Painful Equality

A Slightly Futuristic Story

Part 1
You want to do what? I asked my husband. He continued to sit there as clam as he was before he let
loose the mental bomb I was now trying to deal with. I also knew that I was dealing with it badly when I walked
away from him, into the other room to walk back into the room and back to my previous spot. I opened my
mouth, but nothing came out. I closed it. I paced back and forth in front of him as I tried to focus on one single
question to ask him first. I looked sideways at him just because I felt him looking at me and new questions
popped into my head.
Ahh! I screamed in frustration as I walked once more across his field of vision before I stopped and
looked at him dead in the face. His brown eyes looked back at me with that same sense of calm. This is not
good. I leaned forward and placed my hands on both arm rests of his chair as I hung my head. Why? I asked
him. I knew my voice was low, but I also knew that he was close enough to hear me.
Don't you want children, or at least one child? he asked me.
No, I quickly and honestly answered him.
Never? he asked again with some of his confidence slipping. From both his face and voice. I opened
my mouth to say no again, but then I remembered that one split second when I held my sister's child for the
second time. The first time I so afraid of dropping the little girl, that I quickly gave her back. But once I was
seated on the couch I was cornered and told to hold her while her mother ran off to do something. I stayed
nervous while she twisted and looked around before starting to cry once she didn't see a face that she
recognized. Then we shared this little moment.

She looked at me like I was most stunning new sight of her life. I looked into her face and realized how
not that long ago she was nothing and in a few years she would be under foot like her older brother. Then years
later she will be like my sister when I saw her leave for college and even our dad cried. Then the moment was
over and I was snapped out of my memory when the thing in my arms started to cry again. I paused too long
and I realized that when I saw Frank's face again. He was back to looking 'right' again.
We can't have kids, I told him as I stood upright. When you asked me to marry you, I told you this.
You said that you loved me and that was a part of it. You understood and accepted that, I continued to say in
protest of his . . . his perfect solution to our supposed situation. We weren't going to have kids. We planed a life
without them. We lived a life that didn't consider them a part of it and now he wanted to throw all that away.
I like my life the way it is Frank, I told him as I started to back away. Why don't you? I asked him. I
wanted to stay and hear his answer to the question almost as much as I wanted to just not have this
conversation. I didn't want to take care of kids. I did that for twenty-two years. I wanted my life to be my own. I
wanted to live it with an able bodied human who's life didn't depend on me for their continued existence. I
loved Frank but I didn't have to sign paper work for him. I didn't have to hear how he was doing in class from
some teacher. I didn't have to deal with tantrums.
I gritted my teeth and waited for him to answer me, but he didn't say anything. He sat there just looking
at me. Instead of the tension building, it mellowed and started to fade. I was less angry and realized that I had
no reason to be angry. Everyone knew that I would be a good mother, even if I did avoid children at ever chance
presented to me. I'm not sure how long I stood there looking at him, but it must have been long enough when I
saw Frank start to stand. As he got closer to me his image became blurred.
I reached a hand up to wipe away a tear as I felt my chest tighten. What was wrong with me? I covered
my eyes as I felt like I was doing something wrong.
It's ok, Frank told me in a firm and low voice. I felt his arms around me before I allowed myself to rest
my head on his shoulder. You're allowed to change your mind, he said. I cried louder as I remembered how
2

much I told myself that I couldn't change things. I couldn't have kids and I was better off without the mess that
came with them.
This isn't how I planed it either, Frank said with a small laugh in my hair. I was saving all my
arguments for getting you to adopt, he ended on a louder laugh. I smiled despite myself.
So you really want to do this? I asked him. It was the only real question that mattered. One of my
hands held the side of his shirt as one of his patted my back before both of them held me away from him.
I thought it was enough to get you to agree to have a child with me. Making you give birth would have
been a deal breaker I'm sure, he said before kissing my lips. I kissed back remembering this was one of the
reasons why I married him. He was always so oddly thoughtful.
Yeah, but it could have been easier, I informed him. It's two years Frank, I said even though I knew
he knew. Are you really ready for the implants, shots and pills. Not to mention all the pleasantries of just being
pregnant? I asked my well meaning husband.
Would you do all that for a child? he asked me.
No, I said again without hesitating.
Then it wouldn't have been easier, he answered me.
We are honestly doing this? I asked him.
We are honestly doing this, he answered before leaning forward and kissing my forehead.

Part 2
=======
Two days later
=======
Hello Mr. and Mrs. Teal, the man behind the desk said as Frank closed the door and I stepped forward
to shake his hand. We both smiled and said hello before sitting in the two white chairs that were in front of his
black glass table. He wasn't that young, but then I'm sure older men would have had far more issues taking this
job than a younger man would. His hair was brown and styled in a business like fashion. His white shirt was still
pristine looking even this late in the day. His tie, which was dark blue, looked like he had already loosened it
from some earlier ordeal or just the winding down of the day.
So Mr. Teal, he started when he thought we were both seated comfortably. I understand that you
want to take part in our 'Mommies are Dads Too' program here at Mount Washington Hospital. We both
nodded our heads, but stayed quiet as we waited for him to talk again.
As you must know, we have to screen everyone that comes to us. Interview them and their spouse,
and assess the household. After all, what we do comes with the responsibility of making sure that when we
bring a child into this world, it will be loved and taken care of, he ended. A smile then occupied to his face that
was too skillfully for my liking. For a moment I wished they did that with women who got pregnant the normal
way too, but it had nothing to do with us right now.
Of course, Frank answered him as I just continued to smile.
Yesss, he said as he looked at me a bit longer than I liked. So we can set that up and move on from
there, he said sounding a little cheery. When would be the best time for you? he asked as he started to click
away on his keyboard and look at the computer screen that was just off to his right. Frank turned to look at me
and I looked at him the same time. Who was he talking to?

Both of us? I asked the man before he looked back at us.

No. Sorry, he apologized. It's been a long day, he explained. Again we both smiled at him and
waited. Mr. Teal will have the first appointment with our psychologist, then it be your turn Mrs. Teal, but no
more than two weeks later. Then if those go well you will have a joint session within four months after Mrs.
Teal's session, the man informed us.
Four months? I asked. Why so long? I continued.
Well the sessions are recorded and then they are reviewed by a few people. It's on their vote that you
get to proceed to the joint session and also your entry into M.D.T., he answered me.
M.D.T.? Fred asked.
Mommies are Dads Too, he clarified.
I was tempted to say 'oh' but I thought it would make me look dumb so I just nodded and continued on
with the smiling. As he turned to Frank to get a date, I didn't feel like I succeeded in making him believe
otherwise.

=======
Two weeks later
=======
Please have a seat Mrs. Teal. The doctor will be with you shortly, the receptionist told me after I
handed back the sign in sheet. I took a seat in a chair that was by itself on the other side of one of the coffee
tables. This wasn't what I was expecting. I knew the session was going to be at the hospital, but I didn't expect
to feel like I was in a male clinic. Besides the receptionist, I was the only female there and it wasn't just one or
two men there. There were seven of them and they all seem to be about the same age range. Twenty eight to
thirty five. Once I stopped looking and tried to read a magazine, I started to hear some of the whispers that I
didn't quite pick up before.
5

It was all in pieces, but once I got the gist of it I realized that they were talking about me. I looked up to
see who it was, but of course at that moment the whispering stopped. The waiting room stayed quiet until a
man walked out and was greeted by someone who was waiting in the room with me.
Mrs. Teal, you may see Dr. Reshard now, she said. I stood up and saw as she pointed down the hall
where the man came from. As I turned the corner I saw a number of doors on either side of the long hall way.
The first door on my left had a name plaque on it. It read Dr. K.L. Bricke. The next, that was on my right said Dr.
Allen Left. I started to walk a bit faster now that I knew his name would be on the door. I was near the end of
the hall when I finally saw the name. Dr. S. Reshard. The door was closed so I knocked instead of just walking in.
Come in, answered a female voice. I opened the door and walked into a contrasting room to the hall
and waiting room that I just came from. The room was modern and clean looking with only needed bits of
anything around. Truly uncluttered. But what stood out to me was the glass wall she was seated in front of
which had to be at least sixteen feet tall. It had doors which were more than half the room's height. They
opened out to a five foot deep garden that grew tall bamboo among a few other plants.
Hello Mrs. Teal, the lady said as she stood and extended her hand. I hurried a little to not keep her
waiting and shook her hand before starting to take a seat. Actually, over there would be more comfortable I
think, she said as she started to walk away. She walked towards a side sitting area with two arm chairs, a
loveseat and a normal looking couch all covered in a acceptable shade of brown. She was waiting for me to take
a seat first. I choose the love seat and placed my bag next to me. I didn't sit in the arm chair so I wouldn't have
to hold my bag in my lap and look too prim, and I didn't choose the couch to make it seem like I wanted
I hope you weren't waiting too long Mrs. Teal, the doctor started. I smiled as I shook my head.
No not long. Ten minutes maybe, I answered.
Well then, let's get started shall we? she said as she picked up a tablet and stylus from the coffee
table that was in the center of all the chairs. I waited for her first question and she just looked at me as she sat
in one of the arm chairs that gave her a full view of me. I started to itch when she as did nothing but look at me
6

for too long.

