SNOW: hey zakiyah :)

zakiya : hi there!
zakiya : will you be available a little later?
SNOW: nice, finally
zakiya : i'm under the gun right now...
SNOW: yes, i will be here for a while
zakiya : first day back to work
zakiya : ok great catch you later!!!
SNOW: ok, i'll be around for approx hours
zakiya : let's talk as soon as i finish up i'll send you a message.
SNOW: ok, sounds good
zakiya : hi there just tried to call...you free?
SNOW: hey, sory, just had my early dinner
SNOW: can u hear me?
SNOW: hi zee
zakiya : hi there
zakiya : still on?
SNOW: hey, didn't expect u to come online
SNOW: how are you?
zakiya : was out in the garden
SNOW: nice
zakiya : up and down...
SNOW: hmmm...
zakiya sent file "antoine and zori marzo
.jpg" to members of this chat
zakiya : here's a picture of antoine
SNOW: did you get any good suggestions from your accountant lawyer whatever? the one you
were supposed to get within three days
zakiya : he told me i was bankrupt
SNOW: what does that mean?
zakiya : that i had to shut my business (VAT account) down as soon as possible
SNOW: ok
zakiya : and sell the house as soon as possible
SNOW: shit
zakiya : and stop working immediately
SNOW: crazy
zakiya : and not pay another penny to the government
zakiya : and basically work under the table
SNOW: right
zakiya : yeah, i can't afford to work in this country
zakiya : really crazy
SNOW: and how will you live? doing stuff unde the table? why not
zakiya : i don't know....
zakiya : i'm really not sure what's going on...
zakiya : i mean in my life
zakiya : and so forth
SNOW: it's good to try to keep issues separate
SNOW: money is one, work is one, personal life is another one
zakiya : mmm
zakiya : well work is good
SNOW: sweet pic btw
zakiya : an article of mine is being published by the people in Berlin right now
SNOW: cool
zakiya : yes, i'm crazy about this guy
zakiya : so i'm getting permissions for illustrations from museums etc. and preparing it for
publication
SNOW: that's maybe not good...lol

zakiya : and these people in berlin are wonderful

zakiya : he he he
zakiya : bad phrasing! :)
zakiya : i respect him a lot
SNOW: lol
zakiya : as a human being
zakiya : he has a great mind
zakiya : and he's a great observer...
SNOW: yeah, i'm sure
zakiya : let's see how it goes
zakiya : one of the guys in berlin was at a conference in florence a few weeks ago
zakiya : he said that two people gave talks related to my field
SNOW: i have to leave right now. will you be on in a little? maybe an hour?
zakiya : maybe...
zakiya : i might go to the gym
SNOW: ok, we'll see
zakiya : when's a good time to chat?
zakiya : generally for you i mean?
SNOW: usually in like hours from now
zakiya : ok will give it a try
zakiya : ciao!
SNOW: ciao
SNOW: u there?
zakiya : just about...
zakiya : taking out the garbage...
zakiya : you for how long?
SNOW: i'll be around for a bit
zakiya : i'll be back in minutes...
zakiya : ok c u then!
SNOW: k
zakiya : hello?
SNOW: hello?
zakiya : i'm back
SNOW: hey, i just had a philosophical inspiration in the bathroom
zakiya : what's your time then?
zakiya : oh yeah!???
zakiya : do tell
SNOW: can i tell you befor e i forget it?
zakiya : you must
SNOW: ok, let me gather my thought
SNOW: i was thinking about the meaning of god
zakiya : ok
SNOW: my idea was that the believe in god is not a function of believe, but a definition of god
zakiya : wait a minute while i think about this
zakiya : belief
zakiya : god is the belief in god
SNOW: in a general way one could say that whatever is one's highest good is god
zakiya : yes
SNOW: no, wait, my prmise was the question what this god is that people believe in
zakiya : yes
SNOW: (to remind you: this was a short speculation while peeing, not something i have reflected
on)
zakiya : he he he
zakiya : but i do recall that some other philosophical insight we talked about on Rassberg was also
had in the outhouse.... ;)
SNOW: so further my feeling (rather than my thought) was that the more one thinks about god in a
sense of trying to understand what it is, the more abstract god has to become

