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How A Relationship

Break-up Can
Destroy Your Life
Mr. L. Kumar

911 Loyal Pvt. Ltd.

911LoyalFriends.com

How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Table of Contents
Introduction ................................................................................................................................... 2
The Emptiness Makes Them Needy........................................................................................... 4
Lose Sight of What They Want .................................................................................................... 5
Put Their Friendships at Risk......................................................................................................... 7
Binge Eating & Unhealthy Diet.................................................................................................... 8
The Anger & Stress Hurts Their Health ........................................................................................ 9
Impotence................................................................................................................................... 10
Expecting New Relationships to Fail ........................................................................................ 11
Overspending To Feel Better..................................................................................................... 12
Plotting To Get Their Ex Girlfriend Back .................................................................................... 13
Drinking & Drugs.......................................................................................................................... 14
Keep Living In The Past.............................................................................................................. 15
Jealousy Damages Other Relationships.................................................................................. 16
Kills Their Motivation.................................................................................................................... 17
Slipping Into a Full Depression................................................................................................... 18
Dont Regain Their Confidence................................................................................................ 19
Constantly Compare Women To Their Ex ............................................................................... 20
Unhealthy Habits to Escape the Pain ..................................................................................... 21
Resentment of Women.............................................................................................................. 22
Cant Adjust To Being Single ..................................................................................................... 23
Drained Of Energy...................................................................................................................... 24
See Themselves as Not Having Control ................................................................................. 25

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Introduction
If You Were In A Room Full Hundred Of Guys Talking
About Their Ex-Girlfriends, What Would They Be
Saying?
A while back when I was writing my book, I interviewed 100s of guys that were
going through painful breakups.

I put out volunteer ads, surveys on the internet, and postings on local college
campuses because I was really determined to find out what the common
problems guys had in this part of their lives.

I interviewed guys on the phone, in person, email, snailmail, you name it.

The response was overwhelming, and it came from every kind of guy you can
imagine. Students, professionals, divorcees, fathers from different countries
everywhere.

When I first set out to do this most of my requests looked something like
thisGoing through a bad break up? Having trouble letting go of your ex
girlfriend? Willing to talking about it?

I had initially just wanted to talk to guys who were going through a break up, or
had just gotten out of a relationship.

Well, I was surprised to find out about half the guys I ended up interviewing were
talking about a break up that had happened over a year ago, and in some cases
much longer.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life


This was a shocker to me. As it turns out many of these guys still saw themselves as
trying to recover from their breakups.

I really dug in deep with these guys only to find out that many of the problems
they were having in their lives came from still being heartbroken and hung up on
their ex girlfrien

Sometimes it was clearly directly because of their relationship, but in most cases,
it was more indirect ways that in some cases the guys were not even aware of.

I was surprised to find that one way of another, what seemed initially to be
unrelated problems still came from the heartbreak or loss they felt from breaking
up with someone they couldnt get over. Below are the 20 most shocking ones

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

The Emptiness Makes Them Needy


The powerful emptiness that comes from longing for an ex girlfriend can cause
guys to act in ways that are unattractive to women and hurts their chances for
new relationships.

Because many of these guys didnt fully get over their ex girlfriend and learn to
be happy on their own, they become desperate to fill the void they feel.

So when they would meet a girl that they really liked, the girl would sense his
neediness pretty quickly. It becomes clear that he has a void in his life and he
needs HER in his life to fill it. This often sends women running the other direction
very quickly.

It debatable as to what traits in men women find the least attractive, but
neediness is probably the top contender for #1.

So these guys would end up settling for women that they arent really into, stay
alone, or keep scaring the ones they like away.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Lose Sight of What They Want


Broken hearted guys will often totally forget about their own goals and pursuits
that they had before.

When guys are still hung up on their ex girlfriend they often spend a lot of time
focusing on 3 things:

What they can do to get their ex-girlfriend back, asking themselves what went
wrong, or what can they can to distract themselves from the pain they are feeling.

What ends up happening is that they totally forget about what


they wanted in their life in the first place.

They start doing things to change their life because they think it will somehow
make their ex want them back again.

Often these things arent the things they would want to do if it they were truly
making the decision for themselves.

Or they start making choices in their life so that they can escape from the pain of
the breakup.

