Chapter 7

Muffs Wild Ride

(excerpted from Otter St. Onge and the Bootleggers)

TOO TALL WAS AT MY HEELS, and maybe Mary and Granddad

were close behind, but I never looked back. I didnt bother to sneak
out one of the service entrances either. I raced down the hall, and
when I reached the central staircase, I jumped on the banister and
slid down to the lobby like my namesake on the banks of the
Missisquoi. Too Tall bounded down after me. A portly man in a dark
suit with a black trilby pushed back on his forehead was sitting on
a sofa reading a newspaper. His mouth dropped open in
amazement as we streaked by. He started up, stuttering and
indignant, but we were already gone by the time he asked what we
thought we were doing.
Detective? I said to Too Tall. He nodded. We took the porch
steps three at a time and raced down the walk toward the lake. A
gray shape flashed past me, and Jake took the lead. Then we heard
more shots.
Cmon! I said. Run! Then, scared for Dad, I sprinted
ahead. Too Tall warned me to be careful, but I was too out of breath
to reply. I left him behind, and I ran until my lungs were exploding.
When I got to the landing, I heard a sharp crack and saw a

muzzle flash from where Louis had hidden, and then answering
gunfire from the Thorpedo. I called to Jake, dropped into a slide,
and landed behind some wooden barrels like Babe Ruth stealing
third base. We hid there until the men on Dads boat started
shooting at Louis again, and then I ran full tilt to the Simon Weed. I
dove from the dock and somersaulted onto the boat as a bullet
whistled over my head. Jake leaped aboard right beside me as more
shots were fired, and I heard a rumble I didnt recognize at first. It
was the engine of the Thorpedo. Jumpin John Henry, I thought,
somebody bottled a hurricane when they built that engine. But how
had Chance started the Thorpedo? Somebody must have put the
coil wire back.
One of Chances men, a stocky fella but wicked short,
suddenly appeared near the bow and untied the Thorpedos painter
from a cleat. Then he scuttered along the dock to untie the stern
line which was right across from my hiding place. I still had the
Babes bat in my hand, and when he reached the other rope, I flung
it. I hit the poor little duffer spang on the noggin. He looked at me,
stunned, and I ducked as he dropped in a heap. Someone fired
from the Thorpedo as it drew away from the pier, and bullets
splintered the woodwork where my head had been a second before.
Stay down! yelled Louis. Theyve got an automatic rifle!
Lord love a duck, I thought, this is getting serious. Maybe weve bit
off more than we can chew. Maybe Chance works for Al Capone. I
crawled on my belly farther along the deck of the Simon Weed and
popped up over the rail with the trappers pistol in hand. The
Thorpedo was clear of the dock now, and the rumble of the engine

exploded into thunder. I swear on a bundle of King Jimmys Bibles,

Dads boat was rocking as gentle as a babys cradle one minute,
and the next it shot like a rocket into the darkness of the midnight
lake. When the roar of the Thorpedo faded, I heard the man Id
walloped with the bat. He was moaning and groaning, but soon he
got his gumption back and began swearing like a sailor. I thought
once again how even a string of curses sounds pretty in French. He
was trying to sneak away, but Jake, true to form, had leaped back
onto the dock and was tugging at the mans pant leg.
Then Too Tall appeared and bound the fellow tight as a
Christmas goose, stuffed his mouth with a bandana, and tucked
the wriggling desperado under one arm. Granddad and Mary came
out of the shadows with Louis. Then my heart sank to my shoes.
Where is Little Roy? I wondered. Granddad, coming aboard the
Simon Weed, was wondering the same thing.
Wheres your brother, Louis? he asked.
I dont know, said Louis, and I could hear the worry in his
voice. Roy never fired a shot. When you left, he hid on the steamer,
and I slid around the corner of the building like you said. We
stayed quiet and out of sight, and then about ten minutes ago, I
heard three people coming down the path, but before I could see
faces, somebody from over by the boats shot out the streetlight and
shouted for them to run. I didnt know if they had Royal or not, so I
fired into the air and hollered for them to stop, but they didnt.
They fired back, and one of those hellions had an automatic rifle!
Well, I wasnt about to trade bullets with that fella, so I ducked
around the corner again. As soon as the shooting stopped, I heard