SNOW: lol, i like bathrooms

SNOW: outhouse, or just plain relief
SNOW: then i 'felt' that the more we abstract god, the closer god becomes nothingness
zakiya : i think that pooping is the closest the male body gets to parturition...or for female bodies
who don't have kids of course.
zakiya : ok wait a minute, the more we abstract god, the closer god becomes to nothingness...yes
SNOW: the closer we come to understand the concept of emptiness and internalize it the closer we
move to god. the closest point of contact then with god is where we don't think about IT anymore
SNOW: let me finish, otherwise i will forget...lol
zakiya : ok
SNOW: then i had this image of a zen master painting the fujiama
zakiya : yes
SNOW: fujiyama
SNOW: or whatever
SNOW: i once read that the process starts with painting it and trying to perfect it
zakiya : ok
SNOW: in the process of perfecting it you become more and more removed from it
zakiya : right
SNOW: until some day you don't perfect it anymore and you melt with it, wether you paint it or not
zakiya : this is very abstract indeed
SNOW: so i felt that this process of moving closer to god is a process of distancing yourself from it
and eventually becoming IT
SNOW: so, finished...lol
SNOW: i know i won't remember that later
zakiya : i have to scroll back up to put these pieces together
zakiya : it seems absolutely paradoxical what you're saying
SNOW: lol, i think the pieces may be from different puzzles
SNOW: how so?
zakiya : what is this god that i believe in?
SNOW: it takes any shape or form as long as i believe in i
SNOW: t
zakiya : the more i think about what my god is, like a zen master perfecting a painting, the more
abstract and detached my relationship becomes
zakiya : with this concept of god
SNOW: yes
zakiya : until finally, since god is the greatest good, it will be perfected to the point
zakiya : of pure nothingness
zakiya : and as such becomes identical with my thought
zakiya : in a way
SNOW: i was not thinking of it being perfected, but of basically dropping all things
zakiya : dropping?
SNOW: but yes, it becomes identical, not only with your thought but with your being
zakiya : right
SNOW: yes, dropping, letting go, letting things fall
zakiya : now i remember what your insight was from before, from the outhouse can....
SNOW: ?
zakiya : that maybe the entire universe was your creations
zakiya : creation
zakiya : and in a way this goes along the same lines
SNOW: ah right, the bubble theory ;)
zakiya : yes the bubble theory!
SNOW: yes, perhaps
SNOW: ok, sorry, i do want to hear about you
zakiya : really
zakiya : not really, i don't want to hear about me at all!!!!
zakiya : i much prefer to hear about you
SNOW: i do thouch

