Chapter One - Introduction

Personality Development
“Personality” comes from the Latin word “persona” which means an
“actor’s mask” basically. In the context of personality development it means
that we have to wear a different personae – masks in the society apart from
the one you wear at home to face and solve most of the challenges of day to
day life.
when we come out of the cellar of our minds, we wear masks of
respectability, adoptability, articulation, at least a smile etc.

In the wider horizon, it means or it can be best defined as the total of

Physical, Psychological, Social, Financial, Ethical or Moral, and Spiritual
characteristics of a person.
Development of course is a positive and progressive, that is, an all
round development in all these areas.

Each and every one of us have immense potential latent in us but we

limit it (condition it). Let us take The Stake and the Circus Elephant
example.

When an Elephant is younger it is called an Elephant cub. In a circus it

will be bound by an immense and a strong iron chain, in the initial stages of
taming. It cannot break the iron chain at that point of time. Later on what it
becomes bigger, the circus people use a small rope to bind the immense
Elephant.
But our Elephant has the iron chain of younger years still in her mind
as a barrier. So she still thinks she cannot break away to freedom. Most of us
are like circus elephants and we limit our capabilities. Lord Hanuman of our
folk lore is another example. Let us break the illusive chains and bring about
the immense potential latent in us, outside. Only then we can be successful.

So do not limit yourself. Bring out the best in you. That is the central
theme of Personality development, that is development in the Physical,
Psychological, Social, Financial, Ethical or Moral, and Spiritual spehers.

If a man is to develop, it will be along these lines :

• He will attain a higher level of consciousness
• He will reach a state of inner harmony instead of disharmony
• He will gain single permanent controlling “I”
• He will gain Will.
• He will have the insight to help other people. ( paropakaradham idam
shareeram. Our body’s main purpose is to help others. ) – as Real
Happiness lies in bringing happiness into others’ lives.
Ouspensky “In search of Miraculous” has pointed that the higher level
being cannot be reached by breeding or by accident but only by “intense
struggle and unceasing effort”. Sky is the limit for this imperfect ( still yet to
be evolved ) being called “man”. Whether he degenerates or evolves into a
still higher being , is in his hands only.

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One mischievous fellow conceals a bird in both his hands, and asks a saint.,
whether the bird in his hands is alive or dead. The saint replies “My son, it is
in your hands”

Dr. T. Bharathi and her team members in their book on ““Personality

Development and Communicative English”” say “Personality development is
an important aspect in the modern society. It aims at an overall positive
expression of an individual for a dynamic living in the society he/she lives.”

It is possible only through Self-improvement. An individual has to

build a solid foundation for life with Goals-setting and their achievements,
effective management of Time, building of self-esteem, mental discipline,
introspection, Visualization which are classified as intra-personal skills.

To acquire these skills one should discover the exciting answer to

“Who am I”. Philosophers long since declared it as “Know Thyself” as the
key to wealth and happiness. The more the individual knows his/her true self
the more he/she can himself or herself improve. SWOT analysis can be
applied for this. It will be explained in future chapters.

Some of the Interpersonal skills are Leader Ship skills, Negotiation

skills ( Basically, a skill can be defined as a system of behaviour or ability
that can be applied in a whole range of operations.)

So, on one side of the coin. ie; there are these “Intra Personal Skills”
(“intra” means “within”).

Even the word “Education” has come from ‘educe’ which means ‘to develop
from within’. So Swami Vivekananda says “Education is the manifestation of
perfection already in man”.

The Intra Personal skills can be defined as those skills that each one
has to employ while interacting with “one’s own self”. It is a subjective
concept. To take examples, our attitudes, our paradigms or perceptions,
introspection, visualization, goal-setting, time management, building self-
esteem, mental discipline are intrapersonal skills

On the flip side of the coin is “Inter personal skills” (“inter” means
“outside” ) which can be defined as those skills that everyone has to employ
while interacting with other people.

No man is an island. In another sense every one comes out the cellar of
his mind and has to wear a mask ie; “ a different persona” say a mask of
“respectability, adoptability’ and for that to be achieved, one has to employ
the interpersonal skills as they are the abilities or skills to relate to others in a
socially appropriate and meaningful ways or manner.

These are the skills we have to effectively employ while interacting

with the society in which we live, which consists of everybody other than

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yourself, - your parents, siblings, colleagues, neighbours, your country men,
the whole humanity or rather all living things, flora and fauna.