Aren't you going to ask me any questions? I asked her feeling like it was the dumbest questions I had
ever asked anyone. At least that I could remember.
Yes, we should get started, she said in agreement with me before turning to her tablet and writing a
line of words. Why aren't you the one asking for this procedure? she flat out asked me. You wouldn't need to
go through all this. You could just ask for the operation and if you met the physical requirements, and could pay
of course, you could have been doing that now if not earlier, she asserted. Why are you putting your husband
through this? she finished. Now she sat back, a little, and waited for my answer.
I was stunned. I wasn't expecting to be confronted with it so . . . soon or blatantly. I blinked as I started
to think of an answer for her. I looked at her as I tried to come up with the right way of saying it, but then I
realized that she was going to read into anything I said, so I went the honest route.
I don't want to have kids, I told her. She didn't move. I don't want to psychically have children. When
I was thirteen, I was in a car accident. I was punctured with some part of the car in my abdomen, I continued
as I remembered bits of the day. I just felt this heat down there until I blacked out. I stayed unconscious until I
woke up feeling sore all over. When I sat up I screamed in pain and my mother ran into the room along with a
few nurses. After they gave some more pain medication, I asked my mom how everyone else was. I was with
my friend Cindy and her family. I was sleeping over that day, but we all got into the car to go get pizza, I said
with a smile.
She said that everyone was fine. A few broken ribs and banged knees, but I was the one who go the
worst of it. When she said that I checked to make sure I still had both arms and legs. I even wiggled my toes and
I remembered how happy I was that I wasn't going to be stuck in a chair for the rest of my life. I also
remembered the feel of the smile that was on my face as I turned back to my mom and she still looked so sad.
Like something was still wrong. I asked her and she said that the doctor would tell me later when he came by to
check on my stitches. Later turned out to be hours later and he had to wake me up. I shifted in my seat.
7

He did a quick check of my eyes with that light that all doctors walked around with in their top pocket
and he had me touch my nose with my fingers before he parted my gown to look a my stitches. I asked him if he
had to take anything out as I saw and felt him move the skin around the long curved line of stitches. 'Yes, your
uterus,' he tells me. He then sat back on my bed and waited for something from me. I knew what my uterus
was. I had been having my period for a year by then. If anything I was happy, but for some reason I didn't think
they wanted me to be happy, so I asked him if anything else was wrong with me. He said 'no,' and I said ok, I
finished as I looked directly at the shrink.
When I was back in school and taking Sex Ed a year later, I fully understood that I wouldn't be able to
have children, but I didn't care. I helped my mom take care of the four at home. Two girls and two boys by the
way, I felt like informing her. I babysat for my aunt when my brothers and sisters could take care of themselves
and by then I was happy I wasn't going to have any. Then I got older and wondered if a guy would want me if I
couldn't give him a child, and you know what? I asked her, but continued on without waiting for her to answer.
I did. I found someone that loved me and took me as I was. We made plans. Plans that didn't have to take into
account children, I ended. The room was quiet for a while.
That doesn't explain why your husband is now doing this if you were happy without children, she told
me. I crossed my arms knowing very well that it was a defensive move.
When he told me he wanted to do this, I asked him why. He said that I already agreed a few years ago
to be open to the idea of adopting if he really wanted to have a child in our life. I know the problems that
comes with them, but I also know how to take care of them. I just thought that my life would be easier without
them, but to make my husband happy, I would do this for him. He said that he never truly abandoned all hope
of having a child that was related to him. And that it would be easier for him to carry our child, than to get me
to agree to do it myself, I explained.
She jotted down a few things before she went back to watching me. I didn't think she had that much
trouble coming up with the questions for me, she just like giving me room to twist and wiggle under her stare.
8

Why this option? she eventually asked. Why does he want to go through this? Couldn't you just get a
segregate to carry your child? I felt a little... affronted.
He has every right to carry our child if he wants to, I might have told her a little too loudly, but it was
his right now that it was possible. Nowhere did I read that this was a last resort. Nowhere did I read that only
gays were allowed. And he is not the only man who has ever wanted to carry their own child, I continued to my
own surprise. I now crossed my legs in indignation and waited for however long I had to wait for her next
question.

Part 3
=======
Four Hours later
=======
I was sitting in the living room with most of the lights still off when Frank got home. The sun was just
setting, but the house had been dark for at least an hour by that time. I heard him as he put his keys into the
lock and opened our front door. I listened to his shoes as they came inside and stopped as the door was made
to close and the front hall light was turned on. They walked a little further to stop again as fabrics moved and
hangers made noises as they were disturbed, weighted down and placed back into the closet. I thought about
asking him if we could eat out because I didn't feel up to cooking and I didn't know if he felt up to cooking
either.
Jamie! Frank almost shouted as he turned the corner and saw me sitting there.
Hello dear, I said to him as I started to stand. I walked over to my husband and gave him a hug. A hug I
didn't end until he pulled my arms off of him.
It went that well did it? he asked.
I'm not sure, I honestly told him. I did shout at her, I confessed. But by the time our session was
over, I was a lot calmer, I told him as I slid my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest again.
Ok, I'm ordering in, Frank said as he rubbed my upper arms. He then pushes me away from him again
to kiss my forehead before bending down and kissing my lips. I was amazed at how good that made me feel, or
at least I would have if I didn't feel so good. Go upstairs and take a bath while I make this phone call, he tells
me as he starts to push me towards our bedroom.
Aren't you coming? I ask him with a hopeful tone in my voice.
Very shortly, he answered before my body left his hands. I smiled and walked backwards until I hit the

10

staircase. I stood there for a moment as I watched him pick up the house phone and loaded the app to one of
the four take out restaurants we had on it. Once I was upstairs and in our bedroom I left the door open as I
made my way towards the shower. I hoped he was ordering my Thai Curry dish with brown rice. I stopped and
braced myself against one of the night stands as I paused to take off my shoes. That in itself was odd since
those were the first things to go when I normally came home. Then I remembered why I was feeling so dejected
and sat down on the bed as I kicked my shoes under.
I sat there thinking that what was done, was done. I pulled my shirt out of my skirt and started to
unbutton it before Frank walked into the room. He was toeing off his shoes as he pulled his dress shirt out of his
pants, but he soon slowed down when he saw me. I didn't even have to look up to know that. I just heard it. A
few seconds later as I was pulling off my shirt I felt his weight as he sat next to me on the bed.
What happened? Frank asked. Instead of answering him right away I stood and unzipped my skirt.
It's not that big of a deal, I told him as I picked it up off the floor. It just soured my mood, I
continued as I reached for the shirt I left on the bed. I walked into the bathroom and dropped them in the
hamper before reaching behind me to undo the hooks of my bra with my back to him.
It has to be something or it wouldn't have depressed you, Frank said as I heard his clothes join my
own. What happened? he asks again. I threw my bra in on top of his clothes before I pulled down my panties
and I threw them behind me without caring where they landed.
I told her that you had every right to carry our child if you wanted to, I told him as I walked towards
the shower.
Hold on, Frank said as he reached out and grabbed my hand to turn me around to look at him. He
pulled me to his chest and I looked up into his face as I felt that we were both naked now. What exactly did she
say? he asked as he held on to me to make sure I didn't leave until he had gotten his answer.
First she asked me 'Why are you putting your husband through this?', I started off with. That didn't
bug me too much because when I was in the waiting room, all the men there, and there were only men there,
11

they all thought that I was some kind of transvestite that had really good work done, and that I was there to
really be a woman, I stopped as I saw him smile. What? I asked him.
It was a compliment, he said with a laugh as he kissed my nose.
Well it didn't quite feel like one at the time, I explained but now most of my irritation for the day was
really starting to fade away.
What else did the shrink ask you? Frank asked next. Wait. Was it an Indian lady. Her name was R
something, he said as he tried to remember while looking up at the ceiling.
Yeah, that was her, I agreed since he had such vague details and she did match all of them.
She was nice, until she found out that I wasn't gay, Frank now decided to inform me.
What? I asked in surprise as I tried to pull back, but he continued to hold me close. Why didn't you
tell me before? I asked him.
One, you would have gone in there more defensive than what would have done you any good, and
two, he paused. I was told I couldn't tell you about the session until you already went to yours, he confessed.
I looked down at his chest as I thought it over. I'm sorry, Frank said as he squeezed me slightly in his arms.
It's ok, I told him. What did she said after she found out that you weren't gay? I asked as I raised my
eyes back up to his.
Just some dumb stuff about you, he said as I felt his hands rubbing my back. Why don't we adopt?
Why didn't you just pay for the surgery for yourself, and stuff like that, he told me. I laid my cheek on his chest
as I felt sorry for him now more than I felt angry at the lady since this was something that he wanted.
I'm sorry Frank, I told him after a while. I was holding his waist before, but now I hugged him in
return.
It's alright hun. I held my own, he explained. Do you feel better now? he inquired as he eased his
grip on me so he could look down at me. I accommodated him and leaned back to look up into his face before
answering.
12

Yeah, a little, I admitted.

Enough to get back to what we started like ten minutes ago? Frank asked me softly before he kissed
my cheek. I giggled as I thought about it too.
I need a bath, I half protested. It's not like we haven't gone at each other when a bath wouldn't have
been nice first.
Did you go jogging? he asked as he kissed my nose again.
No, I said with a smile.
Did you stop off at the gym and lifted some weights? he asked as he lips found me other cheek.
No, I laughed again since I hadn't seen the inside of the gym in months.
Did you walk more than ten blocks in those lovely green heels of yours? he asked as his lips hovered
over mine.
Ah, ah, I informed him to the negative.
Then the bath can wait, he told before his lips finally touched mine.
Sure, of course. We would just have to take another bath when we were done anyway, was my first and
last thought before I started thinking of where I wanted my hands and that I was really happy we put in a
heated floor last year.

