ThreeShoppingDaysTillChristmas

Summary

FindingthetruemeaningofChristmasamongtheintensecommercialismoftheseasonis
exploredinthisplay,whichincludesextractsfromtwootherscripts,makingafulllength
production.Thetwoscriptsare:'Christmascarolsvsscripture'byBobSnooks1999Bob
Snook.http://www.fea.net,bobsnookemail:bobsnook@fea.netand'AwaywiththeManger'(by
JohnFewing),whichcanbefoundelsewhereattheDramatixsite.

Prologue

(SpotlightuponTHEREPORTER,sittingatdesk.S/hereadsaloudwhiletypingonhis/her
laptop)

REPORTER:December20th,5pm.TheCHRISTMASCRUNCHison!Asthebigdaydraws
nearer,Singaporeansalloverthecountryareresortingtocrazylastminuteanticstocelebrate
thisseasonoffoodandgiftsandgeneralexcess!!Shoppingcentersnationwideareoverflowing
withcrowdsandcarollersandChristmastrees.SantaClausesarebeingmauledby
overanxiouschildren,screaming"DROPTHATPOKEMONSUPERSEGANINTENDOGAME
SET!!!!!".(pause)Hmm.(continuing)Thisreporterhassetoutonamissiontodocumentthe
seasonascelebratedinSingapore...undercover,ofcourse,s/heinvestigatesourshopping
mallmentalitypervadingthistimeofyearthatwecallChristmas.

Scene1

(Curtainsopentorevealachaoticmallscene,withthechoirinthemidstofsingingsomething
painfullytriteRudolf,JingleBells,etc.Whilesinging,peoplewalkacrossthestagesome
mimeopeningdoorswalkingintostops.Twomenonaladderarefixingahideousplastic
Christmastree,andleavesometimeduringthescene.Santawalksthroughthesceneaswell.)

(thesongends)

CONDUCTOR:(turnsaroundtobowinfrontofanonexistentaudience)Thankyou,thankyou
....Alrightchoir,that'senoughfornow.10minutebreak!AndwhenIsay10minutes,Imean10!

(Thechoirdisperses.)

CAROLLER1:Hai...it'sChristmasagain.

CAROLLER2:Yeah,it'ssoboring.We'resingingthesameoldthing.Youdoinganything
specialthisChristmas?

CAROLLER3:Dunno?Whataboutyou?

CAROLLER1:Ithinktheusual.Eatalot,watchTV.Receiveafewpresentshereandthere.
Basicallyeatlor.(patshisbelly)Nothingmuch.

CAROLLER2:Yeahthesame.(putsuphandsinthesameusualmanner)

CAROLLER3:(nodsinagreement)Yeah.LastChristmas,Iateawholelogcake,andpudding.
Oohh...theturkey.Thinkingaboutitmakesmyheadswim.IcouldbeaSantaClaussoon.

CAROLLER2:Maybeyoushould!Itmustbebetterthansingingtheseridiculoussongsover
andoveragain...andjustlookatouraudience.Oops.Herecomestheconductor.

EnterCONDUCTOR.

CONDUCTOR:(clapshands)Comeon,comeon,breakisover.Hurryuplah!(theyassemble
halfheartedly)Now,remember,we'rebringingjoytothelivesoftheseeverydaypeopleIwant
toseeyousingwithjoy!

ChoirsingsDecktheHall.Lightsdimupstageastheyendthesecondsong.

Scene2

(Adaptedfrom'Christmascarolsvsscripture'byBobSnooks1999BobSnook.)

(JAMESandJANEL,acouple,stepoutfromthechoirandbeginshoppingforChristmas
presents.Whentheywalkthroughtheimaginarydoortotheshop,adoorchime/bellrings.
Actionaroundthemallcontinuesupstage.SHOPKEEPERsitsstageright,readingamagazine.
Musicplaysinthebackground.)

EnterJAMES.


JAMES(loudly)Hey,Ineedtolookupsomestuff....

JANEL(embarrassed)Shshshshsh.I'mnotdeaf,youknow.You'regoingtohavetokeepyour
voicedown.

JAMESSorry,sorry...butsingingallthesecarolsthismonth,IfeelthatIshouldlookupsome
ofthewordsweusesooften.

JANELCan'tthiswaituntilwegethome?

JAMESButIwanttoknownow!

JANELOk,fine.Let'sseeiftheyhaveadictionaryorsomethinginhere.(ToSHOPKEEPER)
Excuseme...miss?...IwaswonderingifyouknewwhereIcouldgetadictionaryaroundhere?

SHOPKEEPER(rudely)Hah?

JANELAdictionaree.Dictionary.Doyouhaveone?

SHOPKEEPERDonhave.

JANELDoyouknowwhereIcouldgetone?

SHOPKEEPERDonhave.

JANELNo,I'maskingyouwhatothershopsmayhaveit.

SHOPKEEPERDonhave.Everythingdonhave.Soleout.(seeingJanel'sstunnedface)
Alamak...(walkstobooks,picksuptheBible,andshovesittowardsJanel)nah.Youwanbook
right?

JANELWell!....(abouttoretort,angrily)

JAMES(holdingherback)Shh,shh,shh...It'sokay,leaveheralone.Maybewecanfind
somethinginhere.See,look,theyhavereferencesintheback,a(scrutinizing)concordance.
Here.(handsittoJanel)Iwanttolookup'Christmas'.C...H...R...I...S....

JANEL...IthinkIknowhowtospellChristmas.ButIcansaveusalotoftime.Ihappento
knowthatChristmasisnotintheBible.

JAMESItisn't?ButIthought...

JANELWell,thestoryofChristmasisintheBible,thebirthofJesus.Buttheword
CHRISTMASisnot.(handsbacktheBible)

JAMESWell,itwasn'treallyChristmasIwantedtolookup.ItwasstuffaboutChristmas.
(passestheBiblebacktoJANEL)

JANELWhatstuffdidyouwanttolookup,James?

JAMESNOEL.

JANELNOEL?

JAMESYeah,youknow.(sings)"ThefirstNoel,theangelsdidsay..."

JANELI'mfamiliarwiththesong!(checkingconcordance)Hey,butthewordNOELisnotin
theBibleeither.

JAMESItisn't?Howcouldthatbe?

JANELIdunno,Ithought...Ohyeah!TheNewTestamentiswrittenin,uh(checking)Greek,
butthewordNOELisFrench.

JAMESWell,okay,butlookupSilentnightforme.Youknow,like(singstheline)"Silent
Night,HolyNight."

JANELYeah!Yeah!(Nodding)Everybodyknowthat....Butonceagain,James,Icansaveyou
alotoftime.SilentnightisnotintheBible.

JAMESAreyousure?Aren'tthereotherBiblesyoucancheck?

JANELNo,James,eventheKingJamesVersionwouldn'thave'silentnight'.Asamatterof
fact,there'salotofevidencethatthenightwasnotsilentatall.

JAMESItwasn't?

JANELNo.AccordingtotheBible,therewasaloudchorusofangelssingingpraisestothe
newbornking.

JAMESWell,I'llbe.So,itwastheangelswhosang(sings)FALA(cringes,singstheline
quieter)FALALALALALALA.

JANELPerhapsinHebrewitsoundedbetter.

JAMESOh.So,there'snoFALALALALALALALALAintheBible?

JANELNo,I'msorry.(shakesheadandpause)Anythingelse?

JAMES:(Lookingpuzzled)Parumpumpumpum.(nosinging,justthewords)

JANELJames?

JAMES(singsquietlytheline)Parumpumpumpum...youknow,thelittledrummerboy!

JANEL(turnspages)No.I'msorry,butthereisnoentryintheconcordanceforeitherdrumor
drummerboy.

JAMESIthinkyouarebadlymistaken.Ihappentoknowthattheoxandlambkepttime.

JANELYes,well,...

JAMESIsupposeyou'regoingtotrytotellmethatnobodyinthestablewhereJesuswas
bornhadgreensleeves.What,nomistletoe,nofigtrees?

JANELWell...(shakingherhead)

JAMES...Nochestnutsroastingonanopenfire?NoJackFrostnippingatyournose?

JANELWell,no.

JAMESBoy!DoyouneedanewBible!Andthenextthingshe'llbetellingmeisthatthereis
noSantaClaus.

JANELListen,James,areyouquitedonenow?I'mexhausted!Everyoneknowsthestoryof
Christmas,andit'sjustthesamestorythisyearaseveryyear.Nowlet'sfinishgettingthe
presentsfirst.C'mon...

JANELtakesJAMES'handtoleadhimoutofthe'store'.Duringtheirconversation,thechoir
andpeopleinvolvedinthemallscenehavebeenslowlyexitingthestageandmakingthe
transitiontoaJerusalemsetting.Insteadofshoppersshepherds.Pottedplantstaketheplace
oftheChristmastree.Lightsfadeuponupstagescene.

JANELIthinkweshouldgetyourmotheranicedress.She'sbeenhinting...

JAMESUhh,Janel...?

JANELIt'sbeautifuland...what,James?


JAMESWhathappened?Wherearewe?

JANEL(shocked)Whathappenedtothechoir..th..whe?!?!?!

TheShepherdsseethem,andwavecongenially.

(Blackout.)

Scene3

(SpotlightonSoloist.)

Soloist:"OHolyNight"

OHolyNight!Thestarsarebrightlyshining!ItisthenightofourdearSaviour'sbirth.
Longlaytheworldinsinanderrorpining,tillHeappearsandthesoulfeltHis
worth!
Athrillofhope,thewearysoulrejoices!Andyonderbreaksanewaglorious
morn!

(LightsslowlyfadeuponANGELS.Theysingbackupforsoloist.)

Fallonyourknees,ohheartheangelvoices!Onightdivine,OnightwhenChristwasborn.
OHolyNight!Onight,Onightdivine!

(Endofsolo:lightsuponsceneasbefore.ANGELSremainlit,butdimly.JAMESandJANEL
arenowattiredasshepherds,andtheirconversationensuesovertheothershepherds
hummingchatter..)

JANEL(wavingtoShepherds)James,wherearewe?Whatonearthdidyoudo?!

JAMESMe?ME?It'salwaysme!Why(JANELseesJAMESinshepherdcostume,andbursts
outlaughing)What?What?

JANEL(laughing)Lookatyou,James!Rightdowntothesandals!Hooo!Igettit,Igettit...
(calmsdown)So...whoarethesepeople?(toashepherd)Howmuchdidhepayyou?Hoooo!

JAMESUh,Janel...(indicateshernewattire)

Flashoflight.LightsbrightenonANGELS.TheShepherdscowerinfear.


ANGELS:AngelsWeHaveHeardonHigh(Verse2)

ANGEL1:(speakingoverthesong)Fearnot:for,behold,Ibringyougoodtidingsofgreatjoy,
whichshallbetoallpeople.ForuntoyouisbornthisdayinthecityofDavidaSaviour,whichis
ChristtheLord.AndthisshallbeasignuntoyouYoushallfindthebabewrappedinswaddling
clothes,lyinginamanger.

Angels:OComeAllYefaithful

Ocomeallyefaithful,joyfulandtriumphant!
Ocomeye,ocomeyetoBethlehem!
ComeandbeholdHim!BorntheKingofAngels!
OcomeletusadoreHim,OcomeletusadoreHim!
Ocome,letusadoreHim,ChristtheLord!

(LightsdimonANGELS.)

SHEPHERD1:TheChristchildoursaviourisborn!LetusnowgoevenuntoBethlehem...

SHEPHERD2:Hehascome!Godiswithus...

SHEPHERD3:Myfriends,untousachildisborn,untoallofusasonisgiven.Thegovernment
shallbeuponhisshoulder,andHisnameshallbecalledwonderful...

SHEPHERD2:Counsellor!

SHEPHERD3:Yes,asIsaiahhaswrittenusthepromiseofthisnewcovenantwiththemighty
God.

SHEPHERD1:HeistheEverlastingFatherinhumanform...Godandman...

SHEPHERD3:HeisourPrinceofPeace,tocalmallourhearts!

(ThebandbeginstoplayCelebrateHisBirthmedley,softly.)

JANEL:Doyouhearthat,James?Thatsong!

JAMES:What?

JANEL:Theangelsaresinging!They'restillhere!They...

Shepherd2:(leadingJANEL)Come!LetusgotoBethlehem!(exeuntShepherds,JAMES,and
JANEL)

(LightsuponallAngelsastheyadvanceforward,singing.)

Angels:Iwonderwhattheshepherdsheard,Iwonderwhatthesongwaslike.
Owhatanight,Owhatanight!
Iwonderwhattheangelssang,tocelebratetheChildofLight.
Owhatanight,Owhatanight!

Angels:GlorytoGodinthehighest,Peaceontheearth.Goodwilltomen.
GiveHimglory,liftHimhigher,
CelebrateHisbirth,Godhascometoman.

Angel:(Shepherds,JAMESandJANELrunacrossthestageontheirjourney)

IwonderiftheyrantoseeTheOnewhowastheKingofkings.
Owhatanight,Owhatanight!
IwonderiftheybowedtopraiseAndlifteduptheirheartstosing.
Owhatanight,Owhatanight!

Angels:GlorytoGodinthehighest,Peaceontheearth.Goodwilltomen.
GiveHimglory,liftHimhigher,
CelebrateHisbirth,Godhascometoman.
Gloria!Godhascometoman.

(Musiccontinuesinthebackground.)

ANGEL2:Whatanightindeed!Canyoufeelit?AKINGisborn!Butheywhere'sthesnow?!
Where'sthemistletoe?Well,Jesuswasn'tactuallybornonDecember25thnotinthemonthof
Decembereven!Yousee,CaesarAugustuscalledforalltobetaxed,andeveryonehadtogo
backtotheirhometowntoregister.ButCaesarwouldn'tcallitatwintertimethatwouldhave
beentoodangerousaseasonforeveryonetomaketheirjourney.HecalleditinAutumn.Mary
andJoseph,soonexpectingtheirchild,hadtogobacktoBethlehemtoregisterasapartofthe
lineofDavid.NowallthiswasdonethattheprophecyofGodmightbefulfilledthataccounts
foralltheanticipationofJesus'birth.

SoitwasonthatwarmAutumneveningthatMaryandJosephwereturnedawayfromeveryinn
theyapproachedawomanwasinlabourforthefirsttime,andnoonewouldhelpher,orhouse
hereven.(ascreamofpainisheardinthebackground)ButGodsawthemthrough,andthe
kindnessofoneinnkeeperallowedthemhisbarnforahospital,thehayforamattress,her
midwivesthehorsesandgoatsofthestablewhereJesusChristwashumblyborn.

Scene4

(Thegroundiscoveredsparselywithblood,andbothparentsaresweatywiththeheat,and
exertion.Theyarelitbyonelonecandleanddimspot.LightsuponJOSEPHplacingthe
newbornbabyintoMARY'sarms.)

MARY:He'sbeautiful!Whatshallwenamehim?

JOSEPH:Jesus,meaning'Saviour'...Forthisiswhattheangelsaidtome,thatheshallsave
hispeoplefromtheirsins.

MARY:Jesus...Jesus!OhJoseph...Iknowit'sbeenastruggle,butlookhowourLordhas
blessedus!Jesus...(shecriessilently)

JOSEPH:Mary,Mary...weknowthatGodhasplansforthischild,butwearestillhisparents.I
am...I...IwillbehisfatherinaswhateverwayasIamable.

MARY:AndI,hismother.Iloveyou,Joseph.

JOSEPH:Iloveyou,andtogetherwewilllovethischild.Restnow.

DUET:Tothetuneof"WhatChildisthis"(arr.HuiYun)

JOSEPH:WhatChildisthis,whoMarylayssolowlyinamanger?
ThereHeliesthepureandinnocent,Stilltotheworldastranger.
Suchababeinsuchaplace,CanHebetheSaviour?
Where,God,dowegofromhere,canwefindYourfavour?

MARY:Jesus,Jesus,mypreciousJesus,SonofGodyetofhumblebirth.
CanIclaimyouasmyownchild,andasdelivereroftheearth?
ThoulongexpectedFreedomFromourfearsandsinsrelease!
Yourlightshinethinthedarkness,butwillyourownreceive?

SHEPHERD3:(rushingin)IsthisChrist,ourLord?

JOSEPH:HeisJesus,ourson.

SHEPHERD2:MayweworshipandadoreHim?

SHEPHERDS:(continuingsong)

AngelssangabouthisbirthWisemensoughtandfoundHim
Heaven'sstarshonebrightlyforth,GloryallaroundHim.
Shepherdssawthewondroussight,Heardtheangelssinging
Alltheplainswerelitthatnight,HailtoourgloriousKing!

Scene5

(Thissceneisadaptedfrom"AwaywiththeManger"byJohnFewing.Allrightsreserved.)

(Sceneasbefore.EntertheReporterasifopeningadoor.)

REPORTER:(toPHOTOGRAPHER)Itoldyou,getinclosertotheshot,howelsewillthestory
behot?(toeveryoneelse)Goodevening.(pause)(ToPHOTOGRAPHER)Pleasetellmethat
wedidn'tjustwalkinto1stcenturyJerusalem.

(PHOTOGRAPHERnods)

REPORTER:Sobehindmyback,Jesushashitthesack?

PHOTOGRAPHER:Yup.We'renotinScottsanymore.

REPORTER:Whatastory!!!!!(goingintoaction)Hi,we'refromyourlocalnewspaper...(nudging
PHOTOGRAPHER)

Photographer:(stillshocked)"TheDailySingapore".

Reporter:(Asifquotingpublicityblurb)Thepeople'sparchment...

Photographer:...withallofthenews...

Reporter:...forallofthepeople.Weheardaboutthekid,andwe'dliketomakeitourfrontpage
story.

Photographer:Withshotsofthebaby.

Reporter:Mightmakethestoppress.Wecouldgiveitaspin...

Photographer:(musing)..."Late,latearrivalattheInn..."

Reporter:...Aheading...

Photographer:...Apicture,withyourpermission...

Reporter:"MotherandBabyinStableCondition".

Photographer:Solet'skeepitsimplejustthekidintheshot.

Reporter:"TheBabeintheManger"they'llloveit...alot.

Photographer:(Hehasmovedtothemanger,toprepareforthepicturebeingtaken)Who'sa
coochycoochycoo?

Reporter:(ToMary)Canyougetittosmile?

Photographer:Maybe...(hesitatesoverMary'sname)...

Reporter:(fillingin)...Mary,

Photographer:...themother,couldsitwiththechild(lookingthroughcamera).

Reporter:(tryingtohelpPhotographer)Lookloving...

Photographer:...Lookhomely...Lookdownabit(focusescamera).

Reporter:(Helpfully)Totheright.(ToPhotographer)Isthatanybetter?

Photographer:(Grudgingly)Yeah,exceptforthelight.

Reporter:(NoticingJoseph)Whataboutyou?(Josephmildlysurprised,butascompliantas
Mary).

Photographer:Who?

Reporter:Joseph,theDad.

Photographer:Ah....Standthere,behind...(forgettingMary'snameagain)

Reporter:...Mary.

Photographer:Lookdownatthelad.Nowputyourarmgentlyaroundyourwife'sshoulder.

Reporter:Silent,butstrongThat'snice.That'snice.Ilikeit.that'showyou'llcomeover.
(NoticingshepherdsbehindJoseph)Iliketheshepherdsattheback.

Photographer:(Lookingup,suddenlyinspired)Hey!Wemusthavethem!

Reporter:Buttheyaredressedindripsanddrabs.

Photographer:So!?Makesitauthentic.We'llmakeitafeature.

Reporter:Couldn'twemakethemdressup?

Photographer:(Disbelieving)Youmean,justforoneshot?

Reporter:I'dfeelalothappierifIhelparrangethemabitbetter.

Photographer:(Conceding)Okaythen,Idon'tseewhynot.

(Movestowardsback,towardsShepherds.Shepherdslooksconfusedandrefusestoletthe
reportertouchthem,slappinghishandseverytimehetriestoadjusttheirclothes.Reporterputs
onairlikehethinkstheyaredirty).

Photographer:Looksbetterallthetime.Atouchoflocalcolour.

Reporter:(Toshepherds)Hey!Whataboutyouguys?Whereareyoursheeps?

Photographer:YeahBringthesheep,too.Thoughitwilllookabitlikeazoo.

Reporter:NoSheep?Well..wewillhavetoimprovise(goestotheaudience)Ma'mwouldyou
mindactinglikeasheepforus?Sir?GoBaaa!Baaa!Yes...that'sright...Baaa!Baaa!(getafew)

Photographer:(Directingsheepintocamerashot)Crouchonthefloorhere.

Reporter:Hmm...whataboutanOx?Sir?JustgoMoo....Mooo!!(getafew)

Photographer:Mindthesheep......(Resentingtheinterruption)Juststaykneelingrightthere.

Reporter:Hmm...Ohwecan'tforgetthetwoofyou.(toJamesandJanel)

(Thingsnowbegintogetalittleoutofhand,asmoreandmorepeoplecomeonstagetobe
includedintheshot.Thepacegraduallyquickens.)

Photographer:That'severybodyin.

Reporter:(Topeopleonstage,Withabandon)Squeezeinattheside!

Photographer(abitmorecautious)Thankyouforleavingthecamelsoutside.


EnterAngels.

Photographer:HeyReporter!Look!Whatisit?ghosts?

Reporter:No!they'reangels,silly,heavenlyhosts

Photographer:(Toangels)Excuseme...er...Sir,couldyoujuststaythere,pretendtohover?A
littletotheright,ifit'snottoomuchbother.

Reporter:'Course,wegottahavecarolsingers,singingcarols,lampsaglowing.(Entercarol
singers)Dressedupallwarm,forthesnowthatisfalling.(Singerseachthrowahandfulof
"snow"optional)

Photographer:AndwhataboutSanta,hisgiftsinasack.Where'sSanta?

CarolSingers,Photographer,Reporter:(loudly)WHERE'SSANTA?!?

Mary,Joseph,Shepherds:(puzzled)WhoisSanta?

(EnterSantathroughthe'door'.)

Santa:Ho!Ho!Ho!MerryChristmas!

JANEL:Thisisn'thowit'ssupposedtogo,James...!

Reporter:Andthen,there'stheChristmastree,thegiftsandthetoys.(Carollersbringsontree,
Santagivesthechildgiftstoputbyit)

Photographer:Dollsforthegirls...

Reporter:...andgunsfortheboys.

Photographer:....Walkmanfortheteens...(enterteenwithWalkman).

Reporter:...palmpilotsfortheirbrothers.(Enterlateteenwithapalmpilot)

Photographer:Andwhataboutthefood,suppliedbythemothers.(Enterharassedwomanwith
platesoffood.)

(MaryandJosephareoverpoweredbythisturnofevents,asaretheWisemenandshepherds.
Thechildrenandcarolsingersarekeentohavetheirpicturetaken,Santaishohoing.Inthe
generalconfusion,MaryandJosepharealmostobscured.)


Photographer:Look,IknowI'manuisance,butit'smaskingtheox.Couldsomebodyshiftout
thatdirtyoldbox?

Reporter:Yeah,inthemiddleofthesceneit'sabitofadanger.

Photographer:Anuisance...Notevenaesthetic,doesn'tevenlookmatchingornice.

Reporter:...Ahazard.

Both:AWAYWITHTHEMANGER!

(Santaquicklymovesmangertooneside,andtakescentralpositionhimself,holdingarms
outstretchedsoMaryandJosephareobscured.)

Photographer:(Lookingthroughviewfinder)Good.

Reporter:(Tothecrowd)Relaxforasecond.

Photographer:Bethereinawhile.Now...closertogether,andallatonce...

Both:SMILE!

(Thecameraflashes.Thereisnomovementornoise.Thereisapause,thenthebabycries.All
headsturntolookatthecradle.)

(Blackout.Thebellrings.)

Voiceover:Goodeveningshoppers!Only3moreshoppingdaysleftuntilChristmas,andinthe
spiritofthisseason,wewillbestayingopenuntilmidnighttonightandtomorrownightforyour
Christmasshoppingpleasure!Justforyou,fromthefriendlymanagementofScottsShopping
Centre.PleasebeinformedthatallLadieswinterstockingsareat60%off,men'sties:40%,
Batashoelaces:70%,andallpurchasesover$1000(inasinglereceipt)willqualifyyouforour
specialluckydraw!WinaluxuriousholidaytoBintan!(interruption)uh,esscueme,gotababy
onleveltree,canhismadderpreasecomecorrectheem?Thankyouforyourattention,
shoppersandhaveahappyholiday!

