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When punctuating dialogue with commas and an attribution before

the dialogue, the comma goes after the attribution, and the
appropriate punctuation mark goes inside the quotation mark at the
end of the dialogue:
Mom said, Sam came by to see you.
When punctuating dialogue with commas and adding an attribution
after the dialogue, the comma goes inside the quotation mark:
She came home with me, Will said.
When youre punctuating dialogue with commas and adding a
pronoun attribution, the comma goes inside the quotation mark,
and the pronoun is not capitalized:
I hate you, she said.
With dialogue that trails away, as though the speaker has gotten
distracted, use an ellipsis inside the quotation mark:
I just dont know Jenny said.
When dialogue is abruptly interrupted or cut off, use an em-dash
inside the quotation mark:
Well, I dont think
Because you never think!
For a non-dialogue beat to break up a line of dialogue, use either
commas or em-dashes:
And then I realized, Jane said with a sigh, that
he lied to me.
Without the antidoteMatt shook his headI
dont think we can save him.
When the speaker has started to say one thing, and changed his or

her mind to say something else, use the em-dash:


I dont want toI mean, I wont hurt her.
Note that semicolons and colons are rarely used in most
contemporary fiction. They tend to appear too academic on the
page, and if you use one or the other, or both, you run the risk of
reminding the reader that theyre reading a story. Try not to do
anything that breaks that fourth wall and calls attention to the
mechanics of the story itself.
Look for the discussion about the great debate between said
and other attributions in Part II of this post.
Don't get too colorful with the dialogue tags. "Hello," she shouted;
"Hi there," he cried; "How are you?" she queried," "Fine thanks,"
he shrilled"... too much of this stuff gets distracting fast. Put your
thesaurus away. The basic dialogue verbs "say," "tell," and "ask,"
have the advantage of fading in the background, letting the reader
focus on what your character is saying.

When punctuating dialogue with commas and an attribution before


the dialogue, the comma goes after the attribution, and the
appropriate punctuation mark goes inside the quotation mark at the
end of the dialogue:

Mom said, Sam came by to see you.


When punctuating dialogue with commas and adding an attribution
after the dialogue, the comma goes inside the quotation mark:
She came home with me, Will said.
When youre punctuating dialogue with commas and adding a
pronoun attribution, the comma goes inside the quotation mark,
and the pronoun is not capitalized:
I hate you, she said.
With dialogue that trails away, as though the speaker has gotten
distracted, use an ellipsis inside the quotation mark:
I just dont know Jenny said.
When dialogue is abruptly interrupted or cut off, use an em-dash
inside the quotation mark:
Well, I dont think
Because you never think!
For a non-dialogue beat to break up a line of dialogue, use either
commas or em-dashes:
And then I realized, Jane said with a sigh, that
he lied to me.
Without the antidoteMatt shook his headI
dont think we can save him.
When the speaker has started to say one thing, and changed his or
her mind to say something else, use the em-dash:
I dont want toI mean, I wont hurt her.
Note that semicolons and colons are rarely used in most
contemporary fiction. They tend to appear too academic on the

page, and if you use one or the other, or both, you run the risk of
reminding the reader that theyre reading a story. Try not to do
anything that breaks that fourth wall and calls attention to the
mechanics of the story itself.
Look for the discussion about the great debate between said
and other attributions in Part II of this post.
Don't get too colorful with the dialogue tags. "Hello," she shouted;
"Hi there," he cried; "How are you?" she queried," "Fine thanks,"
he shrilled"... too much of this stuff gets distracting fast. Put your
thesaurus away. The basic dialogue verbs "say," "tell," and "ask,"
have the advantage of fading in the background, letting the reader
focus on what your character is saying.

Chapter 1
Wake up! I heard a voice calling me in my sleep. When I opened my eyes,
I saw a black-haired little boy about my age, looking at me curiously with
bright excited eyes.
Where am I? Are we in Australia?

I think we landed on an island...The little boy shook his head We


were heading to Australia, then the plane was shot down.
I felt a warm tingling sensation in my toes. My feet was in warm water. I
patted the ground beneath me and felt hot, dry particles of sand. I realized
we were on a beach.
Are there any adults here?
I dunno, but big brother Simon is with me. Hes almost an adult. Hell be
18 this year.
I heard a rustling sound coming from the woods. Then, a tall, black-haired
teenager came out of the bushes.
The tall boy smiled and shook my hand, Oh, you woke up. Im Simon.
Whats your name?
Hi, Im Robert. Nice to meet you. I replied.
And Im Owen Carl Keaton. The kid smiled and shook my hand. Call me
Owen.
I stood up and kicked a rock in the sand, What should we do? How are we
gonna go home?
Dont worry. said Simon. This is a good place. Theres fruits to eat and
water to drink. We could even get some pig to eat.
Maybe a ship will see us someday. There are no parents or teachers here.
We could have fun until we get rescued. Owen grinned and did a headstand.

Chapter 2
Part 1
Overwhelmed by the excitement of building a big fire, we
scattered into the forest in a race to get the most firewood.
Grabbing a handful of firewood, I ran back to the burning pile

of wood and threw in my pile.