13

Part 4
=======
Two Months Later
=======
You didn't open it? I asked as I walked into the kitchen holding the letter in my hand. I was taking off
my shoes by the hallway table when I saw it with Frank's keys. I leaned against the door frame and watched him
now as he sat at the kitchen table eating a sandwich, whose other half was sitting on the Subway green and
white wrapping paper. Frank had looked up at hearing my words, and now held a hand up as he chewed what
was in his mouth before reaching for a glass of something he got out of the fridge.
I was waiting for you, he told me once he had cleared his mouth. You don't mind if I finish this first
do you? Frank asked before he raised the sandwich to his mouth again. I nodded my head and watched him as
he bit into it and pulled a piece of tomato out of the rest f the sandwich. I smiled before he bit harder causing it
to drop unto the wrapper that was protecting the table.
Bits of our joint interview session a month ago came to mind as my body started to question as to
whether or not I was hungry. After I remembered agreeing with my husband that the interview did go well, I
saw him again as he wiped his lips free of what was left of his sandwich.
He smiled up at me before pushing his chair back from the table and waving me closer. When I was
within arm's reach Frank pulled me to sit down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around my hips and waist.
Go on. Open it, he prompted me as he laid his head against my arm.
I made sure not to bang his head with my arm or elbow as I tore the letter open. At first glance it was very
short, so I thought the answer was no, but I started to read it out loud anyway.
Dear Mr. and Mrs Teal,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into our M.D.T. (Mommies are Daddies

14

Too) program.
Mr. Teal, please contact us at xxx-xxx-xxxx to schedule an appointment with us at your earliest
convenience.
M.D.T. Ruling Board of Mount Washington Hospital
Below that there was the seal of the hospital instead of a signature. The house was silent as we each
took it in, in different ways.
Well that was short, I said to break out of the bubble of silence we had created.
We're in, Frank whispered. We were accepted, he said a little louder. I looked at his face and saw all
his excitement as the wheels in his head started to turn.
Don't get ahead of yourself, I told him as I held his face in both my hands. When he finally saw me I
smiled at him. You won't be pregnant for a little over a year, I reminded him with a smile.
So next week I can start on the nursery then? he asked with a wide smile on his face. I bent down and
kissed him.
Mmm, he murmured into my mouth as I now tasted cheese and onions on his breath. How, kiss.
About, kiss. Celebrating? he asked as he kissed his way from the cleavage of my breasts, up my neck and
across my jaw to be looking into my eyes as we now found ourselves standing with my arms around his neck
and his hands holding onto my skirt.
Yes, I whispered a split second before his hands found the button and zipper at the back of my skirt
and started undoing them. I began my own trail of kisses as my fingers worked on his buttons blindly. I started
with his lips and moved past his jaw line that already had a five o'clock shadow there to prickle my lips. I did
stop at his Adam's apple just to see it jump. When I started to lick down the center of his chest, that his shirt
wasn't hiding anymore, I felt my skirt fall to my feet after Frank worked it off my hips.
Are we staying in the kitchen? I asked him as my fingers hit the waistband of his slacks. I didn't wait
for an answer before I started to unbutton and unzip something myself. I sank to my knees and Frank's hands
15

pulled my shirt up my body and up over my head. His pants easily fell to the floor leaving me with the task of
pulling down his boxer briefs. I rubbed my face and cheek up against his crotch as I ran my fingers between his
skin and the elastic waistband. His hands were now in my hair where they worked loose the bun and the two to
five pins I used to keep it in place.
Oh Jamie, Frank moaned as his hand tightened it's grip on my head. I leaned away from him and
pulled his underwear down until I touched the floor. I looked up at his cock as my hand reached for it. He wasn't
quite full yet, but it was a situation that he wasn't going to find himself in for much longer. I smiled to myself as
I heard him gasp.
I kept my eyes on the appendage that I had my hands on and almost moaned as I felt him grow harder.
The smell from his skin heighten the urge that I already had to feel him in my mouth. I touched the tip of him to
my lips before I opened my mouth and swallowed him as I moved forward. With each centimeter of progress I
swiped my tongue across the underside of his cock.
Ah, he moaned above me. For a brief moment he grabbed my hair and pulled me forward before
releasing me to do what I wanted. I raked my fingers up and down his legs when I moved my mouth up and
down his mesmerizing cock. I always try to get my lips all the way to the end, but I never have, but that has not
stopped me from trying and tonight was no different. I reached my hands up to hold his two cheeks as I almost
forced my gag reflex to back down. Almost because I once again lost. I gagged and my body demanded air
which caused me to pull off completely and gulp for air as I squeezed my eyes shut.
Despite my failure I was proud that I had gotten further than before. I moved back to take him into my
mouth again when Frank pushed against my shoulder to stop me.
No more, he slightly gasped before he pushed the chair out of his way and knelt down in front of me.
His mouth met mine as he started to push me backwards. The floor wasn't cold as my back made contact and
then pressed into it as Frank laid over me. I moaned into his mouth and wrapped one leg over his. Frank
gripped my left breast through my bra and pawed at it roughly as his knee parted my legs even more. I felt his
16

hand as it moved between us to hold his cock and aim it at my opening. I arched up closer to help, I think, and
soon I felt a new point of heat as it came in contact with my skin. I had my head turned to the side while Frank
pressed his forehead into my cheek. He was a little unbalanced for a while then he sunk into me in one sweat
long glide. He moaned into my neck and I moaned louder as my wet walls encompassed so much of him so
quickly.
I braced my back against the floor and pushed my pelvis up to meet his. I murmured in ecstasy as Frank
was pushed even further into me.
Oh Jamie, yes, he uttered into my skin before I heard a chair as it was kicked further away from us and
hit a wall.
Frank, I literally cried as he started to slow fuck me. I had my arms wrapped around his head and neck
to hold him close and he moved his arms to hold my shoulders from under my arms.
I wasn't going to last long. I cried from the friction of pleasure and moaned louder the closer he got me
to coming completely undone.
Yes, almost there, he started to say before he moved faster and faster.
Yes, YES, YES! I shouted as he dragged me closer. I arched up under him as he continued to fuck me
deliciously. Our chins touched as Frank spoke into my mouth.
Come for me, that's it. Let me rock your world, he almost laughed with his hot breath covering the
lower part of my face. My body started to shake as his cock bruised my clit wondrously. One more stroke. One
more feel of his lips across my skin, and with the slight bite into my jaw I came.
I screamed and shook and my eyes saw white for a brief moment. He held me down. I felt him pushing
at my stomach as he continued to fuck me. I felt as my cum moistened my vagina and tingled my senses as his
cock slid into me again and again. I tensed and flexed and basked on and off until Frank seized between my legs
and I felt a new heat as it burned it's liquid way deeper into me. Frank jerked and pushed himself further with
each squirt he emptied into me.
17

We huffed for air and the whole room felt so much hotter as he laid in my arms and between my legs
on the kitchen floor.
One of these days they are going to to think that you killed me, I told Frank. He just laughed and
kissed my neck before sitting up and disconnecting us.
You keep saying that, he reminded me once he was standing and looking down at my very unsexy and
messy form. But I think they have learned by now that it isn't that kind of death, he said as he held his hand
out for me to take. I looked at him for a moment and loved what I saw, even if there was a flash of a memory of
what he use to look like ten years ago. I reached up and took his hand to be once again amazed at the strength
he possessed.
I looked down at myself once I was standing and saw the true mess of what I looked liked. My left bra
cup was under my breast. The other one looked wet for some reason. My panties were rolled up and somehow
still on my left leg. I was sure that they had been torn and I was standing on my skirt. I had to look around for
my shirt and as I moved I felt Frank's cum as it started to slide out of me. I jumped off my skirt to keep it from
getting stained and tucked my hair behind one ear as Frank started to laugh.
Keep that up and you will pick up the dry cleaning and have them look at you funny, I warned him
before picking up my skirt, getting my shirt, pulling off my panties and fixing my bra before walking upstairs our
bedroom and the shower.

18

Part 5
First on the agenda was harvesting. From both Frank and I. He got simulated but I got surgery. No hiding
who got the better deal there. I was in so much pain for the week after my surgery, that I had to take extra time
off from work while I learned how to sit again. They advised me that I was going to be in pain for a few days, so
I had already asked for two days off. I joked with Frank of how I would feel well enough to have gone to work,
but be guilt-tripped into staying home longer since I would technically be on sick leave.
Frank pampered me so much while I was stuck home and mostly in bed. During my main recovery week
he had things by my side that he thought I might need while he was gone. Then he would rush home at lunch
time, with meals that we both ate in bed. He would have to spend an extra hour at work to make up for the
long lunch break, but he never complained. We lived on Thai and Vegetarian take out for most of that week
with a few guest appearances from Subway and the one day Frank craved a burger. I was very grateful that he
didn't get it from Burger King or McDonald's, but a much classier place that cared about the tomatoes and
lettuce that they used to build the sandwich.
When I was able to travel again we went in to see the results of my suffering, to find out that I needed
to be placed on fertility drugs and that I had to do it again. I was horrified. I would have walked out if I wasn't
too shocked to stand. I knew that Frank was holding my hand, but I didn't feel it until what he was telling the
doctor, who was sitting comfortably behind his desk, about how much pain I was in the first time reached my
ears.
===
End Of Entry
===
Yes well, that was unavoidable. We had to cut away some masses that we found in her abdominal
cavity. We weren't sure what they were until a few days ago. The test that confirmed what they were takes

19

about six days on average, and it wasn't a rush, he explained to Frank.

It wasn't a rush? I turned to look at my husband. He hardly ever raised his voice, but I was sure there
were people outside the office that heard him. You found and removed masses from inside my wife and you
didn't think it was worth telling me? he demanded.
Well, at the time we didn't think it was anything more than scare tissue from her h ysterectomy, but to
be on the safe side we removed them to make sure they didn't later become cancerous if they hadn't already,
the doctor said in his defense.
You are missing the point! Frank erupted as he stood. I wasn't told. We weren't told anything! he
shouted down at the man. The doctor was starting to look a bit more remorseful as he started to understand
where Frank was coming from, but he didn't look that put out since he knew he did something good in the end.
Frank, I called up him. Frank, I said a little quieter as I now held his hand again. He turned his head
and looked back at me before looking at the doctor again and taking his seat. The room was quiet. Too quiet
and it lasted too long for my liking.
Ahmm, the doctor cleared his throat. Mrs. Teal. I'm sorry that you endured so much pain, but we
would have been remiss to not have removed the masses during the operation. He appeared to be finish which
made Frank squeeze my hand as he started to get angry again. And I'm sorry for not notifying you both, once it
was over, of what found and did, he said looking mostly at my husband as he said this.
So what did you find? Frank blankly asked him. The doctor turned towards his computer and started
to type. I assumed it was to locate my, if not our, files. I didn't know if he really didn't remember what the test
results were or if he just wanted somewhere else to look for a while.
Most of the masses were just scar tissue, he said to the screen in front of him. But about three of
them were precancerous for melanoma, he said before turning from the display and looking at us.
Melanoma? I asked in faint shocked voice. What the fuck is going on here? We came to hear about
eggs that I may or may not have and I'm being told that I have melanoma? I wanted to scream. I wanted to
20

leave the office and leave this whole thing behind me. This can't be happening. I can't be dying. Dying?
Frank? I called out to him as I started to really not feel well.
Calm down. Take a deep breath, he told me as he held my face to get my attention. After I did manage
to take a deep breath, I did calm down and nodded at him. He looked at me a bit longer to make sure and I took
a few more breaths before I nodded at him again.
You said precancerous right? he asked the doctor when he turned back to look at him. Does that
mean that there is nothing wrong with her now? he asked with hope.
Since we determined that it was melanoma, we believe that it was only in her scar tissue that we
removed. But since we weren't looking for it, we would like to suggest that we do another exploratory surgery
of her abdomen and other scars to make sure none were missed, he ended. The doctor looked at us with his
fingers intertwined and resting on his desk. I looked at Frank as he looked down at our hands before I looked
back at the doctor.
When do you want to do this? I asked him.
Well, as soon as possible, he answered. We are lucky that it was precancerous, but if they do
become cancerous while in your body it will just be a matter of time, he briefly explained. When I was
notified of your appointment today I went ahead and reserved the OR for Friday at eight fifteen am. I was
informed.
And you Mr. Teal, he said turning to Frank. You may start your hormone conditioning at the same
time. I saw him pale after his last word before turning to look at Frank.
I'm not doing anything until she's better, I heard him say through clenched teeth. I will be carrying
our child and I won't do it without her, he ended with a squeeze of my fingers that he hadn't let go since I
placed my hand in his.