To take examples, Communication skills makes the basic interpersonal

skill and other inter personal skills are Studying and working in teams,
working with people of different cultures, serving customers, learning and
teaching others, leader ship qualities etc.,

These intra and interpersonal skills are broadly classified under Soft
Skills. They are essential for Success in any endeavor.

Dr. T. Bharathi and her team members further emphasize in their book
on “Personality Development and Communicative English” that, while
functional knowledge may be from the core of fundamental programmes ( say
AITUC-All India council of Technical Education and Universities, higher
institutes of learning APSCHE-Andhra Pradesh State Higher Education, UGC-
University Grants commission), and as classified as Hard skills.

Soft Skills such as Communication Skills, Time, Stress and Change

Management, Problem Solving, Leader Ship skills, Employability skills,
Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Skills etc; will extend the knowledge of the
Students and would-be-trainers and enable them to become active participants
rather than passive recipients in the process of dissemination of knowledge.

And in turn Trainers can impart those practical skills to the students to
make them better citizens of the world.

I can say that a better citizen is nothing but a highly evolved

personality. I would further add that we should strive for wholesome
development in various spheres of our personalities.

Wholesome development in Personality when broadly classified can be

like this

1. Psychological sphere ( psycho- )

2. Physical sphere- (-somatic)
The above two are called Psycho-Somatic
3. Social sphere
4. Financial sphere
5. Moral / Ethical sphere
6. Spiritual sphere

Hindu Dharma advocates Chaturvida Purushardhas – the Four fold goals of

humanity.
Duty-Money-Desires-and Liberation (-“Dharma-Ardha-Kaama- and Moksha
or Nirvana ”), first three are collective goals of achievement and the 4th one
namely the Moksha or Nirvana is the individual goal of achievement for
Hindus
Ramo Vigrhavan Dharmaha: – Lord Rama is the embodiment of

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Dharma=Duty

1. Psychological sphere ( psycho- )

The psychological sphere consists of our thoughts, feelings, and the
resultant actions.

Hindu Dharma also advocates “Trikanrana Sudhi” (Manasa, Vaacha and

Karmana) in every human endeavor –– which simply means – We should
process thoughts into vocalization ( speak out or write them out ) and take
appropriate actions with utmost purity and sincerity.

For the development in personality, tools like Visualization,

Introspection, SWOT analysis are necessary. So,

Daily meditate upon God or Super Power for about 10 minutes in

silence every morning and every night.

Visualize or Re-live the happy or pleasant memories of your child-

hood as often as possible. I can give one of my own.

I can still vividly recollect what my father did when I wanted a Shower
Bath. Let me go down the memory lane. I was a kid of 10 years old at that
point of time. we used to visit my father’s friend’s house often. That
gentleman was a foreman in the Integral Coach Factory in Madras, now
Chennai and was having well furnished government living quarters, a nice
three bed room flat with all modern amenities. I took fancy towards the
Shower Bath in the Bathroom. I wished for one at our house.

We were living in a small hut, without electricity and even a bathroom

was a luxury, let alone a sophisticated toilet, geysers and shower baths etc. We
could not afford them at that time. My father was at a loss at first. Then he had
taken an old Amul Tin, punctured lot of holes on the bottom, made it hanging
on to a pole in our bath room, which was nothing but a shed made out of four
sticks and four bamboo mats that were open to the sky.

And he used fill the tin with water repeatedly and continuously, while
humming a rhyme, while me and my elder brother stand directly below the
draining waters- a make shift arrangement of a Shower bath. What a happy
interlude! I visualize it often.

One more good habit of my father was his immense energy to cycle me
every Sunday to Connemera and Central Libraries in Madras, which
eventually made me a book worm and an voracious reader, which in our
present digitalized world is not possible so easily.

I used to visit Children’s section regularly and had developed the habit
of reading comics of Phantom-the ghost who walks, Mandrake-the magician,
Dennis – the menace, Riche Rich –the richest kid of US ( Counter-part of Bill

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Gates ) and various others like Sherlock Holmes Mysteries, Adventures of
Tom Sawyer, 20000 leagues under the sea and various classical works which
kept me in immense joy. Indian Folk lore of Indrajal comics fame were yet to
make it’s appearance then as they were started from my children’s generation.

My miniscule knowledge of English Language as of today is due to my

father’s insistence of reading of books and active encouragement. ( What I am
today is because of him predominantly ).

