "Yes
I am." Or "I am, so please be kind to me." Or
"Thank you."
It is not a curse to be highly sensitive; it's a
trait and it can even be an asset. After treating
many sensitive people in my therapy practice
(and making peace with the quality myself), I
have found some pretty nice benefits that
come with being highly sensitive. Here are a
few:
1) Sensitive people get to feel the good stuff
more deeply- If you are highly sensitive, you
probably have to deal with feeling difficult
emotions more intensely than some people,
but the flip side of this means that you get to
feel the sweet things in life very deeply too.
While you may have to use more tools to
weather the storms of life, when the storms
subside and there are calm moments, you get
to feel those more fully.
2) Sensitive people can be very empatheticAnother benefit of being sensitive is that you
can have very deep compassion and
understanding for the struggles that other

people face. As long as you don't take them on

or think you are responsible for fixing them,
sensitive people can make excellent partners,
parents, friends and healers.

the first to spot a deer in the forest and the

first to spot danger coming. Sensitive people
can be quite helpful and handy on a hike or in a
natural disaster.

3) Sensitive people can be very perceptivePeople who are sensitive tend to pick up on
things that others might miss. Being aware and
observant can be a very positive quality. There
are a lot of jobs that require great perception
and insight so being sensitive can be a great
asset to many different career paths.

So if you are a highly sensitive person, take

heart. Once you make peace with the way you
were born, you can learn to weather the storms
of life and fully enjoy the many advantages of
being sensitive.
Andrea Wachter is a Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist with over 20 years of
experience working with children, teens,
adults, families and groups. Andrea is
passionate about helping people who are
struggling with eating disorders, body image,
substance abuse, depression, anxiety, grief
and relationships. Andrea is an inspirational
counselor, author and speaker who uses
professional expertise, humor and personal
recovery to help others. For more information
on her book or other services, please visit:
www.andreawachter.com

4) Sensitive people can embrace new concepts

very deeply- While sensitive people tend to
absorb a lot and often have to work on letting
go of hurt feelings and harmful thoughts, they
can also use this quality toward positive input
as well. Given a handful of healthy tools, a
person who is "sensitive" to new information
can be very teachable. They can use their
ability to embrace new concepts and reap
extreme benefits from them.
5) Sensitive people can be very creative- While
sensitive people tend to be greatly affected on
the inside by outside stimulus, they can also
use their sensitive nature to tap into the
creativity within. Some of the most creative
people I know are extremely sensitive. Yes,
they might have to deal with the outside world
a bit more carefully than some but when they
use their awareness and clarity to tap into their
inner world, amazing things can happen. Being
sensitive can give someone a front row seat
into the inner show of creativity, intuition and
clarity that lives inside of us.
6) Being sensitive encourages people to
practice excellent self care- While some people
can get away with postponing their needs at
times, sensitive people often feel the effects of
neglect sooner than most. A person who feels
everything fully is more encouraged to fully
take care of themselves. One client of mine
said, "Other people can get away with skipping
a meal now and then or neglecting their sleep
for a few days. I am a wreck if I do that. Oh,
maybe that's not such a bad thing? It forces
me to be on top of my self-care!"
7) Sensitive people are very aware of their
surroundings- Being a sensitive person can
give you a highly attuned sense of the
environment around you. Sensitive people are
often accused of missing nothing, but this is
not necessarily a negative quality. They are
often the first to spot a dolphin at the ocean,

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the

feelings of others. If you have that
awareness, you have good manners, no
matter what fork you use.
Emily Post
ss