I was shocked to find out that it is common for men and women is to move to
another city because of a bad break up. No joke. They feel like the only way the
pain will go away is if they totally change their surroundings.

Now on one hand its good these people are doing whatever they can to feel
better, sometimes taking big measures is far better than none, but a more
important question to ask is:
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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Are they doing it for themselves, or are they doing it in response to the heartache
caused by their break up? Would they really want make such drastic changes if
they were not going through so much pain? If they were really over their ex, would
they still do it?

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Put Their Friendships at Risk


Guys often start acting in ways that put their own friendship in jeopardy.

The pain of their loss becomes so powerful that they only cant focus on anything
else and it becomes all too easy for guys to forget that they are in a relationship
with their friends too.

Having friends around is one of the best things a guy can do in the time right after
a break up. Close friends can really help someone make it through the tough
times of heartbreak.

Only problem is, sometimes guys are so wrapped with their OWN drama that they
really end up abusing this.

They spend way too much time, whining, bitching and complaining that they end
up driving their friends away, or hurting their friendships.

Now, on one hand their friends want to be there to help them, but in the end,
their friends still want to enjoy themselves when they are hanging out. No one
wants to listen to someone complaining and wallowing in their sorrow all the time.

Even if these guys dont complain about their girlfriend directly all the time, their
general bad mood, and negative state makes it hard to make new friends and
they may often find themselves being excluded from their current groups of
friends.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Binge Eating & Unhealthy Diet


Guys will often resort to an unhealthy diet or overeating to make themselves feel
better.

Because heartbreak can be so strong, if guys dont recover properly, they will
resort to anything that makes them feel better.

One of the most common ways people in general deal with stress is to overeat or
eat unhealthy foods that makes them feel better.

Guys, many times faced with the stress of a breakup can really take this to an
extreme.

Overeating and unhealthy foods end up becoming a regular part of their lifestyle
because its a great distraction.

Pizza, chips, ice creamAnything crunchy, sweet or fatty or just eating more than
we normally would all give us a temporary rush when we eat them.

But what I would hear from guys (and I know from my own experience) is
afterwards, they feel worse about themselves, which leads them to keep doing
more of the same thing to feel better.

Then these unhealthy patterns of eating become at risk for becoming a lifestyle
and a habit that becomes really hard to stop.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

The Anger & Stress Hurts Their Health


The traumatic feeling caused by a painful breakup can lead guys to spend
months and years still angry and stressed out over a breakup, which will slowly
erode their health.

When faced with a really painful break up and they dont eventually truly let go
of it, they often spend lots of time angry because they keep thinking about how
they were wronged, how upset they are over their loss, how their life is empty
without their ex

This causes the stress and anxiety and often causes guys to sleep too much or not
sleep enough, which affects all aspects of their health.

Over time these moods affect the overall health of the body. The constant release
of stress chemicals becomes a corrosive element in the body, wearing down the
immune system and the brain.

The anger and stress become a habit which keeps making the body feel worse.
As the body feels worse, the easier it is to stay angry and stressed and this become
a cycle that can cause health issues to arise, or make existing ones worse.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Impotence
The emotional damage from a relationship can be so strong, that if guys dont
truly get over it in a health way, it can cause sexual problems.

Despite what many people may say, a big part of sex is in the mind, and part of
that is how comfortable we feel around someone.

Some guys reported totally losing their sex drive in the initial part of the break up.
This is also normal because of the effect the emotional shock has on the body,
but it usually wears off as soon afterwards.

Sometimes guys will try to have sex in this period and end up not being able to
perform. Because of this they worry about it happening again so they will start to
get performance anxiety in general when they are about to have sex with new
women (performance anxiety is notoriously the cause ofwell, lack of
performance)

Also if a guy is still powerfully attached to his ex girlfriend then often he wont be
comfortable around other women, feels guilty when he has sex with new women,
doesnt trust them, or feels insecure around them and this also can hurt his ability
to perform.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Expecting New Relationships to Fail


A bad break up often can hurt guys so badly, that it becomes their greatest fear
when starting new relationships with women. Since they never fully recovered
from the pain of their previous breakup, they are terrified of it happening again.

This causes them to act in ways that in many cases cause the new relationship to
fail.