Scene6

(Lightsuponthesceneasbefore,butallhavechangedclothestobebackin1999.Everyone
frozenexceptforJANELandJAMES.JAMESrushestothepramtocheckforthebaby.
Everyonebreakstableaux.)

MARY:Ohthereheis,thankyoulookingoutforourbaby!

JOSEPH:Ionlylefthimforamoment...It'ssoeasytolosetrackofeverythingimportantinthis
Christmasrush.

JAMES:You'retellingme.

MARY:Well,thankyousomuch.Haveamerry,merryChristmas.

JOSEPH:Andaprosperousnewyear!(ExeuntMARYandJOSEPH)

(Santahohohosinthebackground,shopperscontinuewalkingbackandforth,aimlessly.
ANGELSdressedinwhite,however,arenowapartofthebusyscene,spreadingpeaceand
goodwill.TheSHOPKEEPERapproachesJAMESandJANEL.)

SHOPKEEPER:Arethereanyotherthingsyou'dliketolookupaboutChristmas?

JAMES:Weren'tyouthepersonwho...

JANEL:You?!WhatwouldyouknowaboutChristmas?

SHOPKEEPER:IknowthatChristmasisnothingwithoutChrist.Itwouldjustbe'mas'.Andthat
Christcamedowntoearthforaveryspecialreason.You.

JAMES:(JANELtriestointerrupt,butJAMEScutsheroff)But...why?Forme?!Lookatwhat
we'vemadeitChristmasSanta,mistletoe,chesnutswe'vedoneawaywithJesus!

SHOPKEEPER:Imagine:(thesceneissubtlyactedoutupstagebysomeshoppers)Supposea
womanhastenprecioussilvercoins,andlosesone.Doesshenotlightalamp,sweepthe
groundsandsearchcarefullyuntilshefindsit?Andwhenshefindsit,shecallsherfriendsand
neighbourstogetherandsays"RejoicewithmeIhavefoundmylostcoin!".Inthesameway,I
tellyou,thereisrejoicinginthepresenceoftheangelsofGodoveronesinnerwhorepents.

JANEL:Angels...angels!Haveyoureadthepapersrecently?WhereisGODinallofthis?

SHOPKEEPER:Righthere(patsheart)...andrighthere.(allANGELSonstagenow,they
faintlysing"SogiveHimglory/LiftHimhigher/CelebrateHisbirth/Godhascometoman!")

JANEL:Thatsongagain!


TheSHOPKEEPERleadsJAMESandJANELaroundthestage,listeningintotheANGEL's
conversation.OtherANGELsareinteractingwithinthemallscenevendingthings,talkingto
people,etc.

Group1

ANGEL1:Yeah,sotherewasthismanwhohadtwosons,andhedividedhiswealthbetween
them.Butsoon,hisyoungersontookhishalf,andtookoffforadistantcountryandthere
wastedallhismoneyinalcohol,drugs,prostitutes....

ANGEL3:...generalwildliving.Butafterhehadspenteverything,therewasaseverefaminein
thatwholecountryandhewasbroke.Sohewentandhiredhimselfout,butgotevenlesstoeat
thanthepigshewasfeeding!

ANGEL1:Noonegavehimanything...

ANGEL3:...andhecametohissensessoonalright,andsaid,

ANGEL1:"Howmanyofmyfather'shiredmenhavefood,andhereIamstarvingtodeath!I'llgo
home,andsaytomyfather:Dad,Ihavesinnedagainstheavenandagainstyou.Iamnolonger
worthytobecalledyoursonmakemelikeoneofyourhiredmen."So...

ANGEL3:...sohegotupandwenttohisfather.Butwhilehewasstillalongwayoff...his
fathersawhimandwasfilledwithcompassionforhimherantohisson,threwhisarmsaround
himandkissedhim.Thesonsaidtohim"Iamnolongerworthytobecalledyourson!"

ANGEL1:Butthefathersaidtoeveryone"Quick!...Let'shaveafeastandcelebrate!Forthis
sonofminewasdeadandisaliveagainhewaslostandisfound."Sotheybegantocelebrate!
Meanwhiletheolderbrotherbecameangryandrefusedtocomein.Sohisfatherwentoutand
said"Myson,youarealwayswithme,andeverythingIhaveisyours.Butwehadtocelebrate
andbeglad,becausethisbrotherofyourswasdeadandisaliveagainhewaslostandis
found."(continuesmouthing,silently)

(JAMES,JANEL,andSHOPKEEPERwalkbacktocenter.)

JANEL:So...isthatwhatGodhasdoneforus?

SHOPKEEPER:Moreso!Godlovesussomuch,somuchsothatHegaveHisoneandonly
faithfulson,theonewhoremainedloyal,togomeethisbrothersandsistersandhavingdone
so,todieahorribledeathforoursins!ThatisthemeaningofthenameofJesusChristtoday
LOVE,forgiveness,beingsaved.GoddidnotsendHisSontocondemntheworld,buttosave
it,andwearesetfreebyJesus!That'swhywehavethestoryofChristmasHewasborn

sinless,andlivedsinless,becauseHewasGodandHewashumanalso.Noneofushuman
beingsaresinlessasmuchaswetry.YetChristwas...andthat'swhatwecelebrateChristmas
forGod'slove!

ANGELSolo:AndeventhoughHecametoearth

Solongagoandfaraway,
WecelebratethemiracleOf...

All:...whoHeistoday!

Chorus:Gloria!Godhascometoman,CelebrateHisbirth.
Godhascometoman.
GlorytoGodinthehighest,Peaceonearthandgoodwilltomen.
GlorytoGodinthehighest,LetHispraisesbeheardagain.
GlorytoGodinthehighest,Peaceonearthandgoodwilltomen.
GlorytoGodinthehighest,LetHispraisesbeheardagain.

(Repeatchorus.)

Medleyofpraisesongs:

Can'tStopTalkingTheLoveofGodCanDoSoyouwouldcome

Can'tStopTalking

Chorus:Can'tstoptalking'bouteverythingHe'sdone,It'sthebestthinghappenedsincethe
worldbegun.
Itdidn'tcomecheapbutIgotitforfreeIt'sthehopeofgloryChristinme!(x2)

Verse:Hehelpedmetoseewhenmyspiritwasblind,It'samazingifyoulookjustwhatyou'll
find.

Ev'rystepItookHetooktwo!IfHediditforme,Hewilldoitforyou!(x2)

Bridge:Leader:Doyouknowhim?

All:YesIdo!

Leader:DoyouknowwhatIsayistrue?DoyouknowHim?

All:YesIdo!!

IfHediditformeHewilldoitforyou!(x3)

Chorusx1...HopeofGloryChristinme!

TheLoveofGodCanDo

Instrumental

SoYouWouldCome

GottaHaveIt
ByAndyLund

Summary
CustomersfightoverthelatestChristmasfadsinthissatire.Pointsuphowconsumerismhas
takenover.

Scripture
James4:13

Characters
Assistant
3Customers
2children

Script
(Thesceneisadepartmentstore.Oneachsideofthestageisacounterandtheactiontakes
placeatoneortheotherwiththeshopassistantmovingbetweenthemwhilsttheactionis
frozen.PAsystemsoundsoutaninanejinglealongthelinesofYougottahaveit,gottahaveit.
Itsthebestthatyoucanget.Continuestoplayinthebackgroundforawhile.)
Assistant:(Singsalong)
Customer1:(TalkingtoCustomer2astheyenterthestore)Haveyoudoneitallthen?
Customer2:What?
Customer1:Yourseasonalshopping.
Customer1:Whatdoyouthink?Monthsago.Alldoneanddustedbeforethefirstleaffell.Im
notalastminutetype.
Customer1:Norme.Youcanloseoutlikethat.Sodidyougetthepresent?
Customer2:Ofcourse.Goeswithoutsaying.(Sings)Gottahaveit.Gottahaveit.Itsthe
bestthatyoucangetIwasoneofthefirst,probablythefirst.Iwasinthestorethedayitwas
launched.Ohyes.
Customer1:Wowwhohaveyouboughtitfor?Someonespecial,Iguess.
Customer2:Youbet.Forme.Couldntthinkofanyonemoredeserving.OhyesThe
XP4500TSwhatabeauty.Iamgoingtobethetotalenvyoftheneighbourhood
Assistant:(Overhearing)Excuseme,sir(madam).Icouldnthelpoverhearingyour
conversation.DidyousaythatyouhadpurchasedtheXP4500TS?
Customer2:Youbet.Anabsolutetreasure.IdontmindadmittingthatIhavetrieditouteven
thoughthefestiveseasonisnotyettrulyuponus.Icouldnthelpmyself.Hadtohaveit.Had
toenjoyit.

Assistant:Yes,thatswhatIthoughtyousaid.Thethingis(hesitatingly)thethingisyou
didsaytheTSdidntyou?
Customer2:Youbet.Nothingbutthelatestforme.TheTSitwas.
Assistant:Yes,thatswhatIthoughtyousaid.ButImafraidthelatestistheTXnottheTS.
Cameoutyesterday.
Customer2:(Crestfallen).No.Idontbelieveit.
Assistant:Imafraidso.TheTetraXenontheTX.Withtheremotecontrol.
Customer2:(withenvy)Witharemotecontrol?
Assistant:Absolutely.Wehadatotalrunonthemallday.InfactIbelieveIveonlygotoneleft
instockthissideofChristmas.
Customer1:(quicklyintervening)Illtakeit.
{Customer2givesCustomer1alookofpurehatred)
(Freezeframe)
(InaneJinglefadesupagain.Assistantmovestoothercounterwheretwochildrenarefighting
tobefirstinthequeue.Otherspareactorscanmakeuparudimentaryqueue)
Child1:(Shouting)Iwasfirst.Getbehindme!Takeyourturn!
Child2:Noyouwerent!Youpushedin!
Child1:SowhatifIdid.Imstillinfrontofyousotough!
Assistant:Nowchildren,letsnotargue.Imsuretherestimeforyoubothtobeserved.What
wasitthatyouwanted,sonny?
Child1:IwanttheGammaPlusWow2,silverlimitededitionwithcombitabulation.
Assistant:Wouldthatbewiththedigitalcyberchallenger?
Child2:Ohcomeon.Thisistakingtoolong.Iwanttobeservedaswell,youknow.
Child1:Backoff!Noonecaresaboutyou!
Child2:Wellhowaboutyoubackoff?
Child1:Howaboutyoutakesomeofthismedicine?(Hitshim)
Child2:Finebyme,ifthatswhatyouwant.(Afightensues)
Assistant:(Distraught)Childrenplease!
(Freezeframewithchildrenscrappingonthefloor.)
(Jingleagain.Assistantmovesbacktofirstcounter.)
Assistant:(Hummingthejingle)CanIhelp,madam?(Sir)
Customer3:Icertainlyhopeso.Itsthesameproblemeveryyearwhatdoyougetfor
someonewhohaseverything?
Assistant:Noproblems.Youhavecometotherightstore.Didyouknowthatwehaveawhole
departmentdedicatedtothatverythought?Ithinkyoullfindyoursearchisatanend.
Customer3:Ohexcellent.Youreallycanhelp?Youreagenius.Givemesomesuggestions.
Assistant:Letmeseenow
Customer3:Aslongasitsfunandfrivolous.
Assistant:Thereisthenewrangeofflavouredmobilephonecovers.
Customer3:Ohgreat.
Assistant:Yesyoureceiveaboringcallfromyourbossoradistantrelativeandinsteadof
givingthemanykindofattentionyoucangorightaheadandstartlickingthosenumberkeys.
Mmm,Guavaandkiwi,yummy...

Customer3:Great.Anyotherideas?
Assistant:Anynumber.HowabouttheGroovyChicknosehaircurler?
Customer3:Mmm...
Assistant:OrtheSteamstationelbowtherapykit?
Customer3:Ahh
Assistant:Orbestofall,thenewstressinducer.
Customer3:Stressinducer?
Assistant:Absolutely.Forthetrulyoverchilledoutexecutiveawholerangeofproducts
calculatedtobringthatallimportanttensionbackintoyourlife.Whatdoyouthink?
Customer3:Itakeitalltheseproductsareguaranteedtobefrivolousandofnoearthlyuse
whatsoever?
Assistant:Quitesosir(madam)Justmakesureyoureadthesmallprintonthepackages
though.(Handsoverapackage)
Customer3:(Reading)Thereisnochancewhatsoeverofanylastingworthinanyofthese
products.
(Freezeframe.Theother2frozenframespositionthemselvesadjacenttothisoneasa
tableauandtheassistanttoonesidesaysthefollowing.Alternativelythewordscanbespoken
fromthewingsorprerecorded.)
Assistant:Runinsuchawayastogettheprize.Competitorsgointostricttrainingtogeta
crownthatwillnotlast.
Wehaveacrownthatwilllastforever.
Donotstoreupforyourselvestreasureonearthwheremothandrustdestroy.
Whatcausesfightsandquarrelsamongyou?Theycomefromyourdesires.Youwant
somethingbutyoudontgetit.Youkillandcovetbecauseyoucannothavewhatyouwant.
Youaskwithwrongmotives.Youasktospendonyourownpleasures.
Thefruitofthespiritisselfcontrol.
Godhasgivenusaspiritof
power
and
love
and
selfdiscipline
(Forextraemphasisalltheactorscansaytheemboldenedwords)
............................
CopyrightA.Lund2003,allrightsreserved.
Thisscriptmaybeusedfreeofcharge,providednoentrancechargeismadeforthe
performance.Inreturn,hewouldliketobetoldofanyperformance.Hemaybecontactedat:
andrew.lund@ntlworld.com

It'sOverSoQuick
ByGregSpringall

Summary
Christmasisastressfultime.Ithasbecomeacommercialeventwithlittlethoughtforthe
reasonitallbegan.AsthreefriendsmeetovercoffeeoneisabletoteachtheothersthatJesus
isthereasonfortheseason.

Characters
JaniceCalm,withanunderstandingofChristmas
BethCaughtupintheconsumerismofChristmas
KathrynHaggardwiththepressureoftheseason.

Script
(Staging:Acoffeeshop,wherethethreewomenmeetforabitofrestduringthebusyChristmas
Season.JaniceissittingatatableinthecoffeeshopKathrynenterswithcoffeeinhand,
lookinglikesheistired,stressedandreadytoexplode]
Janice:[WavingtoKathryn]Oh,Kathryn,Imoverhere.
Kathryn:IvejustgottositdownImtotallyexhausted.Ivebeenrunningallmorningtryingto
getthelastminutethingsforChristmas.
Janice:Takealoadoffyourfeetandrelax.Bethshouldbehereshortly.Sowhathasyouso
stressedthismorning?
Kathryn:BradsparentsjusttoldustheyarecomingfromTorontofortheholidaysandyouknow
theyhavespecialdietrequirements.IvetriedtogetBradtotakesomeresponsibilityin
gettingthingsreadyforthis,buthedoesntseemtocareifthingsarerightornot.Iguessitwill
beuptomeagain.SoIamouttryingtofindlowcarbfoodsandmakesurethereissomething
underthetreeforthem.
Beth:[entersabouthalfwaythroughtheabove,overloadedwithshoppingbags]Hithere,cana
wearysouljointhistable.
Janice:Sure,takeaseatBeth.Itlookslikeyouhavehadasuccessfulmorningsofar.Isthere
anythingleftonthestoreshelvesfortherestofus?
Beth:What,thisstuff?Thisisnteventhehalfofit.Ivealreadymadeonetriptothecartodrop
bagsoffandIdontthinkIhaveeverythingIneedyet.
Janice:Beth,whatareyoudoingwithallthisstuff?Ithoughtyoutoldmeyesterdaythatyou
werefinishedwithshoppingandonlyhadtopickupstockingstuffersforthekidsandJeff?
Beth:Thatsright.thesearethestockingstuffers.Youknow,Christmasissuchawonderful
timeforshoppingIjustloveallthesalesthatareonrightnow.AndonChristmasmorningitisa
greatwaytoshowRyanandAmyhowmuchIlovethem.
Kathryn:Dontyouthinkitiswrongtolavishsomuchonyourchildren?

Beth:Whatdoyoumean?IsntthatwhatChristmasisallabout?
Kathryn:NO!Christmasisaboutgettingstressedbeyondbelief,puttinginhoursofwork,and
thenexperiencingatotalletdown!
Beth:whoooowtheresisterhowcomeyouresomiserabletoday.Christmasisatimeofjoy
andhappiness.ItsatimetogivepresentstofamilyandfriendstosayImthinkingaboutyou
andyouarespecialtome.
Kathryn:Youhavegottobekiddingright!?Beth,wasntityouwhotoldmelastAugustthatyou
finallyhadyourcreditcarddebtpaidofffromlastyearsChristmas?
Beth:Yeah,thatwasme.Justintimetocrankitupagain.SowhatdoesChristmasmeanto
you.
Kathryn:Christmasmeansstress,anxietyandahugeletdown.
Beth:Youcantmeanthat.
Kathryn:SureIdo.Ispendhundredsofhoursanddollarsmakingsureeveryonehas
somethingjustrightunderthetreeandintheendImleftwithanemptyfeeling.
Beth:ButdontyouenjoythewaythestoresaredecoratedandtheChristmasmusiciswafting
overthestorespeakers?
Kathryn:Atthistimeofyearitisnotbad,butwhydostoreshavetostartitallinOctober?I
meantheydontevenletHalloweenbeoverbeforetheystartpummellingyouwithChristmas
shoppingadvertising.BythetimeChristmasfinallyarrives,mostpeoplewhoworkinthestores
aresosickandtiredoftheentireseasontheyarereadytothrottletheelvesanddestroyevery
ChristmasCDinthestore
Beth:Buttheresurearesomegreatbargainstobehad.
Kathryn:Right[verysarcastically].Thatswhattheywantyoutobelieve.Imightbetoocynical,
butIfindthateverystoreofferingthegreatblowoutprice,hasactuallycrankeduptheregular
Julypriceby30%sotheycantellyoutheyaregivingittoyoufor25%off.Andforthisprivilege
wegettofightcrowdsofpeoplewhohaveturnedintoshoppingzombiesandfacestoreclerks
wholookliketheyhavebeenrunoverbytrucks.
Janice:Kathryn,IalwaysthoughtyoulovedChristmas.Imeanyourhouseiswonderfully
decoratedandyouhavethebestChristmasbakingIhaveevertasted.
Kathryn:Thankyouforsayingthat,butitisallsotiring.TakeChristmasbakingasanexample.
Everyonetellsmetheyloveit.Bradandthekidsallraveaboutitastheyscarfitdownlikethey
haventeatenforthreeweeks.Butnotoneofthemeverofferstohelpinmaking.
Beth:Sowhydontyoujustnotdothebaking.Allthegrocerystoressellprettygoodstuffatthis
timeofyear.
Kathryn:Butitisnotjustthebaking.TherearethehoursspentwritingoutChristmascardsto
peopleyouhaventtalkedtoinyears,butbecausetheysentyouacardlastyear,youhaveto
returnthefavor.
Janice:HaveyoutalkedtoBrad?Heissuchagoodguy,Imsurehewouldhelpout.
Kathryn:Itisfrustratingtohavetoaskforhelpallthetime.Whycantheseewhatthisinvolves
andoffertohelp?ThenwhenIdoaskBradforhelp,likecomingupwithpresentideasforthe
childrenorhisfamily,hesaysImnotverygoodatcomingupwithideas,whydontyouhandle
itbecauseyouresogoodatit.ThenonChristmasmorning,everyonescramblesoutofbed
early,ripsthroughthepresentsin15minutesandleavesamessofpapersformetocleanup.I

putinenormoushoursandefforttogetthingsreadyforChristmasandthenitisalloverso
quickly.Thentoaddinsulttoinjury,whilethefamilytakesanap,becausetheygotupsoearly,
Imexpectedtocookahugeturkeydinnersowecanallgorgeourselvesatnight.Pleasedont
getmewrong,ImnotagainstChristmas,Imjusttiredofit.Itissomuchworkandthereissuch
littlepersonalsatisfaction.
Janice:ImsosorrytohearthatKathryn.Maybeyouhavetoputthisseasonintoperspective.
Beth:Whatdoyoumeanbythat?
Janice:YouhavetorememberTheReasonForTheSeason
Kathryn:Andwhatmightthatbe?
Janice:Christmasisthecelebrationofourlordandsaviorsbirth.SoJesusISthereasonfor
theseason.
[Blackout]
..............................
GregSpringall,allrightsreserved.
Thisplaymaybeperformedfreeofcharge,providednoentrancefeeischarged.Inreturnfor
freeperformance,theauthorwouldappreciatebeingnotifiedofanyperformance.Hemaybe
contactedat:gregoryt0958@rogers.com.

Myrtle,FrankAndAFewWiseGuys
or

TheMisunderstoodChristmas
AMelodramabyMarieParker

Summary
AChristmasstorywhereit'sOKtobumbleabit.ItseemstheNarratoristheonlyonewhohas
aclueastowhatissupposedtohappenandissurprisedbythelackofunderstandingfromthe
cast.Amelodramathatshouldbringsmilesandaverylightfestiveatmosphere.

Characters
NARRATOR,
CAESAR,
JOSEPH,
DONKEY,
SHEPHERDS,
SHEEP,
INNKEEPER,
ANGEL,
ANGELHOST,
WISEMEN,
STAR,
MYRTLE
FRANKENSTEIN

Script
NARRATOR:Onceuponatime,andthisisatruestoryfromLukechapter2itcametopass,in
thosedays,thattherewentoutadecreefromCaesarAugustus,thatalltheworldshouldbe
taxed.
CAESAR:(Entersandpassesoutthumbtacks).
NARRATOR:No,no,nottacks,taxedlikewhatwepayinApril.
CAESAR:Youmeanthis?(Holdsupa1040form).
NARRATOR:Wellkindalikethat,exceptthattheydidn'thavecensustakersbackthensoall
wenttobetaxed,everyonetohisowncity.AndJosephalsowentupfromGalilee,outofthecity
ofNazareth,intoJudea,untothecityofDavid,whichiscalledBethlehembecausehewasof
thehouseandlineageofDavid.
JOSEPH:(Enters)ThatmeansKingDavidwasmygreat,great,great,greatgranddad.That's
whyheissogreat!

NARRATOR:AndJosephalsowentwithMary,hisespousedwife,beinggreatwithchild.
(EnterMary,notpregnant)
JOSEPH:OhMary!Youaresogreatwithchildren!Iappreciatethataboutyousomuch!You've
beendoingsomebabysittinghaven'tyou?
NARRATOR:No,no,no,no,noJoseph.Itmeansshewasverypregnant.
JOSEPHANDMARY:(Unison)Oh!(Maryputsabasketballundertheshirtandthecouplewalk
offstage).
NARRATOR:Now,wherewerewe?Ohyes,AndJosephalsowentupfromGalilee,outofthe
cityofNazareth,intoJudeauntothecityofDavid,whichiscalledBethlehem.
(JosephandMaryenteragainwithMaryridingonadonkeypossiblyastickhorse).
NARRATOR:TheycametoBethlehemandtriedtogetaroom.
INNKEEPER:(Chipperandprofessional)HolidayInnI'msorry,therearenovacancies,
pleasetryagainsometime.
NARRATOR:NottheholidayInnjustinn.
INNKEEPER:(Disgruntled)Whateverstillno,noroomsallfull.
NARRATOR:TherewasnoroomforJosephandMaryinthebusytown.
INNKEEPER:Well,Idohaveabarn(Pointstoamanger).
(JosephandMarygooverthemanger).
NARRATOR:Andsoitwasthat,whiletheywerethere,thedayswereaccomplishedthatshe
shouldbedelivered.Andshebroughtforthherfirstbornson,andwrappedhiminswaddling
clothes,andlaidhiminamanger,becausetherewasnoroomforthemintheinn.
(Maryremovesbasketballandpicksupadoll)Ok,buthowexactlydoyouwraphimin
swaddlingclothes?Whatistheworldisthat?
NARRATOR:ItwasstripsofclothkindlikeamummyThatwastheirpracticebackthenfor
newborns.Itkeptthemwarmandsecure.Weusesoftblanketsnow.OK?Backtothestory.
Andtherewereinthesamecountryshepherdabidinginthefield,keepingwatchovertheirflock
bynight.
(Entershepherdandsheepsheeparebaaingoneshepherdwearsawatchandyellsout
"It's9:05PMandalliswell"anotherissinging"AbideWithMe".)
NARRATOR:WhatAREyoudoing?
SHEPHERD#1:Keeping"watch"overourflockandit'snight.
SHEPHERD#2:Ithoughthesaidwewere"abiding".
NARRATOR:(Sighs)Andlo,theangeloftheLordcameuponthemandthegloryoftheLord
shoneroundaboutthemandtheyweresoreafraid.
(Angelenterscrawlingonthefloor).
NARRATOR:Whatareyoudoing?
ANGEL:Yousaid,"low,theangeloftheLordcame",soI'mcominginlow.
NARRATOR:No,no,no.Loisanexpressionthatmeanssuddenly.
(Angelleavesandthencomesbackontostagerunning).
NARRATOR:AndsuddenlytheangeloftheLordcameuponthemandthegloryoftheLord
shoneroundaboutthemandtheyweresoreafraid.
SHEPHERDS:(Moanandgroaninunison).
NARRATOR:What'swrongnow?