SNOW: though
zakiya : :)
zakiya : well there's not much more to report really
SNOW: don't report then, just express
zakiya : it's a waiting for disaster or miraculous salvation to happen
zakiya : a very tedious state of mind
SNOW: which could be one and the same thing ;)
zakiya : he he he
zakiya : dunno
SNOW: right, always hard to know before it's over
zakiya : well i still have no idea where i'd like to be or what i'd like to be doing
SNOW: but i feel that your accountant lawyer had a point there#
zakiya : but of course many interesting and moving things have happened since we met
SNOW: that's a different issue
SNOW: (re not knowing where you want to be etc)+
zakiya : i think it's very helpful to separate work, money and personal life as you said
SNOW: yes?
zakiya : i was thinking about that as i was on the treadmill at the gym
zakiya : and you're right, it helps me to feel less confused and more positive
SNOW: wow, neat
zakiya : because when i think about my personal life it's absolutely fantastic
SNOW: that can give strength
zakiya : i mean i couldn't ask for a more intense, interesting, unexpected and profound time
SNOW: yes, that can give strength
zakiya : my life amazes me continuously, the people that come into view and out and the quality
of interactions that i have
zakiya : you for example
zakiya : you're an amazing friend and it's great to have you in my life and i had a wonderful time
visiting you
SNOW: but remember, those are also fleeting moments, i feel
zakiya : so that's an example of my personal life and how much i'm enjoying myself
zakiya : what isn't?
SNOW: thank you for the nice words. viqar told me that you liked my family also. i can tell you that
they liked you too
SNOW: and to me you are very special also
zakiya : thank you, it's lovely to be in touch again.
SNOW: :) yes
zakiya : :)
zakiya : on the other hand
zakiya : my money life sucks
zakiya : but my work is great
SNOW: and should it ever happen again that you feel hurt by me i want you to know that this is
(and was) never my intention
zakiya : so from this perspective, i have out of good
SNOW: that's not bad :)
zakiya : thanks for the explicit statement re: being hurt
SNOW: that's a constructive approach to viewing your situation
zakiya : i understand that it's not your intention
zakiya : yes, it really was a good insight to throw my way
zakiya : and it was truly confusing my brain that likes to categorize heavily that there were so
many good things and so many bad things at the same time
SNOW: money is usually one that can be figured out without loosing the other two elements
zakiya : i hope so
zakiya : the truth is that i've never given any importance to money in my life and this is the
consequence
SNOW: why hope? it can be
zakiya : the problem is that i am now inclined to give even LESS importance to money

SNOW: yes, money is like a card game

zakiya : i just can't take it seriously. right like monopoly
SNOW: have fun with the game, whichever way it goes
zakiya : which i always lost at with my brother, who later became a millionaire!!!!
SNOW: lol
zakiya : by the time he was . that was his goal in life
SNOW: that's no fun
zakiya : yeah, now he's bored and so obese that he doesn't know what to do with his life
zakiya : similar to me, in a way, so maybe it's a family trait
SNOW: well, u r not bored and not obese
zakiya : true
zakiya : neither one nor the other
zakiya : but i definitely have no idea what to do
zakiya : i was saying this afternoon...listen to this...
SNOW: ?
zakiya : that my friend in Berlin was at a conference in Florence a few weeks ago
zakiya : and two German scholars gave talks on monsters (my theme)
zakiya : and they both cited my book
SNOW: cool
zakiya : and they both said it was still the best thing out there on the topic
SNOW: wow, great :)
zakiya : and they couldn't understand why i wasn't doing more and in academia and all that
zakiya : and it was really hard for me at that moment to explain to Jan my friend
zakiya : that it was because of money problems
zakiya : it's so stupid
SNOW: i remember a guy by name robert saying that too some time ago
zakiya : :)
zakiya : actually you get this one for that comment :*
zakiya : ;)
SNOW: lol
zakiya : so Jan was so appalled that he's going to look into getting me some kind of grant at the
Max Planck Institute for the history of science in Florence
zakiya : i said, look Jan, i have no idea if my brain even works anymore
zakiya : i have a million ideas, as you know, and another book ready to write, but no tranquility
zakiya : so i can't look for a job myself
zakiya : if someone invites me, that's another thing
zakiya : who knows....
zakiya : what i REALLY want to be doing...
SNOW: and?
zakiya : I was seriously thinking about escorting again...
SNOW: there is no future in it i think
zakiya : no, but it would solve my immediate problems
zakiya : perdition
zakiya : i'm on the road to perdition!
zakiya : :)
SNOW: that's only a matter of view and perspective
zakiya : well i continue to wait to lose everything, bit by bit...
zakiya : while my other berlin friend Helmar has been living with a probable brain tumor diagnosis
for the past year
zakiya : which i found out from Jan
SNOW: you shouldn't just wait, but think and scheme constructively
zakiya : everything i do is blocked. this is ITALY
zakiya : i think you still underestimate what this country is like
zakiya : it's a criminal state.
zakiya : nothing is straightforward
zakiya : you can't just decide to do something
SNOW: you should not project