They dont allow themselves to get attached, or they only choose relationships
with people they dont like very much because this allows them to keep control.
The enter into new relationships with expectation that things are bound to go
wrong, and in turn this causes them to unconsciously do things that make it go
wrong.

When they meet girls they really like, they often immediately focus on how painful
it might be if it doesnt work out. So they start acting weird, clingy or distant.

Often when first meeting new women they often talk or act in ways (without
knowing it) that communicate to them that they dont expect to for relationships
to work out in general.

So one way or another they show the new women in their lives that they have
something that has damaged them in the past that is keeping them from new
relationships. This causes women to not stick around, which reinforces this belief,
and makes it worse.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Overspending To Feel Better


Guys will often go out and spend money on things they wouldnt normally want
because it temporarily makes them feel better or they spend lots of money on
women because they feel like they have something to prove.

Because they havent faced the issues caused by the heartbreak they are
feeling, there is still a void in themselves and buying new things gives them a
temporary sense of relief and some excitement they may not otherwise be
getting.

This often leads to rampant shopping, overspending and getting themselves into
debt.

Still feeling incomplete, guys will spend lots of money on women they are dating
because they want to prove their worth somehow to new women so they can
get the validation they lost when they broke up with their ex.

This not only sends the wrong signal to women but also in some cases ends up
attracting the wrong kind of women into their lives.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Plotting To Get Their Ex Girlfriend Back


Guys will often do crazy things to try to get their ex back, and eventually when
they look back at it they regret it.

After talking with numerous guys about this, one thing that many of them
admitted doing was plotting to get back together with their ex girlfriend after they
broke up.

This is hard not to do at first for most people. In many ways


its hard to let go of an old relationship and move on, because it we feels like we
are admitting some kind of defeat.

But, most people decided at some point they had to cut their losses and just move
on.

With some of these guys who still werent able to get over their ex girlfriends, they
ended up taking it too far.

Some guys kept sending their ex gifts and cards. Some actually premeditated
accidentally running into them at certain places so they could talk to them
again.

Some guys were more bold about this and they kept calling their ex girlfriends,
emailing them, texting them, going over to their houses, following them, etc.

This would often end up not totally alienating them from their ex girlfriends but also
the mutual group of friends they had.
Unfortunately, this often ended up with some kind of intervention, be it from the
ex girlfriends family, new boyfriend, and sometimes, yes, the law.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Drinking & Drugs


Many guys can steer dangerously close to alcoholism when they start drinking to
mask the pain they are feeling.

One of the quickest ways to feel better, especially right after a painful break up is
to drink.

It allows people to forget about their problems for little while, laugh a bit if they
havent laughed in a while and feel better. Its almost as if we can put the pain
button on pause for a short while.

Problem is, when guys keep doing this as way to feel better, over and over.
Sometimes the pain can be so bad that doing anything that will help it go away
feel like a better option.

Unfortunately alcohol is depressant, so once it wears off, emotionally and


physically it makes people feel worse.

So although the pain might go away for a little while, it comes back pain is usually
even worse.

This can start a bad habit of drinking, and for guys who are disposed to or have
history of alcohol abuse, this can cause a spiral leading right to alcoholism.

In fact, after talking to many guys who have been in AA meetings, they will often
mention that somewhere a break up with an ex-girlfriend lead to the turning point
when things started getting out of hand for them.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Keep Living In The Past


Guys often keep reliving the past in their minds, and this severely hurts their ability
to enjoy themselves with anything new in their lives.

They spend time wondering what went wrong, and thinking about how their ex
girlfriend screwed them over, lead them on, used them etc.

They often spend a lot of time running conversations they had with their ex in their
heads over and over again so they can figure out what happened, or what they
should have said that could have changed things.

Guys become fixated on this, and it becomes really hard to let go.

I found this to be true even with guys who had broken up with their ex years
before I talked to them.

It was almost as if they were still trying to make sense of what went wrong, even
though it no longer affected their lives.

There was often strong guilt and regret for what had happened, so that made it
even harder to let go.

