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3 Ways to Maintain Your Self-Preservation When Dealing With a Narcissist
08/16/201510/05/2015
<http://yourlifelifter.com/2015/08/16/3-ways-to-maintain-your-self-preservationwhen-dealing-with-a-narcissist/>
th-30 <https://yourlifelifter.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/th-30.jpeg>
The damage from narcissistic abuse is insipid and insidious and the
emotional harm from it can be traumatizing. However, do not think for
one second that you are defenseless or powerless to narcissists.
Narcissists are energy vampires. They cannot generate their own power or
energy. In fact, they in themselves are powerless.
We fear them because we believe we are powerless and defenseless to
them. However, what we fear in reality is not really dangerous. Our
perception of danger has been skewed in large part from past harmful or
traumatic experiences. We fear narcissists because of what abusers did
to us as children when we were vulnerable to them and felt powerless to
them. We learned to readily give up our personal power and energy to
narcissists and other abusers who trigger our pain and the accompanying
false belief of powerlessness.
Narcissists, in reality, however, while aggressive and revengeful, are
weak and predictable. This works to your favor since this makes
them vulnerable. In fact, they are very easy to manipulate.
Really, you may be thinking, how can that be?
Because in reality, narcissists push the same pain buttons our abusers
did when we were children when we were powerless to them. We bring these
same fears and beliefs into adulthood. As adults, we overestimate the
danger and underestimate our ability to deal with it when, if we were
able to look at it rationally, we would see very clearly that we
are longer powerless to these annoying creeps. Read more here

<https://yourlifelifter.wordpress.com/2015/07/14/why-understanding-the-differenc
es-between-harm-fear-and-real-danger-are-fundamental-to-your-healing-and-well-be
ing/>.
So our fear of them is really false? The answer is an unequivocal, Yes!
We can learn, with practice, to deal with narcissists easily and
effectively and not be vulnerable to them or fear them. Once you are
able to see them and understand them for who they really are and break
through the dysfunctional illusion and heal, you will see they are
really more like annoying mosquitoes or whining man and woman
babies bothersome, boring, and predictable.
th-29Here are 3 tips to maintain your self-preservation when dealing
with them:
1. Do not give them any attention, positive or negative. If you do not
give them your energy, they go away. They need narcissistic supply
to survive. Without it, they cannot live. Practice not reacting to
anything they say or do or even thinking about them. Read more on
how to minimize their toxicity here
<https://yourlifelifter.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/how-do-we-remove-toxic-peop
le-from-our-lives/>.
2. Turn the fear triggers into annoyance triggers.
Small mosquito
<https://yourlifelifter.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/small-mosquito.jpg>Watch
them and map out what you expect them to do and when. You may find it
useful to write down each action and how they make you feel. Plan what
you will do when the narcissist responds as you predicted. This will
help to remove the severity and seriousness from the situation by
showing how weak and predictable they really are, like mosquitoes.
Taking action (including saying no) will help you reset your internal
fear threshold and provide you the self power to regulate your emotions
before they escalate and the confidence in your ability to protect your
personal boundaries. Your self-esteem and self-confidence will
soar! Read more on how to minimize their toxicity here
<https://yourlifelifter.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/how-do-we-remove-toxic-people-f
rom-our-lives/>.
3. For reasons of self-preservation (not revenge), learning to
manipulate them may be your best option. Now, I do not recommend
this at all to anyone who is in early stages of healing. In
addition, it takes time and energy and practice, and frankly, good
acting skills to learn how to do this.
th-16 <https://yourlifelifter.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/th-16.jpeg>So
when you are ready and have a legitimate need, you can learn pretty
easily to manipulate them by giving the appearance you are giving up
your energy. You can make them think they are manipulating you. Again, I
am not promoting deceit for revenge. Rather, I am promoting
self-preservation. Read more on how to manipulate a narcissist here
<https://yourlifelifter.wordpress.com/2015/07/27/how-do-i-manipulate-a-narcissis
t/>.
I, very far along in my healing, deal with narcissists and other
boundary violators like manipulators and covert aggressors and passive
aggressive people all the time. I do not fear them because I know how
they tick and I no longer believe I am defenseless to them. I no longer

