CAVEAT

Depression is a very serious problem for many people and if you come here and it is serious
problem for you, there is a good chance your sense of humor and zest of life has been
impaired. I should know, at one time, I had no sense of humor at all. If it is impaired, please
don't read any further, it is not my intention to offend your sensibilities. On the other hand, if you
wish, you may proceed at your own risk. As much as I would like to be responsible for your
thoughts and feelings as you read this essay, I can not. Your thoughts and feelings live inside of
you just as mine live inside of me. I can be responsible for mine but I am not willing nor can I
possibly be responsible for yours. I am sure you understand that, right? - Frederick Zappone

Author's Note: I became depression free after everything else failed me. My depression began
when I was 17 years old and lasted until I was 47 years old. I am 57 years old today and
depression free. In spite of the tragic circumstances surrounding my daughter's recent death I
am happy most of the time with only moment, literally moments of sadness. In my world, I am
happy most of time, with only moment of unhappiness. In so many other people's lives, they are
unhappy most of the time, with only moments of genuine joy and happiness. The most amazing
thing about my happiness is that is not contingent on circumstances or other people. Who
decides my state of mind , I do? Who decides your state of mind in your life? You will find my
story at the end of the "Lighter Side Of Depression" article.

The LIGHTER Side Of Depression

Copyright 1999 By Frederick Zappone

Doctor: How long have you been feeling this way?

Patient: A long time. A long, long, looooong time.
Doctor: Really, well then your feelings aren't simply depressed, they are compressed, hardened
and if you continue allowing yourself to feel that way they will turn into concrete.
Patient: What happens then Doctor?
Doctor: You don't know?
Patient: No!
Doctor: You DIE!
Patient: Oh God, not that, anything but that, Pleaseeee!
Doctor: Okay Patient, anything but that!
Patient: What can I do about it Doctor? I trust you , you have all the answers, right??
Doctor: You bet Patient. You need me, you are dependent on me, right?
Patient: Right doctor, I need you, I might die without you, right?
Doctor: You bet and never forget that, okay?
Patient: Okay Doctor, what's next for me?
Doctor: Let's see, your depressed feelings are feeling like concrete, right?
Patient: Yes Doctor, I have no energy and feel hopeless and in despair.
Doctor: Good, good, that is the way you should feel, right?
Patient: Right????? Well, if you say so Doctor, you are guardian of my health.
Doctor: Hmm, let 's see, concrete feelings you say?
Patient: Yes, Doctor.
Doctor: I have just the thing for you. It is called Prozack Dynamite.
Patient: Do I have to take it Doctor?
Doctor: You don't want to die, do you?
Patient: Oh nooooo Doctor, anything but that.
Doctor: Take 10 of these a day and call me in the morning.
Patient: Doctor, doctor, what if the pills causes me side effects?
Doctor: No problem! We have more drugs for the side effects, it all makes sense to you, right?
Patient: I guess it does Doctor, if you say so Doctor!
Patient: Doctor, what happens if I die from too many drugs in my system.
Doctor: It is no sweat off my brow, it isn't my life. I have no stake in your life and I get paid
anyhow.
Doctor: Oops! I shouldn't have said that!
Patient: Hey! Wait a minute, you are not a real Doctor!!!
Doctor: Egads, found out again! Me and my big mouth. :(

"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." - Henry Friedman

'Depression is merely anger turned inwards" - Frederick Zappone
Bob: Your feelings are depressed? Which feeling is depressed?
Nancy: I can't tell, the drugs dull my feelings but I think it is anger!
Bob: What are you angry about?
Nancy: I'm not sure.
Bob: Why are you depressing your anger?
Nancy: It scares me, I don't know what else to do with it but stuff it!
Bob: I've been taught that anger is a spiritual signal. It means one of two things. It either means
you are defending your hurt (We sometimes use anger to buffer ourselves from experiencing
hurt) or your anger means your sense of justice has been violated.
Nancy: That makes sense.
Bob: What are you angry about?
Nancy: Hmmm! Angry, I'm angry about my whole damm life, I'm not happy and I want to be
happy!
Bob: Who is stopping you from being happy?
Nancy: Hmmm. God, it must be God!
Bob: Not logical!
Nancy: Not logical??
Bob: You say God loves you, right?
Nancy: Yes he does!
Bob: Is that what someone does who loves you, makes you unhappy?
Nancy: Hmmm, I have to think about it. No, you're right, people who love me don't make me
unhappy.
Nancy: I think I got it, depression is an extreme form of unhappiness.
Bob: Very logical Nancy!
Nancy: Thank you
(Nancy hears a BOOMING voice and looks up into the sky.)

NANCY! Oh, NANCY

Nancy: Is that you God?
God: Who else did you expect, George Burns?
Nancy: Well yes, as a matter of fact I did.
God: Oh!! Would you like to talk to him?
Nancy: Yes God, if it isn't too much trouble.
God: Okay, take it away George.
George: Nancy, There are options, there are always other options. If you don't like the progress
you are making with your depression, explore other options until you find the one that works for
you. The Internet makes available to you possibilities that even the medical community is
unaware of. Ask, Seek and Knock and you shall find what you are looking for.
Nancy: Good night George.
George: Good night Nancy.