SHEPHERD#1:Wearesoreandinpainprobablyfromsittingonthehardground.
NARRATOR:Thewordsoreinthiscaseisusedtodescribeafeelingofbeingveryfrightened.
SHEPHERD#2:Oh(Looksoverattheothershepherdanddrawsinadeepbreathasif
startled).Uh(Lackingconviction)Oooo,scary.
NARRATOR:Andtheangelsaiduntothem
ANGEL:(Holdsuptwofingersintheoldpeacesign)Peaceman.
NARRATOR:(Looksattheangel)Comehere.(Angelscomesoverbythenarratorandlooksat
thescript)ThelineisFearnotforbeholdIbringyougoodtidingsofgreatjoy,whichshallbeto
allthepeople.ForuntoyouisbornthisdayinthecityofDavidaSavior,whoisChristtheLord.
Andthisshallbeasignuntoyou:Yeshallfindthebabewrappedinswaddlingclothes,lyingina
manger.Andsuddenlytherewaswiththeangelamultitudeoftheheavenlyhost,praisingGod
andsaying,(Looksattheangelinanticipationoftheirline.)
ANGEL:Peaceman(Walksoffstage).
NARRATOR:(Looksangrybuttakesadeepbreathandtriestostaycalm)Whattheyactually
saidwas,"GlorytoGodinthehighest,andonearthpeace,goodwilltowardmen."Thatmeans
thatGodsentHisangelstoshepherdstoannouncethebirthofHisSon.Nowkings,notto
Caesarbuttothecommonpersontoshepherds.(Nowcaughtupinthestory)The
AllpowerfulCreatoroftheuniverse,becameaman,borninastable,announcedbyangelsto
thecommonpeoplesothateverydayordinarypeoplecouldknowGodpersonally.Itisthe
greatestmiracleofall!!!AftertheangelsannouncementtheshepherdshurriedintoBethlehem
tofindJesus(Theshepherdsremainseatedlookingoutattheaudiencewithasillygrin).Isaid
TheshepherdshurriedintoBethlehemtofindJesus.
SHEPHERDS:(SuddenlyrealizetheymissedtheirQueandgetupquicklyandrunovertothe
mangerastheangelsleave)
NARRATOR:InMatthewchaptertwo,wereadaboutwisemenfromtheeastcomingto
Jerusalemsaying,"WhereishethatisbornKingoftheJews.Forwehaveseenhisstarinthe
eastandwearecometoworshiphim".
(EnterWisemenandstar)
NARRATOR:Herod,theking,sentthemtoBethlehem,andsaid,Goandsearchdiligentlyfor
theyoungchildandwhenyouhavefoundhim,bringmewordagain,thatImaycomeand
worshiphimalso.Whentheyhadheardtheking,theydepartedandlo,thestar,whichtheysaw
intheeast,wentbeforethem,tillitcameandstoodoverwheretheyoungchildwas.
(Thestarandwisemenwalkovertothemangerwiththestarleadingtheway).
NARRATOR:AndwhentheysawtheyoungchildwithMary,theyfelldownandworshipedhim
andwhentheyhadopenedtheirtreasures,theypresentedhimwithgifts.
WISEMAN#1:Ibroughtyougold.
WISEMAN#2:IbroughtyouFrankenstein.
WISEMAN#3:AndIbroughtyouMyrtle.(AnoldladywalksoutwithFrankenstein)
MYRTLE:Idon'tknowwhatwassoimportantyouhadtobringmeallthewayacrossthedesert.
Icouldhavehadfiveafgansknittedbynow.I...(Looksatthebaby).Oh,howprecious.You
knowhereallycoulduseablanket.
NARRATOR:No,no,no.Thegiftsweregold,frankincenseandmyrrh.
MYRTLE:(Angry)Soyoudon'tneedme?

NARRATOR:Uh.No.
MYRTLE:(Looksatthewisemen)Whatareyou,somekindawiseguys?(Walksoffstage)Wait
tillItellyourmothershearaboutthis.
WISEMAN#2:(Callsafterher)Sorry,Myrtle!CanFrankcomewithyou?(Frankwalksoffstage
inthesamedirectionasMyrtle).
NARRATOR:Goldwasagiftforaking.Incense,agiftforGod.Andmyrrh,aspiceusedfor
embalming,agiftforsomeonewhowastodie.Thewisemenhadtraveledthousandsofmiles
toworshipGodbecomeman.Theshepherdswerecommonmen,andthewisemenormagi
werepeopleofobviouswealthsincetheywereabletotravelsofarandbringsuchexpensive
gifts.Jesusisforeveryone.
InPhil.2:5itsays"Letthismindbeinyou,whichwasalsoinChristJesus,who,beingGod
madehimselfofnoreputation,andlookeduponhimselftheveryformofaservant,andwas
madeinhumanlikeness."GodbecameamanandhediditbecauseHelovesus.Godgaveus
thegiftofHisSon.ThewisemenbroughtgiftstoJesus.WhatwillyougivetoHim?
.................................................
Copyright2002byMarieParker.
Ifyouusethisscriptwouldyoubesokindastoletusknow?
firstacts@ILoveJesus.net

NoRoomattheInn
or
IfI'dKnownYouWereComing,I'dHaveBakedaCake
BySteveMunson

Summary
Oftenwearetoobusy,distractedorcynicaltoenjoythemiracleofChristmas.Acurmudgeonly
hotelmanagercompletelymissesit.Note:Thisisafunholidayskitthatcaninvolveamixedcast
ofchildrenandadultsorallkidsbutthepartofthehotelManagerrequiresmoreskillatboth
memorizationandcharacterizationtocarrytheskit.

Characters
HotelManageraloveableoldcurmudgeon
HisWifeadumpylookingwomanwithanattitude
Josephadesperatehusband
Maryhispregnantwife
JoetheCamelabellhop
AssortedAngelsasmanyasyouwish(greatforlittlechildren)
3Shepherds
3Wisemen

Script
(Setting:Lobbyofadumpyhotelentrancestagerightoptionalexitdoorstageleft.Asign
reads,"BethlehemGrandHotel."Aelderlymanager,cantankerousbutloveable,Brooklyn
accent,standsbehindthefrontdesk,onwhichthereare2oldfashionedphonesandaguest
register.Onephonerings.Heanswers.)
Manager:Hello?"GrandHotel.Highclassroomsforlowclasspeople."Oh,hello,Morty.What's
new?No.Nahhhhh.Nothin'everhappenshere.Well,we'reverybusy,that'sall.Whatwithtax
season,we'reallfilledup.(theotherphonebuzzes.)Justaminute.(heputsdownonephone
andpicksuptheother)Hello,frontdesk.Oh,helloRoom48.Whatdoyouwant?Room
service?No.No.Look,thisisnottheWaldorf.(pause)It'sfourflightsup.YouwantIshould
breakmyneck?
(EnterJosephandMary,pooranddustyfromtraveling.Theybothwearhalos.Josephcarries2
heavybags.Maryisverypregnant,walkingslowlyandsupportingherback.Shelookslikeshe
isgoingintolabor.)

Manager:Okay,okay.I'llmakeyouadeal.For10drachmas,I'llsendupfivebeautifuldancing
girlsandatencoursemeal.(pause)Forthreedrachmas?Forthreedrachmasmywifewilltap
dancewithacasserole.(hangsup.Callingtowifeoffstage)Oh,looootusblossom!
(Josephstepsuptodesk)
Manager:What,areyoulost?
Joseph:Wehaveareservation.
Manager:I'llbethejudgeofthat.
(Manager'swifeemerges.Alarge,dumpywomaninbathrobeandfuzzyslippers,withaNew
Yorkattitude,chewinggum.)
Wife:What!
Manager:(reachesunderdesk,handsherapairoftapshoes).Room48wantsthebigchicken
number.Onlyholdbackalittleattheend.Theywereveryrude.
(Shesighsandexitsmuttering)
Manager:(picksupphone)Youstillholding,Morty?(putsphonedown)(toJoseph)What'sthe
reservationunder?
Joseph:BenHeli,YosefbenHeli.
Manager:BenHeli?What'sthat,aname?
Joseph:Yes.
Manager:MyronPlotznick.Now,that'sname!ElvisTakomopoulos.There'sanotherone.
(housephonebuzzesagain)
Manager:Justaminute(picksupphone)Frontdesk.Hellooo,Room88.How'stheweatherup
there?Runningwater?(surprised)Really?Where'dyougetit?Oh,youwantsome.Ashower?
No.No,look.Icouldn'tgetwaterupthereifweshotitoutofacannon.Well,juststickyourhead
outthewindowandprayforrain.(offended)Ohyeah?(hangsupabruptly)(ToJoseph)That's
thetroublewithpeopletodaytheygotnofaith.(picksupotherphone)Youstillhangin'in
there,Morty?(putsitdown)(ToJoseph)Whatwasthatnameagain?
Joseph:BenHeli,YosefbenHeli.
Manager:(consultingregister)"BenHeli,benHeli."Hey,youanyrelationtoBenHur?
Joseph:No.
Manager:Well,ifyouseehim,tellhimhe'slefthischariotparkedinaloadingzoneforabouta
monthnow.I'mapatientman,butthere'salimit.BenHeli,benHeli.Okay,youwantthebad
newsfirst?
Joseph:Youmeanthere'sbadnewsandgoodnews?
Manager:No.There'sbadnewsandworsenews.Firstofall,youhavenoreservation.And
second,we'rebookedsoliduntilafterPassover.It'sabusytime,whatwithCaesarintown.
Joseph:(impressed)Caesar?Youmean,Augustus?
Manager:No.Sid.He'splayingatthePalace.Twodrachmadinner.It'sagoodshow.
Joseph:Couldn'tyoufindussomething?Mywife'sgoingintolabor.
Manager:Listen,kid.Youthinkyougotlaborproblems?88bedsIgot,andyouthinkIcankeep
amaid.Everyonewantssomethingfornothing.Tryagainaftertheholidays.
(Josephmotionsthemanagercloserand,pointingtoMary,whisperssomethinginhisear)
Manager:She'sgonnahavewhat?!!
(Josephcontinuestowhisper)

Manager:(cynically)Riiiiight.AndI'mreallyMoses.Ijustshavedthebeard'causeitkeptgetting
caughtinmyzipper.
(JosephreturnsdiscouragedtoMary,whoisnothappy.Theytalksilently)
Manager:(picksupphone)Youstillthere,Morty?Holdontoyourgallbladder'causethisyou
won'tbelieve.
(Josephreturnstothedeskforanothersally)
Manager:(toJoseph)What,again?
Joseph:Look,we'vecomeallthewayfromNazareth.Youmusthavesomething.
Manager:(pretendingtobrighten)Oh,areyoufromNazareth?
Joseph:(hopeful)Yes!
Manager:(darklycynical)Whatisthat,atown?
Joseph:Yes.InGalilee.
Manager:Ohyeah.IhadanunclefromGalilee.
Joseph:Really?
Manager:Yeah.Hewassteppedonbyacamel.Youknowwhathislastwordsweretome?
(Josephshakeshishead,wonderingwhatthishastodowithanything)
Manager:"Getthiscockamamiecameloffme!"(laughs)Sorry,kid,youwalkedintothatone.
Joseph:Please,sir,showsomepity.
Manager:Okay,okay.Stopit.You'rebreakingmyheart.I'lltellyouwhat,kid.I'lltellyouwhat.I
likeyou.You'reapaininthebackside,butIlikeyou.Yougotmoxie.Andyou'reacleancutkid.
Probablyevenalittlereligious.Youshouldseesomeofthelosersthatcomeinhere.I'llmake
youanoffer.Standback,you'regonnalovethis.FortwodrachmasI'llputyouinour
firstclassstablesuitenexttothecamels.
Joseph:Astable?
Manager:Astableisnice.Alittlestraw.Somecattlelowinginthebackground.It'svery
soothing.
Joseph:Oh,Idon'tknowaboutcamels.I'veheardtheyspit.
Manager:Well,ifthat'salltheydo,kid,you'realuckyman!
Mary:(goingintolabor)Honey!
Joseph:Okay,okay.We'lltakeit.
Manager:Awiseman.Signhere.(handshimapentosignregister).That'llbetwodrachmas
inadvance.
(Josephbeginstodigforcoins.Managereyeshimsuspiciously).
Manager:Noplastic,please.
(Josephhandshimtwosilvercoins)
Manager:Thankyou.Now,I'llputyouintheverycapablehandsofourheadcamel.(ringsbell)
Hey,Joe!
(enterboydressedincamelcoloredclothing,withhump)
Joseph:You'reacamel?
Joe:Yeah,whaddyathinkIamwiththishump?RichardtheThird?
(Joepicksuptheirbagsandleadsthemout)
Manager:(shakeshishead,picksupphone).Morty,youthere?Wait'llyouhearthisone.(turns
towardexittomakesurethey'regone).Youngcouplecomein.Noreservation.Wifeisaboutto

givebirthanyminute.Husbandtellsmeareyouready?it'sgonnabetheMessiah?Whatam
Irunninghere?Igotaguyonthethirdfloorthinkshe'sAlexandertheGreat.An85yearold
womanwhodoestheDanceoftheSevenVeils.Andsomejokerwhowalksaroundinthe
altogetherthinkinghe'sAdamandthisistheGardenofEden.(pause)Iknow,Ishouldhavehad
himarrested,buthekeepsthegrassnice.Somepeoplehaveagreenthumb,whatcanIsay?
(Alargebandofangelswalkpastthefrontdeskandoutthebackdoortowardthestable.
Managerbarelynotices.Thehousephonebuzzes).
Manager:Oh,whatisitnow?Justaminute.(putsdownphone,picksuphousephone).Front
desk.Who'sthis?Thestable?Well,whatdoyouwant?Hotwaterandtowels?Say,whatamI,
aTurkishbath?Oh,thebaby.No,there'snomidwifehere.(hangsup.Picksupotherphone)
Midwife,schmidwife.Morty,thesekidstodaygivemeapain.Inmydaythewifeisoutinthe
field.Oo!Apain.Andpffft!Thekidisoutandpickingolives.It'sabeautifulthing.(Looksoverhis
shouldertowardthestableexit.)Waitaminute.(putsdownphone,leavesdeskandstandsin
doorway.Yellingatangelsoffstage.)Hey!Hey!!Youwiththewings!Stayoffthelawn!(returns
todesk.Picksupphone).Youstillthere,Morty?Iknow,Iknow.Well,look,theworldisgoingto
heckinahandbasket.Whaddyagonnado?
(wesuddenlyhearloudangelicmusicoffstage"Gloriainexcelsisdeoetc.")
Manager:(havingtroublehearingMortyoverthenoise)Waitaminute.What?What?Ican't
holdon.(putsdownphone,leavesdesk,slamsbackdoor.Musicstopsabruptly.Returnsto
deskandphone.)I'mback.What?Ohthosedarnkidsandtheirmusictoday.Youknowhowit
is.Theylikeeverythingloud.
(Enterabandofshepherds,verydirtyanddressedinrags)
Manager:(sighsimpatiently)Holdonagain,Morty.(toshepherds)What?
Shepherd1:Haveyouseenababywrappedinswaddlingclothesandlyinginafeedingtrough?
Manager:(pause,takeslonglookattheaudienceasthough"You'vegottobekidding.")No.No,
thatIwouldremember.
Shepherd2:Well,didabandofangelscomethroughhere?
Shepherd3:Yeah,acompanyoftheheavenlyhost?
Manager:No,look.I'mtheonlyhostaroundhere,andI'maskingyoupolitelytoleave.Theway
youboysaresmelling,yourcompanyislessthanheavenly.Say,don'tyoushepherdsever
bathe?
(Theyexit.Hemuttersandspraysacanofairfreshener.)
Manager:Ooof!Shepherds!
(EnterThreeWiseMenwithgreatdignity,bearinggifts)
Wiseman1:We'relookingfortheonebornKingoftheJews.Doyouknowwherewecanfind
him?
Manager:(losingpatience)Say,whatisthis,aquizshow?
(Theyexitwithpompthroughbackdoortowardthestable,leavingthedooropen.Wecanhear
angelsstillsinging.)
Manager:(picksupphone)What?No.Ehhhhh,justabunchofwiseguys.Justaminute.(puts
phonedown,walkstowarddoortoshutit.Yellsout.)Hey!Ifthat'smymanger,there'sgonnabe
trouble!(slamsdoor,returnstodesk,andpauseswithasigh)SomeGrandHotel.Peoplecome,
peoplego.Nothingeverhappens.(picksupphone)Morty,youstillthere?

(Entirecompanycanreturntosing"HarktheHeraldAngelsSing"orotherChristmassong.)
.....................
Copyright2000bySteveMunson,allrightsreserved.
Thisscriptmaybeusedwithoutroyaltypayment,providednochargeismadeforadmissionto
theperformance.Inreturntheauthorwouldliketobetoldofanyperformance.Hemaybe
contactedat:stevevcf@optonline.net

Rockin'AwaytheYears
ByMichaelHumphrey

Summary
Threeresidentsofanoldpeople'sresthomelamentthatChristmasisnotwhatitusedtobe.
Thentheydecidetodosomethingaboutit.

Characters
3resthomeresidents

Script
One:Well,HerecomesanotherChristmas
Two:Yep..Hereitcomes..
Three:Icanhardlywait.
One:Sowhatareyoudoingthisyear
Two:Sameaslastyear..SittingandwaitingWatchinItsaWonderfulLife.Lovethatmovie..
Howaboutyou?
One:KidsarecomingWhatathrill..Icanhardlywait..
Three:Yeah..Thatsreallyexciting.ImgoingtotheChristmasProgramattheCathedral.
Supposedtobearealdooziethisyear..
One:Gosh,IrememberwhenChristmaswasexciting.
(Voicesstarttogetmoreexcitedastheyreminisce)
Two:Yeah..IrememberthatwesternFlyerIgot..
Three:Youbet..Theywerethebest
One:AndmyfirstBBGunshotmydadrightinthe
Two:IgotmyfirstMadameAlexanderDoll.Shewassobeautiful.
Three:IgotaLionelTrain..Thatthingseemedhugebackthen..
One:Itsurewouldbeniceifwecouldbringbackthosedays
Three:Andwhycantwe???
Two:Becausetheyregone!?!?!?!
Three:Ohplease..Allwehavetodoisfindawaytomakeithappen..Lookatthattree..Its
awful..Itsgotnolife..
One:Coulditbebecauseitsartificial???
Three:No,itsbecauseitneedssomedecorationsthatmeansomething..Putonsomemusic.
Two:Whatdoyouwant???
Three:WhatdoyouthinkIwant???GivemesomecheeryChristmasmusic.Somedecorating
music.
Two:Ivegotjustthething
OneSowhatdowedo??

Three:Weturnbacktheclock..WerememberwhatmadeChristmasChristmas..Thesmells..
Thesounds(startmusic)Nowthatsthewaytodoit..
Two:Whatsmellsareyoutalkingabout?
Three:ThinkbackWhatsmellsdoyouremember?
Two:Popcorn..HotPopcorn..andCider..FreshCider..andGarlands.
Three:Nowwerecookingwithgas..Whatelse?
One:CarolersIwishwehadCarolers..Thatwassomuchfunhearingthemandsingingwith
them..
Three:Whycantwehavecarolers?
One:Noonewantstocometoaresthomelikethis..Justlookaround
Three:Yeah,justlookaround.Alltheseoldpeopleandnoexcitement.Well,weregoingto
changethat..Weregoingtohaveaparty.Withmusicandsingingandcranberriesand....
One:PumpkinPieandEggNogand..
Two:(singing)ChestnutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire.
(Alllaugh)
Three:Ithinkwerestartingtogetthefeel..Butsomethingsstillmissing..
One:MyteethwheredidIputthem?
Three:NoSomethingmoreimportant
OneYoutryandeatturkeywithnochoppers..AlthoughIhavegummedanearofcornto
death..
Three:NoNoNo..
Two:Ivegotit
Three:Whatisit?
(TwoopenstheBibleandbeingreadingtheChristmasstory)
One:NowTHISisChristmas
....................................................................................
MichaelHumphrey,Allrightsreserved.
Thisplaymaybeperformedfreeofcharge,ontheconditionthatcopiesarenotsoldforprofitin
anymedium,noranyentrancefeecharged.Inexchangeforfreeperformance,theauthorwould
appreciatebeingsentabulletinoftheperformance,oranaudiotrackifpossible.Hemaybe
contactedat:mjhumphrey_58@yahoo.com

SaleorReturn

ByAndyLund

Summary

AdissatisfiedcustomertriestogethismoneybackbecausetheChristmasfeelingdidn'tlast.

Characters

Customer
ShopAssistant

Script

Customer:Excuseme.Ivecometoexchangesomething.

Assistant:(Cagily)Ah,right.Haveyouareceipt?

Customer:(Rummagesthroughbag/wallet)Noluck,Imafraid.

Assistant:Andwhatwouldthissomethingbeexactlythatyouwishtoexchange?

Customer:Well,theChristmasfeeling,really.

Assistant:Isee,theChristmasfeeling.DidIsellittoyou?Whenwasit?

Customer:JustbeforeChristmasIgotitonlyafewweeksbefore.

Assistant:Ah,itwasntinthesalewasit?Wehaveapolicythatwewontexchangesalegoods,
Imafraid.

Customer:Waitaminute.Ivegotrights,youknow.Statutoryrights.Anyway,itwasntinany
saleandyoudefinitelyweresellingit.Irememberbigpostersalloveryourstore:"Getthe
Christmasfeelinghere".Dontyouremember?

Assistant:Right.Isee.Well,thatsnotexactlywhatwemeant.Itsjustaturnofphrasereally.

Customer:Wellyououghttobemorecareful.Thereissuchathingasthetradesdescription
act,youknow.Areyousayingitwasnttrue?

Assistant:Wellitwasanditwasnt.Tellme,whatdidweactuallysellyou?

Customer:(Finallyfindingreceipt)Right,hereyouare.Letmesee12crackerslightsforthe
treeandahugeplasticglitteringstar.

Assistant:Ah,asIthought.Seasonalgoods.Imafraidwecantexchangeseasonalgoods.
AnywaywereontosellingEastereggsnowandsoon.Icandoyouanicetradeinfor
chocolatebunnies.Variousflavours.

Customer:What,mixed?

Assistant:Absolutely.

Customer:Somixomitosis?

Assistant:No.ThepointiswecantgiveyoubacktheChristmasfeelingorrenewitinanyway.
Seasonalgoods.Yourestuck!

Customer:Ivealreadytakenthetreebacktotheforestandthepuddingbacktothepudding
clubbutitsnotsomuchthegoodsitsthefeelingIwantexchanged.Itsallwornoff.
(Downhearted)

Assistant:Well,withrespect,whatdidyouexpect.Theresverylittlethatspermanentinthis
world.Youcouldhardlyexpectittolastintoanewmillennium.Butyouvestillgotthepresents.

Customer:ThewheelfellofftheindestructibleTonkatruck,mymobilephonetoastedmy
earlobeandtheantiwrinklecreamIgotbecauseImworthitsetlikepolyfilla.

Assistant:SurelysomethingabouttheChristmasfeelinglastsmorethan4weeks?

Customer:Wellifthereis,Idliketoknowwhatitis.

............................................................................