fear them because I took my power back and healed and I know how to
manage them. For example, I choose to voluntarily interact with them
only if I benefit. I always make sure I benefit in some way because I
know that they always are using me for something. It is just who they
are and it is just what they do. I view it neutrally and not with any
fear or emotional investment. If I do not benefit, I do not interact
with them or I give up no energy. I just shut down and say nothing. I
bank on the fact that they will come back again to win just like they
bank on others vulnerabilities. If and when they come back, I just
follow the same rule. If I do not benefit, I do not interact and give up
no energy to the interaction.
Narcissists are aggressive and potentially dangerous and can only harm
you if you allow them to do harm to you. In reality, they cannot
generate their own power and need yours to survive. This is why they
aggressively pursue you. This is behavior they learned in their
dysfunctional families. They bank on our weaknesses and only target the
emotionally vulnerable, kind, empathetic, generous, conscientious, and
trusting people. You can use this information to your benefit and work
the interaction with them to your favor. Read more on how to manipulate
a narcissist here
<https://yourlifelifter.wordpress.com/2015/07/27/how-do-i-manipulate-a-narcissis
t/>.
But make no mistake and do not let your guard down. A narcissist
always uses another person for something they need. They are aggressive
parasites. Every interaction with them is parasitic. Accept that. It is
not because they like you or love you or even hate you. They need you
for narcissistic supply and actively go after it. They are predictable
and weak and can be managed. They, however, cannot be cured.
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are Fundamental to Your Healing and Well Being
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<http://yourlifelifter.com/category/tips-tools/> | Tagged: boundaries
<http://yourlifelifter.com/tag/boundaries/>, fear
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<http://yourlifelifter.com/tag/manipulation/>, narcissism
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<http://yourlifelifter.com/2015/08/14/codependency-does-not-cause-abuse/>
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ive-relationships/>
2 thoughts on 3 Ways to Maintain Your Self-Preservation When
Dealing With a Narcissist
1.
Evelyn Ryan <http://yourlifelifter.wordpress.com/> says: 08/16/2015
at 12:54 pm
<http://yourlifelifter.com/2015/08/16/3-ways-to-maintain-your-self-preservat
ion-when-dealing-with-a-narcissist/comment-page-1/#comment-18>
Reply
<http://yourlifelifter.com/2015/08/16/3-ways-to-maintain-your-self-preservat
ion-when-dealing-with-a-narcissist/?replytocom=18#respond>
Kathy, I am sorry you had to go through this and I wish we had met
BEFORE this started. I know many going through the same. Some narcs
are worse than others and the only thing YOU can do is maintain true
to YOURSELF and YOUR healing..thats it. Once I, you and in your
case, the courts give them energy, they are fueled and powered for
combat as you have seen. There are programs and initiatives now led
by others like you to help people deal with these monsters in court.
Believing lies does not make it truth and not being the truth does
not make it lies. Truth IS truth. You cannot polish a turd but you
can roll it glitter. They are the masters of illusions and the
educated legal providers are so easily duped. They view court as
battle and ruin the other parent because the courts fall for it and
write it off as personal. When we respond, we the hysterical
menstruating women, look crazy. Yes, the bias of the courts and if

led by a narc judge watch out, works to the narcs favor. I avoided
court at all costs. They thrive, too, on combat. So the rules in
this article apply to any interaction with them. DO NOT REACT
EMOTIONALLY. Pretend you are defeated so he lets his guard down but
while he thinks that TAKE YOUR POWER back times a thousand because
in reality he is a powerless mosquito without his proxieslearn to
outsmart him. If any of your children turn into a narc or pick up
his dishonoring bad habitsDO NOT PUT UP with it. In fact, do not
put up with abuse or disrespect from anyone. Your adaptive children
will heal through you and you will be living in truth as your
authentic self.that is what life is all about..Read my other
articles on self-care, self-compassion, and nourishing your soul.
The only person you need to serve is your own self. You will make
great strides in your healing by doing self-esteem work and
assertiveness and stress management classes and even Yoga has been
found to be instrumental in healing trauma. Register too for my free
14 page report on self-esteem tips at this site. The best way to
take your power back and heal is through taking ACTION, not revenge.
Life is not a fight as you say. Life is a search for truth so we can
be joyous and happy. The BEST revenge is your success. Start now and
be the best version of yourself you were put on this earth to bebe
you and live your life as if he does not exist.. Do not think of him
or talk about him unless it BENEFITS you. Practice practice
practice. And if you are concerned for your welfare, tell the
authorities, write down what your concerns are and send them to a
person you can confide it, and learn self defensethe point being,
we can only be victims if we think like them. Take action, be well
and thrive! He is powerless without your energy. Take your power
back. Be sure to check out the free sneak peek of my book, Take
Your Power Back: Healing Lessons, Tips, and Tools for Abuse
Survivors as well. Evelyn Ryan
Like
<http://yourlifelifter.com/2015/08/16/3-ways-to-maintain-your-self-preservat
ion-when-dealing-with-a-narcissist/?like_comment=18&_wpnonce=14123aa2fe>Like
2.
Kathy says: 08/16/2015 at 9:47 am
<http://yourlifelifter.com/2015/08/16/3-ways-to-maintain-your-self-preservat
ion-when-dealing-with-a-narcissist/comment-page-1/#comment-17>
Reply
<http://yourlifelifter.com/2015/08/16/3-ways-to-maintain-your-self-preservat
ion-when-dealing-with-a-narcissist/?replytocom=17#respond>
Like using my children to get to me. We have all become his supply.
How the heck am I to fight back mentally with him after he has
convinced the system that I am a terrible mother and my children
have been taken from me. His crazymaking is endless and he is
hellbent on damaging not only us but everyone in my extended family
and friends, to take away all positive support system for us. And I
have found that the system doesnt and wont protect us from him.
Time after time I pleaded for help. I was told it to be a personal
domestic dispute, we are sorry but cant help you with his antics
of, youll have to deal with his emotional unbalance; we cant make
him play nice. The fears of leaving after almost 30 years in hell
with this man, holding on to hope that never came; while exposing
and allowing my kids to be raised in the negative environment and

damaging them along with myself. Has and is true. He can and will
do as he pleases, nobody will stop him and nobody will listen.
Actually the only thing he hadnt done that I feared Was kill me
And Im waiting on that. With the drugs and alcohol streaming him
along with madness.
Like
<http://yourlifelifter.com/2015/08/16/3-ways-to-maintain-your-self-preservat
ion-when-dealing-with-a-narcissist/?like_comment=17&_wpnonce=ee2496d30c>Like
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