somebody else tearing down the hill, and I figured it had to be one
of you boys. I took another shot to distract the bootleggers, and
they returned the fire, which gave Piston Legs Paddock here, the
fastest human on earth, and White Fang, pointing to me and Jake,
a chance to run into the middle of it all and jump aboard the
Simon Weed.
So Chance must have left a man on the steamer, said
Granddad. He must have seen Little Roy come aboard and then he
clobbered him. He must have taken the coil wires, too. Cmon.
Maybe Little Roy is still here.
I grabbed my bat and helped search the Simon Weed. Sure
enough, Louis heard a thumping as he passed by a broom closet,
and when he opened it, Little Roy tumbled out, tied, gagged and
none too happy. While Louis tended to his brother, Granddad
quickly returned to the problem of rescuing Royal from this lunatic,
Chance. Only a few minutes had been lost since Chances gang had
left the pier, but wed all seen the Thorpedo in actioneverybody,
that is, but Little Roy.
Amos, said Too Tall, how are we going to catch that hound?
Did you see the Thorpedo? Left here like a lightning bolt.
Granddad only stared at the squirming character Too Tall still had
tucked under one arm. Then his eyes met Too Talls, and they both
smiled.
This tub, said Granddad, is as slow as Geehawthat was
one of his old workhorsesbut itll have to do for now. Id rather
get caught with the Simon Weed than Jacks boat, and anyway,

were missing a coil wire. Too Tall, set your new friend down and go
fire up the boiler on this contraption. Louis and Little Roy, get our
gear from Jacks boat. Dont forget the canoe and dont forget the
chickens. Well head east for now, said Granddad, and maybe this
fella can help point us more directly. What do you say, friend?
Where are we going? The little man just shook his head and made
angry, gargling noises through the gag.
Just as I thought. Not going to talk, eh? grinned Granddad.
The man made more strangled noises, and I felt sorry for him, so I
reached over and pulled Too Talls bandana out of his mouth.
I aint talking, said the man, and you and whose army cant
make me.
I can see youre a tough customer, said Granddad. Whats
your name? Maybe Ive heard of you?
I aint sayin nothin. My names Muff Morrisette if its none of
your business, and that boy dere conked me in the head. Now what
call did he do that for?
Well, I said mildly, you were shooting at us.
Not me, replied Muff. Not me. I dont never handle no guns.
I dont like guns. I shoot myself in the foot once. Hurt bad! Then
Boyce say stay away from guns, Muff. I just cook. Do odd jobs.
You shot yourself in the foot, Muff? asked Granddad,
incredulous.
Muff did. Boyce took gun away. Here, Muff flushed and

shifted from one foot to the other. Boyce just shake his head. Take
Muff to doctor. Muff dont shoot no gun now.
Whos Boyce, Muff? asked Granddad.
He a farmer I hired out to up in Quebec if you so much
wanna know, and boy will you be singing a different tune out of the
other side of your face when he catches you.
Well, Muff, he was traveling pretty fast in the opposite
direction a few minutes ago. I dont know if hes real worried about
you right now, but I am. Id like to get you back to Boyce, and Id
like to get Too Talls brother back to him. Too Talls the guy that
was carrying you under his arm.
At this, Muff glanced in Too Talls direction and gave him a
venomous look. Too Tall winked.
We think your boss Chance is holding him prisoner, so if you
tell us where your boss is going, we can bring you back to Boyce.
Nope. Cant do that. Cant do that. Chance said dont tell
nobody bout our hideout on the island. Nope. Cant tell nobody.
Hed be mad. Dont make Chance mad says Boyce.
On the island, you say? Which one would that be, Muff?
Muff put his hands up to cover his mouth and stared goggleeyed at Granddad. Oh boy, oh boy! Now Muffs had the radish.
Now Muffs a goner. Chance be mad. Goin to squish Muff like a
potato bug. Oh boy, oh boy! Muffs not talkin now. Not talkin no
more. Mums the word, Muff. Deef and dumb, deef and dumb.