21

Part 6
=======
Four Months Later
=======
With a clean bill of health, as clean as I could possibly get, along with a set of check up appointment
dates months into the future for two years, Frank agreed to continue with what we had started. I was given the
fertility shots and winced at the burning sensation that I got from the hypo spray every time. It was only once a
week and I only had to do it for a month. On the day of the harvesting they retrieved four eggs and we were
told two days later that they were all in great condition. By the end of the week we had four embryos and they
were frozen once they were at a stable stage. Now it was Frank's turn to get his shots.
We had appointments almost every other week for the next five months. We had informed both our
bosses of our acceptance into the M.D.T. program the day after we got the letter, and two days later they
received a certified letter that was sent by courier from Mount Washington Hospital along with e-mailed copies
providing and pointing out the fine print of how this would impact them. They also received a few pages that
listed our rights and needed time off for appointments and surgeries. I was on my own for my cancer checkups
since I only had one every three months.
The rights had been in place for a man to accompany his wife when she had an appointment with the
doctor over something concerning their child, for over ten years now. Once the science behind programs like
M.D.T. became accepted and even gained some presidential type support from his son, who was never in the
closet, the word husband was changed to life partner. So what did this mean for me? This meant that I wasn't
docked pay to be by my husband's side for all the appointments he needed to attend for us to have a child.
Frank was mostly being monitored and having his hormone levels tested before we were given a week's
supply of estrogen shots. Technically they weren't just estrogen shots or he would have gotten the pills that

22

they prescribed to the male transsexuals. No, these were a mix that they created after each test based on the
results of those tests. I use to help by giving him the shots in the morning, but then we realized that we were
rushing too much, so we started to do it at night fairly quickly. I thought that I was doing a good job, but one
night Frank said that he wanted to see if he could do it himself. There went a good excuse to see his bent over
ass each night.
As widely common as a hypo spray gun now was for delivering medications, they were not approved for
home use yet, which left us using the improved syringes with shorter needles. Which is why he flinched less
then I expected when he shot himself in the thigh. I guess what they say is true too. It hurts less if you do it
yourself. As the shots continued I noticed little things about him as they changed. He didn't change into a new
person, but small things made me see him a little differently. His hands were a tiny bit softer, not that he had
rough hands to begin with. His voice lost a little of it's edge, but you didn't really hear it until he laughed and
even then, you really had to know him to know it wasn't there anymore.
===
End Of Entry
===
I rubbed my eyes and as I lowered my fingers I saw the window and the patch of green that we called a
back yard before it hit the fence and I saw my neighbor's house on the other side.
What are you thinking about? Frank asked me before kissing the back of my neck. I was in the den
doing some work because the table here had the space I needed to keep proper track of my files along with a
central place to hold my computing unit. I continued to look out the window as he placed his chin on my right
shoulder.
I'm trying to think of nothing, I told him as I raised a hand up to touch the side of his face. I just gave
up looking at the reports and requests and findings from investigations that were in front of me.
Than I have good timing, he commented before turning my chair around so I faced him.
23

You have been standing in the doorway for over fifteen minutes, I informed him before holding his
cheek and leaning forward to kiss him.
You knew I was there? he asked sounding just a little surprised as he ended the kiss.
I heard as you walked up to the door, but not walk away, I answered. Besides, you have started to
just watch me lately. If we weren't already married I might consider that a reason to be concerned about you, I
told him as I patted his shoulder. What time is it? I asked out loud as I turned to look at the clock I had on a
wall. It was one of my few interior design requirements. Every room in the house had to have a clock in it. This
one was a large digital readout showing the date, time, and current weather conditions for our area. What
made it large was the fact that it was projected onto the wall and being customizable to the size that you
wanted along with the normal bells and whistles of this type.
It's just after eight, Frank answered. Hungry? he now asked me as I stood and stretched.
A little, I answered honestly. He lead me into the kitchen where he had two plates under domes, well I
thought they were plates since I couldn't see them, and just the two domes.
What do you want to drink? Frank asked as he left me to seat myself as he walked off towards the
refrigerator.
Lemonade, I answered without thinking if we had any.
Here you go, Frank said as he placed the cold glass of lemonade on the table close to my plate before
he took a seat with his own glass in hand and taking a sip before placing it on the table.
Thanks dear, I told him before reaching for my glass.
Did the brussel onions come out ok? Frank asked me as I forked another one to consume it.
These are more oniony than the last batch you cooked, I told him. I thought that roasting them
would have bought out the brussel sprout taste more, I mused before stacking one more with some chicken
meat and a piece of purple carrot onto my fork.
Yeah, me too, he commented before I looked up to see him as he now ate some Spanish rice.
24

So how did you do on your to-do list? I asked as I looked back at my plate. Frank proceeded to let me
know some details of his day while I enjoyed the sound of his voice and ate the meal that was before me.

=======
A Few Weeks Later
=======
Thank you for being able to make it here on such short notice. We just felt like celebrating our half way
mark with our friends a few minutes before we called all of you. I'm so glad that so many of you could come, I
said as I smiled at our friends. Some of them each of us knew from work, college and past jobs. We even had a
friend or two from even earlier in our lives.
Thank you, I said again as we raised our glasses in a toast. Frank was to my right side hugging me
around my waist . His glass held sparking water instead of the cheap red wine I had gotten
Cheers, we said all together. We then broke off into our own little groups again.
That was shorter than I expected, Eric said as we stat back down.
Well everyone already knows what is going on and what the party is for. What else was there for me to
say? I asked him before taking another sip from my glass.
Perhaps the due date for his implant or impregnation would have been nice, Kari offered up as a
suggestion. I looked over at Frank. He just looked back at me with this expression in his eyes as he sipped his
water. I knew that look. I stood back up again.
Everyone, I stated loudly. Everyone, I said again to convince them that I was indeed talking to them.
It has been brought to my attention that my speech was too short and lacking anything truly worthy of a toast,
so I have new information for you. Our implantation date is in a month's time and after a month of motoring it
and a few more shots for anti-rejection and some more hormones, that I think is making my husband my wife,
I smiled and some laughed. We will have our first impregnation appointment, I informed them.
25

There were claps and some hollering of the word congratulations. I smiled and felt anxious. Just like I
didn't want to feel, which is why I didn't tell anyone in the first place. It's like we were tempting faith to have
something go wrong now. Instead of breaking up into groups once more, everyone crowded in around us and
asked us questions that more than one person was interested in the the answers to.
Jamie, is something wrong? Terry asked me. You don't look as happy as you sounded before, he
commented. Now even those who had been peppering Frank for information, since he was the one going
through the procedures, turned to look at me.
It's nothing. I'm fine, I told him.
You're crying, Kari pointed out. It's more than nothing, she said as she got a little closer. I lifted my
hand and wiped away tears that I didn't feel escaping my eyes. As I wondered as to why I was crying and saw
more people crowded in around me, out of concern, I started to cry a bit more as a panicky feeling started to
make me shake. I pushed through them and ran upstairs to my bedroom. I tripped on the rug that Frank
insisted on putting down on the wooden floor even though they were heated too.
I fell onto and held the side of the bed as I cried from the pain in my knees. From the fear that
something may happen to my husband during the surgery. That with everything we had done and will do, he
wouldn't be able to have the child he wanted for us. I cried for Frank. I cried over the prospect of seeing this
process tear him down. I cried for starting to no longer just expect, but care that a child was being brought into
our home and the chance of it not happening. I heard the door click close behind me and I wiped my eyes in
the sheets. I looked horrible when I cried.
You know you aren't suppose to be taking any of my medication, Frank said as he sat down on the
floor next to me.
Why would I do that? I asked in puzzlement as he pulled me towards him in a hug.
I was just trying to understand why you are like this. It's not common for you to be this emotional, he
stated.
26

Bad joke, I told him as I laid my head on his chest just below his chin.
Yes, it was, but yours wasn't any better, he pointed out.
You didn't marry me for my attempts at making jokes, I informed him.
True, he said as I felt his fingers brushing my shoulder. So what's wrong? he asked. I shook my head
not even wanting to say anything out loud. Frank continued to brush my shoulder as he stayed quiet. About five
minutes later some part of me was saying that I should get up now and that I needed to go back downstairs.
Both of us were up here and it was our party. I reluctantly pulled myself free from his embrace and stood up. I
walked into the bathroom and felt as he followed me. I squinted as the light sensor picked up on my
movements and registered my body heat as a signal to turn on the overhead lights.
I looked into the mirror and was grateful that I didn't look worst. I reached into the drawer and pulled
out a cleaning pad from its box. I wiped my face clean except for my lipstick before tossing it into the bin. I then
reached for my make up spray and closed my eyes as I made two passes across my face. Once across my
forehead and another that started on my cheek, moved over the bride of my nose and ended on the other side
of my face. I opened my eyes to pick up my wet brush from its place on the counter and quickly, but evenly,
moved the thin layer of pigment around my face. I didn't reach for the silver blush to make eye shadows since
we weren't going out.
Ready? Frank asked me as I just looked at myself.
Ready, I agreed before turning to leave.