AndyLund,DurringtonChristianFellowship
Allrightsreserved
Thisplaymaybeperformedfreeofcharge,ontheconditionthatcopiesarenotsoldfor
profitinanymedium,noranyentrancefeecharged.
Inexchangeforfreeperformance,theauthorwouldappreciatebeingnotifiedofwhen
andforwhatpurposetheplayisperformed.Hemaybecontactedat:
andrew.lund@ntlworld.com

Shift
APlaybyDavidWagner

Summary
ThreebrothersandsistersareplayingaboardgameatChristmas,andintheprocesssome
truthshithomeforthefirsttime.

Characters
Marissa
Ryan
Claudia

Script
(Twocharacterssitontheflooraroundalowcoffeetablethereisaplacesetforathird.A
gameboardissetuponthetable.Thesceneisfrozen.Marissaisinthecenterspot,facingthe
audience.Sheisfrozenholdingherfistasthoughabouttorolladie,lookingatthegameboard.
ToherleftisRyan.Hehashisarmscrossedandleansback,asthoughhe'dratherbedoing
anythingrightnowotherthanplayingthisgame.Claudiaentersstagerightwhilesceneisfrozen
andcomesdownstagecentertodeliveropeningmonologue.)
Claudia:Familiesarefunnythings.Youtakeasmallgroupofpeoplethatarecompletely
differentfromeachotherandthrowthemalltogetherunderthesameroof.It'slikesomestrange
socialexperiment.Myfamilyisnodifferent.Therewereplentyofgoodtimesandtherewas
plentyofturbulence.Likemostfamilies,certaintraditionsbeganandweretoberepeatedyearly,
someofwhichmadenosense.Buttheywerefun.Oneofthosetraditionswasouryearlygame
ofShiftonChristmasEve.Mybrother,mysisterandIwouldplayShift,whichwasaboardgame
basedonBibletrivia.WhyShift?WhyChristmasEve?Ihavenoidea.Butweplayeditevery
yearuntilweallgrewupandleftthehousetobeginlifeonourown.
OurswasaChristianhome,inasense.Imean,weallwenttochurch,toSundayschool,to
youthgroupmeetings,toBibleCamp.Wesaidgracebeforemeals,andourprayersbeforebed.
Butthatwasaboutit.Wewerealwayscontentwiththat.ButIhadbeguntogetuncomfortable
withmyrelationshipwithGod.Itseemedtobeshallow,stagnant.Ineededtofindoutifthere
wasmore,orifIshouldleaveGodaltogether,becausethingscouldnotstaythesame.Thelast
yearthatweallplayedtogetherwasaturningpointforme.
(Claudiawalksovertothefrozensceneandsitsattheemptyspot.Sceneunfreezes.Marissa
rollsthedie,clapsonceandbeginstomoveherpiecewithanAha!)
Marissa:Aha!Therewego![Movesherpiece,countsasshegoes]
Ryan:Sixagain?Youmustbecheatingsomehow!
Claudia:Scrabbleanyone?
Marissa:Gimmeabreak,guys.Comeon,readmemyquestion.

Ryan:[Drawsaquestioncardfromtheboxofcards,holdsitupandreads]OK,thequestion
is
Marissa:Waitwhat'sthecategory?
Ryan:GeneralBibleKnowledgethequestionis"Whyonearthdoweplaythisgamewith
youeveryyear?"
Claudia:Amen!
Marissa:Comeon,Ryan,what'stherealquestion?
Ryan:Ok,ok[pausestoquicklyreadoverquestiontohimself]good,it'satrickyonename
thetwelvesonsofJacobinorderofbirth.
Claudia:Ha!Goodluck.
Marissa:ThetwelvesonsinorderIknowthisone
Ryan:Oh,really..?[Holdsupalittleyellowcard,twirlingit,chuckling]
Marissa:Oh,you'regoingtouseyourChallengeCard,eh?Yousureyouwanttodothat
buddy?
[RyansmilesatMarissaasheslowly,dramaticallyliftsthechallengecarduphighandslowly
bringsitdownontothegameboard.Whilehe'sdoingthis,Claudiasaysthefollowing]
Claudia:[Verymelodramatic]No,Ryan,don'tbeafool!Saveitforlater!No!
Ryan:Ha!Anofficialchallenge!Uptoit?
Marissa:Allright,buddy,Iaccept.ButifIgettheanswerright,yougobacktothebeginning
[Tapstheboardatthe"beginning"space]
Ryan:Andifyougetitwrong,youmustdrawfromthePileofMixedBlessings!
Muahahahaha!
Marissa:Bringiton.
Ryan:[HandsthequestioncardtoClaudia]Hereyouare,Claudia.You'retheneutraljudge.You
checktheanswer.
Claudia:Verywell
Marissa:Ok,let'sseeThetwelvesonsofJacob
Ryan:Inorder.
Marissa:Inorder.Iknow.Shh!I'mtryingtoconcentrate.[Closeshereyes,pressesher
temples].
Ryan:[afterapause]Oh,comeonalready!Whilewe'reyoung!
Marissa:Iknow,Iknow!Ok,the12sons.Ineedapenandpapertowriteon[glancesaroundas
thoughshewouldgetup]
Ryan:Hey!Noway!That'scheating.
Marissa:Ok,fine,I'lltry.[Headdown,pouty.Thenshesmilesasneakygrin,glancesupand
looksatRyanwhilesherecitesquickly]Rueben,Simeon,Levi,Judah,Dan,Naphtali,Gad,
Asher,Issachar,Zebulun,Benjamin,andJoseph!Sothere!(SticksouthertongueatRyan)
Ryan:Youknewitthewholetime!Yousneak!
Marissa:Hahaha!Backtothestart,infidel![ReachesforRyan'spiecetomoveittobeginning]
Claudia:Wait!Youmissedit,Marissa.
Marissa:What!?
Claudia:Youendedwith"BenjaminandJoseph."
Marissa:[Pause,shocked]No!Imeant"JosephandthenBenjamin!"

Ryan:Yes!![Fistsgoupinavictorysalute.Laughsuproariously]
Claudia:Sorry,sis.
Marissa:Comeon,guys!YouknowIknewthatone!Itwasaslipofthetongue!
Ryan:Youmisseditontheeasiestpart!EveryoneknowsBenjaminwastheyoungest!
Marissa:That'snotfair!
Ryan:[Dramatically]NowyoumustdrawfromthePileOfMixedBlessings!What,ohwhat,
willitbe?
[Marissareluctantlydrawsabluecardfromapileofbluecardsfacedownneartheboard.She
readsit,thentossesthecarddownindisgust.Ryanquicklygrabsitandlooksatit]
Ryan:It'sa"Shift"card!Yes![Toimaginarycrowd]LadiesandGentlemen,itistimetoShift!
[Marissahasherheadinherhands.Solemnly,toClaudiaandMarissa,Ryansays:]Allrise.
[Claudiastands,Marissaslowlyrisestoherfeet.Theyrotatepositionsclockwise.Ryanisnowin
Marissa'sformerspot]
Ryan:OK,nowI,mydear,havetakenoveryourpiece.Thatmeans[mocksurprise]why,what
doyouknow?NowI'mleading!Fancythat!Andthescriptureisfulfilledhethatislastshallbe
first!
Marissa:Enjoyitwhileyoucan,buddy.
Claudia:[toMarissa]Wouldyouratherplaysomethingelse?
Marissa:Andgivethisguythesatisfaction?Notachance.
Claudia:Ijustwanttomakesureyou'reenjoyingyourself.
Marissa:Don'tlettheactfoolyou,ClaudiaI'mhavingaball.
Claudia:Metoo.
Ryan:Allright,breakitup,youtwo.Idobelieveitismyturn.NowthatIhaveacommanding
lead,I'mgoingtoslamthedooronyoutwo.
Marissa:Gee,yourholidayspiritissotouching.
Claudia:Atrueinspiration!
Ryan:Oh,Iseetwoonone,eh?Youguysganginguponmeasusual,huh?Gimmethatdie!
[Snatchesthedie,shakesitceremoniouslyinhiscuppedhands]Comeon,comeonbaby
needsanewpairofshoes![Rollsdie]
Marissa:Ha!A"one."
Ryan:Aw,man!Makesnodifference[moveshispiece].Ishallinchforwardtowardvictory.
[DoingaWinstonChurchillimpression]Thiswillbemyfinesthour.Myquestionplease.
Claudia:[drawingacardfromquestionbox]Ok,let'ssee
Ryan:BibleHeroesBibleHeroes
Claudia:Thecategoryis
Ryan:BibleHeroesBibleHeroes
Claudia:ChristianDoctrine!
Ryan:No!
Marissa:Hahaha!
Ryan:Fine,Ipass.
Marissa:Quitter.
Ryan:Isaid,"Ipass,"not"Iquit."
Marissa:Passer.

Claudia:Oh,comeonatleasttryit.
Ryan:Thesequestionsareimpossible.
Marissa:Foryou,maybe.
Ryan:It'salwayslike:"explaintheGodhead"or"whatisthenatureofsin"or"summarizethe
GospelinHaikuform."
Claudia:Oh,comeon,they'renotthatbad.Here,let'stryit.
Ryan:Well
Marissa:Lastchancetopass
Ryan:[Slightpause,toClaudia]Allright,let'shaveit.
Claudia:Ok"Whatdoesitmeantoovercomesin?"
[Ryanslumpsasthoughshot]
Marissa:Youshouldhavepassed,Ryan.
Ryan:[Tonoone]Why?WhydoIdothistomyself?
Claudia:Well,youhavetoatleastattemptananswer.
Marissa:OryoumustdrawfromthePileOfMixedBlessingsaswell.Andwhoknowswhatcard
youmightdraw?Perhaps"Gotoouterdarknessgodirectlytoouterdarkness"[Claudia
picksupwithMarissa,theycontinueinunison]"donotpassGo,donotcollecttwohundred
dollars."
[ClaudiaandMarissalaughtogether]
Ryan:Youguyssetmeup.I'mtellingmom.
Marissa:[allsmiles]You'realittleoldtobetattling,aren'tyou?
Claudia:Comeon,Ryan.Youknowthedealifweacceptyouranswer,thenyou'vecompleted
yourturnsafely.Ifyougetitwrong,yougobacktothespotyouwerejuston.
Marissa:Besides,momwouldn'tbelieveyou.ShethinksClaudiaandIhavealwaysbeenlittle
angels.
Claudia:You,ontheotherhand
Ryan:You'rejustmad'cuzI'mwinning.OK,fine,youwantananswer,I'llgiveyouananswer
Marissa:Takeyourtime.Ineedsomeicewater.[Gettingup,toRyan]Youwantanything?
Ryan:Hemlock.
Claudia:Good,apottybreak.[Standsandstretches]
Marissa:[toClaudia]Anythingfromthekitchen?
Claudia:I'lljoinyouinaminute.[Exits]
Marissa:Ok.[ToRyan]Anddon'tmovethepieceswhilewe'regone.Iknowwhereeachoneis.
[Exits]
Ryan:[Alonenowonstage.LooksuptoGod,quotingFiddlerontheRoof]SometimesIthink
whenthingsaretooquietupthere,yousaytoyourself,let'sseewhatkindofmischiefIcanplay
onmyfriendTevya.[Endofquote]'Tistheseason,ehLord?
[Stands,stretches]Overcomingsin?Ok,sowhatdoesitmeantoovercomesin?Ithoughtyou
weretheonewhoovercamesin?Isthattheanswer?Nah,thatwouldbetooeasy.Ok,sowe
overcomesinbynotsinning.Byresistingtemptation.Isthatit?Weresisttheurgetosin,and
don'tdoit.Thenwe'veovercomeit,right?Butwe'resinfulpeoplebynaturesowehavetosin,
don'twe?Isthattheanswer?Areweevensupposedtobeconcernedwithsuchathing?I'm
clueless,Lord.Helpmefindtheanswer.

[HehearsClaudiaandMarissareturning,quicklysitsbackdownandpretendsthathe'smoving
thepiecesaround,knowingthathe'sbeingseen.]
Marissa:Hey!Isawthat,Ryan![Ryansitsbackquickly,whistling,asthoughnothinghappened.]
Ryan:What'dIdo?
Claudia:[whackshimontheheadlightly]Youcheater.
Marissa:[Examiningpiecesquickly]Ok,hedidn'tmove'em.
[ClaudiaandMarissasitdownagain.]
Marissa:Readywithyouranswer?
Ryan:Notreally.Thiskindofquestionopensupaphilosophicalcanofworms,which,if
exploredthoroughly,mightleadtoendlessdiscussionsonthenatureofmanandhis
relationshiptoGod,tohisfellowman,andto
Claudia:Uhohfilibuster.
Marissa:Excuseme,Senatorcouldyoulimityourresponsetosimple"yes"or"no"answers
please?
Ryan:Ok,fine.Whatdoesitmeantoovercomesin?[Continuesveryuncertainofhimself]Well,
itmeanstoneverpurposelydowhatyouknowiswrong.Likeifyouhaveaproblemstealing,
andyou'retemptedtostealsomething,youpray,andGodwillgiveyoustrengthnottosteal.Is
thatit?
Claudia:Well,that'snottheanswerthatthey'relookingfor,butitisanangle.So,you'resaying
topraywhenyou'retemptedsoyoucankeepyourselffromsinning?
Ryan:[Startled]IsthatwhatIsaid?
Marissa:That'swhatyousaid.Doesitworkforyou?
Ryan:UhwellIdon'tknow.I'veneverreallythoughtaboutitbefore.Iusuallyjustwingit.
Claudia:Well,whatdoyouknowaboutsin?
Ryan:Idon'tknowIsupposeweshouldtrytolivearighteouslife,youknowdogood,help
thepoor,thatsortofthing.
Claudia:Doyou?
Ryan:DoIwhat?
Claudia:Dogood.
Ryan:What'sthatsupposedtomean?
Claudia:Doyoudogood?!
Ryan:Well,I'maChristian,ifthat'swhatyoumean.
Claudia:So,aChristianisjustsomebodywhodoesgood?
Ryan:What'swiththethirddegree,already?!IgotochurchSundaymorninglikeagoodboy,I
tithetenpercent,Ivolunteerattheoccasionalpotluck.Whatmoredoyouwant?
Marissa:Whatabouttherestofit?
Ryan:Therestofwhat?
Marissa:Thepartaboutprayingforstrengthwhenyou'retempted.
Ryan:Itoldyoualready,Ijustthoughtofthatrightnow.Ihaven'ttriedit.DidIgettheanswer
rightornot?
[Scenefreezes.Claudiarisestoaddresstheaudienceagain,pacing,assceneremainsfrozen
behindher]

Claudia:Youeverhearsomethingforthefirsttime,butitclickslikesomethingyou'veknown
yourwholelife?Here,Ryanhadfakedhiswaythroughtheanswer,buthestumbledonto
somethingthatatonceconfusedmeandmadeperfectsensetome.Overcomingsin.Seems
likesomethingeveryChristianshouldbeveryfamiliarwith,butherewewere,Christiansforour
wholelives,andwe'dneverreallythoughtaboutwhatitmeantinpracticaltermstoovercome
sin.Ryanhadnoideawhathehadsaid,orit'simplicationshejustwantedtowinthegame.
[Claudiawalksbackoverandsitsdown,thesceneunfreezes]
Claudia:Whatwasthequestion?
Ryan:Isaid,didIgettheanswerrightornot?
Claudia:Yep,Igiveittoya.
Ryan:Thankyou!Sheesh!
Claudia:Iguessit'smyturn.(Grabsdie,rollsit,movesherpieceforwardacouplespaces.
Marissagrabsaquestioncardfromthebox.)
Ryan:Askheratoughonenow.Askherhowmanyangelscanstandontheheadofapin.
Marissa:You'retheonlypinheadaroundhere.
Ryan:Saythem'sfightin'words!
Marissa:OkthecategoryisBiblicalGeography
Ryan:Oh,Iknowtheanswer!"CleanlinessisnexttoGodliness."
Marissa:Veryfunny.Thequestionisatwoparter:RegardingtheJordanRiver,whatdoes
"Jordan"mean,andintowhatbodyofwaterdoesitempty?
Claudia:Ooh,okwell,itemptiesintotheDeadSea,Iknowthatmuch.Asfaraswhat"Jordan"
meansIdon'tknow.
Marissa:[Readingfromcard]Itmeans"Descender."
Claudia:Well,thatmakessense.
Ryan:Itdoes?
Claudia:SurepeoplewerebaptizedintheJordanRiver.
Ryan:And..?
Claudia:And,whenyou'rebaptized,it'ssupposedtobelikedyingandthencomingtolifeagain
anewperson,right?Well,the"oldyou"thatdied"descends"downstreamintotheDeadSea.
That'sprobablyhowitgotitsname.
Ryan:Soundslikesomebody'sbeenhittingtheeggnogabithardlately.
Claudia:Seemsplainenoughtome.Don'tyourememberSundaySchool?
Ryan:IthoughtthiswasSundaySchool.Inanycaseyoumissedthequestion,sobackyou
go[Mischievouschuckle,movespiecebacktooriginalposition]
Marissa:Youknow,winningisn'teverything.
Ryan:Don'tletVinceLombardihearyousaythat.Winningmightnotbeeverything,butbeating
youforoncewouldbenice.Roll![handsherthedie]
Marissa:Allright,paltimetoshowyouhowwedothingsdowntown![Rollsdie]Yes!
Claudia:Goodgrief,Marissa,haveyourolledanythingotherthansixestonight?
Ryan:[AsMarissaadvancesherpiece]Andshelandsonabonusspace.
Claudia:OK,sis[drawsacard]ifyougetthisrightyougettorollagain.Categoryis
Ryan:ChristianDoctrineChristianDoctrine
Claudia:BibleHeroes!

Ryan:Noooooo!
Claudia:SamsonkilledmoreofthePhilistinesbyhisdeaththanhedidinhislife.Hebroughtthe
templedownuponhimselfandthePhilistines.Whowasthetemplededicatedto,andhowmany
menandwomenwereonitsroofwhenitcollapsed?
Marissa:Thisoneiscake.AbetterquestionwouldbewhatwerethethreemethodsDelilah
usedtotrytocaptureSamsonbeforesucceedingbycuttinghishair?
Ryan:What,areyoumakingupthequestionsnow?Comeon!
Marissa:OK,fine.ItwasthetempletoDagonandtherewerethreethousandmenandwomen
ontheroofwhenhebroughtitdown.Canyouanswertheotherquestion,Ryan?
Ryan:OK,so,you'resmarterthanmebigdeal.Whatdoyouwant,congratulations?
Claudia:Youknow,Ijustthoughtofsomethingthosesillymethodssheusedtotrytocapture
himinitiallyweresuccessfulaslongasSamsonwassleeping.
Ryan:Whatareyousaying?
Claudia:Imean,aslongasyou'reasleepthesilliestlittlethingscankeepyoubound.
[Scenefreezes,Claudiarisesandpacesaddressingtheaudienceagain]
Claudia:Alltheyearsweplayedthisgame,ithadbeenforsimpleenjoymentonly.Itwasan
excuseforMarissatodisplayher"vastamounts"ofBibleknowledge,andforRyantotellhis
dumbjokesandpuns.Me,Ijustenjoyedtheinteraction,whichfromtheoutsidemayseemlikeit
wasmoresquabblingthanplaying,butreally,Iconsidereditqualityfamilytimeandnothing
more.
Thistimewasdifferent.Newthoughtswerespringingup,likeovercomingsinbyprayingwhen
tempted.Seemslikeanobrainer.So,whyhadn'tIthoughtaboutitbefore?Anditseemedthat
itwassomehowconnectedtotheideaofbaptismlikewhenyouresistsin,thatpartofyoudies
andthenismadealiveagain,orsomething.Suddenly,itwasrightthere,infrontofme.Allthis
time,Iwastaughtthatafteryou'resaved,yousimplyenduredthislifeuntilit'sover,andthen
heavenwouldbegin.Withoutrealizingit,Iknewtherehadtobemoretoitthanthat,andhere
weresomestepsforwardIcouldtake.Itwasexciting.
IfeltlikeSamson:asleep,boundbysimple,sillythings,butnowshakingmyself,breakingfree.I
feltlikeIwaswakingup.Iwaitedtoseewhatwouldcomenext.
[Claudiareentersthescene,sitsatherplaceandthesceneunfreezes]
Marissa:Igettogoagain,Igettogoagain[Grabsupthedie]
Ryan:IhaveatheoryMarissahasmemorizedeveryquestionwhadayathink,Claudia?
Marissa:Gimmeabreakmostofthesequestionscouldbeansweredbyanyonewhoreads
theBible.
Ryan:Whatisthis"Bible"thingyoukeeptalkingabout?
Marissa:Veryfunny.Thequestionsareeasy.
Ryan:Well,atleastyou'rehumble.
Claudia:[Drawsacard]OK,roll,Marissa.
Marissa:[Rollsdie,letsoutawhoop]Yes!
Ryan:SixagainGodlovesyouthebest.
Claudia:Categoryis
Ryan:QuantumPhysicsQuantumPhysics
Claudia:CompletetheVerse.

Marissa:KingJamesorNIV?
Ryan:Oh,brother.
Claudia:KingJames.TheverseisFirstJohnThreeNine.CompletetheVerse:Whosoeveris
bornofGoddothnotcommitsinforhisseedremainethinhim:and
Marissa:andhecannotsin,becauseheisbornofGod!Whoohoo!
Ryan:Noway!There'snowayonearththatyouknewthat!
Marissa:Theladyisonaroll!IamaBibleTriviaMachine!
Ryan:Uh,excuseme,MissBibleTrivia?Onequestion
Marissa:Yeah?
Ryan:"BenjaminandthenJoseph?"
Marissa:Ok,ok,soIblewoneofthem.[Theythumbtheirnosesateachother]
Claudia:[Hasbeenstudyingquestioncardcarefully]Doyouguysrealizewhatanamazing
versethisis?
Marissa:What'sthat?
Claudia:WhoeverisbornofGoddoesnotcommitsin.Isthatpossible?
Ryan:Iswhatpossible?Notsinning?
Marissa:Youmeanlike"sinlessperfection?"Ithinkthataslongaswe'reinthisworld,wehave
tosin.
Claudia:SodidIbutthat'snotwhatthissays,andthisistheBible.
Ryan:IthinkthatonlyappliestoJesus.HewasbornofGod,sohecan'tsin.
Claudia:Butitdoesn'tsayit'sforJesusJohnwrotethistoChristians.
Marissa:So,whatareyousaying?
Claudia:Youcanquoteitfrommemory,butyoucan'tseewhatit'ssaying?
Marissa:No,Ijustcan'tseewhatyou'resaying.
Claudia:Ryan,itfitsinwithwhatyouweresayingbefore
Ryan:Itdoes?
Claudia:[toRyan]Areyousinningrightnow,atthismoment?
Ryan:Uhno,notthatI'mawareof.
Claudia:Willyousinbeforethedayisover?
Ryan:Idon'tknowprobably.
Claudia:Ok,whatareyoudoingcorrectlyrightnowthatyouwon'tbedoinglater?
Ryan:Youlostme.
Claudia:Don'tyougetit?You'renotsinningrightnowlateron,whenyou'retemptedtosin,
youprayforstrengthtoresist,Godgivesyouthestrength,andyouovercomeit!Youkeepfrom
sinning!Why?Becauseyou'rebornofGod,sonowyoucangotohimforstrengthtoovercome
sin!Seehowitfits?
Ryan:[Rubbinghistemples]Ithinkmybrainisgoingtoexplode.
Marissa:Igetit,Claudia.Soundsfine,butwhathappenswhenyousinanyway?Because,I
don'tcarewhoyouare,you'regoingtosin.You'renotperfect.
Claudia:Irealizethis.ItjustseemstomethatthisishowaChristiangrows.Byslowlygaining
strengthoversin.
Ryan:I'veneverheardyoubeallreligiousbefore,Claudia.What'sup?
Claudia:Ijustneedmore,that'sall.

