PROCESS

DECEMBER 2009

VOLUME 48

 NUMBER 4

Snuggles, My Cotherapist, and Other Animal Tales

in Life and Therapy n
EVAN IMBER-BLACKw

Fam Proc 48:459461, 2009

n eight-member three-generation extended family sat uneasily in my home office.

Frightened that their matriarch, a 78-year-old mother and grandmother, was
becoming demented, they had come with her for a first family therapy session. All
appeared sad and distant from one another. Silence marked the gathering. A son, 37,
began, We just dont know how to help each other anymore. More reticence to speak
followed his words. After several minutes, the youngest, a granddaughter, 19, related
their unsuccessful and increasingly frustrating attempts to convince her grandmother
to accept outside help. Weve always been a warm and loving familyFnow all we do is
fight about what to do for my grandmother. As she spoke, she began to weep. At that
moment, Snuggles, my red Maine Coon cat who often joins me in therapy sessions,
came bounding across the room. He jumped in the young womans lap, wrapped his
paws around her neck, and gently moved his furry head on hers, wiping away her
tears. As one, the family turned their heads to witness this animal-human bond. Her
uncle responded, Oh, maybe this is how we can help each other, and reached for his
mothers hand. Following Snuggles intervention, all began to speak and touch one
another.
Animals have always been an important part of my life. I grew up hearing stories of
my parents petsFmy fathers goat who entered the family seder when the door was
In memory of Andante and all the golden dogs and cats who reside in our hearts.
Editor, Family Process

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opened for Elijah, my mothers curly-tailed dog who was hit by a car and lifted lovingly
into her parents store by the neighborhood policeman. My sister, brother, and I would
find cats, small dogs, and rabbits, lovingly carry them home under our jackets and
pronounce, it followed me homeFwhat could I do? and then watch knowingly as
our mother poured a bowl of milk or peeled a carrot for the new arrival. When the
story of an animal following us home grew old, we slipped a cat into my mothers car,
feigning utter surprise when she discovered it. Our father warmed food for our animals, explaining that since we would not want cold dinners, neither would they.
Like many families, the memories of our animals are also the memories of important moments in family relationships. When my brother, Ariel, was 13 and I was 7,
our father insisted that Ariels hamster remain in our den. Too cold, my brother
asserted, and sure enough, by morning the hamster was nearly dead. For hours on end
my brother held that hamster, warmed it, and ultimately revived it. The metaphor for
the stubborn relationship between him and my father remained a hamster. I recall
now making the heady discovery at age 10 that I could keep secrets from my parents
via my cat. To my constant chagrin, they insisted that the cat go outside. I taught the
cat to come to my second story window where I would clandestinely remove the screen
and let her in. I loved my parents bewilderment when the cat would appear in the
kitchen. And when my father died suddenly, my mothers unspeakable grief found
expression as the lovebird he had rescued in their yard pulled its feathers for weeks.
Animals contribute to the intergenerational contours of so many families. Whether
laughing at their antics, calming ourselves by petting them, or wondering what they
might be thinking or feeling, relationships with animals enrich our lives. The values of
compassion, caring for others, responsibility, environmental concerns all find expression in my own family as our grandchildren take time to raise money for Kids for
Paws and care for animals in their household where the animals outnumber the
people. We learn about utterly unselfconscious mourning in multi-animal households
when one animal dies and the others grieve. When our 60-pound golden retriever,
Mocha, died, his little six-pound pal, Shadow, who he had gently held in his mouth and
washed daily for 12 years, spent weeks looking for him all over the house, crying a
piercing never before heard meow.
Over many years in my therapy practice, Snuggles has offered his support to
spouses being yelled at by their partner, transformed sullen adolescents with his
shenanigans, and coaxed shy children to participate in therapy. Now a geriatric cat, he
is deaf, yet he still picks up on moods and emotions. He helps people to cry when they
need to and calms them when they are crying too much. When I speak about him with
other family therapists, I hear stories of their animals that join them in sessions and
who melt tense moments, bridge relational stand-offs, and soothe anxiety. In a first
session I routinely ask families about whether they have pets. With those who do, a
door to mutuality immediately opens. Families have surprised me, bringing their bird
or dog to a session. One single woman came to her second session with two dogs in tow.
This is the Ackerman Family InstituteFright? Well, these guys are my family!
They attended every session thereafter, responding acutely to painful emotion and
offering comfort. And when a family loses their beloved pet, family therapy becomes a
container for their grief, helping to shape rituals and affirming the relational impact of
the loss.
Family therapy practice and research has paid scant attention to the powerful role
of animals in our lives and our relationships. This issue of the journal begins to rectify
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this with the special section Animals and Families. These two ground-breaking
papers by Froma Walsh (2009a, 2009b) will, no doubt influence practice and become a
standard in family therapy training curricula. I am hoping this special section will lead
to further papers in this substantial area of family life. We know little, for instance,
about cross-cultural similarities and differences where pets are concerned. We need
studies of the impact of animals on couple relationships, family development across
the life span, and parent-child interaction. How pets impact sibling relationships and
the role of animals in families coping with medical illness need the careful scrutiny of
family therapists and researchers. Pet loss has been studied primarily from an individual perspective and requires a family systems lens. Walshs innovative papers open
these vistas and will no doubt lead to a rich research and practice agenda.
REFERENCES
Walsh, F. (2009a). Human-Animal Bonds I: The relational significance of companion animals.
Family Process, 48, 462480.
Walsh, F. (2009b). Human-Animal Bonds II: The role of pets in family systems and family
therapy. Family Process, 48, 481499.

Fam. Proc., Vol. 48, December, 2009

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