27

Part 7
=======
One Month Later
=======
You look so beautiful and fuzzy, Frank told me as I sat by his side holding his hand. I smiled down at
him so grateful that he was alive and now awake. Everyone told me that hardly anything went wrong at this
stage, but there was always the possibility that something could.
You look darn good yourself, I told him before he slipped back under again. The doctor said that he
would be a drowsy for a few more hours so I wasn't concerned. I was going to stay with him tonight and then
take him home tomorrow. The nurse had already been in and set up the other bed for me to use. I remember
when I was younger and my mom slept in a chair next to my bed when I was in the hospital. They either
couldn't or wouldn't let her sleep on one of the other two beds that were close by. I didn't even get my own
room. I rubbed my thumb over my husband's hand before standing and walking around the room again.
I looked at the flowers and cards that our friends had sent us. Some wished us well. Others told us
which sex to choose even though that won't happen for at least two more weeks. The last few were holograms
of emoticons smiling, winking and hugging each other for our amusement. Considering the occasion, they
didn't have many choices. What do you get a guy who is in the hospital to have a womb implanted into his
body? I stopped to look out the window. We were among a handful of high rises in this part of town. Oddly
enough, I think most of the them were hospitals as well. We were all surrounded by a number of mini parks
that made us look like we were ankle deep in a forest that only parted for cars at it convenience. Twenty two
stories up and I could see the movement of the air outside as it flowed over the crown of the trees below.
I started to feel myself being lugged into sleep by the view, and pushed myself away from the window. I
grabbed my bag from the back of the chair and give Frank one last look before walking out the room. I made my

28

way down one hall, then another as I tried to trace my way back to the elevators. I remembered correctly and
was soon pushing the down button. As I stood there waiting for it to arrive I read the directory to see where I
would like to go to kill some time before returning to the room for dinner at seven.
The nursery on the maturity ward's floor caught my attention just as the doors opened. I only had to go
down three floors. When I walked out into the hallway, there was a floor map in front of me and I followed the
arrow to the right and then one more to turn a corner. About three members of the staff walked past me in the
hallway, but no one stopped to ask me who I was there to visit or to find out if I was suppose to be on that floor
at all. When I saw the glass wall, where the babies slept and were shown off, I looked in to only see that three
babies were in there.
It was also smaller than I thought it would have been. I remember reading how most hospitals were
having the mothers keep their babies in there rooms from birth until they were discharged about two days later
if there were no complications. But I still expected a room where they would be prepared to deal with the
number of births that a city would generate in ratio to how many beds they had filled on their busiest day. I
reached out and touched the frame of the window and looked down at a baby boy that was sleeping and
thought that we wouldn't be crowding out his family when our friends and family come for when our child is
born.
Our child.

====
Three Hours Later
====
I already feel like I've given birth, Frank said as he shifted his weight again. We were eating dinner in
his room as I looked across our table at him, not feeling his pain, but wishing he didn't have to go through it at
the same time. I didn't end up spending that much time wondering around the hospital like I thought I would
29

have. I was a wreck as I paced and tried to sit in the waiting room when he was in surgery and that seemed to
have tired me out more then I thought. When I got back to the room I just fell asleep and slept with him until
the nurse came and woke us up with food.
We spent a few a minute looking it over after the lady left as we wondered what she had brought us.
Frank was hungry so we ate and talked again once he had slowed down. What the food was might have been
questionable, but we knew it wouldn't kill us. At least that is what I believed until we got to what was labeled
fish on the list they left with each tray. I hadn't had fish in a number of years, but I was sure this wasn't what it
tasted like.
It's from the process of taking out the mercury, he informed me as he too poked at it with his fork
after one bite. I now knew that I was never eating fish again.
Do you remember those pictures that we saw in the M.D.T. pamphlets? I asked him as I ignored the
fish and moved on to the fruit salad.
Which ones? he asked as he dared to eat some more of the fish.
The hospital ones, I answered. They showed a bank of cribs on one side of a glass wall and a crowd
of people looking at them from the other side, I explained.
Yeah, I remember, he said after taking a sip of water. That was in the History of Maternity Care I
believe.
History? I asked as I turned to watch him.
Yeah. I remember reading it. They explained how it was and then reassured us that it didn't happen
that way anymore and we would always have our baby in our recovery room unless there was some medical
reason for him or her, he paused to smile. To not be there, Frank told me before reaching for his glass again.
Why am I so thirsty? he asked out loud as he reached for the water pitcher to refill his cup.
They said that the sedative might dehydrate you. It should only last for like a six to eight hours, I
explained before finishing off my bowl.
30

Good evening, a nurse I've never seen before said as she entered our room. My name is Nurse
Mayfield. How was your dinner? she asked with a bright smile as she stood between our beds, next to the
pivoting tables that was attached to them. We looked at each other and smiled.
I loved the fruit salad, I told her with a smile honestly placed on my face.

31

Part 8
Once we were home, things continued as they had before the surgery. The only real difference was that
his medications had doubled to now include anti-rejection medication. We both went to work, we both came
home tired and on the weekends, when we felt like it, we ate out with or without friends.
What little excitement that crept into our lives came from outside our home. Frank got a promotion, I
was almost hit by one of the new anti-gravity trucks that got bumped slightly out of it's lane during our trip
through the Hensley building. They had already done tests and deemed it time and safe, to try a delivery among
the population. Luckily it made its way back into its lane and only gouged ten feet out of the road.
The check ups are going well. Oh, that reminds me, there was one moment about a week after the
surgery when he popped some of his stitches. He was more frantic about the blood than I was. Once we both
realized that it wasn't as bad as it looked, I sealed it with the skin glue we had in the first aid kit. In the morning,
Frank stopped off by at his doctor that was assigned to us by the M.D.T. program. They said that it was very
superficial and that it was almost healed. So he sealed him up again with a hospital grade version of skin glue
instead of more stitches.
A month and a week have now passed since Frank's implantation and we have an appointment
tomorrow with our assigned doctor to see if we got the green light to go ahead with the impregnation. We
already got the letter saying that all my pain helped in the creation of four embryos. Two boys and two girls and
that we had to now choose. We talked a little about which we should choose or if it was something that we
wanted to leave it up to the doctors to surprise us. I'm sure we will talk about it again tonight once I get home.
===
End Of Entry
===
I stepped off the elevator and walked towards the reception desk that was forty feet from the exit. I

32

waved to Ali and Bert who were on shift today as I walked by. I soon sat in the back of an auto cab as it drove
me home. There wasn't much snow on the ground, but I didn't like driving this time of the year at all.

====
One and Half hours later
====
Hon? I called out as I walked into a lit hallway. I pulled my keys out of the lock and tossed them into
some Indian imitation straw bowl that was worthless even though we paid about twenty dollars for it. Frank?
I called out again as the door closed behind me and I walked towards to closet to hang up my coat.
In the dining room, he called back. It wasn't often that we actually ate in the room, so I thought that
he had a some paperwork to show me.
Be right there, I answered as I looked down at my snow boots. I pressed on the release button for
three seconds and let go before I heard the whooshing sound that accompanied the feel of air and space that
started to encircle my feet. By the time I released the button on the other boot, I was able to pull the first one
off. A minute later I was walking in my stocking feet across our bamboo floor and into the dining room. I
stopped in the arch way as the sight before me held no paper work. Hard copy or digital.
My husband was standing on the other side of a shrunken down version of our dining table. All the
inserts had taken out so it now only measured one meter length wise. It was covered in a dark red table cloth
that I don't think I've ever seen in this house. The meal, that smelled Indian, wasn't laying on our dishes but
take out-eat in compost plates. I walked closer with a smile on my face thinking how sweet it all way. I was
within arm's reach of the table when Frank picked up a blue flower, that was laying next to his plate and placed
it in the slim empty vase that sat under the dim light, in the middle of the table. Music was triggered and we
were instantly surrounded by orchestra music that I seem to kinda remember.
What's the occasion? I asked as he moved around to hug and kiss me. I tasted the wine on his lips
33

before I looked down to see his half empty glass.

I just thought it would be nice, he said before kissing me again. After all, our lives won't be our own
much longer, he reminded me as he went to stand behind my chair. I didn't respond since I didn't really know
what to say or if I should say anything at all. Any of my old come backs that I felt like reaching for would have
just hurt him and that was one thing I didn't want to do tonight.
Speaking of which, Franck continued as he now took his own seat. I thought that a nice relaxing meal
in a calm atmosphere would help us decide if we should have a boy or a girl. After all it's not like we can have
one of each, he said with a small smile. If I didn't know better, I could believe that he would do that if he could.
Carry twins that is.
I would vote for a girl, due to the saying Daddy's girl, but then it would be up to me to take her
shopping, printing out her dresses that she has to have for some dance that isn't sold online for some reason, I
paused as I thought of all the girly things I would have to do with someone so much younger than myself. I
raised my glass to have it filled as I calmed down the slight feeling of anxiety that I was feeling.
So a boy then? Frank asked as he placed the bottle back down on the table. Having a boy did sit a
little better with me. I would or could do a lot of things with him, but since he was a boy he would just want to
hang out with his dad more. Right? I took a slow slip.
I thought about scenarios that we each would or could face with either a boy or a girl. For some reason
I pictured each child's face favoring Frank's with almost nothing of me in the mix of their visible genes. I don't
know why, but the thought of a girl seemed to be something my bones were set against. Maybe it was still me
being bias, but I saw a boy as being the better choice.
Which would you like? I asked him as the smell from the food in front of me tempted me into eating it
and continuing the conversation.
Both have good reasons to pick either sex, but since we would mostly raise them the same, I don't
really see a reason for not picking either one, he told me. It sounded like a bit of a cop out to me and I
34

wouldn't let him get out of it that easy.

So you would make either one of them take birth control from the approved aged until they are legal
at twenty one? I asked him.
I thought that was a given? he questioned back.
You were the one that argued against it when we watched the news feed. The boy was eighteen and
he argued that his parents shouldn't be allowed to control his ability to reproduce. I thought you agreed? I
asked as I stabbed a piece of potato with my fork.
I said that he wouldn't have to file the suit if we hadn't changed the age of consent and when we
determined, by law, what would be of age, Frank answered.
In the US, I tacked on.
In the US, he agreed.

