Self-love: The Basis of Christian Love

Some Biblical Grounds to the Question of Self-love

What is self-love? Psychologists call self-love “narcissism,” a term derived from the
Greek story of Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Self-
love is a natural stage in the early period of childhood when one is showered with attention
and feels himself to be the center of his world. But there are two kinds of self-love, true and
false. Self-love without self-respect and self-absorption is false; it is narcissism, destructive
self-hatred. Self-love with self-respect and proper self-regard is true self-love.
One may think that “self-love” has nothing to do with the love in the Bible. In
Christianity self-love is often rejected. Nygren also takes this stand and says Christian love
(agape) has no place for self-love. Christianity recognizes love to God and love to one’s
neighbor but does not recognize self-love as Christian; self-love is the great enemy that must
be overcome. Self-love separates man from God; it blocks the channels of self-spending and
self-offering, both toward God and toward man.
Augustine (354-430) sees it differently. To him all love is acquisitive, a craving that
rises from our lack of some good. The quest for good (bonum) is the most fundamental urge
of human life. Every good desire satisfies the self, and consequently all love is by that much
self-love. He states, “For we truly or rightly love ourselves only when we seek the highest
good (God). Hence, the more we love God, the more we love the more, and ourselves; truly
and wisely we love ourselves, the more inevitably we do come to love God. True self-love
thus leads to the love of God, and the love of God is self-love in its highest and purest form.”
Love of neighbor and love of God are not free of self-love because the self rightly enjoys
such a privilege. To Augustine even God in the Trinity is a community of self-love.
Therefore self is not denied but fulfilled in Christian love.
Plato also argues that seeking my own good involves seeking the good of society as a
whole and even of the universe as a whole, since all these goods are intimately connected.
“True love for yourself is knowing and loving your own individual daimon and therefore
striving to achieve virtue in your own life.” In this sense we would argue that self-love is a
fundamental element of the out-going love that involves from a person’s own virtue, the
result of loving oneself.
The issue of self-love and its relation to the other two loves, “of God” and “of
neighbor” is discussed by the great Anthony in his letter to the male and female monks at
Arsinoe in Egypt:

… The person who sins against the neighbor does evil to the self; and the person who
does good to the neighbor does good to the self. Otherwise, who is able to do ill to
God, or who is there who could hurt God … or who would ever serve God or exalt
God as God deserves? Therefore, while we are still clothed in this heavy body, let us
rouse up the image of God in ourselves by incitement of each other, and deliver
ourselves to death for our souls and for each other; and if we do this, we shall be
manifesting the substance of God’s compassion for us.

The whole of this passage is Anthony’s paraphrase of 1 John 4 as he understands it.

He states, whatever good or ill we do for another person is done for ourselves. We are able to
do good or harm to ourselves and to each other. But we cannot directly do anything for God
or hurt God, and God cannot be insulted or given physical gifts or be directly affected by
ordinary modes of human behavior. Instead human beings are able to affect God by their
 Page 2

relationships with other people. This is a clear picture of the basic ground of the need of
loving God and loving one another in terms of self-love.
Anthony goes on to tie our love for ourselves to the other two loves, of God and of
other people. He expresses his optimism and gratitude toward God for what he sees God
having done for us through the healing of our wounds in Christ. Significantly he goes on to
say, “…. Therefore, we ought greatly to love one another. For who loves neighbor loves God;
and who loves God loves the own soul” (Ant., Letter VI, p. 22)
The above quoted passages make clear the fact that we ought to love one another, and
to love our neighbor means to love God; so “we love God” means “we love ourselves.” Some
theologians believe that self-love is not excluded by Christian love. Augustine, for example
declares self-love to be an indubitable fact of human life: “That a man does love himself and
does desire to do good to himself, nobody but a fool would doubt.” For him, the command to
love one’s neighbor as oneself is a recognition that self-love is already implicit in these wider
loves.
The principle object of the love of God is Himself. Self-love in humans is not
condemned when it operates within its proper realm. God first and chiefly loves Himself, and
He has made His glory the ultimate end of all He does in nature, providence, and grace: “The
Lord has made all things for Himself” (Prov 16:4). Jesus came to the world for sinners (Mk
2:17) because of God’s self-giving love to humankind. Since humankind is God’s image, it
could be stated that God loves Himself when He loves humankind. In this sense the love of
God could be identical with God’s self-love. Thus 1 John’s explicit claim in 4:7 “For love
comes from God” would fit the statement.
Self-love is not to be confused with selfishness. The self in Christianity is not rejected
but purified of selfishness, lust, and pride. Christianity exalts the self in interpersonal
relations. “To love your neighbor as yourself” is the ethic Jesus offers for the family of one
Father (Mk 12:31). P. E. Johnson insists that:

The text does not read, Love thy neighbor instead of thyself, but, As you love
yourself, love also your neighbor.” Self-love is actually the standard by which to love
others. It is not only assumes a self-love but even takes it as the measure of neighbor
love. If I think meanly of myself, there is no reason to think better of my neighbor.
This is psychologically true; self-love is the foundation of love for others.