Even if he sends me to a movie ( 46 naya paise for a Sunday morning

show and 15 naya paise for a ‘masala dosa’ as an incentive for my belly - I
remember seeing James Bond 007 movies ), he used to demand writing of one
page essay on the movie – two versions one in my Mother tongue another in
English language so that I got good proficiency in both the languages.
Moreover he had the infinite patience to go through it –Edit it for my
improvement. He used to say often that Telugu, my Mother tongue and
English language are like two eyes. It is Edutainment is it not so?

Every one of you have experienced similar types of “Pleasant Events” .

So please try to visualize them often.

SWOT Analysis:
SWOT is an acronym that stands for – Strengths, Weaknesses,
Opportunities and Threats, which helps you to ascertain your own self. It can
be equated to Introspection or “Know Thyself”. It is tool for self improvement.
Johari Window of Perception yet another tool will be dealt with in future
chapters.

To cite my examples

Strengths –-My Teaching and Training abilities are my strengths.

Weaknesses
My Short Fuse is my weakness
( – I am transparent, and I admit with certainty that  I get angry only
twice in an year and that is my mission statement here.
But, My better-half quips from behind –‘ Yes, Yes each one stays just for
6 months ’. Anger management ( I believe that the word ‘Anger’ has
derived from ‘danger’ ) is a recurring resolution of mine every year,
as it is yet to be managed by me in full ).

- I ask too many questions – which is another weakness of me that is

I am a “Doubting Thomas”

Opportunities
My opportunities lie in the arena of Soft Skills and Personality
development that is - Teaching and Training, as I have a passion for
them.

Threats
I am on the wrong side of 50, hence I cannot go on frequently to other

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 cities to conduct my soft skills classes due to Arthritis.
Fairer sex cannot opt for Night Shifts in their jobs - is another example..

2. Physical sphere- (somatic)

Physical fitness :
Swami Vivekananda says “ A sound mind in a sound body.

No excesses that is, to maintain moderation in everything - Drinking,

Eating, Speaking and other activities.

Make Exercise, your daily routine, simply walking 2 to 3 kilometers,

a day is more than adequate. Avoid obesity as obese people are more prone to
diabetes and heart related problems.

Meditation – concentrate on spiritual aspect ( Meaning and purpose )

of life at least for 10 to 15 minutes a day.

Visualization – Sit in a calm place and Try to visualize happy events of

your life.

Try to visualize unhappy events also and try to pause them or erase
them. Visualize tape Recorder’s “erase or pause” buttons. Do this as a daily
routine

The above two are Psycho-Somatic.

3. Social sphere
No man is an Island. That is, he cannot live alone. He has to build
bridges of communications. So, soft skills have to be improved. They help in
improving the human relationships. Tools with which you can develop and
improve soft skills will be dealt with in the subsequent chapters.

4. Financial sphere
You should have a healthy financial sense in the sense, you should be
able to save 30 % of your total earnings every month, the bare minimum so to
say. Only that much I happen to know about finance.

Finance is not my cup of tea, so my knowledge about it is quite

rudimentary. For expertise and improvement readers are free to contact
Financial Stalwarts.

5. Moral / Ethical sphere

For peaceful co-existence every human being should develop sound
Values in himself or herself. Values can be classified further into Personal,
Social and Career values.

Let us first examine what values are. Values are certain beliefs that
generally help you decide What is Wrong ? and What is Right ?

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 Life has meaning and purpose. Your values generally determine the
kind of person you want to become and the direction in which you steer your
course of life.

Personal Values :
Values on Personal issues of your Life :

1. Health
2. Wealth
3. Fame
4. Image
5. Recognition and Respect
6. Personal Growth
7. Meaningful Relationships among your Family members
8. Your contribution to Society or Community – it is not what the society
does for you – rather it is what you are contributing to the society.
You can add your own ….
Rome is not built in a day. An immense building starts with small bricks
initially.
Study or Work, Contribution to our society in piece-meal( in Installments
– in small measures ) is enough to start with. Let us examine an interesting
anecdote.
Once upon a time, an author was in the habit of going a sea coast to do
his writing assignments. One day he happened to find an immense quantity
of Starfish that were washed up on to the sands due to the storm overnight.

And he was surprised to find an young man throwing some of them

back into the sea. The author commented “ Hey! young man why are you
doing this?”. The young man said “if I do not throw them back to sea they
will inevitably die”.

The author exclaimed “But it is not going to make any difference to

you, and it is futile, as there are thousands and thousands of them on the
sands.”

The young man listened politely, smiled and took one star fish and
thrown her into the sea and calmly said “ It made a difference to her as it is
a life and death problem to her”. And his action is not in vain after all
because life of one of the Star Fish was saved.