SNOW: i feel ;)
zakiya : just a sec my cell phone is ringing
SNOW: italy is india is sahel is northpole
zakiya : not true
SNOW: yes, it is
SNOW: ;)
zakiya : (mp)
zakiya : ok here i am
zakiya : well that was my friend whose father is going to restore my shutters
SNOW: still the same?
zakiya : another friend, Ivan, italian
zakiya : his father is retired
zakiya : and he's going to restore the shutters because the real estate agents say the doors and
the shutters are necessary
zakiya : so that will cost about
euro for the shutters
zakiya : and
euro for the doors
zakiya : and i'm doing these things so i can sell as soon as possible
SNOW: which you feel you should but cannot pay?
zakiya : but i'm blocked by the fact that the kitchen is combined with the living room and the
space is too small for the municipal code
zakiya : no i'm paying with the money i borrowed from my brother
zakiya : the problem is the damn kitchen plans
zakiya : because the work plans to bring the space up to code expire in July
zakiya : you understand?
SNOW: i was just seeing your physical circumstances as a reflection of your mental
zakiya : i.e.?
SNOW: the blockages
SNOW: one space blocking another
zakiya : hmmm
zakiya : please explain
zakiya : while i get a glass of wine!
SNOW: that's just my crazy mind, but i saw a mirror image there in the way you described it
SNOW: i should get one too, and a cigarette
zakiya : ok\
SNOW: give me minutes, ok?
zakiya : ok
SNOW: back
zakiya : ok
zakiya : i got some vital work done so it worked out perfectly
SNOW: i was just thinking - again on the toilet - that if you consider the offer in germany an
opportunity you should take it
zakiya : you saw an image of my mental blocks in these processes that are blocked by
bureaucracy regarding my house
zakiya : there's no offer in Germany
SNOW: hmmm, it sounded a bit like one
zakiya : he just offered to talk to some people in Florence at the Max Planck Institute to see if there
was some grant or something i could do there
zakiya : well, honestly, every time i go there
zakiya : one of their group is horrified at the fact that i'm not working on my ideas and offers to
look into grants
zakiya : but nothing has ever come of it.
SNOW: ic, they are the horrified types
zakiya : he he he
SNOW: but then, if your book has the status it has you have some capital there with which to work
zakiya : no they're really nice people---they're all my type of hybrid: artists who work in academia
zakiya : they're all involved in theater or painting or music
zakiya : and then they do these incredibly intense conference events

zakiya : and put out publications

zakiya : they're so very warm and kind
SNOW: maybe you should - if you could - step out of that mold temporarily and sell yourself not to
strang guys for a night but people in positions who can offer you a position
zakiya : good point robert
zakiya : thanks for shaking my metaphoric shoulders there!
zakiya : ;)
SNOW: i didn't mean that negatively, should you have thought so
zakiya : i would absolutely love to be working with a group of people like them
SNOW: i mean it would be fantastic for you to get into an environment where you could continue
developing old or new thoughts and get paid for it well
zakiya : yes
zakiya : you're right
SNOW: so why not focus on that
zakiya : Jan suggested that i apply for a university job somewhere
SNOW: i like jan
zakiya : yes, maybe you're right
zakiya : i think you would like him very much
SNOW: especially for that suggestion of his
zakiya : and helmar, helmar called me IMMEDIATELY
zakiya : from
zakiya : hey do you want to speak on the mic?
zakiya : this is getting hard to type
SNOW: not really, because ulla is sleeping and that may wake her up
zakiya : ah shit
zakiya : okay
zakiya : well helmar called me
SNOW: it's already : am here
zakiya : and gave me courage
zakiya : oh dear, tell me when you want to stop
zakiya : well of course you will
SNOW: i will ;)
zakiya : he called me and gave me courage for almost an hour
zakiya : and i cried
zakiya : and he said he had been through similar periods
zakiya : post-divorce, when you don't have any plans
SNOW: that's energy down the wrong tube ;)
zakiya : and he said, don't worry
zakiya : YOU WILL HAVE PLANS AGAIN
SNOW: yes, obviously
zakiya : and he said it in this really heartfelt way
SNOW: very nice
zakiya : based on personal experience
zakiya : and then i thought
zakiya : helmar has a brain tumour, he's losing control of his body and i didn't even know it
zakiya : and i had just sent an email wishing him a speedy recovery
zakiya : and he called me
zakiya : to give ME courage!
SNOW: well, how could you? you hadn't asked
SNOW: ...and it's a strange thing to ask someone "do you have a brain tumor"?
zakiya : no wait, i mean....
zakiya : the sequence was that jan told me helmar was sick
SNOW: ah
zakiya : i wrote an email to helmar wishing him a quick recovery
SNOW: good
zakiya : and he wrote back wishing viqar and i well
SNOW: nice