[Scenefreezes,sherisestoaddresscrowdagain]
Claudia:Ineededmore.IwasseeingthattherewasmoretoGod,andIwantedit.Morethan
justwantingit,though,IfeltlikeIwasgettingit.Whatagift!Likegettingsomethingyounever
realizedyoualwayswanted.
Marissawouldgoontowinthegame,withRyanholdingontosecond.WhileIcameinlast,ina
sense,Ireallywon.GodusedasimplegametodramaticallyshiftmyviewofHim,oflife,ofmy
walkwithHim,ofwhatChristianity'sallabout,andwhileIknewIhadalotmoretolearn,atleast
nowIknewtheway.
ENDS
.......................................
PRODUCTIONNOTES:Thiswasreallyfunandwellreceived.Thesetwassimpleaboard
gamesetuponasmallcoffeetablecenterstage,withthreefloorpillows.Thisisapiecefor
threeteenagersorolder(unlessyourkidsarereallyprecocious),sinceitrequiresatonof
memorization.Ithasalotof(attempted)humor,plus(Ihope)plentytomakepeoplethink.The
boardgameisfictitious.Wejustgrabbedaboardfromanexistingboardgameforuseasa
prop,grabbedtheChancecardsoutofaMonopolysettouseasthePileofMixedBlessings,
andwentfromthere.Everyoneenjoyedittremendously,whichisagreatfeeling.
...............................
CopyrightDavidWagner,allrightsreserved.
Thisscriptmaybeperformedwithoutroyaltypayment,providednochargeismadeforentrance
totheperformance.Inreturntheauthorwouldliketobetoldofanyperformance.Hemaybe
contactedatdavidwagner1@cox.net

TheChristmasStar
ByJarrodMidkiff

Summary
ChristmasmeansChristmasLights,andChristmasLightsmeansbigmoneyforCLI.Sowhat
happenswhenonelittlegirlbringsJesusintothepicture?Thisdramaisfunny,withcharacters
suchas"MoodolftheBucktoothHeifer"and"Barry,Burley,andBo",butisveryseriousabout
reachingouttothelost,andremindingusallofwhatChristmasisreallyabout.
Length:1hr
NumberofParts:17plusextras(minimum9male,7female,1child)

Characters
TerriBrown:NewYorktycoon,OwnerofChristmasLight,Incorporated
Julie:DirectorofMarketingforCLI,obsessedwithGiorgio
Dianne:DirectorofConsumerRelationsbetterknownastheTourGuide.Shouldtalkina
polite,manner(infrontofvisitors)
Greg:StageDirector,wearsdarkglasses,andtalksinaMiddleEasternaccent
Steve:Stagehand,etc.Notalwaysthesmartestcookie,butheknowswhat'simportant
Archie:LeadWriter.Jittery,andkindofimpatient.Obsessedwithdeadlines,etc.
Giorgio:Hiredmusician.Sometimeseccentric,butagoodpersonallaround
Cindy:VeryannoyingNewJerseyaccent.Alwayssmackinggum,etc.Verycasualindress,
possiblywithfrizzyhair.
Donnie:DirectorofResearch.Veryfactsandfiguresoriented.
Visitor1:Takespartinfactorytour.Mustbeapreteen.
Visitor2:Takespartinfactorytour.
Mandy:Relativelynormal,comparedtotheothersNotjustanothervisitor
Barry:Spoofof"Larry"
Burly:Spoofof"Curly"
Bo:Spoofof"Mo"
TheGrinch:Actorinacommercial
Moodolf:Anotheractorinacommercial

Script
Scene1
Terri:Alright,people!Wehaveoneweektopullthisoff.Thecompanyhasspentmillionsof
dollarsincommercialtimeonallthebignetworks,andwedon'tevenhaveacommercialyet!
Archie:Don'tlookatme!I'mjustthewriter.Marketinghasn'tevensubmittedtheirideastome
yet.

Terri:(withhatefulattitude)Iwonderwhattheholdupis.Cindy,callMarketing.TellJulieIwanta
meetingNOW!
Cindy:(leaningagainstthedesk,filingnails)Holdyourhorses,MissesBrown.Ican'tdialwith
myfingerslikethis.It'sanoccupationalhazard!Imightgetahangnail!(Archiecallsonoffice
phone,andpretendstotalk)
Terri:Um,remindmewhyIkeepyouhere.
Cindy:Aw,that'seasy.I'myaniece,doll..
Archie:(puttingphonebackonhook)ItookthelibertyofcallingJuliemyself.She'sonherway
downhererightnow!
Cindy:Thanksfordoingthatforme,andhelpingoutaladyindistress.You'rearealsweetheart!
Youknow,Igothroughthreesetsofthesenailsinaweek!
Archie:Please,don'tmentionit.Infact,don'ttalkatall.Ican'tstandthataccentofyours.
Cindy:Humph!(crossesarms,andlooksupwithhereyesclosed)
Archie:(toMrs.Brown)I'msorry,Mrs.Brown.I'malready3days,12hoursand(lookingat
watch)52minuteslate.IfMarketingdoesn'tgettheiracttogether,I'mdownthecreekwithouta
canoe,Imeanupthepaddlewithoutariver,Imean
Terri:upthecreekwithoutapaddle?
Archie:Closeenough!But,whatamIsupposedtodo?(Stevepushescoffeetrayintoscene,
andgivesTerriacup)
Terri:Trybreathing.
Archie:Icheckedtheschedule.There'snotimeforthat.I'mnotamiracleworker!Thesethings
taketime.TimeIhaven'tgot.It'snotlikeyoucanjusttakethefirstthingIwritedown.Imean,
I'mgood,butnotthatgood,andbesides(continuesbabbling,quietly)
Terri:That'sit.Steve,fromnowon,he'sswitchingtodecaf,yougotthat?
Steve:Decaf,what?
Terri:Coffee.(sarcastically)Decafcoffee?(Juliewalksinwithastackofposters)
Steve:(pouringacupofcoffee)(longanddrawnout)Oh!Right.
Julie:Mrs.Brown,Iunderstandyouwantedtoseeme?
Terri:Yes,Julie.Pleasesitdownhereatthetable.(JuliehandsStevepostersStevewalksto
nearbyeaselwithposterboards,putsthemupsidedown,ofcourse).Iunderstandthatyoustill
don'thavemycommercialreadyyet.Isthere,(shortpause)somesortofproblem?
Julie:Well,yesandno.Yousee,themarketingdepartmenthasformulatedthreedifferentsales
pitches.Theyareallverygood,I'msureyou'llagree.Stevehaseverythingready,soIguess
nowisasgoodatimeasany.(Readingfromclipboard"sporadically")Ourfirstideaisquite
simplespellingoutourcompanynameinChristmaslights,withpeople"ooing"and"ahing"on
thesides.(flipspostersaround)
Terri:Areyousuggestingthatweshouldspendmillionsofdollarsonairtime,butonlyabuck
fiftyonthecommercialitself?You'vegot(dramaticpause)tobekiddingme.Remember,this
yearwearetryingfortheprestigious"CommercialoftheYear"award.
Julie:Don'tworry.Oursecondideaisbetter.Weneedanewcompanyjingle,somethingthat
willcatchpeople'sattention.Somethingthatpeoplewillbesinging,eveninthemiddleof
summer.UsesomeChristmascarolers,andbodabing,bodaboom,you'vegotyourselfanew
commercial.

Terri:Thatsoundsalittlebitbetter.You'rebringinginthatfeelingofholidaywarmththatcomes
fromfamilyandfriends.Ilovemakingmoneyoffofsentimentalgobbledygook!ItseemslikeI've
seenthatbefore,though.(Donnieenters)
Archie:I'dhopeso.TheotherguysatLightYourChristmasdidthatonelastyear.Trythat
number,andyou'llbesuedoutofajob.
Terri:Ithoughtthatsoundedfamiliar!Ihopeyourlastideaisreally,(matteroffactly)really
good!
Julie:Oh,itis!Trustme,itis.Ithink.Weneedtogetanicon
Terri:Awhat?
Donnie:Asymbol,apersona,aSuperstar.
Archie:Okay,Don,enoughwiththedefinitions!(toJulie)I'mfollowin'yanow!
Julie:Weneedsomeonewithabig,brightpersonality.SomeonewhosenameMEANS
Christmas.Westillneedaslogan,somethingaboutbigandbright,andwhatever.Butthere's
aproblem
Terri:Thatsoundsgreat!Whatcouldpossiblybetheproblem?
Julie:Well,it'squitesmallreally.Idon'tknowwhoourstarshouldbe.
Terri:Youmean,Ipayyou$75,000dollarsayeartodonothingbutfigureouthowtosellour
lights,andyoucan'tevendothat!
Julie:Actually,its$78,000ayear,withbenefits.
Terri:Whatever!Ineedstars,andIneedthemnow!
Archie:Aw,there'shundredstochoosefrom.Let'ssee,there'sthatGeorgeguyfrom"It'sa
WonderfulLife,"ormaybesomeonefromthatnewversionofTheChristmasCarolhey
RudolphtheRednosedReindeerevenhasanosethatglowsjustlikeourlights.Seeno
problem!
Donnie:Well,technicallyArchie,thereis!Yousee,everyoneofthemhasalreadybeentaken.
AsDirectorofResearch,I'vecheckedouteverythingimaginablefromPolarBearstopenguins,
andeverythinginbetween.There'snothingleft,thankstoourcompetitors.
Archie:Howaboutthatguyfrom
Donnie:Nosir.
Archie:Well,there'stheone
Donnie:I'vealreadychecked.
Archie:Whataboutthatboyin
Donnie:DoyoureallywantHIMpromotingourcompany?
Archie:Iguessyourright,buttherejusthastobeSOMEBODY!
Terri:Ilikethatidea,solet'sgoonaheadandgetstarted.Archie,youstartworkingonthat
jingle.Julie,youandStevegoandhelpoutDonnie.We'regonnagetthisoutintime,orelse.
Steve:Orelse?Elsewhat,Mrs.Brown?
Terri:(Sternly)Orelse,Steve.
Steve:(notunderstandingforamoment,thenveryshortandquick)Oh!Right.
Scene2
Dianne:(toJulie)So,howdidthemeetinggo?(Mrs.Brownstormsacrossthestage,fromone
sidetotheother)Ah,thatbad?

Julie:Shethinksthatwhenshesaysjump,we'resupposedtosay,"HowHigh?"I'vebeen
workingformonthsonthis.Idon'tknowwhattodo!I'lllosemyjobifIdon'tthinkof
somethingFAST!!
Dianne:Whatdoyouneedexactly?I'vegotatourcomingupinabout10minutes,butmaybeI
canhelp.
Julie:TheonlyideathatMrs.Brownevenlikedwashiringastartopromoteourcommercial.We
can'tthinkofanybody"Christmassy"enoughtowork,though.
Dianne:Maybeyou'regoinginthewrongdirection.YoueverhearofGiorgio?
Julie:Hearofhim!?!WhyIhaveallofhiscd's!(laughingofftheidea)Butwe'dneverbeableto
gethimtocomeanddooursillylittlecommercial.(serious,sighing)Justthink,though!(excited)
Allmyfriendswouldbesojealous!He'dbeperfect!
Dianne:Imightbeabletoarrangesomething.Ihaveafewconnections(Donniewalksin)
Julie:Oh,wouldyou?!?I'dpayanythingtobeabletomeethim,especiallysinceit'sthe
companythat'sgoingtodothepayingandall(Diannewalkstocubicleandpicksup
telephone)
Donnie:Aftercarefulscrutinization,andexaminingallavailableoptions,Ihavecometothe
conclusionthatthereisonlyoneChristmasStarthathasnotbeenusedinsomeway,shape,
form,orfashioninanyofourcompetitorscommercials.IhaveinformedArchie,andhehas
alreadycomeupwithascriptforyourbenefit.Healsohassomeideasofhisown.
Julie:That'snice,butIthinkI'vefoundthesolution.We'retryingtogetGiorgiotocome.
Donnie:Who'sGiorgio?
Julie:Who'sGiorgio!WHO'SGIORGIO?!?Justthegreatestsingerintheworld!(turnsaround,
thenturnsback,shoutinginDonnie'sface)EVER!!!
Donnie:(rubbinghisears)Neverheardofhim.Iwouldn'tplanongoingandtellingArchie,
though.He'salreadyextremelyupsetwithyou!
Dianne:It'ssettledMybrotherwillbeherefirstthinginthemorning.
Julie:(soundsalittleupset)Yourbrother?(Thinking,theninanicertone)Doesheworkfor
Giorgio?
Dianne:(laughing)No,no,no.MybrotherISGiorgio.(Juliefaints,Donniedropsclipboardto
catch)
Donnie:Sheappearstobeabsolutelygagaoverhim,ifImayborrowtheterm.(helpsJulieup)
Julie:Giorgio!Here!OnThisStage!Isn'titwonderful?
Donnie:ApparentlyyouhavealreadyforgottenabouttheArchiesituation.Here'shisfirstscript.
He'salsoworkingonabackup,justincase.Whatdoyouthink?
Julie:Oh,look!It'sgotasong!Noproblem!We'lljustget(lovingly)Giorgio(sighs)tosingit.
Donnie:Somehow,Idoubtthissongisquitehisgenreorcaliber.
Julie:(stillwithstarsinhereyes)Idon'thaveacluewhatyoujustsaid.I'llgoandletArchie
know
Scene3
Dianne:Hello.I'dliketothankyouforparticipatinginthistourofourfactory.HereatChristmas
LightIncorporated,wefeelitisourdutytoreachouttoourcustomers.Toyourright,youwill
seeourfactory.Wemanufacturethousandsofstrandsoflightseachyear,inallcolors,shapes,

andsizes.(lookingattablewithworkers)Ah!Ourfirststopishere,atreturns.I'lllet(lookingat
thesupervisor'snametag)Botellyouabouthisdepartment.
Bo:Welcome,allayuz!(DiannelookshorrifiedonhearingBo'saccent)Thisherepartofthe
factory,wefixupChristmaslights,see.Wecheckeverystrandtomakesureitworks,anif'nit
don't,itsBurleyhere'sresponsibilitytocheckeverybulb.
Burley:Um,boss,couldyoucomeoverhereforasecond.
Bo:Notnows,I'sbusyshowin'thesefinefolksthefactory.
Barry:Butit'srealimportant!
Bo:Iain'tgotstimeforthis.YouandBarrygetbacktowork.Hey,where'sBarry?
Burley:(Barryhopsoutfrombehindthebackdrop)Let'sjustsay,he'salltiedupatthemoment.
(plugslightstrandintooutlet)Hmmthissetseemstobeworkingjustfine.Wonderwhyitgot
sentback?
Bo:YouKnuckleheads!(chasesthemaroundbackoftable,andbehindbackdrop)
Barry:(frombehindbackdrop)Ow!!What'jagoanddothatfer?
Dianne:(clearsherthroat,lookingratherembarrassed)Let'scontinueon,shallwe?(Terriwalks
in)Whatanicesurprise!I'dliketointroduceyoutoTerriBrown,CEOandownerofChristmas
LightIncorporated.Howarethingsgoingtoday,Mrs.Brown?(Mrs.Brownshufflesonpast
withoutaresponse,andexitsontheothersideofthestage)Mrs.Brown?(shockedand
perplexed)Oh,dear!
Cindy:(chasingafterMrs.Brown)You'llhavetoexcuseher.She'salreadyonatightschedule,
(whisperingtoDianne)andIforgottobringherappointmentbookwithme.(normalvoice)She's
gonnastartspittin'nailsanytimenow!
Dianne:(mutteringoutloudtoherself)Canthisgetanyworse!?!(suddenlyhavingamomentof
inspiration)(tovisitors)Today,wehaveaspecialtreatforyou!Weareinthemiddleoffilming
ourannualChristmascommercial,andasitsohappens,thefamousGiorgioisherewithus
today!Youwillallhaveachancetomeethim!Ifirstneedtogetpermissiontotakeyoualltothe
studio,sofeelfreetoroamaroundforalittlewhileI'llbebacktocontinuethethetourinfifteen
minutes.(Diannewalksbrisklyoutofthescene)
Visitor1:It'sdefinitelybusyhere!
Visitor2:ItseemstohavetheChristianspirit.
Mandy:That'snotwhatIwouldcallit.Callmecrazy
Visitor2:Okay,you'recrazy
Mandy:(givesvisitor2a"look")butIthinkthey'veforgottenthemeaningofChristmas!
Visitor1:That'sjustsilly!HowcanyouforgetthemeaningofChristmasworkinghere?
Christmasismyfavoritetimeofyear,andinhere,it'sChristmas365daysayear.Itmakesme
feellikeakidagain,everytimeIseethosetwinklinglittlelights!
Visitor2:Ihatetobreakittoyoubuddy,butyouareakid.
Visitor1:Oh,right!
Mandy:Comeon,guys!Christmasisnotaboutthedecorations!There'smuchmoretoitthan
that.Youknow,thatfirstChristmas,theonlydecorationswerethestarsinthesky,andsome
hayinamanger.
Visitor2:(pointingtowardswhereDiannejustleftthrough)Doesn'tsoundmuchfun.Theyat
leastgottohaveabigChristmasdinner,didn'tthey?(Diannereentersscenecarrying"tickets")

Dianne:Hereyougo!Theseareyourpasses.Makesuretokeepupwiththese,asyouwillneed
themtoseeGiorgio.Please,followme!
Scene4
Giorgio:Archieboy,areyousurethisiswhatyouwant?
Greg:Don'tworry,Giorgio,I'vereadit,andthescriptispuregold!
Giorgio:Ithinksomething'smissing.Howisthissupposedtoencouragepeopletobuy
Christmaslights?
Greg:Justtrustme.Theguysinspecialeffectscanworkwonders!
Giorgio:Okay,ifyouinsist!("Grinch"entersscene)
Greg:(withhandmotion)And.Action!(lightsdimonstage,asvisitorsenterscene)
Giorgio:("sings"afewlines,backupband"plays,"andGrinch"slithers"aroundthestage,
pilferinglightsofftheshelves,andholdingadogwithantlerstiedontoit'shead)You'reamean
one,Mr.Grinch.Youreallyareaheel.You'reascuddlyasacactus,You'reascharmingasan
eel.Mr.Grinch.You'reabadbananawithagreasyblackpeel.You'reamonster,Mr.Grinch.
Yourheart'sanemptyhole.Yourbrainisfullofspiders,you'vegotgarlicinyoursoul.Mr.
Grinch.Iwouldn'ttouchyou,withathirtynineandahalffootpole
Julie:(steppinginfrontoftheGrinch)Thisholidayseason,rememberwhatistrulyimportant.
Buytwostrandsoflights,andgetonefree!SpreadChristmascheerthisyear,asyou
outdecoratetheJones'snextdoor.
Grinch:Attheseprices,ourlightsarearealsteal!
Giorgio:You'reavileone,Mr.Grinch,Youhavetermitesinyoursmile.Youhaveallthetender
sweetnessOfaseasickcrocodile.Mr.Grinch.GiventhechoicebetweenthetwoofyouI'dtake
theseasickcrocodile.
Greg:AndCut!So,Giorgio,whatdoyouthink?
Giorgio:Ithinkitneedsomework.
Greg:Work?WORK?!?It'sperfect!It'spureart,plainandsimple!
Giorgio:Ijustdon'tseewhatthishastodowithChristmas!
Greg:That'sthebeautyofit!WegetpeopletothinkaboutthejoyofChristmasbyshowingthem
thisguywhotriestostealChristmas!It'sjustsobeautiful,soartisiticIcouldn'thavedirectedit
bettermyself!(dabbingawaytearsfromhiseyes)
Dianne:(talkssoftlyatfirst,thenspeaksloudlyasMandyfinishes)Wewouldliketothankyou
forcomingonourtourofCLI.OnbehalfofConsumerRelations,Ihopethatyouhaveenjoyed
thistime,andthatyouletyourfriendsknowaboutourproducts(continuesthroughtonext
"Dianne"line)
Mandy:No,IthinkGiorgio'sright,andIthinkIknowwhatthiscommercialismissing!
Dianne:(afterMandyfinishesstatement)Andthatconcludesourtourfortoday!Thankyoufor
stoppingby!Onyourwayout,pleasepickupyourcomplementarybagofChristmasbulbs!
Please,comeagain,andremembertobuyyourChristmaslightsfromChristmasLights
Incorporated!
Giorgio:Youknowwhat'smissing?

Mandy:It'ssimple,really.(BoischasingBarryandBurley,whoisstilltangledinChristmas
lights,acrossthestagebehindMandyandGiorgio)You'veseeneveryonerunningaroundhere
likecrazy,andthelackofbrotherlyloveamongtheemployees
Giorgio:Uhhuh
Mandy:andI'msureyounoticedhoweveryone'sallwrappedupinthedecorations
Giorgio:(glancingtowardBurley)Yeah,I'venoticedthatheretoo.Peoplearecelebratingallthe
wrongthingsaboutChristmas.They'regoingaboutthiscommercialallwrong.Theysaythey
needastar,someonewhoshowstheChristmasspirit.Somehow,Idon'tthinksingingaboutthis
(pointingtothestagewheretheGrinchstood)iswhatChristmasisabout.(Diannewalksupto
Mandy,lightlytappingherontheshoulder,tryingwithnoavailtogetMandy'sattention)
Mandy:Youknow,it'splaceslikethisthatteachpeoplethatthepresentsareimportant,and
goingplaces,anddoingthingsItkeepseveryonesobusy,thattheycan'ttaketimeoutto
rememberwhytheyarecelebrating.Iknowwhoyourstarshouldbe!
Giorgio:Please,tellme!Idefinitelydon'twanttosendthisout,(lookingattheGrinch)no
offense.
Grinch:Eh,it'snoteasybeinggreen!(Grabspropsandexitsscene)
Giorgio:So,whatisChristmasreallyabout,andwhoshouldbethestar?
Mandy:Christmasisaboutsharing,andtogetherness,andlovelovethatcomesfromthe
greatestStarofall
Dianne:I'msorry,butyouhavetoleavenow.Wearenotallowedtohavevisitorsinthefactory
after3:00.
Mandy:But
Giorgio:IwastalkingtoherDianne.Canshestayforjustafewmoreminutes?
Dianne:I'msorry.Mrs.Brownisonarampagerightnow,evenmorethanherusualself.(to
Mandy)Youcancomebacktomorrow,though.I'llletyourightbacktoseeGiorgio.
Giorgio:Don'tworryMandy!Attheratethingsaregoing,I'llstillbehere.Youcantellmemore
aboutthisstar.(Mandyleaves,toDianne)Iwonderwhoshe'stalkingabout.
Greg:(walkingontothestage,handingGiorgiothelyricsforthesong)Okay,we'reclearedfor
thenexttake!
Giorgio:(Gaspingwhenheseesthelyrics,lettingDiannelookatthem)Whatisthis?I'ma
professional!There'snowayI'msingingabout
Julie:Hello(lovingly,sighing)Giorgio!I'dliketointroduceyoutoMoodolf,thebucktoothed
heifer!She'sthenew,cuttingedgesymbolofChristmas!Ifwecan'tfindaChristmassytypeof
star,we'llhavetomakeoneourselves!Notthatshecouldevercomparetoyou!Whilethey're
settingup,couldyou,um,(pullsupalargestackofcd's)autographtheseforme?
Giorgio:(inshock,toDianne)What'supwithher?
Scene5
Terri:Ihearyouhavesomeproblemswithourads,Giorgio.I'velookedoverthem,andthey
seemfine!
Giorgio:Look,there'snowaythatIwanttobeapartofthatmess!Imaynotknowexactlywhat
allChristmasisabout,butIdoknowonething,it'snotaboutthat!