2. Social Values :
Your Values on Social Issues :
Religion
Marriage (Let us take the example Marriage – One of our Institutions
from Hindu Culture
BrahmaVishunu, Maheswara – Groom
Sarswathi – Laxmi, Parvati – Bride
PaaniGrahana Mahostavam – Ardhangi – Vagardham and Lord Shiva and

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 Parvati – Ardhanreswara
Dharmey tvaya yesha – Naati Charitavya – Natti charmi
Ardhey tvaya yesha
Kaamey tvaya yesha
Shri sai baba says : when you see the husband you should be reminded of
his wife and vice versa – Daampatya )

Peace
Poverty & Hunger
Caste
Social inequalities
Love
Abortion
Bribery
Women’s Rights, and Empowerment
Empowerment in the real sense, but not as – ‘Husband is slightly more
equal than his wif’e- Bhartha bharya kante koncham ekkuva samanam’
same as the rhetoric “All men are equal, but, Some men are more
equal” – and again First among Equals

3. Career Values
60 % of your life, you spend in your work place ( in your alma matter ie
studies in case of students )
So you have to reflect on what is important to you at your work place without
conflicting with the values of your organizations
You should be a Professional as well as you should work for a Professional
Company as well.
Importance or priority and choosing is individual ie ;which is in
accordance with one’s own job satisfaction :

1 Achievement A sense of accomplishment

2 Advancement Opportunities for promotions
3 Adventure Tasks that involve taking risks
4 Aesthetics Tasks involving the application of Beauty,
Symmetry and Serenity
5 Affiliation Recognition as a member of a particular team or
group or section - of course A positive one – not a
negative grouping
6 Altruism Work that emphasizes helping others
7 Autonomy Independence from others – only a relative one :
because Inter-Dependence is the key factor in any
social endeavor
8 Compensation Work that pays well
“ Mozart : a great Music composer “I was paid too
much for what I do and too little for what I could
do” – no place for Creativity – in some
organizations
9. Competition A healthy one - win /win
1 Creativity Workplace that fosters (promoting the growth ) for
0 new ideas, programs and new paradigms

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 ( perceptions ), organizational structures
1 Diversity In the work place means “Equal opportunity
1 Employer” ie ; working of people from different
religions, ethnic groups etc
1 Decision making The power to decide organizational policies and
2 courses of action and control over one’s own
decisions & actions
1 Environment Work that is done in specific surroundings of your
3 choosing
1 Fast pace Work that must be done to meet the deadlines
4
1 Flexibility The ability to set one’s own work schedule
5
1 Influence Work that can shape the attitudes or opinion of
6 others
Attitude : A complex mental state involving
beliefs, feelings, values and dispositions to act in
certain ways
Attitudes : Proactive, positive, Age, continuous
learning LTL , Continuous improvement ( Kaizen ),
Paradigm shift, ie; one minute reprimand first and
then one minute praise immediately, and a desire to
help others
1 Intellectual Status Work that acknowledges one’s intellectual
7 expertise
1 Knowledge Work that pursues greater understanding in a given
8 field – Transparency – ie; Kn. Dissemination from
the hierarchy
“Sarveshameva Daana nam Jnana Danam
Vishishyate”
1 Personal fulfillment Work that expresses one’s personal and cultural
9 values
Culture = All the knowledge and values shared by a
particular, society or a community
2 Physical challenge Work that is physically demanding
0
2 Power and The ability to control the work or activities of
1 Authority others – to an extent
2 Precision Work in situations where accuracy is crucial
2
2 Predictability Work that involves routine daily tasks
3
2 Profit Work that focuses on an organization’s and one’s
4 own financial gain without conflicting each other
2 Public contact Opportunity for contact with people outside one’s
5 own work group – broadening of mental and kn
horizons
2 Recognition Work that affords public recognition for what one
6 accomplishes – practice of favoritism and private

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 praise
2 Relationships Work place that allows pleasant inter-personal
7 interaction with colleagues
2 Security Relative assurance of Job Security
8
2 Skills utilization Work that makes full use of one’s unique abilities
9
3 Spirituality Work that allows one to explore the spiritual
0 meaning of life or at least no un-due hindrance
3 Team work Inter-dependent = collaborative work
1
3 Variety Changing of responsibilities and duties – as the
2 variety is spice of life = “ The Road has diverged
into two and I have taken the one that has least
treaded upon ” Robert Frost
Moon and Sixpence – Somerset Maugham
Robert Frost – “ The woods are lovely dark and
deep, but, I have promises to keep and miles to go
before I sleep ”

The power to stay focused on the job you do, is so important today. It
is a surge from within, that which propels us ahead, a single minded focus
imbibed by the every human being to move ahead successfully.