zakiya : and i wrote back saying, oh sorry viqar and i aren't together anymore
SNOW: and?
zakiya : and within minutes he called
SNOW: right
zakiya : to say how sorry he was
zakiya : and to ask how i was
zakiya : it was extraordinary
SNOW: right
SNOW: there are many nice people around :)
zakiya : so these are the people in berlin
zakiya : yes
SNOW: ask them if there are job opportunities there
SNOW: berlin is a great city
zakiya : that's what i meant when i said that my personal life is wonderful and i'm having very
moving and profound relations with people
SNOW: yes, i understand
zakiya : i don't think i'd like to live in Berlin actually
SNOW: what's a year or two or
zakiya : true
zakiya : ok
zakiya : i'm getting the message, thanks!
SNOW: berlin is like any other place the people you meet
zakiya : you can go to bed now if you want..... ;)
SNOW: lol, i know, i'm being hard on you
zakiya : :) no you're perfect
SNOW: i just feel that you have loads of potential and you are wasting it thinking about the spaces
in your brain, seeing walls and getting preoccupied by them
zakiya : yes
zakiya : you're right
SNOW: lol, maybe
SNOW: i'm just going out on a limb
zakiya : no you're absolutely right
zakiya : actually i have this huge lump in my throat because i'm fighting back the tears...you know
when a truth hits you and it takes your breath away?
SNOW: i know the feeling, though i have not felt it with thruth
zakiya : what do you mean?
zakiya : not with truth?
zakiya : with what then?
SNOW: i know it with images that speak their own language, or with certain sounds
SNOW: ...where tears come up in me
zakiya : not with personal discovery?
SNOW: i don't fight them back anymore. i think tears are nice, as i told you
zakiya : yes you did
zakiya : it was lovely to express my emotions at will for those days in the cabin
SNOW: not really, maybe i don't have the capacity for selfdiscovery you have
SNOW: yes, that was nice
SNOW: though you were not totally free i felt
zakiya : that sounds odd...you mean you don't have a self?
zakiya : not totally free of course, no
zakiya : it had been a long time since we had met
SNOW: i don't know if i have a self or not, but i have no discovery of it as far as i know
zakiya : and the first day i was still getting to feel comfortable.
zakiya : i really find that hard to understand
SNOW: nice, you have to come again soon...when i'm there
SNOW: i'm not conciously digging into myself to find something i dindn't know. partially that is
because i feel that it doesn't make much difference if i do or don't
zakiya : really? wow....