Terri:(laughingsoftly)Look,you'reapopularsinger.Youknowhowtogivethepeoplewhat
theywanttohear,asfarasmusicgoes.We,ontheotherhand,haveawholeteamdevotedto
advertisingourproduct!Whycan'tyoutrusttheirjudgment?Look,wehavetwodaystofinish
thiscommercial.Wehavetoaddthespecialeffects,wehavetocopythetapeswedon'thave
timeforallofthesechanges!Whydoyoucaresomuch,anyway?Ijustpayyouanarmanda
leg,andthenyoucanleave.
Giorgio:Idon'tknowwhyIcaresomuch,really.Imetthislittlegirlyesterday,whoseemedto
knowjusthowIfelt.Evenbetter,sheknowswhowouldbetheperfectstarforourcommercial.
(mumblingtohimself)Shedidn'tgetachancetotellme,though.
Archie:Giorgie,I'mgivin'youmybeststuff,here.Youtrywriting10commercialsinarow,as
wellasthesongstogowiththem.I'malloutofideas!Please!Justpickone,andbehappy!
(Mandyrushesintoscene,outofbreath,stopsatdoor)
Terri:We'vegotacontract,Giorgio!Itdoesn'tsayyouhavetolikethecommercialitjustsays
thatyouhavetosingit.Wearegoingtowinthe"BestCommercialoftheYear".I'mtakingthese
tomyoffice,andI'mnotcomingoutuntilIhavechosenournewad.Youarefreetoleave,andI
wouldstronglysuggestyoudoso.(Terristormsout,Mandyrushespast,Terriglaresather)
Mandy:(gaspingforair,pantstwice)SorryI'mlate,Gior..gi..o!(takesadeepbreath,
brushingoffpiecesofwrappingpaper)IjustgotcaughtinthemiddleofthoseweirdChristmas
lighttesters
Giorgio:I'mgladyoucame,Mandy,butitseemswe'retoolate.Theysaidthatwehaveto
chooseouradnow!
Mandy:That'sjustiteveryone'stoobusy,andtoorushedtothinkofJesus.
Archie:Wasthatyourbigstar?(almostscoffing)JesusChrist?
Mandy:Ofcourseheis!WhatdidyouthinkChristmaswasabout?!?Presentsanddecorations
andfeastingandrushingaroundeverywhere?
Archie:Thatprettymuchsumsituptome.
Steve:Aw,comeonArchie!Peopletodayhavegotitallwrong.It'ssupposedtobeabout
Christ'sbirthday.Whohaseverbeentoabirthdaypartywheretheguestsignorethebirthday
boy,andrunaroundlikecrazy,andexpecttoreceivepresentsinsteadofgivingthem?
Cindy:Hey!I'veneverthoughtaboutitthatwaybefore!
Mandy:Jesusgaveeverythinghehadforus.Hegavethehungry,food,hegavethesick,
health,andintheend,hegavehislifeforanyonewhowouldaccepthim.
Donnie:Youknow,it'soddyoushouldmentionJesus.EachtimeIquerieddocumentsrelating
toChristmas,hisnameconsistentlyappeared.Isupposeheisthebestspecimentoillustrate
whatChristmasisallabout,consideringtheholidayisnamedafterhim,ofcourse.
Mandy:He'sthebiggest,brightest,shinieststarofall.Nooneelsecouldeverbeasgreatas
him!
Giorgio:(slowly,sortofsoftly)Yeah.(louder)Yeah!!You'reright!He'stheperfectstar!
Greg:Igotmywholeanglewrong.I'vebeenthinkingabouthowtopromoteourproduct.Maybe
that'snothowIshouldhavebeenthinking.
Archie:Whatdoyoumean,exactly?
Greg:Wecan'tusesomeonesowonderfultopromoteourproduct.Weneedtouseourproduct
topromotehim!

Archie:I'mnotsurethebosswilllikethat.We'vedonespentmillionsonthiscampaign.Look,I
canwriteforyouwhateveryouwant,butIhardlythinkyouaregoingtoconvincehertobuyit.
Cindy:Leavethattome,doll.
Archie:Yousure?
Cindy:Trustme.I'vegotcontacts,tooHandmethephone!I'vegottomakeaquickcallbefore
IseeMrs.Brown
Scene6
Archie:AlmostdoneTherefinished!Seehowyoulikeit.
Greg:(SteveandGiorgiolookoverhisshoulder,alsoreading)Ithasdrama,intrigue,theperfect
Staritsart!
Steve:Gee,Ithinkit'srightnice,myself.
Giorgio:Mandy,you'retheonethatremindeduswhatChristmasisallabout.We'vegotanextra
spaceortwoweneedfilled.Howwouldyouliketobeinthisad?
Mandy:SureI'dloveto.
Cindy:Igotit,guys,Igotit!
Greg:Gotwhat?
Cindy:Thebiglady'so.k.She'sstillnotquiteonboard,though.Shewantstowaitandseethe
"finalproduct".
Steve:Wowee,howdidyoumanagethat?
Cindy:ThesamewayImanagetokeepthisjob,honey.She'smyauntie.Theonlypersonin
thisworldmorestubbornthanMrs.Brownishersister,whojusthappenstobemymom.Icalled
heronthetelephoneallthewaybackhomeinJersey,andtoldherwhatwasgoin'on.
Archie:Youweren'tafraidofbreakingyournails?
Cindy:Ofcoursenot,silly.IreplacedthemjustassoonasIgotoffthephone.
Archie:(Groans)Whydoesthatnotsurpriseme?
Greg:Um,Archie,aboutyourcommercialIt'sgreatandall,butIthinkyouforgotsomething.
Archie:WhatcouldIhavepossiblyforgot?
Greg:HowaboutGiorgio'ssong.
Archie:(frantic)Where'smypen?Where'smypaper?!?I'vegottogettowork!
Mandy:There'snoneedforallofthat.
Archie:Whynot?
Mandy:IthinkIknowasong.Mybigsistertaughtmyyouthgrouptosingit.It'snotperfect,
though(handsGiorgiothesong)
Archie:(laughing)LikethegreatGiorgioisgoingtogoforthat!(Mandylooksdown,sad)
Giorgio:(looksupfrompaper)Let'sgoonaheadandrunthroughthis.Youdon'thavemuch
timeleft!(Mandylooksup,excited)(Giorgio,jokinglytotryandgetMandytosingitwithhim)
Only,Idon'tquiteknowhowit'ssupposedtosound.Maybeyoucanhelpteachme!
Mandy:I'vetakencareofthat,too!(Everyonelooksup,surprised,includingGiorgio).Comeon
in,guys!(Dianneandthe"YouthGroup"comesin)
Scene7

(GroupisstandinginfrontofaNativityscene,withBabyJesusdecoratedentirelyofChristmas
lights.Angelscanbeinlightsaswell)
(startoff,youthsingingthetraditional"HappyBirthday"song:)
HappyBirthdaytoYou!HappyBirthdaytoYou!
HappyBirthday,DearJesus!
HappyBirthdayToYou!
(Giorgiosingssolo)
SilentNight!HolyNight!Alliscalm!Allisbright!
Round'yonvirgin,motherandchild!Holyinfantso
Tenderandmild!Sleepinheavenlypeace!Sleepin
heavenlypeace!
Dianne:Thisyear,stopandthinkaboutwhatChristmasisreallyallabout.Wecelebratethelight
oftheworld,theprinceofpeace.HisnameisJesusChrist.Hecametothisworldtobringhope
toallofmankind.Heisthebiggest,brightest,shinieststarofall.Hislightismuchmore
beautiful,andmuchstrongerthananystrandofChristmaslights.Remember,hegavethebest
presentofall,agiftmuchbetterthananymancouldevergive.FromallofusatChristmas
LightsIncorporated,wewouldliketowishyouallaMerryChristmas,andHappyBirthdaytoour
Lord
(Giorgiosingswithyouthgroup)
SilentNight!HolyNight!SonofGod,Love'spurelight!
RadiantbeamsfromThyholyface,Withthe
dawnofredeeminggrace,Jesus,Lord,atThybirth
Jesus,Lord,atThybirth"
Scene8
Mandy:Hey,Ithoughtyousaidyoudidn'tknowthatsong!
Giorgio:(laughing)Iguessyouhelpedmerememberit!
Archie:Now,THATwassomething!I'veheardaboutitallmylife,butIneverknewitwastrue!
Dianne:Knewwhatwastrue?
Archie:Lookaround!That'sthefirsttimethateveryonehasworkedtogetherwithoutfussingand
arguing!PeoplealwayssaythatJesusbringspeace,andImustadmit,Idon'tunderstandit.
Mandy:Youcan,Archie!Youmaynotknowwhy,butyoucanknowitwillbethere,nomatter
what.Mysistertoldmethatotherpeopledon'tunderstandwhatthebigdealis.Theythinkit's
boringtogotochurch,andthere'snothingspecialaboutit.ButifyougiveJesusachance,he
canchangethewayyouwalk,thewayyoutalkhecanchangeyourlife!(Burley,Barry,and
Boenterscene,andbegintryingtohelpBurleyoutoftheChristmaslights)
Archie:Iknowwhatyou'regettingaroundto.I'vestillgottothinkaboutitsomemore,though.
Giorgio:What'stothinkabout?I'lladmitthatImaynotbeaverygoodChristian.Igettoo
wrappedupinmycareersometimes.IttookMandytoremindmewhatadifferenceJesus
makes.
Dianne:Yousaidityourself,Archie.Youcanseethedifference.(looksovertoBarry,Burley,
andBo).Eventhoseguyshavestoppedarguinginordertohelpeachotherout.
Archie:You'reright.ButwhatdoIneedtodo?

Steve:JusttellGodthatyouknowyoudon'thavealltheanswers.Lethimknowthatyoucan't
keepgoingonthewaythatyouare,andyouneedhimtocomeintoyourlife.YouneedJesus
asaguidinglighttobringyoupeace.Imaynotbethesharpesttackinthecookiejar,butIdo
knowthatIneedJesus,andIwouldn'twanttolivewithouthim.(takesArchiebythehand)Let's
gotalkaboutthissomemoreoveracupa'Joe.Ithinkyoumightjustbeabletohandlethe
regularstuffnow.
Giorgio:There'sstillonelittleproblemwestillneedthebiglady'sapproval.Whowantstodo
thehonors?
Julie:Ithinkyoushoulddothehonors,Giorgio.Andaboutearlier,I'msorryIwasactingsosilly.
IguessIwastoowrappeduptothinkaboutwhatwasgoingon,too.Youreallycamethrough
forus!
Giorgio:Don'tthankme!ThankMandy!Itwasherwhocameupwiththeidea.
Mandy:Don'tthankme!ThankGodthatheknewwhathewasdoing,boththenandnow!
Giorgio:(lookingattapeinhishand,suckinginhisgut,andsighing)Well,heregoesnothing!
(walksout)
Mandy:(callsdown"hallway"toGiorgio)I'llbeprayingforyou!
Dianne:Trustme,ifMrs.Brownisstillinthatrottenmood,he'sgoingtoneedit!(Steveand
Archiewalkin)
Donnie:Whathappenedthiseveningdefiesallmannerofexplanation.Therefore,Isay,in
everyday,commonvernacular:Ibelievehe'lldojustfine!
Julie:That'sthefirsttimetodayI'veunderstoodawordyou'vesaid.(Donniesmiles)
Steve:IhavegreatnewsArchiejustacceptedJesusashissavior!
Archie:Somehow,Idon'tfeelsostressedout,now.Ifeellikeatonhasbeenliftedoffofme.I
don'tunderstandwhyIfeelthatway,butI'mglad.
Mandy:Youdon'tneedtounderstandyoujustneedtobelieve.
Scene9
Terri:(frombehindthebackdropLOUDLY)Whatisthis?!?(inmiddleofsentencestormsonto
stagewithCindyfollowingher)Youasktoputtogetheracommercialformeforourlights,and
thisisthebestyoucouldcomeupwith?We'reaChristmaslightscompany.We'resupposedto
betryingtomakemoney,notwasteit!
Archie:I,Idon'tunderstand.What'ssowrongaboutthiscommercial?
Terri:Everything,that'swhat!Wheredidyouguysevenmentionourcompany?
Julie:Look,ourlogoisrightthereinthebottomcorner.Iguessitiskindasmall,isn'tit.
Terri:Smalldoesn'tevenbegintodescribeit.I'vechosenourcommercial,andyoucanexpect
toseeawholelotmoreofMoodolfinthenearfuture.I'vealreadysentthetapeouttoour
productionlab,andI'mputtingthistaperightwhereitbelongs(putstapeinnearbytrashcan)
Steve:But,Mrs.Brown,
Terri:Zipit,Steve.I'mwarningyou,ifyouallevertryastuntlikethatagain,youareallgoingto
befired(toCindy)includingyou,younglady!(Terristormsoffstage)
Cindy:Well,Iguessthat'sanimprovement.Sheusuallycallsme"whateveryournameis".
(DonniewalksovertoArchie'scubicleandpicksupthenewspaper,removingthe"classifieds")

Steve:(emptyingouttrashcan)Atleastwetried.(pickinguptape)Hey,waitaminute.Didn't
shesayshesenttheouttheMoodolfbit?(MandycomesandtakesthetapeoutofSteve's
hand)
Giorgio:Yeah.Oncethattapecomesout,I'llbethelaughingstockofthemusicworld!My
reputationwillberuined.
Mandy:Iwouldn'tworrytoomuchaboutthat.(laughs)
Giorgio:Whynot?
Mandy:Lookwhatthelabelsays!
Archie:(readslabel)"MoodolfSeason1."Weonlymadeonetape.IfthisisMoodolf,then
Giorgio:Then
Mandy:Then,shemusthaveaccidentallyswitchedthetapes!
Julie:Oh,no!Doyouthinkweshouldgotellher?
Greg:It'stoolatetostopitnow,anyway.Iguesswecanallwatchittogether,firstthinginthe
morning.
Archie:Onourlastdayofwork,I'msure.
Donnie:(holdinguptheclassifieds)Thiscareeropportunityappearstobemostpromisingfor
youJulie:AssociateDirectorofAdvertisingfor"OrnamentsandMoreLtd."(everyonecrowdsin
closetogetabetterlook)
Giorgio:Guys,where'syourfaith?I'msureGodknowswhathe'sdoing.(startssingingsong)
I'vegotafeelingeverything'sgonnabealright!
Archie:Let'shope!
Mandy:No,Archie.Let'shavefaith!
Scene10
Julie:Lastweekwaskindoftense,wasn'tit?
Archie:IthoughtMrs.Brownwasgoingtoblowagasketatourviewingparty!
Julie:Shecameprettyclose!Thatphonecallcamejustintime,though!
Archie:Whatphonecall?
Julie:Youhaven'theard?WewerenominatedforbestChristmascommercialoftheyear.Even
better,ourlightshavebeenflyingofftheshelves.Storescan'tkeeptheminstock!
Dianne:I'venoticedMrs.Brownseemstobeinagoodmoodtoday.
Donnie:IhavebeenunderthesupervisionofMrs.Brownfornearly10years,andhavenotyet
witnessedanoccasiononwhichsheappearedtobemorejoyous.
Cindy:I'veknownhermyentirelife,andhaveneversawherthishappy.(Donniewalksoutof
scene)
Steve:It'snotgoingtolast,though.She'shappybecauseoursalesareup.Inawhile,she'llbe
backtoheroldself.Sheneedsarealchangeinherlife.Ijustwishthatshewouldstopthinking
aboutthebottomlinelongenoughtoreallylistentothatcommercial.
Archie:Iguesstheonlythingwecandoforherisjustpray.
Steve:No,wecandomorethanthatwecanshowMrs.BrownwhatadifferencehavingJesus
hasmadeinourlives.Wecanevendothatwithoutsayingaword.She'sknownyouforalong
timeArchie.She'llnoticethechange.(MandywalksinwithGiorgio)
Dianne:Itlookslikewehavespecialvisitors!

Giorgio:Heyguys!Ijustwantedtodropbyandletyouknow.I'mworkingonanewChristmas
CD.I'mcallingit"ChristmasMeansChrist".
Mandy:Yeah!Andouryouthgroupgetstosingasongonit!
Steve:That'swonderful!Ain'titamazingwhatGodcandowiththreedays,andalittlekid!
(Donniereentersscene)
Mandy:I'mnotlittle!I'mtenyearsold,thankyouverymuch!(everybodystartslaughing)
Donnie:Ihavespectaculartidings!IhaveamassedtheresultsfortheChristmas2004
CommercialoftheYearAward,andindicatethat,beyondtherealmofexpectationsthat
Cindy:(matteroffactly,hintofsarcasm)Wewon?
Donnie:Precisely.(everyonerunsupandhugseachother,jumpupanddown,cheeringloudly,
etc.Barry,Burley,andBorunuptohugeachother,butrunintoeachotherinsteadandare
knockedbackwardsintothefloor)(curtainsclose,Mandystepsoutthroughthecenter)
Mandy:HappyBirthday,Jesus!
END
...........................
Ifyouusethisscript,pleasecontactmeandletmeknow!Iaminterestedinwritingmore
dramasinthefuture,butIwanttoknowwhatIamdoingright,andperhapswhatneedssome
improvement.Myemailaddressisjarrodmidkiff@hotmail.com.Ilookforwardtoreadingyour
comments.Youarefreetousethisinanymanner,provideditistobringglorytoGod.Thank
youforyourinterest,andGodBless!

TheMysteriousChristmasCard
AmusicalbyRaymondJ.Lombardi
(Note:aroyaltyisrequiredforthisscript.Forconditions,seedetailsatthefootofthescript.)

Summary
Justwhateveryonewants...agoodmystery!That'swhatagroupofyoungfriendsfindwhena
mysteriousChristmascardarrivesatthemailboxofoneofthechildrenacardthatwouldlead
themonanadventuretothePostOffice,thehomeofanelderlywidow,andachurchdinnerfor
thehomeless.InthemusicalthechildrentrulylearntherealmeaningofChristmas!

Characters
Calvin
Ronny
Nina
Anna
MrDeegan(Postmaster)
OldLadyPriggle
PastorPete
Guestsatmissiondinner

Script
(Choirsings"AChristmasCardGreeting")
Scene1:TheBusStop
(ItsthelastdayofschoolbeforetheChristmasholiday.Calvin,Ronny,Nina,andAnnahavejustgotoff
thebusfromschoolafterahalfdaysessionandarewalkingtowardtheirneighborhood.Eachiscarrying
ashoppingbagwithapresentinit.)
Calvin:"Man,ImreallygladMissBinghamletustradeourgifts.Jasonreallywantedthatgameboy
gamethatIgot,andIreallywantedtheCDthathegot!"
(Calvintakesitoutofthebagandlooksatfora
minute)
Anna:"The
girls
didnttradegifts.Wealllikedwhatwegotthisyear!"
Ronny:"Thatsjustbecauseyougirlsalllikethesamestuffanyway!"
Nina:"Thatsnottrue!Please,Iwould
never
likethesamethingsasPennyMilltane.
She
likesbaseball
cardsandbubblegum.Yuck!"
Anna:"Nina,whatdidyouget?Ididntevengetachancetoaskyouyet."
Nina:"IgotagiftcertificatetoJennasNailSalon.Icantwaittogetminedone.Iwanttogetthemdone
inredandgreenforChristmas."
(Ninalooksathernails)
Dontyouthinkthatwilllookcool?"
Calvin:"Yeah,ifyoureaelf.Ronny,whatdidyouget?"

Ronny:"ItradedwithAlbertandgotthisgreatfootball."
(HetakesitoutandtossesapasstoCalvin...
Calvinthrowsitback)
Anna:"Boysandsports...youdthinkthatsthewholemeaningofChristmas!"Igotthischarmbracelet.
IjustlovejewelryforChristmas!"
Nina:"Well,Iguessatleastweallgotwhatwewanted."
Ronny:"ExceptfortwoextraweeksofChristmasvacation,Idhavetoagree"
(
NowapproachingAnnashouse,andthemailboxattheendofthedriveway)
Anna:"SinceIbeateverybodyelsehometodayIgettolookatthemailfirst.ILOVEgettingmail,dont
you?IcantwaittoseeifIgotsomething!"
(Annapullsahugestackofmailoutofthemailbox.Shesfacingthemailboxwithttherestofthekids
behindher.IntentlylookatherstackAnnabeginsflingingthemailbehindherasshelooksforsomething
ofvalue...)
Anna:"bill...advertisement....advertisement...advertisement...bill...advertisement...
advertisement...junkmail...sweepstakes...hey,itsayswemayhavealreadywon$10,000,000dollars!
Ah,itllneverhappen...advertisement...advertisement...hum,lookatthisguys!
(Atthebottomofthe
pileisalargeredenvelopeAnnaholdsituptothelightasiftobeabletoseethroughit.Sheturnsitover
andover)
Ronny:"So,whatisit?"
Calvin:"Yea,comeon,Anna,whatdidyouget?A
loveletter
fromJordanAnchap?Helikesyou,you
know!"
Nina:"Leaveheralone!
(Shepushestheboysoutoftheway)
So,whatisit?"
Anna:"Thisisstrange...itsaddressedtothefourofus:itsaysto:Anna,Nina,RonnyandCavin.Why
wouldsomeonesendallofusalettertomyhouse?
Calvin:"Whatsthereturnaddresssay?"
Anna:"Thatsweird...itdoesnthaveareturnaddress,theresjustthenumber"7"".
Ronny:"How'boutapostmark?Itcantcomethroughthemail,youknow,ifitdoesnthaveapostmark."
Anna:"ItspostofficeIneverheardofbeinganywherearoundhere.Letssee,itsays"CelestialCity".
Nina:"CelestialCity"?ThatmustbeoverinTwincreekCounty.Iveneverheardofiteither.
Calvin:"Well,dontyouthinkweoughttoopenitandfindoutwhatitis?"
Anna:Ok,Ok.Heregoes.
(EveryonecrowdsaroundtryingtoseewhatitisasAnnaopenstheenvelope.Sheopenstheenvelopeand
outcomesaChristmasCard.Sheopensthecardtothefirstpage)
Anna:ItssomesortofChristmascard...
Ronny:"Soreadit!"
Anna:"Ok,thisiswhatitsays:
To:Anna,NinaRonnyandCalvin
TheChristmasgiftyouwanttofind
Isnottheonethatsonyourmind
ItsnotbeneathyourChristmastree
Itsnotagiftthatyoucansee
Thefirstclueisnotupforsale
Finditwherethereslotsofmail
Anenvelopeawaitsforyou

Letsseeifyoullknowwhattodo!
P.S.Dontturnthepageuntilyouhavecompletedyourfirstassignment
!
Calvin:"Amystery!Ilovemysteries.Youthinkmaybethisisahoax?Somebodysideaofapractical
joke?"
Ronny:"Evenifitis,itllbefuntotrytofigureitout.Itsaidthe"firstclueisnotupforsale,finditwhere
thereslotsofmail."
Nina:"WellthatwouldbeAnnasmailbox.Buteverythingelseisjustjunkmailorbills,exceptforthis
$10,000,000sweepstakeswemayhavealreadywon!"
Calvin:"Idontthinkthatsit..."
Anna:"Allright,whereelsewouldtherebelotsofmail...
(theyalllookateachotherandallsayatthe
sametime...)
Everyone:"ThePOSTOFFICE!"
Anna:"MaybeoldMr.Deegangotsaspecialletterforusonhold!"
Nina:"Letsgocheck!"
Calvin:"Yeah,itsonlyablockaway.Comeon!"
(TheyallheadoffexcitedlyforthePostOffice)
SceneII:ThePostOffice

(Thefourkidsburstnoiselyintothesmall,oldfashionedPostOffice.Mr.Deeganisbustlingbehinda
counterwithagrilledwindow.Mr.Deeganisanoldmanwithwireframeglassesandalargewhite
moustache.
)

SOLO:"THEPOSTMANSPLEDGE"

Mr.Deegan:"Hellochildren!Offfromschoolearlytoday?"
Calvin:"Yessir,andnotamomenttoosoon."
Nina:"HiMr.Deegan.Lookslikethingsareprettyslowforthistimeofyear.Whereiseveryone?"
Mr.Deegan:Itsalwaysalittleslowerrightafterthelunchrush.Come3:00Oclockanditllstartpickin
upagain.Whatcanwedoforya?"
Anna:"Wewerekindofhopingthatyouwouldbeexpectingus..."
Mr.Deegan:"Youdontsay!"
Ronny:"Wethoughtmaybetheremightbeanenvelopehereforallofus."
Mr.Deegan:"Wellnow,letssee...Ikeepprettygoodtrackofthesethings,youknow.Notapieceof
mailcomesthroughthisofficethatIdontknowwhereitssupposedtoendup...
(Mr.Deeganlooks
throughastackofmail)
Doesntappeartobeinganythingherewithyournamesonit...
(Everyonelooksdejected)
Hey,waitaminute.Thereisoneenvelopeherethatcameinthismorning...Hereitis!Itsnotaddressed
toanyone,andtheresonlyareturnaddressonit.Itlookslikeasmallchildwroteit.Iwasgoingtosendit
back..."
Anna,excitedly:"NO!Thatsgottobeit!Itstheonewereexpecting!"
Nina:"Canwehaveit..."
Mr.Deegan:"Imreallynotsupposedto...oh,allright.Hereyago."
(Mr.Deeganhandstheletterto
Anna)

(Annatakestheletterandcarefullyopenstheenvelope...Theyallcrowdaroundasshebeginstoread
it:)
Anna:Ok,heregoes...
DearSanta,
IhopeyougetthisletterintimeforChristmas.Imnotreal
goodatwriting,soittookmealongtimetolookupsome
ofthewords.
Anyway,IneedtotalktoyouaboutChristmas.See,Mommyand
Daddygotdivorcedlastyear,andMommysaidDaddysdisappearedoff
thefaceoftheearth,leavingherwith3kidsandnomoney.
Ifeelrealbadformysisterandbrother.Alltheotherkidsatschool
getgreatpresentsatChristmas,butlastyeartheydidntgetanythingatall.
Myolderbrother,Jacob,is9yearsoldandmysister,Glenda,is10yearsold.
Santa,Ireallydontneedanythingformyself,causeIgetlotsofstuffwhenJacobandGlendagettired
oftheirstuff.ButIwashopingyoucouldsendacoupleofthingstoJacobandGlenda.Idreallybehappy
ifyoucoulddothat.
Yourstruly,
BobbySandler

Annaputstheletterdown...
Nina:"Myyoungerbrotherwouldneverwritesuchaniceletter!IwishIhadBobbyforabrother!"
Calvin:"Yeah,butwhatcanwedo?"
Ronny:"Sureistoobad..."
(Everyoneisstandingaround,tryingtothinkofasolution...)
Ronny:
(afterapause)
"...although...no,youguyswontgoforit."
Anna:"What?Telluswhatyouwerethinking!"
Calvin:"Yeah,comeon,ifyouhaveanidea,letshearit!"
Nina:"ThatwouldbeafirstRonnywithanoriginalthought!"
Ronny:"Veryfunny,Nina.Allright:Illjustsayit:IthinkweshouldsendBobbythegiftswegotat
schoolthismorning!"
(EverybodyelselooksatRonnylikeshesfromMarsorsomething...noonereallywantstoreplytothis)
Anna:"TheChristmasCardDIDsaywedknowwhattodo..."
Nina:"AndIsupposewellbegettinglotsofotherpresentsjusttwodaysfromnow..."
Calvin:"IguessIcouldlistentomyotherCDsforafewmoreweeks."
Ronny:"Great!LetsaskMr.DeeganhowmuchitwillcosttosendallthisstufftoBobby.Letssee,Ive
got2dimes,anickel,7penniesandacouponforfreefrenchfriesatMcDonalds."
Calvin:"Ivegotaquarter."
Nina:"Ivegottwonickels.
Anna:"Idonthaveanything."
Ronny:"Soalltogether,letssee,thatssixtysevencents.
(Mr.Deeganhasbeenbusymindinghisbooth.
..Ronnycallsovertohim)
Canwesendapackageforsixtysevencents?"
Mr.Deegan:"Illtellyouwhat...IlovethemfriesatMcDonalds.Yougivemethefreefriescoupon,
andIllsendyourpackage."

