marie claire local investigation ✽
I
Susan Newham and t’s a very ordinary room,
Roxi Blake with their considering that it’s
son, Finn.
dedicated to the creation
of life. There’s a mirror,
a basin, a toilet and a red
light outside the door
to let others know when the room
is occupied: this is a place where
you do not want to be disturbed.
The only other feature is a low
cupboard, which when unlocked,
reveals a scanty collection of
Hustler, Velvet and the more risqué
Cherry Teens magazines. Because
even the most dedicated donor
may need a little inspiration.
It’s here at the Cape Cyro
Bank that sperm donors – like
the 83kg, blond, blue-eyed surfer-
photographer, or the tall, dark
engineering student with a keen
interest in eastern religions
– produce samples that will allow
the
women desperate for their own
children to get pregnant. The
surfer, who is a student, knows
that his semen (a beautiful shape,
highly mobile, concentrated and
checked for diseases) will be used
new
to father up to five babies. But
he will never know the names
of the children – or their parents,
many of whom defy the nuclear
family stereotype.
It’s 11 years since SA updated
baby
the Human Tissue Act that used
to dictate that only married women
could access donor sperm. Ever
since, the number of single women
and same-sex couples looking
boomers
for donor sperm has gradually
increased, says Cape Fertility
Clinic and Cyro Bank founder
Dr Klaus Wiswedel. Today, they
undergo about half of the artificial
inseminations (AIs) performed at
the clinic. At the Medfem Clinic
in Bryanston their numbers are
Singles, same-sex couples and partners with fertility issues on the increase too, according
are all turning to sperm banks to realize their dream of having to Dr Antonio Rodrigues. More
and more women are deciding
a child, with or without a man. Janine Stephen talks to the when they’re ready to have a baby,
mothers who have redefined conventional ‘family planning’ with or without a man, and
and couldn’t be happier going shopping for sperm.
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Susan Newham, 36, and
Roxi Blake, 31, did just this.
Their colourful home is full of
photographs of their 17-month-
old son Finn: a gorgeous child
with a huge smile and dark curls.
Susan, a journalist, and Roxi,
a graphic designer, both wanted
to bear children, but because
Susan was a bit older, they decided
she would carry their first baby.
It was a long, sometimes
peculiar journey. The couple
first visited a clinic, where they
discovered that all SA donors are
anonymous. ‘I personally thought
that if I had been conceived this
way, I would want to know more
about the donor,’ says Susan.
‘What worried me was if the child
one day wanted to know more
about half his biological heritage,
but couldn’t find out. I also had to
come to terms with my own sense
of loss about never giving my baby
a father, because Roxi and I both
really love our dads.’
They left the clinic disappointed,
wondering whether they should
rather ask someone they knew
to be the donor dad, but
a psychologist warned them that
this could be complicated: the
child could develop abandonment
issues if the donor was known but
didn’t play an active role in his or
her life. And if the donor wanted
to be very hands on, it could be
difficult. A visit to an adoption
lawyer confirmed their worries:
if a known donor was used, ‘Roxi
would not be recognized as
a parent in a court of law, even
if we’d written up a contract
with the donor,’ says Susan.
That was when she turned
to the internet. England had just
passed a law making anonymous
donation illegal – donor numbers
had evidently plummeted in
response. But Susan found sperm
banks in the USA that offered
information about a variety of
donors. Some were a bit ‘outback’
for their tastes (one bank offered She and Roxi decided to try
FATHER the option of listening to the to match a combination of their
FIGURES donor speak on various topics: genes so they sent photographs of
The facts about ‘One guy sounded very pro- themselves to help the bank draw
sperm banks George Bush and we didn’t want up a shortlist. In the end they
one of those!’) but they found chose a well-educated, 25-year-
✽ Donor sperm is their match at a Californian old man from a talented family.
less in demand now sperm bank that offered ‘identity ‘It wasn’t fun choosing,’ says Roxi.
than in the 1980s release donors’: men willing for ‘It was overwhelming with all the
because improved their details to be passed on to information – a bit like internet
fertility treatments the child once he or she turned dating.’ Susan then had to arrange
like intracytoplasmic 18. ‘It had a lot more information for customs to allow the sperm
sperm injection on same-sex relationships and to enter the country (one baffled
(where even one they do an enormous amount of officer asked whether you couldn’t
viable sperm can be research around donor conception get ‘stuff like that here?’). And
injected into an egg) and the implications for the child. eventually, as Roxi says, Finn-
means fewer infertile I really liked that; it wasn’t just to-be arrived ‘packed in a liquid
couples need donors. a business,’ Susan says. nitrogen tank, covered in stickers.’