SNOW: the reason i feel that is because i feel that whatever i may discover will be a reflection of
me now
SNOW: all i can do is name it, maybe name it differently
zakiya : you don't thing self-awareness (meaning expressing yourself, like recording a bathroom
insight in a chat) makes a difference?
zakiya : a reflection of you now...yes...that will be changed in an instant?
SNOW: it probably does in some way because everything affects everything else. so in that sense,
yes
SNOW: but i don't consider it a significant difference
SNOW: it's the same not nowing in a different cloak
zakiya : so most of your energy is directed toward doing what?
SNOW: sensing my emotion
zakiya : i'm amazed and in wonder
zakiya : you took my breath away
zakiya : :)
SNOW: there is a line in one of the shakti pieces: i'm dancing at the feet of my lord, all is blis, all is
bliss. i mentioned that in cyprus to you. i think that sense of bliss is what i'm trying to feel
SNOW: what is amazing you?
SNOW: what took your breath away?
zakiya : sorry i had to give zory some attention now i'm back
zakiya : yes, i remember
SNOW: can i go for a cigarette break? ...lol
zakiya : do!
SNOW: lol, ok, brb
SNOW: you can write in the meantime if you wish ;)
zakiya : i was just thinking about when we were listening to those radio stations on the internet
SNOW: i just had a cigarette intuition
zakiya : the different music
zakiya : go for it
SNOW: you are like a counterpoint to me and vice verca (musically speaking)
zakiya : we do have great repartee!
zakiya : :)
SNOW: you reject emotion and i focus on it to describe a similar reality
zakiya : sometimes our dialogue creates chords, unexpectedly
zakiya : yeah, weird
SNOW: yes, quite interesting
zakiya : we both have the bliss
zakiya : the moments of exquisite insight
zakiya : instants
SNOW: i remember in my old days - when i was young - i was very philosophical. eventually i found
out that it couldn't teach me much
zakiya : but from entirely different points of view
zakiya : weird
SNOW: one of my classmates who i used to philosophise with witnessed that change and he calls
me bare of logic since
zakiya : :)
zakiya : that's really nice
zakiya : "bare of logic"
SNOW: yes, and i still like him, and he likes me more than i like him
zakiya : what do you mean? how do you know?
SNOW: i feel it
zakiya : right
SNOW: i can also tell by the number of times he approaches me via email etc even after i have not
respoinded
SNOW: responded
zakiya : my new friend Antoine (the one in the picture i sent), he feels
SNOW: yes, most africans feel, i feel

zakiya : this is really approaching bliss right now

zakiya : for me
zakiya : talking to you is great
zakiya : i really love the counterpart
zakiya : like you said
SNOW: lol
zakiya : :)
SNOW: meaning you are going to go now
SNOW: ?
zakiya : it has certainly lifted me out of my problems and into a more pleasurable plane
SNOW: i like to entertain :)
zakiya : no, why did you think i was going to go?
SNOW: sometimes
zakiya : right
zakiya : you call this entertaining?
SNOW: oh, my emotion mislead me. your words sounded like departure
zakiya : i wouldn't call this entertaining
zakiya : it's actually excruciating for me
SNOW: a pleasurable plain is entertaining. that's why i called it entertaining
zakiya : because i'm having to keep up with your insights into ME
zakiya : true
SNOW: lol, i don't think i have many
zakiya : well the image of the walls, blocked and so forth
zakiya : that's helpful
zakiya : but it engages my vanity in having to look at things like that
zakiya : because i want to be perfect
zakiya : to myself
SNOW: yes, that was the mirror image i saw when you were focusing on your house
zakiya : like everyone
zakiya : right
zakiya : that is hard for me to accept
SNOW: oh wow, i have also given up the sense of perfection a long time ago
zakiya : but i suppose it's true that the objects we deal with are concrete materializations of our
inner thoughts
zakiya : this is what i was thinking...you don't suffer from these sorts of things
SNOW: i feel that if one manages to 'drop' things you will shine naturally
SNOW: yes, i think you are right
SNOW: our inner state manifests in the outer, it even creates the outer
zakiya : exactly
zakiya : and this is the second time i've created a big house money problem
zakiya : it's eery how similar they are, exactly years apart
zakiya : it was a very similar situation with a remodelled house that catapaulted me to italy
SNOW: the reason we call a pattern a pattern is because it repeats itself
zakiya : and i lost all the money i had
zakiya : yes, it's a pattern
SNOW: so i feel you should go into your feeling again
SNOW: ...and deal with the monster you crated
zakiya : i don't know if i can do that by myself
zakiya : i mean i'm afraid to do that by myself
zakiya : i need to find good company
zakiya : someone i trust
SNOW: ...and let your world break down while you watch as a supervisor
SNOW: i know someone can help, but you cannot trust, ultimately speaking, anyone in that
zakiya : this is hard
SNOW: you can do it by yourself if you want to, but you should not start with emotion, but with
resolve and a firm mind
zakiya : resolve and a firm mind