Reliving the past also kept the emotions for their ex girlfriends going, so not only
did they spend a lot of time thinking about them, but they kept fueling the
attachment they had by thinking about it all the time, which also kept them from
being open to new relationships.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Jealousy Damages Other Relationships


When guys have a girlfriend leave them for another guy or cheat on them, they
become suspicious of all women. Because they never truly got over the pain, this
damages new relationships from the beginning.

Being cheated on or being left for another guy can be incredibly painful for guys.
It brings up all kinds of problems, self doubt and insecurities.

This can be so painful, that guys become fearful that it is going to happen again.
So when they are in new relationships they cant get themselves to trust their
girlfriend.

They consciously or unconsciously look for clues as to whether the new girl is being
unfaithful. They become unusually watchful of what the girl is doing and who she
is spending her time with.

They get overly possessive and jealous around them, and this in many cases hurts
the relationship, drives the new girlfriend away; or in many cases it becomes a self
fulfilling prophecy and the new girlfriend reacts to the mistrust by cheating.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Kills Their Motivation


For some guys the depression and anger that sets in from losing someone they
love dampens their general motivation in life, and in some cases kills it entirely.

Especially in the early days after a break up guys have told me they had trouble
getting out of bed at all.

They begin to think that nothing else is important if their girlfriend isnt around so
they do poorly in school or have trouble excelling in their work.

The attitude of whats the point? sets in and the things they were focused on
doing in their life before begins to lose all meaning.

In many of the cases I saw, this started out with wanting to take a few days to
gather themselves after the breakup. They call in sick to work, dont show up to
class, or miss other obligations.

Then the more time they spend missing these parts of their lives, the easier it
becomes. In the meantime, they spend their time doing things that are unhealthy
and dont make them feel better about themselves and they continue to feel
worse. Then it becomes even harder to get their motivation back.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Slipping Into a Full Depression


A painful break up can put an otherwise mentally healthy person into a short
depression, but it usually subsides. But if not handled correctly it can push them
towards a full out depression. In the cases of people with previous psychological
issues, it can make those issues even worse.

The initial trauma of a separation is one of the hardest things most people have
to deal with. Sadness and pain are normal parts of this process.

The problem comes when eventually measures are not taken to get over their ex
girlfriends and move on.

Instead, they (unknowingly) get used to feeling bad. In fact, feeling bad can be
kind of addictive. So these guys get used to complaining, getting attention for
their misery and spending time with other negative people.

This can lead to guys losing their jobs, getting bad grades in school, and keeps
them from making new meaningful connections with other women.

Then they develop habits of thinking and feeling in really self destructive ways
and, overtime, can lead to a full blown depression, which in most cases can only
be treated by professional therapy and medication.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Dont Regain Their Confidence


Guys develop beliefs about themselves because of being dumped that can
permenantly hurt their self image.

As a general rule, being dumped can be a blow to anyones self esteem, and
most people eventually recover from it.

But if guys dont fully get over a painful breakup, they often spend a long time
feeling bad about themselves. This is especially bad if an ex girlfriend leaves them
for another guy or cheats on them.

In trying to figure out why things turned out the way they did, guys start finding all
kinds of things wrong with themselves and they start focusing on these things.

So when they think about their ex girlfriend, they immediately end up thinking
about the flaws they think that caused the relationship to not work out.

Some guys will start to do this so often that these things solidify into beliefs. So She
left me because I am not attractive enough. turns into I am not attractive.

Guys can do this in dozens of ways that continuously damage their self esteem.

Then, the new women they meet sense their low self image, and often are not
attracted to them (another thing women are notoriously not attracted to is guys
with no confidence).

Then of course, this further solidifies the bad self image they have of themselves
and it becomes a downward spiral.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Constantly Compare Women To Their Ex


When guys first get out of relationship with a girl they are still in love with, they find
that new women often just fall short and they cant feel the same for someone
new.

This is pretty normal at first, which why it is usually a good time to take break from
dating when the pain is still fresh.

But what many guys do is they still keep longing for their ex because they never
really move on. As a result they dont give new women a chance, ultimately
because they are not their ex girlfriend and they remain convinced that no one
else can make them feel the same way.

So many of these guys rob themselves of the opportunity to get to know new
women. They make assumptions about every girl they make so they can write
them off as not being as good as their ex.