Your boss sounds like quite a charmer, Muff. But arent you
worried about what I might do? Muff shook his head again.
You dont scare me, he said. Not like Chance. That Chance
give Muff the wollygobbles. Besides, dont remember island name.
Just a island. Look like any island. Maybe dont even have no
name.
Wollygobbles? asked Granddad looking amused.
Wollygobbles! You knowwhen shakin in your boots you is.
I see, said Granddad. Youre right, Muff, Im not a bad man.
Well, I guess thats that.
Granddad, I said. Weve got to find out! What about Dad?
He might be killed!
I know, Otter, I know, but what do you want me to do? We
cant cut Muffs throat can we?
No, but there must be some way we can make him talk.
Thats easy to say, Grandson, but what way? I cant think of
one. Unless.... He paused and scratched his chin as if studying the
matter from all angles, but I think he was only pretending and had
already hatched another of his shrewd plans. Yes, he said slowly,
there might be a way. Louis, how much rope do we have left?
Louis was standing on the dock, sliding my canoe over the rail of
the Simon Weed.
About fifty feet, Amos.

Yes, continued Granddad thoughtfully, that should do,

and he pulled out his hip flask and offered Muff some Moonbeam.
Have a good snort, Muff. Youll need it, lad. Youre going
fishing. Muff suddenly looked uneasy, and Mary looked at me. She
whispered in my ear.
Whats he going to do?
Im not sure, I replied, but I think I have a pretty good idea.
Lets wait and see.
Minutes later the deck lights came on, steam pipes clanked,
and thick, black smoke poured out of the stack. Mary and I were
helping Little Roy and Louis load the last of our supplies when the
hotel detective came huffing and puffing down the path from the
hotel.
Better late than never, muttered Granddad. Too Tall, douse
those lights.
You there, cried the detective. What do you think youre
doing? Too Tall had taken the helm moments earlier, and now the
Simon Weed was chugging away from the wharf. Stop! Desist! Halt!
Reverse engines, or Ill shoot. He raised a pistol and took aim, but
Little Roy had passed Granddad his deer rifle, and now Granddad
brought the stock to his shoulder and fired in one motion. Blam!
Mary jumped, splinters flew at the detectives feet, and the aspiring
but now terrified sleuth promptly dove behind a piling.
Well, hes not entirely thick, said Little Roy.

Not entirely, said Granddad, but hes no Thomas Edison.

The Simon Weed picked up speed, and Too Tall put more
distance between us and the detective. Granddad sent one more
bullet in the detectives general direction to discourage more
heroics, and then we chugged off into the darkness and out of
pistol range.
All right, Muff, called Granddad. Are you sure you cant tell
us where Chance is hiding?
Nope. Cant do it, mister. I forget. You can hang Muff from
the highest giblet, draw and cauterize him, or boil him in a oil tank,
but Muff aint gonna squeal, no sir, no sir. Muff aint no school
pigeon.
I was afraid youd say that, Muff, said Granddad. I guess
theres no help for it, then. Youre a hard nut to crack, I can see,
but maybe if you soak for a while, youll soften up. He untied and
then retied Muffs ropes. When he was done, Muff stood with his
hands clasped and tied in front of him like he was about to dive
into the lake. The fifty-foot rope was knotted around the lashings
like Muff was a piece of bait at the end of a fish line. Which he was.
Cut her down to about six knots, Granddad said to Too Tall,
and then he motioned Muff toward the stern. Little Roy and Mary
and I followed. Louis was up in the bow with the spotlight looking
for whatever we might run into.
Jake was at my side, curious about the small, strange man
named Muff. I dont mind telling you, I was curious too, but not so

much about Muff. I was wondering if Granddad was really going to

toss poor Muff over the side.
Have you heard about the monster that lives down on the
bottom of Champlain, Muff? asked Granddad.
What you talkin about? asked Muff. Aint no monster in
dis lake. Fish is all dere is in Champlain. Dont try put that one
over Muffs head.
No doubt but what youre right, Muff, but the Indians say
hes as old as time. They call him Tatoskok, and the white folks
where I come from call him Champ after the lake, you know. A lot
of New Yorkers say theyve spied him over on this side of the water.
Its deep over here, you know, more than three hundred feet Ive
heard tell. They say this monster, if such there is, looks like a giant
snake, like some kind of legless lizard from the ancient times, some
prehistoric creature. Comes right up out of the Devils hidey hole
and stretches out thirty feet or more swimming along on the
surface. It has humps come up out of the water, and it wriggles
along as fast as an adder after a bullfrog. Folks talk about a farmer
over here said he lost a cow that was pastured next to the lake. He
found drag marks right to the waters edge. Folks say it was the
monster that came right up on land and took that poor beast
away.
Folks say, folks say, hah! Folks say lot of things, and lot of
folks crazy as bug beds. You aint scare me, mister! You tell folks
mind they own business and Muff mind his. Muff spoke bravely,
but I noticed him looking left and right like a hunted animal.