zakiya : right
SNOW: yes
zakiya : it's like taking a psychotropic drug, in the heart of the forsest
zakiya : forest
zakiya : jungle
SNOW: any transition is very hard, mind to emotion, love to hate, life to death
SNOW: yes, and without drugs :)
zakiya : yes
zakiya : i can't believe how frightened i am
zakiya : i'm so sick of being frightened but
SNOW: life is crazy enough i feel to need drugs to distract me
SNOW: what are you frightened of?
zakiya : death, ultimately, i think
zakiya : of losing control of my body
SNOW: yes, i think this is very true
zakiya : i have this attachment to my body that's crazy
zakiya : that makes me crazy
SNOW: yes, it's a lower vibration plane i think
zakiya : right
SNOW: but that can be tackled
SNOW: there is nothing there, there never was, and there is nothing to loose, when you dare
zakiya : nothing where?
SNOW: wow, that sounded almost poetic
zakiya : where?
zakiya : :)
SNOW: there
SNOW: there meaning the point of conception
SNOW: conception of a concept
zakiya : resolve and a firm mind (i had to repeat this)
SNOW: formation of a sense of reality etc
SNOW: lol, yes
zakiya : oh ok!!!!
zakiya : transition from mind to emotion
zakiya : hard but can be done alone even
SNOW: when you were born none was there for you, in you
zakiya : but not starting from emotion
SNOW: right
zakiya : yes
SNOW: you have to be clear in mind
zakiya : ok
zakiya : i can do this
SNOW: otherwise it can become dangerous, i think (though i don't know)
zakiya : why don't you know
zakiya : ?
SNOW: the stupid old saying has some wisdom in it: step by step, small steps, one at a time
zakiya : i get started and then i get distracted
SNOW: i don't know because to me it came naturally. but i have heard that transitions can be
painful
zakiya : i get distracted by sex mainly
SNOW: yeah
SNOW: i like sex, but i don't get distracted much by it
zakiya : i love having sex
zakiya : :)
zakiya : counterpoint
SNOW: lol
zakiya : sex is my gateway to bliss
zakiya : always has been

zakiya : so i love it when i find someone else who is dedicated to that kind of ecstacy
SNOW: hmmm...sometimes i masturbate. i consider that a nice relief. sometimes i have sex, very
rarely.
SNOW: i like touching a woman as per idea and also when it happens
zakiya : but that's why i love my body so much
zakiya : i love having a body and i don't want it to deteroriate
SNOW: i love my body too
zakiya : or die
SNOW: nah, my body is my body. it has nothing to do with death at the moment
zakiya : what do you mean "at the moment"
?
SNOW: death is a fantasy of a moment gone wrong
zakiya : now THAT is poetic!
SNOW: except for the moment when death really is there at that moment. then it's reality come
true
zakiya : that's right
SNOW: ...or at least some reality. i actually don't believe in my last part
zakiya : hey i have to go!!!!
SNOW: nice to chat
SNOW: take care
SNOW: :*
zakiya : byE!
SNOW: actually, i hope you still read this, i want to clarify what i meant by 'clar mind'
SNOW: 'clear'
SNOW: i don't mean by it that you just decide conciously
SNOW: to go into emotion
SNOW: what i meant by 'clear mind' is an understanding of the nature of mind and emotion
SNOW: you probably have to develop some sort of aloofness
SNOW: then you can see the distinction between the two, then you can realize, then you can
choose to go into the one or the other
SNOW: so i was not suggesting a haphazard experiment of diving into emotion
SNOW: just experimenting without understanding of some sort can be dangerous
SNOW: ok, bye bye