35

Part 9
I sat next to a bed, in a hospital room, which Frank was laying in as he surfed the video feeds. I looked
down at my watch again. Only two minutes had passed since the last time and I think my heart rate had spiked
a little. I was about to reach for my phone, to let the office know that I was going to be later than I first told
them, when the door to the room opened. Dr. Lairs, our M.D.T. assigned doctor, walks into the room. He wasn't
looking at us as he came to a stop at the foot of the bed. Once he had completed reading what he wanted, he
raised his head and flashed us a smile.
Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Teal, he greeted us.
Doctor, I answered back.
Dr. Lairs, Frank said instead.
So how has your day being going so far? he asked as he tried to connect with us again. I didn't blame
him for trying to make something out of his day and getting to know his patients. But my impatience had
soured my mood.
Ok, I guess, my husband answered for both of us. Just anxious about the procedure, he ended.
Well I'm here to make sure everything goes smoothly, Dr. Lairs told us. Your blood work and
hormone levels are great. Your blood pressure and other markers are where we want them to be, he said as he
gestured to the clipboard in his hand. All that is left is for you to tell me if we are having a boy or a girl, he said
with a smile that I believed to be real.
A boy, Frank told him before he looked at me. I returned the smile that he was sporting.
Then a boy it is, Dr. Lairs said as he pulled a pen from his jacket and wrote something on the clipboard
on three different pages that he swiped across the screen to access. I'll send the nurse to get you in a minute,
he told Frank. He then looked up at me after he attached the pen to the clipboard. You can wait here, or
downstairs in the movie theater. The whole procedure should be finished in about two hours and you'll be able

36

to take him home then, he explained. I nodded in response. As I turned to Frank, I saw the doctor turning to
leave the room.
You are not watching Electric Sheep without me, he said jokingly. I smiled as I leaned in to kiss his
nose and then his lips before I felt, more than heard, someone waiting in the room. We both turned and saw a
nurse standing at the foot of his bed with a clear glass of aqua blue liquid in their hand.
Mr. Teal, he said as he walked to the other side of the bed holding out the glass for Frank to drink.
Frank looked at it. It's peppermint flavored, he said as a form of encouragement.
Will this put me to sleep? Frank asked him.
No. It's just so we can tell your bladder from your uterus, he replied.
Oh, he said before taking the glass from the nurse to give it a closer look. Not that there was much to
look at. Bottoms up then, he said before downing it all in one go.

====
I had opted to go to watch a movie instead since I didn't want to just wait for two hours in a stark
hospital room. It was more of a VR experience since they couldn't really run a multi-room movie theater in a
hospital. The small rooms were nice and you could choose to be fully immersed or to just watch the movie on a
five by eight foot screen that was part of a blank wall when it wasn't being used.
I couldn't have watched Electric Sheep even if I wanted. Their video library was only as current as the
latest for sale releases. I ended up being drawn to a movie that I watched a lot when I was younger, but hadn't
seen in years. Amazingly, the memories it half conjured as I sat there remembering the scenes weren't all bad.
As I rode the elevator to Frank's floor, I looked up to see what time it was. It had been two hours and
sixteen minutes since I saw him being wheeled out of the room. The box I was standing in stopped moving, a
bell dinged and the doors opened to let me leave. A few minutes later I found the number for his room and
walked in to see him having a conversation with Dr. Lairs. I walked to Frank's side and held his hand before I
37

kissed his forehead and looked into his face. He didn't look to be in pain or worst for wear. I then turned to the
doctor who I had cut off with my appearance.
===
End Of Entry
===
Sorry for being late, I told the both of them while looking at Dr. Lairs.
It's alright, the doctor said. I just got here, he told me. So, he started, showing that he was about
to repeat what he just told Frank . He is on bed rest of the rest of the day. He doesn't actually have to be in
bed, but he is to recline or lay down for the rest of the day. Tomorrow he may resume normal activities once
they aren't too straining. The embryo hasn't attached itself yet, so we are trying to keep it in the neighborhood
of where we placed it, he explained. By day three you can do just about everything again, he ended.
Just about? Frank asked.
Well, heavy uterus bouncing activities are clearly restricted. So no water skiing, jogging, sex, or any
other high impact activities until after the pregnancy test, he tells us.
Well, I said before pausing for effect. We don't ski, I said as I patted Frank's hand.
You could have lead with no sex, Frank told him. I hate jogging and try to avoid anyway, he said.
Haha, the doctor laughed. The pregnancy test is in two weeks, he ended with a smile. Why did it
give him pleasure to tell us we couldn't have sex for two weeks?

38

Part 10
Paul told me not to get you these, but I just had to even if you never wear them, Kari said as she
handed me a box. It was our baby shower, but I still expected most, if not all, of the gifts to be given to Frank.
Everyone looked on as I pulled off the ribbon and then the blue and white striped wrapping paper. I lifted the
lid of a box that was about one by two feet to find two tee-shirts folded next to each other that had writing on
them. I picked up one and read it out loud.
I'm not fat, I'm pregnant. I looked over at Kari.
That one is for Frank, she explained. The other one is yours, she said with a wide smile still on her
face. I handed that one to the man sitting next to me and reached for the other tee, half convinced that I
already knew what it said.
I'm not pregnant, I'm fat. I once again looked in Kari's direction.
The guy I bought it from said that a woman use to hate having people think she was fat when she was
pregnant so the shirt kept people from putting their feet in their mouths. As for the other one that says I'm fat,
that was normally for the husband who sometimes gained weight along with his wife, she said still smiling.
Isn't it cool and funny? she asked us. I just wasn't sure. I wasn't really offended, and I could see why she liked
it, but it wasn't something I would label as cool.
Where did you find them? Eric asked her as I folded and placed them back in their box. They might
never see the light of day again.
Try this one, Terry said as he handed Frank a taller box.
Oh, it's cute, Frank said as he looked down into the now open box. He then pulls out this green thing
that turned out to be a big stuffed toy frog.
There's more, Terry happy pointed out as Frank gave me the toy. I looked at its happy face for a few
seconds before turning my attention to see what else was in the box. Next were some little shoes that had a

39

little frog on the front. Then there was something of a towel or blanket that also had an applique of the frog on
one corner.
The shoes are cute Terry, Frank said. But he won't be walking for awhile, he said with a smile.
They are bath slipper, not shoes, he corrected him. Something to keep his feet warm until you get
him into socks or something else, he said with a shrug. And that is a hooded towel, Terry explained as he
pointed to what I thought was a blanket. There should be two wash cloths in there also, he said with some
concern. Frank held up the towel and let it unfold once he didn't find them in the box. We then saw as they
tumbled into his lap.
There we go, I said as I reached for them.
You know this shower is early right? Kari said once we packing things away.
Early? I asked. Frank is pregnant, I informed her.
I mean a baby shower is normally thrown during the last trimester, she told me.
Well we wanted to get the gifts before we went shopping for everything else, Frank said.
Well, you would have gotten my gift a bit more if you were bigger, she aimed at him. He smiled before
he got up and walked over to where she was sitting and gave her a hug.
It's a very funny gift Kari. Thank you, he told her before walking back to me.
I said cool. Not funny, she said as Frank took his seat, but she wasn't truly being argumentative as she
smiled at both of us so I didn't correct her that she said funny too.

====
Two hours later
====
We need more friends, Frank said as we looked down at the small pile of gifts we had gotten.
I'm not making more friends to get more baby stuff, I told him as I turned to look around the baby's
40

room. Not that you would know it. Besides the colorful grouping of things that just entered the space, it was as
bare as it has ever been. At least we didn't have to paint it. I think.
The green is a good shade right? I asked Frank.
I think so, he slowly said.
Don't worry, I told him with a pat on his shoulder. If we decide to change the color we will get
professionals to do the painting.
Now there is a gift, he said with a laugh. But no, I don't really think we need to change it. We just
need to wipe down the walls, he told me.
Good, I said before turning to leave.

41

Part 11
The next few months passed much like the months before. We went to work. Frank took his shots. I
accompanied him to about half of his check-ups. He was doing well. Progressing beautifully according to the
doctors. As we entered his second trimester, he started to complain about the extra weight that he was carrying
and gaining more of. He also swears that he felt the baby kick, but everything I tried to feel it along with him I
didn't feel anything. By his third trimester I had to buy him his own bed and a new chair that could now support
his back and elevate his feet that were either swollen or in pain from also carrying the extra weight that they
didn't think they were made to deal with. Which is a little true.
Once he was comfortable and no longer in pain, it was only a matter of time before I would find him
being in awe of his condition and that he was carrying our son.
Fucking Pricks! I heard before the front door was slammed. I shut down my journal and headed
downstairs.
Frank? I called out worriedly as I tried to reach him without slipping down the steps. Frank? I called
again once I reached the ground floor. I turned my head in the direction of the kitchen as I heard something
being banged around from that direction. I grew a bit more cautious as I neared the room and peeked in to see
what was going on. Frank? I asked again as I looked at his back. He was standing in front of the sink with his
back to me as he held on to the counter with both hands.
I'm alright, he said a few seconds later. I walked into the room and noticed the sandwich on the table
that he went out for. He was craving a veggie meatball sandwich, so he decided to get some exercise in and
walk the five blocks to the nearest BB chain to get one instead of having it delivered.
I was close enough to hear him breathing now and he was breathing hard. I placed my hand in the
middle of his back to feel him shaking. It was so bad I could say he was vibrating. I couldn't tell if it was from
fear or anger.