Ronny:"Itsadeal!"
Anna:"Mr.Deegan,wellneedabox,sometape,ascissors,andsomestring."
Mr.Deegan:"Justlikemywife,alwaysorderingmearound!"
(Mr.Deeganandthekidsstartbustlingaround,wrappingthepackagewhilethechoirsings)

CHOIRSINGS:"PACKAGEDWITHLOVE"
(AfterthesongthekidscleanupthepaperandsuppliesandhandtheirpackagetoMr.Deegan.)
Nina:"NOWwecanlookatthenextpageoftheChristmascard."
Calvin:"Areyousurewewantto?"
Ronny:"Comeon,Calvin,livealittle!IfeelgreatknowingthatBobbyandhisfamilieswillhavealittle
brighterChristmas!"
Calvin:"Iguessyoureright.Goahead,Anna,letshearit.."
(Annatakesoutthecardandcarefullyturnstothesecondpage.)
Anna:"Anotherpuzzle,guys.Listentothis:

Thesecondclueisthatyoumustgreet
Isdownthisroadpast2ndstreet
Wherewaitingonarockingchair
Isonewhoseheartisindispair.
Goquicklynowanddontdelay
TomakeonegladbyChristmasday!

Calvin:"WhatsonthisroadpastSecondStreet?"
Nina:"Nothing,really.TheonlythingthatsdownthereisMillarsautorepairshop,thelaundramat,and.
..ohboy!
Ronny:"Whatsohboy"?
Calvin:"Comeon,whatelseisdownthere?"
Nina:"ThatswhereoldladyPrigglelives.Imafraidofher!Shesalwayschasingusoutofherflower
gardeninthesummerwhenwecrossbehindherhousetothereccenter."
Anna:"Doyouthinkthatswhoweresupposedto"makeglad?"Howintheworldwillwedothat?"
Calvin:"Idontknow.Weveonlygotsixtysevencentsbetweenus,andwevealreadytradedoffthe
McDonaldscoupon."
Ronny:"Whatdoyoudoforanoldladytomakehergladanyway?Juststayoutofheryard,probably!"
Anna:"Ivegotit!Letsgocarolingatherdoor!Shecantchaseusawayfordoingthat!"
Calvin:"Youexpectmetobelievethatwhenshehearsourcroakingvoicesshewontcallthepolice
instead?"
Ronny:"Well,doyouhaveabettersolution?
Calvin:"Iguessnot..."
Nina:"Iwanttostayinthebackrow!
Anna:"Itssettledthen.LetsgoCarolling!

CHOIRSINGS:"LETSGOCAROLING!"
Scene3:AtOldLadyPrigglesHouse

(Theopeningofthescenetakesplacewhilethechoirsings"LetsGoCarolling"Duringthesong,the
kidsgatheratthedoor,andknockonit.WhenoldladyPriggleopensittheystarttheircarolling.They
continueuntilthechoirsongstops.)
Mrs.Priggle:"Children,thatwassobeautiful!Pleasecomeinforaminute!"
Anna:"Wedontwanttobotheryou,Mrs.Priggle."
Mrs.Priggle:"Nonsense!Ivegotsomefreshbakedcookiesonthekitchentable..."
Calvin:"Goodenoughforme!Showmethewaytothekitchen!"
Nina:"Calvin,stopbeingsuchahog!"
Ronny:"Isthereanymilktogoalongwiththat?"
Mrs.Priggle:"Howboutsomehotchocolate...willthatdo?"
Anna:"Youmeanthekindwiththelittlemarshmellows?"
Mrs.Priggle:"Isthereanyotherwaytohavehotchocolate?"
Everybody:Yeah!Letsgo!OKetc.
(EverybodyentersMrs.Priggleshouse,andAnnaisthefirsttospottherockingchair.)
Mrs.Priggle:"Iwasjustsittinginmyrockingchairafewminutesago,thinkingverysadthoughts,when
youchildrencamealong.Matteroffact,Iwasalmostintears."
Ronny:"Why?Whathappened?"
Nina:"Wereyousickorsomething?"
Mrs.Priggle:"No,IwasjustthinkingaboutaChristmasmanyyearsago,whenmyhusbandArnoldwas
stillalive,andmyonlyson,ArnoldJr.,cametovisitwithhiswife.ItwasthelasthappyChristmasIcan
remember.Afterthat,myhusband,Godresthissoul,passedon,andmysonandhiswifegottransferred
toEurope.Ialmostneverseethemanymore.AllIhavenowaresomememories.Ibakedsomecookies
thisafternoon,thinkingIwouldtakethemovertothechurchtonightwheretheyareservingdinnerfor
someofthehomelesspeople.Anyway,youkidshaveremindedmethatIhavemuchtobethankfulfor,
evenwithoutmyfamilyaround.IdhavetosayyouhavereallybrightenedthisChristmasup."
Calvin:"Thisissoamazing..."
Anna:"What,thatMrs.Prigglelikedoursingingsomuch?"
Calvin:"NO,notthat...itsamazingthatwevebeenabletofigureoutthesetwothingsonthis
mysteriousChristmascard.Howmuchmoreisthere?
Anna,pullingoutthecard:"Theresonlyonepageleft...shouldIreadthelastpage?
Ronny:"Iguessyoudbetter,otherwise,wellnevergettothebottomofallthis!"
Nina:"Yes,pleasereadit!"
Anna:"OK,heregoes.Thelastpagesays:

Ifyouvecomethisfarandhavesucceeded,
Iknowmywordshavebeenwellheeded.
Theresonemoreclueforyoutosearch
Itstimetohurrytothechurch!

Ronny:"Iguessweregoingtothechurchnext.Thatsgood.Imgettinghungry...maybewecanscarf
downsomeofthechowtheyrefeedingthehomelesspeople!"
Nina:"What?Youjuststuffedyourfacewithcookies!"
Anna:"Thatshowmenare,Nina.Theyeat,theysleep,andcomplainthattheyworktoomuch."

Calvin:"Somewomen,too,youknow!"
Ronny:"Yea,justlikethepeoplethatwillbeatthedinnerforthehomeless.Ibettheyveneverdonea
singledayswork!
Mrs.Priggle:"Dontbetoohastytojudgepeople,children.Afterall,youthoughtIwasameanoldwitch,
now,didntyou?"
(Allthekidslookdownattheirshoeswithguilt...)
Calvin:"Mrs.Priggleisright...Ibettheresanotherimportantlessonwaitingforusatthechurch.
Ronny:"So,whatarewewaitingfor?Letsgo!"
(Childrenexitandleaveforthechurch)

Scene4:TheChurchdinnerforthehomeless
(ThechildrenenterthehallwherethedinnerisbeingservedandimmediatelyspotPastorPete,whois
servingbehindatableladenwithpotsanddishes.Theydonotrecognizeanyofthepeoplewhoarethere
todine,sotheyapproachPastorPete.)
PastorPete:"Whatbringsyouchildrentoourhomelessdinner?Wantalittletasteofmywifespotstew?"
Anna:"Nothanks,Pastor.Werenotheretoeat."
Calvin:"PastorPete,Ineverseenanyofthesepeoplebefore.Wheredotheycomefrom?
PastorPete:"Calvin,thesepeoplehavehadsadlives.Forexample,lookatthatyoungmomoverthere"
(
PastorPetepointstoasurprisinglyyoungwomanwhoissittingatatablewithtwoyoungchildrenby
herside.Theyhavejustsatdowntothemeal.)
HernameisNora.Norashusbandwasaconstruction
workerwhodiedinaautomobileaccident.Theyhadnoinsurance,andliveinasmallapartment.Norahas
ahardtimegettingworkbecauseherchildrenaresoyoung,andtherestoftheirmoneyhasjustrunout.
TheyaregoingtogetthrownoutoftheirapartmentunlesstheycancomeupwithawayforNoratoget
somework.Ifshecouldjustgetsomeonetowatchherkidsafewhoursaday,shecouldmakeenoughto
keepherfamilygoing.Sheisawonderfulartist,youknow."
Nina:"IthinkImfiguringoutthefinalpieceofthisChristmaspuzzle..."
Ronny:"Nina,IthinkIknowwhatyouregoingtosay.AndIcouldntagreemore.Ithinkweshould
offerNoratohelpbabysitherkidseverydayafterschool.Betweenallofus,itwouldonlybealittlemore
thanonceaweek."
Anna:"Imin.IthinkthatwouldbeagreatChristmaspresent."
Nina:"Youknow,Ijusthadathought.Jesusneverreallyownedahome,sohewaskindahomelesstoo.
Helivedhiswholelifewithoutastreetaddress.YetHehadmoretogiveothersthananyonewhoever
lived.
Ronny:"Youreright.ItsreallyamazingthatJesusspenthiswholelifeservingothers,andneverreally
thoughtofhimselffirst.Hewastrulythemostamazinghomelesspersonthateverlived!

CHOIRSINGS:"NOHOMETOCALLHISOWN"
Calvin:Haveyouguysnoticedapatternhere?Itseemslikeinsteadof
getting
somethingwhereverthis
cardhastakenus,wevebeenableto
give
somethingaway."
Nina:"Ineverrealizedhoweasyitwastogivetoothers,butnowIknowthatChristmasreallyisabout
giving,andgivingismuchmorebetterthanreceiving!"

Ronny:"Well,letsnotgetTOOcarriedaway...IstilllikeopeningpresentsonChristmasmorning.ButI
doagree,thishasbeenagreatexperienceofallofus.Heylook,theresMr.Deegan.Itlookslikehe
broughtMrs.Prigglehere.(
Mr.DeeganandMrs.Prigglecomeovertothechildren)
Mrs.Priggle:"Sochildren,haveyoufiguredoutwhosentyouthatmysteriousChristmascardyet?"
Anna:"No,butIdontthinkthatsveryimportantanymore.Whatisimportantisthatwevealllearneda
lessonabouttherealmeaningofChristmas."
Ronny:"Welearnedthatpeoplearemoreimportantthanpresents..."
Calvin:"Andthatgivingismoreimportantthanreceiving..."
Nina:"AndthatthebirthofJesusChrististhereasonweALLhavetocelebrateChristmas!Icouldnt
imaginenowabetterwaytocelebrateChristmas!
Mr.Deegan:Mrs.PriggleandIarethrilledtoseewhatyoukidshavebeenupto!Inspiteofouroldage,
westillfeellikekidswhenitcomestocelebratingChristmas!
PastorPete:"Weareallapartofthiscelebrationyoung,old,andinbetween.Thiscelebrationreaches
intoeverycorneroftheworld,andeverynationonearth.ThisiswhatChristmasisanageless
celebration!"

CHOIRSINGS:"ANAGELESSCELEBRATION"
(Attheendofthesongeveryoneturnsbacktoserving,chatting,andhelpingoutatthehomelessdinner,
exceptforAnna.Shecomescenterstageforthefinalmonologue.)
(Anna,holdingthecardinonehand,looksuptoheavenandtalkstoGod:)
Anna:"WellLord,Imnotsurewherethiscardcamefromandwhyitcametomeandmyfriends,but
Imsuregladyousentit,justasyousentJesustous2,000yearsago.Idontthinkenoughpeoplebelieve
inyouanymore.Itsverysad.Iftheyonlyknewwhattheyweremissing!Anyway,fromnowonIm
goingtothinkmoreaboutwhatIcandoforothers,andlessaboutwhatotherscandoforme.Thatswhat
thiscardtaughtustonight,andthatswhatImgoingtorememberaboutthisspecialChristmas.Thanks,
Lord,andbytheway,HappyBirthday!"

THEEND

SONG#1

"ChristmasCardGreeting"
from"TheMysteriousChristmasCard"
byRaymondJLombardi

Verse1:
AChristmascardgreetingwesendonthisnight
toeveryonegatheredhere
ThisChristmascardgreetingwithmessagesall
ofhappinessloveandgoodcheer
Theglitteringwordsinbrightshadesofgold

Proclaimthegoodnewsinletterssobold
ThatJesuswasborninBethlehem
Borntobringpeaceonearth!
CHORUS
AChristmascardgreeting
Wesendtoyouwithlove
AChristmasgreeting
filledwithmessagesfromabove
AChristmascardgreeting
Toyouandallyourkin
Bringingjoyandgoodnews
Erasingyourblues
andfillingyouwithpeacewithin!

Verse2:
AChristmascardgreetingdeliveredwithlove
andsealedwiththeFatherscare
Expressingthehopeoftheseasonstruelight
ThatChristcamehislifetoshare
Thisgreetingismeantforyoutoday
Thisgreetingisrightnowonitsway
Soopenyourhearttotheonewhosebirth
Gavemeaningtothisearth!
Song:"ThePostmansPledge"
SONG#2

ThePostmansPledge
from"TheMysteriousChristmasCard"
byRaymondJLombardi

Verse1:
Imasbusyasabeaver,
Asnervousasabride,
WithChristmasdrawingcloser,
Ivegotnowhereelsetohide!
Thepileisgettinghigher
Thepackagesthreedeep
Thenightsaregettingshorter
AndImlosinglotsofsleep
Somanypeopledependingonme
Italmostmakesmefaint,
ButaslongasImdonebeforeDecembertwentyfive,

Illbeapostofficesaint!
Chorus:
Becauseapostmanisasgoodashispledge
Comerain,wind,snoworsleet
Yesapostmanliveshislifeontheedge
Sometimesnotevenstoppingtoeat!
SoIaskthegoodLordtogivemestrengtheveryday
forIknowtheseasonsoonwillappear
Whenapostmansgottodowhathemust
TospreadalittleChristmascheer
TospreadalittleChristmascheer
Verse2:
Mymailbagsgettingheavy
Ialmostoutofstamps
Ivehauledsomanypackages
Mylegsaregettingcramps!
Imworkingtripleovertime
andeveryweekendtoo
becausetheChristmasseason
hasmadethisplaceazoo!
AmerryChristmasisalwaysourgoal
Untilmyjobisdone
IwillnotrestbeforeDecember24
Ipromiseeveryone
SONG#3

PackagedWithLove
from"TheMysteriousChristmasCard"
byRaymondJLombardi

Verse1:
Notinsel,lightsorcandleswerehangingonthetrees
OnthatnighttheChristmasgiftarrived
Nowrappingpapercoloredwiththebrighestredorgreen
nosilkybowcarefullyhandtied,
Buttherewasaspecialwaythisgiftwassent
Byonewhowaswatchingfromabove
Itcametoahumblemangerlateonenight
Fortheinfantchildcamepackagedinlove.
CHORUS:
HewaspackagedwithLove,yeshewas
WrappedinhisFatherslovingcare
HewaspackagedwithLove,yeshewas
thesinsoftheworldhecametobear
Hewaspackagedinlove,because

Hewasagifttoeveryone
Hewaspackagedinlove,yeshewas
thegiftofGodsonlyson.

Verse2:
Thebestgiftevergiven,thebestgifteversent
wastheonethatcamesolongago
TothevirginMarythehumblemaidengirl
butsoonhernametheworldwouldknow
ForthegiftofGodshebroughtforthlatethatnight
proclaimedtheFatherslovetoall
Nogiftthathasbeengivencouldevercompare
tothegiftfoundinthatmangerstall
SONG#4

LetsGoCaroling!
from"TheMysteriousChristmasCard"
byRaymondJ.Lombardi

Putonyourmittensandyourwarmwoolcap,
Itstimetowakeupfromyourwintersnap,
Takealongthepitchpipetohelpusstayintune,
Andwellallgocarolingbeneathawintersmoon.

LetsgocarolingtogetherCarolingtogether
Icanthinkofnothingbetterifwerecarolingtogether
LetsgocarolingtogetherCarolingtogether
Nomatterwhattheweatherwellgocarolingtogether

Herewecomeacarolingamongtheleavessogreen,
Herewecomeawand'ringsofairtobeseen.
LoveandjoycometoyouandamerryChristmastoo,
AndGodblessyouandsendyouahappynewyear
AndGodsendyouahappynewyear

OhlittletownofBethlehemhowstillweseetheelie,
Abovethydeepanddreamlesssleepthesilentstarsgoby
Yetinthydarkstreetsshineththeeverlastinglight

Thehopesandfearsofalltheyearsaremetintheetonight.

JoytotheworldtheLordiscomeletearthrecieveherking
Leteveryheartpreparehimroomandheavenandnaturesing
andheavenandnaturesingandheavenandnaturesing.

Letsgocarolingtogethercarolingtogether
Icanthinkofnothingbetterifwerecarolingtogether

Letsgocarolingtogethercarolingtogether
Nomatterwhattheweatherwellgocarolingtogether

Wellgocarolingtogether,carolingtogether
Letsgocarolingtogether!

SONG#5

NoHometoCallHisOwn
from"TheMysteriousChristmasCard"
byRaymondJLombardi

Verse1:
Astrangeramongstrangers
Fewhewouldcallfriend
FarawayfromHisFather
Untiltheveryend
Thoughhecameandtoldusthathewould
Neverleaveusalone
Therewasnoplacetolayhishead
NohometoCallHisOwn

CHORUS
Nohometocallhisown
Noplacetolayhishead
Nofancymansions
Nofeatherbeds
Nohometocallhisown

Fromtheverystart
ButIveaskednowtocomeandlive
withinmyheart
Verse2:
Inadustystable
onthemangerstraw
Marylaidherbaby
thatnightsocoldandraw
Underneaththestarryskywhileangelswatchedfromabove
Thefatherlethishomelesssongowithhisboundlesslove
Bridge
Noplacenohometocallhisown
Noplacenohometocallhisown
Noplacenohometocallhisown
SONG#6
AnAgelessCelebration
from"TheMysteriousChristmasCard"
byRaymondJ.Lombardi

Itsanagelesscelebration
atimelesssongoflove
amightydemonstrationoftheGodwhodwellsabove
Itsastorythatwillneverend
forthatnightinBethlehem
asaviorhadbeenborntoman
andthecelebrationbegan.

Anagelesscelebration
thesonofGodwasborn
tohumbleearthlyparents
onthatfirstChristmasmorn
Anagelesscelebration
Tothiswejoinandsing
andcelebratethecoming
ofChristtheinfantking

Itsanagelesscelebration
eternallythesame
forthepromiseofsalvation
iswhythesaviorcame
ItsacelebrationofGodsgrace
cometoBethlehem
Alltheworldwillsoonproclaim

thewondersofhisname!

Harktheheraldangelssing
Glorytothenewbornking
Peaceonearthandmercymild
Godandsinnersreconciled
Joyfulallyenationsrise
Jointhetriumphintheskies
Withangelichostsproclaim
ChristisborninBethlehem
Harktheheraldangelssing
Glorytothenewbornking.
................................................................................
CopyrightRaymondJLombardi.Allrightsreserved.
ARoyaltyispayableforuseofthisscript.SheetmusicandbackingCD'sareavailablefromthe
Author.TopayRoyaltiesandobtaincopiesofthemusic,visittheAuthor'sWebsiteat
http://www.lorraymusicals.comfordetails.

TheXiles
ByAndyLund

Summary
InhabitantsoftheplanetZabdi,threatenedwiththeirplanetbeingannihilated,lookforanew,
peacefulworldtowhichtheycanmigrate.TheygetamisleadingimpressionthatEarthisthe
rightplacewhentheyhearabroadcastofaChristmascarol.

Characters
AlienCommander,
Alien2,
Alien3,
Alien4,
AllHighOne,
Hostage1,
Hostage2,
Hostage3.

Script
(Allscenestakeplacewithintheheadquartersofanalienplanet.Someattemptcouldbemade
tomakeanappropriateset/setupappropriateprops.Costumeofsomekindforthealiensand
theoddpropisprettyessential.)
Scene1
Commander:(enteringinconversationwithAlien2)Itsreallygettingmorethanurgentnow.
WeveknownaboutthesituationforsometimeandtheAllHighOnesaysthatunlessweget
somethingsortedoutwithinthenext3zillionyearswevehadit.
Alien2:Howdoyoumean,"hadit".Surelyweresafeforsometimetocome.
Commander:Youheardwhatshesaidyourself.TheplanetofZabdiaiscomingtotheendofits
naturallife.Weshallbeplungedintoeternaldarkness.Therehavebeenallkindsofsignswhich
anyonecanseecratersappearingfromnowhere,spontaneouscombustionofvariouspartsof
theplanetandsomeoftheselfassemblyfurniturescomingunstuck.
Alien2:Iknowallthat,butsurelytheresnoneedtopanic.
Commander:Idisagreeandwhatsmore,sodoestheAllHighOne.Shesaforwardthinking
sortofleader.YouonlyhavetoseehowshesawofftheinvasionoftheGlutonianstorealise
that.
Alien2:Yes,nastycreaturesfromanevennastierplanet.
Commander:Ivegoteveryconfidenceinher,andifshesconvincedthatourlifeonthisplanet
isseverelylimiteddownto3zillionyearsshesprobablyright.
Alien2:Thethingis,whatstobedone?Thatsthe60millionpushteequestion.