As per Pareto principle :

80% of Un-Focused effort results in 20% results only.

But, 20% of Focused effort results in 80% results

Hence,
Arise, awake and rest not till the goal is reached - says Swami Vivekananda

First they ignore you,

Then they laugh at you,
Then they fight you,
Then you win - you - Gandhiji

Finally they may admire you and may adore you. It is nothing but the
relentless pursuit of your goals, what may come – of course Gandhiji insists
on “through ethical or moral means”
Moreover, you success should not mean failure to another.

Please note the tenacity or persistence of Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi : I have come to tell you that I am going fight against

your government.
General Jan Smuts : You mean you come here to tell me that? Is there
anything more you wanted to say ?

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Gandhi : Yes, I am going to Win.
General Jan Smuts : Well, and how are you going to do that?
Gandhi : With your help, of course

General Smuts expressed several years later that Gandhiji did exactly
that.
By his courage, by his determination, by his refusal to take unfair
advantage, but especially by his endless capacity to “stick out” without
yielding and without retaliation managed to get General’s admiration, and
respect and one by one, the laws most offensive to the Indians were repealed
or reversed.

Our Bapuji’s formidable weapons of Speaking of Truth (Satya vrata ),

Non-coperation ( satyaagraha ) and Ahimsa (non-voilence ) remains elusive to
most of us humans and they are the most difficult of all intrinsic values to put
to practice. Only celluloid “Gandhigiri” which is virtual, is at present our
solace.

The story goes that , when the formidable Atom Bomb was invented., the team
of scientists who invented it were put to a wonderful question by a journalist
Journalist : Can you tell us, is there a more powerful weapon than the Atom
Bomb?
The team said in unison : “Peace”

I cannot help quoting effortlessly our beloved mother “Mother Teresa”

“We have no peace because we have forgotten that we belong to each other”

At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can done.
The they began to think it can’t be done.
Then they see that it can be done.
Then it is done ( by somebody )
And all the world wonders why it was not done before
- Arnindam Chowdary
I feel Ah! I thought about it, I already knew but I did not express it
Oh hard luck I thought about it but he, my neighbour has achieved. – that is
the normal trend, or way of thinking of most of us

6. Spiritual sphere
Let me enumerate my opinions on Religion and Spirituality. Let me Start
with an illustration from the life Swami Vivekananda.

Let us cite the incidents from the lives of Sri Rama Krishan Paramahamsa and
Swami Vivekananda.
Swami Vivekananda, also known as Narendranath used to ask any
sadhu or saint he comes across, three questions. Did God Exists?, Have you
seen Him?, and Can you show Him to me? No body could answer him
satisfactorily. He was directed to see Sri Ramakrishana Pramahamsa, a sage
in Ankaleswar.
Sri Ramakrishna said ‘ Ok I will demonstrate this to you practically.
First let us go to the river, you take a full plunge in the river. Swami

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Vivekananda plunged as instructed. Sri Ramkrishna started pushing
Vivekananda into the deep waters. Vivekananda was loosing his breath, and
started grasping for air for his lungs. With great strength he pushed aside Sri
Ramkrishna and demanded ‘what is this ? are you trying to kill me or what ?’
for which Sri Ramakrishna said ‘you have used tremendous force to save
yourselves. You have tremendous passion to live. That has helped to save you.
Is it not so ?.But you do not have enough passion to know or realize God. So
you are not yet ready to see Him. If you have the same intensity of passion as
of your survival instinct you can definitely see Him’
He further adds “ He who from the depth of his soul seeks to know
God, will certainly realize Him. He must” Self realization concept so to say.
I can just add that God is like salt to our lives. Without Him our lives are
tasteless

God the “Intimate response of Spirit”

God is to be felt by our hearts. He is an intellectual and a moral
necessity.

Can a musician, can ever put into words his aesthetic / ecstatic
appreciation of say for example Beethoven ’s Symphonies, Mozart’s quartets
or keerthanas of Annamacharya ?( either the listener must have known a
similar string of emotions or else attempted in terms of Octave, F minor, F
major or Raagam, Taanam, Pallavi). It merely becomes descriptive just like
the theory of sound in Physics. You have to experience the emotion –
Empathy ( Aaardhata = intimacy ).