Yes, youre right, Muff. Im sure theres no such creature. I

cant think what Im sayinga sea serpent in this day and age? But
then, Ive always wondered, and since were herewell, Muff, weve
got to know where Chance has my son-in-law, and if a monster
doesnt scare you, maybe a cold bath will clear your head and jog
your memory about just which island he headed to. With a nod
from Granddad, Little Roy grabbed Muffs hands, I grabbed his feet,
and Little Roy sang Muff a song.
One for the monster, two for the ride,
Three for your luck, now over the side!
We let him go on side, and Muff hit the water with a splash
and went under. The rope paid out, and we waited for him to
surface. Granddad turned on the spotlight at the stern, and then
the rope pulled taut, and we saw Muffs springy, black hair break
free of the waves. He sputtered and hollered, mad as could be, but
we couldnt hear what he said over the noise of the Weeds engine.
Soon he stopped his bellowing and concentrated on keeping his
head above water. Muff was having a wild ride, but I thought he
was holding his own, so I was surprised when Mary spoke up and
scolded Granddad.
This is cruel! she cried. How can you do this? Hell drown!
He wont drown, Mary. He might get a little waterlogged, but
I dont think hell drown, said Granddad. He had taken out his
pipe now and was striking a match. He put the flame to the bowl,
sucked on the pipestem, and blew out a cloud of smoke.

How can you stand there smoking a pipe and act like its
nothing? He may well drown. There must be some other way to find
Royal.
What way, young lady? If youve got an idea, Ill listen. I hate
to do this to the poor little fella, but I cant see another way. Weve
got to find Royal, and time may be running short.
Granddad, I said.
Hold on, Otter. I want Mary to have her say on this.
Granddad, I said again. Look! This time he caught my tone.
Everyone looked where I was pointing, and there, just reaching the
cast of the spotlight, was the fantastic monster Granddad had
described, the one he didnt believe in, the one none of us believed
in. It was a many-humped, writhing creature of gigantic size, and
as we watched, its head rose from the lake and its cold, reptilian
eyes turned on poor Muff.
Haul him in! cried Granddad. Haul him in! Little Roy and I
had already leaped to the rope with Granddad and were pulling,
hand over hand, trying to save Muff from the jaws of the serpent.
Put the wood to this tub, Too Tall, and get us out of here!
hollered Granddad. Mary, go grab one of those chickens we
brought.
We tugged hard and brought Muff toward us in fits and
starts. He was submerged in a wave one second and catapulting
out of it the next. The monster swam after him in all its terrifying
splendor, its humped body slithering through the water, its terrible

head plunging into the waves and out again, its great maw opening
now to swallow Muff whole.
Throw him a chicken, Mary, and for pitys sake, land it
beyond poor Muff or hes a goner! yelled Granddad. I glanced at
Mary and saw that she gripped a flopping hen by the legs. Without
hesitating she wound up, swung the chicken in a high arc
overhead, and hurled the bird underhand like she was firing a
softball across home plate. That little feathered beauty soared into
the air like the stone from Davids sling, and I worried that it would
keep going, but its wings were clipped, andGod bless the Rhode
Island Redit was too surprised to fly anyway. It sailed through
the air and plopped right down in the monsters path. The monster
was surprised too, I think, and when he stopped to gobble it up, we
put more distance between him and Muff. Then on came the
serpent again, and for the first time he made a serpent sound.
Above the splattering rain, the rushing wind, and even the
thumping steam engine came an angry, eerie hissing, and we
hauled all the harder to bring poor Muff over the side before he
went the way of the chicken.
Little Roy grabbed Muffs belt just as the monsters head
burst from the water again, right at the stern. He reared up, and for
all I could tell, he was coming right into the boat with us, but
Granddad had grabbed his rifle, and he put a round into the
creatures mouth. At the same time, Little Roy heaved Muff into the
boat and out of the monsters reach. The monster let out a bellow
that, for sheer volume, would have shamed the Cyclops when crafty
Odysseus put his eye out with a stick. Then, lashing his tail and

