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DaiquirriStreet
ENGL2010025
ProfessorJ.Beatty
27/07/2016
PursuingPassions
Theculturethateveryonelivesinputssomuchpressureonindividualstobe
happy,buttoalsohaveagoodcareerandaspirations.Culturecanalsolayoutapath
forindividualsandexpectationsthattheyshouldfollow.Whenthepath,orcycleof
expectationsisbroken,theeffectsoftheindividualcanhavedifferentoutcomes.They
cangetbackonthepathandconformtotheexpectationsoftheworldaroundthemor
theycankeepgoingandpursuetheirindividualpassionsunconditionally.Peopleshould
livetheirlivesunconditionallyandpursuepersonalautonomybecauseapersonslifeis
theirlife.Nooneshouldbeabletoberesponsibleforanothershappiness.(Section
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Pressurefromparentscanplayahugeroleonhowindividualsenduplivingtheir

lives,andalotofthetimeholdspeoplebackfromfulfillingtheirpassions.Thearticle,
TheParentTrap:TheChallengesofSocializingforAutonomyandIndependence,by
JeffreyS.Dilldiscussesthewaysparentsviewthewaytheybelievetheirchildren
shouldbe,andhavevaluesthatareinstilledbytheparentandhavecharacteristicsthat
aresimilartotheparents.Thisarticlealsoshowstheresultofastudydoneamong
parents,toseewhattheythinkarethemostimportantvaluesthatachildshouldhave
andwhatitmeanstothinkforyourself.

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Parentsinthisstudyhavesaidoverallthatthemostimportantthingfortheirchild
tohaveisindependence.Whatindependenceactuallymeansvariesfrompersonto
personorparent.Independenceinthecaseofthisstudycanmean,anindividualis
completelyfreefrominfluence,ortheyareindependentbasedontheguidelines
establishedforthem.Overwhelminglytheresultsshowedthatthinkingforthemselves,
wasthemostimportantqualitythatachildshouldhavetobepreparedforlife(Dill).The
studydugdeeperanddiscoveredthatthemajorityofparentssurveyedsaidthat
thinkingforyourselfessentiallymeans,beingobedient,knowingrightfromwrong,not
givingintopeerpressureandstayingawayfromnegativeinfluences(Dill).Butthese
negativeinfluencesaremoralssetupbytheparent.Theybelievetheirchildrenare
thinkingforthemselvesiftheyaremakinggooddecisionsbasedonthevaluesset
aroundthemratherthandiscoveringpersonalindependenceorautonomy(Dill).These
parentsfromthestudyshowthattheiroverallviewistheywanttheirchildrentothink
forthemselves,buttheywanttheirchildrentothinklikethem,andthatiswhat
establishesgoodmoralcharacterandindependence,buttheseideasdenypersonal
autonomy.WhenmyfriendAlexchangedhismajorfrombusinesstoart,becausehe
wasfailingandmiserable,hisparentsrejectedtheideabecausearttothemisnt
practicalanddoesnotfallundertheircharacteristics.Beingpressuredtofollowa
parent'scharacteristicsandstandards,limitsapersonstrueindividualityanddenies
themfromdiscoveringandfulfillingtheirunconditionallife.
Theminorityofparentsinthisstudybelievedtheabsoluteopposite.Whilethey
agreedthatthinkingforyourself,isthegreatestskillachildcanhave,theytakethe

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approachofnotalwaysbeingtheretoleanon,theywanttheirchildrentovalue
themselvesandunderstandthevaluesofselfdefinitionandbecompletelyfreefromall
othersinfluences.Thisgroupofparentsonlyrepresented24%ofthestudy,andhad
thiswayofthinkingofdowhatyouwant(Dill).Theybelieveinfreedomfromcontrol,
andhavingtrueindependence.Thisstudyshowsthatthemajorityofparentsdenya
personfromlivingtheirlifefreelyandunconditionally,sodiscoveringtruepersonal
autonomyisrare.Nooneshouldbedeniedoffindingthemselves,anddiscoveringwhat
makesthemunconditionallyfulfilledandhappy.
Whileparentsmakeitdifficulttostrayawayfromexpectations,individuals
overtimetendtodenythemselvesoftheirtruepotential.AtalkgivenbyLarrySmith,
WhyYouWillFailtoHaveaGreatCareerdiscusseswhypeopleshouldpursuethe
highestformoftheirpassionsandwhypeoplefailtodoso.Smithsaysthatthegreatest
thingtostriveforusedtobe,beingcompetent,butbeingjustcompetentisdamning
people.Hesaysnicenormalpeopledonthavepassions,itisgoodtobeweirdand
havedreams.Peopleholdbackfromlife,evenwhentheyareinspired.Theylookat
othersfulfillingtheirdreamsnomatterhowcrazyoroffthepathandthinkhowgreat
theseindividualsareandthenthink,Imnotlikethat,Imnotweird,Iamnormal.Alex
chosetobealittleweirdandstrayawayfromthepath,whenhisparentsjustwanted
himtobenormal.Peoplecreateexcusesforthemselvesanddontwanttobejudged
orseemstrange(Smith).Peoplearesomewhatnaturallyafraidtopursuetheirpassions
forfearofjudgementorthattheywillfail,andthesefearsdenypersonalautonomy.

