Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
Always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
There s love, and then there is love.
Our English language sometimes lacks the precision of other languages such as Gr
eek. One simple English word may translate in a rich variety of ways, depending
on the context.
Consider:
Don t you love strawberry ice cream?
Make love, not war.
I love my brother and sister.
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever bel
ieves in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16
When Paul wrote his marvelous passage in 1 Corinthians, he was not using the wor
d eros, which was used to describe romantic, often sexual, feelings. Nor was he
using phileos, the love among friends.
Paul was using the word agape, and in his essay he describes beautifully the cha
racteristics of agape-type love. The verse we first teach our children, "God is
love," (1 John 4:8) uses agape. This love God has for us is unconditional. We di
d nothing to deserve it, and we cannot force God to stop it. He loves us without
question, and He loves us whether or not we measure up to his expectations.
God does not say:
I love you only if you keep every letter of my law. If you fail to keep even one
part of it, I will no longer love you.
Jesus told the parable of the prodigal son in Luke, chapter 15, to illustrate Go
d s love for persons even though they make bad life choices.
Neither does God say:
You are to hate people who don t behave exactly as you think I want them to behave
.
Instead, Jesus said:
I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you... If you lov
e those who love you, what reward will you get?
Matthew 5: 44-46
And God does not say:
I love everyone, but that s too hard for you to do. Don t worry about it. Just leave
the difficult part to me.
Jesus said it this way:
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must lov
e one another.
John 13: 34
We are to love others just as Jesus loved us, with an agape love so much that he
gave his life for us. This unconditional love is to be our most distinguishing
characteristic.
Knowing that God wants us to love everyone, how do we transgendered Christians r
espond? How do we react to the "love" of some persons who claim to be acting in
the name of Christ? It is especially devastating when those persons are our own
families or our dearest friends.
"I love you IF," is their text.
IF you agree with us that what you are doing is a disgusting perversion, and IF
you promise never to do it again, then perhaps we can forgive you. IF you turn a
way from this "lifestyle choice" and obey our expectations, we will include you
in our lives.
But IF you persist in this ridiculous notion that you should be a woman rather t
han a man, then don t bother coming home for Christmas, or when your father become
s ill, or when your child is married.
These conditions are placed by persons who believe they speak the will of God. S
uch conditional relationships do not seem to be consistent with the agape love o
f Jesus.
Before we congratulate ourselves on our superior understanding of God s will, howe
ver, let s consider our own conditional love:
I love you IF you accept without question everything I have come to believe abou
t my gender conflict. We don t need to seek counseling together. Just take my word
for it, since I ve already thought it out myself.
I love you IF you are willing to change your own "lifestyle," moving from straig
ht woman to lesbian to match my change from man to woman. I love you IF you are
willing to endure with me the criticism, the loss of friendships, the possible e
conomic disaster of transition.
What expectations we have for our loved ones! Sometimes we have kept from them o
ur years of struggle and agony. Once we finally experience understanding and rel
ief, we surprise them with our news and expect them to accept overnight that whi
ch has taken us a lifetime to understand. What fear they must experience on lear
ning of our plans!
Our spouses didn t marry us with these expectations, and they truly may not be abl
e to deal with it. Can we continue to love them with agape unconditional love ev
en when they cannot accept or love the person we are becoming?
Can we love those persons who believe they are acting in God s will by refusing to
 have further communication with us? Many of us can tell of lifelong friends who
no longer answer our letters or return our phone calls. One of my dearest frien
ds has been rejected by her parents. They return to her the Christmas presents s
he has carefully chosen for them, unopened, with no comment. How can she still f
eel agape love for them when they have not followed Christ s command to love her?
I submit to you that we cannot have this love in our lives by our own will power
. Such love is possible only as we give God control of our lives.
We love, because He first loved us.
1 John 4:19
The King James Bible translates this verse "We love Him," but the word "Him" is
not in the original text. The meaning is that love itself, agape, comes only fro
m God. It becomes a part of our lives as we allow His Holy Spirit to live within
us and empower us. When our hearts are full of this love, it will flow from us
into our world. We will be able to love others who do not love us. We will - won
der of wonders - even be able to love ourselves again, with no more "IF" to make
us feel unlovable and unloved.