GirlNASA

written by
Jess Lane & Ben Mekler

OVER BLACK
Pompous music swells as a title card flies up:
"NASA Establishes a Special Division...For Women!"
Montage of contextual NASA stock-footage.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
It's 1963, and the men of NASA the American mecca for science,
computing, and space exploration have their curiosity aimed at a new
experiment: the American woman!
INT. STUDY - DAY
Five WOMEN sit shoulder-to-shoulder, some at rudimentary
computers or calculators, others peering through microscopes.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Welcome to the happy halls of
GirlNASA. Yes, women - just like
the ones you see at home - are
getting their own division of the
National Aeronautics and Space
Administration, just in case they
can contribute to our studies!
SLUG: "G.I.R.L. NASA - Gender Inferior Research Labs, NASA"
ELAINE
I thought I was being hired by
regular NASA. But I guess I'm lucky
to be able to work here at all.
HAYLEY
At GirlNASA we only get about 79%
of the resources we need to run
traditional experiments...
INT. STUDY - LATER
Elaine and Hayley do work. There's pink stuff everywhere pink staplers, pink pens, pink notepads, a pink microscope.
HAYLEY (V.O)
...and most of it is pink. So
we're...making that work. I guess.
LATER: Hayley and CAITLIN examine satellite photos.

2.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Being a lady-scientist at GirlNASA
is the bee's knees! Just take a
look:
INSERT: Photo of Saturn's rings.
NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONTD)
Why, those aren't the kinds of
rings you ladies usually like!
CAITLIN
No one has ever photographed these
before. This is... revolutionary.
INT. LAB - LATER
A research lab/workshop. Caitlin attaches gear to MARY, in a
space suit.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Ooh, a fashion show! Those space
suits look very stylish, girls!
MARY
We engineered a thermo-resistant
material for better insulation. We
just saved the government millions
of dollars.
Caitlin crosses her arms and furrows her brow.
INT. BUNKER - LATER
Another side of the lab. SCIENTIST 5 (SHELBY) works a welding
iron. She turns to camera, flips up her safety mask, gives a
thumb up...
NARRATOR (V.O.)
And they still find time for arts &
crafts!
...then frowns.
CUT TO: Stock footage of a rocket lifting off. Over the sound
of the rocket...
SHELBY (O.S.)
I built that. I built that rocket.

3.
INT. LAB - LATER
Hayley and Elaine compare data in front of some machinery.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Let's take a gander at what these
gals have got "cooking" in the lab.
ELAINE
We studied atmospheric shifts over
the past decade and noticed that
the climate seems to be...changing?
So we went ahead and terraformed
Mars with livable colonies.
INSERT PHOTO: Two GirlNASA astronauts giving us the thumbs-up
on Mars, in front of a hive-like colony.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Put a woman in the workplace and
she'll still find a way to keep
house. I guess science can't
overcome nature!
The scientists are like "What the fuck?"
INT. STUDY - LATER
Caitlin looks into a microscope and Shelby observes.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
I wonder what these ladies are so
interested in.
CAITLIN
We tracked a meteor on a collision
course with Earth and sent warning
to the higher-ups months ago. NO
response...but we did get invited
to the Christmas mixer.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
I bet those astronauts loved seeing
you ladies all dolled up!
CAITLIN
We weren't there.
INT. CONTROL CENTER - NIGHT
All scientists shout commands to each other as they
desperately punch buttons, turn dials, examine readings, etc.

4.
CAITLIN (V.O.)
We were busy blowing up the meteor
and saving all of humanity.
INT. STUDY - LATER
HAYLEY
And we didn't expect to succeed
this quickly...but we've managed to
contact extraterrestrial life.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Of course the first thing these
ladies want to do is gab on the
phone!
HAYLEY
The...first thing?
INT. LAB - LATER
Elaine listens with wide eyes to a pair of headphones. We
faintly hear a STRANGE ALIEN VOICE.
ELAINE (V.O.)
We decrypted their language and
were prepared to begin a peaceful
dialogue...
A MAN's hand shuts off the reel-to-reel.
ELAINE
...but my husband says he'd have to
speak with them first, because the
aliens might be boys.
He grunts and nods.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
That would be inappropriate!
INT. STUDY - LATER
Natalie talks to camera.
NATALIE
But now we're focused on getting a
female astronaut into space.

5.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
I'm sure the boys won't mind that
one bit!
(He whistles)
NATALIE
Considering the confined interiors
of modern spacecraft, women are
better suited for space travel than
men. It's actually kind of strange
that they never asked us before.
INT. STUDY - DAY
INSERT BUNKER: Mary monitors Shelby's vitals as she does
calisthenics.
MARY (V.O.)
We're running the same tests as the
Mercury 7 team, and the results
have been extremely positive.
INSERT LAB: Mary eats space ice cream as she shows Shelby
various ink blot images.
MARY (V.O.) (CONTD)
Our pilots are testing in the top
two percentile psychologically,
physically, heck Doris logged ten
hours in the sensory deprivation
chamber.
INSERT DEPRIVATION CHAMBER: Shelby floats in water
SHELBY
The previous standard set by male
candidates was six hours. Six.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
A woman sitting still and keeping
her mouth shut? Now that's a new
one!
SHELBY
John Glenn didn't even last three
before tapping out. He's a wuss!
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Well it's too bad President Lyndon
B. Johnson will never let you
ladies set foot in a rocket ship!

6.

I know.

SHELBY

She hangs her head in defeat.

OVER THE FOLLOWING:
A montage of GirlNASA experiment B-Roll, intercut with the
women in C.U. looking frustrated or defeated.
NARRATOR
But don't give up hope! Here in the
United States, curious minds will
always be welcome to pursue the
American dream, even if they're
women! Good luck, GirlNASA! And may
your optimistic spirits never die!
SLUG: "NASA SALUTES THE IMAGINATIONS OF THE WOMEN OF
GIRLNASA"
CUT TO:
OVER BLACK
SLUG FADES IN OVER OPTIMISTIC MUSIC: "GirlNASA was defunded
four hours after the release of this newsreel."
SLUG: For more information on the true story of the women who
inspired GirlNASA, click here: [links to information on
Lovelace's Woman in Space Program, Katherine Johnson, more.]
SLUG: "Also that part about John Glenn was totally true. He
was a total pussy."

7.

ALT FOR NASA:

INT. MODERN NASA OFFICE - DAY
SLUG: "NASA DEPUTY DIRECTOR LESA ROE - 2015"
A young male ASSISTANT brings her tea as she speaks.
DEPUTY DIRECTOR
In the real NASA of the 1960s,
women were used as "computers" in a
"skirt-pool", essentially doing all
the math that made NASA's research
work. Eventually, they became the
first programmers of modern
computers because the men of NASA
didn't see the point in working
with "secretarial" devices. But
times have changed, and as of 2015,
forty-eight American women have
traveled outside of Earth's
atmosphere on various missions, and
been behind some of the most
integral research into our planet
and those within and outside our
galaxy. Even the Deputy Director of
NASA, me, is currently a woman.
[But however you cut it...John
Glenn will always be a bit of a
wuss.]
END CARD with Statistics: http://history.nasa.gov/women.html