I am not a medical doctor and what you have read here is not medical advice, it is humor and
not a grain of truth in it. I am not advising you to do what I did. On the other hand, it is your
constitutional right to use any information you find on this page anyway you see fit. If you
choose to act on this information since it is your life, I will not be responsible for your life. In fact,
it is not impossible for me or anyone else to be responsible for your life except you. What you
decide to do with YOUR LIFE is your choice and not mine. No one but you has a stake in
whether you live or die, right? Well, not necessarily so. What about all that life insurance you
have? Are you still betting against yourself?

Each day is the new beginning of our life. When we go to sleep we die and when we wake up
we are reborn. Each day is filled with 24 hours and within those twenty-fours we find 86,400
moment that we can exercise our power of choice. In other words, we have 86,400
opportunities in which we can take charge of our lives and make the choice to go for happiness,
right?

MY STORY
Depression Is A Spiritual Issue
Copyrighted 1997 by Frederick Zappone click here to send mail

For thirty years, I was plagued with chronic depression. In a desperate attempt to cure myself, I read
everything I could on the subject. I took the psychological approach as well as the religious approach. I
experienced some relief using these methods, but eventually the feelings returned. The stronger the
depression, the more aggressive my search. Self-help courses and recovery groups brought minimal relief
but never a cure. Each improvement was eventually followed a setback. I began to believe that I was
inherently flawed. It was even suggested that I was possessed by an evil entity, a thought I rejected. And
yet, when the feelings were at there their strongest, I doubted myself, becoming more afraid.

One day, I realized just how terrified I was. I felt like a house divided against itself. Desperate feelings
require desperate measures: Voluntarily I went in for psychiatric evaluation. I began weekly therapy and
was prescribed Zoloft, which altered my mood almost immediately. I gained many insights during
therapy, but eventually Zoloft caused the side effects of hyperactivity, chills and headaches. I felt as if the
cure was worse than the depression, so I quit taking the drug. I did continue therapy until it was mutually
decided that I no longer needed it.

I thought therapy had solved my problem with depression until I had a extremely devastating setback and
experienced the worst depression of my life. Suicidal thoughts began into intrude my mind, yet, no matter
what, I would not surrender. If depression was going to kill me, to squeeze the life out of me, it would do
so without my help.

I struggled through my work day hiding my depression, but when I got home I would be exhausted. I just
wanted to lie on the couch and do nothing. I felt hopeless. And contrary to professional advice, I isolated
myself, knowing when I was alone with my depression I felt it the strongest. If it was going to defeat me I
wanted to feel it absolutely. I was tired of running from the monster within. One day I realized that I was
at a standoff with my depression. It wasn't getting any worse and it wasn't getting any better. I realized
that it wasn't going to kill me, and it wasn't going to let me enjoy life either. Then I decided to start
analyzing what was going on with me. I knew I couldn't feel any worse, so I might as well treat my
condition as a puzzle that needed solving.

First, I went back to the basics. I looked up the word depression in Webster's dictionary; it is defined as a
disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentrating, excessive
sleep, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies. Yes, I agreed, the
dictionary was intellectually correct, I experienced all of those things, but when I explored my feelings, I
made some amazing discoveries.

One of my discoveries was that my depression was actually a variety of strong unexpressed feelings
woven together. This entanglement of unexpressed emotions left me feeling like a net had been dropped
over my spirit and pulled tight. The more I struggled, the more entangled in them I became. Instead of
judging my feelings of depression I decided to observe them. I noticed that I was afraid of my feelings. I
also observed that throughout my life whatever I feared eventually became my enemy. How did I make
my depressed feelings my enemy? I did it by accepting someone else's belief that my depressed feelings
were dangerous. By accepting this unedited belief, I erroneously concluded that my feelings could lead
me to killing myself. In making my feelings the enemy I gave them power over me; the moment I did
that, they dominated and controlled my life for over 30 years.

To make my feelings the enemy, I also had to convince myself that something outside of me was
responsible for what I felt. I accomplished this by blaming others for my feelings. I blamed God, my
parents, my teachers, my circumstances, my genes, my past, and my environment for my negative
emotions. Once I realized that I was doing it to myself, I simultaneously, experienced a sense of sadness
and hope. I felt sadness because I realized that I had been causing myself to suffer. I felt hope because if I
could cause my depression, I could cure it, and that excited me

The first step was to make depression my friend. This was a scary process because I was very afraid of
what I felt, In order to overcome the fear, I personalized my feelings. I began talking to them, and writing
to them. I told my depressed feelings that I was afraid of them and that I was tired of being afraid. I told
them I wanted to make them my friends and see what they could teach me. That was the beginning.
Today, my depressed feelings are my friends. When I experience depression, I know that spirit--my inner
guide--is using those feelings as a way to teach me something that I need to learn.

My inner guide uses these feelings to let me know when I'm off track in my thinking, trying too hard,
headed in the wrong direction, or not taking proper care of myself. I no longer struggle being depressed
for long periods of time. When it comes, I work at embracing it, so I can hear the spiritual message being
directed to me. When I hear the message accurately, the feelings leave me, and I am filled with an
exuberance--a renewed passion for life. If you are willing to let your feelings of depression become your
friends--if you are willing to learn from them, embrace them--you too will once again be excited about
living life generously and passionately.

Questions for you to think about?

Could it be you are addicted to feeling depressed? Do you
know how it would feel to not feel depressed? Would it be
scary not to feel depressed? Would people still love and
care about you, feel sorry for you, if you weren't depressed?