✽ Artificial family
insemination costs planning
R2 600 to R4 000 in Diane Bartlett with her
private clinics. Groote twins Ava and Cayden,
Schuur charges who she had by
artificial insemination.
around R1 000.
✽ SA clinics offer
basic information
about their donors:
hair and eye colour,
height, weight, blood
group, profession,
some family health
history and a few
personal details.
✽ Sperm is checked
for hepatitis B and C,
syphilis, gonorrhoea
and HIV (the window
period is taken into
account). It is not
screened for genetic
irregularities.
✽ It’s easy to
find donors of all
persuasions on the
Net; in fact home
insemination kits
can be sent straight
to your door (a risky
option without
screening for disease).

Susan’s parents were delighted
and although Roxi’s parents
initially struggled with the idea,
Finn has won their hearts. The
couple understood their concerns.
‘It seemed weird to them at first,’
Susan says. ‘It felt weird to me too,
to conceive this way. I used to have
major moments of questioning
what we were doing.’
The couple married 10 days
before Finn was born – ‘a real
shotgun marriage!’ – which
meant that Roxi gained parental
rights. Now they say that all the
challenges just made Finn’s birth
more special, and when the time
is right Roxi plans to use some
of the remaining donor sperm
to get pregnant herself.
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D G
iane Bartlett, a 38-year-
old software consultant,
had her beloved twins
– one-year-olds Ava and Cayden
– by artificial insemination. It was
something she’d thought about
a lot, and when she was 36 and
not in the kind of relationship
she’d dreamed of, she began to
investigate it seriously. ‘One thing
that drove me was a friend I had
who is so good with children. She
was 40 and had never had sex;
she’d waited all this time for the
right guy – she’s very religious.
But her chance for natural
children has come and gone.
And there’s a slight bitterness
in her life over something that
has not happened. And that’s
double joy
Although Ava and
Cayden will never know
who their father is, Diane
says she’s happy they
are 100 per cent hers.
marie claire local investigation ✽
what I wanted to avoid. I didn’t ail*, 39, and her partner, – and decided that the men in a cousin said, ‘It’s amazing that
LOVE, ETC… have another 10 years to play Christine*, 40, decided their own families actually ‘made Ruby has blue eyes and neither
In the age of the with,’ she explains. ‘I’d looked they were ready to have appalling role models’; so they Christine nor you does!’
sperm donor, at adoption and fostering, but a child after a blissful holiday hey baby chose wonderful godparents to Both Gail and Diane are happy
Finn at play.
genetic sexual it’s a long process and I’d be in Zanzibar in 2000. ‘We compensate. ‘Yes, we all want our that sperm donation in SA is
attraction is up against a lot of couples.’ wanted someone dark-haired children to have anonymous. ‘This way, [the twins’
a growing reality Diane went off the pill and and dark-eyed like Christine,’ an easy start to life,’ donor] has no legal claim to my
A frightening started exercising with a personal Gail remembers. ‘The Gail says. ‘You don’t children,’ Diane says. ‘If they ask
possibility for trainer to build up her strength. information is so scant; they want them to be gay, about their father, I will tell them
children with donor There was to be nothing accidental included things like flower because it’s hard; you the truth. I know baggage will
dads is meeting about this baby. The process itself arranging or roller-skating don’t want them not to come with it but I’ll make sure
an unknown half- was simple: at the Tygerberg as hobbies! I mean, how have a father, because they get whatever help they need.’
brother or -sister Infertility Clinic, she was asked do you choose? We had it’s hard. Or even to Gail and Christine are already
– and falling about her support network, what endless conversations have a big nose...’ fielding questions from curious
desperately in love her family thought and who about the significance of Ruby* was born three Ruby and they tell her the truth.
with them. Genetic would care for the child. She genetics over nurturing.’ years after Gail and ‘She did ask where her sperm
sexual attraction had the necessary talk with As it turned out, Gail Christine started trying came from,’ says Gail, ‘and I said
has been known a psychologist, a physical checkup, (then 31) had trouble for a baby and is now five: a very nice man who gave us the
to follow reunions took prescribed fertility drugs and falling pregnant. ‘In the ‘A truly amazing little girl: most wonderful gift we could ever
between blood began blood tests to find out when end we literally chose gentle, kind, enthusiastic have. And we don’t know anything
relatives who first she was ovulating. When the right the person with the and sensitive.’ The whole else about him. She was happy
time came, a catheter was inserted highest sperm count,’ experience was so positive with that. I’m sure she’ll come
meet as adults.
