hiding inside

(patricia e. huerto 11/13/09 8:52pm)

here i am again, trying to write something.

i feel so down tonight, that's why i chose to write.
i really want to cry, but my eyes are so dry.
the tears wont come out. they just hide inside my eyes.

because my tears are hiding, my heart wants to stop beating

it is hurting, it is bleeding. seems like it is dying.
pain just came out from nowhere.
i just felt it since last week.
maybe caused by somebody. or maybe not.

i hate what i'm feeling right now. it is swallowing me down.

draging me to the ground
leaving me to the place where nowhere to run.
it's burning inside..yet i feel so cold.
it's like surrounded by a lot of people..yet seen by none..

feels like..

i am screaming..but nobody hears me..

i am aching..but nobody dares to cure me..
no one can cure me.
i am sick. but nobody cares.
i am dying..
i know.. no one would mourn..

telling somebody how i feel is nonsense.

gaining love is just a dream.
showing emotion is a sign of weakness.
being kind is just a sin.
sharing affection is just worthless.
giving trust is just a waste..
no one will accept..
no one will appreciate.

what hurts most is rejection.

from the people you have loved,
have shown affection,
people whom you have offered kindness,
whom you have trusted..

coldness shows strength, strength shows power, power rules everything.

hiding inside is a mechanism.

mechanism chosen by people who do not want t0 hurt others.
mechanism chosen by weak.

chosen by me.