In a split second, one of the branches leapt toward my face and
wrapped its still-burning body around my neck. I gasped for air
as I tried to free myself from its grasp, but it was no use. I fell
down and screamed as the I felt the burning sensation of its
fangs puncturing my flesh.
Part 2
Both of us were exhausted after a long hard day of hunting in
the woods. Our almost naked bodies were tanned after being in
the sun all day. Jonathan let out his breath in a long sigh and
decided we would go back to meet with the others.
Thump, thump. I heard the quick clatter of hoofs from the
bushes, coming closer and closer. Our heartbeats quickened
from the excitementour chance finally came. We grabbed
our spears and crouched down, waiting for the right moment to
attack.
Jonathan suddenly fell down on the ground in a loud thump.
Blood spurted out from his stomach. The wild beast appeared
right in front of me. Paralyzed by fear, I couldnt move my
body. Jonathan grabbed my hands and pulled me up. We ran
for our lives.

Chapter 3
The littluns surrounded Simon in a circle, and asked, What
is the beastie, Simon?
Simon squat down, making himself the same height as the

littluns, and gently patted their heads.


Well, you see, when we want something but we dont get
it, we will feel angry and even want it more. Mankinds
greed is the source of mankinds essential illness. If you
would be satisfied with what you have on this island and
not be afraid of this environment, the beastie will be gone
forever, for it is merely a construct of our minds.

Chapter 4
George was one of the best hunters on the island. He was a
handsome, fair-haired boy with an muscular build. He was
the only hunter who caught ten pigs, breaking Henrys
record of eight.

Henry had always been envious of George, who was better


than him in everything. Henry had always been a smart,
athletic,and popular kid, but George was always better.
George was more good-looking than Henry, and better at
sports, and better at hunting, and even better at academic
subjects.
Henry had been planning to get rid of George for a long,
long time. He tried to get close to George and gain his trust
so he could get revenge for always being in second place.
When a boar charged toward them when they were hunting,
Henry knew this would be his best chance.
Without a second thought, Henry stabbed George in the
chest. George screamed in pain and was shocked by the
sight of blood gushing out of his body.
George leapt to the side and narrowly dodged the boars
tusks, leaving Henry in front of the boar. The boar savagely
charged forward and sent Henry flying like a kite without
strings. Henry smashed his head on a giant boulder and his
arms jerked that of like a prisoner in an electric chair.
Chapter 5
Jack had done the same mistake again. Engrossed in
hunting, he had let the fire out a second time.
A ship passed by!a littlun cried. It was our only chance

to go home, and you blew it! You and your stupid hunters!
What if no ship ever comes by again? We will be stuck on
this little island for the rest of our lives!
Dont speak to me like that! Do you know who I am, kid?
Jack burst out in anger. Upset and enraged about what
happened, Jack made eye contact with the kid and stared
him down until everyone went to sleep but the two of them.
Later that night, Jack and the kid continued arguing and
Jack could no longer hold back his anger when the littlun
called him a coward. Before the littlun could finish
talking, Jack picked up his spear and impaled the poor
littlun right through the chest. Woken up by the boys highpitched shriek, Ralph opened his eyes and saw the face of
the poor boy right in front of him, blood-stained and
contorted in fear.
Ahhhhh! Hes dead! Hes dead! Oh lordy, hes dead!
Ralph screamed in horror. Ralph immediately thought
about asking Jack what happened. Jack suddenly leapt
toward Ralph. Ralph feels like he s being wrapped in
something, then everything went black.

Chapter 6
Ralph, Piggy, and the littluns were surprised by the
demonic figures with painted faces that appeared out of
nowhere. Jack, who was now half naked and had his body
painted with pigs blood, came forward and began to shout.

My hunters and I live by castle rock and hunt and feast


and have fun. We will have meat tonight. You could come
join us if you want to eat meat, or you could stay with
Ralph and eat his no-good fruits.
Jack spoke again Ralph, you had fun at the ritual didnt
you? Wouldnt you admit you enjoyed hurting
Robert? Huh?
Ralph was silent, his face was red with shame.
Join us, Ralph. Join our tribe and we will have fun
together. You would make a great hunter, Ralph. Together
we will be the best hunters in the tribe! Wouldnt you want
to have adventure and excitement and meat every day
instead of building fires and shelters?
Ralph had made his decision. He walked toward the chief
and shook hands with him.

Chapter 7
As the sky grew dark, Roger began to stomp a simple beat
with his feet. Thump, thump, thump, thump. Then the twins
started to stomp out the rhythm, then a few more followed
their lead. Soon everybody was stomping furiously.

Thump,thump,thump,thump.
Limbs waved and danced passionately to the maddening
rhythm. The thump grew faster and faster, the whole group
had merged into a single heart-beat, a single organism.
Roger tied Ralph to the cross, and began to chant, O
mighty beast! We throw you this feast!
The group responded, Kill the pig, cut his throat, bash him
in! Everybody charged at the boy. The kids formed a sea
of hands, all trying to tear and grab a piece of the boys
maddening, seductive meat.
There was no time for the boy to even scream. Soon, the
boy who was once chief had became nothing more than a
disfigured pile of bones, held together by strands and pieces
of flesh.

Lord of the Flies Fan Fiction


Daniel Ding
Period 5