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Smithdescribespassionaswhatgoesbeyondinterest.Passionisapersons
greatestlove,thehighestexpressionofyourtalent.Passionandinterestarenotthe
samething,Smithusesanexampleof,ifyouproposedtosomeoneyouarenotgoingto
say,MarryMe!Ifindyouinteresting.Peopleneedtofindtheirinterestsandexplore
themtofindtheirpassion(Smith).ForexamplemyfriendAlex,wenttoschoolforart,
(aninterest)andthendiscoveredhisloveforsculpture,(thepassion)andnothing
makeshimmorehappy.Ifindividualssettleforinterestingoverpassion,whatcanreally
besaidaboutthem?Ifitispassion,loveandthehighestformofapersonsautonomy
peoplewillrememberthemandbemoreauthentictotheindividualismandknowoftheir
talent,becausethispersonwasnotafraidoftheiruniqueness.
Peoplewhodonotdiscovertheirpassion,endupfallingintoacareerorlifethat
doesntreallymeananything.Whenitcomestohavingacareermostpeopleseemto
becorralledintocertainwaysofconformingtheirlives.Mostpeopleendupsettlingfor
goodcareersoverfulfillingtheirpassionandmissingtrulygreatopportunities(Smith).
Peopleareborntobeuniqueandtohaveambition,butovertimewhenweareyoung
thesecharacteristicsfade.Whenachildoryoungadultcomesupwithagreatideathat
theythinkistheirpassionandwhattheywanttodowiththeirlife,andtheytelltheir
parentsthesituationcouldgoinafewdifferentways(Smith).Theparentwillbeexcited
aboutwhattheirchildsdreamisandwhattheywillhavetosay,andthentellthemthat
theirerroneousideaistooriskyorthattheywontmakeanymoneyatit(Smith).
Shuttingtheindividualdown.Again,whenAlexchangedmajorshisparentsrejectedthe
change,andtheyareconstantlytryingtotellhimthatitisabadidea,andtellhimof

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whattheythinkthefaultsareinhisfuture.Smithalsobringstheconversationfurther
andaskswhatisreallybeingsaidtothekidwhentheysaythatitistheirpassion?Ihad
adreamoncetookid,butIfailedtopursueit.orGoforitkid!JustlikeIdid.(Smith).
WhenyoungpeoplegetrejectedfortheirideasthattheyaresoexcitedaboutIbelieve
thatitisreallyhardtorecoverfromthat.Thefreeideaspeoplearebornwithget
smothered.Peoplemakeexcusesforthemselves,sayingthattheyarenotweirdand
peopleconstantlysaytothemselves,Unless...andIfOnly...Thesecounterideas
ricochetinthemindsofpeopleafraidtopursuetheirpassionsandautonomy(Smith).
Duetopressuresthatpeopleareplacedundertheyoftendenythemselvesofwhatcan
makethemhappy,butfearandexpectationsshouldnotreasonsforapersontodeny
themselvesoftheirunlimitedtalentsandhappiness.
Thereseemtobeamillionreasonswhypeopledontpursuetheirpersonal
autonomy.Themajorityofparentsbelievethattheyaredoingwhatisbestfortheirchild
bymakingtheirindividualismlimitedandhowthey,theparentsbelieveiscorrectand
moral.Whatisbestforthechildtotheparentisbeingliketheparentoratleasthaving
thesamevaluesastheparent(Dill).Veryfewparentsactuallybelievethatthinkingfor
yourself,shouldbeuptotheindividualtodecidewhatthatreallymeans(Dill).Even
whenpeopledofigureoutwhatitmeanstohaveindividualismandfindyourpassions
theyareafraidormakeexcusestonotpursue(Smith).Theyfearthejudgementfrom
society,theyareafraidtostepoutofthebox,everyonejustwantstobenormal,orat
leastthatiswhattheytellthemselves.Evenwhenareinspired,theyrefusetoacceptit,
forfearthattheymayfail.Everyonehasopportunitiestofulfilltheirlifeandtheir

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passions,todiscovertheirpersonalautonomy,butpressurefromfamilyorsocietyor
evenselfstoppeoplefromtrulyfindingwhatmattersandwhatthehighestexpressionof
theirtalentscouldbe.LikeAlex,hesteppedawayfromhisexpectationsandnowis
livingahappyfulfillinglifepursuinghispassionswithnoregrets.Peopleonlyhaveone
life,anditshouldnotbelimited,itshouldnotconsistofthejudgementsofothers.Live
shouldbelivedwithpassion.Everyoneisbornwithpersonalautonomy,andnomatter
whatnothingshouldholdanindividualback,itmustbediscovered,releasedand
fulfilledunconditionally.

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WorksCited
Dill,Jeffery.TheParentTrap:TheChallengesofSocializingforAutonomyand
Independence.Society.Vol.52Issue2,2015,pp.150154.AcademicSearch
Premier.http://search.ebscohost.com/
login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=101804615&site=ehostlive
Smith,Larry.WhyYouWillFailtoHaveaGreatCareer.2011,October.
https://www.ted.com/playlists/313/talks_to_help_you_find_your_pu