In South Africa, into her womb and that was that. she laughs. ‘All our criteria
donors are limited to ‘I lay there for about 10 minutes, went out of the window. As much
just five pregnancies staring at the ceiling, thinking
about how perhaps life was being
as there’s the science of falling
pregnant, there’s an element of
‘A friend was 40 and had never
had sex; she waited all this time
each. ‘The chances
of siblings meeting created... such a momentous thing, “the mystery of life”. Somehow
are small, but we try
to spread donations
but just this quiet humming room.
I nearly fell asleep!’
you have to put faith in that.
You can’t control everything.’ for the right guy – but her chance
for children has come and gone’
photographs tammy gardner and warren heath stylist sherry miller/one league make-up louise bingham/gloss
between locals, Diane’s criteria for a donor When Gail first decided to
foreigners and were simple: ‘He had to be become pregnant, she didn’t know
around the country,’ intelligent, active and extroverted; any other gay couples who’d gone
Kimenthra Raja says. studies show extroverts get a lot the donor route. She called that Gail wanted more children. back with other questions,
Diane says she further in life,’ she says. ‘I didn’t Groote Schuur’s switchboard CONTACTS ‘We used the same donor,’ she but that’s fine.’
plans to raise her ask for someone who looked like and hesitantly asked for the sperm ✽ Cape Fertility says. This was more luck than Diane too knows she’s done
twins ‘with that me – I guessed the doctors would bank. That was the beginning. Clinic, 021-674-2088, planning: parents can reserve the right thing and thinks more
awareness of their do that.’ The couple didn’t encounter any Capefertility-clinic. donor sperm (for a fee) so that childless women should know
background, so when Pinpointing the right donor prejudice from the hospital staff, co.za siblings will have the same genetic sperm donation is an option.
they start dating, is a big deal for many women. who were ‘matter-of-fact’, helpful ✽ Groote Schuur make-up. ‘We thought we’d done ‘People say I’ve been brave, but
they can find out Wives and partners of infertile and professional. (There were Fertility Unit, that but we hadn’t,’ Gail says. this is not about courage. It’s
if their partner knows men tend to choose their donors reports a few years ago of same-sex 021-404-6027 ‘There was just one straw left...’ about knowing what you want and
both parents.’ If it quickly, according to the husband’s couples being turned away from ✽ Tygerberg Happily, Gail became pregnant doing what it takes to get it,’ she
turns out they are looks, says Kimenthra Raja, lab a Cape Town clinic with Catholic Infertility Clinic, and she and Christine welcomed says. ‘When I go to my room and
also donor children, director at the Cape Cyro Bank, links, but when approached for 021-531-6999 twins Candice* and James* my daughter scampers across her
they may need to while same-sex couples are comment, the clinic stated that ✽ Medfem Clinic, to their family in 2007. cot to stand up and smile at me,
test. Gail is less ‘fascinated by the list. They’ll all cases were assessed individually 011-463-2244, On the whole, family and there’s nothing in the world like
concerned: ‘You can’t look at each donor, and if you and it was not policy to turn Medfem.co.za friends have been accepting, it. Nobody loves you as completely
worry about that left them here for five hours lesbian couples away.) ✽ Centre for although there have been a few as your children.’ n
kind of thing. I mean, they’d stay that long! Single Gail’s father was less Assisted odd comments. A sister-in-law, * Names have been changed
I’m sure there are women are very, very fussy... understanding, telling Gail that Reproduction noticing how sick Gail was during Read about Finn, Susan and
a lot of half-siblings I normally ask clients what they her children needed a father. & Endocrinology her pregnancies, said without Roxi in Susan’s column on
out there anyway want, then choose three to five Gail and Christine, of course, (C.A.R.E Clinic), thinking, ‘Do you think you’re Parent24.com, or read Susan’s
if you think of donors closest to the match for had debated this. They’d had long 031-267-7920, more sick because you didn’t full story in Just Keep Breathing
illegitimate children!’ clients to mull over.’ conversations about role models Careclinic.co.za conceive them naturally?’ And ( Jacana, R159)
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