The knowledge you have gained is too intimate to be codified or

analyzed. Intellectual attributes concerning God are devoid of that “intimate
response of Spirit” and ‘Intimate response of Spirit’ is the essence of
every true religion.

Hinduism advocates “Karma” which means “Action”

Action – is more important in all our endeavors.

Bhagavad Gita says : “Karmane vadhikarassey , Maa Phaleshu Kadhaachana ,

Maa Phala Heeturbhoo, Matey Sagoshva Karmani” - Sakhya 2 : 47
It can simply be interpreted as “ renounce the results to me and just act .
Never abstain from Action.

So inactivity is stagnation or death. In Bhagavad Gita, even the Lord

Krishna says “ I act though there is no need for me do it. So, Bhagvad Gita
basically emphasizes Karma Yoga.

Gita Sastra Midam Punyam, ……. Bhaya Sokaadi Vargitahaa

Yandamoori Virendranath – a Personality Development Trainer and a

writer opinions that Bhagavd Gita is the ultimate Personality development
book on Earth. Krishna is the Motivator. Arjuna is having skills and is the

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doer (Action ) His duty was to wage war ( yuddhaya krutanitchaya ha ) – we
are like Arjunas. We have to wage war with our weaknesses – it is our
Kurukshetra – the battle field. . In our modern scenario they are :

1. Ignorance - and can be dispelled by Knowledge – Functional and Soft

Skills or Life skills or Human Skills development.
2. Doubt or indecision - and can be dispelled by Goal setting, Time and
Change Management Skills etc.
3. Worry or Anxiety – and can be dispelled by Stress Management
4. Fear – and can be dispelled by Intra Personal and Interpersonal skills
5. Psycho-somatic ailments – and can be dispelled be Intra personal and
Interpersonal skills
6. Anger or Aggression – and can be dispelled by Anger management

That is why Gandhiji says : Bhagavad Gita replaced my mother’s death, when
ever I felt depressed or have a problem I found solace in her lap.

Two girls are late to their school; they are running towards it, moreover it is
drizzling, and they find Lord Ganesha ’s idol (can be a Church or a Mosque)
on their way )
First girl : ‘Let us stop and pray that our teacher does not punish us for late
attending.’
Second girl : no, no, let us pray to God while running.
That is the pragmatic approach that everyone of us have to cultivate.

 in lighter vain
A man does lot of penance or he prays and prays for many years to realize
God and to ask him boons. After many years God appears and asks him what
he wanted. The man says O! God ! let me have one lakh rupees in lottery.
God replies “Ok man meet me half way. First buy the Lottery ticket at least.”
Purushaprayatna , Maanavprayantna – action from our side should be there.

Where ever there is Krishna and Arjuna there will be

- Success or Victory
- Glory
- Prosperity
- Righteousness
“Yatra Yogeswara Krishana and Yatra Paardho Dhanurdharah
Tatra Sri, Vijayor Bhootihi
Dhruva Neetir Matir Mama” – the Last Sloka of Bhagavad Gita

 in lighter vain

We get God’s help for 50% , where as we have to put up another 50 %

But the most important thing is that…
We do have to put up our 50% effort first. God’s help comes second

 in lighter vain

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Lord Brahma, the creator in the Hindu Theology seems to be a less popular
God as he has the fewest temples in his dedication and the legend has it that he
is very easy to please. So one of our smart and resourceful one prays and prays
and Lord Brahma materializes and is very happy to grant three boons.
Our smart one’s boon 1 : Give me lot of riches.
Our smart one’s boon 2 : Give a Palace , a good wife, and wonderful children.
Our smart one’s boon 3 : Give me three more boons when ever I ask for.

We are too greedy, we expect too much from God for too little labour or no
labour – from a TV channel preacher

A man prayed and prayed to God. After 10 years God appeared and asked
him what he wanted.
O ! God ! please be with me always, in happiness and in sorrow as well and
guide me properly. God said Ok and explained “ you are seeing two pairs of
foot prints on the sand, They belong to us - you and me. So, be sure that I am
always with you.”
After few years the man fell in bad times. He was debilitated bodily and
mentally and no human came to his rescue. He was depressed and to his
dismay he found only one pair of foot prints in the sand. He cried,
‘O ! God ! you are also like other human beings, you have abandoned me in
my crisis’
God replied “ No my son, you are mistaken. As you are not able to carry
yourself on your own I am carrying you on my shoulders. The single pair of
foot prints are mine.”