almost capsizing the Simon Weed, the serpent dove into the lake
and vanished from sight.
Muff, meanwhile, was spewing lake water onto the deck,
gasping, talking in tongues, and rolling about like a fish out of
water. Little Roy, with the kindness he exhibited to all dumb
creatures, cut Muffs lashings, propped him against the rail, and
talked to him softly like he was settling a spooked horse. As Little
Roy comforted Muff, the rest of us talked about the monster. After
agreeing that we had, indeed, seen this behemoth, and that it was
the strangest, most terrifying sight any of us had ever seen, we
agreed that we would not blab about it since we would just be
called liars and crackpots. We were all a little shaken, even
Granddad, but Muff, of course, was especially excited.
Him almost got me! he cried. One bite, that be the end of
Muff! Monsters mouth full of ax blades and smell like a outhouse.
Give Muff the wollygobbles! Still shakin!
Granddad, never one to miss a chance, figured this was a
good time to question the mouse when hed just escaped the cat.
What a terror, eh Muff? he said. He swam right up from the
bottom of the lake. Im sorry he threw you a scare, young fella. To
tell the truth, I didnt expect ever to see such a beast. But thats
Mother Nature in all her glory. She has a strange brood living in the
deeps, doesnt she? Folks say this one is as old as old can be. Must
be a hole down there, some kind of underwater tunnel that leads to
the beginning of time.
Folks say, folks say. There you go again, with what folks

say. Mean somepin bad for Muff. Dont never want to hear what
folks say ever again. Why dont you, mister, put Muff back on land
where he get his sea legs under him and hit the road back for
Canada?
Well, Muff, my lad, I wish I could, but weve still got to find
your boss, so your best chance of getting back on land is to tell us
where hes gone. Once we catch up with him and get Royal back,
we can talk about Canada.
And what if Muff still dont talk? As he looked around
defiantly, I started humming and Little Roy began softly singing,
One for the monster, two for the ride.... Granddad only tilted his
eyebrows.
All right. Muff beat down. Mean old skunk almost drown
Muff, almost feed him to giant snake could eat a cow in one bite.
What choice, Muff have? None, thats what. Now Chance goin to
shoot Muff fulla holes and leave him dead for crows. Muff in tight
corner. Him caught like a rat trap. Muff gonna squeal. Him gonna
double back on Chance and tell mean old skunk where Chance go.
Otherwise, him dont, old skunk worse than Chance and feed Muff
overboard.
Granddad sighed. He had resigned himself to Muffs longwinded, circular, and eccentric mode of conversation, but he
needed an answer. He stared at Muff and put on his sternest
expression, but I could see a twitch at the corner of his mouth, and
I knew it was all he could do not to bust out laughing.
Where has he gone, Muff? asked Granddad gruffly.

Him gone to Proverbs Island.

You sure you dont mean Providence Island?
Proverbs! Proverbs! Just like in a Bible. You hard a hearin?
Proverbs Island! Big rich man house, but he gone now. Too nasty
cold this time year. Go back to Montreal up dere. House got big
room widda fancy chairs anna big stone fireplace. Gotta kitchen,
special room just to eat on a fancy big table, four room widda beds,
even two outhouses inside. Very fancy, rich person home. Chance
stop dere at night sometime, tie up at big concrete dock. Need any
porthole in a storm if it get windy, wavy on Champlain. Granddad
nodded as Muff rambled on, but he was already drawing another
line on the chart he had lifted from Jack.
Too Tall! he yelled. Bring us onto south 60 degrees east.
Were heading for Providence Island. Muff, do we need to tie you up
again, or can you stay out of trouble?
Dont tie Muff no more. Had enough trouble. Got any food?
Muffs stomach cavin in. Feel mighty peckish. Maybe faint dead
away, keel over and fall down. Got any meat maybe or bake
potato?
How about some cold beans and salt pork?
With mable syrup?
Dont push your luck. Mumbling something about not
having any luck to push, Muff followed Granddad forward to our
larder. I heard him talking long after he and Granddad were out of

sight.