Commander:IreallywishyouwouldntcomeoutwiththoseawfulGlutonianisms.Thatsjustthe
sortoflanguagewedontwanttohavehere.Wevegotridofthemwedontwanttheirawful
slanginstead.
Alien2:Sorry.Ijustmeanitsimportanttohaveanideaaboutwhatweregoingtodoaboutour
planetreachingtheendofitslifespan.IbettheredbesomethinginitfortheZabdiwhocame
upwithahalfwaydecentsuggestionforasolution.
Commander:Ishouldthinkso.Afterall,theAllHighOneawardedafreeholidayonTikvahto
theZabdiwhofoundawayofopeningthepackagingonourentertainmentmoduleswithout
destroyingthecontents.
Alien2:Shesgenerousallright.Idlovetoimpressherwithasolutiontothedestructionofour
planet.
Commander:Isuspectthatproblemsinadifferentleague.Itendtoagreewithherwhenshe
sayswemighthavetoleave.Notnow,butinthenearfuture.Maybeinthenextzillionyears
even.
Alien2:Yes,butwherewouldwego?Thecommanderandallthecouncilareprettyparticular
aboutthekindoflifestylewevebuiltuphere.Andveryjealousofit.Itsnoteveryplanetthathas
creaturesaspeacefulasZabdis.Youknowwhattheycallus"thesilentplanet."
Commander:IftheGlutonianshadtakenover,astheywanted,Idontthinkwedbesayingthat
now.
Alien2:Trueenough,butperhapstheydidhavetherightideainaway.
Commander:Whatareyoutalkingabout.Theyreanaggressive,mean,nastybunchof
creatureswhoseonlycontributiontotheentireuniversehasbeentheinventionofadeviceto
takenasalhairfromVaniahs,whichasyouknowaretheothercreatureswhichinhabittheir
ghastlyplanet.
Alien2:Yes,theoneswithoutnoses.
Commander:SoIreallydontthinkwevemuchtolearnfromthem.
Alien2:WhatImeantwasthattheytriedtogotoanotherplanet
Commander:Takeitover,morelikely.
Alien2:Welltrue.Wewouldntwanttodothat.Thatsnotourpeacefulwayofgoingabout
things.Notonthesilentplanet.Butitmightbeagoodideatofindaplanetwherewecould
emigrate.Youknow,takeeveryZabdiontheplanet.
Commander:What,all8?
Alien2:Whynot?Itcouldbedone.
Commander:Isupposeso,butwheredowetakethem?Itsnotsoeasyfindingplanetsthat
supportapeacefullifestyle.Onewherewewouldfeelwelcomewithourwayofthinking.
Alien3:Andonewheretheinhabitantshadntbeenplungedintototaldarkness,aswerelikely
tobe.
Alien2:Iknowthatwevenotfoundoneinthenearvicinity,butwevebeenabitlimitedinour
contacts.Iexpectweveonlybeenincommunicationwithplanetswithinaradiusof20light
years.
Commander:Thatsbecauseourequipmentissoelementary.Inordertotalktolifeforcesata
greaterdistancethanthatwedneedadevicewithafantasticrangeitdoesntbearthinking
about.

Alien2:Thatsit!
Commander:What?
Alien2:ThatshowIcanimpressthecommanderandthecouncil.(Thinkingitoutasitgoes
along)IfIweretocomeupwithanewsuperdoopercommunicationdevicethatwouldhelp
ustotalktolifeforcesinremotepartsoftheuniversewheretheresboundtobepeaceful
lifestylesthenwecouldgetintonegotiationsaboutemigratingbeforewefinallyseeour
planetdestroyedthelightfinallygoingout.Whatdoyouthink?
Commander:Couldyoudoit?
Alien2:Ireckonso.AfterallIwenttoschoolfor3000years.Imusthavelearntsomething.
Commander:Wellhaveago.Whynot?
Alien2:Illgetcrackingrightaway.Itsgoingtohavetobeabigundertaking,Imeana
communicationdevicewiththatrangeisgoingtotakealotofbuildingbut,whattheheck.
WhentheAllHighOneseesthepotential,shesgoingtobesoecstatic.ImeanImightevenget
aholidayonShicron.MaybeeventheAwardofthe
Commander:Steady.Dontletyourimaginationrunawaywithyou.Youdbettergetalong.
Alien2:Illbebackinaflash.Seeyouin50years.
Commander:Asquickasthat?
Alien2:Well,maybe52.
Scene2
CommanderandAlien3entertalking
Commander:Sohesaid,"Icanbuildacommunicationdevicewhichwillhavearangeofwell
over150lightyears."
Alien3:Thattakesalotofdoing.
Commander:PreciselywhatIthought,butyouknowwhathe/sheslike.Wontgiveup.
Alien3:Imreallyeagertoseewhatkindofdeviceitscomeupwith.Themindboggles.Itsa
massiveundertaking.
Commander:Imexpectingittocomebackfairlysoon.Itsbeenover49yearsnow.
Alien3:Illhangabout,ifyoudontmind.Thishasgottobesomeinvention.
Commander:Fine.Infact,herehe/shecomesnow.
(Alien2enters)
Commander:Hello.Yourebacksoonerthanwethoughtyoudbe.Anyluck?
Alien2(Obviouslyproudoftheachievement):Illsayso.IhadafewfalsestartsbutonceIdgot
therelevantcomponentpartswiththerightqualityitwasapieceofcake.
Alien3:Whereisitthen.Haveyougotitinstorage?
Alien2:No,itshere.(Takesoutsmalltorch.Itisnotusedasatorchbutcanbespokeninto,
usedasadisplayscreen,listeningdeviceetc)
Commander:ImustadmitIwasexpectingsomethingbigger.
Alien3:Thepointis,willitdothejob?Thecommandertellsmeyouwanttocontactaremote
planetwiththehopeofemigration.
Alien2:Notjustanyremoteplanet.Ithastohaveroomforall8ofustostartwithand,of
course,itmustliveaccordingtothesamepeacefullifestyleasweourselves.

Alien3:TheCommanderislikelytobeextremelygratefulifyoucomeupwithawayoutofour
dilemma.IcouldseeyougettingtheAwardoftheYellowSpikyFlower
Alien2:NottheAwardoftheYellowSpikyFlower!
Commander:Steady.Letsnotgetitshopesup.Wevenotevenseentheapparatusin
operationyet.Comeon,letsgiveitatry.
Alien2:Right,Illswitchiton.Oh,blast,Iveforgottenthepowerpack.Hangonajiffy.
(Disappearsoffstageandreturnswithmassivebattery,whichheplugsintodevice)Thats
better.
Alien3:Seewhatyoucantuneintothen.OnlyitsgottobefurtherawaythanBetaInterferon
becauseweknowalltheplanetsbetweenhereandthereandIwouldntwanttosendmypet
Nekodatoasingleoneofthem.
Alien2:Rightyouare.Heregoes.(Fusseswithdevicesoundeffectofhissingnoises)Ithink
Imgettingsomething.Yes
Commanderand3:(Eagerly)Yes?
Alien2:No,nothing.
Commanderand3:(indisappointment)Oh
Alien2:No,waitajiffyesIthinkIvegotsomethingyes(faintlyatfirstandthenlouder,the
themetuneto"Neighbours")Blast.ItsajammingsignalfromGlutonia..Justmyluck.
Commander:Justthekindofunpleasantthingtheyddo.
Alien3:Tryagain.
Alien2:OK,Heregoes(Fiddleswithtorchagain).Yes,IthinkIvegotsomething.
Yeswaityesitskindofstrange,butinteresting.Havealistenitseemstobesomekindof
callsign,butIdidntquitegetthenameoftheplanet.
(FadeupsingingofOLittleTownofBethlehemverse1)
Commander:ItseemstobefromtheplanetBethLeeM)
Alien3:Andtheycertainlyseemtohaveheardfromus.Didyouhearthat?"Thesilentstarsgo
by".
Alien2:Theremustbeotherplanetslikeus.Thislookspromising.
Commander:HowfarawayistheplanetBethLeeM?
Alien2:(Looksatdevice)itwouldappeartobe123lightyears.Theinformationdisplay
indicatesitisalsoknownunderthealiasEarth.
Alien3:Itssoundingquitepromising.Goodfeelingsandnottoofaraway.Canyougetany
moreofthatcallsignmessage?
Alien2:(Tunesinagain)Yes,heressomething.
(Soundofverse2ofthecarol.Whentheline"PeacetoMenonEarth"issungthe3aliensjump
around,docartwheelsetc.Whateveryoureupto!)
Commander:Thatsit.Thatstheone.(Greatexcitement)
Alien3:Peaceisontheiragenda.Andwhataretheycalled?
Alien2:Theinhabitantsappeartogounderthenameofmen.(Checksondisplayagain)Thats
right,men.(Soundeffectofsignalgivingup)Oh,dear.Imlosingthem.Itsthepowerpack.I
knewIshouldnthavetrustedtopowersourcecalledNeverReady.
Commander:Atleastwehaveestablishedthatthereisaplanetouttherewhichmightfitthebill.
Onewheretherespeace.Andwehaveafixonit.

Alien2:Thatsright.Wevegotwhatweneed.
Alien3:Whatshallwedonow?
Commander:IsuggestweneedconfirmationandsomefirsthandexperienceofPlanetBeth
LeeM.Thiscallsforamission.WeneedvolunteerstogotoPlanetBethLeeM.Itmayneed
courage,bravery,abilitytowithstandhardship.Stepforwardvolunteers.(Alien2stepsback,
leavingAlien3exposed)
Commander:Welldone.AlthoughIhadthoughtmoreofateam.
Alien2:Well,ofcourse,Iwouldhavevolunteeredmyselfbutasyouknowitfallstometo
servicetheintergalacticcoffeemachine,anarduousandperilousprocedurewhichIwouldnot
wanttowishonanyone.
Commander:Ofcourse.
Alien3:Thereismybrother(sister).Imsure(s)hedbewilling.
Commander:Byallmeansgoandgethim(her),then.(Alien3exits)
Commander(toAlien2):Ithoughtyouwereonintergalacticcoffeemachinedutieslasttime.Are
yousuretheyrenotworkingyoutoohard?
Alien2:Youknowme:everythingfortheplanet.
(Alien3returnswithAlien4)
Alien3:Thisismybrother.
Commander:Iknowthat.Thereareonly8ofusontheplanet.(TurningtoAlien4)Nowlook,
thisisthesituation.Theplanethasalimitedamountoftimelefttoit.Itcanbemeasuredinmere
zillionsofyears.Weneeddesperatelytofindanotherplanetwherewecanheadforinexile.A
planetwherepeaceishighlyprized.Wehavelocatedbymeansofanewamazing
interplanetarydevice,calledawhatisitcalled?
Alien2:IhavenamedittheTrackerofremotecelestialhabitations.
Commander:Ilikeit.Perhapswecouldpatentitifyoushortenedthename.
Alien4:Imgoodwiththatkindofthing.Illjusttakethefirstletterofeachword.Letssee:
Trackerofremotecelestialhabitationserrtorch.
Alien3:Whatkindofwordisthat?Icantseethattakingoff.
Commander:Anyway,thepointisthatyourbrotherherehasheardfromlifeontheplanetBeth
LeeM,alsoknownasearth.Itisaplanet,whichappearstosharethesameidealsasourselves.
Alongingtoliveinpeaceandgoodwill.Wewereabletoestablishsomecontactandthenhis
powerpackfailed.
Alien2:Wethoughtwecouldgathermoreinformationontheplanetbysendingamissionof2
ofus.Unfortunatelycertainerrpressingdutiespreventmefromgoing.
Commander:Soyouandyourbrotherhavebeenselected.
Alien4:Thankyouforthis...honour.
Alien2:IfthingsgorighttheremaybesomethinginittheAwardoftheYellowSpikyFlowerat
leastfortheinventorofthetorch.
Alien4:(Ironically)Great.
Commander:WeestimatethatplanetBethLeeMis123lightyearsaway.Ifyougotothe
launchpadnowweshouldseeyoubackhereaweekThursday.(ToAliens3and4)Wewish
youwellonyourvoyageofdiscovery.
TheAllHighOne:(Enterstogaspsandconsternation)AndsodoI.

All:TheAllHighOne!
TheAllHighOne:Ithankyoufortakingupthecommissionoftheventuretosaveourplanet.
Andyes,toshowyoumyfaithinyouandinthemissionIshallgiveyoubeforeyougothe
AwardoftheYellowSpikyFlower.(PinsoneonAlien3and4.Alien2lookshopefulandthen
disappointed)Go,andmaythegorsebewithyou!
Scene3
Commander:YourAllHighness,theMissionteamisapproachingandwilldockinafew
moments.
TheAllHighOne:Thankyou,commander.
(Voiceoff:MissionteamseekpermissiontodockonZabdia.Missionteamseekspermissionto
dockonZabdia.)
Commander:Permissiontodockgranted
(Aliens3and4enter,carryingbetweenthemtinsel,crackers,Frisbee)
Alien3:Greetings,yourAllHighness.
Alien4:Greetings,Commander.WehavereturnedfromplanetBethLeeM
Alien3:OtherwiseknownasEarth.
Commander:AndhaveyoubroughtgoodnewsforHerAllHighness?Isthisearthaplace
wherewemightcontinueourpeacefulexistence?Isthisplanettrulyoneofpeaceand
harmony?Werethereportswereceivedcorrect?
Alien3:Yesand
Alien4:No.
AllHighOne:Thereseemstobesomeconfusion.
Alien3:Whichisexactlywhatwefound.Agreatdealofconfusion.Wewereabletolockonto
themessagewereceivedfromhereonceagain.
Alien4:Infactwehavebroughtitbackinitsentirety(Operatestorch.Strainsofthecarolagain
verse1)
Alien3:Butwewereunabletolocatetheexactnatureofthiseverlastinglightinthedark
streets.
Commander:Whatisastreetexactly?
Alien4:Astreetisalaunchstripforthemanymobilitydevicesthattheinhabitantsappearto
possess.
AllHighOne:Oh.Fromtherestofthismessagethealiensappeartoplaceagreatdealofhope
ontheappearanceofaneverlastinglight.
Alien3:Yes,andthereismentiontooofaholybirth,whichwillbringpeacetomenonearth.
AllHighOne:Andhasthisholybirthoccurredyet?
Alien4:Apparentlynotasthereappearedtobeverylittlepeacearound.
Commander:Soallisnotlost.Perhapswhenthisbirthoccursthesituationwillbechanged.
Alien3:Wewereabletobringbackagreatdealofthosethingsonwhichtheearthdwellers
placesomuchreliance.
Commander:Suchas?
Alien3:This(ProducesFrisbee)
AllHighOne:Andwhatisthat?

Alien4:Wewereunabletoestablishthatexactly.Butmanyearthdwellersappearedtouse
themandweregivingtoeachotherwhilstwewerethere.
Alien3:ItmaybethatthepeopleofBethLeeMhaveyettodiscoverthesecretsof
interplanetarytravelandthismaybetheircrudefirstattempts.
AllHighOne:Howaretheylaunched?
Alien4:Errtheythrowthem.
Commander:Theywouldappeartobeseverallightyearsshortofauniverse.
Alien3:Wealsowereabletoreturnwiththeseesteemeditems.(ProducesboxofChristmas
crackers)
AllHighOne:Thosebeing?
Alien3:Weareunsure...butjudgingbythetinyexplosionproducedwhentheearthlingsoperate
them,thismaywellbethebeginningoftheirattemptsatfuellingtheirprimitiveinterplanetary
explorationprogramme.Alsomuchismadeofthemessagesreceivedfrominsidethecapsule.
Commander:Wereyouabletoretrieveanexample?
Alien4:Indeed(unrollsmottoonsmallpieceofpaper)Whydidthechickencrosstheroad?
AllHighOne:Whatexactlyisaroad?
Alien4:Verysimilartoastreet,yourAllHighness
Commander:Andchicken?
Alien3:AsmallcreatureverysimilartoourNekodasexcepttheydontkeepthemaspetsbut
eattheminvastquantities.
AllHighOne:Soaretheyinanyconditiontocrosstheroadanyway?
Commander:Itsallveryconfusing.
Alien4:Exactlywhatwefound.
Commander:Iseeyouhaveanothersimilarmessagewithyou.Doesthisalsoconcernthefate
ofcreaturesdestinedforconsumption?
Alien3:(whohasbeenholdingaNewTestament)Itappearstobesomeprimitiveformof
communicationcontainingacodewhichwehaveyettobreak.
Commander:Sendittotheappropriatedepartment.
AllHighOne:Iexpectthattheonlywayinwhichwearetoknowthetruth,toknowifthisreally
isaplanetofpeace,andtoknowifwecouldtrulysettlethere,isforustointerviewsomeofthe
aliencreatures.
Commander:Surelyyouarenotsuggestingthatyouputyourownlifeindangerbyundertaking
suchaperilousjourney.
AllHighOne:No,Iwasthinkingthatmaybeafewerrrepresentativescouldvisitus.
Alien4:Representatives?
Alien3:Shemeanshostages.
AllHighOne:Couldthatbearranged,commander?
Commander:ForyourAllHighnessitwouldbeaprivilege.(TurningtoAlien3and4)Ifearyour
dutiesarenotyetfinished.WewouldliketointerviewsomeofthelifeformsfromPlanetBeth
LeeM.
Aliens:Asyouwish,commander.
Scene4

(ThreehostagesarecoaxedverymuchagainsttheirwillintoalienheadquartersbyAliens1,3
and4.TheAllHighOne,theCommanderandAlien2areseatedverymuchlikeabenchof
judgesoraninterviewpanel.
Hostage1:(theyoungest,clothedinbathtowelandcarryingsponge/rubberduckorthelike)
(shouting)Oi!Steadyon,yourehurtingme.Whatareyoulotplayingat?Wherearewe?
Hostage2:(amechanictornawayfromajob,socouldbecarryingspanner,oilcanetc)Yeah,
whatsthegameexactly.Andwhoarealltheseerrpeople?
Alien1:Justfollowus,ifyouwouldbesokind.
Hostage3:(Holdingatoaster)Dowehaveachoice?Iwasjustputtingonsometoastformy
husband'sbreakfastwhenwhoosh,Ifoundmyselfcaughtupinakindoftornadoandwhisked
toherewhereareweanyway?
Hostage1:LookslikesomethingoffStarWars.Great!Beatshavingabathanytime.
Commander:(attemptingtobeimposing)YouareontheplanetZabdia.
Hostage2:Neverheardofit!
Commander:(ignoringtheinterruption)andareprivilegedtobepresentedtoThe
AllHighOne,herself.
Hostage3:(stillholdingtoasterwhilsttryingtoshakehands)Pleasedtomeetyou.
AllHighOne:Pleaseputdownallweapons.Weareapeacelovingplanet.Wedestroyedsuch
primitivedevicesasthesemanylightyearsago.
Hostage3:No,itsnotaweapon.Itsformakingtoast.Although,cometothinkofit,my
husbanddoesthinksomeofmycookingsabitlikebiologicalwarfare.
Hostage2:Canwecutthecackle?Justwhatarewedoinghere.Whatsgoneon?Iminthe
middleofanoilchangeonMrJonesstationwagonandtheresgonnabeeverythingtopayforif
hedoesntgetitbackbyteatime.
Commander:MayIexplain.SomeofourinhabitantsfromthisplanetofZabdiahavevisitedyour
planet
Hostage2:IknewityourereallyTheSpiceGirls(substitutesomeappropriategroup)
Commander:Pleaseletmefinish.Wehavesentmissionsouttoyourplanetbecauseweneed
tofindanewhome.Ourplanethasnotmuchtimeleft.Wewillbedestroyedandplungedinto
eternaldarkness.Wedesperatelyneedtofindalocationwherewecanliveinpeaceand
tranquillity.
AllHighOne:Andthereportswereceivedofyourplanetweremostencouraging.
Alien2:YesIwasabletobuildadevice,whichpickedupyourcallsign.(Turnsingratiatingly
towardstheAllHighOne)Iworkedlongandhardonthedeviceandsoughtnoreward.
AllHighOne:Norshallyoureceiveone.
Alien2:(Disappointed)Ofcourse.
Alien3:Thepointis,wewereabletopickupyourmessagefromyourplanetofBethLeeM.A
messageofpeacetomenonearth,ofawondrousgiftofaneverlastinglight.
Alien4:Itallsoundedtoogoodtobetrue.Theseareallthingsthatweshalldesperatelyneed.
Hostage2:Whatareyouonabout?Werefromearthnotwhatdidyoucallit?
Alien3:BethLeeM.Therecanbenodoubt.Weheardthemessage.
Hostage1:(Excitedly)IknowwhattheyresayingIknow
Hostage3:Shhbestnottoprovokethembestkeepquiet.

Hostage1:ButIknow.
Hostage2:Youknownothing,yourejustakid.
Commander:Soyouhavebeeninvitedhere
Hostage2:Invited!Yourekidding.Iwaswhiskedawaybetweenoilchanges.
Commander:Andwillbewhiskedback.AsIsayyouareheresothatwemaybetterunderstand
thesecretsofBethLeeManddecidewhetherwecanjoinyou.
Hostage3:BethLeewhat?
Hostage1:MM...M.Dontyousee.TheyaresayingBethlehem.Whattheyvebeenlisteningto
isacarol.
Hostage2:ItsprobablythatCarolfromthelaundromat.Shetalksanyamountofoldrubbish.I
shouldntbesurprisedifshesanalienfromtheplanetWasherteria.
Hostage1:NonotCarolacarol.AChristmasCarol.TheyvepickedupOLittleTownof
Bethlehem.
Hostage3:Youknow,Ithinkyourerightcosithasgotalineaboutpeacetomenon
earthandtheeverlastinglight,cometothinkofitwhatajoke!
AllHighOne:Wetrustitisnojoke.
Commander:Ourhopesarepinnedonfindingthatwhatyouhaveisreal.
Hostage2:(Somewhatafraid)Wellerr..Notajokeexactly.ItsjustthatitstheChristmasstory.
ItswhatwetelltoourchildrenatChristmaserratacertaintimeofyear..itsnotserious.
Commander:Isee.Soyouareinthehabitoftellingyourchildren...thenextgeneration,asit
weresomethingthatisastory,aninvention.
AllHighOne:Andthereisnoeverlastinglightandnopeacetomenonearth?
Hostage2:Wellnotreally.}Speakingatsametime
Hostage1:Yesthereis}
Commander:Pardon
Hostage2:Wellnotreally.}Speakingatsametime
Hostage1:Yesthereis}
AllHighOne:Thisisunclear.Canwehearfromoneofyou?
Hostage1:Thereisaneverlastinglight.Andthereasonwecelebrateandsingcarolsis
becausehecametoourplanettobringuspeaceandtochangeourlives.
Hostage3:Ifthatsthecase,hedidntmakemuchofajobofit.Ivenotnoticedmuchofit.Least
notfromwhatyoureadinthepapers.
Hostage2:Orfromwhatyouseeinourneighbourhoodforthatmatter.Notmuchpeaceinmy
lifeeither,cometothatifyouknewwhatIhavetoputupwith
Hostage1:Wellthereisinmine.
Hostage2:Thekidsforevercomplainingtheproblemswith.what?Whatdidyousay?
Hostage1:Isaidthereispeaceinmylife.IvechangedImetJesusChrist.
AllHighOne:Jesus?
Commander:Ibelieveafewthingsarefallingintoplace,AllHighOne.Theworkbackfromthe
codebreakingmodulesaysthatthefragmentbroughtbackbyourbravemissionteam(Aliens
24beam)hasmuchtosayofthis..this...this.
AllHighOne:Yes?

Commander:Iwasabouttosayearthlingbutthereismuchtocastdoubtonwhetherheis
indeedoftheplanet.
Hostage1:Thatsbecausehesnot.HecamedowntousatChristmasHeistheeverlasting
light.Hestheonewhobringspeacetomenonearth.Hestheonewhoischangingmylife.
Hesgreat.
AllHighOne:Andthisisthesecrettothepeaceforyourplanet.
Hostage1:Yes.Yes,Heis.
Hostage2:Sowhyishenotdoinganythingforme?Tellmethat.
Hostage1:(ToAliens3and4)Haveyougotthatmessageyoubroughtbackstill?
Alien3:Yes,Irememberitwell.Itconcernsasmallcreatureononeofyourroads.
Hostage1:No,Idontthinkthatcanbeit..
Alien4:(ProducingNewTestament)Woulditbethisone?
Hostage1:(Excitedly)Yes...thatsit!MayIhaveit?
Commander:Ofcourse.
Hostage1:(LeafingthroughtoJohnsgospel)Inhereitsayswell,youreadthecodefor
yourself
Alien4:(reads)Thetruelightthatgiveslighttoeverymanwascomingintotheworld.Hewasin
theworld,andthoughtheworldwasmadethroughhim,theworlddidnotrecognisehim.He
cametothatwhichwashisown,buthisowndidnotreceivehim.Yettoallwhoreceivedhim,to
thosewhobelievedinhisname,hegavetherighttobecomechildrenofGod
Hostage1:AndthecarolerrthesongyoupickedupsaysWheremeeksoulswillreceiveHim
still,thedearChristentersin
AllHighOne:AndthisChristthisisJesus?
Commander:AndisHetheonewhobringspeace?
Hostage1:Oh,yes.
(Longpause)
AllHighOne:AndwouldthepeaceHebringsextendtoeveryonetosayexiles
Hostage1:Ohyes
AllHighOne:tostrangersto..outsiders?
Hostage1:Ohyes.ThatswhatHedoesbest.Hespecialisesinoutsiders.

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