They dont have a blank slate when meeting new women and they dont stay
open to the opportunity that there are other women out there that can make
them happy.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Unhealthy Habits to Escape the Pain


Guys will often pick up bad habits that help keep them distracted from the pain
they are feeling because they just dont want to deal with it.

When people are in a relationship, there are many things that keep their lives full
that involve each other. Conversations, doing things together, thinking about
each other, arguments and fights, sex, etc.

After all that disappears people have to find new things to fill the empty space in
their lives.

Unfortunately many guys revert to all kinds of unhealthy things to fill the void. Aside
from drinking, overeating, shopping and drugs, there are many other creative
and self destructive ways guys mask over the pain.

Some guys become workaholics and seriously overwork to keep themselves


distracted. Other resort to gambling. Some guys become addicted to watching
television or playing online gaming for hours everyday.

All of these things can be alright in small doses, but often guys who dont truly get
over the pain of their break up do these to an unhealthy extent just to make sure
they can keep themselves from thinking about their ex girlfriend.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Resentment of Women
Because some guys cant fully recover from the pain of their old relationship, they
associate all women with that pain, and they begin to resent all women as a
result.

At first they lump all women into one category and assume they all have the traits
of the woman or women that caused them the pain they were in.

They begin to think things like Women just want famous guys, or rich guys, or super
good looking guys. So they often ruin their own chances with women by not ever
taking them.

This general mistrust will keep guys from opening up and truly relaxing in a new
relationship.

This becomes another self fulfilling prophecy because when they meet new
women, they will either act in ways that bring out the traits that expect to see or
they will act in ways that will either drive healthy women away or attract women
with very low self esteem.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Cant Adjust To Being Single


The anxiety and loneliness caused by being separated from an ex girlfriend can
be so strong that it can rob guys of actually enjoying themselves while they are
single.

Being a single guy is a different lifestyle than being in relationship, no doubt. There
are definitely benefits and disadvantages to both.

Many guys really enjoy the benefits of being single and are only willing to be in a
relationship with women they think are really special.

Often, because many guys dont fully get over their ex girlfriend, being single
brings them too much anxiety.

As a result they look at being single as the uncomfortable


space between two relationships, they dont see it as a fun, exciting
phase of life that has many advantages they can enjoy for however long they
choose.

Because of this they often will try to rush into the first thing they can find, because
the have not fully adjusted to being single. But at the same many guys often regret
not having enjoyed their opportunities of being single to their fullest.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Drained Of Energy
In the first few weeks after a break up it is common to feel physically shocked after
such a big change. Dealing with an emotional trauma many times has a
profound effect on the body, and in many real ways its like being ill.

This results in real physical changes in the body, many of which can lead people
to feel spent, tired and drained of energy all the time.

With many people this passes, but for guys who spend a long time upset because
they cant move on from their past relationship the lack of energy persists.

Thats because many of these guys keep reliving their trauma or fall into an
unhealthy mental state for a long time and they have trouble getting their energy
back.

Many of the habits that are created by feeling tired and drained for a long time
can be hard to get rid of even after they begin to feel better.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

See Themselves as Not Having Control


There are many ideas in our culture that we hear about love really hurts us when
we go through a breakup.
Many guys buy into these beliefs without even knowing it. These beliefs about true
love, romance, and how men should handle heartache often cripple guys into
thinking they have no control over the situation.

They think things like You can only fall in love a few times in your life. The first
love is always the best. Or If you truly love somebody you should never let them
go.

Or even worse, Time is the only thing that can heal a broken heart.

Often when guys believe these things, they surrender the control they have in this
area of their lives and think they are helpless to do anything about it.

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How A Relationship Break-up Can Destroy Your Life

Limits of Liability / Disclaimer of Warranty


The authors and publisher of this System and the accompanying materials have
used their best efforts in preparing this program. The authors and publisher make
no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness,
or completeness of the contents of this program. They disclaim any warranties
(expressed or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. This
publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with
regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the
author is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting or other professional
advice. If legal advice or other professional assistance is required, the services of
a competent professional should be sought. Mr. L. Kumar & 911 Loyal Pvt. Ltd.,
individually or corporately, do not accept any responsibility for any liabilities
resulting for the actions of any parties involved.
This manual contains material protected under International and Federal
Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is
prohibited.

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