P. E. Johnson further states, “Self-love is the seed from which is produced the fruit of
brotherly love.” Similarly, self-love is not self-indulgence, nor is the happiness which each is
said to desire to be equated with mere pleasure. A true self-love goes hand in hand with the
love of others—self-love and benevolence go naturally together. Michael Youssef states,
“Biblical self-love serves as a link between our love of God and our love of people.” Josef
Pieper describes self-love in two areas. First, self-love is the desire for happiness, striving for
fulfillment, the root of all other love, and the original source of love by nature. Second, self-
love is the model and standard of love for others. Liebman also states a similar ground and
sates:
Love for oneself is the foundation of a brotherly society and personal peace of mind.
By loving oneself I do not mean coddling oneself, indulging in vanity, conceit, self-
glorification. I do, however, insist on the necessity of a proper self-regard as a
prerequisite of the good and the moral life. A man must associate in friendly
reverence for himself. In a deep sense we must have good domestic relations with
ourselves before we can have good foreign relations with others.
 Page 3

Moreover, self-love should not be misunderstood as ruling out self-denial. Without

loving himself first one cannot control himself. In this sense, self-love is identical with “self-
control” which is the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit.1 The demand of self-denial (Mt 16:26) to
follow after Jesus needs the right interpretation. It does not mean that one must not love
himself in order to deny himself. In stead, self-love is the beginning of all other love. It must
originate from loving oneself, then become fruitful to others. Anyone who does not love
himself cannot love others either. That’s why the writer of 1 John was talking about loving
brothers, the Johannine community as well as relatives. Only after that we can continue to
love the outside community and other fellow men: beginning from Jerusalem, Judea,
Samaria, then finally to the whole world (cf. Acts 1:8).2
Again, self-giving and self-fulfilling, self-sacrifice and self-realization, are
inextricably tangled together. With regard to the concept of Christian love, and to the
example of Jesus himself, we find that Jesus has been sometimes called “the man for others.”
Ritschl drew attention to this fact and wrote: “Christ had the honor of existing for himself;
without this, how is it possible to render any real service to others?” Ritschl meant that
though Jesus Christ had his own values, integrity, vocation, and goals he also lives for others
and made himself available in responding to their demands. His response was governed by
his own central commitments. Thus love for others demands respect for one’s own self.
We may conclude our subject with D. A. Carson’s statement: “agape is a willed love,
an act of willed self-sacrifice for the good of another. This is the self-giving love of God that
is revealed in Jesus Christ, which is the motivating power and pattern of Christian living”.
Most Christians nowadays lack this self-love even though we claim our love for God,
perfection, and sinlessness before God.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

1. Best, W. E., God is Love. Houston, Texas: South Belt Grace Church, 1985.
2. Bondi, Roberta C., To Love as God Loves. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1987.
3. Brummer, Vincent, The Model of Love. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press,
1993.
4. Carson, D. A. The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God. Leicester: Inter-Varsity
Press, 2000.
5. Johnson, Paul E., Christian Love. New York: Abingdon-Cokesbury Press, 1951.
6. Josef, Pieper, Faith Hope Love. San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1997.
7. Liebman, Joshua Loth, Peace of Mind. New York: H. Wolff Book Mfg. Co., 1946.
8. Macquarrie, John, In Search of Humanity: A Theological and Philosophical
Approach. London: SCM Press, 1982.
9. Nygren, Andres, Philip S. Watson (trans.), Agape and Eros, rept. In One Vol. London:
S. P. C. K., 1953.
10. Youssef, Michael, He-ism versus Me-ism: The Biblical Solution to the Question of
Self-love. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 1987.

1
Gal 5:22.
2
In this sense, we may interpret the meaning of love (human love for God) in the light of establishing
the Kingdom of God by fulfilling his Great Commission in term of our obedience (keeping commandments) as a
new (loving) commandment (Jn 13:34) of Jesus.