42

Frank? I said again as I became more concerned and knew that something had happened that he
wasn't telling me. What happened? I finally got around to asking him.
Just some stupid kids, he said. I rubbed my hand up and down his back as I waited to see if he would
continue. It's really alright, he told me again. I just need to calm down, he said before waving his hand over
the faucet to make it produce water. My hand stopped moving as I watched my husband wash blood from his
fingers, palms and halfway up his arm. The water flowed over small nicks in his skin that just made more blood
run down his arm.
Kids? I asked him sounding far calmer than I felt.
Jamie... Frank started.
No! I cut him off. Tell me about these kids. I demand of him. He waved his hand again and the water
stopped. He turned and grabbed a paper towel from the roll and wiped his hands before turning around to look
at me.
Seventeen or so, he said as he shrugged his shoulders. I felt myself go pale.
A gang of seventeen kids did this to you and you say it was nothing! I shouted in rage and horror.
No. No. Not seventeen kids, Frank quickly said as he reached out for my shoulders. The kids were
about seventeen years old, he corrected me. There were only two of them, he added on. The image I saw in
my head of him being surrounded by a gang of misfits boiled down to two idiots who didn't really understand
what they were doing. That didn't mean that I didn't want to pummel them any less.
You are still filing a report, I told him. He looked at me and I looked back. Unflinchingly.
All right, he said when he was convinced that he wouldn't be able to change my mind. I first took
pictures of his injuries with my phone that I had in one of my pockets. I didn't expect more than two, but I
ended up finding five. One was on his neck, two on his hands, one in the middle of his left palm and one on his
chest that was just a bruise.
I then sat back and listened as he called the-report-a-crime line. He gave them his name, age, gender,
43

physical condition, destination, where the indecent occurred and at what time. Once he gave those bulleted
outlines, he was then allowed to record his statement. When he stated that he was finished, he was notified
that they were able to find the incident in their video banks. He was then asked if he had any photos of his
injuries that he wanted to add to his complaint. He said that he did and he repeated to me the address to send
them to, along with the case number I was suppose to use in the subject.
They had us hold while they waited for the e-mail to arrive and to move the photos to his case file.
When we were taken off hold, we were told that his case file now also included the names of his attackers. They
ran their faces, from the video, through their database and that they will be picked up at their earliest
convenience. Frank told the person thank you, before walking over to our wall mounted calendar and entering
some information. I sat where I was and waited through three yeses and a thank you before he hung up. He
leaned against the wall and tilted his back with his eyes closed before raising his hand to his swollen stomach.
Thanks Jamie, he said without looking in my direction. I placed my phone on the table and walked
over to him. I hugged him from the side and held him close.
You have nothing to thank me for, I told him. It was true, he didn't.

44

Part 12
Tomorrow is our halfway point exam for his third trimester. Frank is now officially on medical leave and I
feel like spending the day with him, so I'm taking the day off tomorrow as well. After our check up, which is at
ten am, I think we might go see a midday movie. There won't be many people there since most of them would
be working or grabbing lunch.
The incident with the boys that attacked Frank went over a bit more smoothly than I expected. They
didn't shout at us for calling the cops on them. They even seemed a little sorry, but I wasn't. You just don't
decide to commit a hate crime for fun. The judge ruled it a hate crime since they said they thought he was, and
I quote, a sissy homosexual who wanted to have kids come out his ass.. Frank had to hold me down when I
heard that. Who says 'sissy' anymore and they are idiots to think men gave birth that way.
They both had records so being under twenty-one wasn't going to keep them out of prison this time.
What did was an offer that came from our attorney. This seemed to be what she and my husband had been
talking about behind my back. She was able to convince the judge that the boys needed to be educated along
with being punished and perhaps help other people in the process.
They were tagged like mice, placed in a secure halfway house, and put to work in a hospital. Every day
they were to be picked up from their halfway house and taken to the hospital. They stay there until they are
collected at the end of their assigned shifts and brought back to the halfway house. They were not allowed to
leave the house for anything. The boys are to serve their three years sentence in separate halfway houses and
in different hospitals. Once their three years are over, they have the option of staying with that job or finding
other work. I personally don't care what they did, but I was a little proud of my Frank for thinking about what
happened to them afterwards.
Speaking of afterwards, because free labor, jail house or otherwise, isn't allowed by law, the hospitals
will be depositing their pay, at state standards, into an account that they will set up for them. They, as in the

45

justice department. Once their sentence is up, the accounts will be handed over for them to do with as they
pleased. This wasn't talked of in front of the boys, but it was part of the overall deal that the judge made with
our attorney.
===
End Of Entry
===
===
Junior seems to being quite fine, Dr. Lairs said as he put down his clipboard. He's the correct size and
approximate weight. You don't show any signs of distress and the sample of amniotic fluid was clear and
contained a healthy pH level. You also have more than enough to make sure he has great lungs when he is
born, Dr. Lairs said with a smile.
Hear that, Frank told me. He's going to be screamer. I tried not to wince as I saw a loud three am
feeding invading my mind.
So that's it, Dr. Lairs said after a moment. Unless something goes wrong, which I don't think will
happen, the next time I see you, we will be delivering your son, he said with a grin. I smiled back as a reflex.
Now don't walk around too much today and have some liver every now and again if you aren't eating that
much of it to begin with, he told us before heading out the door.
Liver, Frank said in disgust. Why not some more beans or spinach or tofu? He had to say liver, he
grumbled as I helped him to stand.
Because you haven't had that much of it? I offered up as an answer as he made his way to the
bathroom to pee and change back into his clothes. Ever since wheat grains were removed from their high place
in the daily diet plan, the butchers and their suppliers, have been more than happy to remove such things as
hormone treatments and antibiotics, that weren't mostly needed now that pasture-roaming cattle was cited as
the only way to grow the livestock, to help with the transition. They, the meat suppliers, try their hardest to
46

present the meat eating population with different kinds of meats also, and that actually helped to reduce the
cow population in the process. So I should be able to get a good price for a few pounds of liver when I get
around to doing the shopping before going to sleep tonight.
Of course that didn't mean that bread makers went away. Who doesn't like some fresh bread every
once in awhile? And what would sandwich makers like Subway and BB do? Well, some of them grew their own,
but on the whole, it cut the amount of the harvested crop in the US and raised prices for all flour based
products.

===
The movie was great, the lunch after was just as happily enjoyed, and we sat in the park watching
people, birds, children, bikers, cops, carriages, flashers, horses and runners, as they passed us by until Frank
needed his nap. We walked just a few feet, back the way we came, to end up on the sidewalk where I hailed an
auto cab to take use home.
The ride home turned out to be a bit more eventful than perhaps watching Frank fall asleep. He
excitedly told me that the baby was kicking again. He grabbed my hand and placed it on the left side of his belly,
before I had a chance to say anything, and I felt the imprint of a foot coming in contact with my hand. I pulled
my hand away quickly since it wasn't something one considered normal. But then I slowly placed my hand back
and I felt it again. I looked up at Frank and he was grinning from ear to ear before he reached for his phone and
took a shot of my hand over his shirt.
Kari is going to be jealous of you, he said as he started to type away. I just smoothed my hand over his
stomach a few times, but the ride ended without more kicking. Once home I walked Frank up to our room and
helped him get undressed and into bed. He pulled me back by the arm and kissed me on the lips in a way that I
wished didn't show how tired he was.
I'll wake you up for dinner, I promised him before leaving the room and heading down to my
47

computer. I wanted to see if there was anything there I could do today, for work, before brushing off my
cooking skills to make dinner for the first time in weeks.
I ended up on a recipe feed that I had subscribed to when we first agreed to do this. It has healthy
recipes along with converted recipes for all the ingredients that were no longer made, what we replaced them
with and the new ingredients and foods we were now eating on a larger scale. I'm pretty sure my grandmother
never made ostrich ragu with cloned tomatoes and served over spinach and green peas pasta. Well maybe the
pasta.

48

Part 13
Frank was laying in his chair when the doorbell rang. I checked my watch and saw as it lit up telling me
that our ride had arrived. Frank was half standing by the time I made it to his side. We walked out of the room
and down the short hall that separated us from the front door.
Are you sure that you don't want me to come with you? I asked him for the third time since we woke
up.
Yes, I'm sure, he tells me again. Come over tomorrow. I don't think anything will happen today. You
don't need to be there I'm sure. And if you are needed I know how to reach you. They know how to reach you,
he said before reaching for the doorknob. There stood a man and a woman dressed in an E.M.T. uniform. Well it
looked like the same kind of uniform, but they belonged to the M.D.T. program.
Mr. and Mrs Teal, the male in front said. I bent down to pick up Frank's bag that I had packed and
placed there over two hours ago. It wasn't very heavy and it held items for him and our son. Lawrence. Yes, we
picked a name. We wanted to have one before we went to the hospital for Frank's c-section. I suggested a name
that started with L and Frank looked through a book and picked out one that he liked. I didn't want Luke even
though I liked it, and Lawrence was his second pick. So now we knew what his name was going to be. Lawrence
Teal. We may still call him junior from time to time.
===
End Of Entry
===

====
Congratulations Jamie, my boss said as he walked into my area. I looked up smiling, believing that he
had some good news for me. I watched as he took a seat across the desk from me without saying anything else.

49

About what? I prompted him as I went back to doing what I was in the middle of as I kept an ear open
for when he started to talk again. I wanted to get as much done today so I won't be too missed tomorrow or the
day afterwards. That reminds me. I moved over to the drawer in my desk and pulled out my request for
maternity leave. Frank got up to a year from his job since he was the one giving birth. I, as his partner, only got
six months off for the first year of our child's life. I could take a solid month off from the day Lawrence is born,
which most likely will be tomorrow, but I won't be able to last that long not working. So my leave only asked for
two weeks at this time. Maybe in another month, I'll take two more weeks off.
About what? Mr. Collins asks me as he sits up a little more. You're baby, he clarifies as I hand him
my request for maternity. Due any day now I think, he said as he took the paper from me.
Yes. Tomorrow, I inform him. I thought you were talking shop, I said as I turned back to the screen
and worked out a timing issue I just found.
Paper? he asks as he raises the form for me to see.
Once in awhile I use paper. It's not against the law, I told him. Also I couldn't find the link to fill it out
online, I confessed.
I'll have Alfred look into fixing that, he tells me as he looks at the sheet in his hand again. Only two
weeks? was his next question.
I itch after four days of being out from work, I tell him. You know I don't take vacations. A few days
here and there, but nothing longer than a week, I remind him.
So this starts tomorrow? he asks to make sure of the dates.
Yep, I answer as I open another email from one of distributors.
Ok, he says as he starts to stand. I spear him some time and turn away from my computer completely.
Have a good two weeks off. Don't come back until your time is up. You are are going to regret it later if you do.
Oh, he pauses as he was walking away. What name have you picked out for your kid? Mr. Collins asks.
You'll find out tomorrow with everyone else, I tell him with a smile. I knew about the pool they had
50

going. I told them that no one was allowed to tell me what they picked or influence me in any way, and that
whoever did win had to share some of the spoils. That was three weeks ago. I didn't even remember it was
going on until someone starts to ask what name I came up with. That could be why I didn't press to pick a name
before we did.
Ok, ok. he says as he backs away. But honestly, congratulations, Mr. Collins tells me again.
Thank you sir, I say with a smile. When he turned his back to me, I turned back to my work.