One can only say that if you believe Him, he will not abandon you.

Of course – for our individual problems our own Karma gives explanation.
As he sows, so he reaps.
You cannot make God responsible for our own actions.
You are the master of your destiny. You alone can make or mar your destiny-
says Swami Vivekananda. Karma is not bad. Serendipity is the positive aspect
of Karma ( here karma means Fate ). They all depend on our own actions past
and present. And you have control and choice on your future actions

So Swami Vivekananda asserts that you are an atheist if you have

no faith in yourself. So have faith in yourself at the least.

My Children the secret of religion lies not in theories but in practice “ To be

good and to Do good, that is the whole of religion.
God exists in every Jiva. To serve Jiva is to serve God. Service to humanity is
service to God.” Says Swami Vivekananda

Of course first comes duty – dharma and then comes social service

Bagavad Gita says follow your own dharma – Swadharma

Sreyan swadharmo vigunaha paradharmath anushititaat

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Swadharmey nidhnam sreyatam, Paradharmo Bhayavahaha.

Swami Vivekananda further says that “If one religion is true then all
other religions must also be true. We know that all religions are alike from the
lowest fetishism to the highest absolutism are but so many attempts of the
human soul to grasp and realize the infinite. So we gather these flowers
( different faiths ) and bind them together with the cord of love and make them
into a wonderful garland of worship. Art Science and Religion are but
different ways of expressing Single Truth.”

Hence, you need not change your religion.

One atheist said “ there is no God” Votaire said “ Create one” . God is
a moral, intellectual and psychological necessity. Re-invent Him if you have
not done so.

Research shows that theists are more happier than atheists and if you
believe in a super power our feel good hormones – will be generated.

Let us examine the philosophy of Existentialism and Phenomenology

of Western thought.

The philosophy of Existentialism is based on the belief that individual

human beings face a meaningless absurd and science-oriented world.
Individuals must therefore find or construct meaning from their existence and
answer their own questions about self-identity and proof.

This is not new to Hinduism – it is the concept of “Know thyself” and “ Atma
atmaneva udharete” – says Bhagavad Gita. Which means Cultivate your own
garden.

The philosophy of Phenomenology is the study of human experience

and interpretation of experience. It is a close cousin to Existentialism. It
advocates Realism and Transcendentalism - A literary and philosophical
movement, associated with Ralph Waldo Emerson and Margaret Fuller,
asserting the existence of an ideal spiritual reality that transcends all of our
existence.

Existentialism influenced Martin Luber who focused on “I” and

“thou” – Teacher and the Student relation ship.

Phenomenology influenced Abraham Maslow and he theorized the

hierarchy of human needs and the ultimate need for self-realization - realizing
your fullest potential – which is nothing but our Wholesome Personality
Development in all spheres of life.

Let us take Abraham Lincoln’s Appeal to the Teacher of his son.

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 This is a literary master piece of ideas for Communicative competence
as well as Personality Development which can teach parents, teachers and
even students alike. Today there is so much talk ( a lip service) on ‘Value
Education’ but less is being done.

This letter’s content, the choice of words, their arrangement, style and
tone of it. – epitomizes the Communicative competence as well as a good
guide to Personality development.

A Father to his Son’s Teacher

Abraham Lincoln’s Appeal to the Teacher of his son.

Dear Mr. Teacher

My son. He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, all men
are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel three is a hero, that
for every selfish politician, there is dedicated leader.

Teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. It will take time, I
know but teach him, if you can, that a dollar earned is of far more value than
five found. Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy wining. Steer him
away from envy if you can, teach him the secret of silent laughter. Let him
learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick. Teach him, if you can, the
wonder of books, but also quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in
the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on the green hillside.

In school, teach him it is far more honourable to fail than to cheat.

Teach him to have faith in his own ideas even if everyone tells him they are
wrong. Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with tough. Try to
give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting the
bandwagon. Teach him to listen to all men, but teach him also to filter all he
hears on a screen of truth, and take only good that comes through.

Teach him how to laugh when he is sad. Teach him there is no shame
in tears. Teach him to scoff at cynics and beware of too much sweetness.
Teach him to sell his brain to the highest bidders, but never to put a price tag
on his heart and soul. Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob, and to
stand and fight if he thinks he’s right.

Teach him gently, but do not cuddle him, because only the test of fire
makes fine steel. Let him have the courage to be patient. Let him have
patience to be brave. Teach him to always have sublime faith in mankind.

This is big order, but see what you can do. He is such a fine little
fellow, my son – Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln preached what he practiced.

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DOUBT
To quote effortlessly , Yandamoori Virendranath – a personality development
trainer and a writer whose ideas when translated roughly into English from
Telugu language.
If God materializes before me what I would ask :
1. When I am mentally weak give me the self analysis of why I am like
that how I can overcome my difficulties.
2. When fear engulfs me, give me the strength to know the reason for my
fear.
3. If I am unsuccessful or I lost in an endeavor give me the courage to
accept it. ( humility or eating the humble pie so to say).
4. If I win, give me humility which can hinder my arrogance.
5. Do not fill my mind with desires. Instead fill my heart with desires and
mind with ideas of how to fulfill my desires.
6. Give me the common sense that the “first lesson to knowledge is
“Know Thyself”
7. Do not make my life a bed of roses. Let the knowledge of thorns seep
into my mind first so that I can enjoy the real softness of roses.
8. O! God ! let my heart be pure, aim high, and my thinking exact.
9. Let us all realize that he who brings success in himself at the earliest
brings success into other’s lives.
10. Please teach me how to laugh happily, but let me not forget sorrow.
11. Dear God give me the quality that does not remove my sense of humor
so that in serious circumstance I will not loose my heart.
12. Give me adoptive ness so that how big the success is I will not loose
myself.
I believe, these are the characteristics of a wholesome personality

Personality development can further be classified into Hard Skills and

Soft Skills development.

Hard Skills :
Your functional areas, you have taken in college, your Arts,
Commerce, Engineering, Science subjects or streams with certain amount of
practicals. Even trades like driving and swimming etc; can be called hard
skills. They are tangible, measurable, gradable and have objectivity.

Soft Skills, Human skills, Life Skills : the need of the hour are not easily
measurable, they are intangible, hard to quantify and are subjective.

Definition of Soft Skills :

UNICEF –(United Nations International Child Education Fund ) defines Soft

skills as the behaviour change or behaviour development approach designed to
address or strike a balance between Attitude, Skills and Knowledge ( acronym
- ASK )

Remember - Acronym- ASK” which stands for Attitudes, Skills, Knowledge.

A – Attitudes that induces us to act in one way or the other

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S - Skills – Stands for Hard Skills - the functional skills and other physical
Skills & Soft Skills or Life Skills or Human skills

K – Knowledge – Knowledge in general.

Attitude
A complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings, values, and
perceptions or dispositions to act in certain ways.

Proactive, Positive, Age, continuous learning LTL, Continuous

improvement ( Kaizen ), Paradigm shift, ie; one minute reprimand and then
one minute praise, preparing for Change, and a desire to help others

Soft Skills
WHO – World Health Organisation defines Soft Skills as the abilities
for the adaptive and positive behaviour that enable individuals to deal
effectively with the demands and challenges of every day life.

Soft sills or Human skills or Life skills are essentially those abilities
that help promote mental well being and competence in young people as they
face the realities of life.

Few Examples of Soft skills

Communication Skills, Intrapersonal and Interpersonal skills, Time,
Change, Stress management, Listening skills, Team work, Problem Solving,
Negotiating, Can-Do-Attitude, Passion to Learn and Teach, Serving Clients or
Customers, working with Culturally diverse members etc, and personal
qualities like Adoptability, Responsibility, Self-esteem, Sociability, Integrity,
Honesty, Discipline, Empathy, Leadership, Facial expressions, Body
language, Eye contact, Tone of voice, Fluency in language, telephone and
email etiquette so on so forth.

Let us examine some of the important Soft Skills in the succeeding

chapters
___________________________________________________________________________
Bibliography :

1. Works of Swami Vivekananda and thoughts of Gandhiji from various

resources.
2. Personality development and Communicative English – Dr. T. Bharathi, Dr.
Hariprasad, Prof. V.Prakasam – Neelkamal Publications.
3. Vijayaaniki aaro mettu – ( Telugu ) – Yandamoori Veerendarnath
4. Meaning and purpose (intimate response of spirit) – author unknown ( as I
have lost the first few and last few pages of a priceless but worn out book I
still possess )
5. You can win – Shiva Khera

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6. Stories as an Effective Teaching-Learning Tool – Prof. P. Nachimuthu –
Neelkamal publications
7. Communicative Competence – Varanasi Bhaskara Rao – BS Publications.
8. INTERNET
9. Our TV Bhakti channels.
10. Bhagavad Gita Pocket book of Gita Press Ghorakpur ( Telugu & English )

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