====
As I walk into my husband's room, Frank raises his head and looks at me with a string bean hanging out
of his mouth and still attached to the fork.
Having dinner without me? I ask as I walk over to his bed. He bites off the piece that is in his mouth,
and let the rest of it stay on his fork that he lowers back to his sectioned plate. I feel the muscles of his jaw
working under his skin as I place a kiss on his cheek.
I didn't think you were coming tonight, he explains once his mouth is empty and I'm pulling a chair to
his bed from the other side of the room.
I didn't want to rush over first thing in the morning, so I thought it was be best to say the night, I
explain as I sit down.
Do you want the nurse to bring you something to eat? Frank asks even as his hand extends out
towards the call button.
No need, I say to stop him. I got something to eat before I came over. I even got us a few snacks, as
well as a small birthday cake for Lawrence, I inform with a smile.
We don't even know what flavor he will like yet, Frank jokes.
Well if he's anything like his father, I'm sure he'll come to appreciate lime angel food cake with lime
glaze and pistachios, I comment as I lift out a container holding three generous slices dripping and encrusted
51

with the good stuff.

What a great last meal, he says as he pushes his plate aside to make room for the cake I presume.
This is for after you give birth. Hence the name birthday cake, I informed him.
Clearly you haven't had the chance to read the welcome brochures, he says knowing that I haven't. I
can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight and nothing solid, and I quote, until you fart. They are going
to starve me for a day, he ended. I look at the cakes before sliding them over to him.
Did they say why? I ask him. And you can only have one, the other two are for when you can eat
again and we can share in the occasion, I inform him as he starts to open the box.
Thank you dear, Frank says as he picks up the fork he was using earlier to stab at the piece on the left.
I don't think I've had any since my birthday, he tells me before taking another bite. Pistachios and limes were
on a list of crops that had gotten expensive this year. I consider it a sign of good luck that I found this cake and
the shop, so close to the hospital.
The morphine they use during the c-section causes a lot of patients to throw up, so we all don't get to
eat. Then they have to make sure it's out of our system before we can eat anything that looks like food again.
And possibly to make sure they didn't nick any of intestines I think, he comments before licking the lime glaze
off his fork.
Then I'll try not to eat around you in the meantime then, I tell him with a smile as I lean over and kiss
his cheek while removing the rest of the cakes.

52

Part 14
Our journey of conceiving, carrying and giving birth to our child comes to an end today. Frank is still
sleeping, but in an hour or so a nurse will come in and wake him up to start prepping him for his c-section.
Normally I would have woken him, but since he couldn't eat breakfast, I let him sleep. The past twenty-two
months, three weeks and five days have gone more or less the way I expected. The slight cancer scare from
before we even really started anything, wasn't something we would have even considered happening.
Frank has earned a new level of respect from me from not only wanting to do this, but how he
weathered everything it threw at him. I even surprised myself at how my attitude has changed from the
moment he brought up the topic, to now where I'm feeling nervous at meeting our son, and looking forward to
helping him grow up. I'm not going to think to hard about it since I can already feel some of my old points
starting to come back about why I was against this is the first place. But I'm set on being happy. On being
optimistic. On being there for the both of them.

====
I felt like a cheap birthday gift all covered in disposable scrubs and mask with gloves, while walking
down the hallway holding Frank's hand as he was being wheeled towards surgery. As funny as I felt, I was more
concerned for Frank. His hand was cold and I'm sure it was shaking too. It's the first time that he has really
shown any fear concerning what we were doing. I squeezed his hand as I looked down into his face. I smiled
reassuringly but still saw some worry as he smiled back. It was something to be worried about, so I wasn't
surprised that it wasn't so easily alleviated.
When we arrived at the room we were taken right in, but separated as a swarm of hospital personnel
descended on Frank to inject tubes, set up the table with the dividing curtain, and drape his lower half in green
paper after washing him down with disinfectant before they moved away to position themselves at their

53

respective stations. Once I could see Frank's face again I moved to his side and held his hand as I sat down on
the chair that I believe was placed there for me.
===
End Of Entry
===
Is everyone ready? I heard the doctor ask before I looked over the curtain and saw him looking
around at this team for confirmation. When no one voiced a protest, he bent down and cut along some lines
that someone had already marked on Frank's body. I turned away and looked at his face again to see that he
had closed his eyes, and was breathing through his mouth, as if he was preparing to feel pain. I kept my head
down and continued to watch as he only showed mild indications of feeling anything.
And we are out, the doctor proclaimed about fifteen minutes later. I looked up to see him handing a
large, round smooth mass off to another team, while he himself turned back to my husband's body. I followed
his movements before I quickly sat down from what I saw. I held my hand over my mouth even as I breathed
deeply. I was only slightly aware that Frank was look at me while I did this. It was when he squeezed my hand
did I remember and realized how I must look to him.
I shouldn't have looked, I simply said. I smiled weakly with my hand now away from my mouth, but
the image I saw of him still had me feeling queasy. He smiled back at me with understanding.
Mrs. Teal, would you like to cut to cord? was a question that came from the other side of the room. I
didn't think they would have asked me, but then I didn't think of it at all. I looked down at Frank and he nodded
his head for me to go just as I smelt burning flesh.
It's alright. I can't really feel anything outside of some tugging, he tells me as he lets go of my hand.
Alright, I told him before I stood and walked over to the table that was surrounded by three people. If
one of them was a doctor also, I couldn't tell. When I was within five feet of the table, they parted and I saw a
baby laying in the middle of an open... organ. I took that to be the artificial uterus that I saw as a smooth mass a
54

few minutes ago. On the baby's left side was what I believed to be the placenta which was joined to him via the
umbilical cord. The same cord that I was now handed a scissors to cut. I saw the two clamps marking off where I
was suppose to cut and I did it quite easily. As I sliced through the element of sound came back to me. I don't
know when it went away, but I was very aware of it's return. The baby crying as it laid open under a heating
lamp and blind to the world. At least four types of beeps going off in the room reporting what it had to. People
talking as they gave orders or gave conformation back about a task that was requested. I was starting to feel
lost and very out of the place since I had already been moved aside so they could take care of the baby, until I
remembered where I was before.
I avoided looking at Frank's lower half again as I walked back to his side. When I made it back to my
seat, he seemed calmer, even a bit bored as he looked up the ceiling.
They could add a mirror or something up there, he commented once I was holding his hand again.
No, you really don't want to see what is going on down there, I told him as the image re-imprinted
itself on my eyes.
How does he look? Frank asked. For a moment I had to actually think who 'he' was. Then I realized he
meant Lawrence.
Pissed, I remarked. Can't you hear him? I asked fully knowing that he could. He was the loudest
sound in there. At least he was. He seemed to have calmed down too.
I thought that was just normal, he said He could have been scared, he added.
If he was, I didn't see it, I told him as I touched his forehead. It was a little warm in the room.

====
Four days later and all our friends had descended on our house to see Lawrence. They said hi to Frank
and I, but Lawrence was the reason they came. A few more bears, frogs, giraffes and hippos, showed up to keep
his other stuffed toys company. We are thinking of packing up half of them and waiting until he's four to
55

reintroduce him to them one at a time as the years go by. A few of our friends remembered to bring us food,
which we all shared, while they took turns feeding Lawrence.
We get our delivery of his milk everyday between seven and ten am. Frank's mammary glands never
reacted to the hormone treatment, to my relief. So he doesn't get to experience the joy of breastfeeding our
son? I told him it wasn't that big of a deal. But our friends delighted in the fact, since it allowed them to walk
around with a new baby boy and feed him, while he looked at each of them as if they were now the most
interesting thing on the planet. So far Lawrence has shown himself to be a very calm baby. He hasn't cried that
much, and seemed to be fine with how often he was passed around and moved.
Frank has commented that our son has picked up some of my calm that he remembered me having
more of when I was younger. And by younger, he means ten years ago when we first met. I was just out of
college and looking for work, but I wasn't stressed or worried that I wouldn't get one. The worry and stress
came a year later when I was still looking. I seemed to have hid that from him far better than I thought.
===
End Of Entry
===

====
He's a great looking kid, Patrick said as Frank walked him to the door. I rocked Lawrence a little as I
started up the stairs to put him in his crib. You have good baby making genes. Both of you do, I heard him say
before Frank's voice became muffled as I moved out of earshot. I'm sure he said thank you.
As I stepped into his room I dimmed the lights, that were already on, a little. Just enough to see where I
was going but not so much to keep him awake if he opened his eyes. And as I laid him down he did. He looked
up at me with sleepy gray eyeballs, but very quickly he closed them again before turning his head to the side
and going back to sleep. I rubbed his tummy that was under the shirt that Patrick had changed him into when
56

he also changed his diaper less than an hour ago. The pile of diapers wasn't less than I expected, and those got
picked up every two days thankfully.
I turned to leave when I was satisfied that he was content and completely asleep. As I did, I saw and
was reminded of the mess that our friends had left behind, and started to clean up. We didn't need to fall, trip
or have something puncture us as we show up to feed him in a few hours. Most of his clothes were also out of
place if not just mixed up. I was halfway done when Frank came to see what was keeping me. He first checked
in on Lawrence before he helped me at the changing table. We restocked the diaper dispenser while we were at
it and emptied the diaper genie as we prepared to leave.
My hand was on the dimmer as I turned back to see if he was moving, and I saw his little hand as it
twitched a little, but he was still very much asleep.
He'll be there in a few hours, Frank said as I felt his hand on my shoulder. He didn't pull me to leave,
but stood